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Legends and Fairytales
74 Plays2 years ago
It's a Halloween special! Where do legends and fairytales come from? Are they just for entertainment or is there truth buried in the story to find? Tonight we will be looking at a monster and/or a hero depending on who you ask. Enjoy
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Transcript
Introduction and Halloween Reflections
00:00:05
Speaker
Well, hello and good evening and good morning and afternoon and salutations. Whatever day, whatever time you're listening to another episode of Twisted Tales. If you're listening. Oh, this is Lisa. And hope you guys all had a great Halloween last night because we're recording the day after. Yeah. My fault. It's OK. It's always my fault.
Social Media Mishaps and Humor
00:00:33
Speaker
OK, so I want to tell you a funny story real quick. And I have I was going to tell her this the other day and I was like, no, no, no, no. You said we needed icebreakers at the beginning of the podcast. So we'll make everybody listen to my funny story. So I've got two sets of social media. I've got my personal social medias. Right. Right. And then I've got all the tools to tell social media. Correct.
00:00:51
Speaker
So I have been on Instagram, which I don't have a personal Instagram. I just think it's Facebook for illiterate people because it's the same things that are posted on Facebook. So I never saw. Thank you for preaching that to our 10 viewers online that now think we all suck because you suck. I don't. But whenever I get on, it's always the same stuff. It is kind of true. I felt like I get need like a personal Instagram. Right. So but I do have a twisted tell Instagram to tell.
00:01:19
Speaker
underscore pod for those of you who want to come follow. Apparently all of our illiterate guests. I can spell it out for you on the podcast. Anyway, so when I'm not posting like pics or tidbits or whatever from the episodes, I try to do like, you know, funny, random, just like either stuff that's in the news about true crime or true crime means. Right. Right.
00:01:45
Speaker
So I always, and like I have a bunch of true crime memes saved and I'll just post them kind of at random. And it's always about like, you know, how I can get away with murder. That type of stuff, right? Right. So I posted one last week and it says, no offense, but I was raised to quote unquote, take care of my husband, wash his clothes, clean the house, wear gloves, get rid of the body, act very sad at the funeral. So that's all the meme, that's all the meme says.
00:02:15
Speaker
Well, ski that we've no. OK. Yep. I don't think he realizes it is the podcast. Instagram. Oh, no. Always like everything I post. OK. But now any time it's about like killing your husband or like family work days or hell. And this is why people kill. You know, he texts me. He's like, is Frankie OK? Do I need to send someone for a wellness check? Have you killed Frankie?
00:02:42
Speaker
Like every time and he'll send me a screenshot of the.
00:02:48
Speaker
of whatever, like, whatever I posted. So he'll send me a screenshot of the meme. And then he's like, I need proof of life. I need proof of life. Like, he doesn't realize it is not you. Right. He thinks it's me. And I'm just posting all these horrible ways. Oh, my God. And he's like, he is legit the smartest person I know. But he's also like, obviously, it's not mine.
00:03:16
Speaker
But I tell my parents and I was like, don't tell him. I just want to see how long this goes on. Is Frankie OK? I think he's legitimately concerned about his well-being. Yeah, it's always like.
00:03:28
Speaker
I want if he's not at church, I'm coming to your house like this is this is not good. So. Wow, that's hilarious. This is funny. That's kind of amazing, actually. Let's just be realistic yourself if I ever want to kill my husband. Probably shouldn't post it on social media. Yeah. To be the one to out. I won't get away with it. Dude. Anyway, that's my funny story for this.
00:03:53
Speaker
I don't know. You might not. I thought it's hilarious that he thinks that is amazing. All of that was because I asked you to check the messages because something popped up on my phone. No, he's he's texting me. He's OK. OK. OK. And he'll be like, um, where's your husband? Is he alive? Do I need it? Does he need to come stay at our house for a while? I'm sending him to need some help. Oh, my gosh. That's wrong. I thought it was funny. Oh, my gosh.
Halloween Stories and Podcast Updates
00:04:23
Speaker
So being that Halloween was in fact yesterday, I went through probably 10 stories at least of trying to figure out really what to do. And it went from non Halloween related to non Halloween related to Halloween related. So then here we are. OK. All right.
00:04:44
Speaker
That's my dramatic story. It was a heck of a week. I know we skipped a week, but I don't think that was OK. Technically, truth be told, we didn't skip a week because I post Kelly and Bates pretty late in the game. Oh, OK. OK. So it's not my fault fully this time. It's it's kind of like a twofer. Yeah. Well, we recorded Kelly and Bates late because of you.
00:05:05
Speaker
And then because of you, the shame, the shame, you know, my brother said, don't post any new episodes after Wednesday, like the algorithm or whatever. And I would have had to post it on a Thursday. And I was like, well, I'll just hold it and post it Sunday night. OK. Well, then we kept pushing back the recording and I was like, screw it. I'm just going to hold it and post it on Tuesday. And there you go. It wasn't as bad as you thought. Thank you for telling me that after I confessed to being the reason that the story is late,
00:05:35
Speaker
So I have another thing. Do you want me to best you? Yes, please. Let's hear it. It is not live. It is not like you cannot go to it right now, but we have a website. What does that even mean? It means we're going to have a website like OK, it's going to have an interactive map of all the all the different places where murders with like pins in it that you can click and go to those episodes. I didn't even know there was a thing like that. I know I did a lot of research on it. Is this part of the. Parakeet, whatever you're going to call it tonight.
00:06:05
Speaker
I literally am trying to find the word. I keep going back to Parthenon. I'm a patron. No, this is just like a www dot Pussy Tales Pod dot com. OK. OK. So website. And literally, if they want to get on and interact with us, they can. Yeah. Like they don't have a message for it. It'll have like like live feed to they could ask us questions and stuff. Seriously.
00:06:26
Speaker
I feel like all of my answers are going to be like, I don't know. I'll tell who answers because yours will be like short, sweet to the point. I'm going to write them a novel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like to keep it simple. Yeah. I'm just very I'm just blunt. I don't know what to tell you guys. I have like a place where you can go request certain episodes or like whatever. So. Hey, I had a question about the first episode you guys did. Yeah. Yeah. Just move along. Yeah.
00:06:52
Speaker
Anyway, so we're going to have that coming out soon. That sounds like a blast domain. You tell me nothing. I know. I decide these things at like three o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep. I'm like, hmm, we should have a website. I wonder. Are you sober when you do it, though? Yeah, besides my gummies. Listen, I promise sleeping in my brother says I can't take nightfall anymore because it's not healthy. I understand. I understand.
00:07:16
Speaker
So I need gummies and I need things to do. And then I researched interactive maps. They thought that'd be cool if you could like click on a portion of the map like around the world and it'd bring you to where we've been. And that way we could see what, like where we've been. Or like, you know, how many just not have all the pins in one spot type of deal. I found a place where I could do that. And I was like, well, if we're going to do that, we kind of need a website to post it on. So I went and bought a domain. And that's where we're at. That actually kind of seems fun. I know, doesn't it?
00:07:42
Speaker
Hopefully, like our listeners might actually think it. No, that's not true. That's not true. We have had we've had a little bit of uptake in activities on Facebook and Instagram where people shared and liked and comments and everybody wants to be. And, you know, we actually I was just going to say, man, I'm going to tell you what, too, because I remember a couple of weeks ago you told us that there was somebody actually gave us feedback and we may have already talked about that, but we love it. Point that I love it fast forwarded. That was just how fast talking.
00:08:10
Speaker
If you have it on like 1.5 speed, you probably didn't even understand that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. I do that when I get excited. You went really fast. I did. I did. Like super fast. You've been with me for how long now? I don't know, but that was as fast as you've talked in a while. That's a lie. That's a lie. My lips are vibrating. It's because I'm slap happy right now. I haven't slept in like at least two days at this point. Gummies. It's not the gummies. If there were gummies, my situation last night would have been horrible.
00:08:40
Speaker
We don't need to tell people that get out of my face already did you don't know how to edit so Yeah, that's a solid point. I just show up back to your back to your Halloween. Oh my gosh This was a great time to do that live not live, but it's gonna be life you're gonna be you can't take me now You just have to like oh, what an awesome idea you
00:09:04
Speaker
Now, now they are. Lisa vetoed this after the fact, guys. She also told me I was lame months from now. Hey, why didn't you never go? Oh, Lisa said I'm an idiot. Yeah. Lisa said I'm a douche canoe. We're done. So that's not happening. Just kidding. It is. All right. So you probably hear for a story, maybe. Some kind of thriller. Yeah. All right. So then maybe I should probably should tell one. If you don't start talking, I'm just going to continue to ramble. So.
00:09:32
Speaker
It's a valid point. All right. So once upon a time, I'm
Vlad the Impaler: Historical Context
00:09:36
Speaker
just kidding. All right. So, guys, we have all heard so many stories about Dracula and vampires, werewolves, so many legends in Salvador. There are so many legends, so many tales, but where do they all come from? Transylvania. OK, that's a valid point, but I'm talking like.
00:09:58
Speaker
The the the the the hierarchy of it, like who fabricated this crap and set it out there to become these fairy tales that live on. Well, the brothers did a lot of it. A lot of it was like cautionary tales that you tell your kids to keep them, you know, from talking to strangers or falling in love with animals. Is that 100 percent true?
00:10:25
Speaker
the supposed to live based in fact? Well, I mean, why are stories such as like, I don't know, Dracula? Which we all know to be a myth, but still says he's so relevant in the movies that we watch and the costumes that we wear every year at Halloween. Because it's the suspension of disbelief. So people's lives suck and they just want to believe that there's, you know, magic and mystery and swimsuit. OK, so let me let me rewind that that statement.
00:10:54
Speaker
People's lives suck, so they want to believe in a bloodthirsty, bloodsucking, human killing vampire. OK, but if you if you think about that one, but if you think about a bad vampire, but if you think about Damon South, Tor sign me up. Here's my man. That is such a Twilight version of. Yeah, but even Dracula is supposed to like Braum Stroker, I think is like original Dracula. But he was like Dracula wasn't unattractive. He was able to lure people in.
00:11:23
Speaker
Yeah, just like, you know, Dahmer. So I guess we ask. How did the tales even start and why do we still talk about them? I'm assuming you've got something you want this to lead to, and I am not leading to it. No, you're not. You're not helping me to help it up and down and smiling like a freaking psycho. You just go where you want to go. Is it because the stories are just so good? Is it because parts of these stories were actually at one point based on a reality so gruesome to talk about?
00:11:53
Speaker
that instead they became ghost stories and tall tales. Probably. All right.
Vlad's Ruthless Tactics
00:11:58
Speaker
So we're going to jump into our way back machine. I love the way back. Yeah. How far how way back? Freaking way back, bro. This better not be 1990. I'm going to be very disappointed. How'd you know? All right. So we are actually going back into our time machine to the year 1462. Oh, that's super. It is super far. All right. So now I'm going to set the groundwork for you guys. OK. Let's imagine together, if you will, that you are a part of this huge, vast army. OK.
00:12:28
Speaker
And you just won against thousands of your opponents. OK, you're super stoked. You're just like super ambitious. The army moves on to conquer your next enemy. And as your army surges on, you walk into an open field and see over 20,000 stakes stabbed into the ground. Now, I'm not talking stakes like you cook on a grill. I am talking like pointed stakes.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yes. Coming up from the ground. Hold on. Each stake is taller than you can imagine. And each stake had the impaled body of one of your fellow soldiers hanging from it. But you just said we won. We did, but we didn't see this yet. We're moving on, but they surged on. They beat their enemy. Yeah. And they're that fortress, that hill, if you will, that they were trying to conquer, conquer.
00:13:29
Speaker
And it was conquered. And then they moved on. So where did the stakes come from? Where are those at? Are those where you're going or where you've been? It's where we're going. So this is a different part of your army, like there was Section A, which one here and second B is being impaled. Yes. I'm with you now. All right. I'm sorry. Not descriptive. I suck at that. We all know. All right. This happened at exactly 10 0 1 a.m. on Friday, the 13th of 19. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That was Faith's story.
00:14:00
Speaker
I love you. All right, so. What would you do? You just walk in. You have been asked by your leader to go ahead, see what's up. Up in front of us. And that's that's the site that you see. I would take my tail. Mm hmm. We took it between my legs.
00:14:22
Speaker
And run backwards. Interesting. Back to the winner winner winner winner chicken dinner circle. Uh huh. Yeah. And I would just super funny because I wrote this army turned their butts around and they went home. Yeah. No, I'd go back to like, you know, you beat this castle. Just take residence here. We're going to stay here. We're going to we're going to rebuild the wall. That may still be a little bit too close, though. Who knows? Who knows? I don't know. All right. So now I'm going to drop it here. I'm going to drop it like it's hot.
00:14:54
Speaker
And I'm going to give you a name. And his name is Vlad the Impaler, also known as that is Vlad the third Vlad Dracul, or he's like the basis of Dracula, Vlad Dracula. His name changed quite a few times. Right. But it's all it's all relevant in customs and, you know, all that kind of crap. I have a lot of names for you. Most I can't say on this podcast, even with explicit ratings. Ooh.
00:15:24
Speaker
You have to tell me later the things I call you when I'm mad. You're not mad right now. No, I'm actually a pretty good move. I had to explain why. Sweet. All right. So he ruled over Wallachia. Where Wallachia? Where's that located? It is located by Transylvania. And I was right. And hungry. I'm hungry. He ruled there three times.
00:15:53
Speaker
between 1448 and 1476. Now, here's what's fun. 1448 and 1476. Was there like a portion? You said three times. That's two rings. Not in his story. OK. OK. But we're not going to get head over heels involved with that because you'll get it. You'll get it in a minute. OK. OK. So he's considered one of the most important rulers in Romanian history for the way that he protected his homeland.
00:16:24
Speaker
I go pack and brutal. The story of Dracula by Bram Stoker, by the way, Bram Stoker is said to be based loosely on this man. But why are his stories of Dracula being told as if he was a monster?
00:16:42
Speaker
When Romania basically in the in under his rule and he's impaling people's bodies on pike Then he's not the good guy. I was just gonna say then Romania's over here calling him a hero every monster is a hero to somebody Set pedophiles, they're just monsters. Yeah, you just suck. We don't like you The wrong podcast for you to tune into yeah horrible. In fact, the impaling part actually sounds quite nice anyways, um
00:17:11
Speaker
Well, I guess that would probably because his method of taking care of business, right? No one can see your air quotes. OK, I forgot about that. Joey. No, I put them in the right place. I hate you. So I'm going to go ahead and just I'm going to shoot this out here, guys, because I am not going to fall flat on my face. Pretend like I know exactly what I'm talking about.
00:17:34
Speaker
So there is so much speculation that goes on with what is true and what's false about this man's story. So I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you what a mouth and like it's 100% true. It started true, but it gets bigger and bigger. There is a legend or a fairy tale. Exactly. Good title. Yeah. We're keeping the title. Thank you. You're welcome. I try sometimes. I probably won't spell it right, but whatever. History can't pinpoint the exact year of his birth.
00:18:04
Speaker
And to this day, nobody knows where his, where his bed, his body rests. It's probably burned. Well, it's because you won't stop talking and now I'm stuttering. It's like I'm trying to freaking talk over my kid. I don't even mean to stop it, Siri. Hey, she's lost it. No, I don't get frustrated. Start talking fast. I don't know what I'm saying. And it's all right. So anyways, like I was saying,
Gory Details and Myths of Vlad
00:18:34
Speaker
They don't know what Yuri was born and they to this day have no idea where his body rests. The only stories that I heard is that he was in fact decapitated at some point. OK, so now instead of going back and forth and telling you about, you know, this battle that he got in with this guy over here and who won and who didn't and this and that, I'm going to tell you guys stories and you can choose if it's true or false.
00:19:05
Speaker
game I will tell you I will tell you after what was presented online to be true now I say that because again literally you could go to one one area that says yes this is a hundred percent factual and another area saying yeah probably not so much okay so based on what the internet said I'm gonna tell you what's true what's fault put your phone down you don't get to cheat
00:19:35
Speaker
Awkward silence and we're a go. I'm going to edit that out. No, you're not. One story is told that during a time of peace, he invited his in his enemies to an Easter event and then had all of them impaled. He used poles sharpened with points to do so. And he used hummus as a sort of lubricant hummus. Some slippery may not have been honest. Have you ever had hummus? It's gritty. That's what I thought.
00:20:05
Speaker
I mean, it's got some oil in it, but it's not like they had like oil back. Well, OK, they probably did. I mean, we're going to say it's oil because again, you said hummus. I'm thinking like I'm thinking that's delicious. By the way, spell check also gets me in my butt sometimes. It probably wasn't supposed to be.
00:20:29
Speaker
Speaking of things, speaking of things getting you in your butt, it was inserted into the rectum and forced out through their mouth or neck. That would be horrible. It's like a shish kebab. He only used the lube on some of them. The hummus. The hummus. Freaking dang it, Faith. I'm going to go the false on the hummus story. Oh my God.
00:20:58
Speaker
Hey honey wanna try something new? It was the best part of my night! Oh my god. Forget me. Can we just stop now? This is redonkulous.
00:21:23
Speaker
All right. Did you? I hate everything about you. You're the one that said lubed. Oh, it's baby. Everyone gets got by spell check. OK, I see it now. Well, I should. I don't know what's that. What's the other? OK, I don't know what. I don't know what. I may have been a couple of deep writing this. Nobody knows. All right. So it would exit from their mouth or their neck.
00:21:52
Speaker
Yeah, um. Is. Is that true or false? I may go with false on the hummus. It was not hummus, but the rest of the story is depicted as true. Oh, yeah, he's valid the impeller, but now are.
00:22:15
Speaker
Sorry I'm gonna go I said false with the hummus which I am guaranteed you if I Google would be no one has used hummus as a lube Hummus to impale something is if you're literally making shish kebabs You don't know
00:22:40
Speaker
You don't know? If any of you have used hummus as a lube, please at me. Because I will buy you a bottle of KY. This can't be comfortable. For free of charge. There's not allergies you gotta worry about. You know, you know, my scary story is really turning into a shit show. I can't get it together, I'm sorry. I haven't gotten it together in seven years.
00:23:16
Speaker
Well the chocolate sauce probably would have been better He didn't like it moist, I don't know what to tell you oh My god guys can I quit life now? I feel like I need to Mom, I'm sorry if you stop listening tonight. Oh
00:23:37
Speaker
We can't have just one follower. OK, just just bear through it. Just do the right thing. OK, your hearing aid off and let it play through. No, it's going to hummus for a year. Nobody. Could you imagine? All right, I'm done. I'm done. Nope. We're about to go too far. All right. True, false. It was said that after a battle that he had won, he took all the captives. Had some of them beheaded, dismembered and the rest of them impaled.
00:24:07
Speaker
And they say that that morning he dined with the rotting corpses of his victims. That's actually funny. That story is out there, but most of the time depicted is untrue.
00:24:21
Speaker
Yeah, but again, it depends. Besides dining with the corpses is super true. Why would you dine with? It's not like I mean, if it was in today's world. Yeah, sure. Take a picture of you dining with all the people you just slaughtered and posted to your socials. But what do you mean now today? They were worse than than they are now. They were. But there's no one to show. Like, what are you going to do? Brag about the fact that with a bunch of dead people, nobody here. Yeah, nowadays, there's probably like a.
00:24:47
Speaker
like necrophilia, you know, there's there's there's a there's a disease for that. Right. There's probably a poor report to apply liberally the hummus around the area. May cause anal swelling. I'm kidding. All right. I'm done. And I'm done. All right. All right. Moving on again.
00:25:12
Speaker
Alright, he would take captives of war and feed them alive to his dogs, and he would make their wives and children watch, then he would impale the women and children. True. False. That was an episode of Game of Thrones.
00:25:27
Speaker
I made it up. Oh, look at you being me. You look at me being super cute. I'm one for two, three now. Yeah, you suck at this game. I do suck at this game. I think I think he's worse than he is, apparently. It wasn't just his enemies that suffered by his hand. At one point, he round up all of the cripples and homeless people in his town, sat them in a giant hall that he had built just for the occasion.
00:25:52
Speaker
and had a full on hearty dinner for all of them. And when they finished. Eating, they he locked them all in the hall and set it apart. Oh, that is true. Dang it. You suck. Well, OK, I honestly, I thought true. But then I thought, well, if he's known as a hero in Romania, people aren't going to tell him as a hero if he's killing their sick and lame Grammy. We like to pick and choose, I think.
00:26:20
Speaker
I don't think it was like I think it was like cripples like, OK. Like, you know, the 500. Yeah. OK. Where like it was like the deformed people, then they just killed them. Yeah. And then like the homeless people were just like a bane on society in a nutshell. So that's that's how they viewed it. I'm not saying that, but I believe it was true. And then I was like, and they say he's a hero, then they can't be OK with that. But, you know, teach them. All right.
00:26:49
Speaker
In 1459, Ottoman men who were sent as diplomats to Vlad's court as a religious custom, they refused to remove their turbans and explained to Vlad why. Vlad praised them for their customs and then asked if he could help them. And by help them, I mean he had his men drive thick iron nails through their heads, ensuring that ensuring their turbans would never come off. Ow.
00:27:17
Speaker
I would go true. That is true. A little, little chicken dinner. It's one, a two, a two. I got the first one right because I just said the hummus part was wrong. So, you know, there's no way that was right. Research. Sorry. I don't know what to do. So I don't know what to tell you. We're doing good, though. Right.
00:27:38
Speaker
All right. So one story was told that he went on his conquest of war.
Vlad's War Strategies and Death Toll
00:27:43
Speaker
He would not only kill the townspeople that were in his way, but he burned all of their crops so that no one could rebuild in that area. True. That is true. Common war tactic. Common war. You you raise the ground to where they can't rebuild. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. All right. He once hung a villager upside down by his ankles to see how long it would take him to die. I'll see it too much to do to sit there and pay attention to that.
00:28:09
Speaker
That is false. I'm getting the hang of this guy. Yeah, I got a read on him. It said that he not only impaled men and women, but children as well. And there were even stories that said he impaled babies. True. That is true. It took his impaled victims almost three days to slide down the stake before making an exit and killing them. Oh.
00:28:36
Speaker
I don't know. I'm 50 50 on this because depending on where you put the spikes through, technically you could live through it. Are you keeping a 50 50 answer? Are you going to do a solid answer? Solid answer. True.
00:28:49
Speaker
Your 5050 answer would have been correct because there's speculation on both sides. Yeah, some say it depends on where you put the spine. Well, it's a little rectum. Lee was what if you like, if you go like if you miss all vital organs, exactly. They could technically live. And that's where the speculation went. Yeah, it wasn't until it made the exit right where it would go through your neck or something, some kind of a vital place where you'd lead out. But then a lot of speculation say that people would die because of the excruciating pain. There's no way.
00:29:19
Speaker
That's that's that it would go through again. Stream pain. Yeah. But again, it was literally a 50 50 no matter how much I researched it. So I said, I think it just not possible. And some said it depended if the person lived through the original initial impelling, I think he probably did leave them to see, you know, just make them suffer. And I think that those who didn't who did die, I mean, no harm, no foul. It's still a grotesque display of his awesomeness, apparently. Yeah.
00:29:47
Speaker
And thank you for saying apparently and not just leaving it as his awesomeness, right? Well, in his mind, like I said, in his mind. All right. In his life, he was responsible for over 80,000 deaths. True. That is in fact true. The numbers are never going to be definite.
00:30:06
Speaker
No, because it's back of the day. Yeah. And we don't really have records of like anything. Like I said, they don't even know to this day where his body lies. They have speculation of where it could possibly be. Yeah, but they don't know. They don't even 100 percent know exactly what year he was born. They just know where he was born. Because he's still in the world roaming the darkness. If that's true, I'm not sleeping tonight.
00:30:27
Speaker
They can't come in unless you invite them in. Have you never seen a vampire show? OK, look here. First of all, that's like that's that's Vampirism 101. You have to invite them in fairy tales aside. There are so many ways because all of this was technically like medieval time. OK. Right. There are so many ways that these people would kill other people. But I have to say that's got to be like
00:30:55
Speaker
top on my top 10 of ways to die of ways I would not want to die impaling. Yeah, I don't want to be especially if it was the way they describe it. Look, the hummus, even if it did, in fact, take three days to slide down it and die. I mean, no, it depends on how far they insert it.
00:31:17
Speaker
I would say inserting it far enough to where OK, the way they said it was either through the rectum or through the genital area, which if you're a woman, right. So I would say just enough, enough to keep it. That's the point. They just want to make it hurt. And so I'm sitting here and I'm thinking like.
00:31:38
Speaker
That's that's on my top 10. That is top 10. Yeah, that's bad. Would not want to go that way. No, I would rather be eaten alive than impaled that way. No, not slowly. No, like if it was impaled like through just through my, you know, stick and sternum and I breathe out or bleed out and they just did it right through my tummy, right through my back. Probably a different story. Let's do that, though. That's true. But if it's if I'm just laying there with a pole in me and I bleed out.
00:32:02
Speaker
I would not want to slowly slide down a pole. Exactly. But you said you said I would rather be eaten alive. No, I said I did not say I'd rather. I said that's one of my top ten. You said it was one of your top ten. And I said, I don't want to be eaten alive. OK, so of the two impaled or eaten alive, would I rather? Yeah. I still think they eat alive because they'll do it faster. You don't know that. What if it's only one sickly lying slowly munching my legs?
00:32:33
Speaker
I mean, how many sickly lions have you come across in your day that don't go through the throat? Number one, I've come across no lines. Number two, I am I am not a sad. I'm a sissy and I would not make it. I would not make it. I'm only saying most, most, most animals are going for the throat. They're going for the kill. They want to take you down. I don't want to die a painful way. Let's just go with that. Yeah, I want to die in my bed alone.
00:32:58
Speaker
No, no track for that, my friend. Yes. Also would like to die before someone has to change my diapers. Like if I can't make it to the bathroom on time, I want to be gone. Well, as of last night, you're not on track. I got there on time every time they get. And please stop mentioning my intestinal distress over the Internet. This is why I don't tell you what I have issues.
00:33:28
Speaker
I'm smart. Is that is that is that true? No. You want me to stop talking now? Yes. That's what I thought. All right. Last one, guys. Last one. Last one. At the end of every single battle that he won, he would find like the general or leader, whatever of said army, he would slit his throat and he would drink the blood from his neck as a token of his greatness. False. That is in fact false.
00:33:57
Speaker
too quick for him. I know. I know. I'm glad the impeller, not glad the throat slitter. Yeah, that's true. So my guess would be here's every good, every good horror story that people come up with. And we've had this discussion a thousand times because there are so many times we've watched Criminal Minds or SVU and we're like,
00:34:21
Speaker
That happened somewhere. And then some of the cases that we did over the 50 states were like, that kind of sounds like. Yeah, yeah. Right. Right. And so maybe all of these weird, you know, Dracula or werewolf stories of the malicious things that people can do. OK, especially back in those days, man, the way they killed people with their despair, the bare despair.
Vlad and Dracula: Myth vs. Reality
00:34:45
Speaker
Exactly. But the way that they did it was so inhumane. Oh, Hondo.
00:34:50
Speaker
Yeah. But here's they were still like for an eye for an eye back then. But here's my thing. Like you listen to all these stories that are told about Vlad, right? We're just going to call him Vlad. Yes, Vlad. First name basis with the impaler. So. If you think of like the Dracula. Stakes are what killed Dracula. Yeah, that's what he used, which is what I said.
00:35:16
Speaker
like at the beginning when I said that Bram Stoker wrote the book loosely. Yeah. And so when I was doing the research, a lot of people said, no, it has nothing to do with that. And a lot of people were like, there are so many resemblances. And that was one of them. Why would why would the steak that he used to kill other people be able to kill him? That was like kind of the you know what I'm saying? So.
00:35:40
Speaker
Honestly, realistically, the whole like he sold his soul to stay alive forever in mortality, blah, blah, blah. That what he used in life is what would kill him would take away his immortality. Exactly. And have you ever seen the the Dracula with the guy that plays Gaston? No.
00:36:01
Speaker
OK, you need to watch it. Number one, it's called Dracula. His name's like Luke something. You know what I'm talking about? That plays Gaston in the the live act. I never saw the live action Beauty Beast. I'm so sick of those movies. They're just not good.
00:36:14
Speaker
You are Luke Evans Dracula untold it was came out in 2014 Amazing me was it a okay. Okay. It wasn't a series or anything. No, it's a movie. It's a movie. It's really really good I liked it, but it's all about this this prince or kingdom who is His his kingdoms being threatened by the Turks. Yep, and he is way outnumbered
00:36:38
Speaker
And that's the Ottomans that I was talking about earlier. Yeah, they were the Turks that were threatening. So literally, it is loosely based on. But that this one is a lot like I could see because he makes a deal to become Dracula to save his people and then ends up being like his people are afraid of him because of what he does to them as well. Well, no, he's he's a good leader, like issues, but like he can't go in the sun and yada yada and the speed and the kills and blah, blah, blah.
00:37:07
Speaker
It's a freaking good movie, but something like that is more like I don't know. I could see like if you watch that movie, I can see like the parallels of WAD. Exactly. To that. But I still think it's weird that what he did in life is what Dracula was like Dracula's weak point. Yeah. Because it's the only way to kill a vampire is by staying in the heart. And I would have gone more into the history of WAD and
00:37:35
Speaker
The things that happened and whatever, but guys, I'm sorry, I am not a history buff and all the things that I was reading and watching. It was so. Back in 1990, you know what I'm saying? Not 1990s. Because most of it is there. Crocodile hunter. First of all, I second accents. Second of all, they had accents. Just not that one. No, but it was English.
00:38:06
Speaker
But I there was just so much being first hands a big steak And you're sitting here picking on me well, I know not to do this is clearly a podcast you guys should skip Nothing about this podcast has gone well tonight especially from the moment that I said hummus I Don't know what that word should have been
00:38:34
Speaker
Oh, my God. Anyways, but what I was saying was I could have given you guys a ton of history and stuff. Oh, my God. But trying to bleed through that was. It was exhausting, exhausting. But again, there are so many things that you can take away just from doing your own research of what the Dracula story tells. Yeah. And the things that Vlad did, where he came from.
00:39:00
Speaker
the wars that he fought, how he conquered them. Those are the kinds of things that they they loosely believe that it was, in fact, based on him. That's pretty cool, though. It was. I thought it was a neat story. I do. I do. I do like I do like Vlad. And like the same thing, I think, with like werewolves and stuff like I feel like at some point there was somebody out there that was like just mutilating human beings, mutilating them.
00:39:27
Speaker
And because the human mind is so driven to think that a human couldn't do that to another human, it turned into a mythical creature. Yeah. And I think that's. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, that's just my that is my opinion. And as we always say, you don't have to share it. No.
00:39:48
Speaker
I cannot in my Google searches here find any way back machine oil. It's remotely felt like it probably wasn't even that. It was probably something that I just typed in. Like I couldn't remember what they said. So I just made up a word and I've never eaten hummus. I don't know the texture of hummus. I'm buying you hummus. Could you not do that? Just even the sound of hummus doesn't sound good to me.
00:40:20
Speaker
That was a good one. I liked that one. Well, thank you. I appreciate it. And we promised a light episode after last time. So, yes, we did. The original episode you were going to do would not have worked. No, no. The one that I was going to do, I actually physically had to stop myself from doing it because mentally at that moment, couldn't do it. But this couldn't do it. This is a nice, light, hummus filled episode. Hummus filled. And you know what? It's still fun, though, to look back on history to see where things came from. Yeah.
00:40:46
Speaker
It's also fun to look back on history and see that people like hate the death penalty and then you sit there and you're like it could have been worse Shit that people can come up with in their heads to make someone die is so beyond beyond noodle. Yeah like drawn in quarter Judas cradle. Yeah, we're paired to spare the pair of despair for women. I
00:41:14
Speaker
pair of anguish, by the way, just so anybody knows. Is there a men's version, too? It's not a big. It's a big number when they did that. But I thought I thought because writing utensils need to be different. Oh, my gosh. But but here's the deal. Like, OK, to my knowledge, that was something they only used on women. I don't think they they placed it in the halls of men. I bet somebody tried at some point. I would. Well. We have no proof.
00:41:44
Speaker
Anyways, guys, that was a fun episode. Very interesting. I like to make it into a game only because like some of the sadistic like I tried to be sadistic and some of the things that I just completely just made up. Right. Yeah. Like I literally stole things from Game of Thrones about like when they when they killed the ending when it was awful. Yeah. Yeah. Like when dudes dogs ate him. Bolton. Yeah, that was I stole that. Yeah, I stole that.
00:42:15
Speaker
So, but yeah, and then it turns out the stuff he did worse. Yeah. Although I did make. A Game of Thrones sort of a relation, right? Because I was watching some of the old stuff. I get really bored with new TV, I think it's boring. So sometimes I find a show that I like and I like rewatch it, but then I skip the ones that I don't like and I just keep yet.
00:42:42
Speaker
So the episode came up with a red wedding where they like killed the rest of the Starks. And I'm sitting here thinking, oh, my God. Vlad locked all of the cripples and homeless people into a hall and burned it. Yeah. Yes, there's twisted people everywhere. There are real and fake. That's why we call it twisted tales, because there's no other way to describe it. Pretty much. Yeah. Although I wish I could go back and rename it the pair despair. True.
00:43:12
Speaker
Oh, some of the dumb nuts that. I meant to say dumb gems. She said them nuts. Yeah, that fall out of my mouth. Faith was going to be the next statement. OK, clearly it's time for bed. Um.
00:43:34
Speaker
I love you guys. We do. And those pictures of Vlad and fun tidbits through the week. But they're all cartoon characters. All of all of the impalings are cartoon characters. I don't. They didn't have cameras back then, Lisa. They had artists, talented artists. Yeah, which is a drawing is an artist rendering. No. OK, so I'm just going to go ahead and put the kibosh on the whole live
Podcasting Challenges and Farewell
00:44:04
Speaker
podcast thing because I'm thinking I'm going to suck at it. Oh, like where we just go live. Yeah. Yeah. I have to edit out a lot of your work. You do. Yeah.
00:44:16
Speaker
Although I've gotten a lot better. You have gotten better. I don't curse as much. You don't. Although you did ramp it up this episode, you let an S bomb slip in two S's. Two S's. Which is stupid. Stupid. That's all we're going to continue to ramble. But I hope you liked it. I enjoyed this episode. I did. I did. I enjoyed actually doing the research, but some of it was really
00:44:44
Speaker
Mind, mind, numbingly boring with the British Australian accident. Yes. No, just like the whole. We think he was born in this day. He could have possibly been born on that year. He was a twisted soul. And I just want to hear the crazy things he did. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, indeed comes. You all have a great night. Yeah. On our socials. And we will talk to you.
00:45:12
Speaker
Um, if you have bad things to say about me, if you just do me a favor, keep it to yourself. No, I'd love to hear it. No, no, no, no. No, we all we all need to be talk about Lisa together. We need to live in harmony, guys. And then I'll read them to her.
00:45:27
Speaker
I'll laugh too That's the difference out my feelings would get hurt if people said no I'm like, yeah, so I am a dick You own your your my stupidity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be confident in your stupidity guys. Remember that Always so everyone have a great night some hummus this week and think of Lisa
00:45:49
Speaker
Frickin' hummus! Bye! Bye! Oh my god.