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Trans Visibility is More Complicated Than You Think
31 Plays30 days ago
Trans Day of Visibility is often framed as a celebration, but for many trans and non-binary people visibility is not always straightforward. Being open about identity can involve ongoing decisions about safety, relationships and what feels possible in a given moment.
In this episode, we sit with that complexity. We talk about why being visible is not necessarily the goal, how assumptions about coming out can create pressure, and how these questions show up in everyday life, including at work. We also explore why recognizing Trans Day of Visibility can still matter for organizations that believe they do not have any trans and non-binary employees, and what thoughtful support can look like in practice.
If you have ever wondered what Trans Day of Visibility really means, whether visibility is always positive, or how to respond more confidently when someone shares their identity, this conversation offers space to reflect.
Topics include: Trans Day of Visibility meaning, trans visibility, non-binary visibility, and safety, coming out, allyship and workplace inclusion.
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Transcript
Debating Trans Visibility's Importance
00:00:04
Speaker
A lot of organizations want to recognize it in some way, but then there is also this kind of other side of it where folks in within organizations are like, well, we don't really have any trans people. So there's is there any point in, you know, worrying about this right now? There sometimes can be the expectation or the assumption that visibility equals good, invisibility equals bad. And certainly is not the case at all.
Understanding Trans Day of Visibility
00:00:37
Speaker
Trans Day of Visibility is just around the corner and we celebrate it every single year on March 31st. It's often seen as a moment to celebrate and recognize trans and non-binary people and the contributions they make to the world. And while all of this is true, at the same time visibility is rarely a simple thing when being seen for who you are can come with very real risks. We are spending some time sitting with that complexity, why trans state visibility is so important beyond just trans people, especially within organizations where so many individuals and their families, friendships and communities outside of work are shaped by these questions of visibility and safety, even if they are not trans themselves.
00:01:22
Speaker
As always, I'm glad to be joined by Kai. How are you doing, Kai? I'm doing fantastic. How about yourself? I'm great. Thank you. I'm feeling a little, I've got a bit of a husky voice, although I think it's less, it's not as bad as it was last week. So hopefully it's not too obvious, but um I am recovering from a cold. I'm being very dramatic about it. And my voice is following the drama. So. It's also, it seems to be making the rounds. you're not alone having that. I hear a lot of people hacking up along. so Oh, great. Sharing the love. That sounds good.
00:01:58
Speaker
So for listeners who might not be familiar, maybe we should start with what Trans Day of Visibility is. we We do have another episode from last year about it, so I can link that too. But I just sort of as a little overview, what is Trans Day
Origins and Significance of the Day
00:02:13
Speaker
of Visibility, Kai? And Why does it exist?
00:02:17
Speaker
Right. Yeah, the big question. And certainly for for people who are perhaps new to the topic of trans and non-binary identities, this is something that has been going on for quite a while now, over a decade, almost two decades now. Since 2009, we've had the Trans Day of Visibility, as you mentioned, on March 31st every year.
00:02:38
Speaker
And essentially, it's a way to celebrate being trans, right? And it's actually set up in contrast to another day that happens annually, which is the Trans Day of Remembrance that happens in November. And so that one's about who we've lost through transphobic violence and really somber, understandably so.
00:03:01
Speaker
And then this one is supposed to be the counterpoint that, you know, things are bad and it's it's important to look at what's bad and to address the problems and to avoid having people be murdered. but But we can also, and it's really important to just see how far we've come. Also, much further we need to go and to...
00:03:26
Speaker
you know, celebrate ourselves and and what that we are a part of society, even though maybe not everybody recognizes that. And also just ah a shout out to the person who created it, Rachel Crendel, who was like, you know what, we gotta, we gotta look at this as well as the really tough stuff around Trans Day of Remembrance. So yeah, kudos to her.
Spectrum of Trans Visibility
00:03:49
Speaker
So when we talk about visibility, what what do we actually mean by that? What does that look like in every sort of everyday life for trans and non-binary people? Yeah, there's so many dimensions of visibility. Sometimes we have a very binary concept of it. It's like you're either visible or you're invisible when actually much like gender, it exists along the spectrum. great Surprise, surprise, plot twist twist there. And yeah, we...
00:04:19
Speaker
Essentially, people make either individualized or with their community choices around who to share with, when, how they want to be open about their trans identity or non-binary identity. And that can take many different forms that the decision is one largely based on an assessment of safety with people, whether circumstances, people, organizations, you name it, or systems, whether or not they they choose to share that part of themselves. Or in some instances, people are just visibly trans. And so you know some people can tell by looking and there's that aspect at play too. So some people don't even have the option of kind of toggling on and off or sliding the scale along the spectrum.
00:05:12
Speaker
ah So there's those types of aspects that to visibility, but some of it is about celebrating who we are, not being shy or, you know, ah not wanting to hide we are and just kind of being. And that can look like, okay, I want to share a part of my past, which may not be exactly how somebody expects, right? I'm ah i'm a trans man. And I want to describe how i was raised as a girl and there's different gendered experiences because of that.
00:05:45
Speaker
and And that could be, so you know part of like a relaxed way of sharing one's story. And of course it's not always possible, but when it is, i think that's a very powerful thing to do or just to casually bring into conversation that one is trans without it being the main point.
Pressure and Safety Concerns
00:06:05
Speaker
Right. And then sometimes it's about coming out for the first time at work or in one's place of worship or wherever. Right. So many different forms.
00:06:17
Speaker
So with that, you were talking about how it's not just you're either out and visible or not. um Comes this sort of weird thing where there is an assumption that maybe visibility is the actual goal for for people and that um Yeah, some people kind of can inadvertently put pressure on trans people to share aspects, especially around trans layer visibility. There is this sort of like, hey, you're trans, why didn't you talk about this? Or yeah, just sort of inadvertent pressure on trans people to to be visible and to um share those aspects of their stories. But also there's so much complexity within that, like a lot of people don't want to come out because of the element of safety um or even just that they don't want to share. Like they they're just not interested in sharing. And so I was wondering if you could go into that a little too.
00:07:06
Speaker
Yeah, that's such a good point that there sometimes can be the expectation or the assumption that visibility equals good, invisibility equals bad. and um you know, it certainly is not the case at all. Visibility is an option available to folks if that's right for them, depending on the circumstance or, or you know, their choices in general. Yeah.
00:07:31
Speaker
And why it's complicated is that, you know, it's not very safe right now. And even into the past, um there's a lot of complexity around safety. And even if we're here in Canada, sometimes people make the assumption, oh, it's all safe. It's like, no, not at all.
00:07:50
Speaker
And people are coming in and out of situations where they're having to wrestle with, do I share this part of myself with others?
00:08:01
Speaker
And for some, it's not safe, or even like you said, they don't want to. It's maybe not a matter of safety, but it's just like, it's not a, it's a thing of the past, and that they don't see as necessarily reflecting on the present.
00:08:17
Speaker
um Some people who, you know undertake some form of gender affirming care, come out, and then they're done. That's it. they're like the Trans is a a matter of the past and they're simply men and women or non-binary folks. right And so it's really important not to pressure anybody to have more or less visibility because that decision making is so complex.
00:08:44
Speaker
where I think we also need to consider issues of intersectionality. as As soon as somebody comes out, say, is racialized, they're, say, a black person, like, there's just so many layers that they're already dealing with that maybe they don't want to deal with the trans stuff, right? Like, yeah and, you know, if they're dealing with racism already, why do what do you want to add transphobia into the mix? So right it's really letting people...
00:09:10
Speaker
choose their own adventure because they know best what is involved and how they want to navigate it. I would also add that sometimes people are out at work and then maybe not at home and, you know, with their families or um maybe with their friends, like, or vice versa, right? So really want to be careful to not like consider that an an inconsistency. It's more of a very careful decision making process that requires these kinds of dials changed in different circumstances.
Organizational Impact on Visibility
00:09:47
Speaker
Right. And for a lot of people that can be quite upsetting or traumatic to go into. so there's also that aspect of like, maybe don't dig into the why behind those decisions as well. Yeah, absolutely. Just respect them at face value. Of course, if somebody offers that unprompted, it's always a gift to hear the nuances and to understand them, but not to prompt for them.
00:10:11
Speaker
um Because oftentimes, people, even if they don't intend to, can feel it can feel like an insistence, right? It's just like, well, why not? What are you talking about? Why wouldn't you out everywhere? And it's like, and we could do that within our own community too. Absolutely. I see it all the time where I'm like, yo, let's not. like that There's probably a very good reason. We don't need to get into it unless that person wants to.
00:10:40
Speaker
And they're probably feeling conflicted about it too, right? It's not a perfect solution, but it's one that's the what's important for this time.
00:10:51
Speaker
So with Trans Day of Visibility, along with other events like Pride or um Trans Day of Remembrance, all of these kind of events and and sort of moments to consider trans people, a lot of organizations want to...
00:11:07
Speaker
recognize it in some way. But then there is also this kind of other side of it where folks in within organizations are like, well, we don't really have any trans people. So there's is there any point in you know worrying about this right now? Maybe we'll we'll do Pride because that's a bit more generic. Whereas these things that are specific to trans people, such a small community, is there any point then in recognizing these within organizations? And I really was hoping you could go into that and the way that it expands so much further beyond just trans people and in how um visibility affects folks
00:11:43
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, the the case for Trans Day Visibility within an organization, and it doesn't have to be a big thing. Sometimes people think, you know, you have to have this big fanfare when, you know, there could be a thoughtful email or, you know, during a meeting mentioning something, right? I mean, you could make an event too, but there's options available for for different levels of mentioning and and celebrating. But I think there's twofold things that are at play. Sometimes people think, don't have any trans people. Well, you don't actually know that, right? People think they know that, but there are people who don't come out at work, who don't ever share that they're trans. So how do you know whether or not you do have people? So I always like to say, just assume you do and then work from there. And that's a much better, like safer way to think about it. So it could really impact somebody who maybe is considering sharing more, but doesn't know if it's safe. And if you as an organization are messaging, this is an important day and we're going to put some some sort of effort into it.
00:12:54
Speaker
um that really is powerful for people to be like, oh, okay, they get it. They know this is a day and they see its importance. They're trying to communicate that to other employees. It does also set a tone where it's like, okay, this organization respects trans people, considers them an important part of society. You know, there's just so much that's happening in society right now where people are some people are backing away from and even actively hostile towards trans people and this type of messaging is critical it's like it kind of like sitting on the sidelines is a choice and one that is heard by you know even if it's it doesn't seem like something active it's not active to not do something it is heard you know
00:13:46
Speaker
Yeah. ah The other part is, what you were referencing, is that even if you don't have a trans or non-binary person in your midst, you do have potentially or a high likelihood that you have family members, friends, partners, even community members um who who know trans and non-binary folks.
00:14:09
Speaker
ah A big one is parents of kids that know a trans kid. Yeah. Right. So we're not like we do this in surveys. We ask people, do you know trans people? And I would say I'm always surprised, but it's upwards of 75 percent of respondents who are cisgender say they know somebody.
00:14:28
Speaker
Really? Consistently.
Role of Cis Allies
00:14:30
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. We've done this over so many organizations and it's time and time again. People know somebody. And so it's not like a theoretical thing for them.
00:14:41
Speaker
And for them to hear their organization um speak positively, supportively about trans and non-binary folks is a big deal. And oftentimes they want an opportunity to talk about what's happening right now and the the kind of backlash against trans people and they're very frightened as well as trans people too, right? So yeah it's just like you have this opportunity in that day for people to witness and or possibly also to speak.
00:15:14
Speaker
m One of the questions that we get, and it's something that I've seen on social media um before now too, is about so if sort of on that ah cis people who are friends or have family members or just loved ones that are trans. whether trans day visibility events sort of I'm more kind of talking outside of work now um whether they're allowed to join whether they're allowed to be a part of that and what the role of cis people I guess is within trans day visibility so um yeah any thoughts on that
00:15:47
Speaker
Yeah. Well, it's a really important question because people are pretty nervous and they want to be respectful. And so they don't want to misstep as they're trying to be supportive. Right. So i always i get that tendency to ask. And certainly we can't make a blanket statement here. we would like defer to individual events that are being organized that are typically very clear about who is included and not. And I would say 99.99% the time, maybe of the time,
00:16:21
Speaker
it it it is intended to include the general population. And in fact, trans and non-binary community members would love for cisgender people to show up because a lot of them are frightened and are wondering where the allies are. And this is a very powerful way to show, even though you're not like announcing that you're cisgender as you're attending. But, you know, I think people can get a general sense um as people are sharing, you know, what their story is or their experience.
00:16:54
Speaker
um as whether they're part of the community or not, but that showing up is a really important signal at this juncture. And so for the most part, people are invited and welcomed and there's a relief when people come.
00:17:09
Speaker
you You asked, and I don't think I answered, about the role of cis people at Trans Day of Visibility events that are organized by the community. i think that's a really important question because Sometimes all don't know, okay what's expected of me. Certainly, i don't think there's expectations. But when a few things I invite folks to do beyond listening, I think listening is very powerful. And the stories will likely be very moving, very compelling, and also difficult, right?
00:17:41
Speaker
Of course. There's a lot of trauma. and yeah And there's a lot to celebrate too. But those often come together. And the other thing I think it is, is about connecting with people locally. So not being afraid after an event, there's usually a little bit of kind of talking amongst ourselves kind of thing to like reach out to people and say, hi, my name is you know, introduce yourself and talk with them and and just say what you really appreciated about the event, right? Just, it doesn't have to be a big thing, but i think having connection with people is really important. And I find sometimes if I'm nervous about a topic, I might not reach out.
00:18:24
Speaker
I might hold back. I might a attend and then flee. Right. And yeah you should I mean, I invite people to try to go a little bit further past that.
00:18:35
Speaker
And then I also invite folks, once you've listened to all of that, is think about three things that you want to take away and do either differently or additionally, or maybe they mentioned another event and you're going to go to that, right? So like not to have that be a one and done. It's more like this is opening the door to a larger journey.
00:18:57
Speaker
o I wanted to go back to talking about organizations for a second because you also hold sessions for organizations around Translayer Visibility, also Ida Hobbit, also Pride, also all of these other events.
Storytelling to Bridge Communities
00:19:12
Speaker
but um You have these sessions and when you go into organizations, there's often a space included for storytelling from participants. And I was wondering if you could sort of talk about the impact that that those stories have when it comes to moving this from something a bit more like abstract, maybe a lot of people haven't even heard of trans day visibility, aren't quite sure, moving it from the sort of abstract to like, oh this really affects...
00:19:40
Speaker
so many people beyond these trans people that I don't know. Right. Absolutely. Yeah, I think these are really powerful sessions that we host, ah you know, provide a little bit of context and background, maybe even a very quick, you know, terms and concepts just to get people situated.
00:20:02
Speaker
And then we go into, you know, what's the role of an individual organization, what they can do, to be active allies. And then the storytelling is actually my favorite part because we anonymously collect stories before the session through an an anonymous survey people can submit. um You know, of course, we can't read everyone because usually there's quite a strong response. where it's both trans and non-binary themselves, people themselves who are sharing either challenges or things that they are celebrating or really thankful for. And then there's also the family, friends, community members who share challenges
00:20:46
Speaker
about what they've witnessed. And I think that's really powerful because one, people are paying attention, which is really, really important. And it weighs on them so heavily because they're like, yeah, we saw this awful treatment and maybe they intervened, maybe they didn't know how to intervene and they felt frustrated that they didn't know and are kind of trying to express this There are parents who are really afraid of their children's future if they have trans kids or even trans kids that are friends of their kids who are cisgender. It's just really touching and people can realize
00:21:28
Speaker
by witnessing these stories, just how much of an impact it has on trans people themselves, but also, you know, emanating out like in concentric circles and that people wrestling with this, like they're, they're at work doing their thing, but this is in the background in the, on their hearts and their minds, you know? And so it makes it really tangible and not a distant thing.
00:21:52
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Sort of trans adjacent. There's a lot of people who are touched by the stories of trans people and the experiences of trans people, regardless of whether they are trans or not.
00:22:04
Speaker
So to to close up then, um unless you have ah other things you want to share, I really wanted to ask about for people who are listening, whether they're individuals or as part of an organization, that they really want to mark trans-day visibility in a thoughtful way this year.
Thoughtful Engagement Suggestions
00:22:21
Speaker
What kind of approach or things can they do to um really hold space for trans-day visibility and all of the complexities that come with that, especially this year?
00:22:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think there's so many different ways that we can do it. I mean, events are the more more obvious thing that people gravitate towards.
00:22:43
Speaker
And, you know, there's a time and a place for that. Although you would want to be very intentional about that in terms of how it's planned and you know when it happens and who's attending and and whatnot but um there's other things too it could be kind of a low-key lunch and learn get together have a few you know comments about what it is and then just open up for people to talk because oftentimes people just want to talk You know, because there's a lot going on and they're not knowing how to what to do or yeah how to be.
00:23:21
Speaker
i think there's also a place for like a carefully crafted email to say, you know, today is Trans Day of Visibility. And. you know, this is what it's about. And here's a link to some local events or maybe just singular event. So really encouraging folks to connect with the community, I think is is really important. so that they can have their own experience of, even if they have no clue about anything, like think that's so important to show up to see it firsthand.
00:23:54
Speaker
um And then there's just other ways. Sometimes people set up libraries at like for for the week it doesn't i think one day is probably fast but for a week where you can center trans authors or trans artists you know so that there's some again especially if it's local that would be amazing um may not always be the case but um certainly doing a little legwork to see if that's possible so it's just like and then connecting it with food always works well yeah in some way of course putting food around the library um things like that i i know cupcakes uh in trans colors are a big hit
00:24:40
Speaker
as an example you know so things like that right so it doesn't need to be a big complex thing then it can just be like an acknowledgement and yeah uh you don't have to do anything wild not not that i know what wild things people would do i suppose if there's interest among people listening to participate in or to arrange one of those trans day visibility sessions i will put a link in the show notes that you can read a little bit more about it or involve others at your organizations, but we'd be happy to to have a conversation to talk about it. Amazing. Well, thank you so much, Kai. And we'll see you next week.
00:25:20
Speaker
Awesome. Thank you. Bye for now.