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Walk Dates are For Dogs - (feat. Viral Tik Tok Star @Kokobeaute)
49 Plays4 years ago
The queens discuss the outsized media backlash against a viral tiktokker @Kokobeaute (aka Kornelija Slunjski) for stating she doesn't do walk or coffee dates. Free Dinner Strategy has The Young Turks Mad!
Viral Tik Tok Video:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQcSa5UBm0C/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
The Young Turks Video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPvQ-qMLkOE&t=192s
Kornelija Slunjski - @Kokobeaute
https://www.instagram.com/kokobeaute/?hl=en
https://www.tiktok.com/@kokobeaute?lang=en
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Twitter: @femdatstrat
Instagram: @_thefemaledatingstrategy
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-Female-Dating-Strategy-109118567480771
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Transcript
Introduction & Ambitions
00:00:00
Speaker
Before we get started, I just want to make a brief announcement about the state of the pod.
00:00:04
Speaker
We've been getting tons of amazing feedback from women and it's become very clear to us that a lot of women are thirsty for this type of content.
00:00:12
Speaker
This is a niche in women's media that is desperately needed and has been neglected for a very long time.
00:00:18
Speaker
And we really want to be able to make more content.
00:00:20
Speaker
There's just one problem and that's money.
00:00:22
Speaker
We would love to be able to quit our day jobs and work full time on content creation.
00:00:26
Speaker
And the only thing holding us back is the fact that we got bills to pay.
00:00:30
Speaker
if I'm being totally honest.
00:00:32
Speaker
Long term though, we would like to expand into other forms of media such as video, TikTok, newsletters, ebooks, even like real physical books and so on.
00:00:43
Speaker
And that's why we've set a new Patreon goal.
00:00:46
Speaker
As soon as we hit $10,000 monthly revenue, that will be enough for us to afford to quit our jobs and start working on growing FDS full time.
00:00:55
Speaker
Currently, our schedules only really allow us to post about 60 to 90 minutes of bonus content per month.
00:01:02
Speaker
And as a reward to our patrons for helping achieve this target, we will commit to posting more bonus content.
Introducing 'Lurker Mode' on Patreon
00:01:08
Speaker
So if you like FDS and you want us to grow and you want us to make more content, you can support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:01:21
Speaker
And for the next 48 hours, we'll be offering a limited time offer called Lurker Mode, where you can access the bonus content at a reduced price of $5.99 per month.
00:01:31
Speaker
Thank you so much to everyone who listened and shared to help us to get to where we are now, and I'm sure this is a sign of even greater things to come.
00:01:39
Speaker
Thank you.
00:01:45
Speaker
I do not accept a coffee or a walk as a possible date option and neither should you.
00:01:49
Speaker
First of all, I'm not a dog that needs to be walked.
00:01:51
Speaker
Second, I have an espresso machine at home.
00:01:53
Speaker
Works fabulous.
00:01:54
Speaker
We're not doing drinks either.
00:01:56
Speaker
You're going to try to get me drunk and take me back home.
00:01:58
Speaker
No.
00:01:59
Speaker
We are doing dinner.
00:02:00
Speaker
You're going to pick me up.
00:02:02
Speaker
We're going to come to the restaurant.
00:02:03
Speaker
We're going to see your table manners.
00:02:04
Speaker
We're going to see what you order.
00:02:05
Speaker
We're going to see, do you hold your chopsticks correctly?
00:02:08
Speaker
We're just going to, you know, study you a bit.
00:02:11
Speaker
Okay?
00:02:12
Speaker
So dinner it is.
Meet Coco Beauté
00:02:16
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:02:17
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy, the meanest female-only pod on the internet.
00:02:20
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:02:22
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:02:23
Speaker
This is Lilith.
00:02:25
Speaker
And today we have a very special guest.
00:02:28
Speaker
You know her as at Coco Beauté on Instagram, aka Cornelia.
00:02:33
Speaker
How are you doing?
00:02:35
Speaker
Hi, guys.
00:02:36
Speaker
Thank you so much for having me.
00:02:39
Speaker
So we just played that infamous viral TikTok where you told everybody exactly what your dating standards were and why.
00:02:48
Speaker
So first of all, I want to say queen shit because that's pretty much our... Yeah.
00:02:53
Speaker
We don't do walk dates or coffee dates either.
00:02:55
Speaker
That's pretty much the entire ethos of female dating strategy and we get dragged to high hell.
00:03:01
Speaker
But I feel like you perfectly outlined why we don't do coffee and walk dates.
00:03:08
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, people nowadays just want to be, I call them serial daters.
00:03:13
Speaker
And I understand when you want to meet as many women as you possibly can, you want to do the minimal investment.
00:03:20
Speaker
And that is a coffee and a walk date.
00:03:22
Speaker
So like, if you want a minimal investment, you're going to get minimal reward.
00:03:27
Speaker
And this is not about financial stuff.
00:03:28
Speaker
Like you can, you plan, you know, I was roasted all over the place because I said, because the people are saying, oh, you just want a guy to pay for your meal.
00:03:36
Speaker
It's not about that.
00:03:37
Speaker
It's about a guy
00:03:38
Speaker
spending actual time with you, getting ready.
00:03:41
Speaker
You know, this is an, for me, dating is like a, it's an experience.
00:03:46
Speaker
So if you go for a walk, it's like, I mean, yes, down the line, when we get to know each other, we're comfortable.
00:03:51
Speaker
I'm totally down for walks with my boyfriend, but I'm not down for a walk with a stranger.
Dating Culture Insights
00:03:57
Speaker
So like, what am I going to do?
00:04:00
Speaker
Just, I mean, it's just very confusing to me that men even think that this is acceptable.
00:04:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:06
Speaker
So what's your background?
00:04:07
Speaker
Where are you from?
00:04:08
Speaker
So originally I'm from Croatia.
00:04:10
Speaker
Yeah, I'm from Croatia.
00:04:11
Speaker
I was born and raised.
00:04:12
Speaker
I moved to the States when I was 22 on my own.
00:04:16
Speaker
My whole family is still in Croatia.
00:04:18
Speaker
I go to visit as much as I can.
00:04:20
Speaker
But since COVID, like I was here for a little bit.
00:04:23
Speaker
I was living in New York for about six, seven years.
00:04:26
Speaker
And now I moved to Miami beginning of January.
00:04:31
Speaker
My background, I'm actually a journalist.
00:04:33
Speaker
But my whole life I was in the beauty slash fashion world.
00:04:38
Speaker
And I'm also a makeup artist and I work with a lot of brands and their content and strategies and, you know, consulting them.
00:04:46
Speaker
But recently I kind of dabbled into this dating videos because I, it just happened very organically because I was, I started posting, I wanted to do, I just started my TikTok in January and I wanted to do a TikTok for a very long time.
00:05:00
Speaker
And people were just asking me, actually, I was asking my friends, do you have any, like, what should I do on TikTok?
00:05:05
Speaker
They're like, well, just do makeup.
00:05:06
Speaker
I'm like, I'm bored of makeup and not on board in a sense that I obviously I love makeup.
00:05:11
Speaker
That's what I do.
00:05:12
Speaker
But, you know, I didn't want to do just another makeup tutorial or even though my followers always ask me how I do my makeup and I am always still doing those videos, but I feel like with COVID people just wanted to get like somebody to talk to or get a fresh perspective on things.
00:05:29
Speaker
And I didn't want to just, you know, be another girl who's doing
00:05:33
Speaker
makeup tutorial so that's kind of how I started the whole thing basically a few months ago and I feel like it's getting some traction wow so you came in with a bang yeah like I mean like one of your first TikToks went viral that's kind of crazy that's such a power move I love it I was always that girl in the friend group who's very blunt and honest and like I don't sugarcoat anything
00:05:59
Speaker
And some people love me for that.
00:06:01
Speaker
Some people don't like me because they just can't handle it.
00:06:03
Speaker
And that's fine.
00:06:04
Speaker
Like I understand not everything is for everybody, but I'm not here to please the masses.
00:06:09
Speaker
I mean, I'm here to say my, like to share what I think and what I feel.
00:06:13
Speaker
And if you're okay with that, fine.
00:06:15
Speaker
If not, I mean, it's too bad.
00:06:18
Speaker
So yeah, that's kind of, I was always that, the friend who's like helping.
00:06:23
Speaker
Yeah, I was always helping everyone.
00:06:26
Speaker
So if you now lived in like three major cities, so what's the dating culture like in Croatia versus New York versus Miami?
00:06:35
Speaker
So I left Croatia when I was 22.
00:06:37
Speaker
So I feel like I can't be a fair judge of dating like there because I was too young back then.
00:06:44
Speaker
I mean, I was, obviously I had, you know, I was seeing, I had a boyfriend or whatever, I don't even remember.
00:06:49
Speaker
But in Croatia, but that's actually where all of this is coming from.
00:06:53
Speaker
Now, when I think about it, in Croatia, women...
00:06:55
Speaker
never take their wallet out.
00:06:57
Speaker
And this is not about, you know, people are, they're just stuck on this financial aspect of what I'm saying, but this is not, this is nothing to do with just like financial stuff.
00:07:06
Speaker
But that is one of the things like in, in Croatia, men do pick you up.
00:07:10
Speaker
They do take you out.
00:07:11
Speaker
They bring you back home.
00:07:13
Speaker
Like, I mean, to your own home, not to their home, if you don't want to do that.
00:07:16
Speaker
But it's like, they are treating you as a woman, like they are gentlemen.
00:07:22
Speaker
So when I moved to New York, luckily I,
00:07:25
Speaker
I feel like dating, when it comes to dating in New York versus Miami, in New York, people are more focused on their job.
00:07:30
Speaker
And if you have a date with someone, it's going to be maybe once a week or whatever, like they're most more focused on their careers.
00:07:38
Speaker
And in Miami, there's people are more laid back here.
00:07:41
Speaker
So they always want to do something.
00:07:42
Speaker
They always want to hang out.
00:07:43
Speaker
There's always an event.
00:07:44
Speaker
There's always a boat.
00:07:45
Speaker
They're always a party, but these guys are dating, not dating.
00:07:49
Speaker
They're like, the very things are casual, but in New York, everything was more like work driven.
00:07:56
Speaker
It's very opposite.
00:07:57
Speaker
The dating life is way different for me, at least, I mean, in New York and Miami.
00:08:02
Speaker
But also I had a long relationship in New York for like four years.
00:08:07
Speaker
So I didn't, I mean, I was dating for like two years, I guess.
00:08:09
Speaker
So those two years, I just noticed that men are more focused on their work and they are going to hook up with someone if they
Defending High Dating Standards
00:08:16
Speaker
just want to, you know, they're not really looking for a relationship there.
00:08:20
Speaker
But in Miami, they're not looking for a relationship, but they're more open to hang out with you more often, if that makes sense.
00:08:27
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:08:28
Speaker
And I've spent some time in New York and yeah, everyone's everyone there is like so focused on the grind all the time.
00:08:35
Speaker
Right.
00:08:35
Speaker
And so like women just become like accessories to their life almost rather than like a relationship.
00:08:42
Speaker
It's almost like they want a woman for like a certain status, but like don't actually want to interact with her in the same way.
00:08:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:50
Speaker
Best way I can describe it.
00:08:52
Speaker
Yeah, I agree.
00:08:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:54
Speaker
So our nickname over on Reddit is called Free Dinner Strategy.
00:08:59
Speaker
FDS.
00:09:04
Speaker
Because of the fact that we said almost verbatim what you said, which is like it is about...
00:09:11
Speaker
It is about men making an afternoon or an evening pleasant for you, showcasing their manners, showing their taste as well.
00:09:21
Speaker
Because the other thing, too, is you can tell a lot about a guy based on the venues he picks.
00:09:26
Speaker
And if he just picks a walk date, then the only thing you know about him is he's cheap, right?
00:09:32
Speaker
Absolutely cheap, yeah.
00:09:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:34
Speaker
And then he's probably plating other women, if I'm being honest.
00:09:38
Speaker
Like, guys who go for coffee dates, walk dates, that kind of stuff, they're casting a wide net.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, I call them serial daters because they don't want to... I mean, anybody who respects their time, they're not going to be meeting up with all these men or women during the day and just, like, walk around the whole day.
00:09:59
Speaker
I mean, it's just, I don't know, minimal effort.
00:10:04
Speaker
minimal investment equals minimum return.
00:10:07
Speaker
So I just feel like that it's never gonna work.
00:10:10
Speaker
And as you mentioned, it shows more about his taste and his style.
00:10:14
Speaker
So when I said in my video, I'm gonna study you a bit, obviously this whole video was dramatic for a reason because it's the internet and you have to be dramatic, but, um, I will study you in a sense, like I'm gonna see how you treat the staff.
00:10:28
Speaker
I'm gonna see if, if you're gonna be spending more time with that person, like you need to see
00:10:33
Speaker
they're, if you're dating somebody for real, like you split three, you share three meals a day together.
00:10:40
Speaker
So like, you need to see how they are acting in a certain environment.
00:10:43
Speaker
So like, if you have a guy who, you know, those small things that start bothering you after a while, when you're dating someone, like maybe he is chewing on his spoon, maybe he is eating with his hands, maybe he gets all dirty, you know, like some things that are annoying you down the line.
00:10:58
Speaker
I want to see them in the very beginning.
00:10:59
Speaker
I want to see how my life with that person would be if we potentially become something.
00:11:07
Speaker
I'm just looking at dinner date as a little intro in what our life could be if this potentially...
00:11:14
Speaker
comes into something bigger.
00:11:16
Speaker
That's so true because you also see how he interacts with people versus a walk date when you're just talking to each other.
00:11:22
Speaker
You may not see how he interacts with people, but how he interacts with waitstaff is super important.
00:11:26
Speaker
We just had a roast to square a few weeks ago.
00:11:29
Speaker
Didn't one of the guys yell at the waitstaff?
00:11:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:33
Speaker
So we did this thing called Rose Disgrove where women send in their worst dating stories and then we read it out loud.
00:11:39
Speaker
And one of them was just a guy who, first of all, he took her on a walk date, first of all, right?
00:11:44
Speaker
He walked her around.
00:11:46
Speaker
See?
00:11:46
Speaker
Yeah, red flag.
00:11:50
Speaker
So he was like, meet me at the W Hotel.
00:11:52
Speaker
And then he walks her from the W Hotel to the beach and then back to his apartment.
00:11:57
Speaker
And then back, finally, she's like, I'm starving and I need to eat something.
00:12:00
Speaker
So then he throws an attitude and takes her to a restaurant and is rude the whole time.
00:12:04
Speaker
And then tries to go Habsies.
00:12:06
Speaker
Says basically she's got to pay.
00:12:08
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:12:09
Speaker
On a first date?
00:12:10
Speaker
On a first date.
00:12:11
Speaker
It's really embarrassing.
00:12:13
Speaker
They went to like four locations and only one of them was paid.
00:12:15
Speaker
And if we're going to be talking about the financials, because I always make this argument when people want to say that women should go half, that men love to say that they're visual creatures, but a lot of them don't understand or seem to care that looking good costs money.
00:12:30
Speaker
So I'll use myself as an example.
00:12:31
Speaker
If I go on a date, let's say I'll get my hair done.
00:12:34
Speaker
that can be about $90, possibly my nails, that's another $40, and then a dress and then makeup.
00:12:40
Speaker
So before I've even seen the guy,
00:12:43
Speaker
could have already spent a lot of money so for them for me to then go to the date and be like you're paying half when you know most men don't really make much of an effort in their appearance it's just it's just insulting ultimately yeah they just take a shower and that's it they put on some clothes and that's if they even shower as well because a lot of them because a lot of them don't so before i've even seen him i've already spent a lot of money to look good and men
00:13:07
Speaker
do benefit from being seen in the company of a well put together woman.
00:13:12
Speaker
They do.
00:13:13
Speaker
Like it makes them feel good and it increases their own
00:13:16
Speaker
you know boost their ego and increases their social standing so why should i pay half when you know you're reaping the benefits of my company as well and don't let's not forget the time you put in getting yourself ready like when you go get your nails done it's two hours when you do your hair it's another hour like we were yeah exactly exactly so it's just it isn't even the same in terms of investment before the day it's just not the same
00:13:41
Speaker
Like if a guy was to invite me on a walk date, that's minimal investment.
00:13:45
Speaker
I'm going to put minimal investment too.
00:13:46
Speaker
And I'm showing up in sweatpants and like a dirty t-shirt or something.
00:13:49
Speaker
Then we're, then we're equal.
00:13:50
Speaker
And then he's going to judge you.
00:13:51
Speaker
Right.
00:13:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:52
Speaker
And then he's going to judge me.
00:13:53
Speaker
Right.
00:13:53
Speaker
But because I respect myself too much to go in public looking like that, I just would never do that.
00:13:58
Speaker
Therefore I would never accept a walk date.
00:14:00
Speaker
That's, that's my reasoning.
00:14:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:02
Speaker
And then it like assumes you have nothing else going on that day either.
00:14:06
Speaker
I just, I don't know.
00:14:07
Speaker
We just hate that a concept of a walk date.
00:14:09
Speaker
from top to bottom it's just it's just so casual like there's no you know there's no thought there's no planning like there are some men who will literally say let's have a walk day and he's walking to work like you're walking there anyway how is that special why should i join you yeah that's what yeah i feel that they are acting as if they're just filling uh like a half an hour spot they have that day and they're inviting they're inviting you to like fill the gap
00:14:35
Speaker
And as I always say, like, I'm not a stop along the way.
00:14:37
Speaker
I'm a destination.
00:14:38
Speaker
It's because I want you to put effort and plan to meet me.
00:14:42
Speaker
Like I'm not just meeting.
00:14:43
Speaker
And that's, that's also something that I replied on after my video.
00:14:48
Speaker
Like I'm, I don't meet date.
00:14:50
Speaker
I don't meet guys online.
00:14:51
Speaker
I don't do blind dates.
00:14:53
Speaker
I, if I would go on a date with someone, I already met them in real life in some way, maybe through mutual friends.
00:14:59
Speaker
Maybe since I live in Miami, everything is open, maybe at a party and this and that.
00:15:03
Speaker
So people were saying, oh, we're using this walk coffee date as, how would they call it?
00:15:09
Speaker
We're using this just to see if there's a vibe.
00:15:12
Speaker
But what I was saying, like, I don't even need to check if there's a vibe because the only way I'm going to meet up with you if I already have any interest in you, because I wasn't like actively looking for a date.
00:15:23
Speaker
I wasn't like desperate to find a man.
00:15:25
Speaker
So like, let me go on a date with every guy who invites me.
00:15:28
Speaker
Like, I really want to see that this person really wants to spend time with me.
00:15:32
Speaker
and he's gonna make some plans to do so.
00:15:35
Speaker
So coffee and walk days are always gonna be a no in my book.
00:15:39
Speaker
Yeah, so how we do it for like people who do use dating apps is like we suggest they do a Skype date.
00:15:44
Speaker
The high pressure sales stuff they would try to do on like a restaurant date, they're still gonna try to do it on a coffee or a walk date.
00:15:50
Speaker
And if you're just trying to see that this guy actually looks like his pictures,
00:15:54
Speaker
it's better to not be in a situation or even around him in the first place.
00:15:57
Speaker
So we always do FaceTime, do Skype, talk to him on the phone, obviously, like do a step up to that.
00:16:03
Speaker
So then like you're not wasting your time either.
00:16:05
Speaker
Because like sometimes you have to drive to these coffee and walk dates too.
00:16:08
Speaker
That's the other thing, gas money.
00:16:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:11
Speaker
Or if it's cold, if you're in a city where it gets really cold, I'm thinking like, why do I need to like get bundled up so I can drive across town to have coffee with some random dude?
00:16:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:21
Speaker
No, I'm going to do it from the comfort of my own home.
00:16:24
Speaker
I'm going to talk to him through the Skype, make sure he looks like his pictures, get like a general vibe from there.
00:16:29
Speaker
And then after that, the handbook, we just basically say, give him the opportunity to take you on a date, like suggest something.
00:16:38
Speaker
Maybe if you can drop hints or whatever, specific thing that you like.
00:16:41
Speaker
But like after that, it's on him to really like create the evening for you.
00:16:45
Speaker
Yeah, I agree.
00:16:46
Speaker
I also have made a video about, you know, doing like a FaceTime or Facebook.
00:16:50
Speaker
whatever phone call to see if there's a vibe at all.
00:16:53
Speaker
Because I mean, if you're working, you have things to do, you want to see your friends, you want to chill at home on your own, even like, I'm not going to waste my time to try to meet up with all these random men who are just like hitting you up based on your look.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's a weeding strategy.
00:17:07
Speaker
I can't help but feel sometimes like the people that are really, really used to low effort, like maybe they don't live in a place that's as populated.
00:17:14
Speaker
And so like it's more of an event to leave your house to go get coffee or something but like if you live in a major city or you like just say your inbox and your dn box is like full all the time you have to weed people out and that is one of the best ways to weed people out just say no to low effort dates.
00:17:29
Speaker
Yeah and you know also what I think if you if you start your date like say you start your dating with this person very in a low effort manner that's how it's gonna be down the line like he
00:17:40
Speaker
he's, he's just going to feel, Oh, she's just so chill.
00:17:43
Speaker
We can just watch TV.
00:17:44
Speaker
We can do this.
00:17:45
Speaker
And then five years in, you're going to complain about him not taking you out.
00:17:48
Speaker
He's never trying to do anything special for you.
00:17:52
Speaker
And then you're going to be like, well, maybe I should have done this differently.
00:17:55
Speaker
And, you know, I have a lot of these girls who are applying to still this day, you're not going to believe that they're still commenting on the video every day as they're still commenting on the TikTok video and still saying the same things they're saying before.
00:18:06
Speaker
But I'm like, if this is,
00:18:08
Speaker
It's like, I don't want to say it's how you train them in the beginning.
00:18:11
Speaker
That's how it's going to be, but it is, that's how it is.
00:18:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:14
Speaker
The way you start is how it's going to be like, it's never going to get better than that.
Viral Reaction & Generational Differences
00:18:18
Speaker
It's just going to get worse.
00:18:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
We see, we see so many stories on, on subreddits on, on Reddit.
00:18:25
Speaker
I'm not sure if you're active on the site itself.
00:18:27
Speaker
There are so many stories of, you know, what you've just described.
00:18:29
Speaker
Your women, I think it was like mother's day in the U S a few weeks ago.
00:18:34
Speaker
It was just basically full of stories from women who said, my husband didn't do anything.
00:18:39
Speaker
He never remembers my birthday.
00:18:40
Speaker
He never remembers anniversary.
00:18:42
Speaker
I got nothing again this year.
00:18:44
Speaker
And it's like, this is what women are walking into if they don't demand better from the beginning.
00:18:49
Speaker
Like, he's not going to, you know, like you said, just have an epiphany one day and start putting in effort.
00:18:54
Speaker
Like, you need to set the standard from the beginning.
00:18:57
Speaker
Okay, so you post this TikTok.
00:19:00
Speaker
So we got all the background out of the way.
00:19:02
Speaker
You post this TikTok.
00:19:04
Speaker
What was your reaction when you first went viral?
00:19:07
Speaker
I was first, first I was honestly shocked because people started to call me materialistic.
00:19:13
Speaker
And I, in the video, I didn't say anything about who's paying for dinner, where are we going?
00:19:21
Speaker
And I was literally in shock that people call me materialistic because I said I want a dinner date.
00:19:26
Speaker
And for me, I'm still, I mean, obviously I'm a modern woman and all that, but I'm still traditional in a sense that dinner is the basics of dating.
00:19:35
Speaker
Like when you look at any old movie or anything, like if you speak to your parents, yeah, obviously you went for dinner.
00:19:42
Speaker
So for me, it was just shocking to see how low the bar is.
00:19:45
Speaker
And not just for men, because I'm used to men just, you know,
00:19:49
Speaker
saying shit about women, but women who are saying, yeah, this is too much.
00:19:54
Speaker
I, I'm totally fine with a coffee or a walk.
00:19:57
Speaker
So honestly, I was, I was shocked.
00:20:00
Speaker
But then when, you know, when the video started blowing up and more people were commenting on it and stuff, I see their perspective, but I don't agree with it because they, their, their bars are so low.
00:20:12
Speaker
And also TikTok is full of younger generations.
00:20:16
Speaker
I mean, I'm 30, so I,
00:20:18
Speaker
When I was 17, I was fine with low effort dates because I didn't know any better.
00:20:23
Speaker
But the reason why I'm still doing what I'm doing and posting all these dating videos is because I want these girls to see that they shouldn't accept, you know, oh, let's Netflix and chill.
00:20:33
Speaker
No, we're not.
00:20:33
Speaker
You know, we're just do something for me.
00:20:36
Speaker
And then I'm going to give something back to you.
00:20:38
Speaker
I know Gen Z is going out sad a little bit because I was hearing about car dates.
00:20:42
Speaker
Car dates is a new thing for me.
00:20:44
Speaker
I was like, so you just get in someone's car that you don't know and drive around?
00:20:48
Speaker
That's weird.
00:20:50
Speaker
That sounds like a gift for serial killers.
00:20:53
Speaker
Honestly.
00:20:54
Speaker
100%.
00:20:54
Speaker
That was like Ted Bundy's M.O.
00:20:58
Speaker
They're all the way down from walk dates and coffee dates to car dates.
00:21:00
Speaker
Like, don't even get out of the car.
00:21:03
Speaker
Do you remember, like, field dates?
00:21:05
Speaker
Or what was it, the other one?
00:21:06
Speaker
It was, like, dumpster behind a hotel date or something.
00:21:10
Speaker
Like, that one.
00:21:11
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:21:11
Speaker
What is that from?
00:21:13
Speaker
Do you remember that one where...
00:21:14
Speaker
Like they're driving to a hotel and he didn't want to pay for a hotel.
00:21:18
Speaker
And so he hooked up with her like behind a dumpster or whatever.
00:21:21
Speaker
And because he like he played it off like, oh, I'm just like so excited to be with you.
00:21:24
Speaker
But he lived with his mom.
00:21:25
Speaker
And then after having sex with her, he just like dropped her off at her place.
00:21:29
Speaker
And she was like, I felt very used and violated from that.
00:21:32
Speaker
And like we roasted that on.
00:21:35
Speaker
This is a long time ago, but on FDS.
00:21:38
Speaker
But I remember that one a lot.
00:21:39
Speaker
Anyways, sorry, go ahead.
00:21:40
Speaker
And there was also the laundromat date as well, where he was on lunch.
00:21:44
Speaker
He was going, this guy was like going, I think he blew her off for a date, said he was busy.
00:21:49
Speaker
But then she sort of, I think he said, oh, I'm going to do my washing at the laundromat or like all the laundrette as you, yeah, they say it in England.
00:21:57
Speaker
And she was, oh, can I come?
00:21:58
Speaker
And I was like, yeah.
00:21:59
Speaker
So she was like, we had this wonderful date at the laundromat.
00:22:02
Speaker
And I folded his laundry for him.
00:22:04
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:22:05
Speaker
So romantic.
00:22:07
Speaker
These women are out here doing free domestic labor for $2.99 coffees.
00:22:12
Speaker
Not even that.
00:22:13
Speaker
She didn't even get a coffee.
00:22:14
Speaker
She would just like, I just stood there whilst he was watching his washing.
00:22:18
Speaker
She was just folding for him.
00:22:20
Speaker
Just folding.
00:22:20
Speaker
And what she got out of it.
00:22:21
Speaker
Yeah, I don't understand the women who are like, I want to prove I'm waifu material by like... To a stranger at that.
00:22:29
Speaker
To a stranger.
00:22:29
Speaker
Like...
00:22:30
Speaker
How fucking pathetic and desperate is that?
00:22:33
Speaker
Like, sis, you're better than that.
00:22:34
Speaker
You deserve better than that.
00:22:35
Speaker
Like, hold yourself in a higher regard than that.
00:22:37
Speaker
God.
00:22:38
Speaker
So I think part of why this happens, and this is why, big reason why I wanted to have you on, is because there is this lie in our culture that...
00:22:48
Speaker
women are free to do whatever they want or have whatever standards they want to have in their relationships.
00:22:52
Speaker
You know why?
00:22:53
Speaker
Because the minute a woman picks a standard that other people personally feel is too high, the entire media and world comes down on her.
00:23:03
Speaker
And so it's like, it's surprising, but not surprising that your video went viral because so often, and like we've tracked this on the, on the subreddit is like, if you express a standard that honestly should be basic treatment,
00:23:17
Speaker
everybody, including like people who are supposed to be feminists, start to attack you as if the things that you're asking for are unreasonable versus like if you were to say something like, oh, I don't mind a laundromat date.
00:23:30
Speaker
No one goes like, oh, your standards are too low, except for us, obviously.
00:23:34
Speaker
But other places, if you say like, oh, I want to be taken here on my first date, then everybody attacks you.
00:23:40
Speaker
And so I think girls get afraid to express this standard because they don't want to be attacked.
00:23:45
Speaker
So we're trying to fight against
00:23:47
Speaker
that right now.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:49
Speaker
And I feel when it comes to people calling me high maintenance, I don't take that as an offense at all.
00:23:54
Speaker
I actually think it's a compliment because who wants to be called low maintenance?
00:23:58
Speaker
I mean, would you
00:23:59
Speaker
like somebody tells you, oh, you're such a low maintenance girl.
00:24:02
Speaker
I mean, that's just weird, but that's a neg.
00:24:04
Speaker
That's an insult.
00:24:05
Speaker
That is.
00:24:06
Speaker
But for some girls, that was actually sort of like, it was almost like, and I'm not like other girls sort of thing.
00:24:12
Speaker
I'm low maintenance.
00:24:13
Speaker
Like I'm okay with if you- I'm so down to earth.
00:24:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:16
Speaker
I'm so down to earth.
00:24:17
Speaker
I'm okay if we go half seas.
00:24:19
Speaker
I'm okay if we split the bill.
00:24:21
Speaker
I'm okay to do 50-50 everything in life.
00:24:24
Speaker
Like for some, I think it's more people of my generation.
00:24:27
Speaker
I was born in 96.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah, you can be a ride or die.
00:24:30
Speaker
You can be a cool girl, but they still need to treat you like a woman.
00:24:33
Speaker
And you know, a lot of people commented on the video saying, oh, what about equality, blah, blah.
00:24:39
Speaker
I mean, if you pay for somebody's dinner on the first date or whatever date, this is not going to resolve the issues of equality.
00:24:48
Speaker
I mean, women still carry children.
00:24:50
Speaker
Men cannot do that.
00:24:51
Speaker
We're obviously not equal.
00:24:52
Speaker
Men still get paid more.
00:24:54
Speaker
I mean, what are we even talking about equality?
00:24:56
Speaker
I mean, this has nothing to do with equality.
00:24:58
Speaker
This is just
00:24:59
Speaker
men being cheap and they're trying to cover it with equality.
00:25:02
Speaker
I mean, it has nothing to do with that.
00:25:04
Speaker
And also the date, the dinner date I mentioned, like it's not a five-star Michelin.
00:25:07
Speaker
It's like, if you can't afford to take a girl on a hundred, $200 date, I mean, dude, get another job or like work harder.
00:25:14
Speaker
It's just so weird.
00:25:16
Speaker
How are you going to support your family one day?
00:25:18
Speaker
You know, when your wife is going to be pregnant and she can't work or she's going to be, you know, it's, they're just trying to cover the lack of effort
00:25:26
Speaker
by name calling me or whatever but thank god that i have thick skin and i don't care about what anything of any of these men or women who don't agree with me say because i'm not going to lower my standards for anyone and that's what i said in my other videos if you can't rise up to my standards that's fine it means that i'm not the woman for you so you can find somebody who's going to be okay with this low effort stuff because like you need to date in your own category if i may say that like you can't expect a woman to look like
00:25:56
Speaker
what we just talked about, you know, get her nails done, hair, makeup, clothes, like, and then you expect her to do
00:26:05
Speaker
50-50 stuff.
00:26:05
Speaker
That's just not how the world works.
00:26:07
Speaker
I think what happens is pick me's, we call them pick me's or pick me's, start to feel really convicted or they feel bad when they see other women have standards that they don't have the courage to have.
00:26:20
Speaker
And rather than like celebrating that and thinking of that as like an aspirational thing, they'd rather just like tear it
00:26:26
Speaker
down and the men obviously like for all the reasons you just discussed like they just obviously they want to keep the bar as low as possible they don't want women getting any ideas but when you see the attack from women a lot of times it's like insecurity on their part um the surprising part has always been for me though is from like older feminists like especially people like
00:26:46
Speaker
Well, we're going to talk about the Young Turks video, for example, and like Anna Kasparian is one of the people there.
00:26:50
Speaker
But like from someone from women who are out of the dating game or women who have were in the dating game but are like older, I don't understand why they're always trying to like police women's standards.
00:27:01
Speaker
Like the weird thing about that, I mean, it's not weird, it's actually very predictable, is that men love women who attack other women.
00:27:07
Speaker
And so when a woman is being like, oh my gosh, like your standards are so unreasonable.
00:27:13
Speaker
And like, I look at me, I have low standards.
00:27:15
Speaker
I'm such a cool girl that men praise them for it, right?
00:27:18
Speaker
And so there there actually is an incentive for a lot of women to just throw other women under the bus like that because they get praised by other men.
00:27:28
Speaker
And so I think a good rule of thumb is if you're posting something online or saying something online and a ton of men are praising you, you probably said something stupid and you should delete it.
00:27:39
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:27:40
Speaker
Love that, Lily.
00:27:41
Speaker
If men are angry at something you've said, and that's the thing, that's how I know that what I post online is right, because men get so angry about it, okay?
00:27:49
Speaker
Like, if men were agreeing with me, that's when I'd be worried, okay?
00:27:53
Speaker
You know, it's funny.
00:27:53
Speaker
There's a lot of my guy friends who message me saying, Coco, stop sharing all the secrets.
00:27:59
Speaker
I'm not going to get any girls after all of this, what you're saying.
00:28:03
Speaker
Good.
00:28:03
Speaker
That's one of my...
00:28:05
Speaker
One of my guy friends told me, it's like, I was texting with this girl and she was about to send me a nude.
00:28:10
Speaker
And then she remembered that you said that men share it with their friends.
00:28:15
Speaker
Unless you're like very serious.
00:28:16
Speaker
And he's like, Coco, you're ruining my dating game.
00:28:19
Speaker
I'm like, well, dude, then don't be a fuck boy.
00:28:22
Speaker
You should deserve this girl.
00:28:24
Speaker
I learned that from like, I'm very lucky that I kind of,
00:28:29
Speaker
I didn't, I wasn't really, I never was never in the new texting thing, but I learned that from working.
00:28:33
Speaker
I had a job where I was working in a bar and every single guy every week, like from the bartenders to the bouncers to everyone else would come through and like would be sharing their nudes on Friday, Saturday.
00:28:44
Speaker
So I learned fairly early on that men do that.
Criticism & Double Standards in Dating
00:28:47
Speaker
And I was like, I'm never sending this sending these guys anything because I saw so many like titties.
00:28:52
Speaker
I I just knew never to do it.
00:28:53
Speaker
I didn't even you just have to think of it as a given that if you send guys nudes, they are going to share it.
00:29:00
Speaker
It's like, you know, it's like trading cards.
00:29:01
Speaker
And if they don't share it, they just keep it forever.
00:29:04
Speaker
Like they hang on to it.
00:29:05
Speaker
Like a trophy.
00:29:06
Speaker
Even after you stop talking, they just hang on to it.
00:29:08
Speaker
And they're, it's so weird.
00:29:10
Speaker
I mean, I had a guy take a picture of me when I was naked, like, because we, like we'd hooked up and he took a picture of me like sleeping.
00:29:20
Speaker
Um, and I guess shared it with his friends to be like, Oh, look at this girl I just hooked up with.
00:29:24
Speaker
And so I've always been very careful not to send nudes, but men will try to violate your, well, men will try to violate you with pictures of your nudity.
00:29:33
Speaker
Right.
00:29:33
Speaker
Like, um, so that's something I always advise women to be, to be careful of, like, don't give them that, like, don't allow, don't fucking do it.
00:29:42
Speaker
It's not worth it.
00:29:44
Speaker
I have, I have a lot of guy friends, actually not friends.
00:29:47
Speaker
I don't, more acquaintances who, um,
00:29:50
Speaker
are just sharing it, as you guys said, as a trophy.
00:29:53
Speaker
And they look cooler in the eyes of their peers.
00:29:56
Speaker
So if they're a little insecure about themselves, they're just going to blast those messages.
00:30:01
Speaker
And as you guys said, I saw a lot of titties that I didn't need to see.
00:30:04
Speaker
So I know that it shouldn't be just shared like that.
00:30:09
Speaker
I know.
00:30:10
Speaker
I wanted to talk about this Young Turks interview.
00:30:14
Speaker
So they're fairly popular in the U.S. and they talk a lot about
00:30:18
Speaker
politics generally.
00:30:19
Speaker
Generally, they're into the political realm.
00:30:21
Speaker
They're leftists.
00:30:22
Speaker
And I think most of them would consider themselves pro-women and, like, feminist in their own mind.
00:30:31
Speaker
They're left-wing patriarchy.
00:30:33
Speaker
Like, they think that.
00:30:34
Speaker
They pretend to be feminist, but they think women should be public property.
00:30:37
Speaker
But anyways, yeah.
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah, so they reacted to your TikTok video.
00:30:44
Speaker
One of the guys, Chank,
00:30:49
Speaker
I'm holding back, but yeah, go ahead.
00:30:50
Speaker
No, no, go for it.
00:30:52
Speaker
One of the guys, so it's Chank and Anna in the, in the actual clip itself.
00:30:55
Speaker
And we'll link the clip at the bottom of the podcast.
00:30:58
Speaker
So you watched that.
00:30:59
Speaker
What did you think?
00:31:02
Speaker
Well, I think that it was fascinating that a grown man is so angry at a young girl for saying that dinner is,
00:31:13
Speaker
a standard for dating because I mean, you're obviously you're older, so you should know this by now.
00:31:20
Speaker
And I think that he was just upset at my approach because he was trying to talk like me at some point.
00:31:27
Speaker
And I was just like, dude, I don't even talk like that.
00:31:29
Speaker
You're just, I don't know.
00:31:30
Speaker
He was just being very, very angry at me.
00:31:33
Speaker
And he did say I was very attractive, which was really sweet of him.
00:31:36
Speaker
And he said that he went to a million dates with women like me and that he knows all about us.
00:31:43
Speaker
and things like that.
00:31:43
Speaker
But I'm just thinking, you know, if I don't know if he's married or had kids or whatever, but like, if you have, if your daughter is a girl and she says that she deserves a dinner date, would you tell him, no, no, no, honey, just, just let him buy your car.
00:31:58
Speaker
Even better, just buy your own coffee so you don't owe him anything.
00:32:01
Speaker
So I'm just confused with this whole concept.
00:32:03
Speaker
If somebody pays for your meal, that you owe him something, you don't owe him anything.
00:32:06
Speaker
I mean, it's just like a gentleman thing to do.
00:32:09
Speaker
But this whole, like, they were like, oh, I'm just giving a benefit.
00:32:12
Speaker
In the video, they were saying, like, oh, I'm just giving her the benefit of doubt that she, like, she was very open and she was just very blunt of what she's saying.
00:32:19
Speaker
So I know that I would never be with somebody like that.
00:32:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:24
Speaker
So I find it very amusing when obese, unattractive men say things like, oh, I wouldn't date a girl like her because she's too high maintenance.
00:32:34
Speaker
And I just, like, chuckle to myself because...
00:32:38
Speaker
They're fucking lying.
00:32:39
Speaker
Like this guy saying like, oh, I would never date a girl like that.
00:32:42
Speaker
Like in my dating travel.
00:32:44
Speaker
Like he had the choice.
00:32:45
Speaker
In my personal experience, I have found that men will put up with so much shit when you're beautiful.
00:32:51
Speaker
They will go to, they will, if they really like you, if they're very attracted to you, they will move.
00:32:55
Speaker
mountains in order to be with you.
00:32:58
Speaker
And so when a guy's like, I've just noticed this trend online where guys, you know, and guys send me DMs all the time being like, you probably don't get any dates because, you know, no self-respecting guy would date a woman who is that demanding.
00:33:11
Speaker
And I'm just like, yeah, buddy, I don't struggle to get dates.
00:33:14
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:15
Speaker
They're convinced they're all going to be cat ladies because we demand basic respect.
00:33:19
Speaker
That's what kills me about it.
00:33:21
Speaker
No, but it's just, it's just cope, right?
00:33:23
Speaker
Like, cause these guys know that they'd never get with a girl like that.
00:33:26
Speaker
Right.
00:33:26
Speaker
And so they just kind of like throw it back in your face.
00:33:28
Speaker
Like, like all the comments saying like, I'm sure this girl doesn't get any dates.
00:33:32
Speaker
And I'm like, buddy.
00:33:34
Speaker
You're fucking lying.
00:33:35
Speaker
It's Cope.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah, it's almost like you can't fire me, I quit sort of thing.
00:33:39
Speaker
Like, they know they're out of the game anyway, so they just try and say, well, I don't want you first, but it's like, I've rejected you already, so, yeah.
00:33:46
Speaker
It's like an ego protection thing.
00:33:48
Speaker
Like, they know they're going to get rejected, so they just preemptively reject you so that they don't have to feel hurt.
00:33:54
Speaker
Yeah, and it's fascinating for me that, you know, there's so many men who reply to my video on TikTok and they're like, well, I wouldn't date you in the first place.
00:34:02
Speaker
I mean, why did you have the need to take time of your day just to tell me you would never even date me?
00:34:06
Speaker
As if you wanted to date them?
00:34:08
Speaker
Yeah, like, that's even a discussion.
00:34:11
Speaker
Like, that's not even in the cards.
00:34:13
Speaker
Like, we're never, and I, sometimes I reply to trolls and I always say, like, luckily, you and I are never going to date, so you're fine.
00:34:22
Speaker
And there's a lot of people who are saying, oh, no wonder you're still single and you're dating.
00:34:27
Speaker
First of all, I never said I'm single.
00:34:29
Speaker
I never said I'm single.
00:34:30
Speaker
So I don't know where they're getting from.
00:34:32
Speaker
And they say like, oh, you're 30 and still dating.
00:34:35
Speaker
I mean, yeah.
00:34:37
Speaker
Is that old?
00:34:38
Speaker
I mean, and first of all, since when are we identifying our self-worth, whether we have a man or not?
00:34:43
Speaker
So like this whole comment, obviously people who comment rude things online, they're just like,
00:34:50
Speaker
unhappy with themselves and they just feel satisfied when they, you know, insult somebody online.
00:34:55
Speaker
And I get it that they're just unhappy, but why is it wrong to be single at all?
00:35:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:01
Speaker
Why is you're single an insult?
00:35:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:04
Speaker
I don't know.
00:35:05
Speaker
And the funny part is that I never said I'm single.
00:35:08
Speaker
So,
00:35:09
Speaker
I mean, they don't know anything about me.
00:35:10
Speaker
It's all projection.
00:35:12
Speaker
Their whole reaction to your thing is just a projection of their own insecurities.
00:35:16
Speaker
Like, because you didn't mention who's paying for that.
00:35:19
Speaker
You just said you want to go for dinner.
00:35:20
Speaker
You didn't say who's paying, but they all assume, oh, you're just a gold digger.
00:35:23
Speaker
You're trying to get after a guy.
00:35:24
Speaker
You know, you're trying to get a guy with money.
00:35:26
Speaker
That's just a projection of their own insecurities because they know that they're broke and could never get a girl like that.
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah, because no self-respected man who's doing well for himself would ever say, oh, I'm not paying for your dinner.
00:35:37
Speaker
I mean, my guy friends pay for my dinner.
00:35:39
Speaker
I mean, it's just like a normal thing.
00:35:42
Speaker
True.
00:35:43
Speaker
If you want to treat somebody.
00:35:44
Speaker
Like, I pay for my girlfriend's dinner sometimes.
00:35:47
Speaker
I pay for, you know, I have a bunch of makeup.
00:35:50
Speaker
I give them my products.
00:35:52
Speaker
Like, I like to give to my friends or people I care about.
00:35:56
Speaker
And then another thing I just want to quickly mention about people calling me high maintenance is I also look for...
00:36:04
Speaker
I mean, a high maintenance woman usually has a high maintenance man.
00:36:07
Speaker
So it's like, it goes both ways.
00:36:09
Speaker
So it's like, if you're demanding the world, you usually give them the world too.
00:36:12
Speaker
At least I do.
00:36:13
Speaker
Like if I'm dating somebody, I'm going to give them the world.
00:36:18
Speaker
So it's not that I'm just sitting there and waiting for you to like cater me.
00:36:21
Speaker
It's like, it goes both ways.
00:36:23
Speaker
So that's a big misconception.
00:36:26
Speaker
You want someone on your level.
00:36:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:28
Speaker
And somebody who knows what they want and what they deserve.
00:36:31
Speaker
So I know what I want.
00:36:33
Speaker
I know what I deserve.
00:36:34
Speaker
I've been through a lot of shit in my life that taught me how to, you know, stand behind my set the standard and stand behind them.
00:36:41
Speaker
And I'm never going to lower my standards for somebody who can rise up to them.
00:36:45
Speaker
So like, that's just
00:36:48
Speaker
And these people, like, with their comments, what, they think I'm going to change my mind all of a sudden?
00:36:51
Speaker
No, I'm not.
00:36:52
Speaker
Like, I don't know why I'm even trying.
00:36:53
Speaker
That's what we tell them to die mad at the end of every episode because they are really, really convinced.
00:36:57
Speaker
They're going to write just the right amount of words and give us paragraphs and paragraphs of reasons why we're wrong and we're going to care and we will never, ever care.
00:37:06
Speaker
Scrotes listening, we will never care.
00:37:09
Speaker
I'm never going to change my mind about dating in this topic.
00:37:15
Speaker
I'm always, the rest of my life, I'm always going to think
00:37:18
Speaker
A man should treat you like a queen if he wants a queen next to him.
00:37:25
Speaker
If he doesn't, then just find somebody who's going to be okay with your little peasant behavior.
00:37:31
Speaker
Your peasant behavior?
00:37:34
Speaker
And this is the thing that there are so many women who would be happy to go for walk dates.
00:37:39
Speaker
Why are you not going to find one of them?
00:37:40
Speaker
Why are you going after women who want something different?
00:37:43
Speaker
It's like, it's not like there's a shortage of pick me's in the world.
00:37:46
Speaker
They don't want a peasant uprising.
00:37:48
Speaker
They don't want the peasants to take the power back.
00:37:52
Speaker
That is actually 100% accurate because this rage, this reaction that was directed towards Cornelia is actually very deliberate.
00:38:01
Speaker
It's like in the Middle Ages when they would cut off the head of their enemies and put it on a spike at the gates of the castle to show an example to the others or whatever.
00:38:12
Speaker
It's very much like...
00:38:15
Speaker
We're going to rage at this woman for having higher standards to intimidate other women.
00:38:19
Speaker
And they're going to see that and go, oh, I don't want to receive that kind of treatment.
00:38:24
Speaker
So I have to do this cool girl.
00:38:26
Speaker
I have low standards routine.
00:38:28
Speaker
It's actually very insidious.
00:38:30
Speaker
I cannot stand our current culture where it's quote unquote like feminist and empowering and cool to have zero standards and just go with the flow and do whatever guys want.
00:38:40
Speaker
But as soon as you express a standard for anything, everybody comes down to you.
00:38:44
Speaker
And I know that you didn't know much about our sub beforehand, but like that's why we get attacked a lot in the media.
00:38:49
Speaker
Like we got attacked by Vice Media for that.
00:38:52
Speaker
We got attacked by like, who else was in our biz?
00:38:55
Speaker
Verge.
00:38:56
Speaker
Yeah, we've had a couple of media articles come down on us for what our standards are.
00:39:01
Speaker
There's an episode that we did a few weeks back called Vice Media Comes for the Queens.
00:39:05
Speaker
But she came to us because they dragged us in Vice Magazine because they thought it was quote-unquote weird that we wanted to date guys who could pay for dates and didn't have tiny dicks.
00:39:17
Speaker
Their dating advice is so bizarre.
00:39:19
Speaker
They want to date tall men who pay for dates and have a decent-sized penis.
00:39:23
Speaker
It's like, wow, that's...
00:39:25
Speaker
Shocking.
00:39:26
Speaker
Shocking.
00:39:28
Speaker
They made it seem like we were weird for having what honestly is pretty basic standards.
00:39:35
Speaker
Basic dating.
00:39:37
Speaker
It's fascinating that when a guy says that he wants XYZ, he's portrayed as this big man who knows what he wants.
00:39:46
Speaker
But if a woman says the same thing, she's roasted because it's unbelievable that women say what they want and what they deserve.
00:39:53
Speaker
So...
00:39:54
Speaker
I mean, I'm happy that we found each other right now to like talk about this because it should.
00:40:00
Speaker
And the girls today, they're who are younger than we are.
00:40:04
Speaker
They're like, they're just settling for nothing like peanuts.
00:40:08
Speaker
And they should know that what they want.
00:40:11
Speaker
And like, you know, we all watch these fairytale lives and obviously life is not a fairytale, but there is men out there who are going to do
00:40:19
Speaker
so much for you so why would you want to be with somebody who's not going to do anything for you and again it's it's a give it's it goes both ways so it's not that i'm just taking and taking i give back a lot so like why would we want to just a one-way street when you know a guy's just gonna use you for his own needs you need to
00:40:38
Speaker
We have your needs fulfilled too.
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:40:41
Speaker
Just to backpedal a bit on to what you said, Cornelia, about men having their own standards.
00:40:48
Speaker
It's absolutely true.
00:40:49
Speaker
Anytime there's a post about physical standards on the subreddit, we get inundated.
00:40:55
Speaker
with comments, with abuse from men, even though they also have their own physical standards.
00:41:01
Speaker
I think there was a viral post that was written by one of the mods about a year ago about dick size matters.
00:41:09
Speaker
And she was basically buried under comments and messages from men who were saying they were going to hang themselves.
00:41:17
Speaker
You're basically telling her to kill herself purely because she said that dick
Maintaining High Standards & Media Critique
00:41:21
Speaker
size matters.
00:41:21
Speaker
It wasn't even saying that having a big...
00:41:24
Speaker
you know dick is the most important thing it was that each woman will have a a size that works best for her sexual enjoyment like that was pretty much the extent of the post and she got so much hate but if you think about the way you know men dissect women's bodies like the way they want you know big boobs or a big bum and a tiny waist and you know
00:41:45
Speaker
a completely flat stomach but you know the minute a woman says i want a guy who's taller than me they all have a meltdown and start saying that you know you're a nazi who believes in eugenics because you don't want to sleep with short men that's literally the stuff they say they and we're not exactly that's literally the stuff they say like we're nazis because we don't yeah we're not exactly short men attractive so we're nazis because it's eugenics yeah i mean i got that threats too
00:42:12
Speaker
Trying to breed up broke men.
00:42:14
Speaker
And keep in mind, this is on Reddit where you can find any kind of porn conceivable.
00:42:19
Speaker
Any kind of fetish.
00:42:21
Speaker
Any kind of fetish.
00:42:23
Speaker
Any kind of fetish.
00:42:25
Speaker
They'll have one that's like, uh, uh, For large areolas or pointy areolas.
00:42:31
Speaker
Large areola hate or something.
00:42:33
Speaker
It won't even be like appreciated.
00:42:34
Speaker
It'd be like, we're just going to take a bunch of picture of women with large areolas and then insult every single picture.
00:42:40
Speaker
They have subreddits like that.
00:42:42
Speaker
So for them to be upset about a post, one post that they're threatening to kill themselves over because one of our mods liked certain types of penises is so ridiculous.
00:42:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:54
Speaker
It's like the double standard there and their ability to handle any kind of expression of sexual wants and needs from women is totally disproportional from the amount of demands that they make.
00:43:08
Speaker
Obviously, every guy wants a hot girl next to him.
00:43:12
Speaker
And hot can mean different things to different men.
00:43:14
Speaker
But as we said, the moment we say something, they're like, she's a gold digger.
00:43:19
Speaker
She's this, that.
00:43:20
Speaker
First of all, my reply to me being a gold digger, I say, I'm not a gold digger.
00:43:24
Speaker
I'm a gold wearer that gets them very upset every time.
00:43:29
Speaker
But I mean, if I can afford my own lunch and my own dinner, like I'm not going to be with somebody who can't.
00:43:34
Speaker
But yeah, it's just, it's just very upsetting that the standards are so double when, like when a woman says that she wants certain things, she's just being dragged all over the place.
00:43:45
Speaker
But I don't care, honestly.
00:43:46
Speaker
I'm happy that this video got so much attention because
00:43:50
Speaker
it did sparkle a debate.
00:43:51
Speaker
And there's a lot of women who, I mean, I get a lot of hate stuff, but I don't care about that.
00:43:56
Speaker
I mean, it does bother you a little bit in the beginning, but now I'm just like, okay, whatever this story said, like I read this 10 million times, but I get messages from a lot of women who are saying that, thank you so much for opening my eyes.
00:44:08
Speaker
Thank you for letting me see that things that I want are not too much.
00:44:12
Speaker
And like, there's so many women who are grateful for what I was saying.
00:44:17
Speaker
And I'm going to continue saying, because
00:44:20
Speaker
Maybe they're surrounded with friends who are telling them, oh, you're too picky, you're too this, you're too that.
00:44:24
Speaker
And they need somebody, like even a stranger like me, to tell them, whatever you want in life is possible.
00:44:31
Speaker
It takes time and patience to find a guy who's going to be able to
00:44:36
Speaker
give you what you want so i wanted i wanted to talk a little bit uh about some some more of the statements in the video and i think the young turks because i have more i'm holding back but yeah so there's a part in the video where anna casparian says that she thinks that your assumption that guys that are trying to take women on dates and have drinks with them are trying to get in drunk is a needless assumption
00:45:00
Speaker
I disagree with her on multiple fronts.
00:45:04
Speaker
First of all, let's just note the assumption that if you go out to drinks with a guy or with someone you're on a date with, they're just attempting to get you drunk.
00:45:14
Speaker
That needless, preemptive, I guess that cynical nature, it's unnecessary.
00:45:23
Speaker
There are a lot of things in life to be cynical about.
00:45:25
Speaker
I think that goes a little too far.
00:45:26
Speaker
That's dangerous advice for a woman to say to other women.
00:45:30
Speaker
It's absolutely true that men do try to get you drunk to lower your inhibitions to get you to sleep with them.
00:45:37
Speaker
And I think it's actually safer for women to just assume that men have bad intentions.
00:45:41
Speaker
Like, I don't understand this, like, idea that...
00:45:45
Speaker
you have to give every guy a chance or give every guy a benefit of doubt because that is a gift to predators.
00:45:50
Speaker
I think it's actually safer for women to assume that he probably, and that's what women were like a hundred years ago.
00:45:55
Speaker
Okay.
00:45:55
Speaker
Like our grandmas and our great grandmas had some fucking common sense and you know, it was on the man.
00:46:02
Speaker
The onus was on the man to prove himself that he was one of the good ones.
00:46:05
Speaker
It's not, it shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to play detective, to try to figure out if he's one of the good ones.
00:46:10
Speaker
He has to prove himself.
00:46:12
Speaker
Yeah, they get so offended, like, well, it's not every guy.
00:46:14
Speaker
And it's like, yeah, but we don't know which guys.
00:46:15
Speaker
We don't have some kind of crystal ball to see into the future and understand which men are that type of guy.
00:46:22
Speaker
And if we look at the statistics, it's too many men.
00:46:25
Speaker
It's not the same, you know, 1% of men who were going around sexually assaulting, you know, raping.
00:46:31
Speaker
and you know date raping women it's a lot of men if the statistics are to be believed which they should be i even think that these instances are probably underreported because a lot of women don't realize that you know what happened to them was inappropriate from my experience this is how it goes so you meet up with him let's say around eight or nine
00:46:49
Speaker
at a bar for drinks.
00:46:50
Speaker
You have one drink, maybe second drink.
00:46:52
Speaker
You think things are going well.
Cautious Dating Advice
00:46:54
Speaker
Oh no, the bar is shutting down.
00:46:56
Speaker
And then if you're having a little bit of a good time with him, he's like, oh, let's go back to my place.
00:47:00
Speaker
Like I have wine at home.
00:47:02
Speaker
And if you like him, you're going to, okay, fine.
00:47:04
Speaker
You know, I want to hang out with you.
00:47:05
Speaker
So I'm going to go back to your place.
00:47:08
Speaker
And sometimes guys are dicks and they take you back.
00:47:12
Speaker
And then you, you know, you kiss a little bit, whatever.
00:47:16
Speaker
And then
00:47:17
Speaker
they're trying to sleep with you.
00:47:18
Speaker
And then if you say, no, I didn't, I didn't want to come over to sleep with you.
00:47:22
Speaker
They're then they're going to say, so why did you come over then?
00:47:25
Speaker
So that's how it usually goes.
00:47:27
Speaker
Like if the moment you come to a guy's house and that's also something I, I, I like interested what you guys have to say, like when girls come over to a guy's house, it's always like basically means, okay, so you're ready to sleep with him, but that shouldn't be the case.
00:47:43
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:47:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:46
Speaker
Yeah, so that's why I say it's safer for women to just assume that that's what men want.
00:47:50
Speaker
Because if you do go to his place and don't sleep with him, he'll get mad at you.
00:47:55
Speaker
Right?
00:47:56
Speaker
He'll be like, why did you come over?
00:47:58
Speaker
But at the same time, if a guy invites you over and you say, oh, no, I'm not ready to have sex with you, he'll play dumb.
00:48:03
Speaker
Like, what?
00:48:04
Speaker
I totally wasn't like... I don't know.
00:48:08
Speaker
He'll play dumb and act like...
00:48:11
Speaker
He's like, I am such a gentleman.
00:48:14
Speaker
I would never think such a thing.
00:48:15
Speaker
Fuck off.
00:48:17
Speaker
The thing that's changed too with that is a lot of these pickup artists and red pill and seduction communities, they have this concept called last minute resistance.
00:48:26
Speaker
The idea is they go in with the assumption that if a woman goes home with you, she wants to have sex with you, but if she resists having sex with you because she doesn't want to look like a slut, so you're supposed to overcome her
00:48:40
Speaker
quote unquote, last minute resistance.
00:48:42
Speaker
So with them putting that out into the market, what's happened is, is like, yeah, it's become normalized that if you go home with a guy, it's not just to like see his apartment and like maybe chat and have a nice time.
00:48:54
Speaker
Now it's like he the pressure is on and the clock is ticking for him to try to pressure you into having sex with him.
00:49:01
Speaker
And or it's supposed to be that women, they take it as if you go home with them, you must want to have sex with them.
00:49:07
Speaker
So that's kind of ruined things because you can't really have things slowly unfold.
00:49:11
Speaker
Like I'm a big fan of like second and third base, right?
00:49:15
Speaker
That is where you get a lot of information about how a man is as a lover.
00:49:20
Speaker
But they've made it so that like they're trying to rush that entire process to get you to sleep with them right away.
00:49:28
Speaker
which doesn't benefit women at all.
00:49:29
Speaker
And that's why we're pulling back and doing so much more of the work outside the home before you even get to the home because you never know what that guy has on his mind.
00:49:38
Speaker
And at this point, because of how saturated
00:49:41
Speaker
red pill crap has gotten these guys are literally having meltdowns if you don't have sex with them and you come home to the house there's been a few viral tic tacs to that effect as well as men just like freaking out at women because they didn't have sex right away and be like why did you come over here and it's like because i wanted to see that your house wasn't a pigsty i mean yeah because you just want to spend a little more time with this guy and then see if he's you know if you guys are clicking in a certain sense
00:50:09
Speaker
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
00:50:10
Speaker
It's been disappointing.
00:50:11
Speaker
Again, feminists have been the people that have come down on millennial and Gen Z women for like going home with guys and then not wanting to have sex and then been like, well, what did you expect was going to happen?
00:50:25
Speaker
That's been really disappointing because that's part of the reason why the Me Too movement happened.
00:50:30
Speaker
And that's part of the things that a lot of Gen Z millennial women were complaining about in the Me Too movement.
00:50:35
Speaker
And I could see in the media, a lot of Gen X and even like boomer women were really, really coming down on women of our generation and saying, if we didn't know, that's what time it is when we got home.
00:50:47
Speaker
got home then we weren't standing up for ourselves and we were expecting men to be mind readers and i'm like i they should just assume we don't want to have sex with them unless we express that but the you know everything always gets put on the woman to constantly be rejecting men's sexuality yeah they shouldn't assume but just because i went home with you that you want to have sex with them that's just that's just something i want to dabble in more in my next videos that i'm going to be posting is that like men shouldn't be expecting this blindly
00:51:15
Speaker
I just want to hang out with you.
00:51:17
Speaker
I want to see, as you guys said, if your place is a pixel, like, I just want to see who you are.
00:51:23
Speaker
It doesn't mean that you need to enter me right away.
00:51:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:26
Speaker
We want to see if you sleep in a nest as well.
00:51:29
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:51:32
Speaker
The bed nest.
00:51:34
Speaker
There was a post at Cornelia on Reddit about a woman.
00:51:38
Speaker
I don't think she'd been to her boyfriend's house and they'd been together for some time.
00:51:43
Speaker
So when she finally went over to his house, she found out that he didn't actually have a bed.
00:51:47
Speaker
He had like...
00:51:52
Speaker
pile of clothes that he called his nest that he doesn't wash by the way because he doesn't wear these clothes and she said it smelled bad and he got offended and so she refused to sleep then she was like what do I do about this bed nest wait he sleeps on a pile of his clothes and he says that's normal yeah yeah a fully grown adult man yeah it's actually quite like there was an um yeah there was an article shared on the subreddit about men who just um who do mattress on the
00:52:23
Speaker
who do mattress on the floor i want i only do guys who have bed frames yes that's another basic ass standard why why do we have to tell them to have a bed frame and they're so offended at this and then one of them was like um oh the match on the floor is a good way to weed out gold diggers i was like what having a bed oh my god
00:52:49
Speaker
Having a bed or expecting your guys to have a bed now means you're a gold digger.
00:52:53
Speaker
Like what the hell?
00:52:55
Speaker
Listen, you can thrift bed frames pretty cheaply too.
00:52:58
Speaker
So I don't even want to hear this like, oh, well, it's just extra expenses.
00:53:02
Speaker
I'm like that to me says you're either broke or unimaginative because bed frames are actually not that hard to find.
00:53:11
Speaker
They're going to use any excuse they can just to like justify their lack of maturity.
00:53:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:17
Speaker
And their lack of money as well.
00:53:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:20
Speaker
I mean, if he's really like an A plus man, he probably knows woodworking and he'll make a bed frame.
00:53:26
Speaker
Bingo.
00:53:27
Speaker
Bingo.
00:53:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:28
Speaker
And not like this shitty two by four nailed together nonsense that I think we saw earlier.
00:53:34
Speaker
A while back, every man's goal and all these guys that try to go viral and make these like declarative TikToks, their goal is to make the bar as low as possible.
00:53:42
Speaker
And women need to wake up and recognize that's what's happening and stop falling all over themselves.
00:53:47
Speaker
Like validate the fact that they'll deal with a guy in any circumstance because it will only get worse, ladies, as long as you keep encouraging these clowns.
00:53:56
Speaker
Yeah, because they would feel like less of a failure if they tell you that you were asking for too much because they were actually afraid to ask for what they deserve.
00:54:06
Speaker
So yeah, it's just easier to attack somebody who, but you know what, also like if somebody is doing better than you, they're never gonna attack somebody who's doing, let's say worse.
00:54:15
Speaker
So, you know, all these people who are talking shit about what I had to say, they're obviously not doing better than me.
00:54:21
Speaker
I mean, I don't know if this makes sense, but no,
00:54:25
Speaker
self-respected man is going to go on the internet and leave a comment you know there was a bunch of these men from whatever middle america commenting oh thank god my wife is not that so so happy i didn't marry somebody like you and i'm thinking and then i leave sometimes i reply and i'm like so why are you commenting on my video if you're happily married like you're commenting on a video of a 30 year old and you're obviously 60 so like why do you have the need to even get my attention
00:54:50
Speaker
Or why do you have the need to insult somebody based on their standards?
00:54:54
Speaker
If you're happily married, just live your life.
00:54:56
Speaker
Go take your dinner.
00:54:58
Speaker
Go take your wife somewhere.
00:54:59
Speaker
Don't comment on girls' TikToks.
00:55:01
Speaker
I wonder if these wives know that their husband goes and argues with women on the internet because that's pathetic.
00:55:07
Speaker
Does your wife know about this, sir?
00:55:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:10
Speaker
Come collect your husband, okay?
00:55:12
Speaker
He's walking around unsupervised.
00:55:15
Speaker
Honestly, God.
00:55:16
Speaker
I'm like, don't you have something you could be doing to make your wife's life better rather than watching women who you will never get TikTok videos?
Conclusion & Social Media Promotion
00:55:24
Speaker
I don't understand.
00:55:25
Speaker
To me, the fact that they're there and...
00:55:29
Speaker
are active enough to actually have the profile to be stalking younger women to talk to them about their standards to me seems like okay so you're you have no effort at home then right because you got too much free time on your hands I'm pretty sure Lizzo had like a lyric about this like um in like juice it was it was some like somebody come and like get your man I think he got lost in my dms or something like that like he can go home and
00:55:56
Speaker
Go on Reddit.
00:55:57
Speaker
Go on Reddit and complain about it.
00:55:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:59
Speaker
All right.
00:56:00
Speaker
So anything you wanted to add, Karely?
00:56:02
Speaker
What do you want to plug?
00:56:03
Speaker
So yeah, you can follow.
00:56:04
Speaker
Luckily, my name is the same on every platform, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.
00:56:08
Speaker
It's Cocoa Beauty, beauty spelled B-E-A-U-T-E.
00:56:12
Speaker
And I post every single day.
00:56:15
Speaker
And I'm not going to stop, even though all these haters are telling me to stop.
00:56:18
Speaker
But I don't care because women do need to have standards.
00:56:21
Speaker
They need to step up.
00:56:21
Speaker
So you can find all my dating advice there.
00:56:24
Speaker
All right.
00:56:25
Speaker
Thank you.
00:56:26
Speaker
And that's our show.
00:56:27
Speaker
Please check out our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy as well as our Twitter at fem.strat.
00:56:38
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:56:39
Speaker
And for all you dogs out there, walk yourselves.
00:56:42
Speaker
See you next week.