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072 - Me vs. Me: Rewriting the Script of Worthiness with Stevon Lester
17 Plays1 month ago
In this powerful and deeply human episode of Vulnerability Muscle, Reggie D. Ford sits down with dynamic youth speaker and student success advocate Stevon Lester to unpack the emotional layers of identity, inner child healing, and redefining self-worth. At just 25, Stevon shares hard-won wisdom shaped by instability, poverty, and early entrepreneurship in his family—revealing how childhood scarcity influenced his relationship with food, success, and self-esteem.
Together, Reggie and Stevon explore:
- What it means to reconnect with your younger self
- How vulnerability became a catalyst for healing through therapy
- The mental and emotional journey behind Stevon’s 60+ pound weight loss
- The real cost of chasing validation after heartbreak
- How “me vs. me” became a mantra for personal transformation
- The dream of building a transitional center for returning citizens and the unhoused
Stevon’s authenticity shines as he shares the silent battles many high achievers face: imposter syndrome, internalized scarcity, and the invisible weight of proving one’s worth. Whether you’re a student, speaker, or someone seeking clarity on your purpose, this conversation is a reminder that vulnerability is the bridge between pain and peace.
Guest Contact Info:
Website: www.IamStevonLester.com
Email: iamstevonlester@gmail.com
Social Media: @IamStevonLester (all platforms)
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Transcript
Childhood Reflections and Vulnerability
00:00:00
Speaker
A year ago, I remember asking God, if you let if you allow me to get a check for XYZ, I believe it's possible for me. I know I got the gift. I know I got the talent. But here's where it gets vulnerable, bro. Because eight-year-old Stevon did not believe that he was worthy enough for somebody to pay him for his gift.
00:00:21
Speaker
And so I'm walking through life on it, but I know i I know all these great things. Cool. Right. I'm struggling even with myself when I present my gift because I don't even know if I'm worried about a worthy of it.
00:00:34
Speaker
And then go step further. If you tell me no, I internalize. Yep. You know, it's just business. business. But because I had that limiting belief, bro, it it affected everything that I did, man.
00:00:48
Speaker
it It took some time, man, to really get over that.
Introducing 'Vulnerability Muscle' and Themes
00:00:52
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:01:00
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:01:10
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:01:25
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle.
Introducing Stevon Lester and Personal Updates
00:01:29
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. vulnerability muscle to podcast challenging you to redefine vulnerability as a strength it's a strength that connects us that helps us heal that helps us grow and today i got my bro stefan lester here stefan is a dynamic youth speaker who inspires students with powerful messages of hope purpose and resilience known for his relatable style and captivating storytelling stefan connects deeply with k through 12
00:01:57
Speaker
and college audiences, motivating them to overcome challenges and unlock their full potential. His life experiences and youthful energy make him a trusted voice for shifting school culture and igniting student success nationwide. What's up, Stephon? How you doing?
00:02:14
Speaker
My brother, Reggie, man. I'm good, man. how are you, bro? I'm doing well, man. I can't complain. Life is good. i I had a speaking engagement last night, and so it was pretty late when I got in, and so I took it easy
Therapy, Self-awareness, and Personal Growth
00:02:29
Speaker
this morning. I got up i slept in, slept in, you know, and walked the dog just a minute to ago, got some some some tea, and I'm chilling, so it feels good, man. Yeah.
00:02:40
Speaker
It's funny you say that, bro. Honestly, I did the same thing. Yes. Late, had a speaking engagement myself. And I was like, we'll get up at five, you know, hit the gym, do what I need to do. But I was like, nah, I need to kind of just sleep in a little bit and regulate myself, bro. So yeah, we on the same type of time, bro.
00:02:57
Speaker
That's good. That's good, man. I cannot wait to hear the message that you have to share and just... Hearing how you connect with the youth, because I think you do a great job. Your your relatability, your storytelling, your humor, ah you got a lot of ah different tools that you use to connect with folks. And I think it's beautiful.
00:03:15
Speaker
Thank you, man. Or before we hop into that, I got three questions. Let's do it. This is the first thing that comes to mind. So you let me know. you can it be It can be a short answer. it can be a long answer. But you let me know the first thing that comes to mind.
00:03:29
Speaker
What comes to mind, Stefan, when you hear the word vulnerability? I had a feeling that was going to be the question. ah I think at its core, bro, I think, you know, a lot of us, like like I'm 25, right? But there is still a piece of me that there is that eight-year-old, that six-year-old, that 10-year-old Stevon that's still inside me, right?
00:03:50
Speaker
And I think a lot of times when you start talking about being vulnerable, it's like peeling the covers back on 25-year-old Stevon And now looking at who Stevon is at eight years old, you know, and for some of us, um you know, we we tend to like, bro, this was my thing. I disassociated myself from who I was when I was eight, six into who I am now.
00:04:14
Speaker
And it wasn't until about last year that I really started to understand. No, I'm still the same cat that I was back then. And if anything, he'd be so proud of who he became later on.
00:04:24
Speaker
You know I'm And so vulnerability, bro, I think it's a beautiful thing. And I've gotten better
Humorous Family Memories and Personal Growth
00:04:30
Speaker
at it as I went through therapy myself, you know, really got around some really good people that allowed me to have a safe place.
00:04:36
Speaker
um But it is uncomfortable. But if you can get comfortable in that uncomfortable space of really pulling that cover back, man, I think you'll unlock a whole new level to yourself. Wow.
00:04:47
Speaker
Wow. Great answer, man. And I think there's something you said that really stood out to me of how you disassociated from those previous parts of you, that eight-year-old, that, and call it 12, 13, 14, whatever it is, like, we tend to do that, right? We tend to do that because...
00:05:02
Speaker
there's shame in part in different parts of our story that some younger version of us was bullied some younger version of us didn't have the money to get this this and that so it's all types of different things that we carry shame around from our past but i'm glad to see that it's all integrating and because because all those parts are you all you and the eight-year-old is super proud of the dope stuff that you are doing the man that you are so man thank you for that that was good he says you bro yeah What do you do to center yourself, ground yourself, calm yourself down if you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed?
00:05:37
Speaker
Man, I'm still learning every day, right? It don't take a lot for me to get overstimulated. And so I think for me, it's a couple of different things. I have to do my absolute best ah to try to make my day as systematic as possible.
00:05:51
Speaker
Now, what I mean by that is we're not robots. So, you know, what we do what every day will change. um Like prime example, Monday brought my youth pastor. So one of my kids was in the hospital. So I had to switch everything around to drive up, you know, to the North side of Atlanta to go see my student.
00:06:08
Speaker
So you give grace for moments like that. But for me, I try to control the controllables. Number one, right. The things that I know that I can do. um So if I know I need to get up at five to hit the gym,
00:06:19
Speaker
I can't wait till three o'clock in the afternoon to do it because I don't know what's going to come up through that, you know? And then in those moments, bro, when I finally get some time, like,
Vision for Future and Reconnecting with Youthful Dreams
00:06:30
Speaker
bro, like we just said today, sleep in a little bit, right? you know what I'm saying? Got to know where your body is, got to be self-aware.
00:06:37
Speaker
ah For me, bro, if I can get out the house, go to a Braves game, a Falcons game, a Hawks game, ah That has kind of always been my my thing. You know i'm saying? i'm a big sports fanatic. So i would say between that or at the bare minimum, get by some water, bro.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like just the sound of water going down a stream, a creek. You know what saying? Just some solitude, bro. Things like that really kind of helped me just reset myself, clear my head and get back to the business.
00:07:06
Speaker
Oof, oof. Yes, I love all of that, man. Connecting with nature. You said something that I thought was was, I want to point out, was that you work out at 5 a.m. because you know by 3, 4 o'clock, things could change.
00:07:19
Speaker
And so a priority on what your workout means to you. And you put that at the beginning of the day because we don't know. We step out here and and something can happen at noon. Kid could get, you know, in the hospital and like things just change. And so putting that priority up front instead of putting it in the back was was that stood out to me man i think thank you for that no for sure bro i always used tell my friends in college you got to leave room for life to happen you know i'm saying like it's crazy because life is gonna happen to us all um but when you kind of play that i'm just gonna kind of go with the flow you leave no room for life to happen so yeah man man hey that's real that's so real so last one what is one of your favorite childhood memories
00:08:03
Speaker
Man.
00:08:07
Speaker
but Man. Tough question. It is, bro. And honestly,
00:08:15
Speaker
I got to go with this one. Only because it was so funny, bro. ah and In theory, it's not funny. could have really went south very quickly, but we thank God that it didn't. I was probably about 10, bro.
00:08:27
Speaker
And it was me my younger brother. i don't remember what we were doing, but we got in trouble. And um this The reason why this is my favorite childhood memory, bro, you'll see very quickly, I love to laugh.
00:08:38
Speaker
Oh my gosh. if i bro If I could just laugh all day, I promise you would. I get the greatest dopamine hit when I laugh. yeah um Man, my dad was on the top of the steps.
00:08:50
Speaker
Man, he was giving it to us. He was just yelling, right? We in the living room. So we at the bottom, we at the top. He yelling. He goes to take a step. Now, my dad is a pretty heavyset guy. You know what I'm saying? he He's a pretty solid individual, about six foot two, you know, in two fifties, two sixties.
00:09:07
Speaker
Reggie, bro, he misses the step, has the banister to the stairs and slides all the way down. But the funniest piece of the story is when he got done, when he got done, we looking at him at the bottom of the steps,
Childhood Challenges and Overcoming Financial Limitations
00:09:23
Speaker
we look back up, he done pulled the banister out the wall. Bruh, oh my gosh.
00:09:31
Speaker
I laughed for 30 minutes straight and then got in trouble for laughing. I bet you did. You mad at me because you broke the steps. You hurt his ego after he hurt himself. I'm telling you, bro, greatest childhood. I mean, to this day, that's something that I will still joke my dad about um because don't even remember what we got in trouble for. But yeah, as soon as he hit them stairs, everything he said went out the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:09:59
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's good, man. I'm glad that you were able to like, I started laughing prematurely because I saw where it was going and you told me that things are okay, right? He's he's okay. Yeah, man. He's good. It could have been bad. But, man, I'm glad that, like, laughter is a part of your life. And you mean laughter, but you also you express it yourself.
00:10:19
Speaker
And I think that's a beautiful thing because it's medicine. It is medicine for so many people. And I know, like, when I need it, I get around my high school buddies and we, like, it's just that deep belly laughing that is uncontrollable.
00:10:33
Speaker
It's a look. It's it's it's like, man, it's so good for you. Yeah, it's the greatest feeling in the world, you know, and that's a stress reliever in itself. like Life is too short. Life is too serious sometimes. So I'm intentional to keep people around that I can just, I ain't trying to be all business 24-7. I need a good a good laugh. so And even on the speaker sits, bro, like I study comedians laugh, but they are the greatest storytellers.
00:11:05
Speaker
yes the man you look at a guy like ali sadiq or dave chappelle dave chappelle i got look i got notes from dave chappelle i got notes from hassan minhaj i got notes from chris rock i got notes like studying them from a storytelling perspective from how they they will and engage you in this story and it's like sad but then two seconds later you're laughing and you're like did i go from crying to laughing And then they wrap you back into this is the whole point of it. Or it's so good, man. It's so good.
00:11:36
Speaker
That's dope. I know you're on to some good stuff because you're studying the comics. I have to see you some stuff, man. I got you Yeah, yeah. That's good. tell me Tell me, i was ah I was just going through your Instagram and um you talked about consistency earlier, but there is one thing that I i think stood out.
00:11:53
Speaker
What does me versus me mean to you?
00:11:58
Speaker
Man, that has layers to it, man. ah I would say one layer is your past you versus your current you, right? Another layer is your current you versus your future you.
00:12:11
Speaker
um You know, the version of you that only you know about versus the version that you show everybody else, right? I think one of my highlights literally says me versus me, and it's my, like, you know, my fitness journey.
00:12:23
Speaker
And I'm thankful I done worked off about I don't like to say loss because if you lose something you're looking up for it right but I'll say I like released about 60 pounds, but I remember bro seeing a quote that said your public appearance appearance is the decisions that you made in private.
00:12:41
Speaker
You know what saying? So what people
Struggling with Vulnerability and Childhood Beliefs
00:12:42
Speaker
see in public is all the decisions that you made it private. and so um oftentimes, man, you know, you got to get to that point where it's like, OK, I'm going to do this work, but I can't do all the work in the gym and then throw it away when because I want to go get some canes or some Waffle House or some X, Y and Z. You know what saying? So it's like that that crucifying the flesh in that moment saying, OK, you it It ain't got nothing to do with nobody else in this moment.
00:13:06
Speaker
If I decide to do something that basically negates my progress, I'm delaying me meeting my future self by an extra day. And the ignorance of the situation is we just think,
00:13:18
Speaker
that we got all this time to meet our future self. Like I'm learning how to really paint this picture because if you here and your future self is here, you want it to go where you meet up.
00:13:30
Speaker
But what we end up doing is if we're here and our future self is here, if I delay a day, my future self takes a step back, right? But what we don't see is over here, there's like a wall where we don't know how much time we got on this earth.
00:13:43
Speaker
And at some point, that future self is just going stop moving. And now you've delayed all this time and you may have never been able to reach your potential. So that me versus me is saying, you know what, today I'm to make a decision to say it ain't about what my current self wants.
00:13:58
Speaker
Right. i ain't really tripping on what my past self did because I can't do nothing about it. Me versus me saying I want my future reality to be louder than where I currently am. So I got to make decisions that'll get me there.
00:14:09
Speaker
Wow. Wow, that's powerful. And i love that image, that visual of of the future self and how you progress along the way. and And there comes a time. We all got a time.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah. We're going to leave this earth. you And if you if you got this vision of. who you want to be how you want to be how you want to show up in the world and your actions today don't align with that you're not going to meet that person you're not going to be future self and that is that is ah a form of you a higher version of you the best version of yourself however you want to look at it like your actions today need to reflect that yeah so what what is when you envision you're 25 now when you envision
00:14:51
Speaker
let's say 40 year old Stefan, what are some of the things that you envision? Who are the people around? Where are you? What are you surrounded by? What are you doing? What do you have? Who are you? Yeah, um bro, if I can have it my way, right, that's how I got to preface this because whatever I say, God can be like, ha, that's cute.
00:15:08
Speaker
We're going to what I want to do, right? But honestly, you know, I'm youth pastor. Now I actually told my team yesterday, I said, I'm a retire at 40. You know what I'm saying? So that's 15, 16 years of doing youth ministry. just love what I do.
00:15:19
Speaker
um But honestly, bro, I plan on being in a place where probably in the Carolina somewhere, you know, settle, of course, owning my home. But I really want to get more into consulting, whether that's through, you know, working with kids
Health, Mindset, and Defining Success
00:15:34
Speaker
and that leadership perspective, whether like I'm not really sure yet, but I know that I'll only be speaking in schools, but for so long. Right.
00:15:41
Speaker
the turn 40, I'll be doing it for 20 years.
00:15:44
Speaker
finding that, you know, that next level. And then, um, ah honestly, bro, I have this nonprofit. I have two that I started. One is for scholars. Um, but another one is for entrepreneurs, but I want to create almost like a transitional center for people that are homeless, for people that are coming out of the penitentiary center.
00:16:00
Speaker
And it's, I want to, I have this vision, bro. I want to buy out an elementary school, right. Or a middle school or high school. i don't care what it is, but I want to buy it out. And a lot of these classrooms, I want to flip them.
00:16:11
Speaker
right? Turn them into like resident places where people can live, right? So if you're coming out of the system, what I want to do is give you an option for like six months. And now, you know, a lot of these, you know, schools got computer labs, they already got a gym in there, right? a library.
00:16:25
Speaker
So I want to use all this as a wellness center where for six months, you can get yourself back on track. There's rehabib rehabilitation, you know, pieces that we can help you. But then on top of that,
00:16:36
Speaker
career readiness, like all these different things. So that by the time you get out in six a year, now you are actually ready to get back into society, but not find yourself in a situation where you got to go back to where you were.
00:16:49
Speaker
So bro, that's, that's it. Consulting um and really helping people really, you know, get a second chance at life. And if I do that, bro, I'm good. I don't need too much. Man, that is a beautiful vision and it's so detailed oriented. Like you you see you see what you're creating.
00:17:07
Speaker
yeah like that's a That's a lesson for people listening is like you have to be intentional about what you create. Like you said, you had to be you had to have schedules in your day. You had to create structure in your day.
00:17:18
Speaker
But that structure in your day is also leading to this vision that you ultimately see for your future self. And so often you want to go, we go through the motions and we just show up and we do this without the long term vision in mind.
00:17:32
Speaker
and we wonder why we end up in the positions that we are in. And and I think that like you you paint such a good picture of what the future looks like and what you're doing, who you're helping.
00:17:43
Speaker
um that that's that's ah That's a lesson. If you're if you're older than 20, no matter what age you are, yeah come back to that. Because there's a young, I'm sure like there's a youthful part of you that is like, man, we're going to go do this and we're going to help these people. I saw this person over here. Like there's a youth book youthful part of you that wants to do that.
00:18:01
Speaker
And there there's a young version of of the the, if you're in ah a job and you're in your career and you're like, man, I'm just doing this job to pay the bills. It's a means to the end. Like, come back to the youthful version of you that wanted to do X. Like, what was X?
00:18:17
Speaker
And can you do a little bit of X? That's it. Man, that's where life is. Because like we can't live to work like that. I refuse.
00:18:28
Speaker
i yeah you the same page I absolutely refuse. Like life is too precious. Life is too. There's too much goodness out here in life to not enjoy the work that I'm doing and to to only work to live like that. That doesn't work for me.
00:18:41
Speaker
Man, I'm going to tell you, man, one of the quotes that I learned last year, and I live by this thing, man, is you can't be so focused on how far you got to go that you appreciate how far you've come.
00:18:53
Speaker
and really learning how to just be present, man. Like I think that present when you when you're present, it gives you another level of gratitude. Yes. You take a moment and say, okay, no, I've come a long way. As entrepreneurs, bro, we we understand it's always a new idea.
00:19:09
Speaker
It's always a new initiative. It's always something that we're doing. Like the whole trend with, I don't know if you know who Aaron Hall is. I think that's the man named. But long story short, he'll be like, okay, you did 10K this month.
00:19:22
Speaker
All right, well, next month I need you to do 20K, right? And it's like, but as entrepreneurs, that's how we be. You know, you hit that first 10K month, 15K, 20K, whatever it is. And you're like, well, okay, now I got to do this. And you kind of find yourself.
00:19:35
Speaker
And there's nothing wrong with it in perspective because it's a pursuit to be better and better and better. um But sometimes you do got to just take a moment and be where your feet are and say, nah, like, I remember a year ago, i remember two years ago, three years ago, like, man, praying that I would be in a position like this and I'm here, you know, yeah our head down
Gratitude, Personal Growth, and Reflections on Vulnerability
00:19:54
Speaker
for so long. We can't even look up to see where we are and enjoy how far we've come.
00:19:57
Speaker
That's so true. And I think about that, like that is a that I think about it, like in terms of capitalism and profit, like I work, i my background has been in wealth management, and finance, accounting,
00:20:09
Speaker
And so much of it is like, OK, we made a profit this year. Can we grow that profit by 10, 15, 20, 30 percent more, you know, the next year? And at a point you get to a place where when you think about where it started, where it's at, it gets a little bit unsustainable.
00:20:25
Speaker
The unsustainable things start to break down. You know, is like the breakdown can happen in the technology. And so we need new technology or the breakdown can happen in the people. And that's what we're seeing. We're seeing breakdown happen in people because we have unsustainable goals for people to continue to push. Like we did 10, let's do 30, let's do 50.
00:20:45
Speaker
and And again, like you said, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting more, with wanting to be better with that. But it's also to what Like, when is it going to be enough? And when is it ever going to be enough? And I think we have to reflect, bring ourselves back to the present to be like, man, let me look at how beautiful life is.
00:21:04
Speaker
and Yeah. So, man, that's how do you get this wisdom, mate. Twenty five years old. Where do you get this wisdom from? Man, I can't say no credit for it, bro.
00:21:15
Speaker
I promise you, I can't. You know, growing up, you know, you they say you got an old soul. Believe it or not, when I was in eighth grade, my teachers would call me grandpa. Crazy, right? Crazy, bro. Crazy.
00:21:25
Speaker
and And I used to hate it, man. I'm i'm out here trying to you know, talk to some girls in the hallway and Ms. Clark, come up some, hey, grandpa, like get to class. And I'm like, you messing up my game. You know what I'm saying? um But bro, you know, they would tell me like, you're a lot wiser than, you know, what you were doing. I was making bad decisions during that time.
00:21:43
Speaker
And man, they just decided to speak life into me. So bro, I really can't take credit, but I'll tell you this. And Reggie, I know you probably understand this. When it comes to wisdom, Like, like experience is the only thing that gives you the test first and then the lesson.
00:21:58
Speaker
Right. So you gain wisdom through a lot of trial and error. Yeah. Do you what I'm saying? Like, I remember praying, bro, when I was 17, 18 for wisdom, the same way, you know, God was talking to Solomon and was like, well, you tell me what you want.
00:22:11
Speaker
He was like, ah just wisdom. He was like, well, bet, since you said that, I'd give you everything else. But that we you don't just get wise overnight. You're going to make some great decisions and you're going to some real bad ones.
00:22:25
Speaker
you know But then over time, you learn. So, bro, wisdom is a beautiful thing, but it definitely comes at a cost. Yeah, it does. And I shared a post not too long, but no, I say about a year ago where it was like, when you find a man who's wise, like understand that that man has been through some things. Yes. The the wise person doesn't just give you advice that is like, man, that really touched my soul because they read it in a book. Like maybe a little, but no, it's lived experience.
00:22:53
Speaker
It's heartache. It's heartbreak. It is tragedy. It's trauma that has given that person a different perspective on a situation that allows them to give that wisdom especially if it's coming from a younger person, a younger soul.
00:23:06
Speaker
Like I can only imagine what all you've had to experience to be grandpa in the eighth grade and what you were exposed to and the things that you saw and the way that you turned those into lessons, right? Because we can experience things, but they don't necessarily turn into lessons for everybody.
00:23:24
Speaker
You see people running up against the same wall over and over again. And it's like, you got to take something from that. Can you tell me a little bit about like some of those wisdom creating moments? Maybe maybe it's the other end of watching your dad slip down down the stairs or something. But like what what some of the people, some of the influences that that got you some of that wisdom?
00:23:43
Speaker
Man, um I credit my grandfather lot. You know, number one, I'm. you know They say the older you get, the more you become like your parents, you know the more the more you become like your your grandparents. I laugh at my brother because ah you know my dad is my stepfather, but I look at him as my actual dad.
00:24:01
Speaker
and And I look at my stepbrother, who I look at like my brother. brother Y'all met him at the Mastermind. And I'm like, bro, you got just like that. know what I'm saying? The older we get. And so um I just studied my grandfather. Very copacetic, right? Very full of wisdom.
00:24:14
Speaker
It takes a lot to shake him up. You know, you're not going you can't move him, you know. um So people like that, you know, like my stepfather. um And then, bro, I don't i don't know, man. um Trial and error.
00:24:27
Speaker
I was a good kid, but I just made a lot of dumb decisions, you know, and some of it came from wanting to be funny, you know, class clown. Some of it came from wanting to fit in, you know, ah some of it came from wanting to be accepted, man. When you move every single year from the time you five to the time you're 15, you know,
00:24:49
Speaker
no that's That's a lot of experiences that you get. That's a lot of different people that you you you come across. And so, you know, you're trying to find out how you fit, but now you're in a new environment. So now your identity is all out of whack, you know?
00:25:02
Speaker
um And so, man, I really can't pinpoint it to moments. I just, like, i I got moments where I got in trouble, but I think it really wasn't until, there it is, really until I got to high school.
00:25:16
Speaker
that I started to find out who I was, right? I really didn't know. They had a rule in my house or my household growing up that, you know, everybody had to do a year of ROTC, um you know, your freshman year. And so I did that.
00:25:30
Speaker
ROTC was phenomenal. There are some young folks who don't know what ROTC is. Of course. I don't know what it stands for, but basically it's like the military in high school, right? So like it was like Marine Corps Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps. So if you're in high school and your school has a r ROTC program, these are the ones that's walking around on Wednesdays with the uniform.
00:25:54
Speaker
So it's basically like I'm in the military, not boot camp, but it's an actual class. And they kind of prepare you for the military if you want to go that track. And so for me, bro, it taught me leadership. ah It taught me structure, you know, taught me order, taught me a lot of different things.
00:26:08
Speaker
And I was at that school for about two years. So you take what I was learning in r ROTC, the examples that I have from my stepfather, from my uncle, from my grandfather, and it all began to blend itself during this time you know um i always had an outgoing personality i always knew i had a voice of influence i just didn't know how to use it and then by the time i got to my last two years of high school uh man it was a culture shock my first two years i was at a school here in georgia It was a predominantly black school.
00:26:39
Speaker
And then you end up moving to a school in the world side of Georgia, and Northeast Georgia. And I'm one of 13 black students out of 1300 students.
00:26:50
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? Like complete culture shock. um and So because of this, it's not hard to stand out like a sore of thumb, you know, and it was a, it was a blessing and a curse in a sense, but definitely more of a blessing because I saw what it meant to be a leader.
00:27:05
Speaker
people flocking to me, right? I had influence. You can be an influence and not be a leader, you know? And so the influence that I had um in some form or fashion, bro, I just led the best way I knew how, got to college, and college just amplified what was already inside of me.
00:27:23
Speaker
And again, lot of lessons, woo, a lot of them. But, um you know, we here now. Man, that is, that I mean, you said a lot and I think there's so much to the experience that you've had. And one thing that I want to point out that is so beautiful are all the men that you talk about in your life.
00:27:41
Speaker
The men that were there that showed up, that showed you good influence, that were providing for you and and guiding you through life. Like that for me, that was, that was a rare, and my grandfather was there. My grandfather played a huge role in my life. Outside of him, there were very, there were very few um And then, you know, it came, I had to attract that and I had to gravitate toward that outside of the home and things. But I think that's a huge part of of the man that I'm looking at and seeing today.
00:28:10
Speaker
and And something else stands out to me, because I think when you normalize it but for because it was your experience, you don't realize how extraordinary it is. But you said you moved every day from what do you say, five to 15. Yeah, from like age four or five to 15.
00:28:29
Speaker
And you think about that, man, like because some people stay in the same house their entire life until they go to college or until they move out to live their own lives. And the stability and the predictability and the safety and comfort in that versus there's something new.
00:28:47
Speaker
There's something new to learn. There's something new to adapt to. There's something new that you got to, you know, there's fear on the other side of that. And how there is also grief. I'm sure some of those places you like me, love these dudes over here means that I got this this room that I got like all of that, man. Like, do you do you ever have you ever reflected on just those periods of time of the move and what that meant?
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah, this is my mom would always tell me, keep asking why until you get to the root. in I say that because I've come to identify that a lot of people, when people act out, right? Or if you hit nerve, it's never surface level. It's always something beneath the surface that is causing them to do this, right? Again, going back to your eight-year-old self.
00:29:34
Speaker
And so for me, excuse me, um during that time in my life, moving every single year, I didn't realize the subconscious toll that it took on me. The you know instability, right?
00:29:47
Speaker
um My parents were entrepreneurs before it was popular to be an entrepreneur, right? Started their business in 2008 in the middle of a recession. You know, my dad got, you know, he married my mom. He moved down to Georgia with his his three kids and he had a job lined up and it fell through.
00:30:04
Speaker
Right. And so immediately my mom lost her job and they had to kind of figure something out um to supply for five kids. Right. In 2008. And so, you know, there were times where, OK, you know, it's business. There's some seasons where business is cool and we OK, you know, but there were also times like I remember in 2009 watching the people from Aaron's Rent-A-Center come into our house and I'm asking my mom why they taking the TV away. Right. why are they taking the couch away?
00:30:32
Speaker
And all five of kids are just looking and watching these people come take ourself, right? I remember for years eating nothing but chicken and rice every day. Because my mom would get a big bag of chicken and a bag of rice with nothing but a dollar. And we're eating that for a week straight.
00:30:46
Speaker
And people would look at my family and be like man, all your kids is skinny. Like, you just, you just you know, y'all just fit nah. We hungry. know what I'm saying? Like, no, we wasn't going to bed hungry, but we couldn't have these.
00:31:00
Speaker
Bro, I grew up thinking IHOP, Waffle House, Red Lobster, Denny's. I'm thinking these are high-class restaurants because I never got to go.
00:31:10
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? And so, you know, yeah even going to McDonald's, yeah kids getting Happy Meals, kids getting Big Mac Meals, they would literally pull up and say, do you want a chicken or beef? That's what they would say.
00:31:24
Speaker
And you would either get a McChicken or McDouble. That's it. Ain't no fry. ain't no tea it's just that and good night right because they were entrepreneurs and so for me though on the outward it's easy for me to talk to people because i've had to meet so many different people and then not just that it's a blessing because i lived in the hood i lived across the street from blood gang members right i'd have been in the trenches i'd have been in the suburbs right i'd have been in beautiful communities i'd have been in the country i'd I done been in the city, right? So I've been all over the place and I've learned how to be all things to all people.
00:31:58
Speaker
But it wasn't until I got about 22, 23, maybe even 21, when I started to really start to see success for myself and say, okay, now, Stevon, You've done what you need to do. You in college, like you got all these awards.
00:32:11
Speaker
Now it's time to provide for yourself. And that's where I started to identify that I had a subconscious issue because there was a glass ceiling on my mindset. And I said, oh my goodness, I grew up in a household where my mama didn't make more than 40,000 a year.
00:32:25
Speaker
I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. Yeah, it affected everything that I did. I had a good commission job. I was working at State Farm. They loved me when I was in ah college.
00:32:35
Speaker
they They wanted to bring me on full time, but I had to make some pivots. And I was and then I went through a season where God told me to leave my job at State Farm and focus on the business of speaking, bro. And I remember there was a time I started getting complacent.
00:32:48
Speaker
It wasn't nothing wrong. I just knew my season was up and I couldn't I wouldn't get sales no more. Like I just I was I was in a funk. So I said, OK, boom, I didn't hit 40,000 there.
00:32:59
Speaker
Started working for a company for years, never hit 40,000 there. And now here I am in my entrepreneurial journey. And I'm just now in a place where I'm breaking the limiting mindsets because year ago,
00:33:11
Speaker
I remember asking God, if you let if you allow me to get a check for XYZ, I believe it's possible for me. yeah I know I got the gift. I know I got the talent. But here's where it gets vulnerable, bro.
00:33:23
Speaker
Because eight-year-old Stevon did not believe that he was worthy enough for somebody to pay him for his gift. And so I'm walking through life on it, bro. I know I um know all these great things. Cool.
00:33:37
Speaker
Right. I'm struggling even with myself when I present my gift because I don't even know if I'm worried about a worthy of it. And then go a step further. If you tell me no, I internalize.
00:33:48
Speaker
Yep. Even though it's just business. um business but because i had that limiting belief bro it it affected everything that i did man and so it took some time man to really get over that bro you have so much insight and i'm proud of you i'm proud of you for the work that you've done because that doesn't come easy to be able to know yourself in that way and to be able to to understand those subconscious beliefs to where they become conscious and that you can start to make different decisions based off of what the past has told you. Those narratives that you've been that been written in your brain that, man, in order to be an entrepreneur, you got to struggle. Your kids going to have to eat chicken and beef. Your kids have to eat chicken and rice the rest of the week. And like that was that was a ah ah narrative that was written.
00:34:38
Speaker
Right. Because they they started entrepreneurship in a very difficult time to start entrepreneurship. right and so that had to be changed in your life and you had to see something different and you had to create something different and you're doing that bro and i love to hear that because like the the the world of speaking i resonate with so much of your story by the way like like from from being one of very few students at a private school uh where you know black black students at a private school where most of the students were white so man i remember in the summertime
00:35:09
Speaker
Like when we didn't have school lunch, cause we just out, I would get the receipts. I would tell people, give me a receipt from Burger King, because if you call Burger King, fill out the survey and then put the little code on the back, you get a free Whopper.
00:35:21
Speaker
And so free Whopper, I'm eating Whoppers all summer long. Cause that's, that was free. and And, so like, I resonate with so much of your story and then how you moved around.
00:35:32
Speaker
And I think there's something there's a lot of tragedy and grief and in in in moving when you're being stripped away. And I got a question I want to ask you about that later. um And when you when you lose all these different things and different parts of what you've known, um but also, you know how to relate to so many people.
00:35:51
Speaker
I think the thing that I don't have that you have is that the rule piece. I've been around so many urban areas and different people in urban settings, but the rural piece, and I'm headed down to Florida next week and in rural counties, and i've I've been down there before, but it's a different world for me.
00:36:08
Speaker
It's world that I hadn't experienced. And so it's it's beautiful to hear you take so many lessons from the life that you live, get the awareness that you have around these self-limiting beliefs and start to break through those, man. I love that. Thank you, bro.
00:36:24
Speaker
I absolutely love that, man. And and like keep speaking it, like whatever the number is. like so I'm going to be very transparent. i don't usually talk about like numbers, but had...
00:36:36
Speaker
i had this goal when I first started my business, i was like, right, this is going to help me sustain to where I don't, I'm not strong. I started a wealth management business, managing investments for other people.
00:36:47
Speaker
was like, I need to know, I need this one number so that I can sustain, just, just like get my base and be cool. And I put it down on a piece of paper and i'm like, I need $5 million dollars in assets under management. That doesn't mean $5 million dollars are coming to me. That means managing $5 million dollars of other people money. I get a fraction of that.
00:37:05
Speaker
Right. And so i was like, i need five million dollars in assets under management from one client. I wanted it from one client. And don't you know, within the next three months, that five million dollars showed up. And I'm like, all right, let me keep writing numbers down. Let me keep up right here.
00:37:20
Speaker
Right. And the same thing with the speaking business. I wrote down a number that I wanted. I said, $10,000. I want one for one speaking engagement. yep And, you know, it was some, some things coming in. It was some, some contracts that was like, oh, so close lost.
00:37:33
Speaker
So, and then don't you know that 10 came? Don't you know 15 came? but Don't you know, at this point, 25 is coming and I'll keep, going to keep on going Right. and And it's all about you knowing your worth, because what I hear from you, i don't care how old you are, 22, 25. And people always like, because I look young, I'm a little bit older than you, but I look young. And so people like, what can this younger person tell me? And that all already tells me about their mindset. Right.
00:37:58
Speaker
You've already told me about your mindset. If you don't think you can gain something from this younger person because of age, like yeah already, we already defined like experience creates the wisdom. That's right.
00:38:09
Speaker
And so. Like, man, keep writing, keep growing. And you're... I'm so excited for you, man. And I cannot wait to share a stage with you. I cannot wait to to go back and forth with you and and all of that, man. It's so beautiful, man. It's so beautiful.
00:38:25
Speaker
my brother I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you as well, man. Yeah, bro. I knew when I met you that first time, I was like, yeah, nah, there's something different about you. um And not even just stage present, man, but, you know,
00:38:38
Speaker
being in our 20s right being younger individuals whatever the case may be um but understanding that like you said our age ain't got nothing to do with it our mindset because you can be 80 years old but still got the mindset of a 16 year old you know what saying um and i'm i'm just in that point where bro like when you talk about like the eye your shopping's eye right wanting to be connected to people where it's reciprocal relationships. So, you know, I'm gleaning information from you, but at the same time, you gleaning information from me. You know what saying? Just to really build each other up, bro.
00:39:09
Speaker
Like that, that's all I'm about. So man, even to hear your success, bro, to see what you're doing, bro. Yeah. Much love to you, man. I appreciate you, man. Right back at you, bro. and And before we switch over, because i would I do want to talk about success. about I want to touch on one other point because you said you lost 60 pounds, but you also said that you were skinny, skinny. Your family was skinny.
00:39:30
Speaker
Oh, I'm so glad we' talking about this. Oh, man. kept Catch me. so So there was a period in time where things shifted, right? The rice and the chicken changed and you got to some some bread maybe or you got to some different meals.
00:39:43
Speaker
I got to some bread, but it wasn't the money bread. a but Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. So you you you gained some weight and and what what was that period of life like? So Reggie, man, going into my sophomore year.
00:39:57
Speaker
No, my junior year of high school, right? and So I'm 17, 16, and we just got to the new school. Matter of fact, i and I got a job before I even got to the school, right? So this is February of 2017.
00:40:13
Speaker
16, almost 10 years ago, right? And um we pull up to this McDonald's. My dad says, I talked to the owner, you know, hey, you know, if you want to work there, like they they'll hire you.
00:40:23
Speaker
So I go in there, i apply, I get the job. Cool, great. Here's the problem, Reggie. I've always been a kid where like greediness with food. Right. I just eat. My mom used to call me grab garbage disposal because I eat, e e e eat, eat, eat.
00:40:38
Speaker
But subconsciously, I'm used to be in an environment where you don't have abundance. Right. So, of course, I'm going to eat. So I go from hear me, Reggie, only getting the McDouble when we go to McDonald's.
00:40:51
Speaker
I remember there was a time where we came out of family therapy and because my parents said we did good, they got air everybody a McDouble, a small fry, and a sweet tea. You know what I'm saying? That was a cream of the crop, right?
00:41:05
Speaker
Now you mean to tell me I'm working at McDonald's. And I get food for 50% off. And now I got money in my pocket. yeah Reggie, I went bonkers.
00:41:16
Speaker
I was eating Everything. And then by the time I came like a little junior manager and I found out I got food for free. Oh, bro. No. No. No.
00:41:27
Speaker
And so, bro, I gained. I was 135 pounds when I got to Habersham. And I probably left Habersham around about 260. Whoa, bad, bro. And that money, maybe 260, 270, bro.
00:41:43
Speaker
Two years straight, nothing but McDonald's every day. I got some money in my pocket and I'm not understanding why I like eating so much. I just know that I'm doing it.
00:41:54
Speaker
um And it wasn't until more recently, bro, that I realized it ain't even me eating for right now. It's almost like I'm trying to make up from all them times that I couldn't do it then.
00:42:07
Speaker
There were times, bro, even to like, this is a still something I got to fight to this day because there are moments where I may not even be hungry, but subconsciously your brain is saying, but Stevon at six didn't get to do it. So go do. You know what I'm saying?
00:42:20
Speaker
Even though it don't do nothing for him, it affects me now. Like that's how that still plays in, bro. And so I um got up to 270 my freshman year and I kind of stayed there for a couple of years, maybe got up to 280. And in 2021,
00:42:35
Speaker
have found this girl that I really liked. And I had tried working out before, but never stayed consistent with it, right? And i found this girl that I was really like, I really liked and we hit it off, things were good.
00:42:47
Speaker
And she played me, bro, played me. Bro, I was down bad. from may till august maybe september i lost like 50 pounds right but i thought it was discipline this was the first time i ever had worked off weight like that i'm in the gym twice a day i'm barely eating but i remember bro reggie man i'm in the gym telling myself i'll never let another girl make me feel like how she made me feel right and think about it bro in the in the Community of men, it's an ongoing joke.
00:43:20
Speaker
You can go on Instagram right now and see somebody get played, see somebody get cheated on. I guarantee you, bro, you're going see somebody in the comments that's going to say, well, I'll see you in the gym in the morning.
00:43:31
Speaker
We know like if something happens to us, we got to boss up. We got to be that dude. So going to to the gym and outwardly like we're going to put this muscle alone on. But here's what's crazy. A lot of people are physically stronger than Jim, but emotionally they weak because they never addressed it.
00:43:48
Speaker
Yeah. And bro, that was me. And so what ended up happening, in bro, is I got back into a relationship with a nice young lady at the time and all that discipline I thought I had, weight.
00:44:01
Speaker
And I gained more weight than I did the first time. I probably got, it bro, out I got up to like 3.30, man. Like in no time, right? And so it wasn't until I was like, all right, boom, really ah December of 2021,
00:44:17
Speaker
Three, that I said, all right, Brian, I got to have a conversation with myself, you know, because if ain't nothing going to tell you the truth, them off guard pictures going to tell you the truth. And it's because I didn't even know where, how big I had gotten, you know, um and everybody around me for the most part was pretty much like,
00:44:35
Speaker
you good. Like you, Stevon, right? That's where we see you That's how we see you. Yeah, exactly. But I wanted to be my best self, man. And so I'm not where I want to be, but I've gained so much in discipline. I've gained so much in consistency. I've gained so much in knowledge, bro.
00:44:50
Speaker
And so that's why i said it's still a battle. It is still a battle. I'm still learning even now. to make sure that, okay, as I get more fluent, as I get more resources, more income, more stability, I'm not making decisions based off of what Stevon at five needs, but I'm making a decision that Stevon at 42 gonna be proud that Stevon at 25 handled his business.
00:45:12
Speaker
Man.
00:45:15
Speaker
That allows for words because I've seen, i hear the discipline, I hear the commitment to yourself and the commitment to loving yourself a lot better. And and i I have not.
00:45:28
Speaker
I haven't gained weight in my life. That's just my metabolism, my body, my my genetics and things. But I noticed my my habits with food. And like similar to what you said, like I could sit there and be full, but I'm going to finish everything on this plate. And I may even go and get some more stuff because it was that scarcity mindset that I don't know when that next meal gonna come in. This right here tastes real good. And i'm I'm not, I rarely ever got to go boxes. Everything's gone. I'm clear.
00:45:54
Speaker
And it wasn't until last year where I really brought some awareness around. And I was like, I want to intentionally, whether I'm hungry or not, leave something on my plate. Know that I'm in a different place where it's not the same mindset that I had when I was younger.
00:46:09
Speaker
And so that's what I try to do now, like whether or not I'm leaving something on that plate. And it's it's a privilege to do that. It's an absolute privilege to do that. And I recognize that. So if you're not in that place to be able to do that, I get that.
00:46:22
Speaker
But a lot of folks, we are in different places than we were were when we grew up or in past periods in life. And maybe the privilege and the the honor that you give to yourself is leaving some of that food right there and honoring yourself.
00:46:36
Speaker
So, man, thank you for that, bro. That helped me. that What you just said was really good because it it consistently challenges yourself to say, And those are the moments that we need, because again that don't speak to me right now.
00:46:48
Speaker
That speaks to me back then saying, bro, you're good. Yeah. Yeah. like end of Like, yeah, you're good. So you help me with that, man. Thank you. Sure, man. And I'm gonna probably get this term wrong, but Hari Hachi Bu.
00:47:01
Speaker
It's a Japanese term that means eat until you're 80 percent full. Right eat up until you're 80% full and then let that be the new norm for full. because We get full and we get the itis and we get sluggish and like that's our bodies doing too much to process that to digest that and that's slowing down a lot of the metabolism, a lot of a lot of things are being affected when we have to do that our organs are working too hard.
00:47:26
Speaker
And so if you can get to that point of 80% full. It ain't bloated. It ain't, man, know like it's not that. It's just like, okay, i'm um um my hunger has been satisfied.
00:47:38
Speaker
Yeah. Let me move on. Like that is a place where there is a, it's a much more healthier form of eating. it's I hope that like, man, if that speaks to anybody, right. Slowing down so that you recognize tapping into yourself. I am satisfied. My hunger is not there where where it was before we, where I started eating.
00:47:55
Speaker
And then going from there, I think is a, is a, a healthier place, hopefully for somebody out there. So, um, Man, thank you for that, man. I needed to reflect on that. Oh, man, thank you, brother.
00:48:07
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. you you you You spoke about success, and i'm I'm curious. I used to ask this question in interviews to folks when I was you know seeking jobs and things like that.
00:48:18
Speaker
How do you, Stefan, how do you define success?
00:48:24
Speaker
Man, I think success is... all
00:48:29
Speaker
They can be perceived in different ways. You know, I don't think there's a picky cutaway to say what success is because what success to me can be different from what success is to you. Right. but What is it for you?
00:48:40
Speaker
i would say for me, bro. It's a good question, man. i would say being able to look back at your frame of work, being able to look at the effort that you be that you put in and being pleased with the result that you got.
00:48:56
Speaker
you I think that's success. Not even necessarily. I'm goal oriented. So I want to have a metric. I want to have a KPI. want to have a number that I reach.
00:49:07
Speaker
um But we know life. And that it don't always work out like that. you You can do the best you can with what you have oh and not hit it. Does that mean you're not successful?
00:49:18
Speaker
Depends on who you talk to. Right. And it it really depends on what you're trying to do, because I do believe that failure is real as well. But I honestly believe that if you can look at your body of work, if you can look at what you've done, the hours you spent, right, the time you invested, the money you invested, right, to reach something.
00:49:36
Speaker
and be satisfied with that and the end goal result, I think that's success. Whether you hit the actual number that you wanted to reach, whatever that is, if you can be satisfied with it and say, okay, I can wake up and going the same thing tomorrow, I think you've reached a level of success.
00:49:52
Speaker
i Yeah, yeah, I like that. That reminds me of, ah I used to, i I love reading biographies and Steve Jobs, he, I think when he had been with Apple, then he left Apple, went to company Next and then and I think he was a Pixar for a minute, it came back to Apple, but like, ah he said, like even in his early career, he's like, he would look himself in the mirror and ask, are you excited about the work that you're about to do today?
00:50:21
Speaker
And if the answer was no more times than yes, like, I think he gave himself like, let's call it three no's. Like if three no's happened in a row, he just left. Yeah. Imagine being the CEO of a company like Apple early in the early, you know, times of Apple and saying, I'm not excited about this. Bye.
00:50:38
Speaker
yeah Like, but, but that is, as that is, that's searching for, for what brings you peace and satisfaction and enjoyment in the work, in the work that you're doing, because we, We're going to be working. We're going to be doing some but form of service or something for other folks and in in this life and to enjoy that.
00:50:55
Speaker
yeah and And I remember I've challenged success, the the the definition, the the ways in which we perceive it. I've challenged that a lot over my life because I, at a young age, reached you know the pinnacle of success, especially coming from you know where I came from and you know getting to that place and then still being miserable, still being haunted by the past, still being haunted by my trauma and not understanding it, not knowing it.
00:51:27
Speaker
And and i had to to look at write the metrics. like i was I was getting the metrics. I was getting the the house, the the the car, the family. the All of that was was... I was checking the box on so much of that, but my well-being, my mental health was trash.
00:51:44
Speaker
And it's like, what is all this? This ain't success. Like if if success leads me to a panic attack, laying on the ground, like hating the feeling that I feel in my body, then I'm not successful, not successful.
00:51:57
Speaker
Like I was suffering successfully in silence. I was suffering successfully in silence. And and I'm putting successfully in quotations in that because If my well-being is being sacrificed, then I don't view that as success. And so in any definition of success, I make sure that my mental, emotional well-being is prioritized in that as well.
00:52:22
Speaker
And so like, I just, I just, I wanted to share that with you because we do get caught up in, in chasing the numbers and chasing the goal and chasing ah the status even. and sometimes we just got to reflect on like, but does this make me happier? Does this make me more fulfilled in life?
00:52:40
Speaker
Yeah, that I completely agree. um I completely agree, man. You know, Therapy has been a huge piece of the puzzle for me.
00:52:52
Speaker
Right. Learning to be more self-aware, learning how to be, again, just more present. um And somebody told me, bro, it costs you, your piece is too expensive.
00:53:02
Speaker
x And so I'm in that place and space in my life where I'm like, man, whatever I do, like I love what I do for a living. So I know I'm in the right field, you know, that even down to the people that I decide to ah engage with and commune with. I'm like, bro, my pieces, everything, man, you know, and I didn't get it, bro.
00:53:22
Speaker
when they When we were kids and they would say the mind is a terrible thing to waste. And I'd be like, okay, you know, don't go crazy. But when you find yourself in a season where your mind is under attack, there's panic attacks, whether it's stress, whether you're always overwhelmed, whether you're always overstimulated, and you're dog, I can't, like...
00:53:42
Speaker
And especially in the work we do, we got to be sharp. Like our brain got to be sharp. And if that joke ain't sharp, it throw everything off. You know what I'm saying? And so being able to say, would rather, is going to sound crazy.
00:53:57
Speaker
I would rather struggle a little bit and have peace. to have it all and my mind not be sharp. Oh, absolutely. Outrack struggle to have peace because I know I can figure it out because my mind is sharp.
00:54:10
Speaker
Then be at the top and I'm good, bro. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. And I... like Oh man, that makes me think, and I'm trying to be sensitive around it because, you know, a person has family, but one of my mentors was, i would i would consider him at the top of success in the traditional sense, financially, Black entrepreneur in the city, Nashville, like killing it, like doing things that are unimaginable.
00:54:39
Speaker
And in his 50s, died by suicide. And it's like, oh man, like like here I am young, growing up, like trying to figure out my own path in my life and what I want out of it. And I wanted to emulate so much of what he did, but it parts of that came at a sacrifice to his own mental wellbeing.
00:55:05
Speaker
yeah And it it breaks my heart to know that that that was what success what was pitched that success for him was get to the top of this while sacrificing youre yourself in that way and it so it breaks my heart and I mean like condolences always to his family and the love that i have for him and them and it's just like i don't i don't want that for anybody i got like i like you if you made a billion dollars but you are brokenhearted and miserable like i don't want that for you like like there's a balance there there's a balance there yeah uh man before we close out i got another i got another segment just fill in the blank
00:55:55
Speaker
And you let me know. Again, the first thing that comes to mind, short or long, ah vulnerability makes me feel blank. Present. I don't know why i say present, but I've been on a pursuit, bro.
00:56:11
Speaker
You ever meet somebody and you be like, I can tell you centered. like I can tell you um tell you're here in the moment. right And there's a peace that comes with that.
00:56:22
Speaker
And I think It's that vulnerability is self-aware go hand in hand for me. And I believe if I'm self-aware, then I could be more present. So that's what I would say. Right.
00:56:34
Speaker
It's like Lao Tzu said, he's a Chinese philosopher. He's like, if you're living in the past, you are depressed. You're living in the future, you're anxious. But if you're living in the present, you're at peace.
00:56:47
Speaker
So I love that, man. I like that too, man. My biggest superpower is blank. my vulnerability.
00:56:58
Speaker
And if I ever have the opportunity to speak, bro, I tell them I put my business out there.
00:57:06
Speaker
Ain't nothing you can do to me about it. You know what I'm saying? Like it has already happened. And here's what I realized, man. This is why i don't get caught up on any mistakes that I've made, but any struggles that I've had to go through.
00:57:18
Speaker
When you get past the point of thinking about yourself, It ain't about you. when you When you call, when you special, when you got something on your life, what you go through ain't got nothing to do with you.
00:57:30
Speaker
o You know I'm saying? You said yes to the excitement. So you heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes. But wear that joke a whale. Like, you know i'm saying? And so I realized, man, that I got to put my business out there because if I go speak out of school, at a church, at whatever, you naturally don't think I got it all figured out.
00:57:50
Speaker
You're naturally going to think that I've never made a mistake because I'm up here. Right. And you're only going to assume they put the best of the best. So let me walk you through some of the mistakes that I've made so that I know me and you on the same page.
00:58:03
Speaker
Prime example. I was talking to a student yesterday. He got he got trouble at school for vaping. They suspended my man for 10 days. It's my first time meeting him. But his mom reached out to me and was kind of telling me some things like two weeks ago about his behavior and some of the mistakes he's been making.
00:58:19
Speaker
was like, okay, I've been meaning to get with this young man, but now it finally happened. Reggie, I'm passionate, but I don't get mad. I found myself getting mad talking to this young man, not because he vaped. I ain't tripping on that.
00:58:30
Speaker
We can handle that. I caught myself getting frustrated because he was the oldest boy out of three kids. So I said, number one, your brothers are looking up to you. I'm the oldest boy out of three.
00:58:41
Speaker
So i we resonate there. Your dad not in your life. My dad wasn't in my life. We resonate there. So there's a standard that I need you to step with. So instead of me lecturing your head off, like all these other adults is going do, let me walk you through some of the dumb stuff that I did. So, you know, we got a common ground.
00:58:58
Speaker
So, you know, i'm not fussing at you. I'm not even speaking to you right now, but I'm speaking life into the man you will become one day because I ain't going give up on I don't care about, bro, yes, I'm the youth pastor, but yep, I done did some dumb stuff. Let's talk about it.
00:59:12
Speaker
I done did when you been. ain't got caught vaping. That ain't my cup of tea, but there's some other stuff that I probably, you know i'm saying? Like just young and dumb so I can have that conversation. And by the time we left, he about ready to cry, but they're not because I yelled at him, but because I tugged at his heart.
00:59:28
Speaker
But by the end of the night, met Meet him homeboys. Boy just met me last night and was attached to my hip because there's that connection there. So I think so highly of myself that I got to pull a wall up.
00:59:41
Speaker
Man, tear the wall down. I'm to let y'all in so that you can get healed. Man, that's what vulnerability muscle is all about, bro. yeah That's what vulnerability muscle is all about. Flexing our vulnerability muscle because it allows us to heal.
00:59:54
Speaker
Like there's feeling in you saying, man, I was the oldest boy and I was making mistakes. So I'm talking to little part of me when I'm talking to you, but I'm also speaking to future you and and things. Oh man, it helps us heal and it helps us heal others, man.
01:00:07
Speaker
Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Man, if I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be Stefan Blank.
01:00:17
Speaker
Everything's going be okay. Simple. Everything's going be okay. Yes. Yeah. yeah Everything's going to be okay. Yeah.
01:00:29
Speaker
I love it. You got be it, man. I got one. up I need help with blank. oh um
01:00:41
Speaker
Balance. Get it out of my own way. and trust, right? Because, you know, I had a conversation with bishop yesterday and I told him, and this stems back to my younger self.
01:00:56
Speaker
I said, bishop, I got some big decisions that I got to make in front of me, you know, um but I'm a little fearful and I'm not, I'm not fearful of, you know, like anything, but it's more or less, what if I make the wrong decision?
01:01:11
Speaker
You know, like people talk about like marriage and things of that nature. Bro, it's a beautiful thing. Yes. But you got know you're making the right decision when you step into that. You know I'm saying? Like you got to know that you know this is that. And it's like.
01:01:28
Speaker
I've had experiences in my childhood where. But I'm talking about it'll be something where they say, Stevon, can you go grab the remote? You go grab my purse.
01:01:38
Speaker
And it would be the craziest thing. I would just always overlook it. Like I'd be and I'd be looking hard and it could be right in front of me and I just won't see it. Right. I'm a clumsy. I was a clumsy kid.
01:01:49
Speaker
So when my dad and my brother, they're building something right. ah They already know I can't come around because I'm clumsy. Right. And at first it didn't bother me, but even bro, this was like a year and a half ago. Right.
01:02:03
Speaker
And I love my dad to death. I get why he was doing it. So i'm not tripping, but it hit my younger core because we went to Oklahoma to go see my family and they were putting like a couch together. And I was like, okay i like I'm grown now. And my dad was like, nah, nah, just stay in the house. Like, nah, na nah, nah.
01:02:19
Speaker
And I'm like, dang, I get why he's saying it because I've always been, but I'm like, dang, I'm 25 or 24 or 23. You still think that I'm still. And so what I've come to learn over the last two months is all of that uncertainty, all of those moments have created a distrust in myself when it comes to making big decisions.
01:02:41
Speaker
And so now because I have that distrust, it affects how I navigate. So I feel like I um need a thousand and 1% confirmation before I do something, or I'll self-sabotage and I'll just result back to myself.
01:02:55
Speaker
And i'm I'm quick to be like, I'm good. I'll figure it out by myself. That may work at 25, but that's not to work at 67 because I don't want to live the life of I've pushed everybody away that tried to get close to me because I was afraid that I was going mess it up.
01:03:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And it may work at 67, but it ain't going to work to get you to that goal that you have to help all those people that you want to get to. Yeah. Like you are deserving of the greatest things that life has to offer. The vision that you have for yourself and something that is...
01:03:26
Speaker
outside of your realm of possibilities right now is yours and you deserve that and and and you have done so much work and i can hear it through the words but you've been in therapy you've been healing yourself and you begin to know yourself and i freaking love that man like doing that keep pointing to you in that way and and and those those barriers those limiting beliefs those things you'll start to strip those away and they'll still be around at times And I hope you lean on me. I hope you lean on your community to to help lift you up through that because you got power and potential in you, bro. It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.
01:04:02
Speaker
Man, I... it was That's a good conversation. I cannot like I can't even put too many words to it. But are there any final thoughts, any burning things that you want to get off your chest? Any last words you want to say to the audience?
01:04:17
Speaker
Bro, this is what I just say to everybody. But I want everybody to hear me say this to you, bro. Thank you for your yes. Right. Again, from one person to another that does this type of work ah to help other people.
01:04:29
Speaker
They see what we do, but they don't understand the cost that it comes with. you know um and so bro especially with a message that you have where you have flex your vulnerability muscle like that comes twofold because number one you got to be mentally strong enough to want to show people yo your your you know saying your vulnerability muscle but then also you know you go to the gym it takes reps to build muscle so that's and and bro those oh people go to these bodybuilding shows just to watch people flex.
01:05:03
Speaker
But when they're in the gym training, right behind the scenes, nobody's there to see it, but that's how this is for you where bro, you've been doing years of this work, bro, ah to get to a place where now,
01:05:15
Speaker
you can tap into things that happened in your childhood, even in adulthood, right? And be in a place where I don't have to cover it up. I don't have to, like, my younger self knows, nah, we okay. Like, we're good. Like, I can do this because, again, it ain't about me, but it's about the people that can get healed through the story in me, bro. So, man, I just appreciate you.
01:05:36
Speaker
i would just tell everybody again, don't be so focused on how far you got to go that you don't appreciate how far you've come. And I think if you keep that gratitude, ah in your back pocket, man, sky's the sky a limit for you.
01:05:47
Speaker
yeah Yes, yes, yes, man. I want to leave it at that. Stefan, how can people contact you? How can they reach you if they want to book you for speaking or anything else? Yeah, man. I am Stefan Lester on all things. My website
01:06:06
Speaker
And man, it's the same on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, the whole nine, man. We like to keep it consistent on this side. So I'm excited to see what we can make happen. absolutely y'all please tap in y'all this brother got wisdom and this man i i look up to him like i look up to him so this is this is a a gem that you'll bring in so man stefan want to tell you one everything's gonna be okay ain't gonna be all right man and all the things that you could be doing all the places you could be i appreciate you being here with me bracing vulnerability bro man thank you for having me bro extremely grateful for brother
01:06:44
Speaker
Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
01:07:01
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
01:07:17
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
01:07:28
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability.