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060 - Living with Cancer, Leading with Purpose: The Four Truths That Keep Terry Tucker Going
15 Plays7 days ago
In this powerful and deeply moving episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Terry Tucker—former SWAT hostage negotiator, Division I college basketball player, motivational speaker, and 13-year cancer warrior. Terry shares his extraordinary journey of surviving a rare form of melanoma that led to the amputation of his foot and leg, and how that adversity revealed his life's true purpose.
Terry opens up about his career transitions—from business executive to police officer and hostage negotiator—detailing how his father’s expectations and his own calling led him to follow his purpose later in life. He introduces us to his personal philosophy called the Four Truths, including:
- Control your mind or your mind will control you.
- Embrace the pain and use it to grow stronger.
- What you leave behind is what you weave into the hearts of others.
- As long as you don’t quit, you can never be defeated.
This episode goes beyond surface-level inspiration. Reggie and Terry dive deep into the psychology of vulnerability, how empathy was key to Terry's success as a negotiator, the neuroscience of communication (the 7-38-55 rule), and how faith, family, and friends sustained him through his darkest days. Terry also shares practical tools from his book Sustainable Excellence, including how to reframe suffering and align with your purpose.
Whether you’re facing physical, emotional, or spiritual challenges, this episode will leave you feeling empowered to take control of your mindset and embrace your own journey.
Contact Info:
Website & Blog: motivationalcheck.com
Book: Sustainable Excellence: Ten Principles to Leading Your Uncommon and Extraordinary Life
Recommended
Transcript
Reggie's Journey to True Calling
00:00:00
Speaker
One of the things I'm most proud of in my life is that I never let my dream die. I knew I was going to do it at some point in time, but I could have said, hey, I was a hospital administrator at the time. You what?
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm making good money. This is a good job. I'm just going to do that. But I gave all that up, certainly with the support and encouragement of my family, to do what I felt was in my heart that God wanted me to do.
00:00:22
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:40
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:55
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to this episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford.
Introducing Terry Tucker
00:01:05
Speaker
Today I have with me Terry Tucker.
00:01:07
Speaker
Terry is an author, speaker, and podcast guest on the topics of motivation, mindset, and self-development. He has a business administration degree from the Citadel, where he played the Division I college basketball, and a master's degree from Boston University.
00:01:23
Speaker
Among his diverse professional roles, Terry has been a marketing executive, ah hospital administrator a swat hostage negotiate negotiator a business owner and for the past 13 years a cancer warrior oh wow which saw the amputation of his foot in 2018 and his leg in 2020 he is the author of the book sustainable excellence 10 principles to leading your uncommon and extraordinary life and a featured author in the book Perspectives on Cancer, Stories of Healing, Hope, and Resilience.
Terry's Diverse Background
00:01:55
Speaker
Terry has been published in ah Authority, Thrive Global, and Human Capital Leadership magazines, along with being quoted and highlightd and highlighted in the books Your Blueprint for Purpose by John Kreekmer and Audaciousness, Your Journey to Living a Bold and Authentic Life by Marable Ortega and Helen Strong.
00:02:16
Speaker
Y'all, this man right here, i cannot wait for y'all to get to know Terry a little bit better. How you doing, Terry? i am great, Reggie. Thanks for having me on. I'm really looking forward to talking with you today I'm so excited as well. And I just, the energy that I sense already on this call, i'm I'm really excited to get deeper into your story and hear a little bit about the work that you do.
00:02:39
Speaker
um But i want to I just want to open it up with, how is your heart? How's your heart? How is my heart? My heart is open. and And I am not an individual that shares. I'm i'm a i'm very keep it close to the best and things like that. And when I started you know doing podcasts,
00:03:01
Speaker
I realized that if you wanted if if you want credibility, you had to be able to walk the walk in addition to talking the talk. And so opening myself up was very hard for me.
00:03:15
Speaker
I mean, Reggie, my first podcast, I had started a speaking business, COVID hit, and a friend of mine reached out and said, Terry, would you like to be a guest on my podcast? And I said, sure, what's a podcast?
00:03:27
Speaker
I had no idea what a podcast was. And Reggie, I was terrible. I mean, I had post-it notes all over the camera. He would ask me a question. I'd lean in, I'd read one of the post-it notes.
00:03:38
Speaker
I provided no value to the audience whatsoever. But I liked it. I liked the medium. I liked doing that. And it was, you know, I thought back the first time I drove a car, i wasn't any good at it. You know, the first time I cooked a meal, I think I burned the water. You know, the first time I studied algebra, I wasn't good at it.
00:03:56
Speaker
But i wanted to get good at it. So it was it was a process that i realized I had to open my heart in addition to talking about the things I'd experienced in my life.
00:04:07
Speaker
Wow. I love that. I love that so much. And I can just imagine all the post-it notes everywhere and like the questions they may ask, let me get them in order, like all of that. It's so real. It's so real. and And I think like, so I don't send out questions beforehand because I don't know where the conversation is going.
00:04:26
Speaker
and so like and i And I think that that is that is vulnerable, just to to see where it ends up and to let it be raw. ah Nothing is edited. it just It just comes out. And so I hope that you feel comfortable in where we end up and that you know that this is just two humans talking and and there might be some other folks that hear it on the other end.
00:04:46
Speaker
But ah before we get deeper into it, I have a segment called What Comes to Mind. So you let me know the first thing that you think of. Okay. What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
Value of Vulnerability and Social Connections
00:05:00
Speaker
the Openness, you know laying it out there saying, you know what, i i will be vulnerable, i will be open to you because I want that connection.
00:05:13
Speaker
And that for me, especially at this point in my life, as I'm probably coming on in all honesty towards the end of my life, I want that connection. There's a there's a professor, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago who does this experiment with his students.
00:05:28
Speaker
And the idea is you go out you get on a bus and in three questions, you go deep with somebody. So you sit down next to somebody, hey, how are you doing? I'm fine, how are you? That's question one. And I'm just making this up.
00:05:39
Speaker
Question two, what do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a doctor. Okay, question three, have you always wanted to be a doctor? Reggie, it doesn't matter what they say. They could say, no, I grew up on a farm and I wanted to be a veterinarian, but X, Y, and Z happened. Or no, I didn't want to be a doctor, but my mother was a doctor and died of breast cancer at 40. And I wanted to follow in her footsteps and honor her.
00:06:01
Speaker
Whatever they tell you, now they're telling you their why, their mission, their purpose in life. And social media lets us stay on the top, stay the surface. We don't go deep with people.
00:06:13
Speaker
And I think that's what vulnerability is all about. it's It's opening yourself up to say, you may not agree with me. You may not like me. But you know what? This is me and who I am. And I'd like to give it to you.
00:06:23
Speaker
And hopefully you can give you can give that to me as well. And you and I, I think have done that just in the few minutes we've known each other. I feel that a hundred percent. and and And I think another level like layer of vulnerability is recognizing that whether you agree or like me or not, like I still love me.
00:06:42
Speaker
And so I'm going to still let that shine and I'm going to keep my heart open and I'm going to communicate. So I absolutely love that. Wow. Thank you, Terry. Sure. Well, What do you do to center yourself and ground yourself if you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed or maybe even depressed?
00:06:58
Speaker
I pray. I have a very strong faith in God. And I pray on those times. And and I've been. And we may talk about this through my cancer journey through like, I am, I'm done.
00:07:09
Speaker
I'm, I'm totally depleted mentally, physically, emotionally. I'm done, God, you know, I can't do this anymore. So when I get into those situations, my go-to thing is to pray.
00:07:20
Speaker
Yes. So strong. So powerful. Faith is necessary. Wow. I cannot wait to to learn more. What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
00:07:33
Speaker
So I grew up in Chicago, but we spent a little time in Columbus, Ohio. And my my dad and my brothers and I built this. It it wasn't quite a half court basketball court, but it was it was close enough for us.
00:07:48
Speaker
and And it was black topped and it was in our backyard and it had a hoop. And some of the greatest memories are being, you know, my my youngest brother and my dad playing me. I'm the oldest in my middle brother, two on two in that backyard. And sports was such a big part of our lives growing up.
00:08:06
Speaker
I don't have any sisters. I have two brothers and we were all college athletes. And even my my middle brother was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA. So our whole life,
00:08:18
Speaker
centered around sports. I mean, we played football, baseball, basketball until we got older and started to specialize. But it was just those times in the backyard. It wasn't anything, you know, it was just it was just having fun being with the family and and family is faith, family and friends are really what my life has always been about.
00:08:36
Speaker
Wow. Wow. I love that. And I mean, that is so reminiscent of probably not with my siblings and and well, yeah, some of my siblings, but ah hand playing basketball until the sun goes down and now we got to find a light and you're sweating and your bone your body's cramping up. It's like those are some of the best times ever. And then all it took was this little round ball. That's it.
00:09:00
Speaker
yes Yeah. And just a hoop a hoop and a ball. That's all you need. and And basketball is one of those sports where you don't need anybody else. You know, it's not like football or baseball where you got to pass the ball or, the you know, no, it's basketball. You got a ball and a hoop.
00:09:13
Speaker
You can spend as much time as you want. Wow. Wow. Wow. Tell me a little bit more about that. Growing up in Chicago, outside of outside of playing basketball with the fam, like what else? What else inspired you? What else influenced you while you were growing up?
00:09:27
Speaker
I mean, honestly, Reggie, my parents, I mean, my parents used to do what I would call divide and conquer parenting, where, you know, I'd have a game on Thursday night at five o'clock at this location. And my brother would have a practice at five o'clock on Thursday night at that location. So dad's going with me. Mom's going with my brother.
00:09:44
Speaker
And so we were all running in in different directions. But Sunday nights were always the nights where it didn't, you know, there were usually no games, no practices on Sunday. So that was family time. That was we're we're sitting down to a meal together. We're doing all that.
00:10:00
Speaker
And my my parents taught my brothers and i the value, the importance of family, of loving each other, of caring for each other, of supporting each other. And my brothers and I are still close today. We talk all the time on the phone. They both live in Chicago now.
00:10:15
Speaker
And so it's it was just a... You know, my story is not, you know, my dad was an alcoholic and used to beat my mom. and all No, I had a wonderful childhood growing up.
00:10:27
Speaker
And that was provided by my parents because we were their inspiration. They did everything for us. And so as they have gotten, my dad is dead, but my mom is still alive. As they've gotten older, it's like, okay, now it's our turn.
00:10:40
Speaker
to reciprocate it's our turn to help them you know they did so much for us now it's our turn to kind of pay that back so just just being with the family was such a great time growing up yes i love that and i think it's such a testament to to how healthy development occurs when you have two adults who love and and dote on you and and nurture you in that way. And even though there is split time, because now you got this this great athlete right here, this great athlete in person, you know two great people that you got to go and and take
From Business to Law Enforcement
00:11:15
Speaker
care of and run around the city and do all of that. like
00:11:17
Speaker
To feel that love and that support is what, I mean, like this is the energy that it creates and exudes. And i I'm sure that the mindset that that helped you develop growing up has changed has definitely helped you through a lot of the the journey in your life. So I'm grateful for your parents as well. And rest in peace to your pops.
00:11:37
Speaker
Oh, man. Wow. Wow. So take me back. Like you you got you got a story. You got, I mean, from the SWAT hostage negotiator, the speaker, like what stands out to you most? And and what do you want to touch on? Because I think just so much from your background that I think is really interesting.
00:11:55
Speaker
So I kind of give you the back story. If you look at my resume, it kind of looks like a ah Super Bowl went off in a room. You know, it's just kind of all over the place. But there is a backstory. And so my my paternal grandfather, my dad's dad, was a Chicago police officer from 1924 to 1954.
00:12:14
Speaker
And in 1933, he was shot in the line of duty with his own gun. it was not a serious injury. He was shot in the ankle. But my dad, who was an infant at the time, always remembered the stories my grandmother told while he was growing up with that knock on the door of Mrs. Tucker, grab your son, come with us.
00:12:31
Speaker
Your husband's been shot. So when I expressed an interest in sort of following in my grandfather's footsteps, my dad was absolutely not. You're going to college. You're going to major in business. You're going get out, get a great job, get married, have 2.4 kids and live happily ever after.
00:12:46
Speaker
But that's the life my father wanted me to lead. That's not the life I felt I was supposed to lead. So when I graduated from college, I moved home to find a job. And fortunately, I did. I found the job in the corporate headquarters of Wendy's International, the hamburger chain in their marketing department.
00:13:02
Speaker
That was the good news. The bad news was I lived with my parents for the next three and a half years as I helped my mother care for my father and my grandmother who were both dying of different forms of cancer.
00:13:14
Speaker
So Reggie, when I graduated, I kind of had that first major life decision as an adult. I could have said, hey, dad, yeah, I know you're dying. Sorry about that. But I'm going to go do my own thing and blaze my own trail in law enforcement.
00:13:27
Speaker
or out of love and respect for you, I will do what you want me to do. So understanding that backstory, my first two jobs were in business because what my dad wanted me to do.
00:13:38
Speaker
But then at 37, I made that major pivot in my life. And 37 is pretty old to becoming, you know, to be getting into law enforcement, to becoming a cop. But it was my purpose. I knew I was supposed to do it.
00:13:51
Speaker
And I'll be honest with you, I'll end with this. One of the things I'm most proud of in my life is that I never let my dream die. I knew I was gonna do it at some point in time, but I could have said, hey, I was a hospital administrator at time.
00:14:05
Speaker
You know what? I'm making good money. This is a good job. I'm just gonna do that. But I gave all that up, certainly with the support and encouragement of my family to do what I felt was in my heart that God wanted me to do.
00:14:16
Speaker
And so that's really being ah a police officer, being a SWAT hostage negotiator, If you asked me what I did with my life, that's what I would tell you. Yeah. I mean, living in your purpose.
00:14:29
Speaker
There's so much fulfillment in that. And in like, you don't want to get to the end of your life and look back and say, man, what if, what if I had done that? What if I had just pursued that thing that was, was,
00:14:41
Speaker
and burning it was a burning desire at one point i think we as as people you know the child the little kid in us it has a it has a wish it has a a goal and then life starts to say well you have these limitations and like ah you know i'm 5'9 you're not tall enough to play in the nba but there are some other folks that play you know they're they're folks who break through those limitations and live out that purpose and it's like Wow.
00:15:05
Speaker
When you do that, the the fulfillment that you get is so much more than if you go down a path that isn't meant for you. And so I love that you made that pivot, even at 37. And, you know, I mean, you hear the Colonel Sanders story. He's 60 years old when he started KFC. And it's like you there's it's never too late.
00:15:26
Speaker
It's never. It isn't. and And, you know, there I wish I would have said this. I don't know who said it. But the the saying goes, some of the richest real estate in the world are our cemeteries because they're areas rich in businesses never started, books never written, and relationships never pursued.
00:15:45
Speaker
When it's your turn to go to the cemetery, don't have those regrets. Do the things that you're supposed to do. Do the things that are in your heart. Well, listen, I'm going to make sure i clip that with where you started that quote.
00:16:00
Speaker
And it's going to sound like you said if Somebody's going to attribute it to Terry Tucker.
00:16:06
Speaker
That is powerful. And that reminds me of something that like recently came up for me of thinking about you the question of what is your greatest fear? And I used to answer it.
00:16:18
Speaker
ah It was very generic of like um not reaching my potential. Like that's my greatest fear is not reaching my potential failing and not reaching my potential. But I think that was very externally focused and I wasn't defining what that looked like. And it it was it was very external.
00:16:36
Speaker
And I think now when I when i think about that question, it's it's very much to the point that you just made. i don't want to die with ideas and and thoughts and just wisdom, words, whatever it may be.
00:16:53
Speaker
in here. like I want to express those things in the world, whether I create them or not, whether I make money from them or not, whether... like I just want to express that in this lifetime and know that when it's all said and done for me, that ah there isn't a a cemetery worth worth worth valuable insights that never were shared with the world.
00:17:16
Speaker
oh Thank you for sharing that. Whoa. Well, you're doing that. You're doing this with your podcast. You're getting, you know, you're getting that out into the world and, and it's evergreen. It'll last forever. You know, long after you and I are gone and things like that. Yeah. yeah That, that was one of the special parts about this is, is thinking about, you know, generations to come and being able to go back And I think video is so powerful. You know, like we got pictures from way back when and it a still shot is powerful in itself.
00:17:45
Speaker
But I've challenged myself to capture videos even of just ordinary days. Like this is going to funny. But like one of my favorite things, my one of my favorite sounds is the sound of my dog rumbling in the the but dog bowl.
00:17:59
Speaker
and then chewing her food. And so I just like set my camera right there one day and recorded. it sounds so weird, but I know that one day I won't hear that at least from this dog. And I want to always remember that as it was in video form and to hear it, to see it.
00:18:17
Speaker
So I think there's something very powerful about video. So yeah, this will, this will live on long beyond us. Oh man. Tell me tell me what what it is that you do as a SWAT hostage negotiator.
Principles of SWAT Negotiation
00:18:33
Speaker
What do we do? and We try to save lives. I mean, in you know in a sentence, it's it's about communicating. It's about. understanding.
00:18:45
Speaker
i mean, Reggie, a lot of times we would get on scene and have no idea why this person had taken a gun and barricaded themselves or taken a hostage or whatever, like thing like that. So we would start with what was called tactical empathy.
00:18:59
Speaker
And I think today you can get rid of the word tactical. Just talk about empathy. And empathy is help me to understand what's going on.
00:19:10
Speaker
Help me to understand where you're coming from, whatever it is. Help me to understand the situation that we're in right now. Because I mean, let's face it, if you're talking to me and your house is surrounded by the police, you're probably having the worst day of your life. So That understanding.
00:19:26
Speaker
And again, the important word there is understand. It's not agreeing. I mean, if I was talking to a homicide suspect that just murdered three people, I wasn't going to be like, oh yeah I totally agree that, you know, you should have done. No.
00:19:37
Speaker
But understanding leads to trust and trust leads me to a point where hopefully I can get you out safely. So tactical empathy, very important for what we did.
00:19:48
Speaker
And I'll give you this because I think this is important. This is how we as human beings communicate. And we were all given this as hostage negotiators. I'll tell you what it was, tell you why we got it. And then I'll i'll tell you kind of how it it worked in the end.
00:20:01
Speaker
So was a formula on how human beings communicate with each other. And that formula was 738.55.
00:20:08
Speaker
So 7% of how we communicate a message are the words that we use. And think how many times you said something, be like, oh, I wish I hadn't said that, or I wish I would have said that differently. That's only 7% of how that message comes across. 38% is the tone of voice that you use. Are you really excited and you're talking all time you can't wait to get it out?
00:20:28
Speaker
Or are you kind of doing the Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh where, oh, this is terrible, nothing's going to work. What's your tone of voice with those words? And then 55%, so more than half of how that message comes across is your body language and your facial expressions.
00:20:46
Speaker
And the reason they gave that to us is because If somebody was barricaded in a room with a gun, i was not in the room with them. That would have not been safe for us. So we didn't have the luxury of that 55%. We didn't have the luxury of saying something to someone and seeing them kind of roll their eyes and be like, what an idiot, Terry. I can't believe you said that to me.
00:21:09
Speaker
So we had to get good. based on certainly what people were saying, but also what they weren't saying and how they were saying it. And there's a whole lot of other things we can talk about, but i I'll end with this.
00:21:22
Speaker
We would stay away from why questions. Because think about when you were growing up. I know when I was growing up, you would do something stupid and your parents would be like, Reggie, why did you do that? Terry, why did you do that?
00:21:34
Speaker
Why questions sound accusatory. So if I said to you, Reggie, why did you wear that shirt today? youd be Oh, wait a minute. Does Terry not like the shirt that I'm wearing? I can get to the same answer by using how or what questions.
00:21:49
Speaker
Reggie, what made you decide to wear that shirt today? That question lands softer and gets me to a point where the person isn't all amped up like, well, why do why you do not like my shirt? Should worn something different?
00:22:02
Speaker
No. So how and what questions were something that we used differently. as we communicated with people. Yes, I love that. And I love it's it's in the same approach to trauma informed care. I mean, we we talk about that same tactic, tactic, when you say tactical, that empathy, it's it's getting to understand and it's, it's coming from a place not of judgment, of curiosity, of true curiosity of getting to know um from a compassionate place, ah what may be going on in in a person's life or in a person's mind to lead them to behavior.
00:22:36
Speaker
And wow, you know it's it's amazing to think that that 55% is not there for you when it that's such a critical piece of all of our communication.
00:22:50
Speaker
And I think about it, like if you if you put a movie on on mute, or if you if you don't, if you could just see some people from across the room and just watch them, you get a sense of, okay, they like each other, or they don't like each other, or this person's kind of angry.
00:23:07
Speaker
And I think I had to develop a sense of that very early in life of just being able to observe and understand whether or not that person over there has intention or you know but malintention or not.
00:23:21
Speaker
um just in the environment that I grew up in. And and i catch myself now just like watching people when I can't hear them and seeing what their body language is communicating.
00:23:31
Speaker
And um it's it's a it's a helpful tool, I think. um I think part of mine was very hypervigilance, but um but i think there is a piece that is very helpful.
00:23:43
Speaker
But wow, it wow i want I mean, can you can you look at, it sounds like you can, cause I, cause I can look at people and just look at their face and say, they're not having a good day or something. yeah they don't feel Can you do that too?
00:23:57
Speaker
I can. and I think, you know, sometimes I will use that to, uh, try to brighten up somebody's day and just, you know, i don't know what, yeah and sometimes it it could be, you know, um,
00:24:11
Speaker
divine. It can be just an intuition, but its it's it's often what I'm seeing or what I'm feeling, sensing from that person. And it's like, I just, I wanted to say this to you, or I wanted to leave you with this or give you this, whatever it may be. And you can turn a person's day around just by observing and what you see.
00:24:30
Speaker
And so ah that's super cool. It reminds me. So i psychology for me was something that I feel like I was drawn to. cause I wanted to study it growing, going into college, but I ended up not and deviating from that path.
00:24:46
Speaker
And then, um I was doing an internship later on in college, like right before my senior year. And I had this man who um was helping a lot of entrepreneurs with their pitch, kind of like the Shark Tank pitch.
00:25:01
Speaker
And he had experience as an FBI negotiator and all these things. And he he took mean he took me aside and said, you're very hard to read.
00:25:13
Speaker
And I didn't understand what he meant. But he's like, just showing me pictures that he had been taking of me for a while and of other people. And he's like, what do you think this person's thinking here? what do you And he's just going through and I'm like, you know, guessing and thinking. He's like, but you, like, I just, I don't know. I don't have a good read on you.
00:25:31
Speaker
And he started teaching me about micro expressions, not aggressions, micro expressions. And Paul Ekman was the author that he introduced me to And I got to reading and reading and reading all of his literature about microexpressions and he's deemed that you know the human lie detector.
00:25:51
Speaker
And again, for me, hypervigilance and not trusting the world. And that was like, I ate that stuff up for those purposes. But I think it's still, it it fed something that was very innate in me.
00:26:03
Speaker
um Well, nurtured in me through the environment to to see people and understand people. And I just I love that. That's the work that you're in and sensing the soul that you are. I'm um'm glad to have a person like you in that role.
00:26:19
Speaker
Well, yeah, I mean, it was something I was drawn to. I mean, we we also trained with the FBI's hostage negotiation team and things like that. And you. you you you pick up on people. I mean, you pick up on people. you know, if you're a decent cop, you're going to pick up on people. You know, they're not having a good day. They're lying. Most people lied to you as as cops. You know, I mean, it's, they just did. and And you knew that and you took it for what it was.
00:26:43
Speaker
But it, unless you were an idiot, you didn't get into law enforcement, you know, pardon my French, you know, to kick butt and take names, you know, because you'd always run across somebody bigger, taller, stronger, the better than It was about helping and and being able to read people. it's like,
00:27:00
Speaker
You're not having good and even an expression I use now. And this is something that Chris Voss, who i wrote a great book, I would recommend it, which just never split the difference. That's the name of it. Great book. Great book. He was an FBI hostage negotiator.
00:27:15
Speaker
Just just to look at people when they say something, even if they say something negative, they're yelling at you or they say something positive. A great way to get more information is to just look at him and say,
00:27:28
Speaker
Seems like you have a reason for saying that. And then go silent. Be quiet. Because what that does is, one, it takes you take the power back in that in that relationship.
00:27:42
Speaker
And two, it'll get them to start talking again. Because we don't like silence. And the more people talk, what do they give you? They give you information. maybe Maybe it's information you can use. Maybe it's not.
00:27:54
Speaker
But it's more information. And it works as a hostage negotiator, but it also works to buy a car. Or if you're in a business and you're trying to negotiate a deal with another company, the more information you have, the better offer you can make.
00:28:09
Speaker
and And one of the things Voss talks about in his book is that no no deal is better than a bad deal. And one of the things that that we used to realize in hostage negotiation is that a yes without a how is a no.
00:28:27
Speaker
a So if, you know, I mean, think about it. We're old enough, my wife and I, we still have a house phone. So, you know, the phone rings and some guy's trying to sell you a siding and he's, you know, he calls like 15 times and you get so exasperated. What do you say?
00:28:41
Speaker
Oh yeah, sure, fine. Just come out and give me an estimate. But what's not there is the how. You know I'm going to have my service manager call and set up a time or whatever it ends up being. So a yes, without a how is a no.
00:28:53
Speaker
So getting somebody to say yes is good, but getting them to say yes and then say, well, my marketing people reach out to you or my finance person is going to. Now there's the how with it.
00:29:04
Speaker
That's a true yes. Otherwise, it's a no. Wow. You just you just um gave me this epiphany. um So I'm in Nashville and we have this thing called the the Nashville No, which is yes.
00:29:18
Speaker
You know, somebody in, you know, let's meet, let's talk about that. Let's do that deal. And it's like, yeah, let's do that. And then you drift off and there's no communication after that. There's, you know, kind of doors are shut. And and it i don't it may be in other cities, but it's it's common here where that but that happens. And so the Nashville, no.
00:29:37
Speaker
um But I think, you know, taking that that step further and getting the details of the how and the the process that comes after that, yes, um would would eliminate that and and honestly i think you know uh if if you get to that point and somebody's true true answer is no going through the process walking through all of that they may just straight up say no instead of saying yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna make that happen so i like that but it's it's interesting you say that because based on the name of your show with vulnerability if we say yes
00:30:11
Speaker
we become vulnerable because I just committed to something. It's a vulnerability thing. So a better way to make people feel better and to still kind of get what you want is to ask questions that are designed to say to to have a no answer.
00:30:27
Speaker
Would I be off base if I made a comment here? Oh no, Terry, go ahead and do that. Because you just now they just said no. No makes you feel in control, makes you feel comfortable.
00:30:38
Speaker
Yes makes you vulnerable. So ask questions in a way that elicits the no answer and lead those people down the path that you want them to go. Terry, do you have a masterclass in negotiating?
00:30:50
Speaker
No, I do not. Because that that's that's so good. I love it. oh This is cool. i want I want to switch gears a little bit and and talk about um your battle with cancer.
Terry's Fight with Cancer
00:31:03
Speaker
And and how that what mindset got you through those times and to to foot to the amputations, to the the lifestyle changes, all of that. Like, can you speak to that experience in that time in life?
00:31:18
Speaker
Sure. So I was I was a girls high school basketball coach. I was 51 years old, have a callus break open on the bottom of my left foot. And initially don't think much of it because as a coach, you're on your your feet a lot.
00:31:30
Speaker
But after a few weeks of it not healing, I went to see a podiatrist, a foot doctor friend of mine. And he took an x-ray and said, Terry, I think you have a cyst in there and I can cut it out. And he did. And he showed it to me, a little gelatin s sack with some white fat in it, no dark spots, no blood, nothing that gave you the one I was concerned.
00:31:47
Speaker
Fortunately or unfortunately, he sends it off to pathology to have it looked at. And then two weeks later, I get the call from him. And as I mentioned, he's a friend of mine. And Reggie, the more difficulty he's having explaining to me what's going on,
00:32:02
Speaker
The more frightened, the more scared I'm getting. Until finally, he just laid it out for me. he said, Terry, I've been a doctor for 25 years, and I have never seen the form of cancer you have. have an incredibly rare form of melanoma that appears on the bottom of the feet or the palms of the hands. It might appear on the bottom of my foot.
00:32:21
Speaker
And he said, you need to go to MD Anderson Cancer Center and be treated. And I did. They excised, they surgically removed the bottom part of my foot where my tumor was and all the lymph nodes in my groin.
00:32:32
Speaker
And then they looked at me and said, you'll more than likely be dead in two years. We have nothing to offer you other than surgery. And I thought, well, you gave me a death sentence. How can I try to turn that death sentence into a life sentence?
00:32:46
Speaker
And Reggie, don't get me wrong. And I don't want your audience to think that I'm, you know, I mean, you're looking at me now. There's no S on my chest. I do not have a cape and fly around with magical power. I went through all the stages we would associate with grief. you know First it was denial.
00:33:01
Speaker
I can't possibly have cancer. I've done everything right in my life. Then it was anger. i can't possibly have cancer. I've done everything right in my life. And then there was a bargaining period. Our daughter was in high school at the time. It's like, okay, God, please let me live long enough to see her graduate from high school.
00:33:19
Speaker
And then I got down, i got depressed. I felt sorry for myself. And then I just came out the other end and said, this sucks, but I'm going to have to embrace the suck. I do not like the cards that I've been dealt, but I'm going to have to play these cards the best of my ability.
00:33:35
Speaker
And honestly, that's what I've been trying to do for the last 13 years of my life. Wow. Wow. I think there's something so powerful about going through the stages of grief and embracing them for the, what they are. Like I, I, I've, I've grieved a lot of, of, of loss, of loss of identity, of loss of people, of loss of relationships. And, and, and it rings true every time they're there. Those stages are real and, um, trying to, to,
00:34:06
Speaker
run away or didn't deny the ah stages or the process, it prevents you from getting to that point or that place where you were able to accept and then start your healing journey with a different mindset.
00:34:18
Speaker
And um wow, wow. what What um inspiration did you gain or what did you learn about yourself through that process of the person that you were, the mind the man that you were?
00:34:33
Speaker
I guess what got me through it, and we sort of touched on it earlier, are what I call my three Fs, faith, family, and friends. I have a very strong faith in God. And I remember...
00:34:45
Speaker
because there was nothing to offer me, my doctor put me on this drug called interferon and I took a weekly interferon injection. And the side effects of the interferon were I terrible flu-like symptoms for two to three days every week after each injection.
00:35:00
Speaker
And I took those weekly injections for almost five years. So imagine having a horrible case of the flu every week for five years and knowing this was not a cure. This was as my doctor used to say, we're just kicking the can down the road and trying to buy you more time.
00:35:15
Speaker
and And so there was there was a point, honestly, Reggie, where I felt there was sort of two camps. There was the living and there was the not dying. And I was in the not dying camp. I didn't feel I was living at all. And I begged God to take me out this. I'm like, look, I am so sick of being sick.
00:35:31
Speaker
Just just let my life and let my family move on with their lives. But God didn't do that. He gave me the strength to go on. And then I'll tell you kind of a funny story, the the family portion of it. After I had my leg amputated, my doctor wanted to start me on chemotherapy for the tumors that I still have in my lungs.
00:35:49
Speaker
And I looked at him and I said, his is it going to save my life? He said, probably not, but it might buy you some more time. And I said, well, if the end is going to be the same, if I'm going die, whether I take chemo or not, I don't think I want to do it.
00:36:04
Speaker
But I go home and this is kind of a funny story, but I go home and I i tell my wife and daughter about what the doctor's recommending. And my daughter's immediately, right, we need a family meeting. I'm like, family meeting? There's three of us. It's not like we got a board here or something like that, you know?
00:36:18
Speaker
So we we sit around the kitchen table and individually talk about me having chemotherapy and how we feel about it. And when that's over, my daughter's like, oh let's take a vote. How many people want dad to have chemotherapy? And my wife and daughter raised her hand.
00:36:31
Speaker
I'm like, wait a minute. Am I getting outvoted for something I don't want to do? But Reggie, I remembered when I was back in the police academy, our defensive tactics instructor used to have us bring a photograph of the people we love the most to class.
00:36:47
Speaker
And as we were learning different techniques to defend ourselves, we were to look at that photograph because he reasoned you will fight harder for the people you love than you will fight for yourself.
00:36:59
Speaker
So I took chemotherapy, not because I wanted to, but because I love my wife and daughter more than I love myself. And in hindsight, it was the bridge that got me to where I am today with the clinical trial drug.
00:37:11
Speaker
And then I'll end with this. Friends, you know, I mean, there are people that when I got cancer, I was 100% sure they would be with me. They would they would be in the foxhole. And they were like, Terry, I can't deal with this.
00:37:24
Speaker
I can't deal with you and as a relatively young man and still in my early 50s dealing with cancer. And then there've also been people that honestly, Reggie, I never thought they would be with me that haven't left my side in the 13 years that I've been doing this.
00:37:39
Speaker
So faith, family and friends are really what has supported me and gotten me through these last 13 years. Wow. Wow. That's amazing. and And you said something very profound that I think will resonate with a lot of people is that you love the love that you have for your wife and your daughter was exceeded the love that you have for yourself.
00:38:00
Speaker
and And I think a lot of people sense that and feel that. And when it's somebody else on the line, I'll step up harder than than I will for myself. And I think one of my goals for my own life and for for to to to spread out there in the world is to to find that, to equate, to to find the equation where those things are equal, where we fight for ourselves just as much.
00:38:23
Speaker
I don't know if we're built that way. i don't know. But i think so much of our conditioning in society makes us not love ourselves as much as
Insights on Personal Growth
00:38:33
Speaker
we love others. And I think that is something that I'm finding in my journey has been extremely healing is to love myself just as much, if not more than, than everyone else, not in a vain way, not in a um conceited way, but just in a pure love for self.
00:38:50
Speaker
And you have value and doing and you do. And it's, ah Give me another kind of funny story. I did a podcast with a guy who was an NFL player. played It was a big guy, like 6'8", like 310 pounds, was a lineman for the the Titans and the Steelers and a couple other teams. And and he had a podcast and I was on his podcast.
00:39:10
Speaker
And afterwards, we were talking and he said, you know, Terry, when I when i started my podcast, i didn't I didn't think anybody would care. I didn't think anybody would listen to what I had to say. And i said, Marcus, you made it to the pinnacle of your sport. I mean, nobody makes it to the NFL.
00:39:28
Speaker
I mean, and you made it and you were there for a number of years. His brother's also in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Are these the Ogden brothers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and And I said, Marcus, how could you not think you had value that you could bring to the table?
00:39:43
Speaker
I mean – It just goes to show you that even the best of us at times kind of feel like we're inadequate and we don't have anything to offer. You do. Your story matters.
00:39:55
Speaker
Yes. Oh, shout out to Marcus Ogden. Get authentic with Marcus Ogden. I was on that podcast too, so I'm going to go listen to your episode. yeah i'm I'm excited. But yes, he has an um amazing podcast, an amazing way of... One thing that was really impressed, it was the first time where he was giving like live, um like on the spot recaps of like different segments of the podcast for the listeners. It was really cool. It was a really awesome experience. But like you said, amazing in so many areas of life, but had that feeling for himself.
00:40:28
Speaker
Exactly. It's hard. Oh, man. you You've developed something to help people. Maybe people like Marcus, maybe people like me, maybe people out there in the world to live extraordinary lives.
00:40:40
Speaker
The four truths. Tell us about what the four truths are and and how you you implement that into people's lives. Sure. So the four truths are something I came up with. I have them on a post-it note here in my office. So I see them multiple times during the day and they constantly get reinforced in my mind.
00:40:57
Speaker
And they're just one sentence each and I'll give them to you and we can talk about some or all them. The first one is control your mind or your mind is going to control you The second one is embrace the pain and the difficulty that we all experience in life and use that pain and difficulty to make you a stronger and more resilient individual.
00:41:20
Speaker
The third one is i kind of look at as as sort of a legacy type of truth. And it's this, what you leave behind is what you weave in the hearts of other people.
00:41:32
Speaker
And then the last one i think is pretty self-explanatory. As long as you don't quit, you can never be defeated. and And Reggie, I just, I look at these as sort of the bedrock of my soul.
00:41:45
Speaker
i just think they're a good place to start to try to build ah quality life from. So I incorporate them in my life every single day. And I used to think, and I've been asked, you know, are there's one more important than the other? And I used to say no.
00:42:00
Speaker
The more I read, the more I grew, the more I learned. I really think that first one, control your mind or your mind is going to control you. It's the overarching thing. If you can't control your mind, all the rest of them kind of go by the wayside.
00:42:14
Speaker
So be able to control your mind, use that pain and difficulty to make you stronger. I think i would I would agree with one being in you know ah so powerful when you think about as a man thinketh. If if you you think about you know the philosophers over time, it's it's it's how ah how strong, it's the power of the mind.
00:42:35
Speaker
the The law of attraction, the power of positive thinking, like those are universal truths. Those are universal laws that shape the way that we live. And and so I think that one is definitely powerful.
00:42:50
Speaker
um ah you i want and you You said the last one is self-explanatory, and I wanted to ask, how did you how do you view it if it's ah the op if the first sentence is the opposite? So if you do quit, can that second still be true?
00:43:10
Speaker
I don't think so. I mean, I've never thought about it that way. If you do quit, you can never be defeated. I don't think so. I think you if you quit, if you give up, if you give up on yourself, I mean, the the way the way it's written, the way that it resonates with me is this, that, i mean, someday my pain is going to end. It may end through, you know, surgery. It may end through the development of some new medication.
00:43:38
Speaker
In all honesty, it may end when I die. but if I quit, if I give up, if I give in to pain, then pain is always gonna be part of my life. So I don't wanna give in to that because don't wanna have that pain. I mean, don't get me wrong, pain has caused me to grow.
00:43:57
Speaker
It's caused me to develop. It's made me a better human being. And I will say two quick things that I've learned from this, from cancer, is number one, I don't think you truly know yourself until you've been tested by some form of adversity in your life. It doesn't have to be cancer like mine has, but some form of adversity.
00:44:17
Speaker
And secondly, cancer has made me a better human being. I've been asked if you could live your life over again without cancer, would you do it? And honestly, Reggie, I think I'd go through my amputations. so I think I'd go through everything I've had.
00:44:32
Speaker
all over again, because cancer has made me that much better of a person than I think I would be today had I not had that adversity in my life. Wow. Wow.
00:44:43
Speaker
That is extremely powerful. And, and I think With the question that I asked, I think it it may be a ah reframe around what you are actually quitting or what the desired goal is, right? Like if it's a deviation or a pivot within the same goal or within the same, you know, end objective, then that's not quitting, it's pivoting. um So for you, right?
00:45:10
Speaker
Like starting a career in business and marketing and things like that to then being In law enforcement, you didn't quit ah something that you were ultimately striving toward. like that was a That was the deviation to to go down that route.
00:45:26
Speaker
And so I think it's it's it's it's deeper when I think of it philosophically of... what we're ultimately destined for. and i like how you put that. But um yeah, to to have such appreciation for cancer and to realize that you wouldn't be the man that you are today takes tremendous wisdom and and courage. And i know that not everyone is going to look at it that way. And it's not to to say that somebody else's view is wrong. But I think there's something powerful in the mindset that
00:46:01
Speaker
ah you have when it comes to that. That's really powerful. Wow. And I think it gets you through so many tough days, like so many hard times when ah you could sit there and and be upset about the reality of things, but that's not goingnna change that reality.
00:46:18
Speaker
So I'm curious... What what what are some of your daily ah habits, some of your daily things to get your mind right, to get your body right in the new state that it's in?
Daily Routines for Resilience
00:46:30
Speaker
Like, what are some of the things that you do now that are a little different than before?
00:46:34
Speaker
I read a lot today. i enjoyed reading, but not to the point where I i mean, I love books. I love i love biographies, especially. i love to know what makes people tick. You know, why did Harry Truman decide to drop the bomb you know atomic bomb on the Japanese during World War You know, why did why do these people do what they do?
00:46:57
Speaker
And what can I learn from that? What was their mindset? How did they feel? I mean, you look at a guy like Harry Truman, who became president after Roosevelt died. Truman never expected to be to be president. He failed at almost everything he did in his life before that.
00:47:11
Speaker
Even when he became president, his wife wouldn't live in the White House with him. She went back to Missouri and lived in their house. I mean, but. he was probably one of our greatest presidents, you know? And so there's there's something to be said for that.
00:47:24
Speaker
So I just, you know, I mean, I do that. I spend at least a couple hours every day. have a breathing practice that I do. i have a meditation practice that I do.
00:47:36
Speaker
And then I spend a considerable amount of time in prayer because I've met so many people with cancer, different kinds of cancer. through this journey that I've been on, that I pray for them. I pray for the the nurses, the doctors, the people that take care of me, my family.
00:47:52
Speaker
it's it I can never be grateful enough. i can never ask God enough for what he's given me and also what I would hope he would give other people because I've seen people suffer terribly.
00:48:04
Speaker
and And I'll end with this. And this kind of goes back to what you and I were talking about. Being seen, seeing people. You know, when I go, i go every six weeks now for my treatment. it used to be every three weeks for the entire week at the hospital.
00:48:19
Speaker
And you sit in the waiting room and you're waiting to be called back. And you can tell somebody who's new, you you know, they this is their first time. They come in and they've got that deer in the headlights and they're scared.
00:48:29
Speaker
And, you know, am I going to die? Is this going to work? How much suffering am going go through? What pain am I going to endure? And you know, they're going through that. And I can just see it on their face. I've been doing this long enough.
00:48:40
Speaker
And I just kind of wheel over in my wheelchair and be like, hi, how you doing? I'm Terry. You know, and it's almost like somebody sees me.
00:48:51
Speaker
You know, I mean, of course they see me. I'm in a room with, you know, 20 other people waiting to get called back. But no, nobody really sees me. Yes, Another human being sees me. And if I get called back, I'll be like, you know what?
00:49:03
Speaker
These are the best nurses. They're going to take care of you. Everything's going to be okay. And you can just tell it's that, oh, okay. i got I got a different perspective on it. And that's, those kinds of things are important to me.
00:49:17
Speaker
You know, yeah a hundred years from now, nobody's going remember I was here. But today i want to have those connections with other human beings. Yeah. Yeah. You just made me think of the the Maya Angelou quote of people will forget the words that you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel.
00:49:35
Speaker
And it goes back too to what you said about the negotiation, like 7% are the words that you said. People are going to forget that 7%, but they're going to remember how you made them feel in that moment when they were scared, terrified out of their minds.
00:49:48
Speaker
first time in that waiting room, stepping back into that ah space of uncertainty and to have your presence, to reassure them, to calm them, to to be light for them in that moment is so beautiful. So thank you.
00:50:03
Speaker
Thank you for for showing up in that way for humanity. That's so beautiful. Thank you. wow Wow. Wow. Can you tell us a little bit of what people could get from your book, Sustainable Excellence?
Inspiration Behind the Book
00:50:16
Speaker
what What insights, what what practical guidance you you have there? Sure. So, you know, I never expected to write a book. Honestly, Reggie, I never wanted to write. it it was And and this is this is kind of funny. There's an old joke that says when we talk to God, it's called prayer.
00:50:34
Speaker
When God talks to us, it's called schizophrenia. So God has never talked to me and said, hey Terry, write a book. But what I think God has done, and this has happened several times in my life, where he puts enough people in my path that start to make the same suggestion over and over and over again.
00:50:50
Speaker
And people started to do this. Terry, you should write book. Terry, you should write a book. And I'm old enough now that i pay attention when those things happen. And Sustainable Excellence is really a book born out of two conversations I had.
00:51:01
Speaker
One was with a former player that I had coached in high school who moved to the area in Colorado with her fiance where my wife and I live. And the four of us had dinner one night. And I remember saying to her after dinner that I was excited that she was living close and I could watch her find and live her purpose.
00:51:20
Speaker
Reggie, she got real quiet for a while. And then she looked at me and she said, well, coach, what do you think my purpose is? I said, i have absolutely no idea of what your purpose is, but that's what your life should be about.
00:51:33
Speaker
Finding the reason you were put on the face of this earth, using your unique gifts and talents and living that reason. So that was one conversation. And then the other one was with a young man in college,
00:51:44
Speaker
He reached out to me on social media and he said, Terry, what do you think of the most important things I should learn not to just be successful in my job or in business, but to be successful in life?
00:51:55
Speaker
And I didn't want to give him the, you know get up early, work hard, help. other I didn't want to give them sort of the cliches we already know. So I spent some time taking some notes and eventually kind of had these 10 thoughts, these 10 ideas, these 10 principles.
00:52:07
Speaker
And so I sent them to him. And then I stepped back and I was like, well, I got a life story that fits underneath that principle where i know somebody whose life emulates this principle.
00:52:18
Speaker
So literally during the four to five month period where I was healing after I had my leg amputated, i sat down at the computer every day and I built stories and they're real stories underneath you underneath each of the principles.
00:52:32
Speaker
And that's how sustainable excellence came to be. And I'll i'll give you one of the principles. And it's this, and and I put it in there because I've done it in my life and I'm not proud that I've done it. And it's, the principle goes like this.
00:52:45
Speaker
Oh shoot, it just went right out of my head. It's all good, that's human. That's what happens when you get old, right? Oh, here it is, I got it, sorry. Most people think with their fears and their insecurities instead of using their minds.
00:53:01
Speaker
And I know I've done that in my life. I wanted to start a project or get involved in a business. And you kind of pull back and you're like, oh, wait a minute. Maybe I'm not smart enough. Maybe they don't have enough information. Or what will people say about me if I fail?
00:53:15
Speaker
That's thinking with our fears and insecurities. That's not thinking with our minds. Wow. Wow. Mic drop. I love that. I love that. ah You keep making me like I am usually very terrible and I'm probably misquoting all these things, but I'm terrible at quotes and even like thinking about quotes. But another thing that came up when you were telling the story about the player that you had coached is is that that people live two lives.
00:53:40
Speaker
One starts at birth and the other starts when they figure out why. They were born. Let me re-say that. point Mark Twain. Mark Twain? Shout out to Mark Twain. The most important days of our lives, the day we're born and the day we figure out why. Yes. And I think so much of this this conversation has been around that purpose of figuring out why we were put here and and to live in that, to walk in that, and to to use that, um to to find that that extraordinary life that we're meant to live, that we are supposed to live.
00:54:15
Speaker
And and um I'm so glad that you've taken the pain in your life and you've alchemized that. You've turned that into so much purpose. you've You're helping people. you're You're helping better yourself, your family, your friends, and you're doing it all through your faith. And I think that your life and in your legacy will live on long beyond your years. And I cannot wait to continue to follow your journey and hear more about what great things that you do and the people that you impact.
00:54:44
Speaker
are there I appreciate that, Reggie. I mean, this this has been a lot of fun talking with you. It has been. It has been. And so before we hop out of here, I have a ah ah segment where it's just fill in the blank.
00:54:55
Speaker
Super. So you let me know as brief or as long as you want to answer. But the first is vulnerability makes me feel blank.
00:55:09
Speaker
Scared.
00:55:12
Speaker
I mean, if I'm honest, I mean, I think it makes you feel scared, but it also allows you the opportunity to overcome that fear and to give a part of yourself to another human being that maybe you wouldn't have done otherwise.
00:55:26
Speaker
Pain has taught me blank.
00:55:32
Speaker
Pain has taught me that I am so much...
00:55:38
Speaker
And I have so much more than that. and And if you don't mind, I'll tell you a quick story. Hopefully it'll be quick. I don't do anything quick. But it's a true story. Happened back in the 1950s at Johns Hopkins University here in the United States.
00:55:51
Speaker
There's a guy by the name of Richter, a professor there by the name of Richter. And he was doing an experiment with rats. They wanted to see how long the average rat could tread water. And the average rat treaded water for about 15 minutes before it sunk and drowned.
00:56:05
Speaker
He took another group of rats and he put them in another tank of water, but this time he watched them. And as the rats started to struggle, and just before they sank and drowned, he reached in, grabbed them, pulled them out, dried them off, and let them rest for a while.
00:56:19
Speaker
And then he took the exact same rats and put them in that exact same tank of water. And the second time around, on average, those rats treaded for 60 hours.
00:56:32
Speaker
Now think about that, the first time, 15 minutes. It's not like you're gonna flunk a test or you know you're gonna break up with your girlfriend or your marriage is gonna be over. no you're gonna die. And the second time around, 60 hours, which taught me two things. Number one, the importance of hope in our lives.
00:56:46
Speaker
And number two, I think we all have a breaking point, but I think that breaking point is so much further down the road than we ever let ourselves admit.
Hope, Strength, and Purpose
00:56:55
Speaker
So, and it kind of goes back to control your mind, your mind is gonna control you You're gonna, your body's gonna say this hurts and your brain is gonna say, knock it off. But if you can push through pain will lead you to being a better human being.
00:57:09
Speaker
Thank you for sharing that. I'm one who like when people say ah long story short, I'm like, no, give me the long story. I want, I want the long story. you kind of got it.
00:57:22
Speaker
Oh, my greatest superpower is blank. I see people. I see, i just don't see them. I see who they are. I see their soul.
00:57:35
Speaker
If I could tell anyone something, or if I could to give one piece of advice to someone feeling defeated in life right now, it would be blank.
00:57:51
Speaker
Actually, two things come to mind. I'm tell you both of them. So the first one is this, it's a line from a book called Farewell to Arms written by a man the name of Ernest Hemingway.
00:58:02
Speaker
Farewell to Arms is kind of a semi-autobiographical book about hamuing Hemingway's time as an ambulance driver for the Italian army during World War I. And the line is this, life breaks everyone and afterward, many are stronger at the broken places.
00:58:21
Speaker
So life is going to beat us all to our knees from time to time. But if you can keep going, you will come out the end of that a stronger, more determined individual. And the second thing is this.
00:58:34
Speaker
I really believe it's more important who you work with and who you work for. then it is the work that you do.
00:58:46
Speaker
Find people that care about you. Find people that are willing to invest in you. Find people that want to see you succeed. Hitch your wagon to those people and climb your mountains together.
00:59:00
Speaker
Let's go. Wow. wow So good, Terry. You've given so many great gems and so much great motivation with your mindset and the way that you've approached very difficult parts of your life and um leaning on faith, family and friends. I think I'm going to carry that and just very thankful for this time.
00:59:21
Speaker
Are there any last words, any things that you want to get off your chest, any things you want to share with the audience before we head out? Can tell you one more story? Please. So I've always been a big fan of Westerns growing up. And when I was young, my mom and dad used to let me stay up late and watch you know Bonanza and Gunsmoke.
00:59:39
Speaker
And my favorite was Wild Wild the West. And i'm sure your audience is like, what are those shows? you know Those are old, old shows. 1993, the movie Tombstone came out. You may have seen it. It was a huge blockbuster.
00:59:50
Speaker
It starred Val Kilmer as a man by the name of John Doc Holliday and Kurt Russell as a man by the name of Wyatt Earp. Now, Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp were two living, breathing human beings who walked on the face of the earth. They're not made up characters for the movie.
01:00:04
Speaker
And Doc was called Doc because he was a dentist by trade. But pretty much Doc Holliday was a gunslinger and a card shark. And Wyatt Earp had been some form of a lawman almost his entire life.
01:00:16
Speaker
And so these two men from entirely opposite, entirely divergent backgrounds somehow come together and form this very close friendship. And at the end of the movie, Doc Holliday is dying at a sanitarium in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, which is about three hours from where I live.
01:00:31
Speaker
And the real Doc Holliday died at that sanitarium. Wyatt at this point his life is destitute. He has no money, he has no job, he has no prospects for a job. So every day he comes to play cards with Doc and the two men pass the time.
01:00:45
Speaker
And in this scene, they're talking about what they want out of life. And Doc says, you know, when I was younger, i was in love with my cousin, but she joined a convent over the affair.
01:00:56
Speaker
And then he looks at Wyatt and says, what about you, Wyatt? What do you want? And Wyatt looks at him and says, I just want to lead a normal life. And Doc's reply is, there's no normal.
01:01:07
Speaker
There's just life. And get on with living yours. So Reggie, everybody who's listening to us out there right now that thinks, you know, oh, when this happens, I'll have a successful life. Or when that happens, I'll have a significant life. Or when this happens, I'll be prosperous.
01:01:21
Speaker
What I'm going to say to you is this. Don't wait. Don't wait for life to come to you. Get out there. Find the reason you were put on the face of this earth. Use your unique gifts and talents and live that reason.
01:01:32
Speaker
Because if you do, at the end of your life, I'm going to promise you two things. Number one, you're going to be a whole lot more happy. And number two, you're going to have a whole lot more peace in your heart.
01:01:44
Speaker
Wow. Terry, how can people reach you and connect with you, work with you? Give me some contact information. Yeah. The easiest way to do it is I have a ah blog slash website called motivational check.
01:01:57
Speaker
You can reach out to me at motivationalcheck.com. Definitely. Terry, this has been so fulfilling. I'm so grateful for this time. Thank you for sharing this moment with me, with all the things that you could be doing and all the places you could be. i appreciate you being here with me, embracing vulnerability.
01:02:14
Speaker
Reggie, thanks for having me on. I really enjoyed it. This has been a great conversation. Thank you. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review.
01:02:27
Speaker
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01:02:43
Speaker
And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms. Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support.
01:02:56
Speaker
And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability.