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065 - From Widow to Warrior: Finding Power in Pain with Lesley Bowen
48 Plays3 days ago
“I was 26, pregnant with triplets, and suddenly a widow—but I knew I had to keep going.” In this deeply moving episode of Vulnerability Muscle, Reggie D. Ford sits down with Lesley Bowen, a yoga teacher, realtor, and powerful storyteller who turned unimaginable loss into a legacy of strength and grace.
Lesley shares how she navigated grief, solo motherhood, and spiritual healing after losing her husband while three months pregnant with triplets. With raw honesty, she opens up about survival mode, suppressed grief, and eventually allowing herself to feel the feels to heal. You’ll hear how yoga and mindfulness became her anchors, and how her inner wisdom—paired with radical self-compassion—helped her raise five grounded, emotionally intelligent children.
This episode also explores:
- The difference between intuition and trauma response
- What grief really looks like over two decades
- The power of mindset in creating peace
- Why it's okay to let your kids see you cry
- Why every answer you need is already inside of you
Whether you're in the midst of loss, parenting through struggle, or learning to love yourself again, Lesley’s story is a lighthouse of hope and humanity. Don't miss this rich, resonant conversation about perseverance, presence, and parenting with purpose.
🔗 Connect with Lesley Bowen
Instagram: @LesleyD_Yoga
🔗 Connect with Reggie D. Ford
Instagram: @reggiedford
Website: www.reggiedford.com
Tune in now to hear how one woman turned her deepest pain into her greatest strength—and why letting go of control may be the first step toward true healing.
Recommended
Transcript
Embracing Vulnerability and Resilience
00:00:00
Speaker
Allow yourself just to exist and sit on the floor and and be late and don't make dinner.
00:00:11
Speaker
Like, you don't have to have it all together. And it's okay if your kids see that, you know, like, let them see you fall. And then when you do, let them see how you get back up Because that's really what's important.
00:00:25
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:43
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:58
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability
Leslie's Journey of Hope and Inner Power
00:01:01
Speaker
muscle. Welcome to this episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Today with me, I have Leslie Bowen.
00:01:10
Speaker
At the age of 26, Leslie became a widow, left to raise four kids. Her son was three years old and she was three months pregnant with triplets.
00:01:21
Speaker
The triplets were born severely premature three months later. Their prognosis was grim. Through faith and perseverance, she turned her situation into a story of hope and discovery of your inner power.
00:01:35
Speaker
Today, her kids are now adults and thriving. Her platform consists of empowering people to be and do anything that they put their minds to.
00:01:46
Speaker
I'm so excited today to introduce you all to Leslie Bowen. Hey, Leslie, how are you? I'm great. How are you I'm doing great.
Reggie's Italian Adventure
00:01:54
Speaker
um I just got back from vacation.
00:01:58
Speaker
I was in Italy, and I'd never been there before. And it's just remarkable to see ah just how old the things, how old everything was, but how well kept it was.
00:02:10
Speaker
And I think there was something really beautiful about just seeing these these old buildings and sculptures and architecture that has persevered through all these many years. And so, um yeah, it's really cool.
00:02:26
Speaker
Very nice. It's good to take a vacation. Got to. I'm glad you shared that because Italy is it's on my list of the next place I want to travel. Okay, well, I would recommend it after going.
00:02:39
Speaker
I didn't like, I don't know, I i don't think I had um as much appreciation for the history and the art um prior to. And so I was doing a lot of learning on the go and learning like prior to like going to a a museum or whatever, a church.
00:02:54
Speaker
um But just understanding the history helped me a lot in gaining appreciation for it. So that was good. And then the food. And yeah, so you're going to be great. So please, please. going.
Empowerment through Vulnerability
00:03:07
Speaker
Before we get deeper into the story, though, I have a segment I call What Comes to Mind. And so these are three questions that ah you can think as much as you want, but trying to get the first reaction that you have.
00:03:22
Speaker
And feel free to make the answers as short or as long as possible. Does that sound good? Yeah. All right, cool. The first one is, what comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:03:36
Speaker
i Vulnerability is scary, um but it's empowering. um So for me, and I say this all the time to my kids, like i just...
00:03:51
Speaker
that mindset of like when you get older and you're like, oh my gosh, this all makes sense. Like all those things that were a big deal in your 20s and even 30s are just not a big deal anymore. And so being vulnerable is and opportunity just to grow. and And you have to step into that, whatever it looks like for you to empower yourself and learn about yourself and share whatever you have.
00:04:21
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. I hope that if at any point in this conversation, the the vulnerability feels scary, that you are able to communicate that with me and we can go with whatever route you choose.
00:04:37
Speaker
I want you to be able to to guide this conversation and feel that you have that agency. So please, if you if you feel anything, come up, let me know. I will. Thank you. Definitely.
Yoga, Meditation, and Adapting Practices
00:04:49
Speaker
What do you do to center yourself when you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or maybe even depressed? that's easy. i mean, yoga is definitely a center grounding piece for me.
00:05:04
Speaker
and i go to yoga. ah meditate. and And that, you know, ah share meditation with a lot of people, and it looks different for everybody. It's not that, you know, you have to sit with this perfect posture and, you know,
00:05:19
Speaker
do what you think meditation is. I mean, it can be whatever it needs to be for you. Um, so that's definitely empowering for me. Yeah, I agree. i love it. What, what type of yoga do you practice? Cause there's a bunch of different types. Do you, do you have any ones that are your favorite?
00:05:37
Speaker
Well, I teach, um, and more intense, like it's called tone and sculpt. So it's like using weights with weights. Oh yeah. Cardio, some bands. I mean, that's, that's, so that is, it that's what I like. And sometimes I ask myself like, are you doing this to try and escape what you need?
00:06:01
Speaker
And um it feeds something in me. It's the, the cardio junkie that it feeds, but, yin is very hard for me. And it's, you know, the practice that a lot of people start with, but just sitting still with your thoughts and holding poses. I mean, I feel like that is one that I maybe a avoid, but need the most.
00:06:29
Speaker
That's good. It is harder. I feel like for me as well, like to be in a yin class, it's slow. It is drawn now you are in a pose for minutes and minutes and minutes and minutes and they're not challenging physically most of the time unless like your body's really tight but like they are they are challenging because you're sitting with yourself yes in those moments and so oh that's that's some pretty good insight um all right I got some questions for later but oh what is one of your favorite childhood memories
00:07:05
Speaker
Gosh, probably and just with my little neighborhood group playing outside and getting lost in the summertime and just going out and playing all day and exploring and, you know, things that.
00:07:24
Speaker
kids I feel like don't do as much today. And, you know, I i think about this and I talked to my kids about it. Like we used to just leave the house and be gone all day and be on my bike and you know, go to the river and there was no life jacket and there was no lifeguard. And we were just like, you know, doing these things that were insane. Um, but so much fun. Yeah.
00:07:49
Speaker
We, I miss, I miss that. And I think like my generation was probably at the tail end of experiencing childhood like that. you know In the morning, i get up, I probably eat a bowl of cereal and then I'm out. I'm on a bike and I'm in another neighborhood and i'm playing basketball and football and then popsicle truck comes and it's just like, I wouldn't come home until it was dark.
00:08:11
Speaker
yeah And my body would be, you know i I remember feeling soreness for the first time. i remember that day. Like I was like, oh, I've been out here like going hard all day.
00:08:22
Speaker
And, ah but I don't see kids on bikes. I don't see kids playing organized football in the streets or or in the fields. I don't see that anymore. And it's sad.
00:08:33
Speaker
I know. It's sad. Yeah. No cell phones. Yeah. No thought of social media. Like, it was just... You and your little friends. Yeah.
Parenting in the Social Media Era
00:08:44
Speaker
How is it raising kids now? Or I guess, but how how old are your kids? And did did they come up with the social media era? And and how was it raising them during that time? um My oldest son's 26. He just turned 26 on Sunday. And and the triplets 22. My youngest is 18. So, yeah, I mean, I think social media has been a part. and
00:09:08
Speaker
ah feel like... I three boys and two girls. And I feel like my boys weren't as, and I guess, invested in social media.
00:09:21
Speaker
I mean, they, you know, they're really close and they'd play basketball and run and, you know, do things around the neighborhood. we lived in a safe neighborhood, whatever that is.
00:09:32
Speaker
and And, you know, Maybe they did not engage in the level of activity that I did, but and they do like, or they did when they were younger, they'd go to my mom's house who still lives in the little small town that I grew up in in Southwest Virginia. And she has a little farm. And so they love just getting lost on the farm. And so that's, you know, and and there's just beauty in that, just beauty in nature and just sitting and not having a connection to your phone or,
00:10:06
Speaker
you know, feeling like you have an obligation to check this or check this. You just exist. Yes. Yes. Oh, I, that is one of the things that I wish this, these, these kids in this generation that doesn't know what that feels like to, to experience. Like I got into camping late in life late, like recently, I guess I'm not old, but like ah recently. And it's been one of the most peaceful things that I've ever done.
00:10:34
Speaker
I used to say I wouldn't do it because why would I pay a mortgage or rent and then sleep outside? That sounded crazy to me. But I actually enjoy it now and I yeah enjoy being out. And so um that's good. I'm glad that they they they have you know a place to escape like that.
00:10:51
Speaker
yeah What was it like growing up in Virginia for you? um I mean, I lived in a small town. I mean, the population is less than 5,000 people. So it's, you know, there's like one red light. I think maybe now there's two or three.
00:11:07
Speaker
So, i mean, it just, I think at the time I felt like there's such a big world out there. And here I am in this little bitty town. I want to see the big world. And now it's like, as you get older and you see the big world, you want to escape to the world.
Small-Town Upbringing and Influences
00:11:24
Speaker
The small town. So it's like, okay, I've seen it. I know it. Now I like this better. Yeah. there that I feel that. like i It was very simple. I mean, we just, yeah there wasn't a lot to do you know, and so friendships were strong and it's what you did. You just hung out with your friends and created things to do.
00:11:46
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. No, that's good. can you Can you speak to kind of the influences in your life during that time? Who were folks that that shaped the way that you were developing, that you thought, the ways that that you thought and things like that?
00:12:01
Speaker
That's a good question. and i mean, my parents are ah still very influential in my life today. And they were when I was younger, you know, at the time when you're a kid, you're like, they don't know anything. They can't, you, you don't know.
00:12:17
Speaker
And, you know, and then as you get older, you're like, maybe, maybe they didn't know. They knew a few things. I get it. You know, and I, I'm starting to see that with my own kids too. You know, like mom doesn't know anything. And like,
00:12:30
Speaker
Maybe mom knows, I'm gonna call mom. So, I mean, of course my parents, I had some teachers in my life that you know were very influential. um, had a teacher throughout high school cause I went to small high school. And so, and one particular teacher I had, her name was Ms. Aker and she's kind of the inspiration for, you know, I'm a teacher.
00:12:55
Speaker
So, ah she's kind of the inspiration for that. And she's, you know, we she and I keep in the beauty of social media is that you can still keep in contact with those people that you haven't seen in 30 years. And, um,
00:13:09
Speaker
So she and i she'll message me every once in a while. I mean, she's in her 80s and I've told her, you know, like how much influence she had in my life just during the years that I spent in high school. Just, I don't know, she just was different, you know? And I think about that as a teacher, like what makes you different?
00:13:31
Speaker
What makes you stand out? What's going to make kids... you learn something from you. Like, what is it that you can give them that's going to impact their lives? And so i go back to that person, like, well, what was it that she did? Yeah. when If you were to answer that, what would you say?
00:13:52
Speaker
She, and I don't even know that she knew she was doing it. Like she just and was very personable and made me feel seen. And I think that's a that's a that's a big thing. Like, people want to feel seen.
00:14:08
Speaker
Like, you know, and so I think about that as kids come into my classroom. Like, I want everybody to feel seen. I want everybody to feel like they fit in here. And, you know, and you don't have to be...
00:14:22
Speaker
anything other than who you're supposed to be. So so i i think that that's it. she she She made me feel seen, and she had this wittiness about her that, I mean, I still remember the things that she would say and do that were just hilarious, you know? And I'm like, and they were corny, you know? But...
00:14:46
Speaker
as They were relatable. Yeah. Yeah. that Those those relationships are special. And I'm glad that you're you're still in contact with her after all these years. That's so that's so special. Wow. yeah ah I want to I want to hear now um kind of how you got introduced or met your your husband and what that experience was like for you.
00:15:10
Speaker
Oh, that's a good question.
Love, Loss, and Resilience
00:15:11
Speaker
so I've been married twice. So the father of my and oldest kids ah that, you know, the that died, and he and I met, I was visiting Johnson City one weekend with a friend whose boyfriend went to ETSU. And so I'm like, hey, I'll go to Johnson City for the weekend.
00:15:30
Speaker
So and we came to visit, crazy story. And saw i saw my I didn't even know his name at the time, but I saw him from a distance. We were at the, were at a club and, uh, not the place that you should be meeting people that you're going marry or you think you're going to marry, but it happened that way.
00:15:53
Speaker
but I saw him from a distance and I told my friend, I was like, I don't know that going to marry him. And she's like, you've lost your mind, you know? And, and I knew it's, I knew. you know, and so, yeah,
00:16:06
Speaker
Intuition is a real thing. And when you're in tune to the truth, I mean, just when you trust what you feel and you really allow yourself to feel things, everything you need is inside of you.
00:16:21
Speaker
Mm hmm. That's powerful. Wow. Wow. You knew like that. I think that's super special um to be able to to across a room with like so much stimulus and noise and all kinds of stuff like you were able to to see that. And then you guys made that happen.
00:16:40
Speaker
Like, yeah that that That's a ah remarkable, remarkable thing. can you can you Before we get into and of ah the aftermath, can you talk about that relationship and what he meant to you?
00:16:55
Speaker
Well, at the time, i was ah still at Virginia Tech. That's... where I was and he was at ETSU. And so we just, I mean, this is before social media. This is before cell phones. I mean, this is in the nineties, you know, there were cell phones, but not, I didn't have a cell phone, you know, he didn't have a cell phone.
00:17:15
Speaker
So and we just would see each other as much as we could, at least every other weekend. and And so it was a long distance relationship. And then when I graduated, he was still in school. And so I moved here here and and to Johnson City and initially just...
00:17:34
Speaker
Didn't want to stay here because I didn't know anybody, you know, and I'm like, I don't know about this town, whatever. and And i did. and That was in, i moved to Johnson City in 98, I guess.
00:17:49
Speaker
So and and it was, yeah, I mean, it was a real love story. and And my first son was not planned. I had him 99, right?
00:18:04
Speaker
and and we lived together, decided to get married. We did. And then, you know, my son was two years old and we started to talk of having another child.
00:18:16
Speaker
and and I wasn't really like on board with that initially. And, and, and he just kept saying to me, like, you're not an only child. I'm not an only child. Listen, you know, he needs a sibling.
00:18:30
Speaker
So I gave into that. and And we tried to have another baby for about a year. And then I ended up taking fertility for one month.
00:18:42
Speaker
and And then ended up that month pregnant with triplets. Wow. that was June june of
00:18:56
Speaker
And then by September, September 8th, he died in a motorcycle accident. and And so, yeah, was 26 years old and pregnant with triplets,
00:19:11
Speaker
not wanting to do this alone, but not having a choice, you know, and a three-year-old. And then they were born and in December. Like there was no keeping them in any longer. And so they were born at 25 weeks, six days. Wow. so they were very early. and it was ah It was a crazy time.
00:19:33
Speaker
And, you know, and and I, over time, just like, I look back at the events of my life and nobody, you know, you don't, no one wants anything bad to happen in their life, but, um, I don't live in regret. Like, and I, I'm selective with how I share my story because I don't know how people are going to receive that. Like what was supposed to happen, happen.
00:19:59
Speaker
And you put your big girl pants on and you just move on. Yeah. Like you, You have to carry on with life and and that's difficult. And you allow yourself to grieve and you allow yourself to feel the things that you need to feel.
00:20:14
Speaker
But at one point after I had the triplets, I just remember thinking like these kids, I'm the only parent that they have. So I have to be whatever can be. i have to show them the example. i have to be strong. I've got to do all these things.
00:20:34
Speaker
because I want what's best for them. And so when I changed my mentality to that, Um, you just pick it up and move on. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and you allow yourself, like I said, to grieve and, you know, there's still, it's been 22 years.
00:20:52
Speaker
Um, and there's still days that I'm like, gosh, I really miss this. And I mourn this and I allow myself to feel that, but you can't stay there. Yeah. And that's the, that's the kicker, you know, like you allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, but you can't stay,
00:21:09
Speaker
in the past and, you know, reaching towards the future. You can't, you know, plan for what you need to plan for, but the beauty of what we have is right now. Wow.
00:21:20
Speaker
That is, that is beautiful. I think like you, you said, like you need to feel what you need to feel. And i say feel the feels you need in order to heal, like feel the feels you need to feel in order to heal.
00:21:32
Speaker
And, um, I, you spoke about, Allowing yourself to grieve and in how that grief comes up and it comes back at even, you know, 22 years later.
00:21:44
Speaker
ah What did what did grief look like for you in those early earlier years or earlier period of time? And how is that evolved over time? um In the beginning, honestly, i was I was really in survival mode because, you know, like he died and then like, okay, now here's three babies, take them home.
00:22:07
Speaker
and And they were, you know, premature and sick and and they needed, had home nursing in my house for almost five years. and And so that was a difficult time. And so I suppress grieving for quite some time and just because I was trying to survive.
Processing Grief and Emotions
00:22:27
Speaker
and But then those things, you know they come up. And years later is when I truly like, okay, let myself grieve because you have to move through that process.
00:22:42
Speaker
You can suppress it and you can think you're fine. And for a while you can be. but you have to allow yourself to sit in whatever you need to feel. And I, a therapist once said to me, um, what if you just sat in it?
00:22:58
Speaker
I'm like, I don't want to sit in it. And she's like, but you need to feel it. And then if you allow yourself to feel it, when it comes up again, you just feel it less and less. Like you're,
00:23:10
Speaker
desensitizing yourself, but avoiding it, it's, it's going to come up and overpower you at some point. So just allow yourself to sit in and feel it. And I was like, and that for me was like one of the most beautiful things that anybody's ever shared with me.
00:23:26
Speaker
yeah Allow yourself to sit and just feel what you need to feel. Yeah. Even the discomfort, even yeah the pain. but So this this brings me back because this was one of the questions.
00:23:39
Speaker
but Do you have awareness around what that may be today, the discomfort, the uncomfortable feeling ah when you talk about yin, yoga? you have any awareness around what that may be? Is it related to this or is it something else?
00:23:54
Speaker
I mean, I think of, you know, your healing journey, you When you allow yourself to feel things and you make that a practice, then you don't really hold on to anything.
00:24:08
Speaker
You just let stuff go, you know, and just, and you, in that appreciation of, life and how powerful like right now is. That's all you have.
00:24:18
Speaker
And I speak that to my kids all the time, you know, and they're like this, I'm dealing with this, I'm dealing with this, you know, and I'm like, well, what do you have right now? Yeah. You know, like, what do you have right now? The beauty of your life is what is existing in this moment.
00:24:34
Speaker
So don't forget to enjoy whatever this moment is, you know, and, and sometimes the beauty is just, I'll, I sit at my kitchen table and I'll just open the back door and, and every morning I just sit here and my dog will stand at the screen and he's just like watching out. And I'm, I always think like, what is he thinking? And I, you know, and, and he'll just look around. And honestly, as I observe him, I'm like, he's just enjoying the beauty of life. Yeah.
00:25:03
Speaker
That's it. yeah He's just noticing this bird and he's observing every little thing about that bird that I don't pay attention to because I'm so caught up in all these other things that I'm not appreciating the beauty of that.
00:25:17
Speaker
Yeah. with the meaning Even you questioning what he's thinking is taking you out of appreciating that moment. Yeah. there' is that There's a ah beautiful cartoon that illustrates that. It's just a simple, it's a man and a dog and they're looking at something.
00:25:34
Speaker
And if there there are thought bubbles above the man and the dog. And the man is, ah i think it's like, it may be like life and all the things that may come up with life, but it also may be thinking about what the dog dog is thinking. And then above the dog is just the scene in front of us.
00:25:49
Speaker
And so it's it's it's so real like to be appreciative of that that moment, to to sit and watch beauty unfold just as it is like grass and trees and the sun and clouds and and be there and be present there.
00:26:05
Speaker
That's something that i've been ive I've grown to appreciate a lot more. Yeah. Now that, yeah, that's that's good stuff right there. I'm curious where your but your mindset comes from. Like how, because that's that's a lot.
00:26:21
Speaker
To lose your husband at 26 and then have sick kids to raise, three triplets on top of having another kid. Like where did the mindset of, we got to suck this up and we got to keep going. We got to be positive. We got to move forward. Where did that come from?
00:26:37
Speaker
Gosh, I think a lot of places, um, I'm very strong willed. but I just don't, you know, i think even before the tragedy, I think that's just who I am. I'm the oldest child and it's just like, suck it up do it get it done, figure out what needs to be done, you
Gratitude and Positive Mindset
00:27:01
Speaker
know? And, and, and like I said, a minute ago,
00:27:05
Speaker
i don't wish tragedy or anything on anybody, but I think we all have this story of, you know, whatever we've had to overcome. I mean, plenty of people have that, you know, this one just happens to be mine. And and you just find a way to get through it because the fact that you are still alive and, you know, there's so much to be grateful for and you, you choose what you let your mind
00:27:37
Speaker
Cultivate on and I'm going to cultivate mine in gratitude. And, you know, and that's a choice.
00:27:47
Speaker
Mindset's a choice. So just training your mind to deal with whatever it needs to deal with, feeling whatever you need to feel, but then bringing yourself back to be centered. and what do I have?
00:28:00
Speaker
Yeah. What do I have? Can you can you walk us through maybe some some exercises or resources that you use for yourself in the past to help you cultivate that mindset that that that keeps the mind on your team and feeding you with positivity as opposed to spiraling in a different direction?
00:28:20
Speaker
I mean, I pray, i meditate and my prayer meditation overlap a lot of times. Um, and how I do that, uh, just sitting with your senses, you know, and, and maybe that's outside. Sometimes I like, I fall asleep and like meditate, you know, to my meditation music and fall asleep, but it's just, it's a practice. And so, you know,
00:28:49
Speaker
I try to activate my senses. Like, what do I feel? What do I smell? What are some things, you know, i see stuff all day. I'm just going to close my eyes and tap into the senses that I use or that don't notice as much. So that smell and hearing and, you know, bringing your awareness to that and and just my breathing and just, you know, visualizing things that I want to visualize.
00:29:15
Speaker
So after you, you know, meditation, after you do that so many times, it just becomes something that you can do without thinking about it. You've trained your mind, you know, driving down the street and just like you're enlightened because you've trained your mind to think that way.
00:29:31
Speaker
Yeah. You said something, I think, i don't, I don't, it's a simple phrase, but I think it's so powerful. You visualize something that you want to visualize.
00:29:42
Speaker
Yeah. that is That is profound. like it's it's It's very simple. like I want to see, and I view that and I visualize that as opposed to letting your mind go down what the darkness is, what the pain is, what the trauma is, what the depression is, what the anxiety is.
00:30:02
Speaker
Like like you you in a moment can say, I want to see birds chirping. I want to to see and in an experience the flow of the river and in the crashing waves. Like you have the ability to visualize what you want to visualize. I thought that was extremely profound.
00:30:21
Speaker
Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Yeah.
Lessons from Yoga Teacher Training
00:30:24
Speaker
we We share something in common. um Well, we share multiple things in common. One, um I had a long distance relationship with someone in Johnson City for a period of time.
00:30:37
Speaker
My wife, ah she was in Johnson City during her medical schooling years. And so I got to experience ah East Tennessee a little bit ah during that period of time.
00:30:49
Speaker
But also um yoga teacher training. Yoga teacher training for me was the first introduction. I would say the introduction for me into group therapy. I don't think I um may have not even gone to therapy prior to that, but it was it was definitely in a group setting of going through deep, introspective, self-inquiry, like understanding self.
00:31:19
Speaker
I'm curious what you learned about yourself during your yoga teacher training process. Gosh, that's good. I'm still learning about myself. I'm like, well, we figure this out.
00:31:33
Speaker
I'm still on that journey. and i I like to be in charge. That's one thing I learned about myself. I like to be in charge. and Another thing is that i am quick to give grace to other people.
00:31:55
Speaker
but not always to myself. So, and and that's something that really did surface during yoga teacher training. Like I'm quick to forgive and forget and move on you know, and whatever, but I'm not quick to do that for me.
00:32:12
Speaker
And so just learning to give myself grace, like you're human too. You acknowledge other people mess up. You acknowledge people can make a mistake, but allow yourself,
00:32:26
Speaker
that same pass, I guess. Wow. Wow. wow What do you think motivates the, the need for control?
00:32:38
Speaker
Oh gosh, that's good. i
00:32:44
Speaker
Being the oldest child for sure. and Just situations that ah operate and I think, and you know, I've talked to my therapist about this. It's a trauma response.
00:32:56
Speaker
So i operate in this, I'm really good at responding, ah you know, because the situations I've been through, I'm good at responding on the fly and seeing an emergency and like getting some adrenaline out of that. And so i don't know, but back to your question, what, why am I that way? We're still working on that.
00:33:24
Speaker
hey Yeah, no. i just trying to figure that out I'm just curious. No, it's good. It's good. You know, and I will say this. I, uh, one of my sons, one of the triplets, it's been a couple years ago.
00:33:39
Speaker
he was, we were sitting at the table. I'm at right now. We were just chatting and, And I just had a revelation, like having a relationship with your adult kids is so much different, you know, and it's rewarding and it's, you know, and they start to share things that you're like, oh, wow.
00:33:57
Speaker
Like, I didn't know that you viewed it that way or whatever.
Demonstrating Emotional Vulnerability as Parents
00:34:01
Speaker
and so at one point, one of my sons, he's like, youre you have no emotion, mom. Like, you never cry. You never. And I realized, like,
00:34:13
Speaker
I do cry, but I don't let them see that. And so, you know, it was, it was a revelation to me, you know, in my mind, I'm trying to keep all this together and make sure I'm who I need to be. I'm strong for my kids or whatever. but then,
00:34:35
Speaker
they don't see me like, well, don't have any emotions. You don't, you know, you don't feel anything. And I'm like, yes, I do. And, you know, and I explained it and, and, and now I allow myself to be somebody else in front of them. Like if I'm upset, like I'm just going to tell you like they're adults now.
00:34:54
Speaker
Yeah. And you to see mom be human. Mom doesn't, you know, and maybe I should have done that earlier. I don't know. i don't know the right answer, but it is okay. And it is what it is. and Do you forgive yourself for not doing that earlier?
00:35:07
Speaker
do. ah you know, and I sometimes think, I had this conversation with a friend the other day. She's a single mom and ah She has two sons that are ah now adults, and we've talked about how a lot of times I felt like just like i'm a like I'm juggling life, like, do this, do this, line this up. I've got to take this person here. I've got to do all these things.
00:35:34
Speaker
And
00:35:37
Speaker
i don't regret anything, but if I were to give advice to someone in motherhood, in the trenches of motherhood, like allow yourself just to exist and sit on the floor and, and be late and,
00:35:56
Speaker
Don't make dinner. Like, you don't have to have it all together. And it's okay if your kids see that, you know, like, let them see you fall. And then when you do, let them see how you get back up.
00:36:10
Speaker
Because that's really what's important. Dang, that's powerful right there. Yeah. I think that that's that's really great advice right there because because you are human and and you yeah that like you had to show them the human parts of you that you do cry, that you do have emotions and they need to see that. they need to to be They need to see that model to them somewhere, somehow, so that they can grow and do that themselves. But to see it from mom, to build that empathy and compassion towards mom,
00:36:39
Speaker
that is That is important for them. So, wow, that's that's amazing. who Who's who's ah been by your side? Who's stuck with you through through your journey? And what does the community look like for you?
00:36:52
Speaker
It's right here. Yes, yes. Introduce this beautiful creature right here. It's Teddy. Teddy. up, Teddy? don't know how people exist without a dog. oh That's personal preference.
00:37:05
Speaker
Yes. Oh, Teddy looks like he knows when to snuggle and cuddle and do what he needs to do.
00:37:14
Speaker
i I'm telling you, animals sometimes I think are just underestimated. Mm-hmm. He knows me. He knows what I need.
00:37:25
Speaker
He knows when to give me space and I don't say anything like he just knows. Um, but your question was, who's been by my side, like through this, I mean, God is always by my side.
00:37:39
Speaker
i believe in a higher power, you know, and I know that to be true and I get, it looks different for everybody and, you know, and I'm a respecter of that, whatever, you know,
00:37:52
Speaker
um But definitely God has always been by my side. and You know, my kids, there was, you know, my oldest son, just
00:38:05
Speaker
we've been through, you he was three when his dad died and just moving through
Trusting Inner Intuition and Strength
00:38:11
Speaker
that. And now him being an adult and us having conversations and he sees me as like,
00:38:17
Speaker
my mom is on a different level, you know? And I, and I appreciate that, you know, because when you're doing it, you're like, they have no idea, like all the things. And now it's like, mom is a badass.
00:38:33
Speaker
I'll take it. That's amazing. Yeah. But yeah, I have close relationships with friends. and But honestly, I come back to that.
00:38:48
Speaker
Everything you need is already inside of you. Where did you learn that from? I just knew it. I don't know. i don't. i don't It was inside of you. It was inside of me. Like, I've just always felt that, like just praying, meditating, you know, and I'm when we sit and we just get honest with ourselves and we really want to be honest with ourselves, your answers are inside of you.
00:39:11
Speaker
You know all the answers you do. You may not be ready for the answer. Ooh. Yeah. But you've got them, you know, what speak to that, that you may not be ready for the answer.
00:39:27
Speaker
ah Probably going through my divorce. That's probably a time. I mean, you, you know, you know, the answers, you know, things that are going on. If you're questioning it in your head, then, you know, and I and i say that to friends, you know, and and my own kids, like, you know the answers.
00:39:47
Speaker
If you're questioning that something might be happening, why are you questioning that? Be honest with yourself. You know, and and it's just there. It's always there. You meditate, you pray.
00:40:03
Speaker
Everything's inside of you. Wow. i took To that last point, I'm curious what your thoughts are. And this, this I don't think you you brought this up, but I'm just curious to hear other people's opinion on.
00:40:16
Speaker
Do you... What are your your thoughts on whether it's intuition or trauma response in certain situations like that? When you feel and sense something, knowing that there's a past of things that someone has experienced, right? we We've all had different experiences related to whatever it may be, but is it intuition or is it a trauma response?
00:40:40
Speaker
That's a good question. I think intuition differs because it's something you feel when you're calm. It's something you feel even when you're not thinking about it.
00:40:53
Speaker
It just comes up. Like I just sitting here, I'm, you know, sitting here with my dog, just chilling, whatever. And it's just like that feeling you get.
00:41:07
Speaker
and then you just start to look inside and like, you, That's the difference. Yeah. Oh, that's good. That's good. I'm curious, what what as as as mama to to the babies that you have, as the teacher, as the woman that you are what are you most proud of in life?
00:41:31
Speaker
Gosh.
00:41:33
Speaker
I am most proud. this will get me emotional. I am most proud of not messing my kids Let your kids see it. Let your kids see you get emotional.
00:41:44
Speaker
I am most proud of, and you know, when you're navigating parenthood, like, you don't you don't know if you're doing it right. And, you know, and and you can't rely on how they react because they think you're, you know, the bad guy.
00:42:02
Speaker
But i am most proud of the way that I've parented my kids and just seeing who they are as adults. A hundred percent.
00:42:15
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. i i I don't know your kids, but hearing what you share with me and knowing the relationship to be able to sit down at that table and have a vulnerable conversation with your son, like I know that they are proud of you, too.
00:42:31
Speaker
So um i hope that they they express that. But I want you to hear it again from your mouth and from mine and hopefully from theirs, because that's a that's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
00:42:43
Speaker
Thank you. appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, before we we, close it out, I want to, um just, just, uh,
00:42:54
Speaker
ask you what what messages from people along the journey, along the way what has stuck out? Maybe it's a book, maybe it's a quote, maybe it's it's um just some advice that you don't know where it came from. It's anonymous at this point, um but has reminded you to keep going, to push, to persevere, to have that positive mindset.
00:43:15
Speaker
It's just a good question.
00:43:21
Speaker
I do read a lot. and And ah just Eckhart Tolle, everything that he writes is just insane.
00:43:31
Speaker
And it's like I have to read it a little bit at a time and then digest it and feel it. And then I'll go back and read, know, two years later. And I'm like, gosh, did I read this? don't remember, you know, just things hit differently.
00:43:45
Speaker
and But just the answers are all inside of you. They're all inside of you. And we people are just busy searching and trying to find fulfillment and, you know, the answers to life. And everything you need is in you. And you have to believe that. i mean, that's that's
Mindset, Visualization, and Fulfillment
00:44:09
Speaker
the number one thing. Your mindset's powerful. And if you believe you can do whatever you can do, then you can do it.
00:44:17
Speaker
So true. yeah So true. Yeah. So true. i eight Having, like for me personally, defied odds and done things that, I don't know, just looking back at life, i'm I'm amazed at some of the accomplishments and things that I've been able to do. And it started with a thought.
00:44:40
Speaker
Yeah. His podcast started with a thought. It started with a conversation, which was a a thought expressed to somebody else. And i was I was talking about flexing.
00:44:51
Speaker
you know i was like, as as I flex my vulnerability muscle more, it allows other people to do the same. Yeah. And it just like hit me and i was like, okay. And, and that's, that's what so much of, of what I've done is started as a thought that has been materialized into the world. And, um, you have the power in you to do it all, to, to do whatever it is that you want to accomplish.
00:45:16
Speaker
Um, and and be whatever you want to be. Right. I think like going back earlier, i love what you said, like visualize things you want to visualize, feel the things you want to feel. It seems simple and it seems circuitous, but, but you have to make that active choice.
00:45:33
Speaker
And so, no, I think that's, that's super powerful. All right.
00:45:41
Speaker
I want to, ah we got some fill in the blank questions and then I'll have some, ah i'll let I want to hear some final words from you, but it's going to be ah five of these.
00:45:53
Speaker
Okay. um So the first one is perseverance means blank.
00:46:02
Speaker
Not giving up.
00:46:06
Speaker
My mind's greatest superpower is blank.
00:46:11
Speaker
mean
00:46:13
Speaker
Going wherever I want to go.
00:46:17
Speaker
Mentally.
00:46:20
Speaker
ah If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be blank. So good. ah It's okay. It's okay.
00:46:33
Speaker
Give me an age. What age are you telling that to? Six-year-old. Wow. Yeah.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yoga, teaching, and yoga practice has taught me blank. ah and Gosh. The beauty of individuals.
00:46:54
Speaker
Yeah. Oof. I will agree on that. one of the favorite One of my favorite phrases that small world yoga uses is yoga is for everybody.
00:47:09
Speaker
And not just everybody, but everybody. body and and that to see a room full of people of all different shapes, ability levels, um it's it's it's beautiful to see like we can't all do the same things and we were not built to be that way.
00:47:30
Speaker
But every individual has beauty in them. It's unique to them and it's just beautiful. Oh, wow. That's real. And then this is this is one that came that i that I came up with as you were talking, but ah fill in the blank. Leslie, I forgive you for blank.
00:47:54
Speaker
hey
00:47:57
Speaker
Just for thinking that you have to have all the answers. Yeah. I forgive you for thinking. That's good. Because you don't. You're human. That's right. You don't need to know it all.
00:48:09
Speaker
But I love that. ah you you your Your energy and your mindset after experiencing, you know, can imagine, you know, being being a young mother and experiencing the loss of your husband and then bouncing. not I mean, just just persevering in the way that you did. Like your story of resilience is truly remarkable. Yeah.
00:48:33
Speaker
And um i know that it will inspire so many people. what's inspired me today and and and it will continue to inspire me. I'm wondering if you have any ah words to someone who may have experienced something similar to you.
00:48:48
Speaker
what would What would your youre words be, words of encouragement be to those folks? Um, again, just let yourself feel what you need to feel.
00:49:00
Speaker
Let yourself grieve, whatever that looks like. Give yourself time to do that, but don't stay and just realize the power you have. And, you know, ah say this to my kids, like hard things make you better.
00:49:15
Speaker
and unfortunately, this was a hard thing, but it made me better. And, and I don't know what, that would look like had I not gone through these situations. And so just let life flow, you know, and let things happen the way that they're supposed to happen. We're all going to die.
00:49:30
Speaker
We're all going to experience heartache in whatever way that looks. And just allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel, but then realizing the beauty of what you have to still exist and, you know, have limit possibilities or limitless possibilities with what you want to do with your life. Just do it.
00:49:52
Speaker
Wow, that's powerful. This just came to me, and I don't know if you are open to this or not, but ah if you are, i would say imagine we package this conversation up in a bottle for...
A Message of Pride and Love for Her Children
00:50:09
Speaker
another 50, hundred years, let's call it a hundred years. And somehow your kids are 126 and a hundred, you know, they're old, they're old and they're able to open it up and then hear message from you to them.
00:50:26
Speaker
You can do it individually or collectively, but what would you say to them? Ah, that's good.
00:50:38
Speaker
I mean, I think every parent wants their kids to stand on their shoulders. What message would you would you leave to your kids? Man, I just, honestly, I'm just so proud. And it's not because, you know, I hear parents being proud of their kids for these accomplishments. You know, went to college. I did this. I did this.
00:51:03
Speaker
I'm most proud of my kids because of the heart that they have and just the forgiveness, the grace. There's just such beauty. and And one of my sons is in the process of buying a house and we got along the way and, you know, he spent this money on appraisals and inspections and all this. And It's fallen through and not to any fault of his. And I was like, and I'm a realtor too. And so I'm selling him this house.
00:51:39
Speaker
And so I hesitated. I'm like, gosh, I've got to call him and tell him this. He's lost this money and you know, it is what it is. We'll try to get part of it back. And, um,
00:51:52
Speaker
When I called him, he's like, it's disappointing, Mom. He's like, he's like but you know what? what's supposed to meant to What's meant to happen for me in my life will happen the way it's supposed to happen.
00:52:04
Speaker
And I think about that. I'm like, if I would have known that at 22, I would have lived like that at 22, where would I be today? you know And I told him, I was like, his name's Miles. And I said, Miles,
00:52:20
Speaker
if you live the rest of your life like that, you're never gonna be disappointed. Like you're you're never gonna, you're gonna be happy all the time. Like if you just let things go the way that you are in this moment, this big deal, you practice that,
00:52:38
Speaker
You're ahead of very everybody. Yeah. You know, because your mindset is so powerful. It is. And nobody gets to control this. You get to control this. Mm-hmm. So things can be happening all around you, but no one gets access to this unless you give it to them.
00:52:55
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. So just, it I would say just how proud I am of my kids and just, yeah, it's my biggest accomplishment.
00:53:07
Speaker
Wow. Wow. I hear a lot of radical acceptance and they they've learned that from you. And that is that is ah a great gift that you've given them.
00:53:19
Speaker
And ah you weren't meant to know it at 22. You were meant to pass it down to a 22 year old. Thank you for that. need to hear that.
00:53:31
Speaker
Yeah, you are you're right where you need to be. and and i And I am grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful for this conversation. It has been fruitful for me.
00:53:41
Speaker
I'm curious if if you have ah any any ways that you want people to reach out, contact or anything that you have going on in in the Johnson City area that you want to promote.
00:53:53
Speaker
um I mean, always come to yoga. I'm always promoting some yoga. yeah Come yoga with me. you know i mean, reach out to me anyway. If you need to buy a house, I can sell you a house. a Yeah, I mean, if you need a friend, like I just, I love people.
00:54:12
Speaker
Sometimes i I'm known in my friend circles to a tell you what you need to hear, even though you may not want to hear it That's important.
00:54:23
Speaker
yeah. and Do you want to share any contact information? Yeah, sure. I mean, contact me on my social media. you can use my Instagram.
00:54:35
Speaker
Leslie D. Yoga. Yeah. Awesome. Well, good. Leslie, this has been a treat. I appreciate you Thank you for for being so vulnerable about about a very difficult experience that you have found positivity and hope and inspiration from, and and you're sharing that inspiration with the world and uplifting other people through your message.
00:54:58
Speaker
Continue to share it. it's you you You shine a light on this world, so thank you. Thank you, Reggie. Thank you for what you do. I appreciate you. Yes.
00:55:11
Speaker
With all the things that you could be doing and all the places you could be, I appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. Thank you, Reggie. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle.
00:55:23
Speaker
If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
00:55:37
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
00:55:53
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
00:56:04
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable. but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.