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Healing Trauma While Living with ADHD: Breathwork, Ayahuasca, and the Fight to Feel
15 Plays22 days ago
“I had my gun in my hand… and my kids were right there.” In one of the most raw and riveting episodes yet, Anthony Wilson opens up about the moment he hit rock bottom—and what pulled him back. From ADHD misdiagnosis and childhood trauma to a 911 call that saved his life, Anthony’s story is a powerful testament to resilience, transformation, and self-love. He takes us through his journey from self-destruction to healing: yoga at sunrise, journaling on ayahuasca in the Colombian mountains, and a spiritual awakening that led him to sobriety and purpose.
This isn’t just a story about mental health—it’s about reclaiming your identity, rewriting the narrative of masculinity, and redefining what success really means. Whether you’re healing from trauma or searching for deeper meaning, this episode reminds us that the love we’re looking for often starts within.
Call to Action:
Listen now to hear how Anthony turned pain into power—and why vulnerability just might be your greatest strength.
Contact Info:
Guest: Anthony Wilson
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nashvillianfoodie/
Host: Reggie D. Ford
Website: https://reggiedford.com
Socials: @reggiedford on all platforms
Key Quotes & Takeaways:
- “If you listen to your fears, you'll never know the great person you're meant to be.”
- “Ayahuasca didn’t let me run from my trauma. It made me sit in it—and heal from it.”
- “I had the house, the car, the money—but I felt so small inside. Now I live in a camper with my mom and I’ve never been happier.”
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Transcript
Anthony's 911 Call: A Pivotal Moment
00:00:00
Speaker
I ended up calling 911 saying wanted to kill myself. And it was like right there on the kitchen table. I had my gun in my hand and like my kids and everything. Like ambulance came and picked me up. That that was really the eye opener for me.
00:00:13
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:31
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:45
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle.
Introducing Anthony Wilson: A Journey of Growth
00:00:51
Speaker
Welcome to the Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host Reggie D. Ford. Today I got my man Anthony Wilson with me. Yes, by day, Anthony is a dedicated concrete truck driver, but when the sun sets, he transforms into an energetic DJ, sharing his passion for music music with others.
00:01:10
Speaker
In 2022, Anthony faced a pivotal and changing challenging moment in his life when he dialed 911 in a moment of deep despair, leading to a week-long stay in a psychiatric ward.
00:01:22
Speaker
Diagnosed with major depressive episode and prescribed medication, he quickly realized that traditional routes weren't the right fit for him. determined to Determined to explore healthier options, Anthony turned to self-help literature Finding profound insights, dang, in Reggie's book, in my book, PTSD, Perseverance Through Severe Dysfunction.
00:01:45
Speaker
This journey ignited his commitment to better mental health through clean eating, exercise, and overall wellness. Anthony's journey to heal and grow is ongoing, and he's here to share his story and the lessons he's learned and the importance of mental health awareness.
00:02:02
Speaker
Y'all, welcome Anthony Wilson. How you doing, brother? Doing good, man. Doing good. Man, I am excited to have this conversation.
Childhood Memories: Rivalries and Friendships
00:02:09
Speaker
um for the For listeners out there, Anthony and I went to um rival private schools in town, played football against each other. And um I think this was one of the first, when I got to that private school in eighth grade, or maybe it was ninth grade, um we played against each other and I couldn't tackle you, bro.
00:02:32
Speaker
I could not tackle you. big for my age, man. I was big for my age. It was huge. It was huge. Big is an understatement. I remember specifically, it was one game. I had grabbed your jersey, and you were just running and running, and the jersey ripped, and I had a handful of hip pad and a jersey. I was like, what in the world? He's still running. Touchdown. And, like, man, so it's cool to be here with you right now, bro. That's what's up, bro. That's what's up.
Community and Friends: Overcoming Childhood Challenges
00:02:57
Speaker
right, before we get into the deep stories of things, we're going to hop into a segment I like to call What Comes to Mind. Okay. So you let me know the first thing you think of. What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:03:11
Speaker
Curiosity. That's what comes to mind to me. Okay. What do you do to center yourself or ground yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or maybe even depressed? Man, yoga and exercise, some kind of exercise. Probably i'd say either yoga yoga or running. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
00:03:31
Speaker
And lastly, what is one of your favorite childhood memories? Favorite childhood memories? Man, I'd probably Running in away without your hip pad? No, no. I'd probably have to say, man, ah kicking it with my homies on the block. Like my friends. I had a group of neighborhood friends on Ocala.
00:03:47
Speaker
And they helped me escape my my childhood. So ah really just memories with them because they really, they they saved me for sure. That's what's up, bro. Yeah. Friends, man, the community that we have that surrounds us is always ah It can be. I can't say always. it It can be uplifting. And when it is, oh, it's a beautiful thing. So I'm glad you had those friends, bro. Word. Appreciate it.
Growing Up with ADHD: Struggles and Frustrations
00:04:09
Speaker
Tell me, take me back to to a time when you were growing up and what that environment looked like for Lil' Anthony. Oh, man. ah and First of all, I just got to say, sorry, mom, but I got to just say it how it was. ah It was good, bro. It was It had its ups and its downs, but for the most part, um, alcoholic parents, um, ADHD kid parents that didn't really have that much money. So therefore they didn't have a lot of, uh, patience with kids because they just got a lot of other things on their mind. You know what i mean?
00:04:49
Speaker
Um, which I understand more now than I'm a parent. Um, I lucked up, though, because my grandmother did send me to a private school from kindergarten to eighth grade.
00:05:00
Speaker
And she tried to send all the grandkids to private school. But for some reason, I was the only one that kind of made it, which is weird because, bro, like I struggled with schoolwork. So I don't know how like my my sister, my big sister, she's a...
00:05:13
Speaker
She's a psychologist and i mean she's got a PhD and everything, so I don't know why she didn't make it through. But anyways, so I would go to school and it's like I would go to school with all these kids that were privileged and and had things that I wanted and everything. And I come back home and it's like... a You know, eighth grade, like I wasn't doing it, but like my brother and them drinking 40s, popping Zannies, just stuff like that, that kind of environment. You know what saying? I spoke my first, my first joint when I was in like the fifth grade, fourth grade, fourth, fifth grade. So being around that stuff, like, you know, but, um.
00:05:48
Speaker
Like i said, that's why I had, like, the friends that kind of helped me stay away from all that in sports. Sports really helped out from staying away from all that, too. so Definitely, definitely. So you said you you were diagnosed with ADHD as a child? Yeah, kindergarten, bro.
00:06:01
Speaker
yeah Kindergarten, yeah. theyve ah They put me on, at first, Ritalin, but it made me like it not it made me, like, pull my hair out and stuff, so then they put me on Concerta. um But, yeah, diagnosed as a kid, and, I mean, yeah still to this day, like,
00:06:16
Speaker
You can see the symptoms. You know, I was actually talking about it with my coworker the other day because she has ADHD as well and just dealing with it as an an adult. You know what saying? So, yeah. What challenges came up as it related at home and then maybe in the neighborhood even?
00:06:32
Speaker
ah More so in home, just like with school. like its Like, so still to this day, like, ah like I can spell really good. Yeah.
00:06:44
Speaker
ah can I can enunciate words very well. And, like, if you give me something, it matter if it's, like, college level, I can read it perfect. But, like, as far as really grasping it and understanding it, nah, bro, I ain't. You know what saying? Like, I'm more a visual learner. So, like, my schoolwork, like, my parents couldn't help me with, like, second, third grade work. You know what saying? So, like, I'm coming home and getting all these bad grades and stuff. And then just dealing with that with parents, like, I – ah um I don't know, guess it's just, it's frustrating as a kid because like you've got this learning disability and your parents don't know how to deal with it. You don't know how to deal with it.
00:07:27
Speaker
and You just, you get filled with anger and stuff. Like, still to this day, like, I find myself, like, ah when I don't understand something when somebody's talking to me, I'll feel myself start to get, like, the anxiety build up. And it's because of, like, my parents used to yell at me and whip me and stuff because I wasn't understanding stuff that I read. You know what i mean? So ah that's kind of the thing. just, like, with ADHD as kids, like, we're just taught to, don't even know the right word for it, but...
00:07:57
Speaker
We're just really taught to just keep pushing. And if you understand it, I don't know. It's hard. It's kind of hard to explain. It's definitely hard. And I can only imagine being a child growing up. and And, like, children, everything is new at some point, right? And then you start to learn a little bit, but then you get exposed to more, and it's new.
00:08:17
Speaker
And now you're getting asked to do all this work at a private school nonetheless. And I'm sure that was difficult. Bro, 100%. 100%. And I...
00:08:26
Speaker
and i I don't think I was able to comprehend. like Reading comprehension wasn't a skill for me until after I graduated from college. yeah like to to I was reading to find the answer to the 12 questions that was in the end. like that was the like I'm flipping back and forth.
00:08:42
Speaker
but But I think like when you when you're experiencing so much other stuff and your brain is going, it's like... Yeah, I can read this line 12 times and never hear it yeah in my head. And that was me. i so I never hear the things that I would read and and be able to retain that. And so i can imagine...
00:09:00
Speaker
what it was like to have ADHD on top of that and then have the the the the the ways in which your parents responded to that. I mean, I'm sure that was very difficult, bro. Who were some of the folks that that were, you you see you mentioned your friends, but who were some of the other folks or were there adults around that were uplifting you and helping you through that?
00:09:19
Speaker
ah Man, I'd have to say my grandmother, man. My grandmother really was like the rock of our
Positive Influences: Lessons from Family
00:09:25
Speaker
family. And, um, she would help me, like I would write something and she would help me go through and edit it and everything like that. Uh, but, um, as far as other adults, man, I really didn't have any other like positive uplifting adults.
00:09:39
Speaker
That's why I really just, that's why I really love like, uh, my community that I grew up with because like with my kids, like, uh, yeah, that was really all the positivity that I had.
00:09:49
Speaker
um
00:09:54
Speaker
As far as – do got to speak on my stepdad. So I didn't know my real dad until was in the eighth grade, but my stepdad, which is my brother's dad, um he introduced me to sports and worked with me with sports. And if it wasn't for that, like if it wasn't for that, um don't think that I'd be the person that I am today. So I really have him to thank for that.
00:10:17
Speaker
um Because sports, I mean, you know, like it it just – it puts – All kinds of different, like, exercises in your life that just make you a better person. You know what I mean?
00:10:32
Speaker
But, man, it's really, like, real talk, like, positivity, bro. Like, I really didn't have a lot of that as a kid. Just because of it was really the alcohol, bro. Like, when it really boils down to it.
Family Dynamics and Emotional Challenges
00:10:45
Speaker
How it make you feel to say that out loud as an adult? It sucks because, like, I sit here and, like, I want to talk about, like... Because, like, my relationship with a mom has gotten a lot better. um But, like, still to this day that, like, I'll talk to her about stuff and, like, she completely just...
00:11:03
Speaker
washes away like that didn't happen or you're exaggerating it and it's because she can't face her own like demons about how she really treated us as kids and it just it it does hurt to like kind of talk about that out loud a little bit but it's good because I need to talk about it more um my whole life like my whole family kind of Sweeps things under the rug. Like, a lot of stuff, bro. And it's not it's not healthy, dog. Because when you sweep that stuff up, stuff bottles up and comes out, like, in a bad way.
00:11:33
Speaker
Man. You know what I mean? It definitely does. And that's one thing that I've learned about ADHD is, ah like, so as a kid, like... All ADHD was was you can't like you can't pay attention and you're hyper as heck. And that's it. But, like, when I started researching Warntuit over the past year or two, like, I'm learning about all kinds of stuff. Like, icing like ah like emotional dysregulation. Okay.
00:11:57
Speaker
And, like, pretty much, like, I've always been told I've got a bad temper. And ah know what that really stems from. It's because, like, I've never really been able to talk about my feelings because I never learned how to talk about my feelings in a healthy way because I was never taught as a kid.
00:12:13
Speaker
And so, like, growing up, like, I'm always the quiet guy around. know what and I mean? And I'm always observing. I can observe the energy and everything, everybody's conversation. And ah I never really say much unless something just really needs to be said. But then when there's times where I step up and say something, like,
00:12:33
Speaker
I'm usually speaking because I'm standing up for somebody or I'm trying to stand up for myself. And then I get like all built up inside. And it's because like I've never learned to just breathe, think about it and just express yourself and don't get angry if the other person isn't understanding what you're saying. You know what saying? And just all kinds of stuff, bro, I'm learning. so So when you said like the the emotional regulation, like when you, I think one thing we we we don't get taught enough of is how to express emotions, even if anger is the emotion that needs to be expressed yeah in that moment. So like, who knows if if if if you had anger in that moment, that's justified, right? That that feeling is valid, period.
00:13:17
Speaker
And to have a way to express that without harming anybody else physically or, or you know, trying not to harm them emotionally as well um is is okay, but we don't create the space for that to happen.
00:13:31
Speaker
And so i want to I want to just like just sit and breathe because you said you do some breathing. like yeah teach So like when you, let's say you're in a conversation with somebody and it comes up and you need to breathe, like what it what is it, what do you feel in your body and then what do you do?
00:13:44
Speaker
So I actually went to an anger management class when I was like 20 because like when I broke up with my ex, she pretty much told me that I needed to go to anger management class or whatever. So i was like, maybe I do. So I went and then towards the end of it, she said I needed to go to some alcoholic anonymous class or whatever. But she taught me to breathe just through your nose and then count to five
00:14:09
Speaker
and then exhale through the mouth. And what that does is bring in oxygen to your brain to help you relax. And it helps me tremendously. Yeah. I mean, it it gets that blood flow to the brain. you know Yeah, I love that. i love that. I'm always incorporating breath work in the middle of my day. Like when things get stressful, when things go crazy, it's like I got to breathe. And it's like the one part of our nervous system that we can't control.
00:14:36
Speaker
It's like how we breathe and how that then impacts different parts of our nervous system and our brains to calm us down or to lift us up if we're feeling, you know, too down. Yeah. And it's like, OK, so breath is a tool. Let me use this for my benefit when things come up. And so I'm curious, you know, fast forward through through time. So you you said you met your dad first time in the eighth grade. Yeah. Yeah. What was that experience like?
Meeting His Biological Father: A New Friendship
00:15:05
Speaker
It was, um you know, what's crazy is my mom thought that it was this one guy and I met him and I used to have this big gap right here and I met him at Waffle House somewhere in Nashville. And when I met him, this one dude, his name was Tony.
00:15:22
Speaker
After I left, I was like, mom, that ain't my dad. Like it was just intuitively, like I've always been a very intuitive person. I know it sounds weird or whatever, but like, my mom can vouch for this statement. Like I told her as soon as we got big in the car, was like, mom, that's not my dad. And she was like, that's the only one that can be. And I'm no, that ain't him.
00:15:39
Speaker
So anyways, we ended up doing, um ah what do you call it? Paternity tests. And it wasn't him. So then she's like, well, it can only be one other person. And um he he is like my best friend now.
00:15:56
Speaker
And um getting to know my real dad, and he tells me still to this day that son, God had a plan for that. Because if you had known me when I was a kid, and i was running the streets and being wild. And I mean, he got locked up for two years and he was like, it was ah good thing that you didn't meet me. So I was in the eighth grade or and, or to you in the eighth grade. And, um, he's just given me so much support.
00:16:23
Speaker
And, uh, as a kid, he would come to my games and stuff like that. And, um, He's just really become more of my friend than my father, you know, which is honestly a blessing. Wow. Yeah. That's so beautiful, man. and And like heartbreaking, too, right, to to to hear, um you know, that first experience of your intuition telling you that that's not the case. Why did you say it was weird that you had like did you always been intuitive?
00:16:48
Speaker
ah Because a lot of people don't really, like, really pick up on that when you talk about, like, when you start talking about, like, energy and stuff like that. Like, they start to think, like, what are you talking about? But, like... ah Since ah as a kid, and I think where I developed this from is like having growing up in step how like or alcoholic um household, i had to really be in tune with what was going on in the house because at one moment, everything could be cool. And the next moment, you're seeing a chair fly down the stairs or whatever and just...
00:17:18
Speaker
Um, so I've always been able to walk into a room and then just kind of like, as soon as I walk in, just like feel the energy of the room and see what's going on and stuff like that. But, um, yeah. Uh, yeah. Just been a very intuitive guy. Yeah, I think it's a power of yours, honestly, because i can i can I can sense it in you and I can see how it has benefited you in a lot of life. And I'm glad to be you know sitting across from you because of that intuition that's probably saved you at a lot of times.
00:17:50
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's kept It's kept me out of some situations, that's for sure.
Private School Life: Challenges and Acceptance
00:17:55
Speaker
That's for sure. ah you want to You want to tell us a little bit about what the experience was like for you, you know, being the only ah of your family member at your age, being able to stick through the private school and what that experience like, cause that's not an easy experience coming from ah different side of town, a different upbringing, all of that. Like, that's that's a hard environment to be in. yeah How did you navigate that?
00:18:22
Speaker
i was really I was really good at sports at a young age. um I'd say by, like, fourth grade, like, I was – basketball, which was your love too. um That was my love, and I got and i excelled at it really good. So, like, I was kind of like the popular kid in school because I was just really good at at basketball.
00:18:41
Speaker
And um it it wasn't really hard for me. Like, I never really – never really witnessed anything. like ah Like, you know, I'm half black. I never really – witness any kind of like racism stuff going on. So like I never had problems with kids or making friends or anything like that.
00:18:59
Speaker
um The hardest part of it really was just the schooling, you know what I'm saying? And like, ah you know, go to school and just be cheating all the time, you know what saying? But um I really didn't struggle with the private school because like I'm and i'm intelligent enough in a way to get by and get done when needs to get done. you know what I'm saying? So like I was able to manage that, but I and i never really, and as far as proper school, I guess, because from kindergarten to eighth grade, yeah I was just kind of like, that's what you knew. That's what I knew. That's all you knew. So, yeah you know, I never really struggled with it. Oh, nice. And so after, after that, tell me when mental health became something real for you or something that you felt like you needed to pay attention to.
Turning Points in Mental Health
00:19:49
Speaker
You know, there were there were all kinds of red flags ah growing up. um But I would say when it really struck me is when i had, man, i'm I'm saying it is what it is, bro. yeah I 27 and mother of my child died.
00:20:07
Speaker
and the mother of my child um I'm not even going to try to justify my actions because it is what it is. But i found out she, I found out she cheated on me and i picked her up by her throat and threw her down and then broke up with her and went into my room and then had the cops caught on me and got arrested for domestic violence. so And that's when it was like, okay, like, um, cause I wasn't even drunk.
00:20:30
Speaker
I wouldn't know what, there was no alcohol. There was no drugs or nothing involved. And, uh, It was like my emotions got the best of me, you know what saying? And that's when I knew like, okay, I need to start figuring some stuff out here, you know? So about 27, I'd say. Yeah, yeah definitely.
00:20:47
Speaker
and And like, I know having spoken to you about it, like you are immensely remorseful around the situation, but at the same time you were dealing with...
00:20:58
Speaker
so much turmoil internally and what that brought up for you the the triggers the the abandonment the feelings of that can you tap into that and and understand what may have caused that experience think it's just a build-up of things um i'm the type of person to just let a lot of stuff slide and let a lot of stuff go and just don't talk about it and don't talk about it and um just let it bottle up. And then eventually like, ah, like I erupt and it could be so like the smallest thing, you know what I'm saying?
00:21:32
Speaker
Uh, I would say what really led up to it is just, um, a kid that desperately was looking for love because he didn't get it from his mom. And the fact that like, I'm trying everything that I can to make this relationship work because I have a, a kid with this, with, you know, with this woman. And, um,
00:21:56
Speaker
everything I'm doing is just like not good enough. And I keep finding, you know, at the time I keep finding messages on her phone and on her Facebook, which I shouldn't have been going through her stuff. You know, I know that now.
00:22:07
Speaker
Um, but, uh, just all that just really led up to just me not feeling like I'm enough. And like, I felt enough of that as a kid. So I guess it just kept creeping up and creeping up, like saying like, you're not enough, you're not enough. And like, I'm bottling that up. And then,
00:22:25
Speaker
You know, I guess one day I just got tired of it after like the 15th, 20th time it happened. And it's like, man, like, so I guess that's what really it led yeah what led up to it. Yeah.
00:22:36
Speaker
I think you said something like profound with not having not feeling that love from your mom. And I think for myself personally, that is something that drove me for a really long time.
00:22:51
Speaker
And it it created reactions, created responses that I was totally unaware of. I didn't understand why. My insecurities looked like confidence, but it was really, it was deeply insecure and shameful.
00:23:05
Speaker
And it made me turn to actions and behaviors that I'm not proud of today. Right? Like i write about it in my book where, you know, similar situation where my suspicion around cheating led to violence and that like, there's nothing that justifies, like you said, there's nothing that justifies the behavior but it was the response that we chose based off the scenario that was, whether it was true or not. And like, in my case, i took day i I probably was not true, right? And those were stories that I would create with my mind to to affirm whatever I was believing, wanted to believe. yeah And it's like, to to get used to living in that chaos, to living in like, just just stress, it was something that I had grown so used to.
00:23:57
Speaker
And it ultimately led to you know me causing harm to somebody else who I claim to love. And it's like it's so hard because now it's like, how do you reconcile the person that I know myself to be?
00:24:12
Speaker
I'm a good person. I have a good heart. i'm i'm kind. I'll stand up. You know this. You know this. Yeah. yeah You said that. like the The few times that you would speak is standing up for other people or standing up for yourself. It's like, I care about people.
00:24:24
Speaker
And yet, my actions have done, I've done this. yeah And it's so hard to reconcile that. But I think it goes back to what you said is like we have, we do Like this is something that started to bother me in college where we talked about girls with daddy issues. I'm like, you know how many daddy issues and mommy issues i got? yeah And we sitting and pointing the finger at girls. At females, yeah. Man, and it's so it's like, whoa, like let me check that. So that that experience happened.
00:24:52
Speaker
What did you take from that or did you was it a route of like, okay, i need to go get some help or was there anything forced upon you? um I actually ended up making a song about it. It's called Better Me.
00:25:04
Speaker
But um it just forced me to... I'll say this. i and I never put my hand on her again when we got back. like even You know what I mean? like ah It just really forced me to take a step back and...
00:25:17
Speaker
look at myself and be like, Hey bro, like you just, you got to check your emotions. Um, uh, to move forward, I would probably say the next step was of me just realizing about like, uh, mental health and really taking it seriously. I'd say that was more of like a warning shot, but it wasn't until like that, um,
00:25:42
Speaker
that 911 call that you were talking about in my introduction, that's what just really sparked everything. And, um, set the, set
Psychiatric Ward Experience: A Breakthrough
00:25:50
Speaker
the tone for this. So where, where were you? How old were you? I was 32, um, 31. I was 31.
00:25:57
Speaker
Um, living with my, with the mother of my child at her house. Uh, we're having a kid's party, uh, sleepover. It's, we got my girl's best friends, a daughter over her son over,
00:26:12
Speaker
um You know, we got our two sons. Well, technically, my biological son and then her son over there. i mean, we got kids over there. And I had actually recently left my job. So I started smoking marijuana, started self-medicating and and drinking and and all that stuff. And then, like, one thing led to another. And I just felt like, I know this sounds crazy, but, like, I felt like, because I had, like, an insurance policy out with her.
00:26:42
Speaker
ah It was like a million dollar insurance policy. Like if I die, like it was going to go to her. And for some reason, like I was just getting paranoid, I guess because the marijuana and the mix of the alcohol. um I thought that she was wanting like her ex-boyfriend to like come kill me. And I thought he was coming to kill me that night.
00:26:58
Speaker
And I know it's crazy, but um anyway, so I just, I wanted to just walk out into the woods and kill myself. um And I ended up calling 911 and,
00:27:10
Speaker
saying I wanted to kill myself. And it was like right there on the kitchen table. I had my gun in my hand and like my kids and everything like ambulance came and picked me up. Um, it was just a whole scenario. Wow.
00:27:21
Speaker
But that, that was really the eye opener for me that started my journey to where I'm at now. Um, with mental health. Yeah. Yeah. How does it feel in your body to recount that memory?
00:27:35
Speaker
Honestly, of
00:27:40
Speaker
It's almost like it needed to happen in order to get rid of my self-destructive habits that I was just doing over and over. Like thinking like it's normal, like this alcohol consumption that I'm doing. Cause like I'm 23% Scottish, 17% Irish. Like I can drink some whiskey and bro, it's not good what it was doing to me. Like I'm just self-destruct. I'm killing myself. I'm poisoning myself, you know?
00:28:04
Speaker
So honestly, it was needed for a rebirth. yeah So that's that's really kind of how i look at it. At the time, I didn't see it like that. I'm in a psych ward with some crazy people, like you know which I ended up making friends with. It's kind of weird. But anyways, yeah, at the time, it didn't feel so good. But like looking back on it now four years ago, it was needed. and Wow. It was needed for a rebirth. That rebirth. Yeah. so so i'm I'm thankful, right? I'm thankful that that experience didn't turn into somebody murdering you or you hurting hurting yourself and that you that you are here.
00:28:39
Speaker
And you had this
Yoga's Transformative Power
00:28:40
Speaker
rebirth. And, i mean, it's led you down a path of healing. ah Man, bro. doing so much. 100%, bro. Like, I never thought that I'd be waking up excited to do yoga at 5 a.m. You know what I'm saying? Like...
00:28:52
Speaker
I love it, bro. I love it, though, because the clarity it gives me, like, to get my the rest of my day done. Yes. It's just, like, it's it's it's amazing. Yes, bro. Yeah, man. is I mean, yoga.
00:29:04
Speaker
I started yoga in 20... After football, like, right after football in college. Maybe no we did a little yoga in football, but like a few poses. But then right after I was done, so what, call it like 2012, 2013, I started yoga. And it was, know, something I was doing just for the physical benefits because I wanted something that wasn't Lifting heavy weights, hurting my joints, hurting my knees and things.
00:29:29
Speaker
And so I got into it for that. But then, like, it I realized, like, oh, this is changing things. Like, my breath, which for most of my life was shallow. it's Like, it was it was real shallow. And I never could really even, like, if we tried to take a deep breath, my breath would stop.
00:29:43
Speaker
Like, it just would stop. Yeah. My breath was expanding. my ah My clarity, my mental clarity was better. And my ability to, in those moments, like where it would be like, where people would call me bipolar back in the day because, dang, you just snapped. You just did this. you just And it was like, those were moments where I was triggered. And I was acting in response to...
00:30:04
Speaker
the threat that my body was experiencing. It was in bipolar disorder. And I've interviewed some folks who who describe their bipolar disorder and what that looks like when it when they're having different episodes.
00:30:16
Speaker
But like I'd be triggered in it. Like, you're bipolar, it's like... No, didn't have any mechanisms, any coping mechanisms. In those times when I was triggered to deescalate the situation for myself. Yeah, yeah. and So yoga gave me the ability to do that.
00:30:30
Speaker
Like, it's like, you because you get in a a position, you're in a pose, and you're like, what? I'm ready to run. I'm ready to run. Yeah. But if I breathe.
00:30:41
Speaker
Yeah. If I take a couple breaths, I realize that this is temporary and that this discomfort and this chaos will soon end.
00:30:51
Speaker
And that was the metaphor for life. like so dead That's deep. So much of all of this distraction and all these things happen in real life. And it's like, okay, no matter what, the greatest stress that I'm dealing with right now is temporary.
00:31:08
Speaker
Mm-hmm. or I can presence myself to where it may be as soon as I walk out the door, I'm going to experience, or as soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to experience. But for the moment, I'm not out that door. I'm not in, I'm peaceful. Yeah. Yeah. And that man, it's just, it's been so helpful for me, bro. So I'm glad to know that you practice yoga to center yourself.
00:31:28
Speaker
Yeah. A hundred percent. Cause like in your book, like, uh, In the introduction part of it, like you say, like there's different things that you might do. like This is what works for me, which is like you know yoga, exercise, journaling, stuff like that. like theyre like Yoga might not work for other people, you know what i mean? But for the people that it does help, like they understand like what it does for them. For the people out there, if yoga works for you, that's cool. And if you want to try it and it doesn't work for you, it's all good because...
00:31:56
Speaker
yeah There's other methods that'll work for you that'll bring you that kind of clarity. yeah yeah And I'll say like, like for those who've experienced trauma, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, which is a great book if you haven't read it, but it talks about, you know, how our bodies store trauma and what that looks like, how it presents.
00:32:14
Speaker
he He will argue that yoga is more effective than any medication, than many forms of therapy in helping people you know process and deal with their trauma. And so I i love it.
00:32:27
Speaker
I love it. And I will continue to do it for the rest of my life. and um Tell me about some other forms of of healing that you've gone through.
Ayahuasca and Personal Growth
00:32:34
Speaker
um Well, I would like to bring up one, but I don't i don't know. Are you cool if I talk about it? You can talk about whatever you want to talk about. Would I go to like Columbia for? is Yeah, absolutely. All right, cool. so What really led up to this was so ah do this thing called ayahuasca, which is a plant medicine over in South America.
00:32:56
Speaker
um and
00:33:01
Speaker
What led me to it was I was in Houston, Texas with my sister. And at the point, like I had to have been like, I'm not bipolar, but I had to have been somewhat manic because like I was drinking a lot.
00:33:13
Speaker
This in 2022. I was drinking a lot, going to the strip club, spending ridiculous amounts of money, going through my savings. And then, um, but at the time I was meeting Cubans and, um,
00:33:24
Speaker
I told my sister, I said, man, I'm going go online and I'm going to find, I'm going to go on like a Latin dating site. fine and bro was I was determined, bro. Like, and she's last she's laughing exactly how you laughing now. She said, well, go ahead and do it, big bro. i said So I did it.
00:33:37
Speaker
And I met this this lady called Catalina Arsianegas. And long story short, she was my calling to ayahuasca. They say that you get a calling whenever you're ready for it. And like looking back on it now, like she was my calling because she led me out there.
00:33:53
Speaker
And um what it is, it's like it's a plant and a vine that are in two different parts of the Amazon jungle, like separated by thousands of miles away or how many ever miles away. But...
00:34:04
Speaker
They're just brewed together with water, and that's it. And it's like ah it's like a two- or three-day cooking process. And um it's DMT, which is dimethyltryptamine, which is what we have in our brain that helps us stream. um That is technically what causes the visions that ayahuasca brings you. Yeah.
00:34:24
Speaker
They call it like ah like ah like a grandmother spirit. Yeah. um Because you've got all these different plant medicines. Like, technically, like, if we're talking about it, like, marijuana is, like, a spirit medicine. Like, I'm going to like, a medicine. What is? Because it helps with, like, arthritis and stuff like that. But, like, um they say that these different medicines have, like, ah different energies. And this is, like, a grandma energy, like a feminine spirit.
00:34:46
Speaker
And... um Bro, it's just so it's so transformative, what it's done for me. Like, it's turned me from going to strip clubs, spending thousands of dollars, looking for love in the wrong places, um doing drugs.
00:35:02
Speaker
Some other things I don't want to say on the podcast, too. I'm like six months alcohol free. Nice. I um haven't smoked weed in probably three and a half years. Man, come on. Clean eating, you know I'm saying?
00:35:17
Speaker
all kinds of like self-help books, just really trying to dive and evolve into a better person. And like
00:35:26
Speaker
it, I want to speak on it like very wisely because like the way that it's viewed upon in North America, it's like considered a drug and bro, like this stuff, like it's not a drug. And like these people who give you the medicine, there are these types that their families have been doing this for hundreds if not thousands of years. um And it's been in their lineage forever. Like they've been doing this stuff as a, since like as a kid, like they give it to them as babies, like in the Amazon jungle. Wow. And um bro, it just helps you.
00:36:02
Speaker
What it does is it forces you to see things and deal with them. Like, for instance, like my cousin was talking about how she goes to therapy. And she's like, when they start talking about like traumas, like childhood traumas and stuff, like she doesn't like to talk about it. And she starts to steer away from it. But what this ayahuasca does, you you ain't steering away from it. And if you're trying to steer away from it, it sucks. Like it's going to put you in like a ah state of just, you're not getting away from it, bro. And it's like a six or seven hour thing.
00:36:32
Speaker
So like the the trick to it, at least that I found for myself is... Realizing is showing you this stuff for a reason and then just sit there with it. And then it makes you see things from a different lens and like a different perspective, like certain things that you've gone through in your life that has allowed me to forgive um a lot of people in my life that have done me wrong. um It's actually inspired me to write this book along with you, like, because, like, reading your book and, like, knowing you on the field and stuff, it's like, man, this dude was going through all this. And it's like, ahda I had no idea. you know what I'm saying? And it's like it was really inspiring how you carried yourself on the field and just the short interactions that we had.
00:37:17
Speaker
But, like, yet you were going through all that. You know what saying? And so – What I was getting at is that it's inspired me to write this book. It's called Love, Forgive, Live.
00:37:28
Speaker
And because actually what all these tattoos are about, like this whole arm, I've got the jaguar, which it has shown me for, it's my spirit animal, animal but it has told me like, uh,
00:37:42
Speaker
This is for you to realize that, like, you need to gain control of your emotional intelligence because you are a strong being and you have a strong energy force, but you have to learn to control your emotions. So that's what this tattoo really represents for me. And then this one, yeah it's ah it's a hand holding a rose. Okay. And it's...
00:38:04
Speaker
told me that, like, I've got to start giving myself more self-love, which is yeah eating eating right, dropping the alcohol, dropping the drugs. like And it's, like, this medicine that has given me this vision. Wow. it's It's weird. You know what saying? And then the last time I went, I got love right here.
00:38:20
Speaker
Okay. And then I got this cross right here. And um it pretty much told me that, like, I was done with, like, this these past four years have been, like, a me learning about love and how to reopen back up my heart because I have to do that first in order to really, truly forgive.
00:38:40
Speaker
So right now when I'm writing on what this book is going to be a three series, like a three volume series. And the first one's going to be about love, but it's going to talk about all my childhood traumas and my addictions with alcohol and drugs and women and all this other stuff that have led me up to the point where I had to make that 911 call. And then, um,
00:38:58
Speaker
and then um talk about what plant medicines have done for me because it says that I must truly learn how to love so I can come from a place of love to learn how to forgive so that then i can truly live my life. It's pretty much kind of like what, and it's going to be different for everybody. Like not everybody gets, like I can, like I can write and journal when I'm like on this medicine. Like, yeah. And there's people that tell me like, yo bro, i don't know how you, bro. I was over there slumped. Like,
00:39:26
Speaker
Like, I couldn't even lift my hand type stuff, you know, but um it's wow it's an amazing medicine. Wow. It is. it I mean, it it has done amazing things for you, and I'm so glad to hear some of those, you know, accomplishments of, of not even accomplishments, just like,
00:39:47
Speaker
the the periods of sobriety that you've had. Like that in itself is huge. And then you get these visions and it leads you down to a place of bettering yourself. Like you, you've become a better person.
00:40:00
Speaker
um Not that you needed to improve who you were as a being, but, ah living a healthier life
The Ceremony: Personal Healing Through Ayahuasca
00:40:06
Speaker
because of it. yeah And it i'm I'm curious, like just like take me through, because i because i i I don't know what a ceremony looks like. Are you being guided? Are you self-processing this? is there a Is there so a sh You can set a name up.
00:40:22
Speaker
Yeah, so the one thing that I got to say about this is... you really have to do your research and find the very reputable places. There's many reputable places over in Columbia, but there's also people who do it just to really try to profit from it yeah and not do it correctly. Um, but yes, um, they're like, so when I go over there, it's like a week long retreat. And, um, like when you fur, there's this place that I'm going to recommend. It's called the Saba. Okay. And, um, when you get there,
00:40:55
Speaker
ah You meet everybody. There's usually about 15 to 20 people. And um you don't take the medicine the first night. It's they tell you about the medicine, the process, which what to expect, um all this other stuff. They have a doctor there that is checking all vitals, everything, every day. um Like if your vitals if your vitals and your blood pressure are too high,
00:41:18
Speaker
By the time the it's time to take the medicine, they won't let you take it because it's just – it's a – what's the word I'm looking for? It's high liability for them. You know what I mean? um So, like, they've got a doctor there on staff. um And so anyways, the neck, like when you get there, talk everything the next day, you wait till like five o'clock, six o'clock at night, you start to get ready for it.
00:41:40
Speaker
Are you fasting? Is that part of it? Oh yes, yes, yes. So even before you go to the retreat, they tell you that for two weeks, like no meat or what shall I say? No red meat.
00:41:52
Speaker
Um, like no fried foods. And they give you a list of things that you can't eat. Um, No alcohol, no drugs. If you're taking SSRIs, they want you to be off of them for at least a month, like depression medicine and stuff like that.
00:42:06
Speaker
um If you can't do that, then they tell you to you know just not even come because the medicine doesn't mix well with that. Um, so yeah, there's, there's a fasting method like two weeks before the, uh, the ceremony.
00:42:19
Speaker
And, um, so fast forward and then back to the ceremony. Um, yeah, you take the medicine at like six or seven o'clock at night and it's given to you by the Taita and you walk up to him and he's got this cup and he just kind of reads you and he fills the cup up to what he thinks you need. and you take that cup and then you go lay down.
00:42:40
Speaker
um you're all outside like on mats, like near each other, out like under the stars. like And it's nice. it's ah It's nice why they set it up. And you just let the medicine do his work, man. Wow. Yeah.
00:42:54
Speaker
And it's just you. it ain't it It's like like when you say like you start to see these things and you start to have visions, ah it's all coming to you from you. ah Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Like it's like um I've actually got my journal here from. Yeah. i There's I've highlighted just a couple of things that like. a I like that.
00:43:16
Speaker
Yeah, so like i when I go there, like you don't have to journal, but they highly advise you to journal. um So that way you can integrate afterwards and go back and read the stuff. So like I put stars by the things that I think okay would be important for today. yeah So like the first one that I starred was like...
00:43:34
Speaker
ah Love Friday night general retreat. Anthony, you are beautiful. Know that and share it because you have so much love to give. It's selfish not to. um That's dope.
00:43:46
Speaker
But it gives it'll make you think some deep things. So like right here, when you care about what others think. The turquoise, gold, bright, purple light dims, which was like this energy that was just like, have you ever seen the Avatar?
00:44:00
Speaker
Yeah. The Avatar? You know the Tree of Souls? Yeah. Like the, yeah, like imagine that energy and that life force. Like that's the best thing that I can describe it as. But when you care about how you feel, oh baby, do the lights come on. Thank you.
00:44:15
Speaker
If you try to control me, my dear child, the lights won't glow. But... If you love me and let me run free, then I will show you the lights of the universe. You should be able to feel balanced like you do now, son.
00:44:28
Speaker
if you don't go back and figure out If you don't go back and figure out what is causing you to feel this unbalance, you should be healthy, son. You are only 34, still so young. And I've only got like two more things. Yeah, no, you good. I'm loving this. You ain't got to rush through it.
00:44:43
Speaker
This was Thursday morning at 2.50 a.m. Like, I'm looking at my watch and, like, writing at, like, 2.50 a.m. ah Don't let fear get in your way. It's a coping mechanism that keeps you away from uncomfortable positions.
00:44:55
Speaker
In order to grow, we must embrace uncomfort or we shall forever remain the same. Wow. Chase love and watch what I can help attribute to positivity in the world. go. And then, um yeah, and then just some other. Oh, and then one more thing.
00:45:18
Speaker
Nah, I'm not even saying. I'm trying to find it. I saw one where the star was on the inside. Oh, here we go. This one right here, right here. So, Jue also reminded me the importance of being who you truly are and remain in that energy. We look outward so much for answers when all along the answers we seek are usually within.
00:45:37
Speaker
Maybe that's why depression and anxiety are so common these days in America. you.
00:45:45
Speaker
society has us looking outwards for understanding acceptance and how to live um through material things this is not the way nor will it ever be we must dig back and find the roots of our ancestors and our dna through clean eating exercise meditation and yoga to tap into the water within us that gives us life, which flows through us with our ancestors in the same water.
00:46:08
Speaker
And like, it's just... Wow. Wait,
Reflecting on Ayahuasca Insights
00:46:11
Speaker
wait, wait, wait. just Let that breathe. yeah You wrote that. Yeah, bro. You wrote that. Yeah. Bro, that's some Buddha-esque type writing. And bro, what's crazy is, is like, this can't even touch on what you're seeing. Oh, wow. And what it's making you feel within. And like...
00:46:30
Speaker
um I'll make this short. Like, there's a lot of people there that don't, that fight it. And the reason why they fight it, I feel like, is because they came there for a quick fix thinking that it was just going to...
00:46:46
Speaker
show them like, oh, like, how do I do this, this, and this, and give me the answers. And like, that's not how this medicine works. And what I feel like people who truly have already done some kind of therapy work, like been going to therapy and trying to better themselves already, are the people that's really going to benefit from it because it's going to show them stuff and they're not going to try to fight it because they're already trying to work on themselves. So therefore,
00:47:10
Speaker
is They're going to let it unfold and show them how to better themselves. wow You know what I mean? So that's the best way I can describe it. Bro, you dropping bars in there, like straight bars in there. And like, it's like I i could you could have told me that, you know, some of the greatest philosophers wrote what you just wrote.
00:47:29
Speaker
Like, honestly. I appreciate it Like, seriously, bro. so i write that I write that on the medicine, yeah. That is wild. One thing I did know is, and I wasn't trying to read much, but, like, I saw love a bunch of times. just saw love, love, love, love. love That's a powerful thing. is that you feel So that's what it's been bringing out of you. So for the past four years, I felt like my calling to ayahuasca is literally...
00:47:52
Speaker
This love, forgive, live, because the first night I ever did it was in January 2022. And it showed me and like, I've got it written down in like a pre phase on my book and everything. And like, I got a coach that's helping me write it. oh That's over in Columbia that does plant medicines. Nice.
00:48:06
Speaker
And so she's going to help me edit it and stuff. And it's going be, it's really cool. But, um, what was that what was I saying? The love. Oh yeah. The, lay yeah. The love. It showed me the first night as as I was going to sleep at like five in the morning,
00:48:20
Speaker
It said, love, forgive, live. Don't try to figure me out. Because I'm thinking like, man, should i make this a mixtape? Should I make this a... I'm hype about it because of what it showed me, this feeling like of love that it's given Because it's shown me like and in Kaleidoscope this beautiful thing. And then it's like, do you see this? And I'm like, yes, I do.
00:48:39
Speaker
And then it's like... This is you. This is your soul. You have this to tap into. But the only way for you to tap into this is to go through this journey of love, forgive, live. And right now I'm just in love. And like, that's what okay getting this love okay ended this chapter. And that's why I'm writing this book. Wow. Yeah. Bro, I want to tell you, like, you you said that the intuitive nature that you had,
00:49:04
Speaker
Maybe weird to some people, the energy and all that. And like, it will be weird to some people. But there are communities of people who will understand exactly what you mean. Yeah. And you've probably come across some of those. And that's why this place feels so safe for you. Yeah, bro. Because, bro. Yeah. Because let me let me say this about Columbia, bro. Like a lot of people have like Columbia has like this stigma put on it. Like, um.
00:49:27
Speaker
from Pablo Escobar and everything, like people think, oh, Colombia, drug trade and everything. And it's like, bro, that was back in the 80s and 90s. Like it is 2025. It has completely changed over there. And there are some of the most amazing people over there that I've met. And you hit it dead on that.
00:49:44
Speaker
I have found like a tribe over there that I can speak freely and not feel crazy. And yeah There's so many people that are just brewing. like I've met people that are from Brentwood and that live there now, people my age, and like have written books and best-selling books, and they're over there just working on themselves, bro.
Cultural Reflections: Colombia vs. U.S.
00:50:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's real.
00:50:02
Speaker
You know I'm saying? Yeah, and what what really gets me is that there's people in the mountains over there that have nothing but are so happy. Yes. And talking with them and being in their presence and just hearing them speak and feeling their love and energy – really has made me come back here and be like, dude, I have so much.
00:50:21
Speaker
why Why can I not feel that? And so like that's where I'm at right now. Why do you think that is? What about our society makes that the case? Man, so in America, like from birth, like we're given like a social security number to like for them to keep up with how we can benefit the government.
00:50:39
Speaker
So like what i pretty much without getting into all that stuff, like we are put here... to generate money and generate money for other people.
00:50:53
Speaker
And they don't want us to figure out how to be successful for ourselves.
00:51:00
Speaker
Man, it's a hard one, bro. It's deep. It's deep, bro, because you can go into and we don't got that much time to really get into it. But like... How you know? We got... But... not but um Yeah, bro. It's just, it's deep. It is, man. It's deep. and And I think, like, just reading between some of the lines, it's like capitalism.
00:51:21
Speaker
In a capitalistic society, it is it is very money-driven, profit-driven, production. And those things, like I'm reading Myth of Normal right now yeah by Gabber Mate. Yeah.
00:51:33
Speaker
And like, when you think about like all those things, we say it's our second nature to to grind. It's our second nature to, but like, it's not natural for us.
00:51:44
Speaker
Like our nature is spending more time outside than indoors. Yes, yes. Without looking at screens, looking at trees and and dirt and animals and being in so in the sky. Yeah, yeah. And yet we in our, you know, modern society have lost touch with all of that.
00:52:04
Speaker
And so it it would make, it makes total sense to me that you going to Columbia, experiencing nature in a whole different way, experiencing people who accept the, the universal forces that who, who see that this thing grew out of the ground. This is a gift from our divine to, to heal me. And it's giving you these benefits, right?
00:52:28
Speaker
Bro, we're going to have so much good conversation. that Sorry, sorry, sorry. like Later on down the road. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you yeah you got it. You got it. I understand it. I understand. And i we we we are, I mean, we talk about it. Like we're in the matrix. I was just talking to my buddies about this. Like they show up to their job. They hate their job. yeah And they're like, but i'm I'm a part of it. I'm stuck in the matrix. I'm stuck in this rat race. I'm stuck in it all.
00:52:51
Speaker
And what do we say when we go on vacation? We unplug, right? Like, Like yeah unplugging from the matrix or disconnecting from the matrix. yeah And, and the matrix is, it's like not this woo thing. Like it's, it is the society is the capitalism. It's the drive. It's the go. It's the 24 seven.
00:53:08
Speaker
And that's not how we were built. It's not what we were evolved to endure and sustain. Yeah. Like true peace and happiness comes from, like you said, it's people in the mountains who have materially very little. Yeah.
00:53:20
Speaker
But emotionally, and spiritually, I bet they are so much better. than And, you know, thinking on it, like growing up in a capitalist like society, like we're stripped away from our parents at a very young age to go to school to where.
00:53:37
Speaker
these people that are in the mountains, they grow up with their family the whole time from when they're, you know, from a kid to 15, 16. And like, they just develop like this sense of love with their family that can't be broken. You know what I mean? And um like, one thing to bring up is like, with my, with the mother of my child, like she brought the house and bought everything in her name. And she had like,
00:54:02
Speaker
I'm living in a nice house, bruh, like nice house on 10 acres, like got everything that I could want from the outside looking in on Facebook and from all my family and friends, like they think that like I'm, I'm balling, I'm big balling, I'm doing my thing. I should feel great inside. And it's crazy because bro, I felt so small.
00:54:23
Speaker
And like now that I live with my mom, I moved back in with my mom after I broke up with her. And like, uh, I'm staying in a camper on my mom's, uh, property And just the the spiritual involvement that I've been going through just in the past four months and being able to reconnect my relationship with my mom, bro, has, like, I'm happier than I've been in so long, bro. And it's crazy because I went from having all this and I've minimized down to this, and it just goes to show that, like, bro, like, this material stuff, don't bring, like, don't get me wrong, it brings comfort and, you know, stuff like that. And you can have convenience and fun, you know what I'm saying? But...
00:55:00
Speaker
It's deeper than that. It's deeper than that. And that's what society tells us. What makes us happy is having all these material things, bro. It's so true. It's not it, dog. It's not it. Don't get me wrong. Plan for your retirement. yeah You know what I'm saying? yeah But um also, don't just let work stress you out to the point to where you go home and you fight with your wife because of how stressed that work makes you. You know what saying? Like, it's crazy.
00:55:24
Speaker
This is a question I used to ask everybody that I interviewed with, like in corporate America and all that. But how do you today? Well, how do you how did you back then? And then how do you today define a success?
Redefining Success: Family and Happiness
00:55:42
Speaker
So when you say back then, are we talking like high school, 20, 22? Let's say but like when you had the realization but before, right before you had the realization, when you had the the the property, the house, the all that.
00:55:54
Speaker
And from the outside looking in you know, the world would have been like, he's balling. Yeah. how How did you define success before having that realization to now? Um...
00:56:07
Speaker
I would define having success of having a very attractive wife, um having a hot car like I had a BMW, having a house that I don't, I'm not like a mansion, but as long as you guys, because where I grew up,
00:56:22
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? 3,000 square foot house, brand new. I mean, that's balling. You know what I'm saying? um Having money in the bank to go on vacations and being able to go party and drink and, you know, kick it. Like how we wanted to kick it when we were kids is we saw this on music videos. Like that's how i define success.
00:56:42
Speaker
And that was then. And now how I define success is
00:56:49
Speaker
doing landscaping for my mom and seeing the joy that that brings her. Like me my son just did this past weekend. um like when I go and I stain her deck and she sees like how hard that I'm doing, like, ah like just really making family unite again, because my family has kind of been split, which you understand that. Oh, so well from reading your book. So you understand, don't even got to go into that, but knowing what it it's like for a family to split and then being able to be the person to kind of help glue it back together in a way. Um, that's what success looks like to me to, to really help unite family because that's really what, that's really what, like, that's all you got when it all boils down to it is your family. You know what saying? Like, who's going to have your back? Like, i remember reading this one quote. It's like, uh,
00:57:39
Speaker
If the Nazis came again or something like that and somebody had to hide you um and they knew that you they could be killed for it, um who's going to do that for you? Like, you know what saying? And it's like, bro, like if you really think about it, not many people accept like your family. Like you might, if you've got some friends that'll do that, them with some solid friends yeah you need to do whatever you can to keep them in your energy field. You know what I'm saying? But like really and truly like family, like ah like family will do that for you.
00:58:09
Speaker
Wow. Man, that's beautiful. And before we close out, I got a segment called or just fill in the blank. Right. So you let me know the first thing you think of and it can be as short as long as an and of an answer as you want it. All right.
00:58:23
Speaker
Vulnerability makes me feel blank.
00:58:30
Speaker
In the past, vulnerability made me feel scared. Now in my journey, ver vulnerability makes me feel courageous. That's dope. My greatest strength is blank.
00:58:42
Speaker
My greatest strength
00:58:46
Speaker
is to keep the harmony between people and to help people unite.
00:58:52
Speaker
If I could tell Lil' Anthony anything, I'd say blank. Man, it's the first tattoo I ever got right here. If you listen to your fears, you'll never know the great person you're meant to be. So I tell little Anthony, don't listen to your fears because they're only going to slow you down.
00:59:12
Speaker
Wow. And lastly, i am living for blank.
00:59:24
Speaker
I am living. That's a hard one. I'm still figuring that out, I guess, but if I had to give it an answer,
00:59:33
Speaker
I'm living for others because without helping others, well, no, no, let me change that. No, I got to live for myself because if you can't love yourself, then how do you, and if you can't love yourself and take care of yourself, how do you expect to be able to take care of others?
00:59:53
Speaker
So I guess really and truly I need to live for myself so that I can help others. It was beautiful watching you work through that mentally. Like just sitting here watching that, that was so dope. I was just trying to give up. I mean, I'm just like, no, no, no, let me rewind. Just trying to be real about it. so That's real, bro. I love that, man. Anthony, is there any final thoughts, any last things on your chest, any burning things you want to get out into the world that you haven't said yet?
01:00:17
Speaker
Yeah, I do want to say something. um People with ADHD... ah You're not dumb. You just learn different. um And I want you to know that because I struggled with being called dumb my whole life. And I know that at times, like it's hard for me to talk about what I want to talk about. And I'm finding my strengths, like one of them is writing.
01:00:39
Speaker
And I hope that you find your strength to help you not feel dumb because you have a lot of stuff to give. You have a lot of love and a lot of energy to give. And I hope that y'all find that. So um keep fighting.
01:00:51
Speaker
Wow. That's beautiful, man. That's so beautiful. Um, if people, cause I mean, you're going to have a book out and it's going to be a bestseller and we're going be back and to be talking about that. But like, if people want to reach out to you, if they want to host you or have you for DJ or whatever it is, like, how can people reach you?
01:01:09
Speaker
Um, mainly through Instagram, um, at Nashville and foodie, uh, cause I'm a true Nashville native. So at Nashville and foodie, and that's how you can reach me on Instagram. Absolutely, bro, man.
01:01:22
Speaker
Anthony, and I'm going put all that in the show notes as well. And and check out, he ain't mentioned, he too modest about it. He be throwing down, grill master, be putting some stuff out there. so so So I feel like later down the road when I'm on to the live section of my life, that's where I'm going to own my own place, which is going be called Antonio's Joint, which isn't far out of, I'd say probably four years is where I'm going to have it completely ready to go. so Let's go. yeah right. We're going be there. We're going to be there. I'll eat some meat for that one. All right. That's what's up.
01:01:51
Speaker
That's what's up. Anthony, man, with all the things you could be doing, all the places you could be, i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. Appreciate it bro. Thanks for having me. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle.
01:02:05
Speaker
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01:02:20
Speaker
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01:02:34
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
01:02:46
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability.