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055 - Rewrite the Story, Rewire the Mind: Healing Through Breath, Words, and Self-Leadership
15 Plays1 month ago
What if the key to transformation lies not in fighting your past but in rewriting its meaning?
In this powerful episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Kyle Smith, a clarity consultant and creator of the Supra Being Blueprint, to explore how men can break free from limiting beliefs and emotional stagnation using a potent framework: Neuro-Linguistic Somatic Experience (NLSE).
Kyle unpacks how story work, breathwork, and character integration can rewire the nervous system, empower self-leadership, and help people embody emotional sovereignty. Together, Reggie and Kyle discuss:
- Why vulnerability doesn't have to be heavy—and can even feel neutral or powerful
- How breath is the remote control for your nervous system (high & tight = ready to fight, low & slow = ready to flow)
- The role of story meaning in healing trauma and transforming self-worth
- How to move from “I am my pain” to “I am my power”
- Affirmations backed by evidence, not wishful thinking
- Helping men discover clarity, confidence, and purpose through internal character work
- Practices for reconnecting with sensation in the body after trauma or dissociation
- The metaphor of the inner courtroom: rival vs. role model—and how to judge your thoughts wisely
- Breathwork demo: A powerful guided practice you can follow along with
This is a deeply healing conversation that fuses practical strategy with soulful insight, offering a new lens for anyone struggling with self-doubt, disconnection, or emotional numbness. Whether you’re navigating trauma, burnout, or simply looking to grow, Kyle’s approach to embodied transformation will resonate.
🧠 "Words are the ethereal macronutrients of the mind."
💭 "You’re not broken—you’re holding on to stories that haven’t been updated."
💡 "Our breath is our first tool for reclaiming agency."
Guest Contact Information
Website: clarityconsultant.ca
Instagram: @dapperdudekyle
Breathwork follow-up: Kyle invites listeners to DM him on Instagram and share their experience from the episode’s guided breathwork session.
Recommended
Transcript
Self-Reflection and Change
00:00:00
Speaker
I readjusted who I thought of myself and my character because I didn't like myself at that point in time, didn't have much respect, patience, compassion. I was hard on myself rather than supportive.
00:00:10
Speaker
I was judgmental rather than compassionate. I would talk rather than listen. And I had a negative relationship with myself, which peered over into my relationships with others.
00:00:22
Speaker
And i found myself in a point where things were cleared up and I just made the conscious decision to
Introducing Vulnerability Muscle Podcast
00:00:29
Speaker
change. Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:37
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts. We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections.
00:00:53
Speaker
healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are. So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle.
00:01:06
Speaker
Welcome to the vulnerability muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford.
Guest Introduction: Kyle Smith
00:01:10
Speaker
Today, I have a clarity consultant. This says Kyle Smith. Kyle is a clarity consultant and the creator of the Supra Being Blueprint, a high-level coaching program designed to help men break free from limiting narratives, self-doubt, and overwhelm.
00:01:28
Speaker
Through his signature process, neuro-linguistic somatic experience. Ooh, I love that. Kyle helps men rewire their mindset, regulate emotions, and take divisive the decisive not divisive decisive action.
00:01:43
Speaker
His work focuses on mental fitness, self-leadership, and embodied action, guiding men to step into clarity, confidence, and purpose. With a direct, no-fluff approach, Kyle delivers practical tools and strategies to create that real and lasting transformation.
00:02:02
Speaker
Kyle, what's up, my brother? Dude, well said intro, man. That was dope. Thanks. Yeah, man. I'm excited to have this
What is Vulnerability?
00:02:11
Speaker
conversation with you. I i think like, so i want I want to learn and break down neuro-linguistic somatic experience because in my head, I'm um i'm thinking I know neuro-brain, linguistic language, somatic body.
00:02:24
Speaker
Yes. Experience. Let's do it. ah This is going be an experience, Kyle. Dude, you freaking hit the nail on the head. I kid you not because it is a top. An experience is it happens real time.
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah. Ooh, ooh. See, now you just gave me something else. Okay. I like that. All right.
Breath Control and Stress Management
00:02:42
Speaker
Let's hop in first with a segment I call what comes to mind. So this is the first thought this morning, whatever comes to mind.
00:02:49
Speaker
Okay. I'm ready. What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability? Ooh, vulnerability. When I hear the word vulnerability, you know what? The first thing that came to mind was indifference.
00:03:05
Speaker
Yeah. i Elaborate. ah let me Let me feel through this one. Okay. So why was it?
00:03:16
Speaker
I think it's indifference because i don't fear the word. because i can Because right when you said it, i was like, oh, this is a this is a word that's like people want are talking about vulnerability. It's like a popular word nowadays. And there was indifference.
00:03:34
Speaker
And the reason why I think that is, ah and I'm just spitballing. This is literally my first thoughts. Yeah. I think that the reason why I personally have indifference is because I'm not, i am not in, or I am not a slave to the word.
00:03:54
Speaker
So when the word is said, I'm not, there's not a, uh, an emotional or physiological response and that's indifference. It's neutrality. It's an energy neutrality.
00:04:05
Speaker
So the word does not own me. So I own the word and, What I think of authenticity, because I'll go with that one, where for someone to be vulnerable, it's not to share the dark sides of themselves. It's also to share the best parts of themselves because people are fearful of sharing those aspects because there could be rejection from their fellowship or their crew of friends that don't want to grow.
The Meaning of Authenticity
00:04:32
Speaker
true So I think vulnerability is more, i think it's an internal journey rather than is expressing. And then ah um and then authenticity, I define that as i ah very strong, no, I'll just put how I how i define it.
00:04:51
Speaker
I define authenticity as being the same person in public as you are in private. Yes.
Cherished Childhood Memories
00:04:57
Speaker
Because I did have someone I had someone at the end of a podcast ask, are you always like this sincere? And I said that in any context, I'm the exact same person.
00:05:08
Speaker
Yes. And I'll adjust to what I think is appropriate to adjust to. However, it's like that thing. And I think that I think the vulnerability. Yeah, I think I don't think vulnerability is.
00:05:20
Speaker
Yeah, there's no like five to it. Anyways, that's what first came to mind. I love that. And I love that like i could visibly see you feeling or not feeling it in your body, like searching for that feeling in your body and recognizing what comes up.
00:05:34
Speaker
o I can't wait to get into this. All right. What do you do? and And again, i think I mentioned this earlier, you can limit this answer. But what do you do to center yourself when you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, maybe even depressed?
00:05:48
Speaker
Regulate the breath. yes ah regulate the breath and i'll add for more of that when and this ties into uh what i do as well because it's word stories and breath somatic being the breath and the breath is the language of the body high and tight good to fight low and slow good to flow and when we can regulate and we're in control of our breath because it the lungs are the only part of our autonomic nervous system we can control i can't go like this i can't say hold on two seconds I just thought my heartbeat for two seconds. Yeah, that's what happened. However, I can say,
00:06:24
Speaker
and and I noticed it too, because when we're high and tight in the chest, we get motor mouth. So when I'm excited about something and I'm like riffing fast, then I'll take a moment down regulate.
00:06:38
Speaker
And that makes me the thermostat rather than the thermometer i'm i'm regulating my internal environment internal temperature to my liking my goldilocks zone which is energy neutrality and then um it's better to in my opinion it's better than being the thermometer where you're reacting to the external and internal stimuli yeah because yeah one one takes ownership so i can take ownership of my breath and uh, direct the, I call it the animal being, we have the conscious being animal being an intuitive being.
00:07:14
Speaker
We can direct it. Cause this is like, this is our animal being like, it's very close to us. If you can, you can visualize it where your brains, your, your body is the dog on the leash while your consciousness is the ethereal being holding on to that leash.
00:07:31
Speaker
Yeah, I like that. Yeah, that's ah so good. i love that. I love high and tight. We're ready to fight. And that's that that's that sympathetic nervous system response. That's that fight or flight. that's That's what that is. And I think for so long in my life, I i only...
00:07:49
Speaker
I was only breathing up here. And I think a lot of people, when you say take a deep breath, that's where they go. They go straight up to their chest. They're up here. Their cysts, their systematic or their symptomatic nervous system is activated and they don't ever activate their, their deep belly, their diaphragm or any of that.
00:08:05
Speaker
And so I love that high and tight, ready to fight low and what was it? Low and slow. Good for flow. Ready to flow. Let's go buddy. What is a favorite childhood memory of yours?
00:08:19
Speaker
Ooh, this is a cool one. Okay. Huh. I haven't reflected on this in a while, so I'm going really sit sit into it. Okay, where does my feels go?
00:08:35
Speaker
There's one in particular that came to mind that popped out the most, and this is a cool one. So I'm ah originally from New Brunswick. I'm on from the east side of Canada. And ah there was this is day, and it was a while back, so it would have been, and would have been six, seven, eight around there, like early nine maybe around there.
00:08:59
Speaker
Six, seven, eight, that would make the most sense. ah And... I was at my grandparents place in Milford, St. John, New Brunswick. For anyone that's listening, maybe you know. They're in Milford. And mom was coming to pick us, my brother and I, up from work. And we were just hanging out down there.
00:09:16
Speaker
And it started pouring. And it was a wild pour, like crazy pour. And the crazy thing that I remember it vividly where it was a warm rain. It wasn't a cold rain and it was, it was warm and it was just a lot.
00:09:31
Speaker
And, uh, the kid, all of us kids were just goofing around in the rain. We were going through the puddles and stuff. And then, My mom joined in after that one too. It was just a, that was a good one.
00:09:43
Speaker
That was fun. Yeah. It's good. i think like, especially seeing your mom, like I can visualize seeing your mom coming out, playing with the kids, like that inner child coming out, totally that child in you that you were, but then the inner child of parents around, that's like,
00:09:58
Speaker
That's such a beautiful image. I love that that came to mind. Oh, man, that's dope. That's dope. Give me some of the journey. like how what what has What has life been like? Give me some context around what your journey has looked like.
Journey of Self-Improvement
00:10:11
Speaker
I don't think it's... My journey overall is just a simple journey of life and change in just learning things along the way. The core point of my journey is that with in regards with how I do things now is that I turned my problems into my passions where I made the prominent pivot 10, nine, 10 years ago, about nine years ago right now.
00:10:36
Speaker
And that through that point in time, I readjusted who I thought of myself and my character because I didn't like myself at that point in time, didn't have much respect, patience, compassion.
00:10:48
Speaker
I was hard on myself rather than supportive. was judgmental rather than compassionate. I would talk rather than listen. And I had a negative relationship with myself, which peered over into my relationships with others.
00:11:04
Speaker
And i found myself in a point where things were cleared up and I just made the conscious decision to change. I made the decision, the pivot point decision to make an adjustment.
00:11:17
Speaker
And that would be a ah cool point. I had the main core frame. Like I believe that, i My heart, I've always had, it I think I've always had a big heart that's been consistent all through my life, even through any, any issues or any, like I was actually pondering this yesterday where, and so since he's put it, where I,
00:11:41
Speaker
When I when I think so, another one word is trauma, right? Common word. I am also indifferent to that one as well. Nice. And the thought and I was like, oh, that's cool.
00:11:53
Speaker
And the thought that came up from is like, why is it that way? And it's because and my belief from yesterday. ah ah just like anything else, I wouldn't be able to be the person I am without the building blocks of those traumas I've experienced.
00:12:10
Speaker
And I think that that's once again, ownership of and those experiences don't own me. so I'm no longer in them, I'm out of them. And I am developing my character as a side effect. So that's pretty much my journey in a real short nutshell.
00:12:25
Speaker
So now I like myself in short. that's so good. Was there, was there something that catalyzed that thought of, I need to make a conscious effort to change the way that I am looking at myself, looking at the world.
00:12:40
Speaker
Was there anything around that time period that really stood out to you? Oh yeah. Yeah. Uh, um,
00:12:50
Speaker
couple of relationships. Okay, I'll actually put it, I'll put it broadly, because it'll be much easier. So I wasn't exactly the most faithful in relationships. And then there are a lot of chances leading up.
00:13:02
Speaker
So my main lesson from this one is that there's either a choice or by chance, things are going to happen. So I allowed things to persist.
00:13:12
Speaker
Because I was just scared of rejection, or I was also just not committing. i was ah i was too i was never I was not two feet in into relationships.
00:13:27
Speaker
I have one foot out and with my current lady, it's two feet in, so it's completely different. And I made that as a decision like when we her and I got together, that was like, I was like, we're two feet in.
00:13:39
Speaker
And so we had a verbal communication and agreement on it. So it was like, we started freaking solid. However, Everything came out into the open and there was a solid hurt feelings.
00:13:53
Speaker
I did not feel the best about myself and it was either option, either continue on and not learn anything from the experience and likely repeat it.
00:14:04
Speaker
Because if we're only using our past as a reference, then we're going to repeat the past rather than creating a new future. And so I just desire create a new future. a new character.
00:14:16
Speaker
And so character work is an aspect of what I do too. There's the inner rival, the inner role model, and then there's the primary voice. And so then it creates identities with these characters. And then that also works with creating a reference point on how to make decisions.
00:14:29
Speaker
Do I want to be my inner role model? Do I want to use that as a point of reference for me to be able to make a decision for what I do today? Or do I want to use my inner role model or rival who evidently doesn't want me to make progress because comfort, because lack of progress is comfortable.
00:14:46
Speaker
hmm. Which one do I want to which one do I want to listen to? And as the primary. So who you're speaking to and who I'm speaking to, we're the primary decision makers. We're the captain of the ship. People like to take a backseat. However, then things then people are they're not able to be present yeah and they're not able to make decisions.
00:15:08
Speaker
their own decisions autonomously. There's other people making decisions for them. yeah So that's a dangerous place to be. So yeah then as the primary and the inter-arrival and role model, you can make a decision.
00:15:20
Speaker
So I created that. Wow. That's really cool. I like, I like character work. It sounds similar to parts work, but, but, but these parts have specific roles. The, the roles of I'm a rival or I'm a role model. I am, I'm influencing your behavior one way or the other, but the primary is the, I have autonomy in all of this. I have autonomy, what I listened to, what I choose to do and, and all of that. I love, ah love that What, what.
00:15:49
Speaker
what led you to building out your your blueprint and and and developing nlse uh oh this is a couple points from this one uh so couple things that so through that through this nine years of this change i tried a couple of different ways to improve myself improve my well-being And there are things that worked and then things that didn't work.
00:16:19
Speaker
And the two things that worked the most and that fit a standard that I wanted to hold where it was flexible. I didn't have to go somewhere in order to do the practice and ah high leverage, something small that has a lot of impact.
00:16:37
Speaker
want 20% work with 80%
00:16:41
Speaker
reward uh and so the things that nlse is a combination of is story work and breath work so i put those together so i was doing breath work since 2013 and then story work i was introduced four years ago and ah
00:17:05
Speaker
From there, just was able to mold the mind, be able to regulate breath, and then character work when is a little combination of those three. So it's story work, breath work, character work. That's what analyze ELL puts together.
00:17:17
Speaker
okay And what i I also note, so I changed that for myself. So I created those ones. Another thing that i also recognize from my objective and subjective point of view is that there's ah there is seldom support, so little support for fellas, for men that want to grow and develop ah in a way that is not
00:17:49
Speaker
in a way that it brings out who they want to be.
Building Clarity and Values
00:17:53
Speaker
So it's bringing clarity to the person that they want to be and then creating their own values and structure the values or virtues that they want to live up with or live up to or use as a way to live.
00:18:04
Speaker
And how it differs from practice is that when I'm working with ladies in contrast with dudes is ladies, I'll focus on love and the emotions and then fellows will focus more on respect.
00:18:18
Speaker
Cause a side effect of respect is love and being in practice. That's when we're going to reap the most rewards. If we go to. When you say respect, are you saying respect that they receive the respect that they give respect that they give themselves? What do you mean? All of those. I think, I think um respect would be umbrella. Cause I think that if we have no respect for ourself, it's unlikely that we're going to have respect for others.
00:18:44
Speaker
And if we have that respect for others, without ourself, then i don't think that that's going to be helpful any way. That's just projecting still. It's not reflecting because the power is either going to come from out ah outside of us or within us.
00:18:58
Speaker
And I think that when we learn to respect ourself, it's a side effect of us developer us showing our work. It's stacking up It's creating a stack of undeniable evidence that we are who we say we are.
00:19:14
Speaker
And as a side effect, there's a really good chance that we're providing value, utility, presence, self-awareness, reassurance, safety to the people around us.
00:19:27
Speaker
And in World War II, there was an example that I think pretty pretty crazy on this one, where they they it was in the UK. And after the bombings, they were down on folks that were able to transport medical units and stuff like that, like ah food or water or stuff like that for the people that weren't at war.
00:19:48
Speaker
They were just in town And because of this lack of individuals, they went into mental asylums. And there were some fellas there that were months, years, bedridden, depressed.
00:20:00
Speaker
They didn't do anything. They were just like, so like, no respect for themselves. Mm-hmm. And what happened is they were, they were like, no, you gotta go work.
00:20:11
Speaker
Cause you're literally delivering these goods to people that aren't able to get themselves. And what happened is that all of their depression symptoms, because depression is a symptom of, it is not the cause.
00:20:24
Speaker
what what they found is that their depression symptoms all went away there is none wow it's because they're providing value and as a side effect of providing value even if they didn't want to do the work they were getting that respect as a side effect and then over time their opinion of themselves that's how i define mindset mindset is the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves or our opinion of ourselves that improved we can have a higher opinion of ourselves or a lesser opinion of ourselves Mm-hmm.
00:20:51
Speaker
Go for higher. going feel better. Oh, yeah. I love that. can you can you Can you elaborate on what you just said about ah depression being a symptom of versus can you can you elaborate on that? Sure.
00:21:04
Speaker
And so four and this is how I work with folks, too. So this is just from my personal experience as well, from having moments of feeling depressed, not being depressed, feeling depressed, because it's two different things.
00:21:20
Speaker
ah So anxiety is a symptom. Happiness is a symptom. Motivation is a symptom. Emotions don't just pop up. There's something up here that's running downstream to influence or encourage or inspire a particular narrative.
00:21:39
Speaker
And that narrative is going to provide the emotional feelings. That's why like you say a word and you can have a feeling. yeah And so that's how that's how words are so important to us, because there's going to be the things that's going to influence our frame of the world around us, what we look for to prove our opinions, as well as how we're going to feel on the inside.
00:22:04
Speaker
Because it could be someone's low opinion of themselves that they have depression, depression, deep rest. And then you can actually, i actually view it as that is a point to which the present version of you no longer is it's no longer value to you.
Power of Self-Narratives
00:22:20
Speaker
Your opinion of yourself is on the land, on the back end. You want to have a higher opinion of yourself and that's stepping into the person that you possibly could be rather than the person that you simply accept to be. Wow.
00:22:32
Speaker
Wow. Wow. and then I love that. And then, yeah. And then if we just reinforce it, then it's just going to get progressively worse, either by choice or by chance, we're going to do something about it. Yeah, yeah. I think we have have that self-perpetuating um ability. Like whatever we put our attention to, that's what's grows what grows. And if we sit in and negativity, if we sit in our depression, if we continuously say, I am all of those things, i identify with all of those things, then that becomes our being.
00:23:07
Speaker
it It literally I am is a form of being. And and so ah but instead, if you start to talk to yourself differently, if you start to change the way that your mind is formulating and and and associating and all of those things, then you get to be and feel something totally different.
00:23:27
Speaker
How do you work with people to get them from a place where they are, where that negative self-talk is there, where their mindset is in the gutter to a place where it is much better?
00:23:40
Speaker
the mean The main thing would be getting folks to think about their thinking because we often accept rather than challenge thoughts that come to us. So going back to the rival role model, the rival is the one that wants to keep you depressed because people They benefit from it.
00:23:57
Speaker
Role models like, no, you can step out of it. And these are, these are, these are conflicting parts of us. Absolutely. What's inside of us. Totally. I think that's important to recognize. It's like you are creating both realities.
00:24:13
Speaker
Yes, exactly. So tying into that too, like this is, is legit where when you when anyone wakes up in the morning, they have their a prosecutor being their inner rival, and they have the defendant being the inner role model.
00:24:26
Speaker
And us as the primary, we're the judge. And both of them are going to show up with their undeniable stacks of evidence. The rival is going to show with the undeniable stack of evidence that we are not who we say we are.
00:24:38
Speaker
then the rival role model is going to come up and say, stack the end of novel evidence of we are who we say we are. And us as the judge, we get to see from the evidence which one wins the court case.
00:24:53
Speaker
Now, this ties into a cool story where it was ah It was a story of a child asking his grandfather, and was about two wolves, where the kid asked the grandfather, i have a conflict within me, and I don't know what it is. And the grandfather said, within us, there is a light wolf and a dark wolf.
00:25:10
Speaker
And they're fighting for us. They're fighting each other to get to us. And the kid said, well, which one wins? And the grandfather says, whichever one you feed the most. So going with the court case example, who's getting more evidence? The more evidence...
00:25:27
Speaker
the better the court case works in your favor. yeah And so our decisions are the data that we provide to the role model or the rival or to ourselves really that we are making progress or we're staying stagnant.
00:25:46
Speaker
Cause if we look back, if we reflect back, everything adds up. It makes sense that we are here where we are right now in this present moment. everything adds up. So then it's just coming up with a different equation, a different set of decisions that work for you rather than against you that help you rather than harm you.
00:26:05
Speaker
Yeah. And so when I get people to think about their thinking, I get people to think about the words that they're saying and the accuracy behind them. So then, Cause someone could have a low opinion of themselves and let's say they hang out with other people that have a low opinion of themselves, then they're going to affirm each other's opinion of themselves rather than challenge it.
00:26:25
Speaker
ye I like to challenge and say, well, don't know, like, Why? What's the stories that you're telling about yourself? And then being able to go through that. Because a thing with thinking about your thinking as well is that words, I think of as the ethereal macronutrients of the mind.
00:26:44
Speaker
So macronutrients, words are the ethereal macronutrients of the mind. So we have macronutrients being carbs, fats, and proteins. The quality of the macronutrients is going to influence the quality of our body.
00:26:56
Speaker
The quality of the words that we speak and how we think and bring it to our mind that we consume are going to influence the quality of our thoughts. Quality words, quality good quality words, good quality thoughts, shit quality words, shit quality thoughts.
00:27:13
Speaker
And that's a way to be able to get people to understand that they're in control of the stories that they want to say rather than adopting other people's stories and becoming a duplicate of their expectations.
00:27:26
Speaker
Oh, man, that's good. you You mentioned earlier that that trauma, you don't have a ah negative ah feeling or reaction toward the word. you don't It's neutral. um I'm curious what your thoughts are around people who have experienced trauma.
00:27:41
Speaker
For instance, like PTSD, I've experienced a lot of trauma and live with PTSD and also the effects of complex PTSD. and one of the um symptoms of that is a negative self-image um due to how the wiring of your brain happens during those formative years of life um and strained interpersonal relationships so for a person who has you know maybe their chemicals have changed in their brain maybe their neural pathways have been
00:28:15
Speaker
deeply wired in a way. how How is your work um able to address some of those narratives? That's an awesome question.
00:28:27
Speaker
ah And ah the quick answer would be to change the meaning of the story itself. Because when we can change the meaning, because no matter what, it's going to mean something.
00:28:41
Speaker
Because I'll actually share this one too, where early in my early twenties, I would, I consciously adopted my past traumas in order to fit in with people nowadays.
00:28:57
Speaker
And so I think that changing the meaning of the story, if we don't change the meaning of the story, then it's going to continually go through it because that, that could,
00:29:11
Speaker
that could very well have created the pivot point for you to prosper and be of well intentions.
00:29:23
Speaker
Because if we don't experience the bad, we have no idea what good is. And I think of it like this too, where Gandhi had to, he was in the military before he was ah proponent for peace.
00:29:34
Speaker
Still later on in his life, even when he was in peace, he was like, I don't think I did enough for the military. And apparently he was up there like high level, like he was doing like special ops shenanigans.
00:29:47
Speaker
So I have the theory that in order for Gandhi to understand his capacity for good, he had to understand his capacity for violence. And I think that the people that experience the least amount of trauma are oftentimes a little bit more violent than the people who have.
00:30:05
Speaker
I think that's interesting. That's just like, I would say many, like a small amount of people. However, I think that It would be writing down the story. It would be, it'd be writing out the story, then it'd be telling the story. So reading the story out loud, then it'd be feeling it like, what does the story, what am I feeling right now?
00:30:25
Speaker
What does the story mean to me or mean about me? And it could mean, and this is what i like about trauma stories. you're still here, right? Like you are, and you can continue directly on this one.
00:30:38
Speaker
yeah so You survived to this point. So if you're writing the story, what does the story mean to me? Oh, it means I'm resilient. It means I'm focused. It means I'm courageous.
00:30:50
Speaker
It means I don't give up. It means that I can grow. I can evolve. Now, suddenly that trauma doesn't look so bad. It's like, you know what? It's too experienced, but damn, I like who Look at all these powerful things. Yeah, yeah.
00:31:07
Speaker
And then from there, like, let's say that story, that would change the meaning. And then by understanding where you feel it. So for fellas, I'll say like, where do you feel it in your body? Oh, I feel it in my chest. twice So that would be heart space. Oh, I feel it in my gut.
00:31:21
Speaker
Oh, okay. Solar plexus. I feel it in my and my base of my spine. root. So those are like chakra points too. Right. And they all like tell a story. And so then if there's that emotion, cause some people will just, if it's a heavy story, then they'll cry and they'll just let it out.
00:31:40
Speaker
And then what I get folks to do is I get them to read and breathe. So at the end of every sentence, insert a breath,
00:31:48
Speaker
And what this does is that it disconnects where we are no longer in the story. We're actually outside of the story. So the story, because people will experience when there's my theory, I'll put it in, I'll put it in a reflection way.
00:32:03
Speaker
When I, when I am behaving in the present based off me being in an experience of the past, I'm that story still owns my present. I have not owned it.
00:32:18
Speaker
And that's the story hasn't been integrated because I think that because there's the physical body, then there's the emotional body. And these stories linger in the emotional body and it's timeless. We have to actively go in and participate in the processing of the unmetabolized emotions.
00:32:34
Speaker
Then those intense feelings about whatever someone experienced, whatever you experienced, they go away and then you have a clean slate and you're like, wow, I have so much room for activities in my body because there's less shit in there.
00:32:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And getting unstuck is the first thing that I work with. So it's like, I like, i personally like going with, uh, this is what I always ask folks is, okay, uh, I'm going to give you the opportunity. Do you want to put the gorilla on the table?
00:33:00
Speaker
and like, what's that go with the heaviest, most painful hurt story that you can write up. And we'll go in that because everything downstream becomes easier.
00:33:11
Speaker
h Yeah. Do you, do you find that many people choose that option or is it a progression?
Confronting Painful Stories
00:33:17
Speaker
I don't know. It varies on the person. Yeah. It depends on how quickly, like, because ultimately it's a sincere desire for change.
00:33:25
Speaker
It's going to be testing their pain threshold and it's curiosity to explore. Those are the three things that folks will have. And it'll be varying, varying degrees between. I have had people that have gone right for the fricking jugular and it was a sick session. Like it was sick.
00:33:40
Speaker
And then I've had folks that have like slowly got up there. And I, I tell folks too, like, there's no story that we can go into that'll have any impact on me. Like I have no judgment to it. It's their story, not mine. So I'm just helping them flow through it. I'm more like a force ghost. I'm just on the side, just guiding people.
00:34:00
Speaker
Yeah. I like that. One of the things that I find ah for some people who have experienced bodily trauma is that the feeling of where, of what I feel anywhere. Like I may feel absolutely nothing. I may feel...
00:34:15
Speaker
a heat in all of my body how long does it take and this varies for person to person but like how do you break that down to to being able to identify just the tiniest bit of sensation in the physical body oh i like that question that's a cool one so Ask it one more time. want to make sure I have a really cool thought on Yeah. So a person has experienced some form of physical bodily trauma that has in their mind shut off feeling. I don't want to feel and I don't feel.
00:34:52
Speaker
And so when you ask me, yeah, I'm telling the story, but my body's completely numb. I don't feel. I can't identify my chest, my solar plexus, my leg, anything. How do you help to identify just the smallest little things There's a Twitch here, there's something there. How do you, how do you identify that to start to uncover that?
00:35:11
Speaker
Uh, so that's a freaking sweet, sweet question. The first thing I would go in with, I would have the frame. This is the frame that I have for this one is if there's a disassociation, like they can't sense it.
00:35:25
Speaker
That's not a lack of emotion. It's an overwhelm of emotion. And so just by happenstance, just as a side effect of going into a story, it's going to break. because it's going to break the person's homeostasis.
00:35:40
Speaker
Like they're that is normal for them and it's breaking that. And honestly, like once once the dam's down, it's it takes some time to build it back up. So it happens as a side effect.
00:35:53
Speaker
Cause it is very much like, it is it could very well be the first time that they are granting themselves permission to feel period. yeah So definitely I think it's cool.
00:36:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What are some of the, the success stories that you've had? and you can speak to your own personal, just like what that transformational, I mean, we see part parts of the transformation, right? But that transformational story where people came in self doubt, uh, the, the most negative mindset, I can't, I can't, I can't to where they are today.
00:36:30
Speaker
What are some of those transformation stories? Uh, for a negative mindset.
00:36:37
Speaker
i think people I think people have less of a negative mind. I think people are just hiding their positive mindset and allowing their negative mindset to pop in. Because I think when I work with people, their mindset changes pretty quick because we start with getting unstuck, which we find affirmations that's evidence backed.
00:36:56
Speaker
It's not wishful thinking. Wishful thinking is making affirmations and trying to adopt those beliefs rather than seeking out. So for example, what we were talking about earlier, trauma story, I'm courageous, I'm resilient.
00:37:08
Speaker
Those are affirmations backed by evidence. Yeah. Right. a And so people's mindset will improve that way as a side effect. ah When it comes to how someone or what folks have said from feeling inside, there was one fellow that I'm not to list names just for the sake of privacy. I haven't yeah i haven't gotten permission to say his name.
00:37:31
Speaker
i However, I can tell the context. yeah So it was a father-themed story, and he's in his 40s, and he was 12 at this story.
00:37:43
Speaker
So he was influenced, or he had an experience from a while back, and it was still influencing today. And he was the one, he this was like a put a gorilla on the table story.
00:37:55
Speaker
I asked him, and he's like, I got one. I'm like, yeah! Yeah. so So anyways, it was a really tough one. And when we were going through the levels, like he read through it and then he feels the emotion.
00:38:10
Speaker
Because keep in mind that people will hold their breath high and tight. And that's how they're like, oh, if I keep my breath high and tight, I don't have to feel the feels. So I think for someone to want to feel the feels, they have to allow themselves to feel it.
00:38:24
Speaker
hey yeah So true there's nothing to be forced when someone doesn't want to feel the feels. However, when you're going through, you'll read it and then you'll be like, whoo. And he was going through and he read the first one like pretty smooth through. And then the second time, what we do for the second time is read it 30% slower.
00:38:42
Speaker
This forces the breath down into the belly and people can't speak motor mouth. Like what I said before, if I get really excited, I'll calm myself down. I'll chill low and slow.
00:38:54
Speaker
And then he had the feels like he was like balling. He was like, Holy shit. Like it was, it was toasty. And then then, it goes into the fourth part.
00:39:06
Speaker
Breathe, read and breathe. Read through it, took a breath. Waterworks were going. And then at the end, ah I asked him, like, just how you feel? Like, what's what described what it's like?
00:39:18
Speaker
And he said, man, I feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado where before he was just in the destruction. He was like in the middle of it. And I was like, that's cool, man. He's like, yeah. So he detached himself from that story.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, man. I love that. like You just reminded me of something. Like when you said in the middle of the of the storm, like it's I've done sound baths and there is the what kind of drum is it? It's a drum with like beads inside it and you just swirl it. And it cool it sounds like a different thing to different people. It feels like a different thing to different people.
00:39:58
Speaker
um But for me, i the first time I ever experienced it, i that was how I described it. felt like I was in the in inner circle of a tornado without being harmed.
00:40:10
Speaker
And it was the coolest experience that that i had had. And i I just, yeah, I think that's a ah really beautiful metaphor of being able to see and externalize all those stories, all those things, all those parts, and not still be stuck in them.
00:40:27
Speaker
I love I think I read maybe website or somewhere out there, like get unstuck from the suck. Is that is that a phrase that Kyle uses? Yeah. Like, I think that that's super cool. And people like if you're feeling stuck in the suck, like Kyle is is I mean, this is I can tell, you know, your stuff. I can tell you're doing some phenomenal work in helping people get unstuck. And that that's a beautiful thing.
00:40:53
Speaker
Yes. Can you give us like, let's, uh, I hear some, some story work. I hear the character work. hear, can you give us some breath, a guided breath work, some guided breath work right now on, on, on, on the air?
Guided Breathwork Session
00:41:09
Speaker
So I'm, I'll be, I'll be your client. I'll be your client yeah and let's do some breath work. I'll see. Uh, what's your vibe overall right now? My vibe overall. So ah got very poor sleep. So i'm I'm running on fumes. We had some tornado warnings all last night.
00:41:26
Speaker
the There's flooding going on. So I'm a little concerned about others. I think I'm pretty i think i'm fine where I'm at. And so um just just wanting to make sure I hear from other people that are that they're okay. and um But overall, I think pretty pretty subdued.
00:41:44
Speaker
outside of that nice okay we'll go with the chill breath then uh let's go with on the fly some this chill
00:41:59
Speaker
okay this will be a cool one okay did you set up so we put one hand on your belly one hand on your chest okay so now you have no choice but to feel da So it'll be a two part breath where it'll be nice and chill. And you're listening, you can follow along.
00:42:16
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. ah So it'll be breathing into the belly first and it'll be in through the nose and we'll have an exhale through the mouth. So it'll be in through the belly, chest, out, slow,
00:42:38
Speaker
belly,
00:42:41
Speaker
Bring up to the chest.
00:42:45
Speaker
Out slow.
00:42:51
Speaker
Adding a tempo to it. In, two, through the belly. In, two, through the chest. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:43:06
Speaker
two, three,
00:43:12
Speaker
Yeah, right through and out.
00:43:23
Speaker
So now we'll add a hold in it. So we'll do four seconds in, four second hold, eight seconds out. So we'll begin three, two, one. In, two, three, four.
00:43:38
Speaker
Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:43:52
Speaker
In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. oh
00:44:08
Speaker
We'll do two more. In two, three, four, hold two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Last one in, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. And we'll finish it off with a big inhale.
00:44:51
Speaker
Hold at the top. Squeeze the tension in the torso. Relax the shoulders. Relax the forehead. Relax your jaw. Hold for three, two, one side out.
00:45:07
Speaker
Describe the vibe. Oh, I'm on a cloud. i am on a cloud. I feel like my circulation just increased in a great way. i feel, um I was very in tune with your, your voice. And so my mind wasn't even wandering.
00:45:25
Speaker
Um, just very present right now. So and that was amazing. Thank you for that. Thank you. And I really love, like, I hope that if you followed along, you had your hand on your chest and your belly, because You notice when you're breathing in through your belly, like what is moving? Like what physically, what is moving?
00:45:45
Speaker
And that helps to first fill up that belly, fill up that diaphragm, then expand the chest. And so I thought that was a really great, great guided breath work. Thank you.
00:45:56
Speaker
You're very welcome, dude. Yes. Yes. I want to hop into a segment called fill in the blank. And so similar to what comes to mind, um you let me know what pops in your mind and you can elaborate, you can keep it short and sweet, whatever you're feeling.
00:46:13
Speaker
Cool. Dude, I love these for good questions, man.
00:46:18
Speaker
Vulnerability. Well, you probably already answered this one, but vulnerability makes me feel blank. Neutral. I actually, I'll, I'll go with a couple one.
00:46:30
Speaker
So what does neutral mean to me? It means that I'm in power. So I feel powerful.
00:46:37
Speaker
Ah, I love that. This one's gonna, gonna, gonna build off that power then. What is your greatest superpower? My ability to listen actually.
00:46:49
Speaker
Yeah. Expand on that because I know, i know you're not just listening to others. Well, most of what I do, like I, I can certainly talk. I'm a big fan of talking. Uh, however, with what I do, the way that I go about chatting is that I don't think many people have are given the opportunity to just have an objective observer to just listen.
00:47:13
Speaker
And i think that listening is key to communication. I think it is coincidence that listen in silent have the same letters. And I like to hear other people's stories because when it's, when people speak with whatever, they're giving you insight to their character.
00:47:33
Speaker
And so you get to, I, I get to see really cool aspects of people's character and yeah, pretty much more so for the, so often, uh, I, and
00:47:50
Speaker
and no I think my core superpower, this is this is probably my core superpower. I find that people overcomplicate simple things. yeah I don't think I actually simplify something that's complicated. I think that people complicate a simple thing.
00:48:05
Speaker
yeah And so i recognize that from people exaggerating on things that may be perceived as problems. However, they could be solved pretty easily. So I don't think that's a problem. That's not an issue.
00:48:18
Speaker
I think the issue comes down to making the decision to solve the problem. And then acting and doing the work. Yes. I was just talking to my therapist yesterday about like the simple things and how we've overcomplicated.
00:48:30
Speaker
and and and in the context around that was just loving other people, caring about other people, being compassionate, being understanding. And how, you know, i go and speak and I get paid to talk about that, like be nice to people. And like, why why do I have to reiterate and remind people of something so basic as that? But we overcomplicate it and we make it we make it a lot more than what it truly is.
00:48:57
Speaker
When I said i I think you do more than listen to other people, I meant you listen to yourself. Oh, nice. Yeah. you You are very in tune with yourself. i love I love that when we hopped in, you didn't just go spitfire. You felt it. you You practiced what you preach.
00:49:16
Speaker
And I think that was beautiful. And I love that you that you do that. Thanks, dude. Yeah. I feel those words. Yeah. If I could tell my younger self, Kyle, anything, it would be.
00:49:38
Speaker
Let's see. Let's breathe this one in.
00:49:49
Speaker
I'll actually tell a bit of a story on this one because it could be very accurate. So The way that, and I introduced this to people I work with too like later on.
00:50:02
Speaker
The way that I view me today is that I am only of today. And I am a community of individuals that were me across the board. And the better a relationship I have with each of those Kyles at all these variety of ages, the more there's going to be a streamlined flow of abundance all the way from birth until I kick the bucket.
00:50:20
Speaker
Hmm. And so I wrote a story where it was about, the theme, it was a father theme one and my father passed away when I was nine. And from that point, definitely took the man of the house role.
00:50:38
Speaker
And there was a lot of authority at that point applied. And so what I wrote, so I wrote a letter to my nine year old self So same framework that I go with, write a letter to your past self, future self, your 2022 self, your 2020 bajillion self, your 2075 self. I don't know.
00:51:04
Speaker
So I wrote a letter to this younger self and ah went through the same idea of writing this letter saying, hey, dude, I'm awesome. I turned out to be a character that I hope you're proud of.
00:51:19
Speaker
So I wanna let you know that what you experience right now it's okay. And you're going to be stronger from it. So how that influenced my present self, and there's a lot of time travel, like brain time travel in my work. So it's pretty cool.
00:51:34
Speaker
ah How that influenced my private present self is I actually find myself ah tapping into my like childlike curiosity or um desire for exploration and to put things together, take things apart, see how things work.
00:51:50
Speaker
So I would say that there's an integration rather than seeing a separation between me and my younger self. And I appreciate that he went through that experience because I have a much better opinion of myself now.
00:52:05
Speaker
So I would actually, if I were put in that letter, like, cause I'll go with the, with what you said on the question, i'm not going answer with what I've said before. I would go with, uh,
00:52:17
Speaker
Ooh, well, I,
00:52:23
Speaker
You will not want to change this experience ever. I promise you that. It sucks and you will not want to change it because it's opened up a lot of opportunities and possibilities for how life is now.
00:52:40
Speaker
I like that. I like that a lot. it's it's It's loving the journey.
Embracing Vulnerability
00:52:45
Speaker
i yeah though though What you've done in story work, what you've done um with with rewiring brains, i I say vulnerability to me is the ultimate act of self-love.
00:52:58
Speaker
Because when I can drop the shame of those past stories, those past parts of me that I did not like or I didn't want to share with the world or that wasn't so proud of, and I can expose those and and and feel neutral about them or even feel positive about them because they helped me get to the place that I'm at.
00:53:16
Speaker
That is truly embracing myself and loving myself, respecting myself and accepting myself. And so I think the work that you're doing, it it is it is so inspiring. I'm so excited.
00:53:27
Speaker
excited to let the world hear what you're doing because it's needed and and oh my god it's just going to continue to help so many people so keep telling stories keep inspiring folks and with that inspiration what is something that people can turn to a resource a book a movie a documentary to learn to to maybe start to prime themselves around some of the work that you do oh damn that's a cool question hmm
00:53:58
Speaker
You know what? A book that is really good that ties in would be Psycho-Cybernetics. Okay. That's a cool one. Okay. Because the idea that the main premise of it is that our thinking is algorithmic.
00:54:11
Speaker
So our behavior is algorithmic. So if we're repeating the same thoughts, we're going to repeat the same behaviors. And I like this. This isn't in the book, but I watched... ah This fellow, I forget his name, but he's the guy that started the computer system or not the like Microsoft. Like, no, I'm getting, I'm getting his, he's important in the computer world.
00:54:31
Speaker
He's considered the godfather of the computer world. And the thing that he said that was interesting is that the, an example of us demonstrating free will is when we make a choice counter to our algorithm.
00:54:44
Speaker
Mm hmm. So that takes different words, different decisions, different behaviors. Yes. And so that one's a really cool one. I like that. Say the name of the book again. Psycho cybernetics.
00:54:55
Speaker
Psycho. And then another one as well. This one has primed my or not prime, but influenced my ah perception and philosophy of how I go about my existence.
00:55:06
Speaker
And it's ah the creative act. And it's by oh the creative act, a way of being by Rick Rubin. Because so yeah the way I think of it and how it ties in with what I do is that
00:55:21
Speaker
is that words are the paint. Our soul is the canvas. And then what we experience in the reality is a side effect of what we drawn up. I like that.
00:55:34
Speaker
So the life we experience is a creative endeavor. Yeah. It's practice in ah mastering that that art of living. Yes. Yes. We are creations and we are creators. Totally. I love that. I love that. Like literally look at everything, everything that you see around you, all creation.
00:55:53
Speaker
we created Seriously, seriously. Oh, Kyle, this has been absolutely phenomenal. You, you've given so many gems. You've blessed my audience. You've blessed me, you've blessed the world and you will continue to and continue to inspire.
00:56:08
Speaker
Are there any final thoughts, any last things you want to get off your chest? um Anything like that? I will. And I think you'll like this. I'll share my own personal, like a mantra that,
00:56:21
Speaker
This is one that I like to share on the podcast and it's keep up the kindness.
The Mantra of Kindness
00:56:26
Speaker
And i view kindness not as a feeling. I view it as a way of recognizing behavior. I believe that we recognize kindness.
00:56:34
Speaker
That's why when you look at like, you can look at YouTube videos of people doing kind things and we feel something. We can see it. So to me, kindness is a practice. Inner kindness, external kindness. it's not just one world, it's two.
00:56:47
Speaker
Our internal world, external world. and by keeping up the kindness it indicates that it's a practice it's something that we put the effort into and we do it mindfully with presence yeah like an active meditation yes i love that and and there is even research that shows that acts of kindness help to improve your hrv your heart rate variability which is is basically the the signal of your nervous system, the health of your nervous system. And acts of kindness make you healthier.
00:57:18
Speaker
Viewing acts of kindness make you healthier. So I absolutely love that, Kyle. How can people reach you? How can they work with you? What are some of the ways that they can contact you? ah My website is clarityconsultant.ca.
00:57:31
Speaker
That's one way to check out my work and then also message me there. And then for social platforms, my Instagram is the easiest one. DapperDudeKyle, D-A-P-P-E-R, D-U-D-E-K-Y-L-E.
00:57:41
Speaker
And we can have a conversation. If anyone listening does the breath work, like shoot me a message. Let me know what you think. Yes, please, please. And if you're listening on YouTube or if you're not listening on YouTube, go to YouTube, listen to it, leave a comment and let us know.
00:57:55
Speaker
um But Kyle, this has been absolutely fantastic. Thank you. You've gotten my mind just going and it's like where where it was before and where it is now is in a great place. And I hope that the listeners feel the exact same way out with all the things that you could be doing, all the places you could be.
00:58:13
Speaker
i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. Oh, dude, I can say with absolute certainty that where I am right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle.
00:58:25
Speaker
If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
00:58:38
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
00:58:54
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
00:59:06
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable. but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.