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066 - What Voice Are You Listening To? Healing Emotional Wounds Through the Spiritual Intelligence Method
17 Plays2 months ago
Ever felt like your past disqualified you from a vibrant future? In this powerful episode, Donna Tashjian proves otherwise.
What happens when trauma, teen pregnancy, and shame intersect with divine purpose, healing, and bold faith? In this soul-stirring conversation, Vulnerability Muscle host Reggie D. Ford sits down with life mastery coach and founder of Vibrant Living International, Donna Tashjian, to unpack her story of overcoming childhood dysfunction, sexual abuse, and emotional suppression to build a life rooted in peace, purpose, and power.
Donna shares how a deep relationship with God, not just religious tradition, helped her transform pain into purpose. She opens up about the birth of her daughter at 15, the healing power of visualization, the Spiritual Intelligence Method™, and how she helps clients shift from burnout to bold, aligned living. You’ll hear why not all feelings are facts, how brave-hearted decision-making can change your life, and how to reframe fear into excitement.
This episode is a masterclass in reclaiming your worth, rewriting your inner narrative, and activating your God-given gifts with grace and ease. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, shame, or feeling unseen, this conversation will speak directly to your soul.
Tune in now to hear how Donna turned trauma into triumph—and how you can too. Your healing begins with the voice you choose to believe.
Connect with Donna Tashjian:
Website: www.ivibrantliving.com
LinkedIn: Donna Tashjian
Facebook: Personal | Vibrant Living
Instagram: @drtashjian
YouTube: Donna’s Channel
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Transcript
Introduction to Vulnerability Muscle Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
When I was isolated, all I had was God. And want you to think about it. It's hard for people to think about today, unless they're a little bit older, a time when there's no cell phones, there's no internet.
00:00:13
Speaker
So there is radio and TV and that kind of thing. But when you're totally isolated, you're isolated. Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:29
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:39
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:54
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to the vulnerability muscle. I'm your host, Reggie Ford.
Guest Introduction: Donna Tashgen
00:01:02
Speaker
In this episode, I have with me Donna Tashgen.
00:01:05
Speaker
Donna is a brilliant strategist, activator, life mastery coach, minister, and the visionary founder of Vibrant Living International, a movement dedicated to helping purpose-driven individuals gain clarity, confidence, and divine strategy to step into their highest calling outstripe without striving or burnout.
00:01:28
Speaker
With 30 plus years of experience, Donna has transformed lives worldwide through her Holy Spirit-led, Christ-centered approach.
00:01:39
Speaker
She is the creator of the Spiritual Intelligence Method, a powerful framework for aligning success with purpose. As the host of the Vibrant Living podcast and a sought-after speaker, Donna shares intuitive insights and practical wisdom to empower others. she also She's also the author of three transformational books that illuminate the path to clarity and fulfillment.
00:02:03
Speaker
I love this part. Clients call her a truth exposer and fear buster, describing her coaching as a refreshing, life-changing journey. for the mind, body, and soul.
00:02:16
Speaker
Welcome, Donna. How are you? Thank you, Reggie. I'm doing fabulous today. Good, good, good. I want i want to start with with just a heart check. So how's your heart? How's your heart entering this conversation, entering this day? How's it feeling?
00:02:32
Speaker
That's a great question. I'm going to have to use that one. I'm feeling very warm and loving today. Wow. Wow. Well, I want to receive all of that because I need it right now. So thank you for that.
00:02:44
Speaker
You're welcome. Before we dive deeper into your your background, your story, your your motivation, I have three questions that I
The Power of Vulnerability and Authenticity
00:02:54
Speaker
like to ask. And and there is a segment I call What Comes to Mind.
00:02:58
Speaker
And so you feel free to answer it with as many or few words as you want. And feel free to let me know the first thing you think of. right What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:03:14
Speaker
Authentic. Yes. What do you do, Donna, to center yourself, ground yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or maybe even depressed?
00:03:30
Speaker
I get quiet ah while I get away from the noise. And one of my practices is coming from the Bible verse, be still and know that I am God.
00:03:45
Speaker
I like that. And lastly, what is one of your favorite childhood memories?
00:03:54
Speaker
Oh, that's rough. um
00:04:00
Speaker
Let's see.
00:04:04
Speaker
i think On my 10th birthday, my mother threw a bigger party and made me feel really special. So that's one of my good memories.
00:04:15
Speaker
Do you remember what the party was like? what would ah but it was Was there a theme or anything like that? My mom liked to make special cakes and that one she made a sunflower. So The center, usually round cake, was the middle, and then she cut petals off of it.
00:04:38
Speaker
And everyone from church came over and um oh hung out, and we just played games and stuff. so yeah It's one of the good memories where i actually felt like a child, which you'll learn more as you hear my story.
Donna's Childhood and Family Dynamics
00:04:52
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Yeah, tell me about that, because you said that was a rough one asking that question. Just tell me a little bit about what childhood looked like for you. it it It was a rough one because some, I don't know if you've experienced this, but when you try to think about different things in childhood, it gets fuzzy. Yeah, definitely. And it's it's that feeling of what we're, you know, what i went and asked my parents, it's like, what was happening here? Because all I kind of see is clouds, like fuzzy. Yeah.
00:05:26
Speaker
on things. So i don't have a super lot of good memories. The ones that I do recall were not necessarily positive. So um i ah was born into a dysfunctional marriage and family. I was the first child of that marriage and I was supposed to be a boy.
00:05:48
Speaker
and was not. And I never really had a relationship with my biological father. He was the, the one vivid memory I had, he he was terrorizing me. So it wasn't even a good memory, but the, he, my parents divorced and, um, I had another little bro, I had a little brother, so he came along too, and he's a good memory.
00:06:12
Speaker
Um, and, My mom in the error that I was born and all of that, trying to be a single mom, trying to provide for kids and having the abuse that she had encountered.
00:06:25
Speaker
I mean, I understand as an adult, ah her drivenness and her not having really time for nurture and those kind of things because of all of the focus that she had to do and the pressures.
00:06:38
Speaker
But as a child, that affects you. Yeah, definitely. and And so they get we we went along a little ways. And then she met who became my daddy. She met my ah and my father. ah And he came into the marriage with three boys.
00:06:57
Speaker
And so there's my brother and me and three boys. And I was recalling last week that they they only dated for three months. So I was in one state and this, my new dad was in another state.
00:07:11
Speaker
And in three months we've moved states and all of a sudden blended a family with strangers. Wow. Wow. And I was eight. Okay.
00:07:22
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um And I, and I was reflecting like, how did that, ah how would that affect a child? Hmm. um And, you know, he did become my daddy. So it was a good it was a good thing. But trying to force us kids to get together, didn't go real smooth.
Encountering and Overcoming Challenges
00:07:40
Speaker
And how old were they? You were supposed to pretend like everything was OK. They were really important was what we presented ourselves to the public.
00:07:48
Speaker
which is not authentic, which is not vulnerability. It's not any of those things. ah So I remember mom, but somebody coming over and she's frantically like,
00:08:03
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raising your voice, trying to think of the prep, you know, and, and, you know, get this clean and get this done. And then they walk in the door. Hello. I've had a great day.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I'm just like, just the flip the switch, you know, kind of thing. And so there was a lot of ah that kind of stuff growing up. And my mother is, ah is still, we have a good relationship now, but my mother is very driven and what people think. And,
00:08:30
Speaker
and being perfect. And that comes from her stuff that she lived through. it So anyway, life goes on. And then there was some sexual abuse that happened to happen, begin to happen to me I matured. And the age of 14, was raped and became pregnant.
00:08:50
Speaker
ah i was was i was raped and um i became pregnant Now I have to go my tell my perfect mom that this is, I'm laughing. I was in a laughing situation.
00:09:06
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um Tell my mom this. And I had not been instructed anything about biological functions. And so trying to figure out, it was four months when I remember it was July, i was in Texas.
00:09:22
Speaker
You want to talk about hot in Texas. it was yeah It was one of those days. And I was standing in the bathroom and all of a sudden it dawned on me and I started to cry looking at myself in the mirror. And I counted one, two, three.
00:09:36
Speaker
It's been four months. I can't be pregnant. Wow. And then I began to sob because I'm like, how can I tell mom? How can I even tell her that this occurred?
00:09:48
Speaker
It was someone close to the family, which adds to more secrecy that is occurred around that. And um irate I did have a little girl and I raised her.
00:10:03
Speaker
And so I finished high school before I was 17 through a home online. wasn't online. It was a home study course, which we would call homeschooling, but this was before the internet.
00:10:13
Speaker
okay um And so I finished high school and I was also, and still am very driven. I'm going to prove everybody wrong because there was a lot of negative words and thoughts and whispers because we have to look good in front of everybody.
00:10:31
Speaker
My mom literally hid me. Um, so shame, anger, terror, depressed you know, being depressed and sad and all of that. Plus being pregnant was what 15 looked like for me.
00:10:47
Speaker
And, um, so going through all of the insecurities, all of the things that I've shared was where I began trying to be an adult to the woman that's before you.
00:11:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That is. Thank you for sharing that. And I'm i'm so sorry that your childhood was full of those experiences and and memories. And I can understand why there is there are clouds and and blurriness when when you try to look back because you don't want to remember a lot of those things. And so I'm really I'm truly sorry for those experiences.
00:11:24
Speaker
Yeah. ah you you you you've been driven and you were to to one, go through with that pregnancy, to to graduate from high school, to live in spite of all the shame that was put on you.
00:11:40
Speaker
And I'm curious what the role of of your faith played during that period in time.
Faith and Personal Growth
00:11:47
Speaker
That's a great question. Yeah. At the age of 12, I had an encounter with God.
00:11:53
Speaker
And i had began, I was raised in a Christian religious home. And there's a difference between, to me, being religious and a relationship. And I, when I was isolated, all I had was God.
00:12:09
Speaker
And want you to think about it. It's hard for people to think about today, unless they're a little bit older, a time when there's no cell phones, there's no internet. So there is radio and TV and that kind of thing. But when you're totally isolated, you're isolated.
00:12:27
Speaker
And there is no, i mean, think about most 15 year olds, you're engaging with kids, your own age, you're chatting and you're talking and you're hanging out and all, none of that was part of my, my teenage years.
00:12:38
Speaker
yeah And um I couldn't go anywhere. i couldn't go to the store. I couldn't go anywhere. And so all I had was God. And so during that time,
00:12:50
Speaker
i went to him. It was what I had. And i began to learn how to develop a relationship, not a religion. And how to, um i would hear shame and then I would get into the Bible and hear his voice say something different.
00:13:12
Speaker
And so it began to learn how to differentiate whose voice are you listening to? Yeah. Where is that voice coming from and determining, is that something i want to be?
00:13:29
Speaker
So if I continued in the shame, terror, anger, hurt a girl, is that, what kind of woman will that become?
00:13:42
Speaker
i don't want to be that. So what do I need to do? And I didn't have the verbiage, of course, then, but what do I need to believe? What actions do I need to take to be the woman that you want to be?
00:13:55
Speaker
One of the earliest books I read was Stephen Covey's book of Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. And in chapter two was where I got this information. It was begin with the end in mind.
00:14:12
Speaker
And in that book, he asked you to write your eulogy, which as a teenager and a young you know young adult, that's a little morbid. but you know But it's like, what do I want to be?
00:14:24
Speaker
This happened to me. It changed the trajectory of how I thought things were going to go. This is, this has erased a lot of dreams that I had.
00:14:35
Speaker
At least I thought it did. um And ah learn how to become the woman that I am today. So God had a big role. He's one alive.
00:14:48
Speaker
Yeah. I just want to reflect on that of, of building a relationship with him. not just following a religion. like you You had a true relationship and and you had to. like in that In that period of time, i being isolated in a way that we we We haven't experienced in in recent years because of social media, because of the internet, because of phones.
00:15:11
Speaker
ah but Most of us, you know some people may may not have those those luxuries, but um but to to be in a period of time where that where it carried so much shame and and you you needed a different voice. I love what you said, like whose voice are you listening to?
00:15:29
Speaker
think that is something that um as a trauma survivor, i often have a record player in my head. And no matter how great things are going, no matter ah you know what the situation is, it'll it'll creep in.
00:15:45
Speaker
And it's a negative voice. And it's not it's not my voice. It's not a the the the positive voices that I've heard. it is a ne It is a deeply negative voice that's from my past.
00:15:57
Speaker
And it's about catching that. bringing awareness to that, knowing that that is not you, that is not, that is not your divine, that is not, um, your highest self speaking to you in those moments. And and that's a good reminder for me. And, and I'm sure a lot of listeners, uh, I want to, I want to just challenge listeners. If you're listening to this, uh, maybe write your own eulogy, you know,
00:16:22
Speaker
what is What is at the end of your life when it's all said and done, what will be reflected about your time here, your legacy, your impact on the world, on yourself, on others?
00:16:34
Speaker
I think that's an amazing exercise. and And I'm actually going to do that for myself. ah So thank you for but that. Thank you. It's a wonderful thing to try to do and to think about when I get to the end of my life, how do I want to have no regrets?
00:16:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And living your relationships, living the way you take care of yourself, living the way that you do whatever your mission, your purpose is in the world is to, that doesn't mean I don't miss they make mistakes.
00:17:04
Speaker
Right. But to begin to handle those mistakes in a way that when I get to the end of my life that I don't have regrets. Wow. And thinking about when you create it in that in that way.
00:17:17
Speaker
ah want to touch on one more thing about whose voice is it. A lot of times we get um almost adversarial about that negative voice.
00:17:31
Speaker
And doing a lot of research about neuroscience and the way that our subconscious works, the purpose of that voice in our subconscious mind There are truly negative things that come up and evil things that come. But generally speaking, um Reggie, are you sure you want to take on that new venture? What if you fail?
00:17:52
Speaker
So that voice is, and we get we get almost adversarial. It's like, go away, leave me alone, that kind of thing. But another gentler way that's actually more effective, if I can share, is understand that that voice is the part of you that wants to protect you from danger. Mm-hmm.
00:18:10
Speaker
And it had to be super ah ah alert and functioning in your childhood, but you're no longer in danger. Mm-hmm. But it still wants to protect us. And so it's almost if you say, i hear you, I understand you want to protect me, but how about we make ways to make this new venture safe and I'll be fine. Well, you will be okay with that.
00:18:35
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And when you handle it in that gentle way, the voice gets quiet because you come in alignment, not feeling like there's that part of you that's fighting you all the time.
00:18:47
Speaker
Because most of us that's had some kind of trauma have lived in this fight mode. We're fighting everything.
Achieving Inner Peace and Alignment
00:18:56
Speaker
I am fighting to make, ah I'm trying fighting to eat. I'm fighting to make money. I'm fighting in relationships. I'm fighting because I've, I have to survive.
00:19:07
Speaker
And when we approach it the gentler way, then we can come into alignment and there's peace on the inside because how high we fly begins on the environment with an eye.
00:19:18
Speaker
I'm pointing to my heart. And not the environment with an E pointing to the things around me. And so when we can become an alignment on the inside, things flow smoother.
00:19:30
Speaker
Oh, I love that. Thank you. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. It reminds me of of just befriending our anxiety, befriending our emotions, befriending that that voice in our in our head, ah because it is. It's trying to protect us. we are Our brains were created to to survive, to evolve, and to endure ourselves.
00:19:53
Speaker
harsh, harsh times um from physical threats and and that translated into emotional threats as well. And so those emotional threats feel like danger, feel like death to our our bodies. And so I love how you how you created that or announced that. So thank you for that. um you When you talked about the eulogy and the purpose and the mission of life, do you remember anything that that came up when you wrote yours and how did that look?
00:20:25
Speaker
um It wasn't super, at a very young age, it wasn't super detailed, um but I wanted to be a woman that helped people. And I didn't know what that looked like at that age.
00:20:39
Speaker
And I'm still discovering what that looks like. And I wanted to be able to be kind and loving. I didn't want, i mean, you imagine someone stuck in unforgiveness and pain.
00:20:52
Speaker
They're bitter. They snap. um They're angry. So I wanted to be loving and caring and always forgiving. um If you will, I wanted to be the bigger person.
00:21:04
Speaker
That kind of, I wanted to always rise above. And I've kind of quit claiming this, but it's true. I wanted to be an overcomer. The thing about being an overcomer is there has to be some crap to overcome. Right. And so I quit believing for the crap.
00:21:23
Speaker
yeah ah But I still am an overcomer. You are. And so that's the kind of person I wanted to be. And when we reflect on those, I mean, I've i've gone back to that things when different things in your life don't go And they knock the rug out from underneath your feet and you're laying on your back trying to get your breath.
00:21:48
Speaker
All right, this happened. Who do I want to be? Who do I want to be once this is I'm through this? And that helps you make decisions.
00:21:58
Speaker
And it's constantly something that develops. One of my mentors said to me, Donna, you are a gift to the world. you know And I'm like, oh, that's just a swarm and fuzzy kind of feeling. And then she said, but the person who's going to be most surprised what's in that box is you.
00:22:19
Speaker
Dang. i just felt that.
00:22:27
Speaker
And that's true for every listener. Wow. That's true for every one of us because we do not know all of the things that God has placed in us. And we minimize, we short circuit, we, see we, I can't do this because of this.
00:22:45
Speaker
um And opening yourself up to be surprised every day of the gifts that are in you that then make a difference in the I'll say in about 20 minutes of talking, you have definitely helped me. You've been a gift thus far. And so ah you are living out your purpose and it is it is shining brightly. So thank you for for that.
00:23:09
Speaker
I'm curious. I want to go back a little bit. um you you You raised your daughter and um in in circumstances that you you probably didn't want.
00:23:21
Speaker
I don't want to speak for you, but but how did you parent your daughter with the things that you were exposed to and how you were parented? How did you change that narrative or or or did you?
00:23:34
Speaker
I did. ah ah So I got my first job right around 18. I don't remember if I was, I think I just turned 18. And so I have a three-year-old, imagine, you know, so I'm three-year-old and I got my own apartment and moved out on my own and working a full week She is three. So she's at a babysitter during the day, work hours and that. So I was determined to be an example of no matter what the adversities to come over. So I, I didn't, I wasn't, um, I, I was nurturing.
00:24:13
Speaker
I, you know, I remember sitting and holding myself and rocking myself as a child and, um, I um remember holding her right after she was first born going, i don't know if I'm going to be a good mom, but I'm going to love you with all my heart.
00:24:29
Speaker
And I continue to do so. Now, when she was almost four, I met my future husband um and he came into our life. And then um he adopted her later on when we were married and things like that. We've now been married 40 years.
00:24:46
Speaker
Wow. Congratulations. And I have two other children. And we have a son and then we have another daughter. So, and then I have seven grandkids. Wow. And all of them want to come hang out at nanny's house. That's who I am.
00:25:01
Speaker
and And they don't want to come out, hang out with you. If you were harsh um for a long time, i didn't, i my mom um I got, I need to talk, call my mom out of honoring her, but not always feeling like it was going to be a positive thing.
00:25:18
Speaker
conversation. Now we're beginning to enjoy each other and that kind of thing. And that's relationship has shifted, but for a while it was really hard. Um, and learning how to, uh, you know, the mistakes I made with my first daughter, right? Cause I'm still learning. And I was a kid and let's be honest.
00:25:38
Speaker
Um, but each one, you know, I, it, I say, you know, you've heard the oldest child say to their parents, mom, you're, that's not fair. You didn't do that with me. And in truth, each child has a different parent.
00:25:52
Speaker
Yes. um And so you grow and you learn. And that's one of the things I love to help people do is to have that relationships with their children in their end to and to show what it looks like to be married.
00:26:05
Speaker
Because that was one of my things is this is who Donna is. um And so what does it look like to have healthy relationships? What does it look like to develop relationships where your kids go, mom, I've missed you. Can I come over and hang out?
00:26:20
Speaker
Yeah. And they're adults. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's a special thing. That's very special. It's a special, amazing thing.
Emotions as Guides and Brave-hearted Decisions
00:26:26
Speaker
i I can ah just sense what your grandchildren feel because the people that I gravitated toward growing up were my grandparents.
00:26:36
Speaker
ah and And they, like you said, like it. ah no kid wants to be around you if you're not nurturing and nice. And if you're, you're abusive, they're not going to be wanting to go to your house.
00:26:48
Speaker
And so, but that was the place that I wanted to be more than with friends my age. I just wanted to be with my grandparents. I think it was part of where my, my old soul comes from is just sitting around with them, listening to the music, playing the games and,
00:27:02
Speaker
and in watching the to shows that they did. And and so, ah yeah, it's a special relationship between grandchild and grandparents. So thank you for being that for them.
00:27:13
Speaker
yeah um You alluded a little bit to some of the work that you do for other people and with relationships, with how they how they live their lives. And I'm curious, um how how moments of brave-hearted decision-making has shaped the path that you've gone down from founding ah Vibrant Living to to all the different things that you've been able to pursue to help other people?
00:27:43
Speaker
Repeat the question. How has brave-hearted decision-making guided you through that?
00:27:51
Speaker
Well, one of the things that I never appreciated as a child is my mom would always say, what do feelings have to do with it basically? And do it anyway.
00:28:02
Speaker
It's like, I don't feel like cleaning that kitchen. What feelings have to do with it? It needs to be clean. Go do it. um I never appreciated that as a child, but, and there is some truth to that as an adult is we, if we get led by our emotions are fickle,
00:28:21
Speaker
And I think they're a little more fickle for girls, but anyway, that just, I can, I can say that cause I am one, but, um, but learning that emotions don't lead me, that I am, that I actually am a spirit living in a body. My emotions are part of me, but they don't have to be mine. I don't, I don't feel like going to work. I don't feel like forgiving.
00:28:45
Speaker
We want to go there. That's a huge one for getting over trauma. It's like, I don't feel like forgiving. I have to, I'm i'm working on it. Cause I, when I feel like it, then I'll be able to forgive and learn. And so the bravehearted statement to me is choosing who I want to be choosing who the person that I want to be and not be led by my fears.
00:29:06
Speaker
I have felt at the thing. One of the things that God has shown me as emotions, are they true or false?
00:29:17
Speaker
That's an interesting question. And because there's truth, it's how I feel. But it doesn't mean they're factual. Yeah. And so what emotions generally show this is generalization, but it is mostly true is what they show is what I'm actually believing at that moment.
00:29:37
Speaker
Yeah. So if I walk into a room, I'll give you an example, I walk into a room, I am already, i am an introvert, but I'm, but with my background being seen and visible is dangerous.
00:29:52
Speaker
You hide in the corner, you make yourself small, you don't want to be noticed. So I walk into a room wanting to make friends, but in my subconscious, don't be letting anybody notice you don't be seen because it's dangerous.
00:30:07
Speaker
And then nobody notices me. Right. And nobody pays, you know, maybe maybe people a little bit say hi, but it's that awkward thing when you walk up to a group and everybody just stops talking and you don't know what to say and all of that kind of feeling. Well, I'm, i'm you know, what's what's going on? Nobody likes me.
00:30:25
Speaker
And it reinforces what we begin to believe. And so emotions show what I'm believing at the time. It has more to do with that than it does the circumstances.
00:30:38
Speaker
And if I walk in the same room going, Everybody likes me. Everybody's waiting for Donna to arrive. I always make friends and I smile easily and I'm warm and I'm loving and all of those things. And I walk into a room now.
00:30:52
Speaker
It's a completely different thing. Everybody's heads turn and goes, oh, Donna's here. And that happens all the time. and I'm the same person. What changed? Yes.
00:31:02
Speaker
What I believe about me, what I'm seeing. And so emotions, if you use them as an indicator to grow instead of judge yourself, instead of beat yourself up.
00:31:14
Speaker
But if you use them as like, okay, I got really mad there. What was I believing? Yes. I was believing that person was going to take advantage of me. Yes.
00:31:26
Speaker
Okay, well, with God is on my side, I can't fail. So is that true? No. Yeah, I love that. ah It goes back to that voice, that voice that's in our head. And and so that belief, that belief is a story that has been crafted by past experiences that are there to protect you, right? It all comes back. is if They're there to protect you, but You said that that you know the brave hearted is doing it in spite of those feelings, in spite of those emotions. And so what is what is how does someone tap into that bravery, that courage, if those feelings feel so overwhelming?
00:32:06
Speaker
I think one of the, i i don't think it's necessarily new, but one of the things that I see that hurt people the most is kind of like HGTV.
00:32:19
Speaker
the D Y I in it stuff. I'm going to do it myself. And there is a lot of things that you can figure out on your own journaling, talking to God, praying all things. But the biggest transformation I got was with my mentors.
00:32:34
Speaker
Yeah. And then the big, the really biggest was when I paid for a coach. Yeah. Yeah. um Not just somebody that was just volunteering to mentor me, but I invested in myself.
00:32:47
Speaker
That's the words I want you to hear is I invested in myself. And so the biggest thing for me is, i mean, why do we want to do it the hard way? Why do we think we need to, you know, i need to pull up my boots and get on with it and figure this out. And just we keep thinking about things the way that our subconscious does and because it's stuck in a loop.
00:33:09
Speaker
Yeah. I think 98% of our thoughts are the thoughts that we had the previous day. Absolutely. And until you introduce someone who can see what you cannot see in you, because I see the gold in you.
00:33:23
Speaker
I could tell you things I see about you in a little bit of time. yeah i always see the gold. Yeah. And um and I help you see that. And that and that if you think about what my mentor said to me, I'm a gift to the world and the person who's to be that was that was one of those situations. Yeah.
00:33:39
Speaker
Is helping me see how there's good stuff in me. There's more than you think and you're not your past. My past doesn't determine my future. Hey, yes. Unless I let it.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah Was one of my favorite declarations. My past doesn't determine my future. Yeah. And it doesn't limit me. It doesn't, you know, it it doesn't do any of that. It's not going to determine my future.
00:34:03
Speaker
It won't. No, no. And so that is a key for me in finding out what a step is, is because you can listen to all the podcasts and you can read books and you can watch YouTube and all of the things, but you're going to have to try to pull out what nuggets of wisdom is for you.
00:34:24
Speaker
right Where when you work with a person who's skilled, who's been there, who's done that and can see in the unseen yeah and see what is possible, then that's when the miraculous occurs.
00:34:40
Speaker
I think that is so, so profound because I have had so many people pour into me, like you said, mentors who are doing it voluntarily, who see things in you and want you to see them in yourself. But then ah when you introduce coaches, so I've had coaches for business, I've had coaches for speaking and I mean, I play sports. And so, you know,
00:35:03
Speaker
To be phenomenal in sports, you need a coach because you don't see ah the the cut that you make in that false step that you make every single time your backpack. You don't see that, but then someone can point it out and and it's like, oh, now we can get better at that. We can improve our craft.
00:35:19
Speaker
And so just translating it from sport to life or relationship or whatever it may be that you want to improve in, it takes some outside perspective, some independent objective party looking in.
00:35:33
Speaker
I think one of the greatest investments that I made was in coaching and in therapy. Like my therapist, I can talk and and now after working so many years with her, She sees things and hears things and recognizes patterns and is able to communicate that to me in a way that is effective, that that where I'm not just just reaching, grasping for straws. It's like, no, this is this is tailored to you.
00:35:58
Speaker
And so I think think it's really profound to hear you say it takes an outside party. It takes someone else. It takes a caring, loving individual. who sees it from a compassionate standpoint to pour into you and let you see the things that are unseen.
00:36:13
Speaker
Where would you be without all those people? Not here. Exactly. Not here. Not here. And we all have some of those voluntary people that are in our life, but we have to really choose, especially if we come from a difficult time. Yeah.
00:36:31
Speaker
You have to really choose to disassociate and who you're going to associate with. Mm-hmm. um And so, yes, totally am. And I think a lot of times with the volunteer folks, and not to say this bad, and not to say this is everybody, but sometimes it's like the yes men or the yes women, or we're going to tell you everything that's good, which there is a lot of good to that. There's a lot of lot of ah positive things that come from pointing out my strengths and letting me you know develop those more and and all of that.
00:37:00
Speaker
But... When the things that are hard to hear, like that, that needs to be communicated as well.
Thoughts, Feelings, and Spiritual Intelligence
00:37:07
Speaker
And so I think the skill in being able to communicate exactly, because we've also had people that just go, Reggie, you can't do that. Why are you an idiot? You don't have any ability to do that. Who do you think you are? Those kinds of words. And we all have had those people that are in our lives too.
00:37:24
Speaker
Yes. hu And so it is having it's like, how can I challenge you to be better without condemning you for where you are? h Yeah. And what is possible? So I think that's a ah beautiful way to remember. So that's that's ah the long answer to that question. Yeah.
00:37:44
Speaker
Yeah, no. And I want to go back because you said something that this is a quote that ah that i've I've said a million times, but not all your thoughts are true. Not all your feelings are facts and not all your behaviors are bad.
00:37:58
Speaker
Right. that Like just like like let that sit like your thought like you think them. But that doesn't mean that they're true. It goes back to the belief. Like we have beliefs and our beliefs are based on experiences and those experiences, if they look a certain way, will force us down a certain path.
00:38:13
Speaker
but you can challenge those. And sometimes it takes a coach to to help you. So I want to hop into to some of your your methodology. can you Can you unpack your framework, the spiritual intelligence method? Can you unpack that for us and let us know what that looks like?
00:38:31
Speaker
and Do we have another hour? Yeah. ah The spiritual intelligence method came from a lot of research and study, and it came, it started with one particular Bible verse.
00:38:47
Speaker
and There's lots, but it, it, Hebrews 11, one was things, the faith is a substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not yet seen.
00:38:59
Speaker
And then in second Corinthians four, nine, it says the things that are unseen unseen are eternal And the things that we see are temporary. So just pausing with those two, how much effort, including videos or songs or even going to church with Bible teachings is dealing with what we see.
00:39:23
Speaker
How we're going to hang on, hold on by your fingernails, grit your teeth, do you know, going to make it, we're going to make it through this. ah and it's all about the end that what we see And I began to look a quest to discover what does it mean to live from the unseen so that I bring what is unseen into now?
00:39:46
Speaker
Because if I keep saying what I've, what I've got, I'm going to keep having what I have. And how do we begin to make that shift? And so God, through all all ah research and all of that, have I've created a method that I walk through to teach people training their brains to live from what you can't see.
00:40:08
Speaker
And that seems so like mind boggling almost. It's like, what? How can you even do that? Because I go by my five senses. I see you. i take you know And so ah tony where i went to one of the Tony Robbins events and he took us through an exercise. I'm going to describe it rather than having you walk through it. But okay person stands up and they hold their arm in front of them and they're supposed to turn around as far as they can and mark the place on the wall on how where their hand is, however far they can twist.
00:40:39
Speaker
And they mark it. And then they turn back around and put their hands down to their side. And then I asked them to do it inside visually. So I want you to imagine that you're twisting around. And if you're doing this and you're listening to this podcast and you can do a stand up and do this, I'm telling you, it's wild.
00:40:57
Speaker
So anyway, so then you keep your arms down at your side and you visualize yourself lifting up your arm. It's usually your right, but lifting up your arm, turning around. And this time you go 25% further.
00:41:09
Speaker
It's fun and it's easy. Now you spin back around, put your arm down all ah while doing this on the inside. Next time we're going to do this two times, two more times. You lift up your arm and you spin around. And this time you go 50% further than you did the first time.
00:41:27
Speaker
And it was so easy and it was fun. And you spin back around and you put your arm down. This is the last time. We lift our arm up, we spin around, and this time we spin around completely like an owl and our hand is facing forward.
00:41:41
Speaker
And we can't even believe it. It's so fun and it's so easy. You spin back around and put your hand down. Then I have them open their eyes, lift up their arm and physically spin around.
00:41:54
Speaker
Every single person goes about 50% further than they did the first time. yeah How you see is truly on the inside. And when you begin to see different athletes, know this athletes do a lot of visualization. It's just, we don't always bring it into life.
00:42:15
Speaker
They visualize themselves hitting the ball. They visualize making the basket, making the touchdown, whatever it is, running the race and winning. They visualize it before they and why Before they actually go out and do it. But we don't do life like that.
00:42:29
Speaker
True. So you're going in to do a business presentation to somebody and we were like, oh, my God, I hope they like it. What if they don't like it? What if I screw up? What if I forgot the words? And we're visualizing failure.
00:42:42
Speaker
and and oh read we let's take it into the personal life. Your kid's late. What did you visualize? so all of the things that could have gone wrong, how they, and they walk in the door and like, where the, have you been?
00:42:56
Speaker
and, and you, and you have and I mean, maybe whatever we, we, we react out of fear so much of the time and what we actually don't want. So how do you train your brain so that you can create ahead of time, what you mean, what you actually want, because everything started with the unseen.
00:43:17
Speaker
Let's talk about the computer. Somebody visualized it. Somebody thought, well, I can do this. ah Zoom, you know, cameras. It's like all of the desk were sitting in the chairs, the house we're living in, the bed we're laying on. Someone visualized it. Someone pictured it on the inside before it became a thing in the natural.
00:43:37
Speaker
And we don't understand that God created the world that way. Right. He thought, he spoke, and it was so. We're made in his image. And so how do we live life like that?
00:43:50
Speaker
Because if you say that to a lot of, it you know, you don't talk about this in general circles in the social settings because people look at you like you're weird. But teaching people ah method so that they can walk that out.
00:44:03
Speaker
Vibrant living is all about healing, aligning, and then reigning.
00:44:10
Speaker
I love that. That's powerful. I think back to so many of the things that I've brought to creation and they started with a thought with visualizing what it would look like.
00:44:25
Speaker
And i look up and it's like, oh, it's here. It is, it is, it is a physical thing now that people can touch or see. and and that started with a thought and we have such powerful thoughts and, and, and ideas and.
00:44:41
Speaker
imagination. like we We do. like I think everybody has that. And it's just from thought to implementation, from thought to creation, like that is a hard, difficult thing, but you you can do it.
00:44:55
Speaker
you can You can make it happen. And we I think we too, both of us are are examples of Being able to turn a a shitty hand into wins.
00:45:06
Speaker
and and And that is something that um is inspiring. Like you've inspired me so much just by your story and the way that you think about life. Your mindset is truly inspirational.
00:45:18
Speaker
um and And I think. That is something like if I leave here with anything, it's that. It's just like our minds are powerful and we get to dictate which route they go down despite what we've been through.
00:45:31
Speaker
yeah that that's That's so powerful. And when you align it with God, because we can do a lot on our own, our mind is powerful. But when you align it with God, it gives you the strength to get through those places where it doesn't look like it's working. Yeah.
00:45:47
Speaker
yeah And, but, but other than that, our strength will run out and, you know, our, our, our tenacity can run out of ah of its oomph to carry the vision through because we get an idea and, you know, you and I are visionaries. We want it tomorrow, not 10 years from now.
00:46:07
Speaker
I see this now. I don't want to wait 10 years. And, you know, I've got kids your age. So I've, you know, I've, I've waited to see some of the visions and still have more, of course, than I want to in my lifetime.
00:46:21
Speaker
But, you know, when that's one of the things I speak to with adults that are in your age group is to look at it as with with patience to enjoy the journey, not necessarily I'll be happy when,
00:46:39
Speaker
But enjoy and enjoy the the struggle because you get stronger. you You don't get stronger muscles if you don't lift weights and have resistance.
00:46:49
Speaker
ye And it's the same thing for us on the inside. When those resistance, we think, maybe God doesn't have that for me. Maybe I shouldn't do that. I don't know if you've ever thought that, but most of us have thought something like that. And instead of that, what if the resistance was there for you, not to to to discourage you?
00:47:09
Speaker
But when we do it with him, we can do it from a place of ease and grace. It doesn't have to be hard.
00:47:18
Speaker
oh I
Embracing Vulnerability
00:47:20
Speaker
love that. I love the analogy too back to back building a ah physical muscle. And that's what this was about. It's about vulnerability muscle. These aren't easy conversations. It's not easy to open up about, you know, you've done it multiple times. And so you build that muscle to be able to hop on this podcast with a stranger and share a story to the world.
00:47:40
Speaker
But that wasn't easy the first time. Absolutely not. And it came out a lot of. um e Yeah. A lot of that and and and retreat and run and fear. And so, but you build that muscle. And i love I love how your faith has guided you and allowed you to build such strong vulnerability muscles. So it's it's it's truly, truly inspiring.
00:48:05
Speaker
I'm curious because it stood out so much to me earlier with how your clients describe you as fear buster, truth exposer. what What are ways that your other clients would describe working with you? What would they say the benefits are, what they feel?
00:48:23
Speaker
How would they describe that? Yeah.
00:48:29
Speaker
There is so many different conversations. The biggest thing I hear from my clients is gratitude in the shifts that have occurred in their life.
00:48:40
Speaker
um One of my amazing clients runs a nonprofit organization to help at-risk kids. And um she has a summer program.
00:48:53
Speaker
That's when the schools are out. She does a summer program for the kids. And usually her summers have been, before working with me, pretty stressful. um Not enough volunteers, not enough finances, you know, ah transportation, all, you know, just headaches that arise. And and she would go into summer.
00:49:16
Speaker
Cause it had been the past expecting those kinds of things. so So we're, we're recording this in the summer. And so I've been talking with her and I'm like, so how are things going?
00:49:27
Speaker
And she goes, I can't believe, I don't understand why it's so easy now. It's like I wake up every day, everything falls into place. It's great if there's a struggle. I know the I help find the answer. And it's just I'm from a place of relaxed grace and ease.
00:49:42
Speaker
I really use that word a lot. Because what does it feel like to be carefree? Casting all your care on him for he cares for you.
00:49:54
Speaker
Now cares are anything you're concerned about. the image I have as a child skipping, like there's no care. I know everything's going to be fine. You and I didn't experience that as a child, but you know, it's just like ah and so the peace, the self-care, the way that she's reacting with the children and the, and her staff is all different when you learn how to shift and all of the healing that had occurred in her life from other things.
00:50:26
Speaker
and that watching people just shine and actually live life without care. Jesus said, my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
00:50:43
Speaker
If it's not feeling easy, you're carrying something you shouldn't. But how do we let it go? That's the question. It's like, so yeah, Donna, that sounds wonderful.
00:50:55
Speaker
But how do we let it go? And that's what I help people learn how to do for themselves so that they can experience the same situations that they actually love doing, but doing it from relaxed ease and grace, even when there's frustrations that arise, that all things are going to work together for my good, that God is on my side.
00:51:20
Speaker
There is nothing that can come against me greater than that. Hmm. And so learning to step. So that is one example. Wow. Describing what it's like to work with me because we bust the fears. We transform it because fear is truly just excitement without breathing.
00:51:40
Speaker
What do you do when you're afraid?
00:51:45
Speaker
And so you get like, like like say you got a humongous speaking opportunity. Your first response would be, Can I do that? I don't know that it would be, but I'm going to pretend it is. It's like, wow, that's going to be a million people.
00:52:00
Speaker
Can I do that? And then you go, then you breathe, and then there becomes excitement. Wow, I can do this. So that's an example of taking fear and changing it to excitement because we've got a fear response from past experiences.
00:52:20
Speaker
And churning that again into excitement of what it means like for me to be visible. um i am on podcast every day, videos every week, you know, it's all the things. And that took a journey because I was the girl hiding in the corner.
00:52:38
Speaker
not, you know, I want you to love me, but don't come near me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. It just dawned on me how, how visual you are, how, how,
00:52:50
Speaker
you know, there's been so many references to visualizing, to seeing, ah to, to even, even when you first opened up about not being able to see things in the past, it's cloudy. And, and I can, I can tell how difficult that and may be for you because you're so visual and you see things so clearly you, you're like, what is it? Clairvoyant. Like, like that is, that is something that I, that I see in you. And so, um, um,
00:53:18
Speaker
i i'm just I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the time that we get to spend together and I'm thankful for knowing you and I hope that we continue to to connect and and continue to help and and I want to be a resource and a and and anything that I can do ah for you or for the folks that you are serving, I want i want to ah be there as a resource as well.
00:53:44
Speaker
um But before we leave, I want close this out with a a reflection period. Um, a couple, five, five fill in the blank questions. Okay.
00:53:56
Speaker
And so you let me know the first thing, again, first thing that comes to mind, feel free to expand, tell stories, whatever you want. But, uh, yeah, I'll kick it off with the first one. Vulnerability makes me feel blank.
00:54:13
Speaker
My initial response is a little scared. um and, and, But I know that vulnerability is a superpower now.
Donna's Superpower and Life Reflections
00:54:26
Speaker
and But my initial response is, is what's the risk?
00:54:33
Speaker
So that is the first thing that crossed my mind when I actually felt it in my tummy. It's like, uh, kind of thing. And then I smiled and breathed through, remember, fear is taking a breath and remembering that, um Reggie, you wouldn't relate to me without my story.
00:54:49
Speaker
Mm-hmm. We wouldn't connect it in a heart way without sharing and that we're all human. We all have disappointments. We all have things that hurt us. And I don't need to compare my pain to yours. We both hurt.
00:55:02
Speaker
And so that's the second thought is vulnerability. Then brings authenticity and connection.
00:55:12
Speaker
Faith brings me blank.
00:55:16
Speaker
Joy.
00:55:19
Speaker
hope um Smile. Yeah. My greatest superpower is blank.
00:55:32
Speaker
The ability to call out the gold in you and help you walk it out. I am and one of the things God's called me to be is an activator of people's dreams. So they share them with me and then I help activate them so that they can become a reality.
00:55:47
Speaker
I like that. If I could talk to my younger self, I'd tell her, Donna, blank. How beautiful she was. as i never felt beautiful.
00:56:00
Speaker
um How amazing she was. That's what I would tell her.
00:56:06
Speaker
And then, lastly, today, i choose to imagine blank.
00:56:15
Speaker
Hmm. Oh, I've got so many of those.
00:56:23
Speaker
like Which one do I share? ah Multitudes living vibrantly. o Yes, that's a great one to share right there. Oh, Donna, this has been just absolute pleasure to get to know you and know your story ah and and hear about the work that you're doing to make this world a better place.
Final Reflections and Resources
00:56:44
Speaker
And, uh, yeah, I think that this is going to be fruitful for a lot of people listening. And so thank you for, for your time. Are there any final remarks, any burning desires that you want to share anything that's on your heart that you want to share?
00:57:02
Speaker
I would encourage you to visit my website because there is something on my homepage that's free, some event going on. um I try to put it right on my homepage so it's easy to find.
00:57:15
Speaker
And there's also a link if you want to talk. Don't do it alone. If you don't have anyone else that you're already connected with or you're looking for some fresh perspective, I call it a wisdom consultation because we don't need more knowledge.
00:57:32
Speaker
We need wisdom. And I hear from God for you. i pray for you. and I don't go from just my own knowledge or experience.
00:57:45
Speaker
So I look from the unseen. And so that is also available. And I'm sure Reggie will have my website and show notes for you to take advantage of because there's always some free resource available there for you as well.
00:58:00
Speaker
So that's one of the things I want to mention. And the other thing is, is what I would have told my younger self, I want to tell you, you don't realize how amazing you are.
00:58:13
Speaker
I don't care what you've done, what you've accomplished. There's more. And you can do it from a place of grace and ease. The second thing and final thing I'll mention is, I pray that you would know how much you are It is higher and deeper and wider than you can ever imagine.
00:58:34
Speaker
And I don't want you to know it. I want you to experience it. And that's my prayer.
00:58:41
Speaker
I love it. I think we can end it there. Thank you, Donna. Thank you so much for offering such grace and and wisdom and peace and joy throughout this conversation. It's been remarkable.
00:58:57
Speaker
remarkable With all the things that you could be doing and all the places that you could be, i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. My pleasure. Thank you, Reggie.
00:59:08
Speaker
Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
00:59:25
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
00:59:41
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
00:59:53
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability.