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062 - Learning Love: The 5 Components That Build Relationships That Last – with Dr. Mark A. Hicks
10 Plays24 days ago
In this powerful episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Dr. Mark A. Hicks—author, counselor, ghostwriter, and relationship coach—to unpack one of life’s deepest questions: How do we truly learn to love?
Drawing from his groundbreaking book, Learning Love: Building a Life That Matters and Healthy Relationships That Last, Dr. Hicks reveals the five core components of love that can transform romantic partnerships, friendships, family dynamics, and workplace relationships: grief, emotion, practicality, acceptance, and passion. These insights blend wisdom from ancient biblical texts with modern psychology to offer a holistic, teachable path to deeper connection.
Listeners will hear:
- Why grief is the foundation of love and a gateway to healing
- How emotional safety and expression create lasting bonds
- The role of practicality in avoiding relational breakdowns
- Why self-acceptance is essential to loving others
- How passion brings joy and meaning to everyday life
- Real-life stories of toxic love, healing, and rediscovery
- Lessons from the Book of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Songs
- Reflections on Brene Brown’s research and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
- Candid conversations about childhood trauma, conditional love, and emotional resilience
This episode is an invitation to unlearn dysfunctional relationship patterns and embrace love as a learnable skillset. Whether you’re navigating heartbreak, rebuilding trust, or seeking deeper emotional intimacy, this conversation will equip you with actionable wisdom.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.markahicks.com
- Coaching, workshops, speaking inquiries, or to grab his free eBook: Use the contact form on his website
- Book: Learning Love: Building a Life That Matters and Healthy Relationships That Last
Recommended
Transcript
Personal Background and Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
I think one of the aspects that I have come to understand is that I did not grow up with any sense of fear in my house. And I've come to understand not everyone has that.
00:00:13
Speaker
That sometimes you're walking on eggshells and you're you're just trying to make sure things don't blow up. And as I got into that toxic first marriage, that's where I was. I was walking on eggshells, just trying to make sure things didn't blow up.
00:00:26
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:44
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:59
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to this episode of Vulnerability
Understanding Love and Relationships
00:01:05
Speaker
Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Today, I have a guest with me, Dr. Mark A. Hicks.
00:01:11
Speaker
Mark is a author, ghostwriter, speaker, counselor, and relationship specialist. His passion lies in unraveling the mysteries of love and relationship, digging deep into what makes them tick. mark Mark firmly believes that healthy relationships are the cornerstone of a fulfilling life and career.
00:01:31
Speaker
and he loves sharing insights that change lives. That's why Mark poured his heart and soul into his book, Learning Love, Building a Life That Matters and Healthy Relationships That Last.
00:01:42
Speaker
In Learning Love, he teaches the five components of love that anyone can learn and practice to build healthy, happy, thriving relationships regarding ah regardless of their relationship experience so far.
00:01:54
Speaker
In a world that is too often gripped By loneliness, dysfunction, and trauma, Mark offers hope and guidance for those seeking deeper connections.
00:02:05
Speaker
Welcome, Mark. How's it going? It's going great. Thank you for having me here. i am excited to to hear about this and love and learning love. It's one of my favorite words. It's one of my favorite concepts. And I think this is going to be cool to hear about the five five components that you've identified in your book.
00:02:25
Speaker
But before we get into that, I want to ask a couple of questions. It's a segment called What Comes to Mind. And so you let me know the first thing that you think of as long or as short as you want. OK.
00:02:37
Speaker
OK. All right. What comes to mind, Mark, when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:02:44
Speaker
The first thing it comes to mind is about love, ah because you cannot have one without
Vulnerability and Mental Health
00:02:49
Speaker
the other. You have to be to a place that you can open your life and your heart and your mind.
00:02:55
Speaker
to the connections. And that's one of the problems with love. That's part of learning love is learning the process of becoming vulnerable and being okay with that, to learn that that's all right. And that there is a way back when you get hurt, because we do get hurt.
00:03:10
Speaker
I'm not going to deny that, but knowing the way back, and there are ways back from that. It is an essential component, an essential element of having healthy relationships. Wow. I love that.
00:03:23
Speaker
What do you do to ground yourself, center yourself, calm yourself down if you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed or maybe even depressed? Deep breathing is a miracle worker.
00:03:34
Speaker
I really encourage folks to practice that. It's something that I practice and it just works so well. We get into this habit of taking these little shallow breaths all the time and really taking full deep breaths slowly.
00:03:51
Speaker
one after the other for a minute or two minutes or five minutes. it just It just changes the way our brain is firing. It doesn't change the circumstances around us, but it changes the way our brain processes the stuff around us. It actually has a physiological effect.
00:04:07
Speaker
And I think it's one of the most important things you can do. Exercise is another one. ah Just taking a walk. i'm not ah I'm not an Olympic athlete or anything like that. I wish I was in better shape, but just taking a walk. helps me quite a bit. But I think that deep breathing is a is one that helps me the most. And I think it's one that most people don't practice enough.
00:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. And I think it's one that many of us with the privilege of having the the the voluntary control over our breath. Right. And that's a part, like you said, is a physiological. It changes things. It changes things in our brain. And if you have the ability to control parts of your autonomic nervous system, which all the rest of it, we can't.
00:04:47
Speaker
We can't change our heart rate is. We can't change all the things in our brain, but we can change our breath by focusing on that. I think that's beautiful. Mark, what is one of your favorite childhood memories?
Childhood Memories and Learning Love
00:05:00
Speaker
Oh, wow. I have a lot, actually. I had a good childhood growing up. ah Wow. Just to pick one. I think um there was some neighborhood kids and I think just the typical, you know, old fashioned, just being out in the front yard playing kickball or tag with the neighborhood kids when I was young, riding bicycles with my friends, those kind of things.
00:05:24
Speaker
You know, you just you just can't beat it. That's just that's what childhood is all about. Absolutely. Absolutely. Did you grow up in Knoxville? Is that what where you grew up to? ah Close to, yeah. A little small town called Sweetwater, Tennessee, just outside of Knoxville.
00:05:39
Speaker
Sweetwater. I like that. i like that. Do you know any history about why his name is Sweetwater? Not really, no. I think it, I think it, I was told it goes back to ah what the Native Americans called that area. There's a little creek that runs through the town, right through the center of town. And I've been told that the Native Americans had a ah name,
00:06:02
Speaker
that sort of translated into sweet water based on that Creek. Uh, don't know if that's true or not. That's just a, that's just a story that got passed around. Might be true. Might not. Right. Right.
00:06:12
Speaker
Well, I love it. I love it. Mark. Can you, can you tell me early on what, what did the concept of love look like, feel like, when did you start to experience that how did that shaped your life early on?
00:06:25
Speaker
Well, I was one of the lucky ones. I had great parents that I was raised in a loving home. My parents had a, good marriage. No marriage is perfect, of course, but they had a ah great marriage. They were high school sweethearts and would gather all their life until my dad passed away. And my mom's still living. and they They had a great life and they raised my sister and I in a really loving, caring home.
00:06:49
Speaker
um And so I understood at least an element of what love was early on because I experienced that in my family. But you don't always learn everything you need to learn in your family.
00:07:01
Speaker
Even if you come from a healthy, happy childhood. ah One of the things that i did not learn because I was sheltered in a small town and raised in a loving family and all the good things that I had, and I'm grateful for that.
00:07:16
Speaker
I didn't know how cruel the world could be. i didn't know how manipulative people could be. And one of the things that is part of my story is early in my adulthood, I ended up in a toxic first marriage.
00:07:28
Speaker
It was an utter disaster, ended in divorce. I have the emotional scars to prove that one. And that's really what set me on the course of writing this book. Because after that, I began to kind of question if love even existed.
00:07:44
Speaker
maybe it's Maybe it's just something that a few lucky people stumble into. um Maybe it's a fantasy that we sort of hold to, like the Easter bunny, that it's just fun to think about it and you know we can we can enjoy certain elements, but is it really real? Can we really have oh the this the real sense of love and relationship and connection?
00:08:05
Speaker
And I, of course, wondered if it was if it could happen for me, that maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe I couldn't ah have that for some reason. And so I had wrestled with all those questions and that started me down this road.
00:08:18
Speaker
I didn't fully grasp that at the time. it was It was more subconscious. But looking back, I can see that those were the questions that I was really wrestling with. And I come from a a background. I have a master's in and um but mental health counseling.
Love as a Learned Skill
00:08:32
Speaker
So I've been a therapist and a counselor. I come from a theological background, a spirituality background. So I have that element professionally as well.
00:08:40
Speaker
And so really from these three tracks, from my personal experience in both a loving family and a disastrous first marriage, uh, seeing the contrast in that.
00:08:52
Speaker
And from a psychological standpoint and from a spiritual standpoint, I came to the place that eventually, uh, through that research, through that wrestling and through that, uh, that time of just seeking, I came to understand that love does exist.
00:09:06
Speaker
It really is true. It really is possible for everyone. We just have to know what it is. And that's the problem. weve We often, we teach a lot of stuff in our society. We teach people how to make a living in a of different ways.
00:09:19
Speaker
You can go to trade school. You can go to college. You can go to a lot of different places. You can get internships and residencies and all kinds of things ah in order to learn how to make a living. If you want to learn how to cook, you can go to a culinary school or you can go to YouTube or you can or you can go down the road and visit your your aunt who's a wonderful cook and she'll teach you.
00:09:40
Speaker
We learn a lot of things in life. We learn how to play sports. We have coaches that that teach us the nuances of a sport. Who teaches us how to love? that's so good.
00:09:50
Speaker
And build intentionally build healthy, happy, thriving relationships on purpose using the components of love. That's just we just, we just kind of wing it. We just leave it up to our families.
00:10:03
Speaker
And even people like me who had a healthy family, but I didn't know everything I needed to know. And if you come from a dysfunctional or toxic or abusive family, it's even harder. But it can be done because love isn't random.
00:10:17
Speaker
It's not fate. It is a learned skillset. yeah And that's what I teach in my book. I teach the learned skill set of love. So everybody, regardless of your background, can learn the skill set of love and build those relationships in your life.
00:10:32
Speaker
And that doesn't just mean marriage. It does mean that. But family, friendships, co-workers, relationships in the community, it all comes down to learning what love is. I think you're speaking to the hopeless romantic out there.
00:10:46
Speaker
And I had to look up that term because in my head, I thought it was ah i thought it was a positive term, like hopeless romantic. oh But it's like what it depicts is somebody who keeps seeking love, keeps trying love, and it doesn't work. And so the hopeless part of it all is that they're just blindly going out and saying, I'm going to fall in love.
00:11:05
Speaker
And I want to find it, but nope, there's no hope for it. But I'm going to try to find it. And you get caught in that cycle of asking that same question. Is love meant for me that you asked, Mark? And I think that ah what you said is so true that that love does it it does exist.
00:11:21
Speaker
And it's meant for everybody. And everybody deserves that the energy of love, the feeling of love, the connections of love And I'm so excited to hear how you apply that to different areas of life because it is is love in in in romantic relationships. It's love in platonic relationships. It's love at work. It's love at home. It's love in all different
Psychological and Biblical Insights on Love
00:11:44
Speaker
aspects of life. And um um this is really exciting to me because, again, how to love is a a a a skill.
00:11:52
Speaker
You have to learn it. And it's it's what you said about like your family. like So you came from a loving family, seeing love, but relationships are two-sided. And things that you may have seen and may experience may ah not have come up in in your and that and that, but you saw it in your relationship with your spouse.
00:12:12
Speaker
yeah And it's now we have to learn how to navigate that. Can you talk about some of the early things that that were different in the way that you approach love and maybe your former spouse or and and not a disparaging way, but just the differences in the ways in which you were brought up and saw love?
00:12:30
Speaker
Yeah. One of the things that I think is just a telltale sign of a dysfunctional relationship and a toxic relationship is you just can't solve problems. And in ah in a healthy relationship, there's going to be problems. We're not going to escape that, but you find ways to solve them.
00:12:47
Speaker
You find ways to work on the problem. And in a dysfunctional toxic relationship, which I experienced, problems just don't get solved. They come up again and again and again. and it's not about solving the problem. It's about having the fight and then coming back to the same problem over and over.
00:13:05
Speaker
And that's just one aspect. It's just, it it it is this toxic cycle we get into that it's not about building the healthy relationship. It's about just,
00:13:17
Speaker
having the chaos and and getting used to that and that somehow being the relationship. And that's not the relationship we were intended for. No one was ever put on this earth to be abused.
00:13:29
Speaker
No one was ever put on this earth to live in these toxic relationships. We were all meant to have healthy relationships. We just don't always know how. And when we when we start learning that, it makes such a difference.
00:13:42
Speaker
I have a a second marriage now. And again, no marriage is perfect. I don't want to set myself up as perfection because there's no such thing as perfect. We're all on the journey. We're all practicing the the art and the science and the skill of love.
00:13:57
Speaker
But I have a wonderful relationship in my second marriage. I'm so lucky ah to have the relationship I have now. And I often say I've had a bad marriage and a good marriage and good is better.
00:14:09
Speaker
We really need to be working to make sure we're not just chasing relationships. We're not just seeking desperation of feeling lonely or whatever that might be.
00:14:21
Speaker
We need healthy relationships and to understand that the toxic chaos, the the abuse, the the manipulation, the the dysfunction,
00:14:32
Speaker
is not what we're intended for. There is a better way. Yeah. How does your your background in ministry and also as a counselor, how does that influence your relationships prior to writing this book?
00:14:46
Speaker
It's really, um it's it's almost the same track for me because ah for me and and what I see in scripture, and I know there's a million different ways people will say for me scripture, but I really believe it is the wisdom of the ages.
00:15:01
Speaker
that that the wisdom of the age has been passed down to us. And it's it's used sometimes in negative ways and and so forth. But I believe there is great wisdom in the scriptures.
00:15:14
Speaker
And that's really where I began to see these patterns along with my background in psychology. ah The Five components of love that I teach that are all grounded in psychology and counseling are inspired by the five books of the wisdom literature found in the Old Testament.
00:15:34
Speaker
Because love is our greatest wisdom. Now, can't go to the Bible and find a place that says, here's the five components of love. But it's inspired by that as I read those books of wisdom. I began to see that pattern and began to see correlations in our psychology of how we have the dynamics of human relationships.
00:15:53
Speaker
And I started to see there there are five books of wisdom. There are five components that emerge out of that. And I began to see these five components of love.
00:16:04
Speaker
And so it didn't come from me. This wisdom's been around for thousands of years. I was inspired by that wisdom to put it into modern terms, into psychological terms that we can really conceptualize what love is and how to live it out.
00:16:21
Speaker
But the inspiration for it, thousands of years old, and it comes from a spiritual place. I cannot wait to get into the five components. but But before that, I want to go back a little bit and i want to ask what you said you grew up in a loving household, right? and And if we didn't grow up in that, right, if we don't know what that is, can you paint a picture of what that looked like? What did mom do with dad? What did dad do with mom? What did they do with you guys? How did you guys interact? Can you paint that picture for us?
00:16:53
Speaker
I think one of the aspects that I have come to understand is that I did not grow up with any sense of fear in my house.
00:17:04
Speaker
ah Now, I had respect for my parents. There there were consequences. If I got a line, they set boundaries and and there were there were consequences. they were They could be strict in areas, but there was no fear.
00:17:15
Speaker
ah There was no apprehension. I always knew I was safe with my parents. And I've come to understand not everyone has that, that sometimes you're walking on eggshells and you're you're just trying to make sure things don't blow up.
00:17:30
Speaker
And as I got into that toxic first marriage, that's where I was. I was walking on eggshells, just trying to make sure things didn't blow up. And it was such a contrast to me. And I've come to understand through counseling over the years, a lot of people grew up in that. It becomes instinctual.
00:17:45
Speaker
that we're always walking on eggshells, always trying to avoid ah that disaster that we know is coming, but how long can we put it off? And sometimes I know that some people trigger it on purpose, just get it over with.
00:17:57
Speaker
And I kind of experienced that sometimes as well in my first marriage. like, let's just get this fight over with because I know it's coming. And so um ah I did not understand that. And I see how lucky I was to not understand fear and apprehension and dread In my childhood, I learned what it was later, but I was lucky to not experience that as a child. And I can i can sympathize and have empathy for folks that grew up with that. I experienced this ah as an adult, but if you grew up with that, it will affect how you see the world and it will it will take some relearning.
00:18:33
Speaker
to understand that you can be safe in love. You can be safe in relationships and have real authentic connections ah where you don't have to be afraid. That takes a little while to get to if you didn't understand that as a child, but you can get there.
00:18:48
Speaker
Yeah, i so my experience, I grew up in ah in a home where i don't think I necessarily felt safe ever. And um you know I had a single mother who was emotionally unavailable because of her life experiences and the trauma that she endured and the way that she thought but love was shown or not shown to her.
00:19:11
Speaker
and And that came out in the way that she parented and the way that she raised us. And I think that, you know, she did, she did, she was light years better than what she received.
00:19:22
Speaker
yeah And I think for her and her perspective, that feels like a win, right? I, I, I, you got it better than I got it. But if the bar is set extremely low and you raise that bar just a little bit, that doesn't mean that it's sufficient.
00:19:35
Speaker
And so growing up, I think I had these flawed views of love and flawed views of how what I would use manipulation. I'm like, I've said the the words, if you love me, then do X. yeah And that's just like, oh,
00:19:51
Speaker
When I hear it now, I'm like, oh my goodness. i was i was But that's how I was conditioned because that's what it was conditional love around me. And now it's just looking back at those things and and seeing like unconditional love doesn't come with any of that. It's just love for the sake of loving.
00:20:08
Speaker
And i'm I'm so glad that you had that experience growing up and that it's shaped you and helped you. And now you're helping other people with this book. So tell us, go go ahead. Well, what I want to add to that, to that wisdom that you, that you just shared that, yeah, if you raise that bar just a little, it can feel like that, well, you have a better night at it.
Breaking Cycles and the Importance of Teaching Love
00:20:28
Speaker
And a lot of families do that. They compare what they had and they think, well, my kids have it better than that. And you're exactly right. That's not sufficient. That's not what we are going for in a family.
00:20:40
Speaker
And I want to say that, you know, I did have that loving family. But I want to say that that wasn't by accident. That wasn't just tripped into.
00:20:51
Speaker
My dad did not have a good childhood. ah His dad was a heavy drinker and a mean drunk when he was a child. Now, by the time I came along, he had stopped drinking. And so he was good to me.
00:21:04
Speaker
i like i had a good experience with my grandfather, but my dad had a rough time growing up. And it was ah it was a difficult childhood for him. And he said to himself... When I have children, they will be raised different than I was raised.
00:21:19
Speaker
And the reason I had validad that childhood is because he set his mind early in his life. He would raise his children differently. Again, my childhood wasn't perfect. My dad wasn't perfect. Nobody's perfect, but he was a good dad.
00:21:33
Speaker
And I did have a dramatically different experience than he had. Not because he raised the bar just a little bit, because he set in his mind intentionally I will raise my kids different. And I want folks to know you can do the same thing.
00:21:46
Speaker
And that's what I want to help people do. He had to do it. He had to do it on his own, just finding a way, you know, and it wasn't always perfect, but he found a way. I want to help people find a way much easier ah by teaching love as that learned skill set so that people who want to set that in their mind, I'm going to raise my kids differently.
00:22:04
Speaker
I'm going to have a better marriage and for my second marriage than I had my first one. I'm going to have a better relationship than the disaster I just came out of. I want to give people the actual skill sets to do that. Not just picking themselves up by their bootstraps, but, or just raising that bar a little bit, but actually finding a way to change life.
00:22:23
Speaker
Yes, that's so good. I'm glad that your dad had that that mindset that he wanted things to look differently, that he wanted to express love in a totally different way. I'm also grateful that I think grandparents do have a realization, a revelation toward the end of their lives where they um would they change and they're much better to their grandchildren than they are their children. And I've seen that.
00:22:46
Speaker
I think that was a part of my story and and and my my parents' story. and And I think it goes on for generations in that way sometimes. But um I wanted to to highlight something that I think is is important. I always think about when I think about love and and and needs and safety, I think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
00:23:05
Speaker
yeah And and it's ah it's a pyramid if you think about it. And this is Maslow's a you know psychologist from way back when he looked at what humans need at ah at a very basic level to be their most full self.
00:23:18
Speaker
And it starts with like those physiological needs. Just you think about air, water, food, shelter, like those things at a very basic level. And then above that is something that you pointed out earlier was was safety.
00:23:31
Speaker
We have to feel safe in that home. We have to feel safe in our bodies. We have to feel safe in our jobs. and Then right above that is what we're talking about, love and belonging and intimacy and that sense of connection to other people.
00:23:47
Speaker
and When you get above that, then you start to reach higher levels of self. You got self-esteem, self-respect, self-recognition, and then above that is self-actualization. I like to call that that flourishing state where you know that you're connected to all the things and in the universe and you desire to be the best version of you that you can be.
00:24:06
Speaker
But in order to get to that state, you have to reach that love. yeah You have to feel that love. And so I want to I want transition and talk about what are what what what learning love. Tell us about it. Tell us about the book and then hop into some of those components, those five components.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah, it really is about learning love. And I love that you bring up Maslow. ah Because let's think about that for a second. With that air and water that we have to have, how many resources in our society go into that?
00:24:38
Speaker
To bring in food, water, ah just the basic living conditions. We have all sorts of resources from farming to to grocery stores, to to food safety regulations.
00:24:51
Speaker
We have clean water initiatives. We have, you know, treatment plants to make sure we have clean water coming into our homes. Lots of resources go into that with lots of education behind it.
00:25:02
Speaker
and then And then you do move up to those safety needs. How many resources do we put in making sure we have law enforcement? We have security. We have military. we have We could go on and on about how we have neighborhood watches to make sure that we are safe.
00:25:16
Speaker
We have lots of time and energy and money put into making sure as best we can our society is safe. How much energy does our society put into teaching love? We do the basics. That's where the break is, yeah. Those two, we do we put all of our energy, time, money into those two basic human needs, which we should, not doubting that's necessary, absolutely in favor of all of that.
00:25:42
Speaker
But then there's such a huge drop-off when we get to belonging and love. And then is it any wonder we can't get to self-esteem and actualization and thriving in life because we have this drop off where we're like, well, we've met the other two needs.
00:25:59
Speaker
We've worked as a society, put a lot of cooperative effort into it. ah But this whole love thing, just wing it. Yeah. Just do what your family did. Figure it out and do whatever your family did. And that's what we've got to change. And that's what I'm so passionate about. That has to change.
00:26:15
Speaker
And so it is about learning love. My book is a practical guide. As I said, it comes from the wisdom of the ages, but it is based in psychology. It is based in spirituality, but it's a practical guide to conceptualize what love actually is.
00:26:32
Speaker
What it is down to its core components. There are five components. You can learn and practice them. It is a practice. It's a continual practice all our life. but you learn and practice the five components of love.
00:26:43
Speaker
You can build those healthy relationships. And so imagine if you knew what to do when you were struggling in a relationship at home, that you as a couple could could say, you know what?
00:26:54
Speaker
This seems to be this component right here. And there we can focus in on that component. These others were doing pretty well, but, This seems to be tripping us up. We could work on this one. Or if you're going into work and you look at your office and it's kind of dysfunctional, you could figure out this is this is the areas that are working. These are the areas that are not.
00:27:12
Speaker
And we could understand it's not just winging it It's not a million moving parts. It's not all the things that we sometimes think love is. We can conceptualize it into these five components and know I'm doing these well.
00:27:25
Speaker
I'm not doing these so well. And that's the issue. Even in healthy families, we may grow up learning instinctively one or two or three of the components of love. We may be missing one or two. there may be There may be a couple that have a basically happy marriage, but sometimes they just look at themselves and think something's missing.
00:27:46
Speaker
but And they have no idea where to start. When we understand the five components, we can understand something's missing because you've got four out of the five. yeah And it's basically it's basically a good relationship. You're getting along fine. You're doing okay, but you're missing one.
00:27:58
Speaker
And that one tends to nag you because we need all five in order to live out that healthy, happy, thriving life we're all looking for.
00:28:08
Speaker
So can you outline for us the five components and why you're doing so? Because you said, you know, some of them related back to books in the Bible. If if there is a particular book to each component, could you to name those as well or or just the books that you pulled from as well?
00:28:25
Speaker
Absolutely.
Components of Love: Grief, Emotion, Practicality
00:28:26
Speaker
ah The first component of love is grief. And that one surprises people because when we talk about love, we didn't immediately think we're going to talk about bubble gum and butterflies, everything's sweet and beautiful. And we do get to that.
00:28:38
Speaker
There is an element of that. We don't want to ignore it. But the first component is grief. It is that foundational understanding that we're going to have tough times and there is a way back.
00:28:50
Speaker
What some people do is they instinctively, when they get hurt, start putting up walls, putting up emotional barriers. trying to protect themselves, keep people at arm's length. I don't want to be hurt again. and don't want to I don't want to experience this kind of pain. And so we instinctively put up those emotional walls. And what we are doing is building our own emotional prison.
00:29:10
Speaker
We may have people in our life, but we're not connecting with them. We're keeping them at arm's length. We're putting up barriers. We're keeping them out. We have an interaction with them, but not a connection with them.
00:29:22
Speaker
And it's because we've been hurt before. And what we have to understand is that grief is a healer. It's not fun to go through, but it's a healer. It's our comeback story. It's a way to live life in such a way that, yes, we've been hurt. We're not going to ignore that. And we can't change that, but we can come back from that.
00:29:40
Speaker
Life is painful. And life does does, for some people, for everyone, it will leave emotional scars. For some people, there are devastating stories in their life. And there are some things so painful that it's like it leaves a hole in your heart.
00:29:54
Speaker
But what I want people to understand is that you can live a really good life with a hole in your heart. it's It's like if you lost an arm in an industrial accident, life's never going to be the same.
00:30:06
Speaker
That arm's not growing back. But if you learn the skill, you get the help you need, you go through the therapy, you can live a great life without that arm.
00:30:16
Speaker
Not the same kind of life, but a great life. When we have these things, tragedies and traumas and abuse in our life and things that happen that leave that hole in our heart, that heart that that's never going to fully heal.
00:30:30
Speaker
It's always going to hurt, but you can live a great life with that hole in your heart. You can go on from there and have those connections. And that's what we're striving for. We're not going to pretend like life is easy, not going to pretend like it didn't happen, but we're going to heal to the place that we live a great life with a hole in our heart.
00:30:47
Speaker
And that's where you learn to make real connections despite the pain of life, to tear down those emotional walls, and know that you have a comeback story, and know you always have a way back to love, even though life's going to hurt sometimes, grief is that healer. And that's why it's such a vital component of love.
00:31:04
Speaker
A lot of people don't have the relationships they want because they got hurt, put up the barriers, and never really connect again. We have to tear those down, and that comes through the process of grief. I learned that from the book of Job.
00:31:16
Speaker
Job is sort of, in in religious circles, Job is kind of the poster boy for patience. That's only part of the story. That's the first couple of chapters. If you read the poetry, poetry and in the ah ancient Hebrew is really hard to read, but if but even though it's translated into English, it's still hard to read.
00:31:33
Speaker
But there's like 38 chapters of poetry that describes the grief process. It describes Job being distraught, angry, even angry with God.
00:31:45
Speaker
Describes Job ah being unable to sleep, having nightmares. He describes the depression and just the darkness. But then there is a resolution. It didn't make things better in the sense that it didn't change the past, but he went on to a good life. There was a resolution.
00:32:03
Speaker
And I began to understand in reading that that's the process of getting back to life, that we're going to have hurt. Job didn't deserve any of that. It just happens. We don't deserve the stuff that happens very often.
00:32:14
Speaker
And even if it was our own fault, We're all doing the best we can. We make mistakes. And so the first way back to love, that that floor to make sure we always have love in our life is to learn how to grieve and come back from the tough times.
00:32:29
Speaker
i I want to point out a couple of things that you said about grief. You you talked about like putting up up those emotional walls once we've been hurt and how that feels like protection. It feels like we're keeping ourselves in a safe place, but it's our emotional prison.
00:32:46
Speaker
Oof, because we're closing people off from coming in, but we're closing ourselves. We're closing our hearts. And I thought that that was really powerful. And then also that you can live a great life with a hole in your heart. yeah and you can You can live a great life. And I love the the analogy of of, you know, missing a limb or missing any different parts of our physical body. We see people living great lives yeah despite that. And so I think that is absolutely phenomenal. And when you started to talk about Job and his process of grief, it lines up with the stages of grief, right? You have the denial.
00:33:18
Speaker
You have denial where you think this can't possibly be the case that I'm going through right now. I can't possibly be heartbroken in this way. And then you go from denial to anger. He was angry with God. We're angry with that person. We're angry with the situation from anger to bargaining.
00:33:34
Speaker
Please, God, please. I'll give up anything. I'll do anything. Or, yeah you know, I will trade my whole life for a moment with this person again. Yeah. Job asked me to be put on trial. His prayer was put me on trial. I'll prove myself in a innocent.
00:33:47
Speaker
yeah That's bargaining. That's bargaining. Bargaining. Then you go to the depression where it's the darkest phase of it all. It is the absolute darkest because you've asked and you've prayed and you've sought help and all of that. And it doesn't seem like anything's changing. But that is where it starts to shift.
00:34:04
Speaker
Once you prove to yourself day in and day out that you can live one day without that person, you live the next day without that arm, you've lived a great life and then you get to acceptance. And that acceptance sounds like that way back to love. So I absolutely love number one is grief. And I was not expecting that. So thank you for that.
00:34:22
Speaker
yeah The second component of love is what everyone would would expect. It's a emotion. That's that emotional connection that we're looking for. ah that's the That's the stuff people think love is. It is, but it's only one component. And that's the key to everything.
00:34:38
Speaker
We need to understand that emotion is important. but it's only one very important component. Emotion is vital, and we see this in the book of Psalms. Psalms is an emotional book. It's a book of poetry, and it's about the highs and the lows. It's about the good times and the bad times, and it's about praise and tragedy. It's all the emotions of life being explored.
00:34:58
Speaker
And that's what we have to do in relationships. We have to explore the ups and downs and the good and the bad. And no one's going to be perfect, but and we can find some great things about people in our life. And we can find great things about ourselves in the process.
00:35:11
Speaker
And that emotional connection is what we're all really craving. That place where it's not about just keeping rules. It's about really connection. It's not about explaining it. It's about connecting on ah on a heart and spiritual level.
00:35:27
Speaker
And you know that's easy for some people because they wear their emotions on their sleeve and emotions are comfortable for them. Other people are more reserved. People that have been hurt might be a little scared of that. And to those folks, I say, just go slow.
00:35:38
Speaker
It is a skill set. You can learn it. But it's important that the people that you care about know you care about them on an emotional level. Saying I love you is important. and And if you can't do that because you were raised in an abusive home, that love was a loaded manipulative weapon, then say things like, I appreciate you.
00:35:58
Speaker
Or just say, thank you. When someone does something nice, expressions of emotion are vital. Even if they start small, make sure you don't have, you don't have to rush into it. If this is hard for you, go slow and find your way into that emotional connection. But that's where,
00:36:16
Speaker
Love really brings us together. That's where the bond is, is in our heart, our spirits, where we are really connected. ah We feel that, of course, in romantic relationships, but we can feel it with friends.
00:36:27
Speaker
We can feel it. We can love what we do for a living and know that that whatever it is we do, we love doing it and and and it makes a difference in the world somehow because we're all playing our part. And we can love working side by side with our coworkers.
00:36:40
Speaker
All that is an emotional connection, different kinds of emotion, if obviously different kinds of connection. That's all very important emotion. We can't ignore that. It's not just about commitment.
00:36:51
Speaker
It's not marriage. It's not, you hear people say, well, marriage is about commitment. Yes, but let's not just make it some kind of contract. It is about an emotional commitment of really connecting together.
00:37:02
Speaker
Wow. I want to speak to what you said about the folks who may have experienced trauma and may not be able to express those emotions because I found myself there.
00:37:13
Speaker
and you, when experiencing love or experiencing genuine emotion from somebody else, it may feel fake. yeah i And I want to recognize that because it may feel fake and you may want to run from that because of your experiences of there's manipulation on the other side of this.
00:37:31
Speaker
When somebody tries to do something good, they're trying to get something out of me. and And I challenge you to feel that emotion when it comes up and so so to take that person at their face value without the previous associations that you have with it until they they they they tell you that it's something or show you that it's something different.
00:37:51
Speaker
Because you automatically associate that experience with a past experience and block a lot of good people out of your life. i can so I'm speaking from experience. I've blocked a lot of good people out of my life, but that doesn't have to be the case.
00:38:05
Speaker
And like Mark said, go slow, go slow, open up to folks that feels genuinely safe. And then that starts to build and your heart opens up a little bit more each time. So.
00:38:15
Speaker
Absolutely. And what ah and I, Also, with both of these first two components, grief, obviously, but even if you're struggling with the emotional aspects, maybe because you've been through those tough times, get help.
00:38:28
Speaker
if if we if we If we were sick, we'd go to a doctor. If we had a toothache, we'd go to a dentist. If our car wasn't running right, we'd go to a mechanic. We would call a plumber or a lawyer or any number of other professionals that we need in our life.
00:38:41
Speaker
Why would you do anything less with your emotional and mental health? too Because this is what's going to make life. Our relationships is going to create our life, our jobs, our homes, our families, our friends. They're going to create our life. Why would you not get professional help if you're struggling?
00:38:59
Speaker
And um I would say we all struggle. Everybody should be in counseling. Everybody should have a coach or a counselor or therapist. Maybe not every week, but have somebody that you can go to just like you go to your doctor. You may not go all the time, but they're there if you need them.
00:39:13
Speaker
Yes. Have somebody there if you need them, because there is a way back from grief and there is a way back to understanding the emotional connections and living that out. And sometimes we just need a little help working through to get there. And so get the help you need. That's crucial.
00:39:28
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. You wanna tell us about three? The third component of love is practicality. Emotion brings us together. Practicality keeps us together.
00:39:40
Speaker
You may have heard someone say, I love them, but I just can't live with them. that Those are people who have made ah an emotional connection. They've done well in the second component. They failed in the third component of love.
00:39:54
Speaker
I've known couples that that really genuinely cared for each other, had love for each other, had an emotional bond, and deeply grieved the loss of the relationship, but they broke up over money. because they couldn't agree on finances. And one person was running them into bankruptcy while the other one was desperately trying to, to, uh, you know, live a more responsible financial life. And they destroyed their finances so much. They divorced.
00:40:18
Speaker
Uh, I've known more than one couple that divorced over things like that. Those are practical matters. That's not about emotion. That's what, those are practical matters. How are we going to live in our finances? How are we going to parent the children? How are we going to clean the house? Who's going to have the chores?
00:40:32
Speaker
Uh, you know, how are we going to handle, the the problems of life. How do we communicate with each other? that's There's different communication styles. They're all fine if you if you agree to them, but it's a learned skill set.
00:40:43
Speaker
And also things like depression, anxiety, those things take a toll on a person. They also take a toll on relationships. And those are practical matters because they are treatable conditions.
00:40:55
Speaker
Again, get help. there are trees There are treatments for these things. And so they become a practical matter of taking care of yourself so that you can be in that relationship fully and you won't take a toll on yourself or your relationship because of these practical things that can be treated.
00:41:11
Speaker
When we take care of the practical matters of life, we're living together well. And sometimes... Sometimes people forget this one because, you know, they don't really make rom-com movies about the practical guy that makes good decisions.
00:41:25
Speaker
But that's an element of love as well. Yes, we see all the rom-com movies about the emotion. That's good. But we also have to live together well and focusing on that practicality so that we are bound together by that emotion.
00:41:38
Speaker
But we live together well because we're making practical, good decisions that help us live together well. Those balance one another. So they they become these balancing elements. So we're living a good life in the midst of that emotional connection.
00:41:52
Speaker
What I heard in that, because I work, um ah my my life, my previous work life has been in wealth management and dealing with people in their finances. And I realized that a lot of their their financial decisions are rooted in their own personal experience and emotion a lot of times.
00:42:10
Speaker
and And when you talked about depression, when you talked about communication, it sounds like the practicality of the piece is is fixing that personal emotional part of ah us all. Emotion is the emotion that we feel between each other. That practicality is going out and and healing those parts of ourselves. So when we come together, those things are in alignment.
00:42:28
Speaker
And I think that that's a really, really good observation. Did you did you mention a a book or verses that that that relates to? The book of Proverbs is one but one line after another of just practical wisdom, of just just how to live life well, of how to how to do things, how to recognize ah the wisdom of life.
00:42:50
Speaker
And it's just a, whether the second part of it, at least, it's just one-liners of this is the way we live life. This is the wisdom of life. And so from that, I sort of gleaned that That's a big part of life. You have to just have that practical down to earth.
00:43:07
Speaker
This is how we're going to live together. And you're exactly right. Sometimes we need help for that because we're making bad decisions, not because we're trying to, but because we have an emotional element to that. Again, can get help for those things. There's help available.
00:43:21
Speaker
But when whatever is leading us to those bad decisions, we need to get to the root of it and live life in a wise manner, in a practical way so that we just can live together well. That doesn't have to look the same for everyone.
00:43:32
Speaker
Everyone doesn't have to to walk in lockstep, but everyone who is going to be in a relationship together needs to understand how we're going to live together and make those practical decisions.
00:43:43
Speaker
And I will add one of those practical decisions is that not every relationship can be saved. Not every, you don't have to be in every relationship. Now, sometimes people are surprised to hear me say that because I'm a relationship coach and and I come from a spiritual background, a psychological background, and people think that I'm going to say every relationship can be saved.
00:44:04
Speaker
Theoretically, if everyone's practicing the five components of love and everybody wants to work together to fix relationships, theoretically, yes. Not everyone's going to do that. There are abusers in the world. I hate to say that, but it's true.
00:44:16
Speaker
And you cannot be in a relationship with an abuser. And so... setting boundaries and deciding who's going to be in your life and to what extent.
00:44:27
Speaker
Sometimes you can have ah a distant relationship with a relative, a mom, a dad, whatever that might be toxic or abusive. Sometimes you have to cut that off completely, but you have the right to do that. That's a practical element of love because you can't have healthy relationships until you make room for them.
00:44:43
Speaker
yeah The unhealthy ones will consume your life. Abusive toxic relationships will ah so will consume your life and you will have no room for healthy ones. So a practical element of love is setting good boundaries to decide who gets to be in my life so that i have the room to build healthy relationships.
00:45:02
Speaker
I just got chills with that last part because I resonate with that a lot. oh Thank you for that. Thank you. What is component four, Mark?
Self-Acceptance and Passion in Love
00:45:12
Speaker
The fourth component of love is acceptance. There's a couple of elements to this. The minor one is accepting people for who they are.
00:45:18
Speaker
Not abusive. There's limits to this, but everybody's going to make mistakes. And so if we're going to be in relationships, we have to accept a certain amount of mistakes from folks. That's just natural. But the more important component of that acceptance.
00:45:31
Speaker
accepting who we are, learning to love yourself. It is absolutely crucial. You cannot love other people until you love yourself. Brene Brown has written a lot about this from her research, famous for doing that. Other people have written about it as well.
00:45:45
Speaker
You cannot love other people until you love yourself. And that's because love is not a commodity like money.
00:45:57
Speaker
If we need money, If need more money, yeah you can you can get a second job maybe, or you can take out a loan or borrow money from a friend. There's a number of ways maybe you can you can get a little extra money.
00:46:07
Speaker
It doesn't work that way with love. It's organic. You have to grow it within you. And until you love yourself, you cannot love other people. And a lot of people fall down on this one. They they have a they feel emotion and they're trying to make good decisions and living together well. And they may have even come through those tough times and grieved through them so they can have those emotional connections, but they haven't really learned to love themselves.
00:46:30
Speaker
You cannot love yourself. You cannot love others until you love yourself. That is the limit. You may feel like you can. People will fool themselves into thinking, I can love my kids or my spouse more than I love yourself. No, you actually can't psychologically.
00:46:43
Speaker
It's been shown by Bernay Brown's research and others. You cannot love other people more. You can just kind of feel those things, but the way you live, you have to love yourself first. Mark, do you think it's it's necessary for people to be single to find that love for self prior to to getting into relationship? If somebody's already in a relationship recognizing that they don't love them themselves, do they have to be in solitude or or be single or or do that to find that relationship with themselves prior to loving someone else? I think you
00:47:14
Speaker
I think it would be wise. I'm hesitant to say everyone should do that because I don't want to say it's it's just ah universal, but I think it would be wise to take some time if you are not in a relationship or you're coming out of a bad relationship.
00:47:26
Speaker
Take some time and learn to love yourself. learn to be in that relationship with yourself so that you can love others. it is It's very possible that the thing that led to a lot of downfalls in relationship is we didn't learn to love ourselves.
00:47:43
Speaker
And if you came out of a dysfunctional, toxic or abusive childhood, you probably didn't because you were put down the old time and told you that you weren't good enough in a number of different ways. Learning to love yourself is absolutely a vital part. And it's one that I would say if we're going to pick out one that people are missing, it's probably this one.
00:48:02
Speaker
Because we've we've bought into a line of thinking that says, if I can get other people to love me, that will validate me. And then I can love myself.
00:48:14
Speaker
And boy, doesn't that sound logical. It does not work. It sounds good. Oh, man. It has never worked in the history of Earth. You cannot get other people to love you in order to validate you so you can love yourself.
00:48:30
Speaker
Other people may love you, but there's going to be a breakdown before you get to loving yourself if you're basing it on other people. And there's going to be people that don't. And those are but um those are the ones that are going to stick out in your mind.
00:48:42
Speaker
You can have 12 people that love you, but if one... thinks you're an idiot, then you're going to focus on that one. And so we never quite get what we need to love ourselves. That can't be come from outside validation. We have to learn to love ourselves.
00:48:56
Speaker
Again, get help for that. Work worked through that with a counselor. Learn to love yourself. In fact, Brene Brown tells a story that when she did this research, she began to see this emerge, that you can't love other people more than you love yourself. And she began to cry.
00:49:13
Speaker
Because she had lived with this idea that I love my children more than me. I love my spouse more than me. And she desperately wanted to. She wanted to love her husband and wanted to love her children and and wanted to be the most loving mother and wife that she could be.
00:49:26
Speaker
And she began to cry because she began to see that she can't because of her own Self-criticism, self-loathing kind of thing, the the the constantly not good enough kind of feeling that she had, which a lot of us deal with.
00:49:40
Speaker
And she cried, and then she called a therapist. She talks about this in one of her books. She called a therapist to start working on herself so that she could love her husband and her children.
00:49:51
Speaker
We all need to have that revelation. You need to love yourself. It is not selfish to have self-care, self-compassion, and understand our own inherent value. And the way I kind of came to this is from reading the book of Ecclesiastes, which is a very dark book of the Bible. It is, you know, nothing's nothing's good. everything's Everything falls apart. Everything is lost. It's all folly.
00:50:16
Speaker
ah That's a word that's used quite a bit. It's all folly. um And I began to see in that, that, yeah, if you're basing your life of love on something else, on some other validation,
00:50:30
Speaker
That's not going to be there. it's It's going to fall short. That the end of the day, what we really have is us and God. That's it. And if that's enough, then you've got plenty to give.
00:50:42
Speaker
And you've got plenty to connect with other people. And even when there is loss, you are still enough. Yeah. And you have that way back because of grief, that process of grief.
00:50:54
Speaker
But when we understand that we can't base our life and our love on on other validations because those things will fall, it won't work. We have to understand that that the only real place to start love is to grow it within ourselves so that we can give it away.
00:51:12
Speaker
That is, i did a TED talk on that exact concept of self-love over the external validation because I fell into the trap because of my experience of getting that conditional love from performance, the performative love, that that was the way to to get those hits of dopamine. That was the way to feel something good, yeah um but it leaves you empty.
00:51:35
Speaker
it leaves you empty and it's not ever going to be enough you you'll never love externally until you love yourself and and you can only love externally up to the level that you love yourself and so thank you for that jim and i that that jim uh and i and i i have this on the back of my phone i am enough because that was a message that was the opposite of a message that i had when i was seeking that external love and to anybody out there feeling that You are enough just the way you are. You are worthy. You are loved. You are lovable.
00:52:08
Speaker
And knowing that internally and and getting the help that you need to feel that to your core will help you in your relationships and and loving more externally. Absolutely. um we got We got one more. What what is was the fifth component?
00:52:22
Speaker
The fifth component is passion. And this is a passion for life. This is enjoying the relationships you have at home, at work, in friendships, wherever it is. Enjoy them.
00:52:33
Speaker
This is what we forget sometimes, especially in our romantic relationships. We we grow up thinking, you know, I'm going to get married. We're going to have kids, buy a house, get the get the job, the promotion.
00:52:44
Speaker
And people sometimes get into their 30s and 40s and they they've got the the spouse, they've got the kids, they've got the house, they've got a good job, they're making money, they've got a promotion. And they think, is this it? And what they've missed, it's not that they did anything wrong, it's that they forgot to enjoy it It all became this checklist of just getting this stuff done because we were told we were supposed to, and we forgot to enjoy it along the way.
00:53:09
Speaker
And we get so caught up in the seriousness of life. And we don't forget that. That's why practicality is the third component. Yes, life is serious. So we have a way to deal with that through practicality. And we know life is tragic sometimes, and it has its hardships.
00:53:22
Speaker
That's why grief is the first component of love. But just as importantly, let's not forget, life needs to be fun. We need to have fun on purpose and look for it.
00:53:33
Speaker
your brain's up Your brain is going to be hardwired to look out for the bad stuff. that we're goingnna If somebody who may offend us, if they're a danger, that's the way our brains are hardwired. We look out for the bad stuff.
00:53:46
Speaker
We have to intentionally look for the good stuff, the fun stuff, the enjoyable things, the laughter. We have to look for that on purpose because our brain is not hard hardwired for that. If we miss that, we don't die.
00:53:58
Speaker
If we miss you know the dangerous animal coming after us, we die. And so we're hardwired to look for danger and hardship, not for joy and and fun. And so we have to learn to do that.
00:54:09
Speaker
But if you learn, put practice into laughter and fun and playfulness with the people that you love, enjoy those relationships at work, come home to a spouse and a family that you really enjoy and have fun together. It's not all the time. Again, there's serious stuff. There's hardships.
00:54:28
Speaker
We deal with those. But don't forget pra the the the absolutely essential component of family. having a passion for life. this ah This has an effect of putting the wind in our sails, the ah fuel in our engine.
00:54:42
Speaker
And if you are thinking something seems to be missing our relationship, look for that one first. That's the one people overlook maybe the most. ah Self-love is the one we don't understand the most and we miss it but out of just not understanding it.
00:54:56
Speaker
But We all understand life should be fun occasionally. We just ignore that. but get We get pulled into the seriousness. We get pulled into all the the hardships of life. And we forget, despite all the hardships, life was meant to have at least an element of fun and enjoyment.
00:55:13
Speaker
And that's what adds to that relationship. That's what's going to really put the wind in the sails of the relationship. So work at it. Make fun a priority in your relationships and in your life.
00:55:25
Speaker
And you're going to feel a lot more love along the way. Wow. Wow. Thank you for sharing those components with us. So I'm going recap. We got the first one, which is grief, because hard things do happen in our lives. The second is emotions.
00:55:39
Speaker
Practicality, acceptance, and passion are the five components to getting back to that love, to building those loving relationships by Dr. Mark Hicks. This has been absolutely phenomenal, and I'm so glad to to have had this conversation. Before we close out of here, I've got a segment that you can probably drop some more knowledge here and and give us some more wisdom, but it's a fill in the blank.
00:56:03
Speaker
And so, again, similar to earlier, as long or as short as you'd like, um but the first one here is love is blank. A learned skill set.
00:56:15
Speaker
My biggest superpower is blank.
00:56:23
Speaker
ah Spirituality. Nice. If I could tell someone out there seeking love one thing, it would be blank.
00:56:37
Speaker
It is possible for every everyone.
00:56:43
Speaker
And lastly, vulnerability makes me feel blank.
00:56:53
Speaker
Excited. but i had to But I had to come to that place. I did i did not start there and no one does. But I know now the value of it.
00:57:05
Speaker
And i know that it leads to good things because it opens you up to to new experiences, new insights, new wisdom. It's an exciting thing. It's scary, but it is exciting when you know where it leads to.
00:57:22
Speaker
Yes, yes. Mark, this has been great. Before we close out, are there any final thoughts, any burning words that you want to get off your chest before we we head out?
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:57:32
Speaker
Well, if anyone is interested in learning more about these five components of love and putting them in your life, my book is available. You can go to my website, markahicks.com. There's easy links to that.
00:57:45
Speaker
get the book, learning love, building a life that matters and healthy relationships that last. There's also a free ebook that you can get that will outline these just briefly as I have today ah to sort of get you started. But the, the,
00:57:59
Speaker
Book, of course, goes into depth on the how-tos. How do we do this? So if you've heard these five components and you think, well, yeah, that seems like that might work, but how do I do it? I give you the how-tos in the book. So go to my website, markahicks.com, get the book.
00:58:12
Speaker
There's also a contact form there. I'm available for speaking engagements and workshops and coaching. and Or I'd just like somebody ah to let me know you heard me on the show today and just say hi.
00:58:24
Speaker
Absolutely, Mark. Thank you so much. Y'all, we've been talking with Dr. Mark A. Hicks. He's an author. He's a relationship coach. And he's just given us some gems on the five components of love, of getting back to love, building healthy relationships in your work life, in your personal life. And this has been such a fruitful conversation. So thank you, Mark.
00:58:43
Speaker
With all the things that you could be doing, all the places you could be, i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. It's truly my pleasure. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle.
00:58:54
Speaker
If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability.
00:59:08
Speaker
Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from. And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms.
00:59:24
Speaker
Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support. And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength.
00:59:35
Speaker
Sometimes it's uncomfortable. but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability mode.