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Episode 14: Impossible goals & getting good at failure
33 Plays2 years ago
❤️ Passive action versus taking massive action: Massive action is what moves the meter. Massive action also inevitably brings failure. We have to fail and fail and learn from our failures to learn and grow.
❤️Getting good at failing: Getting good at failing is an essential skill that we have to all get good at to live our dreams, feel alive, and bring more pleasure into our lives.
❤️Setting impossible goals: Setting impossible goals to expand our brains and skill sets & step into massive action.
I talk about my own impossible goal!!! Stay tuned for progress on my June 2024 goal and becoming the person I need to be to reach this goal. Reach out and say hi and share with me your impossible goal!! https://linktr.ee/lisette.ostrander
In this episode, I mention Brook Catillo. Learn more here: https://thelifecoachschool.com/brookecastillo/
Photo Credit: Audra Miller https://millerstudios.net/
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast Themes
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi friends, my name is Lisa Ostrander and this is my kind of pleasure podcast where we will explore topics of sex, pleasure, desire, mindset, and emotions and use the information learned to live the life we want and have the sex we want. Welcome friends, thank you for being
Summer Reflections and Academic Insights
00:00:22
Speaker
here. It is the end of May, it is the unofficial start to summer.
00:00:28
Speaker
For me, I'm sure like many people, summer is a time for resetting. It's also a big time for transitions and reflections. I think I've trained myself to be that way because most of my career, I've been in the education space, so we usually end in June. Things wrap up. We reflect on the year.
00:00:55
Speaker
And then we begin again in September. I also think that summer is this reset and transition time because my birthday is the end of August. So I think, and again, it lines up with the academic year. I talk about this in a past episode, this idea that we don't have to wait till New Year's to reset and reflect and whatever we love to do in the New Year's or on our birthday.
00:01:23
Speaker
So we can do this at any time. And even if we start something in the new year and we don't follow through, it's okay. We can start again at any time.
Coaching Certification Journey
00:01:34
Speaker
So I invite you all with this episode to take a moment and think back on your 2023 so far, or like I will, I'll think back on my academic year, 2022, 2023, think about it and think about what has gone well. What didn't go well?
00:01:54
Speaker
And what would you do differently? This fits in nicely into the content that I've been going through this weekend. I am part of this coaching certification program.
00:02:07
Speaker
And I need to certify within a year, and I can't believe the year is almost up. I reached the year in mid-August. And that is when I need to certify. So I've been thinking about my progress. And in some aspects, I've made really good progress. And I take a lot of passive action, which looks like learning and taking notes and doing worksheets to practice the tools.
Massive vs. Passive Action
00:02:37
Speaker
but something that I haven't done is taken massive action. And this would look like reaching out and getting clients, coaching clients to practice on and be okay with being a bit uncomfortable and learn from my mistakes. And that is what massive action would look like. And when you think about massive action, it is something that creates something concrete
00:03:07
Speaker
a result, an outcome, and it's also action that inevitably in the beginning is gonna lead to some failure until we figure it out, look back, tweak our approaches, see what worked, see what didn't work, try again, again reflect on how it went and just keep on trying till we get it right. And that is how we learn and grow.
00:03:33
Speaker
So in the spirit of massive action, I am going to starting this week, put out a post to get some coaching clients. I'm going to get about five and offer about five to six sessions for free. So stay tuned for that. I will be in touch about that. I've also been thinking about the concept of setting an impossible goal.
00:04:02
Speaker
and setting this goal as a way to step in to massive action.
The Concept of Impossible Goals
00:04:10
Speaker
So I would love to share with you what that means and let you know what I'm gonna be doing and would definitely, yeah, love to hear what your impossible goal is. So first to back up, an important skill that we all need to get good at in life to live the dreams
00:04:32
Speaker
that we want to have and to have to feel alive and bring more pleasure in our life. The skill that we need to get good at is failing. And when we get good at failing and stop making failure mean something about us, then we stop fearing failure and then we can live a bigger life and go after the things that we want.
00:04:59
Speaker
So there is this concept of impossible goals. And I learned this from, I like to call her my mentor, even though I've never, never met her from Brooke Castillo. And she talks about the power of setting impossible goals as a way to push us to our edge and expand our brains and expand our skill sets and
00:05:25
Speaker
really essentially set these goals so we can get good at failing. So the way that it works is you set a goal that feels a bit impossible for yourself. And it can't be ridiculously impossible because then that's something you're never even gonna take action towards. So for example, like me, a ridiculously impossible goal might be winning an Oscar or earning a million dollars this year.
00:05:56
Speaker
So again, it's something that's so out of reach, we don't even try to achieve it. But picking a goal that feels impossible in the moment, that feels completely uncomfortable and pushes us to our edge. And again, in this moment, it doesn't feel possible. It feels outside of the realm of possibility.
00:06:21
Speaker
And the reason is we set a goal that's impossible, that's out of our realm of possibility because it challenges our brain.
Overcoming Obstacles Methodology
00:06:29
Speaker
We don't know the how. You're not gonna know how to do it. Actually, and you're only gonna know the how once you get there. But it requires you to step up and think bigger. And because it's big,
00:06:47
Speaker
takes us out of that mindset of the how mode. Again, we're not going to know the how. So it's past our edge. So we can't get caught in these little details of obsessing how to do it.
00:07:03
Speaker
So the process that Brooke Castillo talks about, and I'm definitely going to get myself a coach to work with to do this because I think this is exercises that are difficult to do on our own or difficult to stay motivated.
00:07:20
Speaker
So just to give you a little insight into what this looks like, and then I'll definitely keep you posted as I continue with pursuing this impossible goal. The first step is to identify this goal and write it down and also tell someone about the goal. And once you start doing that, it puts the goal out there and it becomes a little bit real once you declare it.
00:07:46
Speaker
Then once you write it down and you declare it, your brain will do everything that it's supposed to do, which is kind of freak out because it wants to keep you in the cave. It wants to keep you safe. It wants to preserve energy. So it's going to start coming up with all these doubts and all these reasons why you can't accomplish that goal.
00:08:11
Speaker
So what we naturally do or what we tend to do is want to ignore these doubts and kind of push them aside and be like, no, I can do this. But instead of avoiding them, we then write down these obstacles. So we write down every one of these obstacles and really take time to think about what they are. And the idea is that we then start to make a plan on how to address these obstacles.
00:08:38
Speaker
And these obstacles essentially become our stepping stones to reaching our goal. They become the rungs of the ladder to get us to success, to get us to reach the goal.
00:08:53
Speaker
So again, after you write down these obstacles, you start looking at them and writing down ways to address these obstacles. And when you're writing down these obstacles, probably initially at first, it's going to be the how. Like, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. That's why I can't reach this impossible goal.
Declaring an Impossible Goal
00:09:10
Speaker
And then as you stick with it and keep writing objections and obstacles and the doubts that come up in your mind, you'll start to get to the deeper stuff. You know, your beliefs. I don't think I'm good at that. Who's going to listen to me?
00:09:24
Speaker
Write them down, and then you look at them, and then you start looking at how you can address each of these obstacles. And from that, you create a plan. Again, I know I'm making it sound easier than it is, but this is the premise. And just to give you an example, so for my life, I'm going to boldly say it, who is ever listening. It just feels very big for me. That's, you know, in June 2024,
00:09:55
Speaker
I will make, it feels so strange saying this out loud, even though I don't know who's listening, but I will make $150,000 from my business. I will be a certified coach, mindset coach, life coach. I have to say that again, that feels strange and a pleasure and sex coach. I will build my kind of pleasure community for people who are on the menopause journey.
00:10:23
Speaker
I will create courses and content and I will host a retreat in Italy in June, 2024, all of this while keeping a life of balance and prioritizing connection and also finding the time as I continue to work at my day job.
00:10:47
Speaker
And again, as I say this, and I'm going to have to read that back and write it down in a more confident tone, but that is my impossible goal. And I love that I'm putting that out there for anyone to listen. So I think the thing is, you know, a lot of those elements.
00:11:05
Speaker
don't even exist yet. Yes, I'm working towards my coaching certification, but I am not having done anything in the pleasure and sex space. So how would I, that's an obstacle. So how I would write down ideas on how I would start approaching and addressing that obstacle, this idea of time and how do I find time to build this business? Why also,
00:11:34
Speaker
working at my day job, I also maintaining connections and prioritizing connections. Those are other obstacles. And again, I would write down ways that I would address it. So a couple things to keep in mind, I think, you know, the purpose of creating these impossible goals and taking massive action or balancing, right? Because you're going to have to take, have the balance between passive learning and also massive action.
00:12:04
Speaker
And I think it's important to remember that it's not so much the end goal, the reaching 150,000. I mean, that does feel like crazy impossible for me right now. It's not so much reaching the end, but it's really who you become along the way. And again, something that's so difficult, having tremendous belief
00:12:32
Speaker
that this is possible. So that's something as I'm working towards this goal, I have to continually work on my mindset to believe that this is possible. I think when you're setting goals, it's important to ask why, like why am I setting that goal? Why is that goal so important for me? And I think another important question to ask is who do you have to become to reach this goal?
00:13:01
Speaker
So really taking time after you write your impossible goal, after you write down all the obstacles, write them all down and also have compassion for yourself after you look
Belief, Mindset, and Personal Growth
00:13:12
Speaker
at them. You just know that your brain is trying to protect you.
00:13:16
Speaker
And then after you start creating some goals and some ideas on how to address the obstacles and you make a plan, also really asking yourself why this goal? And I think for me, I mean, there's a lot of reasons why I have that goal that I just mentioned, but one of the goals that I have is just to be someone that that can show others that it's possible to do this. Um,
00:13:47
Speaker
I have, I am someone that dreams big, but I also have a tremendous amount of fear. And I definitely get stuck in that. How am I going to do this? And it's interesting. I also get stuck in, I have a lot of vision for the future, but then I like freak out about all the details. So it like leaves me in this kind of anxious space and it causes a lot of tension and then I don't move forward. And that's why I take a lot of passive action.
00:14:16
Speaker
instead of massive action because it's like I don't want to have that failure to prove to myself, again, oh, see, I can't do this. So I want that freedom. So the goal that I'm wanting, I want it, I want the freedom to create the business and the life that I want, but I also want to reach that goal to show that it's possible for others to overcome these beliefs in our mindsets. And I think no matter how big or small your goal is,
00:14:45
Speaker
Um, it's just important that we show people that we, if we set our minds to it, if we really take action, that we can reach it. And also we all have unique ways of reaching the goal that we want. It doesn't look the same for everyone. I know a lot of us want to read it in a book or follow someone like, how do I reach that goal? How do I reach that impossible goal? But again, you're not going to know how unless until you get there.
Encouragement to Pursue Impossible Goals
00:15:15
Speaker
So I'm going to leave you with that and I guess my action step for you is to really just, what would, just take a moment and dream and think about what would your impossible goal be? And just, if you're not ready to write it down and start writing the obstacles and going there, but just like starting to play with it.
00:15:40
Speaker
and just starting to dream about it. I just think what I just read to you all is something that six months ago, I wouldn't have even put down on paper because it would have seemed so ridiculous. But I think by doing this podcast, by starting my kind of pleasure community, by picking up my pace with my coaching certification, that very still impossible goal that I just mentioned feels impossible, but it doesn't feel ridiculous.
Conclusion and Future Plans
00:16:10
Speaker
Oh, that's kind of cool. So I am going to find a way to continue to share my journey with you all and this impossible goal with you all and how I'm doing with it. So I'm going to probably talk about it here and may create a little newsletter. We will see more to come, but thank you so much for being here and I'll see you next week. Bye.