Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 2: Introduction to tapping into eroticism and our erotic self
68 Plays2 years ago
Last week, I came across this blog post from Esther Perel that spoke to what I had been feeling and experiencing due to the deep pandemic. It also resonated with me by providing some guidance on what it means to bring more true pleasure and aliveness into our lives… that is eroticism, and more importantly, what I am calling an expanded definition of eroticism.
Connect & Learn More:
https://www.instagram.com/lisette.ostrander/
My Kind of Pleasure Community: https://polished-scene-963.myflodesk.com/
https://www.estherperel.com/blog/eroticism-self-care-plan
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi friends, this is Lisette Ostrander and this is my kind of pleasure podcast where we will explore topics of sex, pleasure, desire, mindset, and emotions and use the information learned to live the life we want and have the sex we want. My hope is that what you learn will expand and challenge the way that you think about sex, your body, desire, and aging.
00:00:26
Speaker
so that you can bring more pleasure and aliveness into your life.
Exploring Our Erotic Selves
00:00:30
Speaker
Today's episode is about our erotic selves and eroticism. Last week I came across this blog post from Esther Perel that spoke to what I had been experiencing and feeling due to the deep pandemic.
00:00:47
Speaker
And it also resonated with me because it provided some guidance on what it means to bring in true pleasure and aliveness into our lives. And that is eroticism. And more importantly, it's what I am calling an expanded definition of eroticism.
00:01:04
Speaker
Esther Perel says that for so many of us, our intense focus on safety has meant a stifling of things that contribute to our erotic experience of life. Trying new restaurants, making new friends, meeting a stranger who becomes a lover. She continues by saying eroticism
00:01:23
Speaker
isn't inherently sexual. It's an experience of aliveness which beats back deadness. In this episode, I'm going to talk to you about this expanded way of looking at eroticism, primarily focusing on eroticism outside of the context of sex. And I will also talk to you about ways that you can start tapping into eroticism and expanding the way you see yourself as an erotic being.
00:01:49
Speaker
This is just the start of the conversation and in future episodes we will continue exploring this expanded definition and really looking at it in the context of sex and relationship and how it can be something that feels accessible to all of us if we so choose.
Who is Esther Perel?
00:02:05
Speaker
To begin,
00:02:06
Speaker
For those who do not know Esther Perel, she's an iconic sex and relationship therapist. She's the author of Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, and she's the podcast host of Where Should We Begin? Eroticism and erotic intelligence are central themes in her work, and I will link some of her work below.
00:02:31
Speaker
To elaborate on her definition of eroticism, she says that eroticism isn't just the life force that makes sex great. Eroticism is what makes life itself worth living. It includes the qualities of vitality, curiosity, and spontaneity that make us feel alive.
00:02:51
Speaker
She talks about her experience growing up and her parents were Holocaust survivors. And she grew up in a town in Belgium where everyone in the community were Holocaust survivors. And she says that there were two kinds of people, those that survived and then those that lived. And it was those that lived
00:03:10
Speaker
were the ones that understood the power of the erotic. She says that those that who came alive understood the erotic, the life force, not just in the modern definition of sex, but basically how to reimagine yourself, how do you reinvent yourself, and how do you bring back energy, a vitality, and aliveness. Ester says when we embody our erotic self, we tune into the world around us,
00:03:40
Speaker
and within us. We listen closer, we touch a little softer, we savor and linger, we observe and embody. Eroticism imbues our experiences with meaning and it fosters connection.
Understanding Eroticism
00:03:59
Speaker
I think before hearing this expanded definition of eroticism, my thoughts about eroticism were always connected to sex and it always had more of a on the edge
00:04:10
Speaker
outside the norm kind of connotation and it felt like an extra layer or an advanced version of sex. I also saw it as something that potentially could feel unattainable to a lot of people for whatever reason, whether age or they felt like they didn't have a desire for sex or they weren't having sex or they felt that they didn't see themselves or others didn't see themselves in a sexual or desirable way.
00:04:38
Speaker
With this new expanded definition, I see that eroticism is something that is accessible to all of us, no matter what our age or stage in life or desire for sex.
Incorporating Eroticism into Daily Life
00:04:50
Speaker
And even more so, I see it as something that will enhance all of our lives. I love this idea of reimagining ourselves, bringing back energy of vitality and aliveness if we so choose. Again, this might not be for everyone and that is okay.
00:05:06
Speaker
but to know that if this is piquing your interest, then this is something that is accessible to you. So what are ways that we can start tapping into eroticism and our erotic self? First, it's important to remember that it starts with self. Whether bringing it in a sexual context or not, it always starts with ourselves. And second, it is a practice and an intelligence, which means it's something that can be learned and developed.
00:05:34
Speaker
Some key elements of eroticism are mystery, play, curiosity, imagination, creativity, and anticipation. Ester defines mystery as a change in perspective, looking at things with new eyes, which nicely connects to curiosity. So this isn't necessarily about novelty and it certainly isn't about danger or risk, but it's about really being open and receptive to looking at things and experiencing things with a new lens.
00:06:04
Speaker
So a couple of actionable ways to incorporate eroticism into our lives. First, there's the obvious. It's the trying new thing, going new places, making new friends. And as I just mentioned, looking at things and experiencing things with a new perspective. So perhaps it's trying something familiar, but approaching it from a new lens. Another way is to widen our senses and tuning into our bodies, really getting curious and letting our bodies teach us what we like,
00:06:35
Speaker
what we don't like and discover new things we don't yet know about ourselves. Two simple examples of this. When you take a shower, really just pausing and thinking about how the water feels on different parts of your body. When you eat a piece of chocolate or drink coffee, slowing down and really savoring it and thinking about how it tastes and how it feels in your mouth. Another way that we can bring in more
00:07:03
Speaker
eroticism and tap into our erotic selves, is to really think about those elements, the key elements of eroticism that I mentioned, creativity, play, imagination, curiosity, and thinking about what does it really feel like to feel creative, to feel playful and curious, and just pausing and really thinking and feeling those feelings on purpose, even if you just do this two minutes every day. What does it feel like
00:07:31
Speaker
And what does it feel like in your body to experience these emotions? And also what thoughts are you having to make you feel creative, playful, and curious? You don't even need to take action on the thoughts and the feelings right now, but just really taking a moment to feel it. It's a great way to start cultivating your erotic self.
Engage with Lisette's Community
00:07:52
Speaker
And lastly, a practice to get curious about yourself and how you interact with others and also to get curious about others is
00:08:02
Speaker
asking different questions and creating opportunities for people to share their different sides and their different stories, whether you just met them or there's someone that you've known for years, listening with that different lens, asking questions to spark that curiosity, kind of that mystery.
00:08:23
Speaker
I also love the practice of being intentional about how we listen and the way we listen to people as a way to build stronger connection and also tap into our erotic selves. I am a fan of relationship expert Allison Armstrong who I will link below and she talks about different ways of listening and one being listening with the lens of
00:08:47
Speaker
What does this person care about? So a lot of times when we're listening to people, we don't even realize or we perhaps we do realize that we are listening with different lenses and those lenses might be, what does this have to do with me? What do they want from me? What are they asking of me? How can I help solve the problem? We also might be judging as they're talking, but instead now getting curious,
00:09:14
Speaker
And no matter what the conversation is about or what the question was, listening to them and listening through the lens of what does this person care about and kind of playing that game with yourself. They don't even need to know that's what you are doing. And it's just a cool way to start practicing, getting curious and becoming more engaged and a present listener. And of course tapping into our erotic selves.
00:09:38
Speaker
So there you have it friends, my introduction to eroticism and what I am calling an expanded version of eroticism. I hope this inspires you a bit to start seeing yourself as an erotic being or seeing that you have the potential to tap into it and develop your erotic self. Changing the way we see yourself definitely impacts how we show up in the world. I can't wait to dive into this more with you all. And if you have any questions or comments,
00:10:04
Speaker
want to reach out, you can send me a message on Instagram at Lisette.Ostrander and I will link that below along with the other links and resources I mentioned. And lastly, I am building a my kind of pleasure community, a community in space where we can dive into these topics deeper. And I'm especially inviting those who are experiencing or will experience the menopause journey and we will
00:10:33
Speaker
Take a deeper dive into topics of sex, pleasure, desire, so we can have the life we want and the sex we want. I look forward to next week. Have a great week, you all.