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💜 Episode 4: Orgasms & Accessing Pleasure - Exploring the Erectile Network
65 Plays2 years ago
In this episode, I will share some orgasms myths, and info to challenge a couple of the myths, then talk about the amazing erectile network in vulva owners which is the center of the arousal system, l and end with some ideas on how vulva owners (and their partners) can start expanding their ability to access more pleasure and orgasms.
💜Follow me on IG @lisette.ostrander
💜Check out information about My Pleasure Community: https://linktr.ee/lisette.ostrander
Photo Credit: Audra Miller https://millerstudios.net/
Resources I mentioned in this episode:
https://www.emilynagoski.com/
https://www.loribrotto.com/
https://intimateartscenter.com/about/sheri-winston/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'My Kind of Pleasure'
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, this is Lisette Ostrander and welcome to My Kind of Pleasure podcast where we will explore topics of sex, pleasure, desire, mindset, and emotions and use the information learned to live the life we want and have the sex we want.
Challenging Perspectives on Sex and Menopause
00:00:18
Speaker
My hope is that what you learn will expand and challenge the way that you think about sex
00:00:23
Speaker
your body, desire, and menopause so that you can bring more pleasure and aliveness into your life. I wanna welcome you again, and it's so great to have you here. I'm really excited that you tuned in. I also wanna congratulate you for tuning in. I think it's powerful to continuously tap into different content that expands our possibilities, especially when it comes to sex, desire, our bodies, and menopause.
Debunking Societal Myths on Sex and Beauty
00:00:52
Speaker
Unfortunately, from the time we are young, we are constantly bombarded with incorrect limiting and negative information about these topics, about what things should look like, feel like, what is normal, what's considered beautiful and ideal for women and for men. We get it from everywhere, media, culture, religion, formal education, medical practitioners,
00:01:16
Speaker
lovers, partners, families, friends. And as a result, we believe so many of the myths and limiting information. And more so than believe it, we internalize it and it becomes a part of who we are.
Embracing Positive Beliefs about Sex
00:01:30
Speaker
I encourage you to keep listening to content that challenges these incorrect and negative messages. It's like a workout for our minds. We need to constantly feed it with information,
00:01:41
Speaker
that challenges what we've been taught and what we've internalized. Emily Nagowski, renowned sex educator, says that confidence comes from knowing what is true and joy is loving what is true.
00:01:58
Speaker
Now, we can listen to what is true and intellectually understand it, but it's the finding the joy about what is true, about what is true when it comes to sex and our bodies. For us, that is the hard part. As I build my skills, knowledge, practice, and community, I look forward to providing you all with more tools and opportunities
00:02:21
Speaker
to connect and learn so that not only do you know what is true but you also have the confidence enjoy when it comes to your body's sex pleasure and menopause.
Exploring Orgasm Myths and Pleasure Expansion
00:02:33
Speaker
This long intro connects to what I want to talk about today, which is orgasms and accessing more pleasure. The more we learn about what is true about orgasms and our bodies, then we can challenge our current thoughts and limiting beliefs and start changing the way we feel about ourselves and take different actions, which will bring new results.
00:02:59
Speaker
In this episode, I will share some orgasm myths, information to challenge a couple of the myths, and then I will talk to you about the amazing erectile network in vulva owners, which is the center of the arousal system. I will end with some ideas on how vulva owners and their partners can start expanding their ability to access more pleasure and orgasms.
00:03:28
Speaker
So a heads up for today, a couple of disclaimers. I focus heavily on anatomy and the science behind it. For me, this is totally fascinating and I hope it's fascinating for you all. I also believe it's so important that we understand some of the science and the anatomy because that is the foundation to tapping into greater levels of arousal, pleasure and orgasms.
00:03:58
Speaker
Also, the conversation today is going to center on vulva owners, and I also reference penetrative sex, but that isn't the only way to have sex and experience sexual pleasure.
Factors Affecting Orgasms - Health and Self-image
00:04:10
Speaker
And this is something we'll explore throughout the
00:04:13
Speaker
this podcast. I also look forward to having a future episode about penis owners anatomy and debunking myths and limiting information. So more to come on that. I also want to acknowledge that I know that there are many factors that contribute to ability or challenges with orgasm.
00:04:33
Speaker
past experiences, trauma, health factors, stress, life circumstances, feeling not good about our bodies or our vulva. I acknowledge that and today's conversation only addresses part of the conversation. Lastly, I am on this journey too. Learning alongside you, please take what fits and leave what doesn't. To start, some common orgasm myths.
00:05:03
Speaker
Myth number one, everyone should be able to orgasm from penetration alone. Myth number two, something is wrong with you when you can't orgasm or something is wrong with you when you can only orgasm by yourself. Myth number three, masturbation ruins your orgasms with a partner.
00:05:30
Speaker
Myth number four, sex without orgasm is equal to failure. Myth number five, it's your partner's fault if you are not having an orgasm. Myth number six, if you haven't experienced an orgasm by a certain age, insert whatever age that is, then you probably won't experience one.
00:05:54
Speaker
I want to definitely be clear that everything I just said above is all incorrect. They're all myths. And I'm sure there's so many more out there. Each myth deserves a conversation to debunk it and we will for sure get there. But today I want to focus on the myths of everyone should be able to orgasm from penetration alone.
Insights on Pleasure Pathways
00:06:17
Speaker
And also the myth that if you aren't able to orgasm, there is something wrong with you.
00:06:24
Speaker
According to Lori Brado, sexual health researcher and author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness, 80% of vulva owners don't orgasm through penetration alone.
00:06:40
Speaker
Of course, as I mentioned before, there are other factors to consider, but for this conversation, I want to shout out that Lori Brato also says that when we focus just on penetration alone, we miss out on the buffet of things that brings us pleasure and increases the chance of orgasm. Volva owners have an entire erectile network, which is at the center
00:07:08
Speaker
of a vulva owner's arousal system.
Understanding the Clitoral Structure
00:07:11
Speaker
When we simply focus on penetration as a way to pleasure an orgasm, we aren't accessing our potential.
00:07:20
Speaker
So I first learned about this erectile network in 2019 and I wasn't sure if it was just my interest about it at the time or if there was this new shift towards educating more people about it. But I was finding information about it in so many different places. It blew my mind that I had no idea that there is so much more to the clitoris and even beyond that.
00:07:48
Speaker
to start. There is the clitoral gland, which is on the outside and that has 8,000 nerve endings, which is way more than a penis has. The clitoris also has three parts. There's the head or the gland. There's also the shaft and the legs, which are internal. And if you Google it and I encourage you to do so, it looks like a wishbone.
00:08:15
Speaker
The entire clitoris, so that's the head, the shaft, and the legs are made up of erectile tissue, which means that the whole thing becomes enlarged, firm, and extremely sensitive with the right stimulation. But there's also so much more to this network. There are the bulbs that are shaped like fat parentheses around the vaginal opening.
00:08:41
Speaker
So these bulbs are full of erectile tissue and they lie under the outside of the vulva. So when you think of the outside of the vulva, the part with the hair and the regular skin, right below that internally, there are the two bulbs. Not knowing about the existence or function of the bulbs is one reason, a possible reason why vulva owners may not enjoy penetration.
00:09:11
Speaker
For many people, penetration doesn't feel good unless the bulbs are activated and swollen. There's also a tubular sponge of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra that lies above the roof of the vagina. Many people call this the G-spot, but that's also a bit misleading.
00:09:31
Speaker
because it's more than a spot. It's a cylinder of erectile tissue. There's also another erectile sponge on the floor between the vaginal and the anal canal. So all of this together, the clitoris, the bulbs, the sponges, all of this is part of a network and they are linked together and designed to work together. So for example, when the bulbs are stimulated, so is the clitoris.
00:10:02
Speaker
When I first learned about this, I totally got it, but actually it wasn't until prepping for this episode that I really got it.
00:10:10
Speaker
Thanks to Emily Nagowski's podcast, Come As You Are. Emily says that we vulva owners have the same erectile tissue as penis owners. It's just laid out differently. So if you think of an erect penis and if you feel along the sides, you can feel how deeply the shaft goes into the person's body. So there's so much more to the penis that we don't see.
00:10:40
Speaker
So if you keep that in mind, now imagine that the head of the penis is equivalent to the clitoral gland. But then the whole shaft is retracted into the body. So only the head is visible. That is more or less what the clitoris is. So when you think about it, there's so much more to the clitoris and also to the penis. So much more that we don't see.
00:11:09
Speaker
And also, when you think about what's happening when a penis becomes erect, just imagine all of that is happening, but it's happening internally inside the vulva.
Arousal Dynamics in Vulva Owners
00:11:21
Speaker
Again, all of these networks are working together, and Sherri Winston, author of Women's Anatomy of Arousal, says it's like a beautiful orchestra when you have all the instruments, so all the parts of the network,
00:11:36
Speaker
All these instruments, she calls them playing together. And it's really powerful when they play together because it enhances the pleasure experience. But Sherry says you can also access pleasure just by tapping into a few of these instruments at a time. So this is very different from penis owners who need to have everything working together.
00:11:58
Speaker
Okay, so that's a lot of information and I can't wait to dive in more throughout this podcast and also in my kind of pleasure community, which will open shortly. I'll link that below. In that community, we will explore and talk more about how to activate the different instruments, the different parts of our erectile network.
00:12:23
Speaker
A main takeaway that I would love for all of you to have is that for vulva owners, in order to reach your sexual capacity, you need to discover your erectile network. When this system is fully activated, then you can easily expand your arousal and have greater access to orgasms.
Engaging in Arousal Exploration
00:12:49
Speaker
I will leave you all with a couple of ideas and practices to get you started on this journey. So first for vulva owners, start with yourself, practice and explore, get to know this network and pay attention to your signs of arousal. Starting with, starting with yourself is so key because we really, at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own pleasure.
00:13:14
Speaker
Two, for partners of vulva owners, also pay attention to the signs of arousal and make sure you check in to see when your partner's ready. Connection and safety are key in order for vulva owners to open up and receive. Sherri Winston also emphasizes that arousal for vulva owners starts from the outside in.
00:13:40
Speaker
So it's really important when building arousal to start on the edges and that means like first start with the hands, the arms, the legs, work your way in, genitals are last. There are so many erogenous zones to attend to and we will talk about that in future episodes. Three, for vulva owners and partners, get to know the bulbs.
00:14:02
Speaker
So I talked about them earlier. They are the outermost area of the erectile network and they are underneath the part of the vulva, the outer part with hair and that has regular skin. And as I mentioned before, since arousal tends to flow from outside to inside, the bulbs are a great place to start.
00:14:25
Speaker
Once you get to the general region, instead of just going straight on in, start with the bulbs. So direct clitoral attention is likelier to be more welcome after the lips and the bulbs have been attended to. So try using broad stimulation to the whole outer surface of the vulva, concentrating on what is beneath. When you feel it swell, that's when you can start attending to other areas.
Conclusion and Community Engagement
00:14:52
Speaker
And lastly, slow down and don't think about it as a bad thing to take your time. When you think about the amazing erectile network and this idea of internal erections, it really, it's important to think about how that takes time and the more time you take to build arousal, the more ability you have to tap into pleasure and orgasm.
00:15:20
Speaker
So thank you friends. I really appreciate you being here and listening to this entire episode. I want to just say, remember that sex at the systems level is so much better.
00:15:34
Speaker
Again, please reach out if you have any questions or comments. My Instagram is lissette.ostrander. I have information below about my pleasure community, which will open shortly. And I look forward to having more conversations about how we can tap into this erectile network, our arousal system. Bye for now.