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Knowing Your Worth | The Shift High-Performing Women Must Make
205 Plays1 month ago
In this episode, we sit down with a powerful beauty professional and coach, Marlena Evenson, who works closely with high-performing women navigating success, burnout, and identity. After decades of life experience, including building multiple businesses, navigating personal loss, and redefining purpose, she now helps women shift from earning their worth to truly knowing it.
Together we explore why so many ambitious women operate from a place of proving, why external validation never feels like enough, and how burnout often stems from chasing worth through achievement.
We dive into authenticity, faith, purpose, and what happens when women begin to understand their true gifts and give others permission to do the same. This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt successful on paper but still searching for deeper fulfillment.
Connect with Marlena
Marlena's book!!!:
Website: https://marlenaevenson.com/
Free Clarity Call: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/bookings/freecallwithmarlena
Instagram: @Marlenaevenson_coaching
Books mentioned: Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima and The Mountain Is You by Brianna West
Stay Connect with The Beyond Esthetics
https://www.sweetcheeksuniversity.com/beyond-esthetics
Social Media: @thebeyondesthetics @jessguidesesthies @sweetcheeksuniversity
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We'd LOVE a rating and review and for you to share the show with an esthetician who is aligned with our message
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Transcript
Introduction and Marlena's Background
00:01:20
Speaker
Good morning, everybody, and welcome to the Beyond Aesthetics podcast. I am your host, Jessica Peterson, and this is my beautiful co-host and soulmate and twin flame and all the things Tiffany Orr. And we have an amazing episode for you this morning, as always, with...
00:01:41
Speaker
Such an important and special guest. So today we are welcoming Marlena Evanson and she's a confidence and clarity coach, speaker and a beauty industry professional with over 26 years of experience working closely with the women. After decades behind the chair as a hairstylist and master esthetician, Marlena didn't just transform how women looked. She witnessed how they felt.
00:02:08
Speaker
Through more than 24,000 conversations, she saw a powerful pattern. Women who appeared confident, capable, and successful on the outside, yet quietly questioned themselves on the inside.
Coaching Philosophy and Community Message
00:02:22
Speaker
She understands this dynamic personally, being a business owner, wife, and mother who could make confident decisions in her personal professional life while at times feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, and unsure in her personal one.
00:02:37
Speaker
and That lived experience became the foundation of her work today. Marlena now helps high achieving women who are successful on paper, but feel like they're barely holding it together behind the scenes. Women who are done proving, performing and pushing, yet still don't feel like it's enough.
00:02:54
Speaker
Her work focuses on helping women move from earning their worth to truly knowing it. By creating internal safety, clarity, and alignment so they can trust themselves again, not just in business, but in their lives. She is the creator of Reclaim and Redefine, a transformational coaching experience and is known for her grounded, power powerful message. You don't need to prove your worth. You need to own your worth.
00:03:19
Speaker
Marlena's mission is to help women stop performing for their worth and start living from it unapologetically. She is also the voice behind still here, still worthy, a message and growing community rooted in the belief that you're worth.
Chasing Worth Through Achievement
00:03:34
Speaker
was never something you had to earn, only something you need to remember. So in this episode, we are going to sit down with Marlena and talk about high-performing women navigating success, burnout, and identity. After decades of life experience, including building multiple businesses, navigating personal loss, and redefining purpose, she now helps women shift from earning their worth to truly knowing it.
00:04:00
Speaker
Together, we explore why so many ambitious women operate from a place of proving why external validation never feels like a enough and how burnout often stems from chasing worth through achievement. We dive into authenticity, faith, purpose, and what happens when women begin to understand their true gifts and give others permission to do the same. This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt successful on paper, but still searching for deep fulfillment. Marlena, welcome to the Beyond Aesthetics podcast.
00:04:30
Speaker
Thank you. I'm so, so thankful that you invited me to come and join you. I love your guys' podcast and the women that share on here. So I'm honored to be part of that group now.
00:04:42
Speaker
So um I'm excited for our chat. Oh, so are we so much. So I thought that we should start by just telling our listener how we met, including Tiffany. So thank you. This is your first time meeting, and I'm so excited about that. So how did I meet Marlena?
00:05:01
Speaker
You know I met Marlena in Utah. So Marlena was a student at a school that I was doing presentations at for Eminence, and she was always like, I actually, Marlena can still see it in my mind, um teaching, you know, a group of 100 people. She was always a little closer to the front, and just right off to, like my perceived left and just always asking great questions and I'm very, very engaged and smiling and beautiful. And I came to me after the presentation one day, talked about bringing Eminence into the salon that she worked at because now she was bringing in aesthetics when she graduated. And then I became her trainer there in Layton, Utah And we just got really close at that point. And then Marlena, I believe that you were part of my first mastermind group before I even had Tiffany join the business. And so you got to take part in that.
00:06:01
Speaker
And that led you to a lot of inspiration. and you're like, wait a second. I want to do this too. This was so powerful. It was so beautiful. And i reflect back on that experience with you a lot because I did see it spark something inside of you. And I vividly remember so many of those conversations on those calls and how powerful you were and how inspirational you were to everybody in the
Self-Discovery and Life Purpose
00:06:30
Speaker
group. um And so that is how we met. That is Marlena and I's relationship. and
00:06:36
Speaker
And so I also want to add to that conversation that when Marlena and I were going back and forth about the outline, it was kind of funny because I told her like, okay, I'm going to send over some questions. I'll let you kind of edit that. da-tada But we had sent some voice messages back and forth and it was only a couple and literally her response to the voice message. So the the voice text she sent back, I was like, oh, we have our episode. Yeah. This is it. I said, all I'm going to do is copy and paste this and just create an outline out of this exact conversation because this is exactly the conversation that we want to bring to the platform.
00:07:18
Speaker
And so that was really funny too. I was like, oh, no need for questions. We're in alignment. This is all the information that I need. And you are so eloquently spoken. You speak with conviction from heart. You You're really oh so powerful in the most beautiful way. And you really do exude being in your purpose. Even every time I see you on social media, I'm like, she just is so in her purpose. And, you know, it's
00:07:53
Speaker
You can tell when somebody is and the way that they speak, the way that they carry themselves. And then there's
Impact of Personal Loss on Perspective
00:07:59
Speaker
just a light about you and your passion for helping women navigate this really important, you know, subject. I'm perimenopausal. Don't be too emotional.
00:08:12
Speaker
We're emotional too. Go for it. I think the couple episodes ago, I like cried the whole time. Tiffany had to keep keep the episode going because tears are just like streaming down my face. We welcome all emotions here at the Beyond Aesthetics. So, okay. You're getting them already. I'm like...
00:08:30
Speaker
well in went so intercoal Well, do you know what's so interesting back to that very first mastermind group is just, you had invited me to be part of that. And it was called something else, like inner circle, something I think at the time.
00:08:43
Speaker
And, and i didn't really understand what it was at the time. i don't even remember what year that was that you had first started it, but ah you had sent me a recording of the mastermind grew And i listened Like i i I thought of it as like a testimony at the time. i didn't really realize it was like your check-in. Yours was the only one I had listened to out of that whole recording. And Marlena, your message and your testimony within that is what helped me understand what Jess was building and what she was doing and the power that lied within that mastermind group. And that's when I like, it was like this very full circle moment. So I do a test online.
00:09:28
Speaker
all of that to you way back then. I know this is the first time you and I are actually meeting, but I've known about you for a long time and I've followed you very closely, but it's that very first interaction that really connected the dots for me and was, had so much power back then.
00:09:43
Speaker
Well, i I feel like, thank you for that. um and I don't even, I remember very distinctly the, the group, but, um I feel I love people. Obviously, i wouldn't be in an industry where you're working with people for as long as I have if I didn't.
Challenges and Misconceptions in Business
00:10:02
Speaker
And i think when you love people, you find other people that love people, you know, and there's like you just have this magnet that happens and you just know that people
00:10:14
Speaker
i it's a italy it's a gift, I think. And I think it's it's something that's really amazing when you find those group of people that really. want to help support other people.
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah. And that's what I think Jess and I like hit off and, and really kind of found on a deeper level. Yeah, I agree. And you know, what's coming to me and what I, what I really remember about you being in that group is that you were like, none of this is foreign to me. I'm just remembering, you know, and I think that when you do come home to yourself and just,
00:10:51
Speaker
It is a remembering, you know, and these practices that we were putting into place, practices that were as simple back then as listening to an audio book on your way to work just to, you know, gain some inspiration and a way to get back to yourself. Even that simple thing, you're like, wait, this is I know this and I used to do this. And so it was just kind of a remembrance of.
00:11:13
Speaker
what it feels like to come home to yourself and to nurture yourself. And that is actually one thing that I remembered the most is it was just, again, re-sparking something inside of you, which I think it happens for women because we serve so much. And I know we're going to talk about that today, but it's like this constant outsourcing or just giving so much you know So that then when you do start to come back to yourself, it does feel like, oh i I know this. And now I'm putting this into practice. I remember.
00:11:49
Speaker
Yeah. And I'll share more about that because, late you know, I know we're going to talk about that more, but it never goes away. I think what happens is we recognize that that's what's happening. And then we have the tools and skills to get reconnected again so we don't lose ourselves for longer periods of time. And so i i think that you know, the misconception is that once you learn these skills, you'll never disconnect from yourself again.
00:12:18
Speaker
and And that's not a true statement. We're we're always... think we're kind of put in a world that has so many exterior voices and expectations that we're constantly having to bring ourselves back to what we feel and what we believe. And so and we'll go into that more. But yeah, so I i love that you said that because I think that.
00:12:44
Speaker
You're right, I mean, there's so many things along the way that helped spark what i do And that was definitely one of those journeys of just the excitement and the engagement. And I would encourage anybody, if you aren't part of a mastermind or a group, to get with like-minded women, because that's where growth is. That is definitely where we find ourselves. It's not competition in that kind of group.
00:13:13
Speaker
Oh, we couldn't agree more. So we're all about here, baby. So Marlena, to kick off this amazing conversation we're about to have, we love to do some rapid fire questions to just like throw throw you in right off the bat. So first things first, how do you caffeinate? What's your favorite way?
00:13:34
Speaker
cafe latte, no sweetener, no special, anything, just a basic cafe latte. used to warm. I don't care. It doesn't matter. like Basic cafe latte. And on a Friday night and espresso martini. So love it what is your current guilty pleasure? don't So
Validation and Self-Worth
00:14:01
Speaker
you guys had sent me an outline and I i told my husband, and he' was like, well, what are they going to ask you? And i I told him this question and he answered it with the way I would answer it. And it's C's candy. Right now it is C's candy. i
00:14:14
Speaker
it That place is never going to go out of business because ah we go in there and they're like, oh, are you shopping for people? And we're like, This is mine. And 20, almost 29 years of marriage, you learn things. And one of them is we don't share well, like our treats.
00:14:34
Speaker
So I buy mine and he buys his and then we stay happily married. I love it. Perfect. grow Oh, I need some good seeds candies. It's been a while. Yeah. I've had some. That is a good reminder.
00:14:47
Speaker
Okay. Marlena, what is your favorite skincare product right now? um Right now, because I am dealing with allergies. So my skin is really irritated. um i'm loving calm skin and recovery oil. It's like really basic,
00:15:02
Speaker
Um, sometimes going back to the basics of product is where you need to be at. It's true, isn't it? Yeah, that, especially because I get really um irritated under my eyes, around my nose. And just ah that calming with a little bit of recovery oil is just like, it just makes it all go away. yes Definitely. Anything with that facial recovery oil is just beautiful.
00:15:28
Speaker
Um, are you a morning person or a night owl? So I shared that I'm in perimenopause, so it depends on the day. um So um I always say my bedtime is either one in the morning or 730.
00:15:41
Speaker
like One extreme to the other. Yeah, it really is. And um and either I pop up at 5.30, no problem, or I'm like really angry. I have to get up So generally, I used to always be a morning person. But right now, i I couldn't tell you. It just depends on how my hormones want to behave that day. That's fair. Yeah. Very fair.
00:16:05
Speaker
What is one word your friends would use to describe you? i would hope they would describe me as encouraging. I love that. Yeah. I would hope that that would be something that they would get from me is to encourage people.
00:16:20
Speaker
As your friend, i would 1000% agree, like encouraging, inspiring, definitely. And a little sassy. Oh, well, yeah, you're also, it's true. In fact, um your love of like shoes, the love of shoes is hilarious,
Strengths and Authenticity
00:16:40
Speaker
you know, and like the trips you take and like shoes and the outfits you buy, like you're very um spicy that way too. It's really fun.
00:16:49
Speaker
Well, I feel like, you know, everybody that's part of living unapologetically is we all have that thing we love. Some people love taking cruises. Some people, you know, love to travel all around the world. i like shoes. but but but I love it. Now we need to see your shoe collection or at least gra you maybe yeah they're saucy.
00:17:12
Speaker
Yes. I love it. It's so fun. Okay. so Marlena, we definitely want to get into your background, your story. We really love sharing people's stories on Beyond Aesthetics. It's just so incredibly inspiring. so on let's talk about, let's see to to do Okay, let's start with the work you're doing as coaching high performing women. um And then we'll kind of get more into the personal and professional journey. Or you can start with your personal and professional and then dive into that. So whatever you feel like is going to flow the best for you.
00:17:53
Speaker
Well, let me start with kind of my background, sort of, because I yeah think that's what led to where I'm at today. um i'm a I'm the youngest of four girls raised in Southern California and then moved to Utah in 2006. And I've been in the beauty industry since it's now 27 years. I just had my anniversary this last month.
00:18:16
Speaker
um And i have always just loved the beauty industry. Just, you know, from when I was a kid, i loved it. you know, sisters, all the things. We were such girly girls.
00:18:29
Speaker
And um it's... i it just i The best part is when somebody turns and looks in the mirror and they just see something that they didn't see before.
00:18:41
Speaker
Whether it's their skin looks that much better, if it's, you know, a hairstyle, something. it's They see themselves as other people see them, or at least as I see them.
00:18:52
Speaker
And that to me, like... it makes me really emotional because I know how important that is for women because I feel like many days we go feeling unseen and we don't feel we're we're always feeling like they're we're just missing the mark just a little bit so even in that like 10 seconds of feeling like all they see is themselves it they're they're to me it's just it's what drives me and um
00:19:25
Speaker
I experienced a really hard ship. Is this okay going this? Please. Absolutely. So 20, almost 22 years ago, um I had the hardest day of my life. And, um, that was after i had to say goodbye to my five day old son.
00:19:45
Speaker
So after praying for to be able to get pregnant because I didn't know if I could. um It was six years later i was I was pregnant and I had Austin early and
Proving Worth vs. Owning Worth
00:20:00
Speaker
unfortunately um he passed away five days later because he was early and I almost passed away myself. It was a lot of complications and different things.
00:20:10
Speaker
And most people would think that was the hardest day, but the hardest day was actually when I woke up a week later and everybody went home. Yeah. you're trying, now you're trying to live life, you know, and, um, you know, you have all the remembrance of a pregnancy.
00:20:31
Speaker
Like my body didn't just go back to normal. It was there and there was, there was no baby. And I remember thinking, how am i ever going to do this? how Like, I don't know if I can do this. And um i I read a ah daily devotional.
00:20:50
Speaker
And I remember just looking over. And that was before. Now I have it on my phone. But I grabbed it off the side night table. And you know those moments where...
00:21:01
Speaker
your faith is hanging on by a thread, but also your faith is the only thing holding you together. It's this very delicate place and you just have to go forward. and And so I opened it up and that day it was just about how even in unanswered prayers,
00:21:23
Speaker
good can still come out of it. and yet we're like so grateful when like the check comes in or somebody gets healed, but where is our gratefulness when things aren't answered?
00:21:36
Speaker
And i remember just thinking, i and it's a motto I live by today is I will not get stuck in yesterday's tragedy and miss out on the blessings of today.
00:21:48
Speaker
And that was what got me through. I also had a visual reminder and this is why we never know who we will inspire or whose lives we will change by just being who we are.
00:22:03
Speaker
um i had two clients at the time and you know, this was before social media. So when I went back to work, everybody greeted me and asked me how my baby was. And I had to share, you know, this news with them and I had,
00:22:21
Speaker
one woman in particular, and I can't remember their name, you know, I can remember what they look like. And um she was always just not happy. That's the only way i can explain it. She just didn't, she just seemed like she didn't know how to be happy or have joy.
00:22:41
Speaker
And she said, I lost my daughter so many years ago and I recognized that she was still in the hurt and still in the the disconnect.
00:22:55
Speaker
And then I had another lady, because you you would be surprised how many women have experienced this once you've experienced it. And I had another lady, gray haired woman, all wait like, you know, those eyes that sparkle and they're like gray hair sparkles. She was a sparkly lady. That's all I remember.
00:23:14
Speaker
And I shared with her what happened and she started crying and she said, my son would have been 50 something years old. And that woman did two things for me in that moment. She gave me permission to grieve my son for as long as I ever need to, but she also gave me permission to have joy.
00:23:32
Speaker
And I saw the the the contrast. And so when I decided in that moment it was later, it was confirmed that I wanted to be more this than this.
00:23:46
Speaker
And so that was really what started, i think, my love for living and love for people even more is that i wanted to really just, it was a goal to find a blessing in each day. And then over time, we forget what we know. and we moved to Utah, we opened a business, I became a mother, you know, um for my gift of Hayden and And then it just all started weighing again.
00:24:15
Speaker
And, you know, you get in the autopilot and you start to feel the heaviness of the days and doing all the things that And somewhere along the way, i lost all of that.
00:24:27
Speaker
I lost that desire. and And yet on the outside, I was so like, I had a nice home. I had a husband, I had a business. And I don't know about you ladies, cause you own businesses, but when people go, oh you're a business owner, they just, there's this like thought of like, life is so great. And you hang out on the beach in the summertime and you have like some jet that you fly.
00:24:50
Speaker
And what people don't realize is owning a business, one day you have, you know, $40,000 your bank account. The next day you have four. Like you just go from one extreme to another. And some lessons cost you a lot of money.
00:25:05
Speaker
um Sometimes they cost you a lot of time. There is no, i mean, there's a lot of books on business, but there's no books on how you particularly run your business, right?
00:25:16
Speaker
And that all comes from experience. Yes. No, I love that so much. Actually, that really does encompass a lot of what we are so passionate about helping people with. So that was like mic drop
Motivations and Growth Challenges
00:25:31
Speaker
beautifully said. It's very true. So you thank you. But yeah, I mean, because it is it's real. I mean, you know, it's like when you meet another business owner, you go, oh, I see you. like It's not like when people that don't own a business, they're like, oh, it must be so nice. And you're like,
00:25:49
Speaker
Yeah, on days. On some days, it's great. But there is a joy in it. That's why we do it. But um anyway, so as time went on you know, i I had to come back to that joy again. i had to come back to that purpose.
00:26:04
Speaker
And um what I found was over time just... more and more like women that look so great and you see those women you're like they have it together they've got the secret and then you go talk to them and they don't have the secret and um and then you're like well what is wrong with me and I will never forget I was driving one day and remember thinking is this as good as it gets is this it is this this this meant like And almost feeling guilty that I would want more because my needs were met.
00:26:40
Speaker
you know We all have moments we struggle with finances and then we feel comfortable. So we feel very blessed because we're on the other side of that.
00:26:50
Speaker
and But there was something missing. And that's that's where my journey began was really figuring out what was missing and where my identity, even though i I couldn't label it back then, that's what I needed to find was my identity and who I was because what I was doing was not helping. I would wake up exhausted.
00:27:14
Speaker
And I would go to bed and feel like if you asked me to do something, i would either cry or probably go to jail because I wanted to punch you for asking me to do one more thing. And there was this, this can't, this can't be living.
00:27:31
Speaker
So that's that's where it started. And that's how the journey, that that was my moment of just trying to figure out how to get there. And that is why I think I'm so passionate because when you live on both sides of that, when you live on feeling excited to like get up in the morning and looking for like the next adventure and the next opportunity and then waking up also feeling like I have to do this again like Groundhog Day and you know and I've lived both of them and one feels really awful and the other one
00:28:11
Speaker
And to think of a woman getting up, feeling that way, like exhausted, it makes me just want to find her and help her.
00:28:27
Speaker
Go ahead, Tiff. Well, I mean, obviously that like sparked a shift in you and then, um well, I mean, like, what did it look like after that?
00:28:40
Speaker
Obviously, for me for personally, yeah, the journey was hard. I won't lie. The journey was really hard. I had some health, like, you know, i swear you hit 35 and things just start falling apart and then you hit 40 and it's even more so. But but I had some health issues. and my biggest moment when I recognized that i I thought I was doing good.
00:29:03
Speaker
But when I realized i was living to earn my worth was um i had ah my thyroid oblated and the byproduct of that was gaining like 35 pounds.
00:29:17
Speaker
yeah And um I, one day i was getting ready and I literally almost crumbled because i who was i if I didn't look the way that I used to look?
00:29:31
Speaker
who Who was i How could I be valuable? if i couldn't fit in my pants anymore and I didn't feel like i was meeting the mark anymore.
00:29:44
Speaker
And even though this was a ah struggle going inside of me, the visual struggle really brought it to life. And I had to learn and through counseling and different different things that it didn't matter. The person I was was still the same. My worth comes from how I treat people, how I contribute in this world, my gratitude.
00:30:10
Speaker
But we trade that in for a currency of accomplishments, compliments, you know, and I don't even think we do it consciously. I don't think, you know, some people are raised in that environment and they've learned that from a young age of being in a performance driven, you know, home um that you're only as good as your last accomplishment.
00:30:35
Speaker
But then some of us, because like again, I think we have a society set up, to create that our worth is only as good as our last great reel, our great, you know, clients, you know, our, our client list, how many clients we have, or how much money we're making, or, you know all these things. And so what happens is, we start taking that currency, it becomes our literal daily currency of I need another compliment. I need another compliment. And in doing that, we trade in our own inner worth.
00:31:09
Speaker
And before you know it, you are exhausted. that's what but That's the cycle that happens is now I need more validation. I need more okay. i need to be seen more. I need to see.
00:31:20
Speaker
And we lose our own voice. That's why a lot of high-performing women can make great decisions in the workforce. But when they go home, they second-guess themselves.
00:31:31
Speaker
because there's a standard in the work world. Like if you do this, you get this. At home, there is no there's no standard. you know people Kids don't go, here, mom, you got a promotion today because you're amazing this week. I'm going to give you a bonus. If anything, they just want more from you. Or your husband doesn't recognize that you know you've had a really long day. You came home and you made dinner or you got everything and you handled it.
00:32:04
Speaker
and he's like, oh, hey, do I have that thing or did you call the plumber or did you and you're like, where's my certificate of appreciation? like Yeah.
00:32:17
Speaker
And so then you start wondering, why am I so successful and to do all this over here, but over here I can't. And so that becomes the great divide is that we become, because we get the the currency in our work area, but then we lack it in our our personal life.
00:32:34
Speaker
And so we're trying to figure out how to get it there. And that's where. Don't you think it makes you question or makes someone question who they are too, like outside of their worth their job or career? And then they're a mom and wife or whatever it is in their personal life. And then where are they at? Like in the middle, like who are they really on the inside?
00:32:55
Speaker
Right. And that's where the work comes in is once you recognize that that title doesn't make you valuable, you bring value to that title.
00:33:05
Speaker
So no matter whether or not that title's there, that value is still yours to own. It doesn't, It doesn't lie on the doorframe or on the the certificates or diplomas. You brought value to that. That doesn't bring value to you. And we look at it backwards. We look at like the accomplishments is what makes us valuable.
00:33:29
Speaker
But none of that would matter. It's a piece of paper if we didn't attach to it.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah. It's like dropping the mic all over the place right now. Yeah, I know. i feel this so deeply and I can guarantee Every single woman who listens to this feels it too, because it's so, so true. It just gets so entangled and then it gets messy and confusing. And then,
00:33:54
Speaker
Yeah. yeah And, and I see that. I mean, I see it even, i like working with women. I swear I'm connected, but I've seen it with men, you know, men, men, they they will feel valuable only if they're bringing so much money. And then if their business goes down and, you know, if you're a business owner, my husband and i my own business together, and then i have my own business. and i have three businesses I'm running right now, actually. But- Sounds familiar.
00:34:19
Speaker
but So um you see it. So if their business starts to decline, they no longer feel valuable because money has now become their currency.
00:34:31
Speaker
Or the truck or the this or the that. And so none of us are, i think we all deal. It's not unique. It's not a unique problem. That's the thing. But it's a problem nobody talks about. Right.
00:34:45
Speaker
Yeah. And on the other end of it is that then you start to feel uncomfortable when you start to switch that mindset. Because you become, to be okay with your value means you have to own your strengths and your gifts and not apologize for them.
00:35:01
Speaker
Yeah. And I always love that scene in Mean Girls where they're like standing in the mirror and they're like, oh i hope my I hate my nose or i hate this. And she's standing there and she's like, oh, shoot, I got to hate something because like thats the theme. Right. Yeah.
00:35:16
Speaker
And yet we're always telling everybody to like love yourself, you know, appreciate yourself. But if you sat at a table and you said, I like my size, I don't feel like I need to lose any weight.
00:35:29
Speaker
you know I feel like you get this look of like, oh, well, it must be nice. like True. Yeah. there like as It's uncomfortable. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. And that's where, again, part of my mission and purpose is really to make it common for us to own our gifts and our strengths.
00:35:51
Speaker
Like that's what makes things amazing. you know, we all have weaknesses. We all have things we're not great at. I am a terrible baker and um that's okay because I don't have a bakery. Like that's, ah you know, i I don't look like the girls in the magazines because I'm not a professional fitness model.
00:36:12
Speaker
Like that's not my gift. And kudos to that girl that does because my sister used to do competitions. I know Jess has a background in some doing competitions. That is a lot of dedication and mental strength that I choose to not do, but it doesn't discredit what they do.
00:36:32
Speaker
And so when we start owning our strengths, owning our gifts, it allows other people to own theirs. And that's where competition stops starts ending and collaboration starts to begin.
00:36:45
Speaker
Because you're really good at this and I'm really good at this. And if we came together, what a powerhouse would make. That's what i was just going to say is that I think that that is the hard part. And what's so sad is that when people are not um owning their gifts and owning their strengths, it really does take away from the whole, you know, it's kind of hard put that you're much better at saying that than I am, but it really is beautiful when you do own your strengths and you do have that confident in your strengths, how, it It does give other people permission and it really adds to the whole. And we see that in aesthetics. I would actually love to just get your thoughts on that because we talk a lot on the podcast. I'm sure you've heard us talk about authenticity as a strategy, as like a business strategy these days, because um
00:37:36
Speaker
there is more than enough to go around. And when you can come together in community and support each other, um because you are all so different, it adds to the whole, it builds aesthetics. So tell me your thoughts on, and that's the beauty industry as a whole. Yes.
00:37:58
Speaker
So I think for us is, a i You know, I'm old school. I came around before ah social media. And I think social media really changed the way we started seeing ourselves. yeah Because instead of being an inspiration of this is a possibility, it became a mirror of comparison.
00:38:22
Speaker
And that is really, really difficult because you're only seeing one portion of somebody's life. And we all know that. That's a highlight reel. We talk about all the time.
00:38:33
Speaker
But what i think really happens when you do embrace authenticity. And I'm always careful with that. And authenticity is hearing your own voice. It is trusting who you are. Because I used to go to these things and they tell me to be authentic and being a high performing woman, I'd be like, well, tell me how to do that.
00:38:54
Speaker
I don't know how to, like, i didn't know how to do it. So I like to clarify what authenticity is because I walk away and not know what actually, when you don't know how to be authentic, you You don't know how to be authentic. So it is just trusting your own voice. It is um being what...
00:39:13
Speaker
believing and living out your own beliefs and your own desires, not anybody else's standards. So being authentic in your, any industry, it doesn't even matter. Like I own an auto shop with my husband and then I'm in the beauty industry. They're very different platforms, but we, we serve our clients and our customers with our, so like our heart, that's the heart of it. Like you have to the service is a byproduct of what we are, our purpose, our why. If your desire in aesthetics is to help educate people with clean products and give them that education, then that's gonna be your thing.
00:40:05
Speaker
If your desire and your like passion is helping women with age management because you know that aging is difficult and you want to help them feel their best as they age, that is very different than me educating somebody on all holistic products and and a whole product. you know It looks different. I'm still in the same treatment room. I'm still probably offering very similar services, right?
00:40:34
Speaker
But the way that I deliver it, the way that I share it and connect is going to be uniquely me. And that's what people buy. They do not buy services, they buy you.
00:40:48
Speaker
Yeah. they I love that so much. Well, you know, it's coming to me. Like, I just want to help everybody see this in a, in a more visual way. Let's go back to you not being good at baking. If you are so hung up on like, oh my gosh, my neighbor across the street bakes and she's like super woman. And so I should be able to do that and like sell cupcakes in my online shop. And so all of your time and attention and energy was like,
00:41:19
Speaker
so focused, I'm not not a good baker. And so I'm gonna put all my time and energy into trying to be a good baker. Then we wouldn't be here having this conversation now, which is life changing for women. But because you are owning your gifts and you're like, it's cool that I'm not a baker. I don't care about, I'll buy your cupcakes from you. And I'm gonna tell everyone about your cupcakes. Like that's where the authenticity is so important is because people need what you have. Your unique gifts, your authenticity, that inner voice is from God or whatever you want to call it, but it is from God.
00:41:55
Speaker
And it is because it is your purpose. And when you're in your purpose, you're helping other people. And so if you're not, if you're not owning your gifts and you don't know that worth that you have and you're so hung up on what you're not, then the world is missing out on what you have to offer. And the other beautiful thing about that is the domino effect that it creates because you help, you know, let's say I'm your client. And so you transformed me, you, you helped me see my gifts and own it and own that authenticity. And let's say I'm a hairstylist and now I'm in my worth, I'm in my purpose, I'm happy, i have joy, then every single client is going to feel that for me. I'm bringing them more joy. I'm bringing them more fulfillment simply just because I'm me. And then they go home and they're able to now give that energy to, you know, their family. And I think that is truly the beauty of our industry as well, is that we're here in service And so those lives that we touch, there's just that beautiful domino ripple effect. And that's why it's so important to just be so cool with who you are and who cares what you are not.
00:43:11
Speaker
Yeah. It doesn't matter. does. it and and I, um, so I train under, um, Tony Robbins and Dean Graciosi. And I, I just, I, I, they are my people. yeah Um, but one of the things that Dean Graciosi teaches is that that the lie that we kind of are told is that we should improve our weaknesses like we should strengthen what we're not great at and his his and it makes so much sense because why would we want to be 80 of something instead of killing our superpowers and our gifts if i'm good at you know
00:43:52
Speaker
steak, I don't know, we're talking about food, I don't know why, but like I'm good at making, know, dinners or meals, but not baking. Why do I not then pour all my energy and effort into that become a gourmet cook instead of mediocre baker?
00:44:11
Speaker
So if your gift and if your talent is in something, unless it's life altering, Be okay with what you're not great at, yeah but go kick butt at what you are good at.
00:44:27
Speaker
Make it amazing. Make it beyond anything. If you're great at like facial massaging, if you're great at you know, educating your clients, then I mean, dive into that without apology and make that your superpower. Don't worry that maybe you're not,
00:44:47
Speaker
you know, i don't know, a mixologist and have all these concoctions that come up and are fancy and schmancy. And, you know, let the person that's great at mixology be great at mixology. Like, that's the thing. And i that saying, that idea was just like this aha moment in my life. And I stopped worrying about what I wasn't great at.
00:45:11
Speaker
It's so powerful. So, hey, Tiff, do you remember? So that's part of our, it's in the insight and clarity workbook. So whenever we start any coaching client or any coaching group, Marlena, you did the same, like you go through that workbook. And it says that in there, it says that the most successful people are the most focused on what their strengths are. You know, and we've had people question us on that before and kind of come back and say, like, why would you say that? Like, why wouldn't I want to improve my weaknesses? And I'm like, well, why would you want to? Because you're going to only be 80% of that. Yeah, like, let it go. Let's go so hard on what your strengths are. Like, why wouldn't you do that? We all have weaknesses. Why put your time and energy into those when we could just go super hard with what our gifts are? Because that's what we're here to do.
00:46:03
Speaker
right And, and that is so, and this is where all the full circle starts to come in with, with working in business, with working with women, with being at home, is that when you are so like embodied of your gifts and your talents and it you can't help but feel great when you are owning that. So true.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah. You're not looking at other people's lanes and you actually can see when they're owning theirs and you're like, I'm so excited for you. Isn't this great? It's like, you know, when you're in a nice car and you're like, oh, isn't this awesome? Yeah, let's like, let's just go. You know, you're strolling and you feel good because you're so embodied in who you are that you don't have time to worry about other people if they're worried about your...
00:46:55
Speaker
you jet You don't have time for it. It's not even on your radar anymore. And that is one thing i will say because, you know, I'm human and, um you know, God keeps me humble. And there are times where when I start to kind of do the comparison or start feeling insecure, i have to take a step back and go, what am I owning that's not mine to own?
00:47:20
Speaker
And what am I not owning that I need to start owning? What do I need to take back? Because I've given my power somewhere and I'm trying to take somebody else's and that's that's not where I'm supposed to be.
00:47:33
Speaker
And so that is always cue for me to to pause and reflect and, and wonder what is it that I'm, know, because again, we're set up in a, in a society and an environment where we're always looking at other people's lives.
00:47:53
Speaker
And at, you know you get to that point where it's like, gosh, why is she doing this? Or why is she doing that? Or why is she doing, you know, and I should be better at that. And yeah it Then you you take your energy from what you're good at and you're you're giving it away.
00:48:09
Speaker
<unk> you're just in it's so like, again, and going back to living each day, like you don't get these days back. You know, we we only have, we none of us know how many days we have ahead of us.
00:48:22
Speaker
And we can't ever, I, you know, if I could talk to a 20 year old that's listening right now, I'm going to tell you live a life. You can't like, there's no like, oh, can I go redo those days? And I think of all the time I wasted comparing and want even wanting different, yeah like not being satisfied in my body, not being satisfied in my life and, and just not being present, always thinking about what what if, and it only if, and all these things. And I look back and I'm like, now I'm like,
00:49:02
Speaker
I have so much I want to do before I can't do it anymore. so I'm like, don't waste that time worried about what the girl's doing next to you or that you're not good enough. You are, you have everything you need, everything you need to who you were meant to be because we were born with those things.
00:49:26
Speaker
We were given those gifts. Yes. Yeah. It's so true. Let's get into some tangible pieces for women. So here's a question.
00:49:38
Speaker
What are some signs that someone might be operating from a place of proving instead of authenticity? Because I think that I think all three of us here are fairly self-aware. yeah,
00:49:51
Speaker
it's easy for us to recognize when we're leaking energy and giving our power away and we're living in performance and we can just recognize that through exhaustion and stuff like that. But let's talk about maybe someone who this is really resonating with and they're like, yes, I feel this. How do we know? Like, what are some of those signs?
00:50:13
Speaker
I think a ah a really big one that I talk to people is second guessing yourself. I think when you cannot make a decision, you are running from a place of, um you know, trying to prove because the fear of making the wrong decision isn't because you're afraid of what people will think or what it's going to do. And so There is proving to that. There is a fear of either being rejected or unloved or whatever that is. And the the byproduct is that if if you feel rejected from somebody, then you're feeling like you need their validation. there you know So that becomes the cycle. um In my coaching, i really ask people to go to the core of it. And in all the things that we do, if we hesitate, it's because of a fear.
00:51:08
Speaker
It's a fear of something, but really at that core of the fear are two things. It can only be not feeling loved or feeling rejected. Jealousy comes from not feeling loved or feeling rejected. Insecurity comes from not feeling you know loved or rejected. Like you can give any emotion, the core of it are those two things.
00:51:31
Speaker
And so then the next question is, why does that matter to me?
00:51:38
Speaker
If that person doesn't love me or I feel rejected from them, why does that matter to me? Who is this person to me? And sometimes you feel that from social media and then when you ask that question, you're like, well, they're really nobody to me. So...
00:51:56
Speaker
It can help you walk through that. But i would say second guessing is a huge part of proving. um i also believe ah that it is exhaustion because the things that we are meant to do and are fulfilled to do give us energy. They don't take our energy.
00:52:18
Speaker
And so when we're, there's a difference between physically exhausted. You know, I have a business, there's parts of my business that I don't love to do, bookkeeping, taxes, all that stuff.
00:52:30
Speaker
I get tired, but it's it's a temporary tired. it's It's the moment that that was, it was a long day. my My brain hurts from seeing numbers, but I get back up and I'm done with my task and I can keep going and I feel great. The next day I'm excited to be done with it.
00:52:46
Speaker
But if I get up and now I have to face another thing and another thing and you lose that excitement, you lose. i always think of like, if you've had a kid that you've had to get off of a video game, you know, and they're like, their eyes are like, you know, bloodshot and you know, they need sleep, but they're like, I can't, I can't stop. I need to go. And then they wake up the next morning and they're like, especially summer break. It's like, when can I play? Can I get on? And you're like, you got to do this and this and this. And you know, all they want to do is that task.
00:53:19
Speaker
That's living in fulfillment.
00:53:23
Speaker
If you are not excited to live life and do your tasks, then what are you doing in them for? That becomes proving.
00:53:35
Speaker
So it really it i know it's it's a hard, because people are going to go like, no, no, no. It's proving. If your why is not deep enough emotionally to have a purpose behind it, to to bring, i say, what you were called to do, what you were created to do, then you're out of alignment and you're proving. Right?
00:54:01
Speaker
That's why when I first started coaching, i thought about doing business coaching because that's what I know. But what I found is women would come and I'd say, why do you want to do this business? I don't know. i think I just should. i think that's what I need to do. there there That is going to lead to exhaustion.
00:54:19
Speaker
That's going to lead to, you know, but if they came and they were like, I love this. I know I'm supposed, this is my calling. This is, you know, what I'm supposed to do.
00:54:33
Speaker
i just don't know how to do it. Then we have something. There's there because they're excited. They don't, they are going to be the people to stay up till midnight and they're going to have to try and drag themselves away from their project because they know they're so excited about it.
00:54:49
Speaker
And I'm sure you ladies have been on both ends. I mean i think we've all experienced things that were like,
00:54:56
Speaker
you know, life stinks right now because I've got to keep doing, you know, like you just feel like you're on this endless, I call it the hamster wheel.
00:55:06
Speaker
And then you then you get to be on the fun, like, you know, track ride or whatever it is. And they are very different, very different. And those are those tangible feelings that you can, you can see, you can see.
00:55:22
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that's so true. Well, it reminds like we just launched our membership and for days leading up to the launch, I mean, like the Saturday before i was sitting right here for 16 finalizing everything, making sure the details were good. Like we're ready to go. It was like 11 PM when I was like, oh my gosh, I need to order the business cards for tomorrow's presentation, like whatever. and then when I went to bed, I was like, that was freaking cool. You know, like i am tired and sat and started a computer all day and like, I can't believe we're doing this. You know, there's such a different energy behind those things or like, you know, then last week Tiff was on vacation and she was getting people into the membership and it's like such a different thing than.
00:56:10
Speaker
the Sunday scaries, we like to call them, you know, when you're just like, oh my gosh, I can't wake up and do this again. There's such a difference between that and like pouring all of your time and energy into something, even though it's a lot, but you're like, this is awesome. Like, this is so cool because this is what we have been asked and called to do And there's such a tangible difference between that underlying feeling you you know, the, the tiredness is either like, hell yeah. Yeah. Cause becomes empty tiredness. There's an emptiness to everything you're doing. You're empty, busy is what it is. Empty, busy, empty, busy. Cause you're just busy, but you don't feel anything. You just feel empty. And then there's being busy and feeling fulfilled. yeah Now, I'm not any less busy than when I was exhausted. in fact, sometimes I think I'm more busy now, but I don't have the same exhaustion.
00:57:08
Speaker
i will add one more thing to proving, and this is a big one. It's not being able to say no.
00:57:17
Speaker
um So I work with a lot of women that that is one of their biggest struggles is to be able to say no or to put boundaries in place.
00:57:28
Speaker
Because and that goes to the second guessing and it it all layers together. It's all a very messy, you know, proving. um But when you go home and you're making the list of all the things you should have said no to, but you couldn't.
00:57:47
Speaker
That is also a sign of proving because you, again, going back to rejection and feeling like those things, you're afraid to say no, because what are they going to think of you?
00:58:00
Speaker
Well, that's what I was going to ask. So we keep saying proving. What is it that we're trying to prove? Like, what are they trying to prove? Their worth, their value, that they matter. Because if if I got off this call and I was like, i don't think Jess likes me.
00:58:18
Speaker
I don't, you know, like I, you know, i she asked me something and I didn't, and I i wonder if I answered that correctly. i wonder, i wonder if they're going to err. I wonder if this is good enough. I wonder, is this as good as the other girl that was on here? What do they think of me?
00:58:35
Speaker
I've had those conversations in my head. I used to have them a lot and it is exhausting and it's very sad because I don't believe in myself enough. So what I'm needing is for you to tell me I'm good enough to be here.
00:58:51
Speaker
I'm needing you to say you're worthy of this space. When I have to get off this call and go whether that was amazing, not amazing, I'm worth being in this space because God created me to be in this space.
00:59:09
Speaker
That's it. So it's no longer needing that validation to own your own worth or to feel like you're worthy enough for whatever it is you're doing.
00:59:20
Speaker
Yes, because because how I perform on this, in this discussion, doesn't make me any better or less of a person. How we all have good or bad days, like even in the aesthetics room, just because I have, have you ever had a day where like half your day cancels and you're like,
00:59:41
Speaker
I'm a terrible person. Nobody loves me. Like I should just quit this job. Like, because we're putting our worth in how, how busy our books are.
00:59:53
Speaker
and that becomes, then that snowballs into then I'm really a terrible person. i don't know how to do anything. And then the, the conversation that does it So then all of a sudden, now we have to figure out, we have to go seek out somebody to tell me I'm worth being here.
01:00:16
Speaker
I'm not that bad of a service provider or whatever it is, a mother, a wife, a friend. And that's that's that's the daily struggle. If I'm going to be honest, that is our daily struggle. Mm-hmm.
01:00:34
Speaker
The awareness of knowing what look proving your worth looks like, that exhaustion, all that stuff, that's where we don't have to live like that forever.
01:00:46
Speaker
So i was, in the intro, we talked about, like, it's not that I'm prone to never having this happen. I just had this happen literally like last week.
01:00:58
Speaker
Last week, Monday, I woke up and I was, I was just not a happy person. I was, i like, if you had the thoughts that like the bubble thoughts, you know, you guys would never have wanted me. i'm go okay I was just, and I had to sit and go, what is happening?
01:01:19
Speaker
What is happening? And I recognize that i started running with my goals and I wasn't getting the result I wanted. And it was starting to make me feel like I wasn't worthy, that I was doing something wrong, that I'm not valuable because it's not coming out the way I thought it was supposed to.
01:01:42
Speaker
And i had to surrender. i had to recognize that whether I become this success here or whether or not this program works or, you know, I have you know, whatever that looks like.
01:02:02
Speaker
I'm still the same person. I'm still, I just, I might be trying to do something I'm not meant to do right now.
01:02:13
Speaker
And I had to quiet myself. I had to, i i pray a lot. And I asked, I surrendered is what I did is I just said, i' give it over.
01:02:26
Speaker
and In doing that though, i created something else in a short amount of time that was but very divine, I think, led. And i didn't share it with the soul. I didn't ask anybody of what they thought.
01:02:47
Speaker
And it was just a reminder that I have gifts that have. I just don't need to ask permission to use them and I don't need validation for them.
01:02:59
Speaker
And so, but I was starting to get that comparison that all those things and it just, but it only lasted for a day or two and then it went away. it So.
01:03:13
Speaker
Well, thank you for sharing that because I think even like, it's important reminders for women such as yourself who coach other women through this kind of stuff that you still go through it too. And for being honest and vulnerable through your own stuff that comes up is just even more, i think, powerful and valuable to hear, at least for me, for sure. have a question though. What is the difference between productive work and then work that is just feeding that proving cycle?
01:03:44
Speaker
So productive work, i I call it your why. we there's a per like Some people make their bed in the morning and some people don't, right? I make my bed in the morning because it makes me feel good when I come home and my room is you know neat. Now, do I do it all the time? No.
01:04:02
Speaker
But for the most part, I do it because it makes my evening feel better. There's a why in it. It's not just because, because I'm supposed to, because I need to.
01:04:16
Speaker
I believe when you're raised with a lot of beliefs, cultural, religious, any of those things, you do a lot of things out of that's just because I'm supposed to.
01:04:29
Speaker
But you don't know why you're doing it. Have you ever asked somebody, why do you do that? And they're like, i don't know I'm just supposed to. Like, the they what's the purpose? that's That's just an empty action because you don't you're not driven.
01:04:44
Speaker
um i I'm in the process of creating a keynote with, I believe that we have whys. In business, in life, we have to know our whys. Our spiritual whys, our gift and creation whys, our monetary whys, because if anybody tells you that they're in business and money is not an issue,
01:05:07
Speaker
Then you're on a hobby, not in a business. um You have to have your core value wise. Like, how does this align with who I am as a person?
01:05:18
Speaker
And then I do believe you have your wise of um today and tomorrow. So why am I doing this today? And what is it going to give me tomorrow? So, you know, a lot of people talk about just one why, but I have discovered that there are different purposes.
01:05:34
Speaker
Like I do things because of my spiritual connection, because I am accountable to my faith and my belief. um I do things because I know it's going to benefit my family. I do things because I know it um it highlights my gifts and my talents. I do things because I want to make money to pay my bills. so And I do things today because I know it's going to lead me to what I want tomorrow.
01:05:58
Speaker
And if you don't have that, if you don't know why, than it generally is just an empty busyness. you know You don't have that purpose behind it. Mm-hmm.
01:06:12
Speaker
Because purpose doesn't mean you love it all the time. Like when I sit and do bookkeeping, I'm not like, so exciting. I love it. I want to do bookkeeping all day long.
01:06:24
Speaker
um But my why behind it is that I know it it helps my business. I know that I know my numbers. I know that it's going to leave. If something's wrong, I can catch it now. So Just because it doesn't have fluff with it doesn't mean it's not an important why. it doesn't mean that it needs to not be done. And I think people get that mistaken. It's fulfillment, purpose, all these things are always like this elated feeling all the time.
01:06:55
Speaker
It's not, but it's what it leads to that gives us that excitement and that elated feeling. Yes. It makes me think of like, you know, when you're like driving up a mountain pass or something, trying to get to like this mountain lake and the road be really rough sometimes, even about rocks and boulders. And then it's like beautiful. And then you're like over near the cliff. And so it kind of like it's it's the destination, you know, but even though it's not a destination, it's the it's the journey. Sure. Sure. Right. But it's, it's not always going to be roses and butterflies, but I do think that there's been a little bit I don't even want to call it like toxic positivity around it, but maybe a little bit like, Oh, you've got got your purpose and you know, your why, so you should be good.
01:07:46
Speaker
But I love this conversation of, you know, it's not always great. And we have, The reality is growth is doesn't feel good. Like if we are completely honest, when we're in a growing cycle, it's probably one of our worst feelings in time because it's painful. it feels and uncomfortable is what leads to growth, right?
01:08:16
Speaker
And people mistake uncomfortable for like, this isn't what I should be doing or like, this is too hard or, you know, any of those things. When when I coach women and and they start putting together standards and boundaries and and challenging belief systems, you think the people around them are like, this is so great for me. I'm so glad you put a boundary on. like for you. No, that is not how it goes. They come up against resistance. They come up against um maybe even some relationships that that don't stay the same.
01:08:54
Speaker
Does that feel great? No, but their why and their purpose is going to lead to a healthier relationship with other people, a healthier relationship with themselves.
01:09:05
Speaker
And so that growth that process of letting go of proving and going back to just owning
01:09:16
Speaker
it I'm you know sorry, spoiler alert. It it doesn't it's not a like woohoo, let's have a party moment. it That's the work.
01:09:26
Speaker
That's why they call it work. That's why they call it practice because you you don't always do it well. You have to keep going back to it and trying it again and trying it again. And and I love that word practice. I'm practicing boundaries. I'm practicing standards. I'm practicing whatever because it is. It's it's never done.
01:09:48
Speaker
yeah It kind of takes the pressure off it too, especially when you view it as practicing, you're like, oh okay, well, I am just practicing. So there's no pressure to, and again, it goes back to that performance piece.
01:10:00
Speaker
That's like, it just dissipates that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's where like going back to business in all of this is that's why it's hard when we start to put in standards for our clients and we're no longer going to, um you know, be okay with certain behaviors of clients or we're going to put certain work hours in and say, I'm done at this time. No, I'm so i'm so sorry. i'm no longer taking clients at this time.
01:10:32
Speaker
That, you know, I don't know about you, but I haven't had clients go, oh, that's so great. I'm so happy. like Like, you know, they can make you feel bad or want to make you feel bad because, but that's the growth. That is when you recognize that you don't need them to like you in a sense of like, or I shouldn't say like you, but like what you're doing and they have the choice to, you know, continue service with you or not.
01:10:59
Speaker
It has nothing to do with you.
01:11:03
Speaker
Well, and I think that that's the power is, so let's talk about, um so we keep talking about worth and not outsourcing your worth. and that's so important. What are some things that women can do? Like when they're in your program, when you're working with women, how does somebody start that process of coming to the realization of their own worth and, know,
01:11:30
Speaker
practicing those things and making that inner world juicy and good and loving? What, what do you coach them through? So I do coach them through It it is a layered system. So we start with your best day ever. We really need to know where we're going um and what we want. It's not your best fantasy day ever. It's your best day ever. So everything has an association. So if you're in a big grand house, you need to know why, how you got there, like what money are you making to get there? um So I start with that because we are really kind of programmed to look at what we don't want instead of what we want. And when we do that, we limit our our growth because we're just trying to play defense instead of offense. And my son played football for years, so I always think about, and he was on the line. so always think about, you know, in football, they're always trying to find that that opening, you know, that gap. Yeah. That's what we have to do is we have to find how to get to the next level. But when we are only looking at what we don't want, all you're doing is then you're just blocking. You're blocking things for the day and there's no growth.
01:12:36
Speaker
And so um we go through that process. We talk about standards. um I don't love the word boundaries because I feel like boundaries have become a a way to be a bully to people. um Standards are something that you personally,
01:12:51
Speaker
implement in your life and other people don't even have to know that you have them. It's the way that you choose to live your life and what you choose to do. um And so we talk about that um and all of these things start to recognize that you are valuable enough to have these things.
01:13:10
Speaker
um But one of my favorite parts of coaching in this program is equal value. And I feel like we have become a society sometimes that if I make myself valuable, then I have to devalue your value.
01:13:29
Speaker
And i can have my opinion, but you can't have yours. I can, you know, be loud, but you can't be loud. That is an unequal balance. So there's there's two things that happen. We become people pleasers.
01:13:44
Speaker
So then that we elevate somebody else's value. or we become bullies and we elevate our value. So what the goal is, is to have equal value.
01:13:56
Speaker
That you're just as important as I am. I'm not more important or less important than you. That's where true worth comes in. That's where true value comes in. Because my value isn't at the cost of yours or at the cost of mine.
01:14:13
Speaker
It's equally there. And so in going through this process of knowing your best day putting in standards, having being able to have hard conversations, challenging your belief systems that you were given um so that you know confidently, I choose to do this because I choose to do this. um It becomes that thing that now I don't have to get you to agree with me or not agree with me.
01:14:42
Speaker
i get to just live my life unapologetically because it's my life. And that has no reflection on your life because when I give myself permission to live my life unapologetically, I'm giving you permission to live your life unapologetically. And it does not look the same as mine.
01:15:01
Speaker
It shouldn't. It shouldn't. And that's where true worth and true value come in. Part of my passion in coming to kind of start coaching about this is because when I was looking, because of my belief and because of my faith, I don't want to be a bully.
01:15:20
Speaker
You know, people would say, no is a one sentence thing. It is. But I'm not a one sentence girl or one word girl. I want to say no with kindness and love and grace.
01:15:34
Speaker
I don't want to just say now Right. And so I feel like a lot of this came from the fact that I understood what people were trying to help women do in gaining back their power.
01:15:49
Speaker
But I felt like it came at the cost of somebody else.
01:15:56
Speaker
So why can't we gain our power, but also invite you to gain yours? and And that's where, like, that's why boundary I always say you're a boundary. Like, I feel like boundaries have become a boundary bully. Like, people are like, that's my boundary. Like, you know, and you have to live in my boundary. No, I don't. I get to choose whatever the heck I want. I don't have to. And so now you have to become the boundary police. Now you're more, you know, now your life's more complicated because now you're trying to implement all of these boundaries around everybody. And you're like, you know, the police.
01:16:31
Speaker
Opposed to saying, know, Thank you so much, but I'm going choose to walk away from this conversation because I don't have conversations like this.
01:16:42
Speaker
like Bye. You can still yell. like You have that right. You can do whatever you want, but I choose not to. And it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with my worth and my value.
01:16:53
Speaker
And that's where I think, I don't know. I just think that's that's my passion is to be able... we can be powerful and we can be, you know, all those things and still be kind and still uplift and still have grace and still encourage. Like, that's why I'm so passionate about women finding their voice without using it to be bully or to be unkind.
01:17:26
Speaker
You don't have to. And I felt like for a long time, that was the message we were hearing is if you got your voice, it was a weapon. here Instead of a gift that you get to share with people, you get to help encourage people and uplift people.
01:17:48
Speaker
So love beautiful, beautiful practice and way of life and just perspective and mindset. and just at that invitation of owning yourself.
01:18:03
Speaker
And then i love how you say, just inviting others to do the same. And then through what you do, Marlena, you're actually showing them how to do that too. Just so freaking powerful.
01:18:14
Speaker
Makes me emotional. Yes, it is. And it makes me think of the let them theory, which is kind of what you're saying. You're like, I don't have to own your responses. Like that is yours and more power to you own that. But I'm going to own me and my reactions because that's all that I can control. And um so what is your take on this is so random, but what's your take on the let them theory? It's essentially what you're saying, but I would love to just hear a little bit about your thoughts.
01:18:41
Speaker
Yes. And, and, you know, i always think, cause first started reading that book, i was like, i don't like this book. I haven't read it. And then I got to the part where she said, and this is where I think people are forgetting the other part is let them and let me, that's her second part. And people always just talk about let them, that they don't talk about the let me.
01:19:04
Speaker
Right. And I think that's where, again, selective hearing, you know, it's like, I get to have boundaries, but you don't get to have boundaries. Yeah. You know, i get to use my voice, but you don't get to use your voice. You know, like, I feel like we've become this kind of thing. So I do love the let me theory. I read it. I really loved her book.
01:19:29
Speaker
Again, i think for me and my the difference for me, and it's not that she's not putting it in there, but I want to do things with kindness and grace.
01:19:42
Speaker
And because that's who I am. i you know, this is where my sass comes in, is when I was younger, before I practiced these things, people would say, you can tell somebody where to go and do it with a smile. And they'd be like, okay, bye. the then later they'd be like, oh, I think she just told me off. like yeah but That was a gift I had back then. i don't use that gift anymore, but I use it for good. um But that has always been me, is to be able to...
01:20:16
Speaker
why do you want to make people feel bad. i just, i I, it's just who I am. i feel like I just love people too much. I just, I want them to do well. I want them to love life. And again, going back to the fact, my son lived for five days and I feel like he, it was 22 years ago and he still influences my life. And I know because of his story, it influences other people's lives.
01:20:44
Speaker
In five days, if somebody that doesn't even talk, do anything, can have that kind of influence in this world, how can we not try to have influence in a positive way?
01:20:58
Speaker
like how There are so many people, and as you get older, you have more and more people, and Jess, I know this gets really close to you. We have those people that didn't get the opportunity to do the things that we get to do today.
01:21:17
Speaker
When they say each day is a gift, I literally take that as, and I don't do it perfect. Don't get me wrong. when I still have my days, but they are, it's a gift. It's a gift for me. It's a gift for you. Like,
01:21:30
Speaker
You know, i don't want to sound like let's just go around the fire and sing like, you know, Kumbaya songs because life is real and wo we will all have struggles and we will all have trials.
01:21:42
Speaker
But if we know who we are when those those come in. it takes so I would say it's like when a hurricane comes in and your house is already a mess, it's really hard to put it back together.
01:21:57
Speaker
But if your house is in order and a hurricane comes in, it's a lot easier to put your house back together. And so if you know who you are, if you know what you believe, you know your value, your worth, when challenges hit you, it's not gonna it's not going to knock you over forever.
01:22:18
Speaker
You'll be able to put that house back together piece by piece because you know where those pieces go. But if you didn't have a place for them, It's just, it's a hard journey back.
01:22:31
Speaker
Sorry. I love that. No, it's so true. It's so everything you say is just said with so much power and so much love. And it just, it lands. I know it's going to land with our listener. Like literally everything that you've said is just so incredibly beautiful. yeah.
01:22:52
Speaker
Let's get into just a little bit of integration before we start to wrap up What are just some first steps that someone could take if they do feel stuck in the cycle of proving?
01:23:05
Speaker
I, so first and foremost, one of the biggest things that people can do, and it's free, it's totally free. It's just to practice gratitude daily. Agreed. um, when people ask me like, what should I do? I'm like,
01:23:19
Speaker
I have them do a journal um and we we put gratitude and one celebration of self every day. um I believe that those two things start to help you look within instead of other places.
01:23:38
Speaker
um I've read a lot of books and did a lot of studying on gratitude and gratitude is it actually changes our chemical body. It can rewire our brain. It can help us um get out of depression. it can help us it where gratitude hits.
01:23:56
Speaker
is a different part of the brain um than where depression and that in instability live. So the more that we practice gratitude, it literally creates the muscle in our brain that helps with stability and rationale. so And it also will help with our stress levels. Everybody's always like, I'm so stressed, I'm so stressed, I'm so stressed. Go take five minutes and be grateful.
01:24:24
Speaker
And your body will naturally, those levels will go down. that You don't need a pill. You don't need anything. You can just do gratitude. I love celebration because, um ce and I always say celebrating self. It's one thing that you did that for the day, whether it's even i faced today and it was really hard.
01:24:44
Speaker
That is a celebration because some days are hard to face. And um again, it goes back to rewiring the brain. When we are presented with um a challenge, we either lean towards it or we go away from it physically like we do. It's fear or it's I can do this. The more that we celebrate self, the more that we will automatically subconsciously face challenges um in a way that we already confidently can
01:25:15
Speaker
can get through them. If we, when we are not celebrating ourselves and we, that is brain proof that we can do things hard and that we can accomplish things. So I love those two things.
01:25:26
Speaker
that um The other thing is i I always say this, get an accountability partner.
01:25:33
Speaker
this we're not meant to do this by ourselves. We just aren't. you Find somebody that is on the same growth path as you. They don't have to be in the same industry. They don't have to you know have the same values or like well values, but like beliefs in that sense um and meet once a week. And i when I meet with my accountability partners, we do four things. We do gratitude, celebration,
01:25:58
Speaker
our struggle, because it's very important to share what we're struggling with, because how do we get past it if we don't share it? And then our goal for the week. And I always love the struggle because somebody can see insight that maybe you can't. And all of a sudden you get off that phone and that struggle doesn't seem so hard after all.
01:26:16
Speaker
So that all of these things become about stepping inside. You know, i'm I'm searching for a word that isn't um where you have to be selfish before you can be selfless, and because I feel like when people associate selfish, it's just this not such great word.
01:26:33
Speaker
But you have to become tune with self yeah before you can really give up yourself. And that's what all these things do.
01:26:45
Speaker
Yes, it's so true. So yeah. So, um so those are my, my biggest three things and they don't, they don't cost money. They don't really cost you a lot of time that you can start going from proving to owning your worth um because you will automatically start to change the way you see things. Yeah.
01:27:08
Speaker
you will start automatically. it It's a basis. And then after that, once you get to it, there's books. if you The difference between a coach and a therapist is a therapist, because I'm in the auto industry, I would say this, a therapist fixes an engine. If there's something wrong with your engine and it's broken, you need to go see a therapist or a counselor.
01:27:30
Speaker
If you want to see how to perform your engine at the the height of what it can do and learn all the tricks and the trades of your business, mechanics, go see a coach.
01:27:41
Speaker
Those are the differences. love that And so, um that's, that's what we do as coaching is we, we help you to elevate that. Um, so find a coach, find a program.
01:27:55
Speaker
i think I did one program before I did Jess's. And from that point on, I've always been in a program. I will always, my husband, I talked and I will always invest in my growth And in whether it's spiritual, whether it's speaking, whether it's coaching, whether it's whatever it is, um I will never not invest in my growth.
01:28:19
Speaker
and And they're all all different price points. yeah So if you want it, you can find it. Yes. Yes, absolutely. so here's just now on a personal level, what does rising mean to you right now in this season of your life?
01:28:38
Speaker
So it actually means pausing for me. I know, i know. So i am, um I'm a hit the ground, you know, if it knows me, I just go, I go 110 miles an hour. And i loved your guest. it was a Brie, I think bria Brie, a couple weeks ago, um i tuned into that.
Spiritual Guidance and Recommended Reads
01:29:04
Speaker
And um I feel God working in my heart really a lot. And I almost feel a little bit of a pivot in what I want to share. And I'm finding,
01:29:16
Speaker
I just need to pause and I need to listen. And that is part of um what I've learned to do over the years and what I coach is we already know, it's already within us. We just have to pause long enough to listen and trust it.
01:29:34
Speaker
And so right now is my pause. i'm Rising is meaning that I'm going to let go of a lot of the ideas that I think I'm supposed to do
01:29:49
Speaker
and just be still for a minute. And i doesn't mean I'm not going to do things. it just means I'm not doing them with an expectation. Yes.
01:30:02
Speaker
Yes.
01:30:05
Speaker
What top book recommendations? If you could have like two or three book recommendations that you could share. So one of my favorites is Worthy.
01:30:19
Speaker
by and Jamie Kern Lima. And for some of you may know, she is the IT Cosmetics founder. I've actually got to see her twice in person speak and she is amazing and and her book is worthy. ah And i just love, we could have a whole nother segment about your knowing and honoring your knowing and those kinds of things.
01:30:47
Speaker
But I love, she speaks my language. We're BFFs. She just doesn't know it yet. ah um But yes, I love, love her book.
01:30:58
Speaker
um Another one that is really good and, you know, I'm reluctant to share it, but I just feel like I should, is that it's called, um believe it's called i Am the Mountain or You Are the Mountain, something like that.
01:31:11
Speaker
And it's about self-sabotaging. Yes, I do know what you're talking about. We'll we'll make sure it's right. And we're going put these in the show notes. Yes. And- I loved that book because it allowed me to have grace for some of the things that maybe I wasn't getting right.
01:31:32
Speaker
And it helped me understand. And I think that's, again, going back to when you start to really go deep into why am I a people pleaser? Why aren't I able to do boundaries? Things like that. Instead of just saying, go do boundaries.
01:31:47
Speaker
you know If it was that easy, everybody would do it, right? Stop people pleasing. Okay, I got that handled now. And then that's not a problem. But when you know what's causing it, then we can change it. Or when you start to change the mindset,
01:32:05
Speaker
of it. You have to just go deeper than the issue is basically it. And so that's why I think I really loved that book because I've heard from people like, am I ever going to get better? Like, am I ever going to change these, these things that I want to change?
01:32:22
Speaker
And my heart always goes out to them because I'm like, yes, yes. But you have to give yourself grace before you can do it. If it was all about willpower you know, I think all of us would be doing these, all these crazy things. It's not about willpower will only get you so far.
01:32:46
Speaker
It's, it's not about willpower. It's about awareness and, and re reframing. Very powerful points.
01:32:57
Speaker
Very powerful points. Thank you for sharing those.
Resources and Community Support
01:33:00
Speaker
I believe the book is the mountain is you. Is that right? tough Yep. Yep. Yes. So I'll link both of those in the show notes, actually. i'm Marlena, tell us number one, tell us where everybody can find you, but then also share some things that you have going on. going on what so um So you can find me on Instagram at Marlena Evenson Coaching.
01:33:25
Speaker
ah That's where I post most of my stuff. You can also find me at Marlene Evenson dot com. And um that there's links to everything from you know speaking to group coaching to my community.
01:33:40
Speaker
um What I have going on right now is I'm i'm constantly doing classes and courses. um So at any given time, if you want to go onto my website, it will tell you when my next program is launching, the start dates.
01:33:55
Speaker
um And I also do power coaching and I do one-on-one coaching. So that's all where you can find that information. I'm really excited because in this pause of this last week, um I have launched a book. It's called Still Here, Still Worthy. It's a reflective journey to confidence and clarity. So it's a 35-day reflection of meeting her, which is reconnecting to you, um and then coming to a place of recognizing that you didn't lose her. She was always there. You just needed to
01:34:33
Speaker
to reconnect. And so I've put bonus challenges in there to help us really kind of find that grounding in that setting. um And you can find that on Amazon. So I'm really excited about it. And, and that's, that's pretty much going, that's going on.
01:34:52
Speaker
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for Everything, just being you and everything that you shared today and your journey, your authenticity, your Oh my goodness. That was a very powerful episode. I really cannot wait for our listener to hear this and take this in and to connect with you. And there is probably just a million different directions we could go and conversations that we could have and collaborations even that we could do together because you definitely speak our language and are extremely valuable to our community. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being here and sharing yourself with us.
01:35:32
Speaker
I just want to say thank you ladies, because i I do know behind the scenes, it's not easy to get your schedules together and put this work in And i love that you're talking beyond business.
01:35:48
Speaker
Yes. Because, and you know, ah business is a by-product of our passion and our growth and our calling. And so to to bring what you bring to this community of not just estheticians, but just women in general. And to see your guys' relationship even where you can see two women fully like embracing and supporting one another. It's nice to see it. It really, I mean, there's so many shows on that, you know, especially here in Utah.
01:36:27
Speaker
are um are are not that to be able to actually see this is it's a blessing and and I'm just i'm so I'm so grateful that I got to meet you so many years ago because I feel like you've just been such a an inspiration to me so i I'm just I'm really just full of gratitude thank you it is such a fun full circle experience having you on and for doing this together. We met all those years ago and I was just doing a presentation. You're getting your master's, you know, license and going to school. And now we've both kind of turned the tables. Well, you know, what is so important too is that I think,
01:37:10
Speaker
being able to reach back now and help other women is just so powerful when you have had these experiences and you've had the success and you know that you can help other people. It's just so important that you do that. And so it's, it's literally such a cool full circle, like honor to now share this like similar space with you is it's super cool. I'm so grateful.
01:37:34
Speaker
Well, anytime ladies need anything, i' am here and I am definitely cheering you guys on in all your endeavors too. Oh my goodness. Same to you. Thank you so much.
01:37:45
Speaker
Thank you so much. Tiff, is there anything you want to say before we wrap up? No, I'm just so excited to buy your book and continue to learn from you. And I am so grateful to meet you and for all of the just wonderful wisdom that you shared here today. i just, I feel like I'm leaving this conversation a little bit different with a little bit different mindset too. And so I'm just so, so grateful for you. I'm grateful to know you.
01:38:09
Speaker
thank you. Thank you. Wonderful. Well, we're wishing you the best and connect with you soon. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you to our listener. Have pretty dreams, everybody, and we'll see you in the next episode.
01:38:22
Speaker
Bye. Bye.