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Ep 93: Super Mario Bros (1993) w Brandon
76 Plays3 months ago
Our friend Brandon from Music Box joined us to discuss this wonderful travesty, which is one of the movies that inspired Derrick to start Bad Movies Worse People back in 2022! It's bizarre, cheesy, completely unrelated to the source material and we kinda love it. The late great Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper star in this one alongside John Leguizamo and Samantha Mathis with Fisher Stevens (not doing brownface this time). Dinosaurs still exist in an alternate dimension created by a crashing meteor and they have evolved into people, people trying to get back to our dimension! The only thing that can stop them is, apparently, a pair of plumbers from Brooklyn.
Find Brandon DJing at Music Box Lounge for Unhappy Hour every Wednesday or follow him at @brgr_time
Check out our $3 Patreon at patreon.com/worsepeople
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back, everybody. This week, we're discussing Super Mario Brothers from 1993. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. It's the me, Brandon. And this is Bad Movies. Worst People. Super Fly to the Max. Super Fly to the Max.
00:00:44
Speaker
That's part of the way you know it's a 90s movie because you have a line that says we are super fly to the max. Wait, isn't it say we are mad fly to the max? Mad fly, super fly? Dude, it's something 90s. It's to the max, so it's extreme. Oh yeah, it's extreme. Just like this movie. Like sports. Extreme. put an ex on like Extreme nachos, remember those? I didn't know what they did. There was just more nacho.
00:01:11
Speaker
More cheese, less chips. Am I making it up that there was an extreme Dorito? I don't know. Yes, I do. Were those the ones that were like super crunchy or they have 3D ones? No, those are called Doritos 3D. I was too lame for the extreme ones. Those were the ones that Daisy Fuentes was hawking, right? I believe so. Because they had the cutouts of her circle K and stuff. She's like, buy 3D Doritos. And I'm like, well, why aren't you 3D? Pretend this Doritos is my ass and you can eat it. That sold a bunch of Doritos. You know what's the 90s episode? We're talking about Daisy Fuente. Period appropriate crushes.
Dennis Hopper's Role and Production Challenges
00:01:45
Speaker
As I said at the top, we're talking about Super Mario Brothers from 1993. We have a guest with us. Mr. Brandon. Golf clap for Brandon.
00:01:56
Speaker
Well, thank you. Welcome. It's our first time in our house, too. When I asked when I asked him if he wanted to be on studio studio, it was a very, very good response. I said, absolutely. Yes, on this. I have. Oh, absolutely. That's what I said. Yeah. um Very happy. Yeah. I was very excited to ah make my first visit to your home an episode with you guys. We had to get the right one. the outstanding Oscar award-winning. Depending if you ate mushrooms or not. Super Mario Brothers. The Giuseppe Award-winning. yeah The Giuseppe. Oh, that's what it was. That was the award. What happened to the Giuseppe? Because Derek got too busy and neither you or I did anything with it. I mean, you're not wrong there. One of these days we'll have a Giuseppe Awards. And this movie will be at the forefront.
00:02:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah. The award might be John Leguizamo with Bob Hoskins on his shoes. So um what what beer are we drinking? Are are we drinking? Are we drinking Heineken's? No, God. No, no, no. We got PBR. Fuck no. PBR. I feel like that's what Hoskin's. Yeah. Were they drinking Heineken's? I wasn't paying that close attention. I don't think they were drinking. I was just referencing Blue Velvet. Oh, okay. Because because of the incomparable Dennis Hopper. because The main reason in this movie is, well, between him and Bob Hoskins. It's a lot of things going into it, but nobody's replacing Dennis Hopper. The scene that that we all watched with him in the mud just talking about how, you know what I love about mud, it's dirty and clean at the same time, and he is saying it's so terrifyingly sex-driven, it is insane.
00:03:34
Speaker
And you know, you know, girls can't for Dennis Hopper. ah So let me say first things. This is one of the reasons this movie is one of the reasons I wanted to start this podcast. Yeah, i I'm with you on that. There's a handful of movies that I heard other movie podcasts discuss and hate. And I was like, well, you're wrong. Yeah. So I'm going to start my own blackjack and hookers. And this was one of those. The others were hackers. ah There's hackers. o so There was. a I don't remember now, but they were important. ah Hard target. No, everybody loves hard target. Everybody does. I don't know. Oh, they should. Guarantee, my dad loves hard target. He should. Guarantee. It's got fucking JCPD in a mullet with a Cajun accent. Looking for someone's daddy. It's great. But Dennis Hopper is one of the reasons this movie is great, as we were discussing. And to prepare for this this viewing, because this will now be my sixth time watching this in the last two years. Brag. Because we we recorded this previously. There were some issue some technical difficulties. So here we are again. But now we have a guest with us. But you know, we loved it because normally I'd fight you on it. Like, I don't want to watch this fucking movie again.
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah, we're watching something like, hey, do we we have to rerecord ah Remo Williams? I just know that's a dead episode. I just have to flash back to when we were having technical difficulties on a voyage voyage of the rock aliens and i recorded a whole hour before we realized it was more like a half hour. This is an entire episode. Hey, let me tell you it's a good half hour. It was a great half hour. And I'm not mad about redoing this one like I was that... Not at all. Exactly. That's what I was pointing out. Yeah. i To prepare for this viewing, last night I decided to watch a Dennis Hopper movie I'd never seen. It's from the 80s, I don't remember the year, or in the 70s. It's called Mad Dog Morgan. It's an Australian movie because I love those. What isn't he in? And he is doing an Irish accent in this Australian Western.
00:05:34
Speaker
ah okay i think a fucking help back there you know and i was under maybe a dingo with you baby Well, and I guess it didn't take place like before Australia was Australia So like even Australian actors were trying to do British accents. They weren't trying to do Australian accent makes sense makes sense, but ah I guess he was fucking hammered that whole
Plot and Production Design
00:05:54
Speaker
time and that's right into this because he was hammered this whole time too and The whole cast was hammered this whole time. I don't think Johnny Lakes was hammered. No, he dropped this little nugget on me earlier. They were absolutely hammered. Really? Bob Hoskins talks a lot in this about how they hated this movie. Right. The entire cast hated it.
00:06:14
Speaker
But they did their job. We'll get to Dennis Hopper and his trash talk here momentarily. But Bob Hoskins talks about how he was injured multiple times making this movie. He had broken his hand or a finger. So he's wearing a cast during part of the movie. He was electrocuted. He was stabbed multiple times. What is he chasing? That was the first interview I'd heard and was like, wow, that's a... That's a, that's a, tell me. But then I had read John Liguizamo saying that they all knew it was going to be a terrible movie. So they just made the best of a bad situation and got blitzed the entire time. So I mean, maybe put two and two together. It's probably what caused the accident. It would make sense they knew it was bad because they were getting new pages like rewrites every single day.
00:07:04
Speaker
That was one of the things I read Dennis Hopper was mad about. He'd said he'd like memorize his lines. He'd show up and they'd be like, yeah, we're doing these pages instead. Like the whole script has been rewritten. What's part of the special edition box set that I have that's heavier than a toddler flexing? Yeah. Oh, it's the Trust the Fungus set from Umbrella Entertainment, guys, just so you know. It's impressive. um Yeah, it's impressive. It has a book that is included with it called Super Mario Brothers, the scripts. And this book alone is I mean, it's a small book because it fits in a DVD or a Blu-ray sized case. But I mean, it's it's an inch and a half thick and it's just all the copies of the scripts. Yeah, damn. Now, it's a husband and wife so wife team. Yes, it's a husband and wife team that directed it. ah Annabelle, Jankle and Rocky Morton. And they hated each other.
00:07:52
Speaker
Rocky Morton, didn't he box in the 20s or something? And Rocky Morton, he's knocking down that fella he gave him a wallop in. Punched him right in the kisser. I wasn't done announcing yet, but he's knocked down and he's not getting back up. This is brought to you by Filterless Lucky Strikes. Carry on um with the show. And camel cigarettes. Somebody call Rocky Morton's mama. He's dead. Oh, no, it's okay. I saw Jim Duggan with a steel chair. You gotta get in there, Rock. But they created. He wants to go on. Max Headroom together. OK, that's fucking awesome. So that's the thing. Max Headroom. Max Headroom. Actor. Last time we recorded this, we talked about this and you didn't know what we explained. I smoked so much weed, it affected her. Yep. Remember, I push information out to make room for new information. It's the Kelly Bunny effect.
00:08:42
Speaker
Yes. It's the MTV thing with the guy who was like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that guy. And he was acted by... Oh, fuck the... ah You know him. I love him. You love him. He's the neighbor in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, but he also is the Australian guy in Eureka. Yes, I do know who that is. I don't know his name. Yes, that guy. Yeah, he's Max Headroom. The fake guy, the guy that's not from Jurassic Park because he's in Eureka, but he's the same character. ah Eureka's Muldoon. Is that like Chernobyl's chainsaw? Edison Carter? That's Max Headroom's other name. Like the actor or... No, that's his... Oh, okay. okay we're like We don't have enough time to talk to Max Headroom again.
00:09:26
Speaker
Yes, Matt Fruer, thank you. um But Dennis Hopper's shit talk about this is incredible. it It extends not only to him, but his son, because there was a thing I read where he was on on some show doing an interview. What's his son's name? He doesn't say here. I didn't look it up. It's a weird name. He doesn't say here Hopper. You know, I don't know his name Hopper. I'm just going to name my kid. He doesn't say here, man. It's gonna be far fucking out But he was explaining why he did the film to his son his son was six at the time and At the time of the interview he was 18, but he said dad I think you're probably a pretty good actor But why'd you do play that terrible King Koopa in Super Mario Brothers?
00:10:10
Speaker
And Dennis Hopper responded, well, Henry, so there it is, Henry, I did it so you can have shoes. And his son said, Dad, I don't need shoes that bad. I don't know dude, because this is an amazing performance. I don't care if you like this movie and if you don't, you're wrong. But if you don't like this movie, it's not because of him. No, he's putting it all in there. No. Two of my favorites. I don't think it's because of any of the actors that are in the movie. like Maybe that's why we we love this movie so much because it's it's not a good adaptation of of Mario Brothers. It's the worst. By any means. You guys did a different Mario than I did because this is exactly like. Oh, yeah yeah I actually. I played the Koopa cousins. Barnage, gas mask, trash men are one of my favorite Mario Brothers characters. Oh, and my new band name.
00:10:56
Speaker
What did you say, the gas mass trash? Bondage, gas mass trash, man. like you Oh, we're thinking of different bands. I was on a straight cycle, Billy. You know, to tie into the movie. I was thinking like that's that's that's some that's some. Skinny puppy. There's some skinny. but Yeah, there we go. There we go. But apparently this was supposed to be a five week shoot and it took 17 weeks. And that's part of the reason that Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper both described it as a nightmare. Well, and also you're getting stabbed and electrified. Right? like how did But you're getting hammered every day. So, you know, weigh it out. He can be talking to any of us. That's true. Bob Hoskins actually said that I believe it's Bob. It's Bob Hoskins, Dennis Hopper. But I'm pretty sure it's Bob Hoskins said that the directors were two idiots or two morons whose ignorance or arrogance was confused for genius. Or I feel like that's a hopper thing. Like yeah everything I've ever read was that this movie could have been on a lot
00:12:05
Speaker
Better. Well, the person that said it have an English accent. Well, it was Bob Hoskins. Well, yeah. Did he say it in the English accent or did he say it in the Mario accent? I don't know. I was woken for the devil. We got to work. Every time you add another writer, your movie gets worse. Well, and you talked about those rewrites that you just mentioned. That's that's making your movie suffer already. There were at least 10 people who wrote on this. So I'm wondering if it was close to the game and then the rewrites just kept changing everything. Well, the original version was supposed to be like a fantasy, a fantasy action movie. Derek, she'll be some of like the for RoboCop was on discount and they said.
00:12:46
Speaker
Fuck it, let's get that. Well, they built this set because this takes place in Brooklyn, New York and fake at Dino Hatton, I think they call it. Yeah. ah But it was actually filmed in Wilmington. Well, it wouldn't be Manhattan. Wilmington, North Carolina. Did you see the movie? They made the Dino Churian candidate. Can't have Manchurian. Well, like that movie theater was playing. I was a teenage mammal. hu Somebody had fun with these puns, but not enough. But it was supposed to be a fantasy. You can tell they didn't get Kiker. It was supposed to be a fantasy script. There was like a yellow brick road, except for it was like a black and white checkered brick road, which still doesn't have... Well, I guess that's the end of those levels in Mario 3, right? Yeah. They're all black and white checkered at the end. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because it's the finish line. When you're doing the slots.
00:13:30
Speaker
Yeah. And we go gamble. Yeah. Koopa was supposed to be a big dragon dinosaur man. Like like he is like a dragon type of thing. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. ah And actually, originally it was supposed to be played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. And there's concept art of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Koopa. o I didn't see this. inriing he'll but You'll post it with the episode. I'll try to just melting around and get down. It's all. I'll get down. The princess is in another cousin and all the information in the book that I have, I will post some pictures, but all the information in the book I have came from a website of these dudes who are obsessed with this movie and they've been obsessed since like 2007 with convincing people it doesn't suck.
00:14:14
Speaker
They have a website called SMB
Lost Film and Cult Status Appreciation
00:14:16
Speaker
Archive or something like that. Oh, no, I don't know. This this this 500 page book that came with this thing is basically most of their website put into a book. The rest is ramblings of a madman. I mean, it's all rambling. The main problem with this movie is that. It's not a Super Mario Brothers movie. It's not. but But if they are going to do their own take on it, it would have been more cohesive with, let's say, eight less writers. you know like you and If you're going to do this dystopian Mario Brothers, no you know why they all use electricity? and like On the grid, no fossil fuels. The dinosaurs didn't die over there. Yeah, people's bones don't make fuel. Yeah.
00:14:54
Speaker
We got fo there's good thought put into the script. There is. move Well, it's one with script. That's the problem. I mean, there are there are the issue. There are three writers credited on this, but the SAG or the I guess the not the SAG because that's screen actors, but the Writers Guild the WGA rules are like the first and last people who wrote get credited. Oh, you've mentioned this before. Yeah. So is Parker Bennett and Terry Rontae, who didn't really write much else that I could recognize. But the the main guy who did like the final version of the script is this guy, Ed Solomon, who wrote a lot of cool shit like the Ed Solomon show. Ed Solomon. Oh, so close. ah He wrote like King Solomon. I was about to impersonation, but I'm not going to do it. He wrote all three of the Bill and Ted movies ah He wrote mom and dad saved the world. madam um Yeah, Charlie's Angels. Oh, no, so but Well, he got into the 2000s. It got bad Charlie's Angels now you see me now you see me too. He's got to work I liked now you see me you can like it all you want. I remember just like you like this all you want yeah that you have to like this one this is is relationship breaking
00:15:58
Speaker
we'll see how we will ah But, you know, so the guy wrote some stuff, especially in this era, Bill and Ted and whatnot. He could have done a time hopping fantasy. I mean, I love Bill and Ted 1 and 2. Those are so fucking fun. Did you ever see the third one? Yeah, I watched it. and It was fine. if that You did the perfect. It was fine. It's a movie. It's the most movie that's ever moved.
00:16:21
Speaker
um they added So the movie starts with this animated intro. Real quick, what's the name of the theug red the red dress wearing copulate, what they call her? Big Bertha. Big Bertha. Big Bertha is the one that spit the eggs. that was Bertha is the one that spits the eggs. Is it Bertha? No, it's Berto. Oh, Berto. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. That's going to break it up because that's the best noise in Mario Brothers. Well, right at the beginning when we have this actress that plays Daisy, whose name I definitely have here. She's a park ranger and broken arrow with Christian Slater and John Travolta. Samantha Mathis.
00:16:59
Speaker
Okay. Yes. She's in Broken Arrow. She was the main fairy there in Fern Gully. You know what this movie really needed to let you... I love that. Oh. Oh. To drive it home in its 90s. No, it's... Mow. Mow. Mow. Mow. Oh, and Wilson as Berto. Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, just one thing this movie was missing to really 90s it up. Howie Long. if they had Howie Long farting around this movie. Like, oh, I know exactly what your this is. He just plays. He just plays. He was a football player that tried his hand at acting. But yeah it would also be ah Terry Bradshaw. You could have also subbed in Terry Bradshaw. nine Not as much. Not as much. Howie Long was a reno henchman. A henchman in everything. We've got a Howie Long as Koopa's bodyguard in that cut scene, right? Where he drives up to pick up a Mario Brothers and take him to that sex party with Tom Hanks. We're talking henchmen. Let's go ahead and talk about Scapalli. Scapalli.
00:17:57
Speaker
scroll um and his weird vagina haircut okay okay so he's got a hockey mullet but at the back of that mullet folds into itself yeah to make a vagina they showed the back of his head and I kind of wanted to fuck it he's trying to do that greaser feathered ducktail thing. But it's so long that it does look like Labia. It looks like an upside down. It was an actor that said, I'm not cutting my hair for this. You're going to have to make this work. Exactly. He was like, I'm not cutting my mullet. I took a lot of time to grow this. This movie is not worth it. Look, I'm in two scenes. You turn me into a monkey. I'm not cutting my hair. I'm also going to be a creep.
00:18:37
Speaker
Just so you know, more importantly, he is the creepiest creep that's ever creeped that has ever creeped. I'm like I was getting Weinstein vibes. This man has ah definitely done some terrible things in Hollywood. So he's played by a guy named Johnny Russo, who was in the first two Godfather movies. Carlo Rizzi, someone remind me who that is. Is that the that's not the boyfriend, is it? Like, is the shit kicked out of him? I don't think so. But see, now I was like, I thought he looked kind of familiar. It could be, actually, but I don't know. I think it actually is. He was in previous episode, Laser Blast, which was one of the first ones where it was just me and Patrick. If you want to listen to that, go get our Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people. Oh, is it off? It's in our archive on there. Yeah. It's only $3 a month, guys. It might should be in the archive. Dude, you can't even get a cup of coffee for less than $3. He's also in the movie Stay Tuned.
00:19:29
Speaker
Oh, which we will. So, yeah. Which we will. That's with Ritter. What a fantastic movie. Ritter, Jeffrey Jones, sadly. I believe you have a Eugene Levy just gracing us with his presence and his eyebrows. It's been a very long time since I've seen it. That movie's phenomenal. Yeah, it's phenomenal. Maybe we'll have you back for that. I do want to tell a fun story about this movie. So I went and saw this movie at the loft cinema here locally in Tucson, Arizona. That's our our only art house theater. I played Super Mario Brothers. That's what I said. He started it with the way you did that last time.
00:20:04
Speaker
because I'm actually listening now who's forgetting. No, I did it intentionally. I am. But I watched it. I watched it there and they were doing they played it on a 35 millimeter print. And apparently it's the last 35 millimeter print in existence, which must be the one that this was sourced from then before they upgraded it. But ah the guy there whose name escapes me right now, he's a really cool dude. That's like their programmer. And he does like introductions when they're doing one time showing type movies. He told a story about trying to get this movie. David? No. that's the guy oh but This is super hard. like This is technically a Disney movie? Yeah, so it belongs to Disney. It was in their vaults. He calls the people at Disney that you call for bookings. And they're like, we don't have that movie. It doesn't exist. And he's like, it does exist. I've seen it. And I know you have it, because he knew somebody who worked there or something.
00:20:53
Speaker
He's like, I know you have it. Like i I've been told that you have it. I'd like to see it. They're like, yeah, we don't have it. Doesn't exist. So he goes around and around and around. Finally, someone actually goes in. That Star Wars she really went to their head, huh? No, it does not exist. This is not the movie you're looking looking for. Oh, you wanted Ewoks, did you? But anyway, you do not like this movie. But he goes, so somebody goes in there and finds it. Apparently it just wasn't like in their records. Like they do they like someone threw it in the vault and was like, it's fine. It's being guarded by top men. So it was like the hardest thing to find, but he found it. And then after they played it at the loft, I started seeing, ah like from other podcasts that I follow who are in other parts of the country, like this one called Movie Dumpster there in Pennsylvania, they were showing the 35 millimeter print a few months later. So once it got found, all of a sudden Disney was like, wait, people are gonna pay us? its It's a fucking Eagle reunion tour. We're gonna hit the whole country and make some more money. It's what 32 years old came out in 82 93 so however many years that is but thirty We were discussing this before we started recording that like some of these movies have this reputation of like man terrible movie Oh, yeah, why would you ever watch it and then you watch it and you go? Oh bad of a movie. oh yeah Like, it's actually kind of a good movie. well This movie, I think, spawned my love for terrible movies. It's the reason I have two shelves of mostly terrible movies over there, because... Are these the only good ones on this shelf? Mostly. Those are mostly good. Those are mostly terrible. Depends on your definition of good. Enjoyable. These are all good. ah That's why I own them. I have value. Any movie with at least...
00:22:34
Speaker
Three chase scenes is a good movie. Yeah, and I need one of those chasing car chase in this movie about plumbers You know what this movie didn't have for Derek is a dummy. now No, no, no We'll get up. We'll get there. Actually, I don't know that old lady falling into that car that was a stunt and i was definitely a stu person with a Yeah, I kept my eye on it the whole time twenty two excuse me Bob Hoskins was the man jumping around, climbing on goes that equipment the entire time. Johnny Legs is in this movie though. Johnny Legs? Yeah, so he's a dummy. Yeah, it's true. Johnny Legs. John Leguizamo. I like to call him Johnny Legs. Johnny Legs. um He's a pest. But I saw this movie in theaters when I was a child.
00:23:15
Speaker
And I remember watching it. That's one of the few things I remember of my childhood. I remember watching this movie and thinking, well, this doesn't have anything to do with Super Mario Brothers, but also when it came out on VHS, whatever, being like, I need to own this movie. I want to watch it again and again. So I think it spawned in me that love of like, well, this movie sucks, but it's also a lot of fun. It's just one that your parents were like, OK, you boys watch this. We're going to go watch this. I don't remember. I just know I saw it in theaters. This movie broke a lot of people's hearts is what happened because it wasn't Mario Brothers. Yeah, that's why and no one looked past that and said like it's actually a fun kind of take on it with actors acting and it's enjoyable. And everyone's like, no, no, it's dead to me. I'll never watch it again. And then of course, it never hit streaming anywhere. No, it would have it would have a much bigger resurgence if this wasn't so hard to find. Yeah, I know. Until Umbrella released a Blu-ray like last year, I think, before they did the 4K and I had to upgrade again. The only way you have finally had to the only way you could find it was on DVD. And it was one of those very early DVDs where like when you open the case, the disk is just shiny and it's got black printing on it that just says Super Mario Brothers. Oh, I know exactly.
00:24:23
Speaker
No thought was put into that. Yeah. The artwork, I could still picture the artwork in my head of them in front of the big steel M with the wrenches and the pipes.
Commercial Failure and Casting Speculations
00:24:34
Speaker
And you're looking at it as a kid, you were like, what the fuck is this? But I'm going to go see it. I never saw this in theaters. I was never directed towards me. Yeah, maybe you could have saved it. This is made for seven or eight year old boys. I was a 12 year old girl. I was not going to see the supermarket. Do you have numbers on this box office or anything? Yeah. So we all know at this point, especially after doing our mental health month, the box office numbers are not an indicator of good movies. Not at all. Especially what we call. I mean, this one's more successful than some of those movies we did for Mental Health Month. Go on. Oh, damn. It cost $48 million to make. Wow. Wow. Which was way over budget. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, 16 weeks, dude. Way over budget. I thought it was 17. And then it made $21 million. Wow. Wow.
00:25:22
Speaker
So yeah, that's less than half the budget which doesn't the budget doesn't include marketing and stuff and there was definitely And this was this is probably one that had collectors cups McDonald's it had all that shit. I remember all that I definitely remember Bob Hoskins action figure out there. I don't own and i i don't think this movie had Action figures should should have action figure set up if that exists I'm gonna spend a lot when we're done here I might be going on eBay and looking up collectors cups and Now, only if they're the black or the glass like edge kind. and No, it's the same kind. It's open the door to our bedroom. It's them standing in front of them with the wrenches doing their weird. piano You know, like the shoes that are only in a movie for like 10 minutes tops. You know, the Batman ones that are like embossed glass, though, are not those shitty plastic printed on ones. That's what they need. They're not letting them. That's fine.
00:26:16
Speaker
i think I think Brandon and Derek will appreciate this, but Whitney came over once a couple of weeks ago and I was pouring whiskeys and I said, you know what? Hold on. I have company. Babe, let's get the fancy cups. And I got Whitney a ah mug of whiskey in the Flintstones edged glass that came from at McDonald's. Yeah. I was so excited. i told I told Jack, I was like, this is the only cup you're serving me from from now on. Are you tying in Flintstones because it shares Walk the dinosaur and it sounds i die with Mario Brothers cuz I mean i like movies use that song so I was wrong when I was telling you guys i thought it was in Tammy and the t-rex that's dinosaur man the dinosaur This walk the dinosaurs done by George Clinton and the goombas I'm not Parliament Funkadelic. No, and there's a music video for it. I really want to watch it Yeah, we'll do that
00:27:09
Speaker
Maybe you should share it on the talk of tips. Open the door, get on the floor. and Everybody walked the dinosaur. I feel like the dinosaur is going to walk you. I feel like George Clinton wasn't wasn't really thinking when he wrote that. He just put some words there and said, all right, we're good. How much acid do you think he was on? Not enough. Wasn't he the one that said he was on acid for like three years straight or something? Yeah, but he had no sense of time. It was actually five minutes in a bathroom. I spent three years in the same bathroom on acid. No, you didn't, George. So highly recommend it. Anyone listening listens to George Clinton and Parliament and Funkadelic and all of that. yeah And then we got to mention Mojo Nixon, who's in the movie as well. And you should listen to Mojo Nixon as well. so Well, if you you don't have Mojo Nixon, then your store could use a fix. See.
00:27:58
Speaker
that's wendy daniel yeah But one more thing before we get into the story, 30 minutes in, there were two other people... Thought it was three years, dude. There were two other people that were considered or attempted to get for Koopa. Okay. And I have to mention them for both of you guys. One was Michael Keaton. Ooh. Okay. Maybe he was just like, I'm Batman, dude. I feel that. I'm Batman. I'm not doing this. It's I'm Batman. And the other one was Kevin Costner. Oh, man.
00:28:31
Speaker
Oh, man. That would have been such a worse movie, but I still need to see that. I want to know what the the directors and... As Koopa? Those plumbers are after my seed. Oh, my God. I really want that movie. I want that movie so bad. It's just the opening scene. I got a pipe you can fix. The opening scene instead of him kidnapping Daisy's mom, it's just him pissing into a thing and drinking it. that You know why I like to drink my piss? Because it's clean and dirty at the same time. Mario Brothers becomes this five-hour long epic. About he a direct you you know if he's in this movie He's got notes, and I'll tell you what the scene where they're walking through the desert just became an hour and a half So you said cosner I heard bacon and my brain went someone completely different you just saw Mario's dick or a big who is bit flopping right out of here I've got a dance and just dick flop
00:29:22
Speaker
he get that shot of him getting out of the mu yeah awesome it's his front tailman dicks loose ah For some reason Viggo Mortensen's in the back taking a naked bath fight, he's got the same Dennis Hopper haircut man. Oh, I love the hair Jack fucking hate No, no, I love Dennis Hopper's hair. Oh, I thought you hated his hair. It just doesn't make any sense. Yeah, no, them having hair makes no sense. Correct. Because they keep talking about, like, they evolved from mammals to gross little monkeys. Then why would you have hair? Yeah, why do you have hair? I would have loved if he would have walked into the room and just, like, pop.
00:29:56
Speaker
popped off the air and put it on a dummy head and just been like smooth. But to be fair, to be fair, the reason that the dinosaur stuff was added to this was because i it was Rocky Morton had played or seen Super Mario World. And he's like, dinosaurs are in that, right? You got Yoshi and stuff. I know DNA. Those dinosaurs, the Koopalings or whatever they're called, Koopa's kids, yeah they have hair. Yeah. In that game. Oh, one's blonde. They've got like like Ludwig von Koopalings. They have to show that they're spunky.
00:30:29
Speaker
This Iggy has like a tuft of hair. Iggy has very similar hair to Spike in this, which is like the it almost looks like a top of a carrot coming out of his head. Yeah. So they have they have hair. They're they're hairy dinosaurs. Sure. Everybody shave the dinosaur. I mean, there's some I mean, I'm trying to pick the science of this movie. I don't know. Aren't there some reptiles that have like a fur on them? Like, we have cactus that have hair. It's not hair. You just compare a cactus to a reptile? Sure did. Well, green. We're all living creatures. Dry, desert dwelling. Animal, vegetable, or mineral. And I'm pretty sure it's not the same category. Cacti? Cacti. Are cacti poisonous? No, they just hurt. I'm sure there's some that irritate your skin. But we should talk about this movie. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about the movie. The movie. Like, what happens in the movie? I don't want to.
00:31:25
Speaker
Hey, guys, after this episode, I really kind of want to go out and get a beer. What are you thinking? I mean, OK, look, the thing is, I deal with beer so much in my life, I want something else. i'm I'm fine with beer, but I want like a stiff cocktail or a nice glass of whiskey. You know, the music box is just down the way and you can get an awesome cocktail when they even have like tombstone and other great beers on tap. Music Box, where would I find that? Oh, you mean the Music Box at 6951 East 22nd Street in yeah Tucson, Arizona. Right down there at 22nd and Cove. Yeah, they've got a great selection of whiskey, gin, tequila, mezcal, other spirits. Ooh, sometimes they have like putting shots and jello shots. You're putting me on. And depending on the night of the week, we can get karaoke, live music. It's great. Ooh, Unhappy Hour. on Oh, it's Wednesday. It's Unhappy Hour. Yeah. I'm in. You guys are shelling me. Let's go to the Music Box Lounge right now.
00:32:15
Speaker
well oh
00:32:20
Speaker
Sharks of the Corn? VyraShark? CocaineShark? Sharktopus? Yeah. Those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of shark-sploitation cinema on Bucket of Chump, the shark movie podcast.
00:32:41
Speaker
Like the opening end up but so much happens in this movie this opening pixelated animated intro with Dan Castaneda Hey 65 million years ago. There was fucking dinosaurs in Brooklyn. It wasn't just pizza and scumbags um This was added because apparently test audiences didn't understand the split universe thing, ok even though it's sad though they're but yeah multiple time wonder which is probably why it says three fucking times. Hey, they're talking to each other. They're like, I should do like eating plants and shit or whatever. this is a life
00:33:17
Speaker
And then they get killed by- Sure doesn't get better than this! And now Hollywood can't get the fuck away from this split dimension. Like, everything has a split dimension. It's a multiverse, dude. We finally start- As an audience, we understood it finally. Right? It only took 41 years. Oh, we don't have to explain it three times in a movie with Dan Castanella and Claymation. Hey, I'm still looking for work, though. Did I wish it was Claymation, right? I want to say it's like four bit animation. It's not eight bit. Excuse me. Gameboy. It looked incredible. And it looked incredible. Yeah, it's I'm telling you.
00:33:55
Speaker
Go get the highest digital quality version of this film. And you will be thrilled with your purchase. Are you eating shrooms along with it, though? um I didn't eat shrooms while we watched this. I actually behaved myself, and I um have to say, still incredible. Yeah, it crossed my mind. I like the beginning how stupid it is, though, because it's just i'm like... I'm being horribly sarcastic. It's like, what if there was dinosaurs, and what if there was a meteor, and what if it created a parallel dimension, and what if, and I'm like, why don't we just say this is what happened? This is what happened. Stop what ifing me. Maybe that's what confused him is all the what ifs.
00:34:32
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. Well, that was it didn actually happened. Harold, the narrator said, what if we've got a script for the Mario Brothers and said, fuck it, let's write our own movie. Oh, I can't wait to get there. Brothers in it and their last names are Mario. So it's a Mario or Mario. or mary roe i don't know what's that yeah mary roe is almost somewhere in between those he's like mario mario um no luigi does proudly announce himself as luigi mario but every now and then his accent slips into saying mario yeah that's because he's not doesn't have a brooklyn accent i don't think no no no he does not no what's his accent john lewis amo
00:35:16
Speaker
yeah That's fucking benny Benny from the Bronx, dude. ah But so then it goes to Brooklyn 20 years ago. We have ah Samantha Mathis playing her own mother dropping off this thing at the nuns Which by the way these nuns it's like a container that has an egg in it and then a baby hatches out of the egg Brandon, you know a bit about ah How ruthless the church can be they're burning this baby that hatches from an egg, right? the catholic church They're not even calling the bishop. Okay, they're I personally felt that they would have viewed this egg as a gift from God and it would have been used as like part of the like
00:35:52
Speaker
you know, communal buffet like they would have this would have been breakfast. Do you still have that recipe for mini quiches? The Catholic Church has got a potluck portion, though. That's true. Well, I guess this baby was born, but it's hatched from an egg. I still think they would have thought it was a spawn of Satan and burned it right then. And all of that. Yeah, we had a good way. She was like, wait, so that egg came out of that lady. Yeah. And that was when we first went, wow. OK. The vagina is Birdo. It's a huge egg. Is the size of a six month old baby. Oh yeah. Wait, that's not how big they are when they're born? No. I thought it was like, just like, just straight. Average eight pounds, 20 inches. Straight infant crotch shot. It's kind of uncomfortable. Oh, kind of? Yeah. Yeah. This baby is very sticky. Well, I mean, I shouldn't be like, oh, I'm uncomfortable by this, but like, I'm
00:36:46
Speaker
uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable. They had to let you know it was a girl. What's a bit? Yeah, now we can figure it out when she comes all over. Don't need it. Don't need it. Don't want it. So then we meet Mario Mario and Luigi Mario played by, of course, as we mentioned, Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo here for us. Know who those guys are. Johnny legs. Everybody knows who Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo are. So what's funny, I was thinking about it. Bob Hoskins is obviously a known actor, but only for in my life, like three big roles. He was Shmee. This, Shmee and Hook, and then of course Eddie Valley and Roger Rabbit. I mean, I know he's got other roles, dude, but that is, we're just one head away from the Mount Rushmore of Bob Hoskins. I did not know that he was British, neither did I. I was an adult that he was British. I had no clue.
00:37:30
Speaker
When we talked about it, the last recording, that's when I was like, he's fucking English. I heard him talk on it every one time. I was like, what the fuck is going on? So when he played me, that was his normal. Yeah. Like he didn't put on a little show lot. He's he's also a bride. He's also in Brazil. I mean, it's only for a hot second because Brazil, one of the coolest movies ever made. It's good. Terry Gilliam. Terry Gilliam. Come on. I've made you watch it. I'm just staying quiet because I also haven't seen it. And you're you're taking a lot of heat right now. So there's a there's a scene in that movie where Robert De Niro shows up as like a black ops plumber. And what ah that just rolled up. I got to get that. I got to get in there and get that turd. He's like nobody can know I'm getting that turd. Brazil is all about like bureaucracy and bullshit. And so he shows up and he's the guy that's like, I'll come fix your shit.
00:38:23
Speaker
off the record, like secretly like he's in the walls fixing these pipes and stuff. And Bob Hoskins and another guy show up and they're like the government plumbers. He was a blubber. So he's still but he's basically playing Mario and that like man. well and I've got a picture for you guys. Black Ops plumber is just a great statement. So. you what That's his costume. What is with this hat? He's very much a Mario. I mean, he's very much a Terry Gilliam. Just everything about this is Terry Gilliam. Yeah. So that's got to get posted. Yes. Also, when are we going to do this movie? It was a great movie. I remember this. I've never heard of it.
00:39:03
Speaker
It's literally one of my favorite movies. It's a fantastic film. You've literally never made me watch this and I've never heard you talk about it before in your life. You've literally used the word literally a lot. Johnny Legs is Carlito's Way, Tu Wong Fu, Romeo Plus Juliet, The Pest, Spawn. Carlito's Way also has the dude that plays Spike in this. Yes, yeah. Yeah, just thought about them acting together. I got no fucking he's actually in a lot of like those Ferris Bueller's Day off. Yeah that car. Yes, he does. He's still working. Fucking guy in ferret. Oh, he's just got. He is the car guys. I love it. And he's still around because he's been the at least the first John Wick. I think he gets killed. So John Leguizamo. Yeah. I don't think he does get killed. Maybe he's in the second. one He's in the second one. I think he's in the second one. He drops off or picks up the beat-up car. Okay. And then he's in the, he was in the... Romeo Plus Juliet. I said Romeo Plus Juliet. Oh, I wasn't listening to you. He's not listening to you. She's not listening to you. He's also in Violent Night that just came out with, well, I guess it was almost two years ago now, but um that's a good one. The menu. And he's in Son of Sam. That's true. Son of Sam. So it's Summer of Sam, it's Summer of Sam. I love John L.A. Wasn't he a punk-er? No, his best friend's the punk-er.
00:40:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Roga Flick. We like our Johnny Legs. He's in the past. I said that. I was hoping you weren't like going to acknowledge it as a movie. It's not. Should you? Should you? No. It's a collection of scenes that were glued together and released. You know, Johnny Legs is watching Miraculous World where they talk about crazy shit happening. Bob Hoskins ain't having that. They have to go to an emergency plumbing. And this is important because apparently in this world, you hire plumbers the way that like I don't know like you you call you call all the plumbers and you're like whoever gets here first gets the fucking way You guys don't do that with pizza You don't call like five pizza places and pay for the one that gets there first. ah Sorry Domino's tough I love this time if plumbers are listening, please write into the show say help Everyone because I am dying to know if like
00:41:05
Speaker
Plumbers are all just like sitting by their phones, like waiting to rush to racing. I can understand bidding for like big contracts, but they're not like, like, hey, my toilet's overflowing and they're like, quick, get in the fucking van. It is not a first come, first serve basis. It is who you called. And then Barty Gumbel's calling for the. They get $10 plumbers. Oh, I never noticed that from The Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's got to be Dan Casanella doing that voice, too, on the phone. Right. Yeah. It sounded just like Barney. Oh, there's piss and shit everywhere. and um Send all your plumbers. as two of us Also, don't forget to bear. I'm very proud of myself for knowing exactly who that was.
00:41:48
Speaker
Well, he said it right before he did it. I don't listen. This isn't a conversation. This would make so much more sense if Whitney had on headphones.
00:41:58
Speaker
I can't hear you guys. Whitney's in an isolated booth right now and is just reacting a minute and a half late. She starts wearing Super Mario Brothers today. She starts wearing headphones for recording. I'm like, why are you doing that? I don't have ah the feedback thing on. She's like, no, I'm listening to music. Whitney is in a small area with three of the loudest people that she will ever meet in her life. I'm not sure how she can hear us. But she cannot hear us. Well, because I'm focusing on other things. I'm looking around to see what's shiny. So they get they get they get beat to the job by the Scappelli brothers. Scappelli. Scappelli. Pussy hair. They end up going. Then we cut to this. Oh, is that the Sicilian translation for Scappelli? Yeah. Pussy hair. It is actually. It is. It is. It is. You know, Pussy hair. I'm like a girl with a trim Scappelli. I'm using it.
00:42:52
Speaker
hey you guys capel is no smelly ah
00:42:59
Speaker
So, there's something about dinosaur bones. We're just moving on from that. Oh. Oh, the dinosaur bones. They come. They come off board later in the plot. If Dennis Hopper had his way, all dinosaurs are bone. Dinosaur boners. But I mean, the big thing is they find these dinosaur bones and they don't look like any dinosaur bones anybody's ever seen. And she's like, it's like a dinosaur trying to be a man. No, it's like a monster trying to be human. Same thing. Dinosaur monster. It's shameful that she assumes that they're monsters immediately. Shameful he assumed it was a man. She had to insult her own blood. Because, spoiler, she's a dinosaur. She's not a dinosaur. She's a mushroom. She's a dinosaur. No, she's a dinosaur. She's a dinosaur. But her dad got de-evolved in the fungus. We don't know. He got de-evolved all the way back to that first stage. Because what happened? Koopa got de-evolved to priorities. Ten primordial ooze. Yeah, they're not.
00:43:55
Speaker
no they're not they are They're all dinosaur. I play the games. They're all different species. that's nothing a to yeah Throw all the lore out. You know about Mario Brothers. Get it out of your head and fill it with this movie. I don't think a fungus turned into I can believe a single sword, a single single cell organ, which would be fungus slime. Whitney, I'm just going to say as the guy that was trying to argue the scientist movie earlier, you're going to lose it. You know what? We need to watch. Just give it up. There's no scientist movie. We need to watch ah Altered States and you can see how people evolved because Jeff Bridges, Jeff Daniels, William Hurt.
00:44:33
Speaker
one of those guys. Wow. Big jumps there. Oh, they're all good. It was played by either Willem Dafoe or Danny DeVito. I'm having trouble figuring out. You tell me that an 80s. You tell me that an 80s Jeff Bridges and an 80s William Hurt are almost exactly the same and you're wrong. No, no, you're not. You're not wrong. It's just how it was like Jeff Daniels, Jeff Bridges, William Hurt. Anyway, altered states, William Hurt does a bunch of mushrooms, does sensory deprivation, D evolves back into a monkey man, and then eventually D evolves into primordial ooze because everything came from ooze. Was he ever a mushroom? No. Exactly. He skipped steps.
00:45:11
Speaker
Yeah, that's the next step, primordial ooze, mushrooms, fungus, mice, jack, apes, people. And as a fungus, we all know that you can communicate with people and move and breathe and function. Yeah, phoboms. In the word of the great philosopher, um music, the great communicator, used two sticks to make it into nature, Sir Anthony Keetus. And then snowboard down a tube on a mattress. Daisy is going to call somebody because the Scappellis are harassing her because they also own the construction site or whatever. And we he does Fisher Stevens and Richard Edson, who are playing Iggy and Spike Cooper. And they're there to kidnap her. They've been there's been a bunch of girls kidnapped from Brooklyn. And that's because they're looking for this princess, which they show why they have good keep getting the wrong one. He's like, I know that's her. Look at her. Two arms, one head, two legs. Definitely her. I've never been more sure. They're definitely racist. ah
00:46:11
Speaker
ah xenophobic almost species it's specious but would you make that which makes sense when you find out who Dennis Hopper is basically playing. It is interesting because when they go to the alternate dimension, everyone else in the alternate dimension much differently than the one head, two arms, two legs. It has one head, two arms, two legs. So yeah they don't look anything alike. And they have the hair. Yeah, but they've also got like scales and stuff. Not all. Not at all. But ah so. Catwoman. So hold on. I'm sorry. Actually, I just. meet first yeah Ladies first. OK, so I think the reason why he took the other one is because she smelled like Daisy because he smelled and he was like,
00:46:56
Speaker
That's her, I know it's her. And then when they took the other one, he smelled her. He's like, that's her. I still think that's why he took Daisy. I'm not saying about the other ones. The other two mays. Okay, now to my point. yeah When you see one of their people that has like extra scales, that's the equivalent of somebody with a really hairy back here. You know, it's the same thing like, damn, look how much Harry's got in his face. Oh man, look at that scale beard. I bet you want a scale beard. Oh fucking have to i hide this face for the listeners Fisher Stevens will be on this podcast again, but he's been in a lot of movies But the ones I have written here short circuit where he plays a Middle East I think he's I think he's Pakistani. He's doing a very on-the-nose
00:47:42
Speaker
We won't do it accent. Yeah. He's so he's doing a Pakistani or Indian accent. He's and most of us, I think, grew up watching that movie and didn't know that he wasn't think of a poo from Simpsons. Yeah. And he's also in opera. He's also in hackers, which will be coming up very soon. ah He plays the. What is it? The virus? I think so. He plays a hacker. I don't remember. Also a skateboarding hacker, right? Yeah, he's a skateboarding hacker. Well, is it a 90s movie? Yeah. And he definitely skateboarded. I was like, you know the movie, right?
00:48:16
Speaker
No, because the good hackers rollerblade in that. Bad hackers skateboard. She's not acknowledged rollerblading anymore on this podcast. You know who taught him how to skateboard? Daisy Fuentes. Back to her. Hey, don't forget Cindy Crawford. I never do. Or 3D Doritos. Just wrap it all around. Pepsi is Cindy Crawford. Howie Long here. And this other guy, Richard Edson, didn't do well. I mean, he did other movies, but he's always been smaller roles. Like he was in Howard the Duck. He's never been a lead. He's always been a simple. He's in Platoon. He's in Howard Dean Stanton. He's yeah, kind of a Howard Dean Stanton, but Howard Dean Stanton got at least two movies where he was the lead. Yeah, I think one. That was the last one he did. He got two, Paris, Texas and Lucky, which was his last movie. Gotcha.
00:49:01
Speaker
But anyway, they're they're trying to find this woman. So they're watching Daisy. I did laugh when they get the hot dogs. And I think it's Spike gives it to you. He's like, look, they said it's dog throughout the buns. They throw out the buns. But then when we get to Dino Dino Hatton. Those guys are putting little lizards on buns. That's the food of the poor people. They're just watching the comments. They're doing keto. I get it. Trying to get that ketosis. They're doing Atkins. It's the 90s. Well, they're dinosaurs, so carnivore diet. I mean, that's it, yeah. If you could afford to just eat meat, it'd be great. We're doing paleo. That's why they're running out of resources, because it's just like, well, nobody here eats fucking vegetables.
00:49:37
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, don't worry, because they're going to combine both dimensions and have, quote unquote, endless resources when they take over. our Pure air, clean water. All those endless resources readily available still to this day. All of them. So he's going to be a climate change denier for sure when he runs for office in 2024. God, he is exactly him, isn't he? He's a lizard person. I mean, they don't look alike at all. And that's a lowercase him, by the way. At all, except they totally do kind of fucking look alike when you watch the movie. It's not comfortable. I'm the best dinosaur ever. Nobody's ever cooped the way I've cooped before.
00:50:18
Speaker
Hopper's holding his hands all weird the whole time. He doesn't want to touch anything. If you shoot Hopper in a ear, does it regrow? Well, it's like Dr. Kurt Connors. Koopas can actually shed their ears in a form of defense and grow a new one back. If a predator comes in, they shed their ear real quick and get away. Fantastic. Use it as a star. Fantastic. And so there's some flirting, there's some whatever. They end up going to dinner together. ski Oh, yeah. No, where we've gone long already. We barely talked about the plot. Sorry. So they all end up going to dinner together. It's it's Luigi, Daisy, Mario and his girlfriend, Daniella, who has massive breasts. Yeah. Right. They go bushy boobs because because they are they are like separately credited. They're two of the stars of the show. They are. And I was nice and I said my shelf. It's literally a shelf. It is the nicest she could have been about it. And this is when she's telling displayed. She's telling them about like what she does for a living, the dinosaurs and the whatnot. And ah Luigi is like, well, there used to be dinosaurs in Brooklyn.
00:51:27
Speaker
Calm down, there used to be dodgers too, kid. man man man ah Someone's grandpa. Someone's grandpa was like, there was dodgers here back in the day, you know, that's what makes it funny. they There was a whites only. That's that's obvious. So wasn't it back in the 30s that they moved? Oh, I don't know. I fucking hate the Dodgers wherever they go. Oh. Okay. I've been on this date, not this double date, but I've been on this date where all of a sudden it's like, oh, I don't take this necklace off. It's was i was when I was found. Found? Oh, yeah. I was abandoned. oh Let's just grab that glass of wine and get that away from you. Waiter, catch my eye, please. Check, please. Waiter, catch my eye. This day is also an orphan. Everyone's trauma dumping on this date. You too.
00:52:12
Speaker
Like, yeah, they're gonna join up. She's gonna wear pink. He's gonna wear green. They're gonna be Mighty Orphan Power Power Rangers. Plumber Rangers. Mighty Orphan Plumber Rangers. We've already got a green and a red. Waluigi's yellow, right? Yeah. Yeah. And Wario wasn't an orphan, though, because he says he got all his sayings from Pop and Pop got him from Grandpop. Oh, they just adopt people in this family. Oh, OK. Well, I think louis when he got his tools, I'd high five you, but then you'd be an only child he's adopting people and you adopted him as your brother. That's weird.
00:52:46
Speaker
Well, no, he even says Mario is like my mother. Hey, now. OK, father, uncle, brother. I'm like, which one? That's worse, actually. I think father, uncle, brother is worse. He taught me how to shave and what puberty is same day. So I'm wondering if Mario's father died when he was young. And that's why he took in his other he took in Luigi and he was like, I'll take care of you kid. Yeah, his father was crushed by a falling rock with a face on it. ah He went down the wrong pipe. bu bo bu bo bo bump but do do do do his He was trying to get extra money for the family and he smashed his head into a brick wall, but it was the wrong one.
00:53:23
Speaker
he at thirty He ate one of the wrong mushrooms. I really feel that we have made a horrible mistake by not having like Mario noises on cue for this entire podcast. Mario soundboard? We had a we soundboard was needed. It's a me, Mario. Sounds just like Bob Hoskins, right? Hey, it's a me, Mario. Gotta go to work.
00:53:47
Speaker
But so they leave the date, he's walking her home. a Hold on, I have to say this part. If you're not doing anything later, I'd really like to walk you home. Yeah, like what was she doing? She had another date? If you're not doing anything later, well, I was planning on going to a gangbang club, but we could just go for a walk. there You know what my sister always says? Not saying it. ones man just yeah One man's fungus is another man's ah tunnel.
00:54:13
Speaker
It was Whitney said something a couple of episodes ago, just like, you know, my sister always said, one man's cum is another man's lube. Why would she always say that? Why is that a common phrase? Mama always said. The 90s? It was the 90s. Let's listen to Forrest Gump say it now. Mama always said, one man's cum is another man's lube. I mean, his mom was banging around town. Mama always said, life is like a German allergy. Never know what you're going to get. OK, I do have to say, she didn't always say it. She said it once. Mama always said, life is like a bukkake. We also were very concerned. Like the person that was there said, come again.
00:54:52
Speaker
all I heard was cocky you guys it's too much extra fluffer in this episode. Okay. So as we were also saying too, though, like we were all extremely concerned that She was just so willing to take a ride and have a date while all these women are going missing in Brooklyn. Like, oh, women are just going missing in Brooklyn. It's front page news. These two men are sniffing. Also, want to get in this van? We got some work to do. Say it better. Do you want to get in this windowless van? So, it's either be captured by these two men who keep sniffing at her, or go with these two plumber guys that are like, we got a van. She's like, one of these two is the ones kidnapping people. I'm going to get a 50-50 shot, heads or tails. Pop Hoskins is charming as shit, dude. Yeah, he is. She's like, I'm not going with Fisher Stevens and his weird greasy braided mullet. Do you hear his neck every time he moves? I can't believe that. Oh, God. But John Leguizamo does have a funny line here when he's walking Daisy home because he's talking, just yammering out of his ass. And he goes, look, if this isn't going well, if you're not having a good time and you want to end it, I understand. And if you want to talk to anybody about it, you want to, you know, get into a conversation about it, you can call me. It's pretty funny. It's a great, great line. I'm going to use that. OK.
00:56:09
Speaker
But so they go to the dig site, it gets sabotaged by some scappellis who are wearing their they're wearing their like uniforms that say Scappelli on it. You know, whatever you're going to do espionage. Always have the name of what you're working for. It's extremely weird that the logo is like the back of someone's head and it looks like pussy hair. It's weird. I don't like it. That's an odd logo for a company. I think a creature from ah Starship Troopers is coming at us. Nope, Scapelli's walking backwards. Biggill Patrick Harris. He knows how to stop it. Yeah. yeah I mean, obviously, dude, Ocean's 11 all had name tags. Like, you want to make sure everyone knows who's who. Are you a Scapelli? All right, cool. It says it on your jumpsuit. You're definitely definitely with me. But so it gets sabotaged. That's why Mario comes down to help close close these pipes or whatever. Oh, because it's Johnny Legs. He goes, I know exactly what to do. Cut to Mario. Mario, they're flooding the basement.
00:57:00
Speaker
Who is Scapelli? Scapelli. And Daisy gets kidnapped by Iggy and Spike, so they follow her into a hole or a magic wall that turns into Jello. Jello. Oh, no, no. And this is where you're going to need the 4K edition. You're going to want that 4K. You're going to want that 4K edition for this scene alone. how How many K's can you get? Now, let me tell you. At least three. Daisy popping out of that wall. so Oh, and then Mario tumbling through this hellscape.
00:57:33
Speaker
after Daisy to show that it was a struggle to be on the other side of that wall, which you then find is an immediate drop into a digital hellscape. Well, and Spawn came out three years, four years after this movie and look at this looks. Yeah, that's but that Helen Spawn looks worse than this. I would agree. Yeah. Yeah. Even at the time the was just like, that's egregious at this day. Yeah. So they end up in Dino Hatton. And it's funny because Mario is like, what is this place? It can't be Manhattan. And Johnny Leggs is like, well, I haven't been to Manhattan for a few weeks. It's been a rough couple of weeks. It's a good thing there's only one city here because you can't just dino everything, right? Right. Iguanadiana. Well, not every city in New York has a man man dino pun you can flip around. Fort Dino Dale, Florida.
00:58:32
Speaker
Florida Lophosaurus. It's a long city. Minnesota. North Dinocota.
00:58:44
Speaker
oh But then we also meet King Koopa, who's played by Dennis Hopper, who we've mentioned multiple times. And you know what? Two of my favorite movies. OK. Two of my favorite Dennis Hopper performances, not favorite movies, are in movies that he hates. This movie what else and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Oh, man. He is off the fucking rails in that movie. But you know, it's funny, like he hates this and that. He's in so many more things he should hate. He's in space truckers. does he i Dude, and we've talked about it before, but I can't remember which zombie movie he was in. um It's also got John Leguizamo, I think.
00:59:20
Speaker
There's that day of the dead. dave the dead with words is it it's a futurist know city not Day of a Land of the dead.
00:59:40
Speaker
Like, but like we made the Blue Velvet reference earlier, like Blue Velvet, he is off the fucking rails. And that movie is amazing. I walked in on Derek watching that movie a couple of weeks ago. So because she walked in on me watching porn, it's Blue Velvet. It's Blue Velvet. Potato, Potato. And I was at that scene where he was like, baby wants to fuck. And I was like, what the fuck? fuck are you watching? He's like, David Lynch. I said, I get it. When he's in the back taking notes like, God, Eric's into some weird shit, but I'll do it for him. I do love him. This is dirty talk. All right. We're going to be counseling. Dennis Hopper and Bob Hoskins have both left us. Dennis Hopper died in 2010. Oh, wow. And Bob Hoskins died in 2014.
01:00:25
Speaker
Aww. Still a bunch of work ahead of him, I bet. Yeah. I think Dennis Hopper did his work. But Bob Hoskins, I mean, again, I don't know a lot of his stuff. It might have been a lot of foreign movies or just a lot of stage work. I bet you he did a bunch of arthouse shit that we never saw. yeah It's just just I mean, especially like like British stages. Yeah. Oh, Yeah. Like very much so well respected. i He was a Shakespearean actor. Dennis Hopper, we'll see again on this show. I think we may have seen him before, too. Can't remember right now, but we'll see him again because, I mean, Texas Chainsaw 2, which I mentioned, ah Speed, Waterworld.
Actors and Comparisons
01:01:02
Speaker
I was like, did he just watch Speed? We just watched Speed. We didn't talk about it. Dennis is like.
01:01:08
Speaker
He's in these movies. that People are like, bad movie, but you're like, I fucking love these movies and he's an amazing villain. He gives it his all. All of it. He elevates Waterworld. Yeah, he does. Then you have Bob Hoskins or where're like, but that's a guy that like, if you put anyone else in who framed Roger Rabbit, that movie does not work. They tried it with Brad Pitt and Cool World. Yeah, but that was also just a lot worse movie. Ralph Batsch, you didn't give a shit. I didn't become a patron any other way Derek has to say about Cool World. Because I think Brandon likes that movie. Cool World. You might think, when's the last time you watched it? written It's not good. OK. i was Because recently and it's not good. But it's not. It's like stock cartoon footage over like
01:01:55
Speaker
like it's It's bad. It's bad. That's the difference between Cool World and Roger Rabbit, mostly. I mean, besides the fact that Cool World is disgusting because it was made by Ralph Bakshi, but like it's the animation and Roger Rabbit. They took time to be like, this is what it looks like in the world. Like there's that scene where the the the flight is ah above their head and it swings around and the shadows move on Roger's face and stuff. Whereas in Cool World, it was just like, I don't know, draw some shit. Yeah, here's a guy. Roger Rabbit to work of hard. Yeah. Oh, it is. I just watch it a week or two ago. Yeah. Cool World is not a work of fart. It's a work of fart. I still will watch it. Oh, yeah. Well, it'll be great for that movie podcast. Of course you'll fucking watch it. That or Cherry 2000. I got the. I think I do need to give that another shot. It may have just been really grumpy that day. All right.
01:02:45
Speaker
I'll do it again. I got the shout factories i shout select copy of Cool World because we were supposed to do an event with a local brewery, but then they closed before we got to do it. Oh, that's right. Because that was the movie he suggested. But so I have it. We'll just do that. But anyway, so there's Dennis Hopper and his sidekick, Lena, who's played by a woman named Fiona Shaw. ah The only thing I really recognized of hers was Harry Potter. She plays ah the ant. Yeah. She was in ah Three Men and a Lady. Three Men and a Lady for sure. She is the like the head mum or something. She is also part reptile, which made her perfect for this. She was definitely lizard. I'm going to give you two. She's an Andor.
01:03:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Oh, Magdala, maybe. Yeah. And then she is a villain in a movie that I'm going to give you guys a chance to watch. Undercover Blues. Oh, I've seen that. Dennis Quaid. And speaking of Roger Rabbit, Kathleen Turner. I never watched that one because. Oh, and Stanley Tucci with sleeveless shirts the whole time. I never watched that one because I was like undercover blues and I see the cover and it's them with a baby. But then I also found out their last name is Blue in that. And I'm like, oh, I get it. Yeah, I won't watch this, but I will because now I'm doing this. You should. It's so fucking charming. So Dennis Hopper is looking for this rock that Daisy had around her neck, the one that she's got, which she was abandoned.
01:04:07
Speaker
I never take it off. And they find he finds out that plumbers took it. So he sends out what they already have in this world, which is a plumber alert. So apparently plumbers are frowned upon in Nino Hatton. Because I'm betting you the plumbers did something to like accidentally seal off the fucking portal. Oh, I'm saying he hates them. All I'm saying is these dinosaurs shitting in pipes has got to be causing issues. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they have no air now. It's methane. Well, also we see that they're surrounded, but the rest of the earth is desert. They're just dumping bags of shit just outside of the city. yeah though They're going to rename it New Jersey. He said it's like blocks in the rest of the world as a desert. Yeah. This is Dino Hatton. That's just New Jersey. i've never I don't understand why he didn't expand. like
01:04:52
Speaker
Resources. Yeah, they're out of resources, dude. Use the desert. He's got a highway that's going to the desert. Like he was trying to expand, the fungus took just took over. That's right. Fungus among us. I believe the the the slogan in the 90s was, life is a highway and I'm going to ride it all night long. but I believe I was sure what that's saying, yes. This is where they get stuck up by that old lady. If you're going my way. I want to ride you all night long. No, that's not the lyric. Yeah, it is. ah If I might be. They get stuck up by an old lady who's like, you guys, you shouldn't be in this neighborhood without have a weapon. You don't have one, do you? Koopa coins. You got him. I want him. Hand him over. We just told you we're from Brooklyn. We don't have Koopa coins. Still think this might have been a dummy.
01:05:35
Speaker
No, it's not. You can see them moving their articulated. Yeah, they're definitely. It's great. You see dummies did not have articulated joins in the 90s. They did. They did. I had GI Joes that were built in the 90s. And let me tell you articulated. Those GI Joes had a higher budget. Yeah, they did. And we're telling you, Derek and I both closely watched this person because I was like, I want to know if it's a dummy. This is the sixth time I've seen this movie in the last two years. This is the fourth time he's seen this movie in the last six months. It's a dummy or it's blatantly a man who is much bigger than the old woman. It's a man. It's a man. It is definitely not an old woman. Oh, it's I was shocked to learn that you don't just drop old women off of things and movies. I found this out during this filming that. Yeah, who says you don't? I found this out when I tried to be a director and we got shut down.
01:06:27
Speaker
um That's a story for another another. Why else would I want to direct to movies if I can't push old women off? ah Fucking tall things, which is all about fair. But it's also when we meet Bertha, who's played by a lady named Francesca Roberts. Big Bertha, who is a big cop. like her corpulent. Was she very corpulent? No, no, she was just real round. ma and about I ah she could get it. I like her. Oh, yeah. She's the one who throws the old lady off the the causeway here and steals the rock and jumps away in her magic rocket boots.
01:07:02
Speaker
She grabs her by her pussy and launches her. But she don't just steal this rock because she like know something about it. No, she's just like, bitch, I like this rock. It's a nice crystal. It's a magic crystal. Also, come and get me. She's trying to lose some weight since you got the magic crystal. Well, no, she's not trying to lose. I think she's flirting with Mario. Excuse me. We find out later. She horny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I was just making a joke about meth. Oh, no joke about her. Oh, meth. ah And then we see Mojo Nixon, who we also already mentioned, who also has passed away. So that's yeah another member of this case. We're in this great big stupa all because of the evil King Koopa. All right, that's it. Off to jail. which
01:07:43
Speaker
It's the most Mojo Nixon fucking song thing that you've ever heard. Like, you're like, oh, you wrote this shit. He probably did. He wrote some song about how Don Henley sucks. Yes. And then Don Henley performed that song with him live. I believe so. And he there was a quote from Mojo Nixon. I don't have the exact quote, but he was basically like, dude, that guy has the biggest balls of anybody I've ever met because he didn't give a fuck. Yeah. Like. Mojo Nixon had a. That is a stunner move, dude. He had a booze cruise. and you would go and take this booze cruise with Mojo Nixon. and That's where he died. He fucking had a heart attack and died on his booze cruise. Live the way he wanted, died the way he felt. He's like, the everybody kept telling me live fast, die young. This is bullshit. It's 2024 because he just died this year.
01:08:28
Speaker
ah Oh, wow. February. And then he chose to live the rest of his life as a Koopa. He didn't get to hear our podcast about how much we love him? Nope. Rude. he was But hey, good news, we didn't kill him, so. No, we didn't. Maybe we did, we just didn't. No, just alcohol. but Talking to three bartenders knew we did kill him. Um, he does have a particular haircut in this movie. And I was wondering about this haircut. Yeah. Go ahead. But I have a question about it. It's a spiral. So when he does get de-evolved, his character has a spiral on his head. Well, it's shaved into a spiral, but he also has like weird, like propped up bangs in the front. yeah But I was wondering if that was like something that was in the script or if he just showed up and they were like, we'll work with it.
01:09:11
Speaker
I think that's how he showed up. That could easily just be like, OK, OK. I actually thought it might like. I like it. Try. I thought because there' it because he's told he hear is he is labeled as toad in the movie. Yes. So he's supposed to be your representation of Toad. He has that tuft of hair, i so you know he's funky. I don't think that haircut was supposed to somewhat symbolize like Toad's mushroom cap. Sure. Yeah. I also think to Whitney's point, it's just to set him apart. Because as soon as you see him, they also put the harmonica just so we know it's you. Oh, one is a goomba. But just in case, like it sets him apart. It's like, oh, spiral toe. Yeah.
01:09:45
Speaker
I mean, because like the notes they were given, they were deciding on for this was instead of being like a video gamey kind of thing, they wanted it to be like Blade Runner-y. So maybe they just told Mojo Nixon that and he's like, gotcha. Say no more. He showed up and they're like, I didn't see that haircut in Blade Runner, dude, but Ridley Scott's not here, so let's do this. It's this or nothing. that's that then So Mario and Luigi get arrested and taken to jail where they meet this police sergeant who's played by a character actor we've seen a thousand times because he's a Christopher Guest guy named Don Lake. He was the only funny part of Space Force. Well, John Malkovich as well.
01:10:22
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, excuse me. Yeah, sorry. John Malkovich is always fucking amazing in whatever he does, especially when he's a Russian, a Russian card player. I can splash the pot whenever the hell I want. Teddy KGB.
01:10:37
Speaker
This is the only way I'm getting massaged, by the way, from now on, just sitting at a desk with a woman digging her heels into me. This is the point that I think that I remembered my mother being like, what the fuck is this movie? Like when I saw it as a kid, I was like during that like scene, like I they we immediately made the comment and I was like, yeah, I kind of think I remember my mom being like, what the fuck is going on? This does help partly explain my foot fetish. It's something that the kids weren't actively noticing. They were noticing it, but they didn't know. They didn't know. They were like, oh, she's got his foot up there. But our parents were like, yo. Well, there's so much going on, too. Like, this is one of the first this is the first time I noticed the foot massage. Oh, dude, my dad leaned over and said you should see what she could do with the ping pong ball.
01:11:25
Speaker
but im because He wasn't there at that point. The background of this movie. Jack didn't have a dad. I was hatched in a church, you idiots. Oh my God, did you get that? That explains the Catholicism. ah Pass that whiskey. By the way, I was abandoned. Uh-oh. Here comes a trauma dump. Be here next week when we talk about how I hate my mom. Dude, we don't have that long of a podcast. But so Dennis Hopper shows up pretending to be their lawyer of Lazzard Lazzard Dactyl and Cohen. It's a solid joke for the parents. Yeah, it is. It is. And it's funny because they're talking shit about ah mu Mario is just saying first. He's like, we need to talk to this fucking goofball Koopa, whatever. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah, he's a slimy, evil son of a snake or whatever he says. A sucking son of a snake. Yeah.
01:12:20
Speaker
and then we find out this is Koopa. He's like, but you just said you were an evil egg sucking son of a sake. Am I did I lie? Yeah. I said I was lying. Every now and then Hopper is just just elongating that S. Yeah. Like not super. Well, and we're coming up shortly here because we see this is where Mojo Nixon gets de-evolved into a Goomba. Uh huh. because he likes them dumb and loyal. Yeah. Just like, you know, people who lead us now. Just like Jerry Seinfeld dating a girl. I see no similarities. Go on. ah We have a lot of resources moving along, dude. there was I don't I don't remember seeing an article a couple of years ago about how police departments were rejecting people who did their test and tested too high on the IQ. Right. No, I didn't see that. OK, no. Just making sure that never happened. Fake news. We like the best troopers for the Koopas.
01:13:11
Speaker
Lock that in a Disney vault and move on. They shove. They shove Mario and Luigi shoved Dennis Hopper into the D d evolution chair. Yeah. He gets D evolved for a second. You see like his I go all dinosaury, lizardy. And after this, he gets real more into the the S's and little being acting a little bit more evil. I mean, it's because he's he's one step closer to Tyrannosaurus Rex, king of the lizard to the edge. And he's about to break. Yes. everything you say to me. I was going to leave it to the imagination. I find this to be a stupid point of the plot. I don't like what do you mean? I think there's something missing here. and i so Yeah, because we did notice that there was a pile of gloop that looks kind of like baby shit all over the floor and an empty suit empty suit on the chair. Yeah. So there's something we're missing here, which I think maybe explains like because they all all they saw in the movie we watched was the devolution thing turning you into a monster.
01:14:09
Speaker
Why would they want to turn Dennis Hopper into a bigger monster? I think they saw something else in a cut. I think it's because they didn't use the control board perfectly. They physically ran the chair back and lifted it up. So it only lasted X amount of time. They were trying. They wanted to devolve him to gloop. OK. right But it just didn't. the the The safety latches didn't catch. This is just this is the one scene where I like even in like a movie, we're like, oh, whatever. Do you know what it is though? I don't really understand what, like this was definitely 10 writers trying to make this scene work. I think somebody was proud of these special effects. Like dude, we can twist his face to make one eye bulge. Like this is groundbreaking.
01:14:51
Speaker
It's not because he then goes to see Daisy because she's locked up and then he's like every girl remembers his first her first kiss with a lizard. And then he gets all know what they say. Yeah, you know what they say. Do they do this? ah And I thought that was with Harvey Weinstein can tell you that is true. Oh, it's true. Way to quantify it. ah But the Marios here escaped from prison. ah the The cops and the Goombas are all using these guns that are just like flamethrower guns. So they're supposed to be like the fireball. That's all I thought of, too, is in the castle where you just get a fireball off screen coming at you. Yeah. The fire spinning sticks. All that. That's otherwise the stupidest weapon in the fucking world.
01:15:34
Speaker
Well, yeah, um I do want to mention here because we've talked about them on many other episodes. This movie is all of creature sounds. So the Goombas, the dinosaurs, et cetera, et cetera, are done by Mr. Frank Welker, who is the busiest working voice actor on the planet Earth. Yeah. Do you know the name Frank Welker, Brandon? Another name so when you when you're bored look up the credits for Frank Welker And it's gonna be what like I've got a game for everybody to play because you guys won't remember from last time I definitely won't I want everybody here to guess How many roles? Acting roles Frank Welker has on his IMD. I'm gonna let him go first. I'm gonna say 1500
01:16:19
Speaker
eight hundred and seventy two. Well, I want to say eight seventy six. I'll under shoot with six hundred. Whitney's the closest. Eight hundred and ninety five. Yeah. He's he's done things like he's voiced something, Freddie or whatever. Fred from the Scooby Doo. Oh, yeah. Since the beginning. And then in the early 2000s, he took over as Scooby Doo also. He did, if I'm not wrong, Dr. Claw, Inspector Gadget. Okay, now, yeah, now it's off clicking it in now. An article I was reading through real quick, he also did Shao Kahn and Reptile in Mortal Kombat, and he did the Sounds of the Whales in ah Free Willy 2. My How the Mighty Have Fallen, Free Willy 1 was a masterpiece. Just kidding, it was not.
01:17:01
Speaker
Yeah, Frank Welker, just look it up and have fun deciphering what you know. I just found out doing one of these episodes that he did a boo or a poo in Latin. Yeah, we found out because he was doing the voice of a monkey in George of the Jungle. George of the Jungle, that's what it was. It was too key. You can accomplish anything. So it's go make whale and monkey noises into like, go do those things. This dude lives in a diamond castle off of going like he wipes his ass with gold bars. ma When your parents tell you we should all be rich. Tell your parents fall into it. and Fuck off and go make your monkey cat noises. I think at this point, we're all officially for diamond castle money. I mean, I got yelled at so much for fucking making noises in school. I should have just told them all to go suck eggs.
01:17:50
Speaker
Mow. Mow. Mow. Mow. There's a car chase here, which is pretty exciting, mostly. Yeah, it's a good, it's a fun scene. They have these, like, 12-shot, like, steampunk, Blade Runner-esque, like, police car. This is where we realize that they're running off the screen. It's the set from Robocop with just some fungus. That's just Detroit, dude. that's just a It was filmed on scene in Detroit. We do know that. These cops were weren't paid actors. They were just trying to beat people up like, film this. With their studded police vests. The bedazzled jacket. but the the day that we're recording this police The day that we're recording this is the 37th anniversary of RoboCup coming out. Oh, wow. I know you've said this before, but I got to watch RoboCup.
01:18:34
Speaker
i I put it in as the next movie. I was looking like, I'm doing it this time. Yeah. All right. Robocop is one of the great. I saw the game. up Zero days. I saw the game and I freaked out. I was like, oh, God, ah that's not a game. That's the movie. That's the movie. Yeah, dude. he um My boy's got collectors boxes on collectors boxes. Yeah. But so they do this car chase. They go through this tunnel that That tunnel just needs us out like a booger. But as soon as they get into it, the GPS is like, this tunnel is not finished. Yeah, shutting down. ah But yeah, they fly out of the tunnel. The fungus saves them from crashing. Bob doesn't believe it. Nope. And like on my driving that saved us.
01:19:18
Speaker
Yeah, you're driving just got you fucked. This giant booger saved us. And now they're out in the Koopahari Desert, which is what I noticed on the side. Have they got involved? Have they gotten evolved yet? Yes. No, Iggy and Spike have not gotten involved. Oh, this is the point where they get evolved. right This is where we see the prison of Tomays. Oh, that's right. And so and it's it's going to be bada bing bada boom bada bam. Babam babam. Yeah, you've got a room full of different tomeys, dude. We have. OK, so let's clock them. We have got word barbie. We got smoking tome, lawyer tome, Queens tome. But I'm OK. That one smoking tome you mentioned, this woman has a lit cigarette in every scene that she's in, including the Louge scene. Yep.
01:20:06
Speaker
yeah Yeah, which is how you understand that this is a 90s movie. She's trying to stay warm. You don't have a scene. it's It's a movie from any era. She's trying to stay warm. She's got all her girls around her. Everybody's like, woman's like... No, this chick usually has cigarettes as a diet. Yeah. Four to five doctors recommend it. Benson and Hedges. But then she gets, Damn you, GPC. Fuck Virginia Slims. Stands for Good People Cigarettes, that my dad told me. Then she gets, Daisy gets summoned to Koopa, and then this is where Iggy and Spike get evolved, because they're too stupid, and he needs them to be smarter so they can catch these plumbers. Doesn't help. We figured this out, I think, with theorized last watch. Spoiler. They were loyal to the king, and when Koopa overthrew, he de-evolved them to where they are now.
01:20:58
Speaker
Well, because they immediately, once he deevolves them, once he reevolves them, they start talking about how he is a fascist. A fascist. I mean, the first line is are not so benevolent dictator. Yes. I love this guy, Spike, that's playing Spike, Richard Edson, and he said his name was. Yeah. He's like not in a lot of stuff, but he's putting in a performance in this. His like. Yes, he is. Even when he's dumb, he's got that same like cadence of his delivery. He's like. He cut his hair in the same stupid fucking style as the character he's supposed to play. Luckily enough, he just had that. Or as one of the Koopa kids. And it's not a good like it's not flattery. It was the 90s. Not everybody could pull it off where you have just your. It's called the wedge. It's a high wedge. We're talking about the last guy who would not cut his hair and tucked it into a vagina shape.
01:21:45
Speaker
And then he cut it. This guy was like, well, fuck it. I'm not getting laid for months. And after this, he just shaved it. I actually I just met a guy that's got vagina hair, so I don't need to date ever again. I'm good. No effort needed. Just can't wait for him to fall asleep.
01:22:05
Speaker
Scarpelli. Scarpelli. That's his money shot. Scarpelli. Scarpelli. Scarpelli.
01:22:11
Speaker
Daisy is in her, like, prison that's my old room here. how And she's sitting on these spiked pillows. Dude, these pillows don't make any sense unless you're looking for a butt plug. I want them. Like I said, I want them. dave All the men in the room were like, these pillows look uncomfortable. Whitney, I want those pillows. Yep, I want them. Can you set the room to vibrate? Is this a coin operator? Do you have change for a five? Just use the whole five. Every pillow in that movie is annoying. Let me know when this runs out sweetheart.
01:22:46
Speaker
But we do meet Yoshi, kind of. Yeah, yeah, we meet Yoshi. I mean, he's a little more Yoshi-esque than I remembered what like when I first saw this again a couple of years
Iconic Elements and Nostalgia
01:22:55
Speaker
ago. I mean, look, he's not talking. He doesn't have a saddle. He does have the long, like, lap time. yeah yeah That's what I'm saying. it he like good Good and bad, sorry. okay He's not talking, so that's good. He doesn't have a saddle, that's bad. and He's not big enough to ride that's bad, but he does do the tongue shh. He's still a badby, though. hes You know what? He hasn't aged up enough. And he's got the shape of a Yoshi. Yeah. World's longest leash.
01:23:20
Speaker
No, he breaks it off broke the chains. Yeah, it would be great though. he'd He breaks it off when the actual reptile lady tries to stab Daisy. Yoshi's just like, hey, I ain't having this. I'm gonna break these chains. That's a song. But we go back to the desert and that's where Mario and Luigi capture Spike and Iggy and they're interrogating them. And then basically this is when they're like, dude, we were on your side. Yeah, we like the king. We want to help you. We're going to go help you find this corpulent woman. No, no, I'd say that she's well rounded.
01:23:53
Speaker
That's the bouncer of the boom-boom room. and though So they go to this dance club, the boom-boom bar. Mario and Luigi are wearing Iggy and copas ex are iggy and Spikes ex-wives suits? Yeah. Question mark? but what like I remember like bob think Bob Hoskins, like they're kind of feminine. like They're not really. They have shoulder pads. It's yellow and pink pinkish-red. No, they're pretty bad suits. Oh, they're terrible suits. It's fucking Ronald McDonald's bodyguards. None of it makes any sense. This one's ketchup and this one's mustard. Oh, no, wait, Dumb and Dumber was after this. So somebody who wrote Dumb and Dumber watched this and was like, those suits are great. I believe that is a soft orange cream and a baby blue. It is, but, you know.
01:24:32
Speaker
It was harder to find a yellow suit in 1995. Check out those hooters. But Mario ends up hitting on Bertha to get the stone. He goes up to hit on her. Dude, she socks him in the fucking mouth. Right in the fucking mouth. And he's like, can you hit me again? The way your hands crunched against my face just really got me going or some shit. And she just shoves his face in his bosom and dances. Damn. And then it's immediately a slow song. Yeah, the DJ read the room. Yeah, he did. I saw this and he's like, oh, yeah, um I'm getting her late at night. I mean, we have a DJ sitting with us. You know how to read a room, right? um You do read the room. And I could tell you how I know that DJ was a great DJ and did read that room.
01:25:13
Speaker
The moment they started dancing, slow song. Yeah. The moment Mario stole that rock. Everybody walks a dinosaur. Everybody walked that dinosaur. Trying to help him. He's like open. He opened the door and got them all on the floor to walk the dinosaur like it was over. Yeah. The DJ was like, I'm going to help Bertha get laid. And then he saw Mario fleeing in fear. And he's like, oh, no, that guy doesn't like it. You know what? I'm going to help him with cover. He's going to get killed right now. And I personally asked the DJ. If there's ever like trouble on the dance floor or like my go to song is. Walk the dinosaur. Walk the dinosaur. You got locked and loaded just in case of trouble. Well, it's a good thing I've never seen trouble because I've seen you play it quite a few times. You play a lot of songs. and Oh, there's a bar fight. Everybody walked that dinosaur. That's a great bar fight song.
01:26:01
Speaker
So so he takes the necklace and I feel really bad for birthday because she looks around this heartbroken look like she looks for the necklace, but she just looks crushed. She's like, I was going to make that little tiny man my bitch. She goes. He ghosted the fuck out of her. I was going to shove him inside of my vagina. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's how you get to know the dimensions. Also, he would have fit twice.
01:26:28
Speaker
Because ah if you don't know, Bob Hoskins is a tiny man. He's only five-five, we learned that. But he's pretty sure he's just afraid of heights, dude. Then we see the fungus king here. It's Dennis Hopper's parlor scene for the movie. He's talking to this ball sack that's hanging from the ceiling covered in jizz. And as soon as he opens the door, he goes, whoop, like a cold knight. And he's basically telling us what happened. He's telling us the story of what happened up to this point. Remember when I took over your fucking kingdom? I took over your kingdom, man. I don't know. This is a Dennis Hopper. You look like shit, mucus man. I can kind of do him from Waterworld. He can come collect what's resting you in a goddamn jar.
01:27:06
Speaker
I had it earlier and I can't get to it now. I can't feel it in my mouth. I can't feel Dennis Hopper in my mouth. Dennis Hopper has left my mouth building. Mow. Mow. Dennis Hopper would be so disappointed that you could not feel him in your mouth at this point in time. No, it was earlier and then he finished. Maybe I just want you to remember it forever. I always think of like the it's the classic like easy rider era, Dennis Hopper. That's my thought on him or or even in speed. He's kind of doing the same thing where he's like he's got that like stoner guy voice, is you know, the old druggie voice, you know, it's like you have to keep it above 55. I mean, because it comes from ah easy rider and and yeah apocalypse now. So, yeah, it's that very bandana over the head. But he has that.
01:27:54
Speaker
emphasis on like like certain people say certain words ah yeah tom behreringer says and he has that emphasis on god damn like he has that like this god damn plan god damn like a he just he owns god damn yeah that's his that's his it's his so mario and luigi are trying to escape whatever Oh, they end up changing here. They go into the plumber, the basement, and they see all these pipes, and they're like, this is a plumber's nightmare, whatever. They turn all the air conditioning on. Off. Yeah, they turn the heater off. Yeah, and then yeah we all assumed like, oh, this is going to freeze, and it's going to make the dinosaurs slower as science works. right But it just affects them in no way whatsoever. yeah No way. all I guess you couldn't really tell. These things are already lumbering and slow. They can't get much slower unless they stop. All it did was harden Marisa Tome's nips across the room.
01:28:49
Speaker
I'm back in. I'm back in. I could cut glass over here. That's how we escape. Help me with this brawler. Oh, my God. Can we talk about this escape room? Oh, we're not there yet. Well, in the basement, they get their their iconic jumpers or whatever they are. The and they do that work suits like like like like like like like like they're called Thwomp boots, which make no sense because Thwomp is a giant fucking rock with a face. Well, you can crush things. They fall. I know, but to his point in, I think it was number, no, Super Mario, you had that boot that you could get inside of. Yeah. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, there was a boot that's the only way you could walk on the little piranha plants. Yeah, there was a goomba that hopped around in a boot and then you jumped on the goomba and you could get in a boot and then use the boot to jump across spikes and goombas and shit. And piranha belts. You know, logic.
01:29:37
Speaker
OK. Because three had all these like complex fucking levels that you use different tools in each level. It was three. It was three because I had a tanooki suit and all that. and I might have to start playing it. Yeah. But so they're trying to escape they go into the elevator, which is a good idea All the alarms are going off and the Goombas start filtering into the elevator and John Leguizamo has the brilliant idea to distract the Goombas by making them dance to the elevator music. I Guess it works. It's a slow song. it's everybody who walks ah It's I Have ah seen a large group of stupid people and you
01:30:13
Speaker
Can play a song and notice go right along with it. So this is there's there's truth. If you don't think so, go to a fucking unhappy hour and request 500 miles. Lee Greenwood has an entire goddamn career based off of God bless the USA. So I would say I would put it out there. If this movie was made now, it would be that to the left, to the left, to the right. It would be that song. Well, I like the Tootsie Roll. OK, that's Tootsie Roll. But it would be like. Yeah, that is the Tootsie Roll. No, that's not to the left. Cotton candy, sweet as whatever. Cotton candy, sweet and low. Let me see that Tootsie Roll. I'm talking about the one where everybody gets in a fucking group and does a line dance. You're talking about a shot slide.
01:31:00
Speaker
Cupid Shuffle. Cupid Shuffle. Now, I'm with Derek and they all go one step, one clap. Now, y'all. Josh slides to cancer. yeah I fucking hate Josh or Cupid Shuffle. Cupid Shuffle is another one. I can't stand that shit because he worked at a crab shack. Yeah, I hate him. Talk about Ty dying inside. But so Lena tries to kill Yoshi and all this stuff. That's when Daisy escapes. They end up meeting back in the fungus room. Daisy has found her fungus. A little bit more exposition from her. Like, hey, here, just in case you didn't catch it. Split dimensions. This is my father. Yes, they do. John Leguizamo tries to shake his hand. But like, you're just rubbing his balls. Did you just figure my dad? There's something sticking out of it. Like something protrudes out. And so he shakes it.
01:31:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's gross anyway. Don't touch my dad's ball sack no matter what sticks out of it. It could have been a dick. It could have been a dick. We say hello with our mouth in this world. Hello. Culture. Cultures. Daisy tells Mario that Daniella's been kidnapped and she's there and his first response is, Daniella, I was supposed to take her to WrestleMania. This got a good tickle out of me, dude. She's a smoke show, right? And a kind of classy broad to a degree. You're gonna take me to Wrestlefucking Mania. Also, this was like early 90s Wrestlemanias.
01:32:24
Speaker
This could have been a good or bad one. You had the Undertaker there? Undertaker is definitely fucking there. Somebody called Undertaker's mother. He's dead. But I feel like around this time... Here comes Mick Foley with the steel chair.
01:32:41
Speaker
But so Mario sneaks in to try to free the girls and he sees Daniella sees him and he's like, be quiet. And she's like, cool, be quiet. Got it. Talk about your blackout plumber. Goes and tells Queen's Dome. He's like, she's like, my boyfriend, Mario's up there. Hey, Mario. Mario! Look at him up there slithering around like Doihart even. Ho, ho, ho. Now he's got a machine gun. You can take the loud bitch out of the hood. You can never take the hood out of the loud bitch. You're correct. You can't do it. It's like just simmer down for one minute. So then they do this luge level that Nintendo stole for Super Mario 64, where they go through these frozen ice tunnels, but they're being pursued by Goombas. Yeah, the Goombas are going faster because they're heavier. There's no way they could have caught up. Yeah, they're heavier, dude.
01:33:34
Speaker
I'm assuming that's the logic, the as in so far as logic exists in this universe. Even though as we know, their bones are mostly hollow, much like the birds. Much like the earth. This chase was where I took my periodic one-minute weed naps, because it goes on for way too fucking long. I've heard of a disco nap, but a reggae nap. Oh, no. i just ah Again, like the other thing that he wasn't happy about, somebody's proud of this. You know, I'm not saying it should be this long, but that's why they do it. They're like, look at this. We've got this little set. We got a mattress. It's home is going down it. It's just like the feel the rhythm. Feel the rhyme. Get on up. It's bobsled time. Cool running. It's not a 90s movie unless there's an extreme sport involved. So you we've thrown that in there. and All right. Did you want this or fucking rollerblades? And someone has those boots are kind of overestimated the fact that, you know what? It's going to be a kids movie, right? So
01:34:30
Speaker
We're going to put in like mattress snowboarding. Well, and I don't know if we're going to put it in there for way too goddamn long. I don't know if this was a Disney. Oh, it was Hollywood Pictures. So it was Disney. I was like, I know it's Disney now. I didn't know if they bought somebody. Hollywood Pictures was Disney. So but maybe it was supposed to be a ride if this movie was successful. this is not a terrible idea yeah you know you go let me go through this the luge on your little hey now they have Super Mario Brothers World and Universal Studios I know I want to know I'm upset that I cannot go to Disneyland but and go on a ride where I ride an ice luge mattress
01:35:07
Speaker
with a bunch of dirty Brooklyn hookers. There's always somebody smoking a cigarette right behind you. where Someone is always ah just like Disneyland. Just like Disneyland. But one of the dumber parts of the movie, it's like you're watching this somewhat exciting, stupid movie and then they launch out of this tunnel and this mattress just flies over all this stuff. Like this is like it's like someone watched or played Super Mario two and they were like, oh, it's like the flying carpet. Yeah. Oh, is that what it's supposed to be? I must be because this thing flies across Dino Hatton. Uh-huh. Like Mario is like, come with me, bros. I'm going to show you a whole new world. It's actually called Main Street.
01:35:47
Speaker
ah I liked your joke better. A whole new world. Don't you dare close your eyes. We've got to get to work. Someone's got to do Jasmine's part as Marisa Tomei. Wait, Jasmine's part? I was going to make her the genie. You ain't never had a friend like me. Can your friend do this? Did your friend always smoke?
01:36:12
Speaker
Phenomenal cosmic power. Itty bitty living space. Just like back home. Talking about overpriced rent. I mean, I'm reels. But so Mario launches this rocket boot at Koopa and knocks him into this container That's hanging above the road for some reason and bullet bill which why would a goddamn boot shoot a bullet bill? But no that's that's how they rocket you put the bullet bill in and that's like the fuel for your rocket. It's your cartridge They should have fucking had like a Gameboy cartridge
01:36:42
Speaker
Yeah, that would've made more sense. That would've made so much more sense, because I don't think we talked about it. It was like the game, sir. I don't know if we've talked about it or it hasn't come up yet, but there's so much placement for the, uh, what's the super scope and the fucking... Yeah, that's coming up right now. Oh, yeah of this this fucking part of the movie. This shit. Those are the de-evolution guns. They're just the super scope six from, uh, Super Nintendo. Yeah. Which I was one of, like, the only people on the planet who I think owned one. Yeah, it definitely wasn't me. There was like that one game that had all that like we shot of the fucking giant robots. Yeah, it was the only game was fuck. The only game I know of that used the super scope was the super scope game. And it had a bunch of minigames in it where you shot like rockets out of the air. You shot robots, like there's different levels where you're just shooting stuff with a rocket launcher. Yeah, it's terrorist training.
01:37:32
Speaker
Well, thing we moved away from that. They're not using Xbox and PlayStation remotes for drones. Well, I mean, to be fair, like, to me, like, I was one of those people that thought the Super Scope made sense because, like, I played the original n NES and, like, that goddamn gun. Like, I used to play Hogan's Alley. and I didn't play any of it. Like, Duck Hunt and shit as a kid. I played that shit. I did play Duck Hunt. Constantly. Yeah. And that was fun. And that was and Super Scope used the exact same technology. It was white flashes on the screen and it read your thing somehow. And that makes me wonder if it you could use the same trick you used on Duck Hunt, where you could just point it at a really bright light and click it and it would hit everything. I didn't know about that trick. I didn't need to cheat. I found out about it later. Oh, I never got to test it out.
01:38:12
Speaker
But this cauldron doodad that he falls into and then falls into again in a few minutes. I think this might be a video game reference because the final boss battle against Bowser in Super Mario World is him in that big clown face helicopter ball. Yeah. It's become like iconic almost. The one that dips down, you got to jump on top of. Yeah. So that's got to be, I mean, that might just be me doing work that Rocky and Annabelle didn't do, but sure. I think it was too early for that. Do we see it or do we want to see it? Yeah, I think we just want to see it. I think it was too early for that, but- Well, the Super Mario World had already come out. That's why he added the dinosaurs, because he's like, they got dinosaurs?
01:38:52
Speaker
That makes sense. Oh, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, we did talk about that. Yeah. So maybe maybe it's we want to see it. Maybe it's there. So the the fungus has given... Maybe it's Maybelline.
01:39:04
Speaker
fungus has given Mario a Bob-omb at some point here um and at this point it's Mario facing off with Koopa he pulls out the Bob-omb and everybody around him flips the fuck out dude this is like a weapon of mass destruction like every yeah a weapon of mass determination uh-huh because he's such a thing down thing dude yeah and it's got those little like watching think it's a wind-up It also looks like a child's fucking art project. Yeah It looks hot looks awful. They painted a ping pong ball black and then someone added I actually have a Bob-bom toy at my house. It looks much better than this Oh, yeah came filled with candy
01:39:44
Speaker
Yeah, they call it a it's in in the subtitles. It's Bob. Ohm. Yeah, Bob. Ohm. And I always said Bob. Ohm. I always thought it was Bob. I thought it was B.A. hyphen. B.O.M.B. B.O.B. hyphen. Ohm. B.O.M.B. Like Scott Pilgrim versus the world. Sex Bob-omb. It always comes back to Scott Pilgrim or dude. That's his favorite. That's their band. Sex Bob-omb. Sex Bob-omb. But yeah, so the Bob-omb falls down and Koopa's like, oh you're an idiot, but you know, they they it comes back. And the world starts to fade between, the sorry, the fabric
Comedy and Product Placement
01:40:21
Speaker
between worlds. Yeah, because Lena is putting the rock in the meteorite. She was mad this whole time. Anytime Koopa's like, we need the princess, she's like, but like what do you what do you need the princess for? not Not telling her the princess is the only one that can take this power. Correct. Probably because she spent her whole life with this meteorite, so she's got a little resistance to it.
01:40:41
Speaker
But yeah, she's just she's just jealous that Koopa's not actually trying to fuck the princess, but that's what she thinks. Well, she she tries. She acquires the rock. But she also doesn't tell him I have the rock because she because what she tries to say is, hey, Koopa, I want you to do this together. And he goes, nah, bitch, it's just me. And she's all like, nah, I got the rock. But you can't talk to a megalomaniac like that. Well, he does say all I'm worried about is the future of our species. So maybe she's like, oh, he just wants to fuck the princess.
01:41:12
Speaker
Yeah. Which, by the way, even with everyone with other makeup on, this is the only person with minimal makeup that looks like an actual lizard. Yes. So I need like, i I trust her. But I swear to God, she walked into Cassie and they're like, huh, you got it. When she tries to. No, they asked her. Someone just saw her at a Planet Hollywood. I once saw you eating a snack and I thought you'd make a great lizard. I watched you slurp up. She is like was like growing a steak into the back of her throat. I was watching you eat crickets and I thought... I saw a fly land in your mouth and you thought, I don't hate this.
01:41:49
Speaker
But when she does try to when she does try to merge the worlds, she puts the the crystal in there, she gets exploded and shoved back into a wall and turns into a skeleton. Dude, Johnny Legge is the most fucking heartless bastard in this movie. He's like, hey, I guess she made a good impression. yeah Dude, this is I know that she was a bad guy, but this is a life. Yeah. you I mean, he doesn't really... Has he even spoken to her? No. No. So he's just like, she made a great impression. Like we know she's a bad guy, but he doesn't. This bitch is smoked into the wall as a skeleton. Her hair fragments still also somehow. Well, because their lizards, their hair has the wall. That's what I was just thinking.
01:42:29
Speaker
ah electric Oh, because she gets electrocuted before this too. Can I just touch on the fact that both of us, Jack and I had the same thought of, oh, their hair has bones as if that's a thought a human should have? Yeah. Just a normal thought was like, oh, they evolved where their bones get really, really thin and looks like air. That's why his stands up like that. That's why his is braided. it's You've never heard of a braided bone? Yeah. they're Well, they're not even it's not really braided. they're like They're like really gelled up ridges. No, we're talking about yeah last much longer than like we would assume that like and also you don't become an instant fossil when your hair is like fuck. i don't I'm just going to say there's not a lot of science out there for instant fossilization. I'm not I am not a fictional archaeologist. I'm not a crypto archaeologist.
01:43:17
Speaker
So this is where Bob comes in. Oh, yeah I want to talk about something that happened at the movie when I saw it at the loft. So this scene where the worlds are merging. Koopa has his two towers. Very reminiscent of the Twin Towers. One of the towers is destroyed. Watching this in the theater, that's when he gets into starts merging with the real world. The Koopa towers merge into the ah the twin towers. Yeah. the World Trade Center. It ages phenomenally. And one of the towers is broken in half and smoking the whole theater. And this is a crowd that could be easily offended by some things, but they weren't. The whole town a whole crowd, when that happened, just goes, oh, yikes. That's a capital yikes. When we all watch it together, it happens and I literally win. Well, that shit aged really well. Well, you see, so Osama bin Laden was a big fan of the Super Mario Brothers movie, and he's like, I have an idea, guys. I'm not doing a voice. Yeah, i do let's see. Think of a voice. du Can you do an Irish? It's been me, Osama. Oh, mickey yeah.
01:44:22
Speaker
There's your voice. Hey, I gotta go to plan. I got an idea here. I got a good idea. We're gonna take it to the towers. I'm gonna bump in the towers, okay? We're gonna turn, no, people don't have fucking meatballs. I really like to do Super Mario, but in the movie, I like to do Yoshi. I really wanna watch Lady and Tramp for some reason now. I don't know why. Because of the spaghetti and meatball. Oh my god. Anyway, so they're in the real world. They're in for dance.
01:44:52
Speaker
Oh no! Oh no, it's at the infidela!
01:45:00
Speaker
the Italian food even though my name is Osama.
01:45:07
Speaker
I got these rocket launchers from a Rambo. You think I emerges into our world and
01:45:24
Speaker
You try and move along and you should, but you gotta to let it rest for a moment. You gotta let it marinate. My man just dropped into Osama bin Laden doing Mario brother. You gotta let it marinara a little bit. Alrighty. It's a me, a capitalism.
01:45:47
Speaker
I got a one thing to say to you America. ma
01:45:56
Speaker
Wow. ah Go back and watch that 11 footage and every time the plane hits, just go. Wow. Or when a person falls out of a window. Once again, cut that the Mario soundboard was completely fucking necessary. So that's your new job is to have a soundboard for the movie that we did. I don't think you want me having that power. You have the power. Oh, my God. What you don't want is a bunch of unchecked power. OK. So the worlds have merged. Hold on, I gotta get back into character. Mow. Mow. It's a me. Dez Hopper shoots Scapelli with the super scope and Scapelli turns into a chimp.
01:46:38
Speaker
Some monkey. He does have a great delivery. It just laughs. Monkey. Monkey. And I love the the the goon that's with Scapelli. And he's like, boss? And he picks him up. And I think Scapelli just in his face. I am always terrified ah for people picking up chimps, man. We've seen nope. Yeah. We've talked about it. We've also, you also, because I said the same thing, what happened to all this chimp's teeth. And you're like, you've seen nope. Yeah, they fucking pulled them teeth. No, the truth is, it's probably a very old monkey. And so it's not going to bite you. If it does, those hands could crush your throat. I don't know, man. The monkey did not have a pussy haircut, and I did appreciate that. Oh, they should have given the monkey the Scapellia haircut. No Scapellia haircut. Slick back his hair, put a pussy on the back. Put a pussy on it. I was done with wanting to fuck that dude's hair by the point of motion. It's the most aroused I've ever been by a hairstyle. Yeah, it was. No, you were pretty aroused by Linus. This is more. But Dennis Hopper tries to shoot Mario with the de-evolution gun. He's got one of these mushrooms that have been growing on the fungus. Believe in the fungus. Because Johnny Legg's been grabbing it and throwing it on his little tool belt. Yeah. Because the whole time he's like, got to believe, got to believe. It grows large and it blocks the de-evolution gun. And then Luigi and Daisy end up pulling the rock out of the meteor so everybody gets sucked back. Well, it's their first day. You got to pull out and we get a split second of Bob Hoskins growing really large before he gets teleported. Yeah, I was expecting him to be really large. It's got to be. That's I mean, it's got to be a nod, right? Use the mushroom. He got large, but they couldn't do it. I was hoping he'd spit fireballs, spit hot fire. It's one of those things that happens when
01:48:23
Speaker
10 people write your fucking movie. Yeah, it's a thumbprint of that. It is 10 fucking thumbprint. But I'm glad they left it that part in there because it had to have been. I'm going to take it. I'm going to take it as a nod. li yeah Yeah, you have to have somebody get big from a mushroom at some point. Yeah. And when they when they get back to Dino Hatton, they're on the other side of the causeway because the bob-omb is still trucking. The other side of Main Street. Yeah. With an M. Mame Street. I'll say it again. Mame Street. But this thing is climbing up the wall right underneath Dennis Hopper and it gets right underneath him and it's got Reeboks on, which is fun. It's not. ah This is the dumbest product placement because they're first of all, they're not real shoes. Put those put the Reebok on the Thwomp boots, right?
01:49:08
Speaker
like there you go Second of all, to I think it was Brandon who said this looks like a children's toy or poorly painted children's art project. Yes. These Reebok things are like stickers that someone just slapped on. They're not straight. Here's what happened. Here's what happened. Reebok paid them for an ad thinking they were going to get the swamp boots. And they were like, shit, you gave us this much? Just put a little Reebok sticker on the bomb bomb. You know what? Reeboks took too long to get back to them. They'd already made the Thwomp boots. So they were like, well, just put the sticker on there. Last minute decision. Oh, I feel like those boots, they literally floated it out there immediately, like, hey, what shoe company wants to sponsor these bitches? Why wouldn't you?
01:49:44
Speaker
You know what? It was because this was the 16th week of shooting and they were like, we're out of money, guys. Who can we get? Reebok's like, we'll give you a couple bucks. Call the insane asylum that made this bomb and just see if they can paint a Reebok on the bottom of the shoe because this is made by a mad person. So the bomb explodes. It launches Koopa into back into the thingy. I don't know what it's called. The doodad that's floating. The Nexus. ah Now, that's where they went through. No, it's it's a bucket. Yeah, the flying bucket. It's holding gravel or asphalt or something. It's a black blanket. And no point for it. But he gets the dee evolution. Oh, that's what launches them. And he gets blessed with the evolution ray and gets launched into there. And when he pops back out, he's a dinosaur.
01:50:31
Speaker
Yeah. It's a hard question, Mark. He talks about being from a T-Rex, so this is their interpretation of a T-Rex, I guess. Well, it's their interpretation of what Koopa it would look like in this universe, I suppose. Yeah, because when it de-evolves more, once they keep shooting it, it turns into more of a real T-Rex. So I think this is like, this is somewhere between T-Rex and human. Somewhere in here is what Koopa probably should have looked like. We got to make it look like video game Koopa. So there is a tie of this movie. Well, not this movie, but what this movie could have been to previous to last week's episode, cast a deadly spell. Go on. In the art book that I have, when they have the artwork of all the different drawings that Koopa could look like, I mean, it's six or seven pages of dozens of drawings of different Koopa designs. I'm going to have to look at this someday.
01:51:16
Speaker
on one of the pages up in the corner, there's a drawing of the werewolf from cast a deadly spell. And it says something about like Koopa's cousin question mark. So like they're looking at that as like a, what Koopa could have looked like that, but a dinosaur or a dragon. Why would a werewolf? Well, I don't think it's like, like they're using it like this artist notes. So it's like, look at this. It is kind of related to what we want Koopa to look like, but with scales instead of hair. OK. Although he did have red hair in that in those drawings. He had a big red mullet, kind of like Koopa has in the games. I was like, didn't or Bowser or Bowser. Yeah, because he's Koopa. He's Koopa in the early games. He's Bowser once you get to Super Mario. Uh huh. But he gets turned. He gets blasted enough that he turns into primordial ooze. And I mean, this looks.
01:52:02
Speaker
It's slightly better than Time Cop. Yeah, well, better than Time Cop is a low bar, but yes, I know it's a low bar, so but um we we love we've compared this movie to spot already. So we are setting these low bars and this movie is barely clearing them. But like, you know, when ah ah actor activist Ron Silva emerges with himself at the end of of Time Cop and turns into a blob, that's kind of what this looks like, but a little better. ah um And he splashes onto the ground and that's the end of Koopa. We get the celebration and we get the line that Brandon referenced earlier with Johnny Leggs still has the boots and he's like, step on my feet and they fly over the crowd and fucking Bob Hoskins is doing his best princess die. Think of a little girl at a wedding. Not running into a wall waving. It is a fucking father daughter dance at a quinceanera. I was gonna say, think of a little girl dancing on her uncle's feet at a wedding. Okay, yeah. It is humiliating for Bob Hoskins. But Johnny Legs has never felt bigger. Because Bob Hoskins is standing on Johnny Legs' feet and his head is still below. but Also, it is called Mario Brothers. You are Mario.
01:53:10
Speaker
You are supposed to be the main character of this movie, and you are standing on your fucking little brother's feet. Luigi was always taller than Mario. But also, also... There's a spinoff. Mario used his boots earlier when the one launched Dennis Hopper off the thing and the other one he launched into a Goomba's face. So Johnny Legs is the only one who still has boots. There was supposed to be a spinoff of this called Luigi Board, and it never took off. And for the Tucson fans, it was going to be catered by Luigi's. And we we get a really cool ah cameo at the end. And I'm going to stick by really cool. OK. I agree. The king transforms back into the king, as he does at the end of all your Super Mario 3 levels, right? Yeah.
01:53:53
Speaker
And it's Lance Hendrickson playing the king. And he's got one line, two technically. I think it's like a dot, dot, dot. It's an ellipses. Yeah. But he's he says, ah what is it? ah He says, I'm back or he coughs into his hand first and Rice Krispies come flying out, which is what they were. It was his idea. And he just says, I'm back. Love those plumbers. Yeah. They paid Lance Hendrickson whatever scale is for Screen Actors Guild. Twenty thousand dollars to show up. Well deserved. Well deserved, too. I just give me any Lance Hendrickson. I loved it. And he's like, I can buy some shoes now. The movie's pretty much over about a pair of shoes. And what about his day? We'll buy a pair of thwomps with this.
01:54:34
Speaker
So, yeah, now we're back at the meteorite. She's going to put or she's not putting the crystal in because they had already gotten the girls. though She's all of a sudden mastered this, by the way. yes Yeah, she just points the crystal. It makes lasers something, something because her father told her. Yeah, sweet she doesn't want to merge the world. She just wants to open the portal. Correct. She stays behind. The Mario Brothers go back and we cut to three weeks later in a very audacious move for this movie, setting up a sequel. Just a giant set of mushroom balls you have. Because they're in the house. They're watching a Miraculous World from the beginning. They're seeing themselves on TV. They're talking about.
01:55:14
Speaker
Not on the actual news, just on Miraculous World. Go on. Even though there is footage of Goombas, this would be on the real news. With the old white reporter going... I wouldn't just call them the Mario Brothers. I would call them the Super Mario Brothers. And everybody took a drink. And then everyone took a drink because we needed it. Yes. And then Daisy kicks the door in and she's like, you guys, you have to come with me. They don't hesitate. They start grabbing their tool belts because you always need pipe wrenches.
01:55:49
Speaker
It's also Ridley with a fucking grenade strapped to her fucking chest. And we get the we're never going to believe it this. No, I believe you believe. Also, I believe and I know this is where I think about it. Like, OK, let's say that they had have made a sequel. Where would they have gone with it? Nowhere. So they absolutely they would have been talking to turnip people. They would have gone to the dungeon worlds. Ooh. She was on fire. She was on fire, guys. I don't want that version of Shy Guys. She would have been in the dungeon well. I would love the Shy Guys. That's one of my favorite characters in Mario Brothers.
01:56:38
Speaker
You know what? You got the shy guys. They were called, they were called gas mask wearing trash men. There you go. You said they weren't Mario characters. Bang. I just figured it out. We got shy guys. So that's it for this movie. Oh, there is a stinger. Oh yeah yeah. Movie's over. Dot, dot, dot. I thought that I made this up or had like a fever dream about it. And once you said something, I was like, no, I swear to God. But it cuts to a couple of Nintendo video game executives. Well, they're like Japanese guys, but I think that's the idea is it's supposed to be like Nintendo. And they say we want to make a video game based on your exploits. What would you call it? And cut to Iggy and Spike. I'd call it the great Ignatius. so No, no, no, no. Super spikes adventures. They look at each other. The Koopa twins. Super Koopa cousins. Super Koopa cousins fate. Now the movie's over. Yeah.
01:57:27
Speaker
That's the sequel. Super cool because it's starring Fisher Stevens and that other guy. Because you can get him still. And that's the end of the movie. So we'll do recommendations. We'll start with our esteemed guest, Brandon. Do you recommend this movie? I would watch it. I would watch it again. Yeah. Yes. Like right now. I do recommend it. You know what? Just watch it. Like, watch it. I like it. Just don't attach. Super Mario Brothers to it too much. I mean, I agree with it all' do that. I agree with it, too. like I love this movie. I will always love this movie. It is kind of fun that it's Super Mario Brothers. The name is attached to it because we pick out things that like I mean, when they're going down the main street, there's all these little like bullet bills. There's the Hammer Brothers and yeah it's fun with that stuff. It's a great movie. No caveats needed. I could watch this alone. I could watch it sober. I won't, but I could.
01:58:19
Speaker
So the last time I recorded, I said I didn't like it. And then the moment I watched it again and I'm like, all right, it's growing on me. So you got it. Like you just you figured out what it was like, how you were supposed to watch it, I guess. Yes, I did. I figured it out. I don't know what I did. I was sober, but I had my friends with me. Did you get sleep last night? I did. That would be part of it. I did get sleep. I went to bed at midnight instead of three. um Yeah, she said I'm going to bed. I was like, it's eleven fifty six. What is this? Um, so yeah, i I actually do. I have to have Jack's caveats, though. You have to have at least friends with you to enjoy it and to talk with it and and just joke about it because it is a bad movie, but you need to watch it with friends. I would agree. And if you're going to take a weed nap,
01:59:04
Speaker
Take it during the, the, the lose. There's this lose scene. The dirty mattress lose. You know what? I would do the dirty mattress lose with all those tomes. That's a sex move. Yeah. So you do the first one and I'll do the second one. Yeah, I'll do the dirty mattress lose with any of them. ah But yeah, I'm obviously going to recommend this movie. This is the one of the reasons I started this podcast. um Oh, Sucker Punch, that's one of the other ones. Oh, it took me that long to remember. Oh, I want to come back for the Sucker Punch episode because I. Oh, my. You've got it. Fucking movie. So but one time I got to go see Conan O'Brien. I went and saw Conan O'Brien. I'm jealous. And Selena Gomez, I believe it who it is, it was the guest.
01:59:47
Speaker
OK, she's not in the movie. Well, well, somebody from Sucker Punch, someone from Sucker Punch and they not like a big star, like a Disney Channel star. that This is their only movie or whatever. And she lines it up and I'm kind of excited because I'm like, oh, this is a Snyder movie fucking cool. And she shows the trailer and you can fucking hear the murmur from everyone around going, ah this movie looks like shit.
02:00:13
Speaker
But yeah, obviously, like I said, I recommend this movie. So you did three times to us and to myself. yeah And it is harder to find. It's not streaming or anything. But the the Blu-ray discs and the 4K disc are available, like the special super like magnificent edition that I got. is not really available. I think they did do a rerelease, but you don't need to spend that money.
Film Acquisition and Cinematography
02:00:36
Speaker
No, you can get this on Blu-ray for like twenty five, twenty eight bucks or something from Umbrella, probably on Amazon. So, i you know, I think I think it was ah the directors fucked up a lot of it.
02:00:48
Speaker
And the studio obviously stepped in and fucked up a lot of it. But I thought it looked pretty decent. I mean, the guy who the cinematographer on this did Thunderdome and Mad Max. You know, he did he did some good movies. He did Dances with Wolves. It looks like those movies, too. It it looks good, like yeah it looks does yeah look good to beat a dead horse. It's acted phenomenally. Yeah. So that's, that's, that's my recommendation. Brandon, do you have anything you would like to plug since you're here with us? People can find you somewhere. Oh, you could check out my Instagram. I'm, uh, at burger time. That's B R G R underscore T I M E. Um, I DJ and host on happy hour.
02:01:33
Speaker
at Tucson's Music Box. Proud sponsor of this show. Yeah, they are. And that's that's that's that's a fun little time. You guys should all come down, try it. You'll like it. When is an unhappy hour? It's Wednesdays. We do it Wednesdays. It's ah actually we're recording this on a Wednesday. We are. So we're going to go do it right now in about an hour. We're going to do it in a happy hour. It's going to be a lot of fun. Let's go. Let's do it. It's it's a lot of like different stuff like all night, all night. Like I've heard you play some 80s music that I really get into. I play like everything. You're going to get whatever you feel like. Yeah, exactly. We were talking about earlier, you're a DJ, you play to your crowd and I do. We just like to play fun stuff. I come and see you often. It's a very. um
02:02:22
Speaker
Let's take that. You know, it's a party. It's a sad time. Well, misery loves company backed up on this, but I'll say thanks for joining. It was a good time here. I'm so happy. I got to finally do an episode with you guys. I always shoot you guys episodes. And then it's quite the same fast QMP. I do have to pee. I have two things to say. One, i it sucks. It took so long to get you on here. And two, I'm so fucking glad you're plainly made it. We love you. We it. I can't wait. like let's Let's do it again soon. I love your face. Oh, I love you guys too. We'll do it soon.
Future Plans and Conclusion
02:03:00
Speaker
but so Let's do repo min sometime. Oh, that's a good one.
02:03:06
Speaker
the 80s one right not the oh or the 80s ones okay thousand was a bad movie but not like we don't want to watch you're thinking of as repo the genetic opera oh you're damn right I am yeah anyway we gotta get out of here so next month this is the end of July so next month is August that's what our ship bird month that's when you do movies starring or about stupid shit bird children And we're going to kick it off with a movie about children being played by 25 and older people. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, the movie 1995. Oh, phenomenal. I have the unopened Blu-ray in my hand. I went to see this movie with my cousin as a child and.
02:03:46
Speaker
got to go to the bathroom afterwards and we watched a child shit into a urinal. It was incredible. Dude, that reminds me so much of the time that I didn't know how urinals worked and I was at a movie theater and I didn't take a shit. Oh, that you we're saving that for another time. All right. ah Don't forget to check out our Patreon, patreon dot.com slash worst people. It's only three dollars a month. You get bonus episodes. You get a hot took shots first early. You get other stuff. Check that out. And thank you, Vasion, for our opening and closing music. You can find them on Bandcamp and Spotify and whatnot. I have been Derek. I'm still Whitney Mall. It's still a me, Brandon. All right, guys, let's go to unhappy hour and get the bomb.
02:04:55
Speaker
Your ego is writing checks that your table can't cash. Exactly. Your table's writing checks that your... No, tables can't write checks. You're being dumb.