Transcript
Speaker: Hey, have you guys ever heard of Patreon?
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Speaker: Oompa Loompa Doop-a-dee-dee I've got another podcast for thee.
Speaker: Oompa Loompa Doop-a-dee-dots Let's get it started so we can do shots.
Speaker: What do you get?
Speaker: I'm Derek.
Speaker: I'm Whitney.
Speaker: I'm Jack.
Speaker: This is Bad Movies.
Speaker: Worst People.
Speaker: What do you get when Derek's the host?
Speaker: He cuts you off like you don't count.
Speaker: That doesn't rhyme.
Speaker: It doesn't.
Speaker: She didn't want to rhyme with that.
Speaker: So you can suck my balls a sack.
Speaker: In case you couldn't tell, we're doing Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Speaker: Dude, oh my God.
Speaker: So I had asked, how many times do you think you've watched this?
Speaker: First, let me say for anybody who may have just tuned in, yes, this is called Bad Movies, Worse People.
Speaker: Yes, we make fun of bad movies.
Speaker: This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, so we're doing mental health movies.
Speaker: So these are movies that we love.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I didn't think that you would have to say this every time, but even recently I was talking to a family member, and she's like, wait a minute.
Speaker: You did what?
Speaker: You did what episode?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Oh, it was Princess Bride.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: She's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker: I was like, it's Patreon.
Speaker: It's good.
Speaker: It's a good movie.
Speaker: Listen to it.
Speaker: Yes, because on our Patreon, we do this every month.
Speaker: Patreon.com slash worst people.
Speaker: Honestly, we did it because my husband murders us with terrible movies all the time.
Speaker: And Jack and I were about to walk out.
Speaker: You love it.
Speaker: I wasn't going to walk out.
Speaker: I have been stuck on this couch for 20 years because the floor is cold.
Speaker: As soon as I find my strength, though, Derek, I'm fucking out of here, dude.
Speaker: I've got a golden ticket.
Speaker: Yeah, let's get you a golden ticket.
Speaker: Your daughter works now, right?
Speaker: Can she pay for my tobacco?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: She'll take her 15 cents.
Speaker: She'll buy a loaf of bread, give us a nickel, and give you a nickel.
Speaker: Take that farthing you made today.
Speaker: So obviously Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original with Gene, I almost said Hackman, Gene Wilder.
Speaker: That would be a very different movie.
Speaker: Also scary.
Speaker: I was going to say, all of a sudden it's even scarier than it already was.
Speaker: It's more terrifying.
Speaker: It just went from G to R, like.
Speaker: There's no way of knowing where the rowers are rowing.
Speaker: It's less unhinged scary and it's more he's going to beat me to death.
Speaker: Listen, you little shit, I'm a little deafened this year, so speak up next time, fucker.
Speaker: So I had asked the boys, how many times do you think you've seen this?
Speaker: We are, Jack and I are born in the 80s.
Speaker: All three of us are born in the 80s.
Speaker: Well, yeah, Derek's not too much younger.
Speaker: He's not a Bobby.
Speaker: I mean.
Speaker: It's just one of those things that's so fucking hard to count.
Speaker: That's like asking how many times have I seen A New Hope every time it's on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: I have four younger siblings and I watched it at least 10 times with each of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that's at least 40 times.
Speaker: Not to mention how many times I watched it as a child.
Speaker: Derek said 100 mark.
Speaker: And I'm going to say complete watches.
Speaker: I'm probably under 100.
Speaker: But, you know, I mean, this is one of those ones that I've I mean, this is the definition of a mental health movie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like if I'm feeling shitty and I'm just sitting around, I'm like, I'll watch Billy Warren.
Speaker: I mean, even my 17-year-old daughter who was standing to the left and doing the Oompa Loompa dance.
Speaker: It sounded like you said dogger, like a dog daughter.
Speaker: I've been drinking all day, guys.
Speaker: That's okay.
Speaker: Doopity dots.
Speaker: Doopity dots.
Speaker: But my 17 year old daughter, doctor.
Speaker: Yep, there it is.
Speaker: It doesn't have a glottal stop, so it's not a double T, so I'm not going to emphasis.
Speaker: I'm not emphasising.
Speaker: On the syllable.
Speaker: On that syllable.
Speaker: But she was doing the Opa dance as it started.
Speaker: I don't know if you guys caught that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: But even she loves this movie.
Speaker: So here we are talking about how much we've all watched it and like there was just genuine smiles and laughs.
Speaker: It's not one of those ones like I've seen this.
Speaker: I can just go like make a sandwich while this part's on.
Speaker: There's only one part I wanted to go make a sandwich during and that's the mom singing.
Speaker: Other than that dude top to bottom music I like.
Speaker: That's a oh shit we watched previews and I'm out of popcorn.
Speaker: I'll be right back.
Speaker: yeah we're all laughing genuinely laughing i think that's the most i've laughed watching a movie in a while yeah on purpose good laughing i mean outside of maybe like when we all recently went and watched boy kills world but those are different laughs those were different laughs but those were and that was the first time we saw it so it's all brand new this is like i mean we were quoting this movie and singing along to it so i mean we should be able to not watch it for a podcast but i'm glad we did
Speaker: But I ask this question.
Speaker: Do you think we are the way we are because of Gene Wilder's interpretation of Willy Wonka in this movie?
Speaker: Definitely.
Speaker: It's a portion.
Speaker: It's a percentage.
Speaker: It's definitely the catalyst.
Speaker: And I just learned how percentages work from this movie.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So that's lucky.
Speaker: How do you do two out of a thousand?
Speaker: Well, he's way more than 2%.
Speaker: Way more.
Speaker: 20% is 15 half over again.
Speaker: I don't think that's right.
Speaker: Fucking English math.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: You know who didn't like this movie?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Should I slit their throat?
Speaker: Ebert?
Speaker: Roald Dahl.
Speaker: Who the fuck is that?
Speaker: The guy who wrote the book.
Speaker: Seriously?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because he thought they ruined it.
Speaker: Because there's a lot of changes.
Speaker: The book is much darker.
Speaker: Okay, I do remember when... Which is surprising to say.
Speaker: What's his fuck?
Speaker: Tim Burton.
Speaker: Yeah, the Tim Burton version.
Speaker: I was going to say Johnny Depp.
Speaker: Yeah, and Tim Burton's is more of a direct adaptation of the book.
Speaker: I do remember hearing that, but this one is better.
Speaker: Yeah, it doesn't mean it's better.
Speaker: Actually, I read a clip of a segment of an interview with Gene Wilder asking him about that movie because he was still alive when that came out because he has passed away, rest in pictures.
Speaker: Rest in pictures.
Speaker: But he said he really liked Johnny Depp's performance, but he really didn't like the movie.
Speaker: But he also said he's like, I don't like it when people remake the movies I was in.
Speaker: So yeah, why would you?
Speaker: Especially when it's this, like if he would have shot the bed.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's get to the tail of the tape, though, so we can figure out, like, did this make money?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: That's who else hated this movie.
Speaker: Everybody in 1971.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: This movie costs only three million dollars to make.
Speaker: In 1971.
Speaker: So that's what?
Speaker: Three hundred million today.
Speaker: About three billion.
Speaker: Kerbillion.
Speaker: It's a kerbillion, sir.
Speaker: And it made $643,000 worldwide.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: And 573,000 of that was North America.
Speaker: Okay, I was going to say, is this an American movie or is this an English movie?
Speaker: It's an English movie made in Germany for Americans.
Speaker: Americans are the only ones who liked it, apparently.
Speaker: Because we like that sweet, sweet candy.
Speaker: But also, I don't know what the worldwide state of cinema was at the time.
Speaker: China market wasn't what it is today, by any means.
Speaker: Would they have liked this movie anyway?
Speaker: It doesn't matter.
Speaker: It's a mute point.
Speaker: A moot point.
Speaker: It's a moo point.
Speaker: A moo point, like a cow's opinion.
Speaker: It doesn't matter.
Speaker: Directed by Mel Stewart Who I was going through his stuff Because I felt like I recognized the name And I think I recognized it from this movie Yeah Because everything He directed a bunch of stuff But it's a lot of like Documentary type stuff That would make sense If you know him from this And then Roald Dahl Like I said He wrote He wrote the original screenplay
Speaker: But then another guy, and I didn't find this out until later, so I don't have the other guy's name, because he was only credited as like joke guy.
Speaker: He punched up the script.
Speaker: He's the jack of the script.
Speaker: He jacked that script.
Speaker: Yeah, he did.
Speaker: Jacked all over it.
Speaker: But he wrote the original screenplay for it.
Speaker: He also wrote two other screenplays that I noticed.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You Only Live Twice, James Bond movie.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: And Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Speaker: That was the other big one when I was a child.
Speaker: Dick Van Dyke?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Fuck yeah.
Speaker: If you watched... Okay, there was three big top movies when I was a child.
Speaker: Mary Poppins.
Speaker: This movie, Willy Wonka.
Speaker: And Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Speaker: You can take Chitty Chitty Bang Bang out and put in Sound of Music.
Speaker: Take Sound of Music out and put in Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
Speaker: You can take all those out because I've never seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Speaker: I think I saw Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
Speaker: I made you watch it.
Speaker: No, no, you made me buy it, but I think it's still got plastic on it.
Speaker: No, we watched it.
Speaker: I mean, it's on Disney Plus.
Speaker: You could have watched it without opening.
Speaker: That was before Disney Plus.
Speaker: Nothing was before Disney Plus.
Speaker: That's how we tell time since COVID.
Speaker: But you brought up New Hope because I was thinking when she asked how many times I've seen this, I'm like, I've seen this more than I've seen any movie.
Speaker: Maybe any movie.
Speaker: Maybe not New Hope or Empire New Hope Jedi because even as a kid, if I watched it, I watched them all.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I had the VHS and I was like, I'm watching this one.
Speaker: Well, I guess I'm watching the next one.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And I never rewound him, so I had to rewind and wait.
Speaker: You got to be kind.
Speaker: No, I don't.
Speaker: I think my childhood times, I remember nine years old, The Little Mermaid, I literally watched.
Speaker: I can recite that movie verbatim from play.
Speaker: Did you ever notice that she has six sisters?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're the seven C's.
Speaker: Seven C's.
Speaker: And she's the Red Sea.
Speaker: She is the Red Sea.
Speaker: Wait, so they're the seven gods.
Speaker: The seven C's.
Speaker: Get it?
Speaker: I also had the VHS tape that had the dicks.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I still have that.
Speaker: My dog ate it.
Speaker: My dog ate my dick.
Speaker: I had a dog, a Sharpay.
Speaker: His name was Fondue.
Speaker: I fucking love this dog.
Speaker: He literally ate my homework and my teacher laughed in my face.
Speaker: I was like, no, here you go.
Speaker: And you said, Fondue, don't do that.
Speaker: And I handed her my homework that literally was chewed up by a dog.
Speaker: And she was like, oh, oh, when you caught him, what are you fun doing?
Speaker: He was a good sharp.
Speaker: He was a good boy.
Speaker: For those who don't know, Roald Dahl wrote a lot of children's books.
Speaker: Speaking of getting fun diddled.
Speaker: He was a Catholic.
Speaker: And a lot of them have been turned into movies, both good and bad.
Speaker: The Witches, which has a good and bad.
Speaker: Is that Jack Nicholson we're talking there?
Speaker: No, The Witches with, what's her fuck?
Speaker: The mice.
Speaker: Cher?
Speaker: The people turned into mice.
Speaker: Angelica Houston.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I was like, I can't think of who's in it.
Speaker: Cher.
Speaker: Morticia.
Speaker: Do you believe in life after mice?
Speaker: Morticia, Angelica Houston, plays one of the witches and there's a bunch of old people who turn the people into... You say Morticia, you should go Royal Tenenbaums with him.
Speaker: Royal Tenenbaums.
Speaker: Okay, I know who you're talking about now.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: James and the Giant Peach, which was made into a phenomenal stop motion, like claymation.
Speaker: I was actually wondering where you're going to sit on that.
Speaker: I mean, I haven't seen it since I was a child, but I fucking loved it.
Speaker: Same energy.
Speaker: Matilda, the Fantastic Mr. Fox, which became a Wes Anderson movie.
Speaker: Matilda the cartoon or the one with Vito?
Speaker: He wrote the book.
Speaker: Oh, the books.
Speaker: So there's been there was what a cartoon and there was a movie and now there's another new movie that I haven't seen.
Speaker: All I've seen from the new movie is it's like Matilda the musical.
Speaker: It was like a Netflix thing I think was a video that people have put online where this dance these kids are doing syncs up perfectly to Dragula by Rob Zombie.
Speaker: That's all I need to know about that.
Speaker: I honestly think that's from the original.
Speaker: Death through the ditches and spades through the witches.
Speaker: Is it from the new one?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: He wrote the BFG, which became a Steven Spielberg animated movie that I never saw.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Big fucking giant?
Speaker: No, Big Freaky Ginger.
Speaker: Oh, it was about you?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then, of course, he wrote a series of short stories that became another Wes Anderson, well, series of short films.
Speaker: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I have nothing to say on that.
Speaker: You watched it.
Speaker: Did I?
Speaker: It was the Netflix thing that came out last year.
Speaker: She still has nothing to say about it.
Speaker: With Benedict Cumberbatch.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And they're all narrating to the TV.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Then there was the three other ones, The Swan, Rat Catcher, and Poison.
Speaker: Wes Anderson?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It has the dude from IT Crowd.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Richard Ioti.
Speaker: Oh, I love him.
Speaker: Ralph Fiennes.
Speaker: I think it's Ralph Fiennes.
Speaker: I always get the mixed up.
Speaker: I say Ralph.
Speaker: Save it.
Speaker: Rafe me again.
Speaker: That's a bunch of background.
Speaker: That's a bunch of background on this children's movie that we've already made.
Speaker: Dick, rape, fart, and I'm pretty sure there's a cum joke in there.
Speaker: Hey.
Speaker: If not, I'll work on one.
Speaker: Welcome to the worst people part of the show.
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: I absolutely, like we said earlier, there's only one part we hate.
Speaker: Don't hate.
Speaker: It's not hate.
Speaker: It's just, here's your pee break, which is early in the movies.
Speaker: That sucks.
Speaker: Here's your, here's your get up and do something.
Speaker: Here's for your parents.
Speaker: Like, yeah.
Speaker: This movie does follow the trend of the rest of our mental health month though.
Speaker: Didn't make money.
Speaker: Like I said, it didn't make money.
Speaker: It was widely disliked until it came out on home video.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, shit, this wasn't popular until the 80s?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's when it really gained traction.
Speaker: It's such a wild thing to think about in the 70s.
Speaker: You went to a theater.
Speaker: You didn't watch movies at home.
Speaker: You went and saw whatever was in theaters three times, four times until it changed.
Speaker: And if this movie... Well, not if.
Speaker: Because this movie did so bad, it just got fucking shelved and put away until VHS.
Speaker: So, I want to say it was the children that saw it in the 70s that loved it, but the parents didn't like it.
Speaker: So, fast forward 10, 13 years later...
Speaker: they see it on the shelves and like, I'm going to show this to my fucking kids.
Speaker: Yeah, probably.
Speaker: And now the kids fucking love it.
Speaker: I'd like to capture some of my childhood if I can.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think a big part of it is like the rower thing and all that, like the creepy stuff.
Speaker: Kids probably were terrified, so parents didn't take their kid to see it again because they're like, well, my kid liked the movie until that part that made him shit his pants.
Speaker: And then he didn't sleep for two days.
Speaker: They were in diapers.
Speaker: Get over it.
Speaker: Just getting you diapers.
Speaker: The boat was sitting still.
Speaker: It's all fake.
Speaker: I don't think the diaper kids were shitting their pants.
Speaker: They didn't get it.
Speaker: They just saw flashy colors and probably loved it.
Speaker: I mean, I guess some of the older kids might have still been wearing diapers.
Speaker: We're psychedelics really big in the 70s.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: A little.
Speaker: That's why I'm surprised this movie didn't do better with an older crowd.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: They weren't seeing it for the story or anything.
Speaker: They were seeing it.
Speaker: They did it in 71, you said, right?
Speaker: They didn't have the money.
Speaker: The counterculture's not going to theaters.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're holding freakouts and shit at places.
Speaker: This is a freak out right in the middle of this movie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The little girl even says, is this a freak out?
Speaker: Because that's what people used to do in the early 70s.
Speaker: They would go and dress weird and act.
Speaker: Let's go have a freak out.
Speaker: I think that's part of the reason the parents really hate that part.
Speaker: The rowing.
Speaker: The parents in the movie, I mean.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because they're like, what is this fucking hippie shit?
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: Oh, what did we learn behind the scenes things about Gene Wilder's character?
Speaker: I mean, most of almost everything that's awesome in this movie, nobody knew about except for the director, Mel Stewart and Gene Wilder.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It makes for some genuine.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, like the part, I mean, we're assuming most of you guys have seen this, so we'll just talk about like things that we like throughout the movie first, right?
Speaker: Like, I mean, like the part where he walks out with the cane and he falls and then jumps up.
Speaker: Nobody knew that was coming except for Gene Wilder and Mel Stewart.
Speaker: Most of like when he was whipping his cane around, hitting people when they're going and he's going up and down the stairs and they're trying to follow him.
Speaker: That's why the cane's so flimsy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If he hits somebody with a real cane, he's going to knock them the fuck out.
Speaker: Those flimsy ones make a good switch.
Speaker: Yeah, but it's not going to knock you out.
Speaker: It's going to whip.
Speaker: Whip Whipperton here.
Speaker: Whip it good.
Speaker: Whip it.
Speaker: Whip it real good.
Speaker: And then, of course, the scene we were just talking about, the psychedelic freakout, that's... They didn't have any idea.
Speaker: Real reactions.
Speaker: And then later with the suds, we think that that's a reaction, a genuine reaction, because it looks, at least from the mom, she's just like, oh my God.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I was looking at Charlie in the back, and he was just like, Jesus, there's bubbles everywhere.
Speaker: But he's loving it.
Speaker: True to form.
Speaker: No, it's fantastic.
Speaker: All right, should we dive in?
Speaker: Yeah, so the opening sequence just shows a bunch of chocolate being made, but I want to mention it because apparently that was really shot at like a Toblerone factory or the Toblerone factory back then.
Speaker: Toblerone.
Speaker: So there are real chocolates being really made.
Speaker: That's pretty cool.
Speaker: I eat them.
Speaker: I only know Toblerone for the one bar.
Speaker: The triangle bar.
Speaker: I didn't know they made all that other shit.
Speaker: They have other shapes?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Apparently over there.
Speaker: When did they abandon the rectangle?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Wafers with wafers.
Speaker: Wafers.
Speaker: Oh, they're making stroopwafels.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like the Kit Kat before it was a Kit Kat.
Speaker: Speaking of wayfar thin, some of the people, there was a bunch of people that wanted to be Willy Wonka.
Speaker: I didn't get it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Almost everybody in Monty Python was trying to be in this movie as Willy Wonka.
Speaker: And most of them.
Speaker: Different movie.
Speaker: It would have been a different movie.
Speaker: I could see John Cleese the most.
Speaker: Yeah, because he would be the most.
Speaker: You've got to have someone who can really talk shit to kids.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes, you need good British dry sass.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm going to go deaf in this.
Speaker: Speak up next time.
Speaker: I guess that is the only thing that doesn't really work is that Gene Wilder is clearly American in England.
Speaker: Like he's in London, right?
Speaker: Yeah, but it's fine because they never said he was English born.
Speaker: He's just in England.
Speaker: His father was a GI that came over, you know, during the war, banged some chick and then, you know, died in the war.
Speaker: And then the mom killed herself because she was sad.
Speaker: And Willy Wonka filled that hole with chocolate.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: He's filled a couple of holes with chocolate.
Speaker: But I will say something.
Speaker: Wait, he's going to spin off like Choke Me with the Chocolate Factory?
Speaker: I will say something just slightly tangentially related to this.
Speaker: I know you didn't watch the new Wonka movie, Jack.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: And no one needs to.
Speaker: We watched it.
Speaker: It's unnecessary.
Speaker: And the songs aren't memorable.
Speaker: Vindication!
Speaker: It's not that great.
Speaker: But I think Timothee Chalamet did a really good job of being... You could see him growing up to be either Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka, or...
Speaker: Or Johnny Depp, Willy Wonka.
Speaker: And I like Timothee Chalamet just fine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, he's getting paid, so you do you.
Speaker: Like you just said, no one needs to watch it.
Speaker: It's entirely unnecessary.
Speaker: It explains the chocolate wars, the different... It's like the big chocolate companies are like a chocolate syndicate.
Speaker: Hey, you know who I didn't need a backstory on?
Speaker: Slugworth.
Speaker: You know what I really wanted the backstory in that movie was more of the Oompa Loompa shit.
Speaker: Loompa Land and all that.
Speaker: There was like a quick segment of that.
Speaker: I want to see a vernicious canid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There was a quick segment of Loompa Land and you saw some of the fantastical stuff, but most of it was just these chocolate syndicate people trying to shut Willy Wonka down when he was getting started.
Speaker: I liked it.
Speaker: When will big chocolate ease up?
Speaker: You're allowed to like it.
Speaker: I'm a shit and I'll never watch it, but if somebody enjoys it, good for you.
Speaker: Like I said, it was fine.
Speaker: It just was... I probably won't watch it again.
Speaker: There's none of the songs... I felt like each song was less memorable than the last.
Speaker: And unlike this, which I mean I did see a hundred times, but the songs are memorable from the get-go.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I still couldn't tell you a word to Cheer Up Charlie.
Speaker: Cheer Up Charlie.
Speaker: Other than Cheer Up Charlie.
Speaker: But like, you know what I mean?
Speaker: That song, I've seen this movie a hundred times, I still couldn't tell you a word to that song.
Speaker: What the fuck is Cheer Up Charlie?
Speaker: That's the sad mom song.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But either way.
Speaker: Derek always made a snack for that.
Speaker: He's like, yep, it's time.
Speaker: Apparently, so did I. I'm making a sandwich.
Speaker: I'm like, where's my pipe?
Speaker: It's hard because that song's real early in the fucking movie, too.
Speaker: So you're a kid and you get to the boring song and you're like, starting to tune out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know if I do like this movie.
Speaker: Maybe that's why I didn't make money.
Speaker: Everyone left.
Speaker: If I had this on VHS for my kid, I'd be like, all right, how do you snip parts of the... Just cut that segment of the movie out.
Speaker: I need to splice this here.
Speaker: Yeah, and splice it back together, and it just goes... We know people that work at movie feeders, dude.
Speaker: Well, it's all digital now.
Speaker: I know how it works with film.
Speaker: I don't know if it works the same with VHS.
Speaker: I don't see why it wouldn't.
Speaker: Science, dude.
Speaker: I don't know nothing about VHS.
Speaker: I don't either.
Speaker: I'm not a recorder.
Speaker: I know it stands for video something something.
Speaker: Video hot sin.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's the one I had on video.
Speaker: Hot sin.
Speaker: That's the one you still have on video.
Speaker: That's why you've got a VCR.
Speaker: I upgraded to 4K now.
Speaker: You really want to see those Razor bumps.
Speaker: Hot sin has probably been released by Vinegar Syndrome, so I got the hookup for you.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: But so we get to the beginning of the movie.
Speaker: It's all the kids going to the candy store.
Speaker: And we have the candy man who's just throwing candy at these children.
Speaker: It's a terrible way to run a business, but a great place to be.
Speaker: Sammy Davis Jr. really wanted to play the candy man.
Speaker: Hey, babe, I got some candy for you.
Speaker: Who can make a rainbow?
Speaker: The candy man in town.
Speaker: The main reason they didn't is because they were trying to avoid really well-known people.
Speaker: So they didn't want to detract from people paying attention to the movie.
Speaker: Also, that would have been a black person.
Speaker: I don't think that was the problem because this was made in a different country.
Speaker: I don't think there's anybody of color in this movie.
Speaker: I mean, we are talking about 70s Germany.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: It kind of makes sense.
Speaker: It was filmed in Germany, so yeah.
Speaker: It's not like it's in the fucking 90s in America where it's a very different story.
Speaker: Yeah, somehow you got the entire 11 seasons of Friends with no black people in it.
Speaker: Hooch is in there.
Speaker: I know there's black characters.
Speaker: I'm just saying Hooch is crazy.
Speaker: I'm being facetious.
Speaker: Hooch is crazy.
Speaker: But yeah, Sammy Davis Jr. wanted to do this and apparently he did the Candyman Can song in his performances for like years following this.
Speaker: He still did it.
Speaker: He's like, oh, I thought you were saying beforehand.
Speaker: Well, that's why he was known as the Candyman.
Speaker: I got an audition for you.
Speaker: It's called my tour.
Speaker: He's like, fuck it.
Speaker: I'm doing this song anyway.
Speaker: The Candyman can.
Speaker: The Candyman can do this song whether you paid for it or not, motherfucker.
Speaker: You don't have the rights to that.
Speaker: Well, the Candyman can.
Speaker: Fuck you.
Speaker: And Charlie's there watching all these kids get candy because he doesn't have any money.
Speaker: Yeah, he's the little sad poor boy outside the window just, I'm just a poor boy.
Speaker: I have no candy.
Speaker: Scrum-diddly-umptious.
Speaker: I can't fit it in.
Speaker: It's too many syllables.
Speaker: Because it's scrum-diddly-umptious.
Speaker: He goes to his job because, you know, it's this time.
Speaker: Because he's 10.
Speaker: It's really time to stop acting like a little fucking baby.
Speaker: What was the 70s?
Speaker: Get a job.
Speaker: You have two digits.
Speaker: In the 70s, you were 10 years old.
Speaker: You fucking gave papers to people.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, he's just hucking papers.
Speaker: It's not like a real job.
Speaker: Get it here.
Speaker: Get it now.
Speaker: But he gets his payday and it's like whatever the British equivalent of 15 cents is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: A penny and a falding.
Speaker: They do use coins for one and two pounds.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But I'm sure this kid wasn't getting a pound.
Speaker: No fucking way.
Speaker: Because that chick later gets a bonus of a pound.
Speaker: Of one pound.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In the peanut factory.
Speaker: Salt's peanut factory.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Salt's nuts.
Speaker: Salt's nuts.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I never even got that.
Speaker: Hey, Mr. Salt.
Speaker: What's up with your... What do you do?
Speaker: What do you win?
Speaker: Nuts.
Speaker: Well, and Augustus Gloop, I mean, that's kind of a fat joke.
Speaker: Not a fat joke, but like it's Ralph Dahl.
Speaker: It's a fat joke.
Speaker: You're gloopy.
Speaker: Augustus is a fat joke.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so is his parents.
Speaker: Dude, his dad eats a microphone.
Speaker: He eats a microphone.
Speaker: Lives rent-free in my brain.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I would eat that.
Speaker: It looked like an ice cream bar.
Speaker: But I do love when Charlie's walking home and he's glaring longingly at the Wonka factory, which is like a matte painting with lights that are drawn in, which is really cool.
Speaker: Oh, it's great.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: We've all heard it, especially in this segment.
Speaker: I feel like we've talked about matte paintings more than once.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Especially with the labyrinth and stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, well, then soon to, or we just did the episode for shadow.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: I mean, that's, that's Matt painting.
Speaker: Uh, that's like the, the coming back of, of Matt paintings.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That, that stage had three buildings and it was just surrounded by Matt paintings.
Speaker: They just got a guy in the back named Matt.
Speaker: Hey Matt, switch out the paintings.
Speaker: That's where they got the name for it.
Speaker: Oh, Matt paintings.
Speaker: But there's, that's my name.
Speaker: That's my business.
Speaker: This creepy fucking harbinger.
Speaker: Yeah, okay.
Speaker: So he's got a cart that had a couple butcher knives hanging.
Speaker: And so Whitney's like, oh, he's a butcher.
Speaker: No, because on the front of it are battle axes, swords, cutlasses.
Speaker: There's a fucking katana.
Speaker: He's a merchant from your video games.
Speaker: Yeah, he is.
Speaker: He calls him a tinker.
Speaker: which is a British word for like a workman, like metal work.
Speaker: It's not a great term.
Speaker: It's not terrible either, but you wouldn't want to refer yourself as a tinker.
Speaker: Tinker got her name because she was a tinker.
Speaker: Oh, get the fuck out of here.
Speaker: Did you hear they just fucking canceled Tinkerbell?
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Because she is... No, her body type is... What did they say?
Speaker: They said unrealistic body type, and she is... These girls are aspiring to be three and a half inches tall, and it's ridiculous.
Speaker: It's ridiculous.
Speaker: It's an intangible goal.
Speaker: She's too subservient for Peter Pan.
Speaker: She has to rely on his affection.
Speaker: Does anybody, did any of those people watch Peter Pan?
Speaker: That bitch is talking shit the whole time.
Speaker: She's a sass broad.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: We talk about body types now.
Speaker: We're going to have to cancel all these fucking hot chicks.
Speaker: I'm like, Julia Roberts played fucking Tinkerbell.
Speaker: The chick from Hercules, Meg, ain't nobody got hips like that.
Speaker: Oh, that version of Tinkerbell is a fucking shit-talking psychopath.
Speaker: Look, I like Julia Roberts plenty.
Speaker: She's boring as shit in that movie.
Speaker: I forgot that that was Julia Roberts.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: See?
Speaker: Told you.
Speaker: Boring.
Speaker: Anyway, moving on.
Speaker: I read that today and it pissed me the fuck off.
Speaker: You can cut this out if you want to.
Speaker: No, that's dumb.
Speaker: But I do.
Speaker: And we've talked about it before, but Jack has not seen Cabin in the Woods because I haven't watched it yet.
Speaker: But this guy reminds me of the Harbinger character, which is there because Cabin in the Woods is all the tropes of horror movies.
Speaker: I told you that it's their version of that guy that you don't want to go down that road.
Speaker: I wouldn't go down that road.
Speaker: The harbinger in that is like this creepy dude who's just like chewing on tobacco and he's got like a one weird bloodshot eye and he's like, shouldn't go to that cabin.
Speaker: And they're like, okay, fucking weirdo.
Speaker: That's this dude.
Speaker: And he, this guy.
Speaker: I wouldn't stare at that chocolate factory too long.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: this fucking guy is terrifying yeah he is i mean dude you you could take a guy that's not terrifying and also he's got a push cart full of knives and swords like yeah you're terrifying and i was with whitney at first because i never really paid attention to the cart full of other swords you see the butcher knives and my thought was i was like is this dude like a like the ice cream man of butchers like is he just rolling up meat chickens there's no refrigeration but it'll be fine
Speaker: He has the live chickens right there.
Speaker: You're like, I want that chicken.
Speaker: This is a wild time in England, guys.
Speaker: Inside the cart is just a bunch of chickens.
Speaker: Five bucks extra if you want me to pluck it.
Speaker: Do you think I'm a terrifying person?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: If I was pushing a cart of battle axes and butcher knives and swords and katanas, am I a terrifying person?
Speaker: You just upped your terrifying by 100%.
Speaker: Well, then if you're talking to little kids going...
Speaker: You don't want to look at that factory.
Speaker: No one goes in.
Speaker: No one goes out.
Speaker: Yeah, that's scary.
Speaker: No one goes in.
Speaker: No one ever leaves.
Speaker: And then we get to the part that everybody spent years making fun of.
Speaker: Charlie's shitty ass grandparents.
Speaker: Joseph is married to Josephine.
Speaker: Joe and Josephine and George is married to Georgina.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And I was looking it up to see who these actors and actresses were.
Speaker: All the grandparents that aren't Joe are not credited.
Speaker: So they're just German actors that came in here.
Speaker: They all have names.
Speaker: They came with the bed.
Speaker: They have names like Lieber and Zieglig and shit.
Speaker: But Grandma Georgina was born in like 1879 or some shit.
Speaker: So she was 100 years old.
Speaker: She died in 1971, the year this came out.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: She didn't get to see herself on the big screen?
Speaker: She might have.
Speaker: She died in December.
Speaker: She died right before Christmas.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: Merry Christmas.
Speaker: She died on a hundredth.
Speaker: So how do you decide, like, if you were sharing a bed with another couple, would you want your partner next to you or right in front of you?
Speaker: In front of me.
Speaker: So I can fondle his.
Speaker: Can't do hand stuff, though.
Speaker: Whose feet stink the least?
Speaker: Yeah, well.
Speaker: Their feet can be my mind.
Speaker: Everyone in this bed smells because you don't fucking leave this bed.
Speaker: Yeah, they haven't been out of that bed in 20 years.
Speaker: Luckily, Grandpa Joe just gave him tobacco.
Speaker: Otherwise, fuck.
Speaker: No, that's pipe tobacco.
Speaker: I would love for him to be smoking that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because that would cover up the smell, the stench of dead flesh.
Speaker: It's a stench.
Speaker: Of your bedpan just under you.
Speaker: You went a little Mr. Anderson right there.
Speaker: The stench.
Speaker: It's the stench.
Speaker: His bedpan, their bedpans are directly underneath them.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You can smell it no matter what is happening.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: This fucking lady, how has she not killed herself?
Speaker: Because she does laundry in her own fucking house.
Speaker: We do see the grandparents change positions at certain points.
Speaker: So, like, I guess the mom is just, like, flipping them like mattresses so they don't get bedstores.
Speaker: She's rotating them like tires.
Speaker: Better than tires.
Speaker: All right, you two have to go in the back now.
Speaker: Grandpa Joe, you've got a little wear on your left side.
Speaker: If we rotate you, we'll get more use out of you.
Speaker: What we missed is her rolling the men over the women so the women get pulled this way.
Speaker: I wouldn't say we missed it.
Speaker: They were on top and I've had to change bed sheets with the person in there.
Speaker: She just pushes the one person over so they shove the other person.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: The bed is all slightly downhill.
Speaker: Slightly and slanting left.
Speaker: No, that's only because you don't have a shoe.
Speaker: It's rotation, bitch.
Speaker: But fucking Grandpa Joe is just complaining.
Speaker: She's like, well, get out of that bed or something.
Speaker: He's like, floor's too cold.
Speaker: Yeah, I'll get my strength one day, but you know.
Speaker: Charlie's too young to work.
Speaker: What the fuck is this?
Speaker: I don't want to eat cabbage water.
Speaker: Go get a job then.
Speaker: Get up and go hunt a wild pheasant.
Speaker: Come on, dad.
Speaker: This is the one thing.
Speaker: There's apparently a guy selling chicken on the road.
Speaker: They'll kill it right in front of you.
Speaker: This is the one thing that Walmart added to the economy for a short time.
Speaker: These people who would just be in bed became greeters.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not anymore.
Speaker: Now they're replaced by robots and Dick Cheney.
Speaker: COVID killed them.
Speaker: Fucking Charlie shows up with a loaf of bread and his mom is like, we're going to have a fucking banquet.
Speaker: Dude, and Grandpa Joe, he's like, I don't give a fuck how you got this.
Speaker: I don't care if you stabbed a dude for this bread.
Speaker: This bread is dope.
Speaker: How'd you get that, Charlie?
Speaker: Don't ask questions.
Speaker: We don't snitch in this family.
Speaker: Snitches get stitches, ma.
Speaker: It was my first payday.
Speaker: Little Charlie ain't no snitch.
Speaker: Yeah, he's like, I even saved some for you.
Speaker: I'll buy you pipe tobacco.
Speaker: This kid went from his first paycheck to owning a chocolate factory, by the way.
Speaker: I know, right?
Speaker: Talk about come up.
Speaker: Talk about your glow up.
Speaker: But this is one thing I do love about his coat-riding Grandpa Joe, coattails-riding Grandpa Joe.
Speaker: He does say, if I can't afford, if my grandson has to pay for my tobacco, if we look at a loaf of bread as a feast, I don't need to be spending money on tobacco.
Speaker: It's a redeeming quality.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Otherwise, a real shithead shithead that's bedridden for 20 years is like,
Speaker: I'll take that pipe tobacco.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Well, Charlie, I think to Derek's point though, Charlie's like, let me please let me make this house smell like pipe tobacco instead of your old dick.
Speaker: Also, the only one bad thing that went wrong with them was because of grandpa Joe, your fucking skin sweat, your face sweat smells like ball sweat.
Speaker: And your ball sweat don't even get me started.
Speaker: I can't even get down there.
Speaker: Dude, I can smell your ball sweat from here.
Speaker: Mom does laundry for a living.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And Whitney, I don't think she does the laundry at her house.
Speaker: No, she doesn't.
Speaker: No, he went and visited her at work.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But these grandparents are sitting there in stained pajamas all the time.
Speaker: Yeah, because it's like a cook that comes home and makes ramen.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's like, I'm not doing laundry for free.
Speaker: Take the fucking pajamas to work with you.
Speaker: Well, they'll dock you.
Speaker: Look, they might kill her or cut off her finger.
Speaker: Lord Lordington is not going to have any part of it.
Speaker: Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge.
Speaker: Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more.
Speaker: Let's go to the Arizona Beer House.
Speaker: Arizona Beer House.
Speaker: They have 34 taps.
Speaker: There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go.
Speaker: And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Colb, 150 South Colb in Tucson, Arizona.
Speaker: I'll tell you what, I'd tap that.
Speaker: Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: I'll drive.
Speaker: First pint's on me, guys.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Sharks of the Corn?
Speaker: Virus Shark?
Speaker: Cocaine Shark?
Speaker: Sharktopus?
Speaker: Yeah, those are all real movies.
Speaker: Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of sharksploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the shark movie podcast.
Speaker: Grandpa introduces the kind of villain.
Speaker: There's not really a villain of this movie.
Speaker: We think there is.
Speaker: The kids.
Speaker: Well, the kids are the villains.
Speaker: The kids really, in my mind, are the villains.
Speaker: They are.
Speaker: Because even when we think Wonka is being nefarious and like, please don't, stop.
Speaker: Those are the best parts of the movie.
Speaker: Somebody, please.
Speaker: Yeah, they are the best parts of the movie.
Speaker: I'm still on his fucking side the entire time.
Speaker: He told you not to go put your face in that chocolate river.
Speaker: Because he knows he could yell, no, don't, and try to pull you back.
Speaker: You're still going to do it.
Speaker: So that's why he just goes, no, don't.
Speaker: You're not going to learn if it doesn't hurt or you don't die.
Speaker: Yeah, well, what does he say at the end?
Speaker: He's like, those kids will all be fine.
Speaker: Maybe they'll be a little wiser for the wear.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Probably not, though.
Speaker: Not Veruca Salt.
Speaker: Not Veruca Salt.
Speaker: Not Mike TV.
Speaker: Fuck that kid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Violet might come out okay.
Speaker: Augustus is probably going to slim down.
Speaker: Now, Augustus will have diabetes by the time he's 11.
Speaker: He already has diabetes.
Speaker: He'll definitely slim down.
Speaker: I haven't.
Speaker: And we meet one of my favorite characters after this.
Speaker: Well, I skipped that.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Grandpa Joe introduces the villain, like I was saying, which would be Slugworth.
Speaker: Because he tells Charlie, well, Mr. Wonka locked himself in there because all these chocolate makers were trying to steal his secrets, especially Mr. Slugworth.
Speaker: So that's how we get our villain.
Speaker: But then we meet one of my- His name is Slugworth.
Speaker: We know he's a villain.
Speaker: Probably my second favorite character in this entire movie, who's barely in it, Mr. Turquentine, the teacher.
Speaker: The paper.
Speaker: Oh, yes.
Speaker: How we learn percentages?
Speaker: He's such a delightful British.
Speaker: This first scene, he pulls up Charlie and he's like talking about they're mixing chemicals and shit.
Speaker: And he's like, if you mix these wrongs, it'll blow up.
Speaker: You know that, right?
Speaker: And he's like, Charlie's like, yeah.
Speaker: And he's like, you don't know that because I'm the teacher.
Speaker: And if you were the new more than me, then you'd be teaching me and a teacher, a student teaching the teacher is pretty presumptuous, isn't it?
Speaker: And I'm like, what?
Speaker: What did you say?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Did you notice the two chemicals he gave him?
Speaker: Yeah, we're the worst ones.
Speaker: Glycerin and nitro.
Speaker: Nitric acid?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He made nitroglycerin.
Speaker: But he's like, but then I'll add my compound and it'll be fine.
Speaker: And I love, he's like, you have to mix them very carefully at equal parts.
Speaker: Now let's dump it in.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Ready?
Speaker: Three, two, one, dump.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: And this is when we learn about the five golden tickets.
Speaker: Oh, class is dismissed.
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker: Come here.
Speaker: You, little fucking shitbird kid.
Speaker: The little kid that looks like Kidster from fucking episode one.
Speaker: Yeah, he's giving away five tickets.
Speaker: It's going to be so wizard.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: I'm so glad.
Speaker: Class dismissed.
Speaker: Well, he's only giving away five tickets.
Speaker: Class undismissed.
Speaker: We got to buy chocolate.
Speaker: Class redismissed.
Speaker: Yeah, it's excitement right off the bat.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Well...
Speaker: I mean, you have to wait till after the shitty song and then it's excitement.
Speaker: That's true.
Speaker: That hasn't come up yet because first we get the montage of all the people finding them.
Speaker: And we'll go through a couple of the things of the people.
Speaker: It's a lot of news coverage.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: We don't need to go.
Speaker: But there's some of my favorite ones.
Speaker: Like I love the one with the German psychiatrist.
Speaker: Anybody who believes their dreams are real is fucking insane.
Speaker: And he's like, well, in my dream, Archangel Gabriel came down and told me.
Speaker: He told me where to find the ticket.
Speaker: Ah, where did he tell you?
Speaker: Well, that'd be stupid, right?
Speaker: Shut the fuck up and tell me.
Speaker: Tell me where does the angel tell you to find the chocolate bar?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Yeah, that's one of my favorites.
Speaker: And then the one with the lady towards the end whose husband has been kidnapped.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: All they want is your box of Wonka bars.
Speaker: It's your Wonka bars.
Speaker: How long do I have?
Speaker: Dude, her face, though.
Speaker: I mean, she's got three, four lines and just dynamites them.
Speaker: Yeah, and it's this over-the-top soap opera acting, but it works perfectly for the... Didn't you hear me?
Speaker: It's from a different movie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, this cop is giving his all as a cop performance from, like, a cop procedural show.
Speaker: Didn't you hear me, ma'am?
Speaker: It's your husband's life or your box of wonkas.
Speaker: how long do I have?
Speaker: Yeah, that's great.
Speaker: I mean, if somebody kidnapped you and I had to give him a box of DVDs, I mean, his DVDs, I'd be like, okay.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: I'd be like, wait, you told her to give you, can I talk to her?
Speaker: Kill me.
Speaker: The Blu-ray's off that shelf, not that shelf.
Speaker: No, if they ask for like, oh, my glass knife collection.
Speaker: You got a glass knife connection?
Speaker: I do, actually.
Speaker: I say glass kite.
Speaker: Nobody wants that.
Speaker: I have a glass knife collection.
Speaker: It's like 1930s glass knives.
Speaker: They were like cake knives, fruit knives, all of that.
Speaker: I have about 13 of them.
Speaker: I mean, you say it like it's so normal.
Speaker: I'm sure somebody listening is going to call me an idiot, but that's not a normal thing.
Speaker: It was not a normal thing, actually.
Speaker: She's like, I have a glass knife collection.
Speaker: I was like, you said I'm weird.
Speaker: You're talking about an Oblivion, where they made the swords and hammers out of glass?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: You're talking about Skyrim?
Speaker: They're actual glass.
Speaker: I love the computer guy, where he's obviously these rich investors.
Speaker: He's like, okay, okay.
Speaker: I know it's been a while, but I finally did it.
Speaker: You guys invested in Skyrim?
Speaker: You're going to be happy with those results.
Speaker: I am now asking the computer to tell me where the last tickets are thanks to jargon.
Speaker: The computer spits out.
Speaker: It says it can't tell me.
Speaker: That would be cheating.
Speaker: I'm now going to tell the computer I'll share chocolate with it.
Speaker: it says what would the computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate that's i am now telling this computer what it can do with lifetime supply exactly what it can do so he told that computer you can shove that chocolate up your ass absolutely i love the three the three investor the three investor guys they're just staring at him the whole time no reaction hey you should be excited you invented ai you invented a um i don't want to say too loud you invented an alexa
Speaker: You did that perfectly because she can't hear you like that tone.
Speaker: And we see the people who have found the tickets.
Speaker: Augustus Gloop, who you mentioned, a little fat kid.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: For my 17th birthday, my sister went all out for me this year.
Speaker: And it doesn't sound like a lot, but she was, what, 22 and was living on her own.
Speaker: So she had, like, done my hair all fancy-like and got me this really awesome... Glass knife.
Speaker: It was...
Speaker: It was an Everlasting Gobstopper shirt, but it was like the recipe for it.
Speaker: And so it's the jagged Gobstopper.
Speaker: Dude, Slugworth would pay for that shirt.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And it was like what each flavor was and how like.
Speaker: Yeah, but that is a problematic thing in itself, right?
Speaker: You've got a little 12-year-old, 17-year-old girl, so not little.
Speaker: I was not little.
Speaker: You got a 17-year-old girl who's probably starting to develop at this point.
Speaker: Oh, I was developed in 10th grade.
Speaker: Walking around with a Gobstopper shirt.
Speaker: And then you got Slugworth coming up like, give you money to take that shirt off.
Speaker: Oh, I thought you were saying it's problematic.
Speaker: Like, are you looking at my boobs?
Speaker: Now I'm reading the recipe for everlasting Gobstopper.
Speaker: Look, girl, give me your shirt.
Speaker: I'm 17.
Speaker: Call me in six months and give me your shirt.
Speaker: I'm 17.
Speaker: And three quarters or just like a half?
Speaker: Well, so you were 17.
Speaker: It was the 90s.
Speaker: He could still buy your shirt.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, I had a bra on, so.
Speaker: But we went and played pool, and it was an awesome day.
Speaker: I just remember that.
Speaker: You were in Slugworth?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But I love when they're interviewing Augustus, and we mentioned it.
Speaker: Like, the dad is trying to interview, or the guy is interviewing Augustus first, and he's like, how are you feeling?
Speaker: Hungry.
Speaker: And it just made me think of you, Jack.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What are your emotions?
Speaker: Hungry, horny, sleepy?
Speaker: Sometimes sober.
Speaker: I try not to.
Speaker: I've been trying to fight that one.
Speaker: And then Mr. Gloop, he just, and what do you think about this?
Speaker: mouse down that microphone which is great I'd actually love to see the practical like making of a chewable microphone like that's awesome I almost guarantee you I almost guarantee you that was just the foam microphone thing and the guy just then they had to cut so he could spit it out oh I think of today with like the chocolatier guy that I follow his tiktoks or is that cake or whatever fucking show that is is it cake I don't care I just ate it doesn't matter it's edible
Speaker: I wish that show, instead of cutting the stuff, was like, is it cake?
Speaker: Take a bite and find out.
Speaker: Yeah, no shit.
Speaker: You choose which one you think is cake.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: On the left, we have either a cake or a piece of shit.
Speaker: On the right, we have a cake or a piece of shit.
Speaker: Take a bite.
Speaker: You'll get $2,000 if you bite it correctly.
Speaker: How sure are you?
Speaker: I'm pretty sure it's the one left.
Speaker: How sure?
Speaker: Take a bite sure.
Speaker: Each round would have to be worth $10,000.
Speaker: I'm not taking a bite out of a boot for less than $10,000.
Speaker: A boot?
Speaker: A real boot?
Speaker: I'll fucking eat a boot for like $10, dude.
Speaker: You're kidding me?
Speaker: We were talking about shit.
Speaker: For that show, though, you have to be a certain distance away.
Speaker: Although they did do a bathroom segment.
Speaker: I watched that episode with you where they had toothbrush and soap and a toilet.
Speaker: Why do I not remember this episode?
Speaker: Of course you have to be a certain distance away, otherwise you can smell shit.
Speaker: Well, this is cake.
Speaker: I remember that one.
Speaker: One of them.
Speaker: I remember the bathroom one.
Speaker: That's the only one I remember.
Speaker: I don't remember a toothbrush.
Speaker: Because there was like a toilet and it was like you have to... And he cuts into it to see if it's a cake or a toilet.
Speaker: I'm going to take a shit in one of these.
Speaker: Oh, I think that was... You can't take a bite out of a toilet.
Speaker: So come up here and lick the seat.
Speaker: And if this is cake...
Speaker: You lose.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: But you got to lick cake.
Speaker: I want you to take your pants down and try and sit on it.
Speaker: If you fall through, it's cake.
Speaker: If it's not, go ahead and drop that to you.
Speaker: Do I have to take my pants off?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In that case, in the case where you're actually just biting it or sitting on it, if you choose the one that's cake, you win.
Speaker: not lose see cause in the is it cake you're choosing the one that isn't and that one you're trying to choose which one is cause you don't want to bite into shit no is it cake is you choose the one that's cake but we're doing it like I don't want to bite into shit to win no you want to choose the one that is one is cake and three aren't
Speaker: The next winner we meet is Veruca Salt, who hasn't won yet, because this little bitch... Can't fight the sea, though.
Speaker: Can't fight the sea, though.
Speaker: Can't fight the sea, though.
Speaker: That's not Veruca Salt, guys.
Speaker: It's not?
Speaker: There's a band called Veruca Salt.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Is it called Veruca Salt?
Speaker: They sang Seether.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: It goes like this.
Speaker: Can't fight the Seether.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know that.
Speaker: I thought the name was similar.
Speaker: It doesn't matter.
Speaker: Yeah, Veruca or Verruza Balk.
Speaker: Don't cut it, Derek.
Speaker: I'm going to make a joke so he can't say it.
Speaker: But yeah, her name is Veruca Salt.
Speaker: I know her name is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Her name is.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: I know the girl movie.
Speaker: Hi.
Speaker: Veruca Salty.
Speaker: I've seen the movie a hundred times.
Speaker: I know her name better than I know yours.
Speaker: I probably know her birthday better than I know yours.
Speaker: When is her birthday?
Speaker: July 17th, 1960.
Speaker: When is my birthday?
Speaker: July 17th, 1980.
Speaker: You're kind of stuck in the July 17th thing here, dude.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I know it's not.
Speaker: If you know my birthday, write us.
Speaker: Write an email at badmoviesworstpeople at gmail.com.
Speaker: And I'll send you a free DVD of Deadly Run.
Speaker: If you know my birthday, remind me.
Speaker: I know your birthday.
Speaker: Remind me.
Speaker: I already got you a birthday present.
Speaker: You're going to love it.
Speaker: You're going to hate it so much.
Speaker: That makes it even worse.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: But Veruca Salt's dad owns a peanut factory where they just shell peanuts.
Speaker: But he says they've opened, what, 19,000 Wonka bars?
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Or some even more.
Speaker: Cases of Wonka bars.
Speaker: They're just throwing this chocolate in the ground.
Speaker: Like, there's got to be.
Speaker: Don't you?
Speaker: Have you ever had chocolate covered peanuts?
Speaker: Have you ever had?
Speaker: Maybe that's why they came out.
Speaker: because he had all this chocolate and he didn't know what to do.
Speaker: What do we do?
Speaker: Well, they left the factory and he's like, we don't even get a lifetime supply of chocolate.
Speaker: Oh, I already have one.
Speaker: Yeah, you actually bought her a lifetime supply of chocolate.
Speaker: That's the stupidest part of this.
Speaker: The prize, as far as they know, is a lifetime supply of chocolate.
Speaker: I also think it's going in, though.
Speaker: I think it's especially for Veruca Salt.
Speaker: It's exclusive.
Speaker: She's going to be one of five people to go in there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She can be like, look, daddy, I got it.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: I want one.
Speaker: I want the goose.
Speaker: I want I want the boat.
Speaker: I don't want the boat.
Speaker: You know, all of that.
Speaker: Don't want the boat.
Speaker: Don't want the boat.
Speaker: But yeah, he does offer.
Speaker: He's like, whichever girl finds the ticket gets a one pound bonus in their pay.
Speaker: I'm like, one pound?
Speaker: That's for the day.
Speaker: For the day.
Speaker: But right now, in 2000, what year is it?
Speaker: 24, one pound is worth like $1.40.
Speaker: 1970, a dolly 40.
Speaker: A dolly 40.
Speaker: A dolly 40 would be 20 bucks.
Speaker: We did see Charlie buy, what, a loaf of bread, give money to his mom, and buy some tabacki for, what, like fucking a pence?
Speaker: A pence.
Speaker: Or whatever they have over there?
Speaker: Six pence, none the richer.
Speaker: a toppins no more 90s bands hey kiss me i loved kiss me mini the milk chocolate bar i don't want to kiss you between the milk chocolate bar that's a rim job dude have you never this is a kids movie guys this is a fucking kids my milk chocolate bar sir
Speaker: Oh, talking about tossing salad?
Speaker: I dated in the 2000s.
Speaker: You got to toss salad.
Speaker: You have to, right?
Speaker: Toss salad and scrambled eggs.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm coming again.
Speaker: Yes, you are.
Speaker: Oh, egg all over my face.
Speaker: What is a boy to do?
Speaker: Egg all over your face.
Speaker: Let's move on from that.
Speaker: It was on my face.
Speaker: Bow.
Speaker: Bow.
Speaker: Bow.
Speaker: So did we just do a Frasier into Seinfeld?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: We are off the chocolate rails, dude.
Speaker: What's funny, this sounds like one that we went to the bar first.
Speaker: Like, this is the most sober I've been, alcohol-wise, doing a podcast in months.
Speaker: Not me.
Speaker: Not you, no.
Speaker: God, you guys should see her.
Speaker: She's hammered.
Speaker: No, she's not.
Speaker: She's fueling us with her boozeness.
Speaker: Dude, I had four.
Speaker: I hadn't drank for the last couple days.
Speaker: Just so you know, only white people count their alcoholic beverages.
Speaker: Well, my husband threw it in my face because I was drinking at his bar.
Speaker: Wait, you serve her by throwing beer in her face?
Speaker: He does.
Speaker: That's how I get my beer.
Speaker: I open my mouth.
Speaker: Oh, thank you.
Speaker: I'll have another one in a minute, though.
Speaker: That's how he knows how much to serve me.
Speaker: I just go, ah, and he goes, splash, and whatever goes into- I don't want to hear a bunch of sex.
Speaker: I was going to say, that applies to more than beer.
Speaker: I just go, ah.
Speaker: Moving on.
Speaker: The girl finds the bar.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Or the ticket.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: We're moving on.
Speaker: Whitney did find the bar.
Speaker: The girl found the bar.
Speaker: Violet Beauregard is our next-
Speaker: Oh, she's a gum chore, but she put that on pause.
Speaker: She put it behind her ears so she can eat all the chocolate to get the popcorn.
Speaker: Talk about her talking shit to her friend, because that's my favorite part.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: She's like, I've had this piece of gum in my mouth for three months now.
Speaker: Look at the stretch.
Speaker: It breaks a record.
Speaker: It's a world record.
Speaker: Set by my friend Cornelia Bullshit, whatever she says.
Speaker: Hi, Cornelia.
Speaker: Hi, sweetie.
Speaker: You jealous?
Speaker: She does that early just, I mean, frenemy.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: This is the first frenemy.
Speaker: But her dad, I kind of love her dad.
Speaker: Just the used car salesman, like sleazy dude.
Speaker: Are they in Minnesota?
Speaker: Yeah, Montana.
Speaker: Oh, it is Montana?
Speaker: Yeah, Minnesota was the TV kid, maybe?
Speaker: No, Texas was the TV kid.
Speaker: He was definitely Texas.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It had the word falls in it.
Speaker: It was like something falls.
Speaker: And I'm like, that's Minnesota, right?
Speaker: Yeah, I think they said Montana.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But yeah, because I like him because he's just like, the newsman is like...
Speaker: So what do you think about your kid winning this ticket?
Speaker: And he's like, I don't know, but you can come down here and get a new car from fucking Great Sal or whatever.
Speaker: Price is so low they should call me crazy.
Speaker: It's something D or B, like Mikey B, because with Mikey B it's a guarantee.
Speaker: Well, Beauregard is the last name, so yeah.
Speaker: Beauregard, Mikey B, it's a guarantee.
Speaker: Is there a dead hooker in that trunk too?
Speaker: that's another movie that we'll have to do even though it's great.
Speaker: We'll find a spot for it.
Speaker: We'll find it.
Speaker: I don't know if it would be Patreon or regular on.
Speaker: Regular on.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: But yeah, she's been chewing the gum for three months.
Speaker: And then we get to Mom feeling bad for Charlie.
Speaker: And that's when we get to cheer up Charlie's song, which is so boring.
Speaker: It is the only drag of this movie.
Speaker: And the next one we get is Mikey TV.
Speaker: Mikey TV.
Speaker: Who annoyed me even as a child.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: This kid is obsessed with TV.
Speaker: We get it.
Speaker: The message is TV is bad.
Speaker: That's even the Opa Loopa song, right?
Speaker: Like, get off your ass and go outside, you fat shit.
Speaker: Read a book.
Speaker: They don't even tell you to go outside.
Speaker: They're just like, read a book.
Speaker: Yeah, do something that doesn't.
Speaker: Because one of the lyrics in their song is like, you get three IQ.
Speaker: You have a three IQ or something.
Speaker: An IQ of three IQ.
Speaker: But also come watch our movie.
Speaker: Put the books down and watch our movie.
Speaker: And I do like, so Slugworth has been popping up through all of these.
Speaker: Well, the guy we know as Slugworth.
Speaker: He was the microphone guy for one of the interviews because he was doing like.
Speaker: Yeah, that's why I'm bringing it up here because he is whipping this microphone around.
Speaker: He's like, and what do you think of that?
Speaker: And what do you do?
Speaker: And like back and forth between the guys.
Speaker: But he's not even during the speeches.
Speaker: Like the kid is like half done with his sentence.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: It's fun.
Speaker: That's good TV.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: But I do love, because it's the Texas family, right?
Speaker: Or we assume Texas.
Speaker: I don't know if they say Texas.
Speaker: It is Texas.
Speaker: But the kid is watching a Western.
Speaker: He's got a cowboy hat.
Speaker: He's got his little pop shooter.
Speaker: But the dad said he had to wait to be like 13 to get a gun.
Speaker: 12.
Speaker: 12.
Speaker: That's not Texas.
Speaker: I can't wait till I get a real- So maybe it is Montana, and the other one is Minnesota.
Speaker: It could be.
Speaker: Because when they put the tack on the board, it's right there in the West.
Speaker: 1971.
Speaker: Like right now, you can think Montana.
Speaker: Montana's still there.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: You can think Wyoming or-
Speaker: Where the fuck is Yellowstone take place?
Speaker: No, it doesn't take place in Wyoming, though.
Speaker: Wyoming is where they take bodies to dump them.
Speaker: Minnesota.
Speaker: Minnesota, the one above Wyoming.
Speaker: Oh, Montana.
Speaker: Montana?
Speaker: Montana is above Wyoming.
Speaker: Wyoming is where they take bodies to dump them in the ditch.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, because they keep talking about going like Jackson Hole and shit like that.
Speaker: Yeah, they take you to the bus stop.
Speaker: We get another cut back to Charlie, and his grandpa has a secret chocolate bar that he's hidden to give to him, which has been under his pillow all day.
Speaker: It's probably mush.
Speaker: It's cold in England.
Speaker: The floor's cold.
Speaker: Put it there.
Speaker: These people are about to die.
Speaker: They're probably cold.
Speaker: Syphilis.
Speaker: Don't eat it.
Speaker: His wife is dead.
Speaker: She's dead in the bed next to him.
Speaker: No one noticed.
Speaker: She's still sewing.
Speaker: Or knitting.
Speaker: It's knitting.
Speaker: Knitting.
Speaker: Knitting.
Speaker: You said it.
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: But of course, there's no golden ticket in there.
Speaker: And it's that sad line of like, well, and it's Charlie.
Speaker: It's showing you that Charlie's not a little shit kid.
Speaker: Because he's like, well, they probably make the chocolate taste like shit anyway, Grandpa.
Speaker: And then the next thing we see is someone finding supposedly the fifth bar.
Speaker: And it's racist because it's the only non-white person.
Speaker: He might be a white guy.
Speaker: Go on.
Speaker: But where's the fifth bar found?
Speaker: Paraguay is found by a very own Ricardo something something and it's a scam.
Speaker: I mean, he's an owner of a casino.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: That's our new game show.
Speaker: Is it racist?
Speaker: What did he say, Derek?
Speaker: He said that his name was Ricardo blah blah blah blah.
Speaker: Yep, that's racist.
Speaker: But it turns out that guy's a fucking liar.
Speaker: Fucking liar, dude.
Speaker: And Charlie ends up buying- Wonka would have known right away.
Speaker: You would have lasted a minute.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: By the way, Charlie buys- He finds some money.
Speaker: Wait a minute.
Speaker: Wait a minute.
Speaker: Wait a minute.
Speaker: Doesn't it have to be a kid?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: It just said anyone who finds- We just got so lucky that five kids found it.
Speaker: So there is a cut thread from the movie that was-
Speaker: Wonka, and I don't know if this is in the book because I have not read the book, but there's a cut thread in the movie that Wonka was trying, wanted Charlie to find it.
Speaker: He's seen Charlie looking at the factory and being sad and poor because he's magical and he can watch everyone.
Speaker: So it wasn't a fake ticket the guy found in Paraguay.
Speaker: Willy Wonka just fucking offed him.
Speaker: Fuck you.
Speaker: No, it was a fake ticket because the fifth ticket was hidden.
Speaker: But the idea is that Wonka would know who's getting the tickets.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: He has that much control.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: kind of thing.
Speaker: So he found four really shitty shit birds and Charlie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's like, well, fuck these kids.
Speaker: I'm going to teach them a lesson.
Speaker: I'm glad they didn't put that thread in there.
Speaker: He told the candy guy because remember when Charlie gets the schmooky schmooky bar.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: Scrum diddly umptious.
Speaker: The scrum diddly umptious.
Speaker: And then he comes back.
Speaker: He's like, I want to get something for my Uncle Joe or my Grandpa Joe.
Speaker: And he's like, well, let's go with the smaller bar, which is a giant chocolate bar, by the way.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Charlie went up with a smaller coin.
Speaker: It was like, I want something for Grandpa Joe.
Speaker: And he's like, how about you get the cheap one?
Speaker: Yeah, fuck Joe.
Speaker: Because this is not the Candyman song.
Speaker: Candyman is no longer throwing candy at him.
Speaker: Now he's running a business.
Speaker: You didn't ask one of these little fucking kids for money.
Speaker: Why are you picking on Charlie?
Speaker: Because he knows he's poor.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I ain't seen you with a dad.
Speaker: All these other kids have credit.
Speaker: Poor people have to pay more.
Speaker: I'm telling you, he has no real dad.
Speaker: His dad was forced himself.
Speaker: His dad is Willy Wonka.
Speaker: His dad is Emperor Palpatine, and he manipulated the midichlorians.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Wrong podcast.
Speaker: His name is Charlie Buckets, like a fucking orphan, like a bastard child.
Speaker: So the rich family that she works for, one person forced themselves upon her and had Charlie.
Speaker: So apparently- I still want to say it was Wonka.
Speaker: No, it's not.
Speaker: Apparently in the book- Why not?
Speaker: He's impotent.
Speaker: Guys, in the book, Charlie's dad is still alive.
Speaker: And he's not Wonka.
Speaker: And he works at like a soap factory or some shit.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: Tyler Durden.
Speaker: Is his dad Tyler Durden?
Speaker: You met me at a very strange time in my life.
Speaker: His mom?
Speaker: Oh my god, it's all tied together.
Speaker: His mom is Helena Bonham Carter who married Tim Burton who then made this movie again.
Speaker: And if I had my little way, I'd eat chocolate every day.
Speaker: Miss Lippy's car is green.
Speaker: I still say that Wonka is Charlie's dad.
Speaker: He can say it.
Speaker: It's not true.
Speaker: It's his daddy.
Speaker: He's getting his daddy's business.
Speaker: Charlie's all like, oh, look at me.
Speaker: I'm an orphan.
Speaker: Call me Tom Oliver.
Speaker: What the fuck was that kid's name?
Speaker: Terrible boulder here, sir.
Speaker: But it's you, me, dad.
Speaker: What's that kid's name?
Speaker: Not Tom Oliver.
Speaker: Oliver Twist.
Speaker: Oliver Twist.
Speaker: There you go.
Speaker: John Oliver Twist.
Speaker: Call me John Oliver Twist.
Speaker: Excuse me, sir.
Speaker: May I have another one?
Speaker: No, people always mistake that line.
Speaker: It's not another.
Speaker: It's more.
Speaker: Please, sir, may I have more?
Speaker: More!
Speaker: More.
Speaker: Oh, it is more.
Speaker: Please, sir, may I have some more?
Speaker: Kind of like, Luke, I am your father.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: You didn't say that.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I'm your father.
Speaker: Everyone always quotes it.
Speaker: Luke, I'm your father.
Speaker: Not what it says.
Speaker: You know why?
Speaker: Tommy boy.
Speaker: I am your father.
Speaker: Let me get the microphone over here by the fan.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: He's got a fan on a stick right there.
Speaker: Your dog does not like that.
Speaker: She's
Speaker: She's like, that is unnecessary.
Speaker: She's like, can we not do that ever again in my presence?
Speaker: That would be chill.
Speaker: We have barely talked about this movie.
Speaker: It's because it was a fun movie and we're having fun.
Speaker: It's such a good fucking movie, but also my husband's a little tipsy.
Speaker: I'm not.
Speaker: This is just fucking hilarious.
Speaker: I'm telling you, it's just because it was a fun movie for once.
Speaker: Like, this is what a mental health movie is supposed to do.
Speaker: It is supposed to.
Speaker: We went off the rails on that thing you do, too, a lot.
Speaker: We're having fun.
Speaker: Because it's such a great movie and I'm not angry.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: It's a whole different fucking look.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: So Charlie finds a golden ticket.
Speaker: It's got the little music.
Speaker: Not yet.
Speaker: He doesn't sing that until Grandpa gets his ass out of bed.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: His boss.
Speaker: And I have shit to say about that.
Speaker: These people swarm this kid.
Speaker: And you hear somebody probably his boss.
Speaker: Like, you're going to fucking kill him.
Speaker: Back the fuck up.
Speaker: Dude, the boss grabs him.
Speaker: He's like, run, Charlie.
Speaker: Don't fucking stop.
Speaker: Run.
Speaker: Because these people will murder you for that ticket.
Speaker: Run home.
Speaker: And if I was going anywhere, I was running.
Speaker: We meet Slugworth because Slugworth stops Charlie and he's like, hey, give me the secret to the everlasting job stopper.
Speaker: We finally find out what he wants.
Speaker: And I'll make you rich.
Speaker: So, you know, he's told that to all these other shit kids.
Speaker: I don't know what these bills are worth, but there's 10,000 of them is what he says.
Speaker: They could be ones.
Speaker: They could be hundreds.
Speaker: It's not a pound.
Speaker: It's not a pound.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: I guess it wouldn't be a one.
Speaker: So it's above $2.00.
Speaker: 10,000 pounds in 1819 question mark year this is.
Speaker: So that's what he offered all these kids.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Which is why fucking Ruka Salt's crossing her fingers.
Speaker: Well, you know, he didn't.
Speaker: That's not what he offered all these kids.
Speaker: It was Violet.
Speaker: He didn't go to Violet and Mike TV and say, I'll give you 10,000 pounds.
Speaker: He whispers something into their ears.
Speaker: 10,000 pounds of what?
Speaker: Chocolate?
Speaker: Yeah, Ruka Salt's not working on.
Speaker: She's rich.
Speaker: Yeah, she's like 10,000.
Speaker: I spent 10,000 to get this ticket, bitch.
Speaker: It does show Slugworth whispering into each of the kids' faces because they're on TV.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: And it shows them, and he's just like...
Speaker: Yeah, he's either serving the sausage, has the microphone.
Speaker: Either way, someone's eating.
Speaker: He's in everything.
Speaker: So how is, I mean, I guess that could make you think that's the bad guy.
Speaker: But I never thought he was.
Speaker: He's an L&D.
Speaker: That's when we get to the part where, that everybody makes fun of in memes and stuff, right?
Speaker: It's Grandpa Joe.
Speaker: Because he's like, well, I want you to come with me, Grandpa Joe, but you're an invalid and can't get out of bed.
Speaker: And he's like, well, hold on.
Speaker: I might be able to dance and sing.
Speaker: Give me a second.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Hand me that cane.
Speaker: Do you believe in life after bed?
Speaker: Like, just he is, it takes him two seconds and all of a sudden he's like, huh?
Speaker: Like, fuck you, Joe.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All he needed was.
Speaker: And then he says, I've got a golden ticket.
Speaker: Where's my speech?
Speaker: No, you don't.
Speaker: You know what this is, though?
Speaker: This is showing the power of hope.
Speaker: Even in his song, he's like, I never thought my life could be anything more than catastrophe.
Speaker: And yeah, it's not his golden ticket, but Charlie has said he's taken him.
Speaker: This is what hope does to somebody.
Speaker: Gets him out of bed in the morning.
Speaker: Also, fuck the other grandparents, apparently, because Joe is the only one he talks to.
Speaker: They're going to die on this tour.
Speaker: It says only one can go with you, and he was the only one born in the year it started with 19, so he could dance and sing still.
Speaker: The mom can't afford to take a day off of work.
Speaker: This movie must have been filmed in either 70 or early 71.
Speaker: I don't know when it came out in 71.
Speaker: I didn't get the date.
Speaker: It was probably filmed in 70.
Speaker: None of these other grandparents were born in 19 anything.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So they're not getting up and dancing.
Speaker: So it's Grandpa Joe.
Speaker: How do you have all four in front of you and still only talk to one?
Speaker: Because he's the one who speaks English.
Speaker: Dude, I was just going to be like, he's the only one that fucking gets it and understands.
Speaker: Grandma Josephine says some stuff in English.
Speaker: But it's very Slavic.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, her last name was like Lieber something.
Speaker: Lieber Hymen?
Speaker: Lieber Hymen alone, okay?
Speaker: Don't touch her Hymen.
Speaker: Her Hymen left a long time ago.
Speaker: I never mentioned, but Charlie Bucket is played by a guy named Peter Ostrom.
Speaker: This was his only acting role.
Speaker: He became a veterinarian.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: Yeah, Derek said that he bought a horse and fell in love with it.
Speaker: Not a bad lifestyle choice, dude.
Speaker: And not like the guy from, what is it called?
Speaker: Zoo?
Speaker: I bought a zoo?
Speaker: About that guy, Mr. Hands?
Speaker: No, not I bought a zoo.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Sorry, Mr. Hands.
Speaker: The guy that got fucked to death by a horse?
Speaker: Yeah, it's a documentary about a guy who bought a horse.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: You cannot hear the horror on my face.
Speaker: Mr. Hands who got fucked to death by a horse.
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: It's a real documentary.
Speaker: How is he getting fucked by a horse in the first place?
Speaker: Well, he died.
Speaker: He dies.
Speaker: Don't look it up.
Speaker: No, like how do you get in that position?
Speaker: Very carefully.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I haven't watched the documentary.
Speaker: I won't, but it's a real thing.
Speaker: Is it?
Speaker: I'm mortified.
Speaker: Well, the only person that can answer those questions got fucked to death by a horse.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I'm still like, are you looking at this horse and being like, oh, let me take my pants down.
Speaker: Let me just get underneath.
Speaker: He was a size queen.
Speaker: He saw a horse dick and was like, I mean, they make dildos as big as a horse's dick, but you're controlling that.
Speaker: That horse is doing what it does.
Speaker: It'll pulverize.
Speaker: Obviously, it'll kill you.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Turn your insides into one of those weird gelatin dishes from the 70s.
Speaker: It's like putting a fucking... It's when your stomach comes out your mouth because it needs to go somewhere.
Speaker: It's like putting a fucking... You know I worked in a deli and I will vomit all over you.
Speaker: So his insides look like head cheese is all I'm saying.
Speaker: It's like putting an egg beater inside a stuffed animal.
Speaker: Things are going to happen.
Speaker: Anyway, and then Grandpa Joe is played by a guy named Jack Albertson, who was in a few movies before this and only like three after.
Speaker: But he was a voice of a character, not the fox or the hound, but in Fox and the Hound.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So do I hate?
Speaker: He might be the old guy with the shotgun.
Speaker: That might be right.
Speaker: Because I didn't recognize the character, but I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He was also in the Poseidon Adventure, and he was in a pretty cool 80s horror movie called Dead and Buried.
Speaker: Do I only know his face from this movie?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: From seeing it a million times.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Now we get to Willy Wonka's factory with a great matte painting of a factory in the back.
Speaker: They've got a couple buildings up front and then just a huge matte painting in the back.
Speaker: But there's like moving smoke and shit.
Speaker: So I don't know how they pulled that off, but you can tell it's a painting.
Speaker: It's...
Speaker: It's one of those old school fucking effects where they have smoke rolling out.
Speaker: It's the double-sided, like, mat.
Speaker: Ass to ass.
Speaker: I'm surprised you didn't do that for you.
Speaker: No, that'll be next mental health.
Speaker: So it's like a two-stepped mat painting.
Speaker: So you have, like, the smaller buildings here and the big buildings on the second mat.
Speaker: And then you have the smoke coming up from in between.
Speaker: That sounds about right.
Speaker: I mean, it's a very old school effect.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And it's almost like Buster Keaton kind of fucking days.
Speaker: And that's how you would show it on a still.
Speaker: Cause you're like, okay, here's your, here's the perfect angle.
Speaker: Do not move from this angle and just shoot from this angle.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So then all the people are there to celebrate.
Speaker: Kids are going into the factory.
Speaker: Willy Wonka comes out and it's the great Gene Wilder.
Speaker: Rest in pictures.
Speaker: Rest in pictures, baby.
Speaker: I guess the person who manages his social media, I didn't catch the guy's name.
Speaker: I read it in trivia, but when he died in 2016...
Speaker: They changed his social media profiles to he's an actor and an author, and he inherited the Chocolate Factory in 2016.
Speaker: I don't know if that's nice or not, but it seems sweet.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: Of course it's sweet.
Speaker: It's a chocolate factory.
Speaker: Have you guys ever seen Bonnie and Clyde with Warren Beatty?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: The old one?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That was Gene Wilder's first role in that movie.
Speaker: He's the guy that they end up kidnapping, and he's in the back of the car, and he's fucking great in that movie.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's the best part of the movie.
Speaker: I love that movie.
Speaker: But he's in The Producers, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein.
Speaker: Frisco Kid, Silver Streak, Sir Crazy.
Speaker: Sir Crazy, See No Evil, Hear No Evil.
Speaker: I was going to say that was one of my favorites.
Speaker: Young Frankenstein.
Speaker: I said that one.
Speaker: Okay, because I think that is my favorite of his.
Speaker: His last, I was surprised.
Speaker: I was going to say, Hear No Evil, See No Evil was one of mine because you have, not only do you have the late and great- Gene Wilder?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Richard Pryor.
Speaker: Richard Pryor, thank you.
Speaker: Yeah, but there are- Who's playing a blind man.
Speaker: And then you have Gene Wilder playing the deaf man.
Speaker: And it's just, you-
Speaker: I love their camaraderie on that.
Speaker: That's also stir crazy was those two together.
Speaker: They did a few together.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There was like four or five they did, right?
Speaker: We're missing some, but it's fine.
Speaker: I guess his last movie role, from what I could find, was in like 1991.
Speaker: He did like a couple of TV movies and then a couple of appearances on TV shows up until like 99.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But I mean, I guess he didn't need to anymore, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, because he had the golden ticket.
Speaker: This movie.
Speaker: He made $600,000.
Speaker: There's an interview with him that is just fucking charming as shit where he's like, I've never been a funny person.
Speaker: I don't consider myself funny.
Speaker: He's like, maybe my wife does, but nobody else should.
Speaker: He's like, I am very good at reading funny lines.
Speaker: I disagree with him.
Speaker: I do think he is funny.
Speaker: He's good at deliverance.
Speaker: He's misunderstanding, but he's just backhanded giving credit to everyone that wrote for him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's like, you think I'm funny?
Speaker: That's Mel making me funny.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But I love it.
Speaker: It starts, he comes out and does the hobbling thing, which is one of those scenes I think we mentioned already that nobody knew was going to happen.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's iconic.
Speaker: It is iconic.
Speaker: And the brick he sticks his cane in, the way it stays, was like a styrofoam brick, so he had to get it just right.
Speaker: And stick it in there.
Speaker: And then does the roll, which is just classic.
Speaker: A super, a standing somersault.
Speaker: And then back on your feet.
Speaker: And it tells us to not trust what's happening anymore.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Nothing you see.
Speaker: You can't trust your eyes from here on out.
Speaker: He's a trickster.
Speaker: Look how he introduced himself to you.
Speaker: And this is the first time he's taking the kids in.
Speaker: He's like, come on.
Speaker: We have so much time and so little to do.
Speaker: Wait.
Speaker: Strike that.
Speaker: Reverse it.
Speaker: Air it.
Speaker: which is something I still quote every day.
Speaker: Not every day.
Speaker: Oh, same.
Speaker: But at least a couple times a month.
Speaker: It's in common vernacular.
Speaker: At least once a week.
Speaker: I love the giant contract.
Speaker: He's got this big contract up on the wall for the kids to sign, and it's huge words at the top, and it gets so small you can't even see words.
Speaker: And the two, the car dealer dad and the rich nutman.
Speaker: The dealership, old dealer daddy, he's like, come on, don't talk to me about contracts.
Speaker: I use them.
Speaker: They're for suckers.
Speaker: Yeah, they're not really.
Speaker: No, not if they're written correctly.
Speaker: Well, my kid doesn't sign anything without a lawyer.
Speaker: Well, then your kid doesn't fucking go in.
Speaker: Them's the rules.
Speaker: Yeah, and these kids are like, fuck that.
Speaker: I mean, I'm loving Gene Wilder's interaction.
Speaker: Even as we just glanced over at It's Fine, but meeting the kids individually, he sees how shitty they are, one by one, until Charlie, obviously.
Speaker: And even when Mike shoves the gun in his gut, he goes, ooh, nice to meet you, pops right back up.
Speaker: And it's him being charming right now.
Speaker: And then starts the shit talking for the rest of the night.
Speaker: Oh, I love it.
Speaker: Behind closed doors.
Speaker: Literally behind the closed gates of Wonka.
Speaker: Now you can't leave.
Speaker: It's the car dealer dad that's talking some shit.
Speaker: And he's like, if you have any problems, dial information.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Please, dial information.
Speaker: I think you said while we were watching it, Jack, I'm like, I need to start using this in day to day to life.
Speaker: Fuck, yeah, bartending.
Speaker: I don't know if you have any problems.
Speaker: Hey, what did I just order from you?
Speaker: If you have any questions, please dial information.
Speaker: Speak up next time.
Speaker: And let me help you.
Speaker: Oh, and then when the mom, Mike TV's mom mentions, is there like an injury indemnity policy or something?
Speaker: And he's like, never between friends.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: I absolutely love it because they're so little and just like,
Speaker: And they start going through the fun house.
Speaker: And it's like the first room is that black and white zigzag room.
Speaker: It's like super tiny.
Speaker: Tiny, tiny.
Speaker: And it's like, oh, here's the door.
Speaker: And they're like, no, we just came in that door, you idiot.
Speaker: And he's like, did we?
Speaker: And he kind of leaned on it and it falls through.
Speaker: And then opening the tiny door and it opens to a big door.
Speaker: I think it's Gloop's dad who says- Gloop's mom.
Speaker: I'll never finish this.
Speaker: No, no, it's Veruca's dad who says, what is this, some kind of fun house?
Speaker: He's like, why are you having fun?
Speaker: Just his quick, sassy comebacks-
Speaker: are the best.
Speaker: I think that's when we all learned sarcasm.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a great fucking example of sarcasm.
Speaker: Is this when my daughter's first language is sarcasm?
Speaker: No, it's because of you.
Speaker: It's because of him.
Speaker: It might be because of me, but tangentially then that's because of this movie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This movie and my own father.
Speaker: For three generations, sarcasm it has taught.
Speaker: And then we get into the heart of the factory.
Speaker: Because everything in here is edible.
Speaker: You can eat almost everything.
Speaker: Almost.
Speaker: I don't know, because he even eats the leaf.
Speaker: I was literally sitting there going, well, you can't eat that leaf.
Speaker: And then he's like, watch this.
Speaker: Because it's mint.
Speaker: That is a mint leaf.
Speaker: It's like the mushrooms made out of Cool Whip and the giant gummy bears.
Speaker: I was saying it was a macaroon with Cool Whip.
Speaker: definitely cool whip we know that much because that mom was just mowing down on the cool whip I was like this is a mom after my own heart Derek dropped a fun fact that the actress that played Veruca Salt hates chocolate and then right after he said that her cracking open that ball and just scooping chocolate
Speaker: Also, what child hates chocolate?
Speaker: Seriously.
Speaker: I mean, I could understand hating milk chocolate.
Speaker: I didn't like chocolate until I was older.
Speaker: Not old.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Was it milk chocolate?
Speaker: Zoe has not liked milk chocolate, but loved dark chocolate since she was four years old.
Speaker: I can't eat milk chocolate now.
Speaker: Well, I don't think in 1971 you could get dark chocolate.
Speaker: Well, maybe that Hershey special.
Speaker: Maybe in Europe.
Speaker: And Europe, a thousand percent.
Speaker: We're not doing a candy podcast.
Speaker: Probably my favorite song in this movie.
Speaker: Definitely my favorite song in this movie is right now.
Speaker: Oh, is this the cane scene?
Speaker: Pure imagination.
Speaker: Pure imagination.
Speaker: We have the cane where he's whipping the cane at everybody.
Speaker: And he's actually accidentally beating the shit out of these people.
Speaker: And they had to do a bunch of takes.
Speaker: He fucking grabs Mikey TV's hair and pulls a fucking little threadling out.
Speaker: And the kid looks out like, motherfucker.
Speaker: Just pull my fucking hair out.
Speaker: Also, he pulls out a hair and blows it.
Speaker: And I'm like, well, now your whole factory is contaminated with a shit kid hair.
Speaker: But yeah, the Pure Imagination song.
Speaker: Well, we see how he cooks later.
Speaker: So I don't think hair is a problem.
Speaker: Dirty jackets, boots.
Speaker: It's because it needs a little kick and it's a little cold.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: But I love the Pure Imagination song.
Speaker: I think it's one of those things, especially as a kid who fancied himself as some kind of artist or creator.
Speaker: It's like.
Speaker: Pure imagination, man.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I was never that artistic kid.
Speaker: I always wanted to be artistic and just never really panned out to anything.
Speaker: But we did music.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was our art.
Speaker: That's true.
Speaker: That was our art.
Speaker: I was an artistic child.
Speaker: I wasn't good at it.
Speaker: Yeah, I think that's my thing, dude.
Speaker: I'll paint, I'll draw, I'll try and write, and I'm not good at any of it, but I enjoy doing it.
Speaker: Writing was the one I did the most because I was like, well, you can't see how bad it is until you've already finished it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I can't tell you how many finger quote books I've written, or stories, I guess I should say, in notebook paper and then burnt them because I'm like, this is trash.
Speaker: My parents recently gave me this book that my dad found and like it was a bunch of old shit they had of mine, you know, like he had it in some drawer somewhere and he's like, do you want this?
Speaker: It's like a little book.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, I want that.
Speaker: I kind of remember that one and I got it and I flipped through it and I was like, this is trash.
Speaker: Fuck this kid.
Speaker: What a garbage shippard I was.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: But he had written stories and scripts even before he went to college for movies.
Speaker: One of my favorite stories about writing a story was a story I wrote for my junior year.
Speaker: I had a creative writing class.
Speaker: And it was like, just write a short story about something.
Speaker: And I wrote this off-the-wall story inspired by watching things like this, where these two kids get taken to this place and they end up talking to a rhinoceros who's also a gladiator that raps.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: But it started out with- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was involved in that.
Speaker: It started out with, I had this friend who- Wait, hold on.
Speaker: Was it Rhymenoceros?
Speaker: No, they stole that from me.
Speaker: Wait, that's a real thing?
Speaker: I'm a hip hop, didn't they?
Speaker: I'm a hip hop botanist.
Speaker: My lyrics are bottomless.
Speaker: Yeah, wasn't Rhymenoceros in there?
Speaker: Did he?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Maybe not.
Speaker: I thought I was making an original joke.
Speaker: You might have.
Speaker: Who knows?
Speaker: Somebody does.
Speaker: It's New Zealand.
Speaker: They don't count.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: No, they do.
Speaker: They're the best comedy out there right now.
Speaker: They really are.
Speaker: You're wrong.
Speaker: Sexiest accent there is.
Speaker: I was waiting for it.
Speaker: Oh, no, I am not.
Speaker: We're not talking about how sexy they are.
Speaker: I had a friend in high school who used to come in like he would knock on my window in the middle of the night.
Speaker: Knock on my window.
Speaker: He'd want to come and hang out like whatever, because like his parents weren't paying attention.
Speaker: So he would come out and knock on my window.
Speaker: So I was writing a story for school and I started with this character's friend.
Speaker: And I was like, there's a slight rapping at his window.
Speaker: But I didn't spell rapping with two peas.
Speaker: So my teacher was like, you might want to fix this.
Speaker: I know what you meant, but that's not what you said.
Speaker: Because it says there was a slight raping at your window.
Speaker: And we meet the Opa Loompas for the first time.
Speaker: Oompa Loompa Doopadita.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We started the thing with that.
Speaker: So you guys get it.
Speaker: So I've heard rumors about it.
Speaker: Like, weren't the Oompa Loompas just like kind of wild on set?
Speaker: There's something here.
Speaker: Or am I thinking of your thinking of Oz?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Same thing.
Speaker: The Oompa Loompas were known for wild parties off set.
Speaker: And like they would get like a limo and travel together and go out to bars.
Speaker: And I'm sure they were out of makeup.
Speaker: Let's pretend they weren't.
Speaker: Go on.
Speaker: Is it still the same cast as Wizard of Oz?
Speaker: No, these are mostly German and European.
Speaker: And the thing I was reading was saying most of them didn't speak English.
Speaker: So obviously- Oompa loompa, doopity doo.
Speaker: I'm going to shove it right where you poo.
Speaker: All right, get out.
Speaker: You need to get out of this bar.
Speaker: What have I said about that?
Speaker: But apparently they didn't speak any English.
Speaker: So obviously they're dubbed.
Speaker: That's clear.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Their mouthing works.
Speaker: It does work.
Speaker: I read some stuff that was like some of them don't do a very good job, but I was watching, but it's hard to watch all of them.
Speaker: I was just going to say, if you watch it, it's like, all right, today I'm watching top left.
Speaker: Now I'm watching bottom left.
Speaker: Now it's fine.
Speaker: I always end up watching the same two.
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: There's a couple that have very captivating faces.
Speaker: There's the lead one who's in like every song.
Speaker: There's two.
Speaker: I mean, the only two that I ever saw.
Speaker: Well, there's the lead one and the one that I know that you and I, we say one like they're not people.
Speaker: Sorry if that comes off that way.
Speaker: The one actor.
Speaker: Yeah, we're, yeah.
Speaker: There's the one who's like,
Speaker: tall and slender yeah almost almost looks like dr house yes kind of i was not you grant i know it's you lorry okay but i was thinking it kind of looks like a guy who smoked a lot of meth uh-huh that's what i said especially we're watching it in high definition you can see the wrinkles in the face under the makeup that makeup is hugh lowry that makeup is not forgiving on wrinkles dude no
Speaker: Oh, you should ask my sister about that.
Speaker: She was an Oompa Loompa once.
Speaker: She was only 4'9".
Speaker: I was an Oompa Loompa once.
Speaker: It's a very tall Oompa Loompa.
Speaker: A dwarf is 4'9".
Speaker: Thank you very much.
Speaker: It's like when people call me a leprechaun.
Speaker: I'm like, that's a fucking big ass leprechaun.
Speaker: Your dick is a leprechaun.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: It's trying to get in that pot of gold.
Speaker: I've never seen your penis.
Speaker: I need to make this clear.
Speaker: I have never seen Jack's penis.
Speaker: It's never given her gold.
Speaker: But he is a ginger and he has told me the carbs match the drapes.
Speaker: Well, if I'm not paving that road.
Speaker: I'm assuming.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: I'm usually putting tile in the basement.
Speaker: More chicks like to eat in the basement if you have tile over shag carpet.
Speaker: I like tile, baby.
Speaker: Just saying.
Speaker: Or just a regular short carpet.
Speaker: I'm good with that.
Speaker: So we learn about Loompa Land and how it's full of various creatures.
Speaker: But I am a geography teacher.
Speaker: Like schnoz wangers and vermicious knids.
Speaker: Horn swogglers.
Speaker: Horn swogglers.
Speaker: Which is vicious kinds.
Speaker: No, it's Knids.
Speaker: It's K-N-I-D-S.
Speaker: I know, but it's really kind.
Speaker: Knids.
Speaker: He was mixing letters up.
Speaker: So she definitely says, I'm a geography teacher.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That place does not exist.
Speaker: But you can't tell me you know every country that's ever existed.
Speaker: No, his response is even better.
Speaker: He's like, oh, so you understand.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: You know about the horror they've had.
Speaker: You know what they've gone through.
Speaker: Damn it, woman.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: I just think like it's a little pretentious, but I'm a geography teacher.
Speaker: Dude, unless you're some fucking like high Ivy League college, you aren't going to know all these fucking countries.
Speaker: You're a high school geography teacher in Texas.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: You know what Texas teaches?
Speaker: God.
Speaker: Look, there's Texas and next to us there's new somewhere.
Speaker: So this is America.
Speaker: Over there is not America.
Speaker: Above us is not America.
Speaker: Below us is also not America.
Speaker: Also to our left, right, and north is not America.
Speaker: And sometimes in America, that's called California, that's also not America.
Speaker: It's not America.
Speaker: New York?
Speaker: Not America.
Speaker: Barely America, New York.
Speaker: Apparently the vermicious canids are featured.
Speaker: That's New England.
Speaker: It's so cold.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I'm trying to warm it up.
Speaker: I was holding it to warm it up, and I was like, okay, I gotta stop.
Speaker: Yeah, I wish it was summertime.
Speaker: Let me put it in my dick.
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: In?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Is that how it works?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Well, unless you want to go.
Speaker: Unless you're felching.
Speaker: No, sounding.
Speaker: I was going to say fletching.
Speaker: Felching is when you.
Speaker: Come in somebody's face.
Speaker: You come in somebody's mouth and then you spit it through a straw into somebody else's.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You come in an orifice and you suck it through a straw.
Speaker: It's got to be your butt.
Speaker: It's got to be a butcher's ass.
Speaker: Sounding is when they're putting things in your pee hole.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Neat.
Speaker: I don't even have a dick.
Speaker: Children's movie.
Speaker: Could fit a number two pencil in there.
Speaker: But apparently vermicious canids are... What?
Speaker: Good God.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Apparently vermicious canids...
Speaker: are a big Roald Dahl villain.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And apparently they feature kind of heavily in the sequel to this book, which was not allowed to have a movie made because Roald Dahl- There's a fucking sequel?
Speaker: It's called Charlie and the Glass Wonka Vader or something like that.
Speaker: But it wasn't allowed to be made into a movie because he hated this movie and he was like, go fuck yourself.
Speaker: I'm kind of glad though.
Speaker: I'm kind of glad though.
Speaker: I don't think I need anything more from this.
Speaker: I don't know if it would have even gotten the same people back.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, I'm opposite you.
Speaker: I'm opposite you.
Speaker: I want the kid who played Charlie is now an adult and he is in Wonka Land.
Speaker: Let's have him do it now.
Speaker: I mean, honestly.
Speaker: Let's have him do it right now.
Speaker: Honestly, though, instead of fucking remaking, like you said, a movie that doesn't need to be made that's a prequel, give us that if you're going to do something like it.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: If you want this universe, expand on it.
Speaker: Don't keep fucking redoing it.
Speaker: I would have taken Timothee Chalamet.
Speaker: Timothee Chalamet.
Speaker: Who are they?
Speaker: Timothee Chardonnay as the child.
Speaker: He's not making wine right now.
Speaker: Like, as we speak, called Timothee Chardonnay.
Speaker: You're missing out, pal.
Speaker: I would take him as Charlie's son, and they are doing something weird in Oompa Loompa Land.
Speaker: It's just an in-joke for people who know, because it's a Chardonnay, but it's just called Timothee Chardonnay.
Speaker: for two E's?
Speaker: No, Timothée.
Speaker: Timothée, Chardonnay.
Speaker: It's just, it's, have you had this Chardonnay?
Speaker: It's Timothée.
Speaker: I don't, one of the parents says something.
Speaker: I can't remember.
Speaker: I just wrote down the comeback because it was great because one of the parents complained about something and he's like, I'll give you the answer.
Speaker: And he's like, all questions must be submitted in writing.
Speaker: Yeah, I think it's, is it Salt?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Is it Salt says something to him?
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: All questions must be submitted in writing.
Speaker: Just the way he brushes off the parents and the kids every time.
Speaker: Is this the Golden Goose scene?
Speaker: where he keeps driving.
Speaker: Not yet.
Speaker: They're still in the magical main room.
Speaker: Oh yeah, Gloop gets sucked up.
Speaker: And Augustus Gloop is drinking out of this river, which apparently was partially chocolate and other stuff.
Speaker: It's you, Gloop.
Speaker: The original mix, though, I guess, was something that kept turning red, like blood red.
Speaker: Like, that's a different movie.
Speaker: That's the one with Gene Hackman.
Speaker: That's the Gene Hackman one.
Speaker: It's called Wild Wonka.
Speaker: He's a cowboy.
Speaker: But Augustus Gloop is like drinking out of the river No stop Don't drink it Somebody do something Help Police Murder I love it I absolutely love it He's like we're fucking locked in here What do you want?
Speaker: Control your fucking children Exactly Smack them in the back of the head
Speaker: Look, if your kid falls in the brewing tank at the brewery tour, it's your fault.
Speaker: I mean, they say it in their song.
Speaker: It's the mother and the father's fault.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And this is that first song.
Speaker: They all have words on the screen.
Speaker: But this first song has that rules really intense fonts for the different like, what do you get when your kid is a
Speaker: brat like and i it's it's burned into my brain as a child like i it's i don't know the good thing that came out of this movie you don't act like any of those people no i don't hopefully and that's what i think this movie was trying to do is make sure that you actually fucking and this is why in the 80s we got spanked i'm trying to get spanked in 2024
Speaker: Because we were raised in the 80s, honey.
Speaker: Or because it feels good on me bum.
Speaker: We thought that was affection.
Speaker: Remind me of my daddy.
Speaker: Was he going to leave?
Speaker: Spank me and then leave.
Speaker: I'm going for a pack of cigarettes.
Speaker: Comes back 20 years later.
Speaker: Oh man, if I could pay some dominatrix just to spank me, go for cigarettes and not come back.
Speaker: She'll come back once you win the lottery.
Speaker: I heard you sold that first book.
Speaker: Can I be his dominatrix?
Speaker: I can't have sex with him.
Speaker: I'll spank you and leave.
Speaker: I will.
Speaker: I'll spank you and never see you again.
Speaker: I'm off the podcast.
Speaker: We do a podcast once a week here.
Speaker: Fuck me.
Speaker: Don't fuck me.
Speaker: So Augustus gets sucked up the pipe and he's like, oh, don't worry.
Speaker: There's massive pressure building up behind him.
Speaker: He'll get pushed through and he goes through and the mom is like, he's going to be turned into a marshmallow.
Speaker: And he's like, that's ridiculous.
Speaker: That pipe doesn't lead to the marshmallow room.
Speaker: Don't be absurd.
Speaker: Don't be absurd.
Speaker: And that's when we get the Wonka, the Wonka Tania, which is clearly to everybody who's met me, my favorite part of this movie.
Speaker: Uh huh.
Speaker: The murder, death, psychedelic mushroom ship.
Speaker: This, I even said it when we were watching it.
Speaker: I was like, oh my God, this is Derek's favorite part.
Speaker: Can you even say the words?
Speaker: I'm not going to do the whole speech because you should watch the movie.
Speaker: I'm not going to do justice that- The rowers keep on rowing.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, like- You can't do it justice, especially with his giant fucking eyes bulging out of his skull, dude.
Speaker: Big blue eyes and the fucking crazy hair.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Like, the beginning I have was like, there's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going.
Speaker: And everybody knows where I'm going from here.
Speaker: The rowers show no signs of slowing.
Speaker: And I love it.
Speaker: This boat is standstill.
Speaker: And it's just a tube they're in.
Speaker: And as letterbox reviews I looked at and people who commented about the movie and even the kids who did a commentary for one of the anniversary versions are like, this gave me trauma as a child.
Speaker: And I think this scene is the reason I fell in love with this movie.
Speaker: Because as a kid, it was scary.
Speaker: But trauma, I don't, I mean, you can't tell somebody else what traumatizes them.
Speaker: But I'm with you.
Speaker: Like, scary, yeah.
Speaker: Emotion invoking, like it's titillated.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: But we watched it.
Speaker: They experienced it.
Speaker: I can see why they say it was trauma.
Speaker: I think we all experienced
Speaker: I don't think they knew what was happening.
Speaker: No, this is another scene where they didn't know how he was going to deliver this.
Speaker: So when he started going.
Speaker: Oh, I thought you meant the people doing the reviews.
Speaker: No, the kids.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: One of the girls, and I don't remember if it was Violet or Veruca, said like she was watching it and she's like, I'm pretty sure that he snapped.
Speaker: Like they didn't know because they didn't know his delivery.
Speaker: And he's just like, in that scream, like he's like, there's no way of knowing where they're going.
Speaker: Ah!
Speaker: And everybody's just like, stop this fucking boat.
Speaker: And he's like, good idea.
Speaker: Stop.
Speaker: It's the Will Wonk scream.
Speaker: But there is a bit in here.
Speaker: The Will Wonka scream.
Speaker: The Will Wonk.
Speaker: There is a bit in the tunnel that I want to mention because it ties back to another episode we've done.
Speaker: So there's all this trippy imagery on the walls.
Speaker: There's a part where there's a dude laying there and there's a millipede crawling across his face.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So the dude who has the millipede on his face is a guy named Waylon Green, who's a friend of Mel Stewart.
Speaker: I know the name.
Speaker: He wrote Wild Angels, which we covered previously.
Speaker: Shut the front door.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: No, he did not.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: The loser.
Speaker: I remember this scene being...
Speaker: Waylon has a fucking worm on his face, huh?
Speaker: There's no way of knowing which way we're going.
Speaker: Bruce Dern has fucking William.
Speaker: Show no signs of slowing.
Speaker: No, I remember the scene- We are the music makers.
Speaker: Being one of my favorites.
Speaker: We are the dream makers, yes.
Speaker: I remember the scene being one of my favorites because it was so fucking freaky.
Speaker: But I remember I was five and my sister was 10 and made me watch really fucked up shit.
Speaker: Well, I never thought about it until just this moment when Jack said it's emotion invoking.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: And a lot of the movies that kids are watching, even back then when you did watch somewhat more traumatizing stuff, the emotion invoking stuff was like Bambi's mom died.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Death.
Speaker: Happiness.
Speaker: Or even once we get to the 80s, like Artax is drowning.
Speaker: There are things that will traumatize you as a kid.
Speaker: But this triggers almost a fight or flight kind of thing with me.
Speaker: But instead of fight or flight, it's I liked it or I didn't.
Speaker: I'm going to vomit or I'm going to laugh.
Speaker: There's half the people that just didn't get this and the other half are us.
Speaker: And I think that's why it really pulled me in, though, because it evoked emotion and it's something you hadn't experienced as that young of a child.
Speaker: And I commented on here before.
Speaker: I don't really remember much of my childhood, not for trauma reasons, just probably for drug reasons.
Speaker: It's my special power.
Speaker: It's it's it's just I feel like that's got to be part of it.
Speaker: It's showing you something to feel.
Speaker: And also, the movie does a great job of like, look, you got through the tunnel.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because the lights all of a sudden are, bam, they're on.
Speaker: Everything's gravy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like, yes, it was scary when we were, the journey was scary, but look where you are.
Speaker: Hey, guess what?
Speaker: Life.
Speaker: It's fucking scary.
Speaker: It's like a cool roller coaster where you feel like you're going to shit your pants, but you don't, or you do, but even if you shit your pants at the end, you're alive.
Speaker: You're alive.
Speaker: I always bring extra pants on a roller coaster.
Speaker: And these, I'm talking about roller coasters that are like legitimate, not like it's your parking lot thing.
Speaker: Those are the scariest.
Speaker: You might not be alive at the end of those.
Speaker: I'm going to shit my pants on one of those.
Speaker: I'm like, all right, that one Disney did.
Speaker: This one, some guy did.
Speaker: And I mean, people have died on all of them.
Speaker: This one, some guy built in a day.
Speaker: What's that bucket of spare parts over there?
Speaker: I saw this video the other day that was like, I never thought about how parking lot carnivals were built.
Speaker: And it's showing like before they put the
Speaker: the tarps down on the side of all these little stands and all these things with like your tilt-a-whirl and your roller coaster are just standing on a series of wooden blocks.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Just stacked on top of one another like fucking Legos.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Except for Legos have joints that hold them together.
Speaker: Legos are better.
Speaker: It's like Lincoln logs.
Speaker: No, Lincoln logs have notches.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: These are just Jenga.
Speaker: You have a fucking roller coaster on a Jenga game.
Speaker: There was one summer my sister and I went to Iowa to spend time with my grandparents, my aunt and uncle.
Speaker: Our flight back, we got stuck in Minnesota for 24 hours.
Speaker: And it was 9 p.m.
Speaker: And they're like, well, here's some vouchers.
Speaker: And your flight's at 9 p.m.
Speaker: tomorrow.
Speaker: Our vouchers were for the Mall of America.
Speaker: So we're in the Mall of America.
Speaker: But do you know what the Mall of America has?
Speaker: Camp Snoopy.
Speaker: It's got a fucking roller coaster.
Speaker: It has a whole theme park in there.
Speaker: The day we go there, the log ride is shut down because some guy freaked out at the top and jumped out and killed himself.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: Sounds like he wasn't freaking out.
Speaker: Sounds like he wanted to kill himself.
Speaker: But they had the whole park open.
Speaker: Take me, Snoopy!
Speaker: Except for that fucking log ride.
Speaker: I don't know why he's John Lithgow, but...
Speaker: I'm off this ride.
Speaker: Take me, Snoopy.
Speaker: Okay, lift down.
Speaker: That's a good job.
Speaker: How did they not shut the whole park down if it was just... Can I answer this?
Speaker: Please.
Speaker: Capitalism.
Speaker: Oh, you said the same thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Strike that, reverse it.
Speaker: But yeah, like that was my whole thing.
Speaker: I bring that back to the ride.
Speaker: Like somebody jumping out of the, the rowers keep on rowing.
Speaker: If they jumped out there, they would have died.
Speaker: Well, we have to move on because we've had so much podcast in so little time.
Speaker: Wait, reverse that.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: So they get to the inventing room, which Grandpa Joe comments, more like a Turkish bath.
Speaker: And I'm like, what, you think you're going to see Viggo Mortensen fighting Russians in here?
Speaker: Whoa, dude.
Speaker: Is that floppy dick going to be behind one of those machines?
Speaker: But also, this is coming up to the part where Grandpa Joe is showing that he's the shitty one.
Speaker: Like, Charlie's still the good kid.
Speaker: Yeah, it's shitty to a degree.
Speaker: To a degree.
Speaker: He's adventurous, yada, yada.
Speaker: But right before that, I do want to mention just because...
Speaker: This room has jokes.
Speaker: Mike TV is going to end up being an alcoholic because this kid eats that exploding candy.
Speaker: Which is supposed to be for your enemies.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And he's like, whew, that's got a kick.
Speaker: And I'm like, hey, kid, I got some whiskey for you.
Speaker: And he's like, I love it.
Speaker: I love that burn.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But also, it doesn't have enough kick and throws a couple more boots in there.
Speaker: And then Violet eats the dinner gum.
Speaker: It's a full meal and a piece of gum.
Speaker: And she's dad brought up something I never thought about because I was like, damn, that would be dope to have that.
Speaker: But then dad's like, well, she goes, oh, baked potato.
Speaker: And he goes, with sour cream?
Speaker: Can I control that?
Speaker: Because I need my gum to have no sour cream.
Speaker: Just in general.
Speaker: You won't feel the cream.
Speaker: Ugh.
Speaker: Oh, God, you took a terrible thing like sour cream made it worse.
Speaker: Although you might because she does say the tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat, which is a weird thing to have a child say.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: But I also, when she says that, I feel hot soup running down my throat.
Speaker: It makes me almost wish it was cold out or I was sick drinking some of that delicious hot soup.
Speaker: I do love right before she grabs it, she's like, holy shit, it's gum.
Speaker: And he's like, wrong.
Speaker: It's the best gum.
Speaker: Fucking Wonka, dude.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Again, with his like, fuck you, kid.
Speaker: And that's when he's like, I wouldn't do that.
Speaker: But he knows she's going to do it.
Speaker: No, stop.
Speaker: Don't.
Speaker: I'm a little deaf in this here.
Speaker: You should speak louder next time.
Speaker: Dude, Mike TV gets the brunt of his shit in this.
Speaker: Why don't you try to open your mouth more when you talk?
Speaker: Multiple times.
Speaker: Multiple times.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that one, that's my, I'm going to use that on a child or an adult.
Speaker: I work at a bar.
Speaker: They're basically children in the future.
Speaker: Like, hey, speak louder.
Speaker: I'm a little deaf in this ear.
Speaker: Oh, we know the customer, too.
Speaker: We have a couple of customers.
Speaker: I know that they're going to get this.
Speaker: Well, there's a lot I want to say.
Speaker: I'm going full Wonka.
Speaker: You know what I did on Tuesday?
Speaker: The entire fucking city knows what you did on Tuesday.
Speaker: So then we have Violet.
Speaker: Like I said, she eats the gum and she inflates, which I'm pretty sure everybody knows what we're doing.
Speaker: Violet, you're turning Violet.
Speaker: Violet?
Speaker: Just a good line.
Speaker: One of my favorite lines, honestly.
Speaker: I mean, it's delivered so fucking well.
Speaker: We have the next song where the Oompa Loompas are singing and they're just rolling her back and forth.
Speaker: And at first I was like, oh, that's a dummy in there.
Speaker: But no, it's her.
Speaker: It's her in a balloon.
Speaker: One of those little bubble balls.
Speaker: Well, early on I saw it was her.
Speaker: It's an inflated sumo suit.
Speaker: And then I thought it became a dummy because at one point it was like sitting there with its eyes closed.
Speaker: But then it opened its eyes and I was like, oh, she's just getting nauseous being rolled back and forth.
Speaker: Wouldn't you?
Speaker: Wouldn't you?
Speaker: She just had tomato soup, fucking roast beef, a baked potato, a sour cream, and a blueberry pie.
Speaker: She's full.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't spin her.
Speaker: It always goes wrong at the dessert.
Speaker: Always.
Speaker: But what would it taste like three months later?
Speaker: He's not even concerned.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Because he knows what would happen.
Speaker: Oh, it'd have no flavor.
Speaker: Any gum she's chewing for three months has no flavor.
Speaker: You're just doing it to stick it to your friend.
Speaker: I chewed a piece of gum.
Speaker: The juicer?
Speaker: We got to pop her.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: That's juice in there.
Speaker: Yeah, somebody.
Speaker: Quick, poke her with a needle.
Speaker: No, she'll explode.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Dude, it's going to be just her vomiting blue liquid for fucking days.
Speaker: Or pissing it.
Speaker: Oh, there was a quick thing I read.
Speaker: Sorry, real quick.
Speaker: It's like being hung over and then chugging a bunch of blue Gatorade thinking you're through it and then throwing up.
Speaker: Cold throw up is a weird thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not as good as cold diarrhea.
Speaker: It's much more enjoyable than hot throw up, though.
Speaker: You ever had cold diarrhea?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: That's a weird one.
Speaker: So then they go into the room with the lickable wallpaper, which in a post-COVID age is-
Speaker: I mean, watching this now, I'm just like, God, how many... I hope you change the wallpaper, though.
Speaker: It is for infants.
Speaker: Don't teach your kids to lick walls.
Speaker: Did you ever hear people calling little kids that were special needs window lickers?
Speaker: This is just promoting that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And what's going to happen if they move out of their house with this lickable wallpaper and move into a fucking lead paint house?
Speaker: Your kid's dead!
Speaker: Lead paint and wallpaper that's been put up with the most poisonous glue you've ever seen.
Speaker: They're like...
Speaker: Wonder what a posy tastes like.
Speaker: Cancer.
Speaker: Tastes like I'm getting high.
Speaker: But we do get, I think Whitney said that the snozzberries taste like snozzberries, which if you've ever read a Roald Dahl book, you know what a snozzberry is.
Speaker: Is it dick?
Speaker: It's a dick.
Speaker: It's penis.
Speaker: So the dicks taste like dicks.
Speaker: put that in a kid's wallpaper?
Speaker: Which kid says the schnozberries taste like it?
Speaker: Is it an adult?
Speaker: I hope it's an adult.
Speaker: No, he says it.
Speaker: He says it.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Because someone's like, the banana's delicious.
Speaker: Try an orange.
Speaker: He's like, everything.
Speaker: The cherry.
Speaker: He's hoping to watch Mike TV's mom lick a schnozberry.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then we get a line that and not to be overly sentimental or cheesy in a comedy podcast.
Speaker: You're allowed to do it a couple times a year.
Speaker: But we are the music makers.
Speaker: We are the dreamers of dreams.
Speaker: It's something that he says to my TV's mom.
Speaker: And it's something that inspired me through my whole life.
Speaker: And instead of being able to create anything because I'm not creative, I decided to make fun of other people who create things.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was my outlet.
Speaker: I mean, I'm on the same microphone with you here.
Speaker: You bought the shirt the year he passed away, right?
Speaker: Yeah, of course.
Speaker: As soon as he passed away, there was a plethora of things available online.
Speaker: And there's a shirt that's half Wonka's face and then half We Are the Music Makers, We Are the Dreamers of Dreams in the shape of the other half of his face.
Speaker: Well, he loves his halves.
Speaker: And we find that at the end of the movie.
Speaker: And then we get to the fizzy lifting drink scene, which is where Charlie fucks up.
Speaker: No, it's not Charlie that fucks up.
Speaker: It's his grandpa because they're about to Charlie's.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Life lesson.
Speaker: Life lesson.
Speaker: Sometimes you you can tell an adult to not get you in trouble.
Speaker: This is when you tell somebody.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't touch me there, Grandpa.
Speaker: Don't touch me there, Grandpa.
Speaker: That's your grandpa, that's your priest, that's your weird uncle, that has the clinky clink glass.
Speaker: That's your auntie.
Speaker: Anytime any adult tells you, hey, don't tell anybody, we can do this, you probably shouldn't be doing that.
Speaker: Unless they're saying, don't tell anybody, we're going to go light a bunch of fireworks.
Speaker: Okay, Jack's caveat.
Speaker: If an adult tells you not to tell anybody and they have a bag of fireworks, you go with them.
Speaker: If an adult tells you not to tell anybody he's giving you some beer...
Speaker: Don't tell anybody.
Speaker: That was the second time I got kidnapped.
Speaker: Then we get to the golden eggs.
Speaker: And this is Luca Salt's big song, which is one of my favorites.
Speaker: It's a great song, even though she is a piece of shit.
Speaker: And I want to be this song makes you hate her.
Speaker: But she is great.
Speaker: Actress wise.
Speaker: What is a bean feast?
Speaker: So I read in the trivia or on Wikipedia, a bean feast is a British thing.
Speaker: And it's you don't say, but it's it's not.
Speaker: We were thinking like a feast of beans.
Speaker: It's like a banquet.
Speaker: OK, it was slang.
Speaker: At least at the time it was slang for like a banquet or a big meal.
Speaker: So I assumed it was just a buffet with a bunch of beans because we all know the British have beans for every meal.
Speaker: Why wouldn't you assume that?
Speaker: English breakfast includes beans, which I'm not against.
Speaker: A full English fried tomato.
Speaker: Give me that full English.
Speaker: Give me the tomato.
Speaker: I can take it or leave it.
Speaker: I love me a fried tomato.
Speaker: But you can keep that fucking black sausage or blood pudding.
Speaker: I don't mind a blood pudding.
Speaker: It's not great.
Speaker: It's trash.
Speaker: It's not great.
Speaker: But I also like food and sausage.
Speaker: I've never had it, but the thought of it makes me go bread.
Speaker: The short time I spent in England, I went out for breakfast by myself.
Speaker: We were in this little village.
Speaker: I went to the place.
Speaker: Did you have a bean feast?
Speaker: I said, I'll take the full English breakfast.
Speaker: I mean, this platter, this is a, I'm serving an entire party platter.
Speaker: That is twice your size.
Speaker: There's a huge platter with every food you could imagine that could possibly be associated with breakfast, including beans, multiple kinds of sausage.
Speaker: But there was these three little black circles off to the side.
Speaker: I didn't ask.
Speaker: I saw on the list what was in there and they called it I think they called it black pudding.
Speaker: Yeah, but it's also called blood sausage is a better name.
Speaker: But they call it black pudding.
Speaker: Did you like stab it and bite it or did you cut it open?
Speaker: No, I cut a slice because I was like that looks.
Speaker: Oh, it's coagulated.
Speaker: Suspect.
Speaker: Yes, it's coagulated blood inside of a sausage thing basically.
Speaker: That looks suspect, so I cut a little pizza slice kind of out of it, you know, and took a bite, and I was like, we can keep that.
Speaker: It's a weird texture.
Speaker: I annihilated that English breakfast.
Speaker: I ate everything on that plate except for those.
Speaker: I'm sorry, platter?
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And the girl came and took it, and she's like, didn't like the black pudding, huh?
Speaker: And I was like, nope, you can keep that shit.
Speaker: And she just laughed because she's like, yeah, I fucking know.
Speaker: Yeah, she's like, you're a fucking yank, aren't you?
Speaker: Well, I did walk in and go...
Speaker: America.
Speaker: So I fucking cracked a Coors Light, lit a Marlboro Red and pissed in the fucking right in the lobby.
Speaker: If you're outside of the United States, the only thing you're allowed to wear is a red, white and blue flag jumpsuit or do rag.
Speaker: A red, white, and blue do-rag.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Hulk Hogan would agree with me on this, I think.
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: Yeah, she has the I Want It Now song, which is a great song.
Speaker: She has a great performance throughout the movie, but this scene alone- She really does.
Speaker: She shines.
Speaker: Yeah, really puts her out forward.
Speaker: But yeah, so she does her whole song, jumps up on the egg decator, which tells you if it's a good egg or a bad egg, gets dumped.
Speaker: She's a bad egg.
Speaker: She was a bad egg.
Speaker: Dry as can be.
Speaker: And then the dad just diving after her, and it hits it, and it's just like-
Speaker: Did you hear Grandpa Joe?
Speaker: He's like, well, he got what he always wanted.
Speaker: Veruca went first.
Speaker: I loved it.
Speaker: I was like, Grandpa Joe was like, this dude wanted his kid to die?
Speaker: Yep, he did also.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Grandpa Joe used to frequent Turkish baths, dude.
Speaker: He's raw.
Speaker: All I'm saying is Veruca Salt was my kid.
Speaker: I have a stepdaughter.
Speaker: She's in her teens.
Speaker: I love her.
Speaker: If she was like this, I'd be like, God, I hope she dies first.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, they both go down the chute.
Speaker: And he's like, well, that goes to the incinerator.
Speaker: They're like, with the incinerator?
Speaker: He's like, well, it leads to the garbage.
Speaker: Or the garbage leads to the incinerator.
Speaker: Either way.
Speaker: And when the dad dives through, he's like, there's going to be a lot of garbage today.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, they're going to be burnt alive?
Speaker: Well, that incinerator actually is only lit every other day.
Speaker: They've got a sporting chance.
Speaker: They have a sporting chance.
Speaker: It's just so good.
Speaker: And he has a comment when they're getting to the next bubble boat with a bubble bike, whatever the fuck this thing is.
Speaker: I can't remember what he called it, but...
Speaker: He's like, man, those children.
Speaker: Oh, it's Wonka's wash backwards.
Speaker: But he's like, children are disappearing like rabbits.
Speaker: And I was like, what does that mean?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Strike it and reverse it.
Speaker: Did he watch a lot of Watership Down?
Speaker: He watched The Night of Leapest.
Speaker: We'll throw that back to Donnie Darko, right?
Speaker: It's always Donnie Darko with you.
Speaker: Well, it was last week for them.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: Because, yeah, the soap is spitting out all over them.
Speaker: And I read that it was like some kind of, it was the fire extinguisher stuff.
Speaker: And it's not like what we're using now.
Speaker: It's like back when you had like the fire extinguishers had like a twist top thing.
Speaker: And it's like a skin irritant.
Speaker: So they're all covered in it.
Speaker: And I guess they spent days just being in pain.
Speaker: I mean, I think the mom is legit complaining.
Speaker: She's like, it's in my hair.
Speaker: It's in my eyes, my skin, my face.
Speaker: And Mel Stewart was like, good take.
Speaker: Use it.
Speaker: It burns me.
Speaker: And then, oh, shit.
Speaker: Look, I'm clean.
Speaker: I love the effect.
Speaker: Best bath I've had in years.
Speaker: It's going in really fast and then it's coming out super, super, super slow.
Speaker: It's such an obvious effect.
Speaker: The cart going into the split and then it just disappears until the cart's almost gone and then comes out the other side.
Speaker: But it's just, it's so Looney Tunes.
Speaker: It's an obvious effect, but it's appreciated.
Speaker: It's workable.
Speaker: You wouldn't have it from anybody besides Wonka.
Speaker: So re-watching this, obviously, so many times, and you know all the kids are okay, does that make it funnier or better or worse for you?
Speaker: Not worse, but like... Not worse, because I hate kids.
Speaker: I could care less if the kids are okay, because they're all pieces of shit.
Speaker: Specifically what I'm saying, though, is Gene Wilder's performance.
Speaker: He knows all these kids are okay.
Speaker: But I don't.
Speaker: I think that's the best part.
Speaker: And I think that's something as a kid that I picked up on because he's so nonchalant.
Speaker: He's not going to be like, yeah, sure.
Speaker: That kid's getting burned to death.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: No, the incinerator.
Speaker: There's going to be a bunch of trash today.
Speaker: As an adult looking at his performance thinking maybe that kid was burned to death, I would understand like, who cares?
Speaker: Fuck that kid.
Speaker: But as a kid watching it, he's like,
Speaker: Oh yeah, he's going to go to the incinerator.
Speaker: He was a piece of shit.
Speaker: So piece of shit.
Speaker: Willy Wonka's got, you know, safety upon safety upon safety.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Kids are fine.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: You know, as a kid, I just remember just being like.
Speaker: It's a lesson learning thing.
Speaker: Don't be a bad egg, bitch.
Speaker: He knew what they were going to do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I just remember being like, well, fuck them.
Speaker: I guess it goes along with the book.
Speaker: Even as a small child.
Speaker: Like, man, fuck him.
Speaker: I mean, Charlie's the only redeemable one.
Speaker: They go to the WonkaVision chamber, which is clearly created to test Mike TV.
Speaker: I mean, there's some that are really obvious.
Speaker: To your point, the gum was meant for Violet.
Speaker: The golden eggs were meant for Veruca Salt.
Speaker: And I guess even the room where you could eat literally everything that exists was meant for Augustus.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And to your point, it's the stupidest way to transport a candy bar.
Speaker: Yeah, because you build a 400 pound candy bar.
Speaker: You use God knows how many resources.
Speaker: And you get a four gram candy bar.
Speaker: And you get a normal ass.
Speaker: I mean, these are bigger than the candy bars we get now, but it's still a normal ass candy bar.
Speaker: It was a normal ass candy bar that was pulled out of the TV.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's just so much smaller.
Speaker: You're, you're, you're a hundred percent right.
Speaker: Like everything is catered to, which makes me wonder like the fizzy lifting thing.
Speaker: Is that for grandpa Joe?
Speaker: Cause he's can't use them legs.
Speaker: The floor is cold.
Speaker: So get off the floor.
Speaker: He knows grandpa Joe is a boozer.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And a loser.
Speaker: He was testing everybody.
Speaker: You know he was.
Speaker: Grandpa Joe drank a lot of gin.
Speaker: I wouldn't be shocked if- Grandpa Joe and Tom Waits were friends.
Speaker: I wouldn't be shocked if Grandpa Joe had a butt cheek flask.
Speaker: Like when everybody else went to bed, he's like, tink, tink, tink, tink.
Speaker: He's been drinking out of that same flask for 20 years because he's like, I got to keep it.
Speaker: He has it fermenting in his piss pot.
Speaker: He's making hooch.
Speaker: Oh, it's jank him.
Speaker: Jank him and hooch, dude.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Grandpa Joe just jank him.
Speaker: We're getting ripped tonight, Charlie.
Speaker: Charlie, I got a secret for you under my pillow.
Speaker: It's George.
Speaker: It's Jankum.
Speaker: George and Joe.
Speaker: Josephine and Georgina are asleep, and he's like, George, George, put some Jankum.
Speaker: Breathe this in.
Speaker: Drippin' balls, man.
Speaker: Mike TV is like, hey, that's pretty fucking cool.
Speaker: I know exactly what this is.
Speaker: Could you send a person?
Speaker: And he's like, I love Wonka.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure.
Speaker: He's like, no.
Speaker: Well, maybe.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: We haven't tried it.
Speaker: There could be some problems.
Speaker: And Mike TV is like, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker: Sounds great.
Speaker: Send me.
Speaker: Send it.
Speaker: And this is another one.
Speaker: This is the one that I quote on a daily basis.
Speaker: This exact delivery is, stop.
Speaker: Don't.
Speaker: Come back.
Speaker: Great dryness, too.
Speaker: Great delivery.
Speaker: Did you also want him to come out like Spaceballs with a butt on his front?
Speaker: With a butt on his front?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Or like, I mean, it's a joke in the Star Trek original series because the teleporter technology is new.
Speaker: And I think Kirk is the one who doesn't like to be transported.
Speaker: And he's like, I don't know if I'm going to come out with a head on my back or whatever.
Speaker: He doesn't, you know.
Speaker: You're the first person.
Speaker: He's worried about his dick size.
Speaker: Who knows what's going to come out the other side?
Speaker: I don't want a dick for a head.
Speaker: I don't want to come out the other side as like a minority.
Speaker: I don't want to come out as a woman.
Speaker: Maybe unless I have great tits.
Speaker: Do I have tits?
Speaker: Look, I don't know if William Shatner is racist, but considering that Star Trek was on the air in the 60s, I can assume he was.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a fair assumption.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shatner's still alive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He gets shrunk down, itty bitty tiny size, and mom picks up this little GI Joe and puts it in her purse.
Speaker: Oh my God, I love this.
Speaker: Which is a good effect because when Charlie and Grandpa were going up into the fizzy lifting tunnel, they're on wires and stuff, but the part that shows them from a distance is a really bad thing.
Speaker: Superimposed.
Speaker: Also, I like when it shows the kid now, the actual kid, a close-up.
Speaker: It's the mom's glove holding him.
Speaker: It's obviously like a crane or something, but it's another practical effect.
Speaker: The kid's often... And when they show the kid looking at her, he's clearly in front of a giant screen of this lady's face.
Speaker: But him crawling off the screen, I fucking love that.
Speaker: And when she's picking him up, though, it's a non-moving little G.I.
Speaker: Joe figure.
Speaker: Like...
Speaker: oh it's a fucking cookie it's a gingerbread man it's good though i mean i'm not saying it's bad i it's it's very entertaining but it's noticeable everybody who knows who listens to us knows i love a dummy loves a dummy but she throws it in her purse and he's like i don't want to go in there what does willy wonka do starts i love it yeah he takes the person he's like he'll be fine and little kids are actually pretty elastic and stretchy
Speaker: Take him to the taffy room and this little Oopaloopa whispers something.
Speaker: He's like, no, no, no.
Speaker: I won't hold you responsible.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: No, you're not responsible for the shit burn.
Speaker: And now there are none.
Speaker: And then we get to the end.
Speaker: All that's left is Charlie Bucket.
Speaker: And at the end, Wonka's like, hey, thanks for coming.
Speaker: Go fuck yourself.
Speaker: Have a good day.
Speaker: Goes into his office.
Speaker: And Joe is a grandpa.
Speaker: Joe's like, no, this isn't right.
Speaker: Knocks on the door.
Speaker: Where's our chocolate?
Speaker: Motherfuck.
Speaker: What's up with what's with the grand prize?
Speaker: And this is the best.
Speaker: Like, I love Willie.
Speaker: I love Willie Wonka's.
Speaker: I love Gene Wilder's performance as unhinged kind of throughout this.
Speaker: But this with the dramatic part is just nothing.
Speaker: You get nothing.
Speaker: You broke the rules.
Speaker: So you get nothing.
Speaker: Good day, sir.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're clearly stated right here in fine print that I can read with a magnifying glass in Latin, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker: He's going through the because first of all, everything in his office is cut in half, which I read was Mel Stewart.
Speaker: That wasn't originally planned.
Speaker: But Mel Stewart was like, everything else has been so weird.
Speaker: We can't just end this in an office.
Speaker: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker: Cut it all in half.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: So they did.
Speaker: But he's reading it and he's like, if any rules are broken for whatever he says, he's like, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker: And he searches.
Speaker: Corpus filibuster.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's rallying off Latin.
Speaker: And he's like, it's right there in black and white, whatever.
Speaker: And then Grandpa Joe's like, you're a fucking swindler.
Speaker: You're a piece of shit.
Speaker: He's like, I said, good day, sir.
Speaker: Which is a great, I just, that's the greatest comeback.
Speaker: Even if you haven't said good day.
Speaker: I still, by the way, keeps talking shit to you.
Speaker: You go, I said good day, sir.
Speaker: And you walk away.
Speaker: I still think that he's so angry because he knows I'm testing Charlie.
Speaker: He's like, you gotta get the fuck out of here or win me over because I'm not, I'm not liking this.
Speaker: Well, because he did fuck up.
Speaker: He took the fizzy lifting drink.
Speaker: And I mean, maybe it was Grandpa Joe's fault.
Speaker: It was Grandpa Joe's fault.
Speaker: But it's not 100% Grandpa Joe's fault.
Speaker: That's something is if you do something, it is always your fault.
Speaker: At least half.
Speaker: And then Grandpa Joe's like, we'll go to Smuggleworth.
Speaker: What's his name?
Speaker: Slugworth.
Speaker: We'll give him.
Speaker: And Charlie won't leave the door.
Speaker: He's like, no.
Speaker: And Charlie gives him back the everlasting gobstopper.
Speaker: Because this is the best day Charlie's ever had in his life.
Speaker: This is the best Charlie day.
Speaker: This is the best Charlie day.
Speaker: I love him.
Speaker: We didn't mention that they got the everlasting gobstoppers, but you've seen the movie.
Speaker: He gave each one a gobstopper.
Speaker: Charlie knows how to appreciate it.
Speaker: He's like, I don't need a lifetime supply of chocolate.
Speaker: This day was fucking amazing.
Speaker: My grandpa Joe is dancing and singing now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I drank something and flew to the top of a roof.
Speaker: I had the best day of my life.
Speaker: And then I watched all these little shippers get murdered.
Speaker: Fuck those kids.
Speaker: You see this hand.
Speaker: Cover it.
Speaker: Cover the gobstopper.
Speaker: You won.
Speaker: Yeah, you did it.
Speaker: Charlie, my boy.
Speaker: And he knew.
Speaker: He knew from the beginning.
Speaker: He's like, I knew it would be you because other kids were all pieces of shit.
Speaker: You were the only one that figured if I handed out five tickets, there'd be four pieces of shit and one not.
Speaker: And I nine out of ten dentists recommend Wonka chocolate.
Speaker: Hopefully not.
Speaker: But yeah, so he's like, Charlie.
Speaker: Come with me.
Speaker: I've got a surprise for you.
Speaker: We're going in the fucking Wonkavator.
Speaker: What movie did we just do?
Speaker: What movie did we just do that I thought was going to h ave a Wonkavator?
Speaker: It was The Shield.
Speaker: Okay, so it's next month.
Speaker: We just recorded it.
Speaker: The Nick Fury Agent of Shield.
Speaker: Pop.
Speaker: Sickle.
Speaker: Get it?
Speaker: Because your dad's dead.
Speaker: You guys will get that joke in a week.
Speaker: But yeah, he's like, The Wonkavator.
Speaker: It goes up.
Speaker: It goes up.
Speaker: Sideways, slantways, any ways you want to go.
Speaker: Sideways, slantways.
Speaker: Backways, frontways.
Speaker: And he's like, I've pushed all the buttons by now.
Speaker: Shrimp burger, shrimp kebabs, shrimp skewers.
Speaker: Charlie gets to push the last button and sends them through the roof.
Speaker: Oh, we're not going to make it if it doesn't get hot faster.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: This is the last Wonka fucking with every one line because Grandpa's like, this is made of glass.
Speaker: We are going to be cut to ribbons.
Speaker: We're going to be cut to ribbons.
Speaker: And he's like, probably.
Speaker: Probably.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: Have faith.
Speaker: This whole time I knew I had to give my factory to a kid and it's you.
Speaker: You're going to do it my way.
Speaker: You're going to keep my shit alive.
Speaker: You're going to have the imagination.
Speaker: Because if I gave it to an adult they'd want to do it their way.
Speaker: I want you to do it my way which is the right way.
Speaker: The kid of an imagination.
Speaker: I think what it means to me is that an adult would industrialize it.
Speaker: Oompa Loompas are gone, machines are in.
Speaker: And Wonka's like, no, my candy's that good because it's that good.
Speaker: And I mean, I hate to take it back to a lesser film, but like the Wonka thing, Timothee Chalamet is probably like 30, I don't know.
Speaker: But he's...
Speaker: He looks like he's like 12.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: So you got to be young to have this kind of imagination.
Speaker: Yes, he's playing a 15-year-old in this movie.
Speaker: You're correct.
Speaker: In the other Wonka, in the prequel for Willy Wonka with Timothee Chalamet.
Speaker: Chardonnay.
Speaker: Oh, Chardonnay.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But I think it kind of ties back to that.
Speaker: You got to be young to understand.
Speaker: You have to have a hope.
Speaker: Have the flexible brain.
Speaker: You have to have a hope.
Speaker: You couldn't have had your parents' ideology and the news' ideology and all these other things beat into you.
Speaker: Sorry, I'm looking at it from today's point of view.
Speaker: Today's point of view.
Speaker: But still, the parents' ideology at least fits into this time point's point of view.
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: And yeah, so he gets the chocolate factory.
Speaker: And the last line he says, he's like, you know what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted?
Speaker: And you're expecting something negative.
Speaker: And he's like, he lived happily ever after.
Speaker: I don't know why I couldn't remember that.
Speaker: It's the most difficult line.
Speaker: Because it's a bullshit line.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, that's that movie with 36 seconds of credits, which is pretty fucking phenomenal.
Speaker: Quick as shit.
Speaker: So are we going to do recommendations?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So recommendations.
Speaker: Obviously, this is.
Speaker: Well, I think we don't do.
Speaker: We don't do recommendations.
Speaker: Well, no.
Speaker: Yeah, we do thumbs.
Speaker: The three thumbs up scale.
Speaker: Zero to three.
Speaker: I give this obviously three thumbs up.
Speaker: This is one of the best movies.
Speaker: I love this movie.
Speaker: Even my 17 year old daughter loves this movie.
Speaker: She was dancing.
Speaker: OK, at least I'm getting a dirter, not a dogger.
Speaker: Not a doctor.
Speaker: I'm just saying dirter because it's funny.
Speaker: My daughter loves this movie.
Speaker: This is a phenomenal movie, no matter what decade you were raised in.
Speaker: No caveats either.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yeah, three thumbs up.
Speaker: I mean, it's a classic for a reason, and it's a mental health for a reason.
Speaker: It did its job.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, obviously, three thumbs up.
Speaker: I've watched it 100 times.
Speaker: And if anybody didn't catch it, this is our Durka classic movies.
Speaker: I don't think I said that.
Speaker: It's in the 70s.
Speaker: All these are Durka classics.
Speaker: 71.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: But yeah, this is one of the greatest movies ever made.
Speaker: I mean, so far, we've covered a couple of those, and I feel like we're going to run out and just quit.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Because, I mean, we did Princess Bride, and we did this, and I mean...
Speaker: Yeah, what's left, dude?
Speaker: What's life after these?
Speaker: No, Princess Bride was on Patreon.
Speaker: Well, yeah, but it was a mental health movie.
Speaker: This is mental health.
Speaker: It's not on Patreon.
Speaker: But, guys.
Speaker: We do have a Patreon.
Speaker: If you want to hear more mental health episodes where we talk about movies we love, go to patreon.com slash worstpeople.
Speaker: $3 a month.
Speaker: You can hear it at this point.
Speaker: When you're hearing this episode, you'll have, what, four episodes?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Plus, you get early access to Han Took Shots first.
Speaker: Also, Patreon's ad-free.
Speaker: Yeah, it is.
Speaker: Yeah, no ads on the Patreon episodes.
Speaker: It's worth it.
Speaker: Right now, you're only getting four episodes.
Speaker: But you'll get another one every month.
Speaker: Actually, you get two every month because Hunt Took Shots First is now available.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: So you'll get that every month as well without having to wait for...
Speaker: the second half of the episode.
Speaker: And we don't chop them up.
Speaker: You'll get it in full.
Speaker: Whether you want to listen to a three hour podcast about Star Wars or not, it's up to you.
Speaker: I don't know about you, but I use the podcast to do shit.
Speaker: Like I'm cleaning the house or I'm setting up a bar.
Speaker: Well, and that's just the first few episodes.
Speaker: Even later when we're doing one episode of Obi-Wan or one episode of Andor, you're going to get two episodes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you don't have to wait as long.
Speaker: You're welcome.
Speaker: Either way, go do that.
Speaker: That's the end of Mental Health Awareness Month.
Speaker: Now we're back to abusing our mental health for the next 11 months.
Speaker: Next week, we will be starting our superhero spectacular.
Speaker: Not that heavy on the super.
Speaker: Spectacular.
Speaker: With Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Speaker: Starring David Hasselhoff.
Speaker: Get ready for some ham and cheese.
Speaker: Dude, hammiest ham.
Speaker: We've already recorded that episode.
Speaker: And it's a great episode.
Speaker: It's a fucking bonkers weird ass fucking ham and cheese movie.
Speaker: Get ready for your classic zingers.
Speaker: Oh my god, give it to me, Zahn.
Speaker: But yeah, join us for that.
Speaker: Don't forget, you can send us an email, badmoviesworstpeople at gmail.com, badmoviesworstpeople.com, et cetera, et cetera, social media, et cetera.
Speaker: Et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker: We have to thank Evasion for our opening and closing music, although this month you may have noticed the opening music has changed a little bit.
Speaker: Because it starts with our evasion opening theme, but it goes into our normal Patreon theme, which was provided by Magilla Gorilla, who has been a guest on the show before.
Speaker: You figure it out.
Speaker: I have been Derek.
Speaker: I'm still Whitney.
Speaker: I'm Jack.
Speaker: I said good day, sir.
Speaker: Oh, by the way, those Gobstoppers are horse shit.
Speaker: They don't last forever.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Well, we don't have those Gobstoppers.
Speaker: I want a jagged little fucking, the jack in my mouth, not you.
Speaker: I was going to say, how'd you know it's jagged?
Speaker: So, when I was seven... You watch my sex tape called Jagged Little Pill?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Ooh, good one.
Speaker: Hey, either way, I got one hand in my pocket.
Speaker: One hand's in my pocket, the other one's on the back of your head.
Speaker: Isn't it ironic?
Speaker: Just a bit.
Speaker: Um...
