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Ep 108: Empire of the Ants (Dirka Classic Movies)
39 Plays1 day ago
For our penultimate entry in the Dirka Classic Movies series and our next episode of Halloween Horrorfest, we discuss this flick, directed by a guy apparently known as Mr. B.I.G., Bert I. Gordon, a monster movie master and schlock king. This one stars Joan Collins of Dynasty fame and follows her and a group of unsuspecting shlubs that she is trying to con into buying fancy houses in a high-class neighborhood that hasn't been built yet. They stumble upon gigantic irradiated ants that can also mind-control humans with pheromones that their Queen squirts into their faces. A bunch of no-names that we give fun nicknames to have to fight their way through the swampland to survive screeching ants, pod people and the wilderness.
Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, ants always scream. I'm Derek. I'm annoyed. I'm Jack. This is Bad Movies. Worst People.
00:00:39
Speaker
that one scream that they used for everything apparently the ants it was the ant screaming it was more than just one noise it bothered me my my ears like my ears are bleeding right now but the blood the like squealing ball bearing was fine though no no No. it was None of this was fine. None of this was fine. This is a movie that should have been made in the 50s and left there. This is 1977. And I know that you have a story about why the sound is. No, I don't. No? No, oh why the no I have a story about the sound of the movie, but not that sound. No, that's that's what I mean. like i know why you have it like because all right Even the things that aren't those annoying tones,
00:01:21
Speaker
everything sounds off like uh the pitches are off it's not mixed well some things are so fucking loud well so let me just talk about it real quick before we get into it yeah 1977 you're about to get me started empire of the ants directed by burt i gordon also known as mr big oh by who him uh his license plate Because his initials are big. Bert, I Gordon. But nobody's calling him that, but him. I'd call him big. Oh, it was ah Forrest J. Ackerman gave him that nickname. And who's F.J. Axe? What old force? Thanks for asking me questions. I don't want answers. But you say like I wasn't going to ask, but you said it like it's something that's a name that I know. Is it? Oh, it was old F.J. Axe that gave him that nickname. Who's that? Oh, I don't know.
00:02:04
Speaker
He's an actor. He was in Vamporella. He's He's in the type of movies this guy makes. Yeah, okay I'm sorry I asked. Yeah, me too. But Burt Gordon directed mostly stuff like this, including Attack of the Puppet People.
00:02:20
Speaker
which I wrote down two because I liked the names and one because I recognized it. So Attack of the Puppet People and The Spider, which I liked the name, but the poster was cooler. And then the one that actually had like notoriety and won an award, not like an Oscar or anything, but like a but just that fiction something award was ah Food of the Gods, which I've definitely heard of but never seen. Not really ringing a bell on any of those. no Attacking the puppet people sounds like I would like to like it. Like like what kind of puppets? I just saw the name of the movie. Puppet people. Well, like, are they doll looking? I don't know. I saw the name of the movie. You're not helping me. Go watch it. Go watch your face. I'm not going to see something that's like dolls. They're people. They're puppets. They're fucking words. They're not dolls, they're puppets. Like the silent, dead silence or whatever it was called, or it's the. the Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah
00:03:09
Speaker
what about dolls so oh god ah no anything ah And then this is this is based on a story supposedly written by H.G. Wells. And it was written by Mr. Big himself and a guy named Jack Turley, who wrote a bunch of shitty TV. And that's about it. Okay. General Hospital, Moth Squad, Hawaii Five What-O, The Fugitive, the TV about show. dolls? I thought you said a shitty TV. Yeah. What if Sixty-seventies it was Elmo? TV. You're all amazing. Sixty-seventies TV is all shitty. Yeah.
00:03:42
Speaker
I want to defend Hawaii Five-O, but I just like it. 80s, I guess. Hawaii Five-O is probably 80s. It's fine, but it's still stupid. Yeah, TV was stupider back then and I miss it. If Hawaii Five-O was so bad, then why did they reboot it? Oh, well, it's because it's because Michael Mann made an awesome movie out of a shitty TV show. If Mod Squad was so bad, how come they tried to reboot as a movie? Oh, that was the late 90s. That's when they were just like, let's reboot any show no one's ever heard of at a movie. Because at that point, Charlie's Angels had succeeded, right? I think that was before Charlie's Angels, but I'm not sure. Okay. I'm not sure. But I mean, Mission Impossible, Mod Squad, there was a few others in that period. They're still doing it. Get Smart. The Equalizer. Yeah, Get Smart got fucking turned into a movie. I know, it's later.
00:04:29
Speaker
What's the other big one? I don't know, it doesn't matter. Some of them were good, like Mission Impossible. Some of them were bad, like Mod Squad. Oh, the Avengers? I don't remember Mod Squad being so bad. I loved me some Claire Danes. Sure. And Jeeb on every BC. And is it Omar Epps? Omar Epps in that one, yeah. I remember watching it in theaters because I worked in a theater or was just going all the time back then because it was cheap and it was air conditioned. I remember just thinking, so what? Did you work at the theater when Idle Hands was playing?
00:04:59
Speaker
uh what year is idle hands 01 no i want to say like 97 oh no because i was like it was much younger never mind yeah i want to say 97 or 98 because that's the theater i saw it in but i was a freshman in high school i literally just watched idle hands last week so i do i do know a story about the sound mix on this according to Pamela Shoop uh miss nipples from this movie Oh, I will. Hands was 99. OK. And I was not a freshman. I have been working at a movie theater at that point. I was in a sophomore. I might have been working in movie theater at that point. If not, it was the next year. I wasn't legally allowed to work yet, but I was of 99. It probably came up for Halloween. Ninety nine was a great fucking year for movies, by the way, guys. Go back and look at ninety nine. Yeah. Give me a top for me. ah Well, the Matrix. Oh, I was definitely working at the theater. Thanks. I saw Matrix at the theater I worked at. OK. So. Yeah, The Matrix. I mean, episode one, if that's if you like that. It was my thing. um God, I can't think of it right now, but the loft cinema here in town just did has been doing a retrospective thing like all summer of just like 1999. And they're just playing all these movies and I was like, wow, just smash after smash. Yeah, I was like, wow, all these movies count. Wow. Wow. Oh, am I doing it to Mal? Yeah, you're going to Mal. You're going Berto. That's Owen Wilson spitting out eggs. o
00:06:19
Speaker
Wow. Wow. so wow Well, now you just sound like. Wow. Oh, wow. Well, how's that supposed to make me feel? It's a big difference between Bruce Dern and Owen Wilson. Exactly. one Everyone does an impersonation just says, wow. Wow. But according to Pamela Shoop, the sound man on the movie got into a director with or got into a director.
00:06:39
Speaker
Got whoa. Hey, it's happened before, buddy. Got into a fight with Mr. Big ah toward the end of the shoot. Refused to call him Mr. Big. Was that it? Probably. And he threw all of the audio tapes into the swamp. Yeah, there they had to loop everything, go back and record everything. And that's why the voices and the actors never quite mesh up. And I think it's also why the sound effects are just so fucking harsh. Yeah. Maybe if you tweak these into like and mix them down so they're not just the loudest thing in the world. But it was shaking well my brain. Also think about we're watching this in my house with nice surround sound and whatnot. Yeah. Most people were watching this probably at a drive in theater out in the open with I would have driven away with the squawk box still connected to my fucking window. That's it. I'm out. Yeah, well, it's fine. But, yes, so this movie. Oh, I didn't mention this is our Dirk, a classic movie. Hence 1977. The second to last one of the year. Second to last one, probably. Yeah. It just made Jack's night. I am excite. We won't have one in November because we have a special surprise for everybody and we will find one for December. But I'm probably not going to pick a bad one. I'm just going to pick something sweet like this. Holy sweet.
00:07:54
Speaker
ah something that Ray Harryhausen worked on. No. Oh, something that Ray Harryhausen worked on like with Vincent maybe. But also definitely something that Ray Harryhausen. Yeah, definitely. He did all the stop motion stuff that, you know, from back to the tight clash, the tightness, Jason Arganis. Because I know all of these. You got to know clash the tightness, right? I heard it and never fucking seen it. Really? I honestly would have had that pegged as something you grew up with. I don't think anybody. Yeah. Well, that's like the peak. Yeah. That's him getting his just do. Yeah.
00:08:25
Speaker
But we'll do something like that, but that doesn't matter. I made a sound menacing. His just due. His just desserts from making skeleton people. He's gonna, I'm gonna make him eat just dessert, then he's gonna get diabetics. Making a giant scorpion. Making a giant scorpion. He's gonna fucking honked him. Skeleton, or mechanical owls. Whoo-hoo. Mechanical owls, dope. And the kraken. Whoo-hoo.
00:08:45
Speaker
That was the Kraken eating an owl. No, it was the Kraken eating an owl. Snap, crackle, pop. When I wake up. Okay, I just made a connection, guys. So the lady who got killed... Congratulations.
00:08:58
Speaker
but The lady, who the lady, i the rapist's wife. Oh, yeah. Christine, Christine. That's Brooke Palance, who is Jack, Jack Palance, Jack Palance's daughter. it It actually doesn't matter. His last name is like Palanushika Vic. Yeah. But anyway, that is awesome. ah You're my daughter. My number one daughter. I'm surprised that's not how her husband talked. He's creepy. I love Jack plants. I crap bigger than you. She was pretty.
00:09:26
Speaker
Yeah, she was out of this movie too soon because she was the quiet one. Well, and her husband, which is Chris Pine's father, Robert, not Robert Pine. Yeah, yeah robert yeah Robert, Robert Pine. Yeah. Fucking pushed her in front of the ants. Oh, he's a fucking punk. I hated him. They set him up. They set him up the entire movie of like, here's something you're not going to like about him. Here's another reason to watch him get eaten. yeah And now you're going to wish they ate him dick first.
00:09:47
Speaker
Yep. So usually I try to put the people's names like I do research about who the people are and then I just copy and paste their names into my notes as we go along. But this movie was very bad about telling you people's names. I have most people's names up front. So Joe, who we end up figuring out is faux for grace. Yeah, do you fake to over grace and Derek came up with faux for grace. Perfect. That's a John David Carson, who apparently appeared in Pretty Woman as Mark. Where the fuck Mark is. And he was also in Space Ghost, the original cartoon. Ooh. Yeah. He wasn't Space Ghost, though. Oh, that's a bummer. He wasn't something else, too. that Yeah, that's what I recognize. Well, she was in the Space Ghost fucking cartoon from, was that Cartoon Network? Yeah. That was awesome. He might have been dead. That's less awesome. I don't know.
00:10:29
Speaker
It doesn't matter because nobody knows who when any of these people are. So yeah, the movie starts with a bunch of. Well, there's one. I don't think we ah your wife mentioned it, but Joan Collins. Yeah. When you when we when I said, oh, is that Joan Collins in this movie had Joan Rivers in my head? Yeah. I realize I don't know dick about Joan Collins. I know the name.
00:10:48
Speaker
ah Yeah, i apparently she was on a lot of Dynasty. Yeah, good. for I have some of the people's names throughout my notes, like the people I could figure out. But those were all ones who were still at the top because I was like, and by the time I did figure out, I didn't care enough to go back. ah But yeah, so it starts with a bunch of it's a nature documentary about ants. It teaches us a bunch of stuff about ants that we don't need to know except for the pheromone thing. That's the only thing. Yeah.
00:11:11
Speaker
And how terrifying that this tiny creature could rule the world. Yes, treat them with respect because it may very well be the next dominant life form on the planet. Put your magnifying glass away, you fucking bully. By the way, there's another movie that I got from Vinegar Syndrome earlier this year called Phase Four. Still not paying us. Still not paying us, but not yet. That movie also features killer ants, but is much better than this movie. It's like if 2001 took place in the desert and had killer ants. Oh, good sales pitch. Yeah. That's a good elevator pitch. There's also like four actors in the whole movie, which is nice. Do you hate people that much? I don't want to get to know them on screen. There's an old doctor, a young doctor, a young girl. So it's kind of like the exorcist, but the doctor is instead of a priest. It's the exorcist. And then there's some guy living in a shack.
00:12:03
Speaker
Those are all the people in that movie. Mm hmm. Yeah. Also, by the way, these ants are crawling around. It looks like on a big frosty nug, which is nice. Yeah. Everything looks like a fucking nice little frosty bud. Yeah, I want it. I want to be zoomed in when I want to be an ant. Yeah, because they're doing like the macro photography or whatever, where they zoom the shit huge. You can see the hair on the ants and shit. It's really gross.
00:12:27
Speaker
so this movie features a mixture of that like the zoomed in macro photography of ants and also hilariously stupid yet slightly terrifying ant puppets uh-huh depending on what they're doing then there's a mixture of it yeah i guess it still is the micro when it's them super imposing them Like on the docks. and that That was the best part of this. That's what did they like. ah He's talking about the part where they show them crawling on stuff. Oh, yeah. They're definitely still doing the macro photography, but then they're just like green screening like that whole boat scene, which we we'll get to. Yeah. Well, anyway, so it starts with these dudes, as you did in the 70s, just dumping barrels of nuclear waste into the ocean.
00:13:08
Speaker
Yeah. And not only was it like it didn't look like an illegal operation. No, they had a red warning thing, a radioactive flag. Like, hey, we're dumping here. The barrels all had a big thing on them. Do not open like just in case a diver finds it. It's like, oh, I wonder what's in this barrel. Oh, the yellow barrel got to open that one up. I'll tell you this right now. If I find a barrel at the bottom of the ocean, you know what I'm not doing? Going near it. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to go away. Well, you'll never be in the bottom of an ocean alive. Yeah, probably not. I would also be concerned why I'm down in the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. On purpose. Not for me. Gotta put on a scuba suit and stuff. I am too fat, first of all, for a scuba suit. Second of all, water. That's how a meme gets made, is me getting in a skin-tight soup with so scuba suit. Water bad. I'm like the opposite of Frankenstein. Yeah. yeah fire Fire okay, water bad. Water bad and I hate little kids couch. Good. Because he loved that little girl. He was nice to her until she freaked out and then he ran away. w Anyway, most of my Frankenstein information comes from Mel Brooks, young Frankenstein. Thank you. It's Frankenstein. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought they said it was Igor. Well, that wrong name, weren't I?
00:14:11
Speaker
Oh, I love my pretty little flowers. Oh, but that's the the girl that Frankenstein gives a flower to sing that song. Peter Boyle. Yeah, absolutely. Frankenstein, not the little girl. He has range. god The man could act, but a little girl. But so one of the barrels washes up on shore and starts leaking silver paint as it does. what is Oh, I was thinking it was that makes more sense. I was like, did they melt aluminium? I mean, I'm sure it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be something radioactive. Maybe Mercury, I don't like Mercury's radioactive. I mean, it looked more like Mercury than anything else when it moved, but it's just a- Well, it was 1977. I was gonna say, I doubt they're just dumping Mercury, but- We love Mercury in 77. Yeah. Look at all the thermometers.
00:14:54
Speaker
That was a cure, sorry, finger quote, cure for syphilis at one point, was mercury. Were you supposed to ingest it? in just Yeah, I'm pretty sure that there was mercury injections. or so ill i'll I'll research it more. It was a cure for hysteria because then it just killed the women, right? Yeah, it's true.
00:15:10
Speaker
She's hysterical. Shake her. See, she's got a stereo. She does. I did forget up top. I'm trying to tell people where they can watch these movies. Oh, yeah. And we were supposed to do something else this week, but we're doing this instead because other movies stopped being available streaming and you guys couldn't watch it. So and this one's available screaming. It is available screaming screaming service. You can watch it for free on Pluto TV with ads or on screen pics, whatever the fuck that is. Huh?
00:15:38
Speaker
actually don't not usually know these ones that you're saying yeah or you can rent it on apple or amazon for four dollars or buy it for fifteen don't do that ah amazon is h d apple does not say h d oh i don't know if it matters but so then we go to yacht club There's all these fucking hoodie hoodie yuppie douchebags getting together getting on a ah Sad excuse for a yacht. I mean 77 yacht. I think it's doing okay. Yeah, this is not much unlike the family yacht that the blue tad Okay, just a little bit smaller. yeah I think when we hear yacht we think of a fucking motherfucking houseboat was bigger than this I think of Vin Diesel standing on his yacht with his guts sticking out and smoking a cigar is what I think of. I just like the meme where someone's like, this is Vin Diesel shirtless on a yacht. Like, yeah, look at you, yachtless with a shirt. yeah But so we meet Marilyn, who's Joan Collins, who I'll just call Joan Collins, because I couldn't remember her name, who, like I said, was on a bunch of Dynasty. She was also in Flintstones, Viva Rock Vegas. Thank you, Noah. You got rid of all the original casting, right?
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, I think anybody came back. I know. ring denist and I think that's the Biodome Baldwin doing that role now. Yes, that's right. Yeah. but don That's who he is from forever. I mean, closer to Barney Rubble. At least they're both for sure. But dude, I'm sorry. That Flintstones movie at the time it came out, I haven't rewatched it. I was going to slip up and defend it, but I can't. It was fucking awesome when it first came out. It was Goodman. It was cast. Well, Goodman. Yeah. And now they switched to Mark Addy. It's the best that Rosie O'Donnell's ever done. Yeah. Maybe League of our own. I did really like her in a league of her own. She does good in that. And then we have Robert Lansing, who's the captain of the boat, playing Dan Stokely. And Robert Lansing was in a bunch of shit, too. But again, stuff nobody's going to recognize just before our time movies. Yeah, he's great. He's old time. He kind of he's he's got good acting chops here. He looks like a serious Jeff Bridges. Oh, yeah.
00:17:37
Speaker
And I know Jeff Bridges has done serious stuff, but he's never looked this serious. You just think of him as Big Lebowski more than anything, right? Or Flynn. It's just the dude or Deuterino. Your dude-ness, you've done the whole brevity thing. ah but this So they're taking all these fucking people on a ah real estate cruise, question mark. yeah They're going to this place that this lady wants, that Joan Collins wants to build, called Dreamland Shores. And it's gonna be like a fancy community in a swamp.
00:18:06
Speaker
on an island. It's a fucking early timeshare pitch. Yeah, basically. It is, but it's also a scam. Like they even talk about how it's not going to be real. They're just trying to but take money from people and then something's going to happen. I think they do. You lose your deposit. I do think they want to develop it, but it's not nearly as complete as they say. The workers are like, they're never going to build anything on this. Oh, that's right. Because they say it's not going to be here in two years. Yeah, because it's a shitty swamp.
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah, it actually you can't legally sell it or something. They can make for two years. You can't. Yeah. Yeah. um And when then we have Charlie, who is joah Joan Joan Collins sidekick, played by Edward Power by the power of Edward. Who's like a cross between Bruce Campbell yeah and Xander from Xander from Buffy. Whatever that kid guy's name is. I got nothing on that. I think that's the only thing he's ever done. So but Bruce Campbell from here on out, I think is appropriate.
00:19:00
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to have the chin. I hate you so much. Welcome to Zandal, Jamaica. And then there's there's an old couple there who's just just does this to mooch off these fucking time here. We've been doing this for 50 years. Good. I've done it before this one. I went to a timeshare thing once just to get because they were like, if you go, there's free food and shit. And also you automatically get like a four night stay in one of our places. And I was like, all right, done. And then I was trapped there. And I was like, I need to leave. The guy was so mad when we left and we didn't buy anything. He's like, you wish my fucking time. He literally yelled in my face. Yeah. I was like, I told you when I got here, I wasn't going to get anything, dude.
00:19:41
Speaker
Yeah, you're not changing my mind. You thought you were a good salesman, but doesn't turn out how good of it it turns out it doesn't matter how good of a salesman you are, I don't have any money. yeah I work at a grocery store at the time. I work for $9 an hour. Just Derek at the end like, look, you were phenomenal. The thing is, I don't have money. Well, he wasn't phenomenal though. He was also just like a Like in the 80s, he was probably a good salesman, but in cocaine, thousand whatever. He's ah just an old asshole who was probably drunk the whole time. I mean, selling timeshares is like getting bumped down to the minors in baseball. Like wants to do that? People that don't know how to sell or used to. But one of these old people, one of them was a guy named Harry, and he's played by a guy named Harry. Harry Halhoun or something, but I didn't recognize anything. Harry Allison? But Velma, the wife, is played by i Irene Tedro, who we've seen on the show before. She was the nosy neighbor from Midnight Madness, previous episode from last Shitbird Month. I don't hear that. I can hear this song in my head. I don't.
00:20:43
Speaker
I can't remember. like I liked it plenty. Until I use it for every scene. YouTube, because I pulled up that song without sound, like without the other sounds, just the song. Every time I watch a video and I never finished watching it, every single time I watch a video, the next suggested thing is Midnight Madness. and I'm like, stop doing this to me over it. Oh, you know what you got to do? Finish it.
00:21:07
Speaker
gotta finish it i'll just turn sound off and yeah let it rip that it's like oh you like this and the things that come after it and then we have koreen who's played by Pamela Shoop who her big credit was Halloween two she played nurse Karen That's who she was. So she's the handsome woman. No, no, no, no. She's she's nipples. Oh, nipples. She's the blonde who gets sexually assaulted with it. I feel weird are weird for calling her nipples McCoy after she gets sexually assaulted. Well, she that's coming up later. She gets sexually assaulted at the beginning of the movie. The rest of the movie is about her nipples. And there it is. And then why was we mentioned Robert Pine, who is the sexual assaulter. Uh-huh. And his wife, Christine. But Robert Pine immediately goes up to her. They're having like a mixer on the beach, and it's literally just like one of those shitty little pop-up tents you see at like a beer festival. And like they have like cheap scotch, warm fucking hors d'oeuvres, like meatballs just sitting out. like Yeah. It's disgusting. I mean, also, it looks... Like how long has it been sitting there? Well, it looks windy as shit. Well, this is also 1977, and we hadn't discovered that food could taste good yet. Yeah. Everything back then was made with jello. like Jello. Jello, don't you hear my calling? Oh, we're having a dinner party. Let's make a jello loaf. oh Two words that shouldn't go together. I know. Just like jello in shots. Well, yeah, so ah Chris Pine's dad drags nipples out into the woods.
00:22:33
Speaker
And that's a sentence. He's an aggressive game of hot fingers. That's exactly what she says. I came here like this is what we came out here for and now I'm out here in the woods playing hot fingers with you and I don't know ah Exactly what that means. Oh, it's a game that her stepdad taught her ah so confused the thought Because he is just like grabbing her tightly and he's just like oh just calm down you want this just calm down and she starts calming down and I'm like oh Well, that was a ploy. I didn't know that, though. Oh, I could feel it. cause She calms down and he rips her shirt open. So you see her boobs with her bra on and she just needs this dude right in the sack, which is the second best moment of indication in this. But here's the problem. You didn't keep on kicking. Yeah, yeah you just didn't scream at all. Yeah, true.
00:23:21
Speaker
But I mean, again, like 77, there's people today that have a problem admitting that, accusing people of raping them. You know what I mean? It's a whole psychological thing. 77 was definitely not okay. Like, well, you were asking for it. Look how she was dressed. I can see her nipples. She's being like throat choked onto a tree. Oh, yeah. And you're just like, fuck you, fire.
00:23:42
Speaker
Oh, nothing he's doing his joke nothing he's doing is okay. Also, his wife is, I don't know, 100 feet away. Yeah. But they'd be like, well, why did you go over there with him? What do you think was going to happen? Well, exactly. As Joan Collins comes over and she's like, I was going to see if you guys wanted to join the festivities, but it looks like you're having your own. Not, hey, do you need a safe space? Just ah aren't you two having fun?
00:24:01
Speaker
He ripped my shirt open. and Girls being girls. And then this older lady whose name I never got. ah Who's like the handsome woman. Yeah. She starts talking to Dan like she walks up to Dan the ship captain and just starts talking about and he want whatever to do with any of this. He's like away from everybody. It's a bit of a trauma dump.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yeah. Because she's telling the story to Joan Collins about how I've worked for the same guy for 20 years. I have all kinds of benefits, yada, yada. Then goes over to fucking Sirius Bridges and says, hey, you know is this a good opportunity? Because I actually don't have that job. um I don't have any room for mistakes. I want to invest everything I have into property. Is this a good idea? And he's like, will you just... Please don't talk to me. She's like, well, see, here's some more information. He's like, please stop talking. And she's like, I just need your advice. He's like, oh, my God, woman, woman. I can't tell you any nicer. Go fuck yourself. yeah you You need to fuck right off. He says it like three or four times. And finally, he's like, lady.
00:25:07
Speaker
I'm not the one to talk to. Yeah. Leave me alone. You see this back? You can get all the way off it. Yeah. And then Fucking Nipples McCoy goes back to the party and immediately starts flirting with Pho for Grace. Uh huh. And both of these conversations just start in the like the women. hers is Hers is so amazing. I get it. Me too. I'd be doing what you were doing. You know what I'm talking about? Self-loathing and a bit of ah ah narcissism. You get it. oh here's how so ah Drinking. I'd be drinking too. Yeah, the look because his back is to her when she starts talking. And the look on his face when he turns around is like, were we?
00:25:43
Speaker
Did I walk away from a conversation I forgot about? And he said he's drinking. He's like, God damn, I don't know who this crazy bitch is talking to. But she is on one. Oh, man. All of a sudden. Oh, oh, shit. She's talking to me. Oh, it's me. Oh, no. This is a lot less fun bar conversation now that I'm involved. Is there there's like an underlying story, like backstory for this guy that I never got. But he's there for a reason. Yeah, because he says he's married and he has a kid and he has a thirty thousand dollar a year job, which I looked it up. That's one hundred and fifty six thousand now. He was doing okay. And he has a $10,000 car. We cut away and have another scene with someone else, and then it cuts back to them underneath the doc talking, and he just walks up to her and he's like, I don't have the $30,000 a year job, and my kid thinks I'm God, which is really bad. This doc talk is the quickest turnaround. It's a brag into, she's like, that sounds good. Well, I'm a bad investment. You know why? Everything I just said, not true. It's a lie. Yeah, my wife left me and my kid loves me. I lost my job. Which I guess is bad. No, he won't speak to me. No, he says my kid thinks I'm God. That was the good part. Yeah, that was the good part. And now he's like, my kid won't speak to me. That was part of the $10,000 sports car, which we did the math. OK, so his job was $30,000 a year, which is $150,000 now. His car was $10,000 a year, which is like $60,000 now. Not that big of a sports car flex, dude. Yeah. $60,000 is just a fucking truck. That's a Toyota. Yeah, my Hyundai, when I bought it,
00:27:04
Speaker
after taxes and whatnot cost 40 grand. Yeah, that's not a sports car. No, it's not Hyundai. By the way, fay not knocking your Hyundai, dude. It's just not a sport. No, it's not. It's got a sport. So it's about to say it has sport mode. Well, that's the extra five grand.
00:27:20
Speaker
Did you want the sporty model? Yeah, just hit this button. If you don't pay the five grand, we disable the button. Oh, no, no, no. We paid the three grand. It's a knob you have to turn. You didn't even get the button. No. godw You got a sports knob. Also, the the guy told us, he's like, you can have your cup. You can have heated or cooled seats because it's got the slot for the other button and you go to push it and it doesn't cool. We don't have the version that has the cooling seats. You just have hot butt. Yeah. Dude, guess what? You don't need in a fucking Santa Fe and Tucson girl.
00:27:50
Speaker
Hot butt. I use that every winter. She uses it in the summer. It's good for is hurting it's good for back pain. Yeah. And when I when I get off of work and I've only got a five minute drive home, I put that heat on because it gets just too warm when I get home and then I jump back out and I'm like, oh, it feels better ah loosened up a little bit. Yeah. Not in the summer. I think I'll just live in pain. Thank you. It fits right on your sciatic. And it's like just crank the AC as high as it'll possibly go and then turn the hot butt on.
00:28:16
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds all right. That's what he does. But so they go on this tour, basically it's like a golf cart pulling. It's like if you're at the fair and they have those little fake trains that drive around, except for it doesn't look like a train. It's a Wish.com version of a Hollywood backlot tour. Yeah, exactly. It's a universal tour. Except with no guardrails. No King Kong, no Jaws. No in fucking Dante's Inferno or Dante's Peak Ride, where it's spinning around, gets y'all dizzy. So is that the one? Hold on real quick. Is that the one where everything collapses and then the water rushes in? No, that's just part of the Backlot tour that was in. That's universal. I know. I know. I just can't think of what movie it was in. They say a couple of different movies. I just blank on it. Oh, because Dante's Peak is the volcano one. This is like an earthquake. Yeah. Anyway, the whole town fucking floods. That's a great part.
00:29:04
Speaker
So we went off on we side railed from what I was asking. Like this guy is there to inspect it, I think he's not there to actually. Which one? Joe, like he's because when ah he's there for ulterior reasons, we just don't get that by another story. OK, I didn't get that. get When he makes the call, he's like, this is so and so and I need to talk to such and such. Well, that was because he knew somebody in the Department of Well, it was somebody and that's his actual job. I took it as he said, like, this this investment is his new life is what I took it out because I have no job. I have no wife. I thought he I have no kid. I thought he was checking to see if this was like a racket. No, I think he wanted to end up being Florida Beach trash. yeah God has taken his burden. but Yes, he has Kerry would say he's birdless and bushless.
00:29:53
Speaker
Jim Carrey and Bruce to hear that. They're talking about us. I'm Bruce Almighty. He is Bush list. I was only 1977. Oh God. What a good year. I think he's still Reagan list too. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. What a wonderful time. I think Jimmy Carter me. In fact, was a crook. Yes. Carter was 70 from a car. The old peanut farmer. Oh, Billy bear. Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
00:30:43
Speaker
But so they go on the tour this whole time. We're seeing also cuts away to AntVision, which is just a whole bunch of little tiny circle screens. It's what happens when you go home and you put an empty hamper on your head and run around the house. Hey mom, I'm a sci-fi guy. Look, I'm R2D2. with just a hard smack on that. You know, this is how I think they did it. They put a hamper like they unscrewed the bottom, the mouthpiece of a phone and put it over the. well No, because each of the little images is the same image repeated. It's not parts of an image. Oh, so it's like they just took the image they shot and then did like something where they laid it out. Yeah, it's it's not actually the hamper theory like I have. But like it seems like
00:31:25
Speaker
They take off on this tour. She's showing them like the empty lots and where the pool might be and where the golf course might be and all these things. And then immediately is like, well, we're going to stop for refreshments and there's another tent set up with more booze. Yeah. You're just trying to get these people as drunk as possible. So they definitely buy. Oh, you've got it. And that was where the timeshare people I went to made a mistake because I was on vacation and I didn't get a drink all day. I was there with them for like eight hours because they wouldn't let me go. I was like, I'm on vacation. Where's my alcohol? Yeah, four hours, though, wasn't it? Three hour tour, dude. Yep. And you're there for eight hours? Get trapped forever. They won't let you go. They hold you hostage. I don't think I saw that episode of Gilligan. Watch the South Park episode about the timeshares in Aspen when they go skiing. Oh god. French fried pizza, dude. You're gonna have a bad time. Yeah. They stop a second time and this is when the guy in the green leisure suit and his wife walk off to look at stuff and he's like, look, these pipes aren't even connected to anything. And I'm like, well, no shit, nothing's been built yet. It's just there to look like something. But I think it's supposed to the groundwork supposed to be there is the idea. I'm just saying it's a ploy. Nothing is actually going to get built. But it doesn't matter because now he gets attacked.
00:32:29
Speaker
by gigantic radioactive ants. Did they try talking to it first? And being like, hey there, auntie, how you doing? And scrapped under its chin and just rubbed behind its antlers. And just be like, oh, who's a good boy? Antenna? And then climb on top of it. Yes. An ant with antlers is terrifying. It's what I said. I said antenna. And then climb on top of it. I mean, it has ants right in it. Antlers. I see where she got that. And then ride it around the island. Well, so does antenna. Damn it.
00:32:57
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? I'll tell you right now, if it was any sort of ant empire in my family, you just got to give him a cocktail. Yeah. You look so good. You never visit anymore. What a good boy he is. You're from Jewish family. Yeah. No, my for whatever reason, any time I do impersonation of like an ant, it's always that voice. Oh, and like an ant.
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah. ah well we what What do we do? Oh, one of the Transformers with Marky Mark. Oh, well, that's what his aunt talks like. Well, but it was all the British birds. It was all them. And we're like, oh God, I hear him up there banging. Because that's just, it's maybe it's cinema. So when I hear of Empire of the Ants, it's just a whole bunch of people coming up. Your your skin and bones, you're so thin. Have a slice. and Oh, let me give you some more food here. Pinch his cheeks. let him just You look a little sleepy. Are you good enough? Is your wife cooking for you? I bet she's not. She's not asking me for recipes at all. She's making you do that California vegetarian stuff with the avocado. You come over here and I'll teach you how to make the mayo casserole.
00:33:55
Speaker
70s. Fucking dish of mayonnaise. This next thing was one of the most genuine laughs I had for this whole movie. ah So Nipples McCoy and Pho for Grace go for a walk and talk to get more exposition out. yeah They just walk up a road. Stop.
00:34:12
Speaker
Quit talking, turn, start walking, and then start talking again. It's almost as if like the director's like, I'll cut it when you turn and just you know make it look like you're walking somewhere else now. But we see them do a hard turn ah turnabout and pivot. yeah Yeah, like they're not even touring anything. They just walk up a road and then walk back. We just have to go for a walk? Sure. Well, that was fun.
00:34:32
Speaker
We mentioned the two people getting attacked by the ants. The one guy gets murdered, his wife tries to run away, and we see her from AntVision just standing in place screaming while there's everything looks so disappointing. Everything looks like I'm wearing cat eye glasses with purple lenses. Smokey in here. Open a window. That's a look. That's an ant look. Oh, it is. Not ticket ticket ant, but like, oh, my God, ant.
00:34:59
Speaker
Yeah, take this $10 bill from you so you can have an antenna. Not some antlers? You did. Take him in to get there. Yeah, it did, but it was hilarious.
00:35:14
Speaker
ah Fuck, I'm a dumb. Your uncle's pot ante to. I got that one real quick. I didn't think that one was going to go over your head. It's a sexual joke. She's going to get this one. There's a chance that she gets it, makes it dirtier and sends it back. Almost. we we get So they continue the tour and we're all sitting here going, did they just leave those two people behind? yeah This is not a big fucking tour. And like suddenly someone goes, uh, where are the losses? And Joan Collins is like, well, why didn't you tell me they weren't here? I'm like, you're the responsible one. You're in charge, bitch. Also, I think it was somebody noticed because they're like they're why opening their legs like, oh, I got leg room now. I can manspray. This was really tight earlier. and Now I'm letting the fucking the sweat of this jungle go through my shorts. So there was like what, 11 people on this tour? All right, we got the leisure suit couple that's dead now. Yep, the old people. Old people.
00:36:04
Speaker
You have the nipples, nipples and Joe. And then you have that's faux for rapist and Christine. And then you have Joan and Charlie. And you have the handsome lady. The handsome lady and the captain's not on the two captains on on the to tour. So we're at 11 total on this tour. Did we say Joe Collins, buddy? I did, Charlie. So that's 11. I was right. But yeah, so she's like, okay, well, I guess we'll just keep going. And then they stumble upon a dead worker or a foot of a man. man
00:36:36
Speaker
He was one foot of a man. Everybody flips the fuck out, of course. And who's going to help me find him? So faux for grace and nipples McCoy are like, well, we're going to go back and get the Lawson's and Joe Collins like, OK, bye. Let's continue with the tour takes off. Well, now we have less than that. We have we have seven now. yeah I have to sell. I can sell five more houses at at least. You guys might want to buy this property before it turns into a burial ground. I've heard the cemetery popping up here.
00:37:10
Speaker
And this is your future resting place. Well, this is when they get ready to be haunted. They get back. And this is where we see the ants crawling on the dock, which is again like the macro photography trying to get some sun. But they just like composite the ants onto it. And it's so dumb. Like they're they're crawling across the dock and they're clearly not like the railing is behind them. You must be walking on the dock. This was my.
00:37:33
Speaker
Genuine laugh of the movie. It was hardy and they get onto the boat and ah Serious bridges tries to fight them off but accidentally hits a gas cannon. No, I think he did it on purpose oh because he had the axe and he's he's fighting off the ants his his crewmate or a lover is killan His Gilligan Gilligan to his skipper. Very well done. The his Gilligan gets killed. And then I think that's when he just takes an axe to the fucking gasoline is like fuck it and then flare guns it. OK, OK. I feel like he did it on purpose. I yeah agree. I ah i concur.
00:38:06
Speaker
OK, I was too busy with my brain being scrambled by the constant screeching and whirring. And also the color of this boat gas is red. Yeah, sure. OK, actually, you know, I've seen red. I don't know. I don't know. I've seen red gas in movies. I don't know. I was going to say I've never gassed up a boat so I have no fucking color what natural that is.
00:38:25
Speaker
And you guys will know with ah the screechy worry sound I'm talking about because these guys don't know, but I'm going to add it into the opening theme song. It is so for all of you. Oh, dude, turn your volumes down a bit. It's too late. You've already heard it. Yeah. No, you poor things. Call me. We'll talk about it. So the boat explodes. Bada boom. Now they're stuck on this island that is not an island. We learn later. No, I think it's an inlet or a series of archipelagos. I'm out of my depth. It's probably an island because it's like circulated by a river. It's it's like a key. It's on the floor of the keys. I think we missed it earlier. I'm i'm i'm just using words I know. I don't know. I'm not sure what they mean. But we missed it earlier ah when the workers talk about like it this would be a decent place if there was anything near it.
00:39:14
Speaker
It's like, oh, there's a town just ah over not too far. He's like, yeah, but you got to go up river two miles and walk 10 miles or flip that. Yeah, whatever it was. But yeah, because they do get to a town via. I mean, not via land. They take the river, but there's always land on either side of them. So you could.
00:39:30
Speaker
I don't know, I don't understand the whole thing. At the very end we see him going through, it looks like just a series of rivers and islands and canals. And it's very lush, like there's trees and it's like a swampy river. Yeah, I mean they do end up in swamp lands. It's a body of water my husband would not get into. God fuck no. It's got green on top. I wouldn't get into a crystal clear blue ocean. Best case scenario in the green on top water.
00:39:53
Speaker
Because that's how you get jaws sharks. Okay, when we're in the Bahamas, I'm getting in the ocean. Have fun. hey I'll go to your funeral. Watch you get in the ocean. And then when you start getting eaten by a shark, I will run. Not into sorry. Not into the water. No, the opposite direction. Okay. Well, you know, why I'm not scared of shark attacks anymore because you don't go to the ocean. There it is. so If sharks get legs terrified. Yeah. if If I told you about my dream that a shark had legs. Terrifying. If tremors had gone with their original title, I'd be more scared.
00:40:22
Speaker
Landsharks. Landsharks. Ding dong. Landsharks. But so. Some stuff goes on. There's a rainstorm, whatever. Everybody's like, fuck it. We're going to walk because we go two miles to this river and then we can go up. Oh, fire. Well, I just want to say how stupid it was because they were like, all right, we started a fire so the ants won't come near it. And they're all watching this one log burn like when this goes out, the ants are coming. Yeah. OK. OK. We're surrounded by wood.
00:40:49
Speaker
Gets a getting but it is humid humid, Florida wet wood. Sure. You can find something. There's some bark. There's some Joan Collins. There's plenty of things you can do as alcoholic as she is. She's going to go up in a heartbeat. Joe even says I'm going to go get some more firewood. Yeah. And Skipper. He's like, yeah, no, buddy. Look up because.
00:41:09
Speaker
He is standing in sunlight. He is. It's like Tucson. He's bathed in sunlight and it's about to pour. Oh, you're not standing in sunlight in Tucson, if you can help it. It's going to burn in the winter. You stand on the sunlight. I try not to still believe. So everybody goes off to go up the river, except for Joan Collins, who's like, fuck it, I'm going back to the clubhouse, so which I was like, doesn't seem like too bad of an idea until she gets there. ah But also, it's a horror movie. Don't split up. No, you split up, you die. They don't die yet.
00:41:37
Speaker
But her. She goes off. Charlie chases her down. They get into the clubhouse and are immediately besieged by a giant ants. I mean, I will give this movie the credit that all that setup we talked about was probably 20 minutes. Uh huh. So we get to the giant ants. It did get to the ants fast. It's just I got I'm sorry to harp on it, man. The noise just took me out of everything where it's like any time the answer coming up, I was like, please leave. That's there. That's their telepathic signal. And it's louder because they're big now. Yeah. If it's loud, it's not telepathic. Exactly. That sound. They're squeaking out telepathic sounds from their brain holes. I don't think you know how pseudoscience works. It's not even science. I don't think you understand zoology. Someone in the multi-verse, Professor X is shaking his bald head at you. Or his glorious head of hair, depending on if it's James McAvoy in that first movie or if it's Patrick Stewart later. Patrick Stewart in any point in his life. Yeah. Just born like that.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah, he had the horseshoe in Dune at least. That's the best he's done. I think it's like 82 Excalibur looks the same. Yeah, it's crazy. Also, have you ever seen that movie? No. It is one of the most coke fueled movies ever. Excalibur.
00:42:49
Speaker
I may have. It's I mean, very Arthurian tell. Yeah. what not and When I was pregnant, I didn't have cable. I just had like normal TV where you click, click. the Yeah. Well, not click, click, but click, click, boom, click, click boom. And Excalibur was one of the movies. Yeah, I love that. all' you p We'll look it up offline or off recording, but the director is known for or was known for just being a fucking coke rage set.
00:43:12
Speaker
but So the craft services was just plates of cocaine. Yeah, they come hungry. You won't be. They call it the Chevy Chase special, by the way. So they run away. They follow the group. There's more ants. There's ants everywhere. They're crawling all over this fucking forest. I don't know what these people are thinking.
00:43:29
Speaker
There's oh, I would just give up. Does the director name John Borman mean anything to you? They lying. Okay. But like at a certain point in this movie and we're beyond that point, I would have just laid down, covered myself in honey and been like, take me. Yeah.
00:43:44
Speaker
Yeah, let me go. Because, you know, we one of those flare guns, you know what happens? Spoiler alert. You know what happens, Larry? These motherfuckers that do escape the ants go to a town full of pod people it doesn't get any better. I mean, the very end it does. But yeah, yeah, like just when you it's out of the what is it out of the five out of the frying pan into the fire into the fucking town of fucking pod people. Yeah. Well, I love when they're all running away from these ants and the two old people with the ladies like,
00:44:12
Speaker
I can't keep up, so her husband's like, fine, we'll go this way. I'm like, no, don't split up. Keep going the same way, just much slower. Yeah. You're fine. And you know what? It turns out, like I know that you just said you'd rather die. It turns out they would have been at least alive yeah because the ants we find out are hurting them.
00:44:29
Speaker
not yeah hurting, hurting them as if cattle. as if cattle Yeah, because these old people go to this shack that looks like someone's been murdered and the old man's like, we'll be safe in here. It was a great see so listen. All right. The ants are gone. I think it's safe outside. Most amount of ants ever. like Yeah, they walk out of this cabin and there are dead silent. Twenty five ant giant ants crawling around. And yeah, that's I was like, so were the ants just like, OK, guys,
00:44:55
Speaker
Don't make that weird noise. They actually use real telepathy, not sound lepathy. Look, it's a thing, I'm sure. Serve it. It's a thing. Note to self, write a story that has sound lepathy, so Jack sounds like an idiot. so It was written by the great author of me.
00:45:11
Speaker
ah to go along with like. Derko classic scripts. They are just hurting us. So they'd like turned around when they saw him and just kept going down the other side of the river and stopped fighting the ants. Nobody would have died. Yeah, for sure. I mean, but we want to do did that. Are we at the part where? Well, we're getting there. So people to die. Yeah, this is a horror movie in the end of it. oh on their On their way to the boat, like this last little sprint here, ah Robert Pine, Larry the Rapist, is running with his wife and she falls and she's like, please, Larry, help me. And he just stands there and he like looks at the ants and looks at her and she's like, do literally anything. yeah And he just watches as they consume her and then he's like,
00:45:57
Speaker
Uh-oh, she's dead. My ankle hurts. There's no coming back from that. He's not just watching her. He's like walking away. He's like, okay. He's being cowardly because he's a piece of shit. That's the whole point of the character, right? And like, but like it was just, it was very funny to me.
00:46:12
Speaker
Oh yeah. like And just played pretty well by Robert Pine, because I mean he's he's taking it seriously. Although, now that I think about it, that's exactly what I just told Whitney I would do with a shark detector. But also, you can't you could fight one of these giant ants, punch it in its antenna. Yes. You'll confuse it. You can't fight a shark.
00:46:29
Speaker
If you try to swim. Punch it in the nose, they say. Okay, how fast can you, how, you tell me the force you can get behind your fist underwater. You've ever been underwater? You just, you only even need to bump them on the nose. You just boop them? Okay, I agree with what she's saying, but boop a great white shark swimming at you at full speed. Yep. Your hand is gonna end up in its throat. Yeah, you're already, you're you're still gonna be missing at least one leg, maybe an arm.
00:46:51
Speaker
If you aren't flailing around or bleeding, you're fine. I never know what wounds I have on me. Well, if you're in the ocean, you'll know you're not bleeding. It's not worth the risk for me. What if two Moray eels decide to team up and each of them grab my ankle and pull me down? When I get down to the bottom, an octopus wearing boxing gloves is like just eight punches in a row. Fury of fucking punches. Yeah, and you sharks aside, jellyfish. Can't see them going. Jellyfish aside, stingrays. Stingrays are fine. They killed Steve Irwin. Oh, yeah. Because he he. They got taken off. Because he was putting his thumb up their butthole. Yeah. There is an animal Santa Claus. He just took stingrays off the nice list. Yeah. And also i mean he's played by a big polar bear. Because last name is Claus.
00:47:44
Speaker
If it all checks out. You know, Sandy Claus. Sandy Claus. No, the ocean just besides all the living things that could kill me at any given point that I worry about, even when I'm sleeping on dry land, I don't like not being able to see where my feet can go. If that makes sense. I have a vague idea for an upcoming month of all ocean movies. Oh, God. I'm excited. Including things like The Abyss and Leviathan. Waterworld? Yeah, Waterworld's in there. All right, I'm back in.
00:48:16
Speaker
Because Abyss is a movie I love, it's also rough for me to watch. Because it's because of my anxiety about being underwater. yeah yeah it's very cru Like I said, it's not just the animals. like It's not just sea life. you know It's the ocean. The ocean is murder. I love that movie, so I will be there. The ocean is Australia of Earth.
00:48:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. Yes. Of the waters? Because Australia is not on Earth. No, no, it's the ocean of land. If you watch their movies, you will know that they are not from Earth. They are definitely from somewhere else. Those people are insane. Well, fancy a fucking kappa. Well, because England put all the crazy and the evil people, criminals, criminals. They're not evil. They're just criminal. No, not evil. I just couldn't especially back then. You go to jail for being in debt. Yeah. Like he's a criminal. What did he do? He went bankrupt.
00:49:02
Speaker
Did you get them? I someone once told me I please fact check this and let me know. Like you can't move to Australia unless you have like 30 grand saved up. You have to already. From what I've heard, I've heard the same thing. You have to have a job before you move there.
00:49:17
Speaker
Like you have to know where you're going. you You're moving there because you already have a job. They don't yeah they don't want the do not send them. You're sick. You're tired. You're poor. Hey, you know what? We don't want them either anymore, according to our country, dude. That's old America. That's not New America. So he leaves her behind. ah Joan Collins gets stuck on a tree and Charles goes to save her and.
00:49:39
Speaker
when she gets out she kind of shoves him down one thousand percent by accident i think i don't think it was a plot that she did that yeah very much unlike robert pine like wanted his wife to die or was okay with it yep because she's torn up about this guy Yeah, she was also too afraid to go. I'm staying with Charlie. Yeah, I'm say which. And now his death fucking death was pointless. Get on the fuck. I like this captain. He's like, shut the fuck up. Get on the goddamn boat. Well, he's the only person in this group. Maybe the handsome woman. But he's the only one with sense.
00:50:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think handsome James is rebel headed. Faux for Grace faufor grace and Nipples McCoy have some sense, but they keep running off into danger. Nipples McCoy, Faux for Grace, and Serious Bridges, Handsome Jane, and Joan Collins.
00:50:28
Speaker
and Bruce Campbell. No, he's dead now. Well, yeah. Bruce Campbell's dead. I'm talking left now. Yeah, sorry. I'm talking about who's on this boat now. Only Joan Collins is the name that we give for the woman. No, I didn't notice or we were talking about the worrying noises of the ants earlier. And this is where they start screaming. Yeah, they weren't screaming in the first half. I had to wonder and I asked out loud.
00:50:49
Speaker
Is it like screams inserted to the audience like ah for the audience all a tingler? Yeah, like make people scream in the that are watching it not yeah at the drive-in this I guarantee this was not in any theater. It was okay drive-in this is I don't have the like facts, but quishes closer to you and grabs your penis first comfort I went to the different drive-ins. I only went to the drive-in with my parents. yeah But our last drive-in closed before I was old enough for a penis guy. I get so much crap for this. I already had a child. No, De Anzo was closed before that. No, the fuck it wasn't. right Well, I thought it was. I'll tell you something that gets me a lot of flack. Oh, Ms. Drive-ins, one fucking bit.
00:51:29
Speaker
i I live in the wrong city for that. yeah I drive a van, which means because they're vansist, I get put in the back. I do miss them, but this is the wrong city. yeah Also, like once they change to like from having the little squawk boxes to like you tune your radio, I never thought about it as a kid because I was a kid, but as an adult, I'm like, so I just leave my battery on? Yeah, exactly.
00:51:50
Speaker
2009. Okay. Like I said, I had a kid already. So my penis had been grabbed by 2009. Yeah. Like you said, back in the day when you had the squawk box, first it was on the thing and then you could put it in your car. I just never thought that, like Derek just pointed out, that means your car's on. Yeah. And I never thought the squawk box had enough, good enough sound. Like it just, I don't know, man. We live in the wrong city is the number one. That's why this movie sounded like shit.
00:52:15
Speaker
Yeah, and that that's why I think a fucking little tweeter squawk box is going to improve the sound of this. Well, that's why modern modern films for like when drive in still existed. So 15, 20 years ago weren't drive in movies like the movies that people saw in drive ins mostly were movies that were made for drive ins. They were cheap movies. It didn't matter what people were saying. It didn't matter. You were there to watch.
00:52:37
Speaker
You were small creatures. You were there to watch small creatures become large creatures ah like Night of the Lepus or this or them or, you know, any of the big screen and so much bigger now attack of the giant halo monsters, things like that. Attack of the killer tomatoes. Probably they got big. Oh, a thousand percent. That was a drive in movie. the but I was there the last day. Danza was open.
00:53:04
Speaker
And it was a triple feature. And I just remember Claudio with the chance of me balls was playing. Triple feature means your battery is dead. Yeah. Now we brought um like a little boombox thing. Because it's like tuned to this dial. So you guys spent like 30 bucks in D-cell batteries? Yep. Yeah, not a bad deal. Not a bad racket. Did you guys ever see this meme, speaking of drive-ins? In 1999, there's a movie that came out about Richard Nixon called Dick.
00:53:30
Speaker
Yes, you ever see this meme about the signs? Oh, yeah Yeah, they had this movie playing like all year and they would just move it around so that the theater the sign would say weird shit So they would place it in between or before the movie. So it's like the haunting dick Muppets from space Analyze this dick Big Daddy Analyze this dick Big Daddy Things like 10 things I hate about you bringing out the dead dick and dick virus. Merry Christmas, everyone. Oh, that's great. Are some of the ones that were in the meme I pulled up right then. So you're enjoying your job. You're enjoying your job. My favorite one is bringing out the dead dick. Yeah. Also, just bringing out the dead. I mean, analyze this dick daddy is pretty good. That's a good one, too. That's just meant to be. But so they're going down river. The rapist now is just like everybody's being silent and he's like.
00:54:20
Speaker
I didn't leave my wife on purpose. You bet. I bet you think I killed her. You guys think I watched her get eaten, huh? But I didn't. And Jane Handsome's like, no one thinks that of you. Jane. Jane Handsome is a whole different level of nickname because now she has novels. Oh, sorry. Handsome James is like maybe a rassler. Jane Handsome is like Jane Handsome. I'm on the job. I don't take no guff. I don't fuck no men. She writes books very, sit like very similar to Agatha Christie books.
00:54:47
Speaker
But with less racism. I'm going to start going into bars. Like you, I bet you think I was drinking before I got here. I bet you, I bet you think I had a bottle of whiskey before I left my house. Uh, sir, I didn't think that you shouldn't, you shouldn't think that cause I didn't have any whiskey. And I'm gonna do a similar thing, but I'm gonna start going into fast food places and be like, I bet you think I just ate a Big Mac. No, I didn't. I just asked what you wanted to eat. Are you accusing me of eating two chalupas on my way to this McDonald's? Because I didn't. Sir, I said good morning. I just wanted to know what you want. You know what? Fine, I'll just eat the pizza in my car. Goodbye.
00:55:29
Speaker
I would like a Big Mac and if you can put a call in a Taco Bell and have a supreme taco ready on my way That would save me a lot of time. You would never order a Taco Supreme. I wouldn't but this character in the story did. Okay. This fake jack. I would never. Taco Supreme, fuck that. Because it's just a taco with sour cream on it. And tomatoes. I like the tomatoes. Sour cream. I'm not a fan of tomatoes. I wonder if they charge you if you're like can I just get tacos and just add tomatoes to it? I mean honestly I don't want tomatoes on a Taco Bell taco. Oh no, their tomatoes are gross. That's what I was about to say. I'm not a fan of tomatoes in general. Like, you put a tomato on a taco. I love tomatoes. Like, that you made? I'm having a great time. I can deal with tomatoes. They're fine. I just don't care. Taco Bell tomatoes are fucking disgusting. Yeah, you can keep any fast food tomato. So he has this, like, repulsion to shredded iceberg lettuce? Because it's disgusting. Because it all tastes like the plastic bag. No, it's because it's all soggy and floppy, and it has no crisp, and it just tastes like... Because most places, I'm talking about, like, fast food places. Yeah, I was going to say, I know what you're saying, but that's not all. Even when we go to a Mexican restaurant, you know, like you can keep that fucking wilting lettuce. Do you know why they put that shit in the hot plate? They put it in the heat lamp because yours is yours isn't ready, but his is ready. So now that crispy, beautiful, cold, physical manifestation of water is now soggy. Yeah, it's just soggy mush. Welcome to mediocre food. Worst people do not want bad tacos. Fucking fish tacos.
00:56:56
Speaker
Sauerkraut? We got to talk about that sometime. I think about mushy. Sauerkraut and tacos? When I hear mushy cabbage, I think of sauerkraut. I hear you have this idea of putting food in a tortilla. Perhaps a little bit of sauerkraut.
00:57:11
Speaker
oh But so there's more fusion. speaking of soggy cabbages, there's a fork in the river. And I think it's faux for grace is like the water is the river comes from that way, even though they're going downstream. Yeah, and he points to the right.
00:57:28
Speaker
Rapist Larry is like, I guess that's just Leisure Suit Larry, right? Leisure Suit Larry is like, let's go to the left. and I'm the navigator. We don't want to go to the left. This is my life, too. And I say go to the left. So this is serious bridges. Listen, I serious bridges character to me at this point would have been like, whatever that guy says, I'm doing the other thing. Yes. So maybe that's what he did because he went to his right.
00:57:52
Speaker
because he's sitting backwards rowing he's like you got it bitch no it's I also would have gone with the guy that used any amount of science instead of the guy being a brat in the back of the boat I want to go left it's my life well instead of the rapist wife murder yeah yeah well they don't know about the attempted rape but they do know about the wife murder but you're a hundred percent right like I'm not listening to a fucking word this guy's saying did you say left we're going right This guy's been a scumbag since the beginning. I mean, a lot of these people are wearing like tinted aviators and I don't mean like full black, but like the with the fade. No, what's the not a Jim Jones. Yes. Jim Jones glasses. Yes. Which to me it just says. Well,
00:58:30
Speaker
yeah Jim Jones and Hyde are pretty close. Jim Jones, Danny Masterson, not that different. I think Danny Masterson got caught before he can go full Jim Jones. When did we just watch Danny Masterson yeah. in? Faculty. Yeah, that's right. By the way, faculty getting a shout factory release this December on 4K. Sounds like I'm getting a Blu-ray. Sounds like I'm getting a 4K with special features on it. Do you already have it on Blu-ray? Yeah. All right, sounds like you're getting a Blu-ray. Anytime I'm like, oh, I have that on Blu-ray, he's like, you do?
00:59:01
Speaker
Oh you got mine How's it feel to be the little young older brother the younger older brother younger older brother feels good They go down the left fork and of course it's a dead end There's like a bunch of there's a big tree in the way they're trying to move it I'm like there's clearly like a whole trunk of this thing is going to the bottom of this. Yeah, this isn't something it fell in And it grows here. Yeah. It's home. And they get attacked by ants. Sirius Bridges is fighting it off with his his oar. It looks a little better. Don't you swing that stick at me. It looks a little better than when he was fighting the one on the boat because the one on the boat is obviously like they have the puppet when it's the puppets are only shown when it's like just coming off screen because it's like a half puppet. Yeah, it's we don't have a full ant puppet and it's the head and maybe a little bit of shoulder play. I mean, they could have still use more of that versus I agree. But when they're trying to get the wide shot of the full ant, like on top of the boat, yeah, it's a it's a superimposed thing. And he's swinging the axe at it. And the axe is clearly going through the thing here, at least when he's swinging the ore, the ant moves out of the way.
01:00:07
Speaker
And it's like, OK, so he's not hitting it. That other one, I was like, you have chopped that axe, that ant's face at least five or six times. Yeah. And I know it's a thorax and it's got its or it's a fucking what do you call it? It's got an anthrax, a thorax, the exoskeleton. Like, I know it's a little tougher, but you you can get in there. An axe can go through wood. Yeah. Yeah.
01:00:26
Speaker
Just because they're bigger doesn't mean that got that much bigger. Bigger doesn't mean harder. Trust me. It was also like a new thing you could do in films is like we could super impose this. This is 1977. This isn't new. Yeah. This is the same year that the Star Wars came out. Yeah. I mean, if you go back just to give you a comparison of where this movie is.
01:00:48
Speaker
and where other movies were, ah Star Wars. Think of Night of the Lepus when you saw and a rabbit and a person in the same shot, which was rare, but you saw it, same idea. rear That was probably rear projection, but still. But yeah, so they end up turning around, but turns out, the other fork also has a bunch of ants. well Also, I just want to say, ah Nipples McCoy is doing exactly what I would have done, just giving Larry the stink.
01:01:11
Speaker
Like, oh, who's the left working for you, Mr. Navigator? Is that Looks like we went left and found ants. Because he he says to go that way. He's like, I can... When they find the dead end, he's like, we can get through it. I can find a way around. She's like, you are the navigator. Yeah, yeah you got it, buddy. She has accepted her death at this point. She is so flippant for a person who is almost guaranteed to die. I think she just hates him that much. No, I think you would, right? Yeah, you definitely would. We do. Yeah. He didn't even try and insult us and we hate him.
01:01:38
Speaker
But everyone that an ant attacks the boat, it grabs on to Larry. Thank God. the But the whole boat gets capsized. They all go overboard. And I did read a thing in the trivia. So, you know, whatever. But apparently something happened with getting the stunt people to the location so they couldn't get them. So all the real actors had to do the capsizing. Oh, I bet John Collins was. She was so fucking pissed, dude. After all this surgery, she hasn't been wet in years. She's not deal with this. She's probably not had that much surgery yet. Not yet. 977 she definitely had some I worked out in this but not I'm saying not like what and her nose I think people know well I guess I maybe don't rivers again think of Joan Rivers, but look at laura look at later images of Joan Collins She also definitely had worked on yeah because she doesn't look that different than this and the picture Whitney tried to show me as if I understood who this was still and This it was like a 90s picture. I guess I just don't give a shit about Joan Collins Wow did you did you watch Dynasty? No? yeah But that name is like synonymous with
01:02:37
Speaker
How do I say this? Like a bitchy starlet? Yeah. And I just don't know her from anything besides- Did your mom ever watch like- A soap opera? No, not a soap opera. Unless it was called like God's House. Guiding Light. What's entertainment tonight? Your mom wouldn't have watched anything like that. Oh, she would have. Yeah, she liked entertainment tonight. Okay, then that's what you saw. She was on that shit all the fucking time. All right. This is what Joan Collins is doing. And look at all of her ex-husbands and all of that. Did she do like a host thing?
01:03:04
Speaker
No, that was Joan Rivers. Okay. Joan Rivers. Yes. I don't know the difference. It's Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lee Lewis all over again, dude. Except for now, it's all of us. Joan Rivers did the red carpet thing like, who are you with? What are you whamming? Okay. That was Joan Rivers. Oh, her daughter. Beautiful. I still think you should do Joan Rivers for Joan Collins. It's a little late now. What's her daughter's name? Melissa? Melissa. She did the same thing, right? Yeah. And she's now doing it. She's like, Oh, I can do something that's nothing.
01:03:33
Speaker
But only one of them was in space balls. Yeah, that's fair. Melissa. No, god damn it. I know. The aunt drowns Larry. Good. I'm pretty sure he drowned him and then bit him. Like he's grabbed onto him at this point. He's bit him a couple times. But this guy is struggling to get out of the water and this aunt is just on top of him. Like this aunt is holding him down like an angry stepdad. He's like, we know you're not going to get pheromone, so fuck you. We actually don't want to control you. The queen does not like rapists. Go fuck yourself. And as soon as they get to shore,
01:04:03
Speaker
John Collins is like, I told you guys this river didn't go anywhere, even though I'm the one who brought this up. I'm going this way. Well, how do these fucking people, these workers get in and out? It goes somewhere. Yeah. But she storms off again and again is immediately besieged by giant ants.
01:04:20
Speaker
from every direction yeah twice now, motherfucker. And but again, she gets away surprised motherfucker. And this is when they figure out like ah serious bridges is like, well, they don't want us to go that way and they don't want us to go back the way we can't go down that road. We also can't go down that road. And nipples McCoy is the one that's like, oh, my God, they're hurting us like fucking cattle.
01:04:41
Speaker
Yeah, he saw my mother's and they wanted to she gets out of this river. It's like nope. There's your nickname yeah yeah i Found it. I'm not trying to be I'm not trying to be any more crude than I usually am like I'm not trying to be disrespectful It's just that her nipples are it's like Jennifer Aniston in a friend Well, and she's like she's not a terrible actress, but she's a B film actress like she's not making a great beach yeah because i aud drink from that yeah got be Oh, I know they're Gs. Oh, yeah. Your wife knows more about breath than we've ever thought of. It's true. That is a D cup on 105-pound woman. That is 5'10". But she's not starring in anything. So even Derek at this point when she gets out was like, oh, there's why she got cast. Yeah. And I was kind of thinking, I was like, in another version of this movie, she's topless at some point. Well, she does. She also, I brought this up earlier when we were watching it. She looks like she could be the mother of the girl who plays Andy and Gooney. Sure.
01:05:35
Speaker
Like they have similar features. but and I don't want to think about we were talking about her nipples all day. I can't do that of somebody's mother. Yeah, why not? Well, it's funny that you say that milfs are fun. It's funny that you say that in another version of this movie, she's topless because guess what happens to Nurse Karen in Halloween, too? Does she um expose herself? She is topless. Hmm.
01:05:56
Speaker
So we're watching Halloween too. If it pleases a call, we could take a quick recess and assess the situation. I love the placement of your glass right now. Oh, excuse me. I've got Halloween too on 4K if you guys want to really see the detail. Of course you do. Look, Halloween one through three are great. Yeah, we'll see. We will see because well, I won't spoil it. We will see. They're hurting them upstream. They do find some of the ants fighting, which doesn't come to anything. I think it was the red and black ants. I think it was the video that we get that like we know they're fighting. But what it's supposed to be is then building a wall and making the humans. Oh, OK. Oh, I didn't even put that together.
01:06:36
Speaker
These are great ants. We have plenty of ants. My answer, the best in the jungle. These are the baby ants that they're trying to train. That's probably what they're trying to. And this is when we get to the creepier part of the story. Not better, but creepier because they stumble upon a swamp shack and while they go there for help.
01:06:55
Speaker
They go there for help, which, based on any movie I've ever seen, you don't go to a swamp shack for help. Especially a swamp shack that is wrapped in barbed wire fence. This is what I missed because I was ADDing and trying to look up somebody else that we were talking about. You really didn't miss much. It's a quick... Watch the movie Eaten Alive. That's the starring the Snow Crash, right? No. Starring Robert England. I was I had it on one night. You end up going to bed. So you're very, very colorful 80s slasher movie. Starring Robert. What? Pre-Me Alive. Freddy. Eaten Alive. I have it on Blu-ray. The one you're thinking of is just called Alive.
01:07:33
Speaker
um um but But these people end up going to this like it's a motel with hard quotes in this like swamp land. And this guy has like a giant killer crocodile yeah in like a cage, eat the dog. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like a dude who kind of looks like Stephen King. Yeah. ah That's just kind of feeding people to like di Stephen King. But that's what I'm saying. You don't go to Swamp Shack. Yeah. Just don't go to Swamp Shack. No, this looks like a fucking ah horror murder, baby. That's where it's at.
01:08:01
Speaker
The way they're acting, this old man comes out and they're like, oh, we need your help. And there' there's stuff coming your way. There's killer ants and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, Phoebe, call the sheriff. He he doesn't respond to anything they say. No, he's like, oh, stop. Don't do it. He tells her. He's like, call the sheriff. And she says something. And he goes, Phoebe, call the sheriff. And she walks away. And he's like, Phoebe is a very good wife. Good wife. And they're all just standing there like, OK. And the next scene is the sheriff there. So we get no more of creepy swamp people.
01:08:31
Speaker
But as soon as they started talking the way that he started talking the way he was talking, I would have been like, you know what? I'm just going to take my chances in the forest. I'm back to covering myself and honey. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's a quick scene just to show like something's amiss with these people. Oh, you're not acting normal. But then they dare sit right away. Pod people. Yeah. But then because I looked up and they're in a car with a sheriff. Yeah, pretty much. That's exactly what happens. It cuts hard cuts to them in the car with Sheriff Sheriff Kincaid, who's played by Albert Salmi.
01:09:00
Speaker
who played, uh, what the, what's the kid's name? Noonan. Daniel. Daniel Noonan. Yeah. Danny. You take jokes, Danny? Yeah. Good for you. He plays his dad in Caddyshack.
01:09:12
Speaker
Which I mean, I think he's there at the very beginning. I mean, yeah, it took me when that there's a giant family live in that house, all having breakfast and shit. I think he's out of the movie after that. Maybe I couldn't remember. So I would just try to look it up on Google. I just put, you know, the actor's name and caddy shack. I had to scroll through two pages of photos before I found a picture. And it looked just like this guy. He has a mustache and everything. I'm going to say Jack is exactly right, because there's like 13 kids in this house. Remember? Because you're like, this is disgusting. Oh, yeah, that's right. Because at the beginning of the movie, I was like, uh-huh. If this is the whole movie, it's like the beginning of Home Alone, where I'm like, can we just not? Yeah. But luckily, it's a quick setup. And then we're out. Yeah, it goes away. Yeah. It goes away. Thank God. Pretty fast. You can never go back. It's not like Cheaper by the Dozen, where all the kids stay forever. God, no.
01:09:54
Speaker
They get to this shady town and as they're on their way in, the sheriff is like, that's the sugar refinery. We love the sugar refinery. And I was just like, sugar, sugar, sugar. Yeah. I was like, oh, man, they're feeding the end sugar. Aren't the old people say stay away from that? Well, we don't know that yet.
01:10:10
Speaker
because the old lady the old lady went up and whispered to ah Nips McCoy and We don't know what she fucking said, but we'll find that out. Okay, so that's what she was talking about Okay, cuz she says that later and I was like she walked up to her and she did like the the pantomime for but okay hand close to My face you know that I'm saying something We really hate this director, don't we? They give us the worst cocaine. Joan Collins is hitting me. Mr. Big keeps all the good shit for himself and gives us all the cut shit. All you have to do is suck his dick. He keeps making me call on Mr. Big.
01:10:49
Speaker
I don't like it. But then we also meet the mayor. His name should be short, but Mr. Short, but thick. I mean, big is just too much. He should just be called Mr. Toonaki. That's exactly what I'm going to say. I know, but it was my turn. I know, but it was funny. I wasn't mad that you said it. Get out of my teeth. Yeah, good guy with my brain. Get your own brain. He likes to nuzzle. Oh, good to know you guys finished other sandwiches. We do. Well, he finishes my sandwiches. He finishes my. Santances.
01:11:17
Speaker
yeah I knew what you meant. I know. It's funny. You're that way. It's so much fun here, especially because I didn't know how to say the word sentence. I sound like somebody learning English. Like, all right. For the final question, a string of words put together is called. on to Thank you, Derek, from Mars. Are you one of the aliens? I was thinking of one of the aliens from Galaxy Quest.
01:11:46
Speaker
Oh yeah but grads a how so they they meet the mayor who also runs the hotel he's very rich well he's on the phone having a big talky talk conversation and it's funny because we have a shot of him having this conversation about like we need more sugar because it's a refinery that refines raw sugar i'm assuming that's what that means no it's they're producing a lot of sugar because he's They produce this much every day. They aren't making enough. Well, OK, because he's asking him to send him more sugar and about how they make. I don't know. But he has this whole conversation on the phone about how they need more sugar and it can't take that many days and whatever. And then we cut to Nipples McCoy and Handsome Jane and somebody else talking. Joan Collins, I think. I think it's all three of the women. It's all the women. And they're talking. And in the background, you can hear him having that exact same conversation. I was like, this sounds like my podcast. i He can't cut out the noises of people talking in the background.
01:12:40
Speaker
This is where we find out where this is when the old lady was like, don't go to the sugar we find. Yeah. Yeah. That's what this is where we hear it. I also think we hear this exact conversation again when fucking faux fur grace goes outside to make his phone call yeah to some high up muckety muck that he's friends with. This is where I think we hear it again. We're like, of eight hundred i it sounds like bad sound editing, but maybe they're trying to like.
01:13:02
Speaker
saying it's all happening. Yeah, they're trying to show you that all these things are happening at once. Could be could be. But this is the part where I'm like, oh, so he's there for an ulterior motive. Like, yeah, this is a really fucked up situation. because He's trying to call like a senator third down here, but he said it is buddy. Well, he said he knows someone. Yeah. That's all he said. I have contacts. So maybe I don't know. I was a dating if it is there. It's a drop plot. Like they did not. They did not finish it. I do love when the mayor's talking to whoever he's talking to about getting more sugar. And he's like, never mind what we're doing with the sugar. Just get it here and mind your own business. I was just like, they're definitely feeding sugar. Starting a fucking candy factory. What's it to you, Bob? Willie moved in. Yeah. We got to compete with this Brit. This Brit Willy Wonka is making all the candy. And this is like it's a very quick succession of things that show you this town is fucked up in case you didn't get it.
01:13:51
Speaker
Like, because the so the sheriff was mostly normal while they were in the car with him, other than gloating about the sugar facts. Giant ants, you say? Yeah, that and that. I'll have to check that out. That, blowing off the whole fact, like, dude, if some if even now, I was in a sheriff's car talking about giant ants, they're probably gonna think that or throw me a mental institution, or at least be like, all right, we'll go check it out. This guy's like, wow, giant ants, this time of year, and this economy. I don't know, Bob. Well, like as soon as they get into this hotel, um he's like, get them a good room, whatever. And he's like, all of a sudden he's just like, I will definitely go check out the giant ants now. I will get some deputies and we will go invest. I'm sure you are. Oh, and the sheriff has a line, too, because they all they show up and he's like sure you'll find something.
01:14:37
Speaker
Yeah, although the sheriff's or the the mayor, whoever the fuck the hotel clerk, sheriff or mayor bat mayor clerk, Mayor Norman Bates is like, oh, you must be the people who came up river from Dreamland Shores. And they're like, how how would you know that? Well, because there's nothing else around here. So they go out, uh, serious bridges and faux for grace are trying to rent a car. They don't have ID. They're like, come on, you can do something. And she's like, well, maybe. And I'm like, well, this is definitely not now.
01:15:07
Speaker
Yeah, you need a major credit card. You can't even use a debit card. Oh, yeah. You're not getting by without a driver's license. ah You could even do cash now. So in the 70s, you could get by without a driver's license? Probably. as I imagine so. So this is my number. Is it D? my but but No, it's one of those things where somebody pull you over like, are you Whitney? No. Move on. We're looking for a Whitney.
01:15:26
Speaker
Well, think about all that. Think about all the movies. I mean, back to Psycho and like a lot of movies from the 60s, 70s, where people people go to hotels and they're just like, I need a room for the night. and They're like, oh, or motels either way. They're like, cool.
01:15:41
Speaker
Pay us in the morning. Here's a room. Have a good night. ye Now, if I want to get a fucking hotel room, I got to give them like 27 forms of ID to your teeth. Yeah. Blood sample, stool sample. Your grandchildren's future names. Yeah, absolutely. yeah I hope you like Skeeter because that's your grandkids name. That's why I'm never having kids.
01:16:02
Speaker
I skipped out on some hotel and I have to name my kids something really terrible. OK, I was wondering where you're going to go with that. And I was like, he told her his kids future name was going to be Jew Baca. Yeah. ah Oh, to go with the auntie. Mm hmm.
01:16:18
Speaker
But so they can't rent the car. lady He's like, well, I'll help you. Just come back later. When's later tomorrow? And then they see the deputies walking into the police station, which I mean, there should be this is a large building. There should be more than two deputies. But serious bridges is like this motherfucker lied to us. Line ass sack of shit.
01:16:35
Speaker
So they say fuck this and they steal a car a pretty sweet car. Yeah. What is this car? I actually don't know. I know. I think there's a Pontiac Tempest. Oh, that sounds right. But it's it's it's one of those ones that it's it's low, but it's like still muscle. It's like a muscle four door. Yeah. muscle sitting I guess this is that in America just made muscle back then no matter what it's like. That's what I was going to say. I think at this point in time or any car I see is going to be like that car was sweet. Grandma's gross like fucking grocery getter was a fucking 502 I don't know why you need all that fucking so she needed it because the steel body weighed 14 tons she had it because it was her husband's and he died yeah no she he bought that for her Thanks. It's like when you go and do you find like used cars, not so much anymore because used car markets insane. But like you go look up like a used car and you're like, oh, look at this sweet ass GTO. ah This lady just drove it to church once a week for 30 years. And so it has 10,000 miles on it. You know, it's like, what the fuck? You were just taking your GTO to church. Fuck. Yeah, you got to show off. God loves it. Show off.
01:17:39
Speaker
No, he doesn't need muscle. The parents were like, children were like, no. Because the sign said junk for Jesus. And she was like, this shit ain't junk. She thought that was porn stars just donated their money to the church. I want to see a grandma peeling out of a fucking church parking lot in the sweetest GTO. Let's go to her. Donuts, donuts, donuts, gone. I'm a grandma. Let's go.
01:18:00
Speaker
Also describe my bowel movements. Donuts, donuts, donuts. Gone. We're going to we're going to take my sweet ass Hyundai Santa Fe. No, I eat a bunch of donuts. I poop. Oh, OK. We're going to take my sweet ass Hyundai Santa Fe to a parking lot. But he's going to peel out on a church. I'll do it in my serve. My Caucasian recreational vehicle under CRV is even more cool. I don't know who's losing this competition between you two. She is. Dude, I used to have a sweet fucking ranger until I got rear ended. Yeah. Fucking dick. But so they steal this car. They're trying to get out of town. They're like, peace out town. We'll never see you again. Roadblock. So Fulford Grace is like, I'll just drive through this cornfield into a swamp. He gets to go outside of the cornfield. Not a very designed, well-designed cornfield. No. Oh, and they're shooting shotguns at these motherfuckers. Oh, yeah.
01:18:48
Speaker
Yeah, no, because they start... Oh, you know what it'd be? It's a fucking cane field. It's a sugar cane field. Oh, yeah, okay. I didn't even think about that. i What else could it be? Well, it's swampy with the water. because Next door's a pig shit farm, if you want to visit that. I got three hour tours. and Nobody ever staged a full three, but I've got it. His neighbor is the sugar cane farmer, who sounds exactly like him, but talks a lot faster.
01:19:08
Speaker
if I'm saying, well, right now, you know, two is going to take two minutes, right? We're going to do two minutes. We lost two people. Keep going. they got sucking ah But I do love after they go through this field, there's cops on the other side and he just guns it. And it's a pretty cool stunt because we don't get a lot of sense in this movie. He jumps this fucking car over these other cop cars. But you're like, oh, man, awesome. Oh, the other side of that is.
01:19:32
Speaker
Just splat. Oh, it is nasty. He splats into the greenest, algae-iest. So in this water, we talked about earlier how your husband's not going down with him. The best case scenario is you get some form of botulism. yeah Worst case scenario, family of crocodiles are waiting for you. Because they are in Florida, right? That's what I've gathered because the that's what I thought. When he steal when they steal the car, Sirius Bridges is looking for a gun. He's not going to find it in this car because he opens the glove box and it's like hippie monthly or something. life That life. And then a bunch of maps of Florida. Also, sign me up for a magazine called That Hippie Life. If nothing else, it's entertaining.
01:20:14
Speaker
If armpit hair does it for you, you can jerk off to it. Oh, god, it doesn't. It does not. I think we've talked about it before. It's one of my only sexual deal breakers. That and a penis. So, Joan Collins, Handsome Jane, and Serious Bridges all get arrested. It gets tough, dude. All get arrested. Faux for Grace and Nipples McCoy, get away.
01:20:37
Speaker
Yeah, these names are so much more memorable than the names of the I know they should have had us write this movie. So the cops, ah the sheriff and the other deputies take the three they captured to the sugar refinery. You see the big room full of sugar that's just coming out of a wood just a room full of sugar helps the ants calm down.
01:20:57
Speaker
And he's like, we produce that much every day. Now come upstairs where we're going to drug you. Yeah. Take some upstairs. There's a bunch of people very calmly waiting in line to be gassed by the quote unquote queen ant, which as Whitney pointed out, fairmo it's definitely not a queen ant. She's just queefing. It's not a queen at all. Well, I bet you it's I bet you disrupting. I'm sorry. I bet you taking a queen disrupts the fuck out of a hive thousand percent, right? Like, wouldn't that just make but it so they're like, well, just put a fucking ant up there. It's fine. Yeah, but no one besides Whitney is going to know from 2024. But I mean, I knew this back in 87.
01:21:31
Speaker
um no just a day well if you look at like an ant farm there's no queen in there it's just a bunch you have to you have to have a queen you have to have a queen hey did you guys know you didn't because i didn't tell you yet part of the promotional thing for this movie was having ant farms in the lobbies or in the the like the theaters but they they wouldn't know just like displays of ant farms but they weren't allowed to be anywhere near the concessions Yeah. I wonder why. I guarantee you. Because some shitbird kid would knock that fucking shit over and there goes all your concessions. I guarantee you one place got something fucked up with that. Like a leak. An escapee, if you will. Revolution. All it takes is one. They split in half like weird little aliens. But like all the ants are the same size and the queen is literally triple the size of an ant. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, it's like a big old butt. Yeah, it's like the Slurm queen from the Futurama. I've seen Alien. I've seen Aliens.
01:22:22
Speaker
It's a huge sore ass. I've seen an alien. I've seen aliens. I've seen aliens three. I've seen alien resurrection. Alien Romulus. I saw something. You don't see the queen in alien only in aliens. That's true. Alien just has that one. What's the what's the white one? There was some power. Oh, wait, are you thinking of Prometheus? I don't know. I had it on TV at work because I was like, oh, it's an alien's thon.
01:22:46
Speaker
probably Prometheus. And it's the one with like the bait. I don't know. All right. Does it have new magneto? I just know it was like a white one. Michael Fassbender. But I didn't know if that would help her. So I went with new man. Thank you. I appreciate that because it definitely helps. And I don't know.
01:23:03
Speaker
because he was in covenant and prometheus so it narrows it's down to two because he's like ah he's the the robot yeah anyway so full fafor grace and nips mccoy get away and the cops take these guys to the sugar refinery where they see the queen the queen is pheromoning All the people, it has to do it once a week to keep people under control. And they're volunteering for it now because they're under control. They know like, oh, it's running out. Better get back and get gassed. It's not too dissimilar what New Jersey does with Axe Body Spray. It just keeps people in check. There's a booth and you have to walk in and get completely covered in Axe Body Spray. Yep. Yeah. Keeps the whole state docile. And then on your way out, they give you a balls energy drink and you can be on your way. I just thought they were blowing pot in everybody's face because they're just like, yeah, man, like it's cool. I don't want to be controlled. I want to.
01:23:49
Speaker
Oh, that's cool. I like this feeling. I'm not a fan of being controlled. Hey, do you guys have like a giant mound of sugar I could just chill by? Yeah, it's right next door, bro. God. Oh, and at some point here, too, at some point here, too, like the work siren. I was showing the ants in the pile. Yeah, the steam horn, whatever thing for the work, the shift change goes off. Yeah. It's like steam horn. I don't know. Steam whistle? Steam whistle, there you go. Steam horn is so great. The lunch whistle, where it's like, boom.
01:24:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that goes off and like the workers leave and the ants come in to like start eating sugar, I guess. They aren't just eating it, though. They are rolling it around like yeah they're rolling in it. They're having these answers a good time. fuck Yeah.
01:24:33
Speaker
They scarface this shit. a Thousand percent. Say hello to my little friend. Hello.
01:24:41
Speaker
Meanwhile, faux fur, Grace and nipples, McCoy are wandering around in the swamp. They see some ants. They go another way. They see some more ants. They go another way. And there's cops. No matter where you go, you're fucked. Yeah.
01:24:51
Speaker
These cops take them back to the refinery now, too. They get put to the front of the line with their friends. Front of the line being three people. Well, we need to build some some sort of tension. Well, they need to get that little they need to get that little ginger kid in there because they were like, well, he's going to go on Reddit and tell everybody. Yeah, dude, he's a fucking he's got a basement and a computer. yeah role He's he got to get him in there right now. He's going to finish inventing 4chan if we don't get him in there. No offense to the ginger community. yeah We all take offense. All right. 4chan is the preferred platform of my people. Yeah.
01:25:22
Speaker
So Joan Collins gets squirted. It's so nice here. Come join us. Exactly. She immediately turns. They put Captain Dan in there. Serious bridges, serious bridges. Don't start. Don't start Captain Dan. I had gone too. I had Captain Dan in my notes at that point. I'm fully invested in people like fucking Sirius Bridges and Nips McCoy. So Sirius Bridges is in the little booth, which by the way, at first it looks like there's automatic doors that open to let people in and out, but there's just a cop standing there who has to open one door and close it, and then open the other door and close it. How was your day at work, hon? I mean, I fucking opened and closed the door for a living. How do you think my day was? My arms were exhausted. I'm a cop. I thought I was going to be killing people. Yeah.
01:26:03
Speaker
I'm supposed to be shooting minorities and then here I am fucking opening and closing doors. Yeah, I'm a cop in Florida. I didn't shoot a single person from Cuba today. I don't know what I'm doing. Why do you think I got into this line of work? Exactly. Not to open and close doors. I didn't arrest a single person who was trying to fight a crocodile because they thought it killed their dad or something. I don't know what Florida man does, but it's something like that.
01:26:23
Speaker
Florida man does everything. But he pulls out the road flares that were in the car and starts jamming it into this thing's mouth. This is where Whitney started covering her ears because this shriek is even higher pitched than every other shriek.
01:26:34
Speaker
It is so it like my ears were still ringing after the movie. Like I sat there. I was plugging my ears. um I don't know if you guys heard this. I'm just now not crumpy. And you could do. I mean, you have aliens shrieking and alien. You have tremors shrieking and tremors. Not. And none of it is like this. Like just adjust the frequencies. Uh huh.
01:26:55
Speaker
No, they found the frequency that makes you want to kill yourself. They used up their eight dollar budget or whatever it was. I couldn't find a budget. This is where like you grabbed the penis earlier and now you're just like, I didn't get in your mouth screaming. I i didn't do any of those things. Who's what? What does this have to do with show get me at a penis? So the drive in earlier, you were scared. You grabbed the penis. I didn't make the connection. I was like, who's screaming at penises?
01:27:17
Speaker
Anybody that you know what? scream not feish She gave me such a screamer yesterday exactly not fetish unlocked. She put my penis your mouth and just went ah He's killing the Queen so the worker ants start freaking out killing the workers at the refinery who we definitely saw leave But now they're back in there. Uh-huh. That's fine. It's convenient No, they weren't leaving. They were backing up to behind the sugar thing. Why not just leave? Just fucking leave. Like, I'm not going to be around. If if you had a cage full of lions and raw beef, I'm not in it. Oh, and the sugar, the the thing that was shooting out the refined sugar, I turned to Jack and I was like, I thought that was a wheelchair.
01:27:57
Speaker
It looks like a wood chipper from Fargo. It does. I kept waiting for Steve Buscemi to come out the other side. You know what people need to do? All wood chippers need to be red and then painted yellow or whatever color. So when you're like putting the shit in there and it's like scraping the paint away, it's like red is coming out of it. Or you just put people in it.
01:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, easy fix. You could do that. and Look, if ah Peter Storm, Aaron taught me anything, you just put people in a wood chipper. Yeah. And he did. He taught me that he wants the money anyway. He taught me to pass out in a pool drinking Jack Daniels. He taught me to have a ferret as a pet or a marmot, a marmot, more aquatic within legal. That's not that's not legal. yeah Nice marmot.
01:28:45
Speaker
ah But so faux for grace, they're all leaving faux for grace grabs a truck a gas truck gas drive do They zoom in on the sign that says flammable in case you didn't okay, quick thing forever to open this fucking thing But that's fine. That's fine. He opens the the floodgates as it were And which makes me think that he's going to drive it into the sugar plates and then light it on fire. Yep. He just drives into the sugar and it explodes. Yep. But you didn't need to open that. You didn't. You didn't know because he left. He wanted he was leaving a trail of the gas because it was supposed to go to the Queen's.
01:29:18
Speaker
Oh, back to the refinery itself. It just didn't show it. They failed on that. It was the flame. Well, it doesn't matter, because the queen... If you have gas, it's gonna follow that trail. The queen got killed. He didn't know that. Well, he didn't know that, because the queen dies after they left. Yeah. Because then so does Joan. Serious Bridges was trying to... Oh, yeah. ...burning it, and they all got out. Everybody ran. All the people who were mind-controlled and shit, everybody ran, except for the sheriff, who waits there, and I think he kind of has this moment of like... He shoots at the end. Well, yeah, first he has this moment like... The fuck have I been doing? Yeah, he like looks down at his side, his holster, and he's like, huh, I got a gun and just shoots this fucking thing in the face like three times. Alcoholics call a moment of clarity. And then the queen like pheromones Joan a few more times and then she dies with her because she just got gassed. So it like she goes in to try to help the queen, I think, and it falls on top of her and just gases her to death. Yeah.
01:30:08
Speaker
Which, I mean, you know what? She did orchestrate this whole thing on the sham of selling it fakely. She is the bad person. You are the bad. You are the bad. And she does throw it in Sirius Briggs face, Jim Bridges face. Sirius Bridge. Sirius Briggs is Sirius Black's brother. And she's like, well, I'm your boss. You're working for me. Oh, she doesn't stop with that shit. Do you want a rope? Yeah.
01:30:32
Speaker
i Wish you would have like bitch. We didn't mention I only remembered it because of a note I took cuz I couldn't think of the name of like where they're storing the sugar Which would just be like warehouse, ah but it's shaped like a pyramid. So my note says ah gas truck into sugar pyramid it's an a frame building They're big metal pyramids, it's an a-frame building which is what you find in the Midwest because of snow You're both wrong well, these guys are in Florida. I'm not wrong. Yeah, you're it's a love shack It's a sugar shack. The ants love it. It's a love shack. But I do love these ants catching on fire because they're using the puppets and they do see a mostly full body. So I don't know why. Maybe because the controls. I guess that's the thing is it wasn't as articulated as they wanted it to be. But they like these fucking puppets on fire. They're really jumpy about it. But I guess it works for the scenes that they're doing. Well, anytime we have the puppets, the cameras always moving are really close. Because they don't want you to focus. Well, they don't they don't think they look real enough and I think we didn't see a lot of good shots But this is HD and I thought the puppets look fine. It looks better than the shark and Jaws
01:31:38
Speaker
And I mean, I love Jaws. Yeah, ju Jaws is a better movie, obviously. And I love Jaws. But the reason that so much of it's cut out because the shark look like shit, right? Yeah. These look more like ants than that shark look like a shark. That shark looks like what like your little cousin has to play with in the bathtub. And like it sucks up water and squirts it back out. I still have it. OK, a little cousin. It could be a 42 year old bored guy taking a drunk bath. You know what? OK, it looks like one of those grabby claws. That's also a shark head.
01:32:06
Speaker
Do you take baths? No. Oh, God, thank God. Have you seen a bathtub? Have you seen me? Have you seen me? I don't fit in a bathtub. I've sat in a bathtub not too long ago. Your feet are out, but your butt is out. Well, I got to choose hips or nips. Something's getting cold. They're just not making a bathtub for this size human. For humans. For humans, period. Bathtubs are for babies. Yeah, well, you shouldn't put a baby in a bath. Babies aren't humans. Thank you for finally agreeing with me after a decade of being a man. I said adults.
01:32:34
Speaker
You said they made bathtubs for humans, or they said they didn't make them for humans. They made them for babies. You said human John, let the record show. It's a Freudian slip that she's always agreed with me in the 10 years that we've been together, that babies are not yet human. They are alien eggs that spawn out of people and turn into adults. Hey, no politics or religion on this. This has nothing to do with either of those. In the butter. Now that Alex Jones is here.
01:32:58
Speaker
it's time to move on to the plan of baby's to baby planet ah selling pizza at the baby planet and that's where hillary clinton gets her babies she is a baby she bathes in the blood of babies to look young have you seen her she to she needs to bathe in some more baby blood i don't think that baby blood's work there is that one scene in hostel where she has that one person hanging Oh, the Elizabeth Bathory scene. Oh, yeah. It's a good one. um But so they get on the boat. The remainder, who is what, Serious Bridges, Pho for Grace, Nipples McCoy and Handsome Jane. Yeah. Handsome Jane. And they get away. They're off to start a band. They get away in the and the on this speed boat. They're like, this one has a motor. Yeah. Get the fuck out. I'm not rowing. We are going. Yeah.
01:33:40
Speaker
And they do. They go start a band called ah Jerry and the Ants. i don't know who Jerry Antrick. Oh, I like that. And that's the end of the movie. Yep. We don't get a freeze frame. We get a pan out. Yeah. I use that terminal. Fuck me. Yeah, you're going to zoom out. And I mean, they could be pulling it back, which you I don't know what that would be on a crane. Nope. Not even. OK. Look what you did.
01:34:05
Speaker
So and I was like trying to follow the river because then it was just taking them back east into it. Well, there we are. That's the that's the sequel. They just say, oh, shit, we didn't get far. Well, didn't you know all the ants were in the sugar pyramid because ants don't take food to other ants and then can keep traveling? yeah Well, no, they take them to the queen and the queen was there. So they were.
01:34:33
Speaker
Wouldn't there be just a giant anthill in this fucking town? I guess if you kill the queen, all the ants die like an alien. Yeah, logic, like horror movie logic, they win. Like unalien, not inalien, because that's not how it works. Because the xenomorphs do not go away. They left windows open so the queen can still spray everybody. We call Independence Day. Yeah, exactly. You blow up the big ship, they all die. Yeah. Take out the mother. But that's the end of the movie, so I'm going to go around the horn for recommendations, wife. You're actually going to be shocked. No, I'm not. I did not fucking hate this.
01:35:02
Speaker
like I just need a sound filter for your ears. I do need a sound filter. But if you have the time and I definitely need Jack's caveats with this, where you need to be able to drink and you need to be able to have your friends to make fun of it. But this is definitely a movie that you can sit there and just have on and be like, what the fuck is doing now? I have one caveat, one of Jack's new caveats. Okay. If you want to watch this, you better be deaf. it is it is The sound is so awful. I honestly don't recommend it by any fucking caveats. I know. It was boring. um There wasn't enough to make fun of for me. Oh, I ADD'd through half of this, so. Yeah, that's just life. I just, no, I don't i don't care.
01:35:44
Speaker
I would re- there's so many other things I'd rather watch that we've done that we said, no thank you to. I would rather watch Three Ninjas. I would still watch this over- The Kia Cut! I would watch this over Cherry 2000. I'd watch Cherry 2000 fuckin' ten times.
01:35:59
Speaker
The hyah cut, by the way, of Three Ninjas is just every piece of dialogue is hyah. Hyah. And I'd rather watch that. Even Victor Wong is replaced by one of the scrikiest little kids, say hyah. Husband? I'll give it a soft recommend. I enjoyed it. I don't think it was that boring. Oh, my God. I love big puppets. I love stupid, weird projects. Like, weird puppets and I cannot lie. He's rubbing off on me. This is what happened. Good thing it's not a visual podcast. You're rubbed off on. But I like. Or if you hang out with rubber pine. Hot fingers. I like big puppets. I like rear projection. I like stupid old green screen. It's got its charms. It's not a good movie. No, it's not. It's fun to watch. The sound is a lot. And that that that sound of the ants, because the credit I'm giving the movie is that the ants show up early and they're in a lot of it, which is cool because a lot of these monster movies, you don't see anything.
01:36:54
Speaker
But because they're always in it and they're accompanied by that shrill shrieking sound mixed with screams, it's hard. I have something to say about the the sound. If you live in I don't I've only lived in Tucson or Arizona in the summertime ah around Monsoon, there is the sound of the locusts, cicadas, cicada. It is worse. the love Yeah, this is way different than cicadas. But it's almost like that just I'll listen to 20 cicadas for the rest of my life. If you've ever watched, and I know you haven't, wife, you might have, Jack. If you've ever watched the anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion. Evangelion, yeah. Cicadas all over that shit. And it's soothing. Yeah. So soothing that I was trying to watch that show and I would always have to watch it late at night after she went to bed and I kept falling asleep.
01:37:40
Speaker
Not because of the show, but because the skater's blowing me to sleep. But you are also talking to a guy that I don't even, my fucking phone doesn't even have sound. Like, my phone is on mute all the time. I don't like other people's phones making sound. I don't like annoying noises, and this is a fucking hour and a half of me having annoying noises. Okay, so how about this, Jack?
01:37:58
Speaker
You're having a party. In the background, you're playing stupid movies. Empire of the Ants. Because the sound is off. You have music playing. Yeah, I could do that for a video. Because it's fun to watch. It's got things happening. That's what's wrong with it. You can look away and look up. And almost any time you look up. And the story. And the acting. Yeah. But almost any time you look up, someone is being attacked by a giant ant.
01:38:19
Speaker
Yeah, I could do that. That's a caveat I can get behind is just putting like a fucking stabbing westward music song to this. You're having friends over and you just you put music on and you just put something on the screen like that. Yeah, that's the only way this works for me.
01:38:34
Speaker
Yeah, because I tried doing that with Roadhouse with a friend of ours and his girlfriend and ended up just watching Roadhouse because she'd never seen it. But that's Roadhouse. I know. But like I was like, I was like, I could put this on in the background. Everyone knows. That's a bad example. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, this is one of those movies people look up and go, what? And then keep talking. Yeah. Roadhouse, she looked up and was like, can you turn that sound on? No. Yeah. No one's like, hey, can you pause this song? I'm trying to see what this ant movie is about. No, just remember this. It's a bad movie. It's just there were very entertaining parts. There's parts where I wanted to punch somebody and then that person died. And I didn't look up any of the critic reviews. So when you when you see the Rotten Tomatoes rating, you don't get to see the audience score unless you go to Rotten Tomatoes. Right. But when you're seeing the splat or the fresh, that's critics ratings. ah And I didn't look up any of the critics to find out what their their criticisms were. But this has a five percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
01:39:27
Speaker
Yeah, sounds about right. Certified. You did the rating on this, didn't you? I have bots. But that's it for this episode. That's it, babies. We continue the Halloween Horror Fest next week with the probably worst entry in the Halloween franchise, Halloween Resurrection from, I believe, 2002. Boy, is that saying something.
01:39:50
Speaker
The worst. This is the one that Jamie Lee Curtis refers to as, quote, a joke. OK. And she does appear in it. Punch line with her paycheck. She's barely in it. She probably didn't get a huge paycheck. Yeah. I think she did an afternoon. She probably was like, I'm not doing it. Busta Rhymes, on the other hand, put in all the work. Busta Rhymes of filming a internet reality show called Dangertainment.
01:40:15
Speaker
On the other hand, ah put in a lot of work on this movie. so Hey, I love me some best of them. Yeah, let's do it. So that's what that will be next week. Don't forget to check out our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people. It's only $3 a month. We got a new Patreon. We did just get a new Patreon. Thank you to Hector for joining and Hector.
01:40:35
Speaker
Rocking that sexy mullet. Hector pledged at $5 a month. He just increased. $3 is the minimum. $3 is what you have to do. You can add anything. He pledged at $5 a month. So thank you, Hector. I might send him an unsolicited butthole pick.
01:40:49
Speaker
Oh, he might like it. Oh, he will. Trust me. I have costumes. But our episode this month for Patreon is the fly from 1986. Speaking of gross things about bugs. who Are we doing is is this one with with, um you know, it's going to be. um Oh, yeah. Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yep.
01:41:07
Speaker
Jeff Goldblum and Gina Davis, directed by David k Cronenberg, who is one of the greatest directors of our lifetime. So yeah can I just say there is a Gina Davis move, a Gina, a Gina Davis movie that I really want to watch again that I haven't seen in a minute. Is it Long Kids Good Night? as That's her Latin name, by the way, Gina Davis. Gina Davis. Gina Davis of the League of their own variety is of the sexy genus.
01:41:36
Speaker
Thank you to Evasion for providing our opening and closing music. I have been Derek. I am his wife. I'm Mark Antony. Good night and go.
01:42:14
Speaker
To infinity with a bong. Been there.