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Ep 88: George of the Jungle
87 Plays4 months ago
Check out patreon.com/worsepeople
Brendan Fraser stars in this adaptation of a forgotten cartoon from the 70s about a young boy left in the jungle to be raised by apes only to fall in love with a beautiful woman from a world he doesn't understand. Sounds a lot like Tarzan, right? That's because it is! But "FUNNY"! Brendan Fraser is playing the doofusy but loveable George, known by locals as the Great White Ape, as he saves Leslie Mann from Thomas Haden Church and some goons. It's a silly kids' movie with some fun moments that Jack had the audacity to think belonged on our Patreon feed. He has since recanted his statement. Oh, and like our other kid's movies.... this one gets gross!
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Transcript
Introduction and Movie of the Week
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to Bad Movies, Worst People. It's July. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. And this week, it's Georgia the Jungle. Watch out for that tree.
July Celebrations and Jack's Birthday
00:00:34
Speaker
Yes, it is July. It's fucking hot. This is the month that we were, the earth was graced with Jack, and that's why we're doing Brendan Fraser. You're damn right. This month also brings us Rambo, but we done rode that horse. Yeah, we did. And nobody's going to ride this horse. Well, you're going to hate us. Why? We got you a birthday present even though you hate birthday presents.
Birthday Gifts and Surprises
00:00:57
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? I'm going to give you a loophole. Did you want to give me a Canada's Independence Day gift? ah What, pray tell, is a Canada's end of the day gift? Give it on July 1st. Oh, okay. No, they had to just beat us by a couple of days. Yeah. Well, they actually were late by a couple of years. I think it was like a hundred or so. but yeah
00:01:18
Speaker
But we have a ah small gift for our co-host, Jack. Yes. here wife I'm going to be my best best to graciously accept this gift. We have something for you to watch. OK, whenever you're ready. This is a cameo. Do I just hit play on this? Just hit play. Oh, I'm shaking. Hey, Jack, the Rents Alums Renegade. So I got a message from Derek and Whitney that you like watching Renegade and drinking beer. God help me I do. Well, I like drinking beer and making Renegade. That was a great period of my acting life. And I'm so happy that they're still airing the show. Me too, buddy. It's different platforms.
00:02:07
Speaker
But you're turning 42. That's awesome. 42, 40, you know, all the 40s. Great, great decade. That's the decade, man, that makes or breaks your bro, right? I was broken years ago. So just keep at it. Keep waking up with a positive. Mindset no be grateful and good things will continue to happen for you But you have two good friends there that are thinking of you. They sent me that message So you take care. and Enjoy your birthday, bro. No, I will now and have some medulla
00:02:43
Speaker
Ooh, she's sponsoring Medello. That is fucking awesome. Happy birthday, buddy. Thank you, guys. Yes, happy birthday. So we just have that saved forever, right? like We will always be able just to duck into that. I wonder how much it would have cost him to get his shirt off. I don't know. I could send him a message back and ask. ah Jack, love the video. yeah Just a couple of notes. He wants to see them. He wants to see a couple of nuts. let's to see Oh, you know what? I have a peek. He's looking all right for that age, man. I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him outside of Renegade in a while. Tell you, I missed the quaff though. Yeah, I saw the video and I was like, that hair is all wrong. Yeah.
00:03:26
Speaker
it What a charm. Well, Merry Christmas. Thank you. Happy birthday, Canada. So we had we'd wrote him. We did it when we were all hanging out at the box. Oh, really? you Literally, we were sitting like this and I was like, OK, so we're looking it up. He fucking sent it that night. Wow. Up in the morning and had it. So I don't know if he was like up late drinking or if he was up early drinking.
00:03:56
Speaker
He was either winding down with a drink or working out with a drink. ah It's gin because whiskey makes him sweat. So. Thank you, thank you. Yes. That's fucking rad, dude. i I figured that would be a present you could get down with. Well, and also it cost you zero dollars or did a cameo kind of thing. It's a cameo. Okay. Okay. say right If he just did that for free, what a fucking stallion. No, but. We paid him for it. All right. That's fine. Well, I appreciate it. Thank you. So that's the only thing you're allowed to do this year for that's the paycheck you get for doing this show
00:04:31
Speaker
Dude, I need a raise, which is more Lorenzo's. Your name was spoken from Lorenzo's mouth. Yeah, absolutely. It's like we're best friends, dude. He enjoyed making renegade. I enjoy watching renegade. Wow. And now we know any time you drink a medello, you're drinking with Lorenzo. I'm going to have one tonight. I wasn't going to, but fuck. I should have got some medello. I think he's doing lime with his. I'm not doing that. No fruit for you. That's all because it's Jack's birth month. Golf clap. I'm not sure who we're clapping for you. Lorenzo. I'm clapping for Lorenzo. And he spoke my name. I'm clapping for us because we did something awesome. Also, I'm clapping for you guys. Yeah. That was rad. Back to something that doesn't have Lorenzo Lamas. Oh, he could have been a George the Jungle. That's
Chaos in 'George of the Jungle'
00:05:20
Speaker
what I was just thinking. I was like, I mean, Brendan Fraser in this movie is not far off.
00:05:23
Speaker
Brendan Fraser is way more ripped. Well, yeah. Dude, he's got like a 12 pack up on his... He's got those cum gutters when you see him nae nae later. And ah apparently his personal trainers sued him. I saw this and lost though. yeah He didn't mention his personal trainer in like... They didn't mention him in the credits. Yeah. So he sued Brendan Fraser. But that's not your job. No. Like the studio didn't hire you. Yeah. A person hired you, an actor, an actor. Because you've seen that in credits before where it's like so and so's personal trainer or so and so's like dialogue coach or so. Like if there's a certain thing. I bet if you I bet if you look up the Marvel movies, like the studio has specific trainers to get you like there's the the Marvel workouts, a whole thing. So they probably do get credited.
00:06:06
Speaker
But whoever worked out Rambo, a fucking Stallone probably didn't get credit because someone's like, I did that myself. You can't give credit to a drug dealer selling human growth hormone. That's illegal. I'd like to credit that guy with a fanny pack on the corner of third. Third round's a turd. I got to go. Yeah, got a glass coffee table. but Jack pitched this movie for this month as a Patreon, and I said, nah. And? I said no also. And you stood by this after watching? Yeah. I did. Okay, me too. Watching it, I was like, man, I'm having an absolute blast. like that's There's obviously going to be a recommendation from me for this movie. But I was like, yeah, I was wrong to pitch this as Patreon. and i was We were 15 minutes into this movie and I was like, no wonder so many kids developed ADHD. Like this is so fucking chaotic. Overstimulating. And it's not just this, it's everything of this era. I mean, cartoons and stuff now are still chaotic, but I just feel like it's just like, it's just...
00:07:05
Speaker
Honking noises and gags Tweeting birds around the head. Yeah. Oh speaking of noises though So at one point I noticed that the capuchin monkey they have mm-hmm and he's hooky talking Tookie Tookie sounds like a boo from Aladdin You know why the and I looked it up like at the very bottom of this fucking thing. It's Frank Welker of course I never knew Frank Welker doing a boo. Yeah, I never knew. And that's why you've got the oh, no. Yeah. shit Like it took me two lines to like hear it. And I was like, that's a boo. And I was like, in my mind, like, I wonder Frank Welker fucking voiced a boo. I have Frank Welker in all caps in my notes. Yep. Good. Good. I knew you'd get there.
00:07:49
Speaker
It was the last thing I saw while I was looking through like credits and stuff. He is the bottom yeah of the page. Actually, I didn't even see it in the IMDB credits. because I don't know if I i did get down to the animals. Like I got to all three birds that played Tukey and I got to the elephant and everything. But I just somehow I didn't see that. But I was looking at like Wikipedia or imd trivia IMDB trivia or something. And it mentioned Frank Welker and I was like, Speaking of the IMDB trivia, the one that I saw was like, well, obviously, Shep is an Indian elephant, and these are the jungles of Africa. Get a fucking life, dude. oh Get a fucking life. That's your problem with this movie? You know what? Shep was also mostly CG.
Ty the Elephant and Movie Animals
00:08:27
Speaker
Yeah, dude, I was like, what do you mean he's obviously an Indian elephant? He went down, a dirk Derek went down a little rabbit hole with the elephant. So Shep... which was played by a real elephant in about four and a half seconds of this movie. Yeah. It's played by an elephant named Ty. Uh-huh. And according to Ty's IMDB summary, Ty told. I don't have it written down here exactly, or I don't have a copy of it, but it says, Ty was an actress born in 19 whatever the fuck who was known for it. Like, it was just like a normal actor or actress. Yeah. And i you know what I looked? Birds didn't get that treatment. No. It's racist. Well, because all birds look alike, dude.
00:09:04
Speaker
and is but like she was saying one parrot you seen him all and she just passed away in twenty one ah twenty twenty ah covid took over no twenty twenty one you're right covidy took another great one of us see I don't know if that's impressive or not though. I don't know either 52 for an elephant said I don't know. That's good. But this is the same. That's been 10 years for me. This is the same elephant that was in Larger Than Life with Bill Murray. Ooh. Operation Dumbo Drop. Dumbo Drop. Love it. The Jungle Book from 1994, the live action one. Crap. With, is that, is that Lou Kang? Yes. That's right. Brandon Lee.
00:09:38
Speaker
Is it Brandon? It's not Brandon. Yeah, it's Brandon. Not Brandon Lee. Jason Scott. Jason Scott. The not related to Bruce Lee that played Bruce Lee. Yes. But I saw. yeah I just remember it. And I remember not Liu Kang. The only other thing I knew Liu Kang from. Sorry to the actor. He's in that Beverly Hills show I think is his name. OK. I just remind I just remembered Beverly Hills Ninja. He's the good ninja that's trying to help out Chris Farley. Yeah. I just remembered it's S H O U. So Robin show or show. Oh, yeah. I just remembered his name because I was just watching a movie called Fatal Termination in which he plays a corrupt customs agent who who also does karate. Oh, that sounds OK. It's a Hong Kong action movie. So everybody knows martial arts. Yeah. but
00:10:24
Speaker
Um, but yeah, this elephant was also in the scorpion king. Was Brendan Fraser in that? No. That just total spin-off. No, it was a run-off. 100% spin-off. I knew it was a spin-off, but I just didn't remember if... Somebody saw the rock as a CGI half man half scorpion and was like, yes, yes, we can franchise this. And then they did like nine sequels. Yeah, he's in one, maybe two. I think he's in the first. He might be in the second one, but he's not in the rest. Oh. fucking, and then the birds, ah the birds, the bird, tookie tookie played by three different birds. And I only wrote it down because it made me laugh. So we had tookie, scooper and hooper or hopper.
00:11:01
Speaker
The only one who came back for the sequel, which there was one. Oh, I know. Was scooper. Oh, I don't know if Tukey and Hopper were like, I'm not doing the sequel. Absolutely. If they had been beaten to death by a trainer at that point. I'm going to go with the first one. Like they a lot of the monkey from Clint Eastwood. Yeah. The sequel to any which way we lose or is any which way we lose the sequel. That's the sequel. I don't know. Yeah, that's something I beat to death by the trainer. Yeah. That orangutan. Tough to watch with an axe handle yeah for stealing donuts. You can't hear my face, but I am absolutely. Oh, I think I can hear it. Yeah. No, for stealing donuts from the craft services to feed your fucking orangutan. I know. Also, you can beat me with an axe handle and I steal donuts all the time.
00:11:42
Speaker
I want Clint Eastwood to pick up. I have one over here. I want Clint Eastwood to pick up that chair he was famously sitting on at that like Trump rally or whatever and beat that trainer to death with it. Yeah. That would have been great. I'd watch that. I told you to give him donuts. Now you got to answer to me. It's like mother mommy dearest. No wire hairs. No powdered donuts.
00:12:04
Speaker
Oh, that's the problem. They were powdered donuts, and Clintus would okay it because he thought the monkey was stealing his cocaine. Yeah. You see that monkey touch my damn stash? How am I supposed to act so lively now? It's my game face. We mentioned we're doing George of the Jungle, which we've... Yes. We've derailed from. Not really touched on. It's fine. This one is directed by a guy named Sam Wiseman, who his other two big directorial things, he had like six, but the two I recognized were D2, the Mighty Ducks, and Dickie Roberts, former child star. Oh, that's the David Spade. Yeah. Yeah. Both those aren't good. D2's fine. D2's fine. D2 is actually better than fine. You're just wrong. It's not better than the first one, though. No. No, it's not better than the first one, but it's good. It's better than fine. He also directed most of Family Ties. Which is better than fine. Yes. Family Ties, I like. Who is related to Matthew Perry? Oh, Matthew Perry's dad is in this. Oh, I noticed. Because you know how I noticed him. Because he also plays Matthew Perry's dad on Scrubs. Ah, not his blood-dead father. Oh, that's right. His adopted father. Spoiler for Scrubs. That's right. I forgot he wasn't his real dad. Hey, good looking. Yeah. Yeah, that's great.
00:13:14
Speaker
As soon as I saw him, I was like, oh, my God, I think I think that's Matthew Perry's dad. OK, is it the father? Yes. The father of the voice of reason in this fucking. I love him. He's like, God, she's a pain in my hand. That woman is a pain in my. Why are you married to her? He she fucking signed a prenuptial agreement. Oh, yeah. Waspy shit. She's a wasp like a mother. They're not supposed to be happy. Uh huh. They're supposed to have awkward, silent dinners. God, I hate you. I know.
00:13:43
Speaker
I do love that scene where, because the mother is also played by the mother from Two and a Half Men, Charlie Sheen and Richard. Yeah, who else is mom she played? Yes, Jim Carrey's mom in the Truman Show. That's what I was trying to get to. I was like, there's one thing I really knew her from this Truman Show. That's the one I recognized her from. I've seen Two and a Half Men, but not enough to know her care. She's also in Cop and a Half with Burrentals. Yes, she is. Her name is Holland Taylor, if anyone cares. Nope. Moving on. It's not. just There is somebody in this movie I do want to get to very quickly because he's in this movie. Well, let me touch on the
Animated Intros and Writer Influences
00:14:17
Speaker
writers real quick. So we are. Touch them writers. Jay Ward created the character of George of the Jungle, which I guess was a cartoon back in the olden days, along with Rocky and Bullwinkle, Bullwinkle, ah Mr. Peabody of Sherman, Dudley Do Right. So this announcer was definitely Rocky and Bullwinkle. Yes.
00:14:34
Speaker
And I'm sure a lot of the other. The C.G. Rocky and Bullwinkle, the movie, he was Bullwinkle. But he's the announcer in the cartoon. I don't. Was he? Yeah, he was credited. The narrator. The narrator. Thank you. Oh, all I saw, i to be fair, I gave a cursory glance, to be fair but he was an Australian or is an Australian voice actor. So most of what I saw under his voice acting really made me laugh. There's a guy named Keith Scott and he played Smee in the animated Peter Pan. Oh, OK. But also he was he did a bunch of like Australian cartoons, including one about like an adventuring koala bear called Blinky Bill. ah I saw me the fuck up. But he played Flap the platypus and five of us and splodged the kangaroo splodged. I was like, these names sound so much dirtier than they should. But I mean, it's Australia. they but I mean, you know what they call fucking and and like rooting. I was going to say splodging. No, they did the weird thing. No.
00:15:30
Speaker
flapping, but rooted or rooting like all that is is fucking. But that guy created all that stuff, which a lot of at least we probably grew up watching on some of. Yeah, I definitely grew up watching Rocky. Yeah. I mean, it was like Rocky and Bullwing. When you wake up too early on the weekends and there's nothing else on. I do. When is he man coming on? It's fucking bullshit. Natasha and fucking Bruce up here. Are you good to power? That would have been a good crossover. Here I come to save the day. And then the two actual writers of the script are the guy named Dana Olsen, who wrote The Burbs. Oh, God, yes. And also Inspector Gadget. Ooh. Well, you know what? It's not his fault that Matthew Broderick shit all over that movie. It's not. But also, it's not Matthew Broderick's fault that that script was a toilet to shit on. Are we going to do that? Doesn't matter. He would have fucked me. That's how it works, right? You shit on toilets? Dude, I don't want to come over anymore.
00:16:19
Speaker
You're not going to make us do that one, are you? One day. I'm sick. We can do the second one. Yeah, it's the second one with French Stewart, the direct to video sequel. And then the other writer was a woman named Audrey Wells, who wrote a decent amount of stuff, but none of it. Very good. She wrote Disney's The Kid of Bruce Willis. Oh, I know. I know. And she wrote Under the Tuscan Sun. And in that movie that Whitney refused to watch that came out 2017 and called a dog's purpose. Yeah, I still haven't seen it. Who wants to watch that? It's a movie about a dog. Zoe said it's absolutely beautiful. It's a movie about a dog who dies and then gets reincarnated as another dog and goes back to their person and then dies and then gets reincarnated and goes back to their person and then dies. It's a movie where the dog just keeps dying. Why would you want to watch that? Dumbest fucking thing. Randy Quaid's not going to save that movie. Not Randy. Dennis. Dennis Quaid might be able to save that movie. Randy Quaid is going to be just no help to you. No, Dennis Quaid. All right. All right. Denny's got some chops.
00:17:13
Speaker
But, we'll get into the movie. It starts with an an animated intro, which is usually a bad sign. nope but This was based on a cartoon. Dude, City Slickers has an eminated animated intro. I said usually. ah Honey, I suspect The Kids has an animated intro. I said usually. Christmas Vacation has an animated intro. What's that movie where... I'm not done. oh Friday After Next has an animated intro. Yeah, you're getting there. Dude, when's the last time you watched that? That is a dope-ass adult Christmas movie. It's the third Friday. Yeah. It's got Cat Williams. What's that movie? I am a boy, Damon. What's that movie where the dude is a pizza boy and he's fucking all the ladies? Loverboy. Yeah, that starts with an animated intro. So, yeah, there goes your argument. Excellent. No, I'm just kidding. I can't defend that one rightfully. I can sit here and for defend George the Jungle, but I cannot defend Loverboy. Patrick Dempsey? Yep, I fucking... Patrick Dempsey, there we go. I love Loverboy. Dr. McDreamer. Yes, he is McDreamy. You know why they have this animated intro?
00:18:05
Speaker
because of some people who weren't credited for writing the script, because I guess the the practice is the first and last person get credit. Not all the people who would doctorate in between. OK. Joel Hodgson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and his writing partner, not the other guy on the show, ah did a pass on the script and they added the cartoon intro and they added that an ape named Ape Talks. Dude, big ups. Like you yeah you punched it up right there with Ape named Ape Talking. The Talking I appreciate the animated intro. I wouldn't have a problem with it if they didn't then repeat all the information given to us in the first 25 minutes of the movie. Sure. Yeah. Like the other pet dog that's an elephant and the talking ape and the. Yeah. But again, this is for children and children made repetition. I just I took it as time to roll joint. That's fair. You know, I was like well i know what you want me to do now. Cartoon intro is fucking making it a fatty. But it starts with that and the narrator, which I wrongly remembered going away. Yeah.
00:19:05
Speaker
He does not go away. He's doing great work, in my opinion. It gets to be too much. But then once he starts interacting with the people, which is actually really stupid, I'm fully back in. Yeah, fully back in. Here we are at an expensive waterfall set, especially once he fucks up Thor there. the Yeah. The sloopy sidekick guy. I'm like, oh, man, God just fucking scrambled your brain, dude. Was you just fought with the net, right? Which I guess is a bit from the cartoon. Oh, I wouldn't know that or something. I read it in the trivia, something along those lines about like, you can't argue with the narrator. So they were breaking that that third wall right away. Yeah. Yeah. Fourth. I vaguely remember watching the third. They climbed over the third wall to get to the fourth shot of the dead. That's it. Sorry. No, you're good. I I came too quick.
00:19:50
Speaker
Oh, Mr. Thor tear down that wall. I remember watching vaguely. ah I think my my father's mother had VHS's for us. So when we would go visit them and press it, we had something to do. Played with G.I. Joes and like my dad's G.I. Joes and lots of George of the jungle. OK, it's a good little life you got there, dude. I somehow I watched I saw Rocky and Bullwinkle a lot. Yeah, I saw Dudley Do-Right, which I didn't really care for. I saw Mr. Peabody and Sherman, which I loved, of course. Mr. Magoo. Am I having a fever dream? Is there a Brendan Fraser Dudley Do-Right movie? There is. OK, but I never even knew of the existence of George of the Jungle. Yeah. Until this movie.
00:20:33
Speaker
So I don't know how that happened unless Cartoon Network was just like, no, we don't need that. Huh? That's weird. Because you know all the other ones you're naming every single one that is accompanied. Yeah. I mean, and maybe it was like a rights thing. Maybe Young You was just like, I don't want to see a fucking Tarzan ripoff changing the channel. I'm gonna go have my second bowl of Lucky Charms. I couldn't stay on that shit. Fruity Pebbles, bitch. Fruity Pebbles? Over Lucky Charms? No. Blend them. Yep. Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows. Yep. All the berries. Diabetes. Lucky Pebbles. Fruity Charms. Fruity Charms. I like Lucky Pebbles. Lucky Pebbles. That sounds like a ball sack. Lucky Pebbles? Get your hands off me, Lucky Pebbles.
00:21:13
Speaker
Gotta start to one of your nuts later out a tardy tart tire this little accent up a little bit hands off me lucky but is After me lucky nuts That's not the line But we're introduced to Leslie man Ursula Love me some Leslie man at this. Yes sure like she looks almost the same but just like stretched out now What don't what like what's what's she been and you don't care for? um I mean She's I was looking through her credits and I'm like, I don't know most of these movies. It's a lot of romantic comedy horseshit. The stuff I do know. and marry Well, yeah, the stuff I do know, the stuff that I like is like ah knocked up. um Funny people. Nobody likes, but I liked. This is 40. This is 40. 40 Old Virgin. Oh, she's Big Boobs McGee and Big Daddy. Yeah. So I mean, there's some stuff, but then like all the the most the main stuff on her thing besides like knocked up and this is 40 was all just romantic comedy.
00:22:10
Speaker
For sure that I couldn't care less for sure. Oh, it's tough your wife likes. Yeah. So I've probably seen some of them and I don't remember time to roll joint. The whole movie still working on a joint. No, that's when he's editing and I get to watch whatever I want to watch. Nice. Did anybody here see funny people besides me? Yeah, is that it's the what's the movie about comedians that isn't funny? It's Adam Sandler tragic. Adam Sandler's in there. Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan's in there. Pretends to have cancer or something. Um, I don't remember the details now. I saw it in theaters. I know it's about like people who are trying to be comedians, stand-up comedians. So I think Seth Rogen is very depressed, is writing lines for Adam Sandler. That sounds right. And he he thinks he has cancer, but when he doesn't, he doesn't tell everybody he's not sick. Oh, like that movie, uh, six days. You were just talking about this with Rupert Murdoch, whatever his name is. Fucking some British kid named Rupert. It's Weasley. It's Ron Weasley, Rupert. And it gets gents. Is that right? And Nick Frost, is in it isn't it? Isn't that the guy that plays the Inquisitor? It is. I was like, that's not we're going to crack myself up if because there's no Rupert in this kid's name. I don't know. He's got a Rupert look.
00:23:24
Speaker
We so we meet her. She's on safari with her native guides. Cool. Which is played by Richard Rountree. Mr. Shaft himself. Yeah. Rest in rest in pictures. Right. Just died. I believe so recently. Yes. Last year. Yeah. That sounds right.
Casting Anecdotes: Roundtree and Church
00:23:40
Speaker
Yeah. Richard Rountree just recently. I have trouble keeping track of time. I get you in space. You need your timey wimey thing. I'm in the I'm in the Twilight Zone, dude. What does the doctor call it? Rupert Grint. That's fucking Ron Weasley. That's the guy that played the Inquisitor, isn't it? No. Who played the Inquisitor? Fuck, now I gotta get this back up. I swear you said Rupert Grint when we were recording Han Took Shots first. Maybe. That doesn't mean it was right. What's he in? He's in so... I just believe you when you say things about Star Wars. I mean, usually you can. Where is it? Rupert Friend. Okay, maybe that's what you said. Maybe. Maybe I said Rupert Grint.
00:24:18
Speaker
i don't Know we weren't on that episode yet. We were talking about him as you see now. I'm getting my Rupert's confused with Rupert Murdoch The devil himself yes, well he's up there with the devil himself all right He's just like Beelzebub if you're going with like Sandman rules well We just the devil just recently died and that's Henry Kissinger Henry Kissinger was the devil. That's fair why ah rupert murdo nameper murocco He's the reason Fox News Fox News, all that fun stuff. yeah so And Henry Kissinger was Nixon's guy and also Satan. Yes. Okay. He's in charge. he's he's the with ben stein alo He's the reason for a lot of wars and just shitty, shitty things. Policies America has implemented. It's a little soon to be having a sinister German as your chief of staff. Don't forget your magic moto bag.
00:25:08
Speaker
Oh, that's a venture brother. Yeah. Yeah, ah fuck him. So that's Richard Roundtree and Thomas Hayden Church shows up who's playing Lyle van der Groot. And he is doing a very good job at being a piece of shit. So he usually does. I had a friend who has ah had a production company in Tucson that was doing independent movies and he was on one of them and he was an absolute fucking cunt. Oh, really? Like just a huge piece of shit. So that's why he ended up walking out of the movie. Like he ended up leaving leaving the set, not even a quarter way through filming. So luckily they got in place with Eric Roberts. Oh, that's better. But it's better. Absolutely. It's better. But yeah, my friend who was the PA for like for the thing just she said he was just an impossible asshole to work with.
00:25:54
Speaker
Wasn't he in wings? Yeah, he played a little matters. Stupid fucking the stupid mechanic. Yeah. I just imagine him on the set of this independent movie in Tucson, Arizona, throwing a fucking hissy fit. He's like, I was in demon knight. You will show me respect. I was in Sideways right next to Paul Giamatti. Do you want me to give Paul a call? That rhymes on accident. Yes. I was in Sideways where I played the same guy I always play, and Paul Giamatti did a good job. Paul, what are you doing right now? This guy in two songs really give me shit. Can you tell him I was in Sideways with you? Well, the crazy thing is he's saying that, but he's leaving a message on his voicemail. Paul, pick up if you're there. Pick up. I know it's a digital, but pick up. Pick up. Pick up. It's just Paul Giamatti's assistant. No, he won't speak to you, Mr. Church. He said, if he's not getting paid, he's not having words with you. Come on, we had some good times, didn't we, Paul? I told you, this is not Paul. But he's playing the douchebag who Ursula is engaged to. Yeah, that's just personality. Seems like it now. And he's got his two sidekicks, Thor and Max.
00:26:55
Speaker
It's or is wearing the worst fucking outfit for anything anything unless you're going to actively going to the matrix This is not the outfit or all leather like a daddy club. Yes there you go Okay, we'll just kind of like go to the matrix it' similar if they get the same music But we know this actor. In fact, he was just we just watched. You know, how are we watching Buffy? he Yeah, he was just in the episode. We just watched it. I can't rewatch. She's rewatching. I'm rewatching. Don't put that juju on him. He was just in the last episode. We just watched on Buffy. He plays a troll. ah He's in the football movie, the program that we've had we had come up on here a couple of times. Oh, what was the other one? He was in. ah Apparently we we didn't notice him because he's a character actor. He was in E.R. a bunch. But besides that, he's mostly a character actor and he was in the shadow as like a guard or a marine. Oh, yes. No, no, no. Real quick. He was. I did. He was one of the guards at the front door to get the guarding the fucking. That was also one of those movies where it was like that guy, that guy. that So I think we even started that episode with a bunch of that guys.
00:27:57
Speaker
If you haven't seen it, it's the best Western that's come out in a long fucking time called Open Range. Yeah, he's in that. Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall. Awesome. He's also in Don't Change That Dial, Wagons East. Oh, boy. I'm excited. I love that movie. John C. McGinley. I like how I named him over fucking John Candy. John Candy was only in about a quarter of that movie. True. Yeah. Eugene Levy. Yes, maybe. No, no, no, no. Rich. Rest in pictures. Richard. I was going to say, definitely Richard Lewis. Richard Lewis. Oh, he's the other one. He's the other star. But anyway. And then the guy that's playing Max, I was like, I know, I know this guy from something. He's like 13 credits. I don't know any of them, but this movie and this was the last movie he was in. So I didn't know him from anything. Yeah, I don't. He looks like a lot of people, but he was probably in voids of the rock aliens and cut out of the credits.
00:28:46
Speaker
Justin! Justin! Oh, can we talk about the George the Jungle theme song? Yeah. Do you know who did it? ah The guy from Voyage of the Rock. No. oh Wait, hold on. John Williams' son. No! ok because he did Weird Al Yankovic is doing the George of the Jungle theme song. Okay. I was like, man, this is so familiar. I know it and I looked it up and I was like, oh my God, I'm a fucking idiot. It sounds just like him. I don't have to rewatch. It's a little it's hit a little sincey, though. Well, that made Derek happy. Since anything about this thing, the song made me happy. Oh, it'll be it's fine, but it's played so much that it'll be trapped within my skull for months.
00:29:28
Speaker
I don't even do anything you do. Just like that. And it's not a bad song. He just heard it too much. That is my special power is I am able to push all of that away because I don't even remember except for George George George of the jungle. It is. It is. Any time he's swinging though is what Derek saying. It's like he starts doing some adventurous boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. But it's that's all there is to it. I don't know why, but it sounds like a song for like a commercial for breakfast cereal. Yeah, probably because it was grape nuts, though. Something like put a little bounce in your day. Probably bouncing your step in your ass on the job.
00:30:07
Speaker
So they learn of this legend of a white ape because, okay, so first Lyle wants to take Ursula away. He's like, fuck this gross jungle shit and all these black people. Yeah. He comes out right out of the bat, dude, talking shit to these porters. And I actually, I mean, obviously he's playing the racist asshole and it's like, it's a, it's a shtick and I get it. But I actually really love the dudes, especially like kind of the main one whose name I don't remember, but the one with the camera and the one with the comments. It's the one that gets knocked off the bridge. It's like I think it's in be something. I saw it a little bit, but I don't know if they actually really give us the name other than maybe a quick introduction. But I had the subtitles on. So I thought that's how I know the first two letters. Yeah, it was M B M B W E B.
00:30:49
Speaker
the Mumbai. Yeah. But m bay by I just love he is fuck his interaction with him because it's like progressively more asshole ish. He does not come off a bridge. here's Here's some cigars. Now you give me some of your land. Well, I'm going to light it with this lighter. You like my magical fire takes a picture of the Polaroid. You like my magical picture. And he's like, he says something that that three millimeter. He's like, very bad as i say translate. And he's like, yeah your magic is good. yeah But he likes his 35 millimeter. It's got a better also luie a 35 millimeter. Transparency is better. Also, your lens is dirty. You clean that. But I love that. Don't fuck yourself. Hayden does like the the true white man stance and puts that big one leg up and just thrusts is growing in your face. The captain Morgan Morgan. Yeah.
00:31:35
Speaker
I call it the white man stance. I don't think Captain Morgan was white. I don't think he was real. I mean, he was probably Spanish, but he was definitely around a bunch of people who were not white and doing that stance. This is mine now. I thrust upon thee. It's like Captain Morgan because they couldn't call it Christopher Columbus room. It's much the same thing. i'll say I was going to make a terrible joke, but it wouldn't even be recorded.
00:32:02
Speaker
But they so they learn about this legend of the White Ape who's seven feet tall and super strong and that's it. And we're all like Brandon Frazier is none of these things. He is
Character Critiques and Fraser's Portrayal
00:32:11
Speaker
strong in this movie. Yeah, but he's not seven feet tall. But I mean, is he an ape? If you saw him flashing in and out of the jungle like he's a white flash by Brendan Fraser, you might think he's seven feet tall. Yeah, you would. Seven feet long. Seven feet long. That is Brendan, Brendan, Brendan, Brendan's hair. Right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He had this in Encino, man. I just don't think he's cut it yet.
00:32:34
Speaker
Uh-huh. Oh, from Encino. I don't know what was between here and there, but there was Encino Man, and then he plays the same character quickly in the army now. Yep. And I, well, no, Blast from the Past was before this. Blast from the Past was short hair, and then even the, I think it's the school ties that he's in? School ties, yes. He's got his short hair there, but I mean, he rocked this for a while. This is one of the roles that he said kind of helped break him a little bit. Yeah. You know, he's like just trying to keep it emotionally. Yes. Like just the fact that he had, everyone wanted him to keep this body forever and ever. And he's like, I just didn't want to work out all the time and I wanted cheeseburgers. I'm like, yeah, hashtag me too. I know that's not what it means. We've seen it. Take it aback. Obviously the whale, there's some prosthetics involved and whatnot. Yeah. Have you seen
00:33:19
Speaker
Killers of the Flower Moon. Doom Patrol. Doom Patrol. But is he actually he's not actually. Oh, well, he's just like he he does play himself a little. Yeah, you do see him in there. Killers of the Flower Moon. And there might be some stuff involved in that too, but he plays a very heavy set lawyer. Yeah. And I don't care. I hope he's happy. Oh, no, I don't give a shit. Yeah. No, I'm not saying we would. But Hollywood just I want my hot Brendan Fraser ass back. It's like, yeah, I want that hot piece of ass back. I'm 50. 15. I'm tired. I like cheeseburgers. Fuck off. I like cheeseburgers. mark Yeah. Do you want a good cheeseburger with me? This is one of the the announcer jokes that comes up here with air. So they're off looking for the the ape mountain and the village and whatnot. Try the one that shaped like a fucking ape Ted. Try the mountain that looks like Harambe when they. Oh, yeah. But when they see it, it's like they were filled with a sense of awe.
00:34:13
Speaker
Aw. A-W-E. Ooh. Yeah, it got to laugh out of me. It got to laugh out of me. i was I was mostly smiling this whole time, like even if I wasn't laughing, just like that yeah ear-to-ear grin. and I mean, this is intended for children, obviously. Yes. so i yeah So I have to be careful ripping on things that are intended for children, but there are some things that are intended for children that I feel are contributing to the downfall of society, yeah which is a large portion of the things that happen in this movie. But I think they traded PG. So like, you're not allowed like there are certain you're allowed to take a kid to whatever. Oh, you're an adult. Not whatever you can't. I don't think you can take them to our movies. Yeah, you can. It's your kid. I think there's theaters have rules against. It doesn't matter. This is the only one that gives a shit about the rules. We just were parents who will not show their kids PG. Yes. And this is not intended for the PG like older kid audience. This is intended for like five to eight year olds.
00:35:07
Speaker
But I think it does a good job of giving the parents a way to not kill themselves while watching it. You might be wrong. I like it. Like I watch it with my nieces all the time and this is like why I like this movie. I put it on. I was like, I'm not I'm not mad at this. I guess if I was putting it on as background noise because I had a kid, that's one thing. I think sitting down to watch it for a podcast and trying to pay attention and analyze, I was like, harrumpf. Yeah, I remember. In fairness, he's a stoneman. Yeah, he never wanted kids and then got a bonus daughter when we started dating. Let's find something else consolation prize. Sure. Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right
Jungle Adventures and Animal Encounters
00:36:13
Speaker
now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
00:36:18
Speaker
Sharks of the Corn? Virus Shark? Cocaine Shark? Shark-topus? Yeah. Those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of Shark-sploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the Shark Movie Podcast.
00:36:39
Speaker
Oh, so they his little racist shit, right? And then Lyle's like, fuck this, we're going to go find you an ape so we can go home. He drags Leslie man out into the jungle where they are attacked by a lion and up readinging the art way he runs away. He's like tries to, but he eats shit. Yeah. He's like, oh, you stay here. I'll go get help. Each shit hits his head on a rock. Unfortunately, does not die. No one dies in this movie. Yeah, that's the line we get what when the dude gets knocked off the bridge. Yeah. Don't worry. It's like this just in Maui. It's solid as a rock. Yeah. Don't worry, kids. No one actually dies in the story. They get really bad booboos and it cuts to him all. See, told you bad booboos. And this is when we first see Brendan Fraser. I mean, we saw him fall on his face earlier, but it was just from the back. I could have been a stuntman. It wasn't, but it could have been. Could have been. I did read it. He was he really wanted to do all of his own stunts. He did a lot of stuff. There's no way they're letting him walk up that fucking bridge. no Let him walk up. Oh, okay. He had very strict like so union rules.
00:37:41
Speaker
Presumably, they don't want to get sued by any given union. They did let him walk up, but they wouldn't let him swing. And he's like, that's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I wanted to swing off the fucking bridge. Fuck yeah. But they had a stuntman do that. But they did let him climb up. Start swinging. soon But we see Brendan Fraser playing George. We already mentioned some of the stuff he was in, right? I mean, the meme. Yeah, we love our Brendan Fraser in this house. Scrubs. Yeah. Scrubs. The most emotional episode of Scrubs ever. Full episodes of Scrubs. And it's like the but one thing anybody who's ever watched the show will we' remember. Yep. Where do you think you are right now? Nyagra falls. Somebody just says, where do you think you are? And I'm like, what?
00:38:25
Speaker
It's hard to recap this story like as I was watching I was like man There's just a lot of like them trekking then them doing this and and I'm not complaining about him. It's like this is gonna be a tough one for Derek to outline Well, this is part where he's fighting the lion. cause It's just a bunch of gags. All right, so he's fighting the lion He hits a tree as is his I like the lion fight. It's almost like, oh, it tickles. It's a tickle. Happy Gilmore with the fucking crocodile or Ace Ventura to the alligator like full on. Yeah, it was like he has a rubber tree that he can bounce off of. I so I've forgotten all about that. The rubber tree that he uses as like the the ring ropes. Good for pile drivers, but I.
00:39:02
Speaker
Don't start on the power. Oh, I did it on purpose. I remember watching this. So I would have been eleven, twelve when I saw this, probably it probably saw on VHS. So twelve or thirteen. So I may have been a little past the age, but it was about the time he bounced off the tree. I was like, this isn't for me. I did watch it. Yeah, I'm not going to start. Yeah, but you knew they were making it for you. Yeah, I did. I it's just it's one it's one of those silly ones that's a a bridge too far for me, but it's fine. It's a tree too far. I get it. But then like and the the nerdy fucking 13 year old wrestling fan in me when he does a fucking people's elbow to this line, he says pile driver. I was like this little driver. Oh, I will get the undertaker out here to show you. Oh my God, it's the undertaker. And he's got a fucking pile driver. That's not how those work.
00:39:48
Speaker
Somebody call George's mom. Oh, he doesn't have one. Oh, no, he's a fucking orphan. Somebody call George's A.P.'s dead.
00:39:59
Speaker
Ape the ape. Yes. So i a the a is a choice right he he knocks Leslie man out on a tree. Uh-huh. Intentionally. I do like it though, because it looked like and he likes the way she smells. There's a second where it's like, oh, man, like she hit her head there and it wasn't supposed to. and It's like, oh, no, no, she hit her head. on bur like they They wrote that shit in. She got. walked. Yeah. And they I like their way of ah covering that this isn't a caveman clubbing a woman and taking her situation because he's multiple times referring to her as a strange looking fellow or something weird about that fellow. Yeah. So that fellow's got real nice tits. I also love. So I'm assuming George learned how to talk via.
00:40:41
Speaker
Ape. You know how Ape learned to talk? I have a theory. When he after he gets kidnapped, George is like checking out the tree house. There's a one of those things you pull at the the cow says, Moo, like there's all these little toys that would have been George's. Oh, and I think that's how he learned how to fucking happen to be hyper intelligent or that plane was carrying ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, I love that.
00:41:05
Speaker
But like George, Abraham Lincoln, there's is't there some always like some clever name with them. Well, besides them being artisan Peyton, he's definitely well educated. Yeah. And George is not. George is not. they They were all reversed. Yes, they did. but i learned enough for me to learn but not to teach you so sorry well he knows a lot of um things that he shouldn't know like how to play a violin but also when it comes to mating rituals he's like you throw leaves in the air and go ooooo push your push your jaw forward and she's gonna find you irresistible
00:41:38
Speaker
Hey, he's still looking cute. It doesn't bother me. He's like, you know, obviously it's a kiss. It doesn't matter. But continuity's sake. George fluctuates between like Tarzan talk like me, George and King of Jungle. Hey, this is a strange looking fella, which is slang like he. Yeah, no slang. i But and it's it's for the sake of comedy in the treehouse. There's a radio and he heard stuff. Fella, you know, he heard a little programs on that. He listens to serials. This is clearly the 90s still exists anymore. It took the radio signals a long time to get there. It was a record player. And it was just the same record like this. This area of Africa, it's kind of like Eastern Europe where they're just getting shows from the 90s, at least not anymore with the day of the Internet. But back when I was younger, that was always the joke was like, hey, it's the 90s. Now they're watching stuff from the 70s and 80s. That taxi funny fucking show. that or How is that small? Don't give it. It's like a Joey and a Phoebe. You know, the funny one that eats all the food. But Ape is voiced by.
00:42:42
Speaker
The Great John Cleese. The Great John Cleese. No matter what you think, I was gonna actually, you know what, nevermind. I was gonna say debasing himself for this movie, but looking through his credits, I was like, he's a lot of shitty voice acting. He came in and sat in a chair. He's done a lot of chair voice acting. He's not on set. Oh, no, of course not. This is why he's not debasing himself. He's like, I'm not showing my fucking face, right? He's got a studio in his mansion. And he just sits in a closet yelling at the fucking microphone and sends it in. And they're like, can you change this? And he's like, absolutely not. We have a we have a mutual friend that got to meet Mr. John Cleese and she's like he is a dirty old bird. I bet he is just a does not keep his hands to himself. Dirty old bird. wow I was hoping for a different kind of dirty bird, but that's all right.
00:43:26
Speaker
I mean, I mean, it was a it was a different time in America yeah in London. He's not from america especially a different time in America and London. But John Cleese, if people don't know, Monty Python, Python, a fish called Wanda is a big movie he's in. That's not a cartoon. He is nearly headless. Nick in the Harry Potter movies. How are you nearly headless? um I did discover something exists i by watching, looking through his IMDB credits. In 2020, a movie was released called The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee. Oh, yeah. I did not know of this. Yeah, I watched like 20 minutes of it and passed the fuck out. I was hammered.
00:44:06
Speaker
It was also really weird seeing Paul Hogan that old without when people aren't in your life. Well, on screen, it's jarring to see him 20, 30 years later. But if you watch him every year or every couple of years in a movie or a show, you watch him age. But it's like he's in there somewhere. Yeah, I can't tell you if it's good or bad, but I'm going to tell you it's probably bad. If I passed out. I'm going to almost guarantee you it's bad. I mean, you're talking to one of the biggest Dundee fans here, and I couldn't deal with it. I don't know about Don't Change That Die. I'll have to... I don't know if it is. I'll have to watch it more than once, because I'll have to watch it to see if it is. Or Jack can watch it. I'll watch it. I don't think it's going to be an ep, though. Okay. You got a good one in number three. Yeah. Not a good movie. No, no, a good episode. Yeah. That's LA. Yep. Welcome to LA. That's the one I bought tickets to, to go see Freddie Got Fingered. Fuck yeah.
00:44:58
Speaker
But yeah, you probably helped contribute to their box. A lot of people probably helped contribute to their box office doing that shit. Because the only people who wanted to see Freddy got fingered weren't fucking old enough to go see you. You made it a rated R movie for 12 and 13 year olds. That's very Tom Green. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's kind of right up his alley. But make it a porno for toddlers with adults with adults. This is a explaining to George what a woman is, because apparently there are no women monkeys. Well, they're different species. So I understand. But like I said, I guess there are no one is not just a woman of he says like he's a she's the female of your species, but he's like also explaining what a female is. Yeah, which is kind of confusing. She looks different. And then. Well, he's confused by her breasts. Yes. Yeah, he is. So so my I'm usually confused by breasts. I love him, but I still don't get him.
00:45:53
Speaker
Well, you're just supposed to slap them around like a cat twisty like a fucking radio. Tully and Tokyo here. They're not detachable. George is like, wait. What was that? They're not detachable. I have definitely said that before to somebody. I've heard it. Not not to me, but I've heard females tell me like, I got to tell this guy stop it. and I thought you were going to say like you'd heard it. Like it wasn't to me. I was in the room. I was in the corner smoking a Marlboro red. I ripped the filter off and put it backwards. And I thought maybe it was like you had a Fargo sex situation where you're like all in the same hotel room. You know what?
00:46:30
Speaker
ah Steve Buscemi and Peter Storm Air both banging out hookers in the same hotel room. Fuck yeah. They're not detachable. I was just watching Fargo the other day, so I can't get Peter Storm Air out of my head. Holy shit, I think it's Marisa Tomei who I'm kind of half quoting there. Cuz isn't she in What Women Want? Possibly. With ah Mel Gibson. no how He can read her thoughts, and while they're hooking up, he's just doing everything wrong. She's like, oh light about the grande, cuz he's got a tiny penis. so And then she's like, what are you trying to do? You're trying to tune a radio? And she's not saying this, she's thinking it, but he can hear it, yeah.
00:47:05
Speaker
Anytime Mel Gibson's bad in bed, I know it's real. I saw it. I watched it with my partner. I like it. Even with fucking Helen Hunt, I like as an actress, but she's not hot. I couldn't tell you. The cutest that she's ever looked is Twister with that white tank top and a little bit of mud on her and stuff. She's in the one with Jack Nicholson. As good as it gets. I just made him watch that last year. Phenomenal rom-com. Well, so back to back. You make me want to be a better person. Back to back, we did the two that I always get confused because they're from the same era and they both have Jack Nicholson. It was as good as it gets. And what about Schmidt? No. The one where he's Diane Keaton. Something's got to give. Yes. Something's got to give. Because I remember liking something's got to give and not liking as good as it gets. We watched them back to back. Flip it, dude. And I was, yes, I was wrong. I was like, I mean, as good or something's got to give.
00:47:54
Speaker
was fine. It was a good rom com. It had its like sweet moments, but it wasn't nearly as funny as as good as something's got to give as good as it gets. And what color would that be? I mean, come on. People that speak in metaphors can shampoo my crotch. I always, like, I literally always got them confused because I'm like, yeah, the one with Diane Keaton where he's got the gay neighbor and the dogs there. No, those are two movies. Cuba Gooding Jr. and Greg Kinnear. Yes. Greg Kinnear is the one I couldn't remember because that's his actual neighbor. Cuba Gooding Jr. is just his boyfriend. yeah He doesn't live there. Pretty much his boyfriend and his business partner. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:32
Speaker
anyway but anyway so that's this movie that's when george is like asking he's like wait so we're not related and he's like well i mean yeah we're both part of the primate family so he introduces himself to uh ursula he's like I'm George Primate, this is eight Primate. Mr. Primate was my father, please call me George Primate. And there's a thing with, so basically during all this stuff, but just brush over this real quick, it's then getting to know each other, but also Thomas Hayden Church, the Goons, Kwame, and the the
00:49:06
Speaker
Got the porters leading them trying to find Ursula. Uh-huh. And this is when we meet George's dog. He's the goodest gray boy doggo named chef who eats peanuts. Yes, he does. Not well digested. Oh, that's right. Oh, I was sickened by that. That wasn't even the the when the elephant takes a piss. And that's what it really looks like, dude. Oh, yeah. When he was very disappointed that we not in the treehouse, not in the treehouse. I was very disappointed that we didn't get to see the elephant piss on Svennall Thorsen and his friends at the end of this movie. Fucking shock, Svennall Thorsen shows up. Right. I was yeah fucking kidding. I was delighted. But at the same time, I saw when I was like, that's Svennall Thorsen. Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:47
Speaker
We need a general Eastern European style goon. Why did we just Oh on for Red October? ah yeah he was he Doesn't have any lines in that he's one line in this he doesn't have any lines in 100 October I don't believe like in the dad ah he's a Russian guy, but I've been noticing him in so many movies like just like there's If you're listening and you don't know whose fennel forcing is you're gonna look at like you're gonna Google him and like oh wow my god I know him and everything Yeah, Mallrats would be one that I think a lot of people would know because he has a character in that. Yeah. Also a Praxis, Guardian of the Universe. Obviously a household film. Uh-huh. Everyone's got a copy. Of course they don't.
00:50:24
Speaker
Well, you can get it now. Shout Factory released it. Just because I can get it doesn't mean I should. It's like an STD. It's fucking wonderful. I can i can go out there and get chlamydia. I'm not gonna. ah It's not wonderful. No one ever said chlamydia was wonderful. The only person who's ever said chlamydia and like delightful in the same sentence is that guy from waiting. Was the guy that cured it? The guy from waiting. That's like chlamydia. That's kind of a beautiful word. I want to name my daughter chlamydia. ah please don't It's not going to go. I love you, Monty. ah So I know that Elephant is supposed to play or supposed to be a dog. But why does he bark? Because he thinks he's a dog. They don't have dogs. George had a dog with him and it died and it came back as an elephant. They just didn't mention it. They They didn't mention it in the animated intro because it's too sad. Yeah. Back to ah his theory about the the polar string and the dog says, woof, woof. There you go.
00:51:16
Speaker
Ape is just like, listen, he thinks you're his dog. Get this noise right. Or it's that stupid fucking movie you guys were trying to describe to me where the dog couldn't find another dog body. He's like, I guess I'll take over this elephant. It's a dog's purpose, but he's like, oh, there's no more dog bodies left. It's this or a snake. And nothing is more terrifying than a snake barking. I promise you this. You hear a snake growl, dude. You are out of here. like Fetch. Everybody's just running. and People are running from this elephant, but you can see it coming. The snake comes back with the stick inside of it like it swallowed it. Like a barely slither bark. That was rough. I guess we're gonna play fetch. I guess we're gonna finish playing fetch later when you shit that stick out.
00:51:53
Speaker
Oh, I could just... I'm sorry, how does that go? Have you ever thrown up a whole stick before? No. You haven't lived, sister. Don't you start with that. Anyway, this is another kid's movie. I know. Here we are, whatever. I said, never mind. We're like, what, 40 minutes in and we just now got a dirty, dirty joke in a kid's movie. We're doing better, Darren. We are doing better. We're not talking about filtering. It's fine. Well, we are. but so this elephant is mostly CG but it is based on a real elephant as I said I think the only times you see the real elephant are like when they're on it scenes when they're when it's sitting perfectly still yeah when they're walking they're writing it yeah no that's mostly CG too because though they're writing it it's like galloping no the writing is the writing is not
00:52:39
Speaker
the when it's like the just married they are on the very end of the movie and then there's another time where they're just walking around i know it's one coming up here when they're like running through the field you were thinking of the tame of the t-rex scene but there's also an elephant puppet OK, there's scenes with and it's just like the head because there's scenes when George is interacting with a head. And this is definitely not a real elephant, but it's definitely so that's probably how when she got picked up by it. Yeah, that's probably the part that would make sense. I mean, that's actually it's a trained movie elephant. Yeah. So it could it could easily just pick her up to. She might have been scared. No, not Leslie. How can I have that outfit touch base? She's got almost like a baby voice.
00:53:20
Speaker
It's very it's nice to eat get you sometimes. But then other times it's like if a baby was also an angry Jewish mother ah or an angry Italian. Hey, you know what? You know what? That's I'd watch that. I'd watch baby. jewish mama Coming this fall to Fox. Nope. Just kidding. ABC.
00:53:43
Speaker
No, no, no. Walt won't allow that. He's frozen still. He's waiting for the big war. Oh, no. They unfreeze his head for certain questions. Especially ones pertaining to the Jewish- Sir, should we have a cartoon called Baby Italian Mama? Nope. Put me back. Should we have a cartoon called Baby Jewish Mama? Make her Italian. Freeze me. Freeze me. Put me back in. So then we meet Tookie Tookie Tookie Tookie Tookie Tookie Tookie Tookie. Yeah, I did not remember that was from this movie But I as soon as it said it I was like I've heard this in my mind for years. Okay
00:54:16
Speaker
ah eat took a doie So you have seen I saw george saw this movie when I was a kid. I saw it like when it came out. It was probably like at your grandparents house back in Ohio. ah And no, you want to hear a depressing story about that? Oh, no. Oh, my different interactions. We went to visit my grandmother as she was sick and about to pass away. So far so good. I remember the last, the thing I remember is sitting at her house, I was watching Mighty Joe Young. ah My parents came in and were like, dude, is that the last thing your grandma saw? She didn't see it. I forgot i went and I talked to her. I went out and I was watching Mighty Joe Young with my little brother. My parents came in and they were like, your grandma's dead. And I was like, cool. I guess this is forever associated with Mighty Joe Young now. Well, good news is, like, it's, it's, Miley Joe Young has done an amazing movie. So you're not missing out. and Like, at least you didn't die to Batman. Yeah. Like, well, never watching that again. Yeah. It's, that's, that's, I'll always think of that when I think of monkey movies, talking about Congo. I'm like, oh, my grandma died.
00:55:18
Speaker
sorry to laugh it' is such a weird but Watch Congo my grandma's dead. I don't know if that's yes or no. ah Thank you for this information is it pertinent Anything with a puppet monkey did you want to watch Jurassic Park? I am right-handed So the Tooki Tooki bird delivers jungle news. Basically he's George's signal. He's Azu from well, it's what is it called? It's the Bongo Graham. Bongo Grahams are like that communicate stuff. But like Tooki Tooki comes to him and he's like, hey, this monkey is getting picked on. Hey, this shit's going on. Hey, like he also flies from presumably somewhere in the Congo to
00:55:59
Speaker
San Francisco in like 24 hours, which is pretty impressive for a toucan. I think so It's that beak dude. I don't I am not a biologist. Uh-huh, but I'm gonna say that that's impossible ah It's definitely gonna be impossible for this bird. Maybe some sort of albatross i mean albatroth Not 24 hours though. No, not 24 hours. I don't even think you can get a plane You strap a rocket to that bird though. I'd like to see what happens I would like to see what happens if you strapped a rocket to a 2K. I'd like to take a peek at strapping a rocket to that Tookie Tookie. Only if this 2K is voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.
00:56:38
Speaker
the Oh, to the lion, it scares them away. And all the other monkeys are like, oh, shit, you're so cool. And then the lion winks. The lion winks, however, cut to the future when these monkeys are hanging out and a lion is coming to attack him. And one of them is like, this works. Oh, dead. yeah It's a separate lion. Oh, I know how to fend off lions. My little buddy taught me this. I understand that George is friends with this lion, but he also was just fighting this lion that wanted to eat people. You're not going to stop a lion that wants to eat something. A hungry lion's a dangerous lion friend. Yeah, exactly. It could be the same lion. It doesn't matter. Yeah. The monkey's like, and he's like, you know, I'm I'm eating you. Yeah. Thank you for not running. Put some perfume on their shoes. Do that. I don't eat you all day. This little tiny monkey doesn't give me a lot of calories. I don't have to chase it.
00:57:44
Speaker
yeah Thanks for thanks for making yourself presentable. Ooh dinner and a show. Let's just say the whole the whole tribe of monkeys or whatever they're called clan. I don't know. Oh, I do know it. It's a parliament. I think it is a parliament. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. A murder or a cross. And Congress is either baboons or monkeys. Congress I think is baboons. Congress. Okay. I had a website I looked up one day where like it's all those things and it's amazing. Oh, God damn it. I was a guest on a trivia show ah a little while back called Shut Up and Drink. And one of the questions was about what a group of giraffes is called. And I see my my brain wants to say heard, but that'd be wrong. I can't remember if it was the correct answer because it was four options and one of them wasn't true. And I can't remember if it was the one that wasn't true or one of the ones that was. But a kindergarten was in there ahha and a gang was in there. But a kindergarten of giraffes, a kindergarten of monkeys. I don't know. A gang of giraffes is just comical.
00:58:41
Speaker
like you can't say that straightly so it's nothing exciting it's either cartload tribe or troop oh let's go true of gorillas troop of monkeys troop troop troop sounds better okay so a lion eating a troop of monkeys It's better to be gross. It's much like me eating a plate of wings. Uh-huh. Like, I'm mostly satisfied, but I will be hungry a again, so I'm going to eat again. I found a fun one. Give
Patreon and Monetization Discussion
00:59:06
Speaker
it to me, Mama. A group of apes is a shrewdness. A shrewdness? Who the fuck is coming up with this crab? English professors with nothing better to do. There's a shrewdness of apes, and they're coming to rip our arms off. That ape was awfully shrewd. You know what? It's a shrewdness.
00:59:24
Speaker
I already wrote it down, you can't change it. And then last one. Al, quit fucking naming things so stupid. I wrote it down. We don't have erasers yet. And I just saw it. It's an army of frogs. Just because it was there. Oh, no. Derek is an army of frogs headed for us. That is a movie I will watch. There's a movie called Frogs. I wonder if there's an army of frogs in that. Well, there has to be. I've never seen it. Because that's what it's called. The frog in your throat right now. Hey, have you guys ever heard of Patreon? I think I have. Yeah, I think it's like a Royal Guard. It's that maybe, but also it's a website where podcasters and other creators can get people to give them money for making their product go on. You mean we can get paid for this? Yeah, kinda. For a mere $3 a month, you loyal listener can feed or get drunk a starving podcaster. I feel like we need some like Sarah McLaughlin behind this.
01:00:16
Speaker
I will remember you. I almost did with arms wide open. I was like, that's not the song. That's how you get people to not give you money. So check it out. Patreon dot com slash worst people. That's W.O.R.S.E. Three dollars a month. You get access to exclusive episodes. Find us. Love us. Support us. Thank you. This is where we get George talking about a stirring of special feelings. ah Yeah, you get a boner. He got his first boner. Yeah, he's got a boner. And I love because the ape looks at him like he kind of looks at him and then looks down and looks back up. And I'm like, that's a joke for the parents. Yeah.
01:00:54
Speaker
A friend of the show, Wes, was just saying he watched rewatch Shrek and Farquaad gets like, definitely gets a boner. As soon as it shows Fiona in the mirror, he looks down and goes, huh? And it looks back.
Shrek Sequels and Mike Myers' Career
01:01:05
Speaker
Shrek is not a children's movie. Shrek is a pornographic piece of shit. I always said Shrek was. Like, it's not Farquaad. It's Farquaad. I fucking hate Shrek. I like the first wreck. I think the first wreck is good and I'll rewatch it. It's trash after that. All the others are trash. Yeah, every other one after that. I think I liked the first one when it came out, but as a later viewing, I realized I hated it. Also, once I learned that it was supposed to be Chris Farley and... Yeah, give me that world. Michael Myers stole it and redid everything after that. I was like...
01:01:33
Speaker
Yeah, I don't care anymore. Chris Farley died. Yeah, that's great. But it was still it already recorded the movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They just redid it with Mike Myers. So he could be like, look at me. I'm doing a bunch of voices. I'm a piece of shit. yeah I don't know why that was my microphone voice. It was a little bit Irish, a little bit Scottish, a little bit shithead. So see, right there's not much of Mike Myers. I enjoy beyond Wayne's World and maybe the first Austin Powers swing. Wayne's World 2. Well, OK, I guess the first Austin Powers is about as far as I go. Yeah. I remember liking the second one when it came out, but even thinking about it now makes me a little nauseous. So what do you think about so I married an ex-murderer? Well, that's that's before. That's good. Mike Myers. Yeah. That's great. Mike Myers up until Austin Powers. And so many an expert is is is good. Mike Myers. I think it's I think it's top notch. Michael, what I just recently learned, ah he tried to write Garth out of Wayne's World. Oh, fuck you. When they first did the script for the movie, he didn't include him at all. Wow. that's And basically, Lord Michaels was like, um, yeah, it's Wayne and Garth, you fuck. I don't know why I'm doing George Lucas because he's a producer and executive. His voice is very similar. ah It's Wayne. It's it's Wayne and Garth, you fuck. It's Wayne and Garth, you fuck do Louisiana. No, or because he's can he's he's he's lived in New York long enough. Yeah, he's he's lost that.
01:02:52
Speaker
We lost that a while ago. How you gonna get rid of Garth, dude? He's got, like, some of the best jokes in that. Take me, Garth. Where? I'm low on gas, and you're jacking. The movie would be trash without fucking Dana Carvey. Absolutely. I mean, like, Mike Myers is funny, but without Dana Carvey, it's nothing, because it's just Mike Myers looking at the camera, going, huh, pizza hut, yeah. Spot on. Spot on, Wayne, dude. Sum up Wayne's world for me. Huh, huh, look at the camera. Pizza hut.
01:03:18
Speaker
That might have been the second one. Yeah. but No, it was the first one. It was the first one. They do those great ads, dude. Normally, when I watch them, they're back to back, so it's hard to... People sometimes feel so loud, and that's just sad. And they're all decked out in like tennis gear. Garth, I don't want to hear it. You're giving me a headache. Take two of these. Ah, new print, little, yellow, different.
01:03:40
Speaker
It's the best ad placement ever because it's totally ripping on it, makes fun of it in such a way that you don't even mind that it's like, look at this in your face pizza hut. Yeah. And it was a similar and it was probably because what came when did Wayne's World come out? Ninety two. Sounds about right. OK, so it was before Happy Gilmore then because that was like ninety five. Yeah. It was similar to the subway. Like when I'm playing golf, I love subway, whatever the fucking commercial is. Yeah. It swings the sandwich into the dude's mouth. How much would it cost if someone is swinging a sandwich into my mouth? I'll do it for free. All right. She's going to get a foot long and treat like a baseball bat. A Subway sandwich though? Not only are they swinging a sandwich at you with a golf club, but then the sandwich is mostly made of sugar and artificial ingredients. Yep. I bet a Subway sandwich bread is not considered bread in other countries.
01:04:31
Speaker
Their vegetables are chemically treated to make them last longer. Subway's trash. No, it's literally, at least in Ireland, they're not allowed to call it bread. Good god for them. It's not fucking bread. You didn't drink when you made it. If you don't drink when you make bread,
Humor in Language and Seduction Scenes
01:04:42
Speaker
you didn't make bread. yeah So at some point, Thomas Hayden Church, to get back to this movie, is trying to use his Swahili ah phrasebook to talk to these guides. And I didn't write it all down i because I i was trying to write some of it, but it was went by really quickly. But it's something about, like, ladies, I know you're feeling pretty about the sailor But if you just let me buy a bowl of fried clams, we'll all feel sick in the morning. yeah i know Something like that. I was thinking chowder, but clams might have been wine. It definitely was something fried. like I know you're all feeling this, but if you will allow me to buy some to order some fried clams, we'll all feel like diarrhea in the morning. But it is a great moment because even Kwame, Richard Roundtree, is like, they only speak Swahili. And he starts, he does that. And then he starts, the other guy, the ah Max, starts trying to negotiate with them in English about money. 50, 50, whatever. they're And then he's like, how about 100? And even fucking Richard Roundtree is like, what the fuck these motherfuckers speaking?
01:05:40
Speaker
I only learned this phrase. I can debate about money. I only learned this phrase and then the one, the preceding one today to explain it. Really? Okay. That's a very good, that's the early family guy. That's early family guy. That's really very good. Good jokes. There was a moment where I laughed to myself because I think I might have told her and she was like, yeah, it's funny. Because I was like, lost in the wilderness with a jungle man. And I was like, and here I am, lost in the wilderness with a Leslie man. And she's like solid, ah ah solid fucking work right there, dude. You didn't like that, huh? I gave him a wife laugh. That's not a good laugh. And then he's trying to seduce her under this waterfall to a weird remix of Mr. Bombastic. Yeah, but it starts as like ah
01:06:34
Speaker
um yeah it's it's Let's get it on. All of a sudden it's like. nial my meal master summer from mean on the but of mr roll the only good song he's ever made and It's probably not good, but it's been in my life so long that I can't help but jam to it when it comes on. Yeah, it's his best. I can't even come close to him. I mean, it wasn't me. It's just annoying. And I don't know any other songs. Girl, you're my angel. Give me anal in the morning. That one's fine. Just put it between your butt cheeks and your knees. Put it between your butt cheeks and your knees? No, when you leave me. Yeah, like let's have some ain't don't get the fuck out. Oh, like he's got really saggy balls. We're talking about the fucking Buffalo Bill. Just put it between your thighs when you fucking love me. I'd fuck me. Would you boom, bastard? I'd boom, bastard boombastic me
01:07:24
Speaker
I'm shaggy to shit out of me. But this deduction does not work. She thinks maybe he's having a seizure or something. So Ape gives George a book called Coffee Tea or Me, which is apparently a pickup book. Yeah. What was the line he gave? that ah What's a nice girl like you doing on a plane like this? And he is fucking rolling in laughter. I wanted to hear, like, five really bad ones. Yeah. I was really hoping he'd keep going. Hey, do you play the trumpet? Because you're making me horny. Are you from other planet? Because that ass is out of this world. Oh, did it hurt? Because I can see myself. I can see myself. yeah did Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven. o Did you just call me a fallen? Are you calling me Satan? Mm hmm. Fallen angel. Yeah. You're the devil. Do you want to hook up later? Yeah. You're the devil. Would you tie me up and hurt me? I'm just saying the devil would be dynamite in the sack. I know.
01:08:17
Speaker
Jesus gave you that weird hand job, but it's through the hole. I mean, it's good enough for Saddam Hussein. Ah, come on, guy. I do butt stuff. So then there's like a dance scene. Sure.
01:08:28
Speaker
I mean, we're dragging this, this movie is trying to reach 90. Yeah. you know ninety two you're You're adding stuff that the cartoon made it 92. And I will say I enjoyed, I did mostly enjoy watching this. It's not like a favorite thing I've ever watched, but it was mostly fun. But I do think you, when I looked it up afterward, I didn't pay attention to the run time runtime while we were watching it. And I looked up the run time afterward. I was like 92 minutes. um It felt longer than that. I do think you nailed it though, that this is like, you have to put it on for nieces, nephews, kids, whatever, and you're not mad at it being on. Yeah. Because you get to glance at Brendan Fraser, you get to hear John Cleese talking, the narrator's pretty funny overall. You get to watch Brendan Fraser step out of that shower completely nude-assling.
01:09:12
Speaker
That was my favorite part. I bet. I like her friend. Like, did you really into him? Like, no. Well, can I have them? No. we talk about She changed the subject. She's like, hold on. We got to think about what we're doing later. Put your fucking vagina away. Oh, and that friend, by the way, she returned. She can get it. Betsy Kelly Morocco. Her two most known four roles were this and George of the Jungle two. Not a good sign. no If this is your most if this is your most known sure that's fine if number two is your second most known You fell off the rails why I went to her IMDB and didn't click see all oh yeah got it Yeah, she might have an episode of renegade season four episode three is she on friends. Oh is she a beauty in the beast? isn yeah That's another one we had to start watching But we joke a lot. and I mean, we're not being insincere about sexy men. Yeah. Jack and I are not gay, but we can appreciate. I appreciate the fucking beauty. But there are this is a different level. When Brendan Fraser walks out glistening later out of this movie, I was just like, well, maybe. So you're hitting the three. You're hitting the three things that make a male body look nice and good. Right. You're toned and ripply. You are tanned as can be in a like without being spray tanned or doesn't look it. And you are glisteningly moist.
01:10:26
Speaker
You are coming out of the shower. There's three going on because it's summer in Tucson. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't just come out of the shower wet. No, I'm just wet walking outside. I'm covered in sweat. He was delicious. And yeah yeah and like I said, how to fucking he had a 12 pack. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. I think we're right about here. It doesn't matter when the mom and her are talking like she's in the limo. Brendan Fraser is like on top of limo. Okay, so the mom's like, uh, did you come down with anything? Did you get one of those viruses? How's your how's your temperature? Smacks her head like I feel fine. How's your tongue? It's pink. How's her? And she's like regular. Is she talking about her vagina or her poop? I like she means her
01:11:05
Speaker
I took it as period. She's probably. Yeah, her shit. oh No, she. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, it's like, how's your um because it's like I know my vagina is great. Thank you. It's like I'm worried about getting a virus in another country or like what they call it. Montezuma's revenge. and Yeah. Yeah. OK. I didn't even think of shit, though. My first thought was, how's her period? That's that's what I thought. That was my first thought. And then I was like, oh, but stuff. But yeah, the first thing is like, how's your menstruation? yeah It's none of your business is what it is. Yeah, and that's right where we are. I mean, basically all we get is Lyle accidentally shoots George because the guide gives him the gun. We didn't mention he has a gun. That's a lighter. Yeah, yeah but he also has a gun. That's the exact same gun, but it's a gun. It's above yeah there i had it yeah Saturday Night Special, baby. and This is like what one shot?
01:11:51
Speaker
Didn't you shoot him in the head? Yeah, it grazed him, but this is a 22, maybe a 25. This is a little feller. Like, I'm not saying you'd survive a shot to the head with it, but you got to get... This is why it's a Saturday Night Special. George would survive a shot to the head with it, because George isn't even phased by running into the tree. He has been training this cranium, dude. His cranium is so thick now. This is, speaking of happy Gilmore, this is Adam Saylor training for hockey. 64 more days, so vine season, dude. Got to tough it up. A Saturday night special. Twenty two caliber is a small little like this one. And what the assassins like to do is they would get real close to you and use it because it would make it could enter, but it wouldn't exit. If you use like a forty five, there's a chance it goes through and through and they might miss vital organs. Twenty two will get in there and just fucking scramble shit. Yeah, because it doesn't have enough velocity, velocity to leave. That's why people who talk shit about twenty twos are insane. Yeah, that's the most painful way to die. 22 is a good gun. Like if if it doesn't shoot straight, it's because you didn't do it. And that's most of what I spent my life shooting because we went when we went shooting was cheap. Well, nothing about me is straight shooting. That's a thing for people who don't live in Arizona. But like when I was a kid, that's what my brother and I mostly got to shoot because it's cheap. Like you said, the bullets are cheap, but also it's a gun that a kid can handle. Yes. There is, I mean, no recoil to this shit. No, I mean, the first gun I fired was a Colt 44. My dad had lost your viity virginity to a fucking porn star is what you just said. I did. It was down on the farm in Iowa. But so Lyle gets arrested and goes to prison in a usual suspects scene. I like the lineup too. It's like, let's see if we can pick this guy or the usual suspects. I don't know. And it is all native African people to this jungle. I mean, we got people dressed up like tribesmen and whatnot. And then you have a little person.
01:13:36
Speaker
And then you have a little person. No, it's too short. No, he's too tall. Wait a minute. I think that's him. And they're all laughing too. I'll never forget a face. Yeah. I like these guys ripping the whole time. They're laughing the whole time. Oh, very, very early. He's like, all right, guys, tell them to shake a leg. And Roundtree says something in Swahili and they all pick up their legs and shake it. Yeah, I
Light-hearted Film Moments
01:13:58
Speaker
get it. I like it. That gave me a fun little. Chuckle I'm not saying maybe laugh like I didn't Jar Jar banks it they obviously had a good time with Leslie Mann like even when she's doing her like video and Richard Roundtree is recording and she's like this is uh and he's like Banyan tree Yeah, they're having a good time cuz she's nice Thomas Hayden Church shows up and is like black people like oh this guy all she wanted was an adventure all he wanted was to colonize and Yeah, exactly. You said it earlier. Here's some cigars, now give me land. No big deal. You're too stupid to understand that you're supposed to get money for land. They're like, no, no, this is clearly 1994. Go fuck yourself. And I like the two ghouls are like, we're getting this talking ape because they see him talk. This is our meal ticket. And I like Max, I think, is the one that's like, what does Siegfried and Roy have in Thor's like, sequence? Exactly.
01:14:51
Speaker
First we get the sequence, then we get the ape, then we get the women. There you go. I think he's the ape and then the sequins. OK, first we get the ape, then we get the sequins, then we get the power, then we get the women. And you know what? Ape is not opposed to being a showman. Did you maybe try asking him? Exactly. Maybe let him know like, hey, dude, we're going to take you to Vegas and you're going to wear a sequins like lounge singer suit and sing Frank Sinatra. I think they just wanted to sell him. They're trying to King Kong him. Yeah. Yeah. They need to be partners. You should have done a Backstreet Boy. What was that? What was that? Not Grogu. Grogon. Gorgon. Gorgon. Gorgon. Gorgo. Gorgo. They wanted to Gorgo him. Oh, fucking Gorgon me old man. Yeah, Gorgo, King Kong, same thing. Same thing. Different creatures, same story.
01:15:38
Speaker
King Kong never had wheelie-punchy. The game that drunk friends play. Try and turn that wheel, I'm gonna punch you in the face. Well, King Kong also didn't have fake Steven Seagal. That's true. Let's play wheelie-punchy, Jack. Or me, Jesse, the body Ventura. Kinda. But yeah, so George is in San Francisco now and he's clearly uncomfortable. Like he likes being in the in the limo. But as soon as they're on the balcony, back to Crocodile Dundee, it's the same thing. He's loving that limo. He's like, I don't know how what all these buttons do. Here's some loud music. Here's some fan of my fish out of water thing. Yeah. And yeah, then after that, he's like ah what you said earlier, though. Now all of a sudden, he's like, good acoustic sound carry. Good here. Also, I love you. And I'd like to make sweet, passionate love to your vagina with my mouth.
01:16:22
Speaker
What George fuck good I do like when he's doing his his Tarzan call and the neighbors are like, shut the fuck This is San Francisco Have a little fucking tact. Speaking of it being a San Francisco, George puts on Leslie Mann's dress. Ooh, nice bud. So good. It was great. I love the shopping. Well, the hair. He's got the top ponytail. It's crunchy. The difference is a pretty progressive joke for a 1997 movie is him in the and there's no gay joke, there's no whatever. It's literally talking about Leslie Mann being of a conservative nature regarding gender roles. Yeah, nothing else. Not like, oh, we got to get this dude to quit dressing like a chick. Yeah, people are going to think he's gay. No, it's just like, well, men are supposed to wear suits, ladies are supposed to wear dresses. And the joke wasn't. Because she's a wasp and that's. The joke wasn't like, huh, dude, dress up like a chick. It's like, this guy has no dresses, they're for women. He sees a flap and he's like, that's for me. Yeah.
01:17:22
Speaker
Exactly. I thought flaps only covered your crotch and your butt. This one has for my nipples. Look at these lovely little straps. He's got the little fucking blossom hat on. Can I can i see something in like a pencil skirt? I need something tighter to show my figure. You ain't fucking getting these thighs under control. No, talk about- I got hypnotized. I can see your dick. I am seeing your religion. And he does have. Oh, he's definitely not circumcised unless he was before. Like it depends on who his parents are, I guess, because he was an infant when he was lost. They ape did it. Yeah. because Well, I mean, because like it was the 60s. I'm assuming I was circumcised as an infant because I don't remember it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Spoiler alert, America. I'm circumcised.
01:18:05
Speaker
I'm not saving that for the only fans. I'm going to keep mine to myself. But I don't know. I don't know how it works and whatever. If you had a boy, if you did have a child and it was a boy. I'd wonder how the hell that happened first. Right. But it happens. How you had a boy or how you had a child? Both. Would you? You know what he was saying at rain pollen earlier? Mine's kind of powdery and airborne. Don't breathe. It's like instant coffee. You just have to add water. ah Would you? An old man who's just like out of it. that You just got a spray bottle to squirt it down. quick like I would circumcise. No, I personally wouldn't do it. I would get. Yeah, I would have them because I am circumcised and i would not I'm not fucking shaky over there. Don't give me a shot of whiskey. We used to do this earlier in the morning. I can't start drinking that early. What time are we doing the circumcision? Nine. Oh, Barbara didn't even open yet. All right. I guess I'll stay up drinking. I'll stay up drinking. That's the perfect way. I would have my kids circumcised because I am circumcised and I don't know how to tell that kid how to clean their their fucking anteater. push it back in. Yeah. All right. You teach them how to clean mushrooms when they're younger. Yeah. I was I asked because I was in a conversation with a friend last night. God. yeah And he was like, you know how you are like your body, your choice. Same for boys. And I was just like, oh, I disagree. Because if you do decide that's what you want, then you got to do it i as a as a yeah. I disagree. That's a very different thing. It's it.
01:19:44
Speaker
Dude, I'm gonna have memories to get my dick cut now. All I can say is I'm assuming that being a newborn infant is like existential pain. Yes. Because you're out in the elements now and there's sun and there's wind and there's all, so like what's another little bit of pain? Yeah, yeah. And it's not gonna traumatize me as it will like as an adult. I spend the majority of my life keeping pain away from this general area. Yes. Like that's why I don't have a piercing down
Cultural Debates and Awkward Situations
01:20:10
Speaker
there. This genital area. Like this genital area, genital area. I don't want some guy to come over and I'm gonna pay him fucking hundred bucks need to shove a needle through my dick No, thank you. I have cigar cutters, and I wouldn't be interested in them being anywhere near my penis. Yeah like penis wouldn't fit inside the cigargo header Depends on the cigar cutter it depends on how much cockfiddance you have some days are we trying to cut?
01:20:29
Speaker
Dude, some days you got like a nice big dick energy like where it's like swelling up. Other days it's a little cold out and you got to grab it by the tip and flick it like a bag of cocaine to get it going. ah ah Like sometimes... I've never... Where are we? This is George of the Jungle.
01:20:47
Speaker
Should we just not do kid movies? We should only do kids movies, apparently. We've got a niche. We are like Tom Green. We make adult podcasts for children that can't fucking listen to them. I'm just saying your dick is bigger than a fucking cigar. Depends on the cigar. I've i've seen fat cigars. You want one of those like 52s? I don't know exactly what the numbers mean. someone was I'm just saying, someone was rambling off cigar numbers to me the other day, and 52 sounds like one of those ones that fucking Winston Churchill's walking around with. Was it Jay? Was Jay talking cigars? No, it was someone at the household. But no, no. So here's what we do. Ron Perlman from Hellboy. Here's what we do. We get a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking his cigar, right? And then we take another picture of that and Photoshop Derek's dick in of Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking that. And we see which one looks thicker. This is easy. I don't know. I don't know why I'm getting fought on this. I haven't fought you yet. Arnold Schwarzenegger can smoke.
01:21:45
Speaker
I know I was going to say something. George of the jungle is now in the concrete jungle. George, George says the guy on the bridge, we kind of talk about that. George, George, George of the jungle. I do want to go back to it because I am glad that it's him doing it because I was watching it with the roomie and I was like, dude, it may not be him, but somebody is walking up that, what is it, that's part of the suspension. Yeah, the biggest rope bridge he's ever seen. Oh, him doing coffee. He sees the commercial about how coffee makes chicks want to fuck or something. That's what I want. I'm going to get coffee and then she's going to want to do me. And he is just munching down. And first of all, it's like pre-ground bag coffee. You can keep it. Yeah. But him just chugging on this bag of it. And I don't remember this part. So I'm expecting him to like put it in his mouth and be like, oh, gross and spit it out. now No, he's just munching down. He's like, this ain't bad. Yeah, he's eating ass before yeah, I mean well i mean i about some coffee beans, but you throw a fucking powdered coffee Oh, I'm definitely as just soon as you get a roast you got to take a bean out and munch on that You know put that powdered coffee in your mouth though get a munch that bean. It's a kid's movie be winning You know get your mind out of the guy anyway George's dick looks so good. I did like that one chick that sees him naked, she's like, hmm, I know what I called him, king of the jungle. So is he hanging, is he fucking dangling rope down there? That's what Whitney said, but when when Leslie Mann puts this book in front of him to cover his junk,
01:23:11
Speaker
It's it's pretty high. up I said he's got a boner. So it's it's it's hard and he's just pushing the book against it and it's going up. Oh, she hauled that book out for him. Like ah or it's like ah ah it's super bad when he's talking about you got to put it up in your waistband. Oh, we called those the wanglers because like we used to wear jeans. So like me and Bleep always talk about this. Like you get a boner. What do you do? You don't just fucking keep it going down and poking out. You got to go up and under the belt yeah and hope that no one comes near you for a minute or two. Grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. baseball baseball you know what I've been on Pornhub recently. Grandmother, peanut butter, baseball, those are all things that people are jerking off to. There's not anything people aren't jerking off to, except maybe Henry Kissinger. Welcome back. There's some people, Steve Bannon. No, I'm just like, I'm so sorry. I suck to be a teenage boy. That wasn't bad. So we just have to bleed everywhere. I mean, i wish know I wish I was a teenage boy when there was fucking internet porn. My whole life would have been
01:24:08
Speaker
I barely was, but I remember my friend. Sorry, this iteration of it. Yeah, I remember my friends and I like printing out pictures and being like, here, you take this one. I couldn't just fucking Google. They're like fucking trading like baseball cards, but that's just printed out photographs, photographs of pornography. I have I have porn hub accounts where I have playlists I've curated. Oh, I've never signed in. I'm too afraid. Oh, no, you're fine, dude. You make up a fucking email, something like Satchmovelle Johnson or something.
01:24:39
Speaker
Satchmo, Val Johnson. That's my X-Box name is Satchmo, Val Johnson. It's gonna be, you're on a, it's a way, not. Oh, J-Watt, Nicole. If anybody wants to find Jack on X-Box and play Destiny with him, Satchmo, Val Johnson. Satchmo, Val Johnson. Yo. Or you can play Sea of Thieves. That's not my gamer tag. That's just, I made a gamer tag and I wanted to have my name under it and eventually I was like, I don't want people to know my name. If you know me, you know me. Oh, okay. So I changed it from my name to Satchmo, Val Johnson. You might be able to find me at the statue of L Johnson on porno. What's Jack in to follow? I always crack up when you're on porno, but it's like share button. I'm like, who the fuck is just out there? Well, I guess share to me. I guess I'm assuming the share button is exclusively for Reddit. There you go. That's probably it. Asked and answered. Thank you.
01:25:32
Speaker
So George rescues a guy on a bridge. Yeah. Yep. And then gets swept away on a fucking sail. Yeah. The guy is ah he's a parasailor and his parachute is caught in the the the suspension ropes here. And as soon as George like frees him, all of a sudden the the parachute's like, ah, no, I'm good. Now I'm free. Because we're talking about the force and the force loves a fool. and The force is like, watch this. I'm going to take this. Let me explain this to you guys. ah The force. There's only one way to make sense of this. The Force, but he lands right on Leslie man's boat. Uh huh. This I mean, this boat captain is doing some work. Yes, he is to try to catch George. Watch out for that smokestack to your fucking face. You got cars in your lungs now.
01:26:18
Speaker
uh at the same time the goons tranq ape and they kidnap him and he sends tukey tukey to fly to san francisco to get george to come back and again children's movie i get it but it's just one of those things where i'm like the travel time from san francisco to the middle of africa let's play by three birds i guess they're doing like a relay right I actually wish to narrate and you wonder why the bird made it in 24 hours. They took turned flying because it's played by three different birds. But they do kind of explain it in that these goons are taking ah George away or ape away from the tree house and they took the sign that says shortcut.
01:26:54
Speaker
Uh huh. And AIMP is like actually a circles eight mountains six times and then goes back to the tree house. No, no, he's just a fucking smart ape. He's trying to throw us off. It is a shortcut and he's trying to get us to not take it. It's a double, double. It's a double, double, Doyle and Drabble. And sure as shit. Well, there's a tree house. Yeah. And George is back there already. So it was more than one day because if you're six times around a mountain, I also think it's a kid's movie, and I just I almost wish they would have done one of those stupid map drawings where it's like, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, like showing where he went. And then he got lost for a second. They give us that for a split second of Tukey, but that's it. We don't get the full Indiana Jones. It's because somebody was like, Nix it. No ticket. That makes the movie 92 and a half minutes. I'll have no part of it. It's either that or get rid of the cartoon in the beginning. Don't touch my cartoon. I understand it's a children's movie, but I did appreciate that there was an explanation. Like you're walking around a mountain six times. It's going to take you a couple of days. Yeah. He even said he's like, we've been out here for two days already because it's not like Tukey flew from the middle of Africa to San Francisco. And then George got back to Africa and we're talking less like just a few hours. This family's rich, dude. They got a PJ, a private jet.
01:28:03
Speaker
But he ran away from the family. He's got on fucking- They're using the family's PJ! Who went to UPS? Oh, they'll get you there in a couple days, dude. I have a note that says overnight delivery to fucking Africa? Yeah, you betcha. Where do you think Amazon got its name from? This driver was like, we can do this. He stole Leslie Mann's credit card to get to pay for that $598 overnight. Did she give him money? Because when he is touring San Francisco, he's sitting on top of the the double decker eating McDonald's. Well, he has no concept. You know what's funny? Or he doesn't take one bite as an actor. I was like, there's no way Brendan Fraser is allowed to enjoy McDonald's with that body.
01:28:44
Speaker
flu Yeah. Yeah. Instant flub, dude. Years of work down the drain. It's also either they like you could take it by an hour old. You can take it by the burger. You don't swallow, but you're not allowed to have water for the next eight days. So when we get to her engagement party, Ursula, Ursula, Ursula, Ursula. Come in, Ursula. Did you notice that? Wait, what? The mother calls her Ursula. Does she? What does she want? The first thing you think of as a 90s child is Ursula should be Little Mermaid. Little Mermaid. The first thing I think of is Super Troopers. Yep.
01:29:21
Speaker
I think of friends. Come in Ursula. You guys drunk? I love you Ursula. I'm a sober as a bird. I am drunk. I love that I'm a sober as a judge. I'm like, that's not very sober. Yeah. I'm a sober as a Sunday school preacher. You're going to want to get a little more sober than that. I use sober as a bird all the time. People are like, you sober and I'm like, sober as a bird. Sober as a bird. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know if birds are sober. I hope so. They're flying everywhere, dude. And we can't let our pilots fly drunk. They shouldn't be allowed to either. No, they do. Is that why they fly into windows all the time? Yeah. Well, pilots are birds. Oh!
01:29:56
Speaker
so Well, only in 2001. We are worse people. Yeah, we are. And she tells her parents like, no, I don't want to marry Lyle. i love Well, you have to anyway. I'm into George. She doesn't know she's in love with him yet. But yeah, when we talked about it before. The dad's dope as shit. Like you got to do what you got to do. If you don't want marry him, don't marry him. The mom's like, no, no, no, no, no. We're money. He's money. He literally says we can't force her to marry someone. Why not? marry ah We do have money. Why can't we force her to do it? Well, you know, this is her wedding. It's not about you. Why is it not about me? She does get forced to be married later. Oh, she does. ah I do like at one point. though Did we say that Lyle is actually in prison still in Africa? yeah Yes. Yes. OK. Well, we mentioned he got her he was he's not out yet. Yeah. I like like when she's talking to the the mom is talking to the mayor at this engagement party. And he's like, it's so nice to be out of city hall and around normal people. And she's like,
01:30:52
Speaker
We're perfectly normal in an exceptional way. Some pate? I don't eat that stuff. oh um That's how I say my last name from now on. Pate? I thought it was petty. It's Pate. All the ladies are standing outside these horse stables, ogling fucking Brendan Fraser. What is it with women and horse horses? But you almost make it sound like it's like them being thirsty. I would be as a guy out there with my arm like on the fence, fist to my face, like look at him. He's running with it's so fucking majestic. Sure. But also that's you being thirsty, because even these waspy dudes are they don't understand, though, they're watching these girls ogle him and they're like, what's with women? Because they don't appreciate beauty. and I'm not even talking about Brendan Fraser. I'm talking about a man running with a horse. That's majestic. That is awesome. if i If there was a party that I went to that had a stable full of horses, find me out there with the joints at that stable full of horses.
01:31:44
Speaker
I'm not gonna be inside with these stuffy guys talking about their iras and their fucking 401ks. I like one of the things with the stuffy guys. Uh, Brendan Fraser's in there. He's got his bowl full of fruit that he's collected. Oh, you wait where did you cut your teeth? You know, it's like- The guy's talking to him about New York or whatever. The jungle. i'm Oh, New York? Yeah, I spent some time in New York. But I like, he's like, uh, this isn't a good jungle. Nobody has big coconuts. And the guy's like, ha ha ha ha ha. Brendan Fraser right back to him. Ha ha ha ha. Exact same laugh. That was a fun laugh for us. Unlike Crocodile Dundee, no one's doing a bunch of coke with this party that we can see on camera. Well, this is San Francisco. This is 1997. Yeah, true, but San Francisco doesn't mean no cocaine. San Francisco means cocaine. Almost every era. Nobody offered me cocaine when I was in San Francisco. You have a look of someone that already has cocaine.
01:32:34
Speaker
Nobody asked me for cocaine either. We were also there for one night and spent it at a restaurant and slash place with tons of beer. All right. So you've had this ah this many entrees and a couple of appetizers. And do you want some dessert or cocaine? I'm going to guess based on the fact that you ordered the sausage platter. You're not interested in cocaine. I'm going to roll out the cocaine cart. It's like a dessert cart, just a bunch of different mirrors with different lines. Here's the Peruvian gold. This is the Wawa white. um This one right here is the Cuban crouton. I expected that when we were in Oregon. And because this would be needles because this would be at the beer restaurant we were at, they'd be like, and because I saw you drinking the fruited sour, here's the strawberry cocaine. This cocaine pairs really well with taking your shirt off and barrel aged doubts.
01:33:19
Speaker
and calling people Bubby. Did you want to a bubby baby you want to write Highlander 4 with me right now? Because I've got a plate full of cocaine in 20 hours. The mom threatens to cut off George's dick. Yep. She says, you have spots, my daughter's stripes. Stick with your kindness. Yeah, think with your car because she and I love her like comparison cuz it doesn't make sense, but it does in her head She's like where you come from leopards marry leopards like first of all animals don't get married Yeah elephants may elephants or whatever where I come from there's stripes and spots. She's a stripe. You're a spot
01:33:53
Speaker
So it's classism, dude. We all know it. Oh, yeah. We've seen it before. If she was a real smart, savvy bitch, she would have been like, I want my daughter to marry you and we are going to fucking parade you across town. The boy that was lost in the jungle that came back like you can make money on this book deals. You can't like a radio shows. Every nerd is going to start a podcast. Well, obviously, he wasn't lost from a wealthy family. Otherwise, she would have known the story and she would have been like, let's keep this dude. You're saying that he was lost from poor people and that poor people can't afford to fly over the goddamn Congo. ah Point to Jack. This would have been what, 1960s? When was he born? So it's 94. He's probably about 20 years old. 97. He's probably about 20 years old. So I mean, you know, 87 airplane tickets in the 70s because he was an infant over the Congo in this. But airplane tickets in the 70s were free. No, they were not.
01:34:46
Speaker
As long as you have a pack of cigarettes, you can get on that fucking thing. It kind of doesn't lead to anything because George does leave, but has nothing to do really with the moms. Because he does have a sad look of like, oh, you don't want me to marry her or whatever. Yeah. But it's because tooy Tookie Tookie comes and is like, yo, Ape has been eight nap and George leaves to save him. He puts a little crocodile necklace in her hand, which is a switch is the shark tooth. Yeah. but I thought, I was not remembering this movie great. and know As much as I love this, probably my third, maybe fourth time seeing it, I thought there was gonna be a longer point of contention of like, oh man, I wanted to marry George and I'm in love with him or whatever. And he left, that's really shitty. And the mom be like, yeah.
01:35:24
Speaker
You can't trust people like that. No, but I love how they did it. Right away. She's like, what the fuck did you tell him? Yeah, I was like, I know you, bitch. You scared her. You scared away every fucking dude I dated because he was a colored person or a poor person or he wasn't waspy enough. A colored person. Or another colored person. Yeah. So it's but it's a good flip real quick. And she's like, yeah, just because you love him. And she's like, did you did you say love? I do love him. Oh, fuck. This is going to hurt. I'm in love with a jungle boy. And I love she's like, Arthur, tell her something. And he's like, be safe. Be safe. Go get him. Good dad. So he gets overnighted to Africa via UPS UPS with with Air Jordans. The ads in this don't make me super mad, but they're fucking funny. But it would have been funnier if it had been introduced in any way while he was in San Francisco. Yeah. Like they introduced the Armani suit and stuff. But if somebody sell him.
01:36:21
Speaker
Yeah, but it had if it had been like, yeah, here's the air Jordan, and they make you run faster, jump higher, jump high, George jump higher. ah George would love to increase his elevation when running and get his aerodynamics down. George run fast, right? There was no introduction, and that's the only reason I was like, what? Like I remember this joke, too. This is what I clearly remember. I've only seen this movie once. Maybe I saw it twice when I was a kid. Yeah. But I remember as soon as he pulled him out, I was like, oh, yeah. But that's very clearly it's air right on the side. So you know what ah he does. Lace up scene. He does the pulling of the fucking tongue thing. like You know who would have benefited more from this than Nike? Reebok. He puts those things on and pumps them up. I thought the same thing cause I was like, pump he does the grabbing of the tongue in the back like you would pump it up, but you didn't get that Reebok. You got that Nike. I had the Reeboks with the pump. I had them too. I was like, I gotta pump these up so I can walk to class faster. Oh yeah. That gets a class. yeah
01:37:16
Speaker
I'm relaxing because I'm a bad boy. What did you pump? Like what? is The tongue. No, no, no, no. I get that. Tighten everything around your ankle and you're like just everything around the foot. it It was filled with like an airbag thing and it would just tighten up. And all it really did I guess would probably make them not fall off. It should give you more support. Yeah. If it's tightening. I mean, I had them. I had them. All I know is I remember seeing them in movies and I couldn't tell you what movie and I was like, pump, pump, pump. It makes me run faster. Jump higher. What movie is that? Run faster. Jump higher. ah That is sandlot with the PK fliers. No, it was he had it's a sandlot. I had the chucks by the way They were not chucks though. They were called PK fliers. I remember that and so there was something that's run faster Everybody knows that a brand new pair of shoes you've run faster. joe Absolutely. Although this dude's been barefoot his whole life He's gonna end up like Hank Azaria and birdcage,
Pop Culture References and Funny Speculations
01:38:04
Speaker
right? I do not think we're shoes. They make me fall down
01:38:07
Speaker
Agedor Spartacus. Oh, I need to watch this tonight. Just did. Oh, and what about Tuong Fu? but I haven't seen that in a while. No, we have. So we have the part we kind of already discussed with ah the the goons lugging ape around and he's talking shit and he farts in their face and whatnot. and Oh yeah, Thomas Hayden Church is back with Svenl bodyguards. Yeah, well he shows up here in a minute. First we get George. George comes back to the tree house right now because they did circle back to the tree house as a Ape told them they would. Told ya. You're just too smart for me. And George fights the goons. I do like the the way the thing that solves this battle because it's a it's a good back and forth. George is strong.
01:38:47
Speaker
and can take these guys, but there's two of them. Yeah. The thing that kind of finishes it off is a ship forms the Tukey Cannon. ah It's an elephant gun. Oh, my goodness. Excuse me. Reba McIntyre uses one in Tremors. Yes, she does. Couldn't get in penetration with the elephant gun. What is that fucking sex thing? that What is it called when you guys shove shit up your... sound retra Sounding. Sounding. Yeah, that was when they're doing the coconconut different kids movie when they're doing the coconuts, dude. I'm just like, oh, no one's showing a coconut in their pea hole. Oh, small coconuts, tiny coconuts. I could put maybe a cashew in there. But I'm allergic to nuts. That'd be awful. ah How do you masturbate?
01:39:31
Speaker
Sorry, I'm allergic. He's allergic to tree nuts, not. Well, good thing he's got a root. Exactly. But he shoots the elephant, shoots the tokey bird into one guy's ass and then a bunch of coconuts at the other guy. The kids movie, Derek, clean it up. But not only does he hit the other guy with the coconuts, he also hits George and he hits a bright in the balls because two nerd shots is about quota for a kids movie in the late 90s. That's something else, the Mystery Science Theater. He's like, well, you don't have any nut shots in this movie, and we need two. Ape does say something to George. He's like, remember when I told you about? When I talked about Fighting Fair? Yeah. Screw that. Good time to forget that. Yep. And then one of these guys, by the way, luckiest guy in cinema. Yes, true. What does he say? The Dunesbury rules? Yes. Dunesbury, the old comic. I think he said Queensbury. One of these guys, the luckiest actor in fucking Hollywood because he gets to fucking twist Brendan Fraser's nurps. I think that's I never said the guy's name. I mentioned what he was from the one that's been. Oh, the big feller, Abraham Ben Ruby. Yep. Wow. Sounds like a big guy name. That sounds like he's about to assassinate a president. Well, he talked about what he was in Wagons East and whatnot, but I never said his name. So Abraham Ben. He's in Wagons East also. Yeah, I said that earlier in the in the episode. I thought it was hours ago. Weren't you here? Weren't you here? Come on. But he gets like there's like beers ago.
01:40:54
Speaker
ah that This is a the fight is is fun. It's got its fun moments. But this is one of those moments where I'm like, this is too much for me. It's too cartoony. You know, how you know, Frazier literally twists his arm to do like a super punch and the guy spins a bunch of times. And I'm just like, you also know how it's too much. So he's doing the he punches one guy by punching forward. And when he cocks back, he's elbowing the super assassin. around And he's doing that. And there's so many times that fucking ape pulls out a newspaper. Yeah. And like as the audience like, yeah. I'll do a crossword until this finishes. Let me know when you're done, please. This is when Lyle Thomas Hayden Church comes back. Yes. And he's got this cult jacket on and he's like, I joined a cult. Yeah. ah So now I am God. I can marry anybody, including you a bitch, which I don't think you're well, it's we're in your own fucking here. I can't marry somebody that I'm marrying. Right. yeah makes You cannot ordain your own wedding. Yeah.
01:41:48
Speaker
I now pronounce me. I mean, it probably depends on the state. I'm sure Alabama and stuff have different rules, but ah play a place. I don't think women are allowed to talk during in a wedding in Alabama, but like a state like even like Arizona, which is not a progressive state. you We're trying some. here You don't actually have to have any kind of officiant. It's a courtroom process. You file some paperwork. Yeah. Yeah. yeah That's why we can have people like Jack, myself and the guy who married us, Edward, officiate officiate weddings because we're all ordained in the church of doodism. Yeah, I'm a card carry member of a Judas priest, dude. Love it. Well, I'm a doodist priest. Yeah. That doesn't count. No. But this is when he has these mercenaries show up, which includes Fennel Thorsen, who we mentioned. It was great. Always. And they lasso George with these. And they're not lasso. It's a dogcat. You're a fucking snare. Yeah. A thousand percent. That's not for a snare. Yeah.
01:42:39
Speaker
I'm here to help. That's the one line. The one line that Sven Othorsen has here is when they're dragging George away, the little Capuchin monkey yeah is watching them and he's like, oh, look at the monkey. But in in whatever language he's speaking. General European. I think he's, I mean, he was playing a Swede in Quick and the Dead. Yeah. I don't know if that's what he is. General European. Yeah. Yeah. But he's like, oh, look at the monkey. His name is Svenel, I think Swedish. Sven sounds Swedish. Sven is the first name. And then Ulthorsen. Oh, Sven is Swedish. But you know what? Sven does sound Swedish. Wait, wait, wait. You're saying Sven sounds Swedish, not Thor-son. The son of Thor. Well, Sven's more Norwegian. Yeah, that's true. But Sven does sound Swedish and 100% I'm basing that on Ren and Stimpy. When Stimpy's cousin from Sweden shows up and he's, what is it? You are only, I am Sven. This is how I know your argument's invalid. You based it on Ren and Stimpy.
01:43:37
Speaker
Look, Red and Stippy is the basis of a lot of my life. I loved it. I loved it. I'm just saying, if you're like, well, Red and Stippy taught me, whatever comes after that is wrong. Happy, happy, joy. I'm 100% convinced that anybody on that space station is going to kill somebody because they all have space madness. because of Brennan Stimpy. Space Madness is real. Yeah. So the monkey the monkey has sends out a bongo gram to these gorillas who show up as the three ninjas, although there's five of them. No, yeah. It's ninja turtles because of the ooze, dude.
01:44:09
Speaker
It's always been three doing the bongos. And then all of a sudden, there's five of them. One of these guys is bodied by a ginger with the last name Elfman. And I'm like, are you Danny Elfman's brother? And I didn't look into it. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say yes, too. For my entertainment. Can you give me a job? I'll do anything. My own personal mythology is that it was actually Danny Elfman's. I will do anything you want me to do. You're going to be in George the Jungle as what? An ape. A bongo playing ape. Did say I'd do anything. Do I am hungry? I said I'd do anything and this is better than what Harvey Weinstein offered me, so... He offered me some frozen pizza on an island? He wanted me to close my eyes and suck my roll out of a hose.
01:44:51
Speaker
and Oh, what a piece of shit. Yeah. Die in prison, please. Well, no, no, no. Die in prison. Like, I hope I'm hoping like 20 years from now, I want him to get tortured and just fucking shit on. Because based on his crimes, the people in prison are not treating him well. Yeah. Seeing him. Which is what we can only hope. And that's I just hope that he doesn't die too soon. I want him to really experience all the lives that he's ruined and then die. Seeing him use a walker made me very happy.
Chekhov's Gun and Tragic Stories
01:45:16
Speaker
Fuck him. Oh, speaking of Harvey Weinstein, the elephant piss is all over these dudes. Oh, yes. But we don't see it, which is very disappointing because we saw the elephant piss earlier, which was like, movie they can't do that, which was like, but we saw the elephant piss earlier. Just put the elephant piss on these dudes. Well, no. So you you you still have that imprinted on your brain and you just super oppose it on that. It's Chekhov's elephant cock. Yeah.
01:45:39
Speaker
Did he is rolling in his grave right now? Like, I never meant for my name to use like this. This fucking podcast with these three nerds on it just said fucking Chekhov's elephant piss. I'm using that forever now. Why is it elephant cock? Oh, fucking and worse. Yep, it's Chekhov's elephant cock from now on. Oh, you're getting haunted. Yep. So then you say check off three times in the mirror. That dude from fucking Star Trek shows up. Wait, like, ah oh, God, what's his name? ah So either Walter Koenig, who is the original check off or Anton Yelchin's ghost. Oh, I was going to say Anton Yelchin can haunt you.
01:46:14
Speaker
Did he suicide himself? No, he was the remake. it was If I'm remembering correctly and the internet can correct me, it was like a ah an accident where basically like ah I don't know if it's his car or another car was on a hill and the emergency brake wasn't on and it rolled down and hit him and killed him. boy I think. Wow. I could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure that's correct. He um the one who played Scotty. No, he was playing Chekhov. Scotty was Simon Pegg. Yep. You betcha. Chekhov's parking brake. But, yep. Check your parking brake. Check your parking brake. Put it in park. Oof. Who's a manual? Where's people? Where's people? So Lyle and Ursula fall into this Disney ride that was never that never came to fruition. Oh, dude, I want to go down this thing. This fucking water slide. This Disney water park ride. Well, they go through this cave and she's like, you don't know where
01:47:06
Speaker
And then they end up for that. Oh, I peed. Watch out for my pee. hey They end up in this little rubber raft that he has and they end up on rapids. Of course they do. And George has to say you catch phrase that way. Our catchphrase for you. So doesn't Tookie give him the line and is like, go save her. i I don't remember. I just remember George is like, this is the biggest swing in jungle history. And I'm like bigger than that one off the bridge. Yeah. Well, jungle history, not San Francisco. San Francisco has a big history of swinging, if you know what I'm saying. and The only joke they missed with this, because he's flying down and it's got like airplane noises. yeah There should have been a breaking the sound barrier, like sonic boom noise. Absolutely. I would have loved to lean into that or him like, Oh, I time traveled. I went past the movie. Right? Oh my God. I ended up in blast in the past. This is here. No, we're now. Oh, I've been blessed. He saves Ursula and Lyle gets raped by a gorilla. yeah so Yes, he does. In this Disney movie. Well, he married him. it's yeah You can't rape your wife. Do you say I do?
01:48:11
Speaker
and You can. No, Trump's lawyer proved it. though You mean the felon? yeah The felon's lawyer proved it? Dude, it's so shitty nothing's going to come to that. It ends with happy marriage between George and Ursula. They have a dope ass wedding. Her mom is happy for it now. A dope ass tree house, dude.
01:48:31
Speaker
Because there's a juicer and shit no, I don't think she falls in love with ape I think it's another thing of like ape speaking and she's like, oh He's like, excuse me he's ascending above his class she's like wait black people can talk Yeah, you're right and that's not me being racist that's her that's her but yeah, no to Whitney's point I Thank you. She's like, I feel like Jane Goodall. Ma'am, I met Jane Goodall. And you are no Jane Goodall. I'm Jane Goodall. Bitch, you are no Jane Goodall. She was a friend of Ape's. Did you see her wet her pants in that right there? She does end up twerking with Ape. I thought it was more like a, oh my God, they speck.
01:49:13
Speaker
I speck. My favorite part of the wedding, by the way, is the chimpanzee bartender. yeah He's pouring champagne for people and like handing glasses. Like they only show it the one time, but he pours it and hands it. Then the next time they show him, he's just slamming this bottle of champagne. And the elephant takes it from Shaft. And Shaft is drinking and Shaft just cheers. I wonder if that bartender can give me like a chimpanzema.
01:49:40
Speaker
ah Nice and cool. And then ah we have the Lion King at the end. like I was going to say Leslie's dancing with her dad. And George is like, remember that time that I wanted you to dance with me? You're going to dance with me right now. Oh, yeah, because there's a whole thing. I did like it where. you don't You're not stupid, there's nobody here to see it. Well, not only that, it was just like the whole, um no I don't even embarrass him. He has no idea. He's like, what the fuck is the word embarrass me? I don't know what embarrass me. Sometimes I run into a tree. Like when people look at you and you're like, dumb, I don't know. And he's like, watch these dance moves.
01:50:11
Speaker
Watch me fall out of your fucking mouth. All right, Ricky Baker, check out my fucking dance moves. the These ones are the Grammys, but it ends with the Lion King. It thousands of that does. It's a step too far in there. It'll get a mild chuckle. Well, the movie technically ends because we get the. Doesn't anyone want to know what happened to me?
Showbiz Aspirations and Film Endings
01:50:30
Speaker
And we find out that ape is Frank Sinatra. I did it my way. With Ministrone, two, three, four. And I was trying to remember, I was like, is this Tony Randall? Is this like... Then I heard the song and I was like, this is Frank Sinatra. Yes, but I don't think Sinatra is... Not Tony Randall. Is that right? I don't think he wrote that note. Tony Randall's the speaker. What the fuck? Dean Martin. Fuck. Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett. Thank you. I even said Tony Bennett earlier. You said that earlier and I got it confused right now. Yeah, Tony Randles will be very different. But the only thing I say is not Sinatra. The song obviously is made famous by Sinatra. Sinatra never wore a sequined jacket like this. This is lounge lizard under background. And that's what made me think. Wayne Newton much more. And that's what made me think Tony Bennett too. I don't know if you ever wore sequins but he would. I think Wayne Newton is the look we're going for. And Liberace. Or like late Elvis. But hey, what if fucking Siegfried and Roy have? Sequins. Sequins! Now he's a talking ape with sequins. I agree. He's about to get so much fucking puss. Oh, those ladies were on him? Well, that's our stinger for the sequel, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, right? I saw the sequel when we looked this up, and I was like, is that Brendan Fraser? Because the cover is... Oh, no.
01:51:39
Speaker
The cover, ah the I'm looking at the cover on the screen, so it's very small. And the guy doesn't look that different until you click it and it gets bigger. And you're like, that's not. See, I had Disney shove down my throat to number two. Like it's like, watch next. And it's this guy's like face pressed against plexiglass with like his lip. Oh, yeah we have like that ain't my fucking Brendan. Yeah, that's not what we had. It was it just a picture of a dude swinging on a vine. I didn't look. I mean, his he was probably two inches tall on my screen, if that, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a big face. On that screen, I would say four inches. I clicked it and I was like, that's not Brendan Fraser. Nope. So let's go around the horn. Shooter or whatever his name is, the bird is back in that in the second one. And so is friend. Who's friend? Oh, the love friend best sexy friend, Betsy, Betsy. She's a sexy friend. She's a Betty. She can get it. She got it.
Sequel Opinions and Hangover Cures
01:52:26
Speaker
So we'll do recommendations.
01:52:28
Speaker
um Honestly, I didn't hate it. It was pretty fun and enjoyable if you ever this is a great hangover movie Yeah, you can say is you take a little fucking squeezer a little a little winker oh I will have to strongly disagree with the hangover movie depending on your hang he deals with hangovers different than we do. Well, depending on your hangover, you know what I'm not listening to during a hangover? I'm not watching a war movie during a hangover. No, not at all. And much like that, lots of loud noises. You have to take a mightle because it has everything you want. The mightle Yeah is a perfect... Well, that'll stop my vagina from camping. Here's the hangover cure, honey. You take a smoke and a stroke and you take a nap, okay? You watch Georgia the Jungle after enjoying your masturbate. You put some mightle and some raw eggs in a blender. Some ice cream and some coffee. So, mightle has the anti-inflammatory.
01:53:13
Speaker
Um, the blood thinning to help the headache go away, plus caffeine to help give you a little buzz. Excedrin also has caffeine. Yep. My doll has the anti bloating in this one. Anyway, I take my doll all the time for anti bloating. just have to disagree with the hangover thing too much. um I got some caveats, but I do recommend this movie. yeah It's fun. My child, my inner child was pretty happy with it. If you
Ratings, Critiques, and Future Plans
01:53:36
Speaker
got to watch it with little kids, it's fine. Hey, You know what? Take a fucking little micro dose of mushrooms and enjoy the brightness, enjoy the loudness, lean into it, my friend, Derek. But yes, I give it, I mean, it's two out of three ropes or vines. I would say, yeah. Two out of three vines. I would go with vines. Ropes sounds different based on the things we talk about around here. I give it two out of three Brendan Fraser cocks.
01:53:59
Speaker
I give it one and a half. All right. I'll I'll just be the dissenting voice. I've been going back and forth. I have to say no. You're you're not watching this again, right? and No. Yeah, that's why I don't have a small child. If you have a small child, maybe if they if it's something they can even watch because they don't want to watch anything that's not made on a computer now. So that might not this might not be for them anyway. But I just I did have a good enough time and I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. But I also hated a little more than I remembered hating it. Yeah, I got you. I got you. So I was going back and forth. Like I said, I was on I was on the verge of being like a soft recommended, but I was going to go. I know. Give it a very nice lately. i Give it a go. Fuck yourself. This isn't your I picked this. It's my fucking my fucking birthday. Look, I've been very nice to these movies lately. Yeah. And I feel like I got to be a little more rude. I love Brendan Fraser, though. Oh, yeah. And you can look at him all day. And he is not. Play this on mute and put on some sexy music in the background. Make one of Jack's music videos. Oh, Brandon Krasher is not the bad part of this movie at all. I think you could totally watch this without even this. This makes me want to watch it. You know what? Hanging on a Friday drink and like, oh, yeah, not recommending this. Watch Encino Man instead. Yeah. Same character.
01:55:07
Speaker
Funny. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I'm going to watch Encino Man over this. Yeah. Like again. But that's it. So we've decided this. Jack got to talk to Lorenzo l Lamas through his kind of... I recommend that. I recommend fucking talking to runno Lorenzo Lamas any chance you get. was i they you Good birthday, President. Great birthday. But great Canada's Independence Day, President. Fucking phenomenal. That's great. All right. Good. So our next episode will be our Derka classic movies for the month, which is going to be... Don't tell me. Don't tell anybody. Yeah, you'll see it. You'll see the title when it comes it on Monday. You'll see the title next week. You can't if you want to. It came from outer space. OK, which is one of the things one of the types of titles I created the segment for. We haven't been doing a lot of them because we've had a theme of this or a theme of that. Sure. This is cheesy as UFO monsters space shit from the 50s. I'm going to get real high.
01:56:03
Speaker
It's going to be a delight. Real fucking. I've seen this one before, but not recently. OK, so
Patreon Promotion and Closing Remarks
01:56:10
Speaker
I did watch it as I told you guys, I would and I haven't. Our Patreon for the month, which you can get by subscribing to our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people for only three dollars. don't Tell them I'm just going to give you a line from it who ends in a fight. Let me your God trick question. Let me is God. Boom, mic drop. Bitch, I'm out. So if you know that, then you know our Patreon and you should know that. And if you don't, you're wrong. Yeah, but you do know it. You're wrong. You do know it. Patreon dot.com slash worst people. You also get access to our show. Han took shots first. At this point, ah we've had we've covered Star Wars Episode one, two and three. And on the Patreon, maybe not by now, but very soon to this episode, you will be hearing our coverage of Solo featuring our friend Bleep.
01:56:56
Speaker
Yes. So that'll be fun. You can get that early. You can get it for free out in the world, but that's stupid. Get it a month early. So stupid. For three dollars. It's only three dollars, guys. Plus you get all these other mental health episodes that we've done. And you pay more on that on other phone games. I just found three bucks on your couch and I ain't giving it back. That's fine. It's your pay. That is that is less than half of a cup of black coffee from Starbucks. Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, do that. Thank you to Evasion for our opening and closing music. Go to badmoviesworsepeople.com. Hantukshotsfirstpod.com. Go there. You'll find out why. I don't know. Thank you guys for tuning in. I have been Derek of the jungle. I have been Whitney of the jungle. I'm Jack of the jungle, which sounds dirty. Good night.
01:58:09
Speaker
Forget everything you know about the Baja men who let the dogs out and watch this documentary.