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Ep 118: Friday the 13th (1980) BONUS EPISODE
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It's Friday the 13th again, so it's time for another SPECIAL episode. On our last Friday the 13th special we randomly drew a movie from THE BAG and we are discussing the original, classic, wonderful FRIDAY THE 13TH! For this, we invited our friend and horror movie expert Zip back to record with us and he gladly jumped at the opportunity. The original entry that spawned an empire, this film sees a group of would-be camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake in New Jersey being systematically stalked and killed by a mysterious murdering monster. Dudes in short shorts, ladies in bikinis, knives, axes and blood spatters abound in this 80s horror classic.
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Transcript
Introduction and Apology
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey guys I'll make this quick cuz I don't wanna lengthen the episode too much but ah we had a little software issue we were recording a bunch of episodes in a small batch of time and there was some kind of software issue I didn't hear when setting the levels so sometimes people peak out a little bit Uh, the sound gets a little distorted. It's really messed up, but it kind of sucks. And I did as much as I could to fix it, but it will only be for a few episodes. Thank you for sticking with us and for, you know, toughing it out with us here. I mean, it's all, you know, we're just a little independent thing. I'm doing this all in my living room on a laptop. So thank you for understanding. And hopefully it still sounds good for you. Enjoy the episode.
Plea for Support
00:00:39
Speaker
Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon dot.com. first people
00:00:46
Speaker
And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. I mean, my knees hurt. They've been on the oven for so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money, Baden. We need to equip it.
00:01:16
Speaker
We need to do equipment. We need to do remote podcasts for all of you. I wouldn't mind eating. We need to have video. I wouldn't mind eating. ah We need more drinks. Food sounds good. and So please check out patreon dot.com slash worst people. Please check us out. You get a bonus episode every month and we're going to have more content coming for you. I'll send you pictures. ah Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Please give me patreon dot.com. I'm being held hostage here. Slash worst people. I don't think all of you out of here. They're going to kill me.
Introducing 'Friday the 13th'
00:01:46
Speaker
This week we're discussing the original Friday the 13th. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. I'm zip. and We ain't gonna stand for no weirdness out here. Drink on, motherfucker. Bad movies, worst people.
00:02:02
Speaker
Yeah. I'm starting to forget how to do this podcast. I mean, you know what? We're not supposed to get better at this, are we?
00:02:34
Speaker
We just had our second anniversary. They haven't had a lot of practice. This is past our hundredth episode. This is our 118th episode. I haven't practiced much. Is it really? Yeah. Awesome. Congratulations, guys. Thanks, boy. Because we basically have not taken a week off.
00:02:49
Speaker
Yeah, we always post. Technically, this month is our season break between season two and three. So we're only making a few new episodes. Still releasing. But yes, we are discussing the original Friday the 13th from 1980.
00:03:05
Speaker
ah Jack, you'll get a kick out of this. May 9th, 1980. Why are we doing May? Exactly. like Why is this not in October? It needs to, it should be October. It was delayed because of, I had to make edits for NC-17 or X ratings. Sure. Whatever. But still, Jack has a, we talked about it with. Resurrection. part Well, part five came out in like March and then Halloween resurrection came out in like June or July. Resurrection was March. Cause I was like, Oh, cause it's Easter. Halloween resurrection. Yeah.
00:03:34
Speaker
No, no, that was in the middle of the summer. No, it was July, because I had all kinds of jokes about it. Oh, because it was your birthday. Yeah. You know, all the other October movies they do, like Christmas Vacation, Leprechaun, Born in the Fourth of July. But yeah, so it did come out in May. Why not?
Film's Success and Killer Twist
00:03:51
Speaker
um And for those who want to watch the movie, if you haven't seen it before we talk about it, it's available right now on Paramount Plus in 4K because they just did a 4K restoration, which is not what I have. But I already own this box set. I can't. I can't. I am legitimately shocked. You're going to want the shot that you haven't seen it.
00:04:08
Speaker
Well, I have now. Well, you have now, of course. Well, it's your fault. We're friends for 20 plus years. And I've never seen any Friday the 13th, except for the ones that we've recorded. things He just assumed because you were friends, you had seen him. He met me as a wee 19 year old last.
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah, just wait till you're 19 to watch these. But yeah, so you can get it on Paramount Plus, AMC Plus, Shutter, or you can rent it on Amazon and Apple for $4 and 4K or buy it for $10 on 4K. So not too shabby. Not too shabby. On both those platforms. You're going to want the 4K when it comes to Kevin Bacon's dick. So that was going to be a little more clean. But yeah, it's Kevin Bacon's dick. Let's get to it. We're known for being a clean podcast. I was trying to keep it F for family. He was bringing home the bacon. He is bringing home the bacon. He is bringing home that bacon. I'm high on that hog. He's got a slab of pork belly. There's one part where, I'm sorry, I'm totally jumping in really quick because he's in a speedo. We've never done that. You can't really tell because it's just head on. But there's one part where it's- Head on is the proper term. It is head on. Where's the girl sitting on the dock and then just this dick in speedos pops in, you're like, whoa. And then it's like, That's Kevin. It will later be known as the Bowie shot. Yeah. But right now we're getting the bacon. We are getting the bacon. It will forever be known as the Bowie shot. So we've we've discussed a couple of these now and they've all done OK. Like they've all made more than their money back because they're all cheap to make. Yeah. This one. How much was this? This one's by far the most successful. I know the box office is five hundred thousand. It costs five hundred and fifty thousand. Yeah. It costs five hundred and fifty thousand to make.
00:05:49
Speaker
uh worldwide it made 60 million dollars wow that's like in the 70s well in 1980 oh in the 80 well filmed in 79 i think yeah it said yep i mean 1980 is the 70s we all know how oh yeah i've seen the fog i've seen adrian barbeau's hair i've seen i've seen this movie but that's like a hundred almost 110 times So no wonder they were like, yeah, you're making a fucking second one, dude. Yeah. You you made a lot of money for us. We actually thought we were going to barely break even. Well, and basically everyone involved. Sean S. Cunningham, Victor Miller, I think is the writer's name. I have it here when we get there. But they were like.
00:06:28
Speaker
why are we doing another one where the kid is the killer that's not how it works that wasn't the point yeah and people are like yeah well make it work make it the point because spoiler alert for those who haven't seen it i told you to go watch it so yeah it's true it's is it's your fault now this is this is the well the first of two where jason is not the killer we talked about the other one already uh-huh with roy Fucking Roy. but I didn't say Duck this time. Fucking Roy. yes This is directed by Sean S. Cunningham, who didn't direct a whole lot. um He's been producing these movies ah for 20, 40 years now. since You find a comfortable spot to live in. ah But he did direct Deep Star Six, which we'll be talking about sometime soon. He directed a movie called Terminal Invasion, which I haven't seen, but I've been wanting to watch because it's an alien movie starring Bruce Campbell.
00:07:18
Speaker
And that's all I know about. Okay. It's got it hooked in me. Yeah. You've got me cucked. And then like the only thing other thing I noticed, which like I said, there was like five things in his credits was a horror anthology he did called Trapped Ashes that he was part of. It was a bunch of four different directors. Okay. I think Joe Dante's in there. which is We've said this on prior episodes, but Zo was actually fortunate enough to not have been spoiled on the oh the reveal of the killer reveal yeah so the whole time she's watching with Derek her first time watching it she's like is that Jason is that that's Jason right there isn't it I could see who could pot like who the red herring was purely because of the jeep
00:08:01
Speaker
Well, I mean, at the end, you could be like, that's Jason. Yeah, well because yeah she kept asking me. It said Mrs. Voorhees. We don't know what the Mrs. is short for. yeah Short for Jason. We do. ah I know that's not how that works. Pamela. i don't We don't find that out until like part four.
00:08:16
Speaker
Oh, really? Yeah, I think it's Pamela. It's just Mrs. Voorhees in this movie. Surprise, surprise.
Series Lore and Cast Discussion
00:08:21
Speaker
I know nothing of like the lore of this. I found out he has tunnels. He's got some. No, that's all. That's all. Reboots. Well, that the worm from heck is not reboot, but the tunnels and the the weed farming. But the heck were reboot. Yeah. Is there any lore that you want to enlighten us on, Mr. Horror? This is our our horror experts, our horror experts.
00:08:42
Speaker
Any lore on this movie, like on the on the anthology of Friday, the 13th. The thing with these movies is that the anthology, all these slasher things, are the the the lore. Yeah, the lore is questionable. Teenagers die. Nothing else matters. Like if you go through all of them, Halloween, this nightmare on Elm Street movie by movie, it's like, well, you remember that thing? But no, I think I asked you about Friday the 13th.
00:09:08
Speaker
Well, I asked you about the lore on one of them. and He's like, it does not fucking matter because the next movie is not going to follow it. So you shouldn't either. Oh, yeah. That was when we talked about part five, because it was like the whole Tommy might be the killer thing. And I was like, yeah, they just get rid of that. That's why part six is called Jason Lives.
00:09:24
Speaker
Which I haven't seen, oh but I'm a lore guy. I like a good world building. That is my favorite Jason or Friday the 13th movie. Which one? which one part shapes Jason lives. Jason lives. Okay, so you haven't gotten there. That's one I haven't seen also. I'm pretty sure. It follows Tommy Jarvis's story as well. Oh, does it still? Okay. After we record, we're going to have you stick your hand in a bag and pick a... ah well If it's six, I expect to have an invitation. Oh yeah. ah so Invitation for six, he extended. that That's my favorite one. I think you should just come for all the Fridays, the 13th. We do these every Friday the 13th and I think in 2025 there's only one. That's a bummer. so Lame. We've got enough movies to get us through the rest of the decade. Oh. Well that's good. As a thing, just be on them all.
00:10:11
Speaker
but So then this is also written by, yes, Victor Miller, as I said earlier, and I was right. He had to pat he yourself in the back. I'm proud I remembered something I looked up about two hours ago. um So I was right. He had a thing, a quote that I read though. He's like, I was really hot for about a minute and a half after this movie. Like people wanted him to write stuff.
00:10:33
Speaker
He didn't really do much else, but he started writing daytime soap operas and spent the rest of his life doing that. Good. Because I thought you meant that he was like physically hot. I had worked so hard finishing his script. I had a fever. No. I thought it was like women wanted to fuck him. He wrote the script in two weeks.
00:10:50
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that'll get you hot. That'll get you a fever. You've got to work fast in that two weeks. He was like the head writer or co-head writer on like Another World, Guiding Light and All My Children. So that's what he spent his life doing. That was steady work. Yeah. I mean paycheck. The thing I read said that he found he started doing that and he really enjoyed it. So, hey, good for him.
00:11:11
Speaker
I mean, because you're probably just, I don't know, having a fucking box of wine and writing slapstick. Wait, call it how many how many other people have gotten there? Hank, whose twin didn't come back this season? All right, I'm going to write that one. Hank's twin is the doctor. He slaps Martha.
00:11:28
Speaker
All right. Who doesn't have a secret kid? They're getting a secret kid this season. Guess who's getting a secret kid this season? Oh, evil twin brother. I think the horror movies in general kind of get people's foot in the door, either that or it gets them cast out. Yeah. no Yeah. brown Yeah. Like there's Johnny Depp's and then there's people you've never heard of.
00:11:47
Speaker
Well, it's Kevin Bacon. never heard of Or Alexander. Or let me think of a name I can't think of. Alfonso Ribeira from Tix. Oh, we just did that one. I know. Oh, my husband and I did not fall asleep on you guys. It was it was all right. It was okay. like I started to get used to the ambient sounds of snoring. And now I'm addicted.
00:12:11
Speaker
It kind of added to that last movie. Yeah, it really sold how boring it was when you're like, oh shit, this shit has good surround sound. Let's go to med. It's like they're right next to us. We're talking about the sound. So that makes me transition right into the guy who did the music for this, which this movie is cool. I love this movie. But like with the end, when The final girl is fighting Mrs. Voorhees and stuff. I'm watching it going. This is some sub stage fight stuff going on like god the fighting was terrible. That music just makes you go like, you know what, it's pretty good. I choreography was shit, but yeah they're just rolling in the dirt. I had come into the music right away. I was like, I know it's not John Carpenter, but it's fucking Rippon. Oh, this guy, Harry Manfredini, okay who did music for the whole this whole series, pretty much. And I don't think the reboot, but all the ones that count. um He also did music on Swamp Thing, ah the entire House series, Deep Star Six. so And then the series that came up as I was
00:13:13
Speaker
looking through his credits, it kept coming up. And so I had to go back and figure out beauty to be what this was. So there was a bunch of movies called 1313 colon and then something else. Okay. And I was almost sure that they were soft core porn who and they might be, but and what are their names a lot of them are rated TV 14. So I don't think they are.
00:13:35
Speaker
No, but it's a whole series of movies. 1313 and we have they're basically like genre like exploitation type movies, but for like young adult audiences for 13 year olds. So there's like 14. There's one called Actor Slash Model and the guy's holding a knife. Get it. Oh, I do. 1313 giant killer bees. 1313 haunted frat.
00:14:00
Speaker
got risen fucking background Bigfoot Island Bermuda Triangle Hercules unbound so like this guy's just been doing music for soft core teenage porn Yeah, yeah, and every one of those movies by the way the reason I thought it was soft core Let me just show you guys what years did they come out this is the cover of every one of them? jesus christ It's just a bunch of Like smooth shirtless or straps. Yeah, I think I have seen that. I bet you have. Probably recently. It was on Showtime. No, probably at my 19. You like that YA shit. I do love the YA shit, but not like... Smutty. Not smutty YA. No. Because that shouldn't exist. No, she just likes it when people are having sex with sparkly vampires. Well, I mean... Or just vampires, period.
00:14:43
Speaker
Yeah. so I like vampires and werewolves. Vampires like periods. So that was. Exactly. They've all got their red wings. The person that's so happy to go down when you're on your period. Oh, God. I've done it. It's not bad. and Do not mind. Let me suck your blood. Not from there.
00:15:04
Speaker
and he's No, they need it from inside the body. It loses all of its magical powers. But and then, of course, I have to mention the special makeup effects in this also because they're the great they're great. But um Tom Savini, the fucking master.
00:15:22
Speaker
the godfather of gourd, the dead day of the dead, maniac, the burning, the texas chainsaw too, the prowler, yes he is sex machine he did the prowler yeah creep show of course, yeahp that's a big one And actually, that movie Trauma, we just watched the Dario Argento one. That was Tom Savini also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember you saying maniac. Yeah, I think I said maniac. Maybe I didn't say maniac. I don't know. I don't listen know. I don't want attention. Either was I part where I don't listen. It's going to be a rough episode of no one listening to Derek. Just just like put you in on that, especially if I'm not listening. What did I say? I don't know. Thanks in a post.
00:16:01
Speaker
But this movie does belong in bad movies, worse people. Not that I'm ever worried about justifying it, no but only because it was nominated in 1980 for the Razzies for worst film of the year. How? and I don't know. I mean, 60 million dollars. Now, that doesn't mean anything because Transformers movies make a lot of money. True. Fast and Furious makes bank. Yeah.
00:16:22
Speaker
right there's still crap in those things oh yeah there's at least one to two left well okay hold on he has said he's doing one more well as long as it's family family i think he's gonna be like the fucking eagles farewell tours yeah like well i need more mourners he's murdered you done it they've they've done like 17 they're still riding lines for the guy that's dead he started out doing the he was his members that dead No, Fast and Furious Paul Walker. The Fast Triple X thing started out, or Fast X, not Triple X, started out, that's a different Vin Diesel movie. It started out, it was supposed to be a trilogy and now he's saying two, but that's that's where I got Fast Triple X from, because in my head I was like, he's going to get, it's going to be Fast X, and then Fast X, and then Fast Triple X, and he's playing two characters like Jean-Claude Van Damme. Fast Triple X is going to be just Vin Diesel, old as shit, on a tractor with three X's on a Jug just drinking it. I remember when I used to roast him off. No, he's playing Dom Toretto and Xander Cage or whatever. Yeah, whatever. His name is from Triple X. Xander something. Is it Cage? Yeah, that sounds right. Might be Cage. I think it's Gage. I don't care enough to know. Neither do I. That's my stepson's middle name. I didn't even know he did he did another one where he came back.
00:17:33
Speaker
After Ice Cube? Yeah. Ooh, news to me. Yeah, I found that out recently. What? Huh. Because they did the second Triple X with Ice Cube. Did they? Yeah, they did. That's news to me. And then there was a third one, and apparently Vin Diesel came back. It's a good thing I'm not on a movie podcast. It's nice to need money. You know what? You'll learn, because this is a bad movie podcast. We are friends of Vin Diesel. We are friends, Diesel. Are you going to do Pacifier for Shitbird Month next year? No, I love myself.
00:17:59
Speaker
I don't. I'm sorry. I think I know who I'm talking to. Your honor. Pardon of me, your honor. I need some Jehuatnek here. Esquire. Jehuatnek Esquire here. Decline, in fact, does not love himself. Previous episodes would dictate so. I'll rest my face. I'll rest my face.
00:18:21
Speaker
All right, are we going to get in it? This movie is got a plot. It's not really important, though. It's just a way to deliver us to the next kill. Right. The plot is that opens with the worst summer camp I've ever fucking not wanted to go to. The River of Jordan is deep. I don't know if that is deep and why. No, no, keep going. The River of Jordan is deep and wide. No, keep singing it.
00:18:43
Speaker
The river of Jordan is deep and wide. Hallelujah. Fucking... I'm gonna have to and get rid of all that. now that's can honey on No, No, Candy's backing you up, dude. She was bringing that fucking chorus like you were believing. That's what happened when I started singing. It's like that trope of someone singing and the dog howling.
00:19:04
Speaker
But it's 1958 Camp Crystal Lake. ah They're singing this shit ass song. And then it's a dude. It's fucking I have a lot of religious family. This is the worst of all of it. Yeah, just I don't have a going camping wearing matching shirts. Somebody has a fucking guitar. He's got an acoustic guitar stick fucking you can know uncle bill is just gonna bust out that acoustic guitar and not let you not sing It's my mom. Oh my mom's gonna have his cut-off jeans so short the pockets are hanging out is not a on know how short i'm talking you just see his Oh I saw it Did you see that guy's balls? Yeah, they were weird. Sir, I can clearly see your nuts.
00:19:49
Speaker
But we have these two characters, Barry and Claudette, who go off to fuck as teenagers do. Uh-huh. Oh, I called it to like they're sitting there and I've not seen this movie and I'm sitting next to Zib and I'm like, he's going to die. And Zib's like, yep, right now. Three, two, one. Pretty much.
00:20:09
Speaker
And this guy, I just it's fun because I read it. He's basically he was a P.A. on the show, even though the thing I read said he's on the movie. He was a P.A. on this movie production assistant. But he spent most of his time helping with like behind the camera because they had no money. So like, hey, production assistant, come over here and pull focus to hire some nonunion. You just got a new job. What else can you do? Like, I know how that goes. Are you good with a backhoe? Do you want to make out with this chick in front of the camera? They fill her up a bit. Y'all.
00:20:39
Speaker
I'll do that, y'all. Gotta rub your dick on her. Okay. I'll rub my dick on her. I already did. You know how to have sex, right? oh I look forward to it. I'm not made of stone. I'm not made of stone. We're not all made. Ooh. But yeah, they get killed by point of view killer, very jello style. Super jello. It's gotta be Jason, right? And then we're talking Friday the 13th. Well, obviously. Right? That was the things that, by the way, we were watching this because Zoe lives in a world where everybody knows who Jason is. right So she's just like Jason, Friday the 13th. Yeah, that's what it should be.
Iconic Looks and Horror Impact
00:21:15
Speaker
Iconic hockey mask. Yeah, exactly. Which zip had dropped on me. It's the third one for the hockey mask and the second one is a sack with a circle cut. I vaguely remember, the sack on Jason. Oh, OK. With the burlap sack with the one eye. I mean, the one eye hole that actually is kind of a more terrifying look on us. Oh, super. That's why I mean, in the dark night, it worked for the scarecrow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Scarecrow. Scarecrow. They struck gold when they put that hockey mask on. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. The hockey mask is.
00:21:50
Speaker
You can. But again, if we're remaking it, if we're making it like if you're doing it today, first of all, give me the most gore you can like make it in C-17. We'll go see it. Put the burlap sack on. It's lo-fi. It's terrifying. It's different than the hockey mask. The hockey mask. I'm going to say I don't use words played out, but it's iconic. We need something else real quick, though. Yeah, we do. And then go bring the hockey mask back. Yep. You want to try that again? Hockey back. I don't want to try again. Bring the hockey backpack. Have you seen pictures like the old pictures from the 30s and 40s of Halloween Halloween? Terrifying burlap sack on the head. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that was a big. But that's the only one that we see it in is the second Friday 13th. Pumpkin head. What? No. Pumpkin head is like a big monster. It's a big demonic monster alien thing.
00:22:38
Speaker
Keep away from pumpkinhead unless you're tired of living. Oh, that's also mostly dead. He's cold and unforgiving. That was that was my introduction to Lance Hendrickson, knowing who he was. I'm sure I i think I'd seen aliens. I would say you've never seen a well, but I saw pumpkinhead when I was like probably like 14. And so I'd probably seen aliens, but I didn't.
00:23:02
Speaker
Pumpkinhead was where I was like, who's this guy? I don't like this terrifying guy. It's the only thing I remember is the little boy like standing at a bus stop or something with Coke bottle glasses. Oh, yeah. And he gets run over by motorcycles. Yeah. Well, I don't know if they can do the burlap sack thing anymore. Isn't that like the trick or treat guy now? Oh, yeah. Trick or treat. I never saw the movie, but I've seen the poster. But he started him. Yeah, I know. But anyway.
00:23:28
Speaker
So then we cut back to la Lance Hendrickson for one minute, if I can. Have you ever seen Stone Cold? Oh, yeah. We did an episode on Stone Cold. Stone Cold is the best movie that most people haven't heard of. Exactly. That is such an absolute thrill ride of a movie like it is top to bottom. Fucking amazing. And it proves how awesome Lance Hendrickson is because he just made up all his dialogue because the writer was like, I don't feel like writing. And I mean, he's accompanied by a beautiful William Forsythe. I mean, did you those two together?
00:23:57
Speaker
I'll skin you alive with a knife dipped in shit. Okay, wow. I'm going to improvise my lines. That's what you came up with? Skin you alive with a knife dipped in shit? That's off the top of your head. mean what i don't know I don't know if I'm going to go out with beers for beers with Lance after this. Hey, you want to do it for a beer? God no.
00:24:15
Speaker
I'm going, but I'm bringing my holy water. This one's extra fizzy. Just ignore the thing in the bottom. It's murky. He doesn't have to fucking... The top was murky. He doesn't have to rue for you. He's got to talk to you. That's just to kill people, though. It's going to hypnotize you. But yeah, so then we cut to present day.
00:24:31
Speaker
It's June, Friday, the 13th, June. They don't say the year, but the year 1980, June was a Friday, the 13th. So checks out. Yeah, it works. And we have this girl, Annie, uh, played by someone named Robbie Morgan. So I looked up all these actors. I was like, I was like someone acted in something besides Kevin Bacon. Yeah.
00:24:50
Speaker
almost all of them quit acting by the year 1989. And that goes with zip's earlier theory. You either make it or it just fucking knocks you right out of this industry. Well, who said the thing about Alice like being stocked? And I told you that the the the girl Alice, who's like the star, which is the final girl. Spoilers should have watched it. It's been out since 1980. If you haven't watched it by now,
00:25:14
Speaker
It deserves to be spoiled. She was supposed to be like a lawyer. There's a statute of limitations and you're well past it. Yeah. They were going for like a Laurie Strode thing with her. She was supposed to be coming back every time. Sure. But after the first one, she was stalked by a huge Friday the 13th fan. She quit acting for like 30 years. She didn't do conventions or anything. She wasn't. She said she because she knew she she was like contractually obligated for about five minutes. Yeah. She was like, I want to be in it as little as possible. How do I not get sued? Right.
00:25:42
Speaker
She told them I'll do it, but I just want to be in it as little as possible. Like, I don't want to do this anymore because these people are fucking insane. Yeah. And it turns out, larry alert I guess, you know, she, you know, I said she's only for in it for five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That one's been out for a while, too. We could talk about them all. She pulls a she pulls a Laurie Strode in Halloween Resurrection. She's like, I'll be there. This group is so beautiful. I only want to be in it for five. Could you please throw me off a roof?
00:26:10
Speaker
You know what would make it better than me being in the whole movie, though? If you killed me, just what if you killed me in the first five minutes? I'm just saying, I come in, I do a day of work, I'm off. No one will see it coming. like I'm seeing into the future a movie called Scream, and there's a girl in the beginning who everybody is expecting to be the final girl. Big star, big star. And then, bam, we kill her ass, got her right away. Right away. but as that was As Whitney said, this girl is super cute. i She's got these gorgeous eyelashes and She's the most attractive girl in the movie. She is. By far the most attractive girl in the movie. And with the naturalness, no makeup, no nothing, just 70s attractiveness. Come on, what about the diner? Yeah, now we're talking. Now we're talking. The diner waitress. You don't know me now. 60s, 70s. Yeah, she talks.
00:26:58
Speaker
Nobody ever warned me on the dangers of tobacco smoking 250 for your cup of coffee and your whole meal by the way two and a quarter sw Some whiskey You can keep the change I'm gonna don't call anymore because every time I call I don't know if it's you or your husband What do you mean by that? Yeah, so Annie is in town she's looking for a ride this is I don't I'm not sure what this girl's story is. So she got a bus to this random town. yeah She got a Greyhound to the town. She got the job as the as the counselor. and then But then she gets to the town and she's like, where's the camp 20 miles away?
00:27:38
Speaker
What? There's no yeah the bus. She got a Greyhound to the town. Yeah. How does all those other kids get there? I know Kevin Bacon has a joke. Yeah. But there's four other people there. They came with the guy. They came with shirtless Joe. Fucking. Yeah. It's his Napoleon Dynamite's brother, shirtless Steve. It is Napoleon Dynamite. He is just a sexier like he's kept male masculine version of him. It's Kip's dad. but Yeah, it's Kip's dad. This is also the first of two appearances of Crazy Ralph.
00:28:05
Speaker
Yeah. So real quick, though, I think that she thought this is like a working camp. So why wouldn't there be a bus for all the children's of the city or the town to go to? And they're like, no, there's no bus there. there Maybe. I don't know. all There was a lot of hitchhiking going on in the 70s. Yeah. She's got a full backpackers. Yeah, I'll go. Yeah. She's got like a cot and everything. She actually wasn't hired. She's just like, I'll probably get the job when I get there. I can fake it till I make it, I think. um So Ralph is the harbinger, right?
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah, he's the Harbinger character, which Jack still hasn't seen in Cabin in the Woods. I got to force him to watch it one of these days. At this point, it's a... Sure, you've seen... It's a point of pride. You've seen Cabin in the Woods, right? That is the ones who know. It's so good. That character in Cabin in the Woods, the Harbinger, who is like your... Don't go down that road, guy. See, now he's talking my language. South Park, that road. You get to see Thor... No, it's not South Park. It's Thor, right? Yeah, Thor is in that movie. You get to see Thor get killed.
00:28:59
Speaker
Huh? Chris Hemsworth? Yeah. It's glorious. Well, cause I don't know if you made him or Vincent D'Onofrio. No. He played Thor first. Oh, no. Vincent D'Onofrio is, he's Kingpin. No, that's Bill Murray.
00:29:18
Speaker
fuck I forgot I wasn't talking to my husband. I was talking to my husband's husband.
00:29:25
Speaker
But yeah, Crazy Ralph is there. Who's the harbinger character? And he's just like, Oh, would you cook? Would you quit calling me Crazy Ralph? First of all, kind of hurts my feelings. it's seven years yes We don't care about your feelings. It was some dirt. You're fine. Take your problems up a black Tom. He's got issues, too.
00:29:45
Speaker
He's not African-American. He just wears dark clothes a lot. We're still gonna make fun of him. He's the one goth guy in town, even though that doesn't exist yet. This is small town, New Jersey. We're gonna beat the goth kid's ass. He's gonna become the drummer for the cure soon. He is the cure. Probably. That's not just one guy? Huh. Yeah. Okay, one guy. The cure? Yeah.
00:30:05
Speaker
<unk>m Pretty sure it's all just Robert Smith. Smith. I like i don't even like them when I know that. I don't like him either. Am I the only one that likes him? Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. It's a day for Whitney. yeah What's that? There's one cure song I like, but only when Goldfinger does it. Friday, I'm in love. Is that a cure song also? Yeah. There's another one they do.
00:30:30
Speaker
Just like show me, show me, show me how you do that trick. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody out there is so mad that I'm doing the gold finger version of it. dude That's the good version. I think the other 11 also did ah one of their songs. Oh, did they? Yeah. whoop they do ah I'm drowning here. Arizona Beer House. 33 taps. 800 plus cans in bottles. You can do it for here. You can do it to go. You can do whatever you want. Accept that. That's right. Arizona Beer House at 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, and every other day of the week. Open 11 a.m. to midnight. We're going to save the whole can, but you're only going to need the tip. I need the tip.
00:31:13
Speaker
So anyway, Crazy Ralph is like, you're going up to camp blood. You're not coming back. Crazy Ralph is the closest. door He's the closest character in any of the movies we've actually covered to the pig shit farm. I was jack and valley just that work. ah ah Oh, that won't go down that road to lead to a pig shit farm. You're going to be knee deep manure. And she does get her manure.
00:31:39
Speaker
She gets a ride most of the way to camp. Yeah, from this guy. She's like talks to him and she's like, oh, yeah, you're an original American. He's like mocking her back. He's he recaps the beginning of the movie. I think it was understood. He was only going to take her a certain way. Oh, I'm not going down that road. Oh, yeah. I don't know. You see that big ass fucking aerodynamic bullshit truck. It was like a fucking rectangle with wheels underneath. Yeah, you don't get to a gallon. He's like, four, four, four miles. He's like, look, I'm going this direction anyway, so I'll take you. It gets you 10 miles closer. Then you just got to walk 10 miles. Yeah. Hey, cut my distance. And then you're hitchhiking 10 miles. And then you're hitchhiking in the woods. Hitchhiking, if the hitcher taught me anything, is not a good idea. But hitchhiking in the woods is probably worse.
00:32:28
Speaker
I mean, how many chances are there two serial killers if you're hitchhiking? That's why I have no problem. What are the chances we're both murderers? Exactly. What? ah You get it. Well, the hitcher, it's not the hitchhiker that's the killer. It's yeah it's the titular hitcher.
00:32:46
Speaker
Well, sometimes that's the answer. When are we putting that on Broadway? Yeah. I need some Vincent Price for this one. The titular hitcha. Yes. Who's picking up who? I wonder.
00:33:04
Speaker
and then we have, ah Jack's favorite character in the movie, Jack, played by Kevin Bacon. Can we just call him Kevin Bacon from here on out? Yes, but it's it's Kevin Bacon, ah this girl Brenda, and then either Bill or Ned. You're dressed as good as Ned. Ned, it's Ned.
00:33:23
Speaker
there's Because that is Bill and Bill and Ned are the same guy. Bill and Ned's not so excellent adventure. Exactly. It ends with murder. This is their bogus journey to help. Ned is the stupid nerdy racist racist one. And Bill is the I'm the adult here. What can we do? Which one's with the Harry butthole? That would be Ned. That is Ned. And we don't know if the whole's hairy. Based on the amount of hair on his lower back, I'm going to say the whole is hairy. I'm making some assumptions here. He's got, he gets tingleberries like a Wookie dude. He is a Wookie. He might just do really Italian. He's scooting his ass on the carpet. Well, he's only hairy on the bottom half. Yeah. Italians are super hairy. His legs are butt or hairy. His chest and arms are not. Hold on. Italians are only hairy in their lower half.
00:34:08
Speaker
No, like the the back ever. I've I've dated a few Italians and they all have that. Not a flag nipple here. Harry back area. My friend in high school, his was Italian. His name was last name, but it was something Italian. Bonne duchy. His dad. Gabacool. His dad was so fucking hairy. So his dad had a beard.
00:34:29
Speaker
But he was weird his beard had appeared his beard and his chest hair would have connected. But you could see where he shaved. Yeah, it was like five o'clock shadow from right at the top of his collar to the bottom of his beard. I was like, just don't bother, dude. Yeah. Just be a wookie. Just lean in, man. ah Start brushing it as one. Yeah.
00:34:55
Speaker
You go through a lot of conditioner. Yeah. Yeah. If only he waited a few years, he could have been doing all these Star Wars conventions and made a bunch of money. Oh, yeah. Right? Take a picture with Chewbacca. I'm not too big. He was only like 5'11". It wouldn't have worked. Oh, what a tiny wookie. He's a baby wookie. He's a baby wook.
00:35:13
Speaker
He's a widow Wookiee. A widow Wookiee. It's Kevin Bacon and those other two nobodies. He could have been in the we make of Wookiee of the Year. I mean, they had tiny Wookiees, like you saw the Christmas special. The holiday special. What's his name? Turd. Oh, we're going to be doing it. Oh, you're going to be doing it? Yeah, it's going to be in just a couple of weeks. On Han Took Shots First. I have an addiction. On our sister podcast.
00:35:37
Speaker
Kevin Bacon gets there. That's how far we are. We just got to Kevin Bacon? With his road massage? as Yeah, he was driving around in this big old, what was it, 77 Ford? I had a 77 Ford to look just like this. This could be anywhere from like a 75 to 79. In the IMDB trivia, someone always says what the vehicles are. I didn't write it down, but when you said you had a 77, I had a flashback to reading that minutes ago. Okay. I think it looked a lot like mine was baby blue.
00:36:06
Speaker
Yeah. Other than that, it looked really similar. ah But yeah, they're they're all showing up to camp. and We meet Steve Christie, who's played by Peter Bauer. Don't get to know that. tale Oh, this this is this is Napoleon Dynamite's brother. Yeah. But with with hair. Dude, is he working a strip club? Like, is he setting up a male strip? Yeah, he's the contractor. Yeah. This guy looks like he wants to be a male stripper, but he definitely doesn't have the body for it. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm not a person to talk about it, but he is so fucking skinny.
00:36:33
Speaker
Yeah, it might be. It's I think that might be somebody's king. Right. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if somebody talked to the the guy who played Dangle in Reno. No, no. And John is like John Lennon. Thomas. lin Thomas Lennon, not John Lennon. God damn it. Every fucking time. Yeah, he's dead. He's one's a really talented artist. The other one got killed. Got killed.
00:36:54
Speaker
But yeah, I bet you that would that was heavily on his inspiration list. Yeah. They're like, go watch Friday the 13th and you'll know what we're going for. yeah You know the guy. Well, which character are you talking about? You'll know him when he shorts and you'll know the outfit. These cut off jean shorts that like no matter how long or short your dick is, it's still going to fall out. At least the testicles going to slip. Oh, yeah. You're popping one of those puppies out of the bathtub and a red bandana around his neck. And then like these.
00:37:26
Speaker
Hiker boots. But like, Hiker boots, your red wool socks. Oh, yeah. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know you're like stopping like chiggers and stuff from jumping up. I know what the wool socks are for. Chiggers. I know. I hate saying the word. It always feels wrong, right? I bet you there was a war. We brought them in our neighborhood.
00:37:44
Speaker
There's the reason there was a movie called ticks and not triggers by the way This dude had a full wardrobe on but it's fucking summertime in New Jersey. He's like I'm stripping down with just my cut-off jeans You know, what I'm gonna cut these jeans off too. They were pants and he had a fucking like flannel on he's like well I'm gonna lose this flannel the data went je he rodown wood Yeah, look I get it it's hot And like he's got the socks for protecting the legs from bugs, but he is He is the word now they sell like an infestation. He is chopping wood. You shouldn't be doing that from all directions You shouldn't be doing that in short shorts and no shirt. That's how you get fucking splinters in your nipples, but it was too high That's how you You want splinters in your nipples Lana? No, no nobody does
00:38:31
Speaker
But yes, so he's the head of the camp. He's the one who's been restoring the case. It's Alice. Yeah, he's the son of the previous owners. And then we also meet Alice, who's played by Adrian King, who's the one who quit acting. She did come back and start acting again, but nothing I ever heard of. You can't quit for 30 years and have a successful career.
Franchise Appeal and Crazy Ralph
00:38:48
Speaker
What do you think? Well, she had her own reason. What do you think you are? Beetlejuice?
00:38:51
Speaker
Well, I think Michael Keaton did other things. No, but the franchise. Oh, OK. Well, franchises, as we've learned, can quit for as long as they want and still come back. I guess so. Yeah, they won't be good. Blade Runner. Blade Runner was OK. That was like that was a good one. I ate words on that. I thought that was going to be hot poop. So did Derek. Derek was worried when we went and saw that. I went and saw in theaters because I knew I wanted to see it. But I was also like, this is probably going to. Maybe that's how we liked it so much. We like just give me garbage. Hey, it wasn't garbage. No, I watched it just the other day. Yeah, we watched it again. And I haven't seen it since theaters, but I watched it just the other day knowing it was good and it was better than I remembered. Yeah. So interesting. I actually didn't mind the Tron remake either. The what? I never saw either. I i thought it was OK.
00:39:32
Speaker
I mean, it's not a remake so much as a long sequel. Oh, no, I mean the sequel. Yeah, long sequel, which normal long sequels normally fucking suck. People complained about the the computer, Jeff Bridges, whatever. But to me, I was like, they're in a computer. You're about to say like, aren't they in a computer? Yeah, exactly. The de-aging Jeff Bridges thing, because he's he shouldn't have aged because he's in a computer. But that's what I told everybody. I was like, but it makes sense. He's been living in a computer. He should look computery. Yeah.
00:39:59
Speaker
he's indoctrinating like flash and he updated the software he was still running on the old shit so he looks weird now yeah oh now he's got the iphone ten done i love i enjoyed it but anyway so we have alice adrian king they're still like repairing the camp even though i'm pretty sure it's supposed to open like tomorrow Not sure why they're still doing that. She's like using a hammer to fix gutters, which I'm pretty sure is not how that works. She's using a hammer to clean the gutters. No, she was putting nails in it. She's putting ah the gutter back up. um From my view, that was the wrong way to hammer in anything. Yeah, it was.
00:40:35
Speaker
but It's implied that she's been fucking officer dangle here. Yeah sign that He wants to fuck her. Well, I think it's more that he wants to fuck her because she did kiss that other dude I didn't get that they were fucking I got the whole conversation I mean you we were all talking alone at camp before everybody else showed up Yeah, and he's like they were in two different movies by their conversation like he's all oh I'm so sorry, like I don't mean to offend you, but will you stay? And she's like, I don't know, I couldn't have stuff in California. I guess she should go check on something in California. This is New Jersey. You don't go check on something in California. You stay in California. I'm pretty sure it's exactly what Karate Kid did. He checked on a tournament in California, and he came home with a drama night! But he moved to California. He didn't go check on somebody. He checked me.
00:41:25
Speaker
No can defend. No can defend. Although, in Karate Kid 2, he does go check on something in Japan. He goes to Okinawa. So he's checking on shit all over this globe. A globetrotting teenager. Well, no, wasn't it his brother or something died? Like Mr. Miyagi's real mate. Mr. Miyagi's dad was dying. yeah was And he had to go fight his adopted brother. Yeah, something. I don't know. Soto? Soto? Yeah, Soto. Johnny wasn't in it, so. And then there was Peter Satera. Uh-huh.
00:41:55
Speaker
All I know is I saw all of those movies. One, two, three. I saw them all. I only really liked the first one. Second one. Oh, the third one's fine. The third one has Karate's Bad Boy. Damn it. Karate's Bad Boy and Mike Barnes. And the fourth one. But the fourth one. The next Karate Kid is Jennifer Garner. That's not a sequel. No, it's not Jennifer Garner. No, it's the Will Smith's Kid. No, no. No, not that one. There's one with a girl.
00:42:20
Speaker
It's the million dollar baby. yeah who one playing That's what I said, Jennifer Gardner. you Show me them say a fuck yeah cry Hillary swing I will say I will say karate kid two and three were not very good two is amazing You're fucking wrong when they brought all those storylines back in Cobra Kai. I was fanboying out like an idiot I was like that's the guy he had a deathmatch with that's the guy who hired karate's bad boy my car bad boy Mike Barnes Hey mommy's make bar In that Cobra Kai series, Terry Silver is fucking crazy. Yeah, I bet. Like in a good way. Mm hmm. Anyway, how the fuck did we get to Cobra Kai? I don't know. It's the 80s. Oh, I brought up the truck. It's my fault. Jersey to California. Exactly. Right back. I can go check on something in California. It's called a karate tournament. boom We're right back. This guy, Steve Christie, though, that he's flirting with Alice in a weird way. Isn't he a car salesman, Steve Christie? and two is yeah But he's flirting with Dallas and he's like, she's showing him her drawings that she's been doing or whatever, which doesn't come back up. which And we don't see any of that. But it's just him looking at it and he goes, you're very talented and pretty. It looked like a shitty fucking sketch of like somebody that you did with your left foot.
00:43:36
Speaker
I mean like one of those like where you tell the person what they look like. Allman dies. Let's do 60% shame, 30% surprise, 10% disappointment right there. We also meet Bill, who I only want to mention because he's he's he's not important. He's the one with the hairy butt, right? but no it's Bill's the adult that's not. You said the one in the car is the one with the without the hairy butt.
00:44:00
Speaker
No, I said Ned, the one in the car has the hairy ass. Let the record show you was only asking about the hairy ass. All right. Harry Ned. Harry Ned. Harry Ned. And Bill is played by Harry Crosby, funny enough, who is Bing Crosby's son. Oh, shit. no And a lot of people gave them flack in this because Sean Cunningham and Victor Miller both admitted they were just riding Halloween.
00:44:24
Speaker
Yeah, they were like, we're taking that and we're making another movie like that hotels because it was popular. Yeah. And money, right? A lot of people give them shit because they were like, oh, you have Bing Crosby's son. Is it like trying to hire Jamie Lee Curtis, who's Tony Curtis's daughter? Right. Yep. And it's funny because the thing I read was like, we didn't even think about that. But once people said it, we were like, we should use that for marketing in the future. Yeah. Yeah. We fucked up by turns out Harry Crosby did four movies. So doesn't matter. I know, but that's because he died so early in this one. But so did. No, he died later than Kevin. Yeah, Bill is the last one. I mean, all these people kind of die in the same span of a very quick time once it gets going. Yeah. um He's is he the one or one of one of these dudes? All right. Here we go. Ned is the one that did the Native American headdress. and Which one shot an arrow at the girl? Ned. OK. And Ned is the one that gets his throat slit on top of the bed. Yeah. OK. And Bill is the one that gets shot with the arrows into the door.
00:45:18
Speaker
Correct. And then throat slit. You'll probably just stab him with arrows. No, I like it the way- Because he's mounted. I think she'd sold him jump and went, yep. She started shooting at the ground like a cowboy. She's like, dance, you wanna make a nice trick shot and had the four arrows jump, bitch. She gave him a wedgie first on a door hook. Well, it is Bill and Ned's excellent journey, so it's a Melvin. Focus journey. It's Melvin me. It's bogus because it's not excellent. They dead. They dead, baby. We get the first or the second kill of the movie because that kid at the beginning got killed because Annie jumps in a Jeep as another hitchhiker, but all of those drivers... You're just pushing your luck on hitchhiking. You got away with one not getting murdered. Don't do it again. All the driver stuff is shot from POV though, so we know this isn't going well for her.
00:46:08
Speaker
She's just talking about whatever. and There's no response. This person drives right past the camp. And she's like, I think that was the turn off. The big sign that came from the lake. ah And it doesn't seem to be another turn. And the first thing I said out loud to all of you guys was talk and roll, bitch. Yeah. Because I wasn't remembering that she does talk at the door, ain't going to hold Yeah, she made a classic mistake of not getting drunk enough to go limp. Well, she tucked and rolled after this person sped up She might have first. Yeah, that's why I always have a pocket flask. I don't know how she hurt her leg because She didn't hurt her leg. She hit her head so hard that she was limping. The impact folded her head into her knee. So she had but her knees so hard it hurt. My knee is killing me. My head's fine. Did that hit you in the head? No, my head's fine. and
00:47:00
Speaker
no You have a pocket flash just in case you get kidnapped you have to like jump out of a moving van You go limp dude like hold on well look glu look all i'm right the popeye music that way you all like really cool to that and ah let me cast a spell really quick all right ah we could go he just finished shows widows but And she goes running off into the woods and our killer catches up to her and How does this old lady catch up to you? Well, because she's actually played by Tasso. Oh, hold on. i I will never remember this name. Something. Tasso Stavrakis. Something Greek indeed. You know, Stavro. Who is who was Tom Savini's assistant makeup guy?
00:47:40
Speaker
who mostly played the body double. Anytime we see the hands, they're Tom Savini's because I've seen Tom Savini and I know how hairy he is. Yeah, it is a big, thick hairy hand. Also, I don't think Tom Savini has ever not worn a big gaudy ring like he is. She I don't think Mrs. Voorhees is wearing a big gaudy ring when we see her. No, no. But Tom Savini is. He's like, I'm not taking it off. I can't film around it, dude. Fiction and post. I can't take it off. So I was doing special effects for God of the Dead or whatever. I was doing special effects for Dawn of the Dead.
00:48:11
Speaker
This may not be attached anymore. This is the song in my hand if I take the ring off the nerves detach it's over Whitney Do you know how this old lady was able to catch up to her? She's can cuss and limping and this old lady knows the land also it's uneven And the old lady does have a pocket flask So she takes this uneven ground perfectly. She's like, I can navigate this all day. Look at this. I'm catching up to you. that bitch No, she ate the mushrooms. ah Look at this. under fun yeah She hasn't dug the tunnels yet. She ate the mushrooms. I hear Jason's voice. Do you hear it? good
00:48:48
Speaker
He's telling me to get a bunch of Ben and But I'm lactose intolerant. Eat the ice cream, buddy. I will, Jason. I won't disappoint you. Eat it now. He says get the ripple fudge. I think they call fudge ripple.
00:49:05
Speaker
I was just going with Cherry Garcia. That's the only one I know. Or all the dough or spilt cookies. What is it? I don't know. The cookie or chunky monkey. Oh, there was a chunky monkey. I know that one because I was like, hey, they didn't know ice cream after me. but You're my chunky monkey, though. ah Back off, bitches. Stop it. So cute. There's some more shenanigans at camp and then this motorcycle cop arrives. Oh, boy, does he?
00:49:32
Speaker
This cop rolls up, though, looking like he's wearing his son's motorcycle helmet. Yes. He's just barely sitting on top of his head. Woo, woo, woo. All right, pull over here. He has a motorcycle cop Halloween costume from Spirit. I thousand percent. He's totally not even a real cop. Well, the guy they had... He's also not a real motorcycle rider. I saw him ride this thing. The guy they had cast got sick and just put on Little John's outfit. It's another PA. Yeah. Yeah, we talked about this motorcycle crashing in a minute here. Yeah, I love this guy though cuz he's like Kevin Bacon. He's like what you've been smoking Kevin Bacon's cancer What don't don't kid me? I don't don't have it all but the Colombian gold man. Did you just grass hash?
00:50:15
Speaker
He said something like, I can see it in your eyes, spaceman. That glumming gold, that weed, that hash, that sticky, that tar, that loud, that fire, you got some of them trees on deck. I'm asking you, kid, you got some Jimmy's poppers, little slippers. I'm not asking to get you in trouble, I want some. I'm looking for that shit too, damn. Looking for that shrooms, looking for that ecstasy. You holding? Acid, bladder, gel top, what you got?
00:50:39
Speaker
It's still the 70s when they're filming this, so Quaaludes are in there. Oh, Quaaludes. Oh, you got the Black Muties? He's just assuming Quaaludes. We're not going to get into what I know you have.
00:50:52
Speaker
ah But he's looking for Crazy Ralph, who's missing from town. I never heard of that drug. every time He's like, every time Crazy Ralph gets out of town, I spend a day in court and he spends a week in jail or something. and I'm like, but just quit arresting him. Yeah. Wasting taxpayer money. Because you know what crazy Ralph definitely doesn't have? Money for a lawyer. Right. They're just using a public defender. One should be appointed to him, I think. Yeah. They're just wasting their time. It's Joe Pesci. You better help me. The two The two you. Two huge.
00:51:24
Speaker
yeah Yeah, two youths. That should be our Patreon in July. It's going to be really tough to do my cousin Vinny because that movie's funnier than we'll ever be. Yeah, it's hard to do really good comedies, bad comedies. or Yeah, back when when somebody's trying to be funny and failing. So this podcast, we could do this podcast.
00:51:40
Speaker
Yeah. We could make fun of ourselves. Do an episode of one of our episodes. So, yes, we mentioned how the one guy, Ned, whichever one is doing the racist Native American thing. Ned, Bill is an adult. He's dancing around doing the Native American thing when the cop shows up. And this cop is asking about Crazy Ralph. And he's like, there's no crazy people here. And that guy, the cop is like, I told you, sit on it, Tonto. Tonto. Which I mean, again, it's a racist line, but also a cop starring it at an idiot is really funny. I don't know if it's the subtitles fucked up or if he said this, but when he walked up, he said, like, take it easy, goat cheese instead of co cheese. I'm 100% sure he said co cheese and the subtitles said that goat cheese made me so happy. i think I think most subtitles, like they do like an initial generation via like an A.I. type of algorithm. Yeah, that makes sense. And then somebody usually, if you're buying a disc, goes through and edits. Well, somebody missed.
00:52:35
Speaker
So many fucked up. ah Some deaf guy ah or girl out there is going to be fucked up for life because they're going to think that they were going to goat cheese. I mean, yeah, this does this deaf person is like, are Native Americans known for eating goat cheese? I don't understand the joke. there go We got goat cheese county. I mean, that's where Tombstone Brewery is right there in goat cheese. But yeah, sheep or goat cheese is I guess that makes sense because they don't really. There wasn't a lot of cows until the Europeans brought them over here and ruined everything. Thanks for everything. Delicious steak, though. Well, I mean, the cows aren't why the Europeans ruin everything. Oh, yeah. One of the girls, Annie or Alice.
00:53:19
Speaker
The main girl having two characters with the same first letter is a bad idea for me. ah But Alice, which well, I think the thing is up here is a horror fan. You've seen Alice Sweet Alice. OK, so every time they said Alice, all I could think of was that movie and that creepy mask with the rain suit. Yeah, the the clear mask and the rain jacket. Yeah. With the makeup was. Yeah. It on the mask. Yeah. Is that Brooke Shields?
00:53:45
Speaker
Yeah, as a little kid. Yeah, well, I mean, I think she was like 14 and had to do some really before she did flavor yeah but well before she did what what was it? Blue Lagoon or whatever. Yeah. But even after that, she did Playboy under 18 because her mom signed the rights away and then she tried to sue Playboy and lost the case in court. Oh, really? Yeah.
00:54:04
Speaker
I didn't know any of that yeah tragic shit in Blue Lagoon. but Yeah. Fucking mom. Although we're saying it was tragic, but also just a few hours ago, we were making jokes about that stupid kid from the Nirvana album and his whole dicks hanging out there. So a whole dick is an acorn. It's his adult. It's like naked babies are are are ah sometimes cute. Naked adults rarely.
00:54:26
Speaker
But Alice finds Crazy Ralph in the pantry. Oh, ah right before that. so Maybe all stocked up on Crazy Ralph's. Let me check the pantry. We got to talk about when the cop is leaving. dog That's right. Pasta. That's where I got my opening line where I fucked up the whole intro from, which he's like, we ain't going to stand for no weirdness out here. And then he goes to ride his motorcycle away and almost fucking beefs it, dude. he So he fucked up on the U-turn. It's like, OK, that's a tough road. But he keeps going up and gets worse. I had flashbacks of Miami Connection when that guy is trying to do doughnuts and just eat shit. Love Miami Connection. But she finds Crazy Ralph in the pantry, which this cop is looking for Crazy Ralph and just showed up and was like, you guys seen Crazy Ralph? They're like, no. And he's like, OK, bye. Don't know who that is. Well, he didn't he left because he got a call. I know he got called away, but like Crazy Ralph is in the pantry.
00:55:12
Speaker
I know it will take it all of eight seconds to find this. But he was like, have you seen anything? And they're like, no, nobody has been here taking a word on it because I got to get there because the boss wants me for his room job right now. How the fuck did crazy rough get past all of them? They were all in the fucking crazy. No, they weren't in the kitchen. They were on the docks.
00:55:32
Speaker
Oh, that's right. They were swimming earlier. Okay, but like all you have to know to find crazy route and stick already. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We skipped the the before thing I said it before I get back. But Ned ends up passing out in the water.
00:55:47
Speaker
Yeah, and no, he's like fake drowns in the water. Oh, that's right. OK, so here's how you find Crazy Ralph. You just say, hey, we're taking that road down to Camp Crystal Lake. He will pop out like, don't take that rod. No matter where he's hiding. He like got guys on that rod. I'm so Jack has talked before about how he's the most boring character in a horror movie because he's not going to do any of this dumb shit. I'm not there for this. If if I am Alice, I open the pantry.
00:56:12
Speaker
There's Crazy Ralph, who's looking like a Harry Dean Stanton that smoked meth. Yes. Hanging out in the pantry. And the first thing he says is, um message but I'm I'm getting into the nearest vehicle. And if there isn't one, I'm walking. I'm leaving. Because it's still daytime. The storm hasn't hit. I'm fucking out. Because yes, meffed out Harry Dean Stanton yelling, I'm the messenger of God.
00:56:36
Speaker
Goodbye. There have been, I can attest, there have been times like we have set, like our honeymoon, we have set a location and we have gone into the ah hotel room um or motel room, cause it was a road trip. And we were both, we looked at each other were like, we're not staying here. We're going somewhere else. Yep. Pay for another hotel. Goodbye. Yeah. I'm sorry. If you yell messenger of God at me, I'm having a bad time. Yeah. What a way to start out a conversation too, if you're really genuinely trying to help these people.
00:57:03
Speaker
i'm <unk>s going to take you so well um I don't know. Some, some would, you know. um so Play it cool, dude. Play it cool. Act like you've been there. if you're I love your mom, but if somebody said they were a messenger of God, you're going to die if you go down that road. What would your mom do? Well, if that's God's plan, I'm going down that road. Oh.
00:57:26
Speaker
that. Crazy Ralph then does one of my favorite lines of the whole series. And this is when he walks out of the kitchen because they're all like, get the fuck out of here, weirdo. He walks up to his pockets. He's got Kraft bag and cheese in his pockets. He took our Kraft bag and cheese. He's got his Peewee's Big Adventure bike. And he's like, you're all doomed. You're doomed. And then jumps on his bike. And and I really just need the bell like. Do right away.
00:57:55
Speaker
And they focus so much longer on his right away on the bicycle than the mother. They were like, we got to make up for that guy eating shit once again. This guy's drunk. He leaned into the car. He did. He was like, I'm right. Like I said, leaving camp when this guy steps out of the closet or the pantry and says I'm messenger of God. He's not on that bike yet. You've got a way out.
00:58:14
Speaker
20-mile bike ride sounds terrible, but you sounds better than being around messenger of God and walking how did they not see his bike Someone was just like oh that must be Steve's bike. He's got the yeah choice you know he's officer dangle But the officer came on the motorcycle and I'm sure he could he should have so right it was right correct we didn't say he was a good cop
00:58:38
Speaker
he was focused on the devil's lettuce of the boy it's just a different yeah of a cab all cops are blind well i see I see his bike, but I do not see him on it. so did you he must know he must hear He must have left his bike and gone on.
00:58:54
Speaker
Is what I'm thinking. Propped it up on Neatlock by that tree by the front door there. Almost like he's waving for me to leave for a getaway, but I don't think so.
Memorable Death Scenes
00:59:03
Speaker
So then, Kevin Bacon and Marcy later in the evening go off to fuck. Ow. They have some weird sex. Well, first, she talks about this dream that she has where the it starts raining and the rain turns to blood. What? And he's like, yeah, I've had weird dreams, too. Wanna fuck? As they go, as they're getting done, though, fucking on the bike just real fast. Don't!
00:59:22
Speaker
Do you hear that? I did. I told you to do it. I said, no. Was that really in the movie? Yeah, we were not the doomed part. That's like no blood rain. They're sitting by the lake and she's talking about rain turning into blood. I think yeah i think you're making a cocktail. I may have been making a cocktail. It comes back around because they fuck.
00:59:43
Speaker
And we find out that Ned is in the top bunk dead. do him Nobody sees him. Oh, guess who's getting rain blood on. She gets up and walks away after showing off her nips and blood starts dripping through the mattress. So I appreciate real good tan line. Anyway, yes, 70s nips. Oh, a different nip.
01:00:02
Speaker
and when you commented on one of these chicks butts earlier, I'm like, dude, it's a first 70s 70s. But she was because they're usually very. Yeah. Yeah. yeah we She had jeans on. so She had the the pants on that make your butt kind of look flat. Nope. It was still.
01:00:18
Speaker
Yeah, you couldn't keep that thing contained. No, it was Alice. It's Alice has the butt. Yeah, because she was bending over. It was when she was. No, I was. Oh, she was standing on the ladder trying to paying. OK. And then some dude in a bike rode by with it. Boomed! That butt is boomed! I was thinking of when they were pulling Harry Butt out of the water and she was bent over with her ass right in the camera. Oh, that too. Awesome. yeah Yeah. They're like, get Alice in center frame and filming.
01:00:42
Speaker
from Nice Butt to Harry, but real quick. But this is the for me, at least the best kill of the movie. ah Oh, God. She gets up, she gets up and walks away. I presumably to go watch the come out and Kevin Macon. I don't know why that just hit so hard, but it was just like, I think that how badly you say she's going to raise that come out. You know, Zam, brother holds out that fuckhole. Gonna rinse out that snooze. Every female knows that if you are raw dogging it, you pee immediately after to help. I think those are different tubes. They are different. Let me finish my sentence. They are different holes, but the pee helps like wash some of the stuff away. And then when you're wiping, you kind of like wash away the shame. Are you guys trying to make this movie fucking like more rated R? Typically correct. What is going on? This is more sex ed than I ever had in Catholic school. well but surprised me I'm letting you behind the curtain of what girls do in the bathroom. It's Catholic school though. Quick question, you have a vagina?
01:01:47
Speaker
I do. Oh, my God. Sex Ed is like, OK, so your penis and her vagina won't work until you get married. If you pretend you love a woman enough, you can muster up a boner. Look, you can only get these loves a boy very much. You're only allowed to get a boner for the priest until you're married. um We're going to practice before we get to sex and we're going to practice quiet exercises. I think this is the episode that's going to be canceled. Oh, God, I hope and it would be great to be on it.
01:02:17
Speaker
Fuck yeah, Jinjin. I learned at a young age, don't snooze. Is that a trauma unlocked? No, it's a trauma that's always been there. oh Just uncovered to us. So anyway, she's cleaning out her fuckhole. She goes to clean out her snooze. Kevin Bacon starts getting blood dripping on his forehead. Washing out her hair on. He doesn't even get a chance to be like, he's like, a furber is that blood?
01:02:40
Speaker
fuck Oh, my God. Arrow gets pushed up through his fucking neck. It's not Savini. Yes. OK, so Savini. Amazing, amazing, amazing, especially back then. Like this is shit I expect to see today to budget again. Five hundred and fifty K.
01:02:56
Speaker
say the budget again. I think it all went to him. Dude, it's the amazing. i'm I'm sorry. I got it. This is like Marvel movies, Star Wars movies and stuff that come out out every big movie. Two hundred three hundred million dollar movies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That look like trash.
01:03:13
Speaker
compared to an arrow going through a rubber neck and Tom Savini blowing blood through a hose. Yeah, Zipp enlightened us on that. Yeah, so Zipp, tell us about the effect real quick, because what we see is the... We see a body. The hand comes up, grabs the top of the head, and then it cuts. And when it cuts, they put Kevin Bacon basically on the floor on his knees.
01:03:36
Speaker
underneath the bed and they cut out a hole for his head so he could put it up onto the pillow like he's laying down. Flush with the prosthetic neck. Prosthetic body and or half a torso and and a neck up there to you know match his neck. Yeah. Got the color and everything blended with makeup. And then ah Tom s Savini was just basically under there with an arrow. He had to jam it through.
01:03:58
Speaker
And then they had some kind of pump that they were going to pump the blood through, but it didn't work. So he grabbed the hose and just blew through it. And you get this magnificent just spray of blood. And it goes. It actually ends up hitting, you know, Kevin Bacon in the mouth. Yeah, it looks so fucking close to him for going with it.
01:04:17
Speaker
Yeah. And being like, oh my God, instead of just freaking out and then their shot is ruined. Well, that's why you go on to be a real actor. Not an expensive shot by any means, but a shot that's expensive for this movie. Well, I mean, to reset, that would have been a lot to reset. Exactly. Now you made it $520,000. Well, it's already $550,000, so $570,000. $570,000. But then, yeah, then you got to build a new neck and you got to do, you know. You don't need to build it. You just need to clean it off.
01:04:42
Speaker
Well, because the whole the whole through it, you have to make it because it's all prosthetic shit. But like but it's it's a great effect because they just rinse out that hole. It wasn't the way it was meant to look. It was meant to just dr like like flow out. Yeah. But the spurting makes so much sense. And i I learned that today as I was researching the episode. But like the spurting makes more sense. It always made sense to me because of your blood. you're Sorry. I just found Derek's documentary to the spurting always made sense to me. It's because you're heart pump. So it's not just going to. It's through his neck. So he's breathing. So he's trying to scream. So that air coming up would be pushing it out. And there's bubbles and there's like it's disgusting. And it's fucking it's amazing. OK, honestly, technically, because you see it. You see it leak out a little bit, too. Yeah, first. And then he when he when it spurts, that's when he takes. Well, exactly. And that's how it would work. It's just like that. This isn't working. That leak. And then he tries to scream and it goes.
01:05:41
Speaker
Yeah Okay, yeah weekly he should still be able to scream because the ah the arrow is still there. So there's still a blockage To have the vibrations but the spurting blood is cool. Yes Awesome if you see did a half turn and then rip that arrow back. out Oh, we don't have the money for that that would be six hundred thousand and then lostss through the next
01:06:07
Speaker
It's not a cross. It's just an X. I guess it's a plus sign. Yeah. But like it's a cross. It's stab twist pull. Stab twist pull. You know, as you'd normally murder someone with an arrow. Yeah. Well, even with a knife, stab twist pull. I've never stabbed anybody. and face off and Also, it doesn't really matter, but I just want to mention it because it's entertaining because we don't see it go as far as you would think in this kind of movie. But Alice, Bill and other girl, Brenda, are playing strip Monopoly. Shevopoly. Shevopoly. Shevopoly. Shevopoly. Hey, thanks for coming to Shevopoly. Think of your pants. I'll get you a pizza. Brenda is the Jennifer Garner's mom, right? Yeah. OK. She's not. But yeah, she looks like it. I mean, you know, I love her. She's got a horse. She's got a horse face and I love it. You do love them long faces. I do. Why long faces? I think that's why when I said Annie was the most attractive girl in this movie, Jack was like, man,
01:07:05
Speaker
Because I'm like, oh, she looks like a normal human. He's like not horsey enough. I don't feel like giving her a sugar cube. but I would feed her a carrot. She looks like a human. I shouldn't brush her hair. He just said your dick was a carrot. It's a good looking. He's not a baby carrot. I've heard. It's also more like a shredded carrot after the accident.
01:07:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, you can't fucking cheese Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Meanwhile, meanwhile to all this, Marcy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, who's the one that just fucked Kevin Bacon? There's still a movie here. She goes to the bathroom. And I mean, OK, I know how camps work. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, went yeah, to a summer yeah, yeah, yeah camp one time. The bathrooms are separate. But these are like cabins. These should have some kind of bathroom in them. No, it's all one big communal. Do you want to smell everybody else's shit? It's most summer camps. All the bathrooms are in one house. That's smelling everyone's shit. Not when you're sleeping.
01:08:35
Speaker
Maybe a two week thing, maybe a one week. I don't know. Did you have to stay? I've blocked out most of it because it was awful. Did you have to stay touched you? Yeah. But I was in the show me on the doll where I'm going to touch you. I was in the older group. So like the the counselors were closer to our age than most of the other people at the camp.
01:08:52
Speaker
Also, everybody else at the camp got to stay in cabins. We got to stay in a hastily constructed like military tent. Oh, yeah. Where it's like it's like a wooden floor with like a tent over the top. I went to a camp that was just like that. Boy Scouts. Boy Scouts. Camp Geronimo and Flagstaff. Yeah. Yeah. This was out. I was really hoping that was the same one. No, this was up in Oracle. It would have been 10 years apart. This was up in Oracle. But anyway, the thing I remember the most besides When we tried to go to the cave and a bunch of kids fucked it up for everybody, because they went past the point they weren't supposed to. So no one else was allowed to go. Are you talking about pepper sauce and they went through the rabbit hole? Yes. Yeah. So I went I went to the communal bathroom thing, taking a shit. Some other people come in, they're all talking, being loud. I'm sitting there trying to be quiet because I'm in the bathroom and I'm like, no, I'm I'm here. Was there at least a stall door? There was a stall door. But these fucking assholes took like whatever a bucket or something of sand and just threw it over the top of the stall while I was in there taking a shit. Oh my god. And that's the thing I remember the most from being a summer camp. You've never told me this. Because it's tragic. I have been with you for 10 years and this has never come up. This might be why I won't go one day without showering.
01:10:08
Speaker
and that could do it So Marcy's in the bathroom she's cleaning out her vagina and She gets attacked that the extra toothbrush. She gets attacked while she's scooping the come gno brush this is for cleaning out after you sorry it's not a toorek That was wrong for me to say it's a coach brush I Yeah, this isn't the movie teeth. They don't have teeth. And I was drinking my beer when you said that. And it almost all foamed out on the microphone. Oh, I was having her a toothbrush. But she ends up she ends up getting killed with an axe to the face, which is a great effect. Yeah. But I read a thing about it that makes this effect actually kind of cooler. So they had made. It's already cool. They had made it like a prosthetic head to get chopped off. Uh huh. What are they doing with that after? Well, when they. Yes. When they went to chop it off, it got destroyed.
01:11:02
Speaker
when it got mangled, so there was no like after shot of the head because the head was destroyed. So instead they took it was the real actress and they basically took the axe and put prosthetics on it and glued it to her face. Nice. They shut the they like cut off the axe and just glued it to her face. I think they just put skin over it, but I'm not sure. But it's like, well, that way. Yeah, exactly. You have to cut part of that blade off. It might be that I just read that today. That would make sense. But it was like it was supposed to be a decapitation, but it just the head was destroyed and so they didn't have a money shot. I like this shot more. Yeah. Dude, I love this. Fucking great because it's a a real living person with like a gash in their face who's like falling down. It looks really fucking good. Yeah. But Tom Savini. So Tom Savini is a fucking genius, dude. He's still alive. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank God. Have you seen the Ripper?
01:11:54
Speaker
Yeah, I have not seen it yet. I got it. I own it. Oh, I own it, too. I got it from vinegar syndrome. Not paying us. ah But that's the one where he plays a like Jack the Ripper. Yeah, I didn't. I haven't watched it yet. But it's I did see some comments where people were like, I went to Tom Savini's like ah makeup school thing, whatever that he does. And his opening speech is about how that movie is trash. Oh, yeah. I'm like, Well, I'm going to watch it anyway. Yeah, he's not too fond of it. There's a George Romero film that you should check out, too, that he's in. um And it has a. Do monkey shines. No, no, no, fuck. I can't remember the name of it. It's like an action adventure. What? Fucking. Yeah. But it's like nights riding around on motorcycles and shit. I don't know. It was a 80s man. Oh, man. So ah or the 70s. I forget what it is.
01:12:47
Speaker
the guy Steve Dangle. He had left camp earlier. He's hanging out at this diner now. And it's kind of what we joked about earlier with the the waitress. $2.25, honey. ah You don't have to pay me nothing. But hey, if I can guess your underwear color, you have to blow me. I said what I said. I see those shorts. If I can tell you your religion, you don't have to pay. When he's leaving, there's another person at the other end of the diner that is also putting on the same yellow jacket. Oh, I didn't even check that one out. Yeah. He's also going to Jurassic Park. Hey, when we're done, I can just run my fuckhole through the dishwasher. I don't have to rinse it out of nothing. I don't need a brush anymore. I don't need an extra toothbrush. I'm old school. I just run it through the hose. My mouth tastes like vomit right now. I'm not kissing you. Because I mentioned my fuckhole. He goes to head back to camp in the storm. and
01:13:39
Speaker
The reason I said Jurassic Park is because he's wearing this bright yellow rain jacket. Yeah. he's getting an And it's fucking pouring rain. And all of us are just like, where's his fucking fake can of shaving cream, dude? Yeah, exactly. Where's the delafisaur coming? Where's that? Where's that spitting ass? Is that a real dinosaur? Yeah, it is. But it didn't spit as far as we know. It wasn't Jurassic Park.
01:14:01
Speaker
Oh. No, Giraffasaurus is a real animal. I don't know if it had that frill. It had the three little, like, mohawks. I guess it's not a mohawk, but it's three of them. Tri-hoc. Tri-hoc. Yeah. Tri-hoc wants you hooked, is what I heard. Just like Velociraptors are probably the size of chickens.
01:14:18
Speaker
Yes, the Velociraptor that we know is much closer to the Dionychus. Okay. Which are the little baby ones from the last world that eat that little girl. That's the gal of my little girl. Which are the size of chickens. Well, okay. Well, you know what, same thing. Anyway- So they reversed the two? I'm not a paleontologist. I smoke a bunch of weed and I still think I'm a kid. I love it. I just want a bunch of weed and watch Dinosaur Document. So- It's either that or Hitler. Sometimes it's both. Steve Christie is joining Jurassic Park. Okay, wait. If you're watching Kung Fury,
01:14:45
Speaker
No, no, no, there's another one that you're thinking about with There's another one. That's the sequel. ah The first one is that there's Nazis on the moon And then the second one sharks not not sky shark Steve told me about that one i want so somebody listening knows what I'm talking about where there's Nazis on the moon after World War Two and then the second one the follow-up has Hitler riding a dinosaur hard rocks on hollow earth okay because kung fury has Hitler doing kung fu against an 80s cop but that guy also wrote a dinosaur earlier in the movie yeah so i th or Odin sorry
01:15:23
Speaker
I don't know who sounds crazier, you or me. The people who wrote Kung Fury. You both sound very crazy. So he's heading back to camp. No, my Nazi movie's better. He's writing a dinosaur. These are both fever dreams that you both have said that because I don't know either of these movies. No, we've watched them both. I promise you. I know Kung Fury, but yeah, I don't know. It's barely a movie. It's only 15 minutes long. It's very short. But then we have the Brenda.
01:15:49
Speaker
Jack's girlfriend horse face reading a book in bed and she starts hearing a child's horse whisperer. Help me. Help me. Help me. There hasn't been a little bit of titles don't help because it just says young Jason screaming and I'm like, well, but we don't even haven't heard Jason's name. Hasn't been an old Jason. Yeah. Like I'm thinking I see young Jason makes sense to me. But in context of watching the movie, no one has said the name Jason yet.
01:16:14
Speaker
Yeah. That's not mentioned until like an hour fifteen. But first time viewer, deaf person. Probably like, I mean mean, they know who Jason is. Yeah. But anyway, it's a child screaming, help me, help me. So she decides after taking off her raincoat and her jacket to sleep in her nightgown, she's like, well, go look for this child in the rain in my nightgown without the raincoat or the jacket.
01:16:39
Speaker
Which is a good idea. Yeah, smart. Yeah, you can't see anything through this white nightgown, though. I'm very annoyed. Settle down, ya horn dog. I know. know what I am annoyed. My wife is the person in the room of three men and one woman who's like, where were her nipples? It's cold, she's wet, it's white, I wanna see nips.
01:16:57
Speaker
You don't, you don't see an outline of any underwear. Dude, hold on. She's wearing a fucking Ebenezer screw-style nightgown under a robe. She's wearing the Victorian nightgown. This chick has nipple tape, my friend. She's about to see the ghost of Christmas present. Iron Sky. Iron Sky is the movie with the Nazis in the room. Oh yeah, okay. And then Iron Sky too. Okay, guess who's crazy now?
01:17:20
Speaker
Well, OK, both of all of you, because I still don't know the sky and then look up sky sharks and tell me it's not the same font. I think it is. I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I'm right. um But so she goes wandering around the woods looking for the child who's screaming that she could hear from her room on the closed panel window. She doesn't even go out like into the woods. She just wanders over to the archery range. Yeah, she ends up on the archery range. It is our three range right next to the dock.
01:17:48
Speaker
same location to be really dangerous yeah it it's by a leg so theret no no one that' perpendicular it shouldn't be facing the docks I'll tell you that du to the back yeah the archery is like he faced toward campus the archery you face away from campus like so incoming cars get arrows yeah but and you get the late but shouldn't we go to Camp Crystal Lake If Jason don't kill you, by the way, if you might be able to tell me, but I read something and I don't remember exactly. Was this only one of two movies that actually takes place at Camp Crystal Lake?
01:18:23
Speaker
um Aren't the rest of them various other locations that are the ones that Whitney and I have watched with you are not Crystal Lake. Not Crystal Lake but near Jersey. The thing I read said something about that. Three was definitely definitely at Crystal Lake. Okay. Three was definitely there. I think that because the thing I read said something about one definitely and then another one and then it was like the other ones range from near Crystal Lake to far away from Crystal Lake and I'm like well that's that's just but because i always wonder about
Searching for Brenda and Shocking Finds
01:18:50
Speaker
time spacework that's just space I asked him one day I was like what is like Jason's like proximity yeah how far do I have to go for him like not worth it like if I go to England is he still like yeah well dude he went to New York so
01:19:05
Speaker
Okay. from jersey Apparently Camp Crystal Lake connects to the ocean. He went to New York. Why wouldn't it? One of these days we'll get to it, but he went to New York via like boat. Yeah. Which is impossible from the location he's in. and Did he put on a trench coat and like a fedora and hang out with Raphael from the Ninja Turtles? Yes. Walking here. It was Michelangelo. No, Raf.
01:19:28
Speaker
Naff is the one who's hiding in the stuff. It's a wrap that runs away. He fights Casey Jones. because I promise you. OK. OK. You don't know what a crumpet is. You know how to play cricket. I believe you. But you don't have much else. So part three, he was he was definitely a crystal like part four. He was part five. He was not. But that was Roy. Yeah. um Part six.
01:19:53
Speaker
I want to say, yeah, because his body was buried at Crystal Lake or near Crystal Lake in a town. You know, I think i mean like I said, this was looking like a trivia. So you never trust. One of the ones we watched, he was he was in the bottom of the lake and seven. No, that's carry seven. Seven is the bottom of the lake at Crystal Lake. But I thought they said that that wasn't it would have to be. Why wouldn't it be Crystal Lake? He's at the bottom theres a lot of the lake. That was Tomahawk Lake. It was Jason goes to hell, right?
01:20:21
Speaker
Eight was Manhattan. nine Eight was Manhattan. So he was he was there at Crystal Lake for a little bit. Jason goes to Manhattan. Sounds like we're getting the worst of the Bernie movies. Right. Well, it's like the Muppets take Manhattan. Yeah, it's a lot like that. Yeah, it's just like that. Less death. Um, Jason says, kill you, bitch. Ha ha ha. Wait, George Lucas hangs out with the Muppets? Yes. Kermit the Frog's a Muppet. That's right. Same guy. but uh remember nine was Fozzie Bears and that's nowhere near that's like well no it starts out at Crystal Lake I think it was it was in a town that was near Crystal Lake because it circles back to Crystal Lake at presumably Hope New Jersey which is what the cemetery said at the beginning of this yeah did you say Bristol Blake
01:21:06
Speaker
X you know he gets frozen on Crystal the Lake. that's That's far away from Jersey we found out. so Space is as far from New Jersey as you can get. look it It takes place anywhere around here or far from there. It's wild.
01:21:20
Speaker
I can't wait till we get to that one. I have the bag here Oh, yeah, this is gonna I really hope exit but I spoke outside We were fucking roast in a bowl like that's that's but you and him both regard that movie is like yeah, it's bad It's really fucking fun. It's so you both champion that movie in a really positive way better than leprechaun in space Let's get to the draw Yeah, it's another I know you guys are friends. Did I just marry them the mirror image of my father? I'm just the one who doesn't have any artistic talent. I make fun of other people who tried to make art. But hey, you have a lot of autistic talent. Okay, so Zipp, I basically married the untattooed version of you. Yeah.
01:21:58
Speaker
And the much younger, the more dapper. And the only tattoos he has are from you. Say dapper or fatter? I think he's a dapper. I wasn't sure. But Zip is the more dapper version of you. He takes a lot more dabs than you. You guys are like eight years apart. A lot dabs. I myself have a dab mod. It's so weird. So everybody is dead at this point, except Alice and Bill.
01:22:23
Speaker
Alice and Bill decide they're going to go searching for Brenda because she's like, all those lights came on and then they went off again. He's like, what's a good idea? Let's go out in the rain and check it out. It might be the generator. It's fine. We haven't seen anyone in 30 minutes. Let's go see where they all are. Again, we're not here for like us as people are not in this movie. We left or I'm still in my cabin. My back to a wall holding some weapon is like and I barricaded my door that opens inward. Unlike her. I'm here with Jack.
01:22:53
Speaker
So she just she puts so much shit in the way the door like zip call until you only hindered yourself. Yeah, I called it. It was me. It's true. But was me when they are searching for Brenda, they find an axe that's like tucked into bed. I don't know what's happening here. What is happening here? It's like Alice.
01:23:14
Speaker
They try to call out the phone line is cut. ah They can't start the truck because the engine is wet. Question. mark Dude, it wasn't wet till you open the fucking hood. Yeah. Because they try to start the truck and it doesn't start. So he opens the hood and she's like, what's wrong? He's like, I don't know. It's wet. It's weird. It's all soaking wet in here. I thought cars were supposed to be like, you know, leak proof. Dude, you have the fucking hood up, bro.
01:23:55
Speaker
That's right. Well, Steve had ah his truck. His jeep had broken down. Yeah. right It's the exact same jeep, by the way, that the killer has been like production was like production. Except it has a trailer. yeah Now it has a trailer. That's how you tell them. That's a different jeep. I literally read it. You don't know that when you're watching this movie and not knowing what we know. Like, oh, it's different. It's got a trailer. OK. yeah I read in the trivia. It's like, oh, the two jeeps appear in this movie, but they're actually the same jeep. And I'm like, well, yeah, I saw the movie. Yeah, it's almost like they want you to think he's the killer. People first sure time watching this are like, oh, my God, Steve is because that's the that's the one person. And I was like, OK, so if you're looking for Jason, you don't think that it's the mom, because no one ever thinks that. Well, you know, the mom, yeah she hasn't even been introduced.
01:24:43
Speaker
Exactly. You don't see this person. So you're like, it's fucking Steve. Well, and rule the series, you rule this this type of movie. If it's the first person you think is a killer, it ain't that person. Now, never. Sometimes it is Jello movies. It's probably the sixth or seventh person that you think is the killer. Yeah. that somebody You saw the very background emptying the trash can, but never spoke. Yes. I talked about that. but but I think right before you got here, maybe it was when you got here, but we were talking about shallow movies and I was like, I've watched enough at this point that I'm like, oh, the person they were putting forward as the red herring.
01:25:16
Speaker
Now I'm like, oh, that's the next person who's going to die. ah It's definitely not the killer. It's the next person who's going to die. yeah And they use that formula very well in Friday. They really do. That's good. I love it. I love not being able to know who it is. But Steven hitchhiked with a cop who drops him off down the road from camp. Because he gets a call for something else. Did this come to anything? The fact that he got called away and needed the jobs to fly there? No, it doesn't. Other than the fact that Steve gets dropped off away from camp. Okay, but it wasn't like an accident that we needed to hear about. He starts walking towards camp. it actually It's actually the accident from Friday the 13th 5 where Roy shows shows up. but and You talking to me? Exactly. But as soon as he gets out of the car and starts walking towards camp, a light shines on him and he's like,
01:26:02
Speaker
What are you doing here? Oh, oh because it's somebody he knows. Uh-huh. And it's like, what are you doing here? Yeah, because we end up finding out that Mrs. Voorhees was a cook at the camp in the 1950s. And so she is he knows who she is. She was he's she's friends with his parents or grandparents or whatever his parents, it's christie's it's chris christie' is yeah over the timeline, the Christie's because she burned him alive because Steve was a counselor there. And that's why she killed him.
01:26:32
Speaker
Marissa to may I yeah, so that's what I'm doing for mrs. Boy. He is don't let my son drown, okay? What wow you should have been there you shouldn't have been fucking all these's Fucking you should have been watching my son who did not know how to swim okay as he was a It was swim. I can't say another word, so I'll say poor swim. Yeah, cuz yeah That the way she pauses. I'm like yeah she was about to throw a hard but but she got a call of four seventy nine yeah yeah 479 filmed and released in 80 good job. Not saying anything. Yeah, cuz you're a hard kid. It's paused for it's like ah He's just a blank
01:27:14
Speaker
Yeah, but so Bill and Alice split up. Bill goes to look through the go check out the generator and Alice is passed out. Danger, danger, high voltage.
01:27:26
Speaker
but where' the whi so And then Alice is making the worst instant coffee I've ever seen. One tablespoon of coffee, two tablespoons of sugar. and Per cup. It baits the question, though, you've seen good instant coffee? No. I know this is tragic. No, I have not seen good instant coffee, but she puts one tablespoon of coffee in each cup and then two tablespoons of sugar in each cup. And I'm like... Well, they are what? Supposed to be tragic? 19? 20? 18? 17? I don't know. 19 is about the time I learned what coffee was supposed to taste like.
01:27:59
Speaker
I was still I was bastardizing coffee 19. I'm still saying like 18, 17. I'm still not a fan of coffee. Oh, really? Love it. I get it. I get it. It's awful, but I love it. No, it's not awful. You're tragic. Hey, you know what? Look at these movies we watch. I know this sucks. I'm going to watch it tomorrow, too.
01:28:21
Speaker
God, I was so terrible. I love it. But it's also pastor. I have seen. That's the worst dinosaur costume in the same time. You have seen it and I want to see it. Oh, really? You have not. Have I? No, you haven't. It's fun. OK, it's fun because she's like, well, this instant coffee has to turn shitty and get cold. So I'm going to go look for Bill.
01:28:45
Speaker
she goes in, she looks around, she's like, there's nobody here, closes the door and Bill is hanging on the outside of the door with like three, four arrows through his body, mouthing the door. It was like that. You want to see my fucking cheap trick? And what I read was that she didn't see the stuff beforehand.
01:29:04
Speaker
So she didn't necessarily know what was coming. So she closed the door and the body's just hanging there. So the screen was legitimate. But then also we all made a joke about how his eyes were like twitching. yes So Tom s Savini had to leave set that day for quote girlfriend troubles. She burnt all of his stuff. yeah And so his one of the other guys was doing the the makeup work and apparently the the fake blood which contained, it wasn't just corn syrup, like we're used to corn syrup and food dye, it contained some kind of harmful chemicals, got through the the prosthetics and was dripping into this dude's eyes. oh So that's why his eye is twitching, it was causing him severe pain. Well, it was the eye that didn't have anything on it that was twitching. but So he did a decent job though. Yeah, that's what I considered. What I heard was that he ended up having to go to the hospital and go blind he was able to use his eye eventually.
01:30:00
Speaker
But not right away. Oh, he couldn't see. He couldn't use that eye for an amount of time after this movie. Wow. Hopefully he got paid. So zap that that 500.
01:30:14
Speaker
That $550,000 budget was because of the lawsuit. Yeah, at least 250 of it. Yeah, we could have gotten even more money off of this. No, it was 79. No lawsuit there. I'm suing them for my life savings. One wants to be hundred dollars. He wants to be an actor. We bought you a Chevy Nova. So most of these actors, by the way, I meant to mention earlier and didn't think about it. They were cast by a New York casting agency who had primarily dealt with theater.
01:30:45
Speaker
So these are all people who had done Broadway or off. You know what? Did it really make sense when you say that? Because now I'm looking at the we have a lot of POV stuff, some more so you have stuff. You have a lot of people acting to just a camera and it's exaggerated enough that it works. Yeah. And I'm not saying it's good. It's exaggerated. It's how Lythgow does it.
01:31:06
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, also. New England. Clam chowder. Can't you see? We don't want to anymore. Heard. Also, looking I love you, Harry. Liv Gow is the best villain in movies ever. Yeah. Cliff Harrier. Well, Cliff Hager, Ricochet, Harry Blown or Blowout. He's a villain and Harry and the Henderson Santa Claus, the movie.
01:31:34
Speaker
Not the Santa Claus. With Dudley Moore. With Dudley Moore, yeah. I haven't seen that one. Just became friends right now. After that statement, we're friends. We just become best friends. Yep. So Alice runs back to the cabin.
01:31:47
Speaker
The door opens out. So her first idea is good. She ties a rope to the door handle. Perfect. Over a rafter. I do like this idea. Hold the door closed. We should be, instead of keeping our teachers safe, just teach them this. Yes. A thousand percent. This is much easier, dude. Stop worrying about teachers. Get them ropes. They don't need guns. They need ropes. Hold on. Wait. Kink unlocked. Kink unlocked. No, I knew that one.
01:32:08
Speaker
Ooh, yeah, you gotta be careful with teachers having ropes sitting around. Yes, a thousand percent. You tie the rope to a bar, something above your head. Yeah. And you can't pull the door open. Now these next steps, nothing. Now I don't know what you're doing. Logs and chairs and bookshelves in front of the door, but the door opens out. So all you're going to do is slightly slow down. Oh, I stubbed my toe. If your killer gets the door open, they just shove all the stuff. Yeah, that shit fucking makes me. She made an obstacle for herself. Yeah, she did. Yeah, because and that's what I said. I was like, so when the when the killer is in the closet right now, it's just an obstacle because she ends up running into the kitchen with this.
01:32:55
Speaker
fucking 14 square inch oven. It was driving me insane. But she runs in there. This is an oven that my ex's mom had in his house. I guess that's fine, but Derek's point is and I am on board now. This is not a camp oven for a camp. Yeah, you're cooking fucking. You're like, OK, I'm going to make six pop tarts. I'm making chicken for the whole camp. I can cook one one chicken at a time. Do you know how many chickens I eat? Unless we boil it. At least one. Whoever's lucky gets the baked chicken, whoever's unlucky gets the boiled chicken. Everybody else gets chicken jerky. So you can only come in at a chow hall four people at a time. Tiny, tiny camp. Two people at a time.
01:33:38
Speaker
Brenda's dead body gets tossed through the window, causing Alice to go, I should probably leave this place. And Brenda's body is like moving the whole time. Yeah, yeah's yeah. very good there I mean, her other her other biggest credit was.
01:33:53
Speaker
uh was another world so another soap opera thing it was before this though she was in like 200 some odd episodes so less than a year before this movie came out not after after this movie i think you're thinking of a different world yeah with whitley and dougie doug yeah the spinoff of cosby ah she was in another world that's what she was like oh nice Fuck yeah. But yeah, so Alice goes to escape. She's trying or she sees the Jeep arrive. So she's like, oh shit, Steve's here. So then to get out of the place, she has to move all the shit she just put there, which is why it's like you may put this here. I'm trying to fucking leave and the door is died.
01:34:30
Speaker
She runs out there and this kindly old lady gets out. Mrs. Voorhees, played by Betsy Palmer, who... Rest in pictures. Rest in pictures, not surprisingly, because she's already older in this movie. It was old years ago. She'd only died in 2015. Wow. She made it. I think I might have too. Her last film credit. She's longer than I want to.
01:34:52
Speaker
Her last film credit before this movie was from 1959. Damn, damn. She did some TV and she was mostly doing theater. So she went 20 years in between. Yeah. She was mostly doing theater, which explains another story I have here soon. Just for a callback. Jug, what does she think she is, the Beetlejuice franchise? Go on, keep going. No, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice sucked and I hate that it sucked. I am so disappointed in that movie and I'm done. Yeah. I figured it would. Yeah.
01:35:19
Speaker
I haven't seen it yet. You don't. I will. I'll see it just to see it. So Alice is screaming about how everybody's dead. I like Alice's thing. She's like, she's dead. He's dead. She's dead. And Mrs. Morgan is just like, OK. She's like, I'm just the reindeer. You're actually insane because it's wet outside. It's hysteria.
01:35:41
Speaker
And then immediately she's like, did you know that some people died here years ago and the year before that, the all the stuff the trucker guy just said earlier in the movie yeah a year before that a boy drowned, a boy drowned.
01:35:53
Speaker
because the campers were, or the counselors were, fuck it. Cause they were fucking. They should have been watching Jason. Jason was the boy. By the way, did I mention Jason's my son? And today is his birthday. Today's his birthday. He could have invited him to the orgies. He could have done some fucking, he takes direction. Well, got plenty of energy, never stops. yeah It's all like her, her crazy. He's got that Mongo strength. Just tell him what to fuck. Her crazy speech is all exposition because she's like, he died. It was his birthday. I was the cook. and think they So hey I was the cook and he was my son. Did you know that someone's trying to avenge him? Could be anybody. and then suddenly ah suddenly she's like you did it you killed him and she pulls out this knife which by the way I would have paid attention to yes this is this is just I'll done these knife this is Obi-Wan Kenobi walking around lightsaber pretending he's not a Jedi yeah like I see it right there though
01:36:49
Speaker
It was a smidge shorter than a machete. That's not a noise. It's just a noise. Both knives. Alice tries to get away, it gets in the Jeep, Annie's dead body is there, so she abandons
Motive Revealed and Climactic Fight
01:37:01
Speaker
the Jeep. I like Whitney. He had a good point. Yeah, I like Whitney's point, dude. That body. Yeah. Fucking go. Move that body and drive that Jeep. The body's in the back. Who cares? No, it's right there in the front seat. That's going to smell like poop.
01:37:13
Speaker
I don't care. You want to. Yeah, she was the first killed. So she would be right. by then Well, she's right. That right. She was first killed fucking eight hours ago. Yeah, that's pretty right. So eight hours of dried poop. Yeah, it's fine. All right. Would you rather be stabbed by ah a senior citizen or smell poop for 40 minutes? It's kind of like two of the same thing. Am I hungover? Am I hungover? I like was upset. I don't think it's the same.
01:37:40
Speaker
But, no, I would have just driven that Jeep, bitch. Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, push the body out and go. When she runs away from that one. Or leave it there and, you know, carpool in.
01:37:50
Speaker
When she runs away from that one, Officer Dangle's dead body falls out of the tree, which makes a little less sense because Mrs. Voorhees is still behind her. So it's not like those later movies where it's like the body falls and we're positing that he's like hiding in the tree, shoving the body out. No. The body just happens to tumble at the exact moment she walks by. Happened. What we didn't see was a Rube Goldberg device. She had a left handle next to a rope. All right, then Matt's box guard is looped in. Thousand percent. As soon as she opened the car door, it triggered it. This chick is like jigsaw. She knows her fucking machines, man. She does. So then in the flashbacks, we could have just had her with a backwards hat. Hello, young fellow children, humans. Do you like Metallica? Is that how you talk to your niece? Yes, it is. Everything's trill.
01:38:40
Speaker
Those eyebrows are on fleek. Actually, you are correct. I have seen you talk to me. Sleigh queen. Skippity. Skippity. Skippity zippa. My favorite is Riz. Riz, dude. The Skippity Riz? No, just Riz by itself. Yeah, because you got the Riz, boo. Yeah, don't be a saucy baka. I like it. But Alice gets away to- You're so old. Alice gets to the shed.
01:39:08
Speaker
that she should have gone to a while ago because it's the gun shed. I was here so happy this existed but so disappointed you waited till now. There's been a shed full of guns this entire time.
01:39:25
Speaker
Well, you just go there first after you found fucking was it Ben? Because it was a lock on a door at any point. Go to the first time I hear. OK, we've been here at this camp for what? A couple of days now, right? No, this is the same. OK, we've been in this camp for a day now and I haven't seen a kid. That's true. And now I'm hearing a little kid say, help me. I'm not instantly thinking ghost, but I am instantly getting a gun.
01:39:51
Speaker
Yeah. I heard help me from a kid that wasn't around here earlier. Ghosts won't be killed by guns, but anything else will. Exactly. And if it is a ghost, I'm going to kill myself. You don't get me. I win. Zombie children. what Now you're just a ghost at the camp. No, I'd kill myself. I'd go to heck.
01:40:08
Speaker
You're gonna go down to HE double hockey sticks? I can't say it's so bad. Oh, so bad. She can't get bullets because they're all locked in this high school teacher's desk and this BB gun's not gonna break the lock. Yeah, I don't know what she has here. No, this is definitely a BB gun. It's a little bigger than that. It's ah it's a bolt action. No, this is big a pellet gun.
01:40:29
Speaker
It's not a pellet gun's arm bolt, actually. My dad had a pellet gun with a bolt. Look, this is a decent size. It's a but little it's like a little bird or a little fucking jack. It's like a 22. Yeah, a little jack rabbit shooting gun. No, this looks real smaller than a 22. 22's pretty small. Yeah, and this looks smaller. I don't think it...
01:40:44
Speaker
This was like a gun from a dollar store that you take the orange tip off of and give it to a kid. Thousand percent. That's what they did. Also, maybe she chose the worst gun because the rest of these look a lot like shotguns. There's a lot of beefier rifles. I like this one. I'm comfortable with this one. I can't find ammunition for this one, but I really like it. So that's what it was. All of them were actual rifles and then they gave her the BBs. Plus, she never checked to see if any of them were loaded. Yeah. No valid. She is no Michael Gross from Tremors. Right. Oh, yeah. Michael Gross knew his shit. So Mrs. Boyer, he's burst into the cabin and she's like, it's going to be easier for you than Jason. When you say she burst in the cabin, it's not like Cain Otter fucking. Blowing at the door, just walking through a door. I would pay to see that. Oh, yeah. Exploding door. Yeah, I know. They're in there.
01:41:38
Speaker
I'm the Kool-Aid ma'am. She just goes crazy as she's talking. She goes. This is like trying to slink away. She's like, oh, fuck. She goes reverse. and She goes reverse psycho. Yeah. Because instead of Anthony Perkins doing mom's voice, it's mom being like, oh, kill her, Do me a favor and kill her, mommy. My brothers. I mean, because this this has to mean to your family.
01:42:07
Speaker
This has to be intentional, right? The reverse psycho thing. It has to be. Well, they already borrowed off of Halloween. You know, might as well rip everything you love. When did Psycho come out? Sixty. Sixty nine. I don't know. Is that in the conversation early slasher? Yeah. So I was hearing some people talking about the other day and someone said, oh, it was when we were watching Scream 4. Yeah.
01:42:31
Speaker
And someone said psycho and he was like, oh, actually, Peeping Tom came out in 1960 or whatever. OK. I mean, because psycho would fall into it. It's an early slasher. But yeah, I got 74. 74 Christmas and TCM were the same. So it depends on when you think that first slasher movie is. Yeah, it's when it becomes the trope. Bay of blood. Bay of blood. I've never seen that one. So.
01:42:56
Speaker
Definitely a good one. But you're right, Psycho the frame is before Bay of Blood, so why is Psycho not considered? Well, again, it's one of those ones where it's like the proto kind of thing. Yeah, they had slasher elements, but they didn't have every slasher element until it was formed. It hasn't been developed yet? Got it. It's much like how No Effects is not pop punk, but what comes after them is pop punk.
01:43:22
Speaker
Got it. That makes sense. I get it. Actually, I do get that. Thanks. You're welcome. But so this is where he starts slapping the shit out of this girl. Why did she go from stabbing everybody to all of a sudden like, you know what? I'm going to choke you and slap you. Who's your mommy?
01:43:39
Speaker
I don't have a thing around me and I need to make somebody suffer for letting my boy drown. And she's the last kill. I love that you're throwing in a jersey accent. Because in this entire series, I don't think one person has a jersey accent and the whole thing takes place in New Jersey. Yeah, exactly. So it's really baffling.
01:43:56
Speaker
I don't think it's supposed to be. I think you're supposed to think that it's somewhere like Midwest. No, no, they straight up say New Jersey. I mean, the beginning of this movie, the cemetery says Hope, New Jersey on it. Because you hope you're dead if you're in New Jersey. That's an easy one. But I read somewhere that Basically, this lady, ah whose name I've forgotten now, but Mrs. Voorhees, Pamela Voorhees. Say hot Pam. Betsie Palmer. Betsie Palmer had been doing theater mostly, right? Just give me the hot Pam. So in theater, when you're doing something where like you slap someone or whatever, you do the cupped hand thing. So like you'll hit them, but it doesn't hurt as much. Yeah. So that's what she did to this girl. And the girl was very upset about it. And Sean Cunningham had to explain to her how like angles work in movies. He's like, you know, you can just pretend to hit her. You don't have to make contact.
01:44:50
Speaker
I'll i try. Don't tell me how to fucking act. I'll slap you. All right. That's it. You're getting a slap. ah She's slapping the director. Bring the fucking DP over here. Slap. Craft service. This is mediocre. Get that production assistant back. Slap. Hey, guys, I killed first. Slap.
01:45:09
Speaker
But ah Alice has a good move here. We've talked about this in other movies, maybe not on the podcast, maybe just in person. People getting attacked by a woman and they don't ever go for the crotch shot. Yeah. Alice doesn't give a fuck. She takes this rifle and just muff punts the shit out of the lady. It's not just guys that like their privates not hurt.
01:45:28
Speaker
Yeah. Girls don't like it either. It's going to hurt. It fucking hurts. This is I'm pointing my genitals. This is everyone's favorite area of themselves. This is like this is your best fucking friend. Yes. Sometimes sometimes it's just red and hot and sticky. I see my sextant. I've never had that problem. Well, that's only when you're hooking up with Kevin Bacon at camp.
01:45:53
Speaker
I tried to wash it out, but the water was too hot. I put on white and black panties for that. I've rented that for a dollar. And then there's a bit of cat and mouse. Alice goes and hides in the pantry. Luckily, no crazy Ralph, luckily for her. ah But she does find it. He's still doomed. He's doomed. I told you doomed. He's just riding by the house. Doomed. He hasn't left. He's just been riding in circles.
01:46:20
Speaker
i know i'm nuomed he's been saying it right before every kill you're doomed doomed he's writing by a dead guy the guy that's hung up by the arrows told you were dod why didn't you listen But Alice does find a cast-iron skillet which is a good move it's a emily it walks the shit out of mrs vorhe' when she comes in once though we've sent this on other episodes We said it while we were watching this keep fucking hitting this lady. I want the police to question why this body is so gruesome. Yeah. I want to kill. I want to see brains mixed in with this hardwood floor. Not because I'm gruesome, because fuck you. I want to make sure you're dead. Yeah. This is it. Once your head is shaped like a teardrop, I know that you can't get back up. I want dental records to be just obsolete.
01:47:09
Speaker
Like, it's just logic. Yeah. But then we don't. Well, I would do what I would do. It'd be like one across the face and then you make it perpendicular with the body and just start slamming that throat down because it's going to decapitate. I was actually more worried where she was going to go. I thought here's what I would do. I would cut them up into tiny pieces, get a bathtub full of some hydrochloric acid and melt them down, pull the drain. They go down the river. I know plastic tub, you know, in the porcelain tub. You've already got the cast iron skillet, so you chop them up, you start throwing the pieces in there with some olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic. A little lemon, a little tarragon. Honey, do you have any fresh mozz? Yes, I do. A paprika. A paprika. Hey, we're in Jersey, where's the gabagool? That's the head. And then she, Alice goes out to the lakeside. This is where he shows up. They have the fight that we talked about. That's the best place to go. Let's just go to the lakefront.
01:48:04
Speaker
Her options are run towards the killer or into the water. Yes, I'll see you coming. No, I can't do anything about it. I won't see her coming. You're facing the lake. You're not facing like she's in the wrong way. Either way, she's facing the shadow. Yeah, it's just it's not. I don't know where you should go. Well, I do actually in the Jeep. Yeah, that's what it was. In the Jeep now.
01:48:26
Speaker
No, well you were earlier. be here Yeah, you you already left. I left ah long before this I was the guy in town that was like it's 230 for 235 for a fucking breakfast. I will be here all day. and at What time do you? wo breakfast a round of Breakfast for all my friends ah probably friend I spent $20 because I bought the entire town breakfast. You be one or you fry one. I'm going to fry one. But they have their bar fry that we talked about how it sucked. And Alice gets away, grabs the machete that Mrs. Voorhees had dropped and slow motion chops this head right off, which is just glorious because it's not just face a fascination. But I want I want Zipp to talk about why we know it's Savini.
01:49:17
Speaker
Oh yeah yeah, for sure. Well, because not but not only because he said it in multiple interviews, like but it's clearly obvious that these are man hands because when when the head gets lopped off, hands come up and agonizing pain or you know metal hands is basically what I call them, the death metal hands. I like metal hands. so Metal hands pop up, they're full of fur.
01:49:41
Speaker
And they got this big gaudy jewelry on there. Clearly a man's hands. Clearly man hands with big gaudy jewelry. And I can't remember what the stunt was now, but there was another point in this movie where something was supposed to happen and they couldn't get it to work. Right. So Tom Savini was just like it was like going through the window, maybe the girl, but he was just like, I'll do it. Like this dude, like it sounds like he's committed to his craft. I'm going to tell you right now, he's a craft, but also insane. So much cocaine.
01:50:10
Speaker
yeah six tubs age has been fueled by cocaine for longer than most people have been alive but you know he that's where you know he he was a stuntman as well yeah so for oh yeah every movie that he's ever worked on pretty much he's been a stunt hard life to quit i i'm assuming for sure it's an addiction fun yeah you chase that i know nothing of that you chase the dragon You're like, I like sitting on the couch. I'm also a stuntman. I am addicted to that. Me too. I'm also a stuntman. When I play this video game, my guy does all kinds of crazy shit. I haven't died once. My video game guy can parkour. Oh yeah. That's a French voice of art. I'm sorry, I didn't know we were doing video game rules. I'm a great parkour. I'm hardcore parkour.
01:50:51
Speaker
So she so she jumps in the boat. Yeah, she paddles out to her little canoe, paddles out to Lake with her palm in the hand. Well, this is the reason why she does that is because Mrs. Voorhees has smashed. Oh, yeah, because she had the order to defend herself because the machete. OK.
01:51:08
Speaker
So now I'm just going to canoe right next to the canoe. You're in not having ore. That's what I was going to say. There are two or three canoes here. Keep checking this beach because this is a fence. Maybe she's in shock because she just lost somebody's fucking head. All she cares about is getting away from the land. I'll take the defense. She likes lobbing her head in her mind. What could possibly happen to me in the middle of the lake? Yeah. Yeah. So then we get what it takes it forever to get out there. We get some serene music.
01:51:33
Speaker
The night passes. She sleeps in the canoe with her hand in the water. So she definitely pissed her pants because that water is warm. She needs a bilge pump to get all that piss out of the canoe. Cuts back to the morning. The canoe is starting to sink because she's just been pissing off. That's why he capsized. There was no kid. You see a police officer like pull up and just put in like one second hands by the face.
01:51:58
Speaker
So you're like, hey, like trying to yell, but he's doing it so wide that you need. It's not copying anything. You need to cop it so it projects versus this. But she sees them. She's like, oh, good. Takes her hand out of the water, looks at it, puts it back in because the fingers are wrinkly and she doesn't want to see it. And then zombie baby Jason. dude I was rubbing my eyes at this point and I'm so mad I missed it. Oh,
01:52:25
Speaker
This child, this mutated
Horror Icons and Practical Effects
01:52:27
Speaker
child. I saw just the last second of this mutated child. The entire point of watching. What? I know. I even said, fuck, I missed it. Oh, God damn it. you Do you remember watching the fly? Yeah. Mid-transformation. Yeah. but so That's what I saw. This child, zombie child, bursts out of the water and pulls her under the lake.
01:52:47
Speaker
Now, one more question, because I've seen two, but don't remember, is there any explanation why he goes from a seven-year-old child to a 40-year-old man? They never explain it. Okay, I didn't think so. They never explain it. All right. They don't need to. And it's only supposed to be like months after the original year. Yeah. Like, so it is a direct sequel. Well, no, this is a year.
01:53:06
Speaker
one Twenty he one. Well, no, no, he's saying two is like months after this one. Oh, parts but part two Betsy Palmer has said in ah multiple interviews and at conventions and stuff that she's like, I don't know who the guy in the hockey mask is because my character's son died in 1957.
01:53:23
Speaker
Well, she also said the movie was shit and that she did it for a car. Yeah. Yeah, that was the thing. She threw the script across the room and she's like, fuck this thing and threw it across the room into the trash can and then was like, well, I do need a new car. Do you want that Lincoln Continental? I would definitely suicide doors. So well she's not getting a 66.
01:53:42
Speaker
but she gets pulled into the water she's getting a brand new one wakes up in the hospital and she's trying to tell the cop then he's still out there yeah ma'am we didn't find no boy then he's still out there then like the most feel-good happy music because it pointed out you weren't like this was supposed to be it, right? Pretty much. Oh, yeah. It's only because it made it. They never expected to make a sequel. You know, so they did want us to feel for Jason Voorhees. But then all of a sudden it's like, oh, you made an exuberant amount of money. Well, there are five or six again, five or six different people who worked on this movie who take credit for coming up with the idea of like mutated baby Jason.
01:54:23
Speaker
So somebody along the line was like, but that's a good shocker for the end. And actually, Sean Cunningham has admitted this and it was so has anybody you guys have seen Carrie? Oh, yeah. so Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, like but they call it an homage and brian de palma was actually quoted he saw the movie they made a bunch of them watches in this movie and he saw that and he's like uh he brian de palma said he's like i liked it i saw it coming yeah i liked it but also brian de palmas is
01:55:00
Speaker
Like the one in Cary is kind of directly taken from the end of Deliverance. So it's all just round and round and round. Circle jerk. Yeah. This is closer to Deliverance because it's the river and whatnot. But somebody had butt sex. It's a lake. It was Kevin Bacon. Squeal like a pig. Pig bacon? Kevin Bacon? And there was also the banjo thingy. Oh, they were listening to the Crash Country music. Yeah. We go around and do recommendations. Yes. So the guess goes first.
01:55:29
Speaker
Zip, do you recommend this movie? I do. All right. Why do you recommend this? man Because I think that as a slasher film and the slasher genre, it's one of the best and and has all of the elements that is needed for a slasher film.
01:55:43
Speaker
um The casting was, you know, it wasn't great, but you did get it a few gems, you know, like, you know, Betsy Palmer. She had done acting before, you know, seeing a young Kevin Bacon, you know, before. And his dick. Footloose even. And we were making fun of Betsy Palmer, but like her crazy over the top performance sells this character. It's very. It can definitely rival right like rival, you know, Nicolas Cage, even crazy. shes She's the male Nicolas Cage or the female. she's female or male nicholas I have been called the white, the black Wayne Brady. You know what I meant. Yes, I definitely recommend this. I'm sad that I never got to because it was spoiled for me so early for me. It's spoiled for anyone who is a of limitations or born in 1960, I guess. So I knew everything because I had an older sister. I knew everything. I never actually I was a Freddie girl. I've said it every time I was always so you like the chumos.
01:56:42
Speaker
I was. Well, he's not a child molester until the reboot. No, no. They only say he's a child killer. Oh, yeah. They do say they use a. And that's fine. Murderer. That's what they say. A filthy child murderer in the first one. I was never a Halloween person. I was never Halloween. I was never Friday. It was Freddie was my nightmare is what it was.
01:57:04
Speaker
So, Jack. Yeah, I recommend it. I think I'll just, you know, zip zip nailed it. It's like it's everything a slasher should be. um I had seen it a long time ago. Love watching it now with the lens of appreciating these fucking beautiful, practical, inexpensive effects, i inexpensive at the time. This is why you watch these movies is because you want a good kill. I don't much care about the acts in these movies and it's fine. But no one here makes me upset watching them. But yeah, that's what I wanted.
01:57:34
Speaker
Yeah, and and I recommend it. I like this movie. I think it looks pretty good. I mean, and we're talking about the budget, you know, the special effects, but you can you can have eight dollars in Tom Savini can make your movie. I think Tom Savini deserves another golf club. Yeah, I'll give him one. Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:57:51
Speaker
Although I hear he's a dick in real life, but yeah probably a beautiful genius. You know what? With that much to be a dick in that he really has the right to be. Yeah, I agree. I agree. He plays a character named Sex Machine. Yeah. So look like there's a difference. Like a penis pistol. Yeah. When you hear about people being a dick, it's different than them being like an actual monster in Hollywood that did something that will be. Yeah. Like he's he's rude. He's rude. But he yeah did. he rap He's not he's not raping. He's not molesting anybody. He's just a dick to work with. OK. I've yeah i've known a few people that have attended the Tom Savini schools for special effects. What? You work in the tattoo industry and you've met people like that? Yeah, I do. So anyway, they're artists too, but I've i've known them and the and yeah the couple of people that I've come across that I've actually met that went to his school said, yeah, he's
01:58:38
Speaker
He's a real dick, but he wasn't there most of the time. It was other people teaching them. No, yeah it's it's it's like the Donald Trump School of Business. um better you learn how at least you learn how to do special effects at the at least this do not bankrupt Also, by the way, Savini for President, 2028. Oh, yeah. I do that. Make America splurge again. Make America gross again. Make America squelch again. Are you ready to draw? So we're going to draw the next movie. Zip is going to draw it. I'm going to shake up the bag. But the next Friday, the 13th will be June of 2025. Zip is right now going to draw the next movie we're going to discuss. I got it in my hand. Come on, Jason X.
01:59:22
Speaker
Part two. Part two. We're going to part two, man. The fucking burlap sack bag head. All right. All right. I'm actually very excited. We are back to basics. I love it. I think this is this. This will be the first time we've done two in a row. That ah makes sense. Yeah. All right. Seven five one two.
01:59:40
Speaker
So can I formally invite you to be on that episode in a year? I'll be here. I'll be here. Yeah. Sounds good. Yeah. We had some time. We got a few a few months,
Social Media and Upcoming Topics
01:59:51
Speaker
you know. And of course, do you want to promote any of your stuff? Your Instagram, your tattoos, Instagram at zip tattooist or I have Instagram at zip painter. I also have another Instagram from my VHS collection. It's rewound. I have to look it up.
02:00:09
Speaker
I know, I don't know my Instagram. I don't hardly go on that very much. What's the VHS collection? This shows up in my VHS collection and like horror collection and shit like that. It's rewound dot and dot reanimated. Okay. Okay. That's my VHS page and my horror page and you know where I post all things. It would be a fun following like that.
02:00:31
Speaker
I don't know that one. So I'm going to I'm going to warn you. I haven't posted on it in a few years, I think. I definitely have some catching up to do. But yeah, if you're in Tucson or visiting Tucson, hit you up on zip underscore tattooist and maybe get an appointment. Yeah, definitely. Well, depends on if he's already busy. Well, I mean, he's a busy man. Try. Yeah. Well, yes, you have to get an appointment. That's not what I meant. I mean, maybe you can get one. Gotcha. If he's not busy. And especially if it's something, you know, that I want to do, that's cool. Yeah. Like something horror. I think a horror tattoo is going to run through. Oh, yeah. I don't have any horror tattoos. And you've done mine. I have one horror tattoo. It's a butterfly above my butt crack. It's an abomination. Yes, it was very good. It's made of hair like like photorealistic sketch type of stuff. I like doing black and gray portraits. Yeah. And I mean, I have I have two tattoos from him, neither one of them are those, but that's because he's he's I talked to him. The first one was just words. The second one is Calvin and Hobbes. But when I told him I wanted it to look like Bill Watterson did it, I was like, no offense to you. Like, I want you to do your art, but I want this to be Bill Watterson. He's like. Fuck yeah, dude. And that's the thing, too, is a lot of artists nowadays that are in the tattoo industry are all about it themselves. And they want to do things that they like. And I do things all day, every day, that I don't necessarily wouldn't do. In my own free time, I wouldn't draw it or whatnot. But you still do amazing work on it. But I still do it because I'm not there for myself.
02:02:08
Speaker
I'm there for the person that's coming through the door putting their faith into me. I have a realistic panda on my arm and it's it's realism. Yeah. Like my panda is realism. You just did a badass tattoo on my daughter's back that is conchis with some like cherry blossoms and something else. I remember the. Nightmare before Christmas tattoo that my wife has that was like freehand.
02:02:33
Speaker
Yeah. Well, he took it was kind of stencil, but it wasn't for you to the stencil because it was not it was not a scene from the movie. You took your own adaptation and stenciled it. I got like through zero in there. No, it's phenomenal. I get compliments literally every day. And then you went and burned it off with a pizza. I did. How dare you landed on my arm on three days ago and I have second degree burns along it. And I was trying to do some fun. Where the moon hits you? Oh, crying. I was like, zip is going to be so fucking mad at me. Why would I be mad at that? It sounds like you did it on purpose. I snapped him. I messaged him and I was just like, don't be mad at me. I did it every way that I can get a hold of him. Just like, this is what just happened.
02:03:23
Speaker
So next week's episode for our not in season season will be our final Durga classic movies episode. And I said, fuck it. We're not doing something old and cheesy. I mean, it is old and cheesy, but it's awesome. We're going to be talking about Clash of the Titans from 1981. All right. Because I was born because we have not gotten yet to do a Ray Harry housing movie. So I'm like, well, we're doing one. We're going to Ray Harry house in a household name.
02:03:51
Speaker
Yeah. And if we're doing one, I'm doing somebody needs to write them in revolutionize. I mean, he's a household name in my house from me. too My cat. know My wife doesn't know who the fuck. And I've been married a lot. Oh, yeah, exactly. Jesus. At some point, you know, she just you know, we all do. We go our separate ways. There are things, you know, that she likes that. I'm just like, what? Oh, I get that. My wife watches a lot of stupid shit starring teenagers.
02:04:20
Speaker
My husband watches a lot of stupid shit starring flies. Lucky.
Closing Remarks and Thanks
02:04:27
Speaker
And then we have our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people. It's only three dollars a month. You get your extra episode every month. And we're going to have more stuff coming for you guys in the future. But this month's Patreon exclusive episode to celebrate Christmas will be the best recent Christmas violent night.
02:04:45
Speaker
oh And Jack fought us on watching this movie No, he didn't watch it for a whole year and then the Christmas real around he's like yeah fuck it I'll give it a shot. Oh, this movie's awesome this is amazing I am violent. Have you seen it? What's not to like? yeah Yeah, I have a really weird thing with Christmas where it's very reverent for me and not religiously, just like the right speech at the end of Scrooge where Bill Murray's like really manic and he's like, and you could have it and no miracle could happen to you. That is like my December 1st through the 25th. It's the only time he's blissful. I'm kind of human. That blissful's a titch too much. I'm human. And then after that, sorry guys, it's me again. I'm never sorry. I love it.
02:05:28
Speaker
So that'll be it for this week. We have to, of course, thank first Evasion for our opening and closing music because those guys are great and they gave it to us for free. I've been Derek. Oh, I want to thank Zip for coming out. I thought I did. And who are you? He let me plug myself. OK. That's also and the only fan. remember And his wife. I'm plugging myself and I'm Jack. And I'm Zip. ah Good night.
02:06:27
Speaker
They're magically delicious.