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EP 84: The Shadow
68 Plays6 months ago
Alec Baldwin stars in and Russell Mulcahy (Highlander, Razorback) directs this mid-90s attempt to capitalize on the Batman bandwagon! Set in 1930s New York, Baldwin plays Lamont Cranston, a reformed criminal and Asian gangland kingpin (maybe?), who has taken up the mantle of THE SHADOW to fight crime and corruption. He uses his mystical powers and extensive network of indentured servants to keep the Mafia and other potential villains at bay. This one also stars Penelope Ann Miller, John Lone, Tim Curry, Peter Boyle and Ian McKellen.
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Transcript
Introduction to Patreon and Podcast 'Bad Movies'
00:00:00
Speaker
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Introduction to 'The Shadow' Film Discussion
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome back to the superhero spectacular. This week, we're discussing The Shadow. I'm Derek. I'm white person. I'm Jack.
00:00:57
Speaker
This is Bad Movies. We're Speople.
00:01:27
Speaker
You the fucking music. My radio voice is getting better. Welcome back. ah Welcome back. We're doing the shadow this week. We got this tie at 45th and Saks Avenue. You can have this too. If you're doing that voice, you have to have a soundboard. ah What's my, what's my morning DJ name? This is Jack Sack and we're back in the morning. He's too early to Jack. Jacky Jack. Jacky Jack, don't talk back.
Radio Voices and Childhood Memories
00:01:54
Speaker
ah
00:01:57
Speaker
Moring.
00:02:01
Speaker
Anyway, the reason it has to do with this movie and the reason we're doing that radio voice is because this is a radio movie. It is a radio movie. Yes. The Shadow from 1994 discussion. We had more than once watching this movie because I guess 96, but I met 94 and Derek corrected me with 97. And I said he gets 94, which just she can't be right. So it's 94. Yes. Jack said it was 94. So it's 94. Yeah. oh sorry Try having a penis next time. You're
Debating 'The Shadow' and Actor Recognitions
00:02:33
Speaker
right. When I was in fifth grade actually, which is not far from this time where this came out, my fifth grade teacher used to congratulate us. He would like put points on the board or whatever.
00:02:44
Speaker
And if we had 10 points, by the end of the week, we would get a radio show every Friday. Oh, nice. And so we got to, it's kind of, it was really dope. I had a similar thing, except for the more black stars I got, the more whippens I got, so. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, Catholic school, you know. God, that sucks. It's not like I have any weird fetishes about it now. Nine tails. Wait, so you were 13 in fifth grade? No, I didn't fifth grade, I said, which was shortly before this. Joe, I never went to fifth grade. I was about in fifth grade when this came out. Yeah, I said it was shortly before this. Listen to the words out of my mouth.
00:03:18
Speaker
Can't nobody understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. Well, I hope somebody can. We're in a podcast. But this movie came out in 1994, like I said, The Shadow starring Alec Baldwin, directed by Russell Mokey. That's not Australian, but you say now. Every time I say Gerard Butler, you correct me with Russell Close. Now I can't say Russell any other way. That's right. It's a fucking bargain, this one. Grab a couple of stubbies and make a film for you. Put my thongs on, you know, go to the market, have a couple of dimmies. I lost it. Crocky, crocky. You gotta get back into his brackyy crocky. Crocky. Stick my thumb in his butt hole, alright. I'll direct your fucking superhero movie, ya cunt. I went British there.
00:04:00
Speaker
It's hard to say cunt without a cent in British. Well, they're the same thing. I mean, they're one and the same. Well, it's the lesser society of England. Well, exactly. Australians are like the Alabama of England. Well, it was the prisoners. Oh, we're like the Florida. They're the prisoners. We were the poor. I said what I said.
00:04:22
Speaker
It's not just starring Alec Baldwin. It's starring a bunch of people whose names you'll know. But like, I mean, I was watching Whitney struggle. Like, I know him. I know him. Hold on. I'm trying to figure out that guy before you show me a third guy. Dude, I was just like, wow. It was a little bit of an overload. Yeah, absolutely. So I just stopped caring. That's what I did. I was like, you know what? Not looking them up. I was looking up some of them. The ones that really bugged me. But I mean, we get an appearance from ah Kenny ah Banyan from Seinfeld. Yeah. You know, look at me. I'm here. yeah We get a parents from a parents appearance from James Hong and from Ali Yong. Very quick, dude. I mean, we recognize that hairline from Ali on a fucking mile away. And as soon as these two are in this movie, they're out. And that's a bummer to me. Yeah, it was. Yeah. And he was that Hong was like third build. He was in the opening credits.
00:05:14
Speaker
He was right. He was. He
Comparisons and Reflections on 'The Shadow' and Similar Films
00:05:16
Speaker
was. But it was like that. It was the third of the cluster of names like you have like Alec Baldwin and I'm alone or whatever John. loan ah You know, but then it was like in the but I mean, in the opening credits, not on IMDB. OK, it was like cluster of names, cluster of names, cluster of names. James Hong. I'm like, he's in this movie for less than 32 seconds. He's got a good agent. yeah He's got a couple of lines and that's it. Yeah. But like and on IMDB, don't they list them, build? like Movies can be different. they Sometimes they bill them by appearance and sometimes it's by prowess. The ones that are by appearance are often maddening because I'm like, well, I know Alec Baldwin's in this movie. Why is he 13th down? James Hong is just lucky that this movie was made in 1994 and that bullet was CG because
00:06:02
Speaker
I like Baldwin shooting at you. It doesn't go well for everybody. It's it's a tough thing to watch at this point knowing what we know. Yeah. But but this is based on a comic book or a pulp novel, which is also a radio show, which is why Jack said this is a radio movie, kind of like a movie we did almost exactly a year ago. The Phantom. Oh, it has been almost a year, hasn't it? And it's funny because Derek even said like that the Phantom came out and just shit the bed. Not only that, but destroyed a couple of careers. Yeah. Like ended some people's Hollywood. And then so somebody else was like, well, I could do that with shadow. And it did. This did better. This did better. But we wouldn't call this by any means good. We wouldn't call this successful. This one cost twenty five million and made about forty eight million.
00:06:44
Speaker
and Whereas the Phantom cost 45 million and made like 17 million. And I bet you they didn't sell shit for merchandise. Like I watched this and the day it came out. Like I saw this in theaters opening day and I don't have any memory of owning any shadow toys. You didn't like immediately go out and buy your Richard Kind masks so you could look like the shadow. I think we're like Alfred Molina sometimes. Alfred Molina 10 years later. But he's skinny. So I vaguely remember seeing this in Iowa when we were visiting my grandparents and there's Hardee's out there, not Carl's Jr. And I feel like there was a toy in the Hardee's Happy Meal or whatever the kid's meal is. Yeah, whatever their happy meal is. The Hardee's meal. Nope. Nope. We're going to find something else to call it. But
Director Russell Mulcahy's Background and Influence
00:07:28
Speaker
Tipton has one of those theaters where you're just like, two please.
00:07:32
Speaker
Like, you don't get to pick what movie you're seeing. You're seeing that movie. That's what's on. But it's rated PG-13 and it's an hour and 48 minutes, which is just a titch too long. It is. It is. And we can trim that fat later because we're going to get to it. But there were shadow toys, by the way. I don't remember any of these. There's a motorcycle that was never in this movie being used here. There was a motorcycle with a sidecar that Khan goes in. Not this one. This is the shadows motorcycle. Sorry. Like this is like the batmobile, the bat. Yeah. Yeah. No, he had a cycle. I'm glad you brought up the bat cycle because this is basically just Batman. But Bob Kane, who created Batman, like the comic book, not the movies, Bob Kane from the 30s, said, yeah, we all came from the 30s. Yeah, it said that the shadow was a heavy influence on Batman, obviously. I mean, you can see it. We got a rich white guy with an alternate ego, pretends to be a drunk philanderer. A playboy. Playboy. Learned how to fight from Asians. Grew his hair way too long and his nails disgustingly long. His uncle even says, how does a man with absolutely nothing to do always turn up an hour late to meet him? Because he is busy plowing chicks. That dick is busy. I'd probably do it.
00:08:46
Speaker
Yeah. Alec Baldwin. Oh, I don't think you'd have a choice. He would make you do it. Alec Baldwin in 94. Well, he has mind control. That's what I'm saying. I wonder how many chicks he's like, no, thank you. You mean thank you. You mean thank you very much. You mean Alec Baldwin in 94. I mean, I'd bang him. Yeah, he'd make you. I mean, not in 94 because I was almost nine. Oh, and right up somebody's alley. Maybe his. I don't know. I don't think he's out of my alley. I don't think he's. Oh, God, he does like a back alley. The secret entrance. But you're already very directed by Russell Mulcahy, as I mentioned, who directed his biggest movie, I think, that most people would recognize as a Highlander. And of course, Highlander to the quickening. So Highlander brought him to a peak and then Highlander to quickly wiped that out immediately. and When's the last time you I tried to watch that. Two? Yeah. ah The first time I watched it. Dude, that is so rough. It is funny. It is so bad. It's been decades. I tried to do the same thing I did before and I didn't like it. He also directed a movie that I love called Razorback in his
Screenwriting and Acting in 'The Shadow'
00:09:51
Speaker
home country of Australia.
00:09:53
Speaker
It's about a giant. About a fucking boar mate. The Razorback pigs are like a real thing, I guess. They're big old boars with huge tusks. They get a mark and soul, too. But this one is not pig sized. It's like house sized or like large man sized. Yeah, it's a man bear pig. croy Crocky, crocky. And it destroys a bunch of shit and it's awesome. At one point, there's a giant pig like puppet on wheels that definitely goes goes through a house. Ooh. Yeah, it's pretty kind of selling me on this. It's it's really cool. i didn't I watched it with him and I was not disappointed. All right. He directed what might be my new favorite Denzel Washington movie. Is that Ricochet? Ricochet. Friend of the show, Wes was just talking about this. Does that have dinzel Denzel? Denzel and John Lithgow. Yeah, Wes was just talking about this last week pitching it.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah, I just picked it up, but I rented it one day. I just saw I was like, lift out and Denzel, what rent? And I watched it and it was fucking bonkers. Yeah, it is so crazy. All right. I'm lifco is at his most insane, which is pretty insane. Are you insane? Yes. And for you, wife, he directed ah some Teen Wolf, your MTV version and the movie for it. Oh, dope. Yeah. So I made a movie off of that. Yeah. Like the conclusion of the series. Right. Right. Right. but Did it hit theaters? No, it was straight to TV. I'm sure it was MTV. It was MTV. might They might have put it in theaters. MTV has got that, what, Viacom money? Yeah. like I mean, nowadays a lot of shit going to theaters that normally would never be in a theater. ah Fun fact, though, he was the original director for Rambo 3. OK. But left for creative differences. And then we got that generic guy that I don't remember.
00:11:31
Speaker
Yeah. What was the gene generic differences? and There was creative differences is all they said. I wanted story. They wanted explosions. And yeah, they got them. You know what? I know why he directed the Teen Wolf stuff for MTV. He also directed a lot of music videos, including Video Killed the Radio Star, which was the first video video on MTV. So 30 years later, they were like, hey, we know you. We're ready to reinvent the MTV wheel again. We're done showing music videos. We're going to show Teen Wolf. And the writer here, the guy named David Kepkop, I looked it up and I forgot already. Kope. Kope. K-O-E-P-P. Kope. He wrote a bunch of cool stuff. um One for you, Death Becomes Her.
00:12:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah. So I looked it up. This guy takes giant swings because what was the one I said I loved? Jurassic Park. He wrote Jurassic Park. And then he also not right after, but he also wrote Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And I love Destiny. So I mean, the guy is just like he's just I can write. Yeah, I can write anything. like He did some fun 80s shit. He had like Dark Angel, which is a Dolph Lundgren movie. He said it right. All right. So I almost started laughing. Golf Gundren here. It's a Lolf Gundren movie. This morning, I was like, I'll just take some bags and Aiken. Oh, yeah. And I didn't I didn't even realize I said it until he said it back to me. So I didn't think about it this morning because I was too hungry. Take some bags and Aiken, please. Hungry versus horny.
00:12:59
Speaker
He also wrote toy soldiers. I don't know if you guys ever seen that. Oh, yeah. did Oh, absolutely. They take over the military school. Yeah, Lou Gossa Jr. Yeah, rest in pictures. Yeah, that's that's a fun one. It's not good. I believe it's got a will Wheaton. Yes, it does have it know what it is it's a localized red dawn. Yeah, pretty much. I like it. Will Wheaton trying to be trying to get out of his Star Wars or Star Trek. Yeah, he wishes he'd get into Star Wars. We won't have him. ah But yeah, then he's like he so he did that stuff. He had Jurassic Park Carlito's Way Mission Impossible Jurassic Park to The first spider-man and then it was like just a bunch of trash. Hey, I think the female ness was also in Carlito's way. Yes let let never be ann miller pinel penelope and mela We clocked her immediately from kindergarten cop. Oh, absolutely Cuz it took me three seconds. Well, you know what I've seen I want you guys to guess which one I've seen more Carlito's way or kindergarten cop
00:13:53
Speaker
I mean, i whipping she knows that every time we're in a hotel and it's like, you know, you log into your own Netflix now or whatever it is. And I always turn it on. And for some reason, right at the front, it's like kindergarten cop. Did you want to watch kindergarten cop now or when you get back from 13 whiskeys? And I'm always like, we just got to the hotel room. You know, we're just resting for a minute, getting changed, going to go out and get some drinks. So I'm just like, well, I'll put on kindergarten cop. Yeah. Because you can turn it off whenever you want. Like, you're not addicted. I don't have a problem. I can turn off whenever I want to. I just don't want to turn it off. I never want to turn it off. Babe, we have to go. There's only 45 minutes left. Arnold Schwarzenegger with red hair. We can miss the first act. Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger have red hair in that movie? Why don't you have red hair now? No further questions. I did see that there was another person who really wanted to
Lamont Cranston's Transformation into 'The Shadow'
00:14:49
Speaker
direct this, Sam Raimi. He wanted to develop and direct this. I think that would have been a better movie. And they wouldn't let him, so he went and made Dark Man instead, which is almost the same thing, but better. Is it better? Well, I'm not questioning. The movie itself might not actually be better, but I enjoy Dark Man more. It's darker.
00:15:08
Speaker
I mean, I remember I remember watching it. Liam's Neesons. Yeah. Yeah. I remember watching that one as well. I don't think I saw it. I've seen the first two. You know what I'm about to say? We're going to watch it after this. I have it on Blu-ray. Of course you do. So, yeah, we had James Hong and Ali Hong and they get murdered right away because Alec Baldwin, whose character at this point is named Ying Ko. He's an opium drug lord. This fucking white dude was bored with his Manhattan life and went and became a Genghis Khan style drug lord. Yep. Fucking chopping people down with swords and guns. He's just got to be, you know, and it's got to be a white guy in charge of the Asian. Most disgusting fingernails. Oh, my God. I have ever fucking seen their longest shit. I mean, what was that, two inches, maybe? Yeah. Yeah.
00:15:54
Speaker
Inch and a half off of his fucking finger. yeah Maroon, I hope, like nail polish. Nope. Not stained or blood. It's blood stained. And jagged as fuck. Yeah, it's blood stained. Yeah, they're all that's the worst part is they're jagged. Dude, i was I'll say this about fucking yolk, yolk, yolk-in, yolk. Yinko. Yinko. Watching this dude eat meat, or sorry, feed meat to his chow is disgusting. Oh, yeah. Ew. I think I blocked it out already. He's just grabbing pork with those fucking nails. Don't hand me a thing. Ever. No. Like, look at your hands. I'm not gonna eat anything you touched. How do you wipe? That's what I asked these women with four inch long nails. Oh, they got bidets. I just don't get it. And if they don't have one, they have like a travel bidet. It's a little clip-on that goes on the toilet seat. You put it in your purse. Yeah, but the problem is the bidet doesn't work that well when you have those cocaine and liquor shits. Oh, I wouldn't know. Oh, they would. I've never licked your shit on cocaine.
00:16:46
Speaker
those girls wouldn know ah but anyway there's that and he kills james hong and we're setting up that ale bald saddest part of the movie is a bad guy because james fun is that here the sad part know we are setting up that he's ah not only a bad guy a bad bad guy because hong holds his accountant, Mr. Manager hostage. And he's like, you won't. Your guys can't shoot me without hitting this guy's like, you're right. And hey, by the way, Mr. Whatever your name is, you've always been a father to me. ah you ah You've been good to me like a father. And he's like, hi, like kill him both. Shoot through through him. Shoot through him. Which I don't think these little guns from whatever year this is are going through a thick book, a dude and another dude. I must say 1934. Yeah. Well, this is a little bit for because it's a seven years is training. Yeah. So this is like in the 20s.
00:17:32
Speaker
Oh, the roaring 20s. Oh, rar. Wait till the Great Depression hits. That's what the next part.
Exploring 'The Shadow's' Abilities and Influences
00:17:38
Speaker
That's what I call my family name. But basically, that doesn't last long, him being a bad guy because he gets kidnapped, taken to a temple by the Golden Joke or a little kid with an adult voice tells him to quit being an asshole. Is it voiced by Alec Baldwin? Because it almost sounds like it. No, there was a guy in the credits way, way at the bottom that said he did the voice. Because, I mean, this young person is speaking. But all of a sudden, this is coming out of their voice. Like, whoa, where did that come from? It should be right here. I'm five. It's his psychic mind powers, dude. Probably, dude. It's like Clint Howard in that Star Trek episode I was telling you guys about a couple of weeks ago where he's a little tiny baby person, but it's an adult man talking like this through his voice. It's like when Sir Alec Guinness imitates a crate dragon to scare off the Sand People. Almost exactly like that. Just like that. When I saw the- They scare easily, but they'll be back in greater numbers. When they introduced the Tolkien, my first to meet Tolkien, right?
00:18:30
Speaker
Tolkien for Lord of the Rings. No, yeah, they call him the TULKIN. So when they first brought him on, I was like, I was like, oh, it's the Golden Child. Yeah. Like the very first thought in my head. All right. Well, here's a funny thing. This fucking knife, which has a name, Fuba. Fuba. fopa Furba ferba fer you are b yeah keep saying purba even though it was ph yeah her about her but anyway this knife is a recycled prop from goldenine it is same fucking knife except this one now has like a starring roll yeah because it's dance and talk and eat people um so i hate this fucking knife yeah i hate i it robbed us of a ah bad guy fighting yeah that's it but right now it's floating around trying to stab him and it you can't control the the the Furba
00:19:18
Speaker
you can't You can't overpower it. You could never control a Furby. Those things are terrifying. They are terrifying. real My brother had one because he was a wee lad. We know when they came out and like that's what everybody wanted. And it was in our closet and we were both in bed and it was just like. I love you. I started talking. I'm just like, no, we have to move. I like turned it off. I swear to God, I turned it off and it started moving again. And so we just put stuff over it in the back of the closet and shoved it back there. Take the batteries out. There are no batteries. My mom got has a heart in here in 95. That's when they came out. My mom got us all fucking furbies for Christmas. Me and my sister, my two cousins. Did you make them talk to each other?
00:19:56
Speaker
They wouldn't. Mine was a stoner. The eyes only lifted halfway and it was always just like, I'm hungry. i yeah's roger I'm hungry. Stop smoking all my weed, Furby. They were terrified. J.R. Tolkien tells. This guy- If you thought it was token, you're the fucking problem, you piece of shit. He reveals that he knows his real identity, which is Lamont Cranston. Lamont Cranston, you own no less than four white scarves. There's no chance you don't. Lamont Cranston, how many white scarves are in your fucking closet right now? Five? That's what I thought, Lamont.
00:20:34
Speaker
And he's basically tells him like, you're going to be a good guy now. And then we get like skip ahead to like a scroll that covers the training montage, basically. And look, yeah nobody here is complaining that this movie is not 15 minutes longer. But you could have taken out other things and had him train if you wanted to. I don't like most of this beginning and just replaced it with training. Any sort of the ah dropped psychic love thing. I mean, the thing is. It never it never really came to much. Like you pointed out. It kind of did. Or at the end. You pointed out we didn't get a boss fight because of the knife. Uh huh. And we don't get a training sequence. We don't ever actually see Alec Baldwin do much fighting. Much. Any fighting. There's this is the stuff where he's the shadow, but he's invisible.
00:21:16
Speaker
That's not him. But you see like a little poof. A little poof. But I think that's like a stuntman. I don't think Alec Baldwin did any physical activity for me. I wouldn't be shocked if you're correct. He's like, I was in Beetlejuice.
Appreciation for Film Aesthetics and Supporting Characters
00:21:29
Speaker
Sorry. You have to do, for Alec Baldwin, I got to get my Steven Seagal ready, but open my eyes. I was in Beetlejuice. I don't do action, fucker. I don't act. I act. I played a pilot once. That's not a good Alec Baldwin voice. You gotta get down here. Drink some whiskey. Think about it. But I can be Margot. Pretend that you're Irish and then hide the fact that you don't like that you're Irish. Okay, so no squinty. Drink Manhattan clam chowder out of a cup. A coffee cup. Red, not white. Don't be ridiculous. You don't be ridiculous.
00:22:01
Speaker
i am ridiculous i drink manhattan clam chatter out of a coffee cup. Are you dickless? Is that what you just said? I'm ridiculous. I cut it off, put it back on, cut it off again. did tap Just for the thrill. do I'm all out of cocks. I'm so lost without you.
00:22:17
Speaker
You didn't play a pilot, did you? I don't know. It was in a commercial. It was in an American Express commercial. play He's played a pilot before. He's had to, right? I almost guarantee it. I don't know what. He was in the pilot for 30 years. That's like his best work, right? I think so. Yeah. Making fun of Lauren. Yeah, pretty much. But we cut to seven years later, it's New York City sometime in the thirties and he's beaten up. Are they have these? I think we spot on with 34. I'm just judging by some of the guns you see. There's a lot of older ones, but some of these newer semi-automatic ones are coming around. There's a Tommy gun makes an appearance i was so we closer to World War II than we think. yeah But these cars, and I'm not complaining, these a lot of these cars are are kits. like they they They took an old style and just like modern them up a little bit. Just a little bit of stylization. Except for Peter Boyle's taxi. I don't know what the fuck car that was. That's what I'm saying. They mollered on something, but it's not real. you know like the The headlights popping out where they were and shit. It looks like something you see an old dude driving around in on Saturdays now with like a, I don't know, 19 year old girl. It came from the Batman animated series. And I'm not mad at that. I do want to talk about this ah sunshine taxi cab. Oh, OK. So the back doors open normally. The front doors were the suicide doors. yeah it's And I fucking love that. It's the opposite of that 66 Lincoln. They have a matrix that both doors open to create that. just It's the exact opposite of that.
00:23:44
Speaker
Yeah. Well, then later on in the movie, someone gets out of another cab and that cab has the suicide doors in the back. But like, look, we got suicide doors. We don't know where to put them. The way they're set up in this car doesn't make sense, though, because if you're getting out of the back and you're on the same side as the driver, then your door's just slamming into each other. Oh, they're expecting some help to open the door for them. Stay there. I'll get it. I'm sure you don't want to. Come here, Peter Boyle. Open the door for me. I'm sure you don't want to ruin a pretty fucking nails. hey Putting on the rids. He was in Young Frankenstein as Frankenstein's monster. That's right, okay. Yeah. I just watched it with you. Duh! That was like three years ago. No, we just watched it recently. Did we? Yeah, like maybe a year ago? Maybe Christmas? That's a great movie. My favorite Gene Wilder. I can see that. No, maybe. No, it is mine. Well, maybe
1930s Culture and Thematic Humor
00:24:34
Speaker
yours. No, it is mine. It's not maybe. Now, let me tell you what you like.
00:24:38
Speaker
I'm going to tell you why you're wrong. Here's why Frisco Kidd is your favorite. That is up there. um But he's basically there's these gangsters that are harassing this Asian dude who's played by a guy named Sab Shimono. Welcome back to the show. Yes, we've seen before. He was in Big big Hit. He's ah the Trace Buster Buster Buster guy. Yeah. He's one that has the gold statue. He made that movie The Gold Statue. Isn't he also shower in Waterworld? He's also in Waterworld. Taste the golden spray. Yeah, taste the golden spray. I think we still need to make that big. So on that taste the golden spray thing, he's in Waterworld trying to get Kevin Costner's seed. Yep. The golden spray. He's trying to... So he's just really interested in things that come out of your pee. No, it's just that his spray is worth as much as gold. Okay. I have a sweater covered in semen. I don't want to buy that. It's Kevin Costner's semen. Give you $1,000. Like, covered? Oh, covered. All right, $2,000.
00:25:37
Speaker
Um, and they're going to throw, them they have cement boots on him. I love how he's like, are they dried? And the guy like runs a knife over it. And I'm like, what doesn't tell you anything about the inside? Also, I don't think it matters if they're dried. I mean, as long as they're not goopy, I think you're fine. Yeah. He's singing to the bottom. Yeah. yeah if If he can stand on them, you're okay. But the the shadow arrives to save him. And we get this thing where he's tormenting this fucking mobster and he's talking from the shadows, I guess, as he would. yeah And this guy just starts blasting wildly in all directions. He is really funny. And then he grabs the fucking the chopper. He grabs his Tommy gun and just starts going to town his guys are ducking behind shit. He's shooting his own car.
00:26:19
Speaker
This is why I don't like working for the boss. He goes off the fucking hinges. You're going to catch a stray one yeah right in the took us. How do you think you got this promotion? Polly got shot in the deck right in his ESP hole. Oh, ESP. And he saves Roy Tam is the character's name. And he basically like he's driving away in the cab. Peter Boyle is his cab driver slash conscripted servant. yeah he's precisely He's probably the strongest, of like the the highest ranking servant. I think he was the first one he saved. Probably. He basically tells Tam at this point, like I saved your life, so now you work for me, here's a ring, you come anytime I call and you have to help me. He liked it, he put a ring on it.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yeah. He's like, I have to ask my wife first. No, you don't. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's a line in there that's important. Uh, sunny day. Well, before that, before it's when he's the guy's going crazy and Alec Baldwin says the weed of crime bears bitter fruit. And that's important because apparently that was the sign off for the radio show. Oh, okay. Weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime doesn't pay. The shadow knows. That's how they ended all their shows. That's how they got kids to not misbehave. Yeah. And shadow will come and kill you. Then the great depression happened and everyone misbehaved. And the shadow did not come. Turns out people were not misbehaving during the roaring twenties. People were behaving very well. I've seen great Gatsby. Absolutely. But then the depression came. There was no alcohol allowed. Exactly. You don't have booze. Everything's good. Everyone's sober. No one's fucking... Life was great in America. Who was actually sober during the fucking 20s? Michael Shannon's character in, uh, fucking Boardwalk Empire. Fucking right. Yeah. That's about it. Everybody... I mean, all Prohibition did was raise prices of alcohol from five cents a beer to a dollar a beer overnight. And strengthen organized crime. And strengthen organized crime. And all we did was say thank you as consumers. Like, no... To your point, no one quit drinking.
00:28:12
Speaker
No. You can't stop people from doing what they want most of the time. It's kind of like having a prohibition on any kind of substance just makes people get it in another way and then end up in jail for things that are nonviolent crimes. Look what we're we're happening with fucking legalized weed now. yeahp It's like, wow, look at that. The world didn't fucking burn. Crazy. Well, all I'm saying is alcohol kills you and it's not a good thing to do. Well, I mean, I see you looking at it so far away from me. No, i was I was hoping that Roku had a cork. Every time the shadow laughs, I wish it was Christopher Lambert. yeah The shadow knows or crime. the The weeds of crime bear bitter fruit. Willem Dafoe. I don't know if I could do a Willem Dafoe like that.
00:28:54
Speaker
You know, I'm something with shadow myself. yeah i See it's all in there. It's all my show. I don't have the penis of the foe. So I make up for it with this voice. JCVD. ah The shadow wears silk underwears. um I'm looking for your daddy and his shadow. ah But yeah, he gives him the code word, which is, the sun is shining, and then you have to respond, the ice is slippery. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I guess, like as long as he's not calling for help in the middle of the winter when everything's frozen. The sun is shining. The ice is slippery. Thanks. Yeah, because the sun's out. What?
00:29:35
Speaker
ah This guy just came up to me and said the weirdest fucking thing. All I mentioned was that the sun was finally out for the first time this winter, and he just said, yeah, the ice is slippery. He walked away. It's like, I don't know, the ice is slippery. I have to brother that way. Dared at me. Yeah, and then still dared stare at me, and I walked away slowly backwards, not taking my eyes off him. I don't trust you. Peter Boyle takes him to the Cobalt Club, which I guess is the only club in New York City. The only club. Kind of like the Coco Cabana. Is that what it's called? Uh-huh. The Mask. Uh-huh. It's like the only nightclub that exists. I mean, but at least that's not. Is that New York?
00:30:15
Speaker
No. Well, I think it's, I don't know if it's New York or if it's like a new, no, it's edge city. Oh, that's right. It is. So I mean, it's supposed to be edge city is where I live. baby i'm saying You know what I'm talking about? Who's got the time? You're talking to me Sunday to Tuesday. We're talking about city we talked about New York in the thirties and you're going to one club. You know what it is. Cause when did prohibition end? It started in 22 right 19 19 is when it got signed 1920s when they started forcing it. Okay. I thought it was much later nine years. Okay. So this is the only club that has a good stock of this guy's gin. That's what it is. who backubin Because he gets there and the waiter's like your usual and hands him two martinis.
00:31:01
Speaker
Don't you know I was about to say what a great what a great way to have like your regular Barbie And then I realized that's kind of how the bars we go to yeah Yeah, we we frequent a lot of bars that know us and just sit down and they're like here's your drink like that's not what I wanted tonight But I guess I'm drinking it yep That's what I drank the last seven nights. and That's what I drank the last four years I've been coming here. But tonight I wanted something different. for no i do switch Sometimes we do switch it up on them and now they ask. They're like, you're usual? um I mean, there's always a chance to interrupt. No one just slides me a drink. And if they did, I'd be fine with it. I'm like, well, I'll drink that and I'll let you know what I want next. at At the brewery, I have certain regulars that only drink certain beers and I see them pulling in and so I'll fill it up for them. I'll set it down and they're like,
00:31:47
Speaker
Oh, number 10, please. I'm like, that's your fucking mug right there, buddy. That's yours. Don't you know your mug by now? Yeah. I mean, we don't have really people who come into our place and get the same beer, but there's people who always get the same thing and they always like the same style and they never decide for themselves.
Notable Performances and Visual Effects
00:32:04
Speaker
So I've done that for people when they come in. I just pour them whatever the new IPA is and put it in front of them. I'll see people drive by that big window. I'm like, I know what I pay. I hazy IPA you're drinking. Yeah, exactly. It's yeah, I got you. And when I say some people who drink certain styles, it's always hazy. It's always hazy. All I drink is hazy IPAs, but I don't know what I like. I feel attacked. You should. Can I try four of them? No. You're going to drink the one I give you because I know which one's the best. Yo, I am in the mood for like a really juicy IPA and I don't see any in the fridge. Yeah, I think I'm all out, but I do know a place we can go get some more. Let's go to the Arizona Beer House. Arizona Beer House. They have 34 taps. There's like almost 800 cans and bottles that you can drink in-house or take to go. And it's conveniently located at Broadway and Cove, 150 South Cove in Tucson, Arizona. I'll tell you what, I'd tap that. Let's head down to Arizona Beer House right now. Let's go. I'll drive. First pint's on me, guys. All right.
00:33:04
Speaker
Sharks of the Corn? Virus Shark? Cocaine Shark? Shark-topus? Yeah. Those are all real movies. Join me, Steve Coates, as each week I take a comedic look at the bizarre world of Shark-sploitation cinema on Bucket of Chum, the Shark Movie Podcast.
00:33:26
Speaker
He goes to the cobalt club and he meets his uncle, who apparently is also the police commissioner. Sure. I don't know if they ever explicitly said that. No, but he does say Uncle Wayne, right? Yeah. And then we find out he's the one that's got to answer for everything. And he's like, I'm going to start a task force to find the shadow. And that's when I went and fucking Jedi mind tricks this dude. Yeah, he's got the shadow you're looking for. You're right. I'm not looking for a shadow. You will not start a task force. You guys can't see me, but I'm waving my hand. I don't think I will start a task force. Fuck him. I don't think this guy, the shadow doesn't exist. He's probably not even real. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, steak. Oh yeah, prime rib. yeah i asked little This guy's got prime rib every scene he's in this. He's huge. Yeah, like what happens when all you eat is prime rib. I'm not body shaming. I'm jealous that he's eating this much prime rib. It did look really good, though. Give me more of this chives, that big potato. And then Margo Lane enters, who is Penelope Ann Miller's character. Margo from kindergarten. I love, love, love this dress. I like the style. I like the green one better than this one. But ah I like the style of everybody in this movie, except for the the guys that are playing the Mongols. Yeah. I mean, if they were like wrestlers, that'd be pretty cool. yeah
00:34:38
Speaker
Suits of armor are just so passe. I know. How does nobody acknowledge it? So maybe nobody can see them. Maybe they're all hypnotized and nobody can see them. Sometimes they can't see them, but obviously they can see them certain times. Yeah. Because somebody makes fun of Genghis Khan's outfit or not Genghis Khan, but we'll get there. Khan, Khan, Khan. Shaka Khan. Shaka Khan. She won Khan. That's why I said Shaka Khan. But she comes in. Oh, sorry. I was going to say we didn't talk about the beautiful setting like the paintings. the Oh, yeah. I mean, the whole city is matte paint. Oh, yeah. Everywhere you look, it's all obviously like studio backlot, especially on the bridge scene where he's torturing the gangster. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can see like 10 feet behind them is the painting. Yeah. It's almost like Bugs Bunny was trying to get you to drive through it. But these are absolutely beautiful. Wonder if Alec Baldwin ever ran into one. Probably. I'll be in my trailer. Oh, fuck. Who put that there?
Gender Roles and Romantic Subplots
00:35:36
Speaker
There's an invisible wall here. Something. You sprayed it. But yeah yeah, the city, this version of New York looks I mean, I commented. I was like, it's like they basically took the Gotham sets from Batman and Batman. Well, Batman returns more specifically, which is even more over the top. And they were just like, well, let's take all the twisty spirals off and the weird timber show off of it.
00:35:57
Speaker
Can you turn that gargoyle into like a falcon? Get rid of all these question marks. It's like a jack in the box in Times Square. Is that a statue of... Oh, fuck. What's her name? His wife. Who's wife? Helena Bob Carter. yeah Is that a statue of Helena Bonham Carter on top of that building? Bonham Carter. Tim Burton's wife. I went i was like, Batman was ever married? A daughter with Rosalie Gools, a son with Rosalie Gools' daughter, but... He might have gotten married at some point. They've been making those comics for almost 100 years. I don't think he ever got married. That's the whole point. He just kidnapped other orphans. Batman got married, but Bruce Wayne didn't. Dun, dun, dun! I now pronounce you bat and wife. You may now squawk the bride.
00:36:41
Speaker
All right. Bird husband. I don't know what kind of. and So he's hitting on Penelope and Miller and his uncle's like, you don't want it. You don't want no part of that, do we? She's crazy. She have two boobs. Yeah, I think I do want part of that. He talks about how she's crazy. She's a special kind of crazy girl. And I just took that to mean like, look at her, no husband, seeing a table on her own, drinking, and might be what he meant ordering food for herself, having a cigar. I bet she's a pair of pants at home. Pants. The audacity. God, look at her over there. Next thing she's going to want to vote. I saw her one day wearing socks. You believe this? They weren't even stockings. She wanted to ride a bicycle.
Humor and Secret Sanctum of 'The Shadow'
00:37:28
Speaker
I think even at this point, women riding bicycles was crazy. There were all these like ah propaganda doctors that were saying that like you're you're um your uterus was gonna fall out of your body if you jostled too much. so with It's all just really held in there by toothpicks. I watched ah Call the Midwife, and that is as started in the 30s, 40s, I don't know, it doesn't matter, but they were not allowed to drive but they were allowed to ride bicycles. We'll move on from it, but if you want an interesting fucking read, look up Alice Roosevelt. Okay. But that was a bad bitch. That was also England. Yeah. Not the United States.
00:38:07
Speaker
We followed trends at that point. After 1812, we were all, buddy, buddy. After you know that tea party. After they burnt our White House. like she's He's using his mind powers, right? She's sitting there and she's like, she's not saying anything and he's like, I could go for some Peking duck. And she's like, oh my God, me too. was thinking the same fucking thing right now, like totally crazy chat. She doesn't have a distinctive voice. so I know, but we're going to do that. Dude, tell me. Or, oh, fucking scar lady. Well, come on now. Come on, kid. You can do it. Tina Fey. Tina Fey. But as ah as a newsy. Yes. Tina Fey doing her newsy voice. Yeah. um But she. I was just thinking about Peking Duxey. Nah, same. She goes, Peking? Peking right now. But yeah she responds. She answers him. She's like, oh, thank you about this dress. I got this dress at the yada yada. He's like, why why did you tell me that? i don't give because You just said you liked it fuck I never said that yes, you did I heard you think of your dress on the floor right now Oh my god, it's happening again. I was thinking about wearing your dress sweeter when he says I was thinking of your dress on the floor you say it's happening again because it follows it up with like her cousin when she was growing up she could hear his thoughts or something his thoughts were quite dirty they always involved my dress on the floor weird and
00:39:24
Speaker
We didn't come from New York. Kissing cousins. But yeah, and he even tries to, I don't know, gleam her if you want to use a vampire word. Yes. At some point in the movies, you will forget about me. The glimmer. And she's like, I'm not going to forget about you. You will leave. Like, why would I do that? Damn it. I'm not working on her. I love it because he's just like, you will forget. And she's like, no, probably not, especially now. I don't know what kind of ladies you used to date and see, but I'm not that kind of gal. I'm going to remember it forever. I'm going to write a book about it. Take photos. I'm going to draw a picture of you. Put it on my refrigerator. What's your refrigerator? i
00:39:55
Speaker
Basically he sends her home and he's like, well, I can never see her again. Fuck that. Dangerous, for who? For me. And then he's taking a napsy with a glass of brandy in his hand, because that's a good way to fall asleep. As one does. And then a fire spirit attacks him and blows up his brandy, and that does not wake him up. It's Sirius Black from Harry Potter. Yes. Coming through the fucking fire in the common room. Oops, all right, wrong movie. It'd be better if it was Gary Oldman, although it is an Asian person, so it might not be better if it was Gary Oldman.
00:40:27
Speaker
Can he just play the fire face? It's just the guy from Remo Williams. whose name I won't remember. I won't either. and I don't want to. This guy playing She Want Con, who did did did you know him from anything? No. He looks so familiar. I think he sounds a lot like James Hong, is especially in Big Trouble in Little China. okay He has a very similar cadence, maybe for the same providence. I don't know. The biggest movie that I've seen that he's in, like his biggest movie, was a movie be called The Last Emperor from the 80s. And he's the main character. I i did see that. Puyi. But he would have been how old? day Grown up. It was 1985. So so. But he's still he's still the adult version of Puyi just.
00:41:11
Speaker
to the emperors are it's it's so i me have a he was the quote unot baby version but that was ah nine years before this still no his his fake beard bugs me Oh, it's bad. You can see the it's an HD thing. It looks like you found trimmings on the floor of a barbershop and glued them to your face. i It looks like pubes. It does not look sorry. I didn't say what kind of barbershop. It's a bottom half barbershop. It is a bottom half butter barbershop. They put the they put the bib on and go under it. Yep. Come on down to about half barbers. Can I just get a little off the bottom? Everything half off today. I'm not going there.
00:41:54
Speaker
Everything half off except for you. All right, I feel a little bit better. But the voice warns him that something's coming and then we cut to where we are introduced to Shiwon Khan, who is played by John Lone, who isn't a sarcophagus, question mark? Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan's tomb. He even says, i I traveled here in Genghis Khan's tomb to absorb his power. because he's the last he claims he's the last living relative of Genghis Khan, which we know is not true, which yes, which we know is not true. and I did. Oh, know yeah. The fact is like it was like, well, I read up a little I read up more about it because it was mentioned in the credit in the trivia for this. Uh huh. So we talked about this.
00:42:32
Speaker
We had talked about this, I don't know, months ago on here, I found something about how every like there's a bunch of people who are related to Genghis Khan or whatever. Genghis Khan, one point was like a third of the fucking population where his descendants. It's like so it's like some percentage, like eight percent or something of people in that part of China. But that equals like some like a percent of the world's population or something, yeah which is like of some millions of people. Like 2% of the world's population is Genghis Khan. Yeah, it's something like that. It's a small number, but it's millions of people because there's a lot of people on the Earth. That's insane. He did what he wanted and who he wanted. yeah He spread his seed. Yeah, he got that golden spray. Yeah, he did. I mean, I guess that's how you kind of it's what you did. ah don't like don't Don't try and justify it. He's like he's a Genghis Khan man. John Wayne isn't running around just spreading babies. I mean, sorry, Genghis. Anybody wanting the seed pilgrims? You think they skipped that part of the conqueror?
00:43:26
Speaker
Or do you think they had John Wayne just raping? He wanted to do it. Like it wasn't on camera. Yeah. But he was doing it. He's like, it's filmed. It just doesn't match up. It's not 16 millimeter film like you guys are using or 35 millimeter. I just shot it on my super eight. It's an eight millimeter. Super snuff. But yeah, I did like this little bit with like the ah The sarcophagus, the locks on the front start opening themselves. The security guards just try to close them. It's an early version of whack-a-mole. That's what I was thinking. It's like a whack-a-mole. But he was going up and closing these things, and they're vicious looking little clamps. And I was waiting for one of them to take off his fingers. Take his hand. In another movie. Yes. But yeah, the guy comes out, Khan comes out, and he's like, you will join me. And the guy's like, we're closed for business. Is this part of property? I'm going to see your day pass. So he's like, you won't join me, then fucking kill yourself. And he's like, sounds good, Con. And then we get our two. Well, my two favorite people in the movie who are barely in it, Tim Curry, Tim Curry and Ian McKellen.
00:44:30
Speaker
Yeah, because they're in right now and they're about to be out for a long time. And then we'll pop back in and we see them here and there, especially Ian McKellen. Yeah. But like they doesn't do a lot. We just see his face. Tim Curry talks to Ian McKellen for a little bit and then goes outside and sexually harasses Ian McKellen's daughter, which is. Penelope Ann Miller. Penelope Ann Miller. And then he's out of this movie until the sphere thing. Yeah. But I do like, I mean, Tim Curry is barely in this movie, but he's like two of my favorite scenes. Oh, yeah. Him with the Tommy Gun is life. Yeah. So Ian McKellen is playing Reinhardt Lane. Ian McKellen, by the way, for listeners who don't know, was Magneto and Gandalf. Yeah. And lots of other things. And he is Sir Ian McKellen. Yeah. He is knighted.
00:45:15
Speaker
He's best friends with Sir Patrick Stewart. Yes, they are actually best friends. They'll look up there like social media. I want to be a fly on the wall in one of their fucking late night after the bar closes. I want to be a fly on the wall. You know they've exchanged penises. Just looks. They're on their ninth bottle of the most expensive brandy in the world. They're just fucking shit hammered. I was a psychic a mutant guy. I was a magnet mutant guy. I'm not a box of avocados. No good. Rob movie. You guys remember the ice bucket challenge? Yeah. OK, so the whole point was to like raise money for something I can't remember now. I don't even know. And I don't understand how people pouring ice on their head raised money. But I do remember Patrick Stewart had the best ice bucket challenge video. It's him just chilling at like this.
00:46:01
Speaker
fucking $18 million dollars desk. I don't know. Like this most expensive desk I've ever seen. And he's got a little bucket with ice and a little clamps and he's picking up ice and putting it in the glass like he's about to make a cocktail. And he like picks it up and then he sets it down, pulls out his checkbook and just writes a check to the charity that it was for. Perfect. Because all these people that kept like tagging me in videos, like it's for charity. I'm like, if I dump an ice, a bucket of ice on me, how does anybody get money from that? Yeah, I think the idea was, I guess, if you get monetized from views, you donate it, but you know none of those people did. No. And it was a raise awareness thing too, but I just loved it because he was just like, yeah, I'm not doing this. I'll write a check. Yeah, here's a check for a kabillion dollars. ah Luckily, I have 40 kabillions. Yeah, I can let go of one kabillion. And then Tim Curry is playing Farley Claymore.
00:46:48
Speaker
That's not a real name. Yeah, they're both real names, just not together. You can be one of the other, dude. Well, I know what a Farley is, and I know what a Claymore is. Exactly. Make sure that Claymore is pointed the correct way. Otherwise, you're going to knock off your Farley. And Tim Curry, for those who don't know, shame on you. If you don't know who Tim Curry is. Hey, we have younger listeners. Yeah. Yeah, they should have watched Muppet Treasure Island by now. Well, they weren't young in the 90s, otherwise they wouldn't be younger now. It's my favorite Tim Curry movie, by the way. Muppet Treasure Island, hands down. What? Wow. Yep. I disagree with you on that. Do you know how hard it is to be that funny? It's not your favorite movie. You know how hard it is to be that funny around puppets? Muppets? Okay. When was the last time you watched Muppet Christmas Carol? Every year. Okay. Every fucking year. Because Michael Caine is in that movie,
00:47:37
Speaker
He is fucking hilarious. he' to me probably enjoy yes He's hilarious in that movie because he did what you should do in a Muppet movie. He took that shit 100% serious. He acted like he was in a movie with a bunch of storied Shakespearean actors. Well, he was trash at that point, though. yeah But you act like you're in a movie with storied Shakespearean actors, but it's just a bunch of fucking socks with hands in their assholes. That's most of Hollywood, dude. He took it super seriously, which makes every moment in that movie more funny. He's not wrong. Like he's playing the straightest straight man. Yes. I have something to say about Muppets and someone who actually looks like they belong with Muppets. Me? Willie Nelson.
00:48:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah. So me. So, yeah, you know, there's a like there was a meme. So there's literally nobody else in the world that could look more natural with a bunch of money. It's not wrong. Willie is just that's how he sees everybody. Yeah, exactly. That's just the way he sees the world. Just another day. He's like a lot of people who are frogs today. Very froggy out today.
00:48:44
Speaker
Do you think he ever met George Lucas and was like, Holy shit. It's real. Oh man. He sounds just like that green guy. Oh shit. This is wild. Hey Willie, it's good to meet you.
00:49:04
Speaker
Oh shit. Look at his little legs. But Tim Curry was in such great films as Legend, Clue. Longo. I was skipping the one that I had another one written down, but I had started it by saying great movies. So I could just a sweet transvestite. trend Transsexual Transylvania, you know you can't say either of those words anymore, right? He's saying them. I didn't sing I didn't say him I Hate that fucking movie. Yeah, I do too. That's fine. I think it's just i it's shocking that Derek doesn't like it cuz on paper That's a Derek movie
00:49:37
Speaker
An alien coming to take over and making people do sex things. Let's do the time warp dance. Anyway. An alien forcing people to have sex. That's not a me movie. I don't watch anime. That's a me too movie. But anyway, I don't like that movie, but I like Tim Curry. I don't like Telekin porn anyway. He's also in Home Alone 2. Yes. I did it right. Yes, you did. For the first time in 82 episodes. I'll clap. Clap for myself.
00:50:12
Speaker
I always say Dunston Jackson. Yeah. Same movie. I'd be shocked if he's in that. He's not. Pretty sure. They both have an old jerengetang. Did you say the legend? He's in Trump and I want to. He is. And he's in the hotel. Did you say legend? I did say legend. You fucking better say legend. He started with legend. He voiced Texas and Ferngoly. Yeah. Yeah, he did. He was featured in my dreams heavily last night. uhhuh so Was he ripping off his face and realized you're under it? Because that's normal. He tore off his face and Kerry Oldman was under it. That's normal. But he's trying to hit on Penelope Ann Miller and he had been talking to Ian McKellen. He's not trying to. He's hitting on her. It's just not sticking. Why aren't you be turning my calls?
00:50:53
Speaker
No, no, you don't return my calls anymore. That's not true. I've never returned your calls. I don't know why. Aww. I just don't like you. And he, she walks away, he's like, what a fascinating woman. But he's, he was talking to Ian McKellen about their building, or they were building a beryllium sphere for energy, ah question mark. And he's like, do you want to come downstairs and see my beryllium sphere? And she's like, I have no interest in your spheres, Mr. Claymore. At all. Get your balls out my face. this Stinky. I only like shadow balls. You know what kind of ball she likes? ESP balls. She does have ESP. We covered that, right? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, did we? Because maybe I thought it. happened again Maybe I thought it. Oh, I think we started talking about it. We could talk about how it happened again. She could read his thoughts and that's why he was a scared. And she's got, she's got the ESP-ness. I'll cut it out if if if we did talk about it. But she does have an ESP-ness, which apparently is a theme for this month. Apparently. All the ESPers, ESPing themselves, ESPing you, guys ESPing on girls, girls ESPing on guys. You've seen it a thousand times. I love it. And so the the shadow has this citywide network of like pneumatic tubes that are used here. Someone's got to send him a message and it's this here's where we could have cut two minutes out of the movie. Yeah.
00:52:12
Speaker
Because this camera follows this. I agree. And it was interesting for the first 20 seconds, and then it just kept going. I thought, who is this scene for? Like, who's watching this? Like, wow, what a shot! It could have been a roller coaster. Right down the pipe. Like, there's fucking plumbers that have cameras on fucking snakes that look better than this. But yes, I also thought, doesn't someone look at these? Like, where does that go? I'm a fucking city planner, and I didn't plan that part of the city. It's the fall of the two. He killed the city planners. Oh, he gleams people. Yeah, that's right. He can just be like, no, don't look into my tubes. Look at my tube. I love that you're saying and you're not saying the force. Yeah, because it is. It's more gleaming. It's very vampiric.
00:52:54
Speaker
It is. It is more mine. You're correct. His eyes get shiny because it was a like the shadows come the shadows come over his eye. Oh, yeah, they do a lot of that like noir film like lighting the highlighted eyes and like the those shadows of like the the blinds across stuff, you know, the slats and across the room and stuff. But someone sends him a message and he gets someone from his home to the sanctum. Take me to the sanctum. It's just down the street. I have a cab on the way. But then he gets there and when he gets to the sanctum, which is like in the basement of some building, he's got like a little magic sword the way I like it. But like you one of those tubes is right there running into that building. But then when he gets there, he doesn't have the message. He has to call the guy who got the message who's sitting at tube base.
00:53:41
Speaker
This is what I'm wondering. It seemed like, OK, he left his mansion where this guy's got a house with wings on it. And I mean, like, no, he can't fly. I think this guy was in the basement of his house and he said, all right, take me to the sanctum and then call this guy. He's that much of a rich white dude. He's like, I'm not going to talk to the helping person. The craziest thing about this is they show this room with this guy's in that just has a whole bunch of tubes pointed right in his face. So if there's an emergency, he's going to get fucking tube cockied. If that guy was still down there on like, I don't know, September 11th, 2001. He wouldn't see the fucking knife from Last Crusade. Does he not have a life wisely? The guy who lives in the tube basement? Yeah. He's a fucking butler. He's a tube slave. Yeah. Yeah, but the other people get to carry on with their lives. Well, not him. This guy's not wearing a ring. He is wearing a ring. He doesn't get to leave. His legs got cut off in the accident that Alec Baldwin saved him in. Uh-huh. He's like, well, I have a perfect job for you. Uh-huh. But they built this set was what I was going to say. It's like all these tubes, these big computer-esque screens, all this stuff, this guy is sitting at this console, and we never see it again. No, we see it one more time. On screen or on the camera thing.
00:54:52
Speaker
No, we see it again at the end of the movie. Oh, do we? Yes, I guess I missed that. But Khan shows up at the sanctum after Alec Baldwin gets his message that something bad is going to happen. So I can't not needs of the many do it all the time. The few wait. Yes, that's right. The needs of me outweigh the needs of everybody else. The needs of me outweigh the needs of you. wow Your wedding vows are beautiful.
00:55:20
Speaker
But Khan appears in there and instead of questioning it, Alec Baldwin was just like, hey, we'll have a civil conversation. What's up, buddy? And he asked for some of that American bourbon, which isn't all bourbon, American in my glass. Yeah, you can't you can't have Japanese bourbon. You can have Japanese whiskey. Yeah, I was going to say in order to be bourbon, it has to be in Kentucky. No, no, just America. Yeah, and but Khan is trying to recruit him because he's got super extra Jedi powers. He keeps bringing up his past. He's like, dude, I studied your fucking battle. You were amazing. When you murdered all those civilians, it was two fucking sweet. Dude, get by my side. We are going to rape, we're going to pillage, we're going to wash our hands in blood. Doesn't that sound fun? Yes. No, it does not. yes Washing your hands in blood is sticky grossness. No. And then I'm going to brush my teeth with blood. And then gargle before you go to bed. Mm, A, B positive. I'd be positive I'm not joining that. I would still do it. Yeah. Basically, he tells him to go fuck himself. And there's this moment where he pulls this gun. He has this little pedal that shoots a gun or like opens a hole in the wall and like pulls a gun out of it. But
00:56:26
Speaker
The dude is gone. Con is gone. But he threw this like bronze. I'm sorry. Bronzium coin. Bronzium.
Critiques on Modern Practices and Ad Comparisons
00:56:33
Speaker
I want these little compartments of my house, but like shooters and joints that way when there's like guests over that I can't drink around. and but I just have to hold on. Let me go check the library. Hey, you have a library. Shut up. That's what I call the bathroom. Crap library. You move a candle on your fireplace mantle. That'd be great. It just spins around to a full bar. ah Your house looks bigger on the outside, but on the inside, there's like ah it's almost like there's a room missing. take a so well Don't look behind that fucking bookshelf. What? Nothing. I'll put ah one book up that no one will touch. Oh, the Bible.
00:57:07
Speaker
Anybody to go to my house would be like, all right, that's enough. I'll see if your mom comes over. She hasn't memorized. She wrote the Bible, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, but she wants to point things out to you about what you're doing wrong. No, we quit having those conversations. We don't have those conversations anymore. Ever since I gave my nieces the story of Jesus kicked out all the moneylenders from the temple. And now there's churches that have like gift shops. And I told my young nieces about this. And yeah, it's a whole thing now. No, I'm i'm intrigued. I mean, you shouldn't like churches are are already a business. You don't you at least hide it. but yeah I liked it better when you weren't just having a gift shop in your fucking church. It's Buddy Christ. Buddy Christ, absolutely. Catholicism, wow. You ever heard of CrossFit? I think they got started.
00:57:55
Speaker
Everyone wanted to be fit like they were, like Jesus wasn't the cross. My god. That's the body style you're going for. Mine. I want to get fit. I want to get cross fit. I want to get cross faded. So, Willem Dafoe's penis.
00:58:11
Speaker
whoo Ooh, catchy. I wonder if it'll stick. And then Khan takes control of the Japanese. This Japanese guy is not going to be happy about that atomic bomb name later. No, I'm just saying somebody had to. I don't think anybody had to. I just did. But Khan takes control of Ian McKellen's mind and basically starts having him work for him. He takes control of his mind through this cigarette billboard that blows smoke rings, which is pretty sweet. Which is a real billboard, right? Yeah, I read in the trivia, so it's true. No, I feel like it was. I feel like we've seen these before. Maybe not the llama brand, but... No, definitely the llama brand, but there's a guy who's got an open mouth and smoke pours out of the open mouth. This would have been probably before our time, because I think they were starting to calm down cigarette campaigns in the late 80s. I want to say it was a Marlboro ad in a movie in Vegas, is one that I might be thinking. Harley Davidson and the Marlboro man.
00:59:28
Speaker
No, you're probably thinking of ah there is a cowboy in Vegas. It's not an advertisement. It's one of the billboard things. It's a big neon cowboy that's like waving stuff. I want to mean i mean i would think it probably would have been a camel since they're doing this llama thing. lama lama lama lama lama la Maybe camel was a sponsor of the shadow radio show and it's one of those commercials where it's like four out of five doctors recommend camel cigarettes. They're smooth, and they make you feel real good on the inside. Not feeling so well? Try the mental-related ones. Pregnant? Try the menthol section-long filters. Try the 100s, Virginia Slims. Let me down. Tickle, tickle, and you're inside.
01:00:01
Speaker
If you're coughing up blood, you're doing it wrong. Four out of five doctors recommend camels because the fifth doctor died. He didn't smoke camels. He got cancer from a lesser brand. Not a doctor. the Lucky strike. Lucky strike on filters. You'd roll them shits up my cigarettes with my arm, my shirt sleeve, so everyone knows how tough I am. Look at that. He's got filterless cigarettes and rolled up. He's got a mom tattoo. Just some stuff happens. Shadow ends up going to break into what I thought was Kahn's lair. But I guess it's McKellen's lab that he's now taken over or whatever. One of the Mongolian guys there, though, that's one of his guards is also a welcome back to the show. Yeah. A guy named Nils Stewart, who was in whatever it takes.
01:00:46
Speaker
He was the wrestler at the beginning who overdosed shaved head with the back of the head, rated ponytail and Fu Manchu, like going out of his way in this movie to look very Genghis Khan. Did I watch whatever it takes? Yes, you did. That's the one with Andrew Dice Clay and Don the Dragon Wilson. It had the bodybuilder wrestler guy that looked like a joker anytime you fucking smile. Fred Williamson. Yeah. I had to say all three of them because they all have nicknames. What size shoes you wear. But yeah, so Tim Curry works for the army, question mark. It's a defense contract, something, something. OK. So they're a civilian contracted by the army. Because later, I think now, actually.
01:01:29
Speaker
It's basically Raytheon. I want to keep calling her Lucy. Is it Lucy? Lucy. Margo. Margo. Fuck. The fuck is Lucy? So Margo goes to Uncle Police guy and says, like, I want to talk to my dad, but he's acting weird. And he's like, we can't just go like arrest people for acting weird. He's working on it. You could. Absolutely you could. dude He said something about communism. He was talking in Chinese. That should have got him already. And that did make him look. No, because that's what he's like, huh, that's odd. But I don't know. That should have been enough to be like, Chinese, you say? It was funny, because earlier in the movie, she's like, oh, you speak Chinese to Alec Baldwin? He's like, only Mandarin. Because Mandarin and Cantonese. I don't believe, I could be mistaken, that there is a Chinese. There's not just a generic Chinese. It's funny when she says he was speaking Chinese, they cut Alec Baldwin. He's just looking at both of them like,
01:02:23
Speaker
Oh, wait, you dumb fucking bitch. ah Stupid Quilo. But he she gets so she ends up going to look for her dad. Oh, yes. Hypnotized by the point of me telling that story, though, was she says now I can't talk to him. And he's like, well, the military, it's a military contract. So that's why I was wondering, like Tim Curry is like a mob boss that works for the army, question mark. No, just a something, something contractors. Gotcha. Something contractor. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a Hughes before Raytheon. Yeah. Margo gets mind controlled by the billboard also and gets sent to like Manchurian candidate fucking Alec Baldwin. Did anybody else think that they were that when he was talking to Ian McKellen that he was giving him directions? Because he's all, Remington Lane.
01:03:06
Speaker
I was like, oh, he's trying to get him to go somewhere. No, that's his name. His name is Remington Lane. No, it's not Remington. It's Reinhardt. Reinhardt. Oh, it's a way different street. You don't go down that route. That's the other side of town. Don't go down Reinhardt. Why not wrong get you killed? Also, Margo Lane is her name and Lois Lane is Superman's girlfriend. And Margo Kidder played Lois Lane. and and So I don't know if Margot Lane was from the original serials or if they're just like, this is smart. Ooh, I didn't think about that. If it's not from the serials, you're just like, yeah, we got a little funny thing. We're so funny. She goes to Alec Baldwin's house and sees a reflection of him in the mirror and shoots that even though it's clearly a reflection. Oh, yeah. It's like warps like a fun house mirror. So is he. Yeah. Later in life. And he pulls her out of it and she's like,
01:03:57
Speaker
Why am I at your house? Did you drug me? I had a voice in my head that told me to kill the shadow. What? I came here. Shadow, kill shadow. You're here. You're home. You're the shadow. I tried to kill you. And that was
Dreams, Psychic Humor, and Character Dynamics
01:04:07
Speaker
two minutes faster than her like train. Yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying to get through that. But that's that that's where it should have gone. That's how it started. And then she did like twenty seven other steps and then came back around to again get the Tina Fey fucking voice like, yeah, but the shadow, kill the shadow. Came here. Came here to kill you. You're the shadow. ah Boom, man. I see. ah Turned in a little Skeletor at the end. I love it. You boobs! I'll get you next time, Shadow.
01:04:35
Speaker
Ooh, almost crib keeper. Thank you. I was going for witch, but it works. Same thing. Khan and and and ah Shadow have another face off thing at at a restaurant where Khan is just shoveling rice into his mouth with his hand. I mean, are are we trying to show that it's like he's just that they didn't have chopsticks available for her this restaurant's got chopsticks. He wasn't in a restaurant. Yeah, he was in his house. I thought that was a restaurant. This is when he follows him. Somebody followed. OK, you have somebody in full Genghis Khan armor trying to tail fucking Alec Baldwin.
01:05:08
Speaker
Oh, yeah, it's like any reflection of a window or a mirror like huh. It's a kind of full suit of armor following me I think I know what's happening weird He might be related to that other guy in a full suit of armor I don't think it is related, but I'm gonna follow him to find out. Oh, look at that There's the bad guy and they have this little like face off and they end up shooting at each other They fire their guns at the same time and it's so fucking stupid These bullets just crash into each other and we just drop to the ground We get it. They're evenly matched. We get it. They're two sides of the same coin. We get it. um And then but it is funny because Khan just like shouts at a window. Shout at the window. And it explodes. Shout.
01:05:50
Speaker
And he jumps out of the window and gets away. And then Alec Baldwin goes home and Margo refuses to leave. So he's like, you can sleep in a guest room. She's like, yeah, I'm sleeping in your bed. So he sleeps in a guest room yep or on a couch. I'm chased. I don't sleep with women. I don't sleep with girls. I can't make forget. I do some kinky shit. I don't want you to know or remember what felching is. You can't remember the plane to the island. When we get done here, you're going to wish you could forget. You're welcome. but I'll show you what a drusty trombone is. You ever heard of Epstein's Island? Well, welcome to Baldwin's Peninsula. Oh! Point to this crotch. It's also shaped like Florida. I was like, I see that, but they don't. They did. You people didn't know I was pointing at my crotch. They might have known. Imagine that I'm mostly pointing to my crotch the rest of this episode.
01:06:36
Speaker
But it's funny because this is what he has, that dream that you referenced earlier where like he wakes up in the middle of the night and it's pretty cool looking. It's a good prosthetic scene. He sticks his hands underneath his face and is like peeling off his skin, kind of like a poltergeist. Yeah, a little bit. No, there's I can't think of another. There is another one that it's like that also. But yeah, family guy. Total recall family guy when they do the poltergeist it is never Peter peels his face off in the mirror And then he becomes Hank and he goes hey propane. It is never family guy. Oh Sometimes it's family guy dog gone to hick also propane propane accessories Derek why is your wife looking at me like she wants to kill me? Cuz we're doing cartoons. Oh, that's fair
01:07:23
Speaker
But then he went in the morning, he's talking to her, and she's like, she wakes up right now. Oh, she is. She's trying hard to not finger herself. Yeah, she's talking about this dream she had where she's on a beach and her skin was hot and cold at the same time. Her hands are between her thighs. And she was rubbing her body and tweaking her nipples. And it's a sexy description of a sexy dream. And then she's like, What did you dream about? Yeah, I dreamed that I peeled my face off and there was another man underneath. You've got problems. Yeah, I know. I'm aware. Therapy doesn't exist. 1934. If I went to therapy, they think I'm insane. And this is an intentional laugh, and it actually works. I enjoyed it. Yes, very much so. Good setup of just like, oh, that is a nice sexy dream. How about you? I tore my face off, and underneath was Gilbert Gottfried. Oh, you got problems. You're telling me!
01:08:07
Speaker
And then this is the part where she's ESP-ing all over him. She SP-ed all over this room. Yeah. And she says something. She can't do something to him. And he goes, well, psychically, I'm very well endowed. I bet you are. She looks him up and down when she says it, too. Yes, she does. She's like, I can read your mind. I know what you're packing. You need to calm down. I lied about the grande. Well, he didn't say psychically. Psychically. I think I have a huge dick. I can make you think I have a huge dick. Well, not you. Well, other chicks. That's why I don't want to fuck you. You know how little it is. Oh, this is after she needed to find a new dress and he's like, here, this is my Aunt Rose's. She was very stylish and kept her figure. I think she says, oh, and she kept her figure. Because I mean, he's Bruce Wayne. He's got a fucking... He just buys these chicks new outfits anytime he ESPs on them.
01:08:57
Speaker
Yep. Then we have like a thing where he's getting the bomb set up with Ian McCallen, sorry, Kahn is getting the bomb set up on top of the Empire State Building and he's wearing his full fucking Emperor garb. and Not blending in in 1934 America. No. And these three sailors walked by, one of which, and I'd first to look up the extras. but it's Smoothie. Smoothie from the show Happy. From Happy. He's been in a ton of stuff, but that's what I will forever and always think of now. I know I'm in old school, very, very small. like He's assistant to Jeremy Piven in old school. Yeah, I mean, he's a character actor, so he's been in A Million Things, but I'll never i'll just never be able to not think of him as Smoothie now. Yeah, I've seen his dickless crotch. You're Smoothie from now on to me.
01:09:38
Speaker
You guys should watch Happy. That's pretty fun. yep ah But he's walking by and he's like, hey, nice dress, toots. And fucking Khan literally just makes this guy climb over the railing and jump off the Empire State. oh But he doesn't hit the sidewalk. No, it's so good. because What does he hit, husband? OK, we're let me set the scene. Set it. Alec Baldwin of LPN Miller are walking down the street having a conversation. Empire State Building is in the back. There's a little tiny man tumbling down in the air and you just see him smash into like one of the bottom floors because the building gets bigger at the bottom and just bounce. It is over the edge. Tim Curry arrives at this big sphere that he has that is not the brilliant sphere. I thought this was the brilliant sphere. I don't know. It's a sphere. I mean.
01:10:27
Speaker
But it's not. It fills with water for a question mark reasons, but he arrives there and Alec Baldwin is inside. It's a sensory deprivation chamber duty gets in there and just takes a bunch of acid and just floats in saltwater in the darkness. It's a Rogan sphere. It's not bad. ah it's Pretty light in there, though. Well, you can't put the blinders on. You only do it at night. Okay. When the sun's not up. Well, isn't that night? Not at full moon. So new moon. New moon. New moon. New moon. Hello, new moon. Hello, new moon.
01:10:58
Speaker
Hello. But anyway, the shadow confronts Tim, Tim Furry. Tim Furry. Oh, by the way, because it is going to come back, he's got Margo Robbie over there checking on the because it's a vacant lot. and He's like, what was there? So he has her checking on what was in the vacant lot. Oh, OK. See, I missed that. So that she was doing when she suddenly just talking about it later, I was like, Exposition dump? Yeah, I know. He sent her to the county assessors, I guess it will be. Oh, that's what she's doing with the papers and the... But she has the orgasm? Yeah. You're welcome. Yeah. Well, thank you, because I was not paying attention. It's a good thing I don't have to talk about this on a podcast or anything. Well, you were writing notes for another scene. It's a minor deal. I think at that point I was thinking about food. It's just plot. It is, yeah. It's not that big of a deal. If you want the plot, watch the movie. Depending on our recommendations. We're here to make jokes.
01:11:52
Speaker
Tim Curry is basically like, I'm not being mind controlled, you asshole. I want to be the fucking king. There's a new world order. And he's turns on the water and breaks the fucking thing off and then locks him into the sphere. And Alec Baldwin is going to dry and drown. Oh, by the way, stupid of the shadow, because the shadows laughing is like, you think some water is going to stop me? But it shows him where he's standing. So it's like, yes, I do think you get shot. You dumbo. which is one of the cooler things they do, too, because you hear the gun firing, you see the bullet holes appearing, and then you hear one shot, and there's no bullet hole appearing, so you're like, oh. And then blood just appears. I like that scene. There's some scenes in here I like. We'll talk about it at the end. Yeah. But the sphere starts filling with water. Tim Curry leaves. Alec Baldwin notices the holes that were shot in the side of the sphere. You know, air bubbles coming in. That's almost the size of my dick. So he goes over and starts sucking on holes. Wait a minute. Never mind. I'll live. He's doing the other side of the glory hole. Yeah, no, he was thinking, though, when he first saw it, he was like, I'm going to go out with a bang.
01:12:49
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to die with an orgasm in my chambers. I'm putting my dick out this hole, going out this way, the way I came in. No semen. Pretty sure dudes are born without semen. Yeah, the girls are born with all their eggs. I don't think guys are born with a a batch of brewing. I don't think we got a batch of brewing. No, because it doesn't. You guys make new stuff as it goes. Squat! Squat! This movie could use Peter O'Toole. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, but who are you going to have and be besides ah Ian mckellen McClellan? McClellan. Yeah, that's fine. ah This didn't use Ian McKellen well enough. Let's just put Peter O'Toole. That's true. I mean, underutilized. I mean, what is this 94? What's he doing now? He's a lot of Broadway. right I'm not sure. He was probably still doing a lot of stage acting. No, X-Men's in 2000. Hold on. I was dead. Yeah.
01:13:37
Speaker
So, I mean, he hasn't been Gandalf yet, so he's doing a lot of stage acting. This is one for the paychecks. He's like, look, dude, I'll go do this movie, get, you know, maybe a million for it, and then I'll go back to doing Broadway plays. He would read the script. He's just like, what are my pages? And they're like, here's your eight pages. And he's like, got it. Done. This is the very first GoFundMe. So this is when he this is where his ESPN comes in and his connection with Margo. And he's just like, Margo. Oh, yeah, there is ping ponging off each other. And it just she's in the library and all of a sudden she fucking has the biggest orgasm of her life and knocks down a giant stack of papers. And there's no big fat librarian to sit there and be like, shh.
01:14:15
Speaker
Oh, I would have gotten a bone.
01:14:19
Speaker
But then she shows up and saves him and that's fun. You call. And at the same time, Curry is delivering his beryllium sphere, which is like a floating droid of some sort. It looks like a battle bot. It does look like a battle bot. He delivers it to Khan and they have to set a timer and do something. I didn't didn't really understand this whole thing. They're blowing up the city. Yeah, um there is in the newspaper, like, Madman tries to blow up the city for a billion dollars. A million or billion? It said billions of dollars. billion is Which billions at this time might not even exist in America. No. it like We don't owe China that yet. I mean, in the 60s. Billions, you wish. I wish it was billions. you Fuck. If Austin Powers taught me anything in the 60s, one million dollars. Yeah. With a lot of moth money. And this is 30 years before that. Exactly. So, yeah.
01:15:10
Speaker
But it's so that's his plan is to ransom the money and then still blow us up. Yeah. Question mark. Yeah, I think so. He's a very ill defined bad guy. Yep. He wants to take over the world. i I was hoping his whole arc would be like, let me get your power and being out. Imagine I'm pointing to my crotch again. No, like I thought his whole thing of like, well, if I eat the shadows power like I did Genghis Khan's, I'll be truly unstoppable. That's what the fucking con is basically pinky. Uh huh. And Tim Curry is the brain. Cuz he's kind of All right calm now I want to see Tim Curry play a live-action brain. Oh, we're too late. Yeah he's take over the whoa We're gonna lose Tim Curry soon, and that's okay
Climactic Battle and Conclusion of 'The Shadow'
01:15:56
Speaker
He's had a good he did have he's given us a bunch. Yeah. Yes We all got to go. He doesn't look good No, if I was like that I'd I would hope to be gone I mean I yeah, I'm already close to not wanting to be here and my quality of life is a little bit better than that
01:16:11
Speaker
I still think it's wrong that Kevorkian is a wrong way to do things. Yeah, well not only in this country I think you can you think and do it in Sweden. ah Well, you can go to Oregon I think or Washington one of them. There's there's no laws there anyway, dude, you can You can always like that with a straw Oh, no, I'll take a Pepsi. Oh, I'm sorry. We only have a go. I'll take a gram and a Pepsi. And then, yeah yeah, the hotel monolith thing, she tells them tells the shadow about that. It's a hotel that this guy built and then he killed himself right before it was completed. And then it got destroyed. But nobody seems to remember when or how. So con or hypnotize this whole city before he got there. Yeah. Crazy. He's super power. He's that good. He shouldn't be beaten. No, not by a talky sword. Not by a talky sword. like um i don't mean Like a little spicy crunchy sword mouthy ass dagger We get to the end here the shadow breaks into the hotel He tells them to come and enter when they when available or something. Yeah, no get here immediately enter wind
01:17:13
Speaker
As soon as possible. This is when we see the the tube room again because the dude writes on a piece of paper But it's blank. There's literally nothing being written. Oh, yeah. Yeah get something' the magic disappearing but he's not wearing The tubes which is funny he he right Well, it's only a receiving tubes He only receives the messages from turn him suck to blow I guess ale baldwin didn't want this guy fucking tubes exactly So he like writes all these letters and then it's this fun little scene where he's running around in the rain. He's like, whoop, zip, zip, zap, zip, doop, doop, he pop a letter under the door and then we're going to pop a last butler fucking these tubes. Now they don't suck or blow. They just fall through. Exactly. And Khan sends Tim Curry and his minions to go kill the shadow. And Tim Curry is like, you guys go towards the maniacal after I'll go check the room that has no sound. I'll go check the really dark room. There's no way the shadows in there. No, no. He's his name is Shadow. And we like sunlight. And we flash back to the first part of the movie here because Shadow's voice is jumping all around the room. Tim Curry loses his fucking mind and just starts firing this Tommy gun wildly.
01:18:24
Speaker
like running in circles and just shooting. I want to do this. I've never seen Jack so happy that now I want to get you a leaded sphere, a fucking 20 foot lead sphere. So you can just guys just bounce off. No, that's OK. It doesn't. it It's lead stops the impact and it just like hits and drops. We'll use gold just to be sure we use gold. OK, solid gold, solid gold, solid gold, brilliant sphere. It's all I need. No, I like these shots they're doing because it's a fucking weird you might know the name of it But it's that it's a top sideways angle to make you feel oh you feel the crazy you feel as crazy as he's doing He's pouring sweat like me eating compound chicken. Yeah, I mean like just beads of it He's like come out you sissy boy and fight like a man And you see the, like, bloodshot eyes and, like, and it's just... And he's drooling on himself in a sense. Yeah, he becomes rabid. Tim Curry's giving more than he needs to. And we loved it. We loved it. For research, watched The Phantom. Uh-huh. And was like, I could do a Treat Williams. Oh! I could do Treat Williams. I could do Treat Williams too, you know. I could have been in a phantom. I could ride a white horse. That's what I used to call Joe Pesci, my white horse. Because he had heroin.
01:19:39
Speaker
And he's white you get it. He's a white toy pony more, but he's a shetland I've got a toy But he basically Mind-controls Tim Curry to jump out of a window down a floor a flight of whatever in guys He murders us dude. It's just all hey Loving this guy fucking splat in a death and then might have something to do with his past I mean he did you know what? Yeah, cuz con con Does say he's like you do have a black heart you tap into it every time you become the shadow You know you like punishing these dudes the girl Margot's got to witness it when she saved him. Oh, yeah She looked at his eyes and was like, oh no and saw his fingernails are back.
01:20:24
Speaker
I don't know why she sounds like Don Knotts. I kind of mentioned it because I made a joke about a Richard Kind mask, Oh but when he turns into the shadow, this is some horrendous, chunky, rubber makeup on his face. It looks like a show where someone's trying to make a cake that looks like Alec Baldwin and like which one's him and which one's not. We're going to cut it open and find out. Dick Tracy. Oh, that was the real Baldwin.
01:20:46
Speaker
ah Dick Tracy, that's it's but it's so caged. Dick Tracy has good makeup. Okay better than this But yeah that's like the feel that I thought they were going for Oh, definitely because it's that 30s serial. Yeah kind of thing ah But he goes in and confronts Khan and there's like this floor that tilts like one of those little marble games I want this it's the labyrinth floor and I fucking want it I bet you I could walk that thing so fucking perfectly some nights I don't understand why you guys keep falling down. I guarantee you truck hood. You're walking toward it stumbling and falling and you hit that and all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm better. Oh, oh this is nice. I never had a floor so sturdy. Con, you'll dog you.
01:21:28
Speaker
And he kind of attacks him with perba, the knife, and then he gains control over it. This is where I'm so fucking pissed, dude. Yeah, this is the I was hoping after this, we get a boss fight. No, this is what, 15 minutes of him dancing around with his knife, kind of getting stabbed, kind of not pretending to get his throat slit. And then he taps in. So what happens is he actually taps into his black heart. And that's when Perba and listens to him. And Khan is like, wait, what the fuck is happening? And then runs away. And it's all a mental. Sure. I'm mentally stronger than you. And I think it's going to happen. He goes into Khan's fucking head and just fucks with him there. Sure. That's where there's like room of broken windows. Yeah. We get some ESP play.
01:22:11
Speaker
Yeah, he is peed all over his face. They go into this frontal lobe. It's a crazy hall of mirrors. It's the mirror realm from fucking Dr. Strang. Yes, yeah Dr. Sean. It's the sanctum sanctorum. And then Alec Baldwin like has a seizure and all the mirrors explode. Oh, I think it's a fucking ESG as I'm doing. He's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is the best shaking I've ever seen. Oh, mommy. Oh, mama. Oh, don't touch it. I got to take a nap. I'm surprised you did Nicholas Cage fucking comfart. Oh. Like dream scenarios. Oh, that happens. Happens to a lot of guys.
01:22:50
Speaker
And yeah, he gets the glass explodes, but doesn't count up because we don't have that in the budget. ah But then Alec Baldwin takes a big shard of glass and just throws it right into his fucking head. And we cut to ah him in a straight gentle asylum. Yeah. And close up of his face. I love because you can see that there's something going on with his head, but they don't show it right away. And the doctor comes in to give him food or whatever come here. Yeah, and he's like, look into my eyes. It's really long. And the doctor's playing. And he's like, sounds good. well The doctor's just like, what a nice mental patient you are. I would love to look in your eyes. Huh, look at that. They're not red anymore. I just love it because he's like, you will release me. And he's like, no, no, I don't think it will. You're going to die here. That's good though. ah Sorry about your head though.
01:23:32
Speaker
This is 1934. What do you mean? What did you do to my head? This is 1934. You're Asian. You're not getting out of this mental institution. No. But yeah, huge
Movie Recommendations and Podcast Outro
01:23:40
Speaker
scar right in the front. And the doctor even says something along the line says, oh, we had to do some surgery and we had to take a part of your brain out. It's fine. It was only the frontal lobe. it was um no you No one ever uses it and walks out the door right before it closes unless you believe in telepathy. And then I don't know if you guys saw the big zoom on his hand with the red. Oh, is there a ring there on his hair? Oh, I didn't catch that. Oh, really? Yeah. Are you kidding? Because he even fucking puts his hand up to his face and he's like rubbing it while he's walking. Like, please look at my ring. Please look at my ring. Please look at my ring. I think I was writing down that they removed part of his frontal lobe. Oh, that makes sense. I think someone should remove your part of your frontal lobe. That's fine. And then he's like... I mean, will you believe in telepathy? I mean, that's what this beer is for. You'll never ESP yourself again. And then She-Warn-Kahn is like, I am She-Warn-Kahn! Descendant, less descendant of Kegus-Kahn! And someone's like... I'm Babe Ruth! I'm Penelope! Or no. What is it? I'm Josephine. That's a dude. I'm Josephine. I'm Henry VIII. I am the bullion. Henry VIII. I am Spartacus.
01:24:45
Speaker
No, I am Spartacus. No, I'm Spartacus. Oh, Spartacus. Oh, it was fun. And that's the end of the movie. Right. There was no close. That's it. roll No. And I even made a joke like fast forward to the stinger. We're not doing stingers a nine for not on this movie. No. They're like, we had twenty five million dollars. We barely made it. So it it did kind of have like their connection was there. He. The love story between Margot and that are barely, barely. Well, he couldn't fuck because then he would lose his mind powers like that movie we watched last night. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Touch. Heavenly Touch. What was his name? Juvenile Juvenile. Huh? It's a movie called Touch by a director named Paul Schrader. And it's it was actually really entertaining. I'd never heard of it. It's a Skeet Ulrich, Tom Arnold, Christopher Walken.
01:25:37
Speaker
Yeah. You lost me at the first two and then rounded it off. Tom Arnold is fucking great in that movie. All right. that This is that's probably his it goes so for me now. It goes touch and then true lies. All right. And where's Mikael's Navy? I have to watch it again. ah Gina Garshan. Gina Garshan's in there. But that's it for this movie. So recommendations, wife. Honestly, I give this a recommend. I had fun watching this. It what might just be um caveat, Jack's caveats, drinking and friends, but a little bit of what is that my caveats? What is that thing? Nostalgia like of I didn't hate I didn't hate this as much as last week.
01:26:18
Speaker
Don't be ashamed of what you're saying. Yeah, I will also recommend it. I have qualms. I wish there was better fight scenes. To Derek's point, I wish we saw the shadow doing more instead of just this little cartoon drawing him coming out of nothing and punching somebody. You know, like it's not actually because I like the style of the shadow. I like the style of this world. So there is something here, but it's a bad movie. Caveats, drink with your friends and watch it. Yeah, I agree with you guys. I think it's a fun watch with friends and booze and whatever other time-stimulating substances you choose to use. If you need an ESP on each other, that's fine. No, it's...
01:27:06
Speaker
That's like the Emperor laughing hysterically at something. That's like the Emperor the first time he saw community or something. The first time he heard ja jar Jar Jar. Squeeze me! He said, like, squeeze me!
01:27:22
Speaker
But yeah, I'll recommend it. Yeah, it is a bad movie. It's worse. It's worse than the Phantom, in my opinion. I would watch the Phantom before I watch this, but I'd watch the Phantom by myself for fun. I would watch this in a group with people. Uh-huh. I would also watch the Phantom in a group with people. Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't I don't but I don't see a flaw in your logic. But yeah, I enjoyed it. It was a good time. It was stupid as fuck. Yep. Yeah. So are we. We're OK with stupid sometimes. Next week will be our Durga classic movies presentation for the month. Find a classic superhero movie. Classic meaning old, not good. At least we know it's not Superwoman or Doctor Strange. She's my girl. It could be Supergirl. Supergirl. No, we're going to watch Captain America.
01:28:09
Speaker
1979. That's America's ass. Is it? It will be. I'm pretty sure in that one he's an artist who gets almost killed in an accident and then they inject him with a serum and has nothing to do with the action. Why would you change the fucking we'll save it. 1979. I'll save it already. I saw it once and it's what I remember. And also he wears a motorcycle helmet because he has a motorcycle. Well, probably. Vroom, vroom, bitch. But instead of like his little helmet with wings, he's got a motorcycle helmet that's painted like an American flag. Oh, boy. He's like... a Easy Rider. Yeah. He's like Dennis how was it dennis Hopper or Peter Fonda. Peter Fonda. Oh, they aren't wearing helmets though. No. But his bike is Captain America. Yes. But anyway, that'll be next week's movie. ah Don't forget to check out our Patreon, patreon dot.com slash worst people. The episode for this month will be Batman Returns.
01:29:00
Speaker
from 1992. That'll be our Patreon episode though. We haven't recorded it yet as you guys can clearly tell. Yeah. Keep behind the curtains at the sausage. I have watched it recently though and it's great. It is 92. I'm so smart. If you want more from us besides checking out our Patreon, go to badmoviesworsepeople.com. Send us an email at badmoviesworsepeople at gmail dot.com. I want to thank Evasion for our opening and closing music. That'll be it for this week. I have been Derek. I'm still wife person. And I'm cod! The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime is bad. That's not how it goes. The shadow knows.
01:30:11
Speaker
I'm gonna say how to pronounce this dude's name. Baldwood. See if the internet tells me. Bald-Dwin. Bald-Dwin? What the fuck is Bald-Dwin? Jesus. This time, this podcast can only hide from its shadow. Podcast to leave shadows. Just droppings. Fresh.