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Ep 124: Sphere
23 Plays4 hours ago
With a stacked cast including Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Sam Jackson and Liev Schreiber, this Barry Levinson picture sounds like it should be awesome, but god damn is it a chore. Don't worry though, we watched it so you don't have to! A team of scientists are dropped into a mysterious situation involving an alien spacecraft at the bottom of the sea and a perplexing golden sphere that is more than it seems to be.
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Join us on our Star Wars odyssey over on Han Took Shots First anywhere you get podcast and hantookshotsfirstpod.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Apologies
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey guys I'll make this quick cuz I don't wanna lengthen the episode too much but ah we had a little software issue we were recording a bunch of episodes in a small batch of time and there was some kind of software issue I didn't hear when setting the levels so sometimes people peak out a little bit Uh, the sound gets a little distorted. It's really messed up, but it kind of sucks. And I did as much as I could to fix it, but it will only be for a few episodes. Thank you for sticking with us and for, you know, Toughing it out with us here. I mean, it's all, you know, we're just a little independent thing. I'm doing this all in my living room on a laptop. So thank you for understanding and hopefully it still sounds good for you. Enjoy the episode.
Hosts and Waterworld Banter
00:00:39
Speaker
down below the water line. 300 years of coral. Actually, 288 says the mathematician. What do I know? I'm just a mathematician magician. You almost had it. It's drowny wary and we're back talking about more water stuff. That's not what I was going to say but Jack got it going. You can do yours. No, it's too late. No, water stuff. What is past page 87? That's all I was going to say. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. It's bad movies where worst people
00:01:36
Speaker
Yours is better. I just wanted my summertime movie guy voice. I love your summertime movie guy voice. This summer, one man, one bottle of urine, one boat, Waterworld. Where can I pay $7 to see Kevin Costner drink his own urine?
00:01:52
Speaker
I'm in my living room. Yeah. You don't have to pay seven dollars. Just come over, bring a beer. Well, your movie, your summer guy movie voice doesn't apply here because this movie came out on Valentine's Day. Oh, what a romantic movie to take your fucking spouse or significant other to. Yeah. I'm going to tell you something right now.
Movie Frustrations and Streaming Issues
00:02:11
Speaker
I was increasingly frustrated with this movie. Now I've had a lot going against it. I've had a weird rough day or month and life. It'll be over soon. And so I just, I knew I was like, I'm not going to like this movie. Now I'm an idiot that saw that I had like five bucks in credits. And I was like, oh, I'm just going to buy it. Cause this cast and Queen Latifah is amazing. Not Queen Latifah. I was like, I might as well buy it. I wish I wouldn't have fucking bought this movie. Oh boy. Not that it's terrible. I'm probably never going to watch again.
00:02:40
Speaker
well You're gonna watch with the bleeps. I'm probably not soundless party movie No, and I'm gonna tell you why cuz nothing's happening. on I should not have watched this alone This is so much anxiety for me This is like so many of my fucking stupid fears where anytime they're underwater and you can't see sides I'm like, well, there's gonna be like an orca coming through just takes them right the fuck out dude. I guarantee it They're your spheres. We are. We should tell people what we're talking about, even though they clicked the episode and it said, I know I'm just so you're ranting Michael Creighton's sphere. I read this book when I was. When did this come out? Like 90, 98, 98. So I probably read this in 96. OK. And this movie or whenever that. but Well, let me tell everybody first, if you would like to watch 1998 sphere written by. Well, the book was written by Michael Creighton, not the movie.
00:03:28
Speaker
You can watch it. No, he didn't. didn't he I think he just gets credits because it's his story. It's just like when you see new Star Wars stuff and it gives credits to George Lucas, it's characters based on. Oh, I thought he got to I thought that was one of the cool things was he was actually helping on the set.
00:03:42
Speaker
I mean, he may have had input, but he's not credited as a writer, just as the original writer of the novel. The there's two people credited, three people credited as writers. We'll get to that. But you can watch this movie if you would like ah for free on something called Hoopla. Oh, yeah. OK, sponsored by the library.
00:04:01
Speaker
Oh, now here's the problem with that app. Sometimes you go to stream and it says the max amount of streaming has already been achieved for today. Try again at midnight. And it's not by you. It's a collective city thing. OK, there's another one streams the fuck out of it. You're we that's how I tried to watch certain scared stupid.
00:04:18
Speaker
There's another one at the library. You have to have a library card to use. Yeah. I can't remember what it's called. I was like, I'm sorry. Somebody's already watching this right
Film Writers and Humorous Commentary
00:04:25
Speaker
now. Please wait your turn. Well, see, that's what I thought. It was that somebody's already watching it, but it's straight up was like we've ran out of streaming because it must be a legality thing. Like or you can do these movies for free, but only so many can be checked out or just a bandwidth thing. Sure. I didn't think about bandwidth, but either way, hoopla, you can watch it for free on hoopla or you can rent it on Amazon or Apple or for four dollars or buy it for 10. I bought it for 10.
00:04:48
Speaker
if i I bought it for $10, but $5 was credit. Oh, you actually use real money on this? yeah Oh, yeah. Oh, honey, I'm sorry. yeah It's all hypothetical. We'll be dead soon anyway. Yeah, I can't take it with you, can you? I can try. Do you want me to bury you? I am a Viking. Do you want me to burn you with it? like That's what I start the fire with. I want you to smelt me into it. I want you to convert everything I own, except my cat, into gold. Smelt down the gold, mixed my ashes into it, and turn it into a giant fucking cock. I will do that. Make out a statue.
00:05:20
Speaker
and then auction it off. It would be a auction. I was going to say it'd be called a auction. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait to hear that. I can't Disclosure. Oh, that toys, the animated or toys? No toys. Robin Williams, wait to hear that. Joan Cusack. OK, LL Cool J. I remember liking it, but I saw it once. You said disclosure is that the major and Michael Bolton. What the fuck is his name? Douglas. Thank you. I was like, that's what I've been trying to think of this whole time. I was like, fuck it. Who is that guy? He's always yelling at people. Michael Bolton. No, Michael Douglas. And he also directed. He directed another movie with Robin Williams, Man of the Year. So he just went downhill.
00:06:15
Speaker
What is Man of the Year? It's one of those two thousand somethings Robin Williams comedies. So the not good ones. yeah Never saw it. I know the cover of it and that's it. That's Robin Williams wearing like a powdered wig. Oh I know that cover well. yeah I've never seen that. Yeah it's like him doing George Washington essentially. He's like. Oh funny father here. Sounds like he's in defense. My teeth hurt. I'm in a wool. Wood. Whatever.
00:06:43
Speaker
Yes, it's based on a book. It's based on a book written by Michael Creighton. And so there are three people credited with writing this. One is credited with the adaptation. So actually turning it into like the basis of a screenplay. And then two more people are credited for the screenplay. So Kurt Wimmer is the the adapter. Mm hmm. He also wrote what a terrible superhero. This is his fault. but The adapter. Any situation I can adapt to it. I'm going to say that you're going to go to a clan rally. Oh, I'm going to say the quality of this is his fault ah because he also wrote double trouble. Not Ashley Olsen, Mary Kate. No, not that one. It's got two.
00:07:27
Speaker
I don't know who it is. It's like these two heavy set guys that are twins. I've seen it. Oh, it's not the they like muscular. It's the Conan Brothers. Maybe but the Barbarian Brothers. I mean, maybe. I know it's like two wrestler looking dudes. Yeah. So but I've never watched it. I found it when I was looking for a cross between double team. Sorry. Double
Critique of Remakes and Film Quality
00:07:47
Speaker
impact with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mr. Nanny.
00:07:51
Speaker
but wholelk colman i I know this fucking movie. I found out what I was looking for double impact. That's the only thing I've ever seen. We're gonna get there, by the way. ah He also wrote Equilibrium, which I do like. I mean, I haven't seen it in 20 years, but Christian Bale. that' so I'm so close. Christian Bale and
00:08:09
Speaker
Guys, some guy. But yeah, I remember liking Equilibria, but I haven't seen it since I was like 19. So who knows? Yeah. Ultraviolet, which is awful. Yeah. Law abiding citizen, which is bad. It's bad. I like it. Yeah, but it's bad. That doesn't mean it's good. All right.
00:08:26
Speaker
Also, the Ultra Violet, though, is is up there with one of the worst of the definitely the worst of that decade. It might be one of the worst movies just ever made. Yeah. How did you make a Mila Jovovich movie? I don't give a shit about. Oh, no, that's what she's good at. She only does movies you don't give a shit about. Oh, she's in. Let me think of it here. Daisy confused.
00:08:45
Speaker
Fifth Element, all those other ones. Yeah, you ran out. All those other ones. So many Resident Evil, Resident Evil, like resurrection or whatever they're called. I don't know what any of the sequels are called and I've watched them all. Resident Evil, we need money. Resident Evil, my husband directed this. Resident Evil, we need more money. But he also wrote the remakes of Total Recall, Point Break, and Children of the Corn. Didn't see it. And he wrote The Expendables 4 and The Beekeeper.
00:09:12
Speaker
God. Stinkfest. Here's the thing about that Point Break remake. It's not a terrible movie. It's just not any Point Break whatsoever. If you change the name of that and just had it as some like thrill ride bank robber thing, yeah it would have been received better because I watched it and I thought, this story sucks, but there are some good stunts here. yeah as We watched it in theaters. And just don't call it Point Break. yeah it's That's literally what we said when we were leaving the theater. Well, guys, don't change the dial on that one.
00:09:42
Speaker
All right. We'll talk about it eventually. Maybe September. We have to. We'll do the fucking Roadhouse remix. Remix. That was Roadhouse. I didn't watch that. Roadhouse. And it was interesting. Conor McGregor can't even swing his fucking arms.
00:09:58
Speaker
She was watching that movie when I came home from work, the Roadhouse remake, not what weird point break. Yeah. She was watching that when I came home from work. I walked in. There was a boat chase involving jet skis. And I was like, that's not Roadhouse. And then I put on my headphones and started editing. Yeah. had the The roommate at the time was watching it. And I walked in. I was like, what is this? And I saw Jake Gyllenhaal shirtless on the Hawaiian shirt. And I was like, not bad. I know what it is now.
00:10:21
Speaker
I would rather watch the fucking sequel with the dude from ah ah that thing you do. Yeah, I've got that on Blu-ray. I kick. I kick. I kick. I think it's called Roadhouse Last Call. ah No, it's ah Roadhouse Harrier. Roadhouse
Production and Plot of Sphere
00:10:37
Speaker
Harrier. It's Rucker Houser. And then they're speaking of Houser, there are two other people credited, Steven Houser, who has no other writing credits, but he is credited as a microphone tester on Disclosure. Oh. What? Check. That one's good. Check. Check. And and my life has no meaning. and Check. And then I love that you're but talking into your hand instead of the microphone. What are you saying? Panama is for the people. Paul Atenazio. Sure. ah Who did write good stuff. He wrote disclosure, which I mean, isn't good, but he wrote that ah quiz show. You guys ever seen oh yeah is that? Tim Robbins. ah It's got Chris McDonald.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yeah. um I always think of Quiz Show. That's Shooter McGavin, right? Yeah. I always think of Quiz Show every time I watch Requiem for a Dream once a year because it's Shooter McGavin doing a quiz show. Just seek help, man. We just talk to somebody. Which is much like his role in that movie, where he's the TV yeah game show guy. I was I'm sorry to interrupt you, but it's segue to what you just said. I was talking to a regular one of my regulars at my bar and and we were talking about the podcast and I was like, yeah, we do like mental health awareness month and so we do like really good movies and he's like oh like Donnie Darko a Requiem for a Dream and I was like are you my husband? Take off that skin suit. Gotcha Mitch. It's Halloween. But I was just like wow. How can you lose 200 pounds? It's that ah killing Gunther movie. There are no Schwarzenegger's like a six or if I get like five foot model. yeah Really good makeup. Oh, it's Master of disguise. Master of disguise. This guy also wrote Donnie Brasco, which is good. I like it. But he also wrote The Sum of All Fears, which is bad.
00:12:23
Speaker
I haven't seen that since it came out. Tom Clancy movie with Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman. Yeah. Guys bring a dirty bomb to a guys bring a dirty bomb. Yeah. Football Stadium. Something something. But I read the book because I was young. Batman plot with no Batman. Yeah. You don't want to watch. It's the Dark Knight Rises without Batman or Bane or Gary Oldman. Talk about boring.
00:12:49
Speaker
So this movie, this movie cost significantly less than our last round, you're wearing a movie. Oh, yeah. Well, we got like 270 million or something. Well, that one costs. Waterworld cost 120. This cost 80. Waterworld made like 270. This made 73.4. Yeah.
00:13:07
Speaker
So it did worse. ah I know why. And this ties directly into this movie ties directly into Waterworld in production, at least, because they were like, I think it's universal again. And they were like, we're shooting this on soundstages like in tanks. Yeah, because we did Waterworld and we're not doing that again. u It's going to make costs too much money. We don't need a real storm. Yeah. In our movie. Fake storms only.
00:13:32
Speaker
um Oh, it was Warner Brothers. I just saw it in my notes. No, but either way. So, yeah, they said that joke. They trimmed 20 million dollars off the budget by shooting it in tanks. So it would have cost 100 million and made 73.4. Doesn't look as good. No, it looks OK. It was shot mostly. Mostly. There are a couple of scenes like when they're doing the ah the the submersible is kind of a joke.
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah. And the CG is all bad. but Yeah. When they did the elevator, that CG is fucking it's the pipe wallpaper from very early windows due to her screen saver. It's yeah it's sub resident evil. Yeah. That was rough. The video game, not the movie. Like it did make me laugh.
00:14:13
Speaker
And I wasn't supposed to be laughing at that part. I did see a fun fact. You guys are familiar with the band, Lincoln Park. Yeah, sadly. Joseph Hahn, who's the DJ, Mr. Hahn, he designed the sea snakes in concept art.
00:14:30
Speaker
So that we could look and see snake that attacks Dustin Hoffman. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. And now something I like him for. And Samuel Jackson was busy while they were filming this because he was filming this during the week and he was filming Jackie Brown on the weekends. Oh, damn.
00:14:46
Speaker
Nice. Good. work So I was always curious if he bothered growing that hair. No, I knew it was fake. And Jackie Brown. But yeah, obviously he didn't. hes So for the movie, you can see like his regrowth coming out. And yeah, it's a little patchy there, babe. Well, I thought I was like, I've ever seen him with that own hair with that thing. You see him shave down all the way. Mace Windu style. Yeah. ah The afro for Jules. Yeah. ah Jackie Brown, obviously. And then what's long kiss?
00:15:14
Speaker
or kiss, long kiss, good night. Long kiss, good night. He's got a very short. Yeah, it's his usual, like, short thing. Yeah, almost like the Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon style. Yeah, similar to that. Maybe a little bit more length. Have you ever seen, I think it got renamed, but it used to be called Formula 51, where he was a guy that made like a drug and everybody wanted it. It takes place in England. He's got cornrows in that. He ends up wearing a kilt. It's a good look. I want to see this now. I have to find what it's called because I just saw it the other day and I was like, that's not what that movie is called. But it got renamed. And so I think personally, I think Samuel Jackson is the only person who is trying here. You know, who could have been Harry instead of Samuel Jackson, who think of a Jeffrey Jones black actor? Nope. With gravitas. Morgan, that you love that. I love that is not necessarily a movie actor. Forest Whitaker.
00:16:08
Speaker
Andre Brower. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why am I not picturing this person? Oh, my God. And I read some pictures. Nine nine. He was there actually originally cast. I don't know why he ended ended up doing it. Probably because they were like, well, we got Samuel Jackson. Yeah, I get that. so But I'm glad that you said that Samuel is the only one really doing anything here because Dustin Hoffman is sleeping through this thing. he I mean, he is barely there. He just can. And I think maybe he's trying to go for like a stoic doctor thing. Yeah. He can't be bothered to be on set. Samuel Jackson is just on Valium. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Sharon joking about that. za Sherry. I said Shannon and or Sharon Stone. Yeah, I said Shannon and then I was like Sharon. Yeah. Oh, they said Sherry is like stop either of those. No, she's fucking doping herself as a method actress. yes We see her take this. Leave Shriver is not bad, but I mean, Samuel Jackson is especially later when oh he comes out of this here. He is fucking dynamic and I'm terrified of him. Yeah, he's he's actually scary. Leave Shriver is doing a good job. I didn't think about that. He's doing coyote. Coyote is pretty good, too, but he's just being Peter Coyote. Dr. Webb from Grey's Anatomy, he's in what, like two seconds of it. yeah He's in two scenes.
00:17:18
Speaker
Uh, the guy that was talking to him about how if they don't decompress, they'll explode. Oh. And then what in the hell is that supposed to be? Yeah. But so this movie is broken up into chapters with titles because... Could not be more upset. This was like right off the bat. I was like, why, why the hard cuts is the fucking play?
00:17:37
Speaker
Well, because I expected some guy on the fucking side of my TV to start playing the piano. i'm like you didn't do Basically, I think they were like, let's make Event Horizon mix it with Leviathan. So we have to be pretentious because we're trying to do the that thing, but we're trying to do it like in a fancy way. Hated it. This movie was supposed to be a Christmas like it was supposed to be a Christmas release, not a Christmas movie. It's like, whoa, where's the tree going now? But it was supposed to be a Christmas release. And then they were like, yeah, let's just put that in February. Yeah. Christmas is where you put either blockbuster banger movies that are going to make a bunch of money like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter. Yeah, because everybody doesn't want to be with their family. They just go to the movies to ignore each other. Also, everyone's on break. Or you put Oscar bait there because it has to come out that year so like fresh in everyone's brain because it's the 12 month. Exactly. It's fucking terrible. But yes, so we start with the surface.
00:18:29
Speaker
Ooh. Ooh. And I'm like, at this point, you're like, well, I don't know what this movie is about. I don't know what that means. Yeah. I know it's about a sphere. I read the poster. I said sphere. I read the book, so I know exactly what was going on. I read the synopsis. If I remember correctly, like the book does have it does like the page where it's the surface and then it's chapters. Well, I'm sure it's a book. And then it's like this and then it's the chapters. But that makes sense for a book. I hate it. That's what I said. I think Michael Crichton, I think that was what he was like. Do this. It's something new. Something nobody would think of. I don't want him to have his name on this stink.
00:18:59
Speaker
Yeah, like let's let's let's go back to Jurassic Park. Chapter one. ah the The dinosaurs. Chapter two. The old man. Chapter three. Donno, do you know? Chapter seven. We all go to heaven. Chapter eight. Lawyer gets eaten while taking a shit.
00:19:17
Speaker
the lawyer. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Character Dynamics in Sphere
00:19:21
Speaker
But yeah, so we start with Dustin Hoffman who's playing Norman, but that doesn't matter because I'm gonna call him Dustin Hoffman. Please do. will Being flown in by this helicopter pilot played by anybody. I didn't catch it. Huey Lewis.
00:19:33
Speaker
Oh, that's right. cause I knew he was in this. I didn't even fucking clock that. was him I don't recognize him without the news. That's just Huey, huh? Yeah, I mean, you just so imagine that the sunglasses are regular glasses and then you can just hear him saying, you boys are just too darn loud.
00:19:52
Speaker
This helicopter is just too darn loud. Well, I love when they're flying and he's like, well, so where are we going? Where's this crash site? And they're flying one direction and he points 90 degree angles the other way. And he's like, we're going over there hes kind for a long sweep. Yeah, don't you fly that way then? you You have to have like an approach. i bet He's an helicopter. I'm 100 percent guessing on this, but I bet you there's some fucking like flight path that you don't want to just come in hot.
00:20:18
Speaker
Oh, maybe with the crosswinds and everything. Well, it's also aircraft carriers. What if they got to launch something really quick? I don't know. It's like, ah yeah but once again, it's like Star Wars. Aircrafts have like ah approach vectors. No, I definitely. I understand. It sounds approach vectors. Sounds great. I know there's definitely like rivers of air and like movement and the way like the wind. moved Oh, you mean like the river in the water yeah under under the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. Actually makes sense. Under the ocean, but yeah which is under the ocean, which has a river. Yes.
00:20:49
Speaker
But so, Dustin Hoffman is a psychologist who's supposed to talk to plane crash accident victims. Not a psychiatrist. Not a psychiatrist. So he's the one who can subscribe drugs. No.
00:21:00
Speaker
Because Sharon Stone gives him shit later about subscribing. Psychiatrist can prescribe. Psychologists do not. Yeah. OK, well, he says he's very. No, am I wrong on that? No, you're not. OK. I know psychotherapist can't because that's who I went to. Yeah. The my therapist recommended drugs. She couldn't prescribe it. But she's like, if those mushrooms are working for you, keep chomping them. Someone says psychiatrist and he's like psychologist. So maybe he used to be a psychiatrist. And then the shit that happened with Shannon Sharon. Fuck.
00:21:28
Speaker
Shannon. Shannon Doherty. You're thinking about drugs, you're thinking about Ozzy Osbourne, which makes me think, Shannon! That's also Sharon. It's also Sharon. Not when I was saying, Shannon! You're just thinking of drugs, which makes you think of Shannon Doherty. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So they approached this thing with all the ships, and he's like, all this for a plane crash? And Huey Lewis is like, link I never said nothing about planes.
00:21:51
Speaker
ah Can we rewind and do that again? You have never said nothing about playing on the episode. Just skip back 15 seconds. You're the best. So they get to the ships and we meet lives leave live Leave? Leave? I always say leave. It could be, it's probably... Cotton? It's fine. We meet Leave Schreiber. Cotton Weary. We meet Cotton Weary. Sabertooth. On the boat. And yes, as as we both just said, he played Cotton Weary in Scream. He played Sabertooth in all the X-Men movies. Not all. He was only in the one. He was in the Wolverine couple. No. No, he's in the that really bad Wolverine... That's it? Yeah.
00:22:31
Speaker
where he plays the brother. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody else plays Sabertooth. Tyler. Tyler Maine. No, he's a he's a rap. That makes more sense. Tyler Maine. Yeah. I actually just I hate that Wolverine. The was it X-Men Origins? X-Men Origins Wolverine. I hate that movie as everybody else should and does. yeah I like his performance of Sabertooth.
00:22:52
Speaker
Well, yeah, he's good. Yeah. And here, I think the reason I said I think he's doing he's doing an OK job, too, is he's playing like a nerdy scientist and he's fucking Liv Schreiber. He's a huge. That's my only thing. I was like, yeah, but you can still kill all you. I mean, it's like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior, right? Yeah. OK, I'm going to do an experiment on you. He's still got the shoulders and the jaw. Yeah, but he's still like he's a little bad. You want to see him in a different form? Yeah. Mixed nuts.
00:23:20
Speaker
with Steve Martin and Madeline Kahn, he plays a cross-dresser. I definitely need to this in my life. Not bad. I'll watch it. It's a Christmas time for me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, we already watched it then. And then we have Captain Barnes, who's played by Peter Coyote. Welcome back. Welcome back. who He was in the keys as keys. One of the few welcome back to this. I mean, like Samuel Jackson on Han took shots first. But yeah. ah Sharon Stone. Oh, yeah. chance For another Patreon, though. Yeah. Nobody here has been on the main feed. I think. Oh, no. Yeah. Because I was asking her, I was like, have we done anything with Samuel Jackson? That's exactly what she said. She's like on Han.
00:23:57
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't think we had which is a surprise cuz love Samuel Jackson. He does some bad movies Yeah, I mean your wife's taught said long kiss goodnight so many times that whether we record an episode or not We're just gonna fucking watch it. Yeah. Yeah, I love that movie. I do have it, but only on DVD Oh, disappointment is a point. I am a sad. I am happy. His name's not Jerry. Quick call me fucking Jerry. I thought his name was Jerry. Well, yeah, so there's no plane crash. It's a spacecraft spacecraft and this whole thing. ah So.
00:24:34
Speaker
Dustin Hoffman wrote a report, U.L.F., unidentified like life forms report for the Bush administration about what to do if aliens came. And it's like the handbook. And they're using it as like he says Peter says the Bible. Oh, yeah. And it's complete and utter horseshit. Uh huh. He like did some research. Yeah. And then he took from sci-fi novels. Yeah. But he made a name. I definitely was like, oh, because I borrowed from good writers. Like, yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.
00:25:03
Speaker
But yeah, so this whole thing he made up and all his friends here because these people are all people he knows are getting sucked in just because he was like, I don't know. I need to recommend people. I need a mathematician because Sammy Jackson. That's how you're most likely going to have to talk to them. I think most alien movies and books would say like mathematics is universal for the most part. And then you need a- Biologist, which is Shannon Stone. You need- Astrophysicist. Yeah, physicist, which is lever alone, Shriver. And then you need a psychologist. A psychologist, because I gotta know, it's gonna be, and this is true. It's gonna be traumatic. It's gonna be traumatic, dude. Like, even if you sit here and you're like, I wish the alien to contact me. If a fucking alien rang your doorbell right now, lose my shit. He's not a good psychologist. Shit right there? Probably.
00:25:50
Speaker
He's not a very good psychologist. No, he's fucking because he pisses this alien off and he fucked his patient. Yeah. ah But also, so I did read something. I think it was on Wikipedia, but I read something about Sharon Stone. ah She was telling the director of photography. Oh, I was going to mention earlier, the director of photography, I think was Peter Greenberg, something like that, was also the guy that shot Terminator 2. Oh, nice. So there's some stuff that looks good and you can tell, but it looks so muddy and dark. It doesn't matter. Yeah.
00:26:16
Speaker
But, you know, that's what it's going to look like when you're a thousand fathoms under this year or whatever. But that's not what the abyss looks like. What do you say, 90 fathoms? 20,000 leagues. But Sharon Stone was apparently telling the director of photography, like before they started shooting all this stuff, like, you know, shoot me from this angle with this kind of light. So I look pretty. I need to look glamorous. Isn't that weird? Fucking pink eyeshadow. She's not supposed to look grand glamorous here. Yeah. sure Well, that's what he said. He's like, we're a thousand feet under waters. You're going to look how you look. And that's kind of how I'm doing my job. Yeah.
00:26:49
Speaker
I'm fine with it. Also, she wants to look glamorous, but she's got shorter hair than the girl from Fucking Empire Records, practically. Uh-huh. And she's got, I think it's, she said pink eyeshadow, but I think it's supposed to be like, they're trying to make her look. Weary. Weary, tired, whatever. Oh, okay. I don't know. I mean, she's still hot. Don't get it wrong. Yeah. You know, like, oh, I'd be so happy to fucking wake up with a snake around me with her.
Promotion and Community Engagement
00:27:14
Speaker
She went with a snake around her. Mm hmm. Couldn't wrap it around her. But anyway, so act like a jellyfish and get in her suit. So it's all those guys they get to. There's a possible encounter with an alien being. And we get Dustin Hoffman, who's like you said, he's asleep, but he's also doing this. I mean, and it's Dustin Hoffman's what he does. He's doing this very nebbish, like Jewish performance.
00:27:39
Speaker
which is something that's kind of it's mentioned early on. He says something about like, I meant my I need to talk to my family. I'm Jewish. And it's like, what is what is that? you Yeah. Did you call your wife yet? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He does that. Like, did you call it? Like, hey, call your mother. Did you call your mother? ah She's worried. ah David got to call my mother, my lawyer. I get my lawyer.
00:27:59
Speaker
But yeah, so it's buried under coral, whatever. The spaceship crashed here or landed here or something. 300 years ago. 300 years ago. Or. Or. 288. To be exact. Because I'm a mathematician and I got to let you know. yeah Everybody here is flexing their big PhD, which is pretty huge dick.
00:28:16
Speaker
Like, everybody's just like, hmm, actually, a coral grows an inch a year like clockwork. Like, yeah, we know. It's why we know it's 300 years old. Oh, 288. My thoughts smell like cognac. Well, because she says she's like, oh, you're saying that this crashed here in and she like hesitates and says there's like 1706 or whatever. Yeah. So it's like 280 years old. Yeah. You know.
00:28:39
Speaker
It's just basic math. That's easy for him. Yeah. He can do super math. He is super mad. And I love him as the mathematician. He's believable. I don't know why. Like, well, he's in in Jurassic Park. He's not a mathematician, but he hates that crapper. Yeah. Hacker crap. But he is like the smart engineer guy. Whatever he's supposed to be doing there. Control room man. Yeah. Control room guy in the chair. He's your guy in a chair for a while. Yeah. Until he has an arm. Well, because he left the chair. Stay in the chair. Always stay in the chair. If Spederman taught me anything. And it did.
00:29:09
Speaker
It's don't dance in a black suit in the middle of the street. I like when they're going through all the people, though, like listing off who's there and they say psychologists and Sam Jackson's like, so is that what aliens are saying now? Take me to your therapist. It's a terrible line delivered really well. It's a 90s. It's a 90s therapy joke, but it's not like that for me because he did it right. If it would have been if it was Justin baon and saying it. know that The therapist are saying I'll take me to the alien say no, huh? He I'm not a big fan of his I know he's got classic movies like what midnight Cowboys him Graduate graduate. I do like him in little big man marathon man. I love him and hook man Okay hook, but I have three then cuz I forgot about a little big man hook and Don't hate me but meet the fuckers
00:29:58
Speaker
I just because he's having fun there. Exactly. He's not. a so He's not asleep. He's on an island. Fucking Barbra Streisand. Wouldn't you be happy? I don't know. Ask massing pantsuit.
00:30:12
Speaker
Well, yeah, I'm not a huge fan of Dustin Hoffman outside of mostly older movies. I do like him and hook. Yeah. Have you seen Little Big Man? No, I don't know what that is. um It's kind of a proto Forrest Gump. he He plays a character that is in almost every major historical event, but it's much earlier. It's like Wild Bill Hickok days. He spans a hundred years. i mean he's also a rain man, right? he is Yeah, he is the rain man. Barry Levinson likes him. Because he can't say rain man, he called his brother rain man. Oh, so he's not the titular. but So Barry Levinson likes him, because also there was some stuff going on where they were when they were getting ready to shoot this bunch of delays, et cetera, et cetera. So basically him and Dustin Hoffman went and made, I think it was Wag the Dog.
00:30:57
Speaker
Uh-huh. Like while they were making like in between. me So this is this movies. Everyone's fucking mistress. Yeah. Like I'm done fucking this Oscar award or Oscar nominated movie. y I'll come back and slum it with sphere. Yeah. With my shitty dive bar girlfriend. What was Sharon Stone doing? um Ninety eight. Pills. Xanax.
00:31:18
Speaker
Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at Patreon dot com slash people. And it only costs $3 a month. $3 a month is nothing. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. But you can't afford $3 a month if you love us. Give us $3. Super love us. Please love us. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. I mean. My knees hurt. They've been on the oven so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money, Baden. We need to equip it.
00:31:56
Speaker
We need to do equipment. We need to do remote podcasts for all of you. I wouldn't mind eating. We need to have video. I wouldn't mind eating. ah We need more drinks. Food sounds good. So please check out patreon dot.com slash worst people. Please check us out. You get a bonus episode every month and we're going to have more content coming for you. I'll send you pictures. ah Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Please give me patreon dot.com. I'm being held hostage here. Slash worst people. I don't see all you out of here. They're going to kill me.
00:32:25
Speaker
Hey guys, I'm getting really antsy today. I've been in the house a couple days. um I want to get out. Can we go somewhere? I have some things to do. I mean, I don't know if you know this music box, ah the adult beverage place that is, they have live music almost like minimum twice a week, sometimes much more. And like as a fan of somebody that likes staying on the east side, I can't think of a place that does as much live music with zero cover.
00:32:47
Speaker
Can I get shots there? You can get shots there. You can get drinks there. You can get beers there. You can get pudding shots. You can get yellow shots. You're putting me on. I am not putting you on. This is real. Oh, they've got karaoke. They've got unhappy hour every Wednesday. You know I love karaoke. Saturday nights, they've got open mic stand up comedy. Yeah, so there's plenty going on over the music box. We can go down there to 6951 East 22nd Street in Tucson, Arizona. Oh, right there at 22nd and Cole? Yeah. Did I mention no cover? Like, everything we just talked about is no cover. No cover. No cover charge ever. Just drink alcohol and enjoy your friends. It's just like my insurance. There's no cover. Music box lounge. Check it out. All right. First round's on me, boys.
00:33:30
Speaker
Immediately, Dustin Hoffman admits to Sam Jackson that his report was bogus and he just put his name in there because he's like, I don't know, you're my friend and you're the first name I thought of. So yeah, sorry you're here. My bad. um Sharon Stone movies from 1998, The Mighty Sphere, Junket Horror and Ants. She was doing ants with Woody Allen. So she wasn't busy. No, she was not cheating.
00:33:55
Speaker
Uh, so he basically tells him immediately, it's supposed to be a big secret, but he tells him immediately. And then as they're getting ready to go underwater, he's like, Hey, Sharon stone, by the way, also, this is all fake. Don't tell anyone. Hey, I know you hate me because of something that happened between us 10 to 15 years ago. Uh, I'm going to let you know a big secret that could, I don't know, get me put in prison for treason. Yeah. You killed.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yeah, she gives it. Oh, God, this fucking sub scene. Just anxiety all around the little. Oh, we're. Oh, you mean in chapter two, the deep? Yep. So it's fucking so lame. Cotton is like panicking. He's like, what? I know. I get it. I get it. I'm like, leave leave me alone. ah Leave Sharon Stone. I've also I've also watched Scream more recently than any of the movies, except for Sphere. um I mean, clearly.
00:34:48
Speaker
This is where Hoffman is being like a psychologist because leave is going all crazy. Like, what is going on? Why can you just stop humming? And he's like, you're obviously panicking. And that's how you're you're having a reaction. This is how this is. Oh, yeah. Because right before that, it was actually got a genuine laugh for me because he's like looking nervous. And Samuel Jackson's like, how are you feeling over there, Captain Nautical? Because he was all excited to go down. And he's like, dude, I'm loose. I'm loose. I'm good. And there's like a popping noise. And he's like, I'm uptight.
00:35:15
Speaker
I'm tight. Very tight now. It was funny. Yeah. Yeah. These Poppy know it. I'd like to take it back up. I'm done. Take it back up. Yeah. It's the and it's such a heavy handed delivery. It's like it's the pressure of the ocean attacking the subs integrity. And Sharon Stone turns to us and she's like, you know something about that, right? Attacking people's integrity under pressure or something. It's like, do you want to like hash this out later? This is not the best time to be chatting about this. hey ah We're all stuck together in this 10 foot sub. So shut the fuck up.
00:35:44
Speaker
I don't like when people at the bar are fighting. This would be terrible.
Thematic Elements in Sphere
00:35:48
Speaker
I don't like when I go to the grocery store and hear two people yelling at each other in the parking lot. Yeah. So I would hate this. Yeah. thiss im like well Also, I would never get on a subway. I would be like um popcorn. And then what did he say? And then what's going on? So they take the submarine down to this cock and ball sea lab. Well, so the sea lab is the balls and it's the fin from the ship that's the cock.
00:36:12
Speaker
No, no, no, there's a tall part of the C-Lab too. That's part of the- No, that was off to the side. It is much more balls than it is dick. It's mostly balls, but it's got a dick. how you That's how the he gets out. That's how the semen get out. When they're not semen, like the C people under the C. The C people. Who you calling C people? When the semen need to get out, they go through the shaft and they come out. He does squirt out of the top. Sometimes it's a burst. Other times he just kind of leaks out like if they're really tired and they're just trying to escape but they don't have it in them.
00:36:44
Speaker
It just kind of crawls out. Sometimes it lands on the balls. Other the times like a champagne cork. Sometimes it's on those ceilings. Sometimes it's on your face and and on the ceiling. And then kudos to you, buddy. This whole thing is entirely unnecessary, though. They get down there, they do this pressurization thing where they're talking about helium, whatever, whatever. Fun scene. It's a fun little. That's the only it was put here so they could give you a moment of comedy before they get you into this like thriller thing that they're trying to do. And at first, Samuel Jackson is not talking.
00:37:12
Speaker
And I was like, is he just going to be a badass? Like, I don't fucking do helium voice motherfucker driving. me But then he does the lollipop. I love the Arabic. I just love Liv Schreiber doesn't even notice. He's just rambling about like on the helium is just so excited. It's like oxygen is corrosive and helium is not the sound of my voice, no matter what it sounds like. i'm I'm the smartest man in the room. And I think it's the last time I left. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely on purpose.
00:37:41
Speaker
Like I laughed at the CG because I was like, there's only one thing that one effect I think that looks really good. And I don't know if it's CG or a puppet and that's the fucking Mr. Han Sea Snake. The one that attacks Dustin Hoffman on when he's going on the ladder. like Yeah, i think it's yeah. I don't think it's CG because it looks pretty good, but it does look good. That is an effect I liked.
00:38:04
Speaker
It looks scary. fairy The jellyfish also reminds me of Leviathan jellyfish were not there. Well, most of them weren't especially. when She's like, it's snowing. How do you not know? Well, I was like, honestly, because I was all this is where you say it's snowing. Yeah. Oh, with the semen eggs. Yeah.
00:38:22
Speaker
um I do like Sam Jackson is the only one who really understands what's going on from the beginning because right out of the gate he's like so you guys think there's something in there we're gonna go into into this big spaceship and check it out he's like Uh, how do we, you know, everybody thinks like, Oh, it's little green man or it's whatever. How do we know it doesn't breathe air and ah breathe in air and breathe out cyanide or whatever? And they're like, well, yeah. And doesn't happen. It's like, why would you think it would want to hurt us? He's like, well, if it's something that lives forever, it wouldn't know what killing people is. Yeah. It had no concept of murder. Yeah. yeah
00:38:55
Speaker
I love it. I love that. Oh, you know what? I did get one more small chuckle when they're putting on the suits and they have Schreiber is like, what if we have to go pee? And Sam Jackson is just like peed on your leg. He's like, we can urinate in these. He's like, you can do you want to, though? So you get fucking trench foot. Yeah. And then chapter three.
00:39:12
Speaker
Oh, the spacecraft. It doesn't say chapter, but it's so upset spacecraft. So they go into the heart of darkness, as Peter Coyote says. ah And so they were talking about they think this thing crashed, but it has no damage, so it must be super sturdy. And then Liev Schreiber breaks it with a chisel with a chisel. Yeah. and Samuel Jackson, again, the one that notices it multiple times like, look at dude, he's the only one thinking or giving a shit. Liev Schreiber could do it, but he's too excited.
00:39:40
Speaker
Dustin Hoffman is too busy being a neurotic, nevish psychiatrist or psychologist. And Sharon Stone is too busy thinking about how to stab Dustin Hoffman. Yeah. And Peter Coyote is really thinking about the orders that he's given. So I think Leif Schreiber, his character, is goingnna if it wasn't this, was going to kill himself doing something explorative. He's so concerned with a name for himself. He wrote a book about physics that like lay people like us can understand. Not enough for him. Yeah. And he at one point he cites all these people. He's like, did Newton did at 26. Albert Einstein was 26. You know, yeah yeah. If you don't do it by 35, you're not going to do it. You're not ever going to do it. So he's he he needs to be recognized even though he's got three fucking PhDs. Oh, but it's still not good enough because Sam Jackson did it sooner. Yep. Sam Jackson got his first one at 18 one year before him. Yeah, I like the lines like MIT. I didn't like MIT. He's like, what was it? This is like puberty. Damn. Yeah, because Sam Jackson doesn't have to flex. But he is also... The way he does it though. Dustin Hoffman picks it apart though.
00:40:42
Speaker
Like after they come out of the ship, and he's like, are you just, let me do some pop psych right now. Are you jealous that Lee Shriver figured out first? And he's like, huh, good shrinkage. I was waiting for a shrinkage joke there, by the way. Yeah, we just got out of the water, good shrinkage. I don't seem to have that problem. Sam Jackson does not have that problem. I think one of those eels got up here. Oh, no, that's you.
00:41:09
Speaker
Uh, did you see his butt? Oh, God, yeah. I had to rewind it so I could see it. Oh, you had to rewind it? Yeah. I wanted to see it. Well, you didn't have to rewind it? No, I paused it. I wasn't done yet. Pause it like a normal fucking pervert. No, I was just, I was thrown off by how Dustin was flossing and I was like, that's not how you floss. I didn't even know he was in that scene.
00:41:27
Speaker
I just saw fucking voluptuous butt cheeks and I was like, yup. Sam Jackson in the shower and just his butt sticking out. It wasn't supposed to. He's got voluptuous juicy little apples. But yes, the door automatically opens for them and there's boot prints in there and stuff and they're like, oh, this probably isn't good. and Let's go in.
00:41:47
Speaker
And yeah, somebody was like, anybody else concerned with who opened the door? It was Sam. You should be. It was Sam. You should be. You should be. I think it's just because they're people, right? Because, I mean, there's no suspense to this podcast. You should have watched it. I told you where to watch it. Yeah. We find out this is an American spaceship. Well, we find out pretty quick. Right here, because it has the words trash and basura. Yeah. Right there. So it's human. It's maybe from the future, probably.
00:42:11
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, obviously it's not from now. And it's not from 1643 technology. Well, they have dates on it about the 2000. Well, we assume it's 2020. I noticed the date start in 07 and I was like, well, we're not doing that. Yeah, this ship ain't happening. Sorry. We do have some touch screen shit. Turns out you have to fund NASA.
00:42:29
Speaker
What? Yeah, maybe it was 30s. It could have been 30s. Like, why did they have to think it was so far, like just brief only 20 years from now? They couldn't fathom it any other way. OK, well, either way, I mean, well, because they are assuming that humanity is not making it to 3043. Yeah, they might as most of us are. OK, 22, 22, 24.
00:42:50
Speaker
So they yeah they split up ah Dustin Hoffman and Sharon Stone find a magic turbo lift. um And they find a dead guy ah whose head's been bashed in and he has blue diamond almonds, blue diamond, blue diamond. e art That's a really good almonds, by the way. I don't know. Look at my husband. So we don't have a soy wasabi are delightful. i um I used to love them when I could eat them.
00:43:12
Speaker
You still can. You're just a pussy and don't want to die. You could eat anything you want. Shannon is like, it's a human. And he's like, Dustin's like, it's humanoid. And she's like, no, human.
00:43:26
Speaker
As a Star Wars fan, it's a valid point. But she's the biologist. I'd trust what she says yeah over what the psychologist says. He's like, well, I can't talk to it, so I don't know. Hey, I've manipulated plenty of people into having sex with me. It's a humanoid. Him, not me. I'm not saying that it's as Jack. Just no. I do like the computer thing, though, and they go through and they have like they play the unknown entry event and it's like a whole projection around holographic. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, this actually I did like this. This graphics was fine for me. The yeah space stuff that they show like this and even like the intro, the beginning and ending where it's like the warp thing that looks like a vagina. Uh huh. Or I guess it's just here and at the end and pause there, too. That's that looks pretty decent. And then the space stuff here looks really good. Yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
the black hole and all the shit flying into it. Uh-huh. Black hole fun. Won't you come? Tried to. And then they find the titular sphere. Yeah. And Dustin Hoffman, Dustin Hoffman, the psychologist, not a real scientist, is the only one who notices that it's not actually reflecting them. And he points it out. Yeah. He's like, he's like, I don't think I should be the only person to the one person notice this is not a scientist. Yeah. Like, this is all your guys's fields, but they are just so wrapped up in this. And Lee Schreiber kind of explains everybody just making references upon references, by the way.
00:44:44
Speaker
Yeah, like everything's like, well, this is kind of like Ulysses in the Odyssey. Well, this is kind of like a Guggenheim in with this locust block. And um this is kind of like. Lee Shivers, it's a perfect sphere and that is a flex. Yeah. And when somebody wanted to draw something for Pope something something, he drew a perfect circle freehand. Like, yeah. What do you say?
00:45:06
Speaker
perfection is is the flex yeah and along those lines i did read that i guess in the book it's like a silver perfect silver cylinder it doesn't have the ripples and stuff but yeah when they says that is like a perfect sphere i'm like no it's not when they designed it They were basically realized that it's supposed to be reflecting everything around it, but because it's in a dark room, it just looked like a big black orb. Oh, I thought it was getting like the C3PO thing where it reflected the cameras. like Oh, literally reflecting everything, guys. What do we do? So they went with this like bubbly champagne look. um I think a big like absence of light would have been pretty cool. Like if it was the silver sphere and it was kind of like an absence of everything. This is supposed to be kind of an anxiety, spooky movie that would have helped. Yeah.
00:45:48
Speaker
Instead of looking like they're about to celebrate New Year's. Yeah. I want to put that thing in the fucking ceiling and go disco dance. But it was like all moving. It's like a fluid. Yeah. And I think that's just to make sure you can always see. It doesn't just look like a weird, boring.
00:46:04
Speaker
Yeah, maybe it's not chapter three. The analysis. Jack hates it. I hate it. you're You're breaking up this. Well, especially because I've already talked about like but the end of the movie. You're breaking up this podcast the way they broke up this movie. Well, this whole podcast is the analysis.
00:46:22
Speaker
It's more of the analisis. It's the analisis. I already said that. Did you? I literally said the analisis. I'm in an hour phase. You'll hear it when you're... I'll hear it when I'm editing. I can't hear multiple conversations while I'm talking. Just laugh and post, dude. Dude, I can't tell you how many times he fucking stops and like wipes tears from his eyes when he's editing. Because I'm sure much like me, I forget what the fuck we say. Oh, yeah. I leave here and I'm like, all right.
00:46:46
Speaker
Goldfish. And it's always when she's watching something dramatic. It's always when she's watching a really dramatic show and it's like the worst moment. Like I start laughing and she's like, that guy just said his daughter died. She's watching Schindler's List and you're just dying laughing.
00:47:02
Speaker
But yes, so there's a cyclone coming, which is I think it may they call it the hurricane in Japan. So, he was like you know, the typhoon would be like a water tornado. Coyote was like hey what you call a tornado is like a fart. Oh, what is OSSA?
00:47:22
Speaker
Oh, they showed it on one of the screens, because I looked it up at and like it's not real. Something, something. Association, because he does. Oh, yes. Ocean, something, something. Now we're pissed. Fucking.
00:47:38
Speaker
Oh, Dustin Hoffman. He's like, so who are you? And he's like, you ever heard of us? So he's like, yeah, they don't know who I am. OK, I don't know who they are. So they're you're using their stuff. So they they probably know
Visual Effects and Character Analysis
00:47:50
Speaker
who you are. Did you just walk up here one day with confidence and just start getting into the lab? That's how you do it. Can we check his credentials? He's Leonardo DiCaprio from. Fetch me if you can. Catch me if you can. Yeah. Why didn't you? Why didn't you? I'm like, no, I'm not able to work.
00:48:06
Speaker
What is what's that line? Do you concur? Why didn't you concur? I should have concurred.
00:48:14
Speaker
But so they decided that they have to leave. Well, the the higher ups, the monkey, they have to decide they have to leave. And he's like, we're going to pull out and leave drivers like, yeah, to fucking Sam Jackson. Do you not understand pull out again? I'm sitting here going, pull out, Joe, pull out. Yeah.
00:48:30
Speaker
It's right there. It's rated PG-13. I'm sure you did watch the subtitles. oh yeah I think Sammy Jackson's punching this up because there's times that it's like, what do you mean, jerk? And he's straight up, he's like, what do you mean, asshole? yeah Or ass? He just adds these things. I'm like, so they're using the real script yeah for the subtitles, and we're getting all his little beautiful ad libs. What are you talking about, sugar tits?
00:48:53
Speaker
It's not in the script. There's definitely been time. There were times where the subtitles would say one thing and then Dustin is saying like 15 other different words and then it because he's like, look, I got the gist of the script. I didn't memorize all of it. He's trying to, you know, stutter stutter and think and like he's trying to do Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Well, under the water. I mean, that's kind of a dust. I think I would have I think I would have preferred Goldblum as a Hoffman audience. But all the short jokes wouldn't have worked.
00:49:19
Speaker
Yeah, she's in the tall dudes. Oh, hey, they are up there. So this is where we see Sam Jackson's butt, because he go they go back from the ship and he takes a shower. Dustin Hoffman's flossing while he's showering, and it's like a complete glass see through shower. And I'm like, you're just trying to see that hog, dude. Yeah, he's like, let me just look over here real quick. Oh, I mean, Liv Schreiber is peeping on him later. Yep. They're all trying to see Sam Jackson's hog, except Sharon Stone. She's like, I don't want to look at it. I'll just be attracted to him. They're not in the same. They're not in scenes together often. Sharon and ah Sam. Not until later. At the end of the movie. Yeah, once we narrow it down to some survivors.
00:49:55
Speaker
I wonder if that had to do with like being on other films and like, well, this scene can just be these two people. Maybe he's shooting during the week. She's doing what we have here today. ah Put him in a scene. Who wants to go swimming today? um But he says coyote is wrong about the sphere because he said it's it's nothing. It's whatever. And he's like, no, it's alive. And I want to go in there. Yeah. He also says.
00:50:21
Speaker
We're all going to die. Probably the most correct thing in this movie. I mean, it it ends up not being true, but he's like, we're all going to die. And Dustin, and he's super happy about it, not happy, but he' he's made peace with his mathematical gods. because And Hoffman's like, why? why would you mathematical like Why would you say that? Nothing bad has happened yet. So why would you say that? Because we know it's a black hole. But the thing, the little feedback said unknown entry or entity.
00:50:46
Speaker
Or is it entry? Entry. Entry. Unknown entry. He's like, we now know it's a black hole. They didn't. So we don't survive this. We didn't tell them anything. Because we didn't go back and tell everybody. You can't change the future. Yeah. Which is a very linear mathematical way of looking at the future.
00:51:02
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it like you know, there's a bunch of different versions of time travel and movies, right? So, yeah but I think that's probably the most common one. And then there's the flat circle back to the future. Yeah. You can change all the futures. You can have oh i fucked it up. Let me go make it better. You could have Biff be Donald Trump.
00:51:20
Speaker
Oh, God, if Back to the Future was more realistic, it would end up more like butterfly effect, which isn't good. But like he's like, I'm going to go back and fix it. No, no, fucked it up. I'm going to fix it more. Fucked it up more. Oh, shit. We're getting molested. Kill yourself as you're a fetus. It's the dumbest thing in that movie. That whole movie is stupid. Isn't that how he ends? He like kills himself. He strangles himself in a billboard as a phytus. I think so. He chooses to die. That way he can't none of the stuff can ever happen. Yeah.
00:51:47
Speaker
I don't know when I was a stupid but it's still going to fuck it. Anyway, when I was a stupid youth, I watched that movie probably 12 times now. I remember that his uncle molested him. I've probably seen it once. I think I've only seen it once. I did. I watched that movie so many times as a young child teenager. We heard. Hey, luckily he moved on to requiem for a dream. Well, wound it. Well, wound an adult. Well, also like, you know, that's I was a kid rounded.
00:52:13
Speaker
I was a kid. You owned what your parents bought you. I didn't have a job yet. Sure. And I think I ended up getting that. Maybe I got it for like a five dollar blockbuster. Yeah. to Use disk sale or something. So it was one of those disks I had. So I was like, watch this. You got a can of beer over there. Yeah. Prove it. But yeah, so Sam Jackson's like, I wish I could go in the sphere and lay back to go for you. I want to go to the sphere. And then we get chapter whatever it is now. The sphere. Oh.
00:52:37
Speaker
i've I've lost track of chapters. Yeah. They don't say chapter number. They just say the title. But it just it makes me think I'm like, oh, we we're going for a commercial break. We do a like a blue almonds break right here it is PG 13. Yeah. And it's two hours and 14 minutes. Dude, I at one point pause because I'm like, all right, we're getting like to the wrap up, but we know who's who now.
00:52:58
Speaker
55 minutes left I was like same what is gonna be happening from here on out I I didn't I was gonna check the time and then I was like don't do it i didn't once so I had to pee and I was like might as well exactly I got up to let the dog out and I paused it and I was like 53 minutes So we did right right at the same part. Yeah, I was like there's a whole movie left. Yeah Yeah, there's a bunch of talky talk. There's a Disney animated film left. ah There's a double episode of Andor out. So that there's like there's a red alert. Sam Jackson is in there trying to go into the sphere. And one of the worst graphics happens. He looks at it, sees his reflection and then it like floats away like a space ghost. Yeah, that was him getting. I know what it was, but it looks like trash. Oh, yeah. And I still don't understand the whole sphere thing.
00:53:43
Speaker
And he disappears. And so he does his fears. He does his fears. Yes. Thank you. Dustin Hoffman goes looking for him because they're like Peter Coyote's got a great line. He's like, yeah, because Dustin Dustin Hoffman says we're not going to leave him. He's like, yeah, I'm not putting in my report that I killed a civilian. Yeah. Go get that motherfucker. You're right. We're not leaving him. But if you don't come back, I'll leave both of you.
00:54:07
Speaker
I don't want to lose one civilian. I will. I will just say you guys killed each other. Yeah, I will lose all of them. They had sea madness. I never had civilians down here. What do you mean? Your report says you brought people back. I don't see them. Prove it. Prove it. I don't see them. Why would I say that unless I killed them all? You guys probably think I killed my wife. You put it in the episode. Hi, you probably think I killed my wife. Well, I do now. ah Since you led with that.
00:54:34
Speaker
Hi, good to meet you. I didn't kill my wife. Hi, I don't have herpes kind of i feel like you have herpes. So Dustin Hoffman gets there. Samuel Jackson appears and Dustin Hoffman sees his own reflection. And then we go to black and we come back with the power short chapter. Yeah. now Oh, and they get cut loose in there because when, uh,
00:54:57
Speaker
Right before Dustin Hoffman sees his reflection, all the power goes out because the surface cut the power because they couldn't send the sun to Howard. This fucking miniature. This this is cool just because it's a miniature, at least. I love it. But it's a miniature. Love a dummy. It's like you pulled the plug out of a bathtub.
00:55:15
Speaker
It's what it reminded me of. And I was like, I love it. And Queen Latifah goes dancing with jellyfish. I guess they say they have bad this whole movie. She's so flat. But I will say I was pretty happy with this first. So OK, I think I was pretty happy with this death order, because at this point, Samuel Jackson is now comatose or they have another word for it. um He's sleeping. Yeah. And he's a phasic. He's asleep. He's asleep. So yeah. So he's fucking fancy. Why why say many word when few do trick? And I thought, Samuel Jackson going to be just comatose this entire movie till the very fucking end. I'm not going to be happy. yeah I'm left without him and add Queen Latifah.
00:55:54
Speaker
role reversal. She dies. He snaps out of it. Much happy. Yeah, much happy. Yeah, because she goes out. They have to take these tapes to the mini sub and reset it every 12 hours. Otherwise they'll leave without them. Good like safety thing, I guess. I mean, like maybe not a good safety thing that you have to go out there and reset it every 12 hours. You don't have her remote control for this thing.
00:56:12
Speaker
Yeah, you don't have a button. You kid can't do it from the the sea lab. Yeah, like but why'd you put it so far away? Why isn't this Bay? Just like why don't you just go down the stairs? Why is it attached to the sea lab? Yeah, I don't get the planning because it needs to be able to launch away because it wouldn't be as dramatic. No, but it still drops and goes down and down under. Because Dan under before it sides you put a scuba there, but a scuba fella.
00:56:35
Speaker
But yeah, she goes out and does a music video with see with jellyfish. Do it. And I don't understand. So Justin, Justin, Dustin Hoffman sees one jellyfish and then she's out there and she's like, wow, I don't know. Five hundred jellyfish just appeared out of nowhere where because he's telling beautiful. He's telling Sharon Shannonstone the story of like, oh, no, that's after. Yeah, it's after. Yeah, to explain it. It's his fear. Yeah. The jellyfish. Like, I don't know what she felt new, but the pain that I had was beyond pain.
00:57:03
Speaker
But my reaction to a sudden flock of jellyfish, I guess it's a school because they're in water. Yeah. Appearing around me is not. This is so beautiful. It's oh, shit, a bunch of jellyfish. I should probably get the. I know I have a suit, but holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Also, you've been down here for X amount of time, right? Yeah. And I know she says this is weird.
00:57:23
Speaker
She should have right away been like, I've never seen this many jellyfish. ah You know what? I'm going to head back room one of them. Maybe it's Liv Schreiber, which wouldn't make sense because he's an astrophysicist. But he's like, what is what are jellyfish doing? A thousand feet down. Yeah. Oh, he's got three PhDs. You don't know what of all. at Well, yeah, that's true.
00:57:38
Speaker
and And just in general, he's probably like, well, if I'm going to go underwater, I'm going to read every book about the other underwater. Well, they didn't know they were going underwater. Oh, valid. And this is a military ship, so there are no books allowed. Nuh uh. Well, there's one. Mein Kampf? No, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Mein Kampf. If anything, it would be the art of war. Yeah, it's not 2024. It's 1998. We hate our Nazis.
00:58:06
Speaker
But yeah, I just love because it's literally right after she's like, it's so beautiful. They just start it's pelting her. And she's like, i need to go I need to get out of here, guys. And they're like, yeah, you need to get out of there. And she's like, I should get out of here and they're like get out of there. Get out of there. But okay I'm getting out of here. I died. Yep. Murdered by jellyfish, which sucks. And and that's when we get the story about him being five years old and the jellyfish and the water. Do you like me work here? Yeah.
00:58:31
Speaker
Yeah, when they got her on that old teen liquefas on the table, it's a good dummy. Is it because she's younger still? So she's teen liquefa. Well, I don't think her name is teeny. She is teeny. Teeny liquefa. Teeny liquefes. That's my small French name.
00:58:52
Speaker
Sharon Stone's checking it out and she's like, I don't know what the fuck this quote unquote jellyfish is, but it's not God's creation. Yeah. These are not real. Yeah. Yeah. It's your imagination of a jellyfish. Yeah. Yeah. Liv Schreiber finds Samuel Jackson awake, singing in the shower, looks at his dick. Oh, yeah. And then Peter Coyote. Mr. Spots. A little bit lower, a little lower. There it is. He confronts Dustin Hoffman about Sharon Stone being unstable. And this kicks off like The rest of the movie with at Peter coyotes in of him just poking this mentally unstable person to make them crack So let's yeah, let's just say Dustin Hoffman did fudge it all up, and she is mentally unstable leave it alone Yeah, you're fucking fathoms underwater. Yeah, there's 90 fathoms under like you do not want to poke that bear
00:59:37
Speaker
This is not the time to go to a person that you think might be mentally unstable and be like, listen here, cuckoo bird. Are you having anxiety? Are you having anxiety? Are you having anxiety right now? ah Hey, what if I put my hand right in front of your face? not touching you on your face I'm not touching you. That might be why I have anxiety. yeah Kids, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I always was just punched my sister. I touched you what?
01:00:02
Speaker
spit on him. Oh, she used to do that to me. We find out she tried to kill herself. And I like that Dustin Hoffman was like, she took 20 nias of Pam or whatever the fuck to 20 little yellows, 20 yellows. what He's got the street name for it. She took 20 swizzles. Bam. And I've had three swizzles in a naked in a tree.
01:00:22
Speaker
And Sam Jackson is having a fucking picnic with this breakfast. He is excited. I love it. I love it so much. I love eggs. This toast is amazing. This bacon is better. better And these eggs. Would you put these eggs? Actually, shut up. Don't tell me. Hold on.
01:00:38
Speaker
Is that a little bit of saffron, some dill and some, and I don't even know what this fucking word is. Like, it's not like chivalry. I don't know what the fuck that word was. It's a spice that apparently I need. Yeah. And it makes my eggs like this, dude. i first He was fucking, he was fucking these eggs with his mouth. And
Sphere's Influence and Fear Manifestations
01:00:54
Speaker
then Shannon, what is Shannon Sharon Sharon? Jesus Christ. That's because we're Is she just like writing sphere and then drawing circles?
01:01:10
Speaker
Yes, you're writing egg sphere egg sphere over and over. Yeah, I didn't. I thought that was going to come to something. It doesn't. It did not. I do like Sam Jackson's thing, though, because they're like, well, how did you get into the sphere? There's no doors. And he's like, well, there's doors all over here and we're not getting out. So now we should leave. I ah it was weird, but he's just like, he's not. He's looking straight ahead at Peter Coyote and Dustin Hoffman's behind me. He's like, why are you looking at me like that, Norman?
01:01:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's creepy and it's it's so beautifully done that turn around that look. This is why he's doing such a good job because yeah he does that turn around in that grin and you're just like, oh, this guy's an alien. Yeah, yeah whatever happened to that sphere. It's not you. You're dead. And this is an alien taking you over. Yeah, that's what I thought this whole time. For sure. they won I definitely saw this movie. I did not. I've never I've never even heard. that I don't remember it. Really? No. Oh, OK. Never even heard of it.
01:02:02
Speaker
It was a big deal, it came out in February.
01:02:06
Speaker
Couldn't even get that sentence out. Weren't you working there? 98, no. I was 99, 2000, 2001. It would have been towards the end of 98, that it would have been at your theater. No, I was there 99.
01:02:17
Speaker
I don't know, man. This movie made less than its budget. It might have been there by June. yeah You're not wrong. He was working in a cheap theater, folks, for those who don't know. Yes. One of the those theaters that don't exist anymore. Yeah, it is now... Roadhouse. Roadhouse.
01:02:35
Speaker
But I do. I don't know what Dustin Hoffman's doing here because he makes him these apparently orgasmic eggs, some wonderful toast. Question mark, bacon, bacon's better. And then calamari out of the microwave, microwave calamari. Let's hope it's a fancy air fryer. Why is he really like it and then freak the fuck out?
01:02:54
Speaker
Because he hates squid. But it tastes good. This is where, again, I thought he'd been taken over by an alien that was going to be a squid creature. yeahp Yeah, for sure. Because he's like, oh, shit, I just ate my brother. He's able to, at this point, I'm like, he's able to control jellyfish when he's sleeping. Like, he summoned them there, was my thought. And it's because it's always when somebody's going out to the ah minisub. yeah Yeah. Well, it's always when they're outside. Because they're alone, too. Yeah. And I was like, so he's summoning jellyfish, and he doesn't want to eat squid.
01:03:22
Speaker
Huh. Yeah. Fucking alien squid. Yeah, exactly. Who doesn't want to eat squid? Squid's delicious. She doesn't. Kalamar is so good. I fucking love Kalamar. Yeah. It's too rubbery. Oh, you've had it overcooked then. If it's rubbery, it's not right. The first exchange. Stop it. I'm going to tell you something else that frustrates me with this movie besides that every fucking time.
01:03:43
Speaker
And I actually wondered about you, Whitney, if this bugged this shit out of you. There is so much no communication where somebody's on a squawk box like, you go to your left. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Push your call button, push your answer me back. And it's just like minutes of like, hey, Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman. And I'm like, mom, mom, mom, either answer them or turn it the fuck off. OK, good. And it's not just one moment. It is it' the whole time. The one the one that made sense to me.
01:04:09
Speaker
And still shitty. But when Dustin Hoffman and Sharon Stone were out together and they were having like a personal conversation because she's like, did you tell Peter yeah about my shit? He said, but he had my fucking notes. But for that, you have that conversation. You push the button. He's he's ah above the OSSA doesn't even know who he is, Whitney.
01:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, so he's a man in black. Yeah. he OSHA doesn't know who he is. OSHA has never heard of about and i oa it's osa laha's never heard of me oh was just never heard of me and I own multiple businesses.
01:04:43
Speaker
I'm very influential in my apartment smells of rich mahogany. We had so the computer starts acting up, sending a bunch of numbers. Liv Schreiber says it's because of the helium is fucking up the circuits or something. Smart, smart guy.
01:04:56
Speaker
But no, Sam Jackson walks in, looks at the thing for a quarter of a second. He's like, man, there's a pattern there. Yeah, but I saw it. It was random. I didn't see it. It's so quick, though, because they even all question like, how did you fucking see that? He doesn't answer like anybody. Nobody in this movie answers. I was going to say, it's another thing that frustrates me. No one fucking answers and everyone's OK with it. What was inside this fear? I love it here. I'm not going to ask him again.
01:05:20
Speaker
No, no, no. The only person who insists on someone answering him is Dustin Hoffman. And I think it makes things worse. It does. If you sing Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, yeah Jerry, we'll get there. It's coming up right now. Yeah. So they figure out that these numbers are a pattern because a keyboard stretched around a sphere in reverse. Something, something. Yep.
01:05:39
Speaker
Reflections. Numbers. And so they decode it and they can read what the code says. And it's the sphere trying to talk to them. And I just like that it starts. ah Hello. How are you? I'm fine. What's your name? Thanks for asking. What's your name? yeah My name's Jerry and fucking Peter Coyote, like asking for a last name. And I'm like, what? And he's like, I'm not putting that we talk to an alien called Jerry in my report. Sharon's don't because I'm like, it's a stupid alien. She's like, oh,
01:06:06
Speaker
but I guess they'd have to exist. That's a good point. Like, imagine if aliens reached out and they just got some fucking person that just- Trump? Trump, no, no, he would shoot him before it got there. Uh, creepy gloop. These aliens are the best aliens I've ever been in there. They make my hands look huge. But there're what like imagine just a really dumb person in your life. Just imagine that. and Imagine aliens reach out to them.
01:06:28
Speaker
and you're just I just imagine you're just like do not judge us on that please right not all of us are a bunch of jerry's I mean it could be like uh was it star trek six four I don't know what you just watched I think it's voyage home where they're trying to. Yeah, whether they whales with the whales, the whales, because the aliens, their vessels, though the aliens are trying to talk to the whales. Uh huh. And the whales aren't responding. I've been dicks about it. And g when the aliens reached out to me last night. and I had a couple of things to say to them, you know what I'm saying? First thing first, what do you drive? How'd you get here? That's kind of my was getting that spaceship.
01:07:03
Speaker
Oh, there's another Star Trek movie I just watched. I was like, what did I watch where people were trying to talk to something, but they couldn't receive it because it was on the wrong type of transmission of was Star Trek, the motion picture. The first one. Yeah. With Veeger. Yeah. Yeah. Cause Veeger is trying to talk to them, but it's on this thing they can't communicate with because it's hundreds of years I hated Star Trek growing up like there's the show and I so I never watched any of the movies and we have probably talked about this but when they all became available streaming on Netflix years years ago like like oh six or something like that yeah I know it's like it was like oh eight or four Paramount Plus yeah that's where they all are now
01:07:40
Speaker
Let's just call it 2010. I watched all of them and fucking loved them. I'm exceedingly getting a little bit less loving, but still fun. Wrath of Khan. Wrath of Khan is better because it has like stuff going on. The first one is slow and not a lot happens, but They did a 4K like directors cut rerelease. Shit is fucking gorgeous. Yeah. Like it's yeah honestly, it's like it's an episode's length of story. ah Like nothing. if It's a lot of long shots, but God, think they were trying to figure out the the formula. Well, I think it was ah it was supposed to be ah like a pilot for maybe a new series. Then it got turned into a movie, I think is what I had heard. I still like it because what you're saying, like it's shot. beautiful god It's so fucking good looking anyway. That's not this. Let's go. So, yeah, I'm pleased to be in contact you with you entities. I am enjoying this much. Ha ha ha. Having fun. Ha ha ha. You make journey. I make journey. We make journey. And is it does in Hoffman. He's like, I'm not.
01:08:39
Speaker
Like, it's not good that he's happy because what happens when he gets angry? Yeah. And he makes a really good point. Yeah, it would be better if it was emotionless because it's been alone for 300 years and had no emotional contact with anybody. So what happens when it gets mad? Yep. Yep.
01:08:54
Speaker
And I mean, oh, and I don't remember who it is that says it, but they say like, that kind of sounds stupid, right? Well, that's how you would talk to a child or a dog, because we are children or dogs to an alien. and yeah it's like Yeah. How are you? My name is Jerry. Yeah. What's your name? You little fuck. I come from a far, far away place. Lion ass t-shirt. Thank God these aliens aren't Derek, because we'd all be shippers to them.
01:09:17
Speaker
Look at these fucking idiots. I gotta to get off this planet. don't even baby leaks Don't even speak number beeps. Don't even speak spherical keyboard. i like i when So when he is trying to figure it out, like they're like, how did you figure it out so fast? when I'm rewinding a little bit. yeah He's like, just think binary.
01:09:36
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not going to enter you just think binary, dude. Duh. So ones and zeros love. Oh, Jack, the monster. It's the next chapter. The fuck you. So there's something on the outside of the the sea lab dick.
01:09:54
Speaker
ah And, uh, this girl Edmund, who's been a character, Edmund's her last name. kind She's been there. She's been watching the screens because go off and turn into numbers. She didn't tell anybody. She didn't even tell Peter Coyote the numbers were the screens were turning into numbers until like 14 of them had changed. And she's like, uh, actually, I think everything's.
01:10:13
Speaker
Broken. Yeah. Sorry, I was just having such a good time not doing my job. I just i was just sitting here reading People magazine. Did you know that Brad Pitt and Julie and Jolie are getting together? Thinking about adopting a baby in 98. Wonderful.
01:10:28
Speaker
He's Cantonese. That Michael Jackson. I mean, I think that he's going to come out of this on top. Oh, J. Simpson is a really good dude. Yeah. 98. No, he wasn't. a Bill Cosby has a new comedy special. 96 is when that happened. Yeah. So they already knew about it. Bill Cosby has a new comedy special and he is just delightful. He is America's father. I mean. And I heard he doesn't like that Eddie Murphy because of his dirty speech. He's dirty. That Eddie Murphy is dirty. Bill Cosby is obviously a better person.
01:10:58
Speaker
But yeah, so there's thumping on the outside of the sea lab and they know that Edmonds is out there. So they go out to find her and she has just been fucking over. She looks like she got serial crushed by some huge frigging guy. Yeah.
01:11:13
Speaker
Like her face is it looks like a the lady's face from Halloween three season of The Witch after she gets blasted in the mouth. Mouth blasted. Yeah. So I'm are we led to believe that like she's her bones have been polarized inside her body. Yeah. Yeah. Because Sharon Stone's like holding the foot and like checking it out. And it's like it looks like that's good finish turned off for the day. By the way, I will not be watching foot porn tonight. I did not do it for me. Well, are you that's coming out of feet? Are you going to watch it so you can get that image out of your head? No, I'm gonna watch good old-fashioned brother-sister porn tonight. Okay. You know, like a normal American. Seriously. Apparently, that's all any of us want. Can't wait till someone gets stuck in my washing machine. Incest is the best. Put your sister to the test, dude. Oh, God. You shouldn't have slogans. Your family's slogan's like, one man's cum, one man's lube. Incest's the best. Put the sister to the test.
01:12:03
Speaker
It's funny because my sister is also the one that told me that. So it's not a family thing. It's a fucking sister thing. Sister, sister. Nobody believed we were sisters. I'm tall, white and blonde. Because you weren't having sex. No. I'm tall, white and blonde and she was short, brown and brown. Short, brown and brown. If anybody listening, Whitney did pantomime towards what was brown and what was brown.
01:12:27
Speaker
She didn't just double down brown. She's really double down. Brown would be a really cool character. Yeah. Double down brown. I'm on the case. No, but he's Filipino. We did have a friend like just make out, you guys. And I was like, I'm not making out with my fucking sister. like There's no way you guys are related. You fucking nothing alike. I was like, there's no way related to kiss. Who's just proving anything to us? No, and we both we pulled out our IDs. Same last name. I'll figure later. Let me see your buttholes. Let me get to the bottoms of this. ah But it's I love you, Carrie. So Sam Jackson's reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and he reads out loud the part about monstrosity coming, whatever. If it was a 20 foot body or whatever, it would have 40 foot tentacles. That would be a formidable monster. And Sharon Stone and Dustin Hoffman are outside and eggs start raining from the sky. And this is where you would have snow. And also this is where that he hates squid.
01:13:26
Speaker
But has he tried these eggs and being Samuel Jackson? These are some tasty eggs. Do you mind if I have some of your coffee to wash down these tasty eggs? Well, this is another. My wife's a vegetarian. My girlfriend's a vegetarian, which means I'm a vegetarian. This is another Queen Lativa jellyfish moment, though, because the eggs start raining down and they're both just like, huh?
01:13:49
Speaker
The weird get I would not look get inside. I would have dropped his dead body. But like, there's no helping her. Yeah, she's pulverized. What are we going to do? Take her back?
Underwater Creatures and Action Scenes
01:13:58
Speaker
Yeah, we can put the bones back in her body. We're getting eaten soon. Bye. Bye. I do. I do agree with Peter Coyote, though, like as you're going, just snag one of these eggs, dude, especially Sharon. She even had one in her hand. She squirched it. Well, she stepped on it. They stepped on it and you see a squid pop out. So there's squid eggs.
01:14:15
Speaker
But I definitely would have grabbed one just to be like, take a peek at this fucking monstrosity. Thousand percent. Yeah. But when they find out it would have disappeared. It wouldn't have mattered. Yeah. When they get back inside the the squid that's on the sonar disappears. I love that Peter Kyle is like, something big was out there. I'm like, I don't read so exactly like a squid.
01:14:32
Speaker
Yeah, I don't read sonar, but that had like ah an arrow on the top of his head, a little cylindrical body and tentacles. Well, even beyond sonar, they have some fucking rapid imaging sonar tech that gives them a better readout than just a blip or a blop. Yeah. Which he says. And then when they do it later, it's the exact same image. Yeah. um But I don't know if you guys caught it when Edmunds was out there. You did see a giant squid swim away. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
01:14:57
Speaker
Because Peter Kennedy looks out the window or right it's right before they show him. They show the window and you see some yeah squiggly shit, squiggly shit. And then we get to chapter whatever. Battle stations. Battle hard. Battle stations got me kind of excited. Yeah. I was like, oh, shit, we're going to get some fucking like rail guns into the water. are We can get some fucking soda. I've seen that this is an avatar man. I've seen Aquaman. What would you use as a projectile underwater air?
01:15:25
Speaker
Like no metal, but like to make it to make it shoot though. Oh, compressed air be just fine. A spear gun uses tightly but ah bound as we find out liquid hydrogen might work well. Liquid hydrogen work really well. I didn't know you could have an underwater flame thrower and now I need one. Right. fetish unlocked. Yes. But they're like, OK, let's go talk to Jerry again. So but when you're going to need a game plan and then right on the screens as they walk into the room, what is a game plan? Oh, ah no. hey like He's right behind me, isn't he? I know he's everywhere. He's all knowing.
01:15:59
Speaker
All seeing. And then they're like, well, we've got to go talk by ourselves before we talk to you. And no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm like at that point, that's where I stop trying to tell it. Like, look, sometimes people need to be alone. Yeah. Like, ho and let's chat. like No, I'm going to talk to you because that's the writing of a serial killer. Let's hang out the shining. Let's hang out forever. Forever and ever and ever. And then you start writing down what you want and passing notes. That's what you got to do. Have Dustin Hoffman talk to this thing for forever what are you writing while you're writing notes. um And we're playing hangman.
01:16:29
Speaker
Actually, we were right. Are you lying to me? Well, I'm not lying to you, Jerry. I'm writing you a fucking birthday card. Oh, I mean, Jerry Jerry. So is Jerry with two R's in a Y? Are you doing an R and an I? I'm just asking for your birthday cake. Also, how do you feel about marzipan? I love it. I don't know what you entities eat. Hopefully it's not people. So it says, are you afraid? And the squid returns people upside down cake. Go on. And this is when shit gets crazy.
01:16:56
Speaker
This is when shit gets crazy and most of the cast dies. Yeah, dude. Barnes gets gets it bad. It gets twained. The pressure starts building. They have to go or the decreasing because the things getting squeezed. They have to increase the air pressure to keep the air out or the water out. Then there's a fire science.
01:17:14
Speaker
There's some fire. We have shit falling apart. We have Schreiber. I mean, he's not long for this world now, but he gets fucking whacked in the head when he gets blown back from this thing. And then as soon as he goes to try to help Dustin Hoffman, he gets whacked in the head again. I was like, this dude better not go to sleep. He is an NFL player concussed. He says he's like, don't go to sleep. I literally said he better not go to sleep. And then he got barbecued. And I was like, oh, he's fine. Oh, dude, he was medium rare. Like they fucking branked up the heat. I like my leave Schreiber a little crispy on the outside and pink on the middle.
01:17:44
Speaker
I love the dummy work there, though. Absolutely. The melting dummy. It's such bad dummy work that I love it. And Dustin Hoffman is just frozen in the corner like. ah Yeah, for a second, I was like, is he is he dead? Yeah, because he's not down or something. Yeah. So I was like, did he get like fucking speared into a coma? I don't know about that. works Maybe he was at home. I made wizard fingers. And I said that we mentioned that Peter Coyote gets cut in half because he's trying to hold So he's got like this Pelican case, which is a heavy duty case. You carry music equipment, video equipment, whatever. Well, this would I'm guessing I'm sure production wise is exactly what you just said. Yeah. But movie wise, it's probably like it's meant for underwater. Yep. Yeah. it's yeah meant For the price, supposed to be carry their films and shit. Well, I mean, shit, you could probably just pressurized emergency doors are closing. You could probably keep one of those open with ah just a normal Pelican case that's meant for carrying your camera. Those things are fucking hardcore. Yeah. Yeah. That's for throwing cameras on a plane and going across the country and trusting baggage handlers. Well, because, you know, the baggage handler is not going to fucking care about a fragile. I've seen the videos of baggage handlers throwing people's suitcases over their heads. They don't make enough money to give a shit. yeah I'm not not faulting them, dude. No, I'm just saying I've seen it. Yeah. I didn't think you were faulting them either. We represent a working class. Yep.
01:18:56
Speaker
But yeah, that's who I am and that's what I care about. The the Pelican case gets knocked out as he as he's trying to go through the door and it closes. They don't show him get cut in half because PG-13, but they do show that latch go on and you're like, oh, no. Oh, they show the legs to a bad case of being cut in half. Is there a good case of being cut in half? Yeah, it's the magician hard. OK. And he's like, Doc, can you do anything for my son? He's like, this is a particularly bad case of being cut in half.
01:19:25
Speaker
His upper half was cut off from his lower half. We're not scientists. Doc speak to us plainly. The sphere speaks to Dustin Hoffman. It's like, hey, where's the control entity? Like he's dead, dude. Oh, where's that funny guy? Yeah. Where's the funny guy? He was funny. He was humorous. Bring him back. I can't bring him back. That's not how this works, dude. I don't have that power. That's not how any of this works. Stop. Yeah.
01:19:49
Speaker
And again, this has no concept of death. What do you mean you can't bring him back? Yeah. But here's the thing. He could have brought him back with his imagination. But he didn't know that yet. Yeah. But there's got to be limits. That's one of those dead is better situations. They manifested squids. You think they could bring people back from the dead?
01:20:07
Speaker
Yeah, I think they could temporarily. It wouldn't actually be the person, though. It would be a visualization of the illusion of the person. But again, this is so no, they can't bring somebody because of the way that they're. So what's happening, guys? Just so you know, so you're not lost on this is we find out that the sphere is giving these guys mental powers and all of their fears can become manifest. They can even imagine anything they want. And it comes real. The problem is they have ah imaginations that have scary sides.
01:20:33
Speaker
Yeah. So if one of them was to imagine we have Schreiber back, then you've got Sabertooth in your underwater thing. That's how you get a giant marshmallow man. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Or like I said earlier, this is a this is a sometimes dead is better situation. Yeah. Like this is kind of monkey pot. There's never a good job of bringing somebody back. It's always monkey pod. Yeah, exactly. Something like I brought him back. But guess what? He's going to kill you. Yeah. Pet cemetery. Turns out it's Clancy Brown. have a go like that way The Jerry entity thing is saying like he's like, hey, do you like that squid? I can do it again. I can bring him back. stone Please don't. Your antics are um we we love what you're doing. We're dying. But having fun here, we all go on a journey. You go on a journey. I go on a journey.
01:21:18
Speaker
Oh, I did. When that the the whole ship is on fire or space, the bubble is on fire. It is. I will kill you all. Yeah. On all of the screens multiple times. And then it just seems to forget that it did that. But then this way, it's like it wouldn't have a concept to kill anyway. This is when it's like stop calling me Jerry. And he's like, so what's your name? And it doesn't answer him. So then then then he's immediately Dustin Hoffman's like, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. This is why I'm saying he's a bad psychologist. Things like don't call me Jerry. He's like, OK, Jerry.
01:21:47
Speaker
Yeah.
01:21:50
Speaker
ah But the translation would be wrong, too. Yeah. Because he would be saying like, don't call me Jerry. Yeah. When he when he originally called it. So the translation is wrong and it's Harry. Yeah. Let's get to that. Which is Sam Jackson's character. Yes. So when he says don't call me Jerry,
01:22:08
Speaker
It would be different than my name is Jerry. It's still him saying don't call me Harry. So it still doesn't work because exactly they found out that the translation was done incorrectly because yeah and everything else would have been incorrect. Just anything involving a J and an A. So every most words with it because most words have an A, not a J. Yeah. Well, it would have to be a J.E. and then an H and A. It's fine. Yeah, don't think about it too much because it's like call CA headache material.
01:22:34
Speaker
Yeah, don't sell me, Jerry. What? Chapter 15, the misspelling. um He is. Dustin Hoffman starts talking to Sam Jackson. He's like, hey, so what do you think of that attack? He's like, there was an attack. I'm like, there is water everywhere. Things are trickling in. Dustin Hoffman's like, that smoke's not bothering you.
01:22:53
Speaker
Like you have a fucking Las Vegas smoking section above your head right now, dude. And guess what? Nobody has any cigarettes. That is up electrical fire. You can't smell that in the air. It's like a methods in here. And then and this is still like pointing toward Sam Jackson because Dustin Hoffman's like, you know, you're just sitting there calm him as a fucking cucumber, dude. And he's like, what? And you're running around is fixing things. And yeah how do you know I was running around if you were asleep the whole time? Like, I'm not going to answer that. And he's like, you know what? Finish my book.
01:23:21
Speaker
i'm I'm sitting right here, I'm finishing my story. I'm finishing my 20,000 leagues under the sea. You know, I've never made it past page 87.
Sphere's Emotional Impact on Characters
01:23:28
Speaker
It's so scary. is That's what it said right there, by the way. Is it scary? oh It's when the 27 foot squid comes, I guess. He doesn't like squids, dude. Because of this book. Maybe. Because it was seven feet long with 24 foot tentacles. Quite the manifestation. It's just's terrifying. That would be a formidable monster. yeah it's strange for me for this guy to be so smart, so rational, and then be like, that's scary. It's called an irrational fear for a reason. I know, but he's underwater. He wouldn't even get underwater. I'm saying if he had this real fear. That's what I thought. If he was this scared of a squid, he would not be underwater because every part he can't see, much like myself, that's what a squid's hiding. Him and his buddies are all right there laughing at me. Maybe he saw a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
01:24:16
Speaker
Not this year he didn't. No, that wasn't until like 2004 or something. And why would he see that? I don't know what else did. I did. In the theater though? Yep. Oh. That's too bad. I was excited for that movie. I was very excited for that movie. That's too bad. I watched it not too long ago because I was like, well maybe I just judged it poorly. I didn't.
01:24:34
Speaker
I watched it and maybe a year ago and I was like, oh, yeah, that's bad. That's as bad as I remember. I do like Dustin Hoffman's talking to Sharon Stone, though, and he's because he's going to go out to the mini sub to reset the thing, whatever. And he's like, she's like, well, what if Harry leaves? And he's like, yeah, that dude left. Yeah, long time ago harry he's not home. Harry he doesn't live here anymore.
01:24:57
Speaker
Uh, so he goes out. She's supposed to be watching the cameras. Some shit happens and he can't, his things, his rebreather is leaking or whatever. And you see Sam Jackson just watching him struggle for a while. Yeah. And he's like, Hey, you're cool, dude. Listen to the sound of my voice. Just walk straight ahead.
01:25:12
Speaker
Yeah. Keep going. Walk straight ahead. What do you mean? Where am I supposed to go? Straight. I can't breathe. You can breathe. Watch out for that rock, buddy. So you see where your feet are? Go that way. See where your toes are pointing? Keep going that way. Yeah. it's Dude, it's like when you're walking, when you get up and you don't want to turn the light on, but you're going to find in the bathroom, you walk with your hands out like a normal fucking person.
01:25:31
Speaker
This is when we see the the creepy sea snake. The thing is dope. I do like this design. I feel like that is an actual creature under. um it's It's kind of the face is based on angler fish for sure. But he put it in this like translucent body so you get all that bone. yeah And i I think it looks cool. yeah There's some shit under that we will never be able to see that probably looks like this shit. I've mentioned before that I like to do mushrooms and watch undersea documentaries and things like this or why.
01:25:58
Speaker
Yes, it's creepy, but all the glowing and the and it's just... Yeah, that can go one of two ways with me on mushrooms. One is right where you are, the other one's all, nope, watching something with Hitler. Well, I'm not getting in the ocean anyway, so it's not gonna scare me. I know. Hitler would be scarier. I'm pretty sure that the fucking ocean is gonna come to me. Hitler would be scarier on mushrooms than a sea snake. Oh, so Trump rally. That's what I just said. When this airs, but we will be weeks from being on a cruise ship. Okay.
01:26:26
Speaker
Yeah, I was talking about that when we started. I was like, you like that I did this month? Drown you're wearing a whole month of terrible things happening in the water. And then in two weeks after it ends, we're going on a cruise. Terrible happens in water world. We should we should we add Titanic to the line. He gets back and he's like, where the fuck Sharon Stone? And oh, she's good coming out of the she's been asking that for decades. She's kind of the ship. She's like, I went to get food. We were all out of food. And Sam Jackson's like, do we have a bunch of food? I have so much. This is where I was confused because I I guess they haven't figured it out yet because like I figured out like all this stuff isn't really there it's hallucinations whatever because they've seen shit not just the squid and they're like just seeing weird shit and then she's like because she gets back and she's like there's no food in these cabinets and she opens it watch and it's full of food the freezer is full of food but why would you go to a fork or something frozen in there which looks really nice yeah and then he's like it's full of food and she's like no I swear to god I was here and I didn't see any food he hid it and then she's blaming Sam Jackson for hiding it and I'm like
01:27:26
Speaker
none of you guys put together yet that this is all hallucinations jerry's doing this you know how the guy the the alien entity that's talking to you via computer i'm calling jerry okay told you that he brought the squid there yeah he's he's Either way. but They had to do it. Dustin Hoffman does have a good point that you made. She goes to the three hundred the the ship that's been sunk for 300 years to look for food. Yeah. and She's just like, oh, I was hoping maybe there's a cryogenic freezer. I can kind of be like, well, it's 300-year-old space food. Might be OK. I mean, those almonds were in that bag. They were probably still fine. Dude, that MREs, baby. If you can find a Twinkie, it's going to be great. It's going to make you sick because you're eating nothing but Twinkies. Vintage Twinkies. Talk about diarrheal.
01:28:07
Speaker
ah What's the event on this Twinkie? Smells like 2020.
01:28:14
Speaker
But this is where he's telling her, like, this is the evidence of a psychotic break. And she's like, dude, I'm not fucking crazy. Everybody's saying I'm crazy. um All work and no play makes me something, something go crazy. Don't mind if I do. So she goes to her bathroom and proceeds to but because Xana expires like you can break little doses off, I guess. oh Yeah.
01:28:37
Speaker
If she's gonna take them all, why is she breaking them? Well, she takes some now and puts some on her plate. I know, but she takes two. Which came to nothing, right? Correct. No, it came to nothing. I thought for sure, I was like, that's how they're gonna dope somebody. Yeah. Like, that's how they have to shut somebody down. No. No, she straight up was like, I got this fucking syringe full of this and this.
01:28:55
Speaker
Yeah, much like everything else in this movie, it's a Chernobyl's gun, Chernobyl's chainsaw that's never fired up. And obviously shit was dropped and like pages just ripped and thrown away. We had to get down to 220. Fuck. Yeah, we had to get this down to a reasonable time of two hours and 14 minutes. There's so much on this cutting room floor.
01:29:15
Speaker
oh but I saw a review and I don't remember exactly what it was. I didn't screenshot or anything, but the guy was like, I would like this to be explained or that to be explained. He's like, but then it would be three hours. So nevermind. That's kind of where I ended in this movie. I was like, there's so much left. Just like, I don't get it. I don't want to. Yeah. And I'm a lore nerd. Like I find something that's a good story and I'm just like, I need to know everything. I'm going to go online. This is why I like love Star Wars. Because like, if you look deep enough, everything can be explained somehow. The Force. and the but well The Force, dude.
01:29:43
Speaker
God, Jeff Goldblum is a Jedi. Be so cool. Kyra crystals. That's all Kyra crystals, man. Kyra trucks. darth musk ah But yeah, i I wanted I wanted no explanation from this. And now I'm just imagining a sith that has a real strong smell. Garth Musk is near or at least like a mile out. Good God.
01:30:05
Speaker
How can you tell? It's the stench. Do you guys smell dirty bears or maybe it's a beaver, not that kind? Oh, you're a pedophile. Talk to me like that. You're a pedophile. You are a pedophile. You are a pedophile. Sharon Stone says something about like, oh, he didn't tell you what's inside the sphere, did he? And he's like, well, how would you know what's inside the sphere unless you went in? She's like, well, I'm out of here and walked by. um What's that? And Dustin Hoffman finds a copy of 20,000 Leagues of the Sea on the floor and he's like, yo, you dropped your book, dude. Oh, no, you're reading your book. Also, question, why is he like going so hard attacking her when he told her, dude, Harry's crazy as fuck? Well, because he thinks that she left him to die. Yeah. Malfunctioning suit. You weren't there. I was left to die. He saved me.
01:30:56
Speaker
And we know, because Dustin Hoffman said he froze up when Leif Schreiber died, he's a coward. He's not a good person. No, he's not. You know, he's like, yeah, at the end of this movie, he's trying to get better, but he's not a good person. He fucking manipulated one of his patients into fucking him while he was married. Yeah, and she's super crazy. We find out that we talked about that, but he's like, because he's like, I'm sorry, I thought you assumed or knew I was married. That's not the biggest problem here. Yeah. The biggest problem is you sleeping with a fucking patient who ended up becoming suicidal and calling you.
01:31:26
Speaker
Yeah, cuz I don't know if we talked about that he tells me when she calls her boy Yeah, he's like called her boy. It's not a real suicide attempt who who takes 20 fucking yellows and calls their boyfriend and later She's like did you tell him who the boy who I called huh? She fucking talked about that. No you didn't yeah, okay, you faked your way into this ah Expertise anyway, yeah, you're just a phony Big fat pony lives here underwater is a phony under the water and But Dustin Hoffman starts opening the cabinets and shit. They're all full of copies of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Worst library ever. We can't eat these. Oh, the second reason why it's the worst library ever. It's only to page 87. Everyone likes this book. Like, well, fuck, it's a fucking quarter of it.
01:32:09
Speaker
Because Sam Jackson is manifesting this and he never read past page 87. And although it shows him in a moment here reading the book, and he's just flipping through pages, but they're all blank. Like he's reading it. He like pauses on it and then he flips to the next page as if he's reading. Yeah. But there's nothing there. yeah I've done that. ah He's just imagining porn. I just imagine words, Dustin Hoffman. He's like, why are you doing this, Jerry? Stop calling me Jerry. So he redoes the code, figures out it's Harry. And I told Whitney, I was like, no, nobody like he didn't make the connection like Jerry. He's supposed to be smart. Yeah. Yeah. Harry Jerry. Like even when they first said Jerry, I was like, oh, that's he should have seen it coming. Yeah. I've seen this movie, Harry and the squidgersons.
01:32:49
Speaker
And we do see Sharon's own setting up some explosives. And did we see what's her like? I'm just asking. Well, we see a person in a suit and they're both talking on the thing. Oh, OK. So and we I don't know if they show her face really. We just know it. Yeah. And then further analysis. I wish you could hear my blinking.
01:33:30
Speaker
and she kind of no whens she makes the deduction that and you know he has the power to manifest his dream power the power of the babe what babe babe with the power yeah we did we did it about but they're they're talking and she's like so obviously i didn't go in the sphere and he's like yeah you're right obviously you didn't because these have all been his dreams you know he hates squids so that's why there was jellyfish what nothing ah um can We go back to that conversation. No, we're moving on. I'm not answering any more questions. So they decided to put him into a dreamless sleep. So, yeah, they drug him take gave him. How does he not know what all of these drugs drugs are? And he's like, so what's this? What's this? He's a psychologist. He knows he knows what value him is, dude.
01:34:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's the one he's like, oh, I'm going to hold on to this one. He's like, oh, I'm going to take those. can Tell you what, if we're not making it through this, we're going to fuck like stone rabbits here. So there's there's six hours now until they get a message that the the rescue subs are coming or if you whatever it. Yeah, exactly. He's like, can you believe what the screen says? Yeah. Yeah. Question mark. We're just going to sit here for six hours just dying.
01:34:36
Speaker
and then she tries to kill him well he gets first first gets attacked by these balin sea snakekes or whatever yeah she calls them yeah they're the most venomous thing oh and va of is they're not poisonous right now because they're not internal yeah they can't hurt you the nocturnal they're awake i know't that didn't make They're nocturnal. They're only dangerous at night. I think they're awake. But I think she knows they're not real. She started putting together. She can't hurt you because they're nocturnal. Yeah. and Because the jellyfish. Yeah. But the jellyfish hurt the other people. True. Yeah. But she's I think she's trying to calm him down. is what She's trying to do. OK. But she puts them in a jar. They disappear. And that's when she. Yeah. She calls Dustin Hoffman up to the med bay, locks them in and she's like, dude, inject yourself because this is also you. You went into the sphere. He's like, no, I didn't. She's like, yeah, yeah you did. You did. I did
01:35:24
Speaker
And like, he doesn't remember, but we know, because we saw his reflection on the sphere. If it's reflected, it's in there. Exactly. That's how it works. Sure. According to some wet donut farts. The book was so much better. I'm sure. I'm sure it's fine. That's a Michael Crichton book. It's probably okay. The Jurassic Park book is okay. Jurassic Park movie is amazing.
01:35:45
Speaker
Yeah. Well, there's mad Jeff Goldblum dies in the book, so I don't like it. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. Malcolm was alive. No, he's not. That's why Michael Crichton, when he wrote number two, was just like.
01:35:57
Speaker
We're going to pretend that didn't happen. but He's got a twin brother, a not evil twin brother. Oh, good writing, Michael. He was the evil twin brother. Oh, yeah. Way to save it, Michael. You really save this franchise. I think the only Michael Crichton book I ever read was Timeline, which is also made into. So how would you know if they killed him in the book? Because I live in the world. Did he shit his pants?
01:36:19
Speaker
Nope. I don't know. I don't think it goes into those details. If there's no crap, he can come back. It almost rhymes. But ah I do. So she comes in all stoic and weird and you're like, oh, she's an alien, too, or whatever. But you find out what is happening. But I like I don't like I think it's stupid. And I noticed that when she gives him this long look, he's like, what are you doing? And they cut to her. It's supposed to be like a long pause look of her looking at him. But it's a freeze frame.
01:36:49
Speaker
So they didn't take a long shot. They just took that and then they were like, oh, you would be good here. Dramatic pause. You can tell it's a freeze frame because we're watching it in high definition and it's not one of those ones that's been all smoothed out by A.I. So there's film grain on it. Yeah. Film grain stops moving. Uh huh. And you can just see. And it's just like, why? Why do we do this. Yeah.
01:37:09
Speaker
Somebody thought they were cute. Here we go. ah Yes, in the first book, Malcolm had died. Spielberg was planning to planning to do the same, but he was so impressed with Jeff Goldblum's acting that he asked Michael Crichton's author of the book permission to have him survive in the end. And then Michael Crichton watched it and was like, well, that's my next book. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. And good for Jeff Goldblum for being like, hey, I'm going to make you write my character alive. Jeff Goldblum, baby.
01:37:37
Speaker
So, yeah, she locks him in the med bay. She's like, dude, inject yourself so we don't die. We just got to wait six hours. And this is going to keep you out for six hours. I would have done this right away. I'm like, so you could have put me to sleep anytime during all this shit. You could just put me to fucking dreamless sleep. Yeah, I didn't have to go drink a bucket of whiskey. But she floods the room instead because he she says inject yourself or I'm going to defend myself. And he refuses. So, yeah, she turns down the pressure to let the water in. He flips the fuck out and grabs a little breather canister.
01:38:06
Speaker
Shit way back when we didn't talk about this when leave Shriver's getting fucking pummeled with concussions. Yeah ah There is a in sorry in chapter battle stations. There is a electro switch that they can throw yeah oh yeah yeah current over to to get the squid out of there and And she keeps saying, don't do it. She's like, don't do it, don't do it. No, she's saying, do it. Well, no, she says, don't. Because Peter Coyote says every time they've tried it, it started electrical fire. ok But then he says, throw the fucking switch. because she said going us And then Dustin Hoffman does not, right? Correct.
01:38:38
Speaker
Like, I don't know. I thought it was going to be like some test like, oh, you didn't injure me. Well, I think that's why it stops because they didn't do it. And then everything stops. The fire goes away. All that. We're seeing. Yeah. Well, yeah. So yeah and unanswered situations. He grabs his little briefers. Let's just get out of here. yeah I don't want to hear more about it. He grabs a breather thing, goes into the water. That's going to freeze you in two minutes, which they told us
Resolution and Military Implications
01:39:03
Speaker
in the movie. It says it's 32 degrees.
01:39:06
Speaker
I'm like, that's not gonna freeze you in two minutes. not so it It would be cold as shit. I don't know how long a person can survive in frozen, like, freezing level water. Oh, no, I think they talk about, um...
01:39:17
Speaker
It's fresh water, right? Is that what they say? It's like you could even drink it because it's a lake or it's a river under the ocean. Doesn't somebody say you could drink it, but it would kill you because it's hypothermia? Like, yeah, something like that. Maybe that's what he he tells them. They have the suits to stop the cold. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. But it still doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter because this movie doesn't care. I'm not a science. um The screens pop up and it's like, like I said, we're all going to die down here. So now we know it's Harry, even though we already knew. Told you you're going to die. Harry, Jerry. Oh, my God.
01:39:46
Speaker
It was him. She starts seeing shit too, and then she's like, fuck, I did go in the sphere. God damn it. I love this. is it I think it's Peter Coyote's dummy. Oh yeah, yeah. When the dead dog washes up on her. Awesome. Awesome fucking ghoul dude. Thousand percent. I was like, whoa, that was good. What do you do with that after? It's in my bed. I just ah kind of want to use the carpool lane. Put that in the front seat of my bed. Dustin Hoffman gets back in. Sam Jackson wakes up even though he was supposed to be asleep for six hours. I think it's been 40 minutes. He's got a really high tolerance, dude. This guy's been dosing himself for years. Smart people always do drugs. Yeah.
01:40:20
Speaker
And this is when but that in a Hoffman goes to Sharon Stone and he's like, dude, you you went in the sphere, right? Come on. She's like, I must have. Come on. Yeah, you did, too, right? I must have. I don't remember. I don't remember. And so everybody's like, well, we all went in it. It's all their fears that are manifesting. And they talk about all that stuff that we already did. And then all of a sudden, the computers manifest commitment. If I'm on this thing, your wife appears.
01:40:46
Speaker
I was never even married. Get out of here. She's like, it's total shrew. I wonder what she's doing right now. Your face. But as they're talking about this, the computer is like, hey, 13 minutes till everything explodes. And Sharon Stone's like, yeah, so I put some explosives by the ship. Somebody did in case me something happened. And I just thought about the explosives. So I think this is my bad. This is on me. you know you know This one's me. I'm sorry guys. You know those underwater explosives. I love that it's so like panther explosives. Like you're just labeling it. It's like, is it ACME? Is it panther? Like this universe of ACME? Apparently. Maybe it's a military thing, I don't know. But then, Sam. Panther explosives. When you want the job, fucking done. It's a it's an acronym for...
01:41:32
Speaker
I got nothing. Yeah, that's too many letters. Please answer. Never tolerate. a Hit every red. yeah I got nothing there. I mean, it's too many. it It works, but it doesn't make it out way too many. So how many eyes and never.
01:41:50
Speaker
Sammy Jackson's like, you realize there's like 500 tons of liquid nitrogen on that ship. Yeah. So ah it's going to be a huge explosion. Is that a problem for us? Yeah. Oh, we better get to the sub right now. i You know what? I was kind of just think of turning it off and it turns off.
01:42:06
Speaker
That's all I thought. Right? I was like, right now, like, oh, I had i had the power to do that. Watch this, blink, genie, fucking blink, right? All they're thinking of is bad shit until the very end, and they're like, let's do something not bad. You would see me in a corner with the largest joint getting just fucking loved by women and having fucking my cat next to me. I'm like, I was thinking happy thoughts. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with you guys. You know that he said we could have whatever we want. This is a life-size matchbox.
01:42:32
Speaker
It's a car that is shaped like a shark. And guess what? I'm out of here. You all are finished. Roar, roar. Because as we know from Bucket of Chum, sharks roar. Sharks roar underwater, dude. Yeah. I haven't been underwater, but I believe that to be true. So they go to the the sub. They're trying to escape. They suddenly reappear in the spaceship.
01:42:52
Speaker
And this is a little different than all the other things because all the other things that have happened have been real. Yeah. Like that squid could kill them. The jellyfish kill them. They are not. But they're because it's showing them in the submersible tucked in really tight by real. It is. Actually, it's kind of funny because they're all just yelling at each other. They're like, I don't know where to go. Go down this hallway. But they're sitting in a subway or subway. So it's so much worse, much worse than being in this fucking tiny submarines war is being in any fucking subway sandwich place. But it is a diarrhea. Yeah.
01:43:23
Speaker
But yes, they're trying to find their way through the spaceship. Sam Jackson is the one that's just like, fuck it, we're all going to die. And they're like, no, think happy thoughts, dude. It's like Peter Pan. He's like, yeah, cool. Happy thoughts. We're going to die. I fuck you you you know what? You want to think happy thoughts? Leave me fucking here in this illusion. Yeah. What do you mean? Leave you here. We're in a fucking subway.
01:43:40
Speaker
And Dustin Hoffman does. I think he just accidentally hits the launch. Yeah, he does because he's just kind of swinging wildly. It's his self. which So it's got to be. He's trying to. He's like, we have to be inside the submarine. So he's like thinking and he's like, but but his own and reflection comes out, which I think is Richard's fear. And he's telling me, he's like, you got to push the buttons or I can't see the button. So the sphere wants him to get out of there. Yeah, because I it's I mean, I think of the way the movie, at the end of the movie ah implies is like the sphere agrees with them. They're like, you guys aren't ready for this shit. Not at all. So but it needed them to make that choice because, OK, so they get out. Yeah, they get out. They get up there. Oh, but I don't think that's enough. Yeah, because Sam Jackson's talking about the explosion will also underwater explosions also have suction. What don't you know, motherfucker? He knows at all ah how to be humble.
01:44:26
Speaker
He is humble. Yeah, he's all right. Look, he was in Jurassic Park and Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown and Star Wars. And he played a crazy homeless guy in ah Coming to America. So he wasn't a homeless guy. He was just a bank robber, or a McDonald's robber. I looked at that guy. Wack Arnold's robber. ah McDowell's. McDowell's. He was also Wack Arnold's Dave Chappelle. He was also what a very small role. He played Stacks and Goodfellas.
01:44:54
Speaker
But I like when they're trying to get away and Sam Jackson's like, uh, Hey, Dustin Hoffman, are you religious? And he's like, well, I'm an atheist, but I'm flexible. I love that line because how many people, you know, like I'm a staunch atheist. Oh, I'm going to decide the cross right now. Yeah. Like, Hey, um, God, I know you, we haven't spoken a while, but if you're still accepting my calls, a help in this tiny submersible. Also, I just farted. If you can make it not smell, that'd be great. I want to bang share and get one or the other. One or the other, buddy.
01:45:22
Speaker
Let's just die. I don't want them to smell my farts. I don't want them lasting. I won't be able to live with them smelling me farts. But yeah, so big CG, bada boom, it looks like trash. hu They get out of there, they surface and they have to decompress for a while. And I read a stupid piece of trivia that was like that was added, the decompression stuff, because apparently audiences like test audiences but couldn't believe that they got to the surface and had didn't have the bends. And I'm like, I guess because you set it up at the beginning. But like, who cares at this point? Dude, all you got to do is what test audience was like, can you make it four minutes longer?
01:45:55
Speaker
Yeah, we didn't we didn't talk about the helium. They have a voice regulator on their necklace. Yeah. Just right into the fucking script that also makes it. You don't get the bends done. That's what I said. ah That's what I was starting to say. And then we got distracted when I was like, that scene didn't matter. The helium. single a door the Because it's like, oh, it makes us do this voice. But then we put on this thing and I talk like a normal person. And this is what I sound like on helium. And then every now and then I put on the regulator and I sound fine. Yeah, like, OK. But so they get up there. They're in. Oh, sorry. It was MC Square. It's the chapter decompression chamber.
01:46:25
Speaker
on Decompressed in my pants, so it's basically like hey, what do we tell the military? and done it's all right What do we tell the military? Like they're not going to believe any of this shit. Like I don't know. Magic Golden Sphere that made us manifest a squid. Question mark. My dreams come true and kill people. Yeah. I don't see what's so hard to understand about this. You've you've seen Nightmare on Elm Street, right? No. Also, who says that they're not listening in this room? That was my thing, too. Like this fucking military or you no there's there's cameras and microphones in your butthole. Yep. Yeah.
01:47:01
Speaker
but so they they bugged your food they join hands like the fucking uh captain planet the planeteers it's a little bit of that it's also like it's instead of the wonder twins the wonder triplets yeah they join form of amnesia they they think real hard and they make themselves forget And it keeps flashing to the sphere and the ocean. Exactly. Because I think like you said, the sphere knew they weren't ready, but it needed to hear them. Like, I think this because the sphere is going to be fine no matter what. So it's like, dude, if this civilization wants to be greedy and try and get this power and kill themselves.
01:47:37
Speaker
I'm fine with that. yeah I do not care. But our lords and saviors, Sammy Jax, Dusty Hoff, and cheron Shannon Stone, they decided like, dude, we aren't ready. You're 100% right. yeah Let's hold hands. Let's activate amnesia power.
01:47:52
Speaker
yeah And we choose to forget. Since they choose to forget it, it's like, well, I don't want to be at the bottom of the ocean forever. Yeah. So it launches itself into space. Grey's Anatomy guy is like, the fuck was that? Somebody explain that. Yeah. Oh, he's the the black dude. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if the time he matches up, but there's a Seinfeld character that looks a. lot like him. He's probably a Seinfeld guy. He's the author at ah ah J. Peterman's magazine. It's probably him. So I'll look that up later. But I do like, it's kind of funny, the very last thing is them, like, they kind of come to and Sam Jackson's like, or Justin Hoffman's like, why are you holding my hand? You're holding my hand. yeah Sharon Stone's so drugged up, she's like, I didn't question any of it. And then the often sex I often come to holding people's hands.
01:48:34
Speaker
And then the sphere Star Wars is off into space and that's the end of the movie. So does that mean that they no longer have the powers as the sphere has left them? They have the power but they forgot they have it so they'll never use it again. Yeah. Like you effectively don't have the power because you put his mental block on it. Yeah. Like it's still inside of you. Until something happened. Until sphere two, sphere harder. It's like when people go pray the gay away.
01:48:58
Speaker
It works. It works every time. We just saw Jim Jeffries live and he was talking about Americans and that stuff. He's like, look at your gay conversion camps. He's like, but it's like you're praying from straight to gay. Yep. I
Disappointment and Alternative Suggestions
01:49:16
Speaker
like that. So that's the end of the episode, the end of the movie. We'll go around the horn for recommendations. No.
01:49:22
Speaker
I don't, I read the book. Oh, it's like we're done? That's it? Just no? No. No regulations. I don't have to, him and Haw, like there was some really cool parts to see, but it's just, it's just bad. And I had so, I remember the first time that I saw this, I was so fucking disappointed. And then when you said that we were going to watch it again, I was like, okay, I'll give it another chance. Maybe I judged you wrong. Yeah. No, but no, I, it's, it's been like decades since I've read this book. I almost said centuries. It's been decades. Well, it's been since the last millennium.
01:49:51
Speaker
Yeah, since the last millennium. I didn't know. Mine is also a no, unsurprising. And it's it's not because of my anxiety of underwater, because as you're going to listen to if you're a Patreon member, I love the abyss. like that And that is very anxiety inducing for me as well. But it's done well. This movie is muddy. And I don't just mean visually. Its story is muddy. ye Besides Samuel L. Jackson, everyone's fucking dragging their feet for the most part. I mean, yes, Peter Coyote is fine. Leave Shriver's there for a minute until he gets fucking panini pressed.
01:50:21
Speaker
But yeah, there's nothing here that I want to tell people about. like I texted the bleeps because we share an account. I was like, hey, doing a movie tonight, just bought this in case you're looking for something to watch. And female bleep was like, oh, that cast looks good. And I was like, yeah, and Queen Latifah.
01:50:37
Speaker
So yeah, there's nothing here. It's not even what I don't think it's one of my silent ones. There's not visually anything good enough to put music to. Yeah. So I'm going to go no caveats. Skip. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's got like there is some good tension. Like again, it's an anxiety thing. It's the underwater thing. Yeah. There's some moments where I was like, oh, this is a little butthole clenchy.
01:50:58
Speaker
But overall, it's a no and no payoff, though. Yeah, because nothing happens. Can I say something that you two might appreciate? So I was not on the 200th episode or our second year, whatever second anniversary. Oh, yeah, we were Steve, right? It was Miami Connection. I was not on there. I would sit through watching Miami Connection again before I watch this again. So would I hated that. I know. But you and I would watch that right now. That's what I'm saying. Fucking daring us. This is something that you two would love.
01:51:26
Speaker
As I would sit through that again. Yeah. Versus this or Wild Angels. This. Wild Angels. It's shorter. Wild Angels. Yeah. I'd watch this. Wild Angels wasn't a movie. This is two hours and 20 minutes. Wild Angels has Dern being puppeteers. He's a week into Dernies. Yeah, but also it's two hours and 14 minutes, but if I'm like, I'm going to get a sandwich, don't pause it.
01:51:50
Speaker
For sure. For sure. You're not going to miss anything. Wild Angels, that scene with the three songs going at once made my head want to melt. Oh, no. The Yoko Ono scene is terrible. Nothing in this made my head want to melt. It's just boring and stupid. Yeah. OK, fair. So I'll get you. So yeah, don't watch this movie. But you probably already did if you listened to our thing at the beginning. Not recommendation, but our 0 for 3 on Rex, dude. What do you mean?
01:52:15
Speaker
None of us. I was like, no, we all recommended Waterworld. I will always recommend Waterworld. Even if you ask about this movie, I recommend Waterworld. Yeah. just If you started watching this, turn it off. Put on Waterworld. Have a better fucking day. ah Next week, we're watching a movie I'm very excited about because I haven't seen this in forever.
Introduction to Leviathan
01:52:34
Speaker
We're watching Leviathan. o I don't think I've ever seen it.
01:52:37
Speaker
I saw it a year or two ago with bleeps for the very first time ever. Yeah. Because it kept just getting suggested to us. And I watched a trailer and I was like, fuck it, dude. That looks good. It's campier than I thought it would be. The trailer makes it look very close to the same level as the abyss. It's not OK. It's much lower budget meets the thing. Well, meets alien. What's the LL Cool J Deep Blue Sea or? His hat is like a shark fin. Yeah, that's the blue sea. The song he writes. But. Leviathan is directed by George, George Cosmatos, who directed Rambo, too. Yeah, that sounds right. um The abyss is directed by James Cameron. Uh-huh. Big difference. A lot of good movies until Avatar started. Cosmatos, like he could be working for Cannon. He might have been. I don't know. um I bet you he's worked with Chucky Norr.
Acknowledgments and Podcast Promotion
01:53:32
Speaker
and then don't forget to check out our patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people it's only three dollars a month this month's episode as we mentioned is the abyss you're gonna want to hear me talk well about a movie you can also if you love us offer to do more than three dollars a month that's something I don't think I deserve it I do want to mention that. Yes. Thank you, wife. One of our subscribers. So I had mentioned previously that we had a new subscriber, Hector, who pledged at five dollars instead of three. One of our subscribers heard that episode was like, I'd love to give you guys five instead of three. Tank or Tom. Thank you, Tom. Yeah, I figured out how to do it because I am not smart. And I told him. And so he did that. And he also answered a question we had about our previous episode of Street Fighter.
01:54:14
Speaker
and Not a question, really. Oh, well, we thought it was missiles full of cocaine on Jean Claude Van Dam's tank. And in fact, yeah, we were joking about the tank having missiles on the side and why that's a thing. He says because Tanker Tom, he knows about tanks. I hope so.
01:54:30
Speaker
By the way, there are no tanks with missiles on the outside, but there are infantry fighting vehicles like the Bradley that have T.O.W. missiles on the outside. okay So there are something like a tank. T.O.W. it's It's an acronym for I didn't look it up. I meant to. And I just didn't think to look it up. But so there is something like a tank with missiles. But that was a tank. And those were tubes of cocaine. yeah I know the Bradley tank. I can picture. I don't know what T.O.W. stands for.
01:54:56
Speaker
And my dyslexic brain was like two. And then don't forget, we have another podcast. Han took shots first. You can find a tank missile. That's all I got. You can find it. Hunt took shots first. Anywhere you get podcasts, wherever you're listening right now, just we should be wrapping up first. We're working. geleton Yeah. Right now. I think the last episode of Skeleton Crew will be coming out right after this. Yeah, we did that week to week. So yeah. So we'll be talking about that, which is the new Disney Plus show. So don't forget to check that out. And of course, we have to thank Evasion for our opening and closing music. And we have to thank Patch for making us watch Street Fighter and talking about cocaine missiles. I do want to give a golf clap to our our ah patrons and the tanker Tom and Hector. Yes.
01:55:38
Speaker
Thank you for that. Thank you. to buy equipment It's not a glamorous job, but we're doing it and we're no longer paying to do it. This is awesome. So that's been it for this week.
Closing Remarks and Sign-Offs
01:55:50
Speaker
I've been Derek. I'm still his wife. I'm an atheist, but I'm flexible. Why are you holding my hand? You're holding my hand.
01:56:26
Speaker
Well, I gave myself a shit ton of head. Wish I could. I wouldn't leave the house. For reals, right? I'll be able to do this podcast. Welcome to bad boys, worse people. And I'm Derek. I'm in my mouth.