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051 - From Supermodel to Self-Esteem Advocate: Breaking Cycles and Building Confidence
13 Plays4 days ago
In this soul-stirring episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Dame Clarissa Burt—former supermodel turned award-winning author, media powerhouse, and self-esteem advocate. From gracing 250 magazine covers to being knighted and standing proudly beside the likes of Brené Brown and Deepak Chopra on bookstore shelves, Clarissa shares her incredible journey through generational healing, emotional resilience, and radical self-acceptance.
Clarissa gets candid about growing up with deeply rooted family shame, finding her voice in Europe’s fashion world, and ultimately stepping into her purpose as the founder of The Self-Esteem Regime. She opens up about how modeling transformed her confidence, why baking cookies grounds her spirit, and how witnessing the struggles of her mother and grandmother ignited her mission to redefine worth for women everywhere.
You’ll learn the four pillars of self-esteem (Look Good, Feel Good, Be Good, Greater Good), why self-work is a sacred duty, and how to flex your own vulnerability muscle in pursuit of inner strength. If you've ever struggled with self-image, imposter syndrome, or breaking free from your past, this episode is your permission to heal and rise.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://clarissaburt.com
- Instagram: @clarissaburt
- Book: The Self-Esteem Regime – available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and major booksellers
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Transcript
Introduction to Personal Development
00:00:00
Speaker
ah Think of the more work that you do in yourself and your personal development journey, which is why i often say that this is our sacred duty to o ourselves. You know, it's really one of those, we got to stand up and be really strong in our, you know, in our stead. And so, you know, the more that you will be going down the path and down the journey and reading the books and, you know, getting into the courses or the classes or whatever it else you may do, you learn the processes, you learn the patterns about yourself, which is really kind. of Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:34
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:45
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability in fostering meaningful connections, healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:00:59
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to this episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford, Vulnerability Muscle, where we redefine vulnerability as a strength.
Meet Clarissa Burt
00:01:12
Speaker
And I'm joined here today by Dame Clarissa Burt. Clarissa is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning media personality, producer, director, author, speaker, and former supermodel with over 35 years of experience in both American and international entertainment industries.
00:01:32
Speaker
She's the founder and CEO o of In The Limelight Media, a multi-platform brand that includes a video a video series, podcast, and digital magazine aimed at empowering and inspiring audiences worldwide.
00:01:48
Speaker
Clarissa is also the author of the book, The Self-Esteem Regime, an action plan for becoming the confident person you were meant to be. It's available on all platforms, so go check that out.
00:02:01
Speaker
Her extraordinary contributions have earned her some of the world's most prestigious honors. And this is where my whole brain was just like, like I am so excited to make have this conversation, including being knighted by the royal order of Constantine the Great,
00:02:17
Speaker
and St. Helen, receiving the Araldo Award from Prince Albert II of Monaco as a global ambassador of the Prince Albert II Foundation and the International Women's Peace Award in Rome.
00:02:33
Speaker
Yeah, well, we've been around. Wow. I get around, you know. Yeah.
The Power of Vulnerability
00:02:38
Speaker
There is so much more to your story, but I'm to leave it at that. And I'm just, I'm so glad to be here. So welcome, Clarissa. How are you?
00:02:45
Speaker
You know what, Reggie? I'm doing, I'm just doing too good. You know, all is really well. I'm here in Phoenix, Arizona. It's a bright, sunshiny day. um And I've just been working all day on some really cool things that are moving forward. The whole idea, thought, and process of personal development, you know, yeah some self-improvement, yes you know, thing being, being the right person, you know, for you and not for somebody else or what you've been taught by, you know, your familial tribe. So just all kinds of really good stuff going on here.
00:03:17
Speaker
I love some of those words that you just dropped. Being the right person for you without those expectations that come with all the other folks and people in society and all that. So, oh, I love that.
00:03:29
Speaker
Before we hop into the journey, have a segment called What Comes to Mind. And so you tell me what the first thing. Oh, I love that. Just a little icebreaker. don't hurt yourself.
00:03:41
Speaker
yeah What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability? Vulnerability.
00:03:47
Speaker
ah ah
00:03:51
Speaker
Oh, that's a good one. comes to my You know, I want to kind of make it, I wanted to go to the person, like what was, what you know, where when was the last time I felt vulnerable? um Probably at noon. Yeah.
00:04:02
Speaker
okay oh So, you know, vulnerability is just one of those kind of things that you, you know, you learn to you accept, you play with it, you you know, you let it be its own entity. And then you, you know, you do everything in your in your capability and possibility you know,
00:04:21
Speaker
to conquer if you will because vulnerability is one of those kind of things it's a really great thing to be be vulnerable and learn a lot of things from that space but it's not kind of one of those spaces you want to be in for too too long let it do its thing let it teach you what you know what the message is there somewhere get that message move on uh and find you know get your strength back get your you know your sea legs under you again if you will vulnerability is part of the process it's all good but it's one of those kind of things that it kind of can feel uncomfortable And it's there to teach you something. So, you know, capture the lesson and move on.
00:04:55
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I love thinking of vulnerability as a teacher. Yep. And, and it definitely comes with discomfort. So at any moment in this conversation, as we get vulnerable, as we flex that vulnerability muscle that you feel uncomfortable, ah hope that you ah feel empowered to let me know and to, to take the space that
Methods for Stress Management
00:05:15
Speaker
you need. So. Thanks. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Just keep throwing them at it at me and we'll see. Yeah.
00:05:22
Speaker
Clarissa, what do you do to center yourself when you're feeling stressed or even depressed? Center? Yeah. um One of the main things that I do is I i know that when I got i got back off ah because it means I'm pushing too hard. It means I'm expecting too much for myself. It means I put way too, I do this.
00:05:40
Speaker
you know I think it's an ADHD thing too, where you just put way too much on your plate. I have 900 projects on the around the house right now started. Mm-hmm. And I and I recognize now that that is for me, it's also a means of escape and it's a means of um evading.
00:05:58
Speaker
Right. It's a real advisory advisory kind of and that's not the right word, but, you know, I'm evading getting to the point because there are times when I'll sit down at the computer and I know when it's time to really get down to work and really get down deep, I'll find something else to do that's not so, you know, not so impenuative, you know, so.
00:06:17
Speaker
There you go. ah That's that kind of, I think, the answer to that. So I hope I answered that okay. No, like that. I like that. You you recognize that in yourself. so i Yeah, absolutely. yeah You know, I think the more work that you do in yourself and your personal development journey, which is why i often say that this is This is our sacred duty to ourselves. It's really one those things we've got to stand up. We've got to stand up and be really strong in our stead.
00:06:46
Speaker
and um And so you know the more that you will be going down the path and down the journey and reading the books and you know getting into the courses or the classes or whatever it else you may do, ah you have you will learn the you learn the processes. You learn the patterns about yourself, which is really powerful.
00:07:04
Speaker
Yes. Oh, let me ask you. So you said you need to take a step back and and slow down in those moments. What does that look like for you? It looks like, um you know, maybe getting up, going for a walk, um taking a bath, making a call, which we never do. You know, generation, that's all we knew. Anyone talk, somebody picked up a phone, you call them.
00:07:26
Speaker
ah You know, I'll call my mom. How you do, you know, just just sort of like, um I'll make cookies. I'll stop and I will fall on. love that. Oh my God. I don't know if you, wait, I'm going to show you. Think I'm kidding.
00:07:37
Speaker
Look over there in the kitchen. don't you see way back. yeah There's the mixer. Yep. The mixer with the cookies. Let's go. Yesterday morning and I was in there making cookies at six o'clock. I got back from my walk.
00:07:48
Speaker
I was out at five back by six and by 615, you know, I was in there making cookies because i it's one of the things that I do that I love. It's another thing that I know for me that's nurturing. So and when I gift, when I take the cookies to mom or i hand something over the wall to my neighbor, it's one of those kind of nurturing things that, you know, that fulfill, it fills the soul.
00:08:10
Speaker
Right. Yeah. doing something good for you and you're doing something good for someone else so it's a double whammy yes yes the the kindness that is shared and and kindness helps extend our lives like yeah there is science and research behind that your acts of kindness yeah yeah it extend your life so and and they all said clarissa i love when you beg yeah But my waistline doesn't love it. Right. The heck with your waistline. You know, i get it. We all want to be, got to stay fit, but every once in a while, it's okay.
00:08:41
Speaker
Yeah. All right.
Family and Cultural Heritage
00:08:43
Speaker
Last one. What is one of your favorite childhood memories? My grandmother. Down the shore, down the Jersey shore, every summer, three months with my grandmother.
00:08:55
Speaker
course, my grandfather would come down on the weekends. And um we never really saw our parents that much because they were you know back home working in Philly. And I adored my grandmother, Clarissa. I'm the fifth generation Clarissa. So for the firstborn girl in every generation got the name.
00:09:11
Speaker
And, uh, and grandmother Clarissa for me was, she was and just always, she was my best friend since day one. And, you know, she was my confidant and, you know, I would come home. I was living in Europe for a long time. And I used to come home and tell her I was coming home.
00:09:27
Speaker
So I'd fly all the way back into Newark or wherever I was coming a all the way back into LaGuardia, you know, my mom was in Jersey. So I'd stay with my mom and then I'd go get on the train and take the Amtrak down to Philadelphia. And then from there, of course, there was an offshoot to get to Glen glenn Olden where she lived.
00:09:43
Speaker
But and I would always just come knock on the door and surprise the heck out of her. you thought I was in Paris, but I was you know right there at the front door. So she would do a happy dance like she would stand there and straight up do that.
00:09:54
Speaker
And so she would and I was dancing. it She was dancing. We were dancing. Then we were hugging and then we danced again. it was the sweetest thing on the planet. so Grandmom's been missing now. She went to the Angels 14, I think, years ago. OK.
00:10:06
Speaker
And so, yeah. As life has it, you're born and then you die. And that's of the way is. you die and and that's kind of the way it is But she is she is and will always be just that for me she she was yeah the greatest on the just the greatest lady class act never had never said a never had a drink never said a curse word didn't put on a pair of pants until the 60s when the woman's revolution when i mean we first saw my grandmother in a pair of she had like a one of those polyester pantsuits on and the whole oh
00:10:42
Speaker
Grandma was in pants. It was the craziest thing. And then she went and got her ears pierced. Oh my God. She was in her late fifties and she went and we thought she had lost her shite.
00:10:53
Speaker
I mean, it was the craziest thing. the but Grandma's in a pantsuit and she just got her ears pierced. What the hell? What's next? You'd think she's, she went and gotten a license and she started to drive a car. She probably got tatted on. Let's go.
00:11:08
Speaker
Wow. Because women then, right? or That generation didn't do those things. They weren't taught. Wow. Yeah. They were wives and they were mothers and they stayed home. And that was it. So every time for her whole lifetime, had to the supermarket, my grandfather took her.
00:11:25
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, yeah. i lost I love how excited you got. Like you answered that in me. Like grand childhood grandmother. Easy. Boom.
00:11:36
Speaker
And that was so beautiful. And so I know grief is a process that extends in 14 years or 40 years or however many years it ends up being. yeah I'm really sorry for that loss of such a beautiful person. But yeah she has instilled so much greatness in you that I can see. Yeah, I think she, know, she really was, ah she was one of my driving forces for sure. She's class act and a beautiful lady.
00:12:00
Speaker
ah But, you know, she was on the earth with us for at least, you know, she was here for 96 years. i got her for, you know, the whole time that I could. And I spent as much time with her as I could. and You know, it was great.
00:12:12
Speaker
It was just great. Yeah. you So I think something that you said about just the number of generations of Clarissas that have been in your family, that is the the ancestry, the lineage of that, just it sparks so much curiosity in me because I feel like that is not anything from what I the and The first Clarissa was Clarissa Whitehead and she was from Germany.
00:12:36
Speaker
And my grandmother spoke about her grandmother, which so Clarissa Whitehead was my great, great grandmother. She spoke about her grandmother the way I speak about her. Wow. Yeah, which is really cool.
00:12:48
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, she adored her grandmother. So. Oh, that's so, so your family originates from Germany. Do you know anything further? We were mostly originating from Ireland and and England for sure.
00:13:01
Speaker
But that one, one person, great, you know, my great, great grandmother was, you know, from Germany. Everybody else was from Ireland and or in England, you know, and I know that to be true because I have, you know, i'm on heritage.com and my DNA or whatever that he gets all called.
00:13:15
Speaker
And so I follow that. i love following that. Yeah. Yeah. Every week I get a new newsletter coming in in about who was my eighth great great great grandfather or my ninth great great great grandmother. and I'm telling you, as far back as we go, we were born in the United States.
00:13:33
Speaker
It's crazy. Wow. Like I have a really hard time. fight um i think it goes back 11 generations. Wow. I don't know how many, but it's crazy because you you're kind of waiting for somebody say well, who came over on the Mayflower? Like, you know. Yeah.
00:13:46
Speaker
Like it's ah it's like they were always here some on both sides. Wow. they Crazy stuff. Yeah. Really crazy. How did, you know, and we were in Philly, right? So that's kind of the first place of the United States. True. well, at least as, you know, some of the, of our, um you know, of the government, the constitutional yeah yeah ah birthplace is probably really Plymouth Rock. Yeah. It's so much rich history in Philly.
Rise to Fame in Modeling
00:14:11
Speaker
So much. Oh, I'm,
00:14:13
Speaker
I love it there. I'm curious how you go from your grandmother where it was a surprise to drive herself anywhere to doing all the things that you have done in your life. Modeling, acting, media, like authorship. Like you've done so much in your life. so How does that change over the course of just a few generations?
00:14:35
Speaker
I think it's just a little girl with a lot of dreams. You know, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, of course, again, we go back, hear her and go, ah, she's a boomer. I'm a boomer. Sorry, everybody. I'm a boomer. And I remember, you know, we had, we had, of course, there was no computer and internet, you know, it was a big deal. to I can't remember. i still remember my grandfather saying, Chris, he's taking my grandmother, Chris, get off the phone. They're calling long distance. I mean, Chris, you know, cause my grandma, I'd be talking either to me or she'd be talking to my mom and I'm talking from Philly to Jersey. I'm not talking God only. I'm,
00:15:09
Speaker
We had long distance phone call pricing. is Yeah. yes Get off the phone. They're calling long distance. Wow. You're running up their bill.
00:15:22
Speaker
I swear to God, it's the craziest thing. To remember these things is just nuts to me. But there you go. I mean, that's how how ah times have changed. We didn't have internet. We didn't have computers. you know We didn't have all the things. Telephone was a big damn deal. um just you know like On the wall, one in the house, the whole thing. So- um I get so carried away with myself. I forget what the original question was. but yeah think Changing from generations of what was expected to what you were able to do in your life or what are able to do.
00:15:53
Speaker
Well, think the really cool thing is that, you know, my mother um was really, was, you know, was really a very, ah very free. She was
00:16:02
Speaker
you know She graduated high school when she 18 Philly, went 12 years to the nuns. So I think my mother, when she got out, was a little stir crazy with the whole thing. just yeah So mom wound up pregnant with me two months later.
00:16:15
Speaker
And that was not a good thing back in 1958. Good girls didn't do that. And my mother's a phenomenal lady. I mean, there were 800 girls in her graduating class and she was salutarian, which means she was the second in place.
00:16:27
Speaker
She had you know dean's list every year. So my mother is an extremely intelligent person who got caught up with what can happen in life, you know. And so a good Catholic girl does what? First of all, she became immediately the black sheep of the family. But what does she do? She settles, she gets married and she brings up her family.
00:16:46
Speaker
And I think mom really hit her hard. I think it was really hard for her. So when it came to me, it was like, first of all, she couldn't wait to get us all out of house. I think that was the real truth. You know, you're 18, get on your way. yeah And she was right. You know, she's right.
00:16:58
Speaker
um But ah the idea that I had always was, you know, from the part that, you know, I was five years old, I was Mary Poppins in the kindergarten play. and And, you know, I think the idea that when I sang, got done, finished, you know, singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and I got a standing ovation, I was like, damn, I'd get used to this.
00:17:16
Speaker
yeah
00:17:20
Speaker
I kind of like them all standing for me and clapping that way. That's pretty cool. I like that. you know So it was kind of, I was one of those kind of really energetic kids. It just, you know I love to be the boss and I love to stage the plays and i all the things. I love to sing.
00:17:36
Speaker
And so it was kind of written on the wall. Now, my parents were, my father also went to 12 years to the priest's. in Catholic school. So, you know, I had a little bit of a harder time, you know, with the getting out of the house and being free. But once I was, my parents divorced, but once I was, it was like, go, you know, and do what you're going to Wow. I went from Jersey to New York city. I started modeling and then but that took me to Europe where I stayed for 30 years.
00:18:02
Speaker
Okay. Okay. And Oh, wow. So what was the experience like in Europe? Where, where would you, where were you living? Milan in the beginning. Oh, Paris in the very beginning. In 83, I went to Paris.
00:18:14
Speaker
And I was there for about a year, but I didn't like Paris very much. It just wasn't my thing. I was still, I think I was a little too young and I was homesick. was really homesick. So came home. I was in New York City for about a year and some.
00:18:26
Speaker
And i had I started a temporary, so you know, become a secretary again. And where did they put me? Where do they put me? I call you Reginald or Reggie? Reggie. Reggie, where do they put me?
00:18:37
Speaker
Temporary secretary, where do they put me? Here's a girl wants to be a model. They put me at Revlon.
00:18:45
Speaker
Revlon Corporate on 59th Street all the way at the top floor. Wow. So now I'm temp-secretarying for Revlon Corporate.
00:18:56
Speaker
And I'm looking around at all the walls and I'm looking at all these girls, you know, the posters, they hang up, right? ah All these girls that are doing the Revlon campaigns. And I'm oh my God, I really screwed up.
00:19:09
Speaker
I was embarrassed. I didn't give it my all. I was scared. i was homesick. I was depressed. I had, I blew my chance. So I tempts.
00:19:21
Speaker
Until I could make enough money to fly back. And it wasn't cheap then. You know we were it was you know you weren't making a lot of money then. yeah I worked my butt off and I got that that that ticket back to Europe.
00:19:33
Speaker
And I didn't go to Paris this time I went to Milan. And that was in 83. the and and the next thing you know, i mean, everything turned around. And I had the most phenomenal modeling career on the planet.
00:19:45
Speaker
I came home with like 250 covers. I was on every major runway on the planet. um I worked with Revlon. I was the face Orlane Cosmetics for 10 years worldwide. Wow.
00:19:57
Speaker
I had my own ah counter at Bloomingdale's in New York City with my face. I mean, it went from, i i could never. So the mentality and the self-esteem being so low to say, oh, who am I? i could never.
00:20:11
Speaker
People say, oh, you really should be a model. It was my secret dream. Oh, you should be a model. Oh, I could never. Wow. yeah So what was that pivotal moment to make you think that, oh, I can do this? I'm going to tell you what it was. It was so many people.
00:20:26
Speaker
or I think it were the people along the way that said, you really should. You should give it a try. I think you'd be great. You really could do that. if you've you know And I was a kid. I mean, nobody was really, like, I didn't have a home life where people were helping me or you know or or cheering me on.
00:20:43
Speaker
Or it was like, you're out of the house, see ya. you know But it wasn't stuff you got, you know is it was you really had to go find yourself first. And then find the strength and then believe that you could.
00:20:55
Speaker
And then when I um i remember these called testing and, we you know, we go in and there'd be a studio and the photographer and the makeup artist, old they were all starting their careers. So they all needed a model. I need the makeup. Makeup needed. We all needed a photographer. We needed the picture. It's like it was called a test.
00:21:08
Speaker
Oh, Yeah. And, and, and I mean, these pictures, when they first started to come out, I go, holy, you know, I was like, God, that's really me, you know, and I really could do this and I really think I'm good. And then boom, I took those pictures to ah the modeling agencies in New York city. I got picked up with Wilhelmina and the rest is history.
00:21:28
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Yeah. yeah That that is I mean, to to speak to the community and the people that surrounded you during that time, even when your your biological family probably wasn't celebrating the the route that you were taking. You mentioned your mom being, you know, being considered the black sheep.
00:21:45
Speaker
And there's yeah much shame in that. There's so much shame that comes with that. And she went down a path that was kind of reclaiming some of the the holiness, the sanctity of what she should have been doing. Right.
00:21:58
Speaker
And then there you go You are off to the races. I think that's beautiful. Yeah. And it's funny, too. I'll add one more layer to that. My mother used to always say, oh don't take my picture. Can't take. Don't. Oh, I come out horrible in pictures.
00:22:11
Speaker
What did I do? Give me the picture. could it Put me in front of the camera. Do you remember? yeah I don't know if you remember this, but there was a day back, back turn of the century, that the Italians and the Irish hated each other. Mm-hmm.
00:22:22
Speaker
You know, people are coming to United States, they're emigrating, you know, Ellis Island, the whole nine yards. And I think they they made a ah movie called The Gangs of New York with, I think DiCaprio was in it. And it you know illustrates perfectly how the Italians and the Irish hated each other. oh My father was not very kind with his words. Back in the day, you could say any, you know, anything, you know, about an ethnicity of somebody. you could use any word you wanted and it just was funny or it flew or nobody called you out on it or whatever.
00:22:52
Speaker
And my father hated the Italians. Oh, he couldn't stand the Italians. You know, we were Irish, right? Couldn't stand the Italians. And I'm telling you every damn word that you could say bad about Italians, he used them,
Embracing Cultural Diversity
00:23:03
Speaker
right?
00:23:03
Speaker
So where did I wind up living for 30 years? and You know, damn, didn't even do that on purpose. It just, you know, one time went, I became a model and lived in Italy. And those were the things my parents hated the most. Wow.
00:23:17
Speaker
I didn't even realize it, you know, it just kind of like dawned on me one day. And so, yeah. How did that reshape how you viewed Italians after that experience? I also made sure that I became an Italian citizen, so I have dual citizenship.
00:23:30
Speaker
And I mean, the Italians are, you know, they're huge part of my life and all, you know, happen. And they're phenomenal. know, they're just phenomenal. They're great, you know. yeah and And so that was just kind of another layer on top of all of that that i thought was kind of Anyway, wow know take a picture of my mother, which, by the way, and I'll throw this at you, too.
00:23:49
Speaker
My mother said, oh, I come out horrible in pictures. I'm going to show you a picture of my mother. May I? Yes, please. Please. Beautiful. ah wow. Just beautiful. Just naturally glowing. Yeah. um Gorgeous.
00:24:04
Speaker
Wow. Wow. I was five in that picture, which would have made my mother 23, think. Uh-huh. aha Wow. Is she gorgeous? Yes. oh She didn't see that.
00:24:15
Speaker
This is also, Reggie, where the idea of self-esteem came to me.
00:24:22
Speaker
First of all, my mother was beautiful, didn't think she was. She was smart as hell, didn't think she was. She got into relationship with a man that was very violent. Her father never backed her up. She became, because of the social construct, Catholic, all that,
00:24:36
Speaker
you know Became the black sheet. All the things and that kept beating her down, notwithstanding how beautiful and intelligent she was. And so that broke my heart for her. yeah My grandmother, beautiful lady, beautiful.
00:24:48
Speaker
One day she's in her 50s and she decides she needs to lose weight. She's as thin as a rail, but okay, we'll go down that path another day. She takes two diet pills, swallows them, chokes on them, perforates her esophagus and is in the hospital for six weeks. Oh, wow.
00:25:03
Speaker
So I'm looking at these women in my life, the women that are supposed to be forming me, and they do, they're they're forming me, and I love them to death. But I'm looking at them going, I'm looking at you too, like you are...
00:25:16
Speaker
walking on God's green earth with a crown on your head. You know like you girls to me are everything. And as a five-year-old girl, as a six-year-old girl, I look at them, I emulate them, I want to be like them.
00:25:29
Speaker
And they didn't have the same perception of themselves that I did. And that's where it all started. yeah And I've been saying that I wanted to write the self-esteem regime for years. And finally now it's it's four years that it's been out. And I have to say...
00:25:43
Speaker
It's been in Barnes & Noble for those four years, Reggie. And I go into Barnes & Noble all over the United States. And I look at, I swear to you, I pinch my butt so many times I got a bruise. I mean, it was like, I kept pinching myself.
00:25:58
Speaker
I'm like, wait a minute, hold up. There's my, where's my, where's my shelf? Oh, there's my shelf. Brene Brown. That's what it Let's go. That's was. Brene Brown, Clarissa Burt,
The Self-Esteem Regime Book
00:26:10
Speaker
Dr. Deepak Chopra, Dr. Joe Dispenza, all on the same damn shelf. And my mouth fainted. I think my knees buckled. I asked for some smelling salts. like Couldn't believe, couldn't believe that my first book, and by the way, thanks to Gary Krebs, who's my ah my um editor.
00:26:33
Speaker
He's also my agent. Really did an amazing job. And we got, it was COVID, we got a deal New York City published book, my first book. Congrats. Oh, that's so amazing. You know that you know the divine had its hand in because the message is important.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yeah. message is so important because without self-esteem, you know, if you don't have that intact by the time your feet hit the ground in the morning, you're not going to have a great relationship with yourself and those around you. Right. So it's all right there.
00:27:01
Speaker
it's I love what you said, the so the the relationship with yourself and those around you because how we view ourselves is going to reflect in how we treat other people. It's that simple. You know, it's us that complicates things. We complicate our lives. We want to, you know, we want to ah take the negative and sort of, you know, and then we, we, we, ah we resonate with that and we, and it just, and it and it grows and it festers. Right.
00:27:25
Speaker
And so that is, that's one of the things that I think is a really important takeaway from all of this. So, you know, let it go. got to let stuff go. You got to let that stuff go.
00:27:37
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. So it's, it's a step-by-step program, the book, right? To yeah to building in confidence and self-esteem. Can you give us a little preview of what's in the book and what people can get from it?
00:27:49
Speaker
So first of all, there are four pillars of self-esteem, which are look good, feel good, Be good and greater good. Look good. We know what that means. You look in the mirror, you feel in yourself. You know, it's, it's, that's great. Great, great start.
00:28:00
Speaker
Is that everything that self-esteem is? No, but you know that you've got a little 10, your step when you've taken pride in the way you look in the way you care about yourself, yourself here, look good, feel good diet, exercise, nutrition, wellness, right? So strengthening, ah you know, the, the, let's say that you have the two brains, right? The one in your head, the one in your heart and you're in your gut. And that's just making sure that you've got healthy body going on that's what Be good.
00:28:24
Speaker
Everything you think, your business, your finances, your relationships, all the things that are under the be good process. And then greater good is tithing, volunteering, paying it forward, you know, ah doing the right thing. Bigger than you.
00:28:37
Speaker
yeah Yeah, absolutely. So all the things that, you know, you as you pull them together. So those are the four pillars of self-esteem. Hmm. that As I see them. um The 12 chapters in the book, and first of all, it's the book is called The Self-Esteem Regime.
00:28:52
Speaker
I'll show it to you a second. And regime is an organized way of doing things. So what I wanted to do is, you're not going read about self-esteem with this book. You're going to do self-esteem. So it's really manual, if you will.
00:29:03
Speaker
I like it It's practical. Practical. It's 12 chapters. It starts with release and ends with, what does it end with? Reciprocal. And in the, in the, so each, each chapter lives its own little microcosm and you can stay there as long as you need. So release is one of the biggest jobs we need to do yeah is like get rid of all the old shed, all the stuff, you know, forget some of the things you were, that were hammered into your head, you know, things that aren't working for you, aren't working for you.
00:29:33
Speaker
yeah Yeah. We want to thank our parents. They did the best that they knew how, whether you come from a great background or a not so great background, that doesn't happen by by mistake. There's a reason, right? And so that's one of the things that I wanted to always kind of, you know, it hurt along the way. Don't get me wrong until I figure this whole thing out. But it's one things that I want to, I really want to bring attention to and kind of glorify, if you will, because you were given to whom you were supposed to be given to since You could have the path that you're supposed to have in order to become who you're supposed to become so that you can affect others in a very positive way.
00:30:07
Speaker
If you're doing, if you're doing it right, that's kind of the path, right? We all know that that's kind of the way. when When you hear it put like that, it gives you a sense of pride from where you come from. Because it builds you into who you are.
00:30:18
Speaker
Because my motto is the toxic stops here, right? The toxic, because we all know, right? We've got the familial tribe. We know what they were taught and them before them and the generation before that. And so it keeps getting passed on until somebody says, hey, wait a minute, this isn't working. Yeah.
00:30:37
Speaker
We got to break that cycle. Something ain't right. And so the self-esteem for me, for me personally, it's a manual. So cool. But it's also a mission and I want to make it a movement. It's a movement of, you know, again, making it your sacred duty, as I said before, to be the best person you can be.
Daily Personal Growth
00:30:55
Speaker
Another mantra that I use is I want to be able to be a better person tomorrow than I am today.
00:30:59
Speaker
don't want to compare myself to anyone else except for the person that I was yesterday. Yeah. That's it. You know, there's nothing more to it. so So again, the concept is so simple.
00:31:10
Speaker
The work, however, yeah can be a little challenging, right? So you're going to get into this book and you're going to start to read and do. You've got, we've got case studies. We've got Clarissa's Corner. We've got, ah oh gosh, what else do we got in here? All kinds of stuff. I can't even remember myself. We've got we got quotes we've got uh we've got a homework we've got ah the whole you know like manual i love it the second the second chapter is rebuild so once you feel that you've gotten past release okay i think i'm good and i'm good there let me go back now let's rebuild let me build the life that i want to build that's going to work for me right and uh you know you've got to understand in all of this is good you're going to need some courage uh and um
00:31:54
Speaker
because people are gonna start falling away. People are gonna get their nose out of joint. People might be offended. People are gonna question you. People are gonna think you've lost your mind. now you know like it's it's It might get uncomfortable is what i'm trying to say at times. So you know work yourself through the discomfort. If you need to explain yourself, that's fine.
00:32:12
Speaker
If people understand your explanation, great. If they don't, that's okay. Keep on your path. You know, as long as you're not hurting anybody, yeah you know, and you're just, you know, you're moving forward in where you're supposed to be.
00:32:25
Speaker
Yeah. Sometimes you may hurt somebody indirectly, but that's not your responsibility. Absolutely. to To caretake for their feelings of what you've done and chosen with your life. oh and Right away, two of the biggest words you would ever say, or three, potentially, I am sorry.
00:32:40
Speaker
No problem. I mean, I think that's the greatest thing you know you could ever utter if it's true, you mean it, and... and and And in the case calls for an apology. Yeah. Yeah. All day long. No problem. Yeah. Yeah. There's no shame in an apology. Yeah.
00:32:55
Speaker
That's so true. I love that. and And this is coming from a woman who has been knighted. What has, what was that experience like? Yeah.
00:33:05
Speaker
ah Yeah, leading up to that and then experiencing that and knowing that like this is something that very few people in the world ever get to experience. Tell us what that even means. Okay.
00:33:18
Speaker
There's a royal, there there are many royal orders in the world, okay? There are many different, you know, they go back for centuries and centuries and centuries, especially in Europe, most likely in Europe, because really we don't have them here.
00:33:29
Speaker
And so I was nominated ah to knighthood is three years ago, summers ago, I think was, three, four, and three, four summers ago, four, I think it was. And, um, uh, it's the Royal order of Constantine the Great and St. Helen and, um, of Cappadocia, which is in Turkey, which goes all the way back to the Byzantine era.
00:33:51
Speaker
And Prince is, you know, was, uh, puts on events and people, uh, are nominated to be at these events to be knighted. So he flew in from Spain. we were in Vegas. There are 12 of us, I think 12 of ah us They got not knighted that it was summer about four years ago.
00:34:08
Speaker
and And it's lovely and it's a great honor. And and and that's it, really. It's a great honor. It doesn't change me in any way. It doesn't really change things in any way. It's ah it's a title and it's it's ah and it's an honor.
00:34:24
Speaker
yeah Does it give you like like secret access to places that I can't get into? Yeah, nothing like that. But it's a pretty amazing thing, I must say. it was very yeah Well, no, it's it's well deserved. And I think that is it's beautiful that but you've had such vast experience in your life.
00:34:44
Speaker
I'm curious with with your with your modeling career, and you know you mentioned being in so many magazines and so many covers, and now you know, being on the shelves, has there ever been a period where you felt your own self image or self esteem being altered in a negative way? And how did you deal with that?
00:35:04
Speaker
um Yeah, because, you know, again, this is one of those kinds of things that life, life will trigger life, we'll throw stuff at you, you know, life ebbs and flows. And it depends on, you know, relationships, um um separations, ah you know, these are the kinds of things, that divorces can can can really trigger you.
00:35:22
Speaker
Uh, being betrayed, um you know, can trigger you. And so definitely, you know, I mean, I'm also, I believe I'm very empathic. So I, ah you know, emotionally, i take a lot of stuff in, um, from others and i hold on to some of that sometimes, and it really can be painful,
00:35:39
Speaker
So we talk about depression, we talk about anxiety. I've been through that for, I went through that for a lot of years. So people say, well, how, you know, why did you write the book? Well, because I have, you know, I come from life experience and I know what this, what this means. I know what this kind of pain is.
00:35:53
Speaker
So, you know, it's, it's one of those kinds of things that when, you know, when I was talking about standing strong in your stead, right here comes the storm, you know, cause it's come, yeah we all know life is life. It's just what life does.
00:36:04
Speaker
Here comes a storm. Here comes a hurricane. Here comes that tornado. But if you've done the work and you have the tools in the shed that you need on any given day, once that storm starts to pass through, just like a well-rooted tree, you,
00:36:18
Speaker
you know, the storm is coming, you might lose a leaf. Maybe you're going to lose a branch, right? But you're not going to be uprooted with the storm and being you know transported away. And that's where the work and the book comes in or any book. I just say, you know,
00:36:34
Speaker
There was a time back in the day where we only, we had three bookstores. Okay. Walden books, Borden books, border books, and Barnes and Noble. Again, no internet. We didn't have the computer. So we had bookstores in the very back Reggie. There was ah there was a section called self-help and all in those, in that section, there might've been 40 or 50 books. And that was it. That's all had.
00:36:53
Speaker
Wow. That's all we had. And I read every one of them, ah you know, because that was my go to it's where I got help assistance, guidance, support, um you know, a way out, if you will, an explanation ah for, for things. And so now when you walk into Barnes and Noble,
00:37:11
Speaker
right It's rose upon rose upon rose upon rose but of what they call now the personal development section. yeah And it's a billion-dollar industry. yes A billion-dollar industry, not just here in the States, but globally. Thank God, because people...
00:37:26
Speaker
People are in pain and this is the way to, this is the way out. It's your personal development, it's your forgiving others, it's understanding that, you know, it didn't start with you. There's another great, really great book. are these things I love that book. Mark Wallen.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It didn't start with you. Oh, hello. Because you can really question yourself. You can start to go down a really dark rabbit hole about how horrible you are as a person. And it's nothing like that at all.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah. It's, yeah. and you really i say it's you it's your it's your sacred duty to yourself to do the work to get the book to read the book to do the exercises remind yourself to catch yourself right.
00:38:09
Speaker
And right a wrong, say, I'm sorry, uh, you know, do whatever it needs you need to do. ah but at the same time being strong enough to know what the difference is between being saying, I'm sorry, and knowing you being, you're being treated poorly. Yeah.
00:38:23
Speaker
That's huge. Toxic relations. Very careful with that. Right. Yes. So when you're in a top, here's a toxic relationship. Um, um,
00:38:34
Speaker
when it comes down to somebody saying, ah Oh, you know, you say, geez, can I talk to you for a second? Because what you, what you just said, kind of hit me. In a way, can we talk about that saying, because I'd like to explain, oh, come on, get over yourself. What the hell? I was just kidding. ah You're in a toxic relationship.
00:38:51
Speaker
Gaslight. Yeah. ah god What the hell? It's not that big of a deal. Get over yourself. Yeah. The invalidating responses. If somebody says to you, oh my gosh, yes, of course. Oh, listen, first of all, didn't mean it that way. I was just kidding. I was joking. Didn't know. Never do it again. Thanks for letting me know.
00:39:09
Speaker
you know, we're good. We're good. We're good. Great. That that's the, those are the kinds of people you need. Yeah. And that action has to back up those words because if they say that and then they do it again, then it's like, then you have to reevaluate. Exactly.
00:39:23
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. can't Who's your, who does your mission and message help? Is it just women or is it, there's a more broadly than that? Now, see, you saw the cover of my book when I first got it. You see the the the triangles. When I first got it back, was pink, yellow, and orange.
00:39:38
Speaker
It was pretty, and it would have jumped off. it We would really seen it jump off the shelves. But the one thing that I asked Gary to do is to call the publisher, which you're not supposed to do. And I said, can you do me a favor? Can you make the triangles three iterations of blue?
00:39:50
Speaker
Because if I would love for men to pick up this book, too. When I dropped the book in Italy three years ago and I would go, I was going around the country and, you know, I was in the room at half of the room were men. If I had a hundred people in the room, half of them were men. And it was great to see, um you know, ah right now, one of the greatest, the largest group of people that my generation says committing suicide, your generation says that are unaliving themselves are men, men.
00:40:22
Speaker
Veterans for sure, but men. And so, and kids, a lot of kids, right? So we've got a lot, of there's there's a lot of work to be done. It's on us to keep our, you know, our our ears to the ground and our nose to the grind when it comes to, if we see kids in pain. if we see a man and men men usually don't won't talk you know i'm a woman and i sit next to somebody on the plane from la to new york and i'm sitting next to another woman i'm going to know her entire life story we are going to know everything about one and men
Vulnerability in Men
00:40:53
Speaker
don't do that no yeah guys don't do that you know guys can say hey man are you pain
00:40:59
Speaker
Can I do anything for you? You want talk about it? Guys, don't do that. Not man. And so what i really you know keep trying to underline and impress upon guys is, you know you see somebody that's kind of not doing good, yeah get get get with them. Take them under arm.
00:41:14
Speaker
Say, dude, what's going on? Yes. Yes. want to take some time. Dude, what's going on? That is something. That is one of the biggest reasons I started this podcast was because in my personal life,
00:41:26
Speaker
I had created when I was vulnerable myself, and then that gave people permission to be vulnerable with me and there was safety there. And I was having many conversations with men that I was like, this is beautiful modeling for what manhood looks like and what how we get to a place of healing where we're we're not dying by suicide, where we're not holding on to trauma for the rest of our lives and taking it to the grave.
00:41:52
Speaker
And so that was a big mission for me was to help men recognize that vulnerability can be their strength. Can be a power. You know, it's also put on men that they are the leaders. They're leaders and they're leaders of the family, right? They are the ones that, and they and they are a lot of, you know, religions teach this as well. And and I think that men, they there was a time it there was a time where, there was a time in in generation generationally, and I'm going to go back like 60s and 70s, where your mother was from the old country, let's say, but like my mother, or the story I told you about my mom.
00:42:27
Speaker
And then there was the the the women's rights movement of the 60s. And now all of a sudden, women were completely different. Like they were talking different, dressing different, acting different, being different. The pill came out.
00:42:40
Speaker
It was free love. And everybody was make love, not war. And you're looking at your mother and then you're looking at this girl. And there was gap. and a gap That nobody prepared you for and you didn't, I think, for men, and I'm only speaking to men and they could tell me if I'm right or wrong, but nobody taught them how to juggle this.
00:42:58
Speaker
This is what was taught. Interesting. Interesting. This is what my mother and my father taught me. And this is what now this girl is telling me that women in society want. How can I, so where do I sew this like together? Like, I think guys have a really hard time with the transition.
00:43:16
Speaker
yeah and um And so we could be down that path, you know, all day. Yeah. I think that's that's really good insight because it does, it happens so quickly and there's,
00:43:27
Speaker
There's adjustments and and reflections that need to be had to to reconcile those two differences in um and in the mind. Right. i'm I'm curious. So you you knew viral before virality and social media and all of that.
Impact of Social Media
00:43:41
Speaker
You were you were all over the place. You were in magazines. you were all and so But today, you know with the phone in hand and you post a picture, it could go it could be seen by millions. Yeah.
00:43:53
Speaker
And that has warped the minds of so many people, right? they're Their people are basing their self-worth off of how many clicks or how many likes that they get.
00:44:05
Speaker
yeah What do you see in terms of of where our world is going with that new technology yeah and compared to the time that you grew up? Well, I think it's really important to be, you know, well, we yeah, exactly. like it You'd have to be really, really mindful about social media and what is real and what's not real.
00:44:23
Speaker
And there are a couple of things that I say. First of all, a couple of years ago, it was the attorney general at the time. His name was Anon ah mur Murthy was his last name. And, he you know, he came out and said, you know, we really have to be doing more about these filters because right? maybe Because these girls that are, you know, eight, nine, 10 years old, the only thing they want to be is sexy. Right.
00:44:46
Speaker
And so, um, and so with social media, then, you know, there was all the stuff that went on with Senate and they were all trying to change things around, but with social media, you have to understand what is real and what's not right.
00:44:58
Speaker
Um, I usually, I usually, uh, the explanations is, you know, you want to keep up with the Joneses. Right. And so there are two ways to approach that. Right. One is,
00:45:09
Speaker
the grass is always greener on the other side, right? But is it, is it really grass or is it after turf? And then the other thing about that grass is the grass is always greener where you water it.
00:45:24
Speaker
And so come back home, take care of your thing, take care of your own, take care of what is, be really mindful about what is fake and what is real. Dove Self-Esteem has Dove Soaps and yeah they have something called Dove Self-Esteem Project. And they've been doing this for years and they do amazing job.
00:45:42
Speaker
And what they did a couple of years ago was they come out with you know, so hashtag no filter or any value back on the filters because these filters, think the the one that was really called in a question was called the glamor, glamor filter. I think it was. Okay.
00:45:54
Speaker
And so the idea that, you know, you can be projecting yourself out into the world is one thing because you don't feel like you're good enough to be what you truly are. here You know, now I'm going to tell you that if I had come to this conversation,
00:46:06
Speaker
you know, a couple of hours ago without, you know, preparing myself, i was still in my BVDs. do you know what that is My BVDs? No. What is that?
00:46:18
Speaker
It used to be men's underwear. love my BVDs or something. It was like in the 70s and it was a commercial for men's underwear. I was still in my flannels and my T-shirt and I didn't have you know i didn't have all it on.
00:46:32
Speaker
I'm not going to show up that way, but i mean I put on just enough to still be me. Well, these filters are completely changing. um you know, these kids. And so not good. It's not good for their mental health. no It's not good for their self-esteem, you know? So it's lack of self-esteem wanting to be see something you're not portraying yourself as something you're not.
00:46:53
Speaker
um And then the other thing that's really horrible is happening on, you know, on social media is the bullying that these kids
Bullying and Self-Esteem
00:46:58
Speaker
are going through. And so, you know, there's a lot of unaliving going on because kids can't stand up to the pressure. Yeah.
00:47:05
Speaker
And, you know, the meanness, know, the mean girls and, you know, I guess the bullies have always existed. I mean, I don't think that's anything new under the sun. But, you know, the ones that are the meanest are the ones that have the least self-esteem.
00:47:17
Speaker
Yeah, it's true. So you know let's work on that. I think it's really important to drive that home. um You know, I was never a part of a clique. I was never a part of the group. was never a part of the cool girls. i was never a part of any of that.
00:47:29
Speaker
But there was a certain part of me. It was kind of happy I wasn't. You know, I was thrilled to be independent on my own and not You know, not hanging out with a group. book I had to be on my own. I couldn't be around. I couldn't be around it. It was just too much for me. i think they'd go back to my ADHD potentially, but it just kind of worked for me. Yeah, I was friendly with them and I said hello and all the things, but I wasn't at the parties every weekend. I didn't drink. I wasn't, I was never the girl that did back in high school, you know, so I wasn't popular in that sense, but that's okay.
00:47:59
Speaker
I caught up with it. Yeah. Is there, are ah do you have any tips for parents or adults that are around children? Maybe it's teachers, maybe it's somebody else in your life who who are seeing the impact of that on their kid, on that, on that of their loved one.
00:48:16
Speaker
yeah um from a self and self uh esteem perspective and how to combat some of that and are there boundaries to set are there tips or best practices i think i it starts at home i think it starts at the kitchen table i think it starts with the time that you spend you know because i think parents look i'm not a parent so i'm not talking up or down or around i'm just coming up with what i think i would do if i were a parent And that is, you know, you get home from school, you get home from work, everybody's in the kitchen. You lay the table, I'll chop the celery, you, you know, get out the milk, you get out what, you know, like, and we all do this a little bit, you know, think you know ah get together, just be together as a fan.
00:48:53
Speaker
Because basically by the time you you start to cook the dinner, or the time you've done eating it, it's an hour of your day. And then everybody goes back to where they were. But at least you've connected, you've, you know, you talked about what's going on, you know, and you can start, you know I know kids are really difficult, especially when
Family and Technology Boundaries
00:49:06
Speaker
they're teenagers. How was your day? Good.
00:49:08
Speaker
How was school? Good. yeah You know, and it's really hard to get information out of these kids. But I think that um that has to be everybody yeah that all the devices are put up. Nobody can have a device for that amount of time.
00:49:21
Speaker
And I think that as even as as you you know, the younger kids, as you're introducing these devices to them, you introduce it for a certain amount of hours a day and then, you know. And you make it, you make it them understand that this is not your device. This is my device.
00:49:35
Speaker
I bought it. I pay for it. You get the privilege of using it. If you're not, you know, he's not coming home with the right schoolwork. If you're acting up, but you know, all the, so to use a little bit of as, as a leverage point, much as that I, maybe my parents would have done with my allowance or something, you know, So I think that's just kind of a way to say, you know, and I know these kids now they use the, you know, the iPads in school and all that for their homework, but that's kind of where it needs to end.
00:50:02
Speaker
And I think they just need to be, I just think they need to be, you know, it needs to be understood that they're loved and they're cared for and somebody's, you know, disciplining them because I think discipline is one of the, one of those things that we have, you know I think what was it that I had come up with once you can either, um, do a little less coddling and more cuddling. Hmm.
00:50:22
Speaker
So in other words, stop coddling these kids, you know, I mean, that's yeah which means to be treating them in an in a an indulgent or an overproductive um overprotective way when you're coddling.
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah. Let's do more cuddling. Yeah. Right. yeah When you're yeah when you're coddling these kids, you're making OK. You're making it. Life is not easy. You cannot teach them easy. Right.
00:50:46
Speaker
ah From day one, because it's not that way. And so there's going to be this like major shock once they walk out of the door at 18. here So you got to, there's got to be more, I think more preparatory work from home and definitely more discipline.
00:51:00
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. And I love what you said earlier about recognizing what's real and what's not real. yeah um but My sister was in high school at the time and she was showing me like she's like one of my one another student at school. She has these tens of thousands of followers. He's a high schooler.
00:51:19
Speaker
But I look at her page and her body is all over the Internet as a high schooler. And I know these people don't know that she's. And like you said, filters are slapped on there and all of this. And so.
00:51:31
Speaker
to reorient that young brain who really at a developmental stage can't really decipher what's real, what's not real, reiterating and reinforcing what is real, what's not, and what is, what's truly expected.
00:51:45
Speaker
Because some people think yeah they, they post this and it's supposed to go viral. They sit there, they watch their phone, they get three likes and they want to kill themselves. And And it's like, that's not a real expectation either. It's like the the amount of work, the amount of psychology, the amount of all the tips and tricks that go into an algorithm.
00:52:05
Speaker
it's you You have little control over a lot of those things. Yeah, that means you're basically putting your life in somebody else's hands, number one. Yeah. And number two, you're using your body as leverage. And I think that that's one of the things that young ladies really like.
00:52:17
Speaker
Ladies, which is something, you know, we have is another word that's kind of gone by the wayside. But, you know, ladies don't act that way. And the guys are, you're going to get all the attention from the guys, but they're not going to take you home to their mother.
00:52:29
Speaker
You know, you're not the girl they're to marry. And so it's a lack of self-esteem. I go back to that all the time. It's lack of self-esteem. Yeah. I love it. girl that doesn't I was the girl that didn't in high school. And I'm telling you, I had people, you know, make fun of me.
00:52:44
Speaker
I was like, It wasn't a thing. I wasn't ready. It wasn't, you know, it it'll happen in my own time. Yeah. And my own time is divine timing. It's it's OK.
00:52:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. yeah I'm curious. Have you had any experiences with readers of your book who come up to you and are just like, thank you. Yeah. Uh, it actually happened in, uh, one of the, uh, one of the book signings that I was doing and I get a couple of email every once in a while. I come in and say, wow, it's really great. Thank you. So I've gotten great reviews on Amazon, which was really amazing too. It's really cool to be, you know, to be putting out a book like this. And again, is, um, it's really kind of like my life's work because again, I'm not a psychologist. i'm not a psychiatrist. I am not, ah you know, uh,
00:53:30
Speaker
a college educated woman. um I've done a lot of things and I've garnered an awful lot of, you know, in the way of life experience and it's put into this book. And, and that's, ah that's, and yeah, it's an amazing thing when somebody says, Hey, this really great. Thank you. You know, yeah I love it. You know, it's just great.
00:53:47
Speaker
It's really great. it's my baby. Yeah. I love that. I love that. we could talk for days, but before we close out, I have a segment. It's just fill in the blank. Okay. So you let me know the first thing that you think of.
00:54:00
Speaker
Okay. Vulnerability makes me feel blank.
00:54:06
Speaker
Uncertain. Ooh. Makes me feel uncertain. ah Again, and then it goes back to great stop, pause. What's really going on? That's what, you know you when you start to do this work, I told you before.
00:54:21
Speaker
You start to understand the patterns. It's not just happenstance. It's not just like, ah, hold up, take a deep breath, pull it, it reel it in. what's What's really going on?
00:54:31
Speaker
What are you really feeling? Okay. And how much leeway are you going to give yourself? You know, if you need a little bit of downtime, that's okay. You can take this much downtime, but we're not going to take a whole, you know,
00:54:45
Speaker
give yourself a little bit of leeway, but get back up on the horse, you know? Um, and that's another one of the things that, um, that, you know, can be really, uh, kind of a scary moment is when you start to like, let it go, let it go. let and give yourself the time you need and then get back up on the horse.
00:55:04
Speaker
You know, a lot of this is just, again, doing the work, going back and doing the work if you need it. Cause my book is a kind of book you can read now, six months from now, a year from now, 10 years from now.
00:55:15
Speaker
And it's all going to be, it's all going to be different, right? Because what you may read, you know, the book right now and not capture the essence of something, right? But six times you read it again, say, Hey, don't remember that being in that book six months ago. Wait a minute.
00:55:28
Speaker
I didn't see that. You weren't ready for the message yet. yeah You weren't ready for it. And so vulnerability is one of those kinds of things that gives you, it's that moment of, it's happening because you need a moment of pause and give yourself the time you need, the self-care that you need, take the bath, get your nails done, whatever it is you got to do, um go play basketball, whatever that is.
00:55:50
Speaker
But then come back to reality and say, okay, now I get it. It's scary, but I know, I think I know where I need to go now. yeah And then, and then implement. Definitely. Definitely. I love that.
00:56:01
Speaker
My biggest strength is blank. ah My biggest strength is vulnerability. No. biggest strength um is i'm very, um ah is I think is my caregiving self.
00:56:16
Speaker
My biggest strength is my caregiving self. My biggest strength is is not wanting to see anyone else in difficulty and not wanting to see anyone else in pain. but My biggest strength is wanting, no matter if I will see somebody in a,
00:56:30
Speaker
telling a woman in the supermarket well how lovely the top is that she has. Oh, I love that top. You know, I'll never see her again. But I, you know, it was again, that win-win moment made me feel good to say it. It made her feel good.
00:56:40
Speaker
Oh, thank you. You know, I got it to Kohl's, you know, I'll never see her again, you know, but yeah, You know, just doing nice things and saying nice things. i'm like this all the time. I'm no damn saint. But, ah you know, just trying to be a better person more than I am today. And how am I going to do that?
00:56:57
Speaker
You know, how can you do that every day? Sometimes it's just something as simple as doing that. A nice compliment left with someone, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. If I could tell a woman dealing with self-image issues or self-esteem issues, it would be blank.
00:57:14
Speaker
It would be, uh, you're not who who they tell you, you are, ah the you know, it would be, you're not who the media tells you, you are. It's not who self it is a social media, what pretends that you are.
00:57:26
Speaker
it is the, it is your, the essence of who you truly are and go live that. Don't be afraid. Big word. of afraid Don't be afraid. Don't be ashamed.
00:57:38
Speaker
be courageous and live it loud, live it, live it loud, you know, just go be you ah because you know what the divine. And again, I use the word divine because some people say God, some people say, Krishna, some people say Buddha, some people, you know, the source, whatever it is,
00:57:55
Speaker
they are so much bigger, better, bolder, and brighter, right? Than we are. Whoever that it divine is, you know, exactly what they were doing when they made you. It's not up to you to to be questioned. All that is like, you know, you were put here for a reason. There are billions of people on this planet. You're the only one that gets to be you. You lucky dog.
00:58:13
Speaker
Yeah. What are you talking about? Like are you talking about? Just be you. Everybody else is saying, because what everybody else is saying is you've heard before, Reggie, it's none of your damn business. Yes. Yes. Ah,
00:58:25
Speaker
Yes. So good. So good. ah got two more. i need help with blank. um I need help with um procrastination.
00:58:40
Speaker
i need help with um sometimes I need help with. Yeah, I'm going to with procrastination um because I'm at a stage in my life now where I really should kind of be thinking about retiring and I'm not.
00:58:53
Speaker
But things have you know evolved and changed. And so as you move on, I mean, I've been many different things in my lifetime, as you have said before. like I started out as a waitress and I was a secretary. I told you about New York and then I was a model, then I was an actress, then I was a producer, then I was a director, they all the things that I wanted to be.
00:59:10
Speaker
And now I really want to start events for women and and men too, but events or retreats so that we can come in, that we can go through the book and we can do the look good, feel good, be good and greater a good theory yeah in a five day period of time.
00:59:26
Speaker
ah It's going to be really intensive, but it's going to give you a whole, whole new way of taking a look at yourself and taking a look at how you're going to front life. Once you walk out those doors.
00:59:38
Speaker
Yeah, the world needs that. And so, yeah, I really does. I think you're really right. You know, we've got a lot of of women's ah events that are bitch in heels and bitch on wheels and corporate bitch.
00:59:50
Speaker
OK, all right. Hold up. Hold up. once they Hold on. All right. You know, and then we've got there we go on the other side. We've got. Woo woo and Zen and crystals. And love them all.
01:00:03
Speaker
Don't get me wrong. I love both of them. Yeah. I want to do something in the middle. I want to merge the two. Okay. Have it be a bitch with crystals. We're not here to play. We're not here to play, right? We're going to get stuff done. Yes.
01:00:18
Speaker
But we're going to do it with lots of love. Yes. And crystals. Yes. I love that. And essential oils and diffusers and, you know, all like the way I see my event, right? Yes. Oh, that's so good.
01:00:32
Speaker
And give these women not only, and you know, the community of other women, like-minded women, which is phenomenal. Because I love to connect people. And that's of my greatest strengths. Let's go back. guys Yeah. Yeah.
01:00:43
Speaker
yeah But um just to be able to, you know, women, especially at this age, um you know, let's say empty nesters, but baby boomers, um separated, divorced.
01:00:54
Speaker
What's next? yeah Do I work? Are they not working? ah You know, your body's changing. Your you know wrinkles are showing all the things, right? And just giving them the power of the strength to know that you're in your, I mean, I'm 60 years, 66 in two weeks.
01:01:08
Speaker
I really feel like I'm still in my prime. I didn't start in the limelight until I was 60. You know, my, my media business. Yeah. So I didn't, the book didn't come out until I was 61, 62.
01:01:19
Speaker
sixty one sixty two Wow. Yes. That's inspiring. Come on, damn it. So inspiring. I mean, Reggie. What? I'm not ready put out to pasture. I don't like eating grass.
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah. yeah oh Oh, man. I got one more. When I need inspiration, I turn to blank. I turn I i turned to YouTube.
01:01:45
Speaker
I turn to motivational and and inspirational videos. um I will listen to Dr. Lipton. I will listen to Joe Dispenza.
01:01:56
Speaker
um I will listen sometimes Mel Robbins, um you know, Brene Brown. um I will go, I will go to the go-tos that are the, you know, the OGs of personal development.
01:02:08
Speaker
yeah which is you know Yeah.
Sources of Inspiration
01:02:10
Speaker
I will go to the OGs of personal development. I've got a hundred books. If I show you my couch, I got a hundred books on that couch yeah and they're all about, you know, they're all about that shadow work, ah you know, love of affirmation, like all the things I'm constantly filling my brain with positivity.
01:02:28
Speaker
Right. And that doesn't mean i don't have down days. It doesn't mean, it doesn't mean I don't have, you know, depressed moments, you know, because we're human and things happen. As I said before, that like the light trigger triggering events. But I i make i'm very mindful about the and you'll get them in my book as well. i mean, this thing is like so check.
01:02:46
Speaker
It's so damn full of stuff. This book. I mean, it's crazy. Did you read the acknowledgments? No, I'm going to read this real quick and then we'll go. I'd like to acknowledge the millions of people over the world who have been abandoned, abused, beaten, hit, struck, oppressed, depressed, distressed, held back, lied to, cheated on, lost, betrayed, deceived, misled, double-crossed, walked out on, stabbed in the back, sold down the river, stolen from, deserted, discarded, shunned, cast out, dropped, dumped, forgotten, neglected, rejected, and or dejected.
01:03:21
Speaker
You're the sole reason I've written this book. So if that's not everybody on the planet, I don't know who is. Right? Wow. And so when you say to me, who's this book written for? Well, you tell me.
01:03:33
Speaker
i can speak to a 14-year-old girl about self-esteem. I can talk to an 82-year-old man about self-esteem. I can speak to a woman who's just had a mastectomy about self-esteem.
01:03:44
Speaker
I can speak to a world to ah a war veteran about self-esteem. And they will be all different conversations. Right? But at the core, it's all about the love of self.
01:03:58
Speaker
so And where do we start? We start with happy, healthy self-esteem because sometimes in life it's not given to us. It's not passed on to us. It is not taught to us.
01:04:08
Speaker
We don't even know what the hell it is sometimes. So that's so good. yeah And they can turn to your book. They can turn to your lessons and learnings and teachings and all of that. Like you've,
01:04:19
Speaker
You've done, you've put a great gift out here into the world and you are a great gift to the world. and i am, I'm so thankful for this opportunity to connect with you. How can other people connect with you? How can they buy your book? How can they learn more about the work that you
Book Availability and Final Thoughts
01:04:34
Speaker
do?
01:04:34
Speaker
Well, the book is on, it's on Amazon. um Definitely. We've got Kindle Audible and the book is on Amazon. The book is in the, you know, Barnes and Noble stores. So the self-esteem regime, really easy to remember.
01:04:45
Speaker
um Again, regime being an organized way of doing things. And this is great now this is a really good manual. It's a great place to start. going to read about self-esteem. You're going to do self-esteem. I love that. That's awesome. Well, thank you, Clarissa. This has been absolutely fantastic with all the things that you could be doing and all the places you could be. Oh, I love this. you I appreciate you being here with me embracing. I love talking. You just bring me back. Thank you.
01:05:11
Speaker
ah Thank you. Bye. Thank you.
Closing Remarks
01:05:13
Speaker
Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review.
01:05:22
Speaker
Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability. Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from.
01:05:37
Speaker
And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at Vulnerability Muscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms. Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support.
01:05:51
Speaker
And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.