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054 - Procrastination Unmasked: How to Overcome Avoidance & Reclaim Your Time with Chris Abdey
13 Plays1 month ago
Why do we procrastinate, and how can we break free from its grip? In this episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with procrastination coach Chris Abdey, founder of The Procrastination Station, to uncover the hidden reasons behind procrastination. Chris shares his personal journey from achieving ‘success’ by societal standards to hitting rock bottom, leading him to a deep exploration of why we delay, avoid, and escape the things that matter most.
Together, Reggie and Chris dive into:
- The five procrastination archetypes—which one are you?
- How procrastination is often rooted in fear, perfectionism, or escapism.
- The surprising connection between addiction and procrastination.
- Why procrastination doesn’t mean you’re lazy—but rather that your brain is trying to protect you.
- How to shift from a to-do list to a to-be list and prioritize based on your values.
- Real-life strategies to overcome chronic procrastination and take back control of your time.
Chris also shares a powerful personal story about how last-minute improvisation led to an unexpected academic success—and how this experience reinforced a pattern of high-stakes procrastination. Whether you struggle with work deadlines, personal projects, or just showing up on time, this episode will give you practical insights and a fresh perspective on why you procrastinate and how to break the cycle.
Tune in and discover how you can transform procrastination into purposeful action—without the shame or self-judgment.
Contact Info:
https://procrastinationstation.ca/
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Transcript
Introduction to Vulnerability Muscle Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
The biggest awareness comes from, unfortunately, our biggest pains. And that's not our fault. You know, we're we're kind of hardwired that way. When we were, you know, running through the woods naked and afraid 10,000 years ago,
00:00:14
Speaker
You know, we we often focused on the first thing that popped into our view because new could be dangerous. But we also really focused on things that hurt us because things that hurt us, you know, would eventually at that time likely kill us.
00:00:30
Speaker
So our brain is kind of kind of hardwired at at its core to really latch onto and hang on to those painful things because that's how we survive.
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
00:00:59
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections.
Meet Chris Abdi: Procrastination Coach
00:01:04
Speaker
healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:01:14
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to this episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. And today I have Chris Abdi. Chris Abdi is a procrastination coach with over 20 years of experience across various industries.
00:01:32
Speaker
ah He has a platform called the Procrastination Station, and you can find him on his personal website where he offers coaching services and resources to help individuals overcome procrastination.
00:01:44
Speaker
And I got to say that this is I'm excited about this because I've had bouts in my life where there has been extreme procrastination. Other times where I've had, you know, motivation and drive to push through things. But i think consistently over my life, I've been late to things.
00:02:04
Speaker
And i'm I'm curious what that looks like, because I can have an intention of leaving early, arriving early. But somehow there's this this last minute thing that I have to do that then takes 20 times the time that it I thought it was going to take.
00:02:21
Speaker
And now I'm like, and I don't know if that's related, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that. But welcome, Chris.
Understanding Vulnerability and Strength
00:02:28
Speaker
Thank you for having me on the show. reg Yes, yes. How is your heart today?
00:02:36
Speaker
You know, my heart is is full of possibilities, full of joy, full of happiness. I love that. That's good. And and you're coming you're calling in from where you at, Chris?
00:02:50
Speaker
and St. Catharines, Ontario. Ontario. So we got Canada in the house. I love to hear where the listeners are from. So if you are from Canada, if you're from the States, if you're from across the pond, let us know where you're from.
00:03:04
Speaker
um Send us a message. send us ah ah Write a comment on YouTube or whatever. But first, I want to jump into a segment called What Comes to Mind? So the first thing that you can think of, and it can be a word, it can be a sentence, it can be whatever you want, but what comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:03:25
Speaker
You know, that is such an interesting word. And, um, I know that that the first thing that comes to mind and i really don't like the first thing comes to mind, but it is the first thing that
Choosing Reactions: Stress, Depression, and Gratitude
00:03:38
Speaker
popped into mind and it was weakness.
00:03:40
Speaker
And that is not the case, but that's just the conditioning that we've had, you know, since, you know, forever. Definitely. That's that. that I definitely agree with that.
00:03:53
Speaker
What do you do to center yourself when you're feeling stressed or depressed? Well, when I am feeling stressed or depressed, I mean, the one thing that we have to understand is that, you know,
00:04:06
Speaker
Both are really only reactions that we choose to have. um I know that nobody likes hearing that. And know I know I certainly didn't because I mean, you know, the argument is, why would I choose to feel, you know, constricted? Why would I choose to feel depressed? Why would I choose
Success, Rock Bottom, and Awareness
00:04:26
Speaker
this?
00:04:27
Speaker
And the thing is, is that we actually get addicted to those, those we get used to them, but it is a choice. And so what I do, because I mean, it it happens to me too. When I start to feel like I'm getting depressed, that just means that I'm living in a moment in the past that's already happened.
00:04:45
Speaker
And that, you know, I either want to fix or i either want to bring back. And neither of those is possible. So when I start to feel kind of like nostalgic or melancholic or things like that, I just like to bring myself back to the moment.
00:05:00
Speaker
I like to have gratitude, you know, whether it's, you know, for my cup of coffee I'm drinking or the fact that I'm six feet above the ground, you know, I woke up another day, you know, I get to experience this, you know, all of it, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, um,
00:05:17
Speaker
You know, it's all the experience. If I start to feel stressed, the immediate question that comes to my mind is, okay, what am I resisting? Or, you know, what am I not accepting or trying to control that is not in my control?
00:05:31
Speaker
Because that's essentially what stress is, is we're trying to control something. We're trying to will something to not be the way that it is. And it's, it causes our own suffering.
00:05:44
Speaker
But 98% of that comes ah Hmm. That's, that's good. I hear a huge sense of awareness around when those moments come up for you, either living in the past or trying to control something like you have the awareness that that is what's causing that feeling. And then you act on that.
00:06:02
Speaker
And so that's really good. I think, thank, what helped you with that awareness? Did you, did you always have that? Did you meditate? What did what did you do? um i hit the pinnacle of success and then I hit rock bottom.
00:06:17
Speaker
And, um, that is, You know, a wake up call that I think, you know, we don't necessarily have to have it. But, you know, sometimes in our journeys, we need to have those moments in order to have the awareness because we we don't know what we don't know.
00:06:34
Speaker
So, I mean, I'd love to say that I woke up one day and everything was fine. I was doing great, successful. And then I said, hmm, let me think about that. That's that's not usually the way it works. um How was it it was said it this morning? I was watching rewatching American Gods.
00:06:49
Speaker
And, you know, it's a very profound show, actually, for for being entertainment. um And the quote that stuck out to me today was, as they were leaving offerings to fairies or to leprechauns, as as they were offerings for the harvest, right?
00:07:04
Speaker
They say, as the the blessings increase, the offerings and the thanks that you give or the prayers that you give lessen. And that definitely was the case for me is that, you know, I had all this, you know, success and and so really wasn't aware of anything other than the materialistic comforts that came with it, really.
00:07:27
Speaker
What did that
Career Success vs. Personal Fulfillment
00:07:28
Speaker
success look like for you? How did you define that? ah Well, this is this is where it, um again, I made the mistake.
00:07:41
Speaker
of basing my success on what society told me success looked like. um I was doing it for all the right reasons, the quote unquote right reasons, but I lost myself in the process. So what did that look like to me? you know Getting that promotion, you know helping others, you know being commended for doing amazing things, you know getting the pat on the back, that big ego boost when you know I saved the the company from you know, getting slapped with hundreds of thousands dollars of fines or, we you know, whatever the case may be.
00:08:16
Speaker
um But, you know, so I was slamming through all my goals. I was, you know, paying all my bills. I was, you know, achieving all that material stuff. But um it just didn't feel that way.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah, I have a similar story where and I and I actually did most of my TEDx on this topic of um achieving all the things that society says is success and feeling miserable inside and have my own breakdown.
00:08:50
Speaker
And it was at a period in time where if you had looked at the external or what was on social media or a resume, like you would be like, this is amazing. Right. I had i had worked for Deloitte, one of the largest companies in the world, um overseeing an account that was over 15 billion dollars. I was then I started a
Human Brain, Pain Focus, and Emotional Impact
00:09:12
Speaker
wealth management company.
00:09:13
Speaker
Um, and I'm, I'm literally managing millions of dollars of some of the world's wealthiest people and getting featured and Forbes and all of this other stuff. And, and yet I felt a similar way. And so you realize you get to a point where you realize that that is not what life is about.
00:09:33
Speaker
And I think that brings a great level of awareness. And I'm, I'm, I'm happy to hear that you've had the awareness and I'm sorry that you had to go through that experience to, to get there.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah. No, I appreciate that. I think that the biggest awareness comes from, unfortunately, because of the way we're wired, Reggie, um the biggest awareness comes from, unfortunately, our biggest pains.
00:10:01
Speaker
And that's not our fault. You know, we're we're kind of hardwired that way. When we were, you know, running through the woods naked and afraid 10,000 years ago, You know, we ah we often focused on the first thing that popped in our view because new could be dangerous.
00:10:17
Speaker
But we also really focused on um things that hurt us because things that hurt us, you know, would eventually at that time likely kill us. So our brain is kind of kind of hardwired at at its core to really latch on to and hang on to those painful things because that's how we survive.
00:10:38
Speaker
Yeah, that's where our negativity bias comes from. It's like, hey, be ready when that bush starts rattling that a tiger is going to jump out and eat you. And we apply that to so many other things in life, even when there's not an immediate threat to our lives.
00:10:52
Speaker
The emotional terrors that we feel, the pain that we feel, it is it is grouped in that same category in our brains lot of times. And so. It's yeah, our brains, our brains need to catch up with where we are today emotionally. And I don't think that ah we we've gotten there, but um that's just part of our evolution as humans.
Chris's Journey: From Burnout to Coaching
00:11:12
Speaker
I got another question. What is your favorite childhood memory?
00:11:18
Speaker
Hmm.
00:11:21
Speaker
That's a tough one. You know, that yeah I appreciate the question. That is a ah that's a tough one. What is my favorite childhood memory? It can be one of them. Something that pops into mind.
00:11:34
Speaker
Something that pops into mind, my favorite childhood memories, are they always revolve around um a sense of belonging or a sense of pride. um I think one of my happiest childhood memories, um I don't know why, but you know i always looked up to a my older brother for some reason. I i never really know him because he's my half-brother.
00:11:55
Speaker
But one of those memories was when he came out to the the farm that we lived on one day and my dad and him very, it it was almost like it like in a cartoon, we had this bees nest in a barrel, right?
00:12:08
Speaker
And there was no neighbors around. So, you know, nearest neighbor was like a kilometer away. So, you know, everything is done in a safe manner just to set the stage. Um, so they felt that it would be a good idea uh, just dump a bunch of gasoline into the barrel and then, uh, you know, uh, toss him, toss, you know, toss a matching.
00:12:29
Speaker
Now for anybody who's not, uh, up to date on, you know, fuel air dynamics, uh, what happens when you put gasoline in closed space and, um, you know, the fumes get there and you toss the, the,
00:12:41
Speaker
you know, an ignition source in is that it, you know, it explodes. Um, but it exploded in this really magnificent way. It didn't like go out and cause shrapnel or anything. It, because the barrel was open on the one end, it caused the thrust out. And then the barrel just went flying like literally 50 to a hundred feet in the air.
00:12:58
Speaker
Wow. I, you know, I don't know why that, that memory really sticks with me. It was, uh, fun to, uh, fun to watch. There's a metaphor in there somewhere, Chris.
00:13:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:12
Speaker
um Oh, that's good. I'm glad that you were able to to bring that up. um I hope that that brings you some joy as you think about that. um I'm curious, ah your your story, your personal story and and becoming a procrastination coach, how did you get there?
00:13:30
Speaker
Well, again, I really got here by hitting bottom. Yeah. um So I was working for all the right reasons. I was always helping people.
00:13:42
Speaker
i was always i was always coaching people through you know emotional emotional things, burnout, stress, productivity. I was in charge of creating systems.
00:13:56
Speaker
And I was doing all of that. and I was working all those hours working 80 hours a week to, um, you know, provide for my family and and with the ultimate goal that I was going to bring them back to Canada because we were in Central America the time. Okay.
00:14:10
Speaker
And, um, so, you know, I did all that. Um, became a high-functioning alcoholic because, as I mentioned, I'd just get promotion after promotion, you know bonuses, whatever, sock it away to working towards that goal.
00:14:31
Speaker
But then when I came back to Canada, i had a very, very harsh reality that didn't really hit me until there was a project that' was going to work on that was, again, going to take 80 hours a week or more probably to start it up.
00:14:43
Speaker
And it fell through, which was, you know, not good because um i put a lot of my savings into it um and just didn't go anywhere. So as I was sitting there trying to figure out what I'm going to do next, you know, somebody really told me um I decided that I needed something that would allow me to reconnect with my family, too, to have time and flexibility. Right. Because, you know, I had a daughter.
00:15:12
Speaker
I didn't know. had a wife that was estranged and well, you know, you know where that goes a lot of the times. Um, no, I, I pretend I don't know.
00:15:24
Speaker
Friend, you don't know. Well, there
The Role of Procrastination in Success
00:15:25
Speaker
was, uh, there was infidelity there and, and, you know, it's because i wasn't you know home, but at the same time, over the time I was working, I developed this resentment too, because, you know, so it was, you know, there's things on both sides all the time. Right.
00:15:41
Speaker
And so anyway, somebody told me, well, don't you go get, you know, coaching certifications, just do that. And I was like, well, know, okay, why not? But the reason I focused on a procrastination, actually, this is a better story. It's a, it's a fun story you know is that, um, I was a master procrastinator and, um, what happened was, is,
00:16:03
Speaker
In the last two years of high school, I was in the program called the International Baccalaureate. And so the last two years of high school were kind of molded into one and sort of transferable to credits to, you know, university or college later.
00:16:16
Speaker
Anyway, what what happened was I put off my art projects. We had to do 12 art projects in two years. Well thought out, well planned, well executed, have the books, documentation.
00:16:27
Speaker
I didn't do any of that until the day before they were due. And it gets worse because it was a mock art exam so i'm sorry mock art exhibition that was public.
00:16:40
Speaker
It was open to the public. We made the newspaper. We're in the Tico Times. You can still go look it up. They still have their archives. so And, um, actually my saving grace was that the proctor who was ah performing the exam didn't know who I was.
00:16:56
Speaker
Neither did my art teacher because I never went to class. So just to give a little background of what this guy was looking at, I went into my garage, you know, I had some caution tape, I had spray paint, I had styrofoam, I had canvas, I had markers, I had, uh,
00:17:11
Speaker
They weren't like color marks. or permanent markers, Sharpies. um And I even used toilet paper. I mean, I just used everything I could find. Whatever was around the house. Whatever was around, just tossed together.
00:17:24
Speaker
So he's looking at these things, these poorly painted bottles. Like i spray painted the bottles. I stuck them up and mocked things. It just pulled ideas out of my head. And so he comes in. And he just starts and he's like, wow, he's like, you know, i really like this. You know, I like how you used unconventional materials, but you didn't go too far off the rails.
00:17:45
Speaker
And I'm just sitting here thinking, dude, if all I had was duct tape, that's what you'd be looking at. ah And so and so he says, um you know, he goes on to explain. I'm just naing there di I'm just keeping my mouth shut, seeing where this is going.
00:17:57
Speaker
And so he says, you know, this is very reminiscent of pathetic art. And I, and you know, like, hang on a second, pathetic art, pathetic art. I can maybe do something with this.
00:18:08
Speaker
And so I said, yes, you know, you're absolutely right. Um, You know, in our society, we are constantly striving for perfection. So does that not make perfection the new mediocrity?
00:18:21
Speaker
And just like that, I had earned myself the same grade as, you know, this this this other classmate of mine who busted his hump for two years, had extra art classes, support from the teacher, support from two very famous stained glass artists.
00:18:39
Speaker
um had way more talent and and potential than I did per her labels at the time, right? And so I guess that that really kind of led me out of high school a little bit of a God complex. Yeah. Oh, wow. I can just throw whatever crap I want together and it just work out.
Addiction and Procrastination: Escapism
00:18:56
Speaker
And it'll work. Yeah. Oh, man. No, that is a great story. And I can definitely see how that that would lead to living in procrastination when you show up and and are able to accomplish something so amazing.
00:19:08
Speaker
That is you think fast on your feet. That's ah that's a quick reframe around that. That's really cool. Yeah. that so So you i mean you brought up a lot of you know the but career that you were in and then being a functional alcoholic. like That is something that um you I've seen with with friends and just like the ability to um perform and perform at high levels while being intoxicated a lot of times.
00:19:39
Speaker
what did what Where did that come from? Did you did that that slowly progress or was that something that just just you know one day you looked up and how did that how did that come about?
00:19:51
Speaker
So this is ah this is a case of kind of the dangers of peer pressure, alcohol and things like that. I do a lot of work with addictions. but So how that really came about.
00:20:05
Speaker
the real root of it came from my, my high school graduation party. Um, I was not, um, a very popular person. Um, I was never really, you know, in with the cool kids. I was never in with the sports people. I was never in with the nerds.
00:20:23
Speaker
I was kind of this, this middle Omega, right. Um, never really had many friends
Debunking Procrastination Myths
00:20:30
Speaker
or things. And my downfall was when I was at that party and i had had a few drinks.
00:20:39
Speaker
I would have been, yeah, I would have been 18 at the time and I'd had a few drinks. And so I had a buzz on first, first time I'd really had a buzz by the way.
00:20:50
Speaker
And and I remember him now. I won't name names because, you know, I don't know if he'd want that. But he comes over me, the the one of the cool kids. And he's like, like yo, Abdi, you know what?
00:21:04
Speaker
You're a lot cooler when you're drunk. And I'm like, and this little light bulb went off in my head. This this nasty, nasty little light bulb went off in my head. I'm cooler when I'm drunk.
00:21:15
Speaker
So now i immediately, being the scientific, logical person I am and dumbass at the same time, I went out after that barbecue that my friend, um that same friend that I just bested at the art school, by the way, he said he was heading back home and we would go get to the bus together. And like, no, man, it's OK. You go on ahead. going to hang around.
00:21:38
Speaker
And so I took that knowledge and I frequently went out to these bars and I tested that. Oh, did I test that? Um, you know, alcohol allowed me to loosen up and it made me seem like I was cooler and everybody around me liked me. They were laughing, having a good time.
00:21:55
Speaker
So I was out, you know, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, open bar, which is a horrible invention. Yeah. and And that's really where I kind of learned to drink. So, fast forward, I used to do that. Um, my first job was at a call center called data sentient where I guess AI is doing the job now.
00:22:14
Speaker
And we would call people and I'm dating myself. I was on the the American Idol. Hey, what do you think about, you know, American Idol? Or what do you think about Web TV? Remember Web TV?
00:22:25
Speaker
I have no idea what that is. And so we'd go down. There was a bar in the bottom of the mall and we'd go down there and have liquid lunches frequently, you know, four shots or five shots or whatever. Go back on the phone, loosen the tongue. Right.
00:22:41
Speaker
And then that sort of slowed down. um So that that really got it in there where I was solidified as you know having alcohol to have like a good time. you know Fast forward to when I'm working, um after my daughter is born, when I started working these eight-hour weeks, um one of the times I was working was at night, and I had to do these reports. These reports were super boring, and there was nobody to talk to, like nobody.
00:23:11
Speaker
And so I just said, you know what? Fifth of vodka, get me through this, right? About an hour, takes you about an hour to process an ounce of alcohol. So you about 12 ounces. yeah should be able to Yeah, I'll be good and get up the next morning.
00:23:22
Speaker
yeah And that's that's really where that that habit really started to to form, sort of the clock out to get things done. Wow, wow. and And you mentioned, you know, some of your happiest childhood memories being surrounded by belonging, the sense of belonging.
00:23:37
Speaker
And to then see that and and see that when you were drunk, that that brought that sense of belonging to you and and people in and and the the insight excitement of it all.
00:23:50
Speaker
I'm curious in your studies and what you what you know about procrastination, is there a link between maybe addiction and procrastination or that something you've uncovered?
Types of Procrastinators
00:24:00
Speaker
Oh, but there there definitely can be.
00:24:02
Speaker
um addiction Addiction and procrastination kind of go handin hand in hand because a big part of procrastination is escapism or avoidance of some kind, right?
00:24:14
Speaker
um So what it comes down to is really procrastination. Again, I just want to take a moment here and say, you know, you're not broken. You're not lazy. You don't need fixing. It's just programming and in terms of how you were surviving.
00:24:29
Speaker
Because procrastination, just like anxiety or you know fear in itself, is designed to be a defense mechanism. So at one point it did serve. and um so But much like anxiety, you know if you get have a gun held to your head or you're taking a math test, the brain kind of treats it the same way.
00:24:51
Speaker
So it's the for being something really smart, it can sometimes act in ways that don't seem that way. So procrastination is really just your brain helping you stay out of date out of danger.
00:25:06
Speaker
But in this case, danger is discomfort. yeah But it doesn't know how to modulate. So it doesn't know the difference between discomfort of, you know, having to stand in line for two hours or discomfort of, you know, getting a needle in your eye or whatever. Mm-hmm.
00:25:23
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. Escapism. that and That is, as I'm thinking about my own procrastination, I'm thinking like, what what are the feelings, right? Because it's not necessarily threat to life or threat to you know my physical or anything like that. It's something emotional that is there. And I think as i I've gotten older, I've realized that have a level of social anxiety.
00:25:47
Speaker
And so that is a part of me showing up late to things because you know especially when there's alcohol involved, people are already drunk. they're you know that's That's one scenario. Or if there's a meeting and I don't want to do the small talk at the beginning, I show up late, we're already in the the depth of it all.
00:26:04
Speaker
and And so I think it's important to to be able to to recognize that it is a form of escapism. That's interesting. Are there any other misconceptions or thoughts about procrastination that the general public may not know?
00:26:21
Speaker
Oh, for sure. um So one of the, again, just to go back really quickly over the first one is that, you know, you're not lazy and you're not broken. You know, it's not something that is wrong with you per se.
00:26:35
Speaker
It's, it's, you're actually working exactly how you're designed to work. ah But the other, i think the other big thing about procrastination is that we tend to, because we also label it like that,
00:26:48
Speaker
we label it as lazy or we label it as, um, you know, being uninterested or, or whatever it is that we're labeling that it is also not a problem. Um, and you know, a lot of us go through daily life with a little bit of procrastination here and there, and it's not really debilitating.
00:27:08
Speaker
The issue becomes when, um, again, when we treat it like it's not something that's important and then it, you know, if you're lucky, it doesn't become important, but, um, you know, I'm finding more and more now, especially now, especially the way our society's laid out that it does, um, impact you again, sliding into addictions or sliding into a depression or guilt or shame.
00:27:34
Speaker
Um, and just that, that feeling of worthiness too. Right. So, um, I think that's definitely the other biggest misconception is that, oh, it's not something you should pay attention to.
00:27:47
Speaker
yeah It's really interesting that way. It's like it's not the end of the world um and it never will be But at the same time, it can end your world.
00:27:57
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Yeah.
Overcoming Procrastination: Focus on Core Values
00:28:00
Speaker
Have you, with people that you worked with, do you have any, any stories or, or, cause I think some of us procrastinate and, and like you say, all of us procrastinate at some point and we may have that in our minds. as like, okay, it wasn't too bad. Like you're saying, but like, where does it in somebody's world and somebody's, you know, life maybe even.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yeah. I'll, I'll give you an example where, um, procrastination really took root and, um, It started off as a joke. Okay. So this is, this is where it's coming from. It started off as a joke.
00:28:33
Speaker
ah He, he approached me um because, you know, his wife was only always on him that he didn't paint the fence. Like he never got this fence painted. Like he said that he'd paint the fence and and other things. And, you know, she, there was this fight thing. Right.
00:28:52
Speaker
But it really started as a joke because, you know, um and I get that, you know, I understand that. And so as we were going through why he didn't want to paint the fence and as we're uncovering that, we uncovered a lot of other things. So, um his big thing was he didn't feel like it was worth it to paint the fence. Okay.
00:29:13
Speaker
So we dig under that. Um, you know, what would it mean if he did paint the fence? It would mean that, you know, he would be happier to have friends over and that sort of thing. I'm like, okay, well that's a good thing, isn't it? Have being able to have more friends over, be more social,
00:29:28
Speaker
And then he's thinking about it. He's like, well yeah, I guess it would be. So then, okay. So what's underneath that? Explain to me the process of what's happening. he's like, well, you know, um I go out to paint the fence one day and it's it's too hot.
00:29:41
Speaker
I go out to paint the fence another day and it looks like it might rain. Like, why am I going to paint the fence if it rains? Okay. All right. And so let's just, so I said, okay, well, let's go through and visualize because obviously the negatives are outweighing the positives. So, you know, what, what's behind that?
00:29:56
Speaker
And it turns out that it was more of a, he didn't feel it was worth it to paint the fence because he knew that it would cause more wasted time.
00:30:11
Speaker
And he had a real, a real tight sense, like, like many of us do a real tight sense of tying our worth and our value to our output. So if he's not making money, if he's not doing things that are making him money because he's a small business owner, then he felt that it wasn't worth it.
00:30:28
Speaker
Wow. Wow. I can definitely see that, especially being ah an entrepreneur myself and then valuing time so preciously. Things that aren't revenue producing are could be deemed a waste of time. Wow.
00:30:44
Speaker
Wow, wow, wow. that is That is good. That is good. What? Oh, man. there There's so many things popping in my mind, but there's the the procrastination archetypes.
00:30:58
Speaker
ah they're They're different types of people and they'll have different reasons for their procrastination or, or you know, be able to justify it or explain it in a way. Can you kind of describe those and what those personalities look like?
00:31:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I mean, and first of all, there are a thousands. Just so you know. Wow. But for simplicity, i've I've separated them out of the five stations that are, you know, you're predominantly in one or two of these. So it's easier to identify. Yeah.
00:31:25
Speaker
um First up, you perfectionist, right? So, you know, right time, right place, right amount of resources, right, whatever, perfect execution. Um, everything has to be perfect, essentially.
00:31:38
Speaker
Then you've got the warriors and the warriors are those of us that, um, you know, we put something off because, oh, you know, I really want to go back to art school, but wait, what, you know, if I do that, am I going to have the money or wait, if I do that, am I going to go broke or wait, you know, if I do that, what's my mom or dad going to think? Because they're all doctors and lawyers in the family, you know, it's fear judgment, fear of what people think, fear of results, fear of some outcome. Right.
00:32:03
Speaker
Um, You know, and then we have the dreamers. The dreamers are my favorite, though, because the dreamers are the ones that are innovators, the ones that have solutions, the ones that, you know, fix problems, right?
00:32:19
Speaker
And it comes down to the dreamer of sometimes they get so caught up in in planning it that they either get enough dopamine off off of, you know, just planning it and seeing it in their head that by the time they get there and they get to seeing what it takes to get there, they're like, nah, I'm good.
00:32:36
Speaker
I'm good. And other times to that, they are just, they get overwhelmed or they get, um, sort of freeze when they start to see what needs to be done because they're like, oh, they don't know how to do it or they don't know in what ways they can do it.
00:32:52
Speaker
So I definitely do like the dreamers. ah and Then we have the crisis makers. So these are the people that, you know, they say they work well under pressure. They usually type A's. um The thing is, it's not urgent unless it's urgent. I mean, we all pretty much start out that way.
00:33:08
Speaker
Kids with math homework versus video games or right you know having a beer with friends instead of paying offense, anything like that, right? And then after that, we have the Defiers.
00:33:20
Speaker
And the Defiers, I think, are my second favorite type because... As a defier, all it is is is, you know, we just want our autonomy. And it's as simple as just framing it as to, you know, I don't have to do this.
00:33:34
Speaker
I, you know, I get to do this. So it plays from gratitude. Or I'm choosing to do this and taking back your power. It doesn't really matter which of those you do, but it it is absolutely positively the easiest one to get over if there's nothing else getting the way.
00:33:47
Speaker
Okay. i As you spoke through those, I'm like, I identify. i identify with, i probably at least with ah the worry, but ah with all the other ones, I'm like, oh man, I can see that in myself for sure.
00:34:02
Speaker
And I'm curious about one in particular though, the the crisis maker. So like, cause I think that has been a part of Similar to like when when you showed up and you got a great grade on that on that art project and you you say, I can perform well under pressure. At least that's that's been my experience. and so how do you how do you break the habits of procrastination when you have gotten good results under pressure by procrastinating?
00:34:33
Speaker
Hmm. Well, my question is not how do you do it or what do you do to do it? My question is why do you want to do it? Because there are some times, okay, there are some times where procrastination can be a tool and can be used in a way to, to make yourself more effective.
00:34:55
Speaker
I mean, um, I don't want to come up in here and say that, you know procrastination is always a bad thing because it's, it's not, um, It only becomes a bad thing when it gets in the way of something you want to do. So my first question is always, well, okay, what about that makes you want to change or why? What's your why in wanting to ah change?
00:35:18
Speaker
um That being said, if you're a crisis maker and you don't want to be a crisis maker, you have to kind of get to your why first, right? So, okay, like like you were saying before, you said being late to those social things, you know,
00:35:32
Speaker
not having a small talk or getting there when everyone's drunk. That way you don't have to do small talk because no one's going remember it anyway. um You know, so it really depends on what it is.
00:35:43
Speaker
But the big way to get out of procrastination 100% um is to get back to your core values. Like it doesn't matter what kind of procrastinate you are, get back to your core values and figure out what you're interested in, what brings you joy.
00:36:01
Speaker
And instead of your to-do list, you know, focus on your to-be list. um Because your to-be list, you'll never forget because it's important to you.
00:36:13
Speaker
And everything that comes up on your to-be list is always- Describe that in detail, the to-be list. Well, ah let's let's say you have a a list of 20 tasks.
00:36:23
Speaker
You know, you have, you know, pay bills, you have do a blog post, you have, you know, create something, call your mother, all these different things on this list. And one of the things that many people have an issue with is prioritizing.
00:36:36
Speaker
I mean, hell, I do sometimes like, well, these two things, ah I mean, they're kind of the same. So your to be list is what kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to have?
00:36:50
Speaker
Then what do you have to do or what needs to happen in order for you to be that person or to have that life? Right. So, you know, of those 20 things I just said, you know, and knowing yourself is is definitely important because you need to know what your values are.
00:37:06
Speaker
Mm hmm. But out of that, you know you say, i want to be ah I want to be a responsible citizen. Could be a valid to be list for the day. I want to be responsible. That's my goal for the day.
00:37:17
Speaker
Okay. So what on that list is going to make me responsible? Well, paying the bills because that's my social responsibility. So boom, I got to get that done. Then, you know, down in the list, you you have, um you know, call your mother that, and again, this might seem controversial, that might take a little bit the back seat. So you might, you know, put that there. But if your goal is being responsible today, that call your mother might get pushed to the afternoon rather than the bills and, and you know, the blog post or you know, other contractual obligations you may have for the
00:37:50
Speaker
Then if you flip that around and you said, hey, you know, no, I want to be i want to be more loving today. Well, then the bills will get pushed to the bottom and calling your mom will go to the top. And then, you know, writing that blog post, reaching out to that friend is going to go to the top.
00:38:06
Speaker
And there's never any right or wrong way to do this. That's another thing. That's another big misconception is there's no one way to do this. And I love this in terms of goal setting because there are many times we we look at goals and And we don't want to even try because we we think we have a limitation, either no resources or no ability or whatever the case may be.
00:38:31
Speaker
And I illustrate this with with a little bit of ah a metaphor, parables, tiny story. So say you've got this big mountain. you know It's got standard mountains, got forests, and you know it's really rocky, and it's got you know babbling brooks and streams, and it's very beautiful.
00:38:47
Speaker
And you have a, you have a fit, you have like a salmon, you have a, a monkey and you have a mountain goat that are all looking at that mountain. And they all want to climb that mountain. They're like, Hey, you know, it looks cool. want to be up there. want to do that.
00:38:58
Speaker
And so the mountain goat goes first, right? So it starts kind of climbing up and it has a really easy time climbing up. I mean, it's a mountain goat, you know, it's feeder built for that. It's jumping on the rocks, jumping up and down.
00:39:09
Speaker
It's up there, gets to the top, bleats out its victory call and it's it's done. And, you know, the salmon and the monkey are still down in the mountain watching all this happen. The monkey says, well, hmm. like, got feet. I can do this.
00:39:21
Speaker
He starts walking up the mountain. But, you know, because the mountain goat is designed for walking on their sharp rocks, and the monkey starts hurting his feet. He's like, ah, ah, and he starts going up, and it gets slower and harder. he's like He's like, screw this. He looks starts looking around. He sees a tree. you You know, he learns that he can swing from tree to tree to get up.
00:39:38
Speaker
So he uses his arms, and he starts swinging tree to tree top up and up. And, you know, he gets the top of the mountain, not walking, but by using the tree. the trees and um you know and he bleats you know he roars out he's like yeah i did you know i'm the best and you yeah whatever sounds they make right and the salmon is down there sitting there and he's now seen two two times people have been successful getting up there but the salmon instead of looking around and trying to figure out how he can do it he says and
00:40:09
Speaker
I don't got no legs. don't got no arms. I can't do that. just doesn't do it. But if he'd taken the time to look at the mountain, he would have noticed, yeah, rocks and the trees of the monkeys, but also a stream, which he could have used to get to the top.
00:40:25
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Yeah. That's powerful. That's powerful.
Strategies for Task Management
00:40:32
Speaker
What do you want people to take away from that story? well I want people to take away that where there's a will, there's a way. Anything that you want to do or anything that you need to do in life, you are perfectly equipped to handle.
00:40:47
Speaker
You just might not see the ways in which that could happen for you. um One of the good examples I have is is people that procrastinate on travel.
00:41:00
Speaker
They say, I don't have enough money. I don't want to do this. They watch YouTube. They watch the travel vloggers. They watch people that stay in these $500 a night hotels or $1,000 a night hotels or how much money they spend. And they're like, I can never do that. Look how much money they spend.
00:41:14
Speaker
Well, okay, you can still go to Europe. I mean, you know, you can still have the experience, but I mean, what is it about going to Europe that you really want? Is it to see Europe or is to see the inside of those gold toilets?
00:41:26
Speaker
Like, I mean, what what what is it that you want to see? Yeah. So yeah, you're not staying $500 night hotels, but you can go and you can stay in a hostel. You can backpack, you can couch surf, you can get volunteer opportunities. There's, you know, so many ways to do that.
00:41:40
Speaker
True, true. You can do anything you set your mind to. That's amazing. Are there any other tips as it relates to ah avoiding or beating procrastination? So we got the to be list, which I think is amazing.
00:41:54
Speaker
um Any other things that we can do? so Something like that. Oh, for sure. The most powerful thing you can do, and this goes back to knowing yourself. um And I'll give you an example to illustrate my point, but it's it's never the entire thing that you are avoiding or that's the drainer for you.
00:42:13
Speaker
It's always one specific part. And if you can identify that part and you can either negotiate around it or you can fix it, then you won you won't have the procrastination anymore.
00:42:23
Speaker
And I illustrate this with my own example. like i'm I'm not a gym guy, but I do go out to my garage. I have a set of weights and an exercise bike, you know, um and I don't have any problem getting up at 530 and going out doing something that, you know it's not two hours a day or anything, but, you know, and then summer rolls around.
00:42:42
Speaker
My daughter's out of school and I used her as an excuse and the good weather to not do it. I just said, you know, it's warm. canada It's Canada. gonna be warm forever. Go out, enjoy it, spend time with my daughter. I'll get back to it when she's in school.
00:42:55
Speaker
And so we we spend the summer out there and and school comes and, you know, I get back into the routine, no problem. But about the end of October, ah second week in November, I guess, um I noticed myself starting to drag my feet.
00:43:10
Speaker
You know, there would be days where, you know, I'd really push myself to do it. And there'd be days where I just said, nah, it's not happening. And so I sat down and said, well, wait, why is this happening? what's What's going on? Let's break it down.
00:43:23
Speaker
i'm Getting up at 530, not a problem. Doing the exercise, well, I've been doing it. was doing it. That's not problem either. Like, nothing. Ah. But then I get to the part where it's like, oh, I have to go to the garage.
00:43:35
Speaker
Okay. I have to go to the garage. Well, it's it's colder outside, therefore the garage is colder. I don't like being cold. yeah And so, you know, I, once I realized that I'm like, Oh, well, okay.
00:43:46
Speaker
So what I did was I just adjusted my schedule a little bit to when I got up to immediately turning on that space heater, then getting a coffee and then, Lo and behold, the procrastination went away. Wow.
00:43:57
Speaker
And what's really powerful about this method of figuring out one thing of why you're avoiding something is it spills out into the rest of your life. Because if you're procrastinating one thing to that extent, it usually means that there are other areas of your life you're doing the same thing. You just might not
Facing Discomfort: Ice Baths and Challenges
00:44:13
Speaker
know.
00:44:13
Speaker
So I always put off when my daughter would ask me to go out play in the snow, build a snowman, ah go to outdoor activities in the winter, go for walks. I'd always find something better to do or to put it off.
00:44:26
Speaker
And once I realized that one thing was like, oh, cold. I like being cold. Okay. So I set myself up for success. You know, I have the right gloves. I have the right winter clothes. I prepare myself to not be cold. And the procrastination goes away in those areas too.
00:44:42
Speaker
Wow. I love that. Identify the one thing. that That is good. And I think like we're similar in I don't like the cold. I don't like the discomfort that it brings my bones. And so ah but I've challenged myself and think it's helped in other areas where I would i would do ice baths.
00:45:03
Speaker
Um, on a regular basis. So it's, it's, you know, sitting to my neck or sometimes chest and just unbearably cold water.
00:45:13
Speaker
And it is hard at the beginning. It is like, I want to run. I want to get away. I want
Client Success Story
00:45:19
Speaker
to run. And then at some point it starts to ease and it starts to numb.
00:45:24
Speaker
And then I'm telling myself the entire time, it's just water. It's just water. It's just cold water. And you get out and then your body gets flooded with all these good chemicals and you feel good afterwards.
00:45:39
Speaker
But in the moments where I want to stay in bed a little longer or i don't want to ah work on that project right then and there or whatever it may be. It's like, well, it's it's just standing up and going to the bathroom.
00:45:53
Speaker
It's just, it's it comes back to, it it was just the water. And I think that's been a helpful tool for me, just a little hack of like, if I can sit in this cold ass water and this is like one of the most unbearable things for me, then I can do all those other things that feel a little bit uncomfortable.
00:46:10
Speaker
And so i love that, that example, but I think it, it's, it'll, it'll help me for sure. Just knowing that about myself. That's what you said earlier. We have to know ourselves. yeah Yeah, definitely.
00:46:22
Speaker
I, uh, I, I got a couple of more questions for you. Um, can you share a memorable success story with a client that you've worked with, um, helping them achieve their goals around their procrastination, what their life looked like and what it looks like now?
00:46:39
Speaker
Oh, no, yeah, for sure. I think that the biggest one, oh my my biggest success, you know, I'm sure other people wouldn't ah agree, but my my biggest one that I think is where I helped somebody, they were really putting off accepting a, excuse me, accepting a ah job and with a friend um because, you know, they They felt like they really weren't worthy of the job or they had too much responsibility or you know they didn't want to let their friend down. But when it came down to it is um they were putting way too much weight on what they did and they were taking on what wasn't theirs. And this this causes overwhelm because when we take things on that really aren't ours to deal with, we don't know what ways we can deal with that because it's not ours to deal with.
00:47:35
Speaker
um you know, I can point to this in my own life in several areas, but so what what her fear was, was that because she was going to go in as an ah HR sort of behavior on that analysis analyst and do recommendations and workplace evaluations, right?
00:47:54
Speaker
So her thing was she felt like it was too much power if if somebody went in one day and they maybe they were having a bad day, you know, maybe they were Um, maybe they went out the night before, maybe they had a fight with their wife, you know, maybe they, they, uh, maybe their dog bit them, you know, maybe their, maybe their cat got hit by a car, you know, whatever reason they're having a bad day.
00:48:16
Speaker
And if she said that, that they had that bad day and they happened to go on for the evaluation for that day, you know, her worry was that they would, uh, the company would take those recommendations and they would fire them.
00:48:27
Speaker
Right. Um, And they would have that that thing. So, you know, it looked like she was really, she was really kind of reluctant and afraid to step out of her comfort zone into that job, even it'd be better for her and such.
00:48:43
Speaker
But she felt like it would be too much on her. And so we worked through that and mean told her, you know, do you own the company? No. I mean, are you actively hiring or firing? No.
00:48:56
Speaker
Did they say that that, you know, this would be your responsibility? No. Okay, so then what makes you take that on? you know and And now her life looks like you know she she did the internship there and she went on and and now she's one of the top people in in her in her you know a department there.
00:49:16
Speaker
And you know that to me is the bigger success because you know she not only bettered herself, you know and she proved to herself that she was you know, she was capable, but she also proved to herself that she could also let
Rapid Fire Insights and Conclusion
00:49:32
Speaker
go. And I, and I think that that is like a double score for me because understanding that we don't have to take anything on, that's a win, but understanding that, you know, letting go is just as important is, is way, way harder.
00:49:48
Speaker
Yeah. Definitely. Oh, I love that story. It's a great story. and And yeah, kudos to you if and for her for being able to find that realization because The boundary setting is hard. the The surrendering is hard, especially when you want to be in control.
00:50:04
Speaker
think that is a huge win. So kudos. um i umm I got a couple of rapid response, fill in the blank questions um to close us out here.
00:50:16
Speaker
um So the first one is procrastination has taught me blank. Procrastination has taught me ah compassion. I'd say compassion.
00:50:28
Speaker
I love that. My greatest source of motivation is blank.
00:50:35
Speaker
My greatest source of motivation is
00:50:41
Speaker
understanding. o I love it. If I could offer one piece of advice to chronic procrastinators, it would be.
00:50:53
Speaker
Well, it's compound because there's not really one. It is, again, you're just going back to the most important things, know yourself, but also have compassion for yourself. Yes, yes.
00:51:06
Speaker
And then a book or resource or or a person who's profoundly impacted me is this. Oh, I got to say that the the the the author that that really set me on my way would probably be Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now.
00:51:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's really great one. That's really great. Oh, thank you, Chris. That was so good. And you gave so many great tips for people who may be procrastinating. But I think one of the most important things I heard was that ah you're not broken, that there's nothing wrong with you, that your body is actually responding in the way that it's supposed to, to the ways that it's feeling and to give yourself that compassion. So but thank you. And I hope that you extend that to yourself. And I know you're doing it for your clients as well.
00:51:52
Speaker
um Are there any last thoughts or final words that you want to leave the listeners, perhaps maybe those struggling with procrastination?
00:52:03
Speaker
I think the the only thing that I'd like to leave everybody with is that, you know, even if you can't find motivation or inspiration for yourself <unk> today, um it can really work wonders. Even if you just try to be that, you know, motivation or inspiration for someone else.
00:52:22
Speaker
That's good. That's good. Chris, thank you so much. How can people contact you if they want to want to get in touch? The easiest way is definitely LinkedIn. I'm the only Chris Abdi on LinkedIn.
00:52:33
Speaker
All the rest of my contact information is on there anyway. So definitely the easiest way. Awesome. You heard it. Well, Chris, I appreciate you. Thank you so much for being here with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being vulnerable.
00:52:47
Speaker
ah and i and i And I hope that you continue to help so many people on your journey. It's been been liberating to hear you as you, I mean, weve we've had some similar experiences and ah to be able to to be on the other side of helping other people heal from those things is amazing. So thank you with all the things that you could be doing and all the places you could be.
00:53:09
Speaker
i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability. Oh, I thank you very much for having me, Reggie. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review.
00:53:24
Speaker
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00:53:39
Speaker
And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at vulnerabilitymuscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms. Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support.
00:53:53
Speaker
And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability mode.