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042 - No Elevator to Everest: Will Acuff on Faith, Failure, and the Fight for Economic Equity with Will Acuff
19 Plays10 days ago
In this powerful episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Will Acuff, co-founder of Corner to Corner, a Nashville-based nonprofit that fueled $37 million in neighborhood economic activity in 2024. Will opens up about the spiritual and emotional breakdown that led him to redefine success, the deep-rooted challenges of being a white faith-driven changemaker in historically underserved Black communities, and how adopting a mindset of curiosity, compassion, and vulnerability changed everything.
Will shares his personal mental health crisis that began on his honeymoon and led to a misdiagnosis, psychiatric hospitalization, and a years-long recovery process. He explains how he and his wife Tiffany, through deep pain and radical honesty, found purpose and healing in proximity to the pain of others. Their work birthed Corner to Corner—a thriving entrepreneurial training ground for underestimated communities—and his latest book No Elevator to Everest, a memoir and guide for self-awareness, spiritual healing, and unlocking joy in the midst of adversity.
Tune in to hear:
- How trauma and spiritual exhaustion manifested in Will’s life—and how he rebuilt from it
- The role of faith and mystical experiences in his healing
- His 4AM morning routine and spiritual practices that help him parent through difficulty
- The difference between “capital-G” and “lowercase-g” gentrifiers
- How Corner to Corner equips Black entrepreneurs to close the opportunity gap
- The life-changing impact of Onsite Workshops and internal family systems therapy
- What it means to live your life as a “joy lab”
This episode is for anyone wrestling with burnout, parenting through pain, starting over, or seeking deeper purpose in their leadership journey. Get ready to be moved, challenged, and inspired.
Guest Bio:
Will Acuff is a nonprofit founder, speaker, and author of No Elevator to Everest. He co-founded Corner to Corner with his wife Tiffany in Nashville, TN—a social enterprise that helps underestimated entrepreneurs turn their dreams into income. In 2024 alone, Corner to Corner graduates generated $37 million in economic activity. Will holds a master’s from Reformed Theological Seminary and is passionate about God’s radical grace, justice, and joy. He is a proud father and an advocate for trauma healing, inclusion, and spirit-led awareness.
Resources & Contact:
- Book: No Elevator to Everest – Available on Amazon
- Nonprofit: www.cornertocorner.org
- Contact: Will@cornertocorner.org
- Instagram: @CornerToCorner
🌳 Learn about Onsite Workshops: www.onsiteworkshops.com
Recommended
Transcript
Divine Whispers and Nudges
00:00:01
Speaker
God often sends his loving whisper first. If we ignore the loving whisper, often we get the loving sledgehammer. And man, that's what happened to me.
Introduction to 'Vulnerability Muscle' Podcast
00:00:11
Speaker
Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:18
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues, and mindset shifts.
The Power of Vulnerability
00:00:29
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability in fostering meaningful connections, healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth.
00:00:38
Speaker
Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are. So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle.
Meet Will Acuff: Corner to Corner
00:00:47
Speaker
Welcome, welcome to this episode of the vulnerability muscle the inspiring podcast helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength, a strength that connects us that heals that helps us grow.
00:00:59
Speaker
In this episode, we got my man will a cuff will how you doing? Man, I am doing so well, Reggie. Thank you so much for having me, man. It's a blessing to have you I'm going to read your bio real quick, just real quick for the listeners.
00:01:14
Speaker
Will is the co-founder of Corner to Corner, a thriving nonprofit that put $37 million dollars into the neighborhood economy in 2024 alone. With a master's from Reformed Theological Seminary and a deep belief in God's match in god's radical grace,
00:01:32
Speaker
He has spent 17 years transforming communities through opportunity and empowerment. Alongside his wife, Tiffany, he is passionate about turning equity and opportunity into lived realities for all.
00:01:44
Speaker
When he's not ah driving social change, he's a devoted husband and dad to Raylan and Penelope, finding joy in dirt bike riding, photography, surfing, and walks with their massive Great Pyrenees. I love that. Welcome,
Finding Joy in Exhaustion
00:02:01
Speaker
Will. How you doing, man?
00:02:03
Speaker
Man, I'm doing so good. Whenever you hear your own bio, you're like, you know, am I living that today? What's today like? Yeah, yeah. Let me ask. Well, what's today like? what where Where are you today?
00:02:15
Speaker
Oh, man. Yeah, great question, Reggie. ah Today, I am a little tired. You mentioned my my kids. um Part of my journey has been my son has had challenges with sleep for about a decade.
00:02:28
Speaker
yeah And we're in one of those weeks. I feel like anytime we're like, hey, we're going to do a time change as a whole city. you know My son's like, nope, I didn't get that memo. you know And that happens two times every year, huh? Yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker
Two times a year. Yeah, yeah. So I'm ah a little bit in the midst of that. But I am asking myself the question today, what does it look like to move joy creativity in the midst of exhaustion?
00:02:56
Speaker
So that's how I'm showing up, man. Wow, I love that. In the midst of exhaustion, we're going to get into some exhaustion, maybe some different type of exhaust exhaustion today. But let's start with an opening segment called What Comes to Mind?
Embracing Honesty and Vulnerability
00:03:09
Speaker
So just three fairly simple questions, and you just let me know what comes to mind. The first one, what comes to mind, Will, when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:03:22
Speaker
Honesty comes to mind. i love that. um Yeah, immediately. Yeah, I love that. What is something you do in the midst of exhaustion or when your world is chaotic to center yourself if you're, you know, maybe stressed out?
Centering Practices: Meditation and Nature
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah, ah the first thing I do is to start my day with meditation, breathwork and journaling. um i I do that no matter what. So I did that this morning.
00:03:52
Speaker
It started earlier than I wanted it to. Yeah. Today was a four o'clock, oof you know, kind of day. Yeah. um I also try to shift things. So, for example, I've got a bunch of, you know, phone call meetings later today.
00:04:08
Speaker
And instead of doing those in an office, you know, that might have office energy, i will take those calls in in a local forest. You know, we we live in Nashville, so I'll go down to Shelby Bottoms Park. And I will do those phone calls from there.
00:04:21
Speaker
um So i I try to shift both how I'm doing things and also stay grounded in my daily practice. so I love that. I love that. Shifting the scenery, like office energy is real, but there's something about being in nature that is so soothing. So that's, I love that. Dude, those lights, those lights in an office, yeah that's real. yeah Like you will feel vampire draining energy. You know what i mean? So true. Yeah.
00:04:46
Speaker
All right last one. What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
Childhood Adventures and Safety
00:04:52
Speaker
One of my favorite childhood memories is when I was really little, this is probably about four or five years old. We used to, we lived in Massachusetts and we used to go to this place where the ocean came to the shoreline in Massachusetts in a place called the North shore. And there were all these giant rocks, right? It was not like a beach where you could like get in and play.
00:05:15
Speaker
wasn't like that. This is like cold kind of Atlantic ocean vibes. and we would just run and jump and climb over all these big rocks um that in my childhood memory felt like each one was a cliff, you know, and there was an ocean nearby. So it had an element of exploration and danger, um but also some safety because my mom and dad were nearby.
00:05:37
Speaker
um So it it had all the right elements for a childhood adventure. Wow, that is beautiful. I love that. And I'm glad you were able to pull that so quickly. It feels like that's something that has stuck with you for a really long time. Oh, 100%. I can smell it if I close my eyes. you know And I like what you said about like having that, that it was a little bit dangerous. There was some room for exploration, but there is also safety in growing because that's where we can grow the most when we are challenged and we take risks. and But it's in an environment that is safe.
00:06:09
Speaker
So that's good. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm curious. So you you moved to Nashville eventually in that journey and you started Corner to Corner.
Inspiration for Corner to Corner
00:06:18
Speaker
um Tell me about Corner to Corner and what inspired you and and Tiffany to to start that nonprofit?
00:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, so the first big piece for me, you know, I was a pastor's kid, right, raised in the church. um And so, like, I grew up with this faith background that taught me a lot of really good stuff.
00:06:38
Speaker
But I had a moment of awareness when I was out of college that, where I came to realize that I did not have what I would call a theology of neighbor. right like I knew a lot of good maybe God facts or something like that, right but I did not know how to love my neighbor as I love myself.
00:06:58
Speaker
right like What does that even mean? um And I came to realize that I had this gap in my in my life um when I got to go to Nairobi with an epidemiologist, um you know, an expert in the study of the AIDS pandemic.
00:07:14
Speaker
And we went over there to just learn what business leaders and faith leaders were doing in their own communities in the face of the AIDS pandemic. So we didn't go over there to save anyone or build something. You know what i mean? We went over there as a learners. Yeah. Like, what are you guys doing?
00:07:30
Speaker
um And that trip just undid me, right? Like I didn't know I had a worldview until my worldview blew up, right? And it happened on that trip and it's super cliche to say like, hey, middle-class white boy has to realize that poverty is real by going to Africa, right? yeah Like ah there's a part of me that goes, oh man, that sucks that that's a part of my story. yeah But it's true. But it is, that yeah yeah. It is, it's the real real. And you own it, you own it beautifully.
00:08:00
Speaker
Yeah, what it I can't pretend, right? We talked about honesty. Vulnerability is honest. And so I came home from that trip and I was just like, what in the world?
00:08:11
Speaker
If this exists in the world, um this level of pain and suffering, and and this is what's happening for some of our neighbors, how am I gonna say I follow this faith and not step in to the pain of the world, right? um But at the same time, my at that point, I was in a touring rock and roll band, right? Playing everywhere from the Apollo in Harlem to the Dallas hard rock and everywhere in between.
00:08:34
Speaker
um Never making any money, right? But having a lot of fun. But slowly but surely that had become ego driven thing for me, right? I was building the will kingdom. And so this tension happened where it was like, oh man, I know that, you know, I'd say God, right? The universe, whatever you want to say is calling me to lead my life differently.
00:08:57
Speaker
And yet this thing, this band is stroking my ego in such a way that I'm having a hard time putting it down.
Ego vs. Faith: Discordant Music
00:09:03
Speaker
Yeah. Right. um And that anytime, you know, I think everybody can relate to this. We know what we're supposed to do, but we keep not doing it. And it creates this internal dissonance, this tension, right?
00:09:15
Speaker
Almost like music that's being played that was beautiful and it's now discordant. Oh yeah. Right? yeah And it's clanging. I had that going on. yeah Yeah, man. And you know, I think God sends his loving whisper first and then often sends his loving sledgehammer second. Slow, slow, slow. Let me hear that again.
00:09:35
Speaker
Yeah, that God often sends his loving whisper first, right? Let's go this way. Hey, this is who you are. This is what I made you for.
00:09:46
Speaker
um And then if we ignore the loving whisper, often we get the
Health Crisis and Life Reevaluation
00:09:51
Speaker
loving sledgehammer, right? and And man, that's what happened to me. What was that experience for you?
00:10:00
Speaker
Oh, dude. so So basically I come home from that trip. I know in in my core self what I'm supposed to do. Not the details, but I know the path. you know what i mean? Yeah. um And I ignore that.
00:10:13
Speaker
And it's like a teenager who ah you know has ah a thumping in their car. They don't get it fixed. They just turn up the radio. like that That's what I did.
00:10:24
Speaker
And I get to this point where the loving sledgehammer comes in the form of a health crisis um on my honeymoon with my wife. Wow. Right. Um, it is never a good sign if your honeymoon ends in the yeah ah ER and your mom having to fly down to help get you out.
00:10:43
Speaker
Wow. Right. um And in the aftermath of that, the, the, you know, everybody starting out in a new relationship is trying to build a future together, right? um It's hopes, it's aspirations, it's dreams.
00:10:58
Speaker
And all of the ones we thought we were going to build towards with the band and everything else, you know, um we're just bulldozed, right? and And the earth was salted. Like they they say that about when you don't want anything to grow, right?
00:11:11
Speaker
anymore that that you salt that earth yeah you know what i mean yeah um what what was what landed you in the er If you don't mind. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah. We'll go full, full vulnerability. Um, and somewhere out there, this exists, this story exists, um, on a podcast.
00:11:29
Speaker
Um, but the, the short version of this is, I had four out of five, you know, of the, some of the most stressful things that can happen to you in you know, kind of our, our context all happened in a week.
00:11:43
Speaker
Um, I, a kid in the youth group that I helped out with died in a car wreck. Um, and her funeral was going to be the same day as my wedding. Right. Um, I moved into a new place, right? So moving very intense kind of scenario. I changed jobs, um, that happened that week.
00:12:03
Speaker
Um, and then the fourth one was I got married. yeah The only one that didn't happen in that same week was having a kid. You know what i mean? If I'd had a kid that same week, that would have been kind of five for five. Yeah, yeah. Like huge life transitions that i have lots of grief attached to them. Even if they're good things, like getting married, one you're still losing a part of your identity as the single man that you were.
00:12:26
Speaker
And so there's grief. Yeah, you're you're in transformation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Um, and so not knowing anything about mental health, not knowing anything about, you know, a daily practice or self-awareness work, right. I'm young. I'm 24. Um, I stopped sleeping.
00:12:44
Speaker
Like I just got so keyed up, you know, um, and on our honeymoon, I stopped sleeping for like, you know, days in a row, wow um, which eventually led, to the ER and then led to the psych ward with a full, you know, stress induced, uh, break, um, and then a misdiagnosis and then, you know, two years of the aftermath of that and unwinding that.
00:13:13
Speaker
Right. Um, Yeah. So I, you know, it was, i can look back on it and go, oh man, that was incredibly painful. Yeah. And I can
Living Among Neighbors
00:13:24
Speaker
say, oh man, thank God for those scars.
00:13:28
Speaker
Yeah. Right. And for that healing. Yeah. Um, and the, and the, the life that that brought me to. Right. and, And so, you know, coming out of that experience, I mean, we got my wife and I got to the breaking point, right? Like we're this close to divorce.
00:13:43
Speaker
um You know, I'm self-medicating with alcohol, right? Like all the things you do when you're in extreme pain and you don't know how to solve it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. All that's happening.
00:13:54
Speaker
um And we just experienced minor miracle after minor miracle. yeah The friend that pours into you. yes you know um That person who meets you when you so desperately need to be met.
00:14:06
Speaker
It goes back to that tender that that neighbor, that loving thy neighbor. They were loving you back.
00:14:15
Speaker
And so ah we, in the aftermath of that, we knew that if we were going to follow this faith, that we had to learn how to walk it out differently. And so my wife, Tiffany and I, we said, okay, let's, we're going to move into, you know, a historically low income neighborhood, right.
00:14:36
Speaker
um And try to learn what it looks like to love neighbor as self. Yeah. um And so we moved in This is about at this point, 18 years ago. Did you have conflict with that, with moving into a low income neighborhood as a ah middle income or or, you know, white man from ah a decent background financially?
00:14:57
Speaker
Like, did did I have? Did it feel like you were adding to gentrification in a negative way? Oh, great question. um So I don't, transparently, I don't think I even knew what that was when we first did that, yeah right? when we first moved in.
00:15:13
Speaker
But I think within kind of year one, we we got aware of that. And the way I kind of framed it was, all right, there's two types of gentrification, right? Or gentrifiers, let's say.
00:15:26
Speaker
There's capital G gentrifier and lowercase g gentrifier. I remember we talked about this before. Yeah, yeah. Right. But capital G is like, Hey, I'm moving in. I'm making this feel exactly like I want it to feel right. And I'm just gonna, uh, basically box out anybody else.
00:15:43
Speaker
Right. Is the kind of vibe, um, lowercase G cuz by default I'm a gentrifier, right? Like to don't, I'm not trying to mince words. Um, but I can come in with love and mercy and compassion and a heart of learning and say, I'd actually like to be your neighbor on your terms. Yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yeah. And you've done that. Yeah. and And you definitely did that. And so that transition to the neighborhood opened your eyes, I guess, more exposure to the world. and you And you and Tiffany, you know, it opened up so much more for you. And then it started the thoughts, the ideas.
00:16:19
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. I mean, and Tiffany, um my wife is is amazing and way tougher than me. Like everybody who knows her knows this to be true. And so when we moved into the neighborhood, I was still kind of like just asking a lot of questions, trying to hang out with neighbors, get to know people, you know, all that kind of stuff. And Tiffany is like, I am going to get a job working behind bars and helping um justice involved neighbors transition back to the community with with full-time jobs. Mm-hmm. So she like set out to do that gets that job.
00:16:49
Speaker
Um, and you know, and these neighbors are coming back to their neighborhood, right. um where we are now living. Um, and so we, we just kept an open front door policy, um, and started doing life together, you know?
00:17:03
Speaker
yeah Um, and over and over again, me putting my foot in the my mouth, me being in, you know, not knowing, um, And saying and doing dumb things and having loving neighbors go, hey, Will, I love you enough to tell you that you're being an idiot. Yeah. You know?
00:17:18
Speaker
Yeah. um Like, hey, your foot's in your mouth again. Yeah. Right? because And that's also giving you grace and and knowing that you have the room to grow. 100%.
Empowering Neighbors: Economic Growth
00:17:28
Speaker
And my biases. Yeah.
00:17:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. If I didn't feel like you could grow and learn from what I'm going to share with you, then it's like, why waste that breath? And so people saw that in you. Yeah, absolutely. um And by the grace of God, right? like and And if I had shown up earlier, right, having not have gone through our honeymoon experience or not having gone through earlier experiences, I wouldn't have been ready.
00:17:54
Speaker
yeah I would not have had a heart posture of learning. Wow. Wow. Wow. and so And so you established Corner to Corner, you both established Corner to Corner to to help from an economic sense, helping entrepreneurs, educating and and getting resources. And like $37 million dollars of of economic activity in 2014. That is something, or twenty twenty was it 2024? That is huge. Yeah, that is Yeah, man. Thank you.
00:18:22
Speaker
Like, congratulations. Like, you've had some tremendous success there. Yeah, man, it has gone well beyond our wildest dreams because of the incredible team, you know, and and the leadership of Shana Berkeley, our executive director. um Yeah, but the the gist of the the program idea is, you know, at the end of the day, i believe that ownership ends poverty, right? Mm-hmm.
00:18:48
Speaker
Um, and if you just take it from this standpoint, if you said, Hey, what created all the wealth in our country, you would say, you know, businesses and then investing the assets of those businesses. Right. yeah Um, and yet, right. When we look at the framework of, of our nation and recognize, you know, um, the history and some of the brokenness and the promises of the American dream that we have not yet lived up to.
00:19:11
Speaker
Right. Um, Then we'd have to say, ah wait a minute, we can do better than this. Right. An example being, um you know, 13% of white men own a business in this country compared to 0.5% of say black women. Yeah. Right.
00:19:26
Speaker
And that's not me, the nonprofit bleeding heart guy stat. Yeah. That's a stat from Goldman Sachs. Yeah, that's hard. yeah Like people. Yeah. If you want to debate them on that, go talk to some of the folks who are the best at capitalism in the world. Like that's their stat.
00:19:40
Speaker
Okay. um But we know that's not a talent gap. That's an opportunity gap. Yeah. Right. um and so what happens if you give amazing neighbors with god-given passion creativity and drive all the tools that they need to turn a business dream into a money-making reality right what happens if you supply the education and the mentorship and the capital right yeah Yeah. Amazing people build amazing things. That's what happens absolutely every time. Yes. Every time.
00:20:13
Speaker
Yes. Right. And so our whole model is bet on the neighbor. Mm hmm. Yes, right. Bet on the neighbor. I love it. um And so, yeah, we've now seen 1,432 entrepreneurs come through this program. Let's go.
00:20:30
Speaker
And they're the ones who've produced that 37 million of economic impact. Yes. um You know, and the long-term goal is can we launch 10,000? Yes. In and around Nashville, right?
00:20:42
Speaker
um To then see what they would create um and and see folks become the economic engines through their own drive and creativity, right? They become the economic engines of their family and of their neighborhood and of the city. You know, like that's my, like, I want to see that happen. Yeah, you're making it. And ultimately, oh, go ahead. I said you're making that happen.
00:21:06
Speaker
man, we're we're so in the seeds and the neighbors are doing it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, like, that's, that's what's up. Cool. That's so cool. well i like We could talk corner to corner all day long. And I know, so we have we have a little time constraint because Will's going to take care of himself, which I love. he he has a, well, I'll let you speak to that, Will. got Yeah, yeah. I've got a counseling appointment after this. Yeah. 100%. I'm still doing the work, Reggie. Doing the work, doing the hard work.
00:21:33
Speaker
And you've done some hard work and you've you've written a book. No elevator to Everest. And you got to, oh, you got to, yes. Oh, there it is. Right there. Yes.
00:21:46
Speaker
That is beautiful. And i want to I want to hear about this book. And it's it's it's your journey, right? It's your journey of of some self-discovery of their spirituality in this book. There is a lot of overcoming adversity in this book. Tell us about about the book and and what inspired you to write it.
Internal vs. External Challenges
00:22:04
Speaker
Yeah, thank you, Reggie. um Yeah, so the book, No Elevator to Everest, um started really because, you know, most of my framing in life was, um I see a problem and I solve it, right? I think a lot of maybe driven or ambitious type A people, right, kind of view the world that way.
00:22:23
Speaker
What that really means is I get really good at doing work out here, and I never learn how to do work in here, right? Yeah. um And that's where I was. So like corner to corner, stuff's going on, all that's good, awesome.
00:22:37
Speaker
And meanwhile, at home, um our our our journey was affected by disability, right? um both ah Both of our children are through domestic adoption out of Memphis, right? Shelby County babies.
00:22:50
Speaker
And i've I've got a son who's almost 13 and a daughter who's almost nine now. and adopted at birth, right? um And when my son was around two and a half, um our first indication that we might be on kind of a different pathway was that he stopped sleeping.
00:23:07
Speaker
And I don't mean like, you know, every every parent knows those sleepless nights and those blurry moments, right? But this went from over at a couple days to a couple weeks to months and then years.
00:23:19
Speaker
Wow. um you know sleep studies surgeries to improve oxygen flow like all the things and that started us on the journey of going oh wait a minute um you know our son has some unique challenges right and and we are going to be a family who is um transformed in in beautiful ways but also challenging ways right um by disability uh but the problem for me was i kept addressing everything with problem fixed mindset yeah right
00:23:49
Speaker
Um, including myself, right. I'm a problem to solve, not a person to know and enjoy, you know what I mean? Um, and you are a problem to solve, not a person to know and enjoy.
00:24:03
Speaker
um and, and ah that mindset without realizing that's what I was doing. Right. And so that created this friction where I'm trying to meet the needs of my son and I'm failing.
00:24:14
Speaker
yeah I can't fix him in the way that some part of me says that I should. Because inherently he doesn't need fixing. There are things that could help him sleep, but he's a human and he is lovable just as he is.
00:24:29
Speaker
100%. Reggie, nailed Wow. And... but reggie you nailed right um and It got to a breaking point for me where, you know, and in the face of this, my wife, you know, and I've got permission to speak about this from her.
Addressing Past Trauma for Growth
00:24:45
Speaker
um You know, she's experiencing, you know, acute clinical depression, right? And so that's kind of what's happening at at home on top of the lack of sleep um and just highly intense needs that need that, you know, need to be met every day. Mm-hmm.
00:25:00
Speaker
And my wife finds this trauma healing place, right? That you and I have talked about before. we call it, you know, trauma camp. Yes. ah Life-changing. Life-changing. Life-changing, right? We can give them a shout out We can give them a shout out. Yes. We can give them a shout out. We can name it. Yes. Yeah. yeah That's a wonderful place called Onsite. Yes.
00:25:21
Speaker
Onsite is life-changing. Man. Right. Life-changing. Um, And so Tiffany goes and she starts to get, ah you know, the first few kind of tools that really help her. Right.
00:25:32
Speaker
And now she's not, you know, she's, she's walking her path different than mine. Um, and she goes, well, you've got to also go. And I was like, really? Aren't we therapized enough as a family? You know, um, not a good sign if you're debating your wife by inventing words, that's not loving.
00:25:51
Speaker
Uh, and so I, she, but she, you know, my, both of us, my wife and I were Enneagram eights. And if you know the Enneagram world, that's that challenger fighter role. Um, and she digs in and she's like, no, no, no, you gotta go.
00:26:05
Speaker
And so i was like, all right, fine. You know, whatever I'll go. And, and, and day one I'm there, which is such an arrogant chip on my shoulder, yeah you know? I'm here to fix my wife. I'm here to get shared language. Right. But it's all about like her.
00:26:20
Speaker
Right. I'm not recognizing all of this that needs to be brought to the surface. Right. um And by the end of day two, man, I am cracked open, like just wide
Journey Toward Self-Compassion
00:26:34
Speaker
open. And, ah you know, it's not a faith-based place, but I experienced a tremendous love of God, you know, like in a mystical sense. Like, I don't mean some practical, like, you know, almost like church service-y kind of way. I mean, like, no, no, no the The one who hung the stars in the sky showed up in my innermost being mystically, right, in love.
00:26:59
Speaker
um And it shifted me or began the shift in me towards self-compassion. Yes. Oh man, I'm not a problem to solve. I'm a person to know and enjoy. Yes.
00:27:12
Speaker
wow That's such a weight off your shoulders. Wow. no more No more fixing. You don't have to fix. No. Right. and And, you know, obviously, you know, I love all the neuroplasticity stuff that's coming out and the research showing like, hey, when you when you work in this kind of channel for decades, it takes time to unwind that and start to work out a new patterns. But you can literally rewire your brain. Yeah, it's hard, but it's doable.
00:27:40
Speaker
One hundred percent. Yeah. Like, and, and that has been the journey of the last four years because I come home from that experience and I said, wait, I don't want to, um, survive my life anymore.
00:27:51
Speaker
I want to thrive no matter the context. Yeah. Right. So then I turned my own life into a joy lab and I just said, huh, what is it going to look like to experiment my way into daily joy, no matter my outside context? Hmm.
00:28:09
Speaker
Yeah. And that was the question. Yeah. Yeah. Give us give us some. What is that? What is that joy lab look like? And what are some of the things that you did to build that joy? Yeah. Well, the first thing was, you know, i had to realize that I was in a lot of ways in a victim mindset. Right. Like treating my son as a problem. Right. Means that I'm the victim.
00:28:30
Speaker
Right. Like he's the problem I've got to solve and I'm the the victim in this blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. It's terrible for your relationships. Mm hmm. And because people feel how you approach them, right? So everybody around me is being affected by this.
00:28:44
Speaker
um And so one of the first things that I did was to go, wait a minute, you know, my son has challenges with sleep, but Nowadays, you know, at least four or five nights out of seven, he's waking up at five.
00:28:57
Speaker
Well, what would it look like for me to step into my day and meet my son with some ah beauty and joy and wonder and curiosity?
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah. And i was like, oh, I'm going to have to be better rested. And I'm going to have to do my own work to meet him there. Yeah. And so I retooled, you know, I started going to bed no later than eight o'clock so that I could wake up at four.
00:29:23
Speaker
Right. And I couldn't leave practically, like I couldn't leave my bedroom without waking him up. So I moved like a little single coffee maker next to the bed that I can hit. Right. from the bed.
00:29:34
Speaker
and I got a little chair there so that I could set the the practice set up. Right. And I think that's sometimes where, where it gets hard to develop a daily practice. If you don't know where you do the practice, right. It's like, it's hard to get good at basketball if you don't know where the hoop is. True.
00:29:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so I set that stage first and I set my alarm, you know, and I got a ah watch with an alarm so I wouldn't wake up my wife. Um, and, and I move into the chair, get my cup of coffee and I first start with just some breath work, a simple foreign count for out count, right?
00:30:14
Speaker
Do that four times to settle myself. I love it. Yes. Right. And and then i adopted a practice from Richard Swartz, who's the psychologist who developed um internal family systems, which is an awesome, awesome.
00:30:31
Speaker
Parts work. IFS. Parts work, man. Yes. Heal that inner child. Such a good modality. and And I took that and I blended it with my faith. Right. um And so what that looks like is i get still and cause right. We, I realized that none of us wake up neutral, right?
00:30:50
Speaker
When's the last time you woke up and you're just like, right? No. Yeah. We wake up going, oh man, that conversation I had last night didn't land so well. Right. Or, oh, that meeting I've got today is raising a lot of anxiety. Yeah. Right.
00:31:04
Speaker
Yeah. Like whatever it is, we wake up with this landscape. Yeah.
00:31:11
Speaker
inwardly curious to go what is the biggest thing i am feeling right now and i go oh you know what today it's fear huh right and that hu is like the shift to curiosity and like if you've ever walked a trail in the forest right they have this little trail marker it's a sign that says hey here's the trail inward um and often like there's a waterfall or a cool view inside but you can only get to that ah aha moment if you stay on the trail yeah and for me that's a trail of curiosity yes
00:31:44
Speaker
right and so it wass going hu i'm afraid ah wonder what's making me feel so afraid oh you know what i'm afraid because of what's going on with my colleague right now who i love and care about um and and man they might be about to ah take a different job you know ah that makes me feel anxious i really depend on them man and then what's the story i'm telling myself about that
00:32:15
Speaker
ah i'm telling myself that if they leave then i'll never find someone who can be as good as them and yeah yeah oh and then it's like i stay in curiosity and play and self-compassion and i go huh will have you met every human on the planet oh you know right i haven't that's not true yeah hu and do you believe believe even in the powers of other humans to be able to do that job one hundred percent right
00:32:46
Speaker
um and where my faith comes in is like i actually believe that the the spirit is this your spirit led awareness yes okay spirit like self-awareness the driving kind of theme of the book is like if we were made by an incredible creative maker right and if that spirit is still alive in the world and at work then when i go inward i don't do this work alone right i do this
Unlocking People and Purpose
00:33:17
Speaker
this work with the one who made me right um and there's this christian mystic who back in the day he said ah you know every human is a word spoken by god right and i love that idea yeah i got a question so is it goingnna make you think yeah what's the word spoken for you when you were created me yeah the word that i've been getting today because this touches identity right um the word that i've been getting a lot lately is unlocked
00:33:51
Speaker
that i am an unlocker of people i love it ah believe that ah believe that to be true and like even before i reached out to you so many like i ah hear your name all the time obviously but like they're they're just countless meetings that i have where it's like and i was talking to will and i'm like yaha reach out to will and i and and he's such a great guy in this is and i'm like i loved the time when i met with will and why haven't i reached back out to him and it's just like yeah and so i'm so glad because i feel that in you you have unlocked
00:34:22
Speaker
so much for so many people so yeah that's a good word man thank you i'll i'll throw the question back to you how about you reggie what what word was spoken
00:34:33
Speaker
so i think this is a word that ah when i think of god and i'm not i don't follow christian belief or any any set religion but when i think of the concept of god it's something that has stuck with me for a very long time and it's love i have i have in my ons site i remember this in my onsite ah experience i had this you know i'm explaining my story i'm going through it is' very hard and
00:35:05
Speaker
and there's some some physical stuff to do to unlock some of that trauma and pain and i'm beaten up on different people like a representation of those people and yeah then the community around me they surround me and they start helping and they're beating them up and then that therapist pulls me out of it and just ask me you know how does that feel and these are people who have hurt me and people that i i'm like fuck them at times and i was like it still hurts because i love them i don't want to watch these people beat my loved ones
00:35:39
Speaker
and and so even in that moment like one of the one of the other participants just she said reggie you are the embodiment of love and i love has shown up so many times in my life and it has saved me yeah so many times so i would say love would be my word that's beautiful man yeah and what you're touching there that experiential unlock yeah yeah for some of us who have who have had trauma and and most of us
00:36:11
Speaker
have had trauma whether you realize it or not it gets trapped in the body and the way to to to shake it up and release it is to get back into the body and and move it and and do things and i didn't realize that until onsite like it i had been practicing yoga for years but at onsite is where it was intentional of unlocking some of that trauma that was stored in my body dude same here i mean you're talking about the experiential like step into ah you know an experience or a memory of a space and
00:36:44
Speaker
and reenact and maybe reparent or reheal some of those moments right um but not intellectually but in your body yes right and so like going back to the the trailhead thing that i'm describing when i meet myself with compassion and honesty and vulnerability and love i yeah right that tightness that i'm feeling in my chest that kind of clenching that i've got you know all those things
00:37:16
Speaker
that i've gotten so good at over decades right ah man it starts to unlock and then when my son wakes up ah go into the room and like hey good morning bud yeah you know and i'm i'm meeting him right not trying to solve him yes and and that is how i want to move in the world that anybody that i get to engage with
00:37:47
Speaker
meats me really me me and my true self you know and it meets me in love and i get to meet them in love i love it i love it and the book you also talk about this concept of spiritual exhaustion right can you describe what that's like in any tips or tools that you have for folks who may be experiencing that in their own lives yeah i mean i think there's there are moments where we are we get to a place of being utterly stuck right
Combatting Spiritual Exhaustion
00:38:19
Speaker
um and if you're in one of those moments right now i think it's so easy to get into a feedback loop that says i will always be stuck right and it becomes our kind of inner mantra if you will um and so if you're in that place that's that's what i'm i'm talking about about spiritual exhaustion right everything feels weighty um and if you are able right um to get away even for five minutes today to a place that feels like safety like if you just stop and go man is there a place that feels safe for me
00:38:54
Speaker
know if you can get to that place maybe it's you know for me right now it's shelby park right shelby bottoms in east nashville i love being out there in the woods right for you maybe it's your car you know yeah maybe it's the shower wherever it is for you if you can find that place get there get still just get your breathing in don't overcomplicate it right just a couple breaths in a couple breaths out and then ask yourself is there some part of my life right now where i get the barest spark
00:39:26
Speaker
of joy right just get curious should whatever that is should this be a line or in community yes i will so i first recognize it as as a loan right and then if something happens right if you go oh you know what um i when i felt heard that song the other day that touched some joy right um go and listen to that song right whatever it is that sparks but then share that with someone who loves you
00:39:59
Speaker
unconditionally right don't go to that friend who's going to be like bro you just need to work it out more and get harder and grind out no no no no don't go to that friend right um we love that friend but we're not going to that friend right now yeah this is not a moment for that friend yeah um yeah man reggie had a role yes to my counseling a appointment listen if y'all enjoyed this and you want more from me and will i just find youtube and comment under this and say more more and more
Conclusion: Embracing Vulnerability
00:40:31
Speaker
because i want more from this so i know it's just scratching the surface of air let's do part two we go part one part two well what with all the things that you could be doing including counseling and all the places you could be i appreciate you being here with me embracing vulnerability um man reggie thank you for you are a light for this city man um and i'm so grateful thank you man i'mma represent nashville let's go love you bro i seeba
00:41:02
Speaker
thank you for joining us in another episode of vulnerability muscle if you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability please consider leaving a review your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability share your thought on youtube apple podcasts spotify podcast or wherever you're listening from and don't forget to spread the word you can follow us at vulnerability muscle on instagram and me personally at reggie d ford across all platforms
00:41:36
Speaker
visit vulnerabilitmusscle dot com for additional resources and support and remember embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness it is the source of your greatest strength times it's uncomfortable most workouts are keep flexing that vulnerability