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048 - Breaking Through Loneliness: Finding Light at the End of the Tunnel with Sukhvinder Kaur
19 Plays29 days ago
In this heartfelt episode of Vulnerability Muscle, host Reggie D. Ford sits down with Sukhvinder Kaur, a mental health advocate, counselor, and author of There is Light at the End of the Tunnel of Loneliness. Together, they explore the profound impact of loneliness on mental and physical well-being, shedding light on how isolation can be a silent yet deadly struggle.
Sukhvinder shares her deeply personal journey—from experiencing loneliness after a major life transition to becoming a beacon of hope for others. She opens up about how writing, community, and faith played vital roles in her healing and how she now dedicates her life to helping others navigate their own feelings of isolation. Through this conversation, she emphasizes the importance of acceptance, seeking support, and taking actionable steps toward connection and healing.
Listeners will gain practical tools for managing loneliness, including the power of journaling, meditation, and reframing vulnerability as a strength. Reggie and Sukhvinder also discuss the post-pandemic loneliness epidemic, the stigma surrounding mental health in different communities, and the life-saving impact of human connection.
If you've ever felt lonely, disconnected, or struggled with mental health, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in for a compassionate and insightful discussion that reminds us all: You are not alone, and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Contact Info:
https://uk.linkedin.com/in/sukhvinder-kaur-91227a2b8
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Transcript
Introduction to Loneliness and Mental Health
00:00:00
Speaker
People don't know. Loneliness, there's no diagnosis, there's no treatment, there's no science that they said, oh yeah, there's cure for loneliness.
00:00:10
Speaker
No, there isn't. I will say, the biggest, people think, oh, I've got this diagnosis. For instance, people got, somebody might have cancer. They go, oh, well I'm going to die. But you're not going to die straight away because you can you get managed, you get treated, yeah?
00:00:26
Speaker
The biggest killer people don't understand is the biggest killer is loneliness. Welcome to Vulnerability Muscle, the inspiring podcast, challenging norms and helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength.
00:00:40
Speaker
I'm your host, Reggie D. Ford. Each episode of Vulnerability Muscle dives into a variety of topics such as mental health, social issues and mindset shifts.
00:00:50
Speaker
We explore the power of vulnerability and fostering meaningful connections. healing, building resilience, and promoting personal growth. Sometimes these conversations are uncomfortable, but good workouts often are.
00:01:05
Speaker
So join us and flex that vulnerability muscle. Welcome to the Vulnerability Muscle, the empowering podcast, helping you redefine vulnerability as a strength, a strength that helps connect, to heal, to grow, and ultimately humanizes us all.
Guest Introduction: Sukhvinder Kar
00:01:22
Speaker
Today, I have an amazing guest, Sukhvinder Kar. I'm excited to talk to her. We have a book that she has recently published that she's going to talk about, about loneliness and isolation and how to break through some of those things. But Sukhvinder, thank you so much for joining me ah First of all, thank you very much for having me. It's an absolute honour to be on your podcast this evening.
00:01:45
Speaker
And um yeah, hello everyone who's actually listening from across the world, the UK and cross wherever you are sitting. um Yeah, thank you very much. Hello everyone. Hope you're well.
00:01:56
Speaker
Yes. And so, Suke Vendors in in the UK, I am here in Nashville, Tennessee, in the US. And so we are across the pond, but through technology, we're able to make this connection. And I think that is and is important, especially as we jump into a topic that you are very passionate about, which is is isolation and and and overcoming that loneliness.
00:02:20
Speaker
But before we do, i have a segment that I like to call What Comes to Mind. And so it's three questions.
Perspectives on Vulnerability and Coping Mechanisms
00:02:27
Speaker
And let me know what comes to mind when you hear these things.
00:02:32
Speaker
What comes to mind when you hear the word vulnerability?
00:02:38
Speaker
Vulnerability comes in my mind is that someone feeling like burden on somebody else. you know, they are feeling hopeless, things that they can't do before.
00:02:52
Speaker
and now they're they're actually relying on somebody else to take care of them and feeling that vulnerability. Yes, it's a a huge um something. Yeah, a huge thing on somebody. Yeah, who actually came through that. Yeah.
00:03:06
Speaker
Yeah, I appreciate that perspective. ah What do you do when you to center yourself when you're feeling stressed out or or maybe even depressed?
00:03:17
Speaker
So basically what I do is like, you know, um I'm really a religious person. From my traditional um family brought up, you know, from my grandparents, from my parents, you know, we've all been religious.
00:03:31
Speaker
And um so when I'm feeling that way, I tend to um sit down quietly, close my eyes and put up a meditation prayer on. And so that also eases my um mind. And tend to actually, um while i'm sitting in meditation, listen to that prayer.
00:03:49
Speaker
ah tend to do some breathing um take skills as well. So, yeah, that really helps. That's amazing. I love it. And I incorporate some of the same things in my life. So was glad to know that that helps you as well.
00:04:04
Speaker
ah This one may may take a little minute to think about, but can you think or share your your one of your favorite childhood memories?
Childhood Memories and Family Influence
00:04:15
Speaker
um Well, I've got so many, to be honest, and because my child was absolutely quite privileged, actually, know, for my parents as well and for my late grandparents as well. And i actually, they brought me up absolutely very, you know, loving and caring and beautifully. So, um'm um but my first, but my...
00:04:35
Speaker
very memorable memories, like, you know, from my childhood, who you know, I missed as well, like, you know, um when it used to be a festival on Christmas, you know, every time my mum buys something, my parents used to buy things, you know, there's five of us in assemblance, I'm the oldest out of four of us, and it's so nice that, you know, when we used to get together, mum used to be in the shopping, and she used for us, and so used to gather in the living room, it's a small little living room, but, you know,
00:05:03
Speaker
you know Those days, it's like so much love and you know we used to share things together. we used to appreciate those things together you know and we used and is to you know do things together and um yeah we used to share things. Even if mum bought one night between five of us, we used to appreciate a lot, appreciate it, even today as well.
00:05:25
Speaker
But when we were small young, we used to appreciate those things as well a lot for my parents. Wow. That's beautiful. I love that. It sounds like you had great community around you when you were growing up.
00:05:38
Speaker
that ah That is beautiful. And i just want to highlight you one because you ah you're a counselor, you're an author, you're a mental health
Inspiration for Mental Health Advocacy
00:05:47
Speaker
advocate. And one of the things that stood out to me was that all the proceeds from your book are going to support mental health charities.
00:05:55
Speaker
I think that is amazing. What brought you to to being the mental health advocate that you are? um some tip and To be honest, um something ah passionate to my heart, dear to my heart, mental health, because um actually one of my member families um going through mental health um in a young age, and and that's also brought me you know more passionate, not because of my family member, you know um but also um has ah overall mental health you know outside on society.
00:06:31
Speaker
and how effective it does, you know, and people don't know how actually, you know, effects And also something dear to my heart and and the work they do to you know, to support those people going through challenges through mental health, you know, and the work they do behind, you know, the hospitals and even the charity organisations, you know, even in the home in the care homes as well, you know,
00:06:57
Speaker
it's beyond, you know, really, really, you know, a lot, you know, they do. and basically lot of people from the outside, they don't see that side. And I had a privilege to see that side, you know, unfortunately for my um family member as well, but also overall, you know, being the advocate, you know, for mental health, you know, overall, you know, something dear to my heart. And um I've been privileged to be part of that sort of, you know, in that sector. Hello.
00:07:26
Speaker
I love the framing of being privileged to be a, to be an advocate, to have experienced what you experienced, to give you that awareness, because you're right. Some people don't understand what it's like to go through mental health challenges or love someone who is going through mental health challenges.
00:07:43
Speaker
And I send my condol or my sincerity to your family member and hope that they are getting the support that they need to get through the the challenges that they are being faced with.
00:07:55
Speaker
um i'm I'm curious. So you were you were nominated for the Asian Prestigious Award. What does that award signify and and how does that relate to some of the impact that you're making in the world?
00:08:11
Speaker
ah Well, first of all, I've never been a nominated, team never in my life. So it's something I'm really, really grateful phw but for my heart. Somebody actually, I still don't know who actually nominated for for this award for me.
00:08:25
Speaker
I'm actually grateful. Love to see them, meet them one day, who that's the person was. So the person's not coming in. you know, forward. um But yeah, that award is actually Icon Asian Prejudice Award in the UK. It's basically, I've actually done a research myself because I didn't know about these people what myself, you know, until I was nominated.
00:08:49
Speaker
So I've been nominated for the Female um Inspiration Award and because of my book, you know, doing the impact of the book and the the title of the book as well and how it's actually supporting people who going through it or maybe somebody people might go through it in their journey.
00:09:06
Speaker
um So in that, I mean, that category in that list, you know, inspirational female award. um So I'm really, really privileged for that, really grateful for my heart. And it'd be so nice to actually be recognised for that award and bring it home as well. And when I say bring it home, I'm not literally going to bring it home for myself. It's go actually going to be picked up for every single person on the universe from the UK to across the world actually voted for me and also you know actually understands and resonates for me why is this world actually being recognised for you know what it actually represents is as well.
00:09:44
Speaker
So it's actually really, really... honoured from my heart being actually know but there's so many other categories people at there you know who doing so much other work as well contributed to the community you know it could be for somebody actually being nominated for a very good female presenter radio presenter something they might be doing into the food sectors or even in the beauty sectors skin care or any kind of you know they're doing to help support people at their, by their, you know, some work they're doing.
00:10:18
Speaker
um So that, yeah, so I'm actually going for the book. So i was at you um I wasn't actually um thinking about that when I wrote the book though, but I'm actually on So I can't wait, you know, to go to that ceremony soon, yeah.
00:10:33
Speaker
Yes. Well, I have my fingers crossed and i will ah be supporting and rooting you on from afar. So I hope that you win that. and And you mentioned your book and I want to ah say the title of your book because I think it's powerful.
Writing About Loneliness: Personal Motivations
00:10:48
Speaker
There is light at the end of the tunnel of loneliness. What inspired you to write that book? The reason it's inspired to me write the book, ah firstly, because I went through loneliness.
00:11:01
Speaker
um ah Like I said in the beginning, I had a lovely childhood, but brought up by my beautiful family, my parents, my grandparents, and we're so close to a knit family. So when my marriage broke down when I was in adult life,
00:11:18
Speaker
um I came back home with two small children. They were small that time. um And I went through loneliness, even though i had and basically my family support there and that's our community I can go to speak to.
00:11:31
Speaker
i actually disconnected from everybody. So I actually went through loneliness and when I went through loneliness, I actually came out from my comfort zone and started to talk to people out in the community just to find out what is loneliness. Is there anything out there for lonely people, support or anything that we can actually do to, you know, combat this loneliness?
00:11:52
Speaker
So when I was getting support for myself, you know, through actually talking to a therapist through the NHS. And that's when I got my support and I started to actually do my research on that.
00:12:05
Speaker
And in that time, i actually i started to volunteer for the mental health charity organisations in the way I live in the Kent in the yeah UK. And I started to study psychology.
00:12:17
Speaker
So all that and started to speak speak to all walks of life of people. So putting all that together and I combated loneliness myself and living a happy life today, i literally found in my research and also qualified counsellor and working into the mental health charities,
00:12:35
Speaker
and advocate for the mental health sector in the hospitals and the yeah the area. um i found that people wanted, and people need help and I need to help these people.
00:12:46
Speaker
So whatever actually helped me, I'm actually giving back in my book. It's a self-help book and um so everything helped me. I'm still using those skills.
00:12:57
Speaker
um you know So I wanted to give back to those people who are actually feeling lonely or who might be feeling lonely, who they might know who feeling lonely, and they can have um support from that book and combat their lives and to live a happy life as well and find peace and joy from it.
00:13:13
Speaker
Wow, that is beautiful. Thank you for writing your book. And i know that it must've been difficult going through those periods of your own loneliness, but to come out on this side, ah speaking about it and talking about the joy and the peace that you found through it, like kudos to you for being able to go through that journey. I think that is truly remarkable.
00:13:37
Speaker
Um, ah with I'm curious um if you don't mind just telling us a little bit about what's in the book. what like You talked about you know finding community and a therapist.
00:13:50
Speaker
I think those are huge huge steps to take in dealing with anything that we may deal with on a personal level. For me personally, i got into therapy.
00:14:01
Speaker
I wish I had gotten into it earlier, but about 28, 29 years old. And it was originally for grief, having some significant losses in my life and ah feeling like grief counseling was a easier transition into talking about a lot of the other stuff that i probably needed to talk about at that time.
00:14:23
Speaker
And it has been one of the greatest gifts I've given myself. And so I'm glad that you found therapy. ah But what were some of the other tips or tools that you could give folks out there that are dealing with loneliness?
00:14:36
Speaker
um First of all, I will say ah basically sometimes when we go through, i mean, we live all we all live in one society on one God's earth in the world, wherever we are.
00:14:48
Speaker
But when I say that we live together, our journey, our life journey is our own individual journey. we're going through our journey on our own. So when we go through our life journey individually, we come across, like you said, you went through grief and I went through marriage breakdown.
00:15:06
Speaker
So we all can go through a journey, you know, and challenges happen in our own personal life where we actually, you know, go through loneliness, you know, or isolated ourselves or for any other reason, challenges.
00:15:20
Speaker
And, um, What I'll first will say, and it was I actually went through it myself, and um and I'm sure you can resonate as well, and but basically, first of all, it's actually basically just feeling...
00:15:33
Speaker
First of all, question ourselves just to accept it as well. Yeah, I'm feeling lonely and I need help. That is the biggest, biggest, powerful thing that you can actually say first.
00:15:45
Speaker
First, accepting it is the hardest thing. so But when you've done acceptance and you feel that, yes, I'm accepting, I need help and and please do help me.
00:15:56
Speaker
And then when you say that, that is the when you find, you find the way, the path. to overcome any challenge you're going through that time, you will get there.
00:16:08
Speaker
But it the first of all, the first biggest step is for us to accept in it, accept in anything that we're going through, the challenge, that time, coming to our lives, accept in it and saying, yes, I need help.
00:16:24
Speaker
Yes, I think that is huge. And oh it's so i typically ask people, like, what do you need help with right now on this podcast? Because I think that is a huge form of vulnerability to express that you need help.
00:16:40
Speaker
But in the redefining vulnerability as a strength, you've clearly shown that that acceptance and that admission of help, needing help leads to positive things.
00:16:53
Speaker
And so you accepted that in your life and you're encouraging other people to accept it. I think that is a beautiful thing because we we all need help. We all come from, ah we are human and humans by our true nature. We were born infants needing help from a mother, from a community, and that that help doesn't go away. we We don't stop needing that help as we progress through life. It just changes.
00:17:18
Speaker
And so I'm glad that that is a big part of ah what what you're encouraging people to do. um ah let Is there any Distinguishment between Being lonely ah And In solitude Or or let me let me ask you in a different way Do you see ah difference between i am lonely and I am alone
00:17:46
Speaker
depends really Depends on your own situation around you What are you feeling that time? What is actually going First, you have to question yourself. When you accept things, we have to question ourselves, you know, what is making us, are we actually lonely or are we just making ourselves lonely?
00:18:04
Speaker
Or is there something making us lonely? is something going to happen or hasn't happened yet? It's going to make us lonely. What is actually going on? What is around us?
00:18:16
Speaker
why Why am I feeling this way? What is actually occurring me to feel this way? Even though i have people around me, ah might have people around me to so i can I can lean on to...
00:18:29
Speaker
and you know somebody to say, okay, I need some support from you, you know family or friend or neighbours or somebody in your work or you're in the community that you can actually go to But then why you feeling that way?
00:18:43
Speaker
It's a big question. So when we ask ourselves when we start asking ourselves questions, the best thing I will say is really, because rather than be thinking about them, so when we over-start thinking about things and we over-think, where does it lead to? It goes literally goes back to our minds, doesn't it? It just goes that small mind. And then when it just actually powers our mind and we can't see our mind inside it.
00:19:11
Speaker
So basically what I will say If you're going through that way, you know, you're you're lonely or or I'm feeling lonely or I'm going to go through lonely or I am not lonely or am I really lonely?
00:19:25
Speaker
Start writing it down. Write it down. Get a little piece of paper. Write how you feel, how whatever you're feeling that time or your thoughts are coming or why you're feeling lonely. Because when you write things down on a piece of paper,
00:19:41
Speaker
You're actually empowering, you're clearing your mind, putting it inside the paper. And then when you write things down and you go back to read it, what you've written, even on that time as well when you're writing it, and when you look at it, you can actually see it.
00:20:02
Speaker
And when you're reading as well, back. and that makes it feel that you can just see it and you're to clear in your mind using that pressure of your mind seeing in front of you you've written and it starts to make clear understanding And you can actually, you're thinking, from you're thinking negative, you started to think in, as you're reading back to what you've written, you're actually thinking bit positive and you actually can think, understand and, you know, moving forward.
00:20:35
Speaker
How am I going to be, if there's anything negative there or something that's stopping you, just write anything down. Nothing is silly. Don't feel, oh, if I write this or I'm thinking this is silly, what people going to say.
00:20:48
Speaker
No, nothing a city is silly. It's your life, your journey. Writing is very a powerful therapy that anybody could do because you're actually clearing your mind, easing that pressure from your mind, you know, and how you're feeling on a piece of paper because you can see it clearly then and it makes things understandable so going forward.
00:21:09
Speaker
Yeah, that is good, writing it down. And you can make right decisions decisions as well going forward. Okay, I can do this. I can take this bit out. I don't need this in my life. Or I can actually put this in my life to make things easier or to plan things.
00:21:25
Speaker
Writing is ah actually a powerful therapy. It's just like going to actually a therapy. you're talking You're talking to somebody, therapist, you're actually talking about your own journey. So when you're writing things down, it's actually your journey. It's nobody else's journey. It's exactly the same as a talking therapy. It's your writing therapy. It's your journey.
00:21:46
Speaker
Yes, I love it. And that that has been one of my, i have a journal right here. Like I write all the time. And is, this is the the first safe safe space for me to be vulnerable was to write my thoughts down in a place where, i mean, even this has a lock on it. I don't, you don't necessarily have to have a lock in this lock. I don't know. But um but to to write things on a piece of paper that no one else could judge or criticize or that I felt any shame around. It was just me getting, like you said, to to take that off of my mind and put it out into the into the world on a piece of paper was a form of therapy for me.
00:22:26
Speaker
So I love that you encourage the journaling and writing as well. Are there any common themes that you see in your counseling when you're working with other people that ah that that are struggling with loneliness? Is it because we just come off came came off of COVID pandemic and the world felt isolation and loneliness at a big scale.
Impact of COVID-19 on Loneliness
00:22:53
Speaker
Is there any other common themes that you see with people? Is it transitions in their lives or anything like that, that you see that really brings that struggle of loneliness to them? Yeah, um you know, like I said, it's our journey, it's our life journey, you know, we can have, through our journeys, things happen, challenges happen, we'll go through different kinds of challenges in our life, you know, and nobody's journey is the same, even though we live in one society, and like you said, you're you're right, you know, since COVID as well, even COVID is actually, you know, gone now, and everything's all open, we can just carry on our lives, but
00:23:30
Speaker
It's actually made more loneliness people. People are still stuck in that um COVID and are isolated and more, you know. Now, people even, like, rather than going work daily, basically, to the office or anywhere they work outside in the community, lot of the time people have started to work during the COVID from home as well. And they're still working from home. Okay.
00:23:52
Speaker
And some people actually lost their loved ones through COVID. So they actually left – some people left on their own. They don't know what to do, you know. And some people actually lost a lot of stuff as well, like jobs as well, family members as well, even their own health, you know, you know physically as well, mental health as well increased as well.
00:24:13
Speaker
So COVID actually, you know – and that Things happen. COVID came. you know This youner virus came. you know We all got you know locked into our homes as well, wherever we was in the world.
00:24:26
Speaker
um But one one part has done positive. It actually queued and we are all at the isolation. But the others made it more negative as well.
00:24:39
Speaker
people are still Even now, people are still stuck in that COVID situation. And in there a mental health, actually, in the UK, I don't know how york where you are, but in the UK, it's actually more increased. 50% more actually increased. And it's increased even, it's not in yeah just in young people, it's actually increased into more elderly people as well. Mm-hmm.
00:25:05
Speaker
and they just don't know how to reach out now. Even the people who actually was more socialised person, going out, communicating in the community, doing things together, even those people are gone even you know more but affected with mental health as well.
00:25:21
Speaker
So even mental health in those hospitals, you know on the NHS, it's gone more, it's actually risen. Yes.
00:25:32
Speaker
so That is common as well here is that post-COVID there is there is ah increase in other mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, suicidality, as well as the loneliness. And I think.
00:25:47
Speaker
Loneliness in itself is is kind of a ah sickness, an illness that plagues us because we are communal creatures. We need to be in community to be to thrive. it's ah It's a basic human need.
00:26:01
Speaker
And i think that so, yeah, it's it's it's it's ah it's interesting to see that it even in different situations, societies in different ah countries and continents that we're we're we're experiencing similar things.
00:26:15
Speaker
um ah You said something earlier about, so one, on one hand, yeah your religion and meditating and breathing and has helped you get through some of those difficult times in your life.
00:26:29
Speaker
But I'm curious, is how is do you mind telling us your religion and then if there has ever been a place where your loneliness was invalidated because of your religion? um Yeah, so I'm actually brought up, um I'm born a UK, British, I'm Asian, I'm a Sikh, Punjabi, um yeah, and yeah, my religious, I've always been religious because obviously from my background, from my grandparents, you know, my own parents and we're all religious family.
00:26:59
Speaker
um I'm actually now two years now. being baptized as well. So, yeah, it's been a valid actually, you know, loneliness. work But even even in my community, my Sikh Punjabi community, there is a lot of stigma in the mental health.
00:27:14
Speaker
And they put that, they carry the loneliness associated with the mental health. that anxiety, depression, or other kind of psychosis or any... They put that one in one umbrella.
00:27:29
Speaker
But I will say, you know, it has been a valid, but since I've written the book, people are quite more... coming to near to me why have you written this book yeah loneliness loneliness everyone's coming why you've written this book for who is this behind this book why is she and the title as soon as they read the title it's like wow it's like knock back wow tunnel yes definitely a tunnel but why she reading this book so always curious it's good though it's interesting because they're curious, because this is why I wanted to, this is the but because I want to support out there.
00:28:05
Speaker
But I will say, we're on this subject as well, low Every single has, um we can manage it. If we have like a look ah dis disability, if we have got a diagnosis of something, illness or disease, or if we've got some mental to health issue, we've always got, we can manage them because we get we get managed by medication, yeah?
00:28:28
Speaker
We get managed by, you know, treatments as well. But I will say, people don't know, learners, there's no diagnosis, there's no treatment,
00:28:40
Speaker
There's no science that they said, oh, yeah, this cure for
Understanding Loneliness as a Major Issue
00:28:44
Speaker
loneliness. No, there isn't. I would say the biggest people think, oh, I've got this diagnosis. for For instance, people got somebody might have cancer. They go, oh, I'm going to die.
00:28:55
Speaker
But you're not going die straight away because you can you get managed, you get treated. Yeah. The biggest killer people don't understand is the biggest killer is loneliness, being lonely because there's no medication, there's no scientists.
00:29:11
Speaker
The only way you're going to combat this loneliness, if you are feeling lonely, loneliness, or you know somebody is actually, you're the only person's going to be curing it. Only come from yourself.
00:29:23
Speaker
Now in over three, over three million in just in the UK, three Over 3 million people are experiencing loneliness just in the UK.
00:29:36
Speaker
So if you meant imagine, if it's three over 3 million people just in the UK going through loneliness, how many people in the whole cross of the world are going through loneliness?
00:29:49
Speaker
Yes. So loneliness is the biggest killer ever. you can imagine because there's no cure of it. There's no medication for it. And it's no science that this the is a cure for it or any manager.
00:30:03
Speaker
The only way you can come back is, is from yourself. You're the only power of yourself to combat this loneliness. Yes. And I want to point out something because, because what you're saying is actually scientific, right? So,
00:30:20
Speaker
Like loneliness can trigger stress hormones, which can increase your inflammation and and and make your body feel deregulated and and and put you in a a fight or flight state, a symptomatic nervous system state.
00:30:35
Speaker
ah and And also studies, this is something I found, that studies found that lonely people had a 20% increase, a percent increase in risk of dying compared to not lonely people.
00:30:49
Speaker
And also their risk of dying from any cause increased by 14% because of their loneliness. And loneliness increases the risk of health heart disease by 29%. I'm going to say it again. Loneliness increases the risk of heart disease by 29% and increases risk stroke by 32%.
00:31:07
Speaker
just looked those numbers up, that is...
00:31:12
Speaker
and just looked those numbers up but that is alarming. And like you said, there is no diagnosis of loneliness. There is no cure. <unk> there are There are ways to manage your loneliness through reading your book and finding good strategies. I think that is a huge point. and but But it's something that needs to be addressed, absolutely.
00:31:34
Speaker
And so it it affects our health. It affects our well-being. And I I appreciate you one changing the mindset around loneliness. It sounds like you've gotten some people curious and sparked their interest in the topic that you're talking about. I'm definitely interested. and I can't wait to read the book.
00:31:52
Speaker
i'm As an author myself, I wrote a book that is is very personal in nature and I've had some amazing experiences with interacting with folks after they've read it.
00:32:06
Speaker
I'm curious what the big the most touching or the most unexpected response has been from your book or interaction that you've had with somebody. Have you had any of those moments?
00:32:18
Speaker
Yes, I've had people come across to me. I've had to be called, um invited to so many events at the moment. I just came from event last night, um a group of elderly people in a chatty calf. They actually invited me to share and and talk about my book.
00:32:34
Speaker
um The feedback I'm getting from my book is personally is actually the powerful one is that I've had a few people come in they've They've been struggling just to get out.
00:32:46
Speaker
And, you know, for their mental health, you know, from anxiety, for severe anxiety, even though on medication, but they're still feeling lonely on their own.
00:32:56
Speaker
And, you know, those people, you know, actually bought the book and and they're saying to me, the feedback, they're saying, oh, my God, your book is so powerful. I've taken, you've made me comfort, though the warmth in it, the hope in it, the light, know,
00:33:13
Speaker
the powerful, I'm taking things out of it, um I'm going to try a mat now. you know Even though you can't come out from your home for some reason, for this disability reasons, or you're just feeling more unsociable, disconnected at the moment,
00:33:29
Speaker
This is a self-help book that you people from home, from staying at home, they can actually use and try things from just at home but the and until they build their confidence up.
00:33:41
Speaker
So it's been a really powerful and really privilege, you know. For me, look, for me it's something like, you know, I wanted to give back to the society because I went i knew what I went through it.
00:33:53
Speaker
And to be honest, it's a really, really, we say like we go for mental health, it's a really dark place. Yeah, it is. Yes, it is. But it depends on how far mental health, you know, ah darkness you go to. It depends because every, because all different kinds of diagnosis of mental, mental health is a really big, big, big thing, big umbrella.
00:34:13
Speaker
And, you know, but when I went through that, it's a very, very dark place. And I wouldn't bid on any single person on the universe.
00:34:25
Speaker
That's why it was so dear to my heart, you know. And also, like, you know, in the beginning when I said mental health is due to my heart as well. And I spoke to so many, many, many people in my life, you know, even now today as well.
00:34:39
Speaker
You know, and I wanted to give back. I always give back, like to give back meaningfully. Nothing in return. Even though for this book as well, I'm raising money for the mental health charity to give back to those charities as well.
00:34:52
Speaker
you know And loneliness, I want to give back. So people actually can, um want to so even out of 10 people, if one person's life is saved, for me, that is a lot. I want you to leave something, after me, I'm gone.
Hopes for the Book's Impact
00:35:09
Speaker
I wanted to leave it for generation to generation, you know, because loneliness, this book is for every single person. It's not aimed for, well, I was actually asked, where is this book going to be aimed for? Who is this book for?
00:35:23
Speaker
No, Loneliness, I said in completely ah at from the beginning when I wrote the book, I said it's for every single person because our individual life journey is our individual life journey.
00:35:35
Speaker
Because like I said in the beginning, I had a lovely childhood, but i brought up by my beautiful family, my parents, my grandparents. I went through loneliness with my adult life. So my life was then I went through loneliness.
00:35:48
Speaker
So I i gave ah this book for every single person, you know, across the world, across the UK. And it's really important, dear to my heart, you know. And I want to, this book, to be honest, personally, I want this book to go so far to people that, you know,
00:36:09
Speaker
to to help them, support them. Even now today, somebody's hearing you know me. It's got my personal details in at the back of the book. They can reach out to me.
00:36:20
Speaker
Let me know. Even say hello to me. you know Tell me your thoughts about it. Speak to me. That'd be a privilege. I'd be absolutely honoured to hear from you guys. It doesn't matter. It's not going to...
00:36:31
Speaker
I'm not going to charge you because I'm a counsellor. No, it's no cost. Just even hear you, you know, put a feedback on Amazon. It's on Amazon. Put a feedback on Amazon because everybody likes to read the feedbacks as well. Reviews on there as well.
00:36:45
Speaker
That helps the other person to read it as well. It's on Kindle. It's on hard copy. And, yeah, it's really, really, really, really dear to my heart, Loners, and it's a really big killer because it actually leads to suicidal.
00:37:00
Speaker
it can actually take somebody's life as well. And I'm so grateful today I'm living happier life and I'm combating my life you know from loneliness and I want to help people out there.
00:37:13
Speaker
And I want this book to go so far And it helped reach people, you know, to they come here I care for you guys.
00:37:24
Speaker
You're not on your own. I'm here for you. We're all here for you. You're not on your own. Don't feel this way. You know, here's the book. You know, it's going to be always with you. So every time you're going to feel lonely, pick the book up. It's going to be always with you.
00:37:40
Speaker
You're not on your own. I care. That's why care. And I want I written the book for you guys. You speak with so much passion and I can tell that it is it is it is bigger than you. Like you said, you want this to save lives, even if it's just one life, to save a life.
00:37:59
Speaker
and That is purpose-driven work. And you have put so much of your heart into this. And i I can't thank you enough for doing it and for wanting to make the world a better place by helping people feel less alone, feel less lonely.
00:38:14
Speaker
And i like one of the things that I was listening for was whether or not your your solution to loneliness was to find another spouse.
00:38:24
Speaker
And that didn't come out. It sounded like there was other things that you did that were internal to help you find to find the the what managed your loneliness. And so this is going to come up in this rapid response. But the first part of this, it's rapid response. So you fill in the blank.
00:38:41
Speaker
But the first one, feel free to feel free to make it not so rapid. But Fill in the blank here. Loneliness has taught me blank.
00:38:56
Speaker
Loneliness actually taught me, right?
00:39:02
Speaker
You're not on your own.
00:39:05
Speaker
If you believe in God, if you believe in God, you're such a religious person. You believe the person upstairs. You need to believe in yourself. bleing what do you say What do you say to the person who hasn't hasn't had the belief in God?
00:39:24
Speaker
How can they feel that? So you don't have to be religious to believe in God. No. No way. Don't don think that you have to be religious to walk into a religious place because you're not religious.
00:39:37
Speaker
No. Take that negative thinking out. No. Everybody's welcome in God's home. God is nowhere, is everywhere, but it's inside you as well.
00:39:51
Speaker
We're all God's children. He looks after us. And like I said in the beginning, we don't have to be religious to believe in God. We are his child. And he's going look after us.
00:40:03
Speaker
So... The first thing is he's in inside. We need to believe find a way to believe the light is inside us and find that light, find that strength.
00:40:16
Speaker
We're not on our own. Yes. It's all inside us. Yes. All right. Rapid response now. My greatest strength is b blank.
00:40:29
Speaker
My greatest thing, my strength is assist my children, my parents, And thirdly, it's my whole community, you guys, the people out there.
00:40:41
Speaker
You guys are my strength. Everybody on the universe, the UK, the whole world, you are, guys, my important people in my life as well.
00:40:53
Speaker
My family, my parents, my children, and you guys. everybody Everybody is one. To me, it's all one. people no I care for you guys.
00:41:05
Speaker
You have a ah tremendous community and I love to hear that they are a ah source of your strength. That's so good. if If I could offer one piece of advice to someone feeling lonely, isolated right now in this moment, one piece of advice, it would be what?
00:41:28
Speaker
If I say somebody came to but somebody for somebody asked me for advice, the when if they If you gave them one piece of advice What would you say? I would say You're not on your own I'm here for you What is wrong?
00:41:47
Speaker
What is up? Tell me You're not on your own Why are you feeling that on your own?
00:41:56
Speaker
Yes You be fine You be fine I love their energy And lastly, a book or resource that has profoundly impacted me is blank.
00:42:15
Speaker
So a book or a resource.
00:42:20
Speaker
I'll probably say um me resource. A lot of research in the mental health. Very powerful. Yeah. Understanding mental health.
00:42:32
Speaker
Mental health. Yeah. Yeah. Very powerful. um I, this has been absolutely amazing, Sukvinda. ah You are a gift to this world.
00:42:45
Speaker
To be able to take a topic like loneliness, which impacts us all, as you've pointed out, and create a resource as your book and to be the person that you are as a resource to so many people is truly inspiring. And I hope ah my fingers are crossed that you win this award and that you bring it home and you continue to influence so many people and that you inspire other people to go out to their stories and, and you lift up communities just as you've been lifted up.
00:43:16
Speaker
ah Do you have any final thoughts or any last things that you want to leave the listeners?
00:43:24
Speaker
um The only thing I'll first of all say, please do kindly vote because the votes are for you guys. Yeah. but please do vote, a privilege, honoured, you know, I'm going bring the award for you guys.
00:43:36
Speaker
um So, yes, let's go and pick the award up, guys, and let's bring it. ah But my final word will be for every single person here in this interview, whatever you are white wherever you are, um i will say i want this book to be the powerful beacon
00:43:59
Speaker
I want this book to be a powerful beacon to be important to remind you guys that even on the darkest, there's always light.
00:44:12
Speaker
Yes, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. How can people reach you if they want to get in touch with you? So, yeah, so in the book, um this at the back of my book, when everybody purchases this book, um it's got my personal details on there. It's got the website on there. It's got my telephone on there. It's got my email address on there.
00:44:33
Speaker
So please do kindly reach out. It'd be privilege, grateful to hear from you. It'd be an honour to hear from you guys. um But, yeah, so um it' all all my personal details. will actually... um ah was actually I wanted to um be put that details on there, actually, because um so i feel that if anybody buys a book, they probably want to know and i want to say hi to me. They probably have that thought, you know, as soon as I want to say hello or thank the that the author.
00:45:01
Speaker
want to say, you know, why do you read this book? They want to ask so many questions from the book as well. that's why for me it was really important to, you know, enclose those, you know, details, my personal details in the book as well. as So all my personal details were in the book as well, yeah.
00:45:19
Speaker
Yes. ah Well, I hope that many, many people reach out. hope that even more people vote so that you can win the ah prestigious award that you were nominated for and that um you continue to spread your light and your your message across the entire world.
00:45:36
Speaker
And i want to I want to hear, where are you listening from? Are you in the UK? Are you in the US or somewhere else in the world? Leave a comment on YouTube, on Spotify, if you can. Reach out.
00:45:48
Speaker
ah You can find me on Instagram at Reggie D. Ford or vulnerability muscle. um And i would love to hear where you are tuning in from. But Sukhvinda, with all the things that you could be doing and all the places that you could be, I appreciate you being here and me embracing vulnerability.
00:46:08
Speaker
Well, first of all i I'd like to say thank you very much. It's been a privilege talking to you. Thank you for joining us in another episode of Vulnerability Muscle. If you've enjoyed these conversations around vulnerability, please consider leaving a review.
00:46:21
Speaker
Your feedback not only motivates us to continue to do the work that we do, but it allows other people to witness the power of vulnerability. Share your thoughts. on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, or wherever you're listening from.
00:46:36
Speaker
And don't forget to spread the word. You can follow us at Vulnerability Muscle on Instagram and me personally at Reggie D. Ford across all platforms. Visit vulnerabilitymuscle.com for additional resources and support.
00:46:50
Speaker
And remember, embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is the source of your greatest strength. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but most workouts are. So keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.