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Scamming Men in Solidarity: Combating Colorism & Racial Fetishization
38 Plays3 years ago
Savannah discusses the dangers, warning signs, and origins of racial fetishization. Lilith lays out her plan to defeat colorism and racial fetishization. Reaux gives a shout out to White Mikes everywhere. Make their pockets hurt.
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Introduction and Sponsorship
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00:02:02
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What's up, queens?
Understanding Racial Fetishization
00:02:03
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:02:07
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:02:09
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:02:10
Speaker
And I'm Lilla.
00:02:11
Speaker
And this week, we will be discussing the complex topic of racial fetishization in dating.
00:02:20
Speaker
So we'll be going over what it looks like, what it means to be racially fetishised, how it can manifest when you are dating and some tips to avoid or some tips to spot when you are being racially fetishised.
00:02:35
Speaker
This is quite, in my opinion, a very, very under-discussed aspect of general dating advice.
00:02:42
Speaker
And it's not really surprising given the fact that most of the most popular dating coaches are often white.
00:02:50
Speaker
So this experience isn't really spoken about as much as it should be.
00:02:56
Speaker
So let's just begin with definitions.
00:02:58
Speaker
So
00:02:59
Speaker
Being fetishised is, in its most academic definition, it means sexual fascination with a part of someone's identity, which is not inherently sexual, such as race.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like people who are racial fetishisers always frame it as like appreciation.
00:03:20
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
00:03:22
Speaker
It's true.
00:03:23
Speaker
This is kind of the sticky topic because if you like someone, where does the line, where's the line, right?
00:03:29
Speaker
Because if you like someone who's of different culture, often you'll want to express your appreciation or desire to integrate your life with theirs by expressing some kind of appreciation for their culture.
00:03:40
Speaker
But the question is always like, when does it go too far?
00:03:44
Speaker
When does it go from genuine love
00:03:46
Speaker
admiration or appreciation for the individual that you're dating?
00:03:51
Speaker
And when does it go to like some weird, creepy colonizer fantasy thing?
00:03:55
Speaker
You know, Rose, right.
00:03:57
Speaker
It can be very difficult to know where the line is.
00:03:59
Speaker
And it is a very, very insidious form of racism because it assumes...
00:04:05
Speaker
at its core that somebody of a particular race will behave in a certain way and and those particular assumptions are what makes you want to date that person as opposed to who that individual actually is so that's where I would draw the line
00:04:20
Speaker
I guess if they start to ascribe behaviors to an entire group, specifically submissive behaviors to an entire group, that's when it starts to get weird more so than, because that's more of a motivation of, I want
00:04:35
Speaker
or I feel that I should have power over this group of people or more desirability to this group of people based on my race even right so they're also yeah like they're premium they're they're giving a premium on their race rather than on this person as an individual because people are individuals at the end of the day yeah yeah exactly and even if there's like general cultural trends it doesn't doesn't really say much about the person you're dating in particular yeah
00:05:00
Speaker
Yeah, agreed.
00:05:03
Speaker
And people sometimes assume that people are assuming that women of colour are always submissive, but it can also go the other way.
00:05:13
Speaker
In my own experience, black women can sometimes be seen as rough and super ghetto or really, really abrasive and brash.
00:05:27
Speaker
That's also another stereotype as well.
00:05:30
Speaker
which does exist and which I've personally been confronted with sometimes.
00:05:34
Speaker
I actually had like a guy say to me, like, you don't act black.
00:05:37
Speaker
And I was like, what the fuck do you mean?
00:05:38
Speaker
And he was like, oh, you're not loud.
00:05:41
Speaker
And I'm like, what?
00:05:45
Speaker
So yeah, that's just an example of how it can go the other way.
00:05:49
Speaker
Cringe.
00:05:50
Speaker
And I'd also like to add, it's not just white men who can perpetuate this as well.
00:05:57
Speaker
It can also be any sort of man, especially if you are, if you come from a different background or if you're a different skin tone to them.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, it isn't like just like an issue with only white men.
00:06:08
Speaker
Also, just to put that out there as well.
00:06:10
Speaker
It's also possible to be racially fetishized by other minority groups as well.
00:06:15
Speaker
I find non-white
Media Influence and Sex Tourism
00:06:16
Speaker
men can also fetishize white women as well.
00:06:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:20
Speaker
That's a good point.
00:06:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:22
Speaker
A lot of women of color complain about that, actually, specifically that sometimes... Do I empty the clip on black men here or later?
00:06:35
Speaker
Gradually bring us up to the climax, Savannah.
00:06:38
Speaker
Should I do it?
00:06:41
Speaker
Should I do it?
00:06:42
Speaker
I'll do it.
00:06:43
Speaker
Yeah, to be fair, it's not just black.
00:06:45
Speaker
But yeah, I know a lot of women of color do complain that men of color will fetishize white women for other reasons.
00:06:52
Speaker
Maybe the submissive thing, but also because they feel like having a white woman is like a marker of success.
00:06:58
Speaker
They want to take a white man's woman or yeah, it's like a status thing.
00:07:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:04
Speaker
And this also can be down to colourism as well in a lot of minority groups.
00:07:09
Speaker
So the lighter you are, the more attractive you are, even within minority groups as well.
00:07:16
Speaker
So it can also be down to a desire for, you know, for example, oh, I don't want my children to be dark skinned.
00:07:24
Speaker
And yes, I've actually heard people make that argument before.
00:07:27
Speaker
So moving on to the causes of, you know, what causes people to be racially fetishised?
00:07:34
Speaker
And I know that FDS, we bang the anti-porn drum loudly and proudly, but the influence of porn cannot be understated on this particular phenomenon.
00:07:46
Speaker
If you look at porn that shows a black woman or an Asian woman, you know, for example, you will not find a scene that isn't heavily steeped in really, really disgusting racist tropes.
00:08:05
Speaker
You just won't find one.
00:08:07
Speaker
Like Asian women especially, they are routinely, routinely, you know, portrayed as the sexually submissive, you know, young women.
00:08:16
Speaker
They're often made to look a lot younger than they are.
00:08:19
Speaker
And on the opposite end of the spectrum, the black women, you know, black women are portrayed, and even black men as well, are portrayed as extremely hypersexual, as really ghetto, and just...
00:08:31
Speaker
quite sexually loose at the same time so the impact of pornography cannot be understated when it comes to being racially fetishized to the point where you know i've had some of my black friends who are quite slim for example men basically telling them that they're disappointed that they don't have a big bum and big tits because that's how most black women in porn are depicted as having that
00:08:52
Speaker
It's really, really fucking gross and extremely rude.
00:08:56
Speaker
You can't really deny the impact of pornography.
00:08:58
Speaker
And especially in the case of Asian women as well and the horrific proliferation of sexual tourism, which by the way, right, if a guy tells you that he goes to Thailand, definitely dig more into that because it's highly possible that he's gone for sex tourism, which is basically just another form of sexual exploitation and possibly raping women as well.
00:09:22
Speaker
And children.
00:09:23
Speaker
That too.
00:09:23
Speaker
And kids specifically.
00:09:25
Speaker
There's a couple of hotbed countries for sexual tourism.
00:09:30
Speaker
And it's actually a little bit different depending on the country.
00:09:34
Speaker
So certain countries are more frequented by Europeans.
00:09:37
Speaker
Other countries are more frequented by Americans for sex tourism.
00:09:41
Speaker
And then other countries are more frequented specifically by Black Americans or Black people.
00:09:47
Speaker
So generally, a lot of the sex trafficking tourist hotspots,
00:09:52
Speaker
At least used to be places like the Dominican Republic.
00:09:55
Speaker
It's increasingly in Colombia.
00:09:57
Speaker
And the reason we know this is because they're all over YouTube sharing this information.
00:10:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:03
Speaker
Latin America.
00:10:04
Speaker
It's really sick and sad.
00:10:05
Speaker
They literally have whole movements.
00:10:07
Speaker
reviews of the brothels they go to.
00:10:09
Speaker
So disgusting.
00:10:10
Speaker
Yeah, the brothels they go to, but not to mention, like, they call a country, if it's been saturated with male sex tourists and the local women have caught on, they call the country burnt.
00:10:19
Speaker
Oh, this country's burned now.
00:10:21
Speaker
Meaning, all the women there caught on, these creeps are going there to get, like, free...
00:10:26
Speaker
very cheap sex tourism.
00:10:28
Speaker
So they jack up the prices.
00:10:30
Speaker
Queens, thanks to God, they jack up the prices a lot.
00:10:34
Speaker
Or start scamming them.
00:10:35
Speaker
They start scamming the shit out of them.
00:10:36
Speaker
And also what also happens is the local men catch on and the local men don't like that shit.
00:10:40
Speaker
So some guys, you know, people that turn up missing on vacation,
00:10:44
Speaker
And stuff like that.
00:10:44
Speaker
It's not like, especially these more dangerous countries, like it's not like they just let American men go off the resorts and just start picking up women without some conversations.
00:10:55
Speaker
Right.
00:10:57
Speaker
Honestly, I do not feel bad for American men who go missing while sex trafficking.
00:11:01
Speaker
Yeah, I don't feel bad either.
00:11:02
Speaker
Trust me.
00:11:03
Speaker
I don't.
00:11:04
Speaker
I don't either.
00:11:05
Speaker
I think that's karma.
00:11:06
Speaker
That's justice.
00:11:07
Speaker
They get robbed and stuff.
00:11:09
Speaker
I mean, at minimum, they're just getting robbed because obviously if they go there, like, oh, I have a pocket full of cash to come, like, spend it on strippers and sex workers.
00:11:15
Speaker
I hope they get it.
00:11:16
Speaker
They deserve to get robbed.
00:11:17
Speaker
Exactly.
00:11:18
Speaker
So just be aware of that.
00:11:20
Speaker
We're not exaggerating.
00:11:22
Speaker
If you go online, I don't suggest you do, but if you go online, there's actually whole YouTube videos, whole YouTube communities, at least those are the public communities.
00:11:30
Speaker
I know there's probably other online communities where they talk about specific places they can go now to pick up.
00:11:35
Speaker
Were these lames?
00:11:36
Speaker
These really, really stupid...
00:11:39
Speaker
completely dweeby dudes can go and get a lot more bang for their buck when it comes to sex tourism.
00:11:47
Speaker
It's increasingly becoming well known that men do this.
00:11:50
Speaker
So there are actually several countries that are actively fighting back in their legal system because it's become such a widespread phenomenon.
00:11:57
Speaker
Good.
00:11:58
Speaker
And we should support people who fight back against that.
00:12:01
Speaker
100%.
00:12:01
Speaker
But what I think is also even more hilarious is when men expand this...
00:12:08
Speaker
you know, willingness to, you know, to please them into marriage.
00:12:12
Speaker
So they'll go to these places looking for a submissive wife only to find that.
00:12:18
Speaker
Male order bride?
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, looking for a male order bride.
00:12:21
Speaker
And then when they get married, she just comes and picks him clean.
00:12:25
Speaker
Clean.
00:12:26
Speaker
That just, yeah, that just warms my soul.
00:12:28
Speaker
We need to liberate these women such that not only are they not being sexually exploited by these men, but they're financially exploiting these fucking scrotes.
00:12:35
Speaker
I think they're catching on.
00:12:36
Speaker
That's the good news is that it's not, I mean, they have the internet too, right?
00:12:40
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:12:42
Speaker
And also they're not dumb.
00:12:43
Speaker
Like it can just, they've started to notice the local economy.
00:12:46
Speaker
So they're, they're also figuring out, but I agree.
00:12:50
Speaker
And I think it just needs to be met with the kind of contempt that any other type of trafficking would, um,
00:12:55
Speaker
Right.
00:12:55
Speaker
I feel like for whatever reason, these guys think that this is some kind of love story and rather than like human trafficking, which it is like getting a male order bride is still human trafficking.
00:13:03
Speaker
It's just like romantic romanticized human trafficking.
00:13:06
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:13:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:08
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:13:08
Speaker
And
Historical Context and Power Dynamics
00:13:09
Speaker
especially if you're bringing her over to literally cook and clean for you and have sex with you.
00:13:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:16
Speaker
I feel like men don't see it as human trafficking because they're women.
00:13:19
Speaker
Trying to take a person from an impoverished country to do a job for low or no wage is the same as human trafficking and human slavery.
00:13:29
Speaker
You're not paying them commensurate with what a person would do from that job.
00:13:32
Speaker
You're just trying to marry them and legally bind them to you and then force them to do this work for you as a condition of their residency in the United States, which is human trafficking.
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:13:43
Speaker
I mean, even though there is a marriage, in quotation marks, usually involved somewhere, that's more just a mark of ownership and power and control.
00:13:52
Speaker
Especially if the woman's, for example, citizenship is tied to that marriage.
00:13:59
Speaker
That was just an aside.
00:14:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:02
Speaker
So the biggest cause, however, is actual racism and stereotypes.
00:14:07
Speaker
So women of colour have been traditionally stereotyped and exploited on the basis of their bodies for millennia.
00:14:18
Speaker
When the Europeans invaded Africa, for example, the fetishisation of black women's bodies was extremely common.
00:14:27
Speaker
This played out, I think, the most prominent example I could think of was...
00:14:32
Speaker
of a woman called Sarah Bartman.
00:14:35
Speaker
If you Google her, she was known for having like basically a huge bum.
00:14:39
Speaker
And what they did was they basically exhibited her like an animal in a zoo all over Europe.
00:14:47
Speaker
And that was actually common actually to, I remember I went to Antwerp Zoo about six or seven years ago.
00:14:55
Speaker
And at the time I didn't realise that only like 50 years prior, like black animals,
00:15:01
Speaker
people like black children are actually exhibited in that same zoo as like exhibit exhibit a amongst animals actually like in european museums exactly that it's fucked up she was called uh sartya also known as the hot and tot venus and that is the thing with with racial fetishization is that at its core it's deeply deeply rooted in racism and
00:15:26
Speaker
Or like entitlement, right?
00:15:27
Speaker
Racism has many different faces, but one of the biggest is to create reasons so that you feel comfortable exploiting that other group.
00:15:35
Speaker
The point is the dehumanization.
00:15:37
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:15:38
Speaker
Yes.
00:15:39
Speaker
So when we talk about racial fetishization, it's generally, it's almost like never racial fetishization for something that is, that would grant that woman agency and power, right?
00:15:52
Speaker
Right.
00:15:54
Speaker
I'm not saying it never happens, but I'm trying to think of a situation where guys would be like, I really like this race of women because they're very independent.
00:16:03
Speaker
And smart and have great sense of humor.
00:16:05
Speaker
Not saying it doesn't happen because you have the weird, like, submissive type guys.
00:16:11
Speaker
But even then, like, they're basically, if you ask any female dominant what it's like to be with a male sub, they will tell you it's a fucking nightmare.
00:16:22
Speaker
Because even still, like, they still like... They're needy....to top from the bottom, and they're needy, and they like to set the pace.
00:16:29
Speaker
And if they're not being dominated in a particular way, then they're not interested.
00:16:34
Speaker
And even that actually is, you know, predicated on the man almost play-acting, um...
00:16:41
Speaker
Being treated like a woman.
00:16:42
Speaker
So even that is very, it isn't that he is being treated as inferior based on him being male.
00:16:49
Speaker
He is enjoying the fact that he gets to basically play out female stereotypes of submission to get himself off.
00:16:58
Speaker
Even if they try to characterize the women as like mouthy or independent, the entire fetishization is going to be to dominate and disrespect her.
00:17:07
Speaker
So that's kind of the thing is that it's so often the degradation is wrapped up in the racial stereotype.
00:17:14
Speaker
They're not racially stereotyping good things against people or things that would cause them to have individually less power.
00:17:23
Speaker
It's a way to denigrate these women so they feel comfortable sexually exploiting them.
00:17:27
Speaker
I also find that, like, when, especially white men do this, where they will fetishize not so much, like, the actual features of the woman of that particular race, they'll, like, not her physical features, although sometimes they do that as well.
00:17:42
Speaker
What they're fetishizing is specifically the power dynamic.
00:17:46
Speaker
Like, they like feeling more powerful.
00:17:48
Speaker
They like having sex with someone that they see is beneath them, like, significantly beneath them.
00:17:54
Speaker
And...
00:17:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's the oppression that they're fetishizing, which is the problem, not so much like finding certain physical features more attractive, which is maybe more innocent.
00:18:03
Speaker
But, yeah.
Race and BDSM: Complexities and Critiques
00:18:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:09
Speaker
I actually got that a fair amount in, like, the BDSM community.
00:18:16
Speaker
And it was kind of weird because for all of the BDSM community's faults, like, you know, one of the times where they did, like, draw the moral line, like, weirdly enough, was when it came to race.
00:18:29
Speaker
So some people...
00:18:32
Speaker
engaged in what's known as you know race play where they enact out um basically racist dynamics and that was actually quite common that i came across that when i was in the scene and it was very very disturbing just how comfortable people were with being racist
00:18:48
Speaker
I know we've been talking about the men in that situation, but what is the psychology behind women who agree to that stuff?
00:18:54
Speaker
Just like bottom barrel self-esteem?
00:18:57
Speaker
Your ancestors are rolling over in their graves, sis.
00:19:02
Speaker
I guess, though, it's a similar mentality, though, to the women who agree to be subjugated because they're female, which is basically the basis of any DS dynamic, isn't it?
00:19:14
Speaker
It's acting out that...
00:19:17
Speaker
And firstly, yeah, it does come from a place of low self-esteem because the thing is with these BDSM dynamics is that you are inadvertently reaffirming in the dynamic how you feel about yourself.
00:19:31
Speaker
So if you have a dom calling you a bitch, a slut, you're useless, you're worthless, and you enjoy that, that means deep down that you probably actually believe that.
00:19:42
Speaker
um because if you didn't you would be horrified by it right if somebody actually if someone called you that you'd be like what the fuck but if you actually enjoy it on some level you believe that to be true um and i just think just like you can have internalized misogyny it's possible to be to have internalized racism in my view that's that's a good point in the same way that yeah exactly as you said it's possible to have internalized misogyny it's possible to have internalized racism
00:20:10
Speaker
And especially with, you know, women, you know, we are constantly told and, you know, that, oh, you know, women are inferior to men in so many different ways that women are only as, you know, useful as, you know, men see them.
00:20:26
Speaker
In a similar way, women of colour are also told, oh, you're not desirable.
00:20:31
Speaker
You know, you need to change so much about yourself before you can even think about becoming desirable.
00:20:37
Speaker
And all of that is then, you know, brought out and amplified within such a dynamic that I can...
00:20:46
Speaker
I can't understand, but I can see why a woman of color might find it appealing if it's reaffirming all the messages that she's been told growing up.
00:20:54
Speaker
So this is why I think representation is so important.
00:20:57
Speaker
Representation matters.
00:20:58
Speaker
Yeah, positive representation, because if you don't create positive representation for whatever your group is, the dominant group will create it for you and it's going to be fucked up.
00:21:08
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:21:08
Speaker
Right.
00:21:10
Speaker
100%.
00:21:10
Speaker
White men will frame you in their frame of view and whatever it is, it's going to be degrading and fucked up and exploitative.
00:21:17
Speaker
So I feel like probably a lot of these women, if that's their issue, they may not have seen a lot of positive representations of their race in popular media or the idea that women could be of their race, have their own unique value, etc.
00:21:34
Speaker
So they settled for being...
00:21:37
Speaker
a sex toy for presumably some white guy.
00:21:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:40
Speaker
Which is sad.
00:21:45
Speaker
Hanging their self-esteem on whether white guys find them sexually attractive is just such a failure of an opportunity to build real value for yourself and real self-esteem in the world.
00:21:56
Speaker
And I feel like that's such a failure of liberal feminists in particular because I feel like a lot of that narrative gets conflated with each other.
00:22:03
Speaker
If you start to think like, oh, kink and sexual kink and BDSM is a way for sexual empowerment for women, then you racialize that.
00:22:10
Speaker
And then a lot of women start thinking, well, this is a way for me to feel sexually empowered and, like, I have sexual value to people.
00:22:17
Speaker
Which I'm like, just take the entire lens off sexual value to men, period.
00:22:21
Speaker
Can I just say it's weird as fuck to me that liberal feminists will be like, kink and BDSM is amazing.
00:22:27
Speaker
And they'll be super, like, oh, Black Lives Matter, super anti-woke, super anti-racist.
00:22:32
Speaker
But then when it comes to race play, they really struggle to have nuanced conversations about that.
00:22:37
Speaker
Like, they'll either be like, well, it's, um...
00:22:39
Speaker
They're just acting on a fantasy.
00:22:41
Speaker
They're not actually hurting anyone in real life.
00:22:43
Speaker
They'll do the harm.
00:22:44
Speaker
You know, it's not causing any actual harm argument.
00:22:47
Speaker
Well, their only morality is consent.
00:22:49
Speaker
They'll be like, well, they consented to it.
00:22:50
Speaker
And the woman chose this because they frame it always in consent and choice rather than the actual merit of the actions itself and also the harm on the person or overall on society.
00:23:03
Speaker
Yeah, and they just seem to completely remove the fact that that consent isn't given... Like, our choices aren't made in a vacuum at all.
00:23:14
Speaker
But even then, like, there are some kinksters who will draw the line at race play.
00:23:17
Speaker
Like, there are kinksters who will be like, yeah, it's fine to...
00:23:20
Speaker
It's fine to whip women.
00:23:21
Speaker
It's fine to call women bitches, whores, sluts, you know, whatever, you know, cholera cum dumpster, whatever.
00:23:26
Speaker
But if you use the N word in play, too far, you're a bad person.
00:23:30
Speaker
Exactly right.
00:23:31
Speaker
So why is the racism not okay to them, but the misogyny is okay to them?
00:23:35
Speaker
Right.
00:23:36
Speaker
So that's what I mean about like people who are kinky have very conflicting opinions on race play, whether they're for it or against it.
00:23:44
Speaker
Cognitive dissonance is huge.
00:23:47
Speaker
I think we got blocked on Twitter by someone who wrote an article that was like, that said, what's that unpopular kink website you were talking about before?
00:23:56
Speaker
Oh, FetLife.
00:23:57
Speaker
Yeah, FetLife has a racism problem.
00:23:59
Speaker
And I was like, you don't motherfucking say, huh?
00:24:05
Speaker
Like, the whole thing was like, oh, this is a shock.
00:24:07
Speaker
There's guys on there that are basically sporting Klan hoods and asking for sexual favors.
00:24:11
Speaker
I'm like, oh, wow, really?
00:24:13
Speaker
Wow, shocking.
00:24:15
Speaker
These same men who, you know, want to fucking sexually degrade and humiliate women, they're also racist.
00:24:19
Speaker
What a shock, like...
00:24:21
Speaker
Shocker.
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, it was on BuzzFeed.
00:24:24
Speaker
The name of the article, and maybe we'll roast this on our bonus content, was called This Kink Site Has Become a Hotbed of Racism.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's from BuzzFeed News.
00:24:31
Speaker
Oh, what a surprise.
00:24:33
Speaker
Pretends to be shocked.
00:24:36
Speaker
I'm not really sure, though, why people... If we accept that racism exists in society, I don't know why people are shocked when people say that things like the dating world or sex in general is also racist.
00:24:54
Speaker
So...
Dating Apps and Cultural Ignorance
00:24:56
Speaker
And it's just as well, I think the general illusion of choice that online dating is given, particularly men who start thinking that women are some sort of pick and mix assortment that they can just choose from.
00:25:10
Speaker
Like I've had guys, you know, say, I want to have sex with a woman of every skin tone or from every continent.
00:25:18
Speaker
And I'm just like, ugh.
00:25:20
Speaker
Yeah, I've gotten that from guys where they're like, oh, I want to have sex with a redhead, I want to have sex with a brunette, and I want to have sex with a blonde, and an Asian, and a black woman, as though we're all different flavors of ice cream.
00:25:29
Speaker
Yeah, they just don't see us as people, like, first and foremost.
00:25:35
Speaker
And they just see us as different, you know, flavors that they can try.
00:25:39
Speaker
And with each flavor, in quotation marks, being rooted in some shitty stereotype that they have of that particular group of women.
00:25:47
Speaker
And just even outside the bedroom as well, like, you know, moving away from sex, you know, for a while.
00:25:52
Speaker
I've also had guys say, oh, can you make me jerk chicken?
00:25:57
Speaker
Now, just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm from the Caribbean.
00:26:00
Speaker
I'm not from the Caribbean.
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah, I'm like, you're not even Jamaican, right?
00:26:03
Speaker
No, I'm not.
00:26:04
Speaker
I'm not from the Caribbean.
00:26:07
Speaker
I'm looking at that like, um... I was like, no, I'm not from the Caribbean.
00:26:11
Speaker
They don't even have their ethnicities, right?
00:26:13
Speaker
Because they don't care.
00:26:14
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:26:15
Speaker
They just see a dark-skinned woman and just assume that I will be able or willing or, you know, just, you know, come from the background that will fulfill whatever fantasy that they have.
00:26:25
Speaker
I'm just like, fuck off.
00:26:27
Speaker
Joloff Rice, maybe?
00:26:28
Speaker
Did you say Joloff Rice?
00:26:31
Speaker
Joloff Rice!
00:26:31
Speaker
I can't say it right.
00:26:33
Speaker
Yeah, Joloff Rice.
00:26:36
Speaker
Did I say it wrong?
00:26:37
Speaker
It's just jollof rice.
00:26:38
Speaker
Jollof rice.
00:26:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:40
Speaker
Oh, jollof.
00:26:45
Speaker
You're like jollof rice.
00:26:48
Speaker
It's jollof rice.
00:26:51
Speaker
I love it when Savannah does like the American accent.
00:26:55
Speaker
Jollof.
00:26:56
Speaker
Joe Laugh Rice.
00:26:58
Speaker
Oh, my bad.
00:26:59
Speaker
Ignorant American.
00:27:00
Speaker
Is that how Americans say it?
00:27:01
Speaker
Joe Laugh?
00:27:02
Speaker
That's so funny.
00:27:03
Speaker
That's so cute.
00:27:03
Speaker
That's how I've heard it said.
00:27:07
Speaker
Sorry.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yes, Joe Laugh Rice.
00:27:09
Speaker
That's so funny and that's so wrong.
00:27:11
Speaker
Joe Laugh.
00:27:13
Speaker
Joe Laugh.
00:27:16
Speaker
Oh, that was funny.
00:27:17
Speaker
It could be that I'm just saying it wrong, but that's how I've heard other people pronounce it, so that's how I pronounced it.
00:27:22
Speaker
Joe Laugh.
00:27:24
Speaker
Hey, Queens, you know, here at the Female Dating Strategy, we're all about taking care of our sexual health and the all-important necessity of getting regularly tested for STDs.
00:27:33
Speaker
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00:27:40
Speaker
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00:27:43
Speaker
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00:27:44
Speaker
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00:27:56
Speaker
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00:27:57
Speaker
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00:27:57
Speaker
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00:28:03
Speaker
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00:28:09
Speaker
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00:28:11
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00:28:15
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00:28:23
Speaker
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00:28:28
Speaker
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00:28:30
Speaker
Let's Get Checked and back to the show.
00:28:33
Speaker
Just to cap off this section, though, in terms of the causes, the point I would like to stress to all women who, all women, but especially those who, especially the women of colour, is that essentially we live in a world where the closer you are to whiteness, the more conventionally attractive people.
00:28:50
Speaker
people are likely to find you this has been proven in numerous studies in anecdotal evidence as well however just because you are a woman of color that does not mean that you have to put up with such disrespect and a maltreatment um you know beauty is you know found you know within and across all races and i and i genuinely believe that this whole almost race to whiteness that that woman of
00:29:15
Speaker
color are, are essentially put on, is just another way to just create that competition and to create that struggle within the female class as well.
00:29:27
Speaker
It's weird too, because it's not just that, it's not just women that fall prey to that, it's the men in their group too, start to antagonize women for not looking whiter, right?
00:29:38
Speaker
And it's really odd because they also have weird internalized racism where they feel like, and I've seen
00:29:44
Speaker
I freaking incel forums way too much, but mostly, honestly, it's pure comedy.
00:29:49
Speaker
It's really funny to laugh at these guys because they honestly own themselves better than I could own them.
00:29:56
Speaker
A lot of times, it's just like one big circle jerk of self-misery.
00:30:00
Speaker
One of the tropes that they have is that for men who are not white, they call them some variation of a racial stereotype from their country.
00:30:10
Speaker
So they'll call Indian men curry cells or Asian men who are incels, rice cells.
00:30:16
Speaker
What?
00:30:16
Speaker
Right.
00:30:17
Speaker
So...
00:30:23
Speaker
Most of these guys, they may not be like, you know, not handsome by whatever standards they have of their own communities, but they feel like because specifically white women aren't falling all over them, then they're not of value and they don't value the affection or attention of women in their own group while they call themselves insults at the same time.
00:30:44
Speaker
So it's like a weird race race.
00:30:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:03
Speaker
The fact that there might be women of their own culture interested in them, it almost doesn't count for them.
00:31:07
Speaker
They still count themselves as incels because they want white attention.
00:31:10
Speaker
Yeah, they want white attention.
00:31:12
Speaker
But I want to point out that it's their own fucking fault that they can't even get women of their own race because the curse.
00:31:18
Speaker
cells and the right cells these are sorry south asia east asia uh you know china and india two countries where that have had a lot of uh sex selective abortions so yeah um a lot of female fetuses were killed before they were able to be born and
00:31:36
Speaker
um and so there's just a lot more men than women and so bit fucking shocker there's a bunch of dudes nowadays who can't find a wife because there's way more men than women uh because they don't value female lives so yeah again it's like their own fault but like it's
00:31:54
Speaker
Their own patriarchy's fault that they're incels.
00:31:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:57
Speaker
Is what I want to say.
00:31:58
Speaker
They'll try to blame women and, oh, women are racist or women are shallow or they're this and that or their standards are too high or whatever.
00:32:05
Speaker
But no, it's their own misogyny that's causing them to be incels.
00:32:08
Speaker
So I feel zero compassion for them.
00:32:10
Speaker
You can find these types of incels online getting really, really mad at interracial couples and literally harassing any woman of their culture that dates out.
00:32:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:21
Speaker
So.
00:32:22
Speaker
Good for them, queens.
00:32:23
Speaker
But at the same time, though, these same men that get mad at women of their own race dating out will also, like, reject the women of their own race.
00:32:33
Speaker
It's almost like they... It's almost like, if I can't have you, or if I don't want you, then nobody else should want you.
00:32:40
Speaker
Like, mentality.
00:32:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:42
Speaker
It's very fucked.
00:32:44
Speaker
On to...
Identifying Racial Fetishization
00:32:46
Speaker
the uh the last section of this episode so how to tell if a man sees you as a racial fetish now in my dating life my awareness has become razor sharp so i can spot them from a mile away and men and this is part of the reason why i like online dating is that you can filter these guys out super super quick um because a lot of them just have no fucking shame they'll just say straight up
00:33:12
Speaker
After saying hello, I've never been with a black woman before.
00:33:15
Speaker
And I was like, yep, and you never will be.
00:33:17
Speaker
Block and delete.
00:33:18
Speaker
Because obviously, like, when you're with somebody interracially, it's a great time of discovery.
00:33:22
Speaker
I mean, you find out things, different things about their culture, about the way they do things.
00:33:27
Speaker
And it can be a really interesting time.
00:33:30
Speaker
But if a man is only talking about the novelty of dating you in terms of your physicality or the way you look, that is a big red flag that you are being racially fetishised.
00:33:40
Speaker
I would say also things like random code switching that doesn't make any sense.
00:33:45
Speaker
If they suddenly develop like an accent similar to your culture, like a black scent or a weird Latino accent.
00:33:56
Speaker
Or if they start feeling comfortable using like racial slurs that are exclusive to that group.
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:05
Speaker
Unless maybe he's like the white mic of the group because everybody has a white mic.
00:34:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:16
Speaker
What is a white mic?
00:34:18
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know what that is.
00:34:21
Speaker
Uninitiated.
00:34:22
Speaker
Sorry.
00:34:26
Speaker
White Mike is like, because he's basically like a poor white guy that grew up in a hood that was predominantly inhabited by one racial group.
00:34:34
Speaker
So he's actually kind of grandfathered in.
00:34:39
Speaker
He's grandfathered in.
00:34:42
Speaker
That guy, like he grew up... I know what you're talking about.
00:34:45
Speaker
I know what you're talking about.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah, he grew up around those people.
00:34:49
Speaker
Like, that's not fake.
00:34:50
Speaker
That's all he knows.
00:34:52
Speaker
You go ahead and give that guy some pussy because that's him.
00:34:55
Speaker
He doesn't know any better.
00:34:56
Speaker
He doesn't know any better.
00:34:57
Speaker
That's just how he is.
00:34:59
Speaker
Oh, that's funny.
00:35:00
Speaker
I've seen plenty of those men.
00:35:02
Speaker
I just didn't know what it was called.
00:35:04
Speaker
Yeah, White Lake is the guy whose family moved him into a predominantly ethnic neighborhood.
00:35:11
Speaker
And so he picked up all... That's literally his culture.
00:35:15
Speaker
So...
00:35:17
Speaker
that guy's fine you know like bad baby like that like that girl on dr phil like from she's from i think louisiana or something she's she everyone was like oh you're blackfishing she's like no it's just how i talk
00:35:35
Speaker
No, I'm not imitating black people.
00:35:37
Speaker
That's just how I am.
00:35:38
Speaker
Just white trash.
00:35:39
Speaker
I did not know that actually had a term.
00:35:42
Speaker
Yeah, I grew up with a lot of people.
00:35:44
Speaker
I didn't know that had a term.
00:35:45
Speaker
I grew up with a lot of people.
00:35:47
Speaker
It was like that.
00:35:47
Speaker
But yeah, that's funny.
00:35:49
Speaker
That's funny.
00:35:50
Speaker
That guy's genuine.
00:35:51
Speaker
So I'm just saying... What we're talking about is something different than that guy.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:03
Speaker
Shout out to White Mike.
00:36:05
Speaker
Sorry, I'm kidding.
00:36:07
Speaker
I know I think that's so funny.
00:36:11
Speaker
What?
00:36:12
Speaker
I'm just imagining that being his actual nickname.
00:36:15
Speaker
Like, White Mike.
00:36:18
Speaker
Sometimes it is, to be honest.
00:36:20
Speaker
Like, hey, my boy, White Mike.
00:36:29
Speaker
Sometimes it's literally white Mike.
00:36:33
Speaker
But back to the point about, you know, the sexual comments as well.
00:36:37
Speaker
I just find that statement super weird as well, because from a sexual standpoint, a woman's race has really got nothing to do with how she is sexually.
00:36:47
Speaker
And again, this goes back to, you know, the racist porn tropes that are trotted out, that certain women of a particular race, like, perform sexually in a different way.
00:36:57
Speaker
And it's just false.
00:36:58
Speaker
And it's very degrading as well to someone coming at you thinking that you're gonna be like twerking on their dick just because you're black and they've seen it in porn.
00:37:06
Speaker
Like super, super degrading.
00:37:07
Speaker
No, literally, like that's, that's literally what guys have said to me.
00:37:11
Speaker
And I'm just sitting there slightly, just like, I mean, firstly, it's a sign they're porn sick, but it's also, it's disgusting, basically.
00:37:20
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, that's probably my number one tell is that these like race chasers, as I call them, they often give themselves away very, very quickly because they're usually porn sick as well.
00:37:30
Speaker
And another thing has happened to me as well.
00:37:33
Speaker
I was like, guys have said I look like these black porn stars when we have like nothing physically in common.
00:37:43
Speaker
They think all black people look the same?
00:37:45
Speaker
Honestly, like, so... Like, yeah.
00:37:50
Speaker
On to probably the biggest, biggest, biggest flag is if he says he only dates women of a particular race and if he is especially disparaging to women of his own race.
00:38:05
Speaker
So, for example, if a white man says...
00:38:09
Speaker
oh, and this is quite common as well, oh, you know, like American women are so, don't do all this like, for example, feminist bullshit, I'm going to go over to Thailand and get a wife there.
00:38:21
Speaker
And men have actually said this unashamedly.
00:38:24
Speaker
Then...
00:38:26
Speaker
Yeah, no.
00:38:26
Speaker
Or they'll just, you know, find an Asian woman to date because they assume that they're all submissive and passive and will just, you know, roll over for them.
00:38:36
Speaker
I also think that racialised minorities can also fetishise minorities.
00:38:41
Speaker
for example, racialized majorities.
00:38:44
Speaker
We've spoken about the impact of colorism previously in the episode, and that is a huge thing.
00:38:52
Speaker
It isn't uncommon for men within a racialized minority community to seek out essentially white women to...
00:39:03
Speaker
You know, whether that be for their own personal status or if they just essentially harbour a dislike for darker skinned women.
00:39:10
Speaker
And as a result of that, we see this lot in rap music, they will end up disparaging, you know, women of their own race as well.
00:39:18
Speaker
That is a slightly different form of the fetishisation because it's directed towards the majority group, which is the majority in this case is white women.
00:39:28
Speaker
But it's still a form of a racial fetish.
00:39:31
Speaker
Especially if you go to the extent of degrading women of your own race.
00:39:35
Speaker
You know, some
Resistance Through Subversion
00:39:36
Speaker
of these women, like, who are, who you're probably darker than.
00:39:42
Speaker
I want to say straight up, if I find out a guy's colorist, I'm extra mean to him just to teach him a lesson that white women shouldn't be trusted.
00:39:49
Speaker
I just want him to know...
00:40:04
Speaker
It's what they deserve.
00:40:05
Speaker
It's what they deserve.
00:40:06
Speaker
As a sign of female solidarity.
00:40:08
Speaker
Because here's the thing.
00:40:09
Speaker
Okay, I'm white, right?
00:40:10
Speaker
But guys, I've dated guys who are white and also guys outside of my race.
00:40:16
Speaker
I live in a very multicultural city.
00:40:19
Speaker
There's people from all different backgrounds.
00:40:22
Speaker
But it's embarrassing how many men...
00:40:26
Speaker
will date me who are who are not white and they'll say something really shitty about women of their own race and like oh like um oh this my the women of my race they're like i don't even want to say it out loud because it's like yeah i feel uncomfortable saying that out loud but anyways i'll leave that up to your imagination but they'll say degrading things about the women of their own race and they say it in a way like it's supposed to be a compliment to me and in my head i take that as moral license for i get to do whatever the fuck i want to
00:40:55
Speaker
I'm like, I will destroy you.
00:40:56
Speaker
I will drain your bank account.
00:40:59
Speaker
I don't have to treat you like a person anymore.
00:41:01
Speaker
Just as an act of female solidarity, okay?
00:41:03
Speaker
And I strongly encourage white women out there, if a guy is degrading to women of his own race, that means that you get to be mean to him.
00:41:10
Speaker
I don't make the rules.
00:41:12
Speaker
Be worse.
00:41:13
Speaker
Be worse than what he's describing.
00:41:14
Speaker
Like, be worse than what he's... Exactly.
00:41:17
Speaker
If he's saying, oh, women of my own race are demanding, be more demanding.
00:41:20
Speaker
If he's like, oh, women of my own race, they're so materialistic, be more materialistic.
00:41:24
Speaker
The sad part is, the sad part is, these guys are so racist internally that they'll take it from a woman who's not of their same race.
00:41:32
Speaker
That's the fucked up part.
00:41:34
Speaker
Yeah, that's and a lot of women talk about that.
00:41:37
Speaker
It's like they'll get a woman of a certain ethnicity and suddenly all those behaviors are cute or they'll tolerate it from women who are not of the same race.
00:41:46
Speaker
And shows there's just a bunch of like internalized racism and hypocrisy and not actually about the women themselves.
00:41:53
Speaker
Yeah, I want to teach him a lesson that white women are not better.
00:41:56
Speaker
We're actually a fucking nightmare sometimes.
00:41:58
Speaker
I just wanted to know that.
00:42:00
Speaker
Did you tell the story here about your stepdad's Asian bride that like basically...
00:42:05
Speaker
Yeah, like, okay, so my dad, yeah, he has a second wife.
00:42:08
Speaker
She's from an Asian country.
00:42:10
Speaker
He thought she would be submissive.
00:42:13
Speaker
She's not.
00:42:14
Speaker
She terrorizes him emotionally and psychologically.
00:42:16
Speaker
She has him completely wrapped around her finger.
00:42:20
Speaker
I kind of hate her because she's my stepmom and I don't like how...
00:42:24
Speaker
I kind of hate how she's probably draining my dad's bank account, which is going to impact my inheritance.
00:42:29
Speaker
So that does bother me a little bit.
00:42:30
Speaker
Not gonna lie.
00:42:31
Speaker
That being said, I too would one day like to own a man the way that she does.
00:42:35
Speaker
Like, I want to know her tricks, her strategies.
00:42:38
Speaker
I want to learn from her.
00:42:40
Speaker
I want to be like her.
00:42:41
Speaker
I don't want to compete with her over my dad's attention.
00:42:45
Speaker
But I too hope to ascend to the levels of queendom, ruthless queendom as she does.
00:42:51
Speaker
But yeah, so, yeah, my dad expected her to be, like, submissive, and also she's quite a bit younger than him.
00:42:58
Speaker
And he didn't get that at all.
00:42:59
Speaker
He got a woman who... He doesn't even seem to realize or acknowledge how dependent he is on her and how much she rules the ruse.
00:43:10
Speaker
But no, good for her.
00:43:11
Speaker
Like, queen.
00:43:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:13
Speaker
Make his pockets hurt.
00:43:15
Speaker
If a guy is racist, make his pockets bleed.
00:43:20
Speaker
That's my political plan.
00:43:24
Speaker
who are racist, they deserve it.
00:43:26
Speaker
You have the moral license to do that.
00:43:28
Speaker
Scam racist 2024.
00:43:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:32
Speaker
And again, it's just another flavour of misogyny.
00:43:36
Speaker
And it honestly makes me so... It honestly makes me quite sad that so many women, or they date guys who are very, very disparaging of women, like racially,
00:43:48
Speaker
Because ultimately it comes down to a lack of respect and misogyny, right?
00:43:52
Speaker
If he can do that to another woman, he can and will do that to you.
00:43:56
Speaker
And these, especially these rappers and their baby mamas always find out the hard way that, you know, these rappers who constantly rap about, oh, I only do white chicks or, you know...
00:44:11
Speaker
Me and my cohort of crazy white bitches.
00:44:13
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:44:14
Speaker
For example.
00:44:16
Speaker
Me and my clan of crazy white bitches are going to come after you.
00:44:21
Speaker
They're going to pull up.
00:44:23
Speaker
Lilith and her crew are about to pull up.
00:44:28
Speaker
I will ruin their lives.
00:44:29
Speaker
Lilith and her crew are on every block.
00:44:34
Speaker
No, unironically, this is how we will defeat colorism is by the women at the top of the hierarchy just being so costly that the men just decide they're not worth it.
00:44:45
Speaker
That there's no benefit.
00:44:48
Speaker
But I'm telling you, they're so brainwashed that they'll justify it.
00:44:52
Speaker
That's why I think, I mean, I've seen this shit go down.
00:44:58
Speaker
like i mean i hate to say it but again youtube youtube and like world star hip-hop and all these things there's so many um videos of men who date outside their race and these women will call them all types of racial slurs and degrading things to their face and they're just sitting there and taking that shit so i feel like i'm fine with you doing it trust me i'm fine i'm just not i'm not i don't know if it'll be enough to break them such as the spell of uh that just means we need to up the ante that just
00:45:27
Speaker
means we're gonna smash souls versus wallets snatched the block break his ego reach down into his deepest insecurities and then twist the dagger in his heart absolutely get 401ks in your name and divorce right for the shit out of all of them do it for the culture i will do it for my sisters who are
00:45:56
Speaker
Solidarity.
00:45:59
Speaker
Evil cackle.
00:46:06
Speaker
Get married and then fuck someone white in their house.
00:46:12
Speaker
Marry him and then cheat on him with the white guy.
00:46:18
Speaker
And then M2.
00:46:22
Speaker
It's what they deserve.
00:46:24
Speaker
That's justice, okay?
00:46:26
Speaker
That's just equity.
00:46:31
Speaker
Sorry.
00:46:32
Speaker
Bogus racialized.
00:46:34
Speaker
Our list of really bogus racialized things to do.
00:46:38
Speaker
Combat racism.
00:46:40
Speaker
What's even more racism?
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:48
Speaker
It ain't safe in these streets.
00:46:50
Speaker
Not with Lilith out here prowling the streets.
00:46:57
Speaker
We want you to know.
00:46:58
Speaker
We want all these racial fetishizers to know it ain't safe out here.
00:47:02
Speaker
It ain't safe in these streets no more.
00:47:04
Speaker
Lilith and her crew is going to pull up at any time.
00:47:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:47:19
Speaker
This is supposed to be a serious conversation.
00:47:36
Speaker
It's hard to be serious because it's so ridiculous, right?
00:47:40
Speaker
It's ridiculous because men act like this.
00:47:43
Speaker
They need to be punished, honestly.
00:47:47
Speaker
There needs to be consequences for their behavior, as we've said before.
00:47:53
Speaker
It's true.
00:47:54
Speaker
Like, and other women
Celebrities and Public Perception
00:47:55
Speaker
shouldn't entertain that.
00:47:56
Speaker
If you come across a guy who is very, very disparaging of women towards his own race, like, firstly, he's outing himself as a misogynist because, you know, that is...
00:48:08
Speaker
you know, the underlying factor.
00:48:10
Speaker
But secondly, he also has no respect for you as well.
00:48:13
Speaker
Like, he's trying to create that sense of competition and that sense of, you know, you're better than another woman, hence why I'm with you.
00:48:23
Speaker
But really, all you've won is the booby prize, because he ain't shit.
00:48:27
Speaker
Exactly.
00:48:27
Speaker
Exactly.
00:48:28
Speaker
If he's saying that, it means he's the consolation prize, okay?
00:48:31
Speaker
He's not relationship material at that point.
00:48:33
Speaker
And it's quite sad to see so many women buy into that.
00:48:38
Speaker
They will get with these misogynist and racist or internally racist men, and then they'll start doing the shocked Pikachu face when he starts being a piece of shit to them as well.
00:48:52
Speaker
And it's like...
00:48:55
Speaker
They're not gonna... If you're watching a guy unload his, you know, misogyny, which is essentially, you know, what this is a different form of onto another woman, rest assured he's got plenty left.
00:49:09
Speaker
He's got plenty of servings left for you.
00:49:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:49:12
Speaker
Yeah, there's been a lot of women who've had egg on their face when it came to life.
00:49:17
Speaker
Danny Lee is one.
00:49:18
Speaker
That yellow bone.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah, since Santana, where they've dated black men, and I think they actually made a lot of very explicit colorist statements and also said that, like, oh, black guys treat them better because they're light-skinned or black guys treat them better because they're Latino.
00:49:36
Speaker
And then these guys treated them like shit and ended up publicly embarrassing them.
00:49:42
Speaker
And so sometimes when women, like, they can internalize that racial fetishization and put themselves on a pedestal, and then it makes them very blind to all the ways these guys are playing them.
00:49:53
Speaker
Because they feel like, oh, he might have did that to the other type of woman because, but she's not me, and I'm this, and I'm that.
00:49:59
Speaker
And it's usually some kind of weird, unjust, racialized fetish, weird, unjust pride in the racial fetishization of these, like, low-rent dudes.
00:50:07
Speaker
And then these low-rent dudes act like low-rent guys, like they're supposed to be.
00:50:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:11
Speaker
Right.
00:50:12
Speaker
Like they've advertised they are.
00:50:13
Speaker
And so a lot of these women end up with egg on their face and they're looking real stupid because now they're like the fifth baby mama to some like struggling rapper.
00:50:21
Speaker
And they thought they were special because they were basically not black.
00:50:25
Speaker
Right.
00:50:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:26
Speaker
No, that's my message for white women out there.
00:50:28
Speaker
Like, you are not special.
00:50:30
Speaker
These guys might put you on a pedestal, but understand that, like, it's not... If the guy is shitty to begin with, there's no value in being put on a pedestal by somebody like that.
00:50:38
Speaker
Yeah, sure.
00:50:40
Speaker
If you do interact with those kinds of guys, you have to have a ruthless, pragmatist mindset.
00:50:44
Speaker
Don't think that this is true romance, anything like that.
00:50:47
Speaker
Like, get in, get your bag, and get out, and then humiliate him so that you come out on top.
00:50:54
Speaker
Or just shut it down.
00:50:54
Speaker
Or just don't interact with them at all.
00:50:56
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:50:57
Speaker
Maybe I'm just like, yeah, don't entertain it.
00:51:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:01
Speaker
Chloe Kardashian, who we actually, you know, we feel sort of bad for here because, well, maybe we don't.
00:51:08
Speaker
No, I don't feel bad for her either.
00:51:10
Speaker
All right.
00:51:10
Speaker
I was trying to be diplomatic.
00:51:11
Speaker
I was trying to be diplomatic.
00:51:12
Speaker
But no, she I mean, she's another example of like, OK, she got with a guy whose girlfriend was pregnant at the time they were hooking up.
00:51:20
Speaker
Right.
00:51:20
Speaker
And then expected to be treated better.
00:51:22
Speaker
I think because she was a Kardashian and he does nothing but embarrass her and cheat on her and have outside kids.
00:51:27
Speaker
So yeah, I saw this tweet.
00:51:28
Speaker
I can't remember the person who posted it, but they had a really great tweet that was like, Oh, the Kardashians are getting the baby mama treatment in their own house.
00:51:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:37
Speaker
I mean, it's true.
00:51:38
Speaker
It's true.
00:51:40
Speaker
It's true.
00:51:40
Speaker
And like she and she's got out of her way to be like, oh, I only date black guys and I only have this.
00:51:44
Speaker
And there's nothing, I guess, wrong with having this is like where the whole preference versus fetishization thing gets a little weird.
00:51:51
Speaker
So I'm like, I'm not saying you can't like date what you like, but at the same time, it comes across like she thought she had more power there than she did.
00:51:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:00
Speaker
If you look at the Kardashians, though, they've basically made their money off emulating having black, traditionally black... Having curvy bodies, getting BBLs.
00:52:11
Speaker
Of having traditionally black or racially ambiguous features.
00:52:14
Speaker
Because they're all pale as hell, naturally, but thanks to tan and filters and stuff, they now... Lip fillers and BBLs.
00:52:23
Speaker
They can now pass as being racially ambiguous.
00:52:25
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:52:28
Speaker
It was funny, actually.
00:52:29
Speaker
On the topic of Claire Kardashian was when Tristan Thompson released that bullshit statement when he admitted to fathering another child.
00:52:39
Speaker
And he was like...
00:52:41
Speaker
I take full responsibility for my actions.
00:52:43
Speaker
I was like, who else do you expect to take responsibility for your actions?
00:52:47
Speaker
Who else?
00:52:48
Speaker
You don't have a choice now.
00:52:50
Speaker
The DNA test came back.
00:52:52
Speaker
The paternity test came back positive.
00:52:54
Speaker
So he doesn't have a choice but to take responsibility now because he's legally required to.
00:52:59
Speaker
I was like,
Empowerment and Solidarity
00:53:00
Speaker
and also, who else do you expect to carry responsibility for you?
00:53:03
Speaker
Yeah, right.
00:53:07
Speaker
Yes, so yeah.
00:53:07
Speaker
So, I mean, yeah, it's, I think, some class, you know, solidarity is needed, but that also involves...
00:53:18
Speaker
people especially white women accepting that race plays a huge role in attraction and how women are treated because a lot of white women are quite frankly they're still in denial because it doesn't affect them or they don't think that race even though they acknowledge it's an issue in society they don't recognize how that impacts on dating mm-hmm
00:53:41
Speaker
Well, they're not willing to recognise that that impacts on dating.
00:53:46
Speaker
And you can have, to the point where you can have a black woman and a white woman who are doing exactly the same thing or wearing the same thing, the white woman is deemed as immensely attractive, whereas the black woman is, you know, ghetto, trashy and disgusting.
00:54:06
Speaker
But I think, I guess the category already covered that when we talk about men's internalized racism is that, yes, you can have the same behaviors exhibited by two different women and it's perceived very differently by the same man because of him accepting certain racial stereotypes is true.
00:54:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:24
Speaker
Or validating
Conclusion
00:54:25
Speaker
certain racial things.
00:54:26
Speaker
So it is, it is kind of messed up.
00:54:28
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:54:29
Speaker
Yeah, so that is our brief introduction into the topic of racial fetishisation.
00:54:38
Speaker
I can't even say it properly, guys.
00:54:40
Speaker
In dating.
00:54:41
Speaker
I hope this sparks a bigger discussion because obviously I'm only speaking from the perspective of a Black woman.
00:54:48
Speaker
It will be good to revisit this topic again and have...
00:54:52
Speaker
and have women from different ethnic minorities and backgrounds sharing their experience.
00:54:57
Speaker
But in the meantime, yeah, feel free to comment your own experiences.
00:55:03
Speaker
And I just, again, I'd really, really like to reiterate that
00:55:08
Speaker
just because you may not fit the conventional standards of beauty due to the color of your skin, that does not mean that you're not beautiful.
00:55:16
Speaker
It does sound really cheesy, but it's absolutely true.
00:55:19
Speaker
Like, beauty can be found within and across all races.
00:55:25
Speaker
And say no to two racist fetishizers and men.
00:55:29
Speaker
Just say no to them.
00:55:30
Speaker
Or just make their lives hell.
00:55:32
Speaker
Just like Lith will.
00:55:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:33
Speaker
Either say no or destroy their lives.
00:55:36
Speaker
Those are the only two options.
00:55:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:38
Speaker
They scorched her and make his pockets out.
00:55:41
Speaker
Si se puede.
00:55:41
Speaker
Make him suffer.
00:55:43
Speaker
completely option a option b you know good cop bad cop you know they should be grateful actually if i ignore them okay that's actually the more merciful option uh that's our show check out our twitter at fem.strat and our instagram at underscore the female dating strategy and check out our website the female dating strategy.com and if you want to hear weekly bonus content go to our patreon patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy
00:56:13
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens, and for all you racial fetishizers out there.
00:56:17
Speaker
Lilith's pulling up with the clip.
00:56:18
Speaker
Diamond.
00:56:23
Speaker
See you next week.