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00:00:01
Texted “K.” Now I’m Spiraling
31 Plays2 days ago
Ever re-read a one-word text 14 times trying to decode if your friend is mad… or just mildly annoyed… or possibly abducted by aliens who don’t believe in punctuation?
Same.
In this episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we crack open the case files of overthinkers, people-pleasers, and empaths who walk into every room like emotional crime scene investigators. If you’ve ever left a conversation wondering if you sounded weird, or spiraled because someone said “k” instead of “okay,” this one's for you.
We’re diving into:
· Why we internalize other people’s tone, mood, and silence
· How to tell the difference between a red flag and a red herring
· What emotional surveillance does to your brain
· How to stop making every awkward moment your fault
· The scripts you need to un-spiral in real life
Plus: laugh-out-loud dramatic reenactments of emotionally ambiguous texts, and a reminder that you are not the customer service desk for everyone’s feelings.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction: Overthinking Communication
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am your host, k Krista Jones, along with my beautiful co-host, Chantel Schaefer. And today, we're dealing with the, was it something I said, comments?
The Implications of Overanalyzing Texts
00:00:19
Speaker
Like, have you ever like spent hours dissecting a one-word text like it holds the answers to your entire self-worth? Someone says K and suddenly you're reliving your entire middle school drama.
00:00:32
Speaker
Yeah, same, same. In today's episode, we're going to take a flashlight into all those dark corners of overthinking. all k Krista Jones has plenty to say. The way that we internalize silence and mood shifts and half-closed emoji faces like it's our job to decode it and then to fix it.
00:00:54
Speaker
Spoiler alert. It's not your job.
Personal Anecdotes and Emotional Strain
00:00:57
Speaker
You're not a mind reader. You're just someone who's tired of being in a one-sided emotional escape room. Chantelle Schaefer, this is my episode.
00:01:08
Speaker
just picture you stuck in an escape room with ADD. And just want to help you get out. I wasn't in escape room once and I went straight to like the last clue to try to get out. It doesn't work that way. i was It was frustrating.
00:01:24
Speaker
I've never done an escape room. Well, that is what we are going to do for the next staff development meeting.
Insights and Vulnerabilities
00:01:30
Speaker
Yes. We're going to an escape room. Book it now, Dana. Let's go. Book it now. Sparrow's Nest is where Chantal and I both work. I founded the charity. It's here in the Hudson Valley in New York. and We feed people that have a cancer diagnosis. In the middle of all of that trauma and chaos, you know, the staff here, i just watch them trying to lead, you know, the most authentic lives they can, trying to give themselves grace. And I'm like, we're doing a podcast on all of this because, you know, so many times I'll write a post where I'll be vulnerable and everybody will write me back and
Gender Differences in Communication Perception
00:02:05
Speaker
say, are you okay? Are you...
00:02:06
Speaker
You know, and theyre they're, you know, it's things like missed two meetings today and packed my cell phone and Chantel's lunchbox. Like, you know, it's just really everyday things that happen and then people all of a sudden, and I realized it's because they think I have it all together.
00:02:22
Speaker
And this podcast for me was really like my release to say, here's vulnerable, Krista, watch out. And this episode for me, man, this episode has led me into mental health spirals almost on a daily basis.
00:02:37
Speaker
I am much better than I was, but man, do i have a long way ago. Internalizing something that doesn't even exist is my superpower.
00:02:49
Speaker
Yeah. going to put it on a t-shirt. That's this episode's t-shirt. Internalizing is my superpower. It's true. I mean, I think we, you know, many people do it.
00:03:03
Speaker
I would say way more women than men do this. Like my husband would be like, huh? She just wrote you K. And I'm like, she just wrote me K. you know that i go tell But he like, he doesn't even bat an eye. And I'm sure Jeremiah is the same way.
Cognitive Bias and Overthinking
00:03:17
Speaker
Well, and I think text messages are the worst. Oh, we're going to get into that, girl. we We are going to get into that. It is a whole overthinking spiral.
00:03:29
Speaker
So let's let's talk about what it is. like Let's define it first because it is you're like assigning meaning to something that is like ambiguous, right? Yeah.
00:03:43
Speaker
I think that's the best way to put it. And Christy Jones considers almost everything ambiguous because I am overthinking almost all of it. But somebody that gives you something that you may not know how to take it, right?
00:03:56
Speaker
Like that is the overthinking spiral for some of us, right? It's called cognitive closure bias. I just looked that up really quickly.
00:04:07
Speaker
And shockingly, empaths, which we talked about in other episodes, and high anxiety folks, which we ah also talk about often, absorb the tension of that, which we've already divulged is not ours.
00:04:23
Speaker
It's not ours. How they said it, like it's not our responsibility. But then we don't listen to that. We then internalize it. And then we spiral and we're a failure.
00:04:36
Speaker
And everything goes crazy. We replay over and over this the scenario. And then I embellish on it. I just embellish in everyday life. I'm calling it out. It's me.
00:04:49
Speaker
Sometimes the story sounds a little better. And Chantel will be like, no, it's only 20 people, not 33. I'm like, i don't know, 33 just came to my mind. But um I think that, yeah, by the time you were done replaying it, it wasn't even the scene.
00:05:06
Speaker
You cannot even remember what the scene was because you're like, and then I think after she said that to me, she rolled her eyes. And then the next time you replayed, she rolled her eyes and she kind of like gave you a look at disgust while rolling the eyes. like And then maybe a word came out.
00:05:19
Speaker
Yeah. And then I'm like, i don't even know what's real anymore. I can't remember the scene, but I just know for some reason I'm a failure in the middle of the moment.
Social Media's Role in Anxiety
00:05:28
Speaker
So welcome. If this is you, and which it is so many of us, if it's not you on an everyday basis like me, it is absolutely you at times in your life.
00:05:38
Speaker
Welcome to this segment because we are here to cure all of us.
00:05:44
Speaker
We are? Well, I was going to keep going, but it looked like you had something to say. I'm trying wait to see how we're carrying. looks incredulous right now. I wish you guys could see her. I'm so getting this video camera in. Studies show that people with high social anxiety exhibit increased activation in their fear center.
00:06:05
Speaker
And it also affects the way they view social media. It does because you're scrutinizing everything. That's me. It's how I wind up going down a rabbit hole reading comments because I'm trying to find out what the actual truth is. Yes.
00:06:22
Speaker
But for me, it may be that I was just with you in the gym, you know, earlier in the morning. And then later at the night, you're like, I hate people. They're so rude. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, what did I do this morning? Like immediately it's me. I am immediately the problem. Sing the song.
00:06:40
Speaker
I'm the problem, it's me. Very good. Very good. So, like, immediately, like, how insane is that? This poor woman is just putting something on Facebook. And by the way, I don't like cliffhangers. Don't do that. Don't vague post. Tag the person or just don't say anything at all. if You're not going to tell me that it's not me.
Challenges of Text Communication
00:06:56
Speaker
This is why social media and I, we we have a love-hate relationship and I put a 30-minute timer on it now. Oh. I do. i am in and out of my Facebook and Instagram within 30 minutes. And it's a lot of stuff that has to deal with Sparrows Nest, which is our charity in the Hudson Valley, New York. We feed cancer patients.
00:07:14
Speaker
um But I'll move on. I'll go to TikTok or something dumb where it can't possibly be me. That's why I won't follow any of you because in case it is going to be me, I'm just not doing it.
00:07:26
Speaker
I've already spiraled. You really have. and we're only four minutes in. No, we're seven minutes in and I've spiraled. But you you take that two-letter text and you turn it into the like this seven-act drama series.
00:07:39
Speaker
That's what happens. Yeah, for me it's the silence. Oh! Like if you don't respond, like we're having a conversation and all a sudden you don't respond. mean and you? Like are you? No, no, you're usually really good. But actually a week ago I sent a text message and I thought what I said was funny, but then I was like, maybe they didn't think that was funny. Maybe they took the wrong way. Oh my gosh, are they ever going to speak to me again?
00:08:02
Speaker
We're fine. But I spent a lot of hours worrying about that text message because there was no response. No, and then you want to send another text message. And we do need to 100% talk about that. You brought that up, text messaging, social media, all of that.
00:08:17
Speaker
Anything that you are actually physically writing in a sentence that you are not speaking, so you cannot hear the infliction, the emotional tone behind it, you can take almost any of it and you can just turn it into, you know, just an out-of-control spiral.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah, and with the lack of punctuation... What is it? Is it a question? Is it a comment? Are you yelling at me? ah hundred percent. And I also, you know, it's interesting that I am dissecting everything that you're writing me because a lot of times I'm really just so busy. Like you've seen it.
00:08:51
Speaker
There's a text coming in as we're in the middle of the meeting. And I'm like, maybe that should be later or something like, like I am like, because I want to answer the text. But I've made somebody spiral because honestly, we're just in a busy society.
00:09:04
Speaker
We're not trying to be rude. We're trying to get something out. Half the time, I don't proofread it. We've heard the horror stories of what that sounds like. I can't even talk about on the air. It's X rated. Like I have ended up like, and then somebody has been like,
00:09:16
Speaker
And I'm like, oh that's a whole
Distinguishing Real Issues from Imagined Ones
00:09:19
Speaker
nother spiraling. But right, the text message and all of that, the social media, you don't know what somebody actually means in their sentences.
00:09:29
Speaker
And when you overthink things, you're you're in a mess before you know it. Oh, absolutely. It happens to me all the time. So is it a red flag or is it a red hearing, right? Like, is it, you have to learn to tell the difference between actual concerns and imagined catastrophes, right?
00:09:49
Speaker
Like your intuitiveness, there absolutely are times that we are feeling something in a room. And I'm going to say this as an empathic person, people that have a lot of empathy, right?
00:10:04
Speaker
really feel all of that. So they have a really keen intuition when the energy in a room is not great. Add that to just overthinking and Krista Jones is a monster.
00:10:19
Speaker
Like it's just, it is not a good mix. And so you got a deep dive into it because not everything out there is a red flag. Mm-hmm.
00:10:30
Speaker
And how do you tell the difference? Well, I'm glad you asked, Chantal. First of all, I really, I saw this and I'm like, these are great steps to try to figure that out. You write the comment down.
00:10:42
Speaker
Writing it. Writing is is very important. I have learned that. I retain so much more when I physically old-fashioned, take notes, write things down, write down the comment. Does the person that sent you this comment have a pattern of this, right?
00:10:59
Speaker
And that pattern, it may not be like ah toxic pattern. Like do they, when you're writing them, use the word K a lot like your children? Yes, they do.
00:11:11
Speaker
So you've got to analyze that. Like, are they often saying, okay, yes. Well, all right. Well, that's just, that's their personality. They're just letting you know. Gotcha, mom. Yep. Which drives me insane.
00:11:23
Speaker
It's better than bra, but man, it's not much better. kids use bra. Was it aggressive? Was it manipulating or was it cruel? That's a little bit harder to figure out because it really depends on how you're reading the tone of it.
00:11:38
Speaker
Was your physical reaction strong?
00:11:44
Speaker
Could be a red flag, but it doesn't mean that. When they were writing it, did you know the kind of frame of mind they were in? Do you know that it is one of your friends that's a nurse and she worked three days in a row? So was she tired maybe?
00:11:59
Speaker
Distracted? Vague? Like, does she have a job? Does he have a job? but Your husband? That, you know, is is very intense. So getting a lot out of them emotionally is something that you wouldn't necessarily expect.
00:12:11
Speaker
Did it come days after a healthy connection? This is the part that is so important to me. And I always forget, like all of a sudden I'm like, oh my gosh, Chantel's mad at me.
Preventing Mental Distress Through Clarity
00:12:21
Speaker
And there's no rhyme or reason. Like we went for a walk at 6am.
00:12:25
Speaker
What in the world could have happened in four hours? Were there healthy connections all before this? Like, like think that through. and then I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so silly. Did you assume that a mood that they're in is about you? Because people are in moods all the time.
00:12:39
Speaker
I bet you think the song is about you. That was good. I know where you're going with it. Yeah, there you go. Don't you? Don't you? See, there we are. So if yes, this really is an issue in your own head, not theirs.
00:12:53
Speaker
I do this so much. And this is why I think this is so helpful for me. The key in all of this is what does this come from? Do I have a relationship with them? And has there been anything in our history over the weeks, the months, the days?
00:13:07
Speaker
Is there anything in our history that would now make them mad at me? Or are they just in a bad mood? And of course we shouldn't take it on other people, but we're jerks. we were We do. It happens. We do. We don't mean to.
00:13:18
Speaker
And so then... This is something I do all the time. And I do this interestingly because when I went to church years ago, this stuck with me.
00:13:29
Speaker
My pastor was talking to me about, not just me, everybody there, but it felt like it was just to me, about being anxious. And he kind of did this whole story. And he said, all right, so this happened.
00:13:41
Speaker
And now you think, oh my gosh, I failed the test because I probably didn't answer those questions right. And then if I fail the test, I'm not going to get that job. And oh my gosh, I'm not going to move on with all of the friends that were in that class with me. i'm not good And he said, you spend days in such an unhealthy mental turmoil.
00:14:01
Speaker
You have gone through the absolute rock bottom scenario that 99% of the time never happens exactly the way you have made it.
00:14:13
Speaker
And he's like, you have now wasted all of this time worrying when you could have had normal days and joy and not thought about it. And when a thought crept up, you could have kind of just moved it to the back. So you need to you need to look at it, right? So you need to give yourself two versions.
00:14:28
Speaker
All right. If Chantel really is mad at me, she hates me. She just hates me. And what does that mean? Well, she hates me. She's probably going to quit her job here. I'm going to have to find another assistant. I mean, look, I could, I could, this is like mental doomsday prepping. It really is for me.
00:14:43
Speaker
Or what if she was just tired? Well, if she was just tired, she's probably in a bad mood and I'm going to give her a little bit. And then I'm going to write her in a half hour and go, Hey, You good? Hey, are we okay?
00:14:55
Speaker
Whatever I have to do, right? yeah Because I want to reassure myself. And I do that a lot more now. And you know, that's hard because it makes you vulnerable. It does, but I've found that when I've caught myself in those spirals, it's better to just ask. Like my husband will give me some like quick snippy response, and I'm like, are you mad at me? And he's like, no, I'm just crazy busy. And then I'm like, oh, okay. before we had kids and we were first married, I'd be like spend hours like, oh God, what did I do? I'm not a good wife.
00:15:23
Speaker
Well, because it's it's it's their personality. You've got to know somebody's personality. Chris took me out like two weeks ago. She's like, let's go for a walk. And I was like, oh no, why are we going for a walk is something wrong what's happening and you know she said are you okay like you know you seem mad at me and i was like mortified i was like I do you know I think I was and answering her short or you know I think we had a lot going on we were getting ready for superhero I go oh my gosh Chris I I apologize I go I am absolutely not mad at you and I like I watched just the color come back in her face and like I was and I said to her
00:15:53
Speaker
thank you for doing that. Thank you for pulling me aside and going, are are you good? Are we okay? And it's hard for me to do that because for me, I'm showing you that your opinion matters to me. Yeah. It's a scary place to be. It is because, you know, i don't want you to know that I love you so much. You could hurt me.
00:16:12
Speaker
You know what I mean? But I'm realizing you you need to do that because in almost every situation, somebody's like, Oh, what? No. Like they're like flabbergasted. Like, Why do you think I'm mad at you? And I'm like, because I'm an empath.
00:16:25
Speaker
I'm an emotional wreck. I'm a monster. I'm an overthinker. Well, you're a mushy monster. You're not like a scary monster. i Thank you. i appreciate that. I mean, you're- Are there mushy monsters?
00:16:36
Speaker
Cookie monster? Cookie monster is a mushy monster. and then after you're done going, what is the best case scenario of this and what is the worst? And really just trying to talk yourself down mentally.
00:16:49
Speaker
You have to say what's mine and what's not, right? Like, what am I responsible for? i am responsible for my own words. I am responsible for the tone that I talk to you in when I use those words.
00:17:00
Speaker
I am responsible for backing up anything that I write you and how I write you in everything that I do. And let's be honest, guys, AI is everywhere. If you're writing an email and you're like, I don't know if this seems a little bit cranky, you can put this in AI and say, AI, do I need to soften this up?
00:17:20
Speaker
And AI, don't care. They're going to tell you. They're going to be like, yeah, that was mean. And they're going help you rewrite something. So, you know, I'm responsible for all that. We are not responsible for how it's interpreted, right?
00:17:37
Speaker
We are responsible but for how we meant it. We are not responsible for how somebody writes something to us. That's their own feelings. Like that's not our responsibility.
00:17:48
Speaker
We may have to talk about it. They really might be mad at
Importance of Communication and Clarification
00:17:51
Speaker
us. And, you know, we have to talk about it and then take responsibility if, you know, anything we've done has led to that. But we're not responsible for anybody else's words and actions but our own.
00:18:02
Speaker
Yeah. That's a good outlook. It's a great outlook. If you want to blame your best friend, don't blame yourself. Right? You have to let things go. It's a good outlook.
00:18:14
Speaker
I'm not saying I listen all of it, but I will say it is, it puts me in such a bad mental frame that I really try hard to talk myself down.
00:18:27
Speaker
And then if I'm not really sure, i wait a little bit and I i do ask for clarification. I'm a little bit needy. Maybe people say that, but this way I'm not thinking about it for three days.
00:18:38
Speaker
You know, when somebody else is like, Oh gosh, Krista, why would you ever think that? I'm like, really? I just wasted three days. I just try to get it out because I know me, I am spiraling and we all do it.
00:18:49
Speaker
And I've found because I've been on on that side of it so many times that I've become more upfront. So if I'm in a bad mood and I know that my attitude is coming out and I'm being snippy or I'm being short, I will...
00:19:02
Speaker
After it's usually after an interaction, I'll say, you know what? I'm really sorry. I didn't get good sleep. I'm in a bad mood. I'm just not feeling it today. I apologize for however this day may go. It's not you. It's me.
00:19:13
Speaker
And that's amazing too. I love that because you are now letting everybody around you breathe a little bit that whatever's going on in the room with your energy has nothing to do with that. Yeah. I've been on that. I've been on the side of it so many times where you're spiraling. Why should my bad day make everybody else around me spiral? So if I'm just up front and i'm like,
00:19:31
Speaker
Be a Chantel. Take me with a grain of salt. Take me with a grain of salt. Be a Chantel. Be a Chantel. Maybe that's the t-shirt for this week. Take me with a grain of salt. Emotional fatigue. It's really the emotional surveillance that fatigues you.
00:19:48
Speaker
That is a real thing. Overthink it. It's not just annoying. It's exhausting. We talk about it as empaths. We talk about it. you know ah It's this constant monitoring of people's tones and people's moods. And then if you can't see their tone and their mood, like you were saying earlier, it's this invisible tension because you know you just have this this written thing that you're adding all this emotion to that you don't have to. It's like this unpaid job of peace,
00:20:18
Speaker
anticipating needs and then managing some invisible drama that's not even there. It really will exhaust you. Yeah. And it keeps you up at night. I mean, how many times have you laid in bed and you're like, well, if I said this, it might've gone better or maybe I should have said it this way or maybe I should have done this instead. And it just, it it's a snowball.
00:20:37
Speaker
And it increases your rates of depression and anxiety.
Impact on Children and Emotional Boundaries
00:20:41
Speaker
we've We've kind of been talking about it this whole time and you can see why. You are now feeling that you failed in some way and you don't even know what the way is because you haven't had the conversation.
00:20:52
Speaker
So you're making it up. And you know, we make up the worst things. Like we are drama queens and kings. And you know, i think i think that's what it is. Like our nervous system is not designed to take on this kind of emotional surveillance.
00:21:07
Speaker
It's really not. It's not that deep. And most of the time we really shouldn't go that deep. We just do. So how in the world do we stop doing that? Like, can we stop doing that?
00:21:18
Speaker
How do we heal ourselves from all of that? Because i i mean, i kind of feel like a lot of this goes back to childhood for people. I mean, most things do, right?
00:21:29
Speaker
um A lot of this goes back to even being children, right? Right? Children see all these things that adults are facing and they immediately, they don't know any better. They immediately think it's them.
00:21:41
Speaker
Somehow they're the reason, they're the cause. So like they're, you know, I try with my kids too, to always say like, this has nothing to do with you. Mommy's just, you know, having a bad day. And I have to apologize to my kids.
00:21:52
Speaker
And that is also very hard for me to do, um you know, because I'm supposed to know better. um But i I apologize to my kids quite often because, you know, I'm responsible.
00:22:06
Speaker
But you know, it's a good conversation to have your kids. Sure. It's, it's a way to teach them. You know, I, I, I snapped at Avery that she, she lost her water bottle. And a few days later she left her um lunchbox at school.
00:22:20
Speaker
And I was just, I was fed up. It's the end of the year. I didn't want to be buy paying for a new lunchbox or a new water bottle. And I, I snapped and I had to take a step back and be like, you know what? It was an accident. I am sorry. It's,
00:22:31
Speaker
There's a lot going on for mommy. It is not you. and i'm and And I apologize, but mommy's not perfect. And I do lose my temper. And it's showing our kids that that is a normal part of life.
00:22:44
Speaker
And that, but we have to own it. Absolutely. Because we want them to own it. Yes. When they're also mommies. Yes. It's really important. And one of the things I think that we can do is practice like ah delayed response when we're not sure. Right. Right.
00:23:00
Speaker
don't act on the very first anxious assumption that you get. You should pause, you should breathe. We talked about like these different, you know, do they have a pattern of doing this to me?
00:23:11
Speaker
And is this just who they are? Or do they have a pattern of doing this to me? And, you know, they are always mad at me and they, and, and, you know, and that's pruning, pruning the bushes there, right there. Those may be the people that you're like, yeah, they have a pattern. It's a toxic pattern.
00:23:26
Speaker
Why do I keep doing this? But delaying your response is important and also something I am not good at, but by delaying it,
00:23:37
Speaker
You have a minute to think outside of the emotion that you're feeling in that moment, right? Build evidence-based thinking, which is what we were talking about earlier.
00:23:50
Speaker
That is evidence-based. Don't go through it emotionally. Go through it scientifically. Who is the person? What do they normally say? Is my relationship healthy with them? Would there be reasons that they would be short with me? Do they have a stressful work life and I'm texting them in the middle of work?
00:24:06
Speaker
You know, do scientific based evaluations, not emotional ones. Right. Yeah. Sometimes we need to get out of our hearts. And we should create boundaries around how much emotional energy we spend on it if we're worried about it.
00:24:24
Speaker
So if it is something that is worrying us, let's give it a half hour. What could I have said? What could I, we could deep dive into, you know, what we possess in this, what's our responsibility in all of this, but then just stop let it go, take a minute, come back to it.
00:24:41
Speaker
If you feel then, you know, directly hit it head on as you and I've been saying. And then let it go. You got to give yourself a little time, but it'll eat days and days of your life if you don't say, all right, that's enough.
00:24:53
Speaker
If you have to push it down, whatever you need to do and reframing it, right? Like that's when you come back to somebody. and And I do that. I may say to you, like, it felt like you might be mad at me or maybe you felt a little off today or is it me? um You know, did I do anything? Are you, are you okay?
00:25:12
Speaker
You know, you just reframe it like so that when you bring it back to somebody, you're just, you're kind of trying to figure it out. Right? Yeah. And then you got to remember that your worth is not determined by someone else's punctuation mark.
Embracing Emotions and Personal Strength
00:25:26
Speaker
Right? Sometimes somebody gives you like capital letters or they give you like an exclamation mark and then i'm like, oh, I don't know. What does that mean? I usually just call them out. Why are you yelling at me?
00:25:38
Speaker
I learned that too years ago. And sometimes it's like, oh, sorry, I didn't mean to. And then it's like, okay, I can walk away from this. it was an accident. And half the time, like I was capitalizing without knowing that meant you were yelling at somebody. Yeah, like I did that for like months.
00:25:52
Speaker
And somebody was like, that means you're yelling. I go, oh. thought that just means like I'm really using that word like overemphasize. Like I love you. yeah i don't know. I don't know. so You're just aggressively telling people you love them. Right.
00:26:06
Speaker
That's all good. And I think that's great. Yeah. So what are the takeaways from all of this really? Right? Like, I don't want people to think that being emotional is a toxic trait. Being emotional is a gift. It's a great gift.
00:26:21
Speaker
But I think what we need to determine is if that emotional gift leads us into self-doubt we have to kind of walk away from it.
00:26:34
Speaker
If we start doubting and then spiraling and we're not just looking at something and just assessing, you know, I think that, you know, it it might be time to walk away. Yeah. And you you have to know when that time.
Conclusion: Self-Care and Support
00:26:48
Speaker
is there. Yeah. So like we said, easy. You really got to think about the history with the person, right? You, you, you ask them about it, give it a little time and ask them about it. If you're really still spiraling, you have to think about their mood, their job.
00:27:02
Speaker
You know, I think for us, a lot of us, we don't realize that at 99% of the time, it's just not about us. No, and you should be comfortable to ask people.
00:27:13
Speaker
Absolutely. we okay? Are good? Are we okay? Because if we're not okay, we're always okay, Chantal Schaefer. And, so you know, I think you don't need to investigate every single silence. You said it's silence for you.
00:27:26
Speaker
You don't have to dissect every sigh. Not everything that is unsaid is about you. And even if it is, even if it is, let's go down the spiral.
00:27:38
Speaker
You're going to survive it. Go through your worst case scenarios. You're going to survive it. Let people use their words. And if you have to, then you use your boundaries. And the next time you just start building a whole backstory of K, I want you to just take a breath.
00:27:52
Speaker
I want you to shut it all down. If somebody says K to you, stop spiraling, take a pause, shut it down, go live your beautiful, imperfect life.
00:28:03
Speaker
Because you don't need to earn peace by solving everybody else's emotional puzzle pieces. We love you. Until next time, take care of yourself and each other and check us out online at sparrowsnestcharity.org.