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Crisis Mode Is Not a Personality Trait
42 Plays8 days ago
Are you always in a rush, always overwhelmed, always on the verge of something? Do you secretly feel more comfortable in crisis than in calm? You're not alone — but you are allowed to break up with the chaos. In this episode, Krista along with her cohosts Chauntel and Tom explore the sneaky addiction to urgency, how some of us become emotional firefighters by default, and how to reclaim peace as your new baseline.
We cover:
- How adrenaline becomes your fuel (and how to stop guzzling it)
- Signs you might be creating chaos
- What to do when others thrive on crisis
- Real, tangible steps to replace drama with stability
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Transcript
Welcome and Theme Introduction
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to Exhausted Sparrows Unite, where we're talking to you, you beautiful, burnt-out little boss birdies.
Chaos vs Order: A Personal Preference
00:00:15
Speaker
Because today, we want to talk about how you hold it all together in the middle of crisis.
00:00:21
Speaker
how maybe chaos is your best friend, or like Chantel, chaos is something you can live without. I'm Krista Jones, your host, along with my co-hosts, Chantel Schaefer and Tom Morrell, and we're talking about how crisis mode really should not be a personality trait.
00:00:37
Speaker
It's personal, especially for me. If you've ever felt that you're the only one that's useful when you're putting out fires, you are not alone. If you're one of those people that need that chaos in order to thrive, we're going to talk about how though you may think that's really awesome, it might not be that awesome at all.
00:00:56
Speaker
So pull up a chair, ladies and gentlemen, as we dive right in the biology of chaos and why it's not as good as some of us feel it should be.
Supporting Sparrows Nest Through Merchandise
00:01:10
Speaker
I'm sorry I snorted before. her Because you were relating to all of it. Well, I was laughing at the... Burnt out boss birdies. Yes.
00:01:18
Speaker
I couldn't hold it in. I'm That's the t-shirt. Yeah. ah Every week, ladies and gentlemen, there is a new t-shirt and you're going to be able to buy these and the proceeds from these t-shirts are going to go to Sparrows Nest, which is a charity here in the Hudson Valley.
00:01:33
Speaker
And we feed families and individuals that of a cancer
Charity Work and Organized Chaos
00:01:36
Speaker
diagnosis. And in the middle of all of this, we realized that, ah you know, we're trying to keep it all together. I was just going to say, that's what kind of what the charity is all about, is managing other people's chaos. like It really is. When you're going through treatment stuff like that, it's complete chaos. I can only imagine. It is. We say organized chaos yeah around here, right? And then and there's pivoting like all the time around here.
00:01:59
Speaker
So when we were talking about, what did we talk about this week? I was like, oh yeah, chaos. like I've got that covered. Let's do it.
Humorous Chaos in Everyday Life
00:02:06
Speaker
So did you guys also drive in today to the podcast with 50 baseballs rolling around in your trunk or is that just me?
00:02:14
Speaker
that That's a you thing. That was a me thing? Okay. I don't even think we're getting Chantal to a baseball game. No. no No. No, I want to see the Savannah Bananas. Like, I will go see the Savannah Bananas play. Is that just because of their name?
00:02:25
Speaker
No, they're like the globe charter of wi Harlem of the baseball world. It's a different take on baseball. I got to. It's a very unique experience. a very fun take on baseball. That I'll experience. It's not watching paint dry. I'm sorry, Tom. Sometimes it feels like that.
00:02:39
Speaker
No, no, it's okay. What? Baseball does? Baseball sometimes feels like that. Oh, that's a whole different thing, yeah. That's a whole different thing, going to in. mean with the thing in the cars, because I have a lot going on. I coach baseball, so I constantly, always have a bucket of baseballs in my trunk, and when there's not as much other stuff in the trunk, the baseballs, like when I make a turn, the bucket flips over. That's shocking. Wait, that's shocking, because you always drive like you have a cake in the car. Yeah. So how does that happen? It only takes a little bit of a, of, of, uh, like a G force to tip the bucket over. So you've had a whole, so I was in the Stewart's parking lot this morning getting gas and had to fill the bucket with baseballs.
00:03:23
Speaker
It just in front of, in front of everybody and their mother. Like you weren't thinking you could move that to like the, the middle seat. I moved it and to the, I moved it to the back where it's, it's wedged in now. It's not going to fall over. So. Right.
00:03:36
Speaker
I've, I've, I've avoided that chaos now. Well, thank goodness. After you shared it with everybody in the stewards. The guy was like, why do you have so many baseballs?
00:03:49
Speaker
And why are they not contained? Why aren't they in a bucket? Oh, you have a bucket. Why aren't they in the bucket? You caused chaos today for so many people pulling into the stewards and we're sorry. Yeah, no, it's all good.
00:04:00
Speaker
Chaos. We're working with, we're working through
Thriving in Chaos vs Preferring Order
00:04:03
Speaker
it though. Yeah. And you know, when when we were talking off air um about how we all picture chaos and how we deal with chaos, Chantel, and that's part of why I thought this was going to be so fun because I was like, there's no way Chantel is going to love chaos. But yet Tom and I thrive on chaos, which is not healthy at all. But I'm like, Chantel needs to be in the room because she's really going to, you know,
00:04:27
Speaker
she's really going to show the normal side of things. yeah Right? Yes. And everything, every situation that we mentioned that we'll probably talk about during the episode here, Chantel was getting more and more uncomfortable in her chair. I'm just twitching. She's like gripping the sides. Like, can we, can we just change the subject, please? I'm very type A. I like organization and planning. Yes. Well, see, I like organization and planning too, but like, but you're not good at it. Well, okay.
00:04:55
Speaker
Okay. It's baseballs rolling around in your car. Fair enough. But like baseball, as an analogy, sometimes, you know, the other team rallies and you've got to come up with a different plan and there you have to you have to pivot from that. And, you know, that can be, don't know, does that work? That is such a far stretch. Does that work? Not at all. That's not chaos. Not at all. All right. I want to let let, all
Dopamine, Cortisol, and Chaos
00:05:15
Speaker
right, let's start by talking about your brain. Let's really talk about like what it does and let's talk about the science behind it as to why you and I thrive in it and Chantel doesn't. It's not just because we're weird, which we are weird, but there's really a science behind that, right? You and I both self-diagnosed ADHDers. Yep.
00:05:33
Speaker
I mean, Chantel works in the field, has worked in the field. i think she agrees with that diagnosis. I concur. Okay.
00:05:43
Speaker
So for us, we are lacking in, in, in a lot of instances, the dopamine we need, the right amount of cortisol we need, all of that stuff.
00:05:53
Speaker
And right when you get yourself into a chaotic state, a state where you have to do a million things at once, it is producing dopamine, cortisol, all the things that make Tom and I happy. yeah You get a little high off of it, get a little high off of it, but yet Chantal has enough.
00:06:10
Speaker
So Chantal, is then on overload. Yes. Right? Oh, yeah. but So, yeah i was yeah. Well, so, like, we're going back to the planning, ah there's planning involved.
00:06:22
Speaker
It's just a little looser. It's not like a metal sheet. It's more like a Like a fishnet. Wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-floiling tube man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like I had those, like what we were talking about off-air before, where there's like a plan of organized chaos. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like there's a lot going on. Right.
00:06:43
Speaker
And... ah things have to change on the fly or things have to adjust on the fly. So I'm really comfortable doing that. Absolutely. Because a h d things like that, like you are really craving that cortisol, that adrenaline rush. Like for us, we thrive in that kind of an atmosphere. Normal people don't. I'm just going to tell you.
00:07:04
Speaker
Normal people really don't. Because honestly, your cortisol is your main stress hormone. yeah So, right? it will spike and most people realize that means they're in
Risky Behavior in Chaotic Situations
00:07:16
Speaker
danger. Yes. Like that's really what it is. It's a flight or fight. They they they know that.
00:07:21
Speaker
Tom and I go straight towards the bear that is, you know, walking down the rail trail. Like we don't, we don't get that signal that this is not a good thing. Tom and are like, this is fan fantastic. By the way, PSA, don't go near bears if you see them on the road. You should. Just to cover us here. You should. We don't endorse that. Oh, yeah. No, don't sue us for that. We're not telling you that is a smart thing at all. No, no. But Chantal gets the danger signal.
00:07:45
Speaker
Tom and I go straight for the danger, Yeah. So it's that fight and flight and it it, the adrenaline, right, for, for us is, is a happy feeling. But for most people, they're able to work through that and it's not a feeling that they want.
00:08:01
Speaker
So they're going to do anything and everything to get that feeling to dissipate where you and I are like, okay, add six more things. I can juggle this. It's almost like it's an adventure, right? Like, this is this a new adventure. Yeah. Let's go.
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah. You know, like when, uh, the, like the last minute stuff, I get accused a lot of times of, of making plans last minute, very, uh, not spontaneously. That's not, that's a, there's a difference between planning stuff last minute and being spontaneous.
00:08:29
Speaker
Um, that's that kind of like when something
Brain Function and Chaos Management
00:08:33
Speaker
comes up, like, If you said, hey, tonight I have this thing going on. I need you to help out, blah, blah, blah. I would drop everything and let's let's go do that.
00:08:41
Speaker
There's very little like would say boundaries. There's no like, well, wait a minute. I need to plan this. I have to plan out. I have to i have to ask this person. I have to make sure that that's going on. And and And then I got to be up for work in the morning tomorrow morning. So I i really need i none of that. All of that goes out the window. It's all like an adventure for me. Does that make sense? So here's i love that you said that because that is where everything happens in your prefrontal cortex.
00:09:08
Speaker
So for Chantel, that's where her logic her logic and her long-term planning all like start. And that gets hijacked. For you and me, yeah there's nothing to hijack because we're not planning the next day. yeah We're living in the moment where Chantel is her whole day planned out and probably the week after.
00:09:27
Speaker
and now you're telling her to do something different. And she's like, no. And you and I are like, whatever. Chantel is like, this is awful. What are you doing? Yes, Chantel?
00:09:39
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it really... Yeah. was going to say it depends, but like. That's the t-shirt. I mean, really. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't, I don't like things being sprung. Right.
00:09:51
Speaker
On me. i I love when you spring something on me when it's like, Hey, Friday night, eight o'clock, my buddy calls me and he's like, Hey, uh, there's a fight on tonight.
00:10:02
Speaker
Do you want to come over have a few beers? Well, yeah, let's do it. I'm in pajamas. Yes. I'm in pajamas crocheting. You're not interrupting that. my One of my favorite. That's true. You're not. She does some really good stuff. We're going to have to put your website up too. What's your website?
00:10:16
Speaker
ah I don't have a web website. You can find me on Facebook. Old Soul Arts. Yeah, find her on Facebook. She's fantastic. If only she knew anybody who could do websites. Websites for her. I'm just saying. Weird.
00:10:29
Speaker
Anyways, Tom. um Yes, well, like one of my favorite bro ventures, if you will. Bro-ventures. You know what those are, right? where you like it's Just dudes, bro-adventures. Bro-ventures. I just made that up.
00:10:41
Speaker
Okay. Maybe that's the shirt. That's the shirt. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out by the end of the One of your bro-ventures. One of your favorite bro-ventures. My buddy Josh came to visit one weekend, and we went out to New York City for the day, and we got back a lot later than we wanted to. were supposed to go to um Buffalo the following day for a Buffalo Bills game.
00:10:59
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And we get home at midnight and we're trying to do them. Exactly. She's already cringing. She's like, midnight. Chantel's cringing. Krista Jones is like, yeah yeah, you're going to get up five hours later. What's the big deal? what's big yeah Well, we didn't get up five hours later.
00:11:13
Speaker
That was the plan was, hey, listen, we're going to pack up our stuff. We got to hit the road because Buffalo is a six hour drive, blah, blah, blah. By the time we get there, ah Josh was like, why don't we just leave now?
00:11:26
Speaker
was like, You mean right now? Like midnight? Like we're supposed to be in bed, man. Like he's like, no, we'll just leave now. We'll sleep. man you know we'll we'll We'll, you know, we'll take shifts driving. Yes.
00:11:37
Speaker
We drove through the night to Buffalo and we got to Buffalo at 7 a.m. m and and and watched a football game that afternoon. You made memories. Those are, and Chantel's like this. Nope. That sounds awful. It was awesome.
00:11:49
Speaker
For me, it was so cool. It was just, it's that when there, when stuff happens, is off kilter. Yeah. It's not planned, just spontaneous. It makes it all the more fun for me, I guess, if that, if that makes sense.
00:12:03
Speaker
So this is an interesting quote that I wrote down purposely because I thought this is something that Tom, you touched on. It's really interesting. Calm. Calm.
00:12:16
Speaker
feels unsafe when chaos is your baseline. yeah So we kind of got into that off air as well, right? We were saying for Tom and I, if we like don't have anything to do on a Wednesday night, well, we're making something up.
Chaotic Baselines and Their Effects
00:12:29
Speaker
Calm is unsafe. It's unsettled. I'm depressed and calm. Like it is weird. There's no adventure in it It's because chaos is our baseline. Yeah. That's not good. I guess. Yeah.
00:12:40
Speaker
I guess, I don't know. And you know, so speaking of chaos, I mean, my life is that because as most lives are, we have, well, we have three boys who are but you in athletics. And if you know anything about how travel sports works, like at any moment, the coach could text you and go,
00:12:56
Speaker
Hey, we got a three game series this weekend. We're going to play. It's going to be, you know, at eight o'clock in the morning and then we're going to play another game at midnight and then another one at 3 a.m. m So you guys cool with that? Just check in Thumbs up if you're good.
00:13:09
Speaker
We're always thumbs up. so I want talk about that. Everything always like thumbs up. so Signs that you might be the one creating the problem. Oh boy. hi it's me. Yeah. The problem is me.
00:13:21
Speaker
That's what they're basically saying. Research is showing the chaos in our lives is because we create it. overbook sometimes subconsciously, but sometimes knowing exactly what we're doing.
00:13:33
Speaker
We over promise. We over function. ADHDers, especially start projects late, Then we get that last minute adrenaline.
00:13:45
Speaker
Who does that? What? You're uncomfortable in quiet, unscheduled time. Makes you anxious. And you interpret calm as boredom or laziness.
00:13:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. I wouldn't say laziness, but like I feel like there's something missing. Like tonight, for example, I looked on the schedule and I had to i had to do like a triple take. I had to call my wife and be like...
00:14:11
Speaker
and the scant the but there's nothing There's nothing going on. we don't I feel like the word they feel like there's... This is a common phrase in our household. I feel like we're missing something. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Because there's always something going on. But tonight, there's no practices.
00:14:27
Speaker
There's no games scheduled. There's no workouts. There's no work nights. i'm not I don't have any meetings tonight. She doesn't have anything planned. It's just a free night. And I'm like...
00:14:39
Speaker
Well, what are we going to do then? what am i can we go Can we go hit baseballs? Are we going to go out with friends? Are we going to have somebody over? What are we doing? You're crocheting with Chantel on the couch. Yep. that's up See, there's that's there you go. like I would have to go and do something.
00:14:59
Speaker
I don't know if you could handle sitting on the couch crocheting. No, I don't think you want that. i mean Well, if we're watching baseball, I could. Right. And see... i then look at it as a laziness if there's nothing going on. So if there's nothing going on, there's plenty of stuff in my life that I neglect.
00:15:14
Speaker
So I cannot sit and crochet. i got to clean the fridge. i got it. You know, i look at it like I'm lazy. Then if I really have a night off, I should be getting my house in order, my life in order, my kids in order, you know, whatever it is.
00:15:28
Speaker
So I always have to be a busy beaver because we live with chaos as our baseline, whereas Chantel lives a more normal life than we do. wouldn't say normal.
00:15:40
Speaker
Normal makes us feel like we're like we're wretched, evil people. Well, don't think we're wretched and evil, but I think we're always on go. There's really no stop button. And I think in a lot of the episodes we do, we learn like you have to protect your peace. You have to have boundaries.
00:15:55
Speaker
And this whole chaos thing is you have to... Stop overbooking. And, you know, but part of me is like, no, I mean, I really like it and I thrive in it. Well, because it's so I mess up in it.
00:16:06
Speaker
Well, or until you involve other people, until you suck other people into it, that's where it becomes a problem. So like for me, I love when it's our five, my core five, right? Me, my wife and my three kids.
00:16:21
Speaker
And we're on the road someplace and we got to grab lunch on the way because we go from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. And then after that, we got pizza at home and we're going to, you know, and then it's like this kind of organized chaos. We have a plan.
00:16:33
Speaker
it's just chaotic. There's just a lot of stuff going on It's just very busy. We love that. But when it's like, hey, mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, you guys are going to have to meet us at the game at six o'clock instead of at four o'clock because the game got pushed back because ah this happened and that happened and this other all this other chaotic stuff happened. And now last minute, I got a i have to change plans with you.
00:17:00
Speaker
So now it is it's affecting someone else. Because my parents are not like that either. My parents don't like that chaotic stuff either. They're like, either I'm like, dad, what are you doing this Saturday? I got to, I got to mow the lawn.
00:17:12
Speaker
And what else? Why? You know, then it's pretty much it, you know, and just but that for him, that's like, that's the task for the day. And then like going out at six o'clock or meeting us at eight o'clock for dinner or going out at two o'clock. That's not, it's not going happen because he's got a plan for this is what I'm doing. yeah And that's it.
00:17:29
Speaker
My parents are like that. Yeah. And then when I'm done, I'm, I'm resting. We're having dinner. I'm going to sleep. It's done me. I'm like, I don't want to sleep. I just, I want to get stuff doing. I want to do stuff all the time. Right.
00:17:43
Speaker
And you know, I noticed for me, I self
Understanding and Empathizing with Different Paces
00:17:45
Speaker
judge then. Yeah. Especially with, um, Friends, you know, especially with people, you know, whatever. If, you know, people don't have jobs, you know, I have a job, you know, but yet they're still, yeah even my parents, like my parents don't really come up here a lot.
00:18:01
Speaker
And they're like, well, we have a doctor appointment next week. And I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. Yeah, that's eight days away. Yeah. You know, and I don't understand that as somebody that thrives so much in chaos, I don't think I have a lot of grace for people that will say things like, you know, um you know, today, you know, I'm going, i have to drive to the mall and return a few things.
00:18:20
Speaker
And, uh, I'm overwhelmed because I got to get back for the dog. And like, I want to bite their head off. I'm like, get back for the, like, I have to do 78 things in the hour that you're just going to go to the mall to drop off shoes that you had time to buy and money to purchase them with. Like, So sometimes I feel I don't have a lot of grace because I pack my schedule and live in that chaotic moment too, which I know isn't great.
00:18:43
Speaker
So like we have a thing, ah we sponsor, uh, Chantel's just looking at us like, she is she's like, yeah, she has no idea what this is, what this life is like. No. So like ah at, at, uh, my, at the place I work, um, we participate in an event every second Friday of ah of a month.
00:19:03
Speaker
Um, And we go there with, you know, with a table and we have, you know, we, we promote ourselves there. Right. And I know it happens every second Friday of every month during in the summer.
00:19:15
Speaker
And inevitably I'm the one that has up having to do it to work it because there's, there's no, there's nobody else. I don't get anybody else in, in time enough to have them plan out.
00:19:28
Speaker
I just assume everybody's like, Hey, on Wednesday night, I can go and and Wednesday afternoon go, Hey, can you do this thing with me on Friday at night? What time is it from? Well, you got to be there like four 30 to set up. And then we, we finish it like nine, nine 30. And then you got to bring the, you know, back to the, to the, and they're like,
00:19:46
Speaker
I got, I got stuff to do. like, what do you have to do? like Just come out we're just hanging out, man. It's not, we're not doing this work. We're just hanging out and talking to people about our stuff. And they're like, yeah, no, I can't, I can't just, it's only two days away. You didn't give me enough warning.
00:20:02
Speaker
I can't do it. I'm like me, I'm dropping everything. Yeah. to Like, which also is a whole different podcast as well. yeah We should, we should talk about, but sometimes, you know, when you talk about chaos,
00:20:17
Speaker
Sometimes you are not the problem and there are chaos carriers, right? There are people that actually create the drama to feel important.
00:20:27
Speaker
Like I feel that we're busy enough. I don't need to create anything. We're all busy enough, you know, but there are people out there that treat the every inconvenience as an emergency and i have to be careful because i can get in that mind frame myself yeah so i really have to walk it through i have to go well what is the worst thing if this doesn't happen and that doesn't happen but there are people we know them that you know they're in a room with us and their energy is just everything is an emergency so now everybody is affected with that energy
00:20:59
Speaker
Everybody is set
Creating Chaos for Importance
00:21:00
Speaker
off. I'm in chaos because I'm, I don't know why, but I'm looking at you and you're a chicken with a head cut off. So now I'm in chaos because of it. Yeah. And sometimes, like you said earlier, that we do because of that whole chaos, we create that atmosphere and other people.
00:21:16
Speaker
So you got to be careful. um I'm not really in the drama thing a lot, but I do know some drama chaos carriers. oh That's probably the worst chaos carrying there is. But i don't think that's because, and again, I'm not a clinical psychologist or anything like that by any means, but ah my, my instinct tells me that they're not, they create the chaos because they crave the drama. The the attention, yeah right? yeah Some people, but, but it's a true thing. Yeah.
00:21:40
Speaker
And then you've got to separate yourself from that too. Which is different from the chaos that you and I create in our lives. Which is just, that's so that we can feel adventurous. Yeah. Yes. But you know, that is something too, that I try to bear in mind, like when it comes to work and my staff, yeah like, because i wait,
00:22:01
Speaker
and do something last minute, i do i I got to be careful not to make them panic yeah because it's something last minute. So we try really hard here to kind of, you know, have a schedule. It doesn't always work at all. Yeah. You have to be flexible with a schedule. You do. But, you know, you know you got to think, am I being fair to the people around me too? Yeah.
00:22:23
Speaker
Because what is that, you know, your Poor planning should not be my emergency. I remember our travel agent um who used to work here at the radio station said that we used to have runners that we do this amazing run. You guys should come with us. It's a destination run this year.
00:22:40
Speaker
We're going to Fort Lauderdale next year, maybe rally, maybe Memphis. We don't know yet. We don't know, but um you should do this run with us guys. You should look up our website. It's called sparrowsnestcharity.org and just see what we do.
00:22:52
Speaker
But um one of the things in this is that, I mean, she would have people like the night before flights say, I i can't find the confirmation for my room. Like she would have sent that, let's say three times over a month.
00:23:05
Speaker
And she finally said to me, I'm not answering anybody 48 hours before and you need to email them that. yeah She said, I'm not getting myself in this chaos. You should have been prepared. And if you're not, that's not my emergency. And I'm like, that's a good point.
00:23:19
Speaker
Yeah, no, it is. You're over 100%. And that's, I think that's the other, the other half of chaos is when you, you affect other people with it. It's one thing if you want to run your life chaotically like that, but when you, now you've, you've dragged someone else into that and that's when it becomes a problem.
00:23:37
Speaker
But, but I think there's also like we were talking about the the scheduling, It has to be, there has to be flexibility, but at the same time, there has to be firmness on our end, on the chaotic
Balancing Chaos with Structure
00:23:49
Speaker
side.
00:23:49
Speaker
We have to, we have to stick to a firm schedule as well. um So there is a, there is a balance there so that we don't, we don't overrun other people with chaos. Right. You have to put some built in time so that you can pivot, right? Cause not everything goes the way you plan it to go. Or you just deal with it. You just go, well, listen, yeah.
00:24:11
Speaker
Yeah. my my Like you said, this this emergency, i'm ah link you to to the example that you're saying, there where i don't know where my itinerary is. you Do two minutes of looking through your email. Chantal and I talk about it too, how some people don't even read and they just five minutes immediately call somebody, creating a chaotic atmosphere.
00:24:32
Speaker
ah Not even doing their their their due diligence, right? Not even doing the research. It happens all the time. Just take five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. We'll send out newsletters and you can tell who the skimmers are.
00:24:43
Speaker
Yeah. Because they're like, hey, I don't know where I. Well, the second paragraph shows you where to sign up. Reread the email or read it for the first time. For the first time. Yeah. You saw the headline and were like, oh, great. Great. Good to know. Yeah. and that Nothing else beyond. And matching somebody's energy, right? When you have somebody chaotic in the room with you, you don't have to match their energy. You just have to breathe in and out and you just have to keep telling yourself, I need to walk this person off a ledge.
00:25:09
Speaker
A lot of times I try to do that before I go to them. If I'm on a ledge, you know, because- Yeah, it's it's your environment. You could, I mean, but you could really mess up your environment with your energy.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah. So replacing crisis with capacity. Like, so how do we do this for the Toms and the Christas of the world? And then how do the Chantels of the world deal with people that thrive on chaos?
00:25:37
Speaker
Yeah. um You have to lower your cortisol, right? So you have to lower your adrenaline. You have to lower the dopamine hit that you're getting. how do we do that, though? Well, that's that's a bigger question. That's I think that's another episode. I think that depends on the person. yeah Like ah my daughter is ADHD and she's definitely thrives in chaos. You know, she's not neat. She's not organized.
00:26:00
Speaker
And at the like heart of COVID, when we were all sequestered and we couldn't go anywhere, she was losing her mind. And we found that swinging for her, swinging and compression brought her down.
00:26:13
Speaker
So we hung a swing in her room. okay So when she would get in that chaotic, like, I'm losing my mind, we would be like, go swing. yeah And that movement brings her down. Some people, it's squeezing things or, you know, compression or taking a walk. Yeah. Listening to music. It's using your mind, right? It's jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles. It is when you feel yourself spiral, do something that makes you concentrate.
00:26:40
Speaker
If you like adventure, go on, you know, one those- A walk? Choose your own adventure videos. Bear Gills does them. No, it's not enough for Tom. He wants to be in the middle of it.
00:26:50
Speaker
Yeah. don't want let i don't want to get eaten by bears. No, but it's, you can make Bear Gills get eaten by a bear. That's true. Or what about coloring adult coloring books? That's a big one. You could color in your adventure coloring book.
00:27:05
Speaker
But it's something that can calm your mind down, right? Go to the batting cages. Yeah. That's fair. it's ball You could do that. You could do that. Yeah. You could go outside and ask one of your coworkers, just have a catch with me for 10 minutes.
00:27:19
Speaker
Sure. That'll work. Yeah. i don't know. I mean, not in front of all the cars. Maybe not in the middle. Maybe across the street. Yeah, across the restaurant. I don't know. But right. First, you have to remove yourself from the situation. That's true, Chantal. And that's interesting that you said, you know, rapping and stuff like that stimulation for her.
00:27:37
Speaker
I think
Calming Techniques for Chaotic Minds
00:27:38
Speaker
that's awesome. She has to sleep with a weighted blanket because she's like an alligator in the throes of a death roll. Like she cannot calm her body down to sleep. So she sleeps with a 10 pound weighted blanket.
00:27:50
Speaker
So that's helpful. That lowers your energy. you have to learn to breathe. We talked about that, right? You've got to do that. Yeah. yeah That in inhale for four, exhale for four, like just re-breathe, re-breathe.
00:28:02
Speaker
I don't really know. Re-breathe. Breathe again. Just breath breathe. Maybe that would be the shirt. And then you breathe again. Yeah. Yeah. um Cold water. Cold water splashes, cold water touches. okay Cold water has a way to calm down your nervous system. Did you know that? I didn't know that. You may not be able to take a shower at work, but splash some cold water on your face. Okay. right.
00:28:24
Speaker
And then I think I've talked about that five, four, three, two, one rule before, but it's a good one. It's your senses. So you look and identify five things that you can see. Like just look around the room, identify five things you can see, feel four things,
00:28:40
Speaker
smell three things, hear taste one. Like it's a whole thing. Like use all of your senses in some kind of way. It could be a one, one, one, if that's better for you and you can't remember what I just said. It doesn't matter.
00:28:52
Speaker
But using all of your senses to calm yourself down um lowers your cortisol levels, lowers your dopamine, your adrenaline. So you have to calm yourself down. ah That's all. You're not doing it at all. He's like, oh yeah, no that's great for Krista.
00:29:10
Speaker
I'm going to call you later, Chris. Did it see if you? Five, four, three, two, one, anything. No, I'm just, I'm just waiting for the baseball coach to call me be like, Hey, we got a, we got a doubleheader schedule this weekend. You in? I'm like, you hold on. Hold on. I'm smelling four things.
00:29:24
Speaker
My armpits. Hold on. Hold on. I have to look at five things real quick. Well, you could be like, hold on. I'm going to my adult coloring book. Well, because we're talking about two different kinds of chaos. Right. So you're talking about the scheduling and all of that. Yeah. We're talking about the chaos where like, yeah you know, things are already in the middle of the chaos, a chaotic situation. Yeah. You can do that.
00:29:46
Speaker
If your friends are calling you to schedule all these baseball games, you should be cognizant about not overbooking. And if for no other reason, if you're a people pleaser, yeah which all of us here are, maybe you think about it like, could this potentially affect other people in my life? if i like Then do my wife and I have to split up because the kids have to go in two different directions. And then do we miss little Tommy's game? And this is the state championship. And my wife wouldn't want to miss that.
00:30:15
Speaker
So maybe I shouldn't split us up today. Like maybe, maybe that's what you do in the scheduling type of situations. And then when you're in the middle of the chaotic, that's when you just, you got to take some time to breathe. Yeah.
00:30:28
Speaker
And we say it all the time for people like you and me, it really needs to be like a five minute thing a day. We can't even concentrate long enough to make this an hour long activity. We almost have to learn to, well, and this, maybe this is another episode, but learning to say no, like,
00:30:43
Speaker
Yeah, we've we've done that. No, Coach, we can't make it to practice on Sunday at 8 a.m. m yeah because we have other stuff going on. yeah No, we can't make it for a double header or a triple header on, you know, not that there's triple headers, but, you know, we can't we can't make it to that. Well, that's the boundaries, right, and the people-pleasing stuff that we have to realize is actually...
00:31:03
Speaker
causing the chaos. So we, yeah, you're right. We, we have to figure out what our yeses and our nos are. We say that every episode too, because your time is precious. Yeah.
00:31:13
Speaker
And sometimes we're filling it because there's a lot going on in our own personal lives that we don't like. We don't like being alone with ourselves. I mean, I hate to go that deep, but that's completely me.
00:31:24
Speaker
yeah I don't, I don't, you know, like to be alone and by myself a lot. So, you know, that that's something I got to figure out. Wow, we're going deep, we're going deep.
00:31:36
Speaker
That's another episode. But you know, sometimes there's things in your own personal life. And you know, I grew up in a house that was very quiet. We didn't do a lot. So if I wasn't doing anything, I was in my room, my parents were doing their own thing. There wasn't a lot of interaction.
00:31:51
Speaker
My parents weren't, you know, amazing communicators. I think maybe we all, and i don't know how true that is for you guys, come from that generation. um i think we're getting better as communicators with our children. You know, every generation gets a little better.
00:32:04
Speaker
But, you know, we weren't necessarily, you know, going places on weekends. and vacation Like, we didn't do a lot of that. And so my childhood for me was very sad. So I think I try to fill together.
00:32:17
Speaker
because I feel like I was very depressed. It's pretty insightful, yeah. Yeah, and I just felt like I was missing a lot. And I have to learn to love myself enough to go, you really need a break and you deserve an hour. and you know But that's a Krista thing. But I just wanted to say that because if anybody else is feeling that way, like I get you. Hit me up. I get it yeah I don't know what we'll do together, but it'll be chaotic.
00:32:39
Speaker
It'll be chaotic, but maybe we could sit. It'll be planned last minute too. Planned last minute. Yeah. what do you do What are you doing in half an hour? can you be here in half an hour? Guys, it's so true, right? Thank you guys over today. I i really love being with it too, because it makes me laugh. And I like, I hope if you listen to us that like you really get some stuff out of this.
00:32:58
Speaker
Let me just say it again for the people that are in the back. Crisis mode should not be a personality trait. It's really not who you are. It might be who you had to be in the moment, but unlike Tom and Krista, maybe just get out of that. Be a little bit more like a Chantel.
00:33:13
Speaker
Be somewhere in the middle, right? You're allowed to unplug from the noise, and really you have to unplug from the noise. And you know, Tom, you were worried about like setting boundaries and saying no and being a people pleaser, but sometimes you got to do that.
00:33:27
Speaker
Anyone that thinks you're boring, well, I don't know. Maybe they're just clapping in the middle of the chaos. And honestly, that's not a good thing. You though, my beautiful, exhausted sparrow are not broken.
Embracing Calmness and Self-Love
00:33:40
Speaker
Even if you thrive in chaos, figure out why you have to thrive in chaos and learn that you need to love yourself and you need to be able to sit with yourself and you need to be in peace. And that's really okay.
00:33:51
Speaker
You're, you know, you're just you, right? You're just overdue for some calm and you need to get that in your life. So until the next time, check out our website, sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:34:03
Speaker
Find out what we do, be a part of what we do and get ready for the t-shirts. We really got to get those t-shirts going. Be kind guys to yourself and each other.