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00:00:01
CEO of Everything, Except a Paycheck!
43 Plays20 days ago
You’re not “just a mom”—you’re the chef, the scheduler, the therapist, the human Kleenex, and the keeper of literally everything. If this were a paid job? You’d be raking in six figures… plus hazard pay.
In this episode, we dive into:
- What your unpaid labor is actually worth
- Why doing everything still feels like nothing
- The resentment spiral of invisible work
- And how to reclaim your worth—even when no one’s clapping
Here’s the truth: you don’t need a paycheck to prove your value.
Your love, your effort, your exhaustion—they mean something.
Even if the world doesn’t always see it, we do.
And we’re clapping for you—loudly.
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Transcript
Introduction & Podcast Theme
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am your host, Krista Jones, along with my co-host, Chantel Schaefer. And this is the podcast that we hope you are able to let it all go.
00:00:16
Speaker
Live authentically, live with grace, laugh at yourself when you make mistakes and realize that half of the mistakes you think you make aren't even mistakes at all.
Unpaid Labor of Moms
00:00:25
Speaker
And today's episode is going to be all about moms.
00:00:30
Speaker
We've touched on it on plenty of episodes in the past, but I really want to talk about moms and getting paid. Now, if you got paid for every single job that you have in a single day, the economy would certainly collapse like a flaunt in a cupboard.
00:00:48
Speaker
We're talking nurse, chef, chauffeur, therapist, personal assistant, janitor, tutor, crisis manager, snack engineer, bedtime negotiator, and sometimes even a crime scene cleaner. I mean of glitter. I don't mean like murder crime scene.
00:01:03
Speaker
In this episode, we're going to calculate the cost of that unpaid labor. And we're going to tell you why it's really important for you to stop measuring your worth by how many loads of laundry you
Measuring Moms' Worth
00:01:13
Speaker
are doing. Because if motherhood were a job, the benefits would be trash, illegal hours, and the CEO, which is you, would still feel like they're falling short.
00:01:25
Speaker
always falling short always falling short we talk in almost every single episode just about the juggling and holding it all together in the last few episodes we've been bringing some mom stuff in there mom guilt making meals uh you know just being a mom in general and uh i'm like you know we really need to talk about the statistics of what you would actually get paid if you were able to get paid for doing this job. Because I heard something years and years ago, maybe, i don't know, 10, 15 years ago. So I was saying to Chantal, hey, Chantal, to look this up because I want to see just how underpaid we really are
00:02:08
Speaker
We're so grossly underpaid. We'd all be millionaires. We are so grossly underpaid. So as we're going into this today, mom I want you to pat yourself on the back when you hear all
Chef Boyardee & Undervalued Roles
00:02:20
Speaker
of this, right? Because we are saying that you are a housekeeper.
00:02:25
Speaker
We're saying that you're childcare, right? Because you're taking care children. You're a chef. Yes, you are. Even if it's Chef Boy RD, you rock that girl. Love me some SpaghettiOs. You are.
00:02:37
Speaker
I looked at the sodium in them. I put them in like my fitness pal one day. i was like, I can't even have a cup of this anymore. You know what? You can eat it after your run. Replenish all the sodium you've lost. I love that Chantel always finds the good in the world.
00:02:51
Speaker
Anything when it comes to food. Anything when it comes to Chef Boyardee. What kind of Chef Boyardee do you like? The SpaghettiOs? I like the SpaghettiOs. Yeah, I don't really, raviolis, I'm kind of like, I don't really know what's in it. Yeah.
00:03:02
Speaker
Nope. Just a straight spaghetti. i don't even need the meatballs. and I don't want the meatballs. no It's in a can. Just the O's. I don't think it's meat. No. I'm sorry, Chef Boyardee. You have good stuff in and I've eaten it all my life. So, and I'm still okay. I think relatively speaking, you are a driver moms. You're a tutor, right?
00:03:20
Speaker
You are a life coach. I like that better than like therapist, but you're also a therapist. You're a project manager. How many times? Oh my gosh. Have you like had to pull that together?
00:03:32
Speaker
In the wee hours. Wee hours of the morning because you didn't even know it was a due and your kid's like, on your way home, can you get me post-aboard? And it's already 8.30. Like, where am I getting that? You're a scheduler.
00:03:44
Speaker
You're a nurse. I mean, that alone has to be worth $100,000. You are conflict negotiator. you are a conflict negotiator a personal shopper, an administrative assistant, and an event planner.
00:03:58
Speaker
And you are worth, if we had to pay you for all those jobs, and not including the job that you get paid for, if we have to pay you for all those jobs, you would be making $195,000 a year. Sign me up.
00:04:09
Speaker
and ninety five thousand dollars ah year sign me And it you it would also be illegal work.
Mental Load of Motherhood
00:04:17
Speaker
It'd be like a sweatshirt, right? Because it's 24 seven.
00:04:21
Speaker
We don't get lunch breaks. Nope. We don't get PTO. Nope. We get none of it. So all of that plus nighttime, the worry and lack of sleep, right? Like that's a thing. ah The emotional temper checks of everybody in your household that you've got to kind of take care of.
00:04:41
Speaker
um And your brain just really never resting because you are on duty 24 hours a day. Yeah, it never ends. You know, it's we're we're planning on vacation. We're going away for a week and I'm so overworked and stressed just trying to make sure that everybody is packed and, you know, nobody has forgotten a toothbrush or their underwear. And even on vacation, it never ends.
00:05:03
Speaker
It doesn't end. No. It's really not a vacation. No, it's not. And I saw somewhere, it's on social media all the time, so you guys have all probably read it. It's something like, when a woman packs or, you know, when a woman needs to go to bed, all she puts all the dishes away and folds one When a man goes to bed, he goes to bed.
00:05:20
Speaker
And it's nothing against men, but it really is that there is this whole mental checklist that is up there in our heads that we have to get done just to even move on. And um you're talking about vacation and, you know, here ah when we go places, you know, we know better than to say to each other, are you packed or are you excited?
00:05:38
Speaker
Because usually it's like the day before, the night before when I pack and I'm like, I will be excited when I get on the plane because I haven't even packed. I am a pre-packer. Oh, really? Yeah. so we we go to South Carolina and we have a family condo down there. So we ship our belongings so we don't pay for checked bags.
00:05:57
Speaker
So we're leaving on Friday and all of our stuff had to be packed and shipped today. Because it's cheaper to do it that way. ah So much cheaper. Interesting. Yes. Okay. And it works out.
00:06:10
Speaker
And we always leave a little extra space in the box. So if we pick up anything along the way, it's in the box and we ship it home. That's amazing. And everything else goes in your carry-on. It was great when the kids were little because we had so much baby gear. Yeah.
00:06:23
Speaker
And then we left a lot of baby gear in the condo because it belongs to my family so that in subsequent years we didn't have to bring it and other people didn't have to bring it. Yeah. That's cute. That's why Chantal Schaefer is assistant extraordinaire. She just figures it all out and then tells me what I need to do and I'm like,
00:06:38
Speaker
Wow. I was this old when I finally realized I can ship my stuff and it's cheaper than paying for luggage. Do you remember that commercial?
Invisible Workload & Job Description
00:06:47
Speaker
Which commercial? I ship my bed.
00:06:51
Speaker
I ship my pants. She is saying it with a P, ladies and gentlemen, though. It did not sound like that the first time I just heard I was like this. No, now you don't remember that I've never seen that commercial, but that, that's brilliant. I know. Because it just made me go, what did she just say? Nope.
00:07:06
Speaker
They were talking about shipping things. And I will tell you, I know we're digressing slightly, but Christian Jones, when we just went to the Bahamas, he was at 78 pounds of luggage and there was nothing I could do. was like a 50 pound weight limit.
00:07:20
Speaker
And I was like, there is not enough. He had a ah check-in bag and I had my little tiny bag because I'm like, you need three pairs of shorts, seven shirts and clean your underwear garments every day. But But I was like, I can't even stick any.
00:07:35
Speaker
i had to pay like $200. It was awful. that's See, and Jeremiah will pack in the smallest, tiny little bag. That's me. and Jeremiah. He's like, I just need a pair of socks and underwear for every day, and he's good to go. Amen.
00:07:46
Speaker
Yeah. That's me. Yeah. We're going to do something about why you need to pack smaller Chantel. I am not a good packer. All right. All right. I'll pack for you. pack for me. We're going to be good to go. So moms, let's get back to talking about moms and you know why we feel so underappreciated. We do lots of episodes here that kind of touch on all of these different things, right? Like we did the invisible workload, which you know, is a lot of this as a mom too.
00:08:15
Speaker
But it's not only, i feel, an invisible workload, it is an invisible job description. Because let me tell you, if you got a 401k for this, you'd be able to work seven years and you would be retired living in the Bahamas. How many people would see read that job description and be like, I want to apply to that job?
00:08:32
Speaker
No one. Nobody. You'd be like, do I have to do all 14 or can I pick the two that I like the most? Yeah. And I think that's what it is. It's not just this workload. It's the fact that it is a job description that is so like underrated. It is not talked about. It is not praised up.
00:08:51
Speaker
And yet when you look at this, there's 15, 20, 30 jobs every single day that you have to do and do somewhat well because you've got these little human beings that at the end of the day, you know, you've got to coach up and...
00:09:04
Speaker
Set them off in the world. Yeah. And it's so it's thankless. You don't always get, you know, a little job appreciation. Right. You don't get any job appreciation because it is just assumed that you will do it.
Emotional Labor & Identity
00:09:21
Speaker
So we now have to kind of figure out how do we throughout the day How do we stay proud of ourselves, like instead of beating ourselves up, if that makes any sense, you know, because it is like this emotional labor that nobody ever talks about. So, you know, you not only have to do all of these jobs, but you've really got to work on the mental part of this as well.
00:09:50
Speaker
And we're going to talk a little bit about that later because I did some research on this and how you could feel more empowered as a mom instead of feeling defeated as a mom.
00:10:02
Speaker
Because, you know, your emotional labor and your executive function is... I mean, it's it's an overdrive all the time, right? It's not just the task itself. It's you got to plan it.
00:10:13
Speaker
You got to remember it. Like you said, you got to prep for it. and we in And it's all the responding, like the the whole thing. You know, we say this all the time here at Sparrows Nest. We're a charity and we cook for people that have a cancer diagnosis here in New York. We have a bunch of counties.
00:10:30
Speaker
But it is the follow through. Like I can't just say, okay, so and so can't drive the food today. So I need, you know, somebody else to do it.
00:10:41
Speaker
I've got to make sure that I've called that person. i have to make sure that I remind that person. Like it is the whole follow through that is exhausting and is is is part of motherhood, right?
00:10:55
Speaker
anticipating the needs before they're spoken. Like we're mind readers too. We should put that on there. That's gotta be worth about $25,000. I would think that would be worth way more. We have to be able to manage people's stress, right? Not only are kids stressed, but if you have a spouse at home, like you're managing all that too, because the kids get a little bit ruffled and things get out of control and you're you're managing all that too. And here's the thing, it's unpaid And I think for some people like that is the hardest part. It's thankless and it's unpaid. It's not like it's paid and thankless. Then I'd be like, I'm making $187,000, a 401k. And there's no sick days.
00:11:34
Speaker
There are no sick days. PTO. There's none of it. You can't be like, I need a mental health day. You can't. Nope. Studies show that women disproportionately carry 80% of the labor, even in an equal household. No.
00:11:52
Speaker
eighty percent that doesn't sound very equal No, not at all. So I know that we are in a way better place than we were before. But at the end of the day, you know, there's still a lot that needs to be done.
00:12:06
Speaker
And I say that to my kids, like coaching my kids up and stuff. You know, they're out there, they're dating. One of my children are getting married. And I do say to my children, you really need to look at that. What is your spouse doing? Are they playing video games for five hours a day? Like the guy you're going to marry? Like, is he just, you know, or, you know, when you're running around and you're stressed, is he helping relieve your stress? Like what, you know, is he mowing? If you're inside cleaning, is he outside or vice versa? Is he cleaning in your gardening?
00:12:33
Speaker
Like all of this stuff, you know, are questions that, My mother never prepared me for because she was a stay-at-home mom and that's what she did. So that's just kind of what I thought should be done, but I couldn't stay home.
00:12:47
Speaker
So I said, you know, I got to do better for my kids. Like there are things now that I wish I would have talked about with Christian before we got married, you know, and would have established some rules and boundaries and stuff.
00:12:59
Speaker
But being a mom is a thankless, unpaid position and the burnout is real. Yeah. Yeah. 80% of the workload, that's that's crazy. So it affects your mental health. It affects your physical health.
00:13:12
Speaker
It affects your relationships. We touch on that quite a few times in episodes, how you end up with this resentment. And of course, you're not talking to anybody about it because this is the job you're supposed to do unpaid.
00:13:27
Speaker
So you're not supposed to complain to your spouse. You're But yet when you don't, it spirals into this whole thing that we were even talking about on the last episode. You
Identity Loss & Self-Care
00:13:38
Speaker
know, we were talking about a lot of this, you know, holding it all in and how you really get it all wrong. then You know, you're you're feeling, you know, somebody snapping at you and you don't know what you did. And you're not, you know, you're not confronting your feelings. You're just burying them because you think it's a thankless, unpaid job. And it's the job of a female.
00:13:56
Speaker
Yeah. To the job we signed up for. And that's not that's not true anymore. Right. It can't be because we're, I mean, 90% of women are outside of the home working just as much as as their spouses are.
00:14:09
Speaker
And that's a good point, talking about outside the house, because I feel when you are outside the house, you're able to see your worth. your boss is saying to you, I need you to get a B, and C done, right?
00:14:21
Speaker
And you're in a place where you can focus. And you're doing A, B, and You can tangibly see what you're doing. But I think a lot of times the problem is There is a lot of work as a mom that is not visible.
00:14:36
Speaker
and I kind of feel because it's not visible, we start to question our worth. Like I do it all the time. I do it at my house. I'll be like, you know, I'm going to get up today. And like, I have a whole list and it's not bad. It might be six things.
00:14:52
Speaker
And And then i will be lucky if I get three of them done by the end of the day. And I beat myself up. But there is a lot of invisible stuff that is going on that we're juggling. Phone calls in between and emails and a scraped knee and ah child who has a heartache. And, ah hey, mom, you know, I forgot my bologna sandwich when I B-O-L-O. I don't even remember.
00:15:15
Speaker
How does that go? Doesn't matter. when he has first That's how it goes. It's O-S-A-R. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. And my kids don't eat bologna at all. But, you know, whatever. Mom, I forgot it. You know, I'm babysitting. That just happened to me today. like I'm like, ah well, I'm at work.
00:15:30
Speaker
She's like, bring me food. So I think the invisible load is what makes us feel we're just we're not worthy. We're not good enough. We're not doing enough. Because it is a different way that we are able to gauge that when we're in the workplace, right? Because we don't consider being a mom the workplace, which we should.
00:15:51
Speaker
So I think it kind of starts there, right? yeah And then there's an identity loss too, because I think you start feeling like, I don't know, you've disappeared behind soccer practice, dance team and and and snacks. Like you, you kind of lose yourself in all of that. You become mom and not Krista.
00:16:14
Speaker
Right. Or mom and not Chantel. Right. Right. Because there's so much to get done in the day.
Delegating Tasks & Empowerment
00:16:19
Speaker
a lot of us is sacrificed, which is why when we do these episodes, we talk a lot about self-care.
00:16:27
Speaker
And, you know, we don't say it like it's an easy thing. Chantel's in the middle of it now. I'm, you know, my kids are, you know, in college now and jobs in the real world. But... it It is a thing. You really lose your identity. And, you know, just even if you can give yourself a half hour a day, you know, we say it in episodes where you work out in the morning.
00:16:47
Speaker
And, you know, for me, it was in an ungodly hour. I like this morning I had to be i had to get a walk in. So I started at like 5.15 and I did not want to do it, but I knew mentally ah had to do it.
00:17:02
Speaker
So, you know, we have to find that time for us because we really don't get a lot of it during the day. And really our identity a lot of times throughout the day is kind of just lost in everything we're doing as a mom for our kids.
00:17:17
Speaker
Yeah. I'm just staring you. You are just staring at me and I'm just going through my head on all the things I need to do as mom. No, but you're doing them and you're juggling them well and that's where the resentment starts growing, right? Because we're like, why didn't you see? yeah that I took the trash out and then I made four meals for the kids. And by the way, you should definitely go to our episode where we talk about meal prepping.
00:17:44
Speaker
That is a huge, huge deal. Meal prepping can actually give you more time, moms, for yourself. But that's what it is. This resentment grows and it also grows for the love of motherhood, which is the sad thing, right?
00:17:58
Speaker
Like we feel like we've lost ourselves. We start getting bitter about being a mom and sometimes always needed, which is why these breaks are so important because, you know, the burnout is real.
00:18:12
Speaker
want me to keep going? I do. i am here just know She's just staring at me taking notes today. And it's so funny because we go over all of this before and she's like, I'm highlighting now. She's got her little highlighter in her hand.
00:18:24
Speaker
It's very cute. One day there will be video. Someday. Someday. So i think what we need to do is we have to remember ah that we are more than just what we're giving to other people, right?
00:18:41
Speaker
Because In motherhood, i think giving is like our whole identity, giving to others, really not even giving to ourselves. And I think it's really easy for us to get lost in that shuffle because the worst thing is becoming bitter about being a mom to your own kids, right?
00:19:01
Speaker
And I'm just going to be honest with you. I have had those days. They're not many, but there are just times in the world where everything just has not aligned.
00:19:13
Speaker
Everything has gone wrong. And I mean, literally, i have, you know, i'm i I've said things like, I need a break. Or I've like taken all their dirty dishes and I've put it in a garbage bag and I've thrown it on their bed.
00:19:28
Speaker
I mean, you were nice. You put it in a garbage bag. did. Cause then I got to clean the sheets. Somehow it's going to come back to me. But you know, there are just times that I am like, I am just sick of doing it all. You are 12 years old.
00:19:42
Speaker
I did make up my children when when they were around 12 years old, you know, just speaking about some things that we can do. Like when I realized that I was bitter folding all the socks and doing all the things around 12 years old, I said to the girls, you're old enough.
00:19:54
Speaker
And so that's what I did. So I wouldn't be bitter anymore. You can do your own laundry because I wanted them to also be empowered. yeah You don't want to put it away. You will have wrinkly clothes.
00:20:05
Speaker
I'm not going to make you put it away. It could stay in your little, you know, bin for the next four days, but you're going to be a wrinkly little hobo. And that's okay. i I started making my kids put their own clothes away. Like I don't mind folding it so much. I put on a podcast or a book or whatever, but the carrying it upstairs and putting it away, I'm like, I'm done. yeah so at that point it goes on their beds and it's like, if you want to sleep tonight, put it away. You should put it away.
00:20:30
Speaker
Yep. That's great that you still fold, but you're not, you know, then you can let go of that and say, now, here you go. yeah i need you to fold. You'll get there. We'll get there. But that kind of stuff, I think can then help us to alleviate some of the resentment that we feel because we don't ask for help.
00:20:45
Speaker
And that is just, I don't even know how many episodes we've done on that. We don't ask for help because we're supposed to be super mom, but at our $195,000 description, can be? thousand dollar description how can we Well, I mean, I could be super mom for $195,000. You can be.
00:21:04
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. You want to pay me that? I'll be the best mom. So you think you would step it up a notch if you got paid? Oh, absolutely. Well, you wouldn't have to work. Absolutely. you imagine making that kind of money? $195,000? I mean, most of us, I think at $100,000 could be like, that's pretty sweet. Yeah.
00:21:23
Speaker
My house would be clean. Would it though? i got to be honest with you. When we went through COVID, you know, and the world was shut down, i was like, I just have a little bit of laziness in me because all these projects I could be doing now that I'm home, I'm still not doing.
00:21:40
Speaker
um There was a little bit of that. I just, I just
Managing Burnout
00:21:42
Speaker
want to be honest. If I, if I'm going to acknowledge it, a little bit of me was like, I might have a little bit of it in me, but I also feel, you know, there is that point where you're just so burnt out. You're, you're just, yeah, I think at that point it was that survival mode and it was like, you did whatever you did to make it through the day.
00:21:59
Speaker
And if that was laying in a hammock, enjoying the sunshine. Did you have a hammock at your house? I sure did. I did not know this. So we need to talk about what we can do because we kind of dive into how we're all feeling as moms and how we feel guilty when we're like, oh, I can't believe I had kids. i mean, you know, right?
00:22:18
Speaker
Which is the extreme and we do not want you to get there. So you have to think about things. And like I was going through all of this and when I saw this, I was like, this is really a good one.
00:22:30
Speaker
And it was when we're talking about all of these micro things that we do in a day, we hit on this in a couple podcasts. You know, if you go back and listen to those episodes, we hit on all these micro things that go on in our day.
00:22:43
Speaker
If you name them, right, you are acknowledging that they really are more than just this invisible workload. Because a lot of us are like, well, I didn't get my six things done in a day. Well, okay, Sally, you didn't just have six things. yeah Like, let's go through that.
00:23:00
Speaker
You ended up stopping and you had to buy Band-Aids for your daughter because her knee was scraped. You ended up stopping because... You didn't have butter and your child needed and you had to go to the store. You had to go to your neighbor's house.
00:23:12
Speaker
You ended up stopping because, you know, there's a million things. And so I liked that. Like name what you did in a day. I think that's really important because then you, instead of you thinking I'm a failure as a mom, like I didn't get anything I wanted done. Stop.
00:23:30
Speaker
Yeah, and it's important to acknowledge, like like you said, acknowledge those quote unquote invisible things. Like sometimes your kid comes up and all they want to do is cuddle and they want to cuddle for 10, 15 minutes and they just want to sit there with you.
00:23:41
Speaker
That's important because you're pouring into them in a time where they need, they might not, you might not know why they need you. But they needed that. And you know what? You needed that too. You know, and that's important.
00:23:52
Speaker
So put that on your list. A hundred percent. And you're pouring into them in a time really that you may be anything but calm. So emotionally for you too. Think about that. Your kid needs you. You have to change your thinking.
00:24:05
Speaker
You've got to change your energy. You know what I mean? That is not a small thing at all. It's an invisible thing. It is because most people don't see that. But that absolutely is is something that should should go on your workload.
00:24:19
Speaker
And you know like we said, outsourcing what you can. you know I talked about the laundry when the kids were 12. But you know what? Outsourcing it is not like child labor.
00:24:29
Speaker
Outsourcing it, you're really doing them a favor. You are teaching them skills that they need. I'm not telling you when they're nine years old that they have to go out there with a push mower and mow the lawn. Like, of course, you've got to figure out what, you know, they can be doing at their age, but outsourcing it. And then maybe more important than that, because this is where it gets me.
00:24:51
Speaker
You have to be okay with the job they do and then not go back and redo the job. Same. All the time. go back and quote unquote fix it.
00:25:02
Speaker
You do. i do. And then that kind of defeats. Number one, it defeats you getting the help you need by outsourcing it. And I also think number two, it sends the kids the message if they watch you do that, that they're not good enough.
00:25:16
Speaker
I try to do it when they're not watered. Right. They didn't do good job. It's like, oh, you a great job, and then go outside and play. And then it's like, go in and touch up the sink. So we can look at it like it only then took you an eighth of the time it normally would.
00:25:31
Speaker
They did the bulk of the work. But yeah, that's something else too. That is definitely another episode about how everybody else is good enough, needs to be good enough for us. Yeah, that is definitely Maybe that's the next episode. I think we have a lot to say about that.
00:25:47
Speaker
Communicate the unseen. So that's what we were talking about earlier, right? Don't just say that you're tired. say I did 43 different things today.
00:25:58
Speaker
i had 12 different big decisions that I made. I did all of this before 10 a.m. I'm doing good, right? Positive self-talk. I like to build little rewards into my day.
00:26:09
Speaker
Like chocolate? ah Sometimes chocolate. Sometimes it's like, all right, I just did two hours worth of laundry. I am going to sit and zone out on my phone for 15 minutes and just not think about anything but candy crush.
00:26:22
Speaker
Refresh yourself. Just, yeah, it's just a little something. Go ah sit outside for 10, 15 minutes. And I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person where I try to do everything in one day. Like, I'll take a Saturday and my whole Saturday will be cleaning so that on Sunday i have nothing but being a mom.
00:26:41
Speaker
My kids are really dirty. Fiona Jones is like pig pen. Oh gosh. And I tell her to clean and then she doesn't clean. And then like, you know, you take the phone.
00:26:54
Speaker
I feel like I'm cleaning every day. i yeah, we're not at that point. And I do have someone that comes in and cleans for me. And I made a lot of sacrifices to make that happen um because she's actually coming in today.
00:27:11
Speaker
i will go home and my house will be spotless. And then I've got a day or two that I can focus on other things. It really is the best part of my month. It's just that somebody else has taken that off of me and it is not an inexpensive thing to do, but the value in it for me is also part of my self-care, right? So it's not that ungodly get up at 5 a.m. and walk.
00:27:32
Speaker
It is something else that I'm doing for myself and yeah. You know, we've made sacrifices along the way, know, I'll eat off-brand things at the grocery store and we don't really go out to eat and stuff because something like that is important. Yeah.
00:27:44
Speaker
Right? Outsourcing. It's another way to outsource. And like you said, which is what I love, building, i would say, grace into your
Building Grace & Flexibility
00:27:52
Speaker
schedule. You're building a break into your schedule, which is great because you get to refresh.
00:27:57
Speaker
And then build some grace into it. Like building grace that I'm not a failure. If this is all I got done today and I'm feeling a little like, you know, for me, we joke about attention deficit disorder, but I have it.
00:28:09
Speaker
And for me, what I realize is I can only give myself, I'm freshest, you know, in the morning as the day goes on. i I give myself grace. Like, you know, if you and I are working on a project here at work or I'm doing something at home with the kids and I, because I have ADD, am pulling every single thing out of the closet and scrubbing it down and putting it right back in.
00:28:32
Speaker
And I have to give myself grace if now I become unfocused and i have to go, all right, that was obviously enough for me today. I'll finish tomorrow. It's not a failure. No, I also find if if I'm making a list of things I need to get done, i put the most important top priority things at the top.
00:28:47
Speaker
Like laundry absolutely has to get done today. Mopping, if it doesn't get done today, i can do it another day. And then I start at the top and I work my way down. So if if I don't finish it, it's the things at the bottom that can be pushed off for another day.
00:29:01
Speaker
Prioritizing. Yeah. That's awesome. We're giving you guys a lot of great tips here. We're going to follow them ourselves possibly. Make invisible work visible. Track it for a week.
00:29:13
Speaker
Then drop the guilt about needing help. Track it. Physically write it down and really see what you do as a mom in your day. And then stop saying, I'm tired. I'm not doing enough. Why am I going to bed at 10 o'clock at night?
00:29:29
Speaker
Like stop. Stop. Because if we honestly just stopped and wrote everything down, every phone call, you take everything that you're like, and it does, it does count. If you really did that for a day and really realized how far into the night you're going and how this is not a four or five hour thing, this is like a whole day thing, you would potentially realize, oh my gosh, this Like my day really is packed. And I think that might be how you will find your self-worth. Because when I was like, you know, researching and reading into that, I was like, that is something more than anything that I really want to incorporate into my day.
00:30:07
Speaker
It's important to know what you're worth and and your value.
Acknowledging Efforts & Conclusion
00:30:12
Speaker
And you know, sometimes, and and I have to praise my my little one, um she's we've talked about empaths and she just knows when I need to hear it.
00:30:23
Speaker
And she'll just look at me and you're the best mom in the whole world. And it was because I made her, I don't know, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And it's just, that to me helps me know my worth.
00:30:35
Speaker
Yeah. Because you know what? My house might be dirty, but my kids are happy and they see what I do. hundred percent. And you know, even when they don't express it when they're younger, wow, they definitely express it when they're older.
00:30:49
Speaker
Like I think back to my mom and I don't know that I expressed it when I was younger. I hope I did. But you know, once I started having my own children, my gosh, I went back and I was like, woman, man, yeah like you are my superhero.
00:31:05
Speaker
And at the end of the day, I mean, you know, that's that's just what we're looking for. We're looking for somebody that just appreciates us. And you're not just anything. You're a full-time everything. And while society may not pay you in dollars, this space is here to remind you your labor is valuable.
00:31:24
Speaker
Your identity is real and you deserve both credit and care. If you've ever wondered why in the world you are an exhausted sparrow when you feel, i didn't really do that much today, please just remember this job never clocks out.
00:31:38
Speaker
It doesn't pay and you still show up. You're doing the emotional labor of an entire staff with the self-doubt of someone that thinks they just didn't do it right. And yet you're the reason that your tiny little human beings feel safe, fed, and known.
00:31:54
Speaker
So take a nap, buy the pizza, leave the laundry because you are crushing it, even when it doesn't feel like it. So the next time that somebody asks you what you do all day, I want you to smile and say, ah do about $185,000, $95,000 worth of imagine unpaid ah but until the next time we hope you love this episode you can check out our website where we feed cancer patients at sparrowsnestcharity.org take care of yourself and each other