Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
The Gratitude We Never Talk About: Finding Thanks When You're Running on Empty
10 Plays2 hours ago
Thanksgiving is supposed to to feel warm and magical... but for many of us, it just feels like another thing on our already overloaded plates. In this episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we strip away the Hallmark version of gratitude and dive into the real stuff- the quiet, imperfect, deeply human thanks that shows up when life is messy, busy, or breaking us open.
Join Krista for a refreshingly honest look at:
- Why the "holiday mindset" feels so impossible when your'e overwhelmed
- The hidden gratitudes exhausted people carry without even realizing it
- How to rewrite the classic Thanksgiving script into something more authentic
- Finding meaning in the chaos, the exhaustion, and the tiny moments of peace
- What Thanksgiving looks like for those who are grieving, alone, or navigating tough family dynamics
- How gratitude can coexist with burnout, boundaries, and emotional survival
Whether you're hosting he whole crew or spending the day quietly on your own, this episode will help you breathe deeper, notice the small mercies, and reclaim Thanksgiving in a way that actually feels like you.
Recommended
Transcript
The Exhaustion and Gratitude of Thanksgiving
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am your host, Krista Jones, with my co-host, Chantel Schaefer, and we are recording this podcast, Thanksgiving Week.
00:00:19
Speaker
And if you're anything like us, you're already tired and Thanksgiving isn't even here. You might listen to this podcast on Thanksgiving or four months after, but you will remember the feeling. You were tired. Let's just a admit it. Yet somehow we're supposed to magically slip like into this heart swollen Thanksgiving mindset, you know, where the commercials, everybody's smiling and the table set perfectly. And in real life, oh, that is such a load of crap.
00:00:47
Speaker
We're over here fighting over tin foil and who baked the best stuffing. And let me tell you what, if you have stovetop stuffing, I don't want to hear it. Today, we're talking about not just Thanksgiving, but we're talking about the quiet gratitude, the kind that exhausted people like us feel even when our hair is a mess and our brains are fried. So take a breath, get comfy, and let's talk about the kind of Thanksgiving that doesn't make the commercials, but is absolutely normal.
00:01:20
Speaker
Welcome, Chantel Schaefer. We're talking about my favorite holiday. This literally is Chantel's favorite holiday, and I have never, ever met anyone that has said Thanksgiving is their favorite holiday other
Thanksgiving Food Favorites
00:01:37
Speaker
than you. It even trumps Christmas for Chantel.
00:01:42
Speaker
Well, i it's it's about food. Like for me, i i love food. Food is my love language. and And it's a holiday that's centered around eating.
00:01:53
Speaker
That is true. And it's acceptable to wear sweatpants to the dinner table. That is, that is also true. And what is your favorite part about the Thanksgiving dinner? Stuffing.
00:02:04
Speaker
Me too. I don't even have to think about it. It's me too. Okay. Okay. And who's stuffing is it? Is it yours? Is it dad? It's my dad's. All right. So talk to me about that because this could be like wars over stuffing. I feel.
00:02:19
Speaker
So is there sausage in your stuff? There is sausage in the stuffing. No, you've lost me already. You know, big loaves of bread that he chops up to make the stuffing. Like he goes all out. There's a specific bread he has to buy. It's not sliced. He rips it into certain size chunks. He's very particular about his stuffing. I like that. I like the whole bread thing. Like I do that too. And then is it sweet sausage? Is it spicy sausage? Like what what's happening there?
00:02:45
Speaker
I don't, i maybe there isn't sausage in my dad. My mom puts sausage in her stuffing. um Maybe my dad doesn't. How do we not know this if it's your favorite? I'll, I cover it in gravy. ah Okay, so then your second favorite food is gravy. Yes. All right, let's talk about cranberry sauce very quickly. Fresh.
00:03:04
Speaker
Yeah, I can't eat that out of a can. yeah the Nope. And it's so easy to make. And like the first time I brought fresh cranberry sauce to dinner, so my dad cooks most everything. I bring a couple of things. And the first time I brought fresh cranberry sauce, like I was a pariah.
00:03:18
Speaker
Like they wanted the stuff that jiggled out of a can. Yeah. And I don't understand it. Well, I mean, there's people that also, you know, want stovetop stuffing and I'm not trying to knock my stovetop stuffing, but can you put a little extra love on Thanksgiving day for me? yeah Like,
00:03:35
Speaker
That's a midweek meal kind of a thing. Fry up some onions, a little bit of bread, maybe throw some bacon in that stuffing. Ooh, I like to put apples in my stuffing. Oh, I don't know that I've had stuffing with apples. I mean, I've seen it. I don't know that I've eaten
Impact of COVID on Taste and Holiday Enjoyment
00:03:47
Speaker
it. And at this point, for those of you that have been following the podcast for the last year, you probably know that I lost my taste and my smell like four years ago during COVID. I've never gotten it back. So I don't even know why I'm complaining if there's sausage or apples in the stuffing. Bring it on as long as it's homemade. There you go.
00:04:05
Speaker
So being grateful around the holidays, I want
Holiday Stress Versus Joy
00:04:08
Speaker
to talk about that. And I'll tell you why i thought this would be a really good episode because I do not get all the feels. Yeah.
00:04:18
Speaker
i I mean, I guess like you deal for my Thanksgiving is different. Like I'm not responsible for all of the cooking and the planning and the cleaning. Like, so for me, maybe that's why Thanksgiving is my favorite. Somebody else holds all their smiles. Christmas for me is the stressful one. Right. Right.
00:04:33
Speaker
But I don't have the feels, even if it's stressful or not stressful, I'm always kind of like, meh. And I think for me, it's because it is so overplayed in in you know commercials and on TV and movies and like all this stuff. It is just...
00:04:50
Speaker
The bar is set so high. I never reached that bar. Yeah. ever I mean, I guess as a kid, I mean, my family puts the fun in dysfunction, I like to say. So like some of my favorite memories were around the Thanksgiving dinner table talking about like completely inappropriate non-dinner conversation. Right, right. So like that's just how my my childhood was. So i have a lot of fond memories around the Thanksgiving dinner table. All right. All right. So I wanted to do this because i thought, you know,
00:05:20
Speaker
Chronic stress shrinks our emotional bandwidth, really. It would just boil it all down. And I think sometimes for people, that is the disappointment because in the movies and everything else, and like you said, for you, you're not making it and you're not doing all that stuff. I'm just talking about the holidays in general, you know, when you have to host or go somewhere. Like it is so crazy. Nobody ever shows you that part of things. And that is a real thing that completely derails, you know, how you feel about the whole day. This euphoria feeling goes right out the window when somebody brings me stove top stuffing.
00:05:56
Speaker
just I'm just going say I'm just really bent on the stove top stuffing. I say that three times fast. I am, you know, and like, I feel that's because your brain isn't thinking about gratitude. It's thinking about, are you going to make me stovetop stuffing? Do I have enough chairs at the dinner table?
00:06:15
Speaker
Are your cranberries fresh? Like, I think that's why it ruins it for us because we're thinking of all these different things, um, except for Chantel. So when I said to Chantel, We're going to do this episode and this is going to be great. You know, there are times when I do an, you know, an episode, I'm like, I don't even know. I don't know how to relate to this. And Chantel absolutely relates more. She was like all glassed over. She's like, I don't get it.
00:06:40
Speaker
I always have, i always feel euphoria. I'm like, what? It's that, it's that turkey feeling. Yeah. that is trip with fan and that it Just put in that nice little food lull. No. And then you wake up from your nap and you eat pie.
00:06:55
Speaker
well that's because you're not hosting. Exactly. sitting there watching you napping while I'm scrubbing the pans with the grease of the turkey. I clean on Thanksgiving dinner. So I do the cleanup after. My dad does all the cooking and I do all the cleaning. After you.
00:07:17
Speaker
So I think in the middle of all of this, there is still so much for us to feel grateful for,
Gratitude in Family and Solitude
00:07:22
Speaker
right? Like you're like, Oh my gosh. Like, I mean, first of all, be grateful that you, you have a family to spend with. There are a lot of people that spend that alone. I want to touch on that today too, because I think it's really something that um we really forget about the people that are grieving, that have suffered a loss, that are alone on the holidays. So I definitely want to make sure that we talk about that because,
00:07:43
Speaker
Um, that always makes me so sad and it gives me like a ah deeper, um you know, meaningful approach to the holidays because I know that not everybody is bubbly as euphoric as Chantal Schaefer is, but there are a lot of things to be grateful for. and even in the things that you don't have to do, like you might be running around your house and stuff, but you know, my mom had said it to me years ago. She's like, at least you're not the waitress that has to work this day.
00:08:13
Speaker
Right. And now you can shop on Thanksgiving day. They make employees go into work. It's awful. It's awful. It is like like we can't go one day, one day without shopping.
00:08:30
Speaker
Right? Right.
Commercialization and Loss of Holiday Sacredness
00:08:31
Speaker
i I am way too euphoric in my turkey lull to worry about shopping. You really are. And let's talk about Amazon and the post office and all of that. Now they're working on holidays to get you that, you know, strong tinfoil you needed in order to cover your turkey, Clark Griswold. Yeah.
00:08:49
Speaker
I'm just saying, like, did you really need it? Like, and you know, all of that stuff, things to be grateful for that if you're not working on the holidays, because holidays aren't what they used to be. They used to be sacred. Sundays used to be sacred, especially in the South. Like everything around me always shut down in the South. You didn't move. It was a day of rest.
00:09:07
Speaker
And then holidays were sacred. And now everybody's out and about on those. yeah And, you know, be grateful if you are the person that can sit and have your turkey tryptophan,
00:09:20
Speaker
nap nap or your cup of coffee you know there are moments in everything to be grateful for grateful for a meal that you didn't have to cook right that's a big thing if you're not the one that has to host it that's something amazing gratitude from distance from somebody that drains you I mean like look at the bright side of some of these things like sometimes you're like you know my family's way over there and I'm over here and You know, I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm really only kidding on that one. But gratitude, you know, for all these amazing things, right? You know, the kids helping you and putting things away that day. Like there's always a little bit of gratitude to find, I think, even in the
Finding Everyday Gratitude
00:10:06
Speaker
chaos.
00:10:06
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, like what about gratitude for the store that is open when you need to buy your canned cranberry sauce? Mm-hmm. You know, like that person doesn't want to be there. That person doesn't want to be there unless maybe they're getting, I don't know, double time for the holiday.
00:10:23
Speaker
I'm not sure that they even do that anymore. I don't know if they don't even know or either. But, you know, I think to, um, going around the table, Right. That's something that we do. We do it on a, we used to do it on a daily basis. Like what we were thankful for our good moments or bad moments in each and every day. But, you know, just going around the table and seeing what people have to be thankful for. Sometimes it's not this big, huge thing. And I think that's kind of also the point of today is that when people think, well, I don't really have anything to be grateful for. We say it in all these different episodes. You You know, your feet are on the ground, buddy. I mean, nothing more grateful than to get up on, you know, the right side of the bed in the morning, right?
00:11:05
Speaker
All of these different things, I think sometimes we just take them for granted. And because of that, it puts us in a depression. We think there's nothing to be grateful for, but we're really looking for these Hallmark moments that, I mean, don't always exist unless you're Chantal Schaefer who loves, loves, Her food induced holiday. I mean, but I'm just easy to please.
00:11:30
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, feed me turkey. That's true. And stuffing. And I'm grateful for people like that when I host. I'm grateful for the people that just want to come. They don't care what I make them. They just want to be there for the food yeah and be there for the fanfare and all the fun games that follow. Yeah.
00:11:46
Speaker
Does your family play games? Sometimes. Sometimes. so It really depends on who's there. Right. Sometimes we wind up with a lot of people and it's hard to play games. Yeah. Okay. My mom and dad are big gamers. wo Big gamers, like phase one.
00:12:02
Speaker
i don't know if I've ever played. Uno. Uno Spit. Uno Double. Uno. I mean, there's like 50. There's a lot of Unos. There really are. I think they own all of them. Oh. Yeah. They're hardcore too. And they would not let me win. Even when I was six, they were like trouble. Oh, sorry. not kidding.
00:12:18
Speaker
It's true. Big gamers at my house, but... ah I'm grateful for that. Like there there's a lot of goofy, fun memories made around that kind of stuff, right? Exactly. Right. And just the humor and all of that. Just thankful for your big old goofy family who you don't always get along with, but the fact that you have one. And being grateful for the things that
Balancing Exhaustion and Gratitude in Service Work
00:12:40
Speaker
exhaust us. I know that that sounds really, really weird, but sometimes acknowledging the things that drain us
00:12:50
Speaker
can often fill us, right? Because both things can really be true at once, wouldn't you say? Yeah. So like I said, I don't host Thanksgiving. I host Christmas and I host family for breakfast and then I host family for dinner. And it is probably the most exhausting day for Wait a second.
00:13:06
Speaker
What happens for lunch? I take a nap. Oh, I thought you meant like for lunch, you had to go somewhere else. No, I would be like, I'm out. So I host my husband's family for breakfast. Okay. And then a few hours later, my family comes over for dinner and it is, it's exhausting. It's two meals. I do all of the cooking. Um, but I'm grateful for that because I get to bring all of my family together for one day. Yes. You know, and my kids have those relationships with their grandparents and it's, it's special. Yep.
00:13:34
Speaker
Like the caregivers, right? Caregivers are exhausted, but they're still grateful that they have someone to care for, right? People like us in the not-for-profits, we're really, really tired from all of this giving, but...
00:13:49
Speaker
We're thankful that we're able to do it. We are thankful that here at Sparrow's Nest, we are a vessel for so many. So as tired as we are all the time, I'm like, I'm grateful that I can even do this. I'm grateful that I don't have cancer. yeah Then I'm able to do this for somebody else because I'm healthy enough. For those of you listening to the podcast and you're like, I don't even understand.
Sparrows Nest Charity and Community Support
00:14:08
Speaker
Um, that's the whole reason behind the title. We have a charity right here in New York, in the Hudson Valley. It is called Sparrows Nest. And we feed people in four different counties that have any type of a cancer diagnosis in which they need treatment.
00:14:22
Speaker
So yeah, I'm tired. But at the end of the day, even though that drains me, I'm thankful that I can do that because wow, gratitude for your health yeah Because at any minute, anything could happen to any of us. So being grateful for things like that, right? And for people that are facing illness, you know, to be given small victories, to be given another day, to be cancer-free, to be all of that stuff are are are things to be grateful for. And a lot of times I think the things we overlook, because we're looking for all these big, big moments, and then we forget the little ones that are right in front of us.
00:15:03
Speaker
Yeah, and it makes you jaded when you're waiting for those big moments and you're overlooking the little ones, right? You miss out on a lot. You do, because those big moments may never happen. Yeah. What is that? Don't mistake the forest for the trees? it's that the saying? It sounds good to me. i'm going to say yes.
00:15:18
Speaker
I'm going to say that that. That sounded deep. Don't know what it meant, but it sounded really good. And i think, too, you know, when you're talking about the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, all of the holidays, I think...
Coping with Loneliness and Grief During Holidays
00:15:32
Speaker
you know, we should take a moment for those that have to spend it alone, that don't have anyone to spend it with, that are potentially grieving because there is such a thing as a loneliness epidemic, right? One in two adults reports feeling lonely regularly and even lonely. And we've talked about this in other episodes in the middle of that holiday chaos.
00:16:03
Speaker
Sometimes some of us feel the most lonely in moments like that. And I've expressed to you that like, that's kind of my MO. That's really when I feel very lonely sometimes, like in my quiet, so I'm good. yeah But sometimes when I'm out there with other people, you know, this, this depression comes over me, you know? So I think it's something that we have to to to not take for granted because the holiday really amplifies depression and loneliness and the absence of people that we love. Yeah.
00:16:37
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, you enter the holiday with an expectation of cheer and gratitude and special moments. And, you know, it hits hard when you're feeling lonely or if you lost somebody. And, you know, i think that We have to normalize that.
00:16:54
Speaker
I think gratitude doesn't always feel warm. It doesn't always feel cozy, right? I think sometimes gratitude comes in really tender, raw complicated moments.
00:17:09
Speaker
And we're always looking, i think we talked about this in another podcast, we're kind of always looking for, even in the middle of all the sadness, you know, what is the silver lining of this? You know, can we find it? And once we find it, you know, what do we do with that? So I think for Thanksgiving, you know, it's something that all of us, um you know, take for granted, but we shouldn't.
00:17:37
Speaker
I don't know why I just cut out there. Yes, I agree with you. it It kind of sounded like maybe there was a noise coming from you. Wait, wait, wait, let me do something. Nope.
00:17:49
Speaker
I'm sorry, guys. We said that we were going to do three of these an episode and i I don't know. And I don't know what any of them are. Right. So here we are. So I think what we're saying, you know, today and during the holidays, just in general, is that they don't always feel.
Thanksgiving Traditions and Volunteer Efforts
00:18:09
Speaker
euphoric. Sometimes they're kind of like meh. And that may be because we put a little bit too much into it and we're expecting too much and just not looking at what is right in front of us. So what would you say is your favorite Thanksgiving tradition?
00:18:29
Speaker
Is it the food? Is there something that you guys do on that day? Are you always at the same place? We're always at the same place. um So for me, Thanksgiving is sacred. I get asked around a lot of turkey trots. I will not leave my house on Thanksgiving.
00:18:46
Speaker
The morning is is is set aside for pajamas, couch, the parade, and cinnamon buns. That's so like, yeah you don't touch that. This is a true story because Chantel in a Facebook thread... was asked by other runners if she wanted to do the turkey trot and vehemently said no way. No, I'll run with you the next day. I'll run with you the day before. But Thanksgiving, that that is sacred for me. macy Macy's Day Parade. Do you watch that? Yep. I have to see the Rockettes bring it in. I got to see the Rockettes in the middle and Santa close it out.
00:19:24
Speaker
Oh, oh yeah. And do you ever physically go down to the city to see the parade? not I went one time and we had to get there like 5am. We were not in a great place. yeah We could not use the bathroom in anybody's little bagel shops. They want nothing to do with us. And it, yeah. And then we ate in a diner afterwards. Yeah. People, I mean, millions of people flock to do this. Yeah. And I can see it great from my couch and my sweatpants. Yeah. I mean, the people that were up like in their apartments watching it from, I was like, now that's where I'd like to That would be awesome. How fun would that be? People would could really um capitalize on their location, like rent out their apartment for the day. Like, hey. oh I'm sure people do. I'm sure they do it all the time. That I feel like I would look at and I i would do that differently. I'd like to wave at Al Roker as he went by, you know.
00:20:15
Speaker
Al Roker. Oh yeah. Who, by the way, still looks really good. Lost all that weight. Still looks good. Probably isn't eating the same things he's not for Thanksgiving dinner how that you are. thank you are v no Favorite pie is what? Uh, Sparrows Nest apple crumb pie.
00:20:33
Speaker
That was a good answer, but honestly, yeah. um What if I made you the chocolate pecan pie? It might be. Would that beat out the apple pie? I don't know. We have pies, but by the time you guys hear this, we'll be out of pies. yeah But you need to make sure that you go on the website around the Thanksgiving time. And if you live in the area, you absolutely can come and get a pie. If you don't live in the area, we are trying right now to ship a pie to a family.
00:21:00
Speaker
um who ah the husband has been diagnosed with a cancer diagnosis. They live in North Carolina, but they lived here all their lives. They're used to our pies and love our pies. And we are having a hard enough time trying to get that thing down.
00:21:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I tell everybody that a Sparrow's Nest apple pie will ruin you for apple pie forever. No apple pie will do after you eat a Sparrow's Nest apple pie. And they're only $25. You really can't beat it And they're all handmade. there They really are. That's true. There's no Sara Lee here. No, we start the process the Friday before Thanksgiving. We peel almost 25,000 apples um with maybe 300 volunteers. It's a lot of volunteers. Give or take. Right. And I'm grateful for all that. I mean, listen, I am exhausted as can be. And there is flour coming out of crevices that I did not know existed for days afterwards. Christian will be like i' he's like, I'm like, I don't know where that came from. There's some sugar like in my, my ear. I'm not sure. But, um, and I'm exhausted as can be, but I am so grateful that we get to do that.
00:22:04
Speaker
We have got minored, um, farms, which is amazing. They donate all the apples. Like how grateful we, we really here have a village that comes together in order for not a single dime.
00:22:17
Speaker
of that pie to have to go towards expense. Lori Schiavone with Brent Financial, um they went ahead and and and they donated the rest of the money so that everything else we needed. We had Girl Scout troops and, um you know, Nolito's Boutique and we had high schools and all these people doing food drives for us so that we would have all the ingredients. And I mean, literally they are 14 hour days for five to six days. And I am exhausted beyond all get out as you are as well. But man, do I leave feeling good. Oh, I tell everybody pie time is my favorite time because I get to see all my friends. And sometimes when we're in that funk, being able to do something for somebody else might be the absolute quickest way to get us out of it
00:23:02
Speaker
Yeah. it I mean, it it makes you grateful, right? that That your feet are on the floor and you're here peeling apples amongst a whole bunch of people. Crazy music is playing.
00:23:13
Speaker
Flower is flying. Flower is flying. Well, Christy's not here anymore, so... Oh, no. She's coming in Sunday. Never mind. I don't know if I'll be safe or not, but listen, guys.
Imperfect Gratitude Amidst Chaos
00:23:25
Speaker
We've made it to the end of the podcast. And hopefully you're listening to this. And even if it's not the holidays, you're going to go into the holidays, a brand new person with a great attitude, right? So even if your turkey ends up dry, wasn't that like a Clark Gretel episode? I feel like it was. And your mashed potatoes are a little bit lumpy. And maybe your entire family decides that they are going reenact full contact emotional sport. Just remember that gratitude has never, ever, ever been about perfection.
00:23:56
Speaker
gratitude is saying, hey, I'm doing okay. I might even be doing a little bit better than I think. And listen, whatever. If you have to take a walk, hide in the laundry room, do whatever you got to do to come back and be grateful for all that you have. Thank you so much for joining Chantel and I in our really messy, honest space today. I am grateful for you. Yes, you.
00:24:19
Speaker
And I want to remind you to continue being kind to yourself and to others. Exhausted Sparrows Unite. You can catch our wonderful charity by just going to our website, learning more about us at sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:24:35
Speaker
Until next time, be safe, eat lots of turkey, don't fall asleep on the couch.