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The Tape You Didn't Record: Rewriting Your Inner Voice
31 Plays5 days ago
This week on Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we dig into the psychology and neuroscience of your inner voice. Discover how the critical thoughts you hear aren’t random — they’re learned, absorbed, and reinforced over time. We’ll unpack how to identify which voices aren’t yours, how to challenge old conditioning, and how to rebuild your internal dialogue from the ground up.
What You’ll Learn:
- How your inner voice develops from childhood feedback.
- Why the brain prefers familiar pain to unfamiliar peace.
- The neuroscience behind chronic self-criticism and shame.
- How to use CBT and self-compassion tools to rewire thought loops.
- Practical steps to create a kinder, authentic inner dialogue.
Memorable Quote:
“You learned your voice before you even had one. But it’s never too late to teach it the truth.”
Key Takeaway:
You are not the sum of the voices you’ve internalized — you’re the silence underneath, waiting to be heard.
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. am your host, Krista Jones, along with my co-host, Chantel Schaefer. And today we are on episode 52 of this podcast.
00:00:18
Speaker
And it's really fun to think that we're going back to the basics today. We are circling back to episode one. And we're going to talk about that voice in your head. If you remember, episode one was things like comparison is the stealer of joy.
00:00:34
Speaker
And that is now what we want to circle back to and tell you why we feel that way. You know, the voice that says like, you're not enough and you're too much and you're unworthy. Well, what if we told you that voice really isn't even yours?
00:00:47
Speaker
Yeah. It's your mom's when she has fear. It's your dad's when he's disappointed. It's a teacher that gave you criticism, your ex's projections. It is every single voice that has ever made you doubt your worth and you have the been replaying it for far too long.
00:01:06
Speaker
So today we're going to talk about what happens when our inner world becomes kind of like a mixtape of other people's opinions and how we can turn down the noise long enough to hear ourselves.
00:01:19
Speaker
Because that voice is the real one and it has been begging you to listen to it. Welcome Chantel Schaefer. Hello, Krista Jones.
00:01:30
Speaker
This is not only our 52nd episode, but this is the episode where I have found noises.
00:01:40
Speaker
ah wait, it gets better. That magical. Thank you. Thank you so much. So I now can make all these noises as you and I are talking and I am on cloud nine. That brings me joy.
00:01:52
Speaker
You know what brought me joy was when Krista hit the voice changer and said something and I almost fell out of my chair. it was fun. Should I do it right now? Wait, I wonder if I can. Oh. Hello.
00:02:04
Speaker
How are you? I'm great. Okay. i'm I'm done. I'm done. I have to focus on episode number 52. We kind of went through all of these and we were like, this is so cool. don't know how we missed them for 52 episodes. I don't either.
00:02:19
Speaker
We missed them, but now they're here and they're probably here to stay. And somebody is going to be like, I wish they would never found those buttons, but that's okay. I pushed them. That's okay. So we're we were going back this week and we were like, oh my gosh, it's a big episode. It's a year's worth of episodes.
00:02:31
Speaker
What in the world are we going to talk about? And we started going through old episodes and Chantel, this really great idea, you know, she she wants, she's like...
00:02:42
Speaker
Yeah, you know that inner voice, like I've been kind of researching this and it it really isn't coming from us. And as I started researching it, I was like, wow, this is like episode one.
00:02:53
Speaker
and now we're going back to that and we're expanding on it so that joy is what you live in and comparison is what you throw out. And that inner voice that we all say is ours really isn't ours. Yeah.
00:03:07
Speaker
Who does it belong to? Well, I'm so glad you asked, Chantel. That inner voice belongs to a lot of different people. This is starting to sound like multiple personality disorder. Yes, but it is not.
00:03:20
Speaker
It is actually not even your voice at all. It is actually the voices somewhere between the ages of three and eight, nine years old that have done this like internal working in you.
00:03:35
Speaker
They explain it saying that because we don't, when we're children, right, we don't yet have abstract thought. We believe that all these messages that we're getting from other people are literal, right? Like if somebody's saying,
00:03:53
Speaker
like stop crying or, you know, you're too much or you're, we literally take all of that in because we can't decipher that that's not really the truth. And, you know, somebody might be saying in an emotional state and all of that.
00:04:09
Speaker
So these voices all creep in and it's those voices that we actually replay over and over again. Well, that's awful. That is all. Well, especially if you've had a lot of voices as a child, right? I mean, I could, that could set you up for a life of trauma. It can.
00:04:25
Speaker
And it kind of depends on the household you grew up in. But even if you grew up in a loving home, you know, we're human and you probably heard a couple of things. I do tell the story over and over again about my poor dad, who I had like one bag of Doritos and I went for the next bag of Doritos.
00:04:41
Speaker
And he's like, are you really going to eat that little piggy or something? Which sounds horrible. And it was horrible at the time. But I think he was kind of trying to joke and it didn't matter. It was it was in those critical ages, right? I was like seven, eight years old.
00:05:00
Speaker
And like, it's something I can obviously not let go because I'm still talking to you about it today. yeah I mean, it's those things that stick with you. They, they come up at the most inopportune times. Right.
00:05:11
Speaker
Yeah. Right. They like, it's, it's, it's like it happened yesterday, but even if you had this really loving home, which really I did, um You know, there's voices everywhere. There's the mailman's voice. There's a teacher's voice. There's kids that are on your bus.
00:05:24
Speaker
So no matter how hard you try, we've all heard these voices saying something about us that isn't flattering. And that, without us even realizing it, is kind of where it all begins.
00:05:38
Speaker
Wait.
00:05:42
Speaker
I said every time Chantel deep thinks, I'm going to play a cricket. That makes it sound like my brain has got crickets. No, not at all. Did somebody tell you that when you were three? Because that's not true. Krista Jones told me that when I was however old I am today.
00:05:58
Speaker
You're younger than me and that's all that matters. So all of these things... that we have just always thought is our own voice actually has nothing to do with us.
00:06:10
Speaker
And I never really like broke that down. And then you sent me a meme the other night and it hit really hard. Do you remember what it said? I know that we both have it somewhere. I'll grab it. But um you said, hey, like, I think this should be the next podcast.
00:06:24
Speaker
And I was like, wow, Chantel, she throws some deep stuff there. usually those, you know, 1130 at night should be sleeping, but I'm doom scrolling instead where I see something that just hits.
00:06:36
Speaker
And it speaks in these volumes. um And it said... Underrated truth. The voices in your head are not yours. They are recordings. They're your parents, your teachers, bullies.
00:06:50
Speaker
You've been replaying other people's opinions of you for so long. You think that they're your thoughts. They're not. So turn off the tape and find your actual voice.
00:07:03
Speaker
Mm-hmm. That seems easy, you know, that's like a relief a little bit. I mean, not that people put all of these negative things into our life and into our, you know, head, but wow, if it is that simple and we're able to identify why we think some of the things that we think, then maybe it'll be just as simple to undo it at the age of 35, 40, 45, 50.
00:07:28
Speaker
Maybe. yeah It seems like a lot of years of believing a lie. Right. That it, I don't, I think it takes time to tease yourself out of that.
00:07:40
Speaker
Well, we're going to talk about that in a little bit, but we're going to talk about the science behind all of it because some people would say, well, we really, you know, we should be able to help that. We should be able not to let that absorb. First of all, when you're three to nine years old, you don't know any better. You're just listening to what other people are telling you, right?
00:07:59
Speaker
And then the parts of your brain that manage self-reflection, right? The parts of your brain that should know better aren't there when you're three to nine years old. You have no idea. Yeah.
00:08:09
Speaker
You don't know how to process any of this. I mean, they say sometimes you're in your 20s and thirty s before you even know what good self-talk is.
00:08:20
Speaker
That's horrifying. But I kind of feel like that's true. I mean, i think that unless you've been taught that, you know, that's that's a hard thing to to kind of teach yourself.
00:08:36
Speaker
You know, I think, I mean, I don't know about you, but my mom and dad, it was just... We never talked about any of this stuff. You know, I had a lot of things happen when I was younger, you know, with my brothers and just our situation and poverty. And there was there was a lot going on in our lives and, you know, there was some bullying because of it. And, um, I was never really equipped. Nobody really told me then how to deal with it. And you know, what's going on, Krista, don't believe those lies. Those lies aren't true about you. This is who you really are. This is who you need to embrace.
00:09:09
Speaker
And when you don't have that, sometimes, you know, you have to get into therapy and stuff for somebody else to point that out to you. I feel like in society today, it's become much more open. And and as parents, we talk more to our kids.
00:09:22
Speaker
um ah We didn't talk a lot. as as a kid when I was growing up, like I was bullied. My parents don't know what was said or or told to me or the things that I did as a result of of what I was you know told. um So I'm hoping that as a society we're moving forward, but I can see you know how those traumatic experiences and those comments have shaped me as a person sure into my middle age.
00:09:52
Speaker
into your Into your 20s, 30s, 40s, Yes. Whatever age you are. I'm going to be 65 soon. Eventually. yeah Not even anywhere near there. But I think too, you know um kind of bouncing off of that point, a lot of these seminars now, they have things that we didn't have when we were growing up. you know We didn't meet in the gymnasium and have you know conversations about bullying and about cyberbullying. Having these phones here in New York, they've now been taken away from kids and I cannot tell you the amount of teachers that are just like, we are getting children back.
00:10:26
Speaker
Like they're starting to really learn again. you know, um they, you know, they're not using AI and spell check and all of these things. Like they're really putting time into their studies and they don't know what's going on around them because there's no drama because they don't have their phones. And, but you know, we didn't have, there was just...
00:10:44
Speaker
So many tools that I think came out as a result of our parents and then us and the fact that none of us talked about any of it. And I think that they're, they do a way better time of communicating now, all of these things that are, should not be acceptable and tools that you can use to, you know, make sure that you don't accept them.
00:11:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And, ah you know, as an adult myself, I'm learning how I don't want my kids to live and I'm teaching them different ways and to be open and to talk and to communicate, you know, and apologizing when I say something that could be held on to for 20, 30 years.
00:11:25
Speaker
Yep. Yep. And you know, our brains love familiar. Our brains do not like to be out of their league in something that is not familiar to them. So if you grow up in a household where criticism is everywhere, you repeat that pattern, I think a lot, right?
00:11:48
Speaker
Because you're looking for that predictability. That's what, that's what you're used to. It's foreign for you to, to, to not have that. Um, my mom, you know, I, I love my mom to pieces.
00:12:01
Speaker
yeah, It's really a good thing my poor parents don't listen to this. um But my mom was a little bit critical of my dad. And, you know, looking back at it now, my dad worked a lot just to try to have a roof over my head. He graduated high school.
00:12:16
Speaker
um He didn't go to college. He couldn't go to college. He had to help his own mom, you know, ah big thing. And um he worked an awful lot. And my mom was a little bit bitter. And my mom was then also very critical And so I grew up with that. And there are plenty of times in my marriage where I am my mom, because that is, that is, that is what I know.
00:12:39
Speaker
And I'm trying to take a step back and reflect on that, you know, and then hope my children do better. But my children are also looking at what I'm doing. So I try to catch myself. But like you said, sometimes these are not things that like you can undo overnight.
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's ah it's a lifelong battle. It is. it's it's It's just your subconscious that just, it just goes right to what it knows. And your priority in your brain is not to make you feel good.
00:13:07
Speaker
The priority of your brain your brain is to make you feel the same. Your brain doesn't want that shot of adrenaline, that cortisol, that it doesn't want that fight or flight that we talk about in every single episode.
00:13:17
Speaker
Your brain wants you to be comfortable into whatever you're used to, even if what you're used to is awful. Well, yeah, I mean, ah take this is extreme, but Stockholm syndrome, right?
00:13:30
Speaker
You know, ah ah a person falls in love with their captor and when they get rescued or whatever, they they go into a panic and anxiety and they want to go back because that was, that's all they knew. Right.
00:13:42
Speaker
That's their safety. And all of this, there's a big emotional fallout to all of it. Right. And the emotional fallout is we are living somebody else's script.
00:13:53
Speaker
Right. We are living what somebody else said about us. We're living that out because we believe that that's our voice and that we cannot do any better, right? When you internalize other people's opinions, then your self-perception fractures.
00:14:11
Speaker
Well, yeah, you said it. It must be true. Right. You know, your perception of me should be better than mine because you can see me for who I am. And I think sometimes too, we don't even then remember that somebody else said it about us.
00:14:25
Speaker
yeah I think we absorb it. And then we forget that this never came from us at all. This was never something for us to carry. This is something that somebody else brought in, you know, um, you know,
00:14:36
Speaker
ah by being mean, by being a bully, by being negative, whatever it was, this was not something that we created. Somebody else brought it in. And then, you know, we just kept mulling it over. And eventually we just thought it's our voice and it it has nothing to do with us.
00:14:52
Speaker
It's called, I think, incongruence. I can't even say it. Oh my gosh. Incongruence. It's a gap between who we are and you who we think we should be.
00:15:04
Speaker
Oh, right. So I think it's Carl Rogers. He's a psychologist. I think he came up with this years and years ago. And it's kind of that, who are we really?
00:15:16
Speaker
and that disassociation with no, no, this is really who we must be. Right? Like, they're two different truths. Yeah. Who somebody else says you are has nothing to do with who you really are.
00:15:29
Speaker
And when you absorb that, you know, that's that's years of trying to untangle that, which, as you said earlier, can be almost impossible. Yeah. I mean, depending on how how old you are or how strong of a ah belief that has become to you, that's hard. I mean, that's like brainwashing. Right.
00:15:48
Speaker
Right. So, like... When you think about that, right, it's it breeds ground for anxiety. It breeds ground for shame and imposter syndrome, which we chatted about, i don't know, many episodes ago.
00:16:02
Speaker
um And, you know, it's things like, for me, when I was diving down deep to try to figure it out, my thing is I always apologize. I don't know if you noticed that about me. I've tried to get better with that over the years.
00:16:16
Speaker
But I am always sorry. I don't even know why I'm sorry. I'm just, right, I'm always sorry. And I think, you know, that's things from childhood, you know, that I remember, well, when I said I was sorry, then I kept the peace.
00:16:31
Speaker
Even if it wasn't even my fault. So it could be something like... um you know, I've got stop by the grocery store before I come here. And then I'll be like, I'm sorry. remember Beth was like, what are you sorry about? And she like kept saying it over and over to me. And i don't know it's Catholic guilt or I was sorry. I don't know what it is.
00:16:49
Speaker
But you know, that was something that just kind of took flight in me years and years ago because, you know, it was always my fault. So I'm always sorry. Even though, come on, everything is not always your fault. It can't be. No, but you can be made to feel that way. You can. Yeah.
00:17:06
Speaker
Or you outperform, right? Because you learned that love is earned, which is not true at all. Love should be unconditional in whatever, even the spiritual world and all of this stuff. Like love is not supposed to be earned. You can't earn it. It's just there. Yeah.
00:17:23
Speaker
It's supposed to be there. That's a healthy relationship. And sometimes you numb out just because your emotions have been punished. Like Think about ex-friend relationships or boyfriend relationships and, you know, you trying to pour your heart out to somebody that, you know, makes you feel inferior.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah. And I mean, i grew up in a household. i have a sister who's disabled. She's in a wheelchair. So I kind of always had to take the back seat and everything. And I wasn't really allowed to make waves. I can't say allowed, but I never felt okay to make waves or to be uncomfortable or to complain.
00:17:58
Speaker
So I always learned to be quiet and just exist in the background because there were so many other people that needed something. And that's really just how it's kind of been the rest of my life where I don't really share that I need help or I'm feeling something because I've just always learned to internalize it so that I don't cause any more chaos than we were already living.
00:18:20
Speaker
Even though that never was told to me, it was just my perception in our household that there are more needs than mine. And I even see that in in you now, you know, and in things we do, you definitely kind of hang back and you kind of watch everything around you.
00:18:38
Speaker
And it's just crazy how these things when we are young, just develop everything about us. You know, the way that we view ourselves.
00:18:49
Speaker
And like you said, even the unspoken things, nobody spoke that to you, but it was a feeling that you felt and that was legitimate to you. And then that's that's that's what you carry. And you know, when you say that, it's interesting because there's also like this caregiver connection too, right? Because you were also a caregiver with your sister. It wasn't just your mom and dad. It was all of you that had to, right, rally around her.
00:19:12
Speaker
And they say that caregivers and empaths, right, often amplify these voices even worse. Why? Because your identity is built around meeting the needs of others.
00:19:26
Speaker
So even your inner critic is trying to help. It thinks that harshness is is just motivation and you're conditioned to hear that, well, you're you know You being weak is not something that's needed in this situation because you're a caregiver, because you're an empath.
00:19:46
Speaker
You can't then show any of your own emotions because it's just not allowed. There's not a place for it. Yeah.
00:19:55
Speaker
That's tough. It's tough. It's tough.
00:19:59
Speaker
it's tough And, you know, it's, it's turned me into this person who I don't ask for help a lot. um And I just, I try to take on everything so that other people don't have to.
00:20:12
Speaker
That's sad. Yeah. That is sad. I'm learning. I'm you are learning. You're growing. i'm i watch it every day. So, all right. How do we identify the voice compared to your voice, right?
00:20:25
Speaker
So when your inner critic is speaking... what does it sound like, right? Like the tone or the words or the phrases, that's how you really know if that's something you've picked up from somewhere else or if that's something that is just within you talking to you, right?
00:20:46
Speaker
Because your inner critic, the negative, is always going to come out in harsh tones, is always going to be like, well why did you do that stupid? Like just the most ugliest things that there are. Things that are, you know, coming back that you've heard over all of these years.
00:21:03
Speaker
Whereas sometimes, I mean, you're like, ah why did i do that? You know what I mean? That's different than why are you so stupid? Yeah. And so first of all, we got to figure out like, what is our tone when we're, you know, in the middle of something? Like when we hear that voice, what does that voice sound like? Because if it sounds harsh, it's, it's, it's, it's not something you should own, right?
00:21:25
Speaker
You should be kind and gentle to yourself no matter what is going on. And how do you feel when you hear the voice? Like, are you stressed out? Are you deflated? Are you depressed?
00:21:38
Speaker
Yeah. Or when you hear the voice, is it just like talking to a friend? Like, is it like, all right, yeah, shouldn't have done that. Whoopsies. You know what I mean? Like, are you just kind of having a conversation like, all right, that I probably should have done something different.
00:21:51
Speaker
Or are you like, oh my gosh, I know I never do anything right. I can't get anything right. I'm too much. You know, how does that voice make you feel? And that's kind of how you have to figure out what are you, what are you dealing with?
00:22:04
Speaker
Because sometimes you really are dealing with somebody else's voice and sometimes you are dealing with your own. And that's a hard to distinguish. it's It's hard to distinguish between the two of them. I was trying to turn that into a noun. So the one that's a little bit kinder is really you. Okay. The one that's a little bit harsher is just from exterior experiences, I think.
00:22:25
Speaker
And if that's not necessarily true, if you talk to yourself like that, wow, why? That sounds like a lot of trauma. A lot of childhood trauma. Absolutely.
00:22:37
Speaker
And you know, that's not your fault. You're carrying something that wasn't even yours to carry. That's heavy. You need to let that go because we do need to be kinder to ourselves. Listen, no matter what you believe spiritually, spiritually,
00:22:53
Speaker
You were put here exactly the way you are for plan and a purpose, no matter what your spiritual connection is. You were put on this earth to exist, to do things.
00:23:06
Speaker
Like, why are we always so hard on ourself? We don't like our body. We don't like our personality. We don't like all of these different things. I think when we can accept that, how awesome that I'm here which I know is a hard thing to accept.
00:23:23
Speaker
But I think when we start embracing that and saying, how awesome that I'm here. All right, this isn't a great experience, but okay. I didn't do that right exactly, but okay. How awesome I get to learn from it and do it again instead of you're so stupid.
00:23:36
Speaker
Yeah. You know, maybe if we start greeting each other with how awesome you're here, maybe if we hear it enough from other people, We'll start saying it to ourselves. All right. I'm going to greet you like that tomorrow. And i do I have like a cheer button? while No, that not the right sound. Please hold. Please hold.
00:23:53
Speaker
Man, that's a lot. No, I don't have a cheer button. i was going to cheer for that. There's a clap button. Where's the clap? All right. I'm going to use that quite a few more times in the next 10 minutes. So challenge it. If you are hearing a voice, right, and you're not exactly sure what's going on, but it's a voice that is labeling you, right?
00:24:18
Speaker
I'm lazy. Challenge that. I'm just, you know, i have a lot going on today. I need the rest. I need some rest. When you say things like, I can't, right? Because that's a lot of external people going, you can never do that. You can't do that.
00:24:34
Speaker
You're a girl. You'll never be a, you know, you're a boy. You shouldn't be. When you have that, I can't, you can say things like, I can, ah just need to do it differently.
00:24:45
Speaker
Or I tried and maybe this isn't my wheelhouse, right? You have to take all of these negative thoughts and you just have to reframe them. I like that. Okay. And you have to have a little bit of self-compassion.
00:24:58
Speaker
i say that a lot, but you do. You are cringing. That's hard. I mean, you have to speak to yourself as you would to a child that you love.
00:25:11
Speaker
Because if you don't love yourself, people know that people see that your children see that if you don't treat yourself kindly, other people pick up on that, right? You hear that all the time in abuse situations and things, right?
00:25:27
Speaker
You know, people ah will repeat these cycles over and over and over again, right? But we have to be good to ourselves and we have to love ourselves. And think of if you had to rephrase something and say it like you would say to your child how much kinder you would be.
00:25:43
Speaker
ah so much kinder. Yeah. Would you ever say to your child, that outfit really makes you look chunky? No. Never. Never. Maybe, you know, you would say, hey, babe, like, you know... don't wear the cropped up today with the stripes on it. Like me, let's go. you know what i mean? Like, let's try something else. Horizontal stripes are out.
00:26:02
Speaker
Right. Exactly. They're not cool anymore. They're not cool anymore. You want to be cool. Don't wear the horizontal stripes. You would talk kinder if you spoke to yourself, the way you speak to somebody that you love.
00:26:14
Speaker
And then you have to take all this and you have to record a new tape. That's where it's hard. That's where you were like, I don't really know. Are we recording a tape in 2025?
00:26:25
Speaker
We're recording a tape. I want you to really record tape. We're going old school. Yeah, we are. Okay. I want you to either record a tape. Well, you can record it right there on your phone, right? You can use your voice memo. I want you to put up, I don't care. can put it up things along your mirror at your house.
00:26:42
Speaker
But- You have to over and over repeat things to learn things, right? how do you study for a test? Memorization. Right. Index cards, things that you can look at, things that you can visualize. Frequent exposure. Frequent exposure. Mm-hmm.
00:27:00
Speaker
That's what you have to do. So you have to say things to yourself like, I'm doing enough. I'm allowed rest. I am not who hurt me. Like all of these things, right?
00:27:11
Speaker
And then you have to listen back to it. It's not enough to just say it. Now, if you want to just say it every single day, you could do that, but you have to listen back to it. There is something in the listening. Psychologists say that to say something In 60% of cases, it doesn't stick.
00:27:31
Speaker
But to listen back to what you said in almost 90% of cases sticks. So, totally random, but it's about positive self-talk.
00:27:44
Speaker
Hold on. Go ahead. Snoop Dogg wrote a children's song and it is all positive affirmations. And I think everybody should listen to it every day because it's just all positive self-talk.
00:27:57
Speaker
I love that. It's so awesome. What is the song called? I don't remember. Of course. But it's let's look up a Snoop Dogg kids song. Oh man, i don't know if I can look it up. Could you do something the mom looking it up? What could you Could I something? you say something? Snoop Dogg.
00:28:13
Speaker
affirmation song. Yep. He's just all positive affirmations. And, uh, Oh, mike it's, called it's called the affirmations. There you go. Song by doggy land. No, I might.
00:28:26
Speaker
Hmm. we'll have to share it when we share the podcast, we can drop the link. We can definitely drop the link. But I saw this video. Michael Bublé's child heard it and absolutely fell in love with Snoop Dogg and would sing this song every day. And it's just like, I'm strong.
00:28:44
Speaker
I'm beautiful. I'm powerful. I think this is it. I think it's called Doggyland. It could be. It is coming up and it's called the Affirmation Song. Why did Snoop Dogg write these affirmations to provide children with empowering messages and promote a positive self-image and emotional resilience?
00:29:02
Speaker
I don't really care if you listen to the Snoop Dogg affirmation song. That might be fantastic. So you know what? If you can't bring yourself to record, listen to Snoop Dogg. That's true. Wow. Whoever thought, I mean, I do think he's funny, especially with Martha Stewart. He's hilarious. He is funny, but you could do that. Right. And think about it when you learn a song, like, I mean, you've been, you know, be not afraid of it all day with me. It's stuck in my head for the week now, but when you learn a song, chances are you will catch yourself singing it, humming in Yeah.
00:29:31
Speaker
We should ask all business leaders to play that song over the loudspeakers and the intercoms and in the schools every single day. Because eventually it's going to subconsciously seep in. yeah And I mean, all of these negative voices came from outside.
00:29:46
Speaker
why Why not have outside voices flip the script? Nothing makes me feel better than when my child tells me something nice about myself. Mommy, you look beautiful today.
00:29:59
Speaker
Mommy, you're so nice. No, Mommy, you're the best mom. It's it's those moments that break through. m So we need to be kinder to others, which we already know. Yep.
00:30:10
Speaker
Right. We need to affirm to ourselves that we are enough. We are good enough. We are not stupid. We are not lazy. Right. And we have to be intentional. I think I say this all the time.
00:30:24
Speaker
I lead, um, a marriage group at my church. And one of the the things that I was talking about with them just like two or three weeks ago is be intentional of what you are listening to, whether it's music, like you just said, like that's fantastic.
00:30:43
Speaker
Whether it's conversations that you're having, like be intentional with the words that you are using, be intentional um with the things that you scroll through on social media, right?
00:30:56
Speaker
be intentional with each other. You know, all of that absolutely has something to do with what's absorbed in here. Intentional with your friends, with people that you're around.
00:31:07
Speaker
You need to be intentional because we absorb all of that. And we don't even, you know, I um i put worship music on in my car and it's very low. And it's half the time I don't even realize it's on. Just like when I had my children and we listened to the Wiggles and then they would leave the car and I would still be listening to the dumb Wiggles without even...
00:31:28
Speaker
that it soaks in. I would then realize like 15 minutes into the trip, oh my gosh, I just drove 15 minutes and the wiggles around in the background. All of that stuff we absorb in our soul, all of it, even if we don't realize it. So the wiggles are in your soul?
00:31:44
Speaker
They are. Fruit salad. Music accesses a different part of your brain. Talk to me more about this, Goose. So I don't remember which side. I did a whole lot of neuroscience. going to say one the sides.
00:32:01
Speaker
it's ah But it acts as a different part than just language. So you know when I was doing speech therapy in nursing homes and things and people had had strokes, I found that music was the best way to get language back to flowing.
00:32:16
Speaker
Sometimes people couldn't speak after their stroke, but they could sing. It's just a different part of the brain and it touches a more emotional piece. And I think that's why you're saying, you know, it gets stuck in your soul and that it is good to listen to positive things.
00:32:31
Speaker
Positive things, your environment, all of that, get yourself around environments that are affirming. Right? Music that's affirming. All of this all of this stuff that is affirming.
00:32:43
Speaker
And it can help make a difference. But, you know, you you said it earlier. I mean, you're right. It is definitely not easy to do. But I feel like when you know that it's not your voice and you can say this is somebody else's,
00:32:57
Speaker
you definitely know how you can move forward. And that voice in your head, it is powerful, but it it doesn't have to be permanent. You don't have to keep carrying the echoes of everyone else that has ever made you feel small.
00:33:13
Speaker
You can rewrite your story, your sound, your script. You can stop performing for people that aren't there to build you up. So when you hear that voice again, don't fight it. Just ask, who taught me to speak to myself like that?
00:33:31
Speaker
And then... maybe start talking back. Until next time, we hope you visit our website to learn more about our mission at Sparrows Nest. That's sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:33:43
Speaker
And remember, be kind to yourself and each other. Happy episode 52, friends. Oh, here.