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Let It Go (Sort Of): Why Delegating Feels So Hard—and How to Actually Make It Work
25 Plays2 days ago
You want to delegate—but the second it’s not done your way, you want to snatch it back and never ask again. Sound familiar? This episode breaks down the emotional weight of delegation, why it sometimes flops, and how to move past perfectionism to a place of peace. If you’re tired of doing it all—but can’t seem to let go—this one’s for you.
In this episode:
· Why delegating can feel like a threat to your identity
· What to do when delegation doesn’t go well
· How to rewire your brain for “good enough”
· The guilt hangover and how to stop internalizing support as failure
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Delegation
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am Krista Jones with my beautiful co-host, Chantelle Schaefer. And today we are talking about delegation.
Common Delegation Challenges
00:00:15
Speaker
Because here's the truth. Finally, you've delegated something. Yay you! Only to find out that you're hovering like a low-key helicopter pilot. You're rewriting the email.
00:00:26
Speaker
You're reloading the dishwasher. You're redoing the birthday goodie bags all because the tissue paper just wasn't folded right. Sound familiar? Well, welcome to my hell. We are going to get into that today because man, this is a problem for me. And here's the thing.
00:00:43
Speaker
What happens, this is what I really want to talk about. When you do hand it off and it comes back half done, or wrong or not done at all.
00:00:54
Speaker
We're going to go deep into delegation why it's hard, what to do when it flops, how to reframe when it's good enough. This is an episode about learning to rest without resentment.
The Emotional Impact of Delegation
00:01:10
Speaker
Oh boy. I feel like every other episode I'm like, this is my episode. And I think that's because I do all of these and then we give you guys all this great advice that we research and we hear about and it sounds amazing. And a lot of these episodes I'm talking about You know, don't do the liloing fruit. Get rid of that. You don't have to do that.
00:01:37
Speaker
And then I'm like, no, that's not exactly true. Because sometimes you really do delegate it and it's just not even done right. So like, I kind of feel like, yeah, we're going to talk about delegating today. And of course, why it's so important in every episode, we're talking about getting your peace, living authentically, giving yourself grace. But we're also going to talk about It's not okay if you're delegating and it's not done right
Trust and Identity in Delegation
00:02:04
Speaker
either. And like, how do you find this comfortability and how do you find this trust, which is a big deal for me?
00:02:15
Speaker
big deal for me, especially when I hire employees, I find very few that I just can leave alone. And that means I trust you. But I kind of feel sometimes like delegation, like you have to really earn trust before you can delegate. And so we're just getting into all of it. Like I just did in the last 37 minutes and now we're done.
00:02:38
Speaker
No, we're scratching the surface delegation. do you do it well, Chantel? I usually do it well and um I try to not be disappointed in the outcome because I have standards and not everybody shares my standards.
00:02:58
Speaker
So sometimes it feels hard to delegate because we have a certain way we do it, a certain standard, like a certain feel and we know how it should be done.
00:03:10
Speaker
Makes sense. So it's ah hard Because sometimes you feel if I don't do it and I let somebody else do it, I'm being judged because I didn't do it.
00:03:28
Speaker
Right? People are expecting you to do certain things, but yet you're handing some things off. So I think sometimes there's this like fear of judgment. And then sometimes there's this identity, like I am the executive director. No, I really am.
00:03:41
Speaker
I really am. ah We have Sparrows Nest, which is a charity here in the Hudson Valley in New York. And I am the executive director and the founder of this beautiful charity that has grown because the community is awesome.
00:03:53
Speaker
And we feed people that have a cancer diagnosis and we're feeding 450 people well
Judgment and Standards in Delegation
00:03:58
Speaker
every single week. we're We're holding it together with some organized chaos. But for me especially too, I am the executive director.
00:04:06
Speaker
So that's hard for me. Like, I don't ever want to give you something to do that I wouldn't do myself. Like I will water the plants, which, oh my gosh, man, if I've been watered those plants, it's like 95 degrees. I'm like, you have to water them every two hours. ah I will take out the trash. Like I will do all this stuff, but there's always this,
00:04:27
Speaker
um identity crisis I'm having. Like, you know, if, if I don't do it, what will you think about me? I should be doing it. I'm the executive director. That should be my role and trying to figure out like, what is my role and what's not my role. And you know, if I give it away, then does that mean I'm not competent?
00:04:44
Speaker
I think in that situation, it's gotta be hard because it started as your role. You start like every role was your role in the beginning. Right. Because ah absolutely. At the beginning I had to do it all.
00:04:59
Speaker
And so then you got to let that go. and then it's hard when, you know, you feel you have a lot of knowledge in something and you know, what's going to work and not work. And we'll get into all that. And then, you know,
Personal Relationships and Delegation
00:05:10
Speaker
you're afraid to let it go and,
00:05:12
Speaker
have that messed up, man, I feel like, can I lay on the couch and you just do the therapy? You just take over and just talk to me about all this. There's a lot going on there. It's a lot to unpack.
00:05:24
Speaker
Because when I, you know, we talk about almost every episode in order for us to give you guys some peace, we're always saying you have to release some of it. And, you know, I've been listening to our podcast and some of it I'm like, yeah, but sometimes you release it and it's not done right. And so then I started doing a bunch of research on communicating and I want to get into all that. But, you know, delegation a lot of times is this sense of perfectionism. Perfectionism to you doesn't mean that I would consider perfect the way you do, but it's the way that you feel is the absolute best.
00:05:58
Speaker
And so letting that go when you're a control freak, first of all, is awful. Well, it's scary. It's very hard to do yeah because you got to let it go to people you trust. Right. And there's just this belief that I don't know.
00:06:11
Speaker
Right. If we do it all, sometimes you're like, wow, you know, people are saying, look at all they do and all they do so well. And we've already gone over that you can't do well anyways. So you should delegate.
00:06:24
Speaker
But like there's this whole inner struggle, I think that takes place with delegation for some people like myself. And I don't know, and don't consider myself a control freak. I consider myself untrusting.
00:06:41
Speaker
Does that make sense? Well, I mean, when it comes to the charity and and our work, like it's your baby. It's you created this and you want it to go right and you want it to go well.
00:06:52
Speaker
And passing off those big things is tough because you've always done it. Right. And, you know, if a ball drops, then things could go south.
00:07:03
Speaker
It comes back to Krista Jones. It sure does. And you don't want to be putting out any more fires than absolutely necessary. We do put out a lot of fires. So delegating, it feels hard because it is hard. It's part of your identity. It's it's part of where you get your self-worth. It's all of these things.
00:07:18
Speaker
But I think here's the thing for me that um my version of right doesn't mean it's the only version of right. Like my version of good enough doesn't mean that your version of good enough can't pass.
00:07:32
Speaker
Right. Does that make sense? And I think too, that's something that is hard to grasp, especially for me, because, you know, I'm not used to any other way and I'm stubborn more than I am a perfectionist.
Delegation as a Leadership Skill
00:07:45
Speaker
I just think I'm stubborn because, well, this has always worked and it's always worked this way. And so sometimes it's hard to step back and say, but it could work seven other ways. Well, it's that old adage, right? If it ain't broke, don't fix Right.
00:07:59
Speaker
Right. Or that old ad adage, there's more than one way to load a dishwasher. Don't even get me started on the dishwasher. All right, let's get started quickly. I try to shove as much stuff in that dishwasher as humanly possible. And do you have like a cups have to go up top? Like do you have a whole thing? Oh yeah.
00:08:16
Speaker
All right. Plates have to go in the middle, big plates towards the side. Yeah? Yeah. what goes What goes up top? Bowls, cups. Okay, me too. Long utensils. Long utensils, how do they go up?
00:08:26
Speaker
I lay them down. Yeah, you lay them down. they don't stick up. On the top rack. Because I say to my family every day, this is going to chop off the little helicopter thing. Nobody listens.
00:08:37
Speaker
And it doesn't chop it off, which is why they continue doing that. oh But does it make a lot of noise? Like, does it make a noise? See, that would drive me nuts. That's what saying. That's why go in and I fix it.
00:08:50
Speaker
So if you delegate to your children to do the dishwasher, we're going to learn how you should let that whole thing roll out and use it as a learning experience and not stop it in the middle like Krista Jones, ye mess up the entire cycle and have to redo the whole thing. ye So there is more than one way to load a dishwasher.
00:09:08
Speaker
yeah There are some people that are like, what are you talking about? There's no rhyme or reason. And I'm like, What? And the dishes still come out clean. Savages.
00:09:19
Speaker
I don't know that for sure if they come out clean. I'm assuming if you don't have a system, your dishes, could you please write us and let us know? Kay Jones at sparrowsnestcharity.org.
00:09:30
Speaker
Does your system work? Like if you don't even have a system, are they still clean?
Empathy and Guilt in Delegation
00:09:36
Speaker
I want diagrams. How do you load your dishwasher? Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. There's a million ways and still all of our dishes come out clean. So, so that, that's what I'm going with today.
00:09:46
Speaker
So studies are showing, right? That when you collaborate and you share responsibilities, right? There is a ton of room for variation, but you have to know that going in. And that is where a lot of people get stuck is that they will delegate it, but they won't let there be variety, which is Krista Jones, because I know the way that it works.
00:10:08
Speaker
And I don't trust you enough to see that your way could work just as good or better. yeah You know, this was a fight between Jeremiah and i I. don't want to say a fight, but we used to get into some arguments. We didn't like building things together because I grew up with my dad who built things. He grew up with his dad who built things, but they did it differently. And when we would be doing things, I would offer suggestions and he wouldn't take them and then I'd get frustrated because then he'd be frustrated.
00:10:37
Speaker
And then one day he he took my advice and he went, Oh, and I went, I know what I'm talking about. I've done this before. He had to trust you. He did. And it took a while.
00:10:47
Speaker
Right. But now he does. And if I make a suggestion, he will, he will at least consider it. Yeah. So we've learned to give that to each other, that we will consider the other one's viewpoint or idea.
00:11:02
Speaker
i mean, i consider, that's okay. I consider your ideas a lot because i mean, they, they almost always work. I was like, Oh, That's easier. Why? Why haven't we done that? But it really is a trust thing with me. It definitely is a trust thing because I think sometimes you get burned, you know, whether it's at home with the family, you know, your husband, your spouse, your children, you know, tell them them to do things. And then, and mean, it just happened to me this week.
00:11:26
Speaker
You know, the only things I left for Christian to do after i went and getting him dinner. i try to make a homemade dinner every single night. So I went nuts, made sure he had a nice dinner because he's, you know, eating clean.
00:11:39
Speaker
And I, said I
Parenting and Delegation
00:11:40
Speaker
did everything with those two, three dishes. And I'm like, do those dishes for me because we have somebody every two weeks that comes and cleans the house. And so, you know, I don't want dirty dishes in my sink for them. I mean, that's the least I can do.
00:11:52
Speaker
You know, they're doing other major things. and and and And then he doesn't do it. So then I delegate and it just doesn't get done. And it is so frustrating.
00:12:03
Speaker
So I think a lot of times we need to see patterns of trust, right? When we're asking something to be done and you see that people are reliable and they're doing it and they're loyal and they love you and they have your back and they're worried about you and they want to take something off your plate.
00:12:17
Speaker
ah For me, it's not a control freak thing. It's that, you know, when I have that level of trust, that's when I feel I can let it go. Yeah. I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe that's a whole different podcast about why don't you trust anybody?
00:12:30
Speaker
no I trust some No, but it's interesting that we both have different viewpoints on why delegating is hard. For you, it's a trust issue. For me, it's a i'm a if i if I want it done right, I'm just going to do it myself. Right.
00:12:44
Speaker
Because I don't want to go back and fix it. Right. And do we really have to fix Sometimes. Sometimes it is a requirement. I mean, sometimes we have to stay take a step back and not fix it, right? I mean, that that's probably important too, but like there's some really good stuff that I was researching coming up in all of this. So let's talk about the obvious. I mean, at least i think it's obvious to everybody, even though we don't do it. What do we gain?
00:13:10
Speaker
when we let go, right? Like what will delegating bring us? Well, it gives us back time because somebody else is doing it, gives us back energy and it gives us back for me. It gives me back trust, letting somebody else do it over and over and over again, build a trust for me.
00:13:28
Speaker
And I really want to trust people. And i think, you know, um we are in a society, you and I talk about this all the time, where there is not a lot of follow through.
00:13:40
Speaker
And so then it's really hard to trust people. Because if I say, hey, just blah, blah, blah, blah. And I did this with Chantel. I mean, I still do it with you. I think Chantel, you'll probably say, i will circle a back around and go, all right, so when you do call and you'll say things to me like, oh, no, I already called. It's done.
00:13:59
Speaker
And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's done. Like, I'll say to you, you know, if you could get the gala flyer, you know, ready. And then after you do that, like maybe we'll, so then a few days later I'll go, all right, when you, and you're like, what do you mean when I, I i did it?
00:14:13
Speaker
Well, I, I work how I expect other people to work. So like if I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done. So I show that, you know, like if my husband says, oh, I need, I don't know, my socks washed, I'm just going to wash them.
00:14:29
Speaker
I am not washing them. Jeremiah, wash your own socks, buddy. I'm not with your sticky feet. He doesn't ask me for a lot of things, but like if he does, I do it right away because a I'm going to forget.
00:14:41
Speaker
True. And B, I would expect the same in return. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm a do unto to others, ah you know, so when you ask me for something, I want to do it and get it done.
00:14:51
Speaker
And then it's off my plate. Absolutely. But I think it's kind of a dying breed. I don't necessarily know. And then, you know, delegating something that you have to turn around and circle back to two or three times, forget it.
00:15:04
Speaker
And if I forget to circle back and then it's not done, oh no, it's bad. It is bad. So again, we just keep talking about me and trust. Well, you get burned one too many times and it's, it's hard. You do. But here's the thing. I read um this guy's name is John Maxwell.
00:15:22
Speaker
don't know if you've ever heard of me has a lot of leadership books. He's a Christian, but ah my pastor recommended him years ago. So I started reading there's like the 2.0 and there's all these different books. But one thing about him that early on in his books, you know, he talks about immediately is you are delegating.
00:15:41
Speaker
Not because you need it done your way or you need it done perfect. You're delegating because your job as a boss, as a mom, as you know a role model is to build leaders.
00:15:53
Speaker
That's our job. Our job is not just to have employees. You want your employees to be leaders. You want to be able to let your employees lead projects and do all of these things. And that's really why you delegate.
00:16:06
Speaker
You delegate so that they feel this sense of empowerment, And then we'll talk about, you know, if things don't go well a little later on, what that means and how that all ties in.
00:16:17
Speaker
But that's why you're doing it. You're not doing it because you want a good employee. You want a good leader. you You want to be backed up by leaders, not by employees. Just like with your children. When your children do something, even if it's not 100%, right?
00:16:31
Speaker
You know if you're like, ugh. I have to redo that. Like they are crestfallen. They are so upset. You want to say that was really good. Maybe next time we'll just move this over here or like, you know, gently, you know, anything that you feel needs to be redone. But yeah,
00:16:48
Speaker
How you respond to what you've delegated is also like a big, big deal. And that's something, you know, that we're going to talk about too, because we have to kind of rewire our brains, right?
00:17:02
Speaker
Delegating, it's a hundred percent a leadership skill. And then I was kind of like, he's right. It is a leadership skill because you're setting boundaries, but you're also building trust, right?
00:17:15
Speaker
So when I started reading his books, I really started working on also bringing employees into the company, my company, that, you know, I felt I'm not going to have these issues with.
00:17:26
Speaker
Asking better questions to know what kind of employees I was getting. You know, having better communication at my house with my kids when I'm going to get them to delegate things. So, um yeah, I struggle quite a bit in this area.
00:17:40
Speaker
And it all boils down to trust.
00:17:44
Speaker
I trust you, Chantelle. was gonna say, you're you've definitely... gotten better in that area with me, you delegate quite a bit. I do. As you should. And I have to. Yeah.
00:17:55
Speaker
You know, you're Chantel's in her own office and I'm in the kitchen all day cooking and I'm just hoping, you know, nobody's burning the place down. I'm like, we survived. Nobody has called me with a mean, you know, text or an email. So we're good to go.
00:18:09
Speaker
You have to, you have to control only what you can control yeah and you have to let go of everything else. And you know, sometimes you, I think for me, I have to identify what needs a personal touch and what really doesn't.
00:18:26
Speaker
We're writing thank you cards now, you know, to as many donors as we can because it really is lost art, I feel. You know, i feel it's not done enough.
00:18:37
Speaker
So we're trying to get some thank you cards written. And as much as I thought it had to be me, when I kind of reframed my brain and I said to one of our recipients, what if you wrote them?
00:18:51
Speaker
That was even better than it being me, right? So I had to identify, is my personal touch on this card? Of course, getting ah thank you from a founder you know an executive director of a charity you give to is wonderful.
Outcome Focused Delegation
00:19:05
Speaker
But what other ways can we load the dishwasher where it's still acceptable and everything's getting done? And, you know, that's kind of what I'm trying to do is think a little bit outside the box. Of course, for Giselle, who has been on our podcast um talking about the loss of her daughter, of course, for her to write the card.
00:19:23
Speaker
I mean, really, that's way better than me writing the card. It's a, it's a full full circle moment. It is. And so identifying like, does it really need your personal touch? Like, is it okay if it's not done your way? I think that's ah important. And then like, and in talking about the invitations, it was kind of like, I need to define what is the outcome instead of the process. Like,
00:19:46
Speaker
Getting the invitations out, getting the thank you cards out is the most important thing. Whether I write the card or Giselle writes the card. yeah Like sometimes we get tripped up on this stuff that's not that important.
00:19:59
Speaker
The most important thing is the donor's getting a handwritten card, period. Yeah, they know they're appreciated. 100%. Practicing gratitude for any help received, even if it's different than your version.
00:20:13
Speaker
Right. That is a really important thing to do because that lets us know that it really is okay to have all these variations. And it lets the person know that we've given it to, that we are okay with it.
00:20:26
Speaker
We have to start expressing gratitude. And I think sometimes for me, I don't ask you guys, I still do this with all of you. I will come in on a Saturday or a Sunday and I know you yell.
00:20:38
Speaker
And I think that is because sometimes I feel guilty putting it on your plate. What, coming in on a Saturday? Well, I'll come in on a Saturday or Sunday because sometimes I'll look at the workload of you guys and I'll think, there's just no way that we can, you know, do one more thing in this. I'm just going to come in on the weekend and get this done.
00:20:58
Speaker
So there's also sometimes a guilt thing that goes along with this delegation. Like so many people think it's because there's perfectionism behind it. But for me, it's as an empath, it's a million other things.
00:21:10
Speaker
I've already analyzed you. i think you're going to be exhausted. And then Jeremiah is going to get mad. You didn't do his socks. And then... Like think I have gone down a rabbit hole. And then I'm like, I'll just come in on a Saturday, which of course isn't, isn't the right response either.
00:21:25
Speaker
But, um, that's something i think that's important to people that do not give their task away to others. It doesn't always mean it's because, you know, perfectionism is on their list.
00:21:39
Speaker
For me, it's empathy. I'm afraid I'm giving you too much. I'm trying to balance that. Or, you know, it's trust because I'm afraid you might drop the ball on me. So, I mean, and I know that with you, you don't delegate a lot either.
00:21:55
Speaker
Well, no, I get my job delegated to me. Well, here you do, but, right, you do take on quite a bit of other stuff. You'll do a lot of stuff like in the classrooms. and Oh, yeah. Right? Well, yeah.
00:22:09
Speaker
You know, when it's a teacher who's pouring so much into my kids, you know, the least I can do is help them, support them. So do you delegate at home at all for the kids, for Jeremiah? Yeah.
00:22:23
Speaker
My kids have been getting some tasks like they have to clean their plates after dinner and put it in the dishwasher. I try not to fix it. um So hard. They're putting their own laundry away now.
00:22:34
Speaker
So they clean their own bathroom and I try to only go in and fix the bathroom once a month. Okay. I like that.
00:22:46
Speaker
Yeah. That's very good. Yes. Because the bathroom, that thing getting dirty quick. Yeah. Well, I feel really fortunate. I have girls. I know that boy bathrooms can get very, very bad. So my girls, it's not, it's, it's usually the toothpaste in the sink.
00:23:01
Speaker
Oh my gosh. So my sweet, precious little, little, little child, Fiona, who's not little, she's 20 now. is just germaphobe centric.
Clear Expectations and Communication
00:23:11
Speaker
So, you know, when the toothpaste comes out, there is toothpaste.
00:23:14
Speaker
Nope. No. Then she won't use that toothpaste and will open it. I'm not even kidding. And then I've said to her, let's have your own toothpaste. You can like bring it back and forth and there will be globs of toothpaste that she will have because it might've touched somebody else's toothbrush in that sink.
00:23:32
Speaker
love my child
00:23:36
Speaker
That's a lot. There is a lot going on. So I want to talk about, because delegating is important, but I want to talk about the reality of it because this is why I've never really done the delegation thing because I'm like, it is really not that simple for all the millions of reasons that, you know, we've just talked about.
00:23:55
Speaker
But it's also not that simple because sometimes it really isn't good enough. right? You have delegated to somebody and it's really not good enough.
00:24:09
Speaker
So as I was diving into all of that, because it happens with me in the kitchen, sometimes with volunteers, and that's a whole different beast, right? The way you talk to a volunteer, the that what you expect from a volunteer, they're not getting paid.
00:24:26
Speaker
So like I have all these like different scenarios going on, but... Something that I took away from delegation is, were my expectations clear and were they clear enough?
00:24:39
Speaker
Because I, as all of you that listen to these episodes have learned, will go around and about and around a corner and I will get back to the point, but sometimes it's not really clear.
00:24:51
Speaker
People are like, well, you said four things and I don't know which one to do first. this is me you can say it it's okay and um you know and they'll kind of be like and so I have learned that I should say one thing and then when that thing is done move on to other things I think in that situation though it's also knowing your audience Oh, I don't know if there's an audience that can put up with Krista Jones.
00:25:23
Speaker
I put up with you every day. I mean, but... Like, I've learned that when you start talking, I start taking notes. Because 10 things that need to get done are going to happen or are going to come out in that instant and neither one of us is going to remember. Yeah.
00:25:37
Speaker
So i I learned my... not audience, but my speaker. ah yeah And I know when you start talking, I start writing. Yes. And like you, you know, you had said earlier, hey listen, if you ask me to do something, I do it right away.
00:25:51
Speaker
When I have your undivided attention, the seven things that have been waiting in my brain, i just have to throw them up. Yeah. Because I also will then lose my train of thought. So are we being clear in our expectations, right? Before you start like rage cleaning the kitchen in the back.
00:26:07
Speaker
Yeah. And I've learned that sometimes i even have to write it on a board because I still apparently haven't been
00:26:19
Speaker
What's the word I want to use? Clear enough. And did the people have what they needed to have to succeed? That's another thing with John Maxwell. If you want to delegate, you also have to set people up for success, not for failure. They have to have whatever tools it is in order to make this successful. Are you going to be, um you know, are you delegating and leaving?
00:26:40
Speaker
This to somebody that's never done anything like this before. Are you around for them to come in and out and ask questions like, hey, you know, this is what I'd like you to do today. And if you get tripped up, I'm just right in the office. Come and see me. at You know, ask me any questions you want.
00:26:55
Speaker
So that is another thing, too. Like, are you setting somebody up for success? And that could take a little bit of time before you delegate. And I think one of the hardest things for me is giving grace when maybe somebody hasn't done it the way I want them to do it, but not glossing over it either.
00:27:15
Speaker
Because sometimes, you know, ah. I it's hard for me to be kind and to be direct because I feel directness is abrupt and not kind.
00:27:28
Speaker
So like I have to rewire my brain and realize that I can be kind, but i have to identify what's going on for the other person or how in the world are they ever going to fix it? Right?
00:27:39
Speaker
Absolutely. So that for me is also a big issue. Right. Well, it's tough because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. True. They genuinely were trying to help you. they were trying to do the thing that you asked them to do.
00:27:53
Speaker
You know, so you don't want to crush their spirit or make you make them feel like you're not grateful. But you also don't want to have to fix it every time that person does that thing.
00:28:04
Speaker
100% because even like with your kids, right? If they don't do it right, you sigh, you're silent and you start redoing it all. Then they haven't learned anything because, you know, you want to create skills in your children. You want to create skills in your employees.
Emotional Triggers and Personal History
00:28:19
Speaker
And if it is wrong, communication is a really, really big part of that. And immediately not waiting too long. i mean, communication You may, I mean, I had a situation, you know, a while ago where I was like spit fire mad.
00:28:32
Speaker
So I was like, this week's not going to be the week to address it. Oh gosh. Anyways, but i had to address it, you know, not long after that because I didn't really want to forget some of the things that I had to say because you're not looking for perfect, but you absolutely are looking for the job to be done well, even if it isn't your own vision, right?
00:28:57
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. And then not glossing it over... and retraining people and tweaking people, right? So maybe when you delegated it, it did not turn out exactly right.
00:29:11
Speaker
So you also, I think, have to have some patience. You have to let them do this a few times, give them the tweaks as they're doing it. And honestly, people will get to a place where you need them to be, but it needs to be rewiring your brain that it's good enough.
00:29:30
Speaker
Yep. I think that's really important. And you know, that's something that like i struggle with. And then something else is why am I so triggered?
00:29:42
Speaker
Right? Why, Krista Jones? Well, well, Chantelle Shaver. Are we going back to childhood? we We should. My poor mom and dad, thank goodness they don't listen to this podcast, but my brothers probably do.
00:29:53
Speaker
Sometimes the stress isn't about the fact that the job is done wrong. Sometimes it's about how it's going to reflect on you. Ooh. Right? Yeah.
00:30:04
Speaker
If you're doing a job for me and you haven't done it status quo, that's a reflection back to me. If you have taught your children to say thank you 5,043 times and you go to a birthday party and they shove six cupcakes in, burp in the face of the host and leave, this is me you know going down my spiral, that reflects on you as their mom. Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
Right? So sometimes we're just, we're triggered. So is it really about the task? Is it about letting go of the task? Is it about how it's going to make us feel?
00:30:38
Speaker
Sometimes it's a little bit of both. Yeah. I, you know, I never looked at it that way, but you know, when I ask my children or my husband to clean something and then there's people coming over, I'm going, oh my gosh, there's a water stain on that table and they're going to think I'm a slob and yeah.
00:30:58
Speaker
It's true though. And they probably will not notice the water stain. No, they're probably not going to notice those things, yeah but you're feeling, oh my gosh, this is a reflection on me. And how I am as a housekeeper and a mom. Absolutely. It's a spiral that is because nobody's looking at that water stain and seeing what you're seeing in that moment. Cause we perpetuated something as we talked about a couple episodes ago, that really isn't even true. Yeah. We're just so triggered. We're so emotional that we can't even get outside of our emotions to realize that's not even how this is going to go down.
00:31:32
Speaker
So that's important. And not redoing it in silence, right? Because you're training people that you're just going to fix it. who Like, I'm going to just really be honest with you because my mom and dad aren't listening and you did tell me to go back to childhood.
00:31:47
Speaker
We lived in Florida for goodness sake. Chantal's like 173 degrees in the winter and we had a push mower. You know, we grew up with not a lot and we didn't have a push mower for some time, but we had a push mower and we all had to go out there as kids and do it.
00:32:03
Speaker
And I was a very cute, adorable, chubby, wubby little child.
Self-Reflection and Trust
00:32:07
Speaker
I was. I was a chubby, wubby little child. I'm gonna digress here. Right before we left from Connecticut move to Florida, and if you don't know this story, but now you will.
00:32:16
Speaker
we My mother's best friend cut my hair. I mean, like to my ears. Oh, no. So I absolutely could have passed as a boy because I was probably eight. Gets worse.
00:32:27
Speaker
Then we go to 173 degree Florida where my mom let me not run around with a shirt on. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. So, so eight year old Krista Markovich at the time, topless in Florida, topless with my brothers. We used to get them these little three wheeler bikes. We would peddle them down the road. We were meeting all the neighbors in back.
00:32:49
Speaker
So then i have totally digressed everybody, but I'm just going to go ahead with the story. So then first day school when Krista Markovich wears a dress,
00:33:00
Speaker
shocked everybody the whole hood every I mean it's kind of like I was transitioning and it was 40 years before everybody else has because everybody's like you're you're not a girl oh my gosh and then I think my mom was like oh no I mean i think I was bullied for like a year I'm like I'm absolutely girl what are you talking about and then my mom was like wow bad mom moment on my mom's part Where does the perfection ah delegation come in here? I've totally lost my train of thought.
00:33:37
Speaker
Where was I going with Florida? Oh, I don't know. Push mower. Thank you. Were you mowing the yard? Yes. Purposely. Badly. So that you wouldn't be asked to do it again. Exactly.
00:33:49
Speaker
That's and and that's what happened because my mom would get mad and if it wasn't done right, she would do it. So I would not mow straight and she would be like, can't you see the lines? And I was like, no, I'm so sorry. that was probably 10 then and i'm I'm hoping I had on a shirt.
00:34:07
Speaker
Just for the rocks that were coming my way as I ran over and the snakes. So
00:34:15
Speaker
so That is how I got out of doing anything because my mom was the silent type. She'd just get mad and I knew she'd do it. And let me tell you, my 10 year old wearing a shirt self picked up on that. And I was like, I'm just going to mean. See, but I wonder if that's part of your mentality too, is that people are going to intentionally do it wrong so they they won't do it in the future. oh that's deep.
00:34:41
Speaker
Like maybe that's back there. screwed myself up. You might have. By being a dishonest child. See, my childhood was different. Like I learned I had to do it myself or it wasn't getting done. There was just so much going on in my household that like laundry by like 10 or 11, I had three sisters and it was like, you know, my socks are in her room. My this is in that room. And I was like, I want my clothes. And my mom was like, you want it done? Do it yourself.
00:35:06
Speaker
This might explain the perfectionism. and the yeah So at a very young age, it was, if you want it done right, do it yourself. You were traumatized because you couldn't find your socks. Now you're washing Jeremiah's. now well Full circle. Listen, heart he washes most of the laundry. I delegated that to him when I was pregnant because our our washer and dryer is in our basement.
00:35:27
Speaker
It made sense. It didn't make me feel safe carrying laundry down. And then I never really took it back. I fold it. Perfect sense. So don't redo, don't redo anything in silence.
00:35:39
Speaker
You can redo it, but as you're redoing it, talk about why you're redoing it and what you'd like to see different next time. Right. Doesn't have to be a hundred percent. Kindly. Kindly. And don't explode. That's where this is in frustration because that is going to kill somebody's motivation, your children's, your employees, your friends.
00:35:58
Speaker
And their trust too. They're not going to ever want to say yes to you again about doing something because they're afraid. We had um some really, really bad weather. You know, it's really, really hot here um in the Hudson Valley right now. 90, 95 degrees. I mean, that's hot for us. You're in Florida probably going, it's winter.
00:36:18
Speaker
But I thought it was 173 in the winter. That's true. it is. so this would be like the Arctic. I don't know what this would be, but Um, we had, we ended up getting mold in our commercial fridge and I had appointments and I was just like so overwhelmed. And the ladies here were like, go.
00:36:38
Speaker
and it killed me to leave you guys behind to like finish cleaning all of that. I was like dying because yes, you're supposed to delegate, but you know, when your feelings get involved and you're really spiraling and I was like, oh my gosh, they're touching the mold and But you know what?
00:36:56
Speaker
By me saying yes and letting you guys do that, like I think I wrote you later that day, I made a point of it of saying, you guys have no idea like what that just took off my plate, like how amazing that was, how wonderful that was.
00:37:08
Speaker
And that's the thing. There is such a peace when you can trust and you can let it off your place and it is done. And it's not something you're coming in on a Saturday to finish. Well, yeah. Nobody wants that.
00:37:19
Speaker
Nobody wants that. Explain it. Adjust it. And if worse comes to worse, then you reassign it. If the person you've given a task to just isn't built for it, then assign it to somebody else. Because, you know, you're building a team, whether it's at home, whether it's here, you know, in the workforce.
00:37:37
Speaker
You're not a one-woman show. It's not a dictatorship. And that's exactly what people are going to think it is if you don't let everybody in on it. Delegation doesn't have to be... A bad word. got to be like Elsa and let it go. Wow.
00:37:52
Speaker
And with that, could you say, let it go, let it go. was pretty good, actually. Thank you. Delegation does not always have to be smooth. Sometimes people are going to drop the ball.
00:38:04
Speaker
You might even overcorrect and sometimes it feels easier to just do it yourself. But... It shouldn't mean that you do everything alone. Delegation is actually, it's a skill. you're You're building leadership. It's a process. It is like a long-term strategy to self-care, to keeping yourself healthy. It's team building. It's all of these great things wrapped in into one. You are allowed, ELSA, to let it go imp perfectly.
00:38:30
Speaker
You're allowed to be supported even when it's messy. And you're allowed to rest and not redo it. So this week,
Conclusion: Finding Peace in Delegation
00:38:38
Speaker
here's your homework. Pass something off. I don't care what it is.
00:38:41
Speaker
Don't check on it when you pass it off either. Let the weird candy stay in the goodie bags unless it's peanut butter. Those are allergies. Don't mess with that. Instead of perfect, choose peace.
00:38:55
Speaker
We love you guys. You can check out our website at sparrowsnestcharity.org. And until next time, take care of yourself and each other.