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Imposter Syndrome- Why You Feel Like a Fraud (And Why You're Not)
36 Plays22 days ago
Have you ever found yourself questioning your success, minimizing your achievements, or wondering when everyone will “find out” that you have no idea what you're doing?
In this deeply honest episode, hosts Krista Jones, Chauntel Shaffer, and Tom Morel dive into imposter syndrome — what it is, why it shows up, and how to stop it from holding you back. From the boardroom to the classroom to your own kitchen table, imposter syndrome doesn’t discriminate. It affects high achievers, creatives, caretakers, entrepreneurs, and especially those breaking barriers.
They share personal stories, surprising statistics, and expert insights — plus tools, quotes, and affirmations to help you reclaim your worth and quiet that inner critic.
Because here’s the truth: you’re not a fraud — you’re just human. And you’re more than enough.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Exhausted Sparrows Unite'
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I'm your host, Krista Jones, along with my co-host today, Chantel Schaefer
Exploring Imposter Syndrome: Prevalence and Definition
00:00:11
Speaker
and Tom Morell. And oh boy, we are talking about something that affects about 70% of the population.
00:00:20
Speaker
Have you ever walked into a room and felt like, I really don't belong here. Like everyone has it all figured out and you're just faking it, hoping that nobody's going to notice. Maybe it's your first big promotion, a major life change, or just an ordinary day when the voice in your head says, you're not good enough.
00:00:43
Speaker
that's not just insecurity people that has a name and it's called imposter syndrome it's a quiet steve it steals your confidence it minimizes your success and it convinces you that you are a fraud but the truth oh my gosh guys You are not alone and you are not failing.
Unpacking Imposter Syndrome: Origins and Personal Experiences
00:01:02
Speaker
You most certainly are not an imposter. In today's episode, we're gonna peel back all the layers on this. We're gonna talk about where it comes from, how it shows up, because you might be like, oh my gosh, that's what that is? I didn't even know the name for it.
00:01:16
Speaker
Most importantly, we are gonna tell you how to push back. We're gonna tell you how to fight it. And we're gonna tell you how to live your best life ever. With my two co-hosts today that are shaking their heads,
00:01:29
Speaker
And they're like, mm-hmm. And in the background, like, am speaking some gospel. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Tom and Chantel, welcome to today's podcast where I feel like we are going to get into something that so many people struggle with. And so many people didn't even know the name. yeah Like, what is that? I didn't know the name. Tom has been talking about this for months.
00:01:51
Speaker
Tom has been saying for months, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. And I'm like, i don't know, I don't think it affects me. And then I'm like going through some stuff and I'm like, oh, maybe it affects me a little bit.
00:02:02
Speaker
And here we are talking about imposter syndrome. And can I say this morning when I woke up, I was all excited to do this podcast. And then i would immediately I was like, I don't know anything about this.
00:02:13
Speaker
I'm not an expert in this at all. I'm not credentialed. I don't have a PhD. I've never written a book about this. as It's never been diagnosed. Who am I? What am I doing here? Why am I?
00:02:24
Speaker
I'm going to drive here and make a fool out of myself because I'm going to go like, yeah, I've got imposter syndrome. And then and then what? And then have nothing else to I got nothing else to say. That's it. you later. You already were talking yourself out of a podcast, feeling like you're a fraud, which is part of the definition of imposter syndrome.
00:02:43
Speaker
It's not just a diagnosis. It's like this psychological pattern that we get ourselves into. It's an all the time thing. And it's like experienced a lot of times by high achievers.
00:02:56
Speaker
See, I don't think I'm a high achiever. Oh, you are. See, that is not true. I want to talk briefly about Tom since Tom just, sorry, Tom, Tom and I go way back to our radio station days.
00:03:07
Speaker
Part of the reason we wanted to do this podcast together, we've always worked amazingly well together. And, um, He used to do a lot. We were with iHeartRadio stations. um We were with radio stations before that.
00:03:18
Speaker
And he held a lot of hats at all of these. You've always been a high achiever. He's had to do all of the commercials at our radio stations for nine different stations. So, you know, he's working now ah with a car dealership. He does social, he does everything. So one, you are absolutely a high achiever. So stop.
00:03:38
Speaker
You are. You set the buy very hard for yourself. And when you don't hit that bar, you then beat yourself up. So you're absolutely a high achiever with imposter syndrome.
00:03:48
Speaker
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, though. So if I tell myself that i i'm not I'm not a high achiever and then I don't achieve, I'm like, see, I told you. you know But to your point about like in radio, i I felt that very quickly when I when i when i joined the the team at Clear Channel. It was Clear Channel at the time and now it's iHeart. But um I came from a small mom and pop radio station where I did all the jobs, everything. I worked in sales even a little bit. So I did all the jobs.
00:04:17
Speaker
And then um the opportunity came to be the production director, the creative services director at um the Clear Channel stations where we had two stations at the other place. And now we I'm going to a place that has nine stations.
00:04:31
Speaker
um And I was the creative services director. I was in charge of two individuals who were ah ah like, the i don't want to say under me, but they, they were my, in my responsibility and they were both ah at least 15 years, my senior, I was a 25 year old, right you know, green pea.
00:04:51
Speaker
And here are these guys who have, mean, one of the guys was in radio for since the eighties and the other guy was in the radio in the nineties and they both knew probably way more about this stuff than I did.
00:05:04
Speaker
And here I am, I'm the one who's in charge. Well, that creates an imposter syndrome too, right? That whole entire, the way that all put together, like that that's the brewings for imposter syndrome because already you're saying, oh my gosh, they've got more experience.
00:05:19
Speaker
They're older. How are they going to take direction from somebody that's younger? So like you're already going into a job with all of this stacked against you. Yeah. So that didn't help. It didn't help your imposter syndrome.
00:05:32
Speaker
your your impostor So I can, I can completely relate. And even in the job that I'm in right now, you know, I don't, I don't always feel like I'm the most competent person in the world. I don't always feel like I'm the most productive person in the world.
00:05:44
Speaker
If I'm being honest, you know, sometimes it doesn't, I feel like I could always be doing more. If there's a minute where I take a, where there's downtime, I'm like, okay, any minute now manager's going to walk in and go, tom what are you doing?
00:05:56
Speaker
And i so I got to look busy. I got to be, I got to fill my time with stuff all the time. So it's, it's, um it's it's it's, it's an internal ah mechanism that is in inside. It's not something that's external necessarily. Like you said, to your point, it's, it's not ah necessarily the truth on the outside, but it's what I feel or look like on the inside.
00:06:16
Speaker
um And, you know, and in preparing for this, cause I did, I did have to do a little bit of research on this, even though I'm, I'm, I live this. um I found a lot of the um the symptoms or the causes of ah the triggers, if you will, for um for imposter syndrome are internalized.
00:06:36
Speaker
there in I haven't internalized the external credentials that I have. Does that make sense? So that's ah that was one major part of it.
00:06:47
Speaker
Well, it brings in, you know, self-esteem and lack of self-esteem. It it brings in a lot about our so s ourselves, right? Imposter syndrome and and and how we feel about ourselves internally then kind
Imposter Syndrome Across Life and Gender Differences
00:06:59
Speaker
of, I feel, flows out into the the external world. yeah I mean, and...
00:07:05
Speaker
Everybody experiences it Like, you know, it doesn't have to be in your work world either. It can be, you know, we've done podcasts on tell about being a mom and falling short. And, you know, I'm an imposter as a mom. Like why in the world would God ever have given me these children? Like I'm stinking at it. And it can be in your friendships. It can be all different kinds of relationships, workplace.
00:07:26
Speaker
So, It can be anywhere and everywhere and anyone can experience it. 11 year olds can experience it on a baseball team. Imposter syndrome. Why did he make me the the pitcher?
00:07:37
Speaker
I shouldn't be the pitcher. Jimmy's a better pitcher than I am a pitcher. So like it starts at any age and just, um, you know, continues. And so when we were, you know, researching and all of this, all of us were talking about, i was like, I don't know that I'm going to have anything to say.
00:07:53
Speaker
And then for me, when I saw statistics on women and male dominated fields, um, before I started a charity to feed families and individuals with a cancer diagnosis, hence the name sparrows, exhausted sparrows, sparrows nest, we're here in Hudson Valley.
00:08:11
Speaker
But before I did that, I was in a dominated field in the mobile disc jockey you know business, weddings, parties, all of that. ah Nobody wanted a female. And part of me was like, oh my gosh, but why not?
00:08:23
Speaker
We're the ones that dance. We're the ones that love music. like Like, why not? We're the ones that like to talk, like on a microphone. And um I was in a field of all men. There were no female DJs when I started, not on the air, but just in the field. And so then I was like,
00:08:40
Speaker
Oh yeah. I really did feel it there. I always had something to prove. My prices were always lower because I needed the jobs yeah because I had to prove that it was okay to hire a woman. So I'm like, Oh my gosh, that was imposter syndrome.
00:08:54
Speaker
But you leaned into it, right? Yeah, because I'll lean into these things heavy because i don't like that you're making me feel that way. so So I do. I approach it a little differently than maybe others do with imposter syndrome, but it makes me mad.
00:09:08
Speaker
It makes me mad that I'm questioning that I can't do it. So I do. I lean into it. I'm like, I'm going to do it. Watch me. So there's, it's funny you say that because um a lot of people think that it affects women exponentially more than it does men. And it's not, there's no research that shows that. Not at all. yeah I was, I was doing some research myself and they, and they specifically said that there's no specific, it affects women X percent more than it does men.
00:09:32
Speaker
But what they did note um I saw was that how women respond to it typically is different than how men respond to it. And women will typically lean into that challenge. They'll lean into that and and push harder to get that.
00:09:47
Speaker
Men will internalize that and back away from that. Is that an embarrassment thing? Are they kind of like, I'm already questioning myself and I don't want anybody to know, I'm going to keep it quiet and keep internalizing it? Like, think that is? It's kind of a shame thing, I think, sometimes, or it's a fear of failure. You know what I mean? Like, if I already feel like I'm... Like, nobody wants to do something that they're not good at, right?
00:10:13
Speaker
But some people will lean into it and use that as motivation. If you told Michael Jordan that he couldn't play baseball, guess what? He was going to try to play baseball. If you told me I couldn't play baseball, I'd go, yeah, you're probably right. I'm not good at this.
00:10:30
Speaker
Right? a bit i mean yeah that's But that's the that's how different people, and even in my own family, my sister is very motivated. If you tell her there's something she can't do, she was a she's a graduate of West Point.
00:10:42
Speaker
she she's She's gone to medical school to be a physical therapist. She's done all these great things. She's ah she's achieved beyond... but She still feels imposter syndrome all the time, she's told me, um but she over she she's overcome that.
00:10:59
Speaker
Me, on the other hand, I've kind of i kind of back away from that. i don't I don't push as hard probably as I probably should or could because of that. And Chantal, how do you feel you...
00:11:12
Speaker
You rank in all of this. I was always a fake it till you make it. Like, okay. Makes sense. In school, you know, you said this could start in an early age. Like I never felt deserving of the grade. Like I was a very good student.
00:11:24
Speaker
I was a very good student. But like there were days that I'd come home with like an A minus and I love my mom, but she'd be like, why isn't that an A plus? And then that started to beat me down. And then,
00:11:35
Speaker
i I got into this mindset that I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm just going to, one of my teachers used BS with finesse. And like, I'm talking like through high school, through college, through graduate school.
00:11:49
Speaker
I didn't think I deserved any of what I did. I was just BSing. That's what you thought you were doing. Yep. And I was, I was just faking it till I make it. So you were not embracing all the hard work that it had to take. And I think with some people too in school, right?
00:12:01
Speaker
Some people feel i don't deserve this grade because they don't have to study like other kids have to study, right? It comes easier to them and they think I don't really deserve it. So like there's so many different factors that go into why we feel we're not deserving of something.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah, I never really had
Impacts of Imposter Syndrome on Work and Self-Perception
00:12:19
Speaker
to study. And i i think I just figured I was i was lucky. i was guessing. I was really faking it till I make it. Tom looks so excited right now. You know, I'm excited because I was just going to add in there.
00:12:33
Speaker
um i Again, I did research ahead of time here. and This thing here says when you don't internalize these external credentials that you have, right, we often excuse them away And listen to the examples of excuses we use for why ours why we're successful. it's not because of anything we did.
00:12:52
Speaker
It's because um we are, it's we it's usually attributed to one of four things, either a mistake. Yeah. made a mistake ah You overwork.
00:13:03
Speaker
Right. ah or or Or you have some sort of relationship like, oh, I knew i got the job because but my friend Jimmy helped me out. Right. Right. Or you got lucky.
00:13:14
Speaker
So you're not giving yourself that pat on the back because you're, you're feeling i got the easy way out. I wasn't really deserving. Something happened where I got what I got.
00:13:26
Speaker
So whenever somebody, and if I've, I've, I can hear myself saying this in the past when someone's like, man, Tom, you've, you've done all these great things. Like run blah bla what, um, how did you get there?
00:13:40
Speaker
And my first thing is always like, man, I got really lucky. I was in the right place at the right time. I got really lucky. And i and I always say that it's, it comes from a spot of like trying to be modest, humble. Cause even like when I just said like,
00:13:55
Speaker
you know, someone said to me, all right, Tom, you're so awesome. I sound like a, such an idiot when I say that to myself, when I hear myself saying self grandizing things like that, I'm like, but did you just say that out loud, Tom?
00:14:07
Speaker
But, um, but that happens. People say those things. and then I'm always like, I was really lucky. You know, I knew a guy and then, you know, they hired the wrong person and this guy got fired. So I could just kind of jumped in and No, I worked my tail off to get to those positions and I'm a really smart person and that's hard for me to say out loud. Yeah. that's it's hard It's hard for me to internalize those things. I feel that way with the charity. Yeah. the time when somebody goes, oh my gosh, and look what you created, I immediately deflect and I immediately say, it's the community. Yeah. I couldn't do what I did without the community. like
00:14:42
Speaker
Because um it it is weird and it doesn't sound good to go, yes, thank you so much and I did all this and... and right Because there are a lot of people, honestly, that had to get behind that.
00:14:55
Speaker
And one of my girlfriends, like months ago, goes, gosh, Chris, to just say thank you. yeah And I'm like, I can't i can't do it. And that is like a humbling thing, too. So, like, I get that part of it because I'm like, oh.
00:15:10
Speaker
It just, my skin itches. Well, but we also, like I come from an Irish heritage background. Which means you like potatoes and meat that's not flavored. I don't know where we're going with this. That was spicy, Krista.
00:15:24
Speaker
Sorry, go ahead. Yes, i don't I don't mean to offend anybody out there that is Irish. you i just I don't know. I don't even know where you were going. I just don't like corned beef. But go ahead, go ahead. I got to like reset for a minute. I'm going to take a breath, take a beat, yeah and refresh from it. Sorry. Corned beef is awesome, by the And not an Irish meal. it It's not an Irish dish, by the way.
00:15:43
Speaker
It's a Jewish thing. All right. No, we'll have to talk about that another time in your Irish heritage. So I i come from the ah Irish Boston heritage. Right.
00:15:55
Speaker
And in that Irish Boston heritage, um everybody wants you to achieve. Everybody wants you to achieve until you achieve. Oh, and it's like, what are you better than me? I'm serious. This is how that, I don't know.
00:16:07
Speaker
don't know what that heritage does. Okay. That's what that, that's what that culture is. There is the, is very much like, Hey, Oh no, we want you to be good, but not too good. We want you to be achieved, but not too, you know, cause listen, we're all competition. We need to be equal. we're all still in the same boat here. Right. Like we're all still on even footing here. Right. Like you're not, you're not better than me just cause you went to Harvard. You're better than me just cause you make more money or you worked really hard. So maybe push down some of that.
00:16:36
Speaker
Like don't brag about. yeah Right. That's what I mean. So, so there is a bit of that. So like, like you said, the way it manifests though, is you work harder than you probably should.
00:16:48
Speaker
And you, you you don't um ask for things that you might deserve, for example, like raises or for promotions, which... Because you're like, I'm just lucky to be here. so in the Yeah, because we usually associate you know imposter syndrome with a job that you're doing, right? So um what I read also, what I saw was that systemically, this is great for the workplace because...
00:17:17
Speaker
you don't, you you're, you're working harder than you probably need to, right? Right. Probably working harder than you should. And you're not going to ask me for any kind of rewards because you're constantly chasing that, that validation, that validation. Exactly. So one of the things I saw was that we seek external validation. So if you're a people pleaser,
00:17:38
Speaker
Oh yeah, no. Hey, my here we are. So that external validation is what you're seeking because you can't internalize it. So the challenge is seeking that external validation in a positive, healthy way to help you internally versus always seeking it um almost like it's a, like it's a drug instead of a puzzle piece to fit. Does that make sense? Yeah.
00:18:01
Speaker
Because really you have to deal with internally what's going on, yeah right? In order to make it all right. And there's there's plenty of signs of imposters. There's plenty of types of imposters. So if you're listening and you're like, I don't think this relates to me at all.
00:18:15
Speaker
There's the perfectionist. Oh boy. The perfectionist imposter. I'm not looking at either of you right now. No, no, no. Okay. That sets their standards really, really high. Okay. And then they don't want to fail.
00:18:26
Speaker
Okay. Right? There's the expert who never feels that they're they're ready enough. Okay. They've always got to research more. They've got to know more. They've always got to be up so that so that they're ready.
00:18:38
Speaker
There's the soulist who won't ask for help at all. That's Krista Jones. I'll just say it. The soulless, S-O-L, the soloist? Soloist. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Sorry. I might have said soulless. No, but the soloist who doesn't ask for help at all because that's a weakness. I thought you said soulless.
00:18:55
Speaker
I probably, and also I may not have a soul, but so lowest the soloist, I will not ask for help because that's that's a weakness. So I get that.
00:19:07
Speaker
There is the natural genius that believes that competence should be effortless and why is it not effortless for me? So I've got to just keep faking it until I make it. And then there's the superhuman that just pushes to excel at every single role because that's what they're supposed to do.
00:19:24
Speaker
Yeah. See, I feel like I'm the, what was the second to last one there? You feel like you're the natural genius that believes competence is supposed to be effortless. So inside you're always struggling because you're always feeling you got to make it look effortless. Like why isn't this easy?
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah. And then you've got to fake it till you make it. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I feel like I'm, I, I'm not the perfectionist cause I don't, I don't, I don't try to achieve perfection. meaning answer i mean, we all do in some regard, you know, when you have a craft that you really enjoy, you know, but, uh, I think the, the natural, I think the natural, what was it? again The natural genius is me. Chantal, what are you feeling?
00:20:05
Speaker
I think I'm a mix yeah between the perfectionist and the natural genius and the soloist. i don't really ask for help. Right. i do is I do feel that way, though, it's sometimes, too, is the the as the soloist.
00:20:17
Speaker
I like working as a in a collaborative group. i I hate to be just in a room by myself, nobody around. i I despise that. I'd much rather work in an environment where there's people that I can throw stuff off of.
00:20:30
Speaker
Hey, Krista, what do you think about this? Hey, Hey, Chantel, what do you like this color? Do you think what, here try this line? Do you think this line works? You know, whatever, whatever I'm working on. Yeah. Um, yeah I'd rather be in that scenario, but I can understand also too, like, I just, I want it done the way that I want it done.
00:20:48
Speaker
And I'm not going to ask anybody else how I want it done. I just, I'm going to, I'm going to do it And that's, You're very complicated, Tom, in your mind. I can't imagine. Yeah. My wife thinks I'm simple.
00:20:59
Speaker
wife My wife thinks I'm simple-minded. mean, there's a lot of conflict. There's a lot of complex stuff going on up here. Shontel and I yesterday, I said her, you know, can you come in my room? And she was working here.
00:21:11
Speaker
And it was just, it was nice to just have her presence here. I was kind of still working solo. She was doing some stuff solo, but it's really great to just go. And what do you think about the way I just did this email? And like, sometimes for me too, I agree. Like, I like that.
00:21:25
Speaker
And maybe I'm still doing some solo stuff, but you know, it's really great just to have that camaraderie around you. That's also that external, that externalization of valid external validation. A hundred percent. Cause if I, if I internalize it, that I have that conversation internally and I go, what do you think of this line? Oh, that line's stupid, Tim.
00:21:43
Speaker
Well, and then you're, and then, right. You're like for five minutes, you don't notice it, you know, but if you can externalize it, have somebody immediately validate it or go, Hey, change that. Yeah. I work faster. I work, you know, and so I was like, I apologize. I think to her once or twice. I'm like, I'm sorry you're kind of sitting here. She's like, I'm either working in my office or yours.
00:22:00
Speaker
But like yesterday we got a lot done and really it's not like we were doing it together, but we were just kind of sitting here and, you know, so, so that was a cool thing. But you know, what are the root causes of this? I mean, a lot of this starts from childhood messages and not only childhood messages, right? So,
00:22:18
Speaker
I want to say
Contributing Factors: Childhood and External Influences
00:22:19
Speaker
this. I was reading that, you know, you have to earn your worth, right? Childhood message. But you know what that made me think of that? I didn't find anywhere in this, but I can tell you church, you have to earn your way to heaven.
00:22:30
Speaker
You are not good enough. You end up in a place called purgatory yeah where now people got to pray over you just so that you can go to heaven. Yeah. What? Yeah. And nowhere in the Bible, and I don't want to get into the religious sector of all of that, but nowhere in the Bible does it say that you are not good enough because you're not good enough.
00:22:48
Speaker
But God is saying, right? Like you will never earn this. I am giving it to you by my grace, but that's not how I grew up. yeah It's your works. You will, you got to work harder. You are not doing enough good in this world. You are never going to get to heaven.
00:23:03
Speaker
You're going to sit in this horrible place called purgatory. And then people got to pray over you for years. What if people forget about me? Nobody prays. Yeah. Like what if I'm in this purgatory place, like heaven and hell and I'm just sitting there. Like for me, i was like, Oh my gosh, that was my religious, my spiritual experience.
00:23:22
Speaker
But you have to earn your worth. How exhausting is that? Yeah, that's ah that's a crazy thing, too. In the research I did, i said they mentioned that as well, is that a lot of it comes from childhood, which makes me feel great as a parent, right? know, it's hard. Like, what am I doing to my kids? We put our kids, like, the competitive nature of life starts really young. It's, you know, you got to get good grades, and, you know, then you're playing sports, and you're competing there, and you want to be a winner, and...
00:23:49
Speaker
It's hard. bird I mean, it's a rat race from the very beginning. Yeah, it is. And I say to my kids all the time, because somebody said this after, you know, like before I had kids, but then I say it to my children all the time.
00:24:02
Speaker
You, I do not expect you to be good in every single subject in school. You're left brain, right brain. You're not all brain. I mean, we'd like to be, but you know what I'm saying? Hey kid, you're not all brain.
00:24:14
Speaker
That's the t-shirt. t-shirt.
00:24:18
Speaker
That is today's t-shirt. My poor kid. Somebody's like, I'm calling CPS and now. That's really what you, but I always said to my kids, like, maybe you're better in the sciences. Maybe you're better in the literature. Maybe, and be good at what you're good at and just do the best you can in the other subjects.
00:24:34
Speaker
And that is really, you're right. You cannot be good in all the things. You can't be good in every single sport. You may not want to do sports at all. You may want to do pottery. You might be great in cooking. Like, why do we need to be good in all the things? And we put ah our children in these situations where they flounder because that's what they're doing.
00:24:53
Speaker
They're internalizing. And our comments, you're a coach. yeah You know what some parents are saying. yeah You hear it. yeah Like, let it let's us parents be careful about what we're saying to our children. Like, why? why didn't you catch that ball?
00:25:07
Speaker
Well, maybe Jimmy shouldn't be a first baseman. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe your kid's not cut out for baseball. And that's okay. And that's fine. It's totally cool. It's totally fine. I will tell you though, as a coach, I do feel imposter syndrome constantly, 24 seven, the whole time.
00:25:22
Speaker
But I feel like it helps me be a better coach. Because you'll push through that? I i will push through that, but it's it is hard. I will have some come-to-Jesus moments with my wife where I literally have to tell her, like, i don't what am i doing here?
00:25:36
Speaker
And she has to tell me, Tom, you know what you're doing here. <unk>ve You've got... This, you you know, you've coached our son who's great at baseball. You've done this, you've done that. And yeah, you were never good at baseball.
00:25:48
Speaker
She always throws that in. I'm just kidding. She doesn't want you to get too inflated. Maybe that's the t-shirt. You were never good at baseball. No, She doesn't say that. I hear that in my own head when she says that. Because imposter syndrome.
00:26:02
Speaker
ah But ah but that's exactly that's exactly right. I don't have the credentials. i didn't go I didn't play college baseball. I didn't play high school baseball. I don't have those credentials. But I've done the research and done all the things and gotten all the knowledge to help somebody else do it. And, but wait, can I say something here? Cause my husband's also a coach for football. Yeah.
00:26:20
Speaker
Coaching is way more than what happens on that field. It's about making them yeah into amazing men, yeah kind human beings. We talked about that on episode. Right. Um, you know, um, not sore losers. yeah Like all of that goes into it as well. yeah There's so much more than just that in your job, as a mom, in your coaching, yeah all of that stuff. But even just the teaching of the baseball itself, I kind of feel like that sometimes, you know, that the the questions come up like, is this real? Like, is this really how we should be teaching? This is really ah like, what do you know? You just we watch the video on YouTube. What do you we mean? i Well, and it's hard to like that constantly. Let's be honest.
00:26:57
Speaker
Yeah. 10% of parents out there are really cruddy to coaches. Yeah. Yeah, they are. I'm not trying to be mean and you may have none on your team, but I, you know, I'm in the stands incognito. A lot of people, I don't let them even know that I'm his wife and I hear stuff. Yeah.
00:27:10
Speaker
And it makes me mad. yeah Like, oh my God. You know, I just, I hear stuff and I think, my husband been volunteers, shut up. Like, and what are you teaching your own children if you're going back and then complaining because Johnny didn't get in the game, which is of course, listen, this is a whole nother issue. issue so But at the end of the day, you are a volunteer time. You are doing the best that you can. Parents that don't like that can just get off your team.
00:27:33
Speaker
Yeah. And don't ever feel like an imposter in that. you're You're great at what you do. Yeah, and I've really had to internalize that by telling myself, listen, I'm making the best decisions that I can. yeah I'm not an expert at this. You're right, 100%. This is Little League baseball, though, guys. But you are a dad yeah showing up for countless free hours to help children that aren't even yours. I'm doing the best that I can.
00:27:55
Speaker
And it's not going to please everybody. now I've already come to that conclusion, but I, you know, that's... So then the but I think guess the big question here at the, as we wrap up here, I guess is so now what?
Managing Imposter Syndrome: Recognition and Coping Strategies
00:28:05
Speaker
Now what? We know what it is. We know what it feels like, but what are we going to do about it? Well, we have to name it, right? So now you have the awareness.
00:28:11
Speaker
Now you know that this imposter syndrome can be a million different things. And you're like, wait, I do experience that in some area of our life. So yeah. Awareness is the first step. And it's 70% of people that feel it is. It's not like a small percentage. This is most of the people that you know, are, are experiencing this. And a lot of them are, are just coping with it silently. They're not, they're not telling you about it because they don't, sometimes they don't know what it is.
00:28:35
Speaker
We're trying to put ah a name on it so that at least you don't feel alone. You what And I think um we say this in a lot of the episodes that we do, tracking your success, right? Just write it down, right? Your wins down every day. Your win could be that you got through the task that you put up there.
00:28:51
Speaker
Your win could be that there was a project and you made the deadline. Your win could be whatever it is. Track that. Just write that down so that at the end of the day you go, oh, I did accomplish this.
00:29:01
Speaker
All right. I did get this done, right? I mean, that that's part of it. Yeah. you have to You have to internalize the external. Well, and that brings us to talking about it. You should talk about it to your peers, to your mentors, you know, other employees, to your boss, whoever you need to talk to about it. Like, I don't feel like I'm doing a good enough job here so that your boss can be like, what?
00:29:22
Speaker
Are you kidding me? Like sometimes, and honestly, for me, that is a great thing. um I had an employee, you know, sometime last year say, you know, I feel like maybe I'm not doing a good job.
00:29:33
Speaker
But for me, that brought me awareness so that I try to send a text to everybody or I'll try to because you're not feeling that. So what can I do help validate that?
00:29:43
Speaker
Can I tell you immediately when you said that the reason I laughed there is because yeah my fear is that my boss is going to go, you're not doing a good job. See? He's validating my internal ah non-validation. You know, that's a fear.
00:29:55
Speaker
but Ladies and gentlemen, we have not arrived just because we're talking about these issues does not mean we've asked them as Tom right now is struggling through the podcast about why his boss will say you're not good enough.
00:30:07
Speaker
And you know that if you really talk this out and talk this through in your head, your boss would have let you go if you weren't good enough. Correct. Like, you know, if you logically go through this, yeah because we talked about anxiety in one of our episodes, logically, that's what this is. Internal anxiety.
00:30:25
Speaker
Logically, you are great at your job or your boss would have replaced you. Maybe. Oh no. Stop. Listen, we have to go back to the podcast of taking a compliment. Yeah. We have a lot of great podcasts. That's a big one. You know, when somebody tells you you're doing doing a good job or, you know, back in my middle school days, this is a great report, Chantel. Like I should have gone. Yes, it is. Thank you. That was all me. Yes, you should have.
00:30:51
Speaker
And it's, it's all this internal. It really, it boils down to self-confidence. It really is hard. It boils down to living in a world where you can be confident and not feel that you're being braggy. h say thank you.
00:31:03
Speaker
Because. Thank you. Okay. Thank It's hard. For me, the hardest is is parenting. Like when people tell me I have great kids, I don't want to be like, yeah, I know they're great. I'm like, or i don't want to take credit for that. I'm like, they're their own people. yeah But I have to accept that I did put work into you are responding making them the people they are.
00:31:25
Speaker
And I need to say thank you instead of being like, ah they were born that way because they weren't. And at home, no. Failures. Reframe that. Reframe that word.
00:31:37
Speaker
It's not a failure. This is all growth, right? Yeah, learning moment. So as doing something and you don't do it well, well, you know, you're going to redo it. You can't do everything well, and you certainly can't do it well the first time.
00:31:47
Speaker
And every time you do it, you learn and you get better and you get better and better. And then therapy, that's something like that we should talk about because, you know, this these are patterns that are created many times at a young age.
00:32:00
Speaker
And a lot of times you can and should use therapy in order to to to to kind of scoop that up in and in and get that out. Yeah. And learn more about yourself. Yeah, for sure. But the thing is with with therapy, and this is something i I saw in the research as well, is that um unfortunately, um imposter syndrome is not an actual pathology. It's not ah it's not listed in the IDBM or whatever the whatever book they use. ah It's not the IDBM. What is it? What do they call it? The DSM. The DSM. That's what it is. I don't know what either of you are talking about. Diagnostic and statistical manual. Oh, thank you. I don't know what version we're on at this point. Something like that. So it's not a recognized pathological disorder.
00:32:44
Speaker
So a lot of um a lot of therapists have not have not learned about or been trained in that. So if you do go speak to a therapist about it, specifically about this, you you need to ask, hey, you know are you trained in this? What do you you know what what are your thoughts on this? bla Blah, blah, blah.
00:33:00
Speaker
find out more because not everybody is trained specifically to, to find this no fault of their own. It's just, it's not in the clinical sense. It's not, it's not a clinical
Conclusion: Affirmation and Encouragement
00:33:10
Speaker
pathology. Right.
00:33:11
Speaker
So now we know what it is and now we know what we can do. We're all better than right. Tom's not better. Tom is not better. But I'm working on it. I'm working on That's all that matters. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, you are not mistake. You were created wonderfully and uniquely for your own purpose. Whatever it is that you are walking out, you didn't stumble into your success.
00:33:35
Speaker
You earned it. Say that. Say that to yourself over and over. I've earned this. I've earned this. I've earned this through grit and growth and late nights and courage that others may see or may not see. And guess what? That shouldn't even matter.
00:33:47
Speaker
So the next time that your inner critic says to yourself, you're not enough, I hope that you remember today's truth. Of course you are enough. You're not alone. You're not a fraud. 70% of people end up experiencing this.
00:33:59
Speaker
You are exactly where you're supposed to be and you're going to get through it. You just not need to keep showing up for yourself, right? As you are, it is not failure. It is growth. The world does not need you to be perfect.
00:34:12
Speaker
The world just needs the best version of you. So ladies and gentlemen, if you like what you see, check out our charity. It's at sparrowsnestcharity.org. And we want you to do something kind this week. And that's your homework.
00:34:26
Speaker
Something kind for yourself. The next time that you internally start saying, I am not enough, I need you to quiet that voice and say, oh yes, I am. Until our next episode, be kind to yourself and each other.