Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Balancing Is For Gymnasts, Not Grown Women Who Carpool
50 Plays15 days ago
In this episode of Exhausted Sparrows Unite, we’re diving headfirst into the myth of balance—because if one more person tells you to "just find balance," you're going to launch a yoga mat out the window. We’ll explore why the idea of perfect balance is a trap, how it leads to burnout, guilt, and unrealistic expectations, and what to aim for instead. (Hint: it’s not color-coded planners or perfect symmetry.)
You’ll learn practical ways to manage shifting priorities, emotional energy, and the constant juggle of being a caregiver, overachiever, feeler-of-all-the-things, and actual human being. Because balance isn’t a tightrope—it’s a rhythm. And sometimes the music is chaos, and that’s okay.
Key Topics Covered:
- The “Balance” Myth: Why it was never meant to work for people with full hearts and fuller calendars.
- The Emotional Load See-Saw: When you’re carrying everyone's feelings and your own—plus the grocery list.
- Redefining Balance: What it can look like if we stop chasing perfection and start honoring seasons.
- Energy Management > Time Management: Because you can’t schedule a meltdown for 3:30.
- Permission to Drop Balls: Spoiler alert: some are rubber, some are glass.
- Practical Tips for Living Imbalanced (on purpose):
- Creating “anchors” not “schedules”
- Identifying your non-negotiables
- Building in space for restoration and rest—not just productivity
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Exhausted Sparrows Unite'
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome back my beautiful exhausted sparrows to exhausted sparrows unite the podcast where we're messy and we make sure everybody knows about it. If your life is feeling like a circus act that you're having a lot of time juggling flaming swords maybe I don't know maybe a unicycle is being thrown in there trapeze artist this podcast today is for
Exploring Life Balance
00:00:31
Speaker
you.
00:00:31
Speaker
We are going to dive into the slipperly little sucker that we call balance and how we don't always do it good. We don't always do it well. Sometimes we don't do it at all. You know that fine work life balance thing, right? Balance your hormones, balance your children, balance everything else in your life.
00:00:53
Speaker
I just want you to know We don't always do it well. We're told that balance is the key to happiness. Okay. But the whole idea is how do you balance and how do you balance well?
00:01:05
Speaker
Today, we're not just talking about achieving perfection.
Redefining Perfection
00:01:09
Speaker
We're going to talk about how we redefine it and how then we successfully hit it so that we feel better about life.
00:01:17
Speaker
Real life isn't about being even kilter, right? It's really just about being honest.
Meet the Hosts and Their Mission
00:01:24
Speaker
So today i am joined by my co-host, Chantelle Schaefer and our beautiful friend, Lori, who is a volunteer extraordinaire here Sparrow's Nest.
00:01:35
Speaker
She juggles a million different things, is in our life often. We kind of intertwine with a bunch of different things that we do. And we said, Lori, if you could come in today and somehow balance how you could get in here this morning, we would love to have you so welcome. Thank you. Thank you. We're so excited to have you. For those of you that don't know, we have a charity here in the Hudson Valley.
00:01:59
Speaker
It is called Sparrows Nest. Hence, that's kind of why this podcast began.
Krista's Story of Chaos and Perception
00:02:05
Speaker
Because, um you know, somebody one day said to me, i did some funny post and it said something like, I left the phone in the freezer.
00:02:13
Speaker
I missed two meetings today and ah my I was supposed to pay my child's tuition bill. And like, I just thought that was a really funny post. And I was getting all these comments like, are you okay? I will pray for you. I will.
00:02:28
Speaker
And I thought, oh my gosh, people think I have it together. And that to me was dangerous, right? They were worried about my joke of how this is really my everyday life. I was just kind of showing them my everyday life. Chantel's like, yes, it is.
00:02:42
Speaker
k Krista, we can never find her phone. Today was in the gym bag. Oh yeah, we thought it was at the gym. We didn't know where it was today. We spent seven minutes looking for that. And so, you know, so that's why we started the podcast. We're here in New York.
00:02:55
Speaker
Check the charity out. But this entire podcast is about, we are not perfect. We do not have it together. And we want you to know that. So today we're going to talk about balancing
The Myth of Perfect Balance
00:03:08
Speaker
it all.
00:03:08
Speaker
And first say, it is impossible to balance everything and balance it well at every single moment of your day and your life, right? We all kind of go through seasons.
00:03:22
Speaker
We know that balance is actually ah destination, right? And we all have a lot going on. And Lori, in your life and through your life, there has been a lot going on. You do a lot, like all the things you do, which is, i don't know. There's so many things that you do, right?
00:03:38
Speaker
There is. Children, we have children. Right. How many? I have two children. Emily is 31 and married. And our son, Ryan, is 28. And he's getting married this fall. So, yeah, it's a balanced year. That's a balance.
00:03:54
Speaker
A beautiful husband, Steve. Yes. Who also has spent, you know, a majority of his life in, you know, corporate America. Right. Steve worked up until two and a half years ago when he retired. And when he was working, balance was definitely a struggle.
00:04:10
Speaker
He traveled, he worked insane hours, he was out of the country a lot. So I took care of the parenting, I took care of the house, I took care of, you know, all the extras that go on the kids.
00:04:22
Speaker
And there were definitely times that you had to say no. Absolutely. And you learn to live with that. Well, and we we we've touched on that in other episodes. You know, all the little micro things a mom, usually a mom, but a caretaker, let's say, has to do, you know, while your spouse is away. It's it's being a single mom and it's millions of little things that...
00:04:43
Speaker
sometimes exhaust us. So doing all of that, you do a ton of volunteer work. Right, right. So for me, the balance became as Steve, or excuse me, as Emily and Ryan were going off to college and new chapter in life called Empty
Life Transition and Volunteering
00:05:00
Speaker
Nest. And some of you are there and some of you are Further away from that. Yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
Where's the balance at? What's going to be the next thing that I'm going to do with my life? I'm used to being busy. I'm an extrovert by nature. So to sit home and bake cookies all day probably was not going to happen for me.
00:05:18
Speaker
And when I went to college and and worked, I was a geriatric social worker. And I was really missing that piece. I was missing, you know, home health care. I was worth it missing working in rehab situations, getting to know older people and hearing their stories.
00:05:36
Speaker
So for me, hospice was just a natural place to go to. So i interviewed for a volunteer position and right away my supervisor Peggy said, you seem like a good fit for a doula volunteer. Yeah. And a lot of us know what a birth doula is, helping bring someone into this world.
00:05:55
Speaker
And a death volunteer is just the other side of the coin. It's helping people adjust and transition into leaving our world. And our society is frightened by talking about death.
00:06:09
Speaker
And yet, for me, it's a very natural, it's a very comfortable thing. After all the years that I had done working with people, regardless of their age, it was something that I felt very natural doing. So I became a death doula volunteer and have never looked back.
00:06:26
Speaker
And, you know, um I heard the word years ago because here at Sparrows Nest, we feed individuals and families that are facing a cancer diagnosis.
00:06:37
Speaker
And I had noticed that a lot of times we're not prepared for death. You know, you... It's not just for a 75, 80 year old. I mean, at 30, 40, 50, there are plenty of things that go into it and in questions, thought provoking questions that death doulas ask.
00:06:53
Speaker
You don't have to be on death's door for a death doula to come in and and start having these conversations with you. And honestly, you know, I've noticed that with some of our patients that just don't have any type of a plan in place.
00:07:07
Speaker
It adds this, this layer of chaos, right? to an already chaotic diagnosis, right? Something that's already unplanned. Yeah. Right. It's a very scary point in their life. And oftentimes, um be it Sparrow's Nest, be it hospice, be it other organizations, you're working with people who are not used to working with death.
00:07:28
Speaker
And now suddenly they have a loved one who is dying. And how do I do this? There's stress, there's anxiety, there's And part of our role is to come in and help provide meals and maybe sit with the person so that the caregiver can get out for a few hours every day or every week.
00:07:46
Speaker
It's helping out in little ways, providing comfort in an uncomfortable setting. And this was all stuff that you wanted to do. And I think people think when you're an empty nester, oh, you just have all this time on your hands, but I feel it really quickly can get filled up.
00:08:06
Speaker
And that's kind of also a time when you've really got to balance it and and kind of figure out what you want to to do, right? Right. So you're doing different different volunteer things. We are. We are. Sometimes we divide and conquer because it's like, oh, there's two different things going on today. All right, you go do this one. I'll go do that one.
00:08:23
Speaker
And you hear it all the time. I'm busier now that I'm retired yeah than when I was working. And it's so true because if you really look at your life, what brings you joy, what helps make you whole,
00:08:37
Speaker
you just start looking for either um unpaid or paid things that weren't necessarily a part of your career or part of your earning a living that you now suddenly have more capabilities and time for. Yeah.
00:08:52
Speaker
Sure. And I think, um you know, Chantel and I were talking about this off air too. You know, there are a lot of us, you know, you're, you're regimented, right? You work whatever, nine to five or whatever your schedule looks like.
00:09:04
Speaker
And then it's really hard to get all these other things in. And so when you talk about volunteering and stuff, you know, Chantal and I were talking off air because, you know, that is, we've said it on other podcasts too. Some people don't get a choice in the job they do, right?
00:09:19
Speaker
Some people are in a cubicle. They didn't want it. They're doing it to pay the bills. And so also finding a balance to do something that brings you joy, even if it's once a week volunteering somewhere, right? Something that you absolutely love, taking an art class, like whatever that looks like, helping the homeless, feeding people that have cancer, whatever
Joy Beyond Work
00:09:38
Speaker
it looks like. Because sometimes in our life, we are stuck in this regimented thing And we don't have balance because we're not happy in that eight hour period.
00:09:50
Speaker
So we really need to look at other areas of our life that we can balance that out so that we can, you know, get joy, which is something that we, we talk about all the time and balance. It's not like, um, it's not like a final state of being. It's like, it's like a moving target.
00:10:06
Speaker
Right. Balance changes all the time. Right. Depending on the, the season that we're in. And I think, um, We have to stop saying, you know, I don't have time Because we really do have time.
00:10:22
Speaker
You know, i had to really get a handle on my health because in the charity world, um if something happens to me right now, you know, we're not really set up where, and that's what we're working on.
00:10:38
Speaker
We're not really set up for the charity. You know, so much is in my head, right? So as I'm working on getting it out of my head and into Chantel's head, I'm so sorry, Chantel. First time she's talked, she's laughing.
00:10:49
Speaker
Sorry about that. But I realized i have to take care of my health. And I was saying things like, well, I'm here at 7 a.m. m and I'm here till 7 p.m. and there's no way that I can do it. And one of the people at my gym was like, why can't you do 4 a.m.? And i was like because that's an ungodly hour of the morning. And she's like, but you could do it.
00:11:09
Speaker
And I was like, ugh, I could. And then i did. Because really a lot of this too is we absolutely can find the time to balance some of this stuff out.
00:11:20
Speaker
And I don't want to say it's because we're lazy, but we're an institution of excuses. Right. We can find it. Right. We just don't. But I think one of the other podcasts you two talked about...
00:11:34
Speaker
um taking breaks is not a reward. It's a necessity. And that plays into the balance. So an example, I'm very much an extrovert. I'm also a, I can be very frugal. So when we go on a vacation, I'm,
00:11:49
Speaker
It's here's what we're doing in the morning. here's what we're doing in the afternoon. Here's we're doing at night. And the days would just get filled up and we're on vacation. And Steve would have to start taking an additional vacation day, unbeknownst to me, to come back off of vacation so that he's ready to rejuvenate and go into work.
00:12:05
Speaker
So now the balance has become, all right, when we do go away, we do one or two things. And then we enjoy just being in the moment and it doesn't have to be filled in. And you may never get back to this place again, but that's okay.
The Necessity of Breaks
00:12:19
Speaker
Right. Finding the balance. It really is. I mean, we say that all the time, even here we will, I mean, we don't do it enough, but we will say, let's go for a walk. Right. Or, you know, we eat lunch at our desk.
00:12:31
Speaker
um And that drives me crazy if we eat at all. And so, you know, i was thinking about that when we were going to talk about this. And I was like, I have to like force them.
00:12:42
Speaker
I'm going to get that little kitchen table. I'm going to force us. to eat at that little kitchen table, right? Take a break at work, like physically leave your desk and go somewhere else to get a break. Breaks are really important, but this is all part of this balance and this juggling, you know, that that were we're all trying to do.
00:13:01
Speaker
And our emotional pie chart is going to be lopsided at some times in our life. And I think we do not normalize that enough either. Right. Right. Right. Sometimes I'll come off of.
00:13:14
Speaker
So if I'm working on a hospice vigil, I will, you know, give for those you that don't know what a hospice vigil is. When someone is nearing the end of their life, we if the family or patient requests, we can be there as much as possible so that they don't have to die alone.
00:13:31
Speaker
And that can be very draining. It's very emotional. And yet you pour yourself into it. And you don't realize it at the time. But when you come out of one of those, you're drained.
00:13:43
Speaker
And you need to give yourself permission to, if you need to take a nap in the middle of the day, If you need to say no to getting together with someone, if you need to cancel something, you need to be looking out for yourself. If we're going to be working on such heavy things in life, which Sparrows Nest, Hospice, they're all heavier things.
00:14:04
Speaker
I enjoy doing them very much, but we're going to come across times where we just need a break from that. And again, balance. You make a good point when you when you talk about the emotional balance. We all look at it when we hear the word balance is, you know, I have to juggle different projects and I have to, but balancing your emotions can help you be at rest, right?
00:14:30
Speaker
Like if you ah have something to do and there's anxiety and you're worrying or you're, I'm going to give this 15 minutes. right? Setting timers on that so that we're balancing out our emotions because, you know, you can worry about something all day. We've talked about negative Nellies and worrying and anxiety, but emotional labor is a real thing.
00:14:51
Speaker
um It is that invisible load that we're talking about and the to-do list and all of this, you know, setting timers. And I do that. I mean, Chantel, you probably hear them go off, but i literally set, she does, she's laughing.
00:15:04
Speaker
I do set alarm clocks and And i will take projects or something in my head mentally that I'm worrying about like and I'll focus on it for 15, 20 minutes. And then I will set something that will say, all right, snap out of it.
00:15:17
Speaker
If you did not come up with the answer right now, you need to do it later in the day. And I also do all of that in the morning. because I am sharper in the morning as my day goes on.
00:15:28
Speaker
It is like having sundowners or or whatever that's called with the older population. Honestly, my mind, I'm just not sharp. And so that's something that I know about myself too. We're not just balancing being a mom, going to work, volunteering and all of that. We are also balancing emotions that can then help us be a little bit sharper throughout the day.
00:15:49
Speaker
Right? Exactly. We have to set timers, I think. And, you know, I don't know if people realize that with everything, even social media. Yeah, I actually set a social media timer and it goes off after I've been on social media for 15 minutes because I'm a doom scroller and I'm just flipping. And then I lose an hour, two hours, and I'm like, I don't even know where that time went.
00:16:12
Speaker
Me too. Because if I'm trying to figure out why Sally looks so good and her house looks good, first of all, Sally doesn't look that good all the time. Neither does her house. Sally's given us the highlight reels. We say it all the time, right?
00:16:25
Speaker
And then I'm going into that, which is now affecting my emotional state. Or I'm doing a lot of research on so-and-so and I want to find out where the stolen dog really went. mean, like things in my life that, you know...
00:16:36
Speaker
15 minutes is great. I love that too, because I do think all of that we have to have a balance with because then it's time that's not with my husband and it's time that's not with my kids, you know, and it, it affects intimacy. It, it, it affects everything in our life if we don't have that balance, right which, you know, all of these episodes we do kind of tie into each other. But, you know, we were saying, you know, when we were talking to Lori, like Lori was like, how do you juggle this? And,
00:17:03
Speaker
How do you learn this in all new seasons? Right. Because people, like I said earlier, think, you know,
Unstructured Balance Challenges
00:17:10
Speaker
you're empty nesters. What do you have to balance? Right. Right. But now you don't have that structure of all these things you had to do.
00:17:17
Speaker
So it can also be dangerous because now you've got to decide what can I do? I can't. I can't do it all. Right. Exactly. Going back to the social media, um I'm on social media, and probably not as often as some people, but I am out there.
00:17:32
Speaker
And I love what this podcast emphasizes is being authentic. You don't have to be perfect. I'll take a picture of me and my hair is all, you know, we're out hiking. My hair is a mess, no makeup on.
00:17:44
Speaker
And I'm okay with that. It doesn't bother me. Or I take a ton of pictures and And I don't necessarily share them. It's just for me, I'm living in the moment. yeah i have a motto, live life to its fullest.
00:17:59
Speaker
And it comes off of a sign that we have in our house that says live life large. And the more I thought about it, it's not so much live life large, because that sounds grandiose. Live life to its fullest.
00:18:10
Speaker
So take the parts that bring you joy and go with it. Because especially as a hospice um person, I have learned God laughs at our plan.
00:18:23
Speaker
We say we're going to do this later. We say we're going to get together with someone. We say we're going to... wait until retirement. And that doesn't always happen. So live life to its fullest, whether it means using your favorite cup for your cup of coffee or tea or something else.
00:18:41
Speaker
um Just find those little bits of joy that make you happy. And you know, you bring up a good point, right? Because every day is not guaranteed. And so when you talk about living in the moment, right, we don't have a lot of time.
00:18:57
Speaker
That's what this whole thing is. It's about balancing. Most of us work eight to 10, 11 hour days. So we don't have a lot of time. And when we're taking those pictures and then we're taking the time to stop and post them on social media, we're distracted.
00:19:10
Speaker
we are not then getting the balance. Like it defeats the whole point of us saying, we're going to take an hour and go hiking. Well, if you're taking that out and you're taking all the pictures and you're like, oh, I don't like the way my hips look and my thighs and hold on one second, honey, I'm just going to post this really quickly.
00:19:24
Speaker
You have really just defeated the entire purpose of trying to find the balance because you're distracted in the moment that you just need to find some rest.
00:19:35
Speaker
Right. Right. When our kids were young, And fortunately we did not grow up where the kids had cell phones. The kids were in high school before they had cell phones. And I know you've talked about just that whole, you know, tugging on your heartstrings because, you know, Johnny has the cell phone and he's, you know, so much younger than I am. It's like, I don't care.
00:19:54
Speaker
You know, The other thing that we always emphasized is we eat together as a family. And that was not easy to do back in the day because Steve was working. We would struggle to eat by eight o'clock at night and the kids would come home from practice or, you know, a meeting or whatever. And they'd be like, I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm like, then have a snack.
00:20:14
Speaker
And it might be a significant snack because it's going to start pushing into their bedtime, but have a significant snack and we will eat together because that's when we can talk about our day.
00:20:25
Speaker
And for us, that was balanced too, because otherwise Steve would not have seen the kids. A hundred percent. That's like, that is a great point, you know, and that's something too, that you kind of have to juggle. And I love that too, because then they, they look forward to that and they take those habits and because they realize you're telling them family is important. You're telling them, stop.
00:20:44
Speaker
right We're going to stay together for this 30, 40 minutes, but this is that important. And that really is what creates these healthy habits for them when they have their own family. Right.
00:20:55
Speaker
And to this day, no cell phones at the table. Oh, 100%. hate that.
00:21:01
Speaker
The other day I heard, I'm not going to say which child it is of mine, but I heard one of them and she was in the other room eating. She went into the other room because i was wrapping up a Zoom meeting and was like, what do I hear?
00:21:15
Speaker
and she's like, I'm listening to, I don't know, the Gilmore Girls. I go, turn that. Because that's another thing too. You're not paying attention to chewing and going slow. You're just mindlessly putting food in your mouth. You're not balancing like that whole thing either.
00:21:32
Speaker
And you know, this kind of brings me into what we say in so many of our episodes, your nose. your no's, you should be saying no to certain things because for everything you say yes to, what are you saying no to?
00:21:49
Speaker
Are you saying no then to something more important, right? Because if you clog up too much of these yeses with frivolous things that really aren't that important to you and don't give you joy and passion and aren't important, then things that really are, are going to have to go by the wayside because you just don't have the time.
00:22:06
Speaker
Right, right.
The Art of Saying No
00:22:07
Speaker
I had to say no a lot. Two years ago when our daughter Emily was getting married, Steve had just retired. We thought we had the summer to really get organized for the wedding.
00:22:16
Speaker
And then we had an unexpected thing come up in our lives that took Steve back to Wisconsin, which is where we're from. ah for six weeks. And I had to learn to say no.
00:22:27
Speaker
And I also had to, unexpectedly, I had to learn to, out of the day, give myself time. So even though there was so much going on, and I wish I would have had him to help me with some of these things, it worked.
00:22:40
Speaker
we talked at you know We talked a couple times a day, and he was where he needed to be at that point in his life. And i would sit back and every day regardless of what I all had to get done, i would give myself a break in the middle of the day and I would get together and go with, her you know, with a walk for a friend, or I would just go taking some time outside. I'm an outdoor person. So for me to be inside all day, I'm going to go crazy, you know? Right.
00:23:05
Speaker
And it's a burnout. You have a burnout. And listen, I do want to talk about that because there are seasons when you cannot balance. There is seasons of illness, grief, being a caregiver, um financial crisis.
00:23:23
Speaker
Like there are different seasons where you have to say it's okay. Because then I think sometimes we beat ourselves up.
00:23:35
Speaker
Seasons, you know, are going to come and go There's going to be times when you have a little more time in your hands and you can choose. And there's going to be times when you are staying above water and you have to say, God right now, you know, please fill my cup because I cannot physically do it myself. There's just too much on my plate.
00:23:54
Speaker
Take something off my plate if you can. But there are times that nothing can be off your plate. And then you got to go, all right, okay. This has got to be, this may be another three or six months and I'm going to just trudge through it. So I think that's important to say. We're not telling you that every single day you're going to find the balance, but I am telling you don't beat yourself up if you can't, because there's plenty of days you're like, I didn't take a breath today.
00:24:18
Speaker
And then there's other days like a Sunday that you're like, I took six and a half hours of breath today and I did absolutely nothing. And I think that that's, that's kind of what we're looking at. Right. And we have to figure out how do we get this time? So like you said earlier, when you said to live large, right, it doesn't have to be grandiose.
00:24:35
Speaker
You can start with 10 minute little things. It can be meditation. For me, every morning when I get up, I do gratitude and I pick three things and I try to do three different things. My first thing is always thank you God for putting my feet on the ground. I always say that because honestly, I'm seeing another day.
00:24:51
Speaker
So for me, that's my first gratitude. And then I choose two different things every single day. And then I feel balanced. It could be that simple. Even walking in here today, it's like, oh, I'm sorry, the air is out. You know, the air conditioning, it's hot summer, it's supposed to be hot, humid. Yeah.
00:25:05
Speaker
I said, we can look at it that way or we can look at it as, you know what, thank you, God, that we have air conditioning and today's just one day that we don't. And we probably are losing a little weight for those of you that are listening and tuning in.
00:25:16
Speaker
There's no air conditioning at Sparrows Nest today. I know we're in, you know, the Northeast. We're in New York. I know that you're like, wah, wah, if you're in Florida. I know it's different.
00:25:27
Speaker
I know. But we are used to air conditioning. So, ah and you know, some of us are 50-ish, Krista Jones. And so we're doing little menopause too. so we're sweating right now. But I looked at it like, maybe I'm burning some more calories because I'm sweating out some more.
00:25:41
Speaker
water. Always the positive one. Right. Always. I am. Yeah. And we're eventually going to get air and that's it. You have to look at all that stuff. And then I always think of what are the three different carts? Like I have three different buckets every day.
00:25:57
Speaker
and decide what they are because they change. Like today's buckets are work. I mean, it's always work. The weekends are not work. um vacation because I got to do packing and stuff. So that's my fun bucket today.
00:26:11
Speaker
And then my other bucket is household chores because I got to get some stuff done because my kids are pigs. I know you're listening to me, kids, you're pigs, pigs. And when I get home, the house is not going to be clean. I already know it, but I do do some buckets.
00:26:25
Speaker
What are the three buckets I'm going to pour into today and make one of the buckets fun? So that's my fun bucket vacation because i am going away tomorrow and I have not packed it darn thing.
00:26:35
Speaker
My husband has been packed for two weeks, which we've talked about in other episodes as well. Yeah. that His bucket has been full for a while. His bucket is always full. I think it's important though to take those breaks, you know, a vacation and our society doesn't like us to think about, well, you've got all this work. are you taking a vacation day?
00:26:55
Speaker
And yet it's needed. I know I'll have people that will say to me as far as, wow, you're doing all these things and wow, it must be great. And maybe I've posted something or maybe I've shared a story about what I just did.
00:27:10
Speaker
And it's like, then there's all those moments that we don't share, be it in person, on social media, when for me, it's hanging on to dying person's hand when it's out delivering a meal to someone.
00:27:23
Speaker
It's all about what brings you joy because you need to have that balance in your life. And if you're going to be doing heavier things, then you need the vacation too. But because people see the cliff notes, they think that Lori's on vacation every other week.
00:27:39
Speaker
Right? Because think about that. That's the kind of stuff we post. We post the joy, not purposely, not, I don't do it to, you know, misguide people, but like, I probably will. I don't know the last time I posted, I posted a couple of little quotes, but you know, I don't really post a lot, but I will probably post a picture of my husband enjoying himself with his, you know, Mai Tai little umbrella drink floating around something.
00:28:02
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? But then that gives the impression that, wow, Chris is on vacation a lot. And there three or four years ago, I didn't take a vacation all. I think it was, and think it was two years ago. Last year, I think I took a vacation.
00:28:13
Speaker
The year before and the year before that, two years in a row, I didn't take a single vacation. I had people here that were maybe on a vacation and stuff. And I just, I just felt I couldn't take it. I was so busy.
00:28:25
Speaker
I was so bitter. I was so hard to be around. Now, in my head, I knew you can't be mad at your employees for taking the time that they deserve.
00:28:40
Speaker
And you're mad. Well, and you have to set an example. And you have to set an example. And that's what it was. You know, our our um patient liaison, she, you know, said to me well, you're not going anywhere. Like I keep saying to her, just leave early on a Wednesday. She's like, you're not leaving early on a Wednesday.
00:29:00
Speaker
You're not taking a, and you know, people are looking at what you're doing. People are also looking at what you're doing. So these breaks are important. And I realize
Self-Care Without Guilt
00:29:11
Speaker
I'm a nicer person, even though I feel I can't really take the breaks. I'm forcing myself to take breaks and I'm just nicer. I'm nicer leading up to it because I know I've got a break.
00:29:21
Speaker
I'm nicer when I get back because I'm rejuvenated. Am I nicer, Chantel? You're always nice. Oh, she's cute. she was only here for the two years I actually took vacations. That's very true. She was not here the year before that. I think the entire staff was like, we're going quit.
00:29:36
Speaker
I mean, it might not have been that bad, but in my head, I felt ick. My energy, like everything was off. You just feel ick. So if nothing else, ladies and gentlemen, give yourself some balance so that everybody around you doesn't feel the ick.
00:29:51
Speaker
And if we haven't told you today, you are not failing at it. For goodness sake, you're human and you're navigating the this life the best way you can, right? In a world that's asking way too much of you anyways, balance.
00:30:04
Speaker
So remember, give yourself permission for you to wobble a little bit. Weeble wobbles are adorable. We all love them. Rebalance as you need to. Say no when you have to.
00:30:15
Speaker
Stop apologizing when you're tired. Take the break. You're carrying more than people see because they're only seeing the cliff notes. Remember my sparrow that you do not need to earn rest.
00:30:30
Speaker
You deserve rest. And I think that's what I want to say
Closing Thoughts on Kindness
00:30:33
Speaker
today. So until next time, you keep flapping those wings until they get heavy. Both of Lori and Chantel just flap their wings because listen, the wind always returns.
00:30:45
Speaker
You can coast and you should. Until next time, take a breath. Be kind to yourself and to each other.