Excitement for New Podcast Hosts
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What's up, queens?
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Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
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And to start this episode, I just want to say we've had a very, very good response to our call out for new podcast hosts, which is really exciting.
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It's bittersweet, actually, for me.
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I'll miss doing the podcast, but it's really exciting to see just a range of applicants who have stepped up to take over.
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And I'm really excited about it.
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Yeah, we are getting quite a few responses.
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We'll start to schedule new people in in the next couple of weeks.
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So if you're interested, we're still taking applications, send us a note saying you want to be a podcast a little bit about yourself at contact at the female dating strategy.com.
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That's contact at the female dating strategy.com.
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And let us know why you would be a great
Advice for High Value Women
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Let's get into it.
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What's this week's episode about, Savannah?
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So we've had a lot of requests from listeners to go back to, I guess, FDS 101.
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And that is the FDS handbook, which was a compilation of posts that were written by several women.
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Taking it all the way back.
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Yeah, taking it all the way back, old school FDS.
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They were written by several women, really, really good posts about basically the foundations of FDS.
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And so one of them, the post that we wanted to cover today was chapter 23, and it's titled Advice for High Value Women.
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And so this particular post I thought was really, really good because as opposed to focusing, you know, more on the dating, which is, you know, what we talk about in the scrotes and, you know, the high value man, it really talks about how you can become a high value woman yourself.
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And so it has several bullet points that we will go through in detail and just dissect them again.
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Because as I said in the hypergamy episode, I think it's always good to re-evaluate your belief system and actually see if it still resonates with you.
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And if not, why not
FDS's Stance on Feminism
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So the first bullet point is to focus on yourself and the life you want instead of on the advice of those around you.
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Because everybody has opinions and they love to give them to women, especially people who are really invested in keeping certain types of patriarchal narratives alive.
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But you can also get it from almost like the feminist world where they are bashing women who lead a different life to them in the sense that, you know, what they're doing, if they wear makeup or if they want to look attracted to the opposite sex, that they're somehow letting the side down, for example.
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And there's a reason why FDS has never fully aligned with any feminist ideology.
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And that is because we focus on the maximum female benefit.
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And I'm the first to admit that sometimes the maximum female benefit is not compatible with feminism.
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I'm the first to admit that.
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So you sort of have to live life by your own moral code as well.
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It aligns with feminism some way.
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I don't want to say it doesn't
Prioritizing Personal Desires Over Societal Pressures
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It's just like certain types of liberal feminism that's more about feelings and like moral grandstanding rather than just doing things that benefit you as a woman.
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I think that's the distinct difference.
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I mean, but even certain, you know, tenets of like radical feminism, like I've, there have been many, many women who follow FDS who've basically been kicked out of radical feminism because we wear makeup or because we date men or whatever.
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You know, that's what I mean when I say that we may not fully align with certain feminist ideologies, but that is okay.
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People got mad at me because I said in our bonus concert that I suck dick sometimes.
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I mean, it's true, though.
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Well, yeah, exactly.
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So our rad femme cards.
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I'm not going to lie to you people.
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I mean, our rad femme cards have been revoked.
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I mean, I'm not going to sit here and lie to the good people and the good listeners of FDS about that.
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Like, I would be a ball-faced lie if I sat here and act like, oh, I don't ever do it or, you know.
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Because like, let's, you know, a lot of women do.
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And that's what I was talking about in the sense that, you know, you have to also think about the advice that you're getting and also if it resonates with you as well.
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And this is why I'm very much against the idea of advice being almost seen as a dogma.
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Not all the dicks, mind you.
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Some of the dicks.
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Just some of the dicks.
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Yeah, just some of the dicks.
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Amazing quality dicks attached to amazing quality dudes.
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I have a strong feeling, Ray, that this is a minuscule pool you're talking about for some reason.
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Don't get that twisted.
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I'm not just out here.
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not at all scraping the barrel hero scraping my stank face is too real when a guy whips it out i'm like nah jesus doesn't want me to touch that anyways it is important to center yourself as well because there is a lot of noise around how you should live your life as a woman and i always just say for me what was
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The piece of advice from FDS that was the most, I guess, impactful was thinking about it from the maximum female benefit angle is that is this decision, is this situation giving me maximum female benefit?
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If the answer is yes, proceed.
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If the answer is no, back off and recalibrate.
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It's so simple in concept, but difficult to apply because of all of the ways that women are disadvantaged or that men attempt to disenfranchise women in society.
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But if you just keep that in the back of your mind, I almost wish we had bracelets, almost like WWJD, like maximum female benefit, like MFB.
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And then whenever you have a question, maybe we should do that.
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Let's see if we can get that on the website, like an MFB bracelet.
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And then whenever you're questioning,
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Yeah, just look at your bracelet.
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What you should do, maximum female benefit.
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You can't go wrong as a woman.
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You cannot go wrong if you have that approach.
Maintaining High Standards for Self-Sufficiency
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So that was the first bullet point.
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The second one is about standards.
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And it says that with regard to the high standards that you've set for others, you need to meet them first yourself.
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We spoke about this last week in the episode on hypergamy, where we basically said, if you want to improve your chances of being hypergamous, then your best bet is to also level up yourself.
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And this is basically in terms of economics and in terms of finance as well.
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And let me be clear about this.
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Part of this is not just because we feel like, oh, if you don't level yourself up, guys won't like you.
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Like, I'm so over that.
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But the idea is to create personal power so that if you get involved with a guy who's scrotie, you're not at a complete disadvantage.
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You're not completely powerless.
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So it's like the purpose of these standards for yourself are not just to attract men.
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It's to build your own personal power.
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Like attracting men will be a byproduct of that.
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But just having the ability to tell people to fuck off or leave or not be stuck or like living as your own person, whatever makes you happy.
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That is a way to live happily for yourself.
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And a byproduct of that is...
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men who are quality ish, let me put it this way, you attract everybody, but like you'll have a better chance of attracting higher quality men if you are living in your truth and your power and making sure that you have the ability to take care of yourself.
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I just feel like the more women demand outrageous shit from men, then the better off we all are.
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So even if you haven't leveled up, fuck them, like just demand just to do it.
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And I don't necessarily fully believe that women have to meet every single standard that they have for their male partner.
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Because again, we also need to take into account the fact that the dating world or just even heterosexual relationships are heavily weighted in the man's favour.
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So it's perfectly okay as a woman.
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And in fact, it's smart.
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to, for example, want to date a guy who earns a lot more than you do, because that's not even about a double standard.
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That's just practicalities, especially if you're planning on marrying and having children, for example, you need to be confident that he can, you know, still provide for you if you decide to stop working and want to raise the children.
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For example, there are many other examples I can think of.
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So yeah, I'm not really about this whole, you know, like for like you have to.
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And also as well, people don't necessarily want to date a carbon copy of themselves.
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And I've seen this a lot.
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I'm not sure if you saw it, Rowan, Anthony Joshua, he's a really famous boxer, a very handsome boxer.
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And social media lost their minds because he was accused, basically another boxer, Amir Khan, accused Anthony Joshua of sleeping with his wife.
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And Anthony Joshua basically said, oh, nah, nah, sorry, I like BBWs.
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Like social media lost their mind because this guy is like, you know, six, seven ripped and he's into BBWs, for example.
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Like he's not into the Instagram baddie look.
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So not everybody wants to date a carbon copy of themselves as well.
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So there's that too.
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I do like Anthony Joshua though.
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Like, and that just was like, yeah, he's very handsome.
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And like really wealthy and successful.
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Affirms my sexuality.
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Before the episode, Ro and I were talking about situational asexuality, which we'll discuss in another episode.
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Yes, we should do a whole episode on that, either bonus or whatever.
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Situational asexuality is a thing.
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I really feel like it's an evolutionary adaptation.
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And I think I'm like 100%, I'm being 100% serious.
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I think a lot of women probably suffer from situational asexuality, 100%.
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I think it's why animals don't breed in captivity.
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I think the females are basically situationally asexual.
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They're just straight up like, ew, y'all keep putting these ugly motherfuckers in our cage with us.
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I think the female animals would rather be asexual than breed with the males.
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And I really think it's like a biological thing.
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It's true though, because I follow a lot of like birds who've been captured and are raised domestically.
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And it's true, the female birds, they never mate with the male birds, even though there's loads of them.
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And it's like, if you're out in the wild, you'd be pregnant and like sleeping with other birds, but you're not.
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It's clearly like even birds know that this bird ain't shit.
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This bird ain't shit.
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This bird ain't shit.
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You can't do anything.
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So they just don't mate with them.
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I really think that when a male gets everything handed to him, like women's sexuality just shuts down.
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I really like this.
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It's just like lazy and useless.
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And it's like, you'd never survive in the wild.
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And I feel like even though they've never been in the wild, intuitively, they know they look at him.
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I'm like, look at you.
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I've observed that as well.
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Like, the female birds, they could be surrounded by like, you know, multiple male birds.
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I swear to God, it's female solidarity across species because that's got to be rough.
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And they wouldn't mate with them ever.
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It would almost be like, I just see you as a friend sort of thing.
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It's just loss of respect there.
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Even the birds, it's a complete loss of respect.
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Yeah, ugly and lazy is not a thing that any females of any species are attracted to.
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Like, it can't do for themselves.
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Even birds get it.
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Yeah, domesticated anything.
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And so the next segment of this article is about the approach, approach to dating and approach how you see yourself.
Dating as a Fun Pastime
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So the first one is you need to make it fun for yourself.
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So treat dating like an interesting pastime and nothing more.
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And this is a really, really good tip as well, is that dating, if you're doing it correctly or the way FDS would recommend you date, it should be fun and stress-free, even if the relationship doesn't work out.
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Now we get a lot of questions from women saying, oh, what if he's, you know, if he starts off, you know, like high value and then turns out low value.
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And it's like, it is possible to enjoy your relationship until it goes wrong.
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If you have your standards and boundaries, you can enjoy the relationship.
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And then when he starts overstepping, you can just cut him off.
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And it can still be a relatively enjoyable experience, if that makes sense.
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It's not necessarily about curtain twitching and waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time.
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But in the meantime, if you are being treated well, it's important that you remain present and you also enjoy that experience as well.
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Don't make him the object of your desire before getting to know him for at least several months.
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Otherwise, interacting with him will induce anxiety.
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I think this is a really important one.
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And this is where like, it's not necessarily playing hard to get, but in the early stages of dating, you do need to maintain a level of distance.
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Like when I was starting to date men, I used to text men all day, every day.
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And that is a really horrendous idea.
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you quickly run out of stuff to talk about and basically like familiarity breeds contempt what you want is you want to have basically structured time and you don't want to spend all of your time fixated on the guy as well so what i used to do is i used to book in appointments like one hour to chat and that was it like maybe once a week i'd put it in my outlet calendar as an appointment and that's it and then i'd forget about it until the next week
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And then if they prove themselves that they are worth spending more time with, that's when I would slowly increase it.
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Yeah, you don't want guys to love bomb you either, which is the other reason why.
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If you see him every day, be calm and self-focused rather than concerned with what's on his mind.
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Oh, interesting one.
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I mean, and it's just again, a thing about hormones and people getting excited about love, but it really, really behooves you to kind of pace yourself with that.
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You don't want like all of your love hormones to just hijack your brain and completely cause you to miss like red flags.
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And also like to the point where you can't be yourself because you're so worried about what this person thinks.
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Like the sad part is the more you try to act like someone that you think that
The Importance of Self-Respect
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person would want, it's possible the less they'll like you because you'll end up coming across like you have no boundaries and you're a little bit desperate, right?
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And that you don't like yourself because ultimately I think you have to love yourself enough to give people other space to love you.
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And if you try to be something that you think someone else loves, then you don't give them space to love you or you
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let's say they do fall in love with that version and then they find out you're not really that.
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Now you've set yourself up to be someone you're not, you're going to start feeling like, oh, they're going to be disappointed if they knew the real you, right?
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Like it's kind of, it's just so tough to do, but you have to be cognizant of like, if this person is going to love me, they have to love who I actually am.
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And I think on the flip side as well is that ultimately you have to trust in the process and that people will always reveal themselves over time.
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Their intentions towards you are going to be made clear with time.
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This is part of the reason why, you know, second guessing what a guy is doing, trying to find meanings where there isn't, is a bit of a waste of time because if a guy likes you and he's serious about you, you will know.
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If he's casual about you or isn't into you in that way, you will also know.
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It will be extremely obvious.
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So essentially almost trying to find, you know, trying to mind read is almost a waste of time because his actions will always betray his intentions.
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The next one, a new mantra to practice is self-respect is better than regret.
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Yeah, I agree with this.
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There's just nothing more humiliating than, I mean, to piggyback off the last point, trying to mold yourself into someone who you think a person you like would like and then realizing they don't respect you for it.
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So self-respect is always key.
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Be someone that you can respect for yourself.
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And you will never regret putting yourself first and sticking to your own moral code and honoring your boundaries.
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You'll never regret that.
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Even if that means losing a guy that you liked or an old friendship group or even a job, you know, in the long run, it will serve you well.
00:16:56
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Because things like self-respect, self-esteem, what a lot of people don't realise is that it's like a muscle.
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And unfortunately, we live in a world where society basically browbeats all of these things, especially out of women.
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And so if you want to increase your self-esteem, if you want to increase your self-respect, that will involve making decisions that feel difficult in the moment, but will pay off in the long run because that muscle is getting stronger.
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And the more you do it, the easier it gets.
00:17:26
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So the next one is very Confucius.
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Like, as you think you shall become.
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And this is from the section called mindsets.
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All about the mindset.
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So as you think you shall become, you know, which I think has a lot of merit, to be honest.
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I mean, it's basically that, ah, the risk of sounding cliche, you have to believe in yourself.
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You don't believe in yourself.
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No one else will believe in yourself.
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So you have to think of yourself and your future and the manner that you want it.
00:17:56
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I mean, it's, I hate to go all metaphysical and all that kind of mumbo jumbo, but like manifestation, but it's, it's basically trying to always train your thoughts, which again, I know this is so difficult.
00:18:07
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And then I want to act like the things that we're saying are simple to do, or they're simple in concept, but difficult in execution often, but you have to train your brain to think of your future and not like veer off things.
00:18:19
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You're often to like, you know, self-loathing or negative self-talk, all those things that if you have a good therapist, they'll help you with.
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It's not like living in a state of denial per se, like if your circumstances are just not great, but focusing on positive action so that you can build the life that you want.
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You know, and that's sometimes why we kick off the fem cells and other people who have a very defeatist attitude about certain things is because, well, that attitude will never have anything right
Power of Mindset and Self-Belief
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Yes, everything is hard.
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Yes, the decks are stocked against you.
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Unfortunately, life just sucks that way.
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But at the same time, you give up, then you definitely won't get it, you know.
00:18:53
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So it's just about having hope and believing in yourself, etc.
00:18:57
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And once again, I don't want to simplify this because I've certainly been there.
00:19:00
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I'm like, man, fuck all this shit.
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I don't want to try or do anything.
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But it's just so much better to make movement.
00:19:07
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And it's just, it's one of those things where it's like until you live through it and you are on the other side of it, you realize like, damn, I wasted maybe more time than I should have wallowing in self-loathing or bad self-talk.
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And it didn't add anything to my life.
00:19:20
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And it doesn't change anything as well.
00:19:22
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And if anything, it just keeps you on that path of defeatism.
00:19:26
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If you want to make positive change, you just have to believe that things can and will get better, even when it looks really bleak as well.
00:19:35
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The next one is the greatest risk is betraying yourself.
Avoiding Self-Betrayal
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I feel like I really needed to hear this today because this is something that has wide application about betraying yourself.
00:19:46
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And it's something I've learned, I would say I learned mostly kind of recently, maybe not super recently, but in the sense of like, in hindsight, I can see in relationships, jobs, situations, friendships, almost the exact moment when I started to betray myself and not know.
00:20:02
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And thinking it would have some kind of payoff, right?
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Or thinking that I could trust this person above my own inner compass.
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And no, it didn't work out.
00:20:12
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Surprise, surprise.
00:20:13
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And it's funny because this is hard to execute because there are a lot of forces at work to make sure that people betray themselves.
00:20:20
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Because it makes you exploitable.
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and people want to exploit you.
00:20:24
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Money, sex, time, labor, whatever it is.
00:20:27
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There's a lot of people that want what you have, even if you feel like you don't have anything.
00:20:32
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If you have your health and you can participate in the workforce in any type of way, people want to exploit you.
00:20:37
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have a vagina, everybody with a penis who's attracted to women is going to be trying to exploit you in some way.
00:20:42
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Like this is just the reality.
00:20:44
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And so often we betray ourselves because we don't honor the feelings that we have when we know on some level it's not right.
00:20:51
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But since we can't articulate it and we don't understand what's happening, we trust that other person or we let that other person run with their narrative.
00:20:58
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And then often it's not until you realize everything you've lost that you realize like, oh, I betrayed myself.
00:21:03
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I knew it didn't feel good.
00:21:05
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I knew it wasn't right in my intuition or I didn't know why.
00:21:09
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But I know that after this interaction, I didn't feel good.
00:21:12
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I didn't feel right.
00:21:12
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But I trusted this because I thought X, Y, Z, or I heard this from this expert or like, this is what the media says or what have you.
00:21:20
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And then it's really tough because now I feel like people are sort of waking up to the level of exploitation out there.
00:21:28
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Every time you don't listen to that and you think you trust the wrong people, then it's a risk and it's really, really hard to recover from.
00:21:35
Speaker
So I've started to approach my life in a very similar way where I think self-betrayal is to me more painful than other people's betrayal in many ways.
00:21:44
Speaker
Because it's hard to recover from because you feel stupid, you feel duped, you feel like I did something and this person took from me and it was so cruel, right?
00:21:51
Speaker
Despite everything.
00:21:54
Speaker
And the worst part is you always knew that nagging feeling that you have is your body telling you that this situation is not right.
00:22:02
Speaker
You are not being treated fairly.
00:22:04
Speaker
And you had that information, you had that intel all along and you did nothing with it.
00:22:08
Speaker
In fact, you did the opposite.
00:22:10
Speaker
That's tough to come back from.
00:22:12
Speaker
Self-betrayal is, to me, if I think about things that would make my mental health spiral, it's self-betrayal.
00:22:19
Speaker
It's not even all the time other people's betrayal.
00:22:22
Speaker
I think if you externalize and be like, some people suck, but you stay true to yourself, you can say, at least I stay true to myself.
00:22:27
Speaker
But when other people suck and they wanted or you gave into whatever they're saying, you feel like you can't trust yourself anymore and your own judgment or who you are.
00:22:36
Speaker
And that's a very painful way to live, that disconnected from who you are.
00:22:41
Speaker
Yeah, that's always something to be aware of is that are you betraying yourself?
00:22:47
Speaker
And I think that can be one of the biggest hurdles in actually, I guess, I mean, for me, it was one of the biggest hurdles in accepting things.
00:22:58
Speaker
things like FDS because I realized the extent to which I'd betrayed myself when dealing with men in the past and that was probably the most the most painful part because you know we talk about accountability but that was entirely on me in terms of like the red flags were there the signs were there and I just didn't act on it don't betray yourself ladies
00:23:19
Speaker
one of the cruelest, but probably in the long-term most helpful things a guy ever said to me.
00:23:24
Speaker
After an incident where I think he did something extremely foul, he was basically like, instead of an apology, I gotta stop being a victim.
00:23:33
Speaker
And it was so cruel at the time, but it just taught me in that moment to never betray myself because people like that won't feel bad.
00:23:40
Speaker
They'll feel contempt.
00:23:41
Speaker
It just completely like changed my perspective on how I dealt with men going forward.
00:23:46
Speaker
And later on how I dealt with jobs as well.
00:23:50
Speaker
I didn't necessarily put two and two together, but just, just know that I almost feel like this is one of the most important points of this entire series of points, I guess.
00:23:59
Speaker
On to the next one.
00:24:01
Speaker
So learn to tolerate loneliness.
00:24:04
Speaker
Don't try to avoid it at all costs as picmishers do.
00:24:08
Speaker
I think this is quite an important one as well because I think there is a massive difference between being single and being alone or feeling lonely.
00:24:15
Speaker
I speak as an introvert.
Valuing Alone Time and Self-Contentment
00:24:18
Speaker
I spend a lot of time in my own company and
00:24:20
Speaker
being around other people can be quite draining socially for me anyway.
00:24:25
Speaker
So I guess I can't really relate to having to be around people in a relationship all the time.
00:24:32
Speaker
But this is a really, really important point is that being able to be comfortable in your own company as well, because I feel like a lot of women, especially make the mistake, especially when they're dating, they make the mistake of comparing their current values
00:24:48
Speaker
prospect to previous partners, which is fine if you've dated a string of, you know, princes and like high value men, but for most women, that's not the case.
00:24:57
Speaker
They've dated a string of low value men.
00:24:59
Speaker
So what you're really comparing is shit to shit, really.
00:25:02
Speaker
And just because...
00:25:04
Speaker
somebody has a bit, you know, less shit, that doesn't mean that they're not shit overall.
00:25:09
Speaker
So this is why if you are comfortable being by yourself, having your own stuff, being comfortable in your own company, you can then compare the way you treat yourself, your own company to that relationship.
00:25:23
Speaker
And you can then actually see if this man is adding positively to your life or not.
00:25:28
Speaker
But when you're comparing him against other men, especially other, you know, low value men, you're always going to get a wrong working out.
00:25:35
Speaker
Like the sum or the total sum is always going to be wrong because you're comparing it against the completely wrong standard.
00:25:43
Speaker
is keep an air of mystery don't reveal too much of yourself too soon this may be easier for those who are introverted FDS has always said and this has been backed up by Lindy Bancroft in that don't tell men too much about yourself early on please don't do this don't do this like don't
00:26:05
Speaker
Give it like 90 days.
00:26:06
Speaker
I mean, the slow reveal is key.
00:26:09
Speaker
The thing is, if a relationship is meant to, if it's going to go the distance, you have the rest of your life to find out about each other.
00:26:17
Speaker
But what a lot of women make the mistake of doing is because they want to quickly, I guess, secure their high value man, they will dump all the things that they don't like onto their partner, which is not vetting.
00:26:29
Speaker
That's just basically giving them the answer to the exam.
00:26:33
Speaker
So in employment vetting, for example, or developed vetting, which we have in the UK, developed vetting is the highest form of security clearance that anyone can get.
00:26:43
Speaker
And most people don't get it because it's basically reserved for people who work in like MI6 diplomatic service.
00:26:50
Speaker
And one of the things that they do about security vetting, this is key, is that they don't tell you why you failed or they don't tell you how you can fail.
00:26:59
Speaker
They basically interview you and your family members.
00:27:02
Speaker
You basically give them the information they need and then they make a decision.
00:27:06
Speaker
That is actually what vetting should be about.
00:27:09
Speaker
vetting, it would be a completely different story if, say, MI6 said to applicants, oh yeah, by the way, we don't accept people who've been arrested for this or who've done drugs or who've done that.
00:27:21
Speaker
Because then what will happen is that people then just lie.
00:27:24
Speaker
If you are truly vetting somebody, you let them, you know, reveal themselves to you and then you make the decision as to whether you want to continue engaging with them based on that information.
00:27:34
Speaker
You don't give them the information that they need to manipulate you, basically.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's really that.
00:27:41
Speaker
It's just learning who's safe and who's not safe and giving some time for you to assess that person as much as they assess you.
00:27:48
Speaker
I mean, I do that everywhere as well.
00:27:50
Speaker
Relationships are not unlike jobs.
00:27:52
Speaker
It's kind of the same thing.
00:27:52
Speaker
It's the first 90-day probation period, right?
00:27:55
Speaker
You are trying to figure out how much of myself do I reveal to these people and they need to figure out who you are and if you're a good fit.
00:28:02
Speaker
And the unfortunate thing is if you reveal too much too soon, you
00:28:05
Speaker
If it's not a good situation, it becomes harder to like functionally extract yourself without creating a lot of damage either to your professional reputation or because if it's a crazy ass dude that you're dating, like now they've sort of figured out how to manipulate you because predators are kind of like that.
00:28:22
Speaker
Like for it doesn't mean you have to be nasty to people.
00:28:24
Speaker
It doesn't mean you have to be like rude.
00:28:26
Speaker
It just means that you need to be self-protective and kind of slowly let the air out of the balloon.
00:28:33
Speaker
And don't give them the answers to the test that is access to your life.
00:28:38
Speaker
I mean, Brene Brown talks about this too, about like, not everybody deserves to sit with you in your humanity, right?
00:28:44
Speaker
You know, especially if you're dealing with something that maybe is sensitive, you just have to check that that person can handle that.
00:28:51
Speaker
So the next one is the high standards you have for a partner must first be applied to
00:28:59
Speaker
We've touched upon this one in a bit and I sort of agree and disagree on this one.
00:29:03
Speaker
Yes, I think it's always worth it to level up for women as much as they can.
00:29:08
Speaker
I'm not saying every woman should aspire to be in tech earning six figures, but level up in a way that makes sense to you and your situation.
00:29:17
Speaker
But at the same time, it's like, I do think women need to have more audacity generally because men have too much audacity in terms of like a scrote who is homeless.
00:29:28
Speaker
They can be demanding all kinds of shit from women.
00:29:31
Speaker
All kinds of shit.
00:29:32
Speaker
And they'll look like a hot thumb.
00:29:34
Speaker
Yeah, actually women need to have like more audacity just generally.
00:29:39
Speaker
Men will demand all types of shit and they'll look like a crooked thumb.
00:29:42
Speaker
Like it's just, I don't always agree with this standard in the sense of like, yes, it's better to put yourself in a better position to meet these guys.
00:29:49
Speaker
Yes, it's better to own your own personal power.
00:29:51
Speaker
But if you have a peg leg and live alone with 17 cats and you want to fuck Brad Pitt, who am I to tell you?
00:29:59
Speaker
Who am I to tell you you don't deserve that?
00:30:01
Speaker
And who is anybody to tell you you don't deserve that?
00:30:04
Speaker
Fuck what they're saying.
00:30:05
Speaker
The thing is, the only way we'll push men's standards, if we start having equally as audacious demands physically as men do, because I swear to you, there's a guy right now that has like, that lives under a bridge, sleeps in his own piss, has six teeth to his mouth.
00:30:21
Speaker
And it's talking about right now, talking about some woman's body, like she's not good enough.
00:30:27
Speaker
There's nothing about me that feels like if you don't have the standard still, who gives a fuck?
00:30:31
Speaker
Just say it out loud just to make dudes feel bad.
00:30:32
Speaker
I don't give a shit.
00:30:36
Speaker
Next bullet point.
00:30:37
Speaker
Success is a habit.
00:30:39
Speaker
It requires discipline.
00:30:40
Speaker
Yeah, I agree with that.
00:30:41
Speaker
Success is always luck, opportunity, plus preparation.
00:30:45
Speaker
And that is such a, ooh, that's a difficult balance.
00:30:48
Speaker
Man, it's going to be, it's going to sound very self-help-ish and like we're productivity gurus or whatever, but you know what I mean?
00:30:55
Speaker
doing your best to make the choices that lead you to the life that you want.
00:31:01
Speaker
I mean, it takes discipline, mental discipline, physical discipline.
00:31:04
Speaker
This is why most people don't do it.
00:31:07
Speaker
We all fall short of our goals and our excitement and things happen beyond our control.
00:31:11
Speaker
But incremental progress is still progress.
00:31:15
Speaker
Don't think that getting a man equates to success.
00:31:17
Speaker
Conversely, being rejected, disrespected, faded, breadcrumbed, used, ghosted, discarded, and so on does not equate to failure.
00:31:24
Speaker
I don't like how this is phrased in a sense of like, yeah, having a man doesn't make you like... A lot of guys are mad shit.
00:31:30
Speaker
So just having a man doesn't mean anything.
00:31:32
Speaker
It means literally zero.
00:31:33
Speaker
But on the flip side of that, not having a man means literally nothing.
00:31:37
Speaker
Men's behavior means literally nothing.
00:31:39
Speaker
I think the biggest mistake women make is judging their value by shitty behavior from men because women tend to internalize men's behavior.
00:31:46
Speaker
And a lot of that is socialized in us to internalize a lot of shitty men behavior.
00:31:50
Speaker
And men tend to externalize it and say, that's our fault that they feel bad and they're shitty.
00:31:54
Speaker
So just like detaching and just realizing that like half the time it's not about you.
00:31:58
Speaker
And if it is about you, who gives a shit?
00:32:00
Speaker
That person wasn't for you.
00:32:02
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:32:02
Speaker
It's like, it can be hard to find the right person.
00:32:04
Speaker
So I'm never going to be like, oh, well, you have to be completely stoic.
00:32:07
Speaker
But at the same time, if that person's not for you, then the reality is, is that like, they will not treat you the right way.
00:32:13
Speaker
And you want to always treat yourself with self-respect.
00:32:16
Speaker
And part of maintaining self-respect is maintaining your boundaries in the face of all this like poor treatment.
00:32:23
Speaker
So the next one is about relationship management.
00:32:26
Speaker
So the first one is accept, embrace, live and enjoy your femininity and your full humanity.
00:32:32
Speaker
I don't really like the term femininity because it's very icky to me.
00:32:40
Speaker
I kind of get this for a couple of reasons.
00:32:43
Speaker
I'll never be the type of person who talks about like rest in your femininity and tells you you need to be like a traditionally feminine woman because quite frankly, gender expression is all over the place when it comes to how people present and how they feel comfortable.
00:32:58
Speaker
Like you don't have to be all this.
00:33:00
Speaker
But I will say part of feminism, and I think a lot of feminists have made this point is that femininity is often disrespected.
00:33:07
Speaker
or it's commodified or and it's women are made to feel less than so if you are a woman who enjoys traditionally feminine pursuits, I think what's good about this is like learning that those things are as valid and as worthy as people who are not feminine in their expression, right?
00:33:24
Speaker
Well, people do this regardless of your gender expression.
00:33:26
Speaker
But I do often feel like a lot of the archetypes about why women deserve less is based on like,
00:33:31
Speaker
It's the whole not like the other girls thing, like liking pink or like being emotional or whatever, being bubbly or having like, you know, the certain way that you talk or certain way that you move.
00:33:42
Speaker
Women have different gender expressions and all of it is femininity.
00:33:47
Speaker
But some types of femininity, I think, are often disrespected or seen as like less than by men and for women.
00:33:53
Speaker
And I think it's important to embrace whatever type of feminine you are.
00:33:56
Speaker
If you're female and whatever you're doing is feminine, but understanding that people who try to make you feel like whatever, you can't be this and look like this or be this and act like this is, I think, are doing everyone a disservice.
00:34:09
Speaker
There's been women leaders who have talked about this, about how they felt in order to get more respect from men, they had to act more masculine, quote, quote.
00:34:17
Speaker
They had to act like they were one of the guys.
00:34:18
Speaker
They had to act like this and that.
00:34:20
Speaker
Once again, saying that the feminine or the way that women embody power is less than and not good enough.
00:34:25
Speaker
You shouldn't necessarily have to be a carbon copy scrote with a vagina to get anyone's respect.
00:34:31
Speaker
I think that's what I'm trying to get at.
00:34:32
Speaker
Yeah, I just feel icky about the term femininity in general because I just feel it's a bit, just a bit of a prescriptive term for how a woman should behave.
00:34:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's just me.
00:34:43
Speaker
Let him show that he loves and respects your humanity.
00:34:49
Speaker
I think this is a really important point to make.
00:34:53
Speaker
And I wanted to park here for a bit and unpack this one a bit more.
00:34:57
Speaker
When I was reading this point,
00:35:00
Speaker
I sort of thought about the times when I have been in, I would say, better relationships.
00:35:09
Speaker
It can sometimes be difficult to almost accept good treatment, especially if relationships with men in the past have basically triggered your fight or flight response, if that makes sense.
00:35:20
Speaker
I'm not sure I'm making any sense.
00:35:22
Speaker
I mean, I was just going to reiterate what you're saying, like the difference between a man who understands your humanity and guys who don't is just, it's just night and day.
00:35:31
Speaker
And it just feels like a warm oasis and a cool drink of water in a desert when you meet men who can love and respect you, even if they don't love you, but at least like respect your humanity as a woman.
00:35:44
Speaker
This is often like where people say who women who have a good father figures in their life, who are able to be this for them, like they have a bit of an advantage because they know what that feels like, right?
00:35:55
Speaker
They know what it's like to have someone actually generally interested in you as a human being.
00:35:59
Speaker
And that is like a sex object, or not even sex object, but like a person that exists to boost whatever ego or issue that man has.
00:36:08
Speaker
If you don't experience that, especially young, I think that's where a lot of women get caught up, like trying to get approval from men or trying to get men to see them as fully human, etc.
00:36:16
Speaker
Like some men will just never do that.
00:36:18
Speaker
Like they're not, they're just completely incapable.
00:36:21
Speaker
If you don't know that it's not you and it's not your fault and that their behavior is a reflection of themselves, then you'll spend your life trying to chase that.
00:36:28
Speaker
So I think it's good to expect and lean into the expectation that a man respects who you are as a human.
00:36:35
Speaker
And that should just come naturally.
00:36:37
Speaker
If you don't feel that, and I feel like all boys go through a good five or six year period.
00:36:43
Speaker
I mean, I don't know.
00:36:43
Speaker
Any of you attended middle school here?
00:36:45
Speaker
There's just this...
00:36:46
Speaker
massive swell of misogyny that happens around that age and they get into certain types of influences that teach them to disrespect women and this is like a cultural thing i think a lot of andrew tate's about followers for example are like fucking children and it can be really painful because i feel like you know you go and like you might have co-ed friends boys might be your friends and then suddenly like they all fucking hate you and
00:37:07
Speaker
And a lot of times, you know, some of those guys go out in the world or like women start to fall in line and expect to always be treated like that.
00:37:14
Speaker
But I always want to say like, you don't have to and fuck what they think.
00:37:17
Speaker
The next one, I think the next two actually sort of connected quite well.
00:37:24
Speaker
So the first one is if he is indifferent, even sometimes accept it and return his indifference and refocus your attention onto yourself and onto those who value and appreciate you.
00:37:36
Speaker
Then the second one, might as well do them together because I think they're closely connected, is give respect for respect.
00:37:43
Speaker
Respond to disrespect with self-respect and with distance.
00:37:47
Speaker
One of the things that I've recently, when I've been in therapy and which I've been unpacking my therapist, is this whole idea, you know, when people say, I'm going to treat people how they treat me.
00:37:58
Speaker
And I think it sounds like a nice phrase on the surface, but if you actually look at,
00:38:05
Speaker
beneath, if you actually delve into what that phrase actually means, that could potentially end up with a lot of self-betrayal and going against your own moral code.
00:38:17
Speaker
So let's say if a guy is being indifferent and flaky and you start giving him the same treatment back, even though that is not in your character, right?
00:38:26
Speaker
You are bringing yourself down to his level and trying to match what is low value behavior in yourself.
00:38:31
Speaker
When really what you should be doing is you should remain true to your own moral code and just walk away from the situation entirely.
00:38:39
Speaker
And I've said this before in other podcast episodes, but the minute you feel the need to start playing games in relationships to get certain outcomes, you've already lost.
00:38:49
Speaker
you've 100% already lost.
00:38:51
Speaker
Especially if you're trying to out low value, a low value person, you're just not going to win that game because ultimately they've got more practice at being low value than you have, right?
00:39:02
Speaker
So the best thing to do in that situation is just to walk away.
00:39:05
Speaker
at least then you can say that you haven't betrayed your values, that you haven't, you know, compromised your morals in order to get some pathetic, you know, one up on, you know, a low value screw who is going to beat you at the game of being low value anyway, because that's all they know.
00:39:20
Speaker
One of the most important things I've learned in life, and again, something I learned maybe a little bit later in life, or people have said it to me and I didn't completely understand it till recently, is
00:39:33
Speaker
The way other people treat you is a reflection of them.
00:39:36
Speaker
The way you treat others is a reflection of you.
00:39:40
Speaker
Understand that like, yeah, trying to get in the dirt with fucking dirty ass pigs, like why would you do it?
00:39:45
Speaker
And here's personally like where my mistake is as well is because like,
00:39:50
Speaker
It's really easy to get caught up in like people's titles or they're this person, they're that person you think are important, right?
00:39:57
Speaker
Even just outside of relationships, but even someone like your boss, right?
00:40:00
Speaker
It's very easy to think like, I'm going to return tit for tat.
00:40:04
Speaker
I'm going to do this.
00:40:04
Speaker
I'm going to do that.
00:40:05
Speaker
I'm going to do that.
00:40:06
Speaker
And at the end of the day, you may think that like, okay, I'm going to get back at this person, but you can end up being so singularly focused on doing that.
00:40:12
Speaker
But like other people observe you doing that and it ends up being a repellent to people who might be good for you.
00:40:18
Speaker
It doesn't mean you have to put up with people's crap, by the way.
00:40:21
Speaker
It just means that like you maintain your boundaries at all costs and reflect who you want to be.
00:40:26
Speaker
And so that you can resonate with the people who are meant to be around you.
00:40:30
Speaker
And the people who are fucked up, just endure them until you can leave, right?
00:40:34
Speaker
Like do your best to just minimize their horseshit until you can get out of there.
00:40:38
Speaker
And I totally resonate with that as well.
00:40:40
Speaker
I remember one of my first jobs, the manager was really horrible and she was saying stuff like, you know, we could replace you tomorrow and all that jazz.
00:40:47
Speaker
And it was a shitty retail job as well at the weekends.
00:40:49
Speaker
It wasn't like it was anything big.
00:40:51
Speaker
So I then got a better job and this was in a bank.
00:40:55
Speaker
And I remember that same manager came in a few months after and was like, oh, you're here.
00:41:00
Speaker
And I'm like, yeah, I am here.
00:41:01
Speaker
And because you can't really say that I was this awful worker if this reputable company was willing to hire me.
00:41:08
Speaker
Like, so it's sort of just, you know, I'm not saying grit your teeth and bear it, but don't sink to their level.
00:41:14
Speaker
Don't play games and then just move in silence.
00:41:17
Speaker
And then the outcome will speak for itself.
00:41:19
Speaker
basically, as well.
00:41:21
Speaker
And I also want to say as well, like, especially women, if we go back to relationships briefly, a lot of women, myself included, we can fall into the trap of taking a low value man's behavior personally.
00:41:33
Speaker
But one thing that I've always, you know, thought of is that, well, firstly, if...
00:41:38
Speaker
his behavior was acceptable to other women, then, you know, where are they?
00:41:44
Speaker
And number two, if you are to look back in the dating history of a man who is not treating you right, if he's ghosting, disrespecting you, basically being low value, you will find a string of women who can tell you exactly the same story.
00:41:59
Speaker
That just goes to show that it is not about you.
00:42:01
Speaker
It's fully about them.
00:42:03
Speaker
I'm like, I'm not sure if people have seen these, these Facebook dating groups where, you know, women are saying like, did you date my ex?
00:42:12
Speaker
And men are getting outed for basically being serial pieces of shit.
00:42:16
Speaker
It's because they leave a trail of destruction that is probably bigger than the wreck site of the Titanic in their wake.
00:42:22
Speaker
That is the life of a low value man.
00:42:24
Speaker
And if you do find yourself subjected to
00:42:27
Speaker
to their behaviour, it's just really, really important to not take it personally.
00:42:31
Speaker
And like Rose said, to understand that the way they're treating you is not a determination of your value.
00:42:38
Speaker
It is completely a reflection on them and their usually disordered way of interacting with the world and with women.
00:42:47
Speaker
Give respect for respect.
00:42:48
Speaker
Respond to disrespect with self-respect and with distance.
00:42:51
Speaker
So I think that's a good summation of the last point as well.
00:42:54
Speaker
It's just self-respect is respecting who you are and who you want to be in this world and maintaining those boundaries.
00:43:00
Speaker
And I'm telling you, it ain't easy because everybody will be trying to pull you off.
00:43:04
Speaker
But part of growing up, becoming more mature, understanding how to deal with difficult types of people,
00:43:10
Speaker
You want to mature for yourself in a lot of ways.
00:43:12
Speaker
Like I know sometimes it's very tempting to take the lowest road all the time.
00:43:16
Speaker
But the truth of the matter is, it's like learning to deal with certain types of people in a detached way and a way that honors who you are is a skill that will just serve you well and life.
00:43:26
Speaker
Because you'll stop being bothered by it.
00:43:29
Speaker
You'll stop like attracting someone say attracting, but like so many of those negative situations won't get it.
00:43:34
Speaker
as much out of control and you'll start to find other people who are on that wavelength and just like slowly push all the crazy people out of your space that's how i feel yes yes yes so that is it for this episode we will do the second part of this article where we will be looking at the male mindset high quality men and the rules of being a woman
00:43:53
Speaker
So we hope you enjoyed this delve into the FDS handbook and let us know actually if you have any other handbook articles that you would like us to redisect on the podcast.
00:44:07
Speaker
And submit your applications to be a host at contact at the female dating strategy.
00:44:13
Speaker
Check us out on Patreon, patreon.com for its female dating strategy.
00:44:16
Speaker
And on Twitter, I'm not going to call it X. I don't care.
00:44:19
Speaker
I'm not calling it X, but you know what I'm talking about.
00:44:21
Speaker
Y'all know what I'm talking about.
00:44:23
Speaker
I don't even think we tweet on there much anymore.
00:44:24
Speaker
It's just, it's become very scroty.
00:44:27
Speaker
At femdich.com on Twitter and on the website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:44:32
Speaker
And on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:44:35
Speaker
It's not even Twitter anymore, it's X. Like, Elon's just fucked it up with a capital F exclamation mark.
00:44:43
Speaker
Yeah, he's mental.
00:44:47
Speaker
Epic worst in him someday.
00:44:52
Speaker
Okay, thanks for listening, queens, and for all you scroats out there.
00:44:56
Speaker
Don't ask us what we bring to the table when you're just a pastime for us.
00:45:02
Speaker
See y'all next week.