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Modeling Digital Behavior for our Kids
678 Plays5 days ago
In this honest and relatable episode of Just 4 Moms, the hosts open up about how their own digital habits shape their kids’ behavior—and what they’re doing to be more intentional with screen time. From phones at bedtime to constant multitasking, Megan, Caitlin, Kallie, and Charlotte discuss the everyday struggle of being present while living in a digital world.
Megan gives tips from a recent event with Verizon and Mel Robbins about intentional tech use and how small family routines can make a big difference. Caitlin admits she didn’t realize how often she was on her phone until her kids started pointing it out (“Why are you always holding your phone?”). Charlotte reflects on how even working on her computer or editing videos means she’s rarely giving her kids her full attention—eye to eye and knee to knee. Kallie, who’s known for being screen-minimal, shares how she and her husband slowly moved away from smartphones and why she’s so passionate about reducing digital noise at home.
The conversation dives into the idea that kids mirror what they see—and that it’s never too late to reset our own habits. The hosts talk about setting “no phone” zones at dinner or bedtime, leading by example, and remembering that phones are designed to be addictive.
Of course, it wouldn’t be Just 4 Moms without some laughs. The moms discuss “6-7,” share their latest Mom Fails—from forgotten snacks to a dance class mix-up—and wrap things up with their weekly Pits and Peaks.
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Transcript
Introduction and Topics Overview
00:00:04
Speaker
charlotte I'm Caitlin. I'm Megan. And I'm Callie. We are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging, parenthood, work-life balance, and figuring out what's for dinner.
00:00:14
Speaker
Again, no-judgment zone to talk, laugh, and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis. Get right into it.
00:00:24
Speaker
We're ready. We're ready? Okay. Welcome back, Just for Moms. I'm Megan. We have Caitlin, Charlotte, and Callie. How's everyone doing? Oh, just peachy.
00:00:35
Speaker
Dandy. Great.
Pet Peeves and Viral Trends Discussion
00:00:37
Speaker
know what is my pet peeve is when people will be speaking at a conference or something and they'll be like, how how's everyone doing? And people will do what we did and be like, fine. And they'll be like, come on. Yeah. You can do better than that.
00:00:50
Speaker
Because what do you want me to say? Like, bad. I'm bad today. worst. and Unless the audience is like seven years and under. Yeah. i don't appreciate that either. Yeah.
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah. We do it as kids and adults, right? But the weather, it's the sun's shining. It puts me in a good mood. Gives me some energy. Right? It helps. It does. A little. All right. Let's get right into it. I want to chat about this whole six, seven thing.
00:01:19
Speaker
Okay? I don't know if it's happening in your house. It started this summer. It's still lingering in our house. Do we know what it means? Let me just start by saying I asked each one of my kids before we recorded today, and I actually should have.
00:01:35
Speaker
ahll I can get it again, their responses. But Ava straight out told me, she's 15, she's like, my parents don't understand it. I was like, well, what is it? Why is everyone saying So i'm sorry. i Wait, i we need to back up because you forgot that I'm a thousand.
00:01:52
Speaker
is this um Is this like a lingo or is this an app? what ah would Do we say it's like a meme? would you share people Is your kid saying the 6'7 thing in their house, Charlotte? It's like lingo. And as I understand it, and maybe you're going to give
Sharing 'Mom Fails' and Family Challenges
00:02:06
Speaker
the derivation, but I think it was literally a throwaway some athlete made in an interview that was like,
00:02:14
Speaker
You know, they play like they're 6'9", but they're really 6'7", something like that. And for whatever reason... It is just taken over. And so any reference, if it's 67 degrees outside, if it's six, about to be seven o'clock during the night.
00:02:31
Speaker
I think the reason kids balk is that there's no explanation for why it's so viral because it was such a silly, it wasn't like some big famous person said it at a big famous time and a big famous occasion.
00:02:42
Speaker
It was literally something, I think Paige Beckers did it at the like in a press conference. she Like I think there's been a few notable people that have maybe drilled down on it.
00:02:53
Speaker
But Somebody use it in a sentence. Yeah. yeah I'm confused. Like Nico will be like, that's so six, seven, six, seven. And like when I was even making his – like every day he gets off the bus and I make him the same boring chicken tenders frozen.
00:03:09
Speaker
And I'm like, Nico, how many you want? Six or seven, you know? It's usually – yeah, you would be surprised how common – six and seven come together. You're supposed to call it out and be like six, seven. Like that's all it The The kids will do that.
00:03:24
Speaker
I saw a TikTok of a teacher who gave her fifth graders i saw the a test and the answer to every question was 67. And she didn't tell them, but they have been, know, like if you're a classroom teacher, you know that everywhere you look six, sevens. And it's just, it's like a tick that they all have now.
00:03:45
Speaker
And she said it was funny watching the kids like slowly realize that every answer was 67. And I love that I brought this up because I had a feeling Callie didn't know about
Digital Behavior and Screen Time Strategies
00:03:55
Speaker
this.
00:03:55
Speaker
i don't know i don't under I don't know about it other than I saw someone post on Facebook in a parent group, why is this banned from being used at blah, blah, blah school?
00:04:08
Speaker
And I was like, what? What is this? And I'm like, I don't care. i just didn't know how to look it up. Banned. Yeah. I saw another teacher whose call and response for the kids to quiet is that she would say six and the kids would be able to be like seven. And she was like, there can't be anything after that.
00:04:24
Speaker
That's it. You're done. No laughter, no commentary. So I think middle school teachers are having fun with it. Wait, can I just point out that every time Charlotte says it and this is the highlight of my day? You have to.
00:04:36
Speaker
That's the part of it, right? That's part of it is the- the It is in my house. It is in my house. Yeah. but so I'm going to ask you all. Yes. 41111 is the new one. 41 is the new one.
00:04:49
Speaker
I asked why. no one gave me an explanation. Okay. But just that you heard it here first. Okay. Yeah. I'm nervous. I'm nervous for you to even ask Miles, Callie, because I feel like it's going to open a bad cam can of worms, but I'm so like, yeah. Yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
I think it's older kids because my elementary schooler, it's not coming up for him. I mean, he probably knows what it is because it's been mostly, to be honest, my eighth grader. And I think part of it is like she appreciates that it's this stupid thing that's funny, but then you do it enough and it becomes routine. Habit.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah. And then my sixth grader caught it from her. And I think she doesn't know if it's cool or what. So she just does it. Yeah. So I Googled it and it ah said, refers to a popular slang term originating from 2024 hip hop song.
00:05:43
Speaker
I don't know. That's what Google said. Oh, well, maybe the guy at the, I thought it was a press conference. this shows what i Maybe he was quoting the hip hop song. What song? Or vice versa. knows? Yeah. so So anyways, moving on from the six seven chat. don't know.
00:05:58
Speaker
Do we have any mom fails this week? ah Charlotte, any mom fails in your house? I feel like there's a mom fail brewing. My oldest, no, not my oldest. My oldest child at home is on the freshman football team.
00:06:13
Speaker
And it's our first experience with like public high school sports. And it's a lot. There's just a lot. We get emails from the booster club. We get emails from the coach. We get emails from the athletic director. We get email, like there are so many emails about this team And I just can't read them all.
00:06:31
Speaker
I don't, I mean, I think today's a game, like there's a dinner, like we're meant to be helping and like, there's so much and it's just overload. And so I'm sort of in this turtle mode where I'm not opening or reading any of them. And I'm just hoping that my husband will read them because he's into it.
00:06:45
Speaker
um And I love my son and I love the sports and I support it and I want to watch him, but I just, I'm going drop a ball because I don't, there's too much. So that's my preemptive fail. coming Yeah.
00:06:56
Speaker
Callie, do you have any mom fails this week? I do. I forgot to pack my son a snack. We talked about it in the last episode that my son now that he's in public school has been doing hot lunch. It's very exciting, but he still needs a morning snack.
00:07:09
Speaker
And then because I wasn't packing the lunch, I forgot the snack. And then I realized it at like 1115 in the morning and then had just had mom guilt the whole day envisioning my child like going to his backpack at lunch at snack time and everybody else eating a snack and him not having one.
00:07:23
Speaker
and like, you know how you like let it fester in your head. And then, of course, when I picked him up, I was like, hey, I forgot your snack. He's like, yeah, it's fine. I wasn't hungry. And I'm like, oh, I'm glad I was so sad about it the whole day. Yeah. Just picturing him like so sad. Everyone else eating snacks, his stomach rumbling, you know. Weight with hunger, head on his desk.
00:07:46
Speaker
That's cute. Yeah. So anyways, but it was a good thing because now I said, you know what, Miles, I think it's a good idea that you when you grab your backpack, you always check and make sure there's a snack because you're old enough. You are six and you can make sure that there's always snack. So it was good for all of us. did he What did he say when you said that to him?
00:08:04
Speaker
he Okay. he's a firstborn I mean he's like absolutely that sounds great mom I love it is it a rule I will follow it yeah I'm in yeah yeah Caitlin do you have a mom fail I mean by the time that this goes live it's not gonna be back to school anymore but every year the elementary school the middle school everything has back to school picnics I think i did I did I say this and two episodes ago I didn't go to the ice cream social did I tell you guys this Maybe. I don't know. It's a hot yoga. but Because you had to go to yoga.
00:08:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah, because you had to go to yoga. Yes, yes. Okay. Well, this is a little different. Every year there's a back-to-school picnic for the lower elementary and the upper elementary, and every year we can't go because it's on a dance night.
00:08:45
Speaker
Well, it's tonight. It's a dance night, and my middle child is just beside herself that this is now my third year like can second, actually fourth year that I can't go.
00:09:01
Speaker
And why can't we go? I'm done with dance at 545. But the real reason we can't go is because now her older sister isn in a different school and has dance and we can't leave her. So it's a fail on me that I'm not going to split myself up and drive you over for 45 minutes to hang out and make small talk with people I don't want to talk to. And So she's mad and and she's probably going be mean to me when she gets home from school, but I just do this.
00:09:30
Speaker
She'll get over it. It'll make her hearty. I don't know. She's spiteful. She, my middle child holds on to like being mad at you about stuff and she'll punish me for this for a good week.
00:09:42
Speaker
Well, just every time you feed her, you can be like, remember that time I fed you? That's a good point.
00:09:51
Speaker
So my mom fail and I've done this before. I'm getting back into things here with after school activities. My girls dance studios up the road and they can walk, but they don't some days because they're just lazy.
00:10:05
Speaker
And it's not big enough. So then they had to get another space down the road. So there's one space in town and one right up the road. So I get confused a lot, even though it's in my calendar, about which one they need to go to. Because it's probably a good solid 10-minute walk from one to the other. Not long.
00:10:25
Speaker
But Gianna got all upset with me because I brought her to the wrong dance studio. And then she didn't want to go in late. And I was at a birthday party with Nico. And I feel like like you, Caitlin. She was like – she called me and I'm like – and the first thing she says is, Ma, you brought me to the wrong studio. And I'm like, well, I'm sorry, but you can check the schedule too and, you know, help mom out.
00:10:46
Speaker
I'm sorry. you know? And she's like, well, I can't go late. So I'm just not even going to go now. And I'm like, just walk down the road, Gianna. 10 minutes is nothing. We're late sometimes when we try hard, who cares? So she was like really mad at me that I brought her the wrong studio. And I text her the schedule and was like, mom sometimes needs help. So yeah ah to Ava and her, like you can look too.
00:11:09
Speaker
So yeah my fault, but like help, help a mama out here. Right. It's hard to remember all the stuff. Hundo P. Yeah. So, okay. Moving on from our mom fails.
00:11:24
Speaker
And this week's topic is modeling digital behavior for our kids. I know. And right off the bat, I just thought of my cell phone. right off the bat. I'm sure there's a other things we could go into, but for me, the digital behavior of just being on my phone. And I will 100% admit I do not model good behavior all the time.
00:11:48
Speaker
And i don't like it. i try, you know, I do think about it ah good amount of time where Megan, you need to be off your phone, but You know, I do work on my phone. I don't go on my computer a lot.
00:12:02
Speaker
I do sometimes. But so if I'm sitting, you know, with the kids after school when they're eating their snack and I'm on my phone, usually it is when they i when they get off and home from school.
00:12:15
Speaker
if if I try not to be on my phone unless it's like work related. Like doom scroll maybe at night. But a big part of me does not like cell phones at the dinner table.
00:12:30
Speaker
So I feel like that is a huge personal just rule in our house when we're eating that there is no phones. So I feel like that is hopefully good behavior that my kids will do with their family as well. And it it bothers me too because I feel like it's so important to be present.
00:12:53
Speaker
But again, it's just such a ah pull to be on these phones and You know, it's a hard, hard balance. And I just, before we go into everyone's thought on this topic, I wanted to share that I went to, i got invited to this event with Mel Robbins and Verizon this past summer.
00:13:12
Speaker
And it taught, she talked about five tips for phone life balance. And I found them so interesting and all of them would model good digital behavior.
00:13:26
Speaker
So I'm just going to, I'm going to try to be as brief as possible, but I thought it was really valuable to help other parents. So the first one right off the bat is it starts with you. Instead of pointing fingers,
00:13:38
Speaker
um Your kids will learn your habits from you. So you are the one, mom and dad, to model it, and hopefully they will do the same. The second was be curious, not controlling.
00:13:51
Speaker
Step into their perspective rather than stepping on it. Phones, a direct connection to friends. Ask questions and instead of judging to create open communication.
00:14:04
Speaker
Number three was let them lead the way, sit together, name your concern, and solve it with them. Have you thought what you want to do about this? Working with them builds confidence and trust.
00:14:19
Speaker
Number four was two daily habits to practice every day. No phones in bed and no phones when you sleep. This is the hardest challenge and change to enforce as a parent, but it sets boundaries.
00:14:35
Speaker
And then the fifth one I love is create a rockin' family group chat. which I thought was just a fun way to end it, where, you know, we have this in our house and then I have one with, you know, my family and then I have one with friends.
00:14:53
Speaker
So it's just like a fun way to connect with them. So I just thought that was, you know, really, those tips like really hit home to me.
00:15:04
Speaker
And it's, and again, it's hard to, It shouldn't be hard to be on our phone, but i I have a struggle with it. So let's start off the bat with Charlotte. How do you handle this in your house?
00:15:21
Speaker
I mean, I set a terrible example. I i will say that the slippery slope for me, I'm never on my phone just like scrolling through social media unless it's like 8.30 at night and I'm off the clock and it's
Family Technology Management
00:15:35
Speaker
like in lieu of watching the West Wing or something.
00:15:37
Speaker
So I'm never just sitting in the kitchen with the kids milling around just like – bopping around. That said, there is often a computer or a device out and I'm sort of talking to them as I'm editing a photo or, you know, whatever it is I'm doing, sending emails.
00:15:55
Speaker
So I don't think I'm very good at giving them full attention, like sitting there, eye to eye contact, knee to knee. And i that does make me feel guilty.
00:16:06
Speaker
We have our phones, the kids in our house that have phones are Like it's locked down, so they they can't have it in bed and they can only – they can't use apps. They don't have social media. So, you know, they found some workarounds, but the stuff they're doing on their phone is like talking to friends or texting or listening to music. And so I'm less worried ah about like that. And they do have homework and sports. So it's not like they have a lot of time to just sit on their phone. But there's no question that my – –
00:16:39
Speaker
i I don't know. i I could definitely be better, but I also think I'm modeling like I work hard and I'm busy and doing things like all the things that I want them to do instead of being on their phone. I do think I'm modeling that, if that makes sense. Yes.
00:16:56
Speaker
Caitlin, what's your thoughts? You know, I never really noticed how much I was on my phone until I think ah one of my kids pointed it out, something like you carry around your phone everywhere.
00:17:07
Speaker
And then they pointed out my husband is always scrolling. It's funny. You just said like, don't point fingers at something. And I just, lately I want to, I just want to tell him you are always like, as if you're not working in front of your computer, if you're not having a conversation with one of us, then you're standing there and you're mindlessly scrolling and he'll say it, he'll acknowledge that he does it later, but he'll just get so caught up in just, or the, you know, group texts with people. And,
00:17:36
Speaker
um Looking at his behavior, he hasn't listened to this, so he won't know that I'm just, you know, saying this. Looking at his behavior has helped me take a step back over the last couple months and really stop scrolling, like, when I'm walking through the house, like, and I'm carrying laundry scrolling and and just, like, what am I even looking at? And I'm not on social media doing, like, ah things like I used to do anymore, so there really is no purpose in me.
00:18:02
Speaker
It's not like I'm engaging. I'm just watching garbage. Um, so there's that I've, I've consciously tried to stop doing that, but something that's kind of unavoidable and that is, I listened to books a lot now on my phone and I put AirPods in and I'm doing it while I'm cooking. I'm doing it while I'm cleaning.
00:18:21
Speaker
And so my kids are always appearing out of nowhere to talk to me. And I'm like, hold on. And I have to take, you know, an air pod out or pause my phone. And they're like, why are you always on your phone? i'm like, I'm listening to a book because You're watching TV in the other room. Daddy's watching sports in the other room. What am I supposed to do? Just sit here and cook dinner with my own thoughts? No, I should.
00:18:43
Speaker
I'm allowed to have something else going on in my mind, too. So I've had to explain that that to them a lot lately, that I'm not watching. I'm listening to something and it's not and I'm not watching a show. I'm not texting, talk, texting with a friend. It's straight up a book.
00:19:02
Speaker
And if, you know, it's only because I can't sit down and read it because I'm making you guys dinner. So. Yeah. And now I saved Callie for next because I know she's like really strong about this topic here. And so Callie, how do you, what's your thoughts on modeling digital behavior for your kids in your house? Because I do, I envy you with what you and your dumb phone. So.
00:19:25
Speaker
Callie's like, I lock up my phone in December and I pull it out for one day in October and that's it. That's it. No. And I, I, I, ah I realize when I talk about it, that it comes across annoying and it's not ever how I want to be about it. Like it's just a lifestyle choice that we have made it in a, as a family. But yeah, my husband switched to a dumb phone two years ago.
00:19:46
Speaker
um basically for the same reasons that a lot of people feel, i mean, phones are addictive and we can't pretend like they're not addictive. The apps are designed to be addictive. All social medias are designed to keep you watching them. That is the only way they make money. And I think we all know that. I mean, I'm not like spewing anything that's crazy.
00:20:05
Speaker
um So they are addictive. i have been addicted to my phone before and I didn't like it. And I just found that... It wasn't, I slowly weaned to the place of not having like not using a smartphone anymore. It wasn't something that I just like, like my husband was just like, I'm done with it. And he switched.
00:20:24
Speaker
Um, I went slowly. And so I started with like just small mindful things. So, you know, I have very little kids and especially like when I first started doing it. So I would put my phone away in a lock box. Like I would literally like lock it away or I could use a drawer. It could be upstairs.
00:20:40
Speaker
And I would do it for like the time between when they woke up and i would get them to daycare. And then I would do it again, usually around four until they were in bed, because I just found like it was just competing, especially with really little kids. Like it was just competing for their attention.
00:20:55
Speaker
it wasn't fair to them. It wasn't fair to me. Like ah it just was too much. um But the process of sort of like peeling back some of that, I just realized more and more how much I liked not having it.
00:21:07
Speaker
And I hated how addicted I was to it. I hated um how like completely reliant I had convinced myself that I was on it. And so I just like slowly peeled. I was like, well, what if I don't have this on it? What if I don't have this anymore? And I just realized like I could live without a lot of this stuff and I have enjoyed living without of it. Like ah it helped that, you know, my husband went first and so he was able to navigate life without a smartphone.
00:21:33
Speaker
Um, So yeah, I mean, but it again, it's this is a choice that we made. It's not like I am out here like saying that it needs to be what
Communication Skills and Technology Impact
00:21:40
Speaker
everybody else is doing. But what I've realized is that even just doing a little bit is a big difference. And so that's what I preach now. like Maybe you put it away for an hour every day and you just like have that time that you're doing it. Or like Megan, like you said, like as a family, we don't have phones at the table.
00:21:55
Speaker
um I think that that can be really helpful. And just having... Sort of simple rules. I mean, I don't have kids at the age where they are on screens yet, so I don't need to. I have not needed to navigate that yet. I will cross that bridge when we get there.
00:22:09
Speaker
um But I mean, the discussions come up. I mean, even the other day we were outside and my daughter was like, Mom, i want to see a picture of like, i don't know, a woolly mammoth or something. and And I was like, well, I don't have my phone with me. And she was like, well, where is it? And I was like, I don't know. It's inside somewhere. I don't bring it outside because I don't like having in my phone outside.
00:22:28
Speaker
And she was like, well, so-and-so, know, not going to like name names. So-and-so always has their phone with them. And I was like, that's just how that person does it. And, you know, so i think some of it is just like so many other things in families. It's just, you know, Megan, if you say, well, our family just, we don't use phones at the dinner table. That's how our family does it. Other families might do it different.
00:22:46
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean- That's just and where we are. i mean, it's not a huge issue for us, I guess, to navigate currently because we don't have the phones and we're not on them. So we don't have to worry about it. We have computer. my husband and both have a computer in our um offices. And obviously my laptop can move around with us.
00:23:05
Speaker
But I don't know, just as you strip away some tech, you just ah you just end up stripping more and more away. So. I've often wondered what, how I would have played it if I had had little kids with, I mean, we had phones, but it was, they weren't as scrollable. Yeah. Like Instagram wasn't even around.
00:23:25
Speaker
Facebook was a thing, but not, it just was different. Like you were scrolling through and someone was like sitting at the dinner table. Like yeah there wasn't, yeah um because I think I would have been much more sensitive to that if I had little babies to be if I was ignoring little babies, something about ignoring like older kids that are in the other room and like not around and not needing me feels a little different. And I, my husband's the same way as yours, Caitlin.
00:23:55
Speaker
He's taken social media off because he did find himself scrolling so much. But if he's on his phone, the kids will be like, dad, dad, yeah dad, dad. Like he's gone. And I will say that is not my experience with it. Like the kids, I do find that I can,
00:24:12
Speaker
like And not that multitasking is a good thing, but I just think that it's like if they come in the room and are like, mom, what time is dinner? I can like be looking at a phone and say we're eating at 7.30 as tacos.
00:24:24
Speaker
So I'm still sort of – I'm not quite as distant as like he is when he's in his scroll. Again, that's like a moderate excuse, and i I own that I'm on it too much. But yeah I wonder what I would have – done with my phone if I had little kids and social media the way it is now. I think I would have felt the same way you do, Callie. It's like, I just need to put it away.
00:24:45
Speaker
Yes. yeahs It's really hard ah right now because my children will say, you know, oh, I want to my friends are all on a group chat. and And it's like dance friends, which I know but you and I've looked at the conversations and Charlotte, you told you talked about this one time, like it's literally them saying hi, hi, hi, hi hey, like there's nothing going on there.
00:25:09
Speaker
But I have started taking in the last two months my children's iPads away. I hide them. They're not allowed to touch them. and I just don't. We had an incident where I hadn't checked in a while and I missed some things that happened.
00:25:24
Speaker
on one of my children's iPads in a conversation, and that was just eye-opening for me. And so now I thought I was monitoring all of the conversations and I missed it for weeks because we were on vacation and I wasn't looking. I didn't think anything was happening.
00:25:41
Speaker
And so now it's just locked down. And if you want to talk to somebody, then you can talk to them at school. You could talk to them at dance. We are getting a landline, you know, ah You can call them up on the phone if you got to ask them a question or I'll contact their I'll contact a parent or something like that. And, um you know, it's not just social media and scrolling. It's also this, you know, we they want to be able to communicate with people the way that I do. You know, I need to call my sister. I call her on the phone. I need to ask her.
00:26:08
Speaker
You know, I need to ask a friend a question. I send them a text. And there are things that they. especially my oldest, you know, something about sports now that we're doing this, you know, she might want to ask someone on her team.
00:26:22
Speaker
And so it's, it's tricky. I'm just, I just like want to lock it all up. And now we've entered the Chromebook era and they all have Google Classroom and they message each other there. And I'm like, that I can't escape. The texting thing has been interesting for me to watch because um i and you're right. my My sixth grader doesn't have a phone yet, but she wanted to be part of these group texts. And so my phone number is the one they use.
00:26:46
Speaker
And at that age, there's such a sense of like, I don't know if it's a gauge of popularity or belonging, but these kids create a group text with a different iteration of people like every hour on the hour.
00:26:58
Speaker
And there was one when they got their like group at school, there was a tech and that, you know, that's like 40 people. That's too much. Then there was one from like, there's so many that she's part of and what she has learned. Like at first she would come in,
00:27:12
Speaker
to be like, mom, can I check my phone? She'd get on it and she would just like, LOL, like she was in it. She was on all these group texts, you know, posting. And slowly over the summer and over the last few months, I've noticed that she thinks they're just as boring as I do.
00:27:28
Speaker
She has no interest. She's appreciating that there's no purpose of a group text with 40 people on it. It serves no whatever. And i don't read the text, but if I'm on my phone, I see them pop up. And every once in a while, I'll see something pop up that's like, ooh, I hate that or whatever.
00:27:44
Speaker
And it's often like, I don't like that teacher or whatever. And I will say, you know i didn't i don't i try not to read them, but also it does I do see them. And I don't love the way like anything in a text that can be a screen grab and that's around forever.
00:28:00
Speaker
If they want to tell you that at lunch, that's one thing. we all yeah That's how we communicate. But I said it makes me nervous that some of these kids are talking in negative ways. And so it has been a nice way for me, like no stakes because it's not her.
00:28:14
Speaker
And it's not like, you know, I have the right to read all these, but I just I have chosen to sort of let it slide because I know that it's LOL, KK, 670. So it's been interesting because I do think when she gets her phone in a couple of years, she won't be quite as enamored with it. And she'll just be like, okay, this is a tool that I can use to talk to my friends.
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm i'm hoping too. That, you know, that the screen grab thing is really, really big lesson that was learned. And I'm really proud of her because it wasn't words she said.
00:28:46
Speaker
Um, and that doesn't go away. And, you know, that's the, and that goes as, as like taking photos and what my kids see me taking videos and photos of, because I send that to somebody it's gone forever into the world. And I want them to see me, you know, being responsible, you know, doing things that I think that they should do. Um, and so that we've had a lot of conversations about that lately. Uh, we didn't,
00:29:16
Speaker
I don't know if this, the digital age can refer to like television too, because I've noticed I used to just binge watch TV shows in my bed at night and my kids would come in and I'd still be watching. And recently I decided I was going to stop doing that because I noticed that they would want to do the same thing.
00:29:37
Speaker
I'm like, did I teach them that? Did I just like show you, you just lay around and watch a show for four hours, especially over the summer when nothing was going on. So I've tried to stop. um And if I'm going to do that, it's like done in secret when they don't know I'm doing it.
00:29:52
Speaker
Yeah. For our house with the school, we talked about this, i think was it was just last episode, mom brain already here. To keep up with, it's on me, Charlotte, with the the sports stuff. I don't know how I got that responsibility. Joe has like no clue what's going on, who's going where, what day.
00:30:12
Speaker
So you could literally sit on your phone all day with the emails and the apps and the text change and the WhatsApp. There's so much for each sport. It's sometimes I'm just like, I got to step away and I have the same attitude as you, where if I mess it up, I mess it up. I just can't take sitting here and reading one more thing. And then it's like, we have a tournament. And then it's like, who's bringing the snack?
00:30:37
Speaker
So I feel like you have no choice sometimes to be on our phones, which is like sad, but it's just our world now, unfortunately, is just these digital, this digital life. And
Children's Independence and Social Skills
00:30:51
Speaker
something else I just wanted to point out is having two teenagers, 13 and 15, they do dance and sports.
00:31:00
Speaker
And I feel like they're so happy and like different kids. Cause if they're not doing that, they're like, they just want to be here. And that bothers me where they're younger. Like Nico's eight, he'll go outside and shoot a basketball.
00:31:15
Speaker
He'll play in the yard, but having these teenagers now, they're not, they don't really do crafts anymore or want to go outside and play. So it's like, you know, in the summertime, I feel like it helps. Cause you know, I'll be like,
00:31:28
Speaker
We're going to the pool. We're going to the beach. So they're off their phones. But if they're not at their activities, they're always on these things. So it's like, I don't know. It just, you know, it bothers me. but And it's my, it's on me to, let's go out and like on the weekends, we're getting off our phones. Like, why is it always that topic?
00:31:49
Speaker
Um, So that's just my two thoughts there on those two things that happened at our house. And something I sent to Callie, which I wanted to get everyone's opinion on, was the, what's the, um, the phone, Callie, what's the, um.
00:32:03
Speaker
The landline? Yes, thank you. The landline. So landlines are coming back. And Caitlin, you brought this up too. Yeah, somebody else brought it up. Charlotte, did you bring it in the episode? We've had one. Or Callie?
00:32:16
Speaker
We've always had one. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about it, I feel like, before we took our summer break. We talked about the resurgence in landlines. Yeah. Yes. So it's making a comeback. I saw it on today.
00:32:27
Speaker
And these group of moms, they didn't want to get their girls' ah phones yet. So they all got landlines. And it talks about how it's great because you're not texting and it teaches the girls to like speak and have conversation versus just sitting there going back and forth.
00:32:46
Speaker
And they have a set time and a set day and they all have these landlines and and I've been seeing it everywhere. So what's your thoughts on – you already have one, Charlotte, right?
00:32:58
Speaker
We love it. And yeah we have a little address book. next to the phone with like friends and family, people that wouldn't mind getting a random call. Some kids do it more than others. But it's fascinating because at first, you're right, they didn't understand, like someone would call and I'd say, oh, it's your grandmother. And I'd hand them the phone and they would take the phone and just like, listen.
00:33:20
Speaker
And it's like, you have to say, hi, who's this? Like there's, there is a little bit of that formality that they don't understand. So I'm, I love it. I think it's a very sweet, innocent way to spend time. I love it.
00:33:32
Speaker
It's so funny. You just said that Charlotte, because my kids will ask me something that they want to ask a grandparent. And so now I tell them, well, you can call them. They're like, well, how? And I'm like, you can call them on your iPad because it connects to the wifi and they can, they have their phone numbers, they can dial it but they're holding this giant thing and talking to it.
00:33:50
Speaker
So if I have my phone and I say, grandma's on the phone, she wants to talk to you. They're like, put it on speaker and they're like, hello, like holding it so far. Hello. And I'm like, no, you put it to your ear. You talk up like this.
00:34:02
Speaker
So we just, the landline is on my to-do list. It's happening. I'm excited for my kids to be able to call their grandparents and learn how to hold a phone up to their ear. But, you know, I just, I remember so fondly.
00:34:15
Speaker
you know, stretching the court out and going in the kitchen pantry and calling my friends and, and chatting about the day. And, you know, they do forget how to talk and, and have a normal conversation because they're either in school and you don't really have, i mean, at lunch, I guess you can have a conversation or, you know, they're saying, Hey, hi, and sending an emoji to each other. so yeah. Yeah.
00:34:39
Speaker
My, our high school has just gone no cell phone that it hasn't started, but in October they're going to put their phones in a bag in the morning and they get it back at night. And that's what our town's hoping to do next year. it's amazing. The principal announced it and I know there's some squeaky wheels, but he, like there was applause in the group that I was with.
00:35:01
Speaker
And he was like, I know there's some of you that are nervous, but You know, he said, what I have to tell you is that the kids can always get a hold of you. We have the office. And he said, if there is an emergency, because most parents go immediately to, what if there's a mass shooting or something?
00:35:15
Speaker
And he was like, in those situations, having all of you on cell phones is the worst thing that can happen. Yeah. You know, a ringing phone can alert. Yeah. There's just, there's no positive outcome. Or everyone's distracted by, yeah, calling and not doing what they need to do. Right, or the first responders can't. Anyway, he was like, I know that, like, if that's how your brain works and that's what you're worried about, was like, I guess I can't help you. You shouldn't have a cell phone.
00:35:40
Speaker
in those situations. But I'm, i didn't realize that in high school, they could have it like at study hall and at lunch. And you know, if a group of kids have phones at lunch, they're not on it. Like in middle school, they can't have it at lunch anyway.
00:35:53
Speaker
But I was delighted. And my kid, because he's a freshman, he doesn't know any better. Like he's never had it the other way. So it's all good. But I'm delighted. I think it's the best decision. Yeah, I think that's awesome.
00:36:04
Speaker
I love the what you talked – like I didn't even really so fully think it through all the way, but about how it teaches kids to like have conversations more because a text conversation is so different because you can think through it all the way. And it's just like you lose some of the conversation. Like when it's not face-to-face, there's no like – You know, you can't like read their cues and they're like their facial cues and all of that. And like, I just like I've never liked having conversations on text anyways. Like even if Michael and I are chatting, I'll be like, we talk about this tonight? Because I get just like I feel like we're going to lose things in translation this way. i have a best friend. We get together like, i don't know, every other month or so for dinner.
00:36:43
Speaker
And like, I will not have a conversation with her on text. Like, even like if something like really big has happened, we'll have like a little chat and I'll be like, okay, we literally have like a notes that we've started and it'll be like shit we need to talk about. And it'll be like socks, like so-and-so's breakup, like the book that I read, because it's so much better to be able to talk about it when we're together. And like, yeah, we don't lose so much of the conversation where if we just texted about it all, then I don't know, we would just lose it when we were together.
00:37:10
Speaker
You lose the emotional impact. Yeah. You know, there's so many things that. Yeah. And it's, and it's hard to read. I mean, you said about your husband, half the time Brandon texts me, it's sarcastic. So I don't even know if he's being serious or not. yeah And I, you know, he could be completely joking and and I read it and I'm like,
00:37:30
Speaker
shoot, he's mad. What did I do wrong? But he's kidding. So yeah, texting, texting is fine for, you know, I text Callie like once a week and I'm like, Hey, this book is good, you know, yeah but to, to have a, a really important conversation or I mean, I think texting somebody big news is horrible. Like, you know, tell them somebody you're pregnant, like call them and tell them on the phone, hear their, hear their excitement, you know, just that kind of stuff.
00:38:00
Speaker
And I want my kids to... not be texters. Yeah. And to know how to do it. I remember like, there's like a whole, don't know where I saw it where it was like, people don't, people are nervous to order at restaurants. Like people are rehearsing.
00:38:15
Speaker
i forget where it was. I read an article. People like rehearse before they go do through drive-thrus or if the app isn't working for them to like order their food, they won't go in and order. yeah they have like, even just like, they can't even just verbalize what they want to eat.
00:38:31
Speaker
Because they've done every, it's like these Gen Z who have like never had to do it. They've been able to do everything digitally. It's like, yeah, they're like before they go through the drive-thru or before they order their food, they're like memorizing how they're going to say it in their head.
00:38:46
Speaker
I know. It's just crazy. Did you see that viral video? And I related to it so much because I've made my kids do the same similar thing where this mom asked her kid to go in and I don't know if he was picking up a pizza or buying something, but they pulled up and she was like, you can do this, buddy. And she gave him like $10 and he went in Maybe it was like a 7-Eleven and he bought like his Slurpee. And they talked about like, you're going to go in and you go – And he went in and he did it and he came out like skipping, floating on air. so
00:39:17
Speaker
So delighted. And I feel like maybe even... she went in after and thanked – like, it was so heartwarming. Yeah. And you forget that that – like, that's not part of these kids' experience anymore.
00:39:30
Speaker
Like, I remember biking around the block when I was, like, seven. and Yes. No, there's an entire organization. um You know the guy who wrote The Anxious Generation, Jonathan? Yeah. He's he part is part of the people who found it It's called Let Grow.
00:39:44
Speaker
And the whole concept is that like, we kind of like micromanage our children a little bit. and there's all these things that kids can do. Like he talks about that. Like your kid can go into the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk, your kids.
00:39:55
Speaker
And they literally on their website, you should check out the website. It's great. I think it's letgrow.org. They literally have these things that you can print out. And it's like a little card. And it says, like, I am not lost. Like, I have permission to be here by myself.
00:40:08
Speaker
Because I guess as people have been doing this, like, there's people, like, calling, like, there's a child at the park by himself, and he's only eight. And it's kind of this whole idea of that, like, you should, your child should be able to walk into the 7-Eleven and buy the food or do the thing or walk down to the neighbor's house to return whatever without.
00:40:26
Speaker
don't know. It's a good, it's a good. That's crazy you just said that. I really, I left, I used to live in another town and we moved when I was seven and I would walk to the penny corner store alone yeah and buy, and buy stuff.
00:40:41
Speaker
And I don't. Yeah. yeah a Nasty candy with like the wax that you would eat. squirt Yeah. Yeah. Fill up a whole bag, go up there and pay. And I feel like my kids, I mean, I think I've made Annabelle go in and buy stuff, but.
00:40:54
Speaker
I can't imagine my nine-year-old going in. I mean, maybe that's what we're going I'm going to pull up to the gaff station soon. But how much of that is because you're worried what other people will think and how much is of it that you're worried about your nine- like, I've had that thought consciously a lot, which is like, I remember sending my oldest two blocks to our local library, which is like this historic, beautiful library. There's like four people in the building at any time. There's there's very little worry of like stranger, whatever.
00:41:20
Speaker
And she would go and hang out in the kids' room. And I would send her there. And I remember getting a call from the librarian. Someone had ratted her out. And she was like, she's not allowed to be here alone until she's like 12 and up.
00:41:32
Speaker
And I was so disappointed. I mean, I understand it if you're that institution. But I yeah was like, she has to cross one street at a stop sign. Yes. She's two blocks away. Like, I felt like this was such an – and she was so delighted to be there alone. I didn't want to sit in the library. Yeah. So it's it is tricky. Yeah.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah, yes some of it definitely is the, I mean, they have whole, um on the website, they literally have like a whole thing about your rights as a parent. Yeah. And like, because people who do this have gotten literally like the police have come and they're like, the police comes to your door and they say that you're neglecting your child. Like, these are your rights. Like, you don't have to be upset. They're, they're at the end of the day, they're just looking out for your kids and you should be thankful for that. But like,
00:42:12
Speaker
These are your rights and your kids should be able to do these things. um But yeah, I mean, you do worry about it. Like we had my son the other day picked a bunch of herbs and he wanted to take them to his neighbors. And there's a couple of neighbors like I can't see him going there.
00:42:25
Speaker
He's six, but like they're on the street. They're neighbors that I know very well. And I was like, I feel like this is a good first thing for him to do. But there's part of me that's like if other people see my six year old walking alone, like what are they going to?
00:42:37
Speaker
But again, small enough community that I'm like, ah we know all the neighbors, you know, so it's like not going to be too crazy. But you do, you worry about what other people will think, which is such a bummer. We have
Emphasizing Phone Calls and Digital Behavior Tips
00:42:47
Speaker
gone on such a tangent. I'm sorry. I am. Well, no, I i mean, it's it's a huge, I mean, it's- Yeah.
00:42:52
Speaker
We could talk about it for hours, right? Yes. We will get into pits and peaks. One last thing with, it made me think of me. So, you know, the meme where it's like, if you're texting someone and then they say, can I give you a call?
00:43:05
Speaker
And some people don't like that. I am that person that'll be like, hey, can we, even through email, if it's work personal, it's so much, and like the tone of the email sometimes might come off wrong, but when you pick up the phone and talk to the person or FaceTime or Zoom, whatever it is, it just like, it's just better. And maybe it's my, you know, millennial,
00:43:26
Speaker
coming out, but it's just it's just better. And I feel like I hope my kids do the same thing. And then I want to go around and get one tip. If you had one, one tip for modeling digital behavior for our kids, one thing that came to mind.
00:43:40
Speaker
Mine is no phones at the dinner table. Caitlin, what's yours? I don't know. I would say no phones at the dinner table too, but um I don't know. Yeah. ah as I mean, just...
00:43:54
Speaker
what if If there's literally no reason for you to be on your phone, then go plug it in and and walk away from it and get a landline. So somebody needs you, they call you there. Yeah. No, that's a great one. Callie. Yeah, I would say like having a set like every day, you know, and maybe it can get bigger and bigger for you if you start with 45 minutes where like the phone is just not around.
00:44:13
Speaker
As somebody who's done it, like nothing is going to happen. Like that you are going to be fine if you don't have that phone for an hour. Like it's cool. um So like have have an hour or two hours or five hours, whatever works for your family where there are no screens allowed for that period of time.
00:44:29
Speaker
love and We all pull out our paper bags. Charlotte, what's your tip?
Weekly Reflections and Episode Closure
00:44:34
Speaker
This is such a lame baby step, but I try to consciously, like if I'm on my phone and the kids come in to talk to me, I try to consciously, like I put it down.
00:44:42
Speaker
That seems stupid, but I try to put it face down. Yeah. Face down makes a difference though. Cause if someone, you know, someone's texting you, don't it. love that. I love that Charlotte. Anything they want to tell me, I feel like I, maybe you told me anytime, no matter what it is, even if it's like, you know,
00:44:58
Speaker
I will look at them and listen. And even if you're like, oh, wow. Even though it's not a wow. yeah today Spend a day with my toddler and my little child when she's on one because the two of them will talk without breathing for 15 minutes straight.
00:45:15
Speaker
You have to look at a phone or you're going just die. that's fair. That's fair. Okay. Pits and peaks. I'll start. I have a pee. No, I have a pit. I have a pit.
00:45:26
Speaker
Gum went through our laundry like ah two days in a row. knew who it was. We have a rule on this podcast that sometimes we don't name names. I'm not naming any names. And it was annoying and it got sticky and it was on my clothes. It was on the side. It's annoying.
00:45:42
Speaker
i had to pick it off with a knife and scissors and I was lazy and didn't check the pockets, but I feel like that's not my responsibility. So that's my pit is gum in the laundry.
00:45:53
Speaker
Charlotte, what is your pit or peak this week? It's like a peak, but it's also a pit. So I don't know. So I have finally kind of come up for air and I'm looking at this house, which we are just every day we're loving it more and more and more.
00:46:08
Speaker
But there's so much that I want to do Some of it I can, some of it I need a lottery ticket to do And so like the pit part of it is that there's just not enough time in the day. Like I want it all done tomorrow. It's exciting to see it come together. It's exciting to begin to picture like I want this room this color and I want this room wallpaper.
00:46:26
Speaker
that cannot happen overnight. And so it's just, it's like this constant tug of like, I want to do it now, now, now, now. now And I just physically, financially can't. So that's, I mean, listen, I don't know how you call that when it's like a peak, but a pit all at once.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yes. Callie, I have a pit that I feel like was a pit, like from an episode before we took a break and it just hasn't ah remedied itself. And it is that Between my three youngest, somebody is always awake before 530.
00:46:58
Speaker
And it's like they never all of them or two of them. It's just they somehow like perfectly take turns. do we I don't know. i just First, it was like my four-year-old first coming off of like ah school, going into summer mode. okay and Then she finally got it. and Then like the baby was... Who knows? It's a baby. She's teething or something. and Then all of a sudden, my two-year-old was like having bad dreams. and He was waking up screaming. It's like they're just taking turns. and it like i just That time in the morning, like that's when I get groceries. that's i mean That is the time that I do those things. and so I'm just like,
00:47:35
Speaker
um just so overwhelmed by just it's just there's always someone like literally this morning 503 text michael i was like 503 just it's a fine because i'm already awake but like i just still it's i get it and yeah that's your that's your cali my time yeah it'd be like the equivalent charlotte megan of like your kids coming and bothering you from like 8.30 to 10.30 at night. Yeah. Like that's when you're doing your stuff.
00:48:00
Speaker
Although I do have to say that's when my teenagers, for whatever reason, do they, does this happen in your house? They come in the room at like 10.30, 11 and like want to like have a deep conversation. Yeah. Or like ask you for things. And I'm like, can you ask me in the morning? Like, no, I don't want to do this right now. Why is it now?
00:48:18
Speaker
So it's just going to shift. Yeah. No, it is. kids bother me. It's just going to shift. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Caitlin, do you have a pit or a peak? I have a peak, but when this comes out, I mean, it's going to be over. So my birthday is next week and I'm turning 40 and I was like, had a problem with it, but now I don't.
00:48:38
Speaker
And that's a whole other episode. But we're having a party and it's like a ah high school, like we used to have parties at my parents' house in high school. And so that's basically what it is.
00:48:50
Speaker
So I'm really excited about it. So fun. That's cute. Okay. Thanks for joining us here at Just for Moms with Megan, Charlotte, Callie, and Caitlin. We'd love for you to leave us a review and your ah honest opinion.
00:49:05
Speaker
And we do read them. Actually, Caitlin is usually the one to see them. Callie, too, apparently. Thanks, Caitlin. And Charlotte. recently. haven't looked at them in a long time.
00:49:17
Speaker
People are leaving us reviews. Thank you. That's so nice. Yeah. So bye for now. We'll be back next week. And That's it. Bye. Bye. Bye.