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The Many Hats of Motherhood: Balancing Family, Career, and Self
864 Plays8 days ago
Motherhood isn't just one job—it's dozens, and on Episode 15 of the podcast, host Megan and the mom squad are talking all about it! From laugh-out-loud mom fails (like choking on sprouts and hiding snacks from kids) to heartfelt conversations about juggling career goals, family life, and self-care, this episode is a relatable look at the "many hats" moms wear daily.
You'll hear stories about handling the mental load, dealing with guilt, and the invisible labor of motherhood—and you'll leave with real strategies for setting boundaries and finding joy amidst the chaos. Plus, special guest Samantha Yanks, cofounder of The Connecticut Edit, shares how she balances her many roles with grace and purpose.
Pits and Peaks wrap up the show with everything from tech hacks to Broadway adventures.
Whether you're a new mom, a seasoned pro, or just need to know you’re not alone—this episode is for you.
🎧 Tune in now for laughs, real talk, and a reminder that every mom deserves her crown.
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Transcript
Tech Frustrations: USBs and Dongles
00:00:00
Speaker
Those things I find just go bad. Like my USB cords, I just have to replace them periodically. Well, I have, I have the one that I usually use only has one USB hub in it and I need two.
00:00:12
Speaker
How about like I have, I mean, I don't know how new it's like a two year old, my laptop and it's all Thunderbolt cable now or whatever. So I have to have 8 million effing adapters.
00:00:23
Speaker
ah They're called a dongle. No, I'm not. I think they are called dongles. No way. I hope they are. i A dongle is a small portable device that plugs into a port like USB to add functionality or allow a device to connect to a different type of port or technology.
00:00:41
Speaker
Who was responsible for that? Some tech man. Some, some. It sounds too much like poop for me. Sounds a dingleberry. Yes.
Introduction and Tone Setting
00:00:50
Speaker
welcome to just for moms i'm charlotte i'm caitlin i'm megan and i'm callie we are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging parenthood work-life balance and figuring out what's for dinner again a no judgment zone to talk laugh and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis speaking of poop can just say i wanted this
00:01:15
Speaker
If I'm hijacking the chat, ma I don't think so. could you want Yes, go.
Luxury Services and Expense Balancing
00:01:18
Speaker
I was on my dog walk today. Guys, there is a service that will come and just pick up all the poop from your yard. Oh, I knew that. That's nice. It's the first time I've seen it because this person was walking into the yard in full waterproof, protective, basically PPE for the layman. And then you know if you're at Disney World and they have those giant trays that they sweep the stuff into...
00:01:40
Speaker
They had that. And I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm not mad about it, but I also feel like of all the things that I want to spend money on, like I can handle the poop. I don't know. It felt like a real luxury play.
00:01:51
Speaker
I think it's luxury. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, can you, mean, so are a lot of things. lost too. Yeah. Right. Don't get a dog if you don't want to clean up the poop. I mean, it's nice to be outside. Hold your breath when you scoop it. I will say, I think this house in particular has Bernie's mountain dogs. Maybe they live.
00:02:09
Speaker
So it's like adult dog poop. Yeah. Maybe they learn the hard way that they need full like softball gloves to get in there. Or what if you know what if you're a, ah what's that cool word for some the people, ah dual income, whatever. You're somebody who never had children, so you have maybe excess money, but you have dogs.
00:02:26
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. like, you know what? Sure, I don't have to pay for daycare. Yeah, do you know if they have kids, Charlotte? ah Yes, I think I've seen someone playing basketball. I'll scope it out next time. But I was stuck.
00:02:39
Speaker
I want to do more research. I mean, maybe it's like 20 bucks a week and then it's like, okay, maybe that's my tipping point. Yeah, it's 20 bucks an hour, 30 minutes. I wouldn't scoop poop for 20 minutes, $20, 30 minutes.
00:02:53
Speaker
No, it adds up, literally. yeah Okay, sorry, we can start. Five, four, three, two, one.
Karaoke Experiences
00:03:00
Speaker
And we're back. Just for moms here, Megan, Charlotte, Callie, and Caitlin. So I wanted to get your opinion on, or not your opinion, your favorite go-to karaoke song. If you're out with your friends or maybe your husband and...
00:03:20
Speaker
The game is karaoke. What song are you singing? I will go first. I am a huge Britney Spears fan. I am not ashamed to say it. I brought up but was brought up with her music. But I would play and sing one of her songs and might know some of the dance moves to Oops, I Did It Again. And I also, total 180.
00:03:40
Speaker
one eighty I love Biggie. I love Biggie. So I would sing one of his songs too. Okay. So Callie, what karaoke song would you sing? Okay, so this is like a game of Never Have I Ever because Never Have I Ever sung karaoke. Okay.
00:03:56
Speaker
and So I can't, I mean, I don't have, let alone a go-to karaoke song. Fair enough. So I don't think I would just, maybe do they have a list and I'd be like, nobody wants to hear me sing anyways.
00:04:08
Speaker
Okay. Wait, you've never been anywhere that's had karaoke? I've been somewhere once that had karaoke. I did not participate. and the karaoke. Again, nobody wants to hear me sing. I'm in the same boat. I think I've been once or twice.
00:04:22
Speaker
i think I've been once or twice and it was easy not to participate. And if I did, it was definitely with like a group of people singing like Sweet Caroline or something. Fun. Caitlin, do you sing karaoke songs? I have a lot to say about this. First of all, my aunt and her friends have their own karaoke machine and all summer just have karaoke pool parties.
00:04:43
Speaker
So If I go swimming at her house, I'm most likely going to have to sing because the karaoke lady is going Can I come? Can you invite me? ah Or I have a better scenario. There is the just it's a townie bar in my town and they have karaoke every maybe Friday and Saturday.
00:05:02
Speaker
I will say I've never sang there, but if you want to come sing there with me, you can. So there's a lot of karaoke in my life. The only time I actually sing though, is if I'm having a really, really good time and hopefully won't remember it the next day. And I might pick something like, uh, like a prayer um Madonna. That's a really good one.
00:05:22
Speaker
Um, and there's no really high notes in that because I'm tone deaf and I can't sing at all. And then me and my brother and my sister like to do midnight train to Georgia sometimes. And, That's good one. You made me think, Caitlin, when I was growing up, did you guys go to these boardwalk towns where you could record?
00:05:38
Speaker
this was before i feel like karaoke was even a thing, but you could record the lead vocals to then get a tape with you being the singer. And so my friend Lisa and I, I want to say we were eighth grade and we went to one of these Maryland beach towns and we recorded Living on a, what is the Bon Jovi one? Living on a prayer.
00:05:57
Speaker
Yeah. We did that one and it was maybe not the best karaoke song, but we had that tape. It was fun. Yeah. I've never been there, but I've heard of it.
00:06:08
Speaker
Maybe I saw it in a movie or something. Yes. Yeah. And now they have karaoke machines. Like my daughter has one too. So she does karaoke with her friends Yeah, we have one upstairs. Ailee had a karaoke party for her seventh birthday and everyone had to sing and it was pretty fun. Charlotte and Kelly, you don't have karaoke machines in your homes?
00:06:29
Speaker
I didn't know that was like a standard, you're like ice maker, karaoke machine. and We had one, we had like a little kid version a while ago that I think it got broken. And then we had friends who came for New Year's that brought like the speaker.
00:06:43
Speaker
and one It's not even a karaoke machine. They just had a speaker and a microphone and then an iPad that you could pull up, the karaoke versions on YouTube. And that was super fun. The kids definitely participated.
00:06:53
Speaker
and There's enough people singing that I didn't need to jump in. I mean, you could make a karaoke machine with our microphones and our computers. Yes. Right fair now. yeah Yes, we could. So maybe in the Just for Mom's future, our listeners here,
00:07:08
Speaker
You will be expecting a karaoke, what, a ah quadruple? I don't know. do one with a four of it. Yeah. Quartet. Well, then I'm going to have to drink before the episode.
00:07:21
Speaker
ah Okay. Maybe. I'll cross my fingers. I would love to do it with you ladies. So just throwing it out there. I can hold your breath. Okay. Moving on.
Rainy Weekend Mom Fails
00:07:30
Speaker
This week, Do we have any mom fails? Do you want me to go first or do you want to go first, Callie? um I can go first. Okay. just – I was really lazy this weekend about – it was a very rainy weekend and it's just been rainy forever. And Sunday morning came around.
00:07:46
Speaker
The kids had Friday off and then Sunday came. it was still rainy. i just – I was like, a can't – gather any energy to take my kids out in the rain. It was just one of those weekends that like I just and then of course, everyone's fighting because we're just in the house for too many days.
00:08:01
Speaker
But I just like I remember saying to Michael, i was like, I just can't I can't I'm not going out in the rain. i just can't do it. So I don't blame you. I support that. Yeah. What about you, Caitlin? Did you have any mom fails this past week?
00:08:14
Speaker
Yeah, we went we met with the neighborhood kids at the park and we needed to have snack. Everyone was going to get snacks at home. So I made the mistake of telling my children where I hid the snacks that I put out for the delivery people.
00:08:28
Speaker
And now they're all gone. And not because I fed them to the neighborhood kids, but because my children found them and ate them all. So now I have to go buy more and it's my fault. I have just kept them hidden.
00:08:40
Speaker
We have a hidden like snack area that like Michael and i have to change every three months because eventually they find it or we accidentally tell them. And then we're like constantly finding a new spots. My kids just take it. well So we leave it out for the delivery people and then they just take it.
00:08:54
Speaker
So it's not even the stash. Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, bless. mind
00:09:02
Speaker
you know I need to go back and look on the ring camera and then I can just bust them. so yeah I have one sort of lukewarm mom fail. One of my kids has this big project at school and I feel like every day we get another parameter for this teing project. There's so many layers. And in theory, like my fail is that I want to be really excited about it because it feels like something that should be fun, but there's just so much to do.
00:09:28
Speaker
And i I'm not going to do it for her. Like I'm pretty well trained at not stepping in and like doing it. But I feel like I'm also not being as like cheerleader excited about it all as I should be. I'm sort of like, oh when does that do?
00:09:43
Speaker
And what do we need to get? And they've said multiple times, like you cannot buy x Y, or Z. So I think the intent is that everything is sort of handmade at home, which is great. But then they're also like, this needs to look like wood and this needs to be colonial colors or whatever. And it's like, if you're going to have us make it, you've got to like pull back on the reins a little bit and just let people go. You've got to pick a link.
00:10:02
Speaker
Well, I like ah i like how you just said us, have us make it because whose kid actually does their project all alone? Well, and she, part of it was due couple days ago and, you know, they were like, it has to, there were so like five different bullet points. And i was, the one thing I did do is help her look over it to make sure that we were crossing the T's and dotting the I's, but she came back and reported on all the kids that had, you know, not read it or parents hadn't seen it And they're like, well, you know, Johnny didn't do theirs to have pictures only and look like wouldn't, you know, so I can only imagine what I have to go in on Thursday to see everyone's. And I'm excited to see what the range of following directions and parent involvement. Parent help.
00:10:49
Speaker
Report
Hiding Snacks from Kids
00:10:50
Speaker
back on that for us. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so I have a mom fail. I was in my car eating my lunch like us moms normally do. And I got a chicken salad sandwich with a bunch of veggies and sprouts.
00:11:06
Speaker
And I was rushing to eat it before I left. I do eat and drive sometimes, but this day I chose to eat it in my car without driving. And I started to choke. But like, it was like a bad choke. Like I was chugging water, choking.
00:11:21
Speaker
I thought I had to like get out of my car to go back to where I work out to and honestly ask for help because I could feel myself going and that the sprouts were all stuck. And then finally, somehow i And I like spit it out, barfed it all over my steering wheel, and it was the sprouts that were stuck. But I was so embarrassed because it was me being mom eating really fast to go run errands and go to the next thing where like we need to actually – we should be able to as moms sit and –
00:11:53
Speaker
eat our lunch. And they and I had no excuse because there was no kids around. I was just rushing. But I was embarrassed because it was all over my steering wheel and then I had to clean it up like I do for my kids. So my mom fail was that relax and eat lunch sometimes, Megan, and maybe, and I have not gotten sprouts on my sandwich since then because I know that's what made me chill.
00:12:13
Speaker
But you were eating lunch. That's a good thing. You're right, Charlotte. You're right. Yes. it. sounded like a good, healthy lunch too. Yeah. I don't know what happened, but me I think I took too big of a bite. I don't know. I'm just picturing the sprouts coming out and like i would never eat them ever again.
00:12:28
Speaker
I haven't since then, Caitlin. I know. I'm still recovering.
The Many Hats of Motherhood
00:12:32
Speaker
Okay. We're moving on to this week's topic and the topic is the many hats of motherhood.
00:12:39
Speaker
being moms, but also these other hats and interests. And I wanted to share with you all, I feel like I'm a teacher here. This is a person showing all her hats.
00:12:51
Speaker
Wow. So for the for the listeners, I guess we do on YouTube, but for the audio participants, Megan is holding up a picture of a woman with their hip popped and so many hats.
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah. She's counselor, chauffeur, coach, mother, gourmet chef, nurse, handyman. And motherhood, we wear so many hats like this amazing disco dancer.
00:13:13
Speaker
Okay. I love it. And a crown. Don't forget the crown. Oh, you're thank you, Kelly. That is the most important, that crown. and i All of us moms wear a crown. That's a crown hat.
00:13:24
Speaker
Overlapping roles a mother takes on, which are ah caregiver, a nurturer, provider, and more, all while juggling our personal needs and aspirations.
00:13:36
Speaker
And I know for me, i have a hard time with this every day, wearing so many hats and not setting up enough time to take off one of those hats.
00:13:47
Speaker
There's something alluring about hats. You can change your whole look with one accessory. It all depends on what you have to do that day. It's considered sometimes a badge of honor to wear many hats, a mark of versatility, usefulness, and the ability to grow and learn.
00:14:08
Speaker
And I'm going to start off and ask myself, Megan, what hats did you wear today? And then I will ask you ladies. So, so far already today, I've been a mom, a chauffeur.
00:14:20
Speaker
I've been a nurse because my son was homesick yesterday and today i was still nursing him. I've been a cleaning woman, cleaning lady. Is that a hat as well?
00:14:32
Speaker
Later on, I'm going to be a chauffeur and probably a teacher and help with homework. So those are the hats that I've worn already. Also a podcaster. That's my...
00:14:43
Speaker
career hat today. Thank you, Callie. Now, Charlotte, I want to know what hats did you already wear today or what, what you know, your motherhood of hats? um I was a dog walker. I was, I did go to physical therapy. I don't know what that hat would look like. So I did take care of myself. Good.
00:15:00
Speaker
I was ah I helped with this school project, whatever that is called. i I don't know. We're recording it early. So the day is young. You're right. I'm going to be a coach later on today. I'll help with homework as well.
00:15:14
Speaker
I don't know. For me, it's like not the obvious hats. I guess for me, it's the sneaky hats that are sort of just like background noise. Like, I don't know. if All of us, I think, are probably responsible for. And we've talked about this, like the emotional labory type stuff. But like,
00:15:31
Speaker
I don't know, like, what do you call the hat that's like keeping track of the fact that you have 17 appointments to make in the next three months or like remembering that that light bulb is out or remembering that the car needs to have the oil changed? Like those are the hats that for me are sometimes the more aggravating because they're not cute.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yes. Agreed. Definitely not cute. You don't accessorize with them. No. Caitlin, your hats. I've done a lot today, actually. um You know, I wore the poop picker upper hat because I had to clean the litter box.
00:16:04
Speaker
And then I cleaned my toddlers. What would you call that? I'm the bathroom attendant. i was the laundress today. I've been a chef. I've been the house cleaner.
00:16:15
Speaker
i have yet to drive anyone anywhere. Chauffeur is later. Podcaster, obviously, right now. There was one I was just sitting here thinking about and I was like, This is good. I got to say it. You're a tech consultant. I'm a tech consultant. Yeah.
00:16:29
Speaker
I mean, I think, I think the, oh, I was a, I was a home organizer. I organized some the stuff in the, yeah, in the basement for quick 15 minutes.
00:16:40
Speaker
You were a hairdresser. Your hair did not look like that in the text you sent us earlier. I was a hairdresser and I did all my kids' hair today too. So I didn't even do my own. It wasn't, you know, there was a lot going on.
00:16:53
Speaker
Callie, your turn. um What hats have you worn today, Callie? Yeah, I feel like a lot of the same ones you guys did. So let's see, I woke up, I did business sonar stuff and then, right? What is that? I don't know.
00:17:06
Speaker
Then I cooked food. I was a chef. And then, I mean, I was just basic mom stuff, right? Like getting my baby up and getting her bottle ready. And then I was a house cleaner. And then I was a wife, which I guess, you know, like I always think about this one as like an easy one that like I forget about. But like when my husband gets home from dropping off the kids and like he would like to have a conversation that I also would like to have too. But it's one of those hats that's easy to be like, let's do it later.
00:17:33
Speaker
But I made time to do that over coffee. And then i went back to business owner and YouTuber and then I got ready to be a podcaster. i also have not chauffeured anyone yet today, but that's coming.
00:17:45
Speaker
Now I want to elaborate more on what Charlotte was went into. And I want to talk about us as moms and wearing all these hats and how stressful and the struggle can be and how how
Delegating Tasks and Managing Guilt
00:18:01
Speaker
we do it all. I mean, you know, we're we're moms and we do do it all, but I don't sometimes like wearing all these hats.
00:18:08
Speaker
So i delegate certain hats to maybe my husband, if he wants to take the hat, or, you know, I'll ask my, my, my mom or my mother-in-law, but I know, you know, being a mom and then also wanting this career hat.
00:18:24
Speaker
And then, you know, you sometimes feel the guilt of wanting the personal mom hat and going out with friends. But I feel like In order for me to wear all those hats and feel good, I have to take the mom break hat and have that personal hat and go out and have a little me time. So then I come back with the patient's hat.
00:18:45
Speaker
But I wanted to know, Charlotte, how do you handle wearing all these hats? Every day in motherhood. I mean, i don't know. How do any of us handle it? We just sort of do it.
00:18:57
Speaker
I don't know. I think I naturally like being busy and I like a challenge. And so I think for me, there's probably times when I'm more overwhelmed than i even admit to myself because I'm just used to like getting it done and and doing the next thing.
00:19:11
Speaker
And so I think that's probably something that I need to be more aware of is like, it's it's very rare that I will i identify as being like anxious or stressed. Those are words that don't sit well with me. And so I think I'm probably mentally working around those words because that's just part of the human experience. And so I think there's probably times when ah don't manage the hats. I mean, I will say that as my kids have gotten older, it's a little bit easier to choose which one you want to wear because you're not like responsible for
00:19:46
Speaker
just caring for them the same way they were when they were younger. So I don't know if you felt that way, Megan, like I still have to drive them everywhere. But if I want to listen to a book on tape and have my headphones when I'm driving them, that's a choice I can make because I don't have to.
00:20:01
Speaker
They're not a young anymore. Yeah. So there's still hats. I feel like maybe there aren't as many that have the same sort of urgency as they did when you had to like nurse a child or you know, they still need me to cook for them. But if I were to say, I feel crummy, just go find something. They would all make cereal or pancakes or something. So I don't know. I mean, this is another thing that I guess changes with age.
00:20:25
Speaker
I don't know if i answered your question, but. No, you did. You did. Thank you. Caitlin. I mean, I can kind of say everything Charlotte said, and I'm envious that, you know, Charlotte, you can say you don't get anxious about everything that you have to do. And that's my nature. So what I've,
00:20:43
Speaker
been learning how to do is asking for help and delegating these other responsibilities to people in my life. But I struggled in doing so because I want to control everything. And I'm afraid once, you know, I hand over that hat, like the the one that I wear every morning when I get two older children ready for school and breakfast and lunch. and And my husband just said recently, he's like, I can help do this.
00:21:10
Speaker
there's like a ah booklet of instructions that go with it. And we've talked about this before on the show. You know, it's hard to just give away your responsibility to somebody else if you like it done a certain way or when there's so many questions that need to be asked about it.
00:21:25
Speaker
that That drives me nuts. And I'm trying to work through it because it was creating a lot of anger and tension in our home when I would just flip out and say, do you guys not see what I'm doing? I'm doing everything and I can't,
00:21:39
Speaker
do it all. I mean, if you visualize how many hats you could be wearing at the same time, it's heavy and then it's exhausting. I think my other issue with the whole thing is the invisible hats that you wear. Like you guys said, like there's things that you're doing and responsibilities that we take on as moms that I think other people don't realize.
00:21:59
Speaker
And I've been trying to teach my older children, like, please don't take this for granted. Please see what I'm doing for you and how I've helped you. something as simple as putting things aside for when my daughters have a really busy afternoon after school and, you know, I get their food ready and their clothes for dance ready because um I know that they have to come in and do their own things.
00:22:19
Speaker
And I want them to appreciate it because it sucks when you're doing everything for everyone and and no one really thinks to say thank you. Yeah. And our kids need to wear our hats. Like Charlotte taught me, one of them can fold the laundry and wear that hat when they get off the bus and few hours. just had to add the children can take the hat off too and wear it.
00:22:40
Speaker
Well, it's also to, I mean, nothing but sorry, not to hijack it from Callie, but you know, you had said a little bit, Caitlin, that it's, a and I had the same thing. Like as my kids have gotten older and I've gotten older, my own expectations have shifted. And some of it is deliberate because I was like, I am creating a monster. Like I am the only one, I feel like I've talked about it on here. When my when Oliver was a baby, i was folding his onesies in like the perfect way to fit in the basket. And then I would come home and the nanny had done it differently. And there was a time when I just was like, this is so frustrating. Does she not see how these are folded in the whatever?
00:23:16
Speaker
And that was, there was no purpose to the fold. Like I was the only person It was just negative. The only thing coming from this was me feeling like a jackhole because i was irritated with her.
00:23:28
Speaker
And so it took a while, but I finally reached the place of like, okay, this is an expectation that I need to put aside. But it it didn't just happen overnight. It was something I decided for myself. And it's the same with, I don't know, getting your kids to help. I think having had a classroom of 18 kids, I learned like ways to get them involved so that I didn't, I don't know, put pressure on myself and i don't know, we all change expectations as we move to sort of help adjust to our own anxiety and our needs.
00:24:05
Speaker
And, I don't know, like I'm sure, Caitlin, if you were to think about things that you were expecting of your family five years ago when you only had two girls, I'm sure it was totally different. like Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
00:24:17
Speaker
And what you're to go off of what you're saying is how we get comfortable with a certain routine and things being a certain way. And sometimes it's harder to deal with how uncomfortable you're going to be when that has to change.
00:24:31
Speaker
So for you, it it was really comforting to fold those little onesies and to put them away like that. Like that felt good to you. But when you realized you couldn't handle it anymore and someone else had to do it, you're like, oh, she's messing it up. But it's really just because so that you know we don't want to be uncomfortable in certain situations.
00:24:47
Speaker
You know, it's down to, i I mean, I'm just thinking of the routine of getting the kids out the door in the morning. Sometimes I'll just stand there knowing that okay, you're not supposed to interject. Like just let, let Brandon, let him take this over as I'm going. He's not doing the water bottle, right? Just go away. And I did it this morning. I just walked away and I went to the basement and started cleaning something else.
00:25:11
Speaker
One, one thing I used to do Charlotte and I regret it. Like you with folding the onesies. I used to go and clean up the playroom like at night, every night, but like with my first and maybe second,
00:25:23
Speaker
For me, I wanted to know it was all clean and perfect, even though it was going to get trashed the next day. I don't know why. And then finally with the third, there was no way I could do that. But what was I thinking? Like, you know, I didn't need to wear that cleanup hat at 10 p.m. at night.
00:25:39
Speaker
Just go to bed so then, you you know, you have more energy for the next day to wear the motherhood hat. Right, Callie?
Switching Roles and Strategies
00:25:47
Speaker
I think my hardest part about all of the hats that like that I've come to notice is the switching of the hats.
00:25:55
Speaker
So, you know, like in one day, and we could, I mean, we listed off the hats at the beginning, right? There's like private chef and nurse and and and a lot of those are going to fit under like like motherhood tasks, right? And then there's like home care tasks. And so they kind of can like bucket a little bit.
00:26:11
Speaker
So for me, it's when I have to do a lot of shifting back and forth. Like when I'm going from like career stuff to mom stuff. And then I got to go back to career stuff. And then mom, and when I'm doing a lot of that in a day, i find it's far more draining to me where if I have a day where like, say my kids are off school and I'm like, like I have a rule now where I'm like, I don't work when the, when the big, you know, if all the kids are home, I'm like, I just don't even try.
00:26:34
Speaker
It's not worth it to them. It's not worth it to me. I can't, you know, my kids are little, I can't be doing that. Those days are easier in a lot of ways, like mentally to like my brain than the days where I'm going back and forth where like maybe I'm working and then they wake up and I'm getting them ready and they're going off to school and then I'm going back to work and then I have to go and pick them up.
00:26:53
Speaker
That's far. And I think about it a lot, you know, when you have a lot of tabs open on your browser and I can't, you know, I'm i'm not even going to be able to find the information for this staff, but they talk about when you, when your brain switches back and forth from tasks is simple as going from editing a paper to switching over to your email that like it takes up a little bit of protein in your brain.
00:27:13
Speaker
And so they, you know, it's about multitasking how they're like, you're not supposed to, like you should be sitting in on one task for a while. Cause that back and forth, even though it seems really small, like I'm just checking my email, like it's more taxing to your brain. And so I always think about it that way.
00:27:27
Speaker
So for me, like I try to be really good about trying to group things in my day as much as possible. So I'm not doing too much back and forth. So like if I have a morning where like, I know I'm going to have the kids for an hour in between something like I'm not going to try to squeeze some work thing in there most of the time. Cause it's just going to be too taxing for like me to go back and forth.
00:27:49
Speaker
So for me, that's the hardest part. I think of all of the, the hats is the constant, constantly have to shift into the new one all of the time. So that's sort of how I approach it. that i mean, not that this always works, but I try to, to batch things like I'm a big brain dumper. So like I will write all of the stuff I need to do maybe for a week.
00:28:10
Speaker
And then I try to say like, okay, how can I try to like batch this into like tasks so that I'm not like shifting and shifting and shifting all of the time. I'm like pinball. My brain is so high.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Totally. Which you, you know, you said you get exhausted. You can fatigue, you know, you get fatigued from switching back and forth. And I think after i had my third, which it's now been three years, which is crazy to me.
00:28:35
Speaker
I had a hard time accepting accepting that I couldn't do that anymore, that I just had to be mom. I couldn't take an hour to go work on my blog. I couldn't take an hour to go take photos.
00:28:47
Speaker
And it took me probably a year to finally just say, okay, you can't, that's it, you're done. And recently I've started, you know, tiptoeing around to see if I could jump back and forth.
00:28:58
Speaker
But the second, you know, i have a toddler who wants my attention, then I'm done. I'm like, okay, forget it. i can't write anything right now. I just have to wait till I'm alone or you know, unless she's going to help me, which she's not helping. I think I was too stubborn to recognize that because I think that's really smart and probably very wise. I think I was insistent that I could do a little bit of this and a little bit of that. And I think there's times that we probably can, but I suspect that there's other times when I don't realize the like weight that that's bringing. And, you know, at the end of the day, when it,
00:29:33
Speaker
you're already tired and you just are like, and you explode. I'm sure that that's, all part of the soup. I've had too many times where like, I'm trying to get something done and then the kids need me. And then I find myself like almost resenting them because I can't finish this task.
00:29:50
Speaker
And so I've just, I mean, I failed, I failed too many times at doing this to realize like, no, no, no, you can't. It's not that I don't do anything when they're around. Cause I do, I get a lot done when they're around, but I pick things that like it can end at any moment and it's fine.
00:30:04
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, I've had to mess it up a lot to kind of Learn that. I mean, I still mess it up, too. i just this morning i was supposed to be sending you guys the timestamps and I'm also making sauce and I'm also setting up a painting project for Arbor. And finally, I said, just wait, step away from the thing that requires your most attention, which is putting down this timestamps. Go finish one of the things, then go back to that.
00:30:28
Speaker
But next time, maybe do that when no one is around you. And you know, that's when you're, weight when you have 50,000 hats you have to put on and in a day, anything that's going to require you to be alone might not happen.
00:30:42
Speaker
And that's tough to accept. That's, you know, i get really angry and then I've had to self-talk and be like, it's nobody's fault. It's okay. If this doesn't get done, it's okay. If you don't have your a little alone time, tomorrow's a new day.
00:30:56
Speaker
also think there's a stress that comes from making those choices.
Prioritizing Tasks and Relaxation
00:31:00
Speaker
I think there's a weight to that too. Sort of to your point, Callie, is like, am i goingnna am I a mom now or am I moving on to cooking or am I moving on to my job or am I moving on to self-care or- yeah There's a pressure to that.
00:31:13
Speaker
You were saying before we were ah filming this episode, you were doing sauce and this and that. And I catch myself doing that too, where I try to tell myself, do the things that are a priority and need to get done so then I could like feel that sense of just a little relaxation. You know, we're...
00:31:33
Speaker
I know the dishes have to get put away after dinner and I remind my kids to clear the table, but they don't do it. And there's a load of laundry to get done. And maybe I have something for work that has to get done. And I try to tell myself, prioritize and don't sit there and scroll on your phone, even though at the end of the night, that's the hat I want to wear, the relaxation hat. But I know if I don't get, if I get the dishes done,
00:31:57
Speaker
the The laundry and then the work thing, it'll be more enjoyable to then scroll. So I tell myself, Megan, try to prioritize those things so then it's, you know, and then you can eat a snack while you do it. And it's like has more of that like relaxation hat, you know if that makes sense.
00:32:14
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, something I thought about when you were saying it earlier, forget who said it, but it made me think about like there's the hats that we want to wear and then sometimes the hat that we can't wear right now. Like I was even, and maybe Megan, when you were talking about like going out with friends or something.
00:32:29
Speaker
And I think that's always a constant struggle in our own head of like knowing that we need to do these other hats. But like, when do I get to that? Wear the other. i love I love that we're using hats as like this.
00:32:40
Speaker
I know, right? When can I put on the baseball hat? What good visualization. Yeah. to char I wanted to piggyback off what Charlotte was saying because i when I was thinking about this topic for today, i was thinking how this is something that we I've been trying to push in our marriage because...
00:32:58
Speaker
I'm just so open with my mental health to my husband that I don't, he's not. So if he's drowning in something, he's not going to say it to me. And he's not going to ask for help because a lot of times his things that he has to worry about are his and his only.
00:33:14
Speaker
It's just his. And ah I, you know, a couple months ago kind of just broke down and I said, I can't do it all anymore. Like, I just feel like every day I wake up and I'm sad that I have 800 things to do And that one hour of self-care at yoga is not enjoyable in the sense that I'm doing it because I know that it's good for my body. and But it just became another thing to check off the list.
00:33:39
Speaker
It's not like I'm going golfing like you might be doing. It's not like I'm going out for ah walk in the neighborhood with friends. It's just one thing after another. And so I was getting really angry with him and not telling him that I was envious of his just easy, like five hats that he had to put on instead of my 82.
00:34:03
Speaker
eighty two And, um my therapist was like, you need to just sit down and explain it to him. Maybe write it out, show him all of the things that you're doing, see what he can do and tell him that you're not mad at him for his life. Because i can't be mad that he gets to work in front of a computer all day, even though sometimes I want to, but you know, he might be stressed out about other things. So We're working on that. It's feeling a lot better. But there was a couple months ago, I was like, I can't do this anymore.
00:34:32
Speaker
Too many hats. I quit. I relate. I relate so hard to when you talk about checking off a box because I found myself doing that too. Like even things that should be enjoyable, i find myself as being like, it's just another thing that I have to do. And it's something I'm working really hard to reframe. And I i find, I mean, so much in our life is just like the way that we could like market it to ourselves, right? Or like our own like mindset shift about it.
00:34:56
Speaker
I found myself like that's helped a lot is like me thinking about things is like, it's not just like, not everything is a fricking checkbox that you have to check off, but I do that too. And it makes even pleasurable things feel not pleasurable.
00:35:09
Speaker
Right. I get to work. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But I find there's such a fine line between, ah scorekeeping and being honest about how you're
Loneliness in Motherhood
00:35:25
Speaker
feeling. Like I was thinking about, because, you know, we've been through that too. And for me, it can be ah sort of this profoundly lonely place to be because,
00:35:36
Speaker
there's There's no way to truly communicate all the different hats. i mean, yes, I can sit down and write them down, but I don't know that there's any, like, I don't know that there's anyone who's like, whoa, I had no idea.
00:35:48
Speaker
it's It's obvious that this is lopsided as far as hats that we're wearing. And the loneliness comes from, i don't, I'm not gonna go through my day like, look at all the things I did, now give me words of affirmation.
00:36:04
Speaker
but also feeling like you're sort of locked into this reality of this is really, it feels unbalanced and pressured. And I don't know, there's moments when that gets very lonely. I think that's why girlfriends have sort of filled a different space as I get older because, you know, only someone who has, you know, kids and jobs, like it's a very familiar experience, I think for many of us.
00:36:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think there's nothing worse than when you're in the middle of a chaotic day and you just look at around everybody in your house and you're like, do you guys even know what this feels like? And it sucks. You know, someday maybe my daughters will end up having a role like I have in a family. But until then, and I think I've, I appreciate my mom so much more now and everything that she does.
00:36:58
Speaker
And sometimes I criticize her for doing too much for my dad to because she still does stuff that I say I'll never do. But like, man, I feel bad that I was just such a bratty teenager to her as she was working two jobs and tim putting up with me and my sister.
00:37:16
Speaker
But the craziest thing is that I sort of think like if we're – Doing it right does isn't the expression I want, but I don't want my kids to feel like I'm doing all of this under weight and pressure. Like I do want them to feel like this is effortless, so to speak, even if it doesn't feel that way. So I don't know what the balance is between, i don't want them to feel guilty that I'm doing these things for him. I don't want them to feel pressured to like recognize and be like, good job, mom. Like, thanks for making dinner. Like, I don't want to put that on them either. So it's like, how do how do i how do I feel ah gratitude and appreciated, but not pressure? You know, it's, it's very complicated.
00:38:00
Speaker
Yeah, and I think about it, sometimes Michael and I will be talking and he'll be like, he'll say something like, you know, do do the kids understand how good they have it about something? And I'm like, ah the only thing anybody can understand is like what they, the only, like the reference point that they have for it, right? Like I i always explain, like, remember when we had one kid and one kid felt Like so hard, like just hardest.
00:38:22
Speaker
Now, if I had one kid, I mean, that sounds like ah just a dream. I'm like, so, you know all they have is at some point, they're never going to fully understand the weight of what we do until they do it, assuming that they they go on to be parents. So it's hard in that sense, too. It's like we can't expect them to fully grasp what we're doing either.
00:38:43
Speaker
Right. So it's that balance, because, of course, you want them to feel gratitude for what you're doing for them. And you want them to be grateful people. um Right. But they're always going to be salty that we're not going to Puerto Rico because Susie and her family are going to Puerto Rico. Yeah. Because that's their reference point. yes Yeah. cool yes Or I'm a big stickler of like please and thank yous. I don't know if you girls are, but but like.
00:39:06
Speaker
Even like but this morning, Ava was like getting on the bus and she was like, I need some money to go to town after school. So I'm like, okay. You know, I gave her a certain amount and I was like waiting for a thank you. And there was nothing. I said, you can say thank you. She's like, well, I kind of I kind of did. I said, no, you didn't. You need to say thank you. I mean, I don't remember getting town money every day going in and I like,
00:39:27
Speaker
struggle with that because I don't know like you know same thing Callie like I feel them they these kids have like the life and I and what Caitlin said too I do appreciate my parents so much more now because and now I have my own kids and I felt like I didn't show enough gratitude to my parents during that time because now my kids don't show it but hopefully in a few years they'll like me and the gratitude will show even more I actually mean please so before we move on I want to do really, really fast, and I know we kind of already briefed it, but I'm going to do really quick tips for wearing too many
Quick Tips for Managing Roles
00:40:03
Speaker
hats. Really quick.
00:40:04
Speaker
Mine is make time to do something you love every day, even if it's a few minutes. Callie, if you have one quick tip for wearing too many hats, what is it? Before you said batched, right? Do you want to say that one? Yeah, brain dump all the stuff you have to do and then try to batch it into like, love that. Areas.
00:40:20
Speaker
Okay. And then Caitlin? If you have a quick tip for wearing too many hats. If you can't do something, don't feel bad. Charlotte? I was going to say something similar. Give yourself grace. None of these hats, they all can be swapped out and dumped for a little bit. So I just wanted to share this little tidbit here.
00:40:38
Speaker
Mother. One person who does the work of 20 for free. We are their moms, but don't let that short word fool you. Motherhood is a collection of hats, and we are proud to wear them all.
00:40:52
Speaker
Most of the time. yeah Megan, who is your guest this week? Before jumping into Pits and Peaks, I'm going to share a chat I had with Samantha Yanks.
00:41:04
Speaker
ah fun you Are you all familiar with her? She is the co-founder of the Connecticut Edit, Samantha and her daughter, Sadie, on the Connecticut Edit. They share businesses and the local community while connecting with them.
00:41:18
Speaker
And Samantha is an alum of Vogue, Oprah, Hamptons, and the editor-in-chief at Westport Magazine. She shared her many hats of motherhood and also tips on juggling it all. So let's jump into that conversation right now.
00:41:39
Speaker
The many hats of motherhood, being moms, but also having these other hats and interests. What's your thoughts? Being a mother is, you it's primary for me. It's one of those grounding pieces of my life. But I always say to people,
00:41:56
Speaker
it's not everything. Like there isn't one piece to any of us that wholly identifies who we are. And I think a lot of people have this kind of feeling that it's all or nothing.
00:42:08
Speaker
And my feeling has always been Be a great mother, but also be a great athlete, be a great chef, be a great coworker, be a great boss.
00:42:19
Speaker
like We're all striving. i think there's this word that you know a lot of us are using now, like are we optimizing our best self? Then we need to try to optimize our best self across the board. Right. And when you do all of those things, hopefully, like when you take care of yourself and when you show up to work properly and we show when you show up for your family properly, it all kind of jives a little bit better.
00:42:40
Speaker
it took me, you know, my daughter's about to turn 18 next week. And it took me a while to realize that all of those things kind of need to work together for you to be really excellent at any one thing at any time.
00:42:54
Speaker
Now, Samantha Yanks, wearing all these hats, sometimes it's hard to enjoy motherhood. You can wear several hats. And you have the Connecticut Edit with Sadie, your editor-in-chief of Westport Magazine. You're a mom, you're a wife. What are your tips for wearing too many hats?
00:43:15
Speaker
I have realized over time that I am better if I'm not solely focused on one thing. And I think it kind of goes back to what we were just talking about, where motherhood is the primary, but not the only.
00:43:28
Speaker
So tips are, and i there are a lot of words that people shy away from, but be efficient. Honestly, use your time wisely. be super dedicated to whatever the task is at hand. I really try to be hyper-focused on whatever it is that I'm in the moment doing, right? So if I'm with Sadie doing something, that's my primary focus.
00:43:53
Speaker
If I am out for a walk with a friend because I need to relax and recharge, I'll text everyone in my family and say, I'm offline for the next hour and then check back in.
00:44:04
Speaker
So communicate would be my second one. Just like communicate with your family the way that you expect people to communicate with you. And I don't mean that everyone needs to know where you are and what you're doing 24 seven, but be a efficient, communicate and be dependable.
00:44:20
Speaker
Those are always my tips, right? If I say I'm going to do something, i try to do it. barring something happening right life is life and things happen but be dependable i i listened to something that matthew mcconaughey said the other day it's gone pretty viral i guess but like do what you say say what you do right like if you're gonna tell people that you're gonna do something do it. If you say you're going to show up for something, show up for something.
00:44:45
Speaker
And we try to keep those guidelines within our family and externally always. And hopefully those are some tips that work. It took me, as I said before, it took me a long time to learn some of these things too.
00:44:58
Speaker
Love that. And love Matthew McConaughey too. I mean, who doesn't? who Like, all right, all right. I mean, it's just like, he's the best. Yes. There's something alluring about hats. You can change your look with just that one accessory. And it depends on the day.
00:45:14
Speaker
What hats or hats did you wear today and why? Well, it's 9.53 in the morning. So my hats were actually, I was thinking about this before you and I hopped on. they were very different than they normally are. I haven't been sleeping very well, and I'm trying to figure out what that is all about.
00:45:33
Speaker
And because I haven't been sleeping very well, I woke up this morning at five and my first hat that I wore, which is so not me, is I baked a banana bread. So baker was my first hat um And then I worked out a little bit. um So kind of like my wellness hat.
00:45:50
Speaker
And then I saw my daughter. so mom had got on the phone with my husband who's traveling on a business trip. So wife had did a little bit of work. So work had and then this hat, which is the most important one to bring it all together, which is I call the community hat.
00:46:07
Speaker
Just all of us talking all the time and trying to help each other out and give each other tips and like I'm learning all the time. So the community hat is I mean, before 10 a.m., m those are a lot of hats.
00:46:22
Speaker
Yes. That's it. I don't know what the next hat is. I think that, you know, the next hat is TBD. Yes. And it like you said, it's 10 a.m., and you've already worn all those hats. So God only knows what hats you're going to wear.
00:46:36
Speaker
hope it's a little chiquer because I haven't had the chic part of my day yet. But some a beautiful hat is is hopefully hopefully will be worn later today. Yes.
00:46:48
Speaker
Okay. This is the time of the episode where we get into pits and peaks. And i would like to know Caitlin's pit or peak this week, please. I have a peak.
00:46:58
Speaker
So I, within the last year was adult diagnosed with adult ADHD and something my entire life I never knew was part of this was that I like to have some kind of background noise of my control going on to filter out some noise maybe around me that I don't want to pay attention to because otherwise I keep focusing on it.
00:47:20
Speaker
And I just found out that the iPhone has an app. No, it's not even an app. It's a setting on your phone that turns on white noise. And people were not happy with this when I shared it online. They were like, that sounds horrible.
00:47:34
Speaker
But to me, like if I put my AirPods in and I put that white noise on very softly, I might not hear my children talking in the other room and then I could focus on something I'm doing in the kitchen because otherwise I become very distracted.
00:47:48
Speaker
So that's my peak. I found this white noise. Just, it's amazing. And you can use it when you're traveling, like to go to sleep and it's cool. Charlotte, do you have a pit or peak this week? It'll be...
00:47:59
Speaker
Outdated for the listeners, but we are recording this a couple days after just a huge day of television. The NCAA women's basketball finals, were you guys all in on this? I'm seeing like tentative nods. UConn won as Connecticut residents. It was a very exciting game. It was a big deal.
00:48:15
Speaker
And then I also, did you guys watch White Lotus? I have to like mute you because I haven't watched it. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything, but it's just, I'm always very pleased with myself when I'm watching something that is sort of like culturally current and relevant. And then i can sort of participate in all of the clips and interviews and memes that are circulating. And it was, i have loved the series. So that is my peak. Both of those things happened this past weekend.
00:48:42
Speaker
Callie. i but I have to update you guys on the fireplace because I feel like every every couple episodes, it's a pit about this fireplace. when So long story is when we moved into this, no, long story short, when moved into this house, it has this old fireplace. The house is over 100 years old and it's got this insert.
00:48:59
Speaker
and tile around it that we cannot touch because it's like to the home. But then there's some pieces around it that they've added. this the hearth that you were stenciling? This is the hearth. Underneath is a cement piece that they did touch and somebody painted it like maroon at one point. Oh, God.
00:49:15
Speaker
So I tried to stencil it. And I failed multiple times. I was trying to stencil this cement piece that was red. And ah first I got like halfway through it or not even. And Tate had sharpied all over it. And then I was like, I'm just going to paint it black. Forget it. And then Olive stepped through it and Tate stepped through it.
00:49:32
Speaker
And then I painted a black and I was like, it sucks. I don't want it. Just black doesn't look good. So finally, I just got peel and stick tiles. Just basic. I thought this wouldn't work because I thought they'd be too thick, but they're they're actually quite thin.
00:49:45
Speaker
They don't like overhang. And I'm not lying when I say it took two minutes. Maybe. Okay. That's a lie. It took 15 minutes to install them. And now the whole thing's done and it looks great. And it was just all of this trial and tribulation when I could have taken 15 minutes to peel and stick tile.
00:50:03
Speaker
No, no. Cause the insert is this old vintage. what Yeah. Otherwise I would have had to obviously get, um, Some sort of like special. The adhesive may not stand up to heat, but I'm happy for your excitement. Okay, good.
00:50:14
Speaker
No, you can't. Unfortunately, we can't use the fireplace, but it's worth it because it's such a cool piece. but Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah. love that So now check that box, right, Callie? It's done. that that That craft hat, right?
00:50:29
Speaker
Okay, I have a peek. So i was asked to chaperone Ava's ballet piece. trip to New York city over the weekend. And she was kind of like, mom, you're cringe. But I was like, they asked me, I'm going to do it. And I got to spend some, you know, we weren't a group, but I felt like it was important to me, even though I was going to be, I was going that whole Sunday from 10 to six, but I felt like it was, in I said to my husband, he's like, you really want to go. And I'm like, you know what?
00:50:56
Speaker
They asked me to go. I want to do this for Ava, even though she's like half wants me there, half doesn't. I want to spend the time with her. And we did, you know, we connected somewhat, but I felt like it was good for me to be there. i enjoyed the show.
00:51:10
Speaker
We got to go. we all went to like dinner and yeah, it was just like a fun day to do something just with Ava and my other two children were home. with my husband, because we talked about that. Thank you on our episode where we try to make time one-on-one with our kids, even though it wasn't a group, it was still like Ava's ballet.
00:51:30
Speaker
city date chaperone for mom, even though i'm cringe, but yeah. So, well, and I was laughing. You said, i don't know if you said it just now, but you wrote, you you saw six. Yes. me Wasn't it a few episodes we were talking about? That was one of the songs.
00:51:43
Speaker
Like my kids would sing that now that you've seen in person, it's raunchy, right? Yes. I was kind of like, when we first got there, i did not do my research. I was just like, okay, wherever we're going, I'm there.
00:51:53
Speaker
But I was like, wow. But then, yeah, I mean, the whole message at the end makes sense. But at the beginning, I was like, ooh, do these girls understand what's being sung right now? But I don't think they did, which is fine.
00:52:05
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So thank you for listening, tuning tuning in here. Leave us a review, Just for Moms podcast. We'd love five stars. Hopefully you're thinking that five stars. If not, it's okay. Let us know how we can improve. we're you know We'll take the the negative too, and come back with some positive.
00:52:25
Speaker
Callie, Caitlin, Megan, and Charlotte. And yeah, bye from just four months.