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Deep Casual Hosting: Why We Stopped Gathering and How to Bring It Back
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In Episode 30, the moms kick things off with the ultimate brownie controversy—nuts, chips, or neither? Then they swap hilarious mom fails (including 50 rogue socks and a birthday cake typo) before diving into the main topic: “deep casual hosting.” Kallie introduces the concept of prioritizing connection over presentation, and the group explores how perfectionism, pressure, and social media have made hosting feel harder than it needs to be. From neighborhood block parties to Italian families who bring five extra desserts no matter what, the hosts share real stories, practical ideas, and encouragement to bring back low-pressure gatherings. The show wraps with Peaks and Pits, featuring missing luggage, pooping pets, soccer wins, and birthday cuteness.
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Transcript
Mysterious Sound Issues
00:00:00
Speaker
that your mic on the table? Me? kind like Yeah. Oh, that was my mouse. That was my mouse. I won't use it. I mean, I don't need it now that I'm recording. So, okay. My my editing brain hears that real loud.
00:00:15
Speaker
I filmed something the other day and it was one of the few videos I was going to send to my editor, which I don't do a ton of those, but, and I went to like pull up the file to send to her and there was some sort of buzzing in the background.
00:00:29
Speaker
And I'm like, I swear to God, there was no buzzing and when I was filming. Like, I cannot figure out where this buzzing sound is. Like, i was like, was the AC on? And I didn't. ah I hope she can remove it. Otherwise, I got to refilm the whole thing. Oh, no.
00:00:40
Speaker
What do you think it was? I don't know. I mean, we have the people across the street that are, like, obsessive about their lawn. So there's like, I'm like, were they weed whacking? just, like, tuned it out. The only other thing I could think is, like, yeah, was the mic touching the computer and the fan was running. But, like, that shouldn't have done it. Like, the mic is its own standalone.
00:00:58
Speaker
I don't know. I'm just picturing fly. It's amazing don't hear. Yeah, exactly. Like if I make the mistake – Or what mic does here. Like if I'm editing and I make the mistake of going on to do something else, I kick back in and I'm like, oh, I haven't been listening for – like I do try to limit the ums and the you knows and the – That's me.
Introduction to Podcast
00:01:19
Speaker
we all have our We all have our thing. I've started doing the – before I talk and I noticed it Amy Poehler does the same thing on her podcast and I almost was like hey guys I can take care of that for you it's just everyone has these weird things that you don't if you're only half listening you don't notice but when you're totally locked in yes
00:01:42
Speaker
welcome to just for moms i'm charlotte i'm caitlin i'm megan and i'm callie we are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging parenthood work-life balance and figuring out what's for dinner again no judgment zone to talk laugh and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis things i' plan the things are we ready are we just gonna should we just dive right in dive right in let's do it dive All right.
Bodysuit Comfort Debate
00:02:08
Speaker
Welcome back, friends. We actually do have to dive right in today because I've got a lot of questions that I need to start with.
00:02:14
Speaker
I just, they kept coming to me this morning and I was like, i'm we're going for all of them. Okay. First one, have we all participated in the woman's rite of passage that is wearing a bodysuit? And by bodysuit, I mean like the shirt that snaps like a onesie.
00:02:26
Speaker
and Under your foe-hoo. and Yes. like a Yeah. Like a leotard. It's been a while. I did it when it came around the first time. Love it in theory. No. Right?
00:02:37
Speaker
I'm wearing one today. it's not It's not buttoned because every time I do it, I put it on and I'm like, this looks great. I look awesome. And then I have to pee or I sit down and like, why are the buttons right at right at the lady bits? That's a bad – I feel like we could – yeah There's got to be a better way to do this.
00:02:55
Speaker
It gets You're fiddling around. You're fiddling around where you don't want to be fiddling, especially if you pee real bad. Or if you're wearing a thong bodysuit because you're just- Why? Who invented that? Yeah. I don't know.
00:03:05
Speaker
Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, is it because I'm tall that like it always wedgies, no matter, there's got to be a wedgie free one, but is there? No. I feel like they all pull on your vagina no matter which one it is.
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah. Isn't there a style where the kids just don't snap it and they wear it flapping? My girls have done that. You're right, Charlotte. But I always it. Then why not just wear a shirt? Yeah. What's the point? I don't It's fashion.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah. I just like it because it's like for certain things, like I'm wearing overalls or like if I'm wearing like a high-waisted, I like that it keeps it all tucked in. But then again, yeah, two hours in, I'm like, i hate every choice I made this morning.
00:03:45
Speaker
All right. I thought maybe it was just me. I've only tried a few and yeah I just really want to take it off. But I love it in theory, you know.
The Great Brownie Debate
00:03:53
Speaker
experience it's not buttoned and so then that's the problem now it's like riding up and anyways okay question number two uh brownies if you're making brownies are we putting chocolate chips in them or not this is spousal debate no for sure Yeah, absolutely. Right. Yeah. Michael says no.
00:04:13
Speaker
And i'm he says it's too crunchy. But I'm like, well, otherwise it's just mush. And he says that's the point of a brownie is that it's just supposed to be. The big question is, do we do nuts?
00:04:24
Speaker
No. No. Nothing. Well, I mean, I would, but I'm not gonna. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't people put peanuts in brownies? What they put are those nasty pecans or walnuts, which are just like thick, and they give that like grit on your teeth. Pecan. Why don't people put peanuts? Peanuts and chocolate are delicious. I feel like that would be a great combo, but you never see that.
00:04:42
Speaker
Maybe because they're so hard, where like a pecan and a walnut is a softer nut. Maybe. Don't they soften with – who knows? Maybe we'll try it. I bet if you Google peanut brownies, it's probably a thing.
00:04:55
Speaker
I bet the Pinterest will help. I got to be honest, brownies are not my go-to. My kids make it, but i don't they're not my favorite ever. I'll never pick brownie on a dessert bar. Same. And no reason this is the reason I make them because Michael loves them, but I can make them and then I can be like, I don't need a brownie. Like if I make chocolate chip cookies, i'm going to eat those every night.
00:05:12
Speaker
100%. But a brownie, I can be like, hard pass. I'm good. yeah But I still, whatever. Anyways. so The only time I like, ah because I'm thinking now about this deeply, I do like a brownie that has a chocolate chunk in it that's a different consistency than the brownie.
00:05:27
Speaker
That's what I mean. It adds some texture. not a little Nestle, tiny little chocolate chip. I don't want that because those melt. And then you take a bite and it's melty. I like a a gooey brownie that's not cooked all the way.
00:05:40
Speaker
And I will, that's really the only time I ever eat a chocolate dessert is when I make them. And then I just eat the center of the brownie and let all the edges just sit there. So that's the other question. Are you an edges or a center?
00:05:53
Speaker
Center. So you're a center. I'm an edge because it has that crisp. I'm an edge. you can hold it. And I like it plain. And then I do have to say, I don't always eat it this way, but now there's so many toppings that they put on top and make it so Instagrammable with the caramel and the marshmallows. I mean, that's not me, but that's what they're doing now with the brownies, the toppings on top.
00:06:15
Speaker
Well, you bake them before you bake them or after. So you bake it, cut it, and then you put it on plate and then you can put toppings on it. frankkly did that We did that in in lieu of a birthday cake for Annabelle a couple of birthdays ago.
00:06:29
Speaker
She had at me make a tray of brownies. We frosted them and everyone got to put their own toppings on their little square of brownie. Oh, that's fun.
School Lunch Excitement
00:06:36
Speaker
Yeah. I like that. Because she doesn't like cake. yeah Fun fact, that's chocolate chips were invented because someone cut up chocolate and put it into some sort of baked item, hoping that it would melt and make the aforementioned baked item chocolate.
00:06:50
Speaker
It did not melt. In fact, they just kept their sort of shape and the chocolate chip was born. Did you know that or just look it up? I knew that because when I was a teacher, my favorite little book was one about like mistakes that people have made that have turned into really wonderful inventions. And we would pull it out and read a page because the kids – The kids were so preoccupied with making mistakes. And it was like, no, this is where like post-its came from mistakes, chocolate chips, leading to our pizza. Like there were so many examples of what good things come from mistakes.
00:07:25
Speaker
And chocolate chips are one. Well, thank you for that. You're welcome. participate in that mistake daily. Okay. Last question. So this is our first year with a child in public school And we are all about hot lunch.
00:07:39
Speaker
Wow. Is he excited about hot lunch? He loves the hot lunch. He thinks it's, a I love it. I'm like, this is like three bucks and I don't have to pack a lunch. But then I was talking to our summer babysitter we had. And at first we gave him a rule that he had to pick three a week and then take three, take two packed, you know, I don't know. it seemed And then I was like, wait, wait, wait, what am I doing? If he wants it, take it.
00:08:02
Speaker
It is a lunch I do not have to pack. And I feel like the excitement of this will die off eventually. Anyways, our summer babysitter was like, yeah, because you could also have a kid like me who refused hot lunch and would only take packed lunch.
00:08:14
Speaker
So since you guys all have children that are older and have been doing this longer, are your kids like hot lunch kids? Do we like what what's the vibe about hot lunch when you've been going for like longer than two weeks and it's just new and exciting?
00:08:27
Speaker
Love it. Yes, love it. They do. hmm. yeah I have two that love it, one that doesn't and refuses it. But last night, actually, it's funny you say this, Callie, Gianna was like, mom, can you start making me like good stuff in my lunch?
00:08:43
Speaker
And I was like, isn't that what hot lunch is for? Wouldn't you rather have the really good stuff at the school versus the moms because I'm not good in the kitchen?
00:08:54
Speaker
Right? And she looked at me and she's like, oh, yeah, you're right. I'm like, so just get the hot lunch. Yeah. Yeah. I don't do it as good as them. Ninja. Ninja. My kids have always loved the hot lunch. In fact, there was a period of time when they were – like a couple of them would sneak in and like grab a breakfast.
00:09:12
Speaker
And they've eaten here. And so we would look at the charges and we'd be like, what the – And so we had to have a little chat about like, you eat breakfast, I watch you. So you don't need a breakfast.
00:09:23
Speaker
We pay for it enough. Because I think during COVID maybe there was free breakfast. Yeah. Like I think they got used to something. And now – Martha, my middle child, I think she has some friends that bring it from home because they're like vegan or, you know, I think they have some dietary restrictions.
00:09:41
Speaker
And so I think whether she got jealous of what they were bringing or she wanted to be able to sit with them right from the jump, Martha will now pack lunch, but like any of them can bring lunch from home, but I'm not touching it.
00:09:53
Speaker
So if they want to throw a bunch of crap in a bag and bring it, God bless, but none of them do. Hmm. Yeah. Annabelle is the most particular, I think, though. she she Now that she's in middle school, they have a different menu. It sort of mirrors the elementary, but middle school.
00:10:09
Speaker
Today, Ailey had, in the elementary school, um birthday cake pancakes because Thursdays are breakfast for lunch. And Annabelle had a cheeseburger calzone.
00:10:21
Speaker
Wow. So they were both very excited about their lunch choices. Yeah. That's way better stuff than I do. Yeah. Yeah, seriously. I'm like, you're going to get a sandwich. Like, we it's that's where we are. You're getting a sandwich. So, well, good. That makes me feel optimistic that – I'm like, I was very worried that it would, like, die off, you know, like the excitement of it.
00:10:42
Speaker
So feeling good about that. Okay, great. Okay, so let's move into mom fails. Who has a mom fail for us? Megan, do you have one? Yes, I do. So I have in my basement a whole laundry basket of about 40 50 socks.
00:10:56
Speaker
And I've tackled it a few times in the past few weeks. But why is there always so many mismatched socks? I think it's because sports is starting, but it takes time to sit down. And and again, it's definitely because sports just started in our house. So there's a lot more socks.
00:11:14
Speaker
But my mom fail is... They're never put together. So last night there was an argument about socks. And I'm kind of like, go in the basement and look in the laundry bin because there's like 40.
00:11:25
Speaker
And I try to piece them together, but there's they're not they're not matching. Megan? Yeah. We moved over the summer. So we moved houses and part of that is packing up the old house. I had a basket in our laundry room that had, going to say 80 bags.
00:11:40
Speaker
Singular socks. The most liberating aspect of the move was taking that and being like, it's done. The day is never going to come. Fly free. And just dumped them in a garbage bag into the dumpster.
00:11:52
Speaker
Yeah. i I have a reel that I made last year of me going through socks and I'm putting all the ones that don't have a friend in in a plastic bag. And at the end, I'm like, do I save these? Nope.
00:12:03
Speaker
And I put them in the trash, which is probably why I have a basket upstairs with a lot of socks without friends because I threw their pair away. Yeah, we even pulled out the washer and the dryer, found a few.
00:12:14
Speaker
I think they leave them in their beds, like if they go to bed, you know, and wear them to bed. Like I find like random ones. And then I just get nervous because then one of my kids has to have those aloe socks that cost like way too much money. So I'm like, we can't lose those. I don't even wear those things. I wear like my pet Walmart socks and I love them and they work.
00:12:34
Speaker
So it's just like I get nervous about throwing some of them out, you know? Yeah, that is an issue. The socks are, it's always an issue. I try to be really good. Like I only i only have one kind of white sock.
00:12:45
Speaker
And then like I have one kind of white sock for the two, the middles. And then my oldest has, he likes the higher socks. But I'm like, you get, like I will not buy you the gray and and black and white multi-pack because ah it. I'll never find, you get one color and that's what you get.
00:13:01
Speaker
And even then I'm still losing matches somehow. So yeah, I don't know. All right, Caitlin, what's your mom fail? I don't know. I was trying to think of one and I just, I feel very disconnected from the family right now because our new schedule is just all over the place. And I work, um, three days a week and I'm not bringing Arbor preschool.
00:13:25
Speaker
And so when I get home from work, it's like, okay, now I have to ask everybody how their day was. And now I need to make sure everybody's fed. And if we have dance, we have to get ready for dance. Um,
00:13:35
Speaker
And a non-negotiable for me is I have to go to yoga at night. I have to go exercise. Well, when I get home, Arbor is just like waiting for me and wants to hang out and lay together.
00:13:47
Speaker
And I feel like this is a mom fail because I just don't have it in me. I'm like, I got to take a shower. I got to eat something. And the last couple nights, she's just crying and i feel shitty, but like, I don't, I don't know what to do. i she's so used to being with me all the time and now I'm never here. And so.
00:14:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's where my mom fell. She'll get used to
Family Dynamics and New Routines
00:14:07
Speaker
it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't – Yeah. I don't mean to sound flippant, but I – I mean, that's a big – that's a big, big, big, big change for her little body and her little brain, and she'll adjust, but – Might take a minute.
00:14:20
Speaker
Don't feel guilty about it. And you seem really happy at your. i am. I'm so, I'm so happy, but this whole, i feel bad. And at the same time, I don't feel bad because I'm like, well, you don't need me to lay next to you every single night in my bed. And don't underestimate how exhausting school is too. Like, even if you were home, I wouldn't be surprised if she was a little weepy. Like ah you're probably getting it with, although Miles was in school all the time. Like,
00:14:49
Speaker
That first day of school for kindergartners and for her, it's so tiring. Yeah. She's exhausted when brand like Brandon picks her up most days. And he said that she's so tired and then she gets home and she won't sleep.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah. She just sits there waiting at the door for somebody to come home. So, okay. I feel better knowing that it'll pass. will. It will. Yeah. And everyone will sort of, it's, yeah, you just sort of adjust to the new rhythms and like, yeah, I mean, it's a good, it's always tricky. Any transition like that is tricky, but.
00:15:20
Speaker
Charlotte, I don't see any little notes for you on our doc, but do you have any mom feels for us? yeah There's no notes in any of the docs. I i have quickly read them. So we've been in this new house for, gosh, we're recording like two and a half weeks, maybe I'll call it three weeks.
00:15:36
Speaker
And I did a pretty good job like mapping it out so I sort of knew where things went. So I knew that Arthur's loft bed would fit in his room, but the rooms in this house, because it's an older home, are like, I don't know, six inches, eight inches shorter maybe. like They're not historic, but they're not.
00:15:53
Speaker
And so Arthur's loft bed, it's like... but When he sleeps, he can get up there. But when he sleeps, his his face is much closer to the ceiling than anyone would like. And we learned this when the guys put the bed to back together.
00:16:08
Speaker
And he was like, yeah, mom, can you move it? was like, yeah, yeah. It's sort of a production to move it so it hasn't happened. So he's just been sleeping in like his coffin of a loft bed for the last three weeks.
00:16:21
Speaker
So that's on my to-do list. Can you cut the leg, Charlotte, or don't even go there? No, I can move the whole like the whole thing that holds the bed. i can unscrew it and bring it down. yeah So it'll be fine.
00:16:34
Speaker
It just means taking the mattress off and taking it. It's just a thing. It's a process. yes Yeah. yeah yes Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those things. Every time you look at it, you're like, oh, God, I got to get to that. Well, and honestly, I think it takes two people and then i have to like wrangle a kid to- Whatever. We'll get there.
00:16:50
Speaker
I mean, it could prepare him for college because my freshman dorm at UConn, my lofted bed was so close to the ceiling that not only could I not sit upright in it, but I couldn't even like hunch over in it.
00:17:02
Speaker
So if I ever woke up, it was right there. Yeah, I think he can roll over. I think his shoulders will get um Well, my mom fail is this weekend was Opal's first birthday. She turned one, which yeah it was so exciting. and And I did her birthday. I like to make the birthday cakes, even if it's like a box cake. I like to like decorate it and whatever.
00:17:21
Speaker
And so I wrote on it, happy birthday, Opal. And it was fine. Everyone's like, look at the cake. And we all took pictures. And like everybody saw it. My mom was here. My uncle was here. um i never crossed the T and birthday.
00:17:34
Speaker
It just said happy Burl. for her whole day and nobody noticed and it just we all just i dotted the eye but i did not cross the teeth that's all right no one noticed but you right right so i guess it was fine yeah we're all just in the same mom brain i guess when there's four children running around yeah that's why they say it cross the t's yeah and the best part is like i remember you know if you've ever like frosted you know like in cursive you know i remember being like come back you know like i'm like i literally could remember being like don't forget to come back and
00:18:05
Speaker
I just was so concerned about the eye that I was like, what tea? I don't know. I sort of like the way that that'll commemorate her first birthday. Yeah. yeah Yes.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And it's so classic, the youngest too. Yeah. he totally tell your they kick right I know this pork. So fourth child, right. I'm like, what do you get a fourth child for their first birthday? We already have all of this stuff and we all know, I don't like having like tons of excess stuff.
00:18:33
Speaker
We went to Big Y, me and the two older kids, and we just got like yogurt melts and granola bars. um That's what she's won. That's what she likes. Yeah. You know what I mean? She's always so happy. Yep.
00:18:46
Speaker
Everybody was happy. It was the most exciting present there. I would always get some bullshit costume or something that everyone could sort of play with, but it would be like a gift for the youngest. Yes. Yeah. That's actually a really good idea.
00:18:59
Speaker
yeah A gift for everyone. Wow. I mean, it works, but it's also sort of sneaky because all the other ones got like their very specific Woody, you know, yeah Toy Story, like microphone. And they're getting like magnet tiles for the family.
00:19:13
Speaker
Yeah. Well, she got food. It's fine. I want to feel bad about it, but I don't. It was a great gift. And we've been eating it all week. So no do not feel bad.
00:19:26
Speaker
Okay. So. Let's dive in to the meat of the topic today. i like in the how many innings are in baseball? at him at The final inning, the ninth inning, whatever. Last night, um Charlotte was like, can somebody else take today's topic? And I was like, yes, I actually have something and I want to talk about.
Deep Casual Hosting Philosophy
00:19:44
Speaker
I read this article over the summer called Eight Ways to Embrace Deep casual coast hosting. It was on Substack. I sent it with to you guys if you had a chance to read it. But basically, this woman talked about what deep casual hosting is. And she talked about it as a way to invite people into your home that prioritizes connection over the presentation of your home. So like, instead of elaborate meals or spotless spaces, it encourages really simple food. She says to have viable a minimal viable cleanliness. So like,
00:20:15
Speaker
You know, it's not dirty, but you're not like making the shoes all perfect on the shoe rack. And i just like I couldn't stop thinking about this article ah literally all summer. And it made me think a lot about, you know, we hear people talk about the loneliness epidemic. I'm sure you guys have heard about that. Like basically they say that people are lonelier than ever than they sort of are. Like the stats about loneliness are just like going up and up in recent years.
00:20:38
Speaker
And it made me think about how people just don't get together casually as much as they used to. And so I looked at some studies and studies show that people are not hosting or attending social events as much as they used to.
00:20:50
Speaker
So one study on holiday hosting found that people were attending three holiday gathering gatherings last year down from five the years before. And people who plan to host the holidays had dropped from 57 down to 38.
00:21:04
Speaker
um And then casual get togethers, obviously there's a bunch of benefits to them. I think we all know that getting together casually is really good, right? So I found some stats about that. They say casual socializing is strongly linked to higher life satisfaction and lower risk of depression. It's been shown even in really small doses that interactions can improve your mood.
00:21:23
Speaker
Strong social ties are associated with lower risk of heart disease, dementia, early mortality. And when people feel connected informally, they're more likely to look out for one another and help each other in times of need.
00:21:35
Speaker
And then they also say, even for our children, if you're somebody who hosts casually, it shows children children, if they see regular casual social interaction, that it helps them learn friendship and that hospitality is a normal part of life.
00:21:48
Speaker
And so then, of course, then I like did a rabbit hole into like, why is hosting declining? And the main reason really came down to is we don't do deep casual hosting anymore. There aren't like backyard birthdays. It has to be this big over-the-top themed birthday at like a rented space. right We can't just have friends over for dinner and like throw in a frozen pizza. It has to be this like elaborate dinner party.
00:22:11
Speaker
where like everything is themed and stuff. And everything I just think has become super-sized. People are kind of burnt out by that. They feel overloaded by all the special events they have to go to. And then obviously social media, like setting the bar way too high with like what people are doing for parties and all of this stuff.
00:22:25
Speaker
So I don't know. I've just been thinking about that a lot. And it really inspired me this summer. At the end of the summer, i ended up throwing a neighborhood block party. I'd been talking about doing this since we moved in last year.
00:22:36
Speaker
And I just did it. And I kept it like so casual. I didn't get anything fancy. We did a potluck. It was like fold out chairs. I invited my entire neighborhood, people I didn't know. Everybody got an invite.
00:22:47
Speaker
And it was so great. And like, but I had to keep like keeping myself in check to not do anything fancy. Like don't rent anything. Don't go crazy with food. Don't buy. Like I literally made one dish and I was just like, other people will bring stuff and it will be fine.
00:23:02
Speaker
And it was so amazing. And everybody was like, we need more of this. Like, I'm so glad you did this. I I've been thinking about doing it for years, but I haven't. And so it just got me thinking about like, why don't we do this more and you know because the benefits of it are so big but it does feel a little bit vulnerable to do it to invite people into your space especially in a very sort of casual way because I think we have gotten used to everything being so buttoned up if you will so um I don't know what do you guys think about this I'm going to throw it to Charlotte first
00:23:35
Speaker
i love the idea. I feel like we're actually, as our kids have gotten older, we've gotten much better at this just with friends that we're close to. Like on a whim, we'll be like, hey, do you guys want to come over for dinner? And that is sort of a rhythm that we've gotten used to.
00:23:48
Speaker
i need to do a better job with like multifamilies and many people that don't necessarily know each other. And then, you know, I can't help but think about like space and where will they go? And that I think is your point because people figured out.
00:24:05
Speaker
And what I thought about is this summer I went to a wedding and it was out in like a couple hours south of Seattle. So it was sort of a schlep to get there. And it was literally in their backyard of their uncle's house, which was a simple A-frame. The house was not part of the party.
00:24:21
Speaker
I think they had the drinks on ice and like a canoe. And the only thing they had was like a charcuterie table. And then I think they had a food truck and I think they had a couple of picnic tables and and and And like porta potty. You know, they had, they did check, but there was like 150 people there.
00:24:40
Speaker
They didn't go overboard. There weren't like... goodie bags. There weren't like themes. There weren't table numbers. Like there was none of this stuff that was so easy to get carried away. And it was so fun and charming and people had the best time. And they had like a bond, you know, at one point someone set the bonfire and they're just brought out like a pile of graham crackers and marshmallows. Like it was so simple and basic. And I think every time I go to something like that, I come away, A, I've had a great time. And B, I realized that we're all
00:25:11
Speaker
grownups and people are going to figure it out. And honestly, if you have someone that doesn't like that vibe, but like, bye. Yeah. Yeah. They're not going to come. I mean, even if I was planning for this block party, there's so there actually sort of been a movement. There's like actually like nonprofits around like why you should have neighborhood block parties. Yeah.
00:25:29
Speaker
And one of the women was like, if you invite all of your neighbors, all this, even people you don't know, she's like, only friendly people are going to come, you know? So it's like the same sort of idea. Like you're not, people aren't going to go to that kind of event if it's not their type of thing anyways. And if someone were to come and be like, like the food is from Stop and Shop and not homemade or like, m the thing is paper. Like I don't really want to spend too much time and be friends with that person anyway.
00:25:55
Speaker
And are are there really even that many? i feel like we all worry about those people, but. They don't exist. That many. Right. Oh, yeah. Or, yeah, I don't know. Caitlin. So I live in a neighborhood where this is our jam.
00:26:08
Speaker
Like we not only does our we I mean, we have a homeowners association that does events a couple of times throughout the years, the year, but it's super casual in the sense that it's.
00:26:20
Speaker
Everybody brings some kind of package snack, especially if it's something for the kids, you know, pumpkin painting at the park. It's there's nothing fancy. It's bring your own pumpkin. We have the paint, bring a snack, whatever.
00:26:31
Speaker
And the the Easter egg hunt is the same thing. And that is really the entire neighborhood. And then in the summer at our pool, they'll do something. They do like a neighborhood pool party and it's the same thing. so Super casual. Everybody brings something.
00:26:46
Speaker
But we have a group of us and sometimes other couples come in, but there's just kind of a core group that we have casual Friday. It's somebody I'll text on a Friday night and be like, Hey, everybody want to come in my backyard? We're ordering a pizza and the kids run around and there's nothing special about it. And we do this so frequently that I, you know, sometimes I invite people that don't live in our neighborhood to come join us. And everyone who comes says, this is,
00:27:12
Speaker
so awesome. They're so laid back. There's no drama. I mean, the kit the kids might all fight with each other, but that's because they'll see each other at school every day. And you know we're all in this little neighborhood, but there's nothing fancy about it. It's not the stuff you see on social media with these themed parties and invitations and dress codes. mean, there's no pressure.
00:27:37
Speaker
And I think my favorite times that we've had together are the ones that come out of that are unplanned. So we all had a snow day and somehow everybody ends up sledding at the park. And one of my favorite memories of living here is we had everyone come to our house and I don't have a huge house, but we crammed in and all the kids were in the basement. All the moms were in the room where the fireplace was and all the dads were outside on the back deck in the snow.
00:28:03
Speaker
And everybody still talks about it. It was one of the funnest, most random. I mean, everyone ransacked their freezers. We just cooked everything we found and, and it was great. And so I encourage people to do things like that. And we always invite new couples or new families that move in to the pool in the summers so they can see like, we're not scary, you know, like, look, this is just come join us because it's great for the kids.
00:28:29
Speaker
And I think that they see that you can, you know, it's It's a community that we have here and and I love it. How many would you, both you guys, when you say neighborhood, how many houses for you, Callie, and how many for you, Caitlin?
00:28:44
Speaker
Oh, there's a lot here. I don't know. Yeah. Ours, where we live is tricky because it's not, there's not, it's not like we're like a long street. So actually that was a really hard part for me throwing the party. I was like, how far am I throwing out this net?
00:28:56
Speaker
So I invited like 35 houses, I think, but next year I probably will expand it. Cause again, it's not like, you know, some people are like a community and it's like an obvious start.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah. Ours is, you can get into our neighborhood from two main roads and And once you get in, there's some little side street cul-de-sacs that are actually not part of the homeowners association, but we still have met people who live in those houses and everything.
00:29:24
Speaker
i have no clue. there're much There's well over 50. and some people And this neighborhood was established in the 70s. It was the first planned neighborhood in our town. so there is this pool, but it's, it's like the pool from the sandlot pool. Well, like half the size of that, but it's not a fancy pool there. We don't have a fancy clubhouse. We have a little kids playground and there's a common area, but it's not where I grew up, grew up where I used to live in the South, where those neighborhoods and their HOAs and their pools and clubhouses were insane.
00:29:54
Speaker
Ours is straight out of the seventies. And so a lot of the people that live in our neighborhood are, um, people who have been here since it was established or new families. And so it's a mix.
00:30:06
Speaker
But to answer your question, I have no idea. 50 plus. Megan, what are your thoughts on deep casual hosting?
Cultural Hosting Expectations
00:30:12
Speaker
Okay. So I am all about it. I feel like I used to do it a lot more when my kids were younger. Now I do not do it as much.
00:30:20
Speaker
And when you brought up this topic, it made me think, you know, it is it's just fun to get together and not have any stress or pressure. And the parent's get to talk and connect and the kids just play and it's just good old fashioned fun.
00:30:34
Speaker
But I want to bring up the fact that I married into a old school Italian family. So there's no such thing as casual hosting when it comes to the food.
00:30:48
Speaker
There is so much food every time, and even if you don't want it, it's coming at you because I have tried to say, no, I don't need to bread from three different bakeries. No, I don't need pizza, and I don't need sandwiches, and I don't need pasta, and I don't need the chicken too. We can just do pizza and call it a day.
00:31:05
Speaker
But that doesn't happen because if you i order the pizza, they're going to come with everything I didn't get because that's what they do. So...
00:31:16
Speaker
Oliver to his friend's house the other day and he was like rattling through all the things that the mom had out and the mom is like that like I've seen her pictures of she's like big Italian family and I've seen like this was the birthday party I was laughing so hard at Oliver like recounting all the things that she'd served Yeah, and Joe and I have gotten to like arguments about it too. We're like, I'm like, we don't have to do all that and I don't want to do all that. We could just do simple. And he's like, but that's what they do and that's what they want to do. So I just got to the point now where I'm like, okay, I'll just order the pizza and –
00:31:53
Speaker
you know, you order the 40 million other things that you need to do to complete it. But it's, they really are like, like that. And I'm sure like, if I like took it to another level, I would be like, no, but I mean, you know, that's not me.
00:32:07
Speaker
I just feel like as long as everyone's having a good time and you know, it every, every, You know, every party too with the casual hosting, if it's at my house or someone else, you have to have the cheese, the super sa, the wine, you you know, the bread, like I just saw the other things I said and it's just how they do it and it's never casual and...
00:32:27
Speaker
You know? Like, if you guys were all like, I want to come to Sunday dinner, and I, like, told Nana, I mean, the amount of food that is there, no matter if you come or don't come, is just on another level. And then, like, if they don't eat it, they give it to the neighbor. They give it to, you know, the nice boys that mowed the lawn. Like, they always, like, give it away to people. It's just, like, their thing. So that's kind of my, there's no such thing as, like, like in my house, I could do it casual, but.
00:32:57
Speaker
It's yeah, I don't really think that's a casual. So I guess my question is, if you like if you're having a party and you are like, we're going to get pizzas for everybody. Is it then that they show up with the food or they come expecting that there will be the other food?
00:33:13
Speaker
No, there'll be communication. They'll come with it. Yep. There'll be communication before to make sure we also have the fruit for dessert. Oh, they're going to ask you. And the salad. And where did you get the cake from? oh no, no, no. Let's get it from there. Nope.
00:33:27
Speaker
I'm getting it from here. It's already ordered. And then they'll come with the the pastries too and the cookies and... And it just can't be one cake because we just went through this with Nico's birthday. I was like, I got the cake.
00:33:38
Speaker
I got it for, I think I got it for like 50 people and we're having 30. So there's plenty of cake, especially if someone wants to have two. It's like, nope. And then we had to add all the other things on. Okay, so it's not like part of me was just like, well, whatever. If they want to show up with all the extra shit, then let them. But it's not. They are bothering you ahead of time. That is tricky. That's tricky. Yeah. So it's definitely, it gets Joe and I have gotten ah arguments about like, yeah but it's gotten to the point now where I'm just like, whatever, let them do what do they want. And yeah. Yeah.
00:34:08
Speaker
Yeah. And you could keep, I mean, you could still, I mean, it's still food, but like you could still, ah feel like you could still attain ah a casual hosting in all the other ways. You know whatity mean? Like in the expectations when people come in that the house isn't perfect in this.
00:34:22
Speaker
And, but i no, I do get it because mean, that's not even something I thought about, but there is always, sometimes there's expectations from other people like Charlotte said, and sometimes you're just like, well, maybe that's somebody I don't have over, but if it's family, then it is a little bit trickier and they have certain expectations of things.
00:34:38
Speaker
One thing I want to point out when I do try to host friends and not family, Joe goes into the family mode. So there's no way of getting around it. No, I have to say, Oh, no, go ahead. I was go ahead. No, I just wanted to share that.
00:34:56
Speaker
No, I have to say I do. I understand that my family's not as extreme, but my mom's side of the family was Italian. So there were always, ways there was always a lot of food and it,
00:35:09
Speaker
sometimes didn't match, you know, like a lasagna on Thanksgiving or a big ZD and like on Cinco de Mayo. Like there's just, there's, when we get together, there's a lot of food. Um, and I think that if I am hosting though myself, something, i had a neighborhood girls night a couple years ago and i asked everybody to bring something, but then I made a lot.
00:35:33
Speaker
more food than people were coming because I got nervous that someone wouldn't like the one thing that I had sitting out or there wasn't enough. And then, and this was again, a couple of years ago, I think maybe Arbor wasn't even born yet.
00:35:47
Speaker
And I remember taking pictures of it before and I wanted everything to be perfect. And I set it up so nice and everyone came in and was like, oh my gosh, look at all of this stuff. And I'm like, my house doesn't normally look like this.
00:35:59
Speaker
And that I realized, like, I don't want to set the bar that high. I don't want my neighbors to come over and think every time I'm just going to be all over the top because that is not me. I don't, I'm not, I don't have a ton of different serving dishes for every occasion. And like my sister has so many different types of napkins and and utensils and serving plates and bowls and glasses and all of this stuff. And so if we do want to have something nice, it's always at her house because she has all that stuff. But anyway, I mean, I enjoy going to things like that, but hosting it myself, it gets me too worked up. And then yeah I'd rather just...
00:36:37
Speaker
We've, I just, before we started recording, I just got it text from my mom. We're hoping to have Thanksgiving with my whole family up here, which I love because we've always traveled and it's a tough time to travel. But my sister also has five kids and my brother will come and my parents. So that's, it's a lot of people. And this house is wonderful and we love it, but it is not bigger than the old house.
00:37:01
Speaker
We moved because it just is a little more charming, but it's not... Like the dining room is specifically a little bit smaller, I would argue. The kitchen doesn't open up. And so, and my sister's house, P.S., has plenty of room. Like they have a kitchen that has like a little dining table and then there's a dining room. So it's sort of an easy fit when we go to her house where we've done it the last couple of years. so And so I'm already, it is what it is.
00:37:25
Speaker
But like, how can we do like, what is it going to look like over here? Like it's Thanksgiving, so I don't want it to be TV dinner per se Like I do want people to be able to sit and eat at a table.
00:37:37
Speaker
But I don't know. i mean, I think we'll figure it out. But I'm already I wanted to be casual, but I want to be fun. And then like you're saying, Caitlin, when there's someone else who like it's I'm already comparing and yeah, other people.
00:37:48
Speaker
So when I was when I was reading about like why people don't host as much, obviously it was talking about how some things have gotten so elaborate. And then it was basically saying, like, if you go to somebody's house and it's very well done or if they have all the matching, whatever that then some people may feel.
00:38:03
Speaker
less likely to want to reciprocate that and like invite them back over if they're not going to be able to offer the same level of that. But I guess I would just urge, I mean, like part of what I think is so beautiful about this whole like deep casual hosting is that the point is you're going into somebody else's house and it will be different. And sometimes you go to a house and,
00:38:22
Speaker
and it doesn't have all the stuff, but you see something else you like, or there's something else about it that's charming, or it becomes the Thanksgiving where you guys are laughing because the kids were outside on a folding table. Like there's always just something like really beautiful about it that happens, but it is hard. I mean, I'm an over planner and an over thinker. So like, I'll do the same thing. I'll run through like every scenario. Like what if there's not enough of this? Or what if they' what if there's somebody who comes that's vegan and they can't, but like if they're vegan, they've done this before. They've been at a place before where there wasn't You know, so i I think some of it is like we have to take that like pressure off of ourselves. Like people are not coming for your matching cups and they're not coming because you're gonna have like the perfect chairs for everybody. Like that's not the point.
00:39:04
Speaker
And so I think that's what I that's what I like about it. I don't know. just think it's. Yeah. and Charlotte, I like what you said, too. And if they are coming, you're probably not you're not hanging out with people like that that are coming to judge or China or. Right. Yeah.
00:39:18
Speaker
No, not my people's. What is this noise? It is the people across the street that are obsessed with taking care of their lawn 24-7.
00:39:28
Speaker
They are weed whacking leaf blowing. There are people, have I told you this, on Monday morning, are multiple, not just a single, multiple people who come with little buckets. And we call them foragers, but they're just like if there's a single leaf that's on the lawn, they're picking it up and putting it. Oh, wow. Wow.
00:39:46
Speaker
Yeah. like Meanwhile, across the street is our house. We've got like bikes and a stroller and so on. Wait, they have a service that comes? Yes. Every day there is, they have a full, I mean, this, this must be a full, full time.
00:39:59
Speaker
There's somebody over there every day, a full service of, yes. Is the yard beautiful? Yeah. Oh yeah. And this isn't even like right here is not even their actual yard. Their yard is like this L shape where we literally look at their service entrance is what I am looking at their service entrance, but they keep it beautiful, which is great. I get to look at it, but also listen to the leaf blower.
00:40:20
Speaker
great Okay, so anyways, I just want to close, even if we have to listen to the leaflore little sound, is I guess if there is somebody listening and they like the idea of the deep casual hosting, maybe they don't have a neighborhood, Caitlin, like yours, where it just sort of is happening happening naturally.
00:40:35
Speaker
If you guys had... you know, maybe something you've done that have worked. Like I told my story about doing the neighborhood block party, which was pretty big, but I mean, I kept it very casual. I just invited everybody and it worked out so nice that Michael and I have been talking about where the other night we're like, wouldn't it be fun to do?
00:40:51
Speaker
Like we just got together with adults sometimes and we did like a game night. And I was like, we could do that. I was like, what about if after the holidays, we just throw it out to all the parents we know in the neighborhood Hey, last Friday of every month, you know, we'll start at our house if other like some of it, sometimes it's just you got to just do it and you have to be the one to do it. And that's really the lesson I took away from the neighborhood block party. Like, i I got to be honest, almost every single person was like, we've we've thought about doing this. Like we've lived here for 25 years. and We always thought it would be a nice idea.
00:41:20
Speaker
And I was just like, I knew if I never just did it, I wouldn't do it. Like I would keep psyching myself out about it. So I guess that's mine. But like, do you guys have any like good little tips? If maybe you're somebody you're new to neighborhood or you don't have a neighborhood where you really have that.
00:41:34
Speaker
And I know I'm like putting you on spot. So if you don't, that's fine. have something. Yes, go. I do. So I hosted ah ah girl's night with a ah spa in town at my house just when she was starting out.
00:41:47
Speaker
And I asked my friends to bring a friend. And it it didn't have to be somebody I knew. and what ended up happening is I met new people that i you know, still know now. And it was cool because you you kind of grow your circle. If you don't live in a neighborhood, um you know, when we were looking for a place to live, this one house we loved did not have, you didn't have a single neighbor. You were on your on your own in the middle of like farm country.
00:42:14
Speaker
And I often think about that. If I was living there, who would I hang out with? You know, who would I call for a bag of, you know, some sugar or something. But if you live in an, if you don't live in a neighborhood, you don't have, you're new to somewhere, find that one person that you do know, or or maybe a mom in class, your kid's class or something, and and see if you can put something together where everybody brings somebody else.
00:42:37
Speaker
And if you don't want to host it at your house, then make everybody meet at a restaurant first and then see if somebody wants to go from there and be like, next time we should get together at someone's house if you don't want to host it at your own. I feel like potluck is something that our parents were really good at and it doesn't occur to me, but like anything potluck makes it so easy.
00:42:55
Speaker
And if you do, I mean, first of all, my friend Beth, who was on the show, I think when we were talking about party planning and her rule is like, just buy it. Just go to the store and buy something. So you can always buy it for potluck, but what if it's like a cookie exchange or everyone brings their favorite charcuterie board? That starts the conversation. If it's a cookie exchange, you can talk about why do you like this cookie? Everyone bring a tin and they can take the cookies with them.
00:43:19
Speaker
So I think something like that is pretty low risk. Everyone's bringing something and there's like a baked in conversation starter. So something like that feels like it would be sort of safe. And you could just stuff mailboxes. You don't have to know people to host that.
00:43:31
Speaker
Megan? and I would say just order the stuff. Pizza. was going to say that's... Yeah, I know. Just order it, make it easy. And then if you want certain people there that are maybe new to the neighborhood, don't be afraid. Go ring their bell.
00:43:44
Speaker
Or, you know, I don't think it's stalkerish to go on... ah You know, I always look up people's names and I've messaged people because it shows you want to meet them and, you know, have a relationship with them. So if you want, you know...
00:43:57
Speaker
Linda down the street that just moved in, go ring the bell or look her up on Facebook. I'm like, hey, I'm putting this together. they don't come. They don't they're lost. If they do. Great. And you have a new friend. Yeah.
00:44:08
Speaker
Yeah. No, I agree. I think a lot of it is. Yeah, we feel hesitant. Like it's sort of like this, like, one, is anybody going to show up? And like, two, is it weird that I'm just inviting someone? I don't know. But I think.
00:44:20
Speaker
I think everybody enjoys some type of connection. And if like we said at the beginning, if there's somebody who doesn't, then they're not going to come. But, you know, I've reached out to like, I've had like somebody I know through somebody I know, like through someone I know. I'm like, sure. Like, come on over. Like, let's do it. Because I do think that everybody at the end of the day, most people want that, you know, they want some type of connection or whatever. So.
00:44:43
Speaker
All right. I guess that's that. Unless anyone has any last final deep parting words about. deep, casual hosting. Now let's peek and pit it.
00:44:55
Speaker
All right. Yeah, you're ready. Charlotte, let's hear yours. I have a peek. I was traveling for work, which means I have to bring all my tools.
Travel Troubles and Triumphs
00:45:05
Speaker
And for the first time that I can remember, my bag didn't make it home.
00:45:11
Speaker
And I was coming home on nine eleven And so for a minute, I was like, maybe they just put a little pause on this bag because it was filled with like saws and drills and tools. Like maybe this is just like security protocol.
00:45:23
Speaker
And I was like, that's cool. I don't need these tools. It did take four days, but I finally got it. So that was, I mean, nothing that couldn't be replaced, but it was nice to get everything back. So that's my peek.
00:45:35
Speaker
Good, good, good. Caitlin? I guess it's a pit. My cat has, I mean, I said this before we started recording.
Pet Challenges
00:45:43
Speaker
I don't know what to do. he just, we clean his litter every day and he just continues to poop on the floor outside of the litter box.
00:45:51
Speaker
It smells, makes my husband mad when he's working in the basement. And then he comes up and talks to me about it and tells me it's because he's old and he's on his way to the rainbow bridge. And I'm I'm like, no, he's just mad about something. I don't know. i don't know ah So I don't know what to do. It's a pit.
00:46:07
Speaker
Can you get one of those kitty pools? I have tried. i he His litter box is on a mat that they can poop on, which is on another mat that collects the extra litter.
00:46:18
Speaker
And he will walk away from all of that and just poop outside of this giant island where he could be taking a dump instead. i don't I don't know. I think he did it today, like right before we started, because he's mad because he's out of dry food. But come on. I'm having a raccoon images again.
00:46:40
Speaker
Oh, I liked them.
00:46:44
Speaker
The other day, you'll love this. The other day, sometimes when I need my kids to put their shoes on, I tell them, like, I'll be like, if you put your shoes on, I'll give you a random animal fact. I don't know why it works. um And so I told Finley she put on her shoes and then I like I didn't have one ready.
00:46:58
Speaker
And I almost was like, sometimes raccoons poop in pools. But I was like, this is not going to this is not going to go over the way I hope. So I picked something else because it feels good to them. That's what it said on Google.
00:47:11
Speaker
All right, Megan.
Child's Sports Victory
00:47:13
Speaker
Okay, so I have a peek. Nico's soccer team, his travel team, they've been together for the past two years. Love the parents, love the kids. It's just a great group to be around.
00:47:23
Speaker
And they played this town, I'm not mentioning any names, this past Sunday, and the boys were... Much bigger, much muscular, but not as skilled.
00:47:33
Speaker
And I felt like we were going to lose big time. I don't know why I shouldn't have just based on their height. And Nico's team played like the best soccer game of their life and they won.
00:47:44
Speaker
And They played really well and it was just like great to see the kids so happy. And yeah, so that was my, my peak. And this opposing coach was like yelling at these kids. Like I was like, I literally was like shaking because I was so nervous for these kids. Like when the game was done, was like our coach, like we'll ah correct them or, you know, coach them, but it's like a very, i like his tone.
00:48:09
Speaker
This was like yelling where I was like, if this was my kid's parent, I'd be like, right. Right. What are we doing here? Like this is their eight. Yeah.
00:48:21
Speaker
So that was my peak because they won. And yeah. all right.
First Birthday Celebrations
00:48:24
Speaker
I also have a peak. So I opal turned one as we discussed with the birthday cake fiasco. But that sort my peak. It was fun. i always love we do just little family birthdays at home, which is cute. She started walking. So she's my earliest walker, which was really exciting. It was just like all exciting. And one week that she's walking. It was her birthday. And it was just it was fun.
00:48:45
Speaker
And it was so cute. You know, Tate was the same way. i don't know if you guys were like this. When it was her birthday and we sang, I remember this so vividly from with Tate when we like brought out the birthday cake and we were singing and we like put it in front of him.
00:48:56
Speaker
And he was just like, because like nothing is ever all about the third or the fourth. So they're just used to like things going on around them. And then when all of a sudden all the attention and Opal did the same thing, she was like, for me, this is for me. It was very cute.
00:49:09
Speaker
Have you seen that cute kid on social media? I think his name is Cooper, and it's all about whether or not he's going to sit on the stoop or not. No. Do you remember there was a dog that I think has since died where they would bring the dog out and it was like, is the dog going walk or not?
00:49:27
Speaker
And it was, what was the name of that dog? it would like It was like, is he going to go out for his walk? And he was so old that it became this thing. Like every morning the guy would share the dog. Megan's nodding. She knows. No, I know. I've seen this stuff and it's, yeah.
00:49:39
Speaker
and I mean, it's so simple, but they do it every day. Anyway, so this little kid I think is maybe a little bit, no, he's walking, so he must be, but it's like they go to the end of their driveway and they watch the cars go by and it's like, all right, we're just at the end of the street. What's Cooper going to do? You know, stoop sweat and he like backs his little booty in with the diaper and sometimes he sits and sometimes he doesn't. And it's just, there's something so sweet about it.
00:50:03
Speaker
yeah and I'll send it to you. All right. I guess this is the end where I remind everyone to leave us reviews. I feel like the last time I went, I didn't realize people who were leaving us reviews, but there are people leaving us reviews, which is nice. Isn't that great? file I was like, look at those people leaving us reviews. That's so kind. So if you haven't, you can join them.
00:50:21
Speaker
Peer pressure. Does that work? I hope it works. All the cool kids are doing it. Yes. Yes. And you should join them. And that's it, I guess. So until next week.
00:50:32
Speaker
Bye. Bye. I'm going to find this kid. Thanks.
00:50:56
Speaker
I have it all down