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Accepting Your Body Post Kids
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In this heartfelt and hilariously honest episode, Caitlin and the crew (Megan, Kallie, and Charlotte) dive deep into the complexities of body image after having kids. From the emotional rollercoaster of feeling like a stranger in your own skin to learning how to appreciate your body for the miracles it’s performed, the moms share raw personal stories, honest reflections, and the real struggles of postpartum self-acceptance.
We’re also joined by special guest Katy Fassett, a stay-at-home mom and motherhood advocate, who brings insight into finding beauty in the “after” and embracing the now.
But first—what’s with all the wildly inappropriate lyrics in our favorite songs? From Taylor Swift to Lady Gaga’s “disco stick,” the moms break down the music their toddlers are (accidentally) singing. Plus: a round of Mom Fails, some surprising postpartum stats, and a candid conversation about wrinkles, wardrobes, and the pressure to “bounce back.”
This episode is a reminder that two truths can coexist: you can be proud of what your body has done and still struggle with how it looks. Let’s talk about it.
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Transcript
Petty Revenge & Personal Stories
00:00:00
Speaker
I feel like there's a TikTok account and she's asking people to say like, what are some petty things they do, like passive aggressive ways that they get back at each other. yeah Some of them were really funny. I would like to know this.
00:00:12
Speaker
If you find out, please let me know. I'll text. Yeah. I don't think I'd ever do anything like super sneaky, but if Brandon makes me mad, like sometimes I'll hide his stuff. It was stuff like signing your friends up for like a chain letter or, you know, like. Yeah.
00:00:27
Speaker
Oh, I like that. Or adding their email to something that they don't want. Yeah. Right. Like it was a very victimless crime, but very clever too. Yeah. I swear someone signed me up to say that I'm in my 80s because I get stuff in the mail all the time for hearing aids and… Welcome to Just For Moms.
Podcast Introduction & Focus
00:00:44
Speaker
I'm Charlotte. I'm Caitlin.
00:00:46
Speaker
I'm Megan. And I'm Callie. We are regular moms talking about regular stuff like aging, parenthood, work-life balance, and figuring out what's for dinner. Again, a no-judgment zone to talk, laugh, and maybe cry about all the things women think about on a daily basis. things open Welcome to episode 14 of Just For Moms. This is Caitlin, Megan, Callie, and Charlotte. And you know, we are here today.
00:01:12
Speaker
going to be talking about ah couple things about postpartum baby bodies. Is that, is that right? Postpartum baby bodies? I don't know.
00:01:23
Speaker
We're talking about the baby's body or her our body's body or is it our body? If we're being honest here, i have a little bit of brain
Humor & Parenting with Music
00:01:33
Speaker
fog today. Um, I'm not my best, but you know, we're going to just push through and, uh, we're going to start off the episode having a little chat about music because i was driving in the car with my daughters to school the other day. And this new song came out is out on the radio, ah It's called Giver by Chapel Rhone.
00:01:54
Speaker
And it's a great hit, very catchy. And we're all singing. It's got this little country flair to it. And my middle child, of course, says, what's this song about? so I'm listening and I'm like, oh, I don't know. Maybe it's just she's she's like really strong woman and.
00:02:12
Speaker
I'm like, let me think on it. Fast forward a couple days later and I look up the lyrics and I will never be telling her what this song is about. and Never having this conversation with my daughter ever. Maybe she and her friends will have this conversation when they're in college, but it made me think of...
00:02:29
Speaker
just what is it with music these days? And then I'm like, no, wait, music lyrics were that bad when I was younger as well. So all of your like favorite songs forever, but I just want to know what are some of the most inappropriate songs that like you could think of right now, like just off the top of your head?
00:02:50
Speaker
You're a Swifty. There's one Taylor Swift song where it's like, take your shirt off. Like, what is that one? It's a super catchy song and my kids sing it. And they are clearly not hearing the words they're singing. as Do you know the one, Megan?
00:03:03
Speaker
There's a few Taylor Swift. Because when I saw this question, this great question from Caitlin, I was Googling and there was like four or five Taylor Swift songs that mothers were commenting about that the lyrics got a little...
00:03:17
Speaker
You know, and then your kids ask the questions, you know, and then it's like how answering her whole new album. there's There's a lot of very naughty songs on it, but give me a sec. I'll come up with it. Megan, I know you have some good ones.
00:03:31
Speaker
So like the ones I hear now, you know, up in the nasty girl, up in the nasty girl, like that's today. But then growing up, I thought of, you know, the Lady Gaga one where it's ah I want to take a ride on your disco stick.
00:03:45
Speaker
You know? Yeah. And then some, you know, i if one of my child's, if it's, but so our songs are still on today. One of my kids hasn't heard it and asked, but then they could be like, mom, what's a disco stick? And then you have to be like, okay, well, and,
00:04:00
Speaker
talk about it in a non-sexual way. So yeah, it's tricky. Do you? No. I'd be like, it's whole it's a wand with disco lights on it.
00:04:11
Speaker
Charlotte's like, I know you better than that. Yeah. I think we maybe don't need to get into that because our arthur's favorite song for a while was one called whistle and it's ah and it's so catchy and you know when you hear them singing and the tune is great and then you so like i don't hear lyrics particularly well and this one it was like the record screeched to a halt and i was like oh because it's a cute it's like can i get a whistle baby whistle baby don't you and it's yes Yes. It is not about a musical instrument.
00:04:41
Speaker
No. No. No. But they don't know that. So that's why it's kind of funny when they're singing it. And you're like, Ooh, okay. I mean, I'm able to remember being a child and listening to these songs.
00:04:53
Speaker
And I mean, they i yeah, to me, the whistle was a whistle and they were blow blowing a whistle. And so like, sometimes I don't stress about that part too much. I'm like, because have you seen there's like whole, there's a whole genre of like shorts where people are listening to songs from their childhood, like re-listening to it as an adult. And then they're like,
00:05:13
Speaker
Wait, wait. Yeah. Oh, so yeah I just remember little Kim, all of her songs. I loved her. Do you know how raunchy those songs are? Oh, she was, she's amazing, but just foul. Yeah.
00:05:27
Speaker
I mean, yeah. yeah Well, you know, and then I have a toddler who me she, her, she does not get um her memorization skills from me because I'm terrible at lyrics.
00:05:38
Speaker
She gets it from her father and she knows every single word Pink Pony Club. And yeah, there's some, she says, um, the, Oh, what have you done? Oh, baby girl, what have you done? And she keeps going, mommy, but why does she have a baby in her belly?
00:05:54
Speaker
She's asking her mom, baby girl, then the baby in your belly. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And then I listened to the song. And she says, baby girl, what have you done? And whatever. She's analyzing the entire song.
00:06:06
Speaker
So maybe she's the one that I have to look out for because Eileen has no clue what's going on in The Giver. do you guys know Six, the musical? Have you heard music from that one?
00:06:17
Speaker
No. My girls were obsessed with it. It's about the wives of Henry VIII, I think the one. And they're it's like, it's sort of raunchy and it's very, very clever. But my girls would sing that in a car and they'd have friends over and they'd all be singing it. And there were a couple of times that I would have to text the parents and
Parenting Misunderstandings & Challenges
00:06:34
Speaker
say, they've been listening to Six.
00:06:35
Speaker
and just, they don't know what they're singing, but. I did hear about that. So I feel like this like is a nice, you guys know I love a good segue into Mom Fails.
00:06:47
Speaker
I don't, I can't think of any this week other than my kids singing dirty songs, but, um, Does anybody have any good mom fails this week? I keep losing the single piece to my child's lunchbox.
00:06:58
Speaker
And, you know, we our kids have those little bento, like you know, with the... And one of them, my favorite one, because you can put it in the dishwasher, has this piece. And I don't... Is it like a little door piece?
00:07:09
Speaker
It's the divider piece. Yes, but is it does it move back and forth? No, no. Oh, okay. I was going to say, I have one that I keep finding her around my house. I'll mail it to you, because get it out. No one's using it. Different lunchbox.
00:07:22
Speaker
So anyways, I just I'm losing it. It's annoying. Megan. Okay. So I was all excited. My daughter's high school was like, can you be car part of career night, career fair?
00:07:33
Speaker
was like, yes, I'd love to, you know, spend some quality time with my daughter, be there, be present, supportive. So it's all set up. And then I said to Ava, I was part of it. And then like, it's the day before. And she was like, mom, you know, like only juniors and seniors have to go to career night. Like it's a requirement.
00:07:53
Speaker
for just juniors and seniors. And I was like, so you're not going? She's like, I'm not going if yeah I don't have to go. And I'm like, well, you should go. And she was like, no, mom, it's just for seniors and juniors.
00:08:06
Speaker
So I still went. She wasn't there, but I was a participant. But you were there. Yes. So I will know that for next year to take maybe a year off and then do junior and senior year. But so that was definitely a mom fail. I should have asked my daughter first.
00:08:25
Speaker
The administration was like, boy, that Mrs. Chanel. right? She's going to join her. I was like, oh, yes, I'd love to participate.
00:08:35
Speaker
Aw. Wait, and the best part is Joe did it too. They Joe got the email. So we're both there and our kid's not there, you know? I mean, it's not like the most horrible thing. I'm like, look at it in a way we're supporting the school and the community and like, you know, but still, it would have been great if our child was present, but she didn't have to go.
00:08:55
Speaker
Was Joe mad? Because I could just see Brandon being like, ugh. No, he just was like, it's weird we're going without her. And I was like, well, we already gave our yes. I'm not backing out. Like, yeah we'll know for next year.
00:09:08
Speaker
I didn't realize, you know, and Ava could have gone. She had a dance and she was had to, you know, go to dance, but she really could have come with us, but not. I was like one of her friends there because I don't think she had anything that nice. So the parents made her go. So I don't know, whatever. That's just how we handled it.
Postpartum Body Image & Acceptance
00:09:26
Speaker
you're just put in This week we are talking about a topic that's pretty popular in the sense that I think every woman who has had a baby has thought about it, talked about it with a friend.
00:09:38
Speaker
And it's accepting your body post kids. And I like to do research. I think we all like to do a little research about a topic before we discuss it. So I wanted to give a couple statistics before we kind of started giving our own thoughts. A 2007 study said that women are least satisfied with their bodies during the postpartum period compared to pre-pregnancy and late pregnancy.
00:10:06
Speaker
That's a pretty obvious statistic. I think that it's no one is like, I like my postpartum body better than pre-pregnancy and pregnancy.
00:10:18
Speaker
In 2022, study published found that 68.8% of postpartum women were dissatisfied with their current body weight and figure. And exposure to body-focused social media posts has been shown to negatively affect postpartum mothers, which eventually leads to increased body dissatisfaction and unhealthy eating behaviors.
00:10:40
Speaker
So that second fact went along with the first one. And a lot of what I read is um saying that women are becoming increasingly more dissatisfied with their bodies due to social media.
00:10:53
Speaker
So and we're not necessarily today talking about the effects that social media has on postpartum bodies. I just kind of want to put that out there because that's something we can cover another day.
00:11:04
Speaker
i want to talk about your personal experience. Something to note is that Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week is May 5th through 11th. And maternal mental health is something that should be discussed more than it is. I'm a huge advocate for this and postpartum body image is something that can be sort of and people, sometimes people glorify it. I feel like after I had Annabelle, my first, I remember not being able to fit in my pants and my mother was like, it's normal. It's normal.
00:11:37
Speaker
And then when I finally fit in my pants, she's like, great. And we're done. And that was it. I didn't really have any other time to discuss how my body had changed. And I didn't have any friends at the time who wanted to talk about it.
00:11:50
Speaker
And it probably wasn't until my third that I really looked at my body and saw what had happened to it and kind of went through the whole, I'm depressed about it and then I'm okay with it. And how am I going to change it? Actually, I'm just going to live with it and just the rollercoaster of emotions. And so i want to hear from the three of you because you guys have heard me talk about this on our old podcast, actually. What did you guys go through after your pregnancies? And you could, you know, pick one or pick them all. And i mean, Callie, you've had babies back to back to back. How has that affected your body image? Yeah. I mean, I feel like for me, I mean...
00:12:29
Speaker
I feel like I get a little bit better about it each time. I feel like that first time you're postpartum, it's such a, each time I'm postpartum, I feel a little bit like a stranger in my own body, especially at the very beginning, in which I think is something you just, nothing fits the same. You're also just in a very weird stage of there's a newborn and nothing quite, you know, so I think that's a hard thing for me to sort of overcome each time. It's gotten easier each time just because I'm slightly more prepared for it. Like I have been in this place before, but I think for me, it's, I mean, I'm only six months postpartum right now. I feel like for me, the whole year, that first year after a baby is born, I don't feel like,
00:13:10
Speaker
like totally at home in my own body. So much change. And it's not even, i mean, some of it is like the way your pants fit, but it's not even that. I feel like there's so many other aspects of it besides just the way the pants fit. It's just the way that your body like physically feels. Like for me, it's never been some like number on a scale that I i don't think we even own a scale.
00:13:28
Speaker
It's just that my body feels different. And so it's it's a very unique thing to I don't know. i guess the only way that I can really describe it is just not feeling like fully at home, like in this body.
00:13:40
Speaker
But it's also this, like I'm always on this like constant like teetering thing where it's like I can look at my body and it looks different than it did before I have children. and I can feel like so much gratitude and like so thankful for like how cool is it that we've done that? I mean, like I constantly have this feeling like how cool is it that like my body like grew for human beings? I mean, it's just like that blows my mind.
00:14:04
Speaker
But that doesn't overshadow it. Like we've talked about it before, like two things can live at once. Like I can have gratitude for it and still feel like not totally comfortable with the way that my body feels. But I have found that it has gotten easier because I've gone through it.
00:14:19
Speaker
You know, so many times this last pregnancy was weird because I was not even a year postpartum. before I got pregnant again. So that was sort of a weird experience a little bit, but yeah, it's for me, it's, it's, it's, I think even Caitlin, you talked about it. It's kind of this back and forth sometimes of just like, Oh, you know, you know, what am I going to do to change my body? No, I'm just going to accept my body. And it's, you're kind of, you find yourself going back and forth all the time. And i and I find myself, even though I'm,
00:14:46
Speaker
so accepting of what my body has done. Like I will find myself sometimes negative, you know, in my mind talking negatively about my body. And then I'm like, what are you, do like, why are you doing that? And do you sort of debate yourself? Because I have, there's that, the clatter in my brain between, i had, i think I was pregnant with a nine month old, like every time.
00:15:08
Speaker
So my kids are less than 18 months apart. And so I never really got to the point of, okay, we're back to normal. I sort of, there was like a six year period where it was just like, oh, i'm go to have another baby. Like who needs to like get the ab workout in.
00:15:21
Speaker
But now I look at it and I have this, the simultaneous, oh, you were really, really big when you were pregnant. And if I were to stretch out a sweatshirt, For nine months, five times, that sweatshirt is always going to be stretched out.
00:15:35
Speaker
And so I look at my stomach and it's like, i mentally, I know 100% why I have a pooch in my stomach. It's never not going to be there. And I would never trade it because look at these humans and that's the way it works. And like, I get it.
00:15:48
Speaker
But then i also am like, well, I don't love the pooch. Right. Like, I love it. Like, there is that debate I have, which is like, this is so great. I wouldn't trade it for everything. I wish, you know, I wish I grew up in a society and we talked about this in the past podcast. None of us grew up in a world where body positivity was a thing.
00:16:05
Speaker
It was go be skinny and then like try to be a little skinnier and then like, yeah, you've done it. You win. And my parents didn't talk about size or weight or any of that, but it was just in the water. Like my, you know, they didn't not talk about it, but it just, it was just, yeah you couldn't help but want to read YM magazine and be skinnier.
00:16:26
Speaker
And so there is, I think, just a hardwired part of my brain that sees like that pooch in the belly. And it's like, cognitively, I know why it's there, but emotionally, I wish it weren't. I wanted to ask you, Charlotte, because I was thinking like,
00:16:39
Speaker
Your children are older, but you had back to back to back to back to back. And after your last final one, and and I don't know if this is even something you can even remember, but like when you knew you were done and you looked at your body, was it something that you thought of, okay, now I want to get back to before kids or now I want to take what I have and do something with it? Or was it not even on your mind?
00:17:05
Speaker
I remember with Arthur, it was the first time that I was like, okay, we're done. So like you can't just coast into the next one. And I was like 42. too i mean, I was not young, but I definitely remember the weight didn't come off the way it had with the others. And so I did go see a trainer and she helped just like kick start like some muscle. Like I had to be a little more deliberate about it.
00:17:30
Speaker
And I think I felt – I don't know. I, you know, there's no question that there's like, your hips are never going to be the same. My pooch is never going to be the same. And there's definitely moments when I see that and it's like, there's nothing to do about it.
00:17:42
Speaker
And then it's, you know, like back to that debate that you have in your head. I don't think I have the energy or the give a shit enough to do what I need to do to really change what my body looks like.
00:17:57
Speaker
All things considered, I think I'm in good shape. I feel like I physically can do what I need to do. And, you know, I don't think anyone on the planet would look at me and be like, oh, that's a woman that needs to work on her health. So I try to have sort of a, mike like a big picture view of it and not like be in my own head.
00:18:14
Speaker
All things considered, I should be proud of my body. I love the way I look. I fit things. I'm not hampered moving through life. And so all of that is a win. There's definitely times when I'm still down and now I'm hitting this perimenopause menopause thing where like I've never...
00:18:31
Speaker
had to worry about weight and I don't have to now, but you know, the only time I've seen the scale like really creep up is when I was having babies and that made sense. So now I'm in this sort of new realm of the scale is creeping up and I don't know why like, there's nothing changing my life. It's just this, like the, my body. And that's sort of a weird, like that's been a much harder headspace for me to reconcile because there's no rhyme or reason to it. Like with a baby, you get it.
00:18:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This is a completely different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Megan, what about you? Do you remember a significant post-pregnancy, just body image, anything?
00:19:12
Speaker
So for my girls, Ava, I do remember now my my body type, I've always just had a fast metabolism. My dad's sisters are tall and skinny and I not saying I'm ah you know um I don't know how to say it. Like I don't want to say- You're really lean. Thank you. I don't have any eating problems. I eat probably the most out of anyone in my house.
00:19:36
Speaker
I just have a fast metabolism. So when i had Ava, I gained probably 70 seventy pounds And I remember when I gained half of that weight, I said to my doctor, is this okay?
00:19:50
Speaker
You know, like that i'm I've already gained what the average weight is that you're supposed to gain as a pregnant woman. You know, because, you know, when you're a new mom, you're Googling all these things and it says like you should only gain 25 30.
00:20:02
Speaker
So I was at that like halfway through and she was like, well, you're rre you're not at the weight that you're supposed to be to begin with as as an average woman. So you're going to gain more. So I just remember gaining like 75 pounds, but I was healthy. And like she said to me, your body needed that to...
00:20:20
Speaker
Yes, to have this healthy baby. So I didn't expect to gain 75 pounds. It was what it was. Ava was healthy. I gained 65 with Gianna and Nico was different because i was so active with the other two.
00:20:33
Speaker
But, you know, getting my body back. One thing that I'm very self-conscious about after having three children is my boobs. Yeah. I had a full B with before I had children, before my first pregnancy. Now I'm like literally like a minus A. Like no joke.
00:20:53
Speaker
It is what it is. I've accepted it. Yes, I am self-conscious about it. You know, I see these women that have like really nice dresses on and they fill out the top or a top in the summer and I'll never be able to do that.
00:21:07
Speaker
Could I look into fixing it? Yes, but I just don't care. You know how you were saying, Charlotte, you're just – this is the my body now. I don't really care. I don't have no boobs.
00:21:18
Speaker
It does bother me sometimes, but, you know, and even I have two teenagers and they're bigger than mine already. But I've just accepted it. I had three babies. I nursed. I pumped. I guess it all got sucked away. And, you know, they're healthy. They're happy. And i have no boobs. And whatever. Just deal with it, Megan. I guess that's just – Yeah. So it's
Postpartum Care & Support
00:21:39
Speaker
interesting. And I'd wonder, you've had kids most recently, Callie, but also you, Caitlin, when I, and I was just talking about it this morning at physical therapy for my back, i they didn't tell me anything about ways to work my body after pregnancy.
00:21:55
Speaker
They were, I think, more focused on weight than they are now, which is nice. Like now I think you can go to a check-in and choose not to look at the scale or not. I guess they still have to take it if you're pregnant, but it's just not.
00:22:07
Speaker
I don't think it's the marker that it used to be. So that's a good thing. But like, I didn't know anything about what is it called when your stomach separates the diasis, whatever. yeah yeah Like that was not, I was listening to the physical therapist talk to a woman who I think is going in to have a baby tomorrow by my eavesdropping. And they They were like, yeah, when you come back, we'll have you like they're already preemptively talking about ways to bring her stomach back together.
00:22:31
Speaker
It was not even addressed to me and cut to now. Like I don't have a hernia, but my lower back compensates for everything because no one ever taught me that I needed to like do different abs to get them to come back together.
00:22:44
Speaker
because they separate so much. Like, it's just part of maternal health is just not happening. I mean, don't get me started with menopause, perimenopause, but it's extraordinary how little we coach and talk about this. And it's girlfriends that are really our main point of information. But did they talk to you, Callie, after you had Opal or you, Caitlin, was there any, here's some physical recovery you can do? or Well, my you know the only reason anybody ever talked to me is because i sought, like I went out to get help.
00:23:17
Speaker
I, my first two pregnancies was always in pain in my hips, my lower back. They said it was, you know, oh, that's where your baby lies. Oh, you have back labor. And then I have a horrible vulvar varicosity that causes a lot of pain and pressure and all of these things. Well, with my third pregnancy, I couldn't even walk at a point. I ended up at the chiropractor. Turns out that When I'm pregnant, my hips do this weird thing where instead of my pelvis turning the way it's supposed to, it goes the opposite way. So then the baby gets lodged in my pelvis.
00:23:56
Speaker
Then i have hyperlaxity in my hips and my hip flexors. So everything's too flexible. And then my, there are so many wild, crazy things that goes on in my hip region No, nobody ever warned me about it.
00:24:13
Speaker
So after I had the baby, the chiropractor didn't say, come back and see me because once your body settles in, you're not going to be able to walk again. i have the baby. I'm cleared to go to yoga. I'm going to yoga. I'm like, oh my gosh, it's locking up. I can't walk.
00:24:29
Speaker
Found this new chiropractor. She fixed me, but she explained it. She's like, you, your body spread out. Now it's back in your muscles have changed. She said, it's gonna take a little while. we can get you back in I don't wanna spend, you don't need to spend a million dollars to come see me. I'm gonna teach you some exercises. And she helped me through it, but,
00:24:49
Speaker
I feel like that should have been in a little pamphlet that was given to me at the hospital. Right. Right next to the don't shake the baby. Yeah. Yeah. You know, in addition to the fact that your breasts are going to get ginormous and they're going to leak and you might get mastitis and you might have, you know, a UTI six times, your hips are going to hurt and your tailbone is going to pop the wrong way. Like there's so many things that happen to you that nobody talks about and it can affect you.
00:25:18
Speaker
what you see in the mirror too you know like if you're in pain physically then you're going to look in the mirror and hate what you see even if you look normal you know and i think as someone who's always struggled with body image that was happening to me you know like i i looked fine i was going and working out but everything hurt so i just felt miserable and i and you know you have unless you have someone who's going through it at the same time then You know, who are you going to talk to?
00:25:48
Speaker
Yeah. You just figure it out on your own. Right. That's what you did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, or you talk, you know, the, I do, I do have a really good OB. b i will say that, you know, she, they do not just, um, what do you go six weeks?
00:26:06
Speaker
postpartum, they also do, I shouldn't have, they do a sooner, they do, I think they do like a two week, they did a six week, they did an eight week, like, and then there was an optional, like you could get checked in again. And then the pediatrician, every time we took the baby had a mom thing that you filled out, I believe now too. So that was nice.
00:26:32
Speaker
But if you're a new mom listening or if you're pregnant, I encourage you to talk. Like, don't just hold it all up in there. but Yeah, I mean, it's it is unfortunate. I think it's like one of those things.
00:26:44
Speaker
For me, it was not something that I get from my OB. b And I like my OB for what they provided to me as far as like the the service that they gave to me while I was pregnant and, you know, the way that my babies were delivered.
00:26:56
Speaker
But there wasn't anything ah additional. Like, if you know, like the other stuff, I feel like I had to seek it out. And maybe that's my best piece of advice that that may be something that you need to seek out on your own, whether you're doing ah going to a chiropractor, you're getting pelvic floor therapy.
00:27:12
Speaker
One thing I did for my fourth that I didn't have for any of my other babies was I had a doula, which I feel like is something that a lot of people choose to have with their first because they're kind of like, you know, it's the first time doing and they don't know what to do.
00:27:22
Speaker
And so I had a slightly different experience with my doula because she even said lots of times I'm serving first and second time moms. But that can be a very good thing if you're going into it the first or the second, or even for me, the fourth time, just having somebody to like ah get references from. like When I needed a chiropractor, she's like, here's a chiropractor that works with pregnant and postpartum mothers, which is a wildly different chiropractor than you might.
00:27:48
Speaker
like You want somebody who specializes in that. Or if you're going, you know somebody that they really like for um pelvic floor or my um my baby was breached for a while. So, you know, just having that, that place of resource was really helpful.
00:28:02
Speaker
So we'd have any of you guys seen a pelvic floor therapist? No, but it should be just a gift with purchase. Yeah, so I feel like I need to the other day i was jumping up and down at the dance competition and peed my pants. And I was like,
00:28:16
Speaker
I guess this is, I should probably go see someone about this. My back was all messed up like you, Caitlin. I had scoliosis. So when I was pregnant, it got worse, you know, again, from the weight you're gaining. And then afterwards, I felt like the first six months with both, with all three kids, it was bothering me too. Cause your body's just trying to get used to it and adjust.
00:28:37
Speaker
I just remember nursing. felt the pressure because I was home to nurse. I didn't have a great experience with it. I pumped a lot. And I felt like my hormones and just mentally, I was all over the place. And today i feel like going on social media, there's more information about getting help and talking to people, which I look back, I wish I did. Cause I kind of felt like I kept it to myself, but I did felt crazy with my first, the first six months, definitely. And just kind of swept it under the rug and tried to power through, but.
00:29:12
Speaker
I wish I like probably went to talk to someone because, yeah, your body goes through some crazy stuff with your hormone hormones and your mood. and Yeah, it's a lot. like The topic of like the body specifically, I feel like there's not that gray area that has been my reality. So it's either...
00:29:29
Speaker
whether it's social media or your own fantasy of
Balancing Societal Pressures & Self-Acceptance
00:29:32
Speaker
what this will be, it's either back to where you were pre-baby, and we know that that's highly unlikely. I mean, it may be the case for some of us, but for most of us, there's going to be some marks that we've had children.
00:29:43
Speaker
Or it's like be radically accepting of this like new, totally different, like it's, I guess I don't see any examples of the person that's like,
00:29:55
Speaker
kind of what we're saying, which is like, we're grateful for our bodies. We feel relatively okay about things. You know, we're not like, you're saying exactly what I was going to say in the beginning. And I was like, but I don't want to talk too much about social because there is this whole piece that there are all these accounts on social media where these women are celebrating my look at my stomach and look at my breasts and look at my butt.
00:30:21
Speaker
And it's almost like if you're not celebrating it like that, then you should feel bad where, I kind of do want to feel, but why can't I just kind of feel bad about how I look?
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah, I'm happy. Look, my baby gave me this, but am I really that happy? My left boob is so much bigger than my right boob. No, like I'm not celebrating it. I'm not showing it to the world.
00:30:43
Speaker
And so you come to the internet looking for some kind of advice or help or anything. And you see these picture perfect bodies, or you see these not picture perfect, but we love it bodies. And you're like, where do I fit in?
00:30:57
Speaker
And that, you know, there is no, we could make a place for them. Yeah. And I think that that it, I get what you're saying too, because then you kind of have this feeling of guilt a little bit if you don't love, you know you mean?
00:31:12
Speaker
Because yeah, I mean, we, I think we all have moments. I feel like in the same heartbeat, I can look at my body and be like, look how cool, like, like, that my, you know, that my stomach looks different, because I had babies in there. And like, it wasn't that long ago for me. So like, I can literally still remember being pregnant.
00:31:29
Speaker
But in the same heartbeat, I can, like, wish that it wasn't there. And then yes, you see these people who are like, I love this, because it and then you kind of feel guilty. You're like, why You know, why am I having any negative thoughts about my body at all? Or,
00:31:43
Speaker
I mean, God forbid women who want to be pregnant more than, I mean, I went through that wanting to be pregnant more than anything in the world. And then, you know, then I finally got to be pregnant. And then, so I remember being pregnant with my first and being like, how dare I even have any negative thoughts about what my body looks like right now, because this is all that I wanted.
00:32:01
Speaker
So there's, yeah, it's just, there's so many pieces of it that way too. Yeah. A lot of complex. Yeah. i um We have a new part of our show where we chat with someone, whether it's a new friend or an expert. And I am going to be sharing a conversation with someone named
Advice & Self-Compassion for New Moms
00:32:21
Speaker
Katie Fassett. She's a stay-at-home mom with a passion for sharing how she finds beauty after babies within the mother who motherhood within the motherhood community. So stay tuned to listen to that.
00:32:36
Speaker
Thank you for coming letting me pick your brain about our topic, which is bodies after babies, basically. First, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?
00:32:48
Speaker
So a little bit about me. My name is Katie Fassett, and I'm a mom of four boys, ages eight to one and a half. So it's a fun time over here. i ah was married at 21, right out of college. So we've almost been married for 10 years now. It'll be my husband was a financial advisor for about nine, almost 10 years. And then our life just took a big turn when he felt this call to go into the ministry.
00:33:15
Speaker
So this season in our life, we we moved almost two years ago this June to be closer to the seminary where he was going to go for college or for seminary. What I've done for the past six years is I've just been in the health and wellness space.
00:33:31
Speaker
I was a Beachbody coach for for the last six years. And then in October, They had a change to their company. And so my position was dissolved. And that was a that was a big change because us moving here and my husband going back to school.
00:33:49
Speaker
The main reason we did that was because of my job. And so now I'm kind of in this season of figuring out the next phase. But I knew that i always wanted it to be focused on.
00:34:00
Speaker
helping moms through this postpartum season because I got started with it when I was in my second pregnancy. I had gained a ton my first pregnancy, about 70 pounds.
00:34:12
Speaker
And at that time, I was 21, going to be 22, my baby 22. And I thought in my head that, oh, since I'm young, I'm just going to lose all the weight right away, snap back,
00:34:23
Speaker
Everything's going to be perfect. But instead, it took a long time for the weight to come off. I was struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. So that doesn't help with the weight. I just felt lost in this new body.
00:34:35
Speaker
As a mom, I thought that once you're a mom, that's when life just comes together. And it just Didn't happen for me. So my second pregnancy, that's when I found Beachbody, if you've ever done the workouts, like P90X, 21 day fix, all of those, that's what kind of found me. And it just got me to be someone that loves fitness, that loves taking care of um my body in that way. But it also kind of led me to being more obsessed with the after.
00:35:04
Speaker
And then I felt like with each baby after that, I just started to be kinder to my body and just realized that like, you know, maybe the goal of getting back isn't really the best goal. And so I find People who could talk about their postpartum bodies in a comfortable way, it's helpful. And you do it in a way that we talk in the episode that not many people do. I think that's kind of where I started to get at was that you see these other women, the ones that we were talking about, where like also they just are snapping, bouncing back, even though we know that they're not bouncing back, even if it may look like it
00:35:44
Speaker
We know biologically, like their bodies are still ripped up inside, just like the rest of us. They may show that like, oh, I'm fitting into my clothes and everything. But we know that like mentally, physically, like it takes time for all of us. It just, for some of us, we see it on the outside a little bit more. I wanted to see a real postpartum body that at three months postpartum still looks pretty postpartum. At six months postpartum still looks pretty postpartum. Like at nine months postpartum, I'm still not back to where I was.
00:36:15
Speaker
There's no race. There's no race to the finish line. Like we have the rest of our lives to start walking more, to take care of it And it doesn't mean that, you know, don't take care of yourself, but I think just stretching out that goal instead of comparing yourself to the people who are like, here's my four days postpartum workout. You're like, what?
00:36:34
Speaker
What would you say to a new mom who's struggling to feel confident or comfortable in her postpartum body right now? What I would say to a new mom is to, I wrote this in my notes, said, buy new clothes. And I'm not saying like waste money.
00:36:47
Speaker
You could go to a thrift store. you could, you know, ask a around to friends who have been postpartum. It's like, just go get clothes that you feel good in now. Just go buy the freaking clothes. It took me until my third baby to realize that.
00:36:58
Speaker
And as soon as I just went to Target, I'm like, I'm just going go buy this $8 shirt or go to through a thrift store Find some jeans that you like. Sometimes you can find even better quality jeans at the thrift store and you just have something that you feel good in now.
00:37:12
Speaker
It's not a waste of money. If it makes you feel good now, it makes you have a little pep in your step. You feel beautiful. You're going to show up happier. As of three pregnancies, i don't think anyone ever said that to me.
00:37:24
Speaker
And it's one of those things by my third, I kind of thought it. But no one ever said it and it and it needs to be said. and Yes. I think just giving myself permission to just love the body that I have now, even if it's 40 pounds more than what I want to be, I'm going to feel pretty now and wear clothes that fit me now and make me feel confident and put a smile on my face.
00:37:47
Speaker
What are some ways to reconnect with your body? in a positive way after childbirth. There's so, so many different things you can do. Do things that are kind of selfish, quote unquote, but they're not selfish, you know, like, cause they make you show up for the family, but whatever it is that just kind of makes you feel you, are you someone who likes to hike or go for a walk or go sit in the grass? It sounds so silly, but like postpartum, I just like to go and sit in the grass. like I feel like I need to like reconnect and just be like, I'm okay. Because like you kind of are in this fight or flight mode when you're up in the night and with baby and like your head is constantly thinking about feeding schedules and this and that. So it's like just going and sitting in the grass, you're like, I'm okay.
00:38:27
Speaker
Like it just helps. What is the thing that just kind of makes you feel calm and makes you feel like you? Do you have like a show that you just love to watch, whether it's like Love is Blind or something else that you like to watch? Like still more girls?
00:38:40
Speaker
Yeah, like like, yeah. Oh my goodness. And it doesn't have to be, you know, productive. I have to like force myself to be like, it's okay to just sit and watch a show thats that I like. Just doing those little things that remind you that you are still a person.
00:38:54
Speaker
On top of being a mom, because it's so easy to just, be mom, be mom, be mom, and not be able to shut off that part of you. And when you're able to like call a friend and laugh,
00:39:06
Speaker
that really makes me feel like me again. I'm like, oh yeah, give yourself grace. And then when you talk to other moms, that's so helpful. Cause I would talk to so many moms this last postpartum and just, I would like, you know, you call and you're like I just don't feel like myself. Like, I just feel so weird. Like, why don't I feel like me yet?
00:39:22
Speaker
And then hearing other moms say like, it takes me till 12 months, if not more to start to want to create again. You've been postpartum four times. What helped you shift your mindset from focusing on, and you kind of said this before, but focusing on getting your body back to appreciating the body you have now? Do you feel that there was a single moment that made you realize, okay, you know what, i just I'm just going to appreciate this? Or was it all throughout your postpartum experiences combined?
00:39:54
Speaker
I think it was all, all throughout, all throughout. And, and just with age and time, i think I saw like a quote somewhere where it was, it was like where you are now in 20 years, you're going to wish that you had appreciated your body now.
00:40:14
Speaker
it's It's very, very true. And I think just like like accepting it too to an extent, like sometimes we think that, like you said, when you follow someone and like, I love my body and I'm just going to have it all hang out.
00:40:27
Speaker
We don't all have to be that way. So if you want to wear ah one piece when you go swimming with your kids, do it. And if it makes you feel comfortable, like we don't, we all have different levels of comfortability. I don't know. There's like this, you you know, love hate relationship with like the body positivity movement because it's like, just love Everything. And it's like, well, maybe I don't want to show my arms.
00:40:47
Speaker
And it doesn't mean I don't love myself. It just means that I feel more confident when my arms are covered up. Being okay with with liking your body in certain clothes that it is now. So I think just owning what you like, how you like to do things, how you like to dress your body and just owning it like this is me and it doesn't mean that I'm trying to cover things up like this is just me.
00:41:09
Speaker
The last question was how can you reconcile your body may always be different post kids. But I feel like you answered that. You know, you kind of just said not looking back, just being in the now, this is where I am. And what do I do with this to make myself happy? I think also something that I've been really trying to focus on too is just like, just how beautiful it is to be like, like feminine and to be a woman and to accept, like, I felt my first few babies, like when you are first breastfeeding and you're, you know, your boobs just,
00:41:44
Speaker
Your chest grows so much and you're just like, what in the world? like And you just feel fuller everywhere. For me, I gained 60 pounds with each baby. And so I have extra fluff for a long time post-babies.
00:41:55
Speaker
And this last time I just had this appreciation of like this sweet little baby has this chest to rest on, like this fluffier shoulders and just...
00:42:07
Speaker
I don't know. There's just something so beautiful. and it's like, God made this so perfectly that that has just really helped me to just love every season. Oh, well, thank you for coming to chat with me, yeah which is ultimately all of us.
00:42:22
Speaker
Right now we are going to move right into our pits and peaks because it's the end of our show. Megan, would you like to begin? Yes, I have a pit.
00:42:36
Speaker
The Costco that I go to is remodeling the parking lot and the inside, and it took me much longer to find a spot for the parking and 30 minutes longer to get my shopping done because they rearranged the whole store. Again, not the end of the world, but I go to Costco quite regularly, so it just added some time to my day. I asked the nice girl at the return counter, my friend that I've been seeing there for years, She said it's going to be like two more years before it's all fixed.
00:43:06
Speaker
Two years? I guess with the parking lot and the remod. I know. That's what I said. I was like, how is it two years? So it's just, you know, I just got to get used to it now. I have to allow more time for the parking and allow more time for the shopping, which I did not expect that day that messed up my day.
00:43:27
Speaker
I'll share a pit. It's a pit and a peak. The peak is I forced myself to go get my full body check at the dermatologist. I was avoiding it because I knew that I probably had some squamous cells on my forehead, which I did. And she burned them off and it was great. The pit was I had two little bumps on my face that I thought were just clogged pores. And I was like, oh, yay. Maybe she'll stick a little needle in and clean it out. And she's like, no, those are skin colored moles.
00:43:57
Speaker
I was like, ew, can you take it off? And she goes, well, if I take it off, it's going to leave a worse mark than what you have. was like, why am I growing skin colored moles? And she's like, well, cause you have freckles and moles all over your body.
00:44:09
Speaker
And said, am I going to get more of my face? And she's like, mean, you could. that's my pet. Yay. Anybody have a peek? Have I already spoken to you guys about my, my working ladies group?
00:44:25
Speaker
No. No. Sure. Yeah. That sounds fun. I know. It sounds sort of dirtier than I wanted it to. It does. Working ladies implies your ladies of the night. Yeah. That's right. Just a new new hobby.
00:44:37
Speaker
No, my girlfriend- A nude hobby. A new nude hobby. I got this idea from my girlfriend, Beth, who helped me decorate the White House in right before the holidays. So she has like four or five times a year, maybe even more. She just has a group of local female-owned business People come to her house and they just have like a meet and greet or cocktails. And she's she is an on air talent on HSN. So she's big time in the craft world. And so a lot of times she will do like an activity. And so they'll all come and make Christmas cards or whatever.
00:45:14
Speaker
And she just said it's a really nice way to sort of come together as a community, you know, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. I started something like that near us. like After the election, I just felt like I needed some like women in my life and we could just like talk. and so I reached out to friends that I've met over the years as a content creator, as a business person. and There's about...
00:45:37
Speaker
12, maybe 14 women who own their own businesses. So that was sort of part of it. And we come together and we've had two meetings so far. And it's just a nice chance to pick each other's brain. And like, you know, one person is a marketing expert and one person is a nutritionist. So it's what's nice is that because we're all in different industries, there's not the competition of like, there's just no competition. So it's like, oh, here's what I use for my newsletter and who does your graphic design and What do you do to make your branded tote bags? And it's just, they've been at my house so far, but everyone wants to host at some point. And we have hors d'oeuvres and drinks. And it's just fun.
00:46:16
Speaker
Yeah. Like it's not a group of people that would naturally come together, but I love them all. So it's fun to sort of watch yeah everyone interact. Fun, positive group. Yeah. I love that. I want to do it.
00:46:28
Speaker
Do it. I'm gonna, I don't know enough people yet. I got to work up to it. I mean, locally, like virtual that's like I have a virtual mastermind with other people, but like the it's the in-person piece that is very it's so different.
00:46:44
Speaker
Um, so yeah. Yeah. And for years I had been like, cause I have the same thing, Callie, where I know people, like I have friends in my industry that I'll talk to about stuff, but we see each other once a year at conferences or whatnot. And there's no one else that does like, even the four of us do very different things when it comes to being online. We also don't live, I mean, we live, Megan, you and I could get together, but yeah you know, we don't live close enough. That's why we're doing this on you know, Zoom.
00:47:11
Speaker
But that person, like once she illuminated the fact that it doesn't have to be like, they don't have to all be decorators or designers or whatever it is I call myself. They could just be business people. I was like, oh yeah, I actually do know a lot of badass female-owned businesses and it's been really fun.
00:47:28
Speaker
I love it. right, Callie. I have a pit. It's just, yeah, it's nothing, exist nothing, but nothing, what's, I don't have words, just forget it. Um,
00:47:39
Speaker
I left my toddler alone in the dining room with a box of open cereal this morning. so Oh, no. That's all. what's What kind of cereal?
00:47:50
Speaker
Just Cheerios. It's all we really eat. but Okay. I feel like that's the right time for some branded content. Do you have like a Bissell that you could pull out? and you know No, we just sweeped it up.
00:48:01
Speaker
But then he immediately started. Why is it the they immediately make the mess and then they're like, how can I get up more than it already is? Yeah. Step on it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The stepping is for sure making it. Wait, is Olive? Olive's just not anything. was going say, what is Olive doing? Olive is the most useless dog that has ever existed. The dog literally will not eat anything off of the floor.
00:48:23
Speaker
I'm like, what what did we get you for? That's 75% of the reason. Yeah. Just to step in your pain with your paw. Right. Then she steps in that. No, she would not eat Cheerios.
00:48:35
Speaker
Does she bark if someone comes to the door to protect the family? No, no, but she barks as somebody's going down the street over here and she can see them out the window.
00:48:46
Speaker
Or like the Amazon guy or something. I can't explain to you how pointless this dog, I mean, we like her. I'm not, you know. She's Her saving grace is she's the most tolerant dog. I mean, she is the perfect dog for small children.
00:48:59
Speaker
Like my small, my children will not go pee alone. Like they, you know, like for a while it was like, they wanted, you know, they're little when they first, you first potty train them. They don't want to be alone in the bathroom, but now they all know that they take Olive with them and they literally will just be like, Olive, I have to pee. And she goes into the bathroom. Like, God bless her. It's bedtime. She's like, I got to go up to the kids room. So like, she's so tolerant of just like whatever they force upon her.
00:49:24
Speaker
Oh my God. That, that inner monologue of, you know, I wish there was another animal to be like, I gotta go take care of something. Sorry. I have a question. Does Olive go in for the poop and the Oh, of course. oh mad And they sing to her and stuff. Yes. It is her only saving grace because she does absolutely no other pot. She doesn't care when we come home.
00:49:45
Speaker
I mean, she does not greet me. She doesn't greet me when I come in the door. She doesn't snuggle with me. She doesn't want to get on the bed or the sofa with me. Doesn't care that I exist. Doesn't eat food off the floor.
00:49:56
Speaker
But she does that. So we're like, all right. Okay. She sounds like she would be Arbor's dream. Because that's all Arbor wants in life is someone to go in the bathroom with her Yeah, right. I mean, that's we're like, I guess that was worth the money that we spent on your purebred dog. So that somebody will go into the bathroom with my kids. Peeing and pooping.
00:50:14
Speaker
Yep. Well, if anyone knows where I can get an olive, please let us know. And if you're listening and you want to leave us a review or a comment, we love reading them.
00:50:26
Speaker
And yeah, have a fabulous day.