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Can These 36 Questions Make You Fall in Love With Anyone?
30 Plays3 years ago
The Queens dig up a 1997 academic paper that details 36 questions that can "make you fall in love with anyone". Part 1.
(Part 2 on Patreon!)
SOURCE: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/14/love-is-getting-answers-right-to-36-questions
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/14/very-scientific-romance-36-questions-make-you-fall-in-love
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:04
Speaker
Can't get enough of your favorite Bravo shows?
00:00:06
Speaker
Then check out Hot of the Mess, a pop culture podcast from the dip hosted by me, Samantha Bush, AKA Bravo historian.
00:00:13
Speaker
New episodes of Hot of the Mess come out twice a week.
00:00:15
Speaker
Tuesday's show is about general pop culture, the latest headlines, whatever else is going on in my life.
00:00:20
Speaker
Well, Friday's episode is more focused on all things in the Bravo cinematic universe.
00:00:25
Speaker
Each week, I'm joined by Bravo obsessed fans and of course, Bravo celebrities themselves, such as Dorinda Medley, Tamara Judge, Margaret Josephs to kind of break down what happened during the week.
00:00:35
Speaker
And it might get weird and might get snarky, but it's definitely going to get messy.
00:00:38
Speaker
So subscribe to Hot Off The Mess wherever you listen to podcasts.
Patreon and Community Engagement
00:00:44
Speaker
Hey Queens, are you ready to level up?
00:00:47
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find weekly bonus content and FDS commentary on all the latest pop culture relationship and dating news.
00:00:59
Speaker
If you just want to listen to the extra bonus content, we have the Lurker Mode tier on our Patreon.
00:01:04
Speaker
If you want merchandise, access to the private FDS Patreon Discord, which also includes a monthly book club with FDS and feminist themed books, as well as FDS merchandise, t-shirts, mugs, and the opportunity to discuss topics with the FDS Podcast Queens live, as well as submit stories for our Rose Disco Queen and Nasus discussions on the podcast itself.
00:01:27
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
Introduction of Hosts and Episode Theme
00:01:40
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:01:41
Speaker
Welcome to the female dating strategy podcast, the meanest female only podcast on the Internet.
00:01:46
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:01:46
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:01:47
Speaker
And I'm Lola.
00:01:48
Speaker
All right.
00:01:48
Speaker
So today we're going to discuss an article that we came across in The Guardian.
00:01:53
Speaker
It was originally published in The New York Times, actually.
00:01:55
Speaker
Sorry.
00:01:56
Speaker
Was it?
00:01:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:57
Speaker
So we're pulling it from the Guardian because it's not behind a paywall.
00:01:59
Speaker
So...
Discussion on 36 Questions for Closeness
00:02:03
Speaker
But it's a list of 36 questions.
00:02:06
Speaker
And it was first published in 1997 in an academic paper by psychologist Arthur Aaron under the title, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, a Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings.
00:02:16
Speaker
So the questions appeared in the appendix along with instructions that the team had given each pair a list of questions and that they were supposed to work their way through the questions in order asking questions.
00:02:27
Speaker
And answering all 36 questions over the period of about an hour.
00:02:30
Speaker
And then six months later, two of the participants were married to one another.
00:02:35
Speaker
So basically, there's these 36 questions.
00:02:37
Speaker
And the theory, at least, is that if you ask these questions to somebody, that you'll fall in love.
00:02:42
Speaker
And me, I've always been very skeptical of this, mainly because I was reading through these questions.
00:02:47
Speaker
And I'm like, if I were to ask this on a date, it would just feel really forced and weird.
00:02:51
Speaker
And secondly, if they gave the wrong answer, I'd probably next them.
00:02:55
Speaker
So...
00:02:56
Speaker
I'm skeptical.
00:02:57
Speaker
So we're going to break down these questions from the FDS perspective and probably answer it ourselves.
00:03:03
Speaker
And maybe you'll fall in love with us.
00:03:04
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:03:05
Speaker
Well, I will say, I don't think these are like first date questions.
00:03:09
Speaker
I think they're meant to be asked whilst you're dating.
00:03:12
Speaker
Because I've done like a similar exercise with a guy I was dating at the time.
00:03:17
Speaker
It definitely wouldn't be appropriate to do it on a first date.
00:03:21
Speaker
Definitely not.
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah, not ask all 36 questions on the first date.
00:03:25
Speaker
That would be really weird.
00:03:26
Speaker
Maybe ask one or two of them on the first date and then trickle it throughout the time that you're getting to know them.
00:03:31
Speaker
But again, if they gave the wrong answer to any of these questions, I'd be like, yeah.
00:03:35
Speaker
But it can be really insightful though, especially if you're trying to ascertain compatibility.
00:03:39
Speaker
Although you do need to take some of the answers with a pinch of salt, especially if it's around the questions relating to values, because they might doctor the answers a bit to sound a bit better than they are.
00:03:50
Speaker
Yeah, and I'm trying to figure out, are they trying to say this is going to make someone fall in love with you or is it supposed to like screen out people who are incompatible with you?
00:03:56
Speaker
Because those are two different things.
00:03:58
Speaker
True.
00:03:58
Speaker
They're overselling the make someone fall in love with you with these questions.
00:04:02
Speaker
But just as an aside, though, as well, I've just been reading the abstract of the actual study.
00:04:07
Speaker
And it said that the first study found that there was greater closeness after completing the task.
00:04:14
Speaker
But the second and third studies found no significant closeness
Female Dating Strategy Perspective on Questions
00:04:20
Speaker
effect.
00:04:20
Speaker
So the participants in the second and third studies didn't actually get closer.
00:04:26
Speaker
So I'm right to be sceptical then, right?
00:04:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:30
Speaker
Okay.
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:31
Speaker
I think it's almost like a Love is Blind, like A97 Love is Blind maybe, I don't know.
00:04:36
Speaker
So should we jump into the questions?
00:04:38
Speaker
There's three sets of 12.
00:04:39
Speaker
Yeah, let's jump in.
00:04:41
Speaker
So we're going to do part one that's going to be set one.
00:04:45
Speaker
So who wants to read this?
00:04:46
Speaker
Okay, so set one.
Ideal Dinner Guests: Who and Why?
00:04:48
Speaker
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
00:04:53
Speaker
Now, if he says the Marquis de Sade, just cut and run, dump, run very, very far and fast away.
00:04:59
Speaker
Yeah, what would be some red flag dinner guests?
00:05:01
Speaker
I don't know, Elon Musk?
00:05:02
Speaker
Stalin.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah, Elon Musk, I was going to say.
00:05:07
Speaker
Joseph Stalin.
00:05:08
Speaker
Kanye West.
00:05:10
Speaker
Literally any shitty man, Hitler.
00:05:12
Speaker
Almost any politician, to be honest, would be a red flag.
00:05:17
Speaker
I'm trying to think if there's like any politician who they could say that I wouldn't be alarmed at on some level.
00:05:24
Speaker
Maybe like Abraham Lincoln or something.
00:05:27
Speaker
Yeah, okay.
00:05:28
Speaker
I'd be okay with that.
00:05:29
Speaker
Yeah, but I'm like, anybody else?
00:05:31
Speaker
I'd also be suspicious if he was saying, if he was like, oh, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I'd be like, are you saying that because you actually believe it or because it's just what you think I want to hear kind of thing, you know?
00:05:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:05:42
Speaker
true i'm gonna text my boyfriend this question right away and see what he says actually ask him like who who you would have as again i guess it could be both living and alive so i'm wondering if he picks anybody with a specific political angle even if he said like carl marx or someone else i think just picking someone from a political angle to me would be like okay this is a guy that's going to download all his opinions to me for the next 40 or 50 minutes honestly if a guy said carl marx i'd probably want to fuck him more to be honest but that's just me
00:06:13
Speaker
Yeah, I think it depends on the rationale because I've actually thought about this question myself.
00:06:18
Speaker
And because I was like super into Russian history, I would definitely want to interview like one of like, you know, that maybe like the last, like, for example, Tsar and Tsarina.
00:06:28
Speaker
Like, I'd love to interview them or sit down with them.
00:06:30
Speaker
I mean, not so much because I agree with their philosophy, but more to understand their thought process
The Desire for Fame in Relationships
00:06:36
Speaker
as to why they went down the path of self-discovery.
00:06:39
Speaker
Why they made the decisions that they did.
00:06:41
Speaker
yeah it's like because sometimes it can be like a curiosity thing not necessarily because you agree with them but it also depends on the rationale but i would definitely probably have like zarnikolas the second or the czarina alexandra i would have the czarina definitely have the czarina just for the roast he says jesus you should also run if he says jesus i'm definitely gonna nope the fuck out as well if he's like i want to talk to our lord and savior
00:07:06
Speaker
Okay, should we each answer like our actual answer?
00:07:09
Speaker
So Savannah answered her question.
00:07:12
Speaker
I would say Queen Elizabeth I, Eleanor of Aquitaine, Catherine the Great, Queen Nzinga of Nidongo and Mutamba.
00:07:20
Speaker
I don't know, literally any based queen of history.
00:07:22
Speaker
I feel like I would pick someone who is very, very good at investing and then retroactively try to make myself rich, right?
00:07:31
Speaker
Like if I could
00:07:33
Speaker
I guess with the internet, you can pretty much look up everything you ever really wanted to know about most people.
00:07:41
Speaker
But no, it's more about the discussion, the conversation, right?
00:07:44
Speaker
Like, who do I want to have a discussion with?
00:07:46
Speaker
I'd want to talk to the base queens of history because I want to know their strategy.
00:07:50
Speaker
I want to know how they did what they did and why so that I can be more like them.
00:07:54
Speaker
You know, a lot of history is actually very misogynistic and leaves out women, right?
00:07:58
Speaker
So a lot of these women, they never got their actual perspective out there or, you know, their perspective is only written about from outsider perspective.
00:08:05
Speaker
I'd like to know, I'd like to like really pick their brain.
00:08:07
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:08:08
Speaker
Yeah, I guess if there was some kind of art or that you've read that was really influential, then I could see wanting to talk to that person.
00:08:16
Speaker
JK Rowling?
00:08:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:17
Speaker
Talk to that person and really understand their thought process and how they built their philosophy or the world.
00:08:22
Speaker
If it was like a fictional book like JK Rowling, but yeah, I guess, yeah.
00:08:27
Speaker
Someone who's dead, who has a book that I like, but I can't think of anybody right now.
00:08:30
Speaker
So.
Rehearsing Conversations: Pros and Cons
00:08:33
Speaker
Okay.
00:08:34
Speaker
So moving on to question two, would you like to be famous?
00:08:39
Speaker
If so, in what way?
00:08:41
Speaker
I want to be Rihanna or nothing else.
00:08:44
Speaker
Not famous at all.
00:08:46
Speaker
I mean, but just in the context of men, though, this is a very good question, actually, because there are some men who they might, and I've seen this happen both in my own life and in the stories of women online.
00:09:00
Speaker
How do you say it?
00:09:01
Speaker
They're almost like the Hollywood actor waiting in the wings.
00:09:03
Speaker
They're just waiting for their big break in Hollywood, you know, whilst they're not doing, I mean, whilst they don't even live in Los Angeles, for example.
00:09:10
Speaker
So,
00:09:11
Speaker
if he does want to achieve a level of fame you know it's up to you how you feel about that but he has to be actively you know on track to doing that so if he wants to be an actor he should be auditioning he should you know be for example living there not be having delusions of grandeur like her dear friend on the neat episode um you know hoping to make it big one day without actually putting in any effort so
Evaluating Partner's Perfect Day and Red Flags
00:09:33
Speaker
watch out for that but
00:09:33
Speaker
Even then, like, even if they are putting in a lot of effort into becoming famous, I'd still probably side-eye someone like that.
00:09:40
Speaker
It also depends on what they want to be famous for as, like, an entertainer.
00:09:44
Speaker
You know, I would not want to, honestly, if a guy's not currently a famous actor, singer, celebrity, whatever, and he wants to be, I probably would just next him because I don't want to be the, like, forever girlfriend of some wannabe musician or whatever.
00:09:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:58
Speaker
And also bear in mind, some men, they will want to become famous because it will, well, they believe it will increase their access to women as well.
00:10:07
Speaker
So that's another thing to watch out for.
00:10:10
Speaker
I think if anybody chases fame for the sake of fame, it's probably a red flag.
00:10:15
Speaker
Because nowadays there's so many people that are quote famous because of social media.
00:10:19
Speaker
There's just tons of these like Instagram, YouTube celebrities, et cetera.
00:10:22
Speaker
And they're constantly doing extremely toxic things for attention.
00:10:26
Speaker
So I think that famous for being famous or I just want to be seen types are probably going to veer into the toxic
Public Singing: Annoyance or Charm?
00:10:34
Speaker
side versus like, oh, I have a specific skill that I want to showcase to people is probably fine.
00:10:39
Speaker
Like, hey, I'm an artist.
00:10:40
Speaker
Hey, I'm a rapper.
00:10:43
Speaker
hey i yeah hey act etc like if they want to be famous for being good at something then i see that as less of a red flag than people that just chase fame you just don't want to be i'm very uh skeptical and all the like the couple vlogs and couple youtube channels because they're always toxic like half the reason people watch it is because the couples are the family vloggers are toxic as fuck yeah they're toxic right so oh my god
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's where I'm like, because everybody can be famous nowadays, you're seeing what's happening to the people that want to be famous above all else.
00:11:11
Speaker
And it's not pretty.
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, I guess it depends what they want to be famous for.
00:11:15
Speaker
Like, so if I was on a date with a guy who was like an engineer or something, he's like, Oh, I want to be a really famous engineer.
00:11:20
Speaker
I want to like, come up with a really unique design for something and be known for that.
00:11:24
Speaker
I think that's more okay.
00:11:25
Speaker
Or, you know,
00:11:26
Speaker
say you're on a date with someone who's an architect and he's like oh I want to be like Eric Anderson I want to be a famous architect kind of thing you know that's good I think that's good to be ambitious and to want to be like the best of your industry right but again yeah if it was someone like oh yeah I want to be famous for the sake of being famous or want to become like a meme or something I don't know that just seems kind of useless like I don't know I'd be suspicious of that
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah, agreed.
00:11:49
Speaker
But for me personally, I don't know my views on fame.
00:11:52
Speaker
Like if I were to answer that question, I used to want to be famous.
00:11:55
Speaker
But like, I don't know, I've, especially with the podcast and everything.
00:12:00
Speaker
And like, again, I'm like, not even close to being a celebrity at all.
00:12:03
Speaker
I'm like, not even a B list or D list celebrity.
00:12:05
Speaker
I'm like a Z list celebrity.
00:12:07
Speaker
I have like, what, 3000 followers on Twitter.
00:12:09
Speaker
But even with that amount.
00:12:10
Speaker
Yeah, but confidence.
00:12:12
Speaker
Thank you.
00:12:13
Speaker
But no, even with that, even with that tiny, tiny amount of like, again, air quotes fame, it's like, it makes me a little bit sad sometimes when I talk to women in like Twitter spaces or in like the book club, some women will say like, oh, I'm just working out the courage to talk to you.
00:12:29
Speaker
And for any of you ladies listening in, if I ever have the opportunity to talk to you in real life or one on one on a phone call, like,
00:12:35
Speaker
please don't think that way about me.
00:12:38
Speaker
Like, I'm just like a really normal person.
00:12:39
Speaker
I just want to talk to you like a normal person.
00:12:41
Speaker
Like, it kind of makes me a little bit sad, honestly, when women are like, scared to talk to me because they think, I don't know what they think.
00:12:48
Speaker
But I don't know.
00:12:49
Speaker
I just, I wish I could talk to people who listen to the podcast like they're just a normal friend.
00:12:53
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:12:55
Speaker
Being on a pedestal can be uncomfortable.
00:12:56
Speaker
It is uncomfortable.
00:12:58
Speaker
It is probably uncomfortable for most people unless they're a raging narcissist,
Youth vs. Wisdom: The 30-Year-Old Dilemma
00:13:01
Speaker
right?
00:13:01
Speaker
Like...
00:13:02
Speaker
on some level.
00:13:03
Speaker
So yeah.
00:13:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:05
Speaker
I'm just a very normal person.
00:13:06
Speaker
Please talk to me like I'm a normal person.
00:13:08
Speaker
I accept all of your adulation.
00:13:10
Speaker
I revel in it.
00:13:15
Speaker
like i said i want to be rihanna or nobody else though like i want to just yeah no i don't like to be worshipped by women i like to be worshipped by men only okay because i see women as my equals but when again when we have like male fans we're like oh my god lilith i'm like okay this is good i like to be put on a pedestal by men but with women i you know we're all on the same level we're all equals we're all in the same tribe with men no you are beneath me you should worship me yeah
00:13:41
Speaker
But that being said about, I mean, if we, you know, I'm just gonna loosely like equate, for example, and wanting to become famous with being successful, because they often come hand in hand, not always.
00:13:52
Speaker
I think if you have a desire to be known for something, because I don't really count the...
00:13:58
Speaker
that the social media famous being famous thing is actual like a contribution to society.
00:14:03
Speaker
Just like Ro said.
00:14:04
Speaker
But if you want to be known for something, say like a podcast or your art or whatever, and you tell your partner that even if they're not like on board with it, as in, you know, they may not want to be, you know, famous in their own right or famous with you.
00:14:17
Speaker
they should still support you as well and be happy for you and not try and pull you down 10 peds.
00:14:21
Speaker
Because my partner's the same.
00:14:22
Speaker
He's very, very quiet, introverted, is happy to be in the background, doesn't really like talking about, you know, things publicly, but he's never been like, you know, you're never going to get there.
00:14:31
Speaker
He's actually been the opposite.
00:14:33
Speaker
They should support you like where they can, I think.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah, your partner should want you to be successful.
00:14:38
Speaker
I could see not wanting necessarily your partner to be famous because that also puts a big screw on you, right?
00:14:43
Speaker
If your partner is really famous, but they shouldn't obviously sabotage you and become famous.
00:14:47
Speaker
They'll have to either figure out how to adjust or move.
00:14:49
Speaker
But I guess I feel the same way about female dating strategy in general.
00:14:52
Speaker
Like I would want this to be successful, but I don't necessarily feel like I personally need to be famous, right?
00:14:57
Speaker
And that's because you're more looking at the impact, the positive impact on society.
00:15:04
Speaker
And then, you know, just getting paid for your labor that you're putting in.
00:15:07
Speaker
But it's not like I need everyone to think that I'm personally the best thing that's ever happened to humanity, you know?
00:15:13
Speaker
So question three, before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you were going to say?
00:15:21
Speaker
If so, why?
00:15:23
Speaker
No, that's weird.
00:15:24
Speaker
Why would you do that?
00:15:26
Speaker
I don't get it.
00:15:27
Speaker
It depends what it is, really.
00:15:28
Speaker
It really, it really depends.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:31
Speaker
So it depends on the conversation for me.
00:15:33
Speaker
If I'm going to be having, I think, a more challenging conversation, I do like to make notes of what I'm going to say, whether that's to my family, to my partner, just so...
00:15:42
Speaker
I have a bit of structure because I sometimes find it very difficult to talk about my personal feelings.
00:15:49
Speaker
So I just like to have it written down somewhere in like bullet point form, just so I can cover everything that I need to say in a way that I want to say it.
00:15:57
Speaker
So sometimes is my answer.
00:15:59
Speaker
These days, if I'm calling anyone on the telephone outside of my family, it's a pretty special event, right?
00:16:06
Speaker
Because of texting.
00:16:08
Speaker
So it's probably something that's more formal, like a job interview or pitching something to somebody.
00:16:15
Speaker
So then I probably write, yeah, like you said, just write down a few bullet points so I can keep myself focused and on track.
00:16:21
Speaker
And also, if you're following FDS, I generally like to have a few...
00:16:26
Speaker
things I definitely want to touch on with someone who I'm talking to on the phone if I'm doing a pre-screen.
00:16:31
Speaker
Like, let the conversation kind of go naturally, but also, like, have in the back of my mind or somewhere.
00:16:36
Speaker
I mean, don't be sitting there, like, crossing shit off a list like a weirdo, but, like, you know what I mean?
00:16:40
Speaker
Like, especially if you're...
00:16:41
Speaker
talking to a lot of guys, like just give yourself, oh, this is the guy that had the dog in the picture or something.
00:16:46
Speaker
So you can remember and then keep yourself on track and then also hit the stuff you want to talk about.
00:16:51
Speaker
So you don't like get caught up in the moment and then don't actually vet the guy properly.
00:16:55
Speaker
So I'm a fan of pre-rehearsing certain aspects of phone calls, both to save yourself time and also to come off well if you're trying to impress somebody.
00:17:05
Speaker
See, I never rehearse anything ever.
00:17:07
Speaker
Maybe I should actually start doing that because sometimes I do tend to get off track.
00:17:13
Speaker
but yeah no i like i'm like oh i just like to think on my feet i like to just let the words flow or whatever i don't know i find when i rehearse things in advance i just sound stilted and stuff so i just like to kind of yeah go for be improvised and stuff but if i were to ask a man this question and i don't know what would be the correct answer i can't think of one like i tend to think that if a guy is rehearsing the things that he says
00:17:35
Speaker
he is going to work on his social skills.
00:17:38
Speaker
There's a person who's put in effort on his social skills.
00:17:40
Speaker
So I think that's a green flag.
00:17:42
Speaker
Yeah.
Discussing Morbid Topics in Relationships
00:17:43
Speaker
And also, this is also the reason why, generally speaking, being face-to-face or talking on the phone is better than texting because, you know, when you're texting, you have time to think about what you're going to say.
00:17:55
Speaker
Whereas...
00:17:56
Speaker
you know, natural conversations are more organic and they flow better.
00:17:59
Speaker
And, you know, yeah, like Lilith said, I would be worried that if he comes across as too rehearsed, it's almost like, you know, I might be thinking like, did he like buy like a load of, you know, pickup lines from the Red Pill?
00:18:12
Speaker
Is this a pickup artist thing?
00:18:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:15
Speaker
Romantically, that might be a little bit differently.
00:18:17
Speaker
But like, on the other hand, sometimes I feel if people come and they talk to me and they're just completely unprepared for anything, I feel a little bit disrespected.
00:18:25
Speaker
Right.
00:18:25
Speaker
Because it's like, hey, and then there's all these like lulls in the conversation because they haven't thought of a single thing.
00:18:30
Speaker
And they expect you to like carry everything, carry the entire conversation.
00:18:34
Speaker
So maybe balance there.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah, there's balance.
00:18:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:37
Speaker
There's a balance there.
00:18:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:39
Speaker
But it's like, if, you know, like, you know, say for example, he has a job interview and he doesn't prepare, then yeah, that's going to be like a black mark against him.
00:18:45
Speaker
Or if he says, I just don't prepare like for job interviews because you should.
00:18:49
Speaker
Yeah, the people who are unprepared for job interviews tend to stand out.
00:18:54
Speaker
It depends what the preparation is, though.
00:18:56
Speaker
Is it researching about the company?
00:18:58
Speaker
Is it practicing, doing role plays so that you're practicing the questions that they might ask?
00:19:03
Speaker
That kind of stuff.
00:19:05
Speaker
I see that as good.
00:19:06
Speaker
When I say people don't even remember the things that are on their own resume.
00:19:10
Speaker
Okay, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
00:19:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker
Yeah, like doing, you know, five to 10 minutes to remember what you submitted would be the sign of like you being a socially responsible person.
00:19:21
Speaker
If you have to do that, it means you lied on your resume, right?
00:19:23
Speaker
I mean, maybe, maybe not.
00:19:25
Speaker
Like maybe they just, yeah.
00:19:26
Speaker
Case by case basis.
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:30
Speaker
Use your critical thinking skills to evaluate if his answer sounds sus to you or not.
00:19:34
Speaker
Yeah.
Commonalities vs. Projected Fantasies
00:19:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:35
Speaker
If he's like trying to come at you with a hard sale, like a pickup artist or somebody trying to get you to sign up for a magazine subscription, then...
00:19:43
Speaker
Abortship.
00:19:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:44
Speaker
Or abandon ship.
00:19:45
Speaker
Abort mission and abandon ship.
00:19:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:48
Speaker
Question four.
00:19:50
Speaker
What would constitute a perfect day for you?
00:19:54
Speaker
Should we answer it for us personally?
00:19:56
Speaker
I don't know, because a guy, there's like a million different answers to the question, I guess.
00:20:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:01
Speaker
Yeah.
Gratitude in Relationships
00:20:24
Speaker
make lunch or dinner, whatever, however long that time is.
00:20:29
Speaker
At some point during that, probably take my dog out for a long walk, actually, either like before the gym or after the gym.
00:20:34
Speaker
Probably both, actually.
00:20:35
Speaker
Yeah, go for another walk around sunset and just have a leisurely chill day.
00:20:39
Speaker
That's my perfect day.
00:20:40
Speaker
Yeah, food, gym, dog.
00:20:42
Speaker
There's not a right answer, but there are wrong answers.
00:20:45
Speaker
What would be a wrong answer to you?
00:20:47
Speaker
Roll over in my bed and play World of Warcraft for 12 hours a day.
00:20:53
Speaker
Okay, yeah.
00:20:55
Speaker
Jerk off and play Vidya all day.
00:20:56
Speaker
Yeah, jerking off, eating tendies, playing Vidya is probably a red flag.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:05
Speaker
or anything that constitutes people doing shit for him above and beyond like oh so i want my wife to cook for me etc which okay if i guess it's not bad if a guy wants a woman who will cater to him in some way and the sense of like if they like being taken care of but if the entire thing is like you doing shit and them not being active participants in their life i consider that a wrong answer
00:21:27
Speaker
If he said something like, we wake up together and make breakfast together, that would be cute.
00:21:31
Speaker
But if he's like, I wake up and you make me breakfast and serve it to me in bed, I'd be like, fuck off, double middle finger to you.
00:21:39
Speaker
And, you know, some guys also say stuff like a perfect... Well, I mean, this was a lot in the BDSM community and I think it might extend outside now as well.
00:21:47
Speaker
But they would say stuff like free use.
00:21:51
Speaker
Do you know what that is?
00:21:52
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:21:52
Speaker
I've heard of that.
00:21:54
Speaker
Basically where...
00:21:55
Speaker
You are sexually available, yeah.
00:21:58
Speaker
You're just like a fleshlight that he sticks his dick in whenever.
00:22:00
Speaker
Yeah, whenever he wants, so your body is freely available for him to use.
00:22:04
Speaker
A lot of guys said that in the BDSM community.
00:22:07
Speaker
I hate that fetish so much.
00:22:09
Speaker
If they say that, then yeah, run as fast as you can.
00:22:12
Speaker
He's a scrote.
00:22:13
Speaker
I'm porn sick.
00:22:14
Speaker
Yeah, the entire premise of that fetish is that the woman's pleasure doesn't matter at all, and that she's literally just a sex object for him to stick his dick in whenever.
00:22:23
Speaker
yeah there's so many things i know now that sorry bro not just because of you but reddit in general and that yeah it's like a second peevity being on reddit when you realize just how like shit people are it's just like people wonder why we go hard and it's like man if you knew the shit that was out there just spend like 15 minutes on reddit you
00:22:49
Speaker
I think my perfect day would be doing something new I'd never done before or traveling someplace I'd never traveled before.
00:22:55
Speaker
And like, yeah, I love brunch.
00:22:57
Speaker
You need to start every perfect day with brunch.
00:23:00
Speaker
Yes.
00:23:00
Speaker
Agreed.
00:23:01
Speaker
Yes.
00:23:02
Speaker
I think brunch is the perfect meal because it's not quite lunch, not quite breakfast.
00:23:07
Speaker
So you can have protein and fresh fruit and it doesn't, you know, you can have something sweet or savory.
00:23:13
Speaker
All you can eat brunch where you don't have to cook it yourself.
00:23:16
Speaker
That's ideal.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yes.
00:23:17
Speaker
Yeah, and you can get that at a hotel, right?
00:23:19
Speaker
So if you're traveling, you can go to the hotel, have brunch, then go out and sightsee all day.
00:23:24
Speaker
I really love seeing like historical buildings and stuff like that.
00:23:26
Speaker
So to me, a really stimulating day would be going somewhere where I could tour a new city I'd never been before and just like learn about a bunch of new stuff.
00:23:34
Speaker
I'm quite the same.
00:23:36
Speaker
That also sounds great.
00:23:37
Speaker
Yeah, I'd say I'm the same as Ro.
00:23:38
Speaker
I periodically like to just book like a really, really, really, really swanky hotel for myself and then spend the day exploring the city and feeling like an Instagram boss bitch.
00:23:51
Speaker
Man, I feel I feel lame as fuck that my perfect day is going is surrounded by going to the gym.
00:23:56
Speaker
Now you guys are like worldly ladies who want to travel.
00:23:58
Speaker
And I'm like, no, I just want to go to the gym.
00:24:02
Speaker
You see how that's still better than anything Coomers can come up with.
00:24:05
Speaker
Right.
00:24:05
Speaker
That's why if you have a lazy answer to this as a man, it just is such a red flag.
Oversharing in Early Dating
00:24:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:10
Speaker
You know what also would be a red flag to me is if the man was like, I wake up at 5am, I take a cold shower, and then I do 15 minutes of meditation.
00:24:18
Speaker
I make confidence, my bitch!
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:22
Speaker
The hyper productivity guys.
00:24:24
Speaker
If they're basically like those LinkedIn bros who make people feel shit if they stop to take a breath.
00:24:31
Speaker
Or a YouTuber morning routine.
00:24:32
Speaker
Or you're lazy if you take 10 minutes to stretch your legs at lunch.
00:24:36
Speaker
Yeah, I get up and I fat shame everyone on the internet.
00:24:42
Speaker
And then I edit a YouTube video for my channel about my morning routine.
00:24:45
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:24:47
Speaker
No, yeah, no, I hate guys like that.
00:24:48
Speaker
You gotta step on confidence and self-esteem.
00:24:54
Speaker
Yeah, that guy.
00:24:55
Speaker
Yeah, the hyper productivity is where it's like, he's got every minute of his day scheduled out right until nighttime, including sex.
00:25:01
Speaker
He's like, are you still sleeping?
00:25:02
Speaker
Are you lazy?
00:25:04
Speaker
That's why you're never gonna get ahead.
00:25:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:06
Speaker
You deserve everything that happens to you.
00:25:09
Speaker
I sleep four hours a night and I schedule exactly 10 minutes for sex with my wife and not a minute more because that's all it takes for me to come and no foreplay.
00:25:17
Speaker
I'm micro dosing coffee.
00:25:19
Speaker
I'm micro dosing mushrooms.
00:25:20
Speaker
I'm micro dosing LSD.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah, that guy.
00:25:24
Speaker
Yeah, no, fuck those guys.
00:25:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:26
Speaker
That's also probably, yeah, not great.
00:25:28
Speaker
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00:25:31
Speaker
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00:25:34
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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00:26:27
Speaker
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00:26:30
Speaker
So question five.
00:26:33
Speaker
When did you last sing to yourself, to someone else?
00:26:37
Speaker
Okay, I will admit I'm confused by this question.
00:26:40
Speaker
Every day I sing to myself and to my dog all the time.
00:26:44
Speaker
That's adorable.
00:26:44
Speaker
I love that.
00:26:45
Speaker
I make up little songs every day and sing it to my doggie.
00:26:49
Speaker
That's so cute.
00:26:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:51
Speaker
Okay, I do sing, but like not often.
00:26:54
Speaker
And also, okay, not gonna lie.
00:26:56
Speaker
One of my pet peeves is people who sing in public.
00:26:59
Speaker
Like that's fine to sing in your own home or in the shower, whatever, that's fine.
00:27:02
Speaker
But if I'm in public and someone is just singing, I just look at them like, are you mentally ill or something?
00:27:06
Speaker
Like, maybe this is just like PTSD from what I was- What do you mean by singing in public?
00:27:10
Speaker
Do you mean people on the street who sing in public?
00:27:12
Speaker
Like-
00:27:13
Speaker
No, busking, that's fine.
00:27:14
Speaker
I mean, just like people sitting on like the fucking bus who just decide to sing.
00:27:18
Speaker
Like, you know, just in public, like they're not buskers.
00:27:21
Speaker
They're just randomly singing.
00:27:22
Speaker
Or like this goes all the way back to when I was in theater.
00:27:26
Speaker
I was a theater kid, right?
00:27:27
Speaker
And so I did musicals, right?
00:27:29
Speaker
Like I sang in musicals, but there was always that one group of theater kids where they just break in a fucking Les Miserables song, like randomly.
00:27:37
Speaker
Like they just like... Why do you hate Joy, Lilith?
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:42
Speaker
I don't know.
00:27:42
Speaker
They would just piss me off.
00:27:44
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:27:44
Speaker
This is a uniquely theater kid thing to do is to just break out into song randomly in public during your day and think that other people are going to be impressed because other people are not impressed, by the way.
00:27:54
Speaker
Other people are just annoyed and they think you're a fucking narcissist.
00:27:57
Speaker
Anyways, that's just me.
00:27:59
Speaker
I don't mind if a guy does this, especially if he's really enthusiastic about music.
00:28:03
Speaker
I mean, I've dated guys like this where they just randomly quote rap lyrics.
00:28:07
Speaker
They'll just be on their phone and then suddenly rapping or singing a song.
00:28:10
Speaker
I don't know.
00:28:10
Speaker
It doesn't bother me.
00:28:11
Speaker
That's another thing.
00:28:12
Speaker
I've dated guys who were musicians and they would just... Maybe I'm a horrible person, but there have been men who wrote songs for me or about me.
00:28:18
Speaker
And I just, for some reason, felt extremely disgusted and annoyed.
00:28:21
Speaker
And I just...
00:28:22
Speaker
like i don't hate joy it's just first of all most of the time their lyrics would be like sexual so it'd be like something something the magic between your thighs or whatever like that kind of stuff that kind of grossed me out oh yeah that's off-putting for sure also would be like way too early in the relationship so if he did it when we'd been dating you know you know um like mallory when sal sang to mallory i thought that was kind of cute because sort of like funny in a way but like there have been times where a man sang to me like a really like
00:28:49
Speaker
serious love song and we've been dating like two three weeks and I'm like too much too soon buddy like that's just I don't know it feels like they're just trying to create accelerated intimacy or something it just makes me uncomfortable feels manipulative
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah, it feels emotionally manipulative.
00:29:02
Speaker
But yeah, but maybe I do just hate Joy.
00:29:04
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:29:04
Speaker
No, no, I think that's fair.
00:29:06
Speaker
Because I think there's a difference between like a casual singer, a casual rapper, and then like someone who makes this like a formal thing where it's part of their personality.
00:29:14
Speaker
Right?
00:29:15
Speaker
Yeah, they expect you to sit down and like clap for them and stuff.
00:29:17
Speaker
And that's the other thing is if I don't, I feel like I have to sit there and be like, wow, amazing, Jeremy, what a wonderful song.
00:29:25
Speaker
You're so great.
00:29:26
Speaker
And I don't like that pressure.
00:29:27
Speaker
Okay?
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:29
Speaker
I don't like to feel like I have to give compliments, especially if I feel like they don't deserve it or if the song was bad and I didn't like it.
00:29:36
Speaker
The other thing is that with these men, if I didn't have that like over the top positive reaction, if I was like kind of like, um, thanks.
00:29:43
Speaker
Cool.
00:29:44
Speaker
If I gave like a normal reaction, like one that felt natural to me, they'd be like, they'd blow up.
00:29:48
Speaker
They'd be like, oh my gosh, you didn't like it.
00:29:50
Speaker
And like yell at me for not being grateful or whatever.
00:29:53
Speaker
And I'm like, I don't like this pressure.
00:29:54
Speaker
Okay.
00:29:55
Speaker
So again, I think the whole like not liking people who sing in public or not liking people who sing to me is just like a PTSD thing because of the times in the past where it ended horribly.
00:30:04
Speaker
Because they're not doing it for your enjoyment.
00:30:06
Speaker
They're doing it for validation.
00:30:08
Speaker
So it's manipulative.
00:30:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:10
Speaker
Or for themselves.
00:30:11
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:30:12
Speaker
So that's why I don't like it.
00:30:13
Speaker
And yeah, the theater kids, they sing in public because they want people to be like, wow, oh my God, you're such a good singer.
00:30:19
Speaker
Why aren't you famous already?
00:30:20
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:30:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:22
Speaker
Right.
00:30:23
Speaker
I'm like, I just want to like ignore you and just listen to fucking music on my headphones on Spotify.
00:30:28
Speaker
It doesn't bother me.
00:30:30
Speaker
Once again, I'm biased because I enjoy just doing it because I'm just happy.
00:30:35
Speaker
Like I feel like I don't necessarily expect anybody to react.
00:30:39
Speaker
And I think that's the difference.
00:30:40
Speaker
I just do it because it makes me happy.
00:30:41
Speaker
That's cute, actually.
00:30:43
Speaker
I'd probably be chill with that, especially if people are singing to their dogs.
00:30:46
Speaker
Actually, I think that's adorable.
00:30:47
Speaker
I've had to not do it outside because I forgot.
00:30:50
Speaker
I forgot like, oh, I'm outside the house.
00:30:51
Speaker
You can't be singing these goofy songs to your dog.
00:30:53
Speaker
That's so weird.
00:30:55
Speaker
So that's cute.
00:30:56
Speaker
Ever forgotten?
00:30:57
Speaker
Like, that's weird.
00:30:58
Speaker
That's awkward for people.
00:30:59
Speaker
But okay, if a man were to answer it, I don't know, like, if you were to be like, yes, I sang yesterday for my other girlfriend that I'm dating right now, obviously red flag, or if a guy, I guess the question is, when did you last sing to yourself or to someone else?
00:31:11
Speaker
Yesterday, I was doing Beyonce with my dog.
00:31:14
Speaker
And I was like, I'd be getting too much puppy.
00:31:16
Speaker
Yeah, everybody.
00:31:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:19
Speaker
That's so cute.
00:31:20
Speaker
Same old talking from the block.
00:31:21
Speaker
And I was doing a little dance because that's what I do.
00:31:24
Speaker
Your dog's probably looking at you like, what the fuck?
00:31:26
Speaker
This is my human who chose me.
00:31:28
Speaker
Everybody, Matt.
00:31:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:31
Speaker
Oh, that's cute though.
00:31:32
Speaker
Here's a red flag, actually.
00:31:33
Speaker
Men who say they don't like music,
00:31:36
Speaker
That's always a red flag.
00:31:36
Speaker
There are men out there who are like, oh, I don't like music.
00:31:38
Speaker
Jeff Bezos.
00:31:39
Speaker
Jeff Bezos doesn't like music.
00:31:41
Speaker
I think that person, I think anyone who says that is a sociopath.
00:31:44
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:31:46
Speaker
Like, I like listening to music, but I like when it's like professionally produced, like, you know, like an actual song kind of thing.
00:31:52
Speaker
Acapella just doesn't do anything for me.
00:31:54
Speaker
That's just, I don't know why I'm like that.
00:31:57
Speaker
Sorry, I hate Pitch Perfect.
00:31:58
Speaker
Don't hate me.
00:31:59
Speaker
Don't come at me.
00:31:59
Speaker
There are good acapella groups and then cheesy ones, but there are good ones.
00:32:03
Speaker
That's corny.
00:32:04
Speaker
I don't know.
00:32:05
Speaker
I was just like...
00:32:07
Speaker
Well, yeah, it depends.
00:32:08
Speaker
But no, Jeff Bezos doesn't like music.
00:32:11
Speaker
And he realized that it made people look at him like he was a sociopath.
00:32:14
Speaker
So he rehearsed a bunch of he rehearsed a list of bands and songs that he likes just so he wouldn't appear like a weirdo.
00:32:20
Speaker
But he's come out and said he doesn't like music.
00:32:22
Speaker
And like, well, that's strange.
00:32:25
Speaker
Yeah, so I think it's a red flag if a man is too into music or hates music.
00:32:29
Speaker
I like a guy that's sort of in the middle, you know, like a normal person, has a few bands that they like, that they listen to.
00:32:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's fine.
00:32:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:37
Speaker
Yes.
00:32:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:38
Speaker
So question six.
00:32:40
Speaker
So if you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
00:32:51
Speaker
Oh, body.
00:32:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:53
Speaker
100% body.
00:32:54
Speaker
Hell yeah.
00:32:54
Speaker
I'd want to stay healthy.
00:32:57
Speaker
And what does it mean, mind of a 30-year-old?
00:32:59
Speaker
Do I want to stay immature for the rest of my life?
00:33:01
Speaker
No.
00:33:01
Speaker
The point of growing old is that you learn things and you become wise.
00:33:05
Speaker
Like, I would love to be a 90-year-old with the body of a 30-year-old, but, like, a super wise person.
00:33:11
Speaker
And when they mean mind, do they mean memories?
00:33:13
Speaker
Or do they just mean, like, yeah, like you said, wisdom?
00:33:16
Speaker
I'm guessing, like,
00:33:17
Speaker
the sharpness of like, because obviously by the time you're 90, your mind also starts to decline.
00:33:22
Speaker
I don't know about this one actually, because I'm not against aging.
00:33:26
Speaker
I actually think it's a very, it's a privilege that many people don't get to have.
00:33:31
Speaker
So I've never been about this whole, I want to look as young as possible.
00:33:35
Speaker
I think like women as a whole need to reject the narrative that we can't look 30 when we're 30 because, you know, it's a natural, normal, you know, thing to age in my opinion.
00:33:46
Speaker
So I don't know about that one.
00:33:48
Speaker
No, I'm thinking of it mostly from the perspective of fitness.
00:33:51
Speaker
It's not even about looks.
00:33:52
Speaker
It's that I want to stay swole well into my old age.
00:33:55
Speaker
True.
00:33:56
Speaker
Okay?
00:33:56
Speaker
I don't, like, as you age, you lose muscle mass, you get osteoporosis and stuff like that.
00:34:02
Speaker
I don't want to deal with all of the health problems that are associated with aging.
00:34:05
Speaker
It's not even about aesthetics.
00:34:06
Speaker
It's just about being able-bodied and stuff, right?
00:34:09
Speaker
I don't want the mind of a 30-year-old when I'm 90, though.
00:34:11
Speaker
I think that's part of...
00:34:14
Speaker
it for me i don't know it's a tough one but i think i would rather go with mind over body personally i've seen a bunch of old and mature people so i'm like uh it's not that uncommon to be physically old and have a young mind or have never matured past a certain point so i don't know yeah but that's the thing i don't like those people i like people who are old and wise and wise if you're old be smart you know i want to be old and a burden to everyone around me
00:34:40
Speaker
just annoying.
00:34:40
Speaker
I'm going to pay for everything in pennies.
00:34:45
Speaker
Pay for a check.
00:34:46
Speaker
I'm going to pay for everything with the most annoying type of tender possible.
00:34:50
Speaker
I'm always going to use self-checkout and be confused by it.
00:34:53
Speaker
Like, I'm going to take forever at self-checkout on purpose.
00:35:00
Speaker
I think a red flag for this, though, would be if he says something along the lines of, you know, I would want to be to have the body of a 30 year old so I can attract younger women.
00:35:09
Speaker
That's a definite red flag because at fucking 90 years old, you should still date your age.
00:35:14
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much for all these questions, if they turn into something sexual immediately, that's a red flag.
00:35:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:19
Speaker
Yeah.
Wishing for Unique Abilities
00:35:20
Speaker
If they don't put any thought and it's always something sexual in response to this question or something that's going to boost their sexual availability or prowess or ability to get women, then yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:32
Speaker
Bad answer.
00:35:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:33
Speaker
So on to question seven.
00:35:35
Speaker
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
00:35:40
Speaker
I mean, if he says because of my heroin habit, then that's probably a red flag.
00:35:46
Speaker
I'm actually... No, go ahead.
00:35:49
Speaker
I think I'm going to die alone in the gutter with a needle on my arm.
00:35:52
Speaker
Then yeah, we're going to have to demonetize this on YouTube because I made too many drug references this episode.
00:35:58
Speaker
I don't know.
00:35:59
Speaker
I don't have a secret hunch, but I do think it would be not a green flag, but I think it's a positive thing if he's able to talk about death in a mature way because...
00:36:09
Speaker
I'm actually kind of a morbid person.
00:36:11
Speaker
Like I read autopsy reports in my spare time.
00:36:15
Speaker
I watch more true videos on YouTube because I just don't know why people are so scared of death because it's going to happen to everyone.
00:36:21
Speaker
Right.
00:36:21
Speaker
So if they get very, I don't know, I think you have to have a mature approach to it.
00:36:27
Speaker
So if he can speak about it in a matter of fact way, then I think I would like that.
00:36:31
Speaker
I'm like, hopefully of old age.
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:35
Speaker
Hopefully of old age, if you're lucky.
00:36:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
Honestly, like most of the guys that I date, they say like, oh, I'd probably die in like a motorcycle accident or doing something really like dangerous or something.
00:36:46
Speaker
I consider that maybe less of a red flag, to be honest, because that's at least somewhat honest and maybe realistic because a lot of men do die from doing stupid, dangerous shit.
00:36:55
Speaker
And I'm not the kind of person to be like, no, don't do that because I do stupid, dangerous shit.
00:36:58
Speaker
But anyways, but that's another, that's another conversation.
00:37:02
Speaker
Question eight.
00:37:04
Speaker
And name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
00:37:09
Speaker
Ooh, sometimes they have like a red flag answer to this.
00:37:11
Speaker
If a guy can't answer this question, that is a big, big red flag because, you know, there are many, many women who are in relationships with men who know nothing about them.
00:37:20
Speaker
As in like, they don't know their middle name, they don't know their hobbies, their favorite color, stuff like that.
00:37:24
Speaker
birthday nothing yeah yeah he should be able to articulate the reasons you know your commonalities basically because if he can't that's a high indicator that he's only with you because of what you do for him and not necessarily like because he agrees your commonalities and you know he likes your mind or i mean all your values basically so he should be able to answer this question depending on how long you've been together but you know you're gonna
00:37:50
Speaker
but let's assume that you're several months into the relationship.
00:37:53
Speaker
He should be able to answer this question with ease.
00:37:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:57
Speaker
What I would be worried about is men who project personality traits on you.
00:38:01
Speaker
That to me, it's just, Oh, I can already just feel that happening and I'm getting,
00:38:05
Speaker
like the hairs on my neck are standing up because I'm like, oh, I've been with men like that where they describe a whole personality that you don't have and like a whole set of beliefs that you don't have because they project certain traits on you.
00:38:16
Speaker
So I would be looking for them projecting personality traits or things like that onto you as far as like, I like you because you're like X and it's not that you're really like that.
00:38:26
Speaker
It's just that like they need that.
00:38:28
Speaker
So they're putting it or they'll say something like, oh, I like you because you don't criticize me like my last girlfriend or something like that.
00:38:34
Speaker
You know?
00:38:35
Speaker
Yeah, another one, another red flag answer would be, so it's very common, for example, for narcissistic men at the beginning of a relationship to have this sort of fantasy about how you are as a person.
00:38:47
Speaker
Like, men, not just narcissistic men, but a lot of men have this idea at the beginning of the relationship.
00:38:52
Speaker
And why does he do that?
00:38:54
Speaker
He talks about that as well, how...
00:38:58
Speaker
you know, at the beginning of the relationship, they have this fantasy of the ideal woman.
00:39:02
Speaker
And because they don't know anything about you and they haven't bothered to try to get to know you, they just assume that that's what you're like.
00:39:09
Speaker
And then over the course of the relationship, as you begin to show that you're your own person and not his fantasy, that's when he starts to get angry with you or being abusive because he's like, well, you're not matching up with my fantasy.
00:39:19
Speaker
And he blames that on you rather than his own fantasy.
00:39:21
Speaker
Right.
00:39:22
Speaker
So if I were to ask this question and he were to say something like,
00:39:25
Speaker
describing personality traits that are not mine, but are more likely associated with what he considers his ideal woman, I would run.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:34
Speaker
Because that's scary.
00:39:35
Speaker
Well, you're blunt like I am or something like that.
00:39:37
Speaker
Or they're trying to talk about you as an extension of themselves, right?
00:39:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:42
Speaker
Or the things we allegedly have in common are the things that he likes about himself that he's trying to project on you.
00:39:47
Speaker
If you were to say like, oh, I like how we all like, I like how we both have the same hobbies or something like that.
00:39:53
Speaker
Or like how we both have similar like political values or something.
00:39:56
Speaker
I would consider, and those are actual traits that I have.
00:39:59
Speaker
I would consider that a green flag answer.
00:40:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:01
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:01
Speaker
Question nine.
00:40:03
Speaker
For what in your life do you feel the most grateful?
00:40:07
Speaker
I would definitely give like a Miss World answer.
00:40:09
Speaker
So thanks for my family, friends, career, God.
00:40:15
Speaker
All of you.
00:40:17
Speaker
I am so grateful for my two podcast hosts.
00:40:20
Speaker
No, but actually, that's true.
00:40:21
Speaker
That's not even like a fake answer.
00:40:22
Speaker
It's true, yeah.
00:40:23
Speaker
For you ladies, so.
00:40:24
Speaker
Big heart.
00:40:26
Speaker
I think I'm just happy to have my health, right?
00:40:29
Speaker
Like, I think.
00:40:31
Speaker
Ooh, I'm trying to think of what a red flag answer would be.
00:40:33
Speaker
So I think in general, if you're just happy, it's showing an attitude of gratitude is in general a positive green flag.
00:40:40
Speaker
I think the only way you could really screw this question up is if you... I'm really grateful for my mom who serves me hand and foot or something like that.
00:40:47
Speaker
Yeah, if it's like a dig at somebody.
00:40:51
Speaker
Or if they couldn't name anything, that's the other thing.
00:40:53
Speaker
Or even if they are grateful for someone who does really nice things to them.
00:40:56
Speaker
I don't even see that immediately as a red flag.
00:40:58
Speaker
I'm trying to think of something.
00:40:59
Speaker
If it's a woman, I can see that as a red flag, but yeah.
00:41:02
Speaker
Yeah, as a woman, if it's a woman doing shit.
00:41:04
Speaker
Yeah, it's I mean, it's certainly better than looking at it as an entitlement.
00:41:08
Speaker
But it's still a red flag that he sort of allows this to go on, especially if he knows it's one sided.
00:41:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:14
Speaker
So yeah, I don't know.
00:41:15
Speaker
Yeah, it's a case by case basis thing.
00:41:17
Speaker
Yeah, I'm like Ro.
00:41:18
Speaker
I'd say the thing I'm most grateful about is the fact that I'm just physically and mentally healthy and that I have lots of people in my life who love me and who I love and my dog.
00:41:28
Speaker
And yeah, that's about it, actually.
00:41:30
Speaker
Although I do consider my dog a people sometimes.
00:41:32
Speaker
A people.
00:41:33
Speaker
Dogs are people, too.
00:41:35
Speaker
Dogs are people.
00:41:36
Speaker
Yeah, anyways.
00:41:38
Speaker
Question 10.
00:41:39
Speaker
Question 10.
00:41:41
Speaker
10.
00:41:41
Speaker
Yeah, question 10.
00:41:42
Speaker
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
00:41:47
Speaker
Well, this is loaded as fuck.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah, I would caveat this question and say, depending on how long you've been together, be very, very careful about oversharing.
00:41:56
Speaker
You don't want to say like, even if your parents are trash, don't tell them your parents are trash because some men, they like to target women who they feel don't have strong familial connection.
00:42:08
Speaker
So be very careful with this, with how you answer this, depending on how long you've been together for.
00:42:15
Speaker
Make sure he's vetted first before you start.
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah, I wouldn't go into like, oh, I wish my parents weren't narcissists or something like that.
00:42:22
Speaker
I wouldn't say that on a first date.
00:42:23
Speaker
I wouldn't want a man to know that.
00:42:24
Speaker
And even if we'd been together a long time, I'd probably be very cautious about this.
00:42:28
Speaker
I've been asked this question myself.
00:42:31
Speaker
And honestly, I don't think I'd change anything about the way I was raised, even though there were a lot of fucked up things that happened to me when I was a kid.
00:42:38
Speaker
And a lot of it was traumatic and shitty and abusive.
00:42:41
Speaker
I really like the way that I am now.
00:42:43
Speaker
And I've learned a lot from that.
00:42:44
Speaker
I've managed to take all those shitty experiences and, you know, make a better life for myself.
00:42:49
Speaker
And I think that if I if I'd been raised differently, I might have turned out to be a different person.
00:42:53
Speaker
And I don't know who that person is.
00:42:55
Speaker
But I'm really happy with how I am.
00:42:57
Speaker
So I don't think I'd change a thing, honestly.
00:42:59
Speaker
I think that's a good answer.
00:43:00
Speaker
I think that's a good high value answer for people that come from difficult backgrounds.
00:43:04
Speaker
Because I've met, I know a lot of great men who had very humble and traumatic beginnings.
00:43:10
Speaker
And what has made the massive difference in them becoming high value, whereas a lot of men use it as a perpetual excuse, is the lessons they took away from it and the amount of responsibility they took over their own life.
00:43:22
Speaker
So I don't necessarily think this is a, I don't necessarily think that even if they divulge any type of trauma or anything like that, that it's necessarily bad.
00:43:32
Speaker
And I don't necessarily think you should automatically judge everybody by how their parents are, especially if they're aware that they come from a fucked up circumstance.
00:43:41
Speaker
But how he answered that's going to change, that's going to determine whether it's a red flag or a green flag.
00:43:46
Speaker
If he's still blaming his parents for everything that's ever happened to him and he's like 35,
00:43:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's not good.
00:43:51
Speaker
But a guy that's like, man, this happened, this happened.
00:43:55
Speaker
It really made me feel this way.
00:43:58
Speaker
I dedicated my life to building a better family for myself or whatever else.
00:44:03
Speaker
And these are lessons I took away.
00:44:04
Speaker
And this is how I'm building my future for it.
00:44:06
Speaker
Then I think that's fine.
00:44:07
Speaker
I think that's actually a massive green flag because you can see that this is a person who's taken away lessons and is willing to work on himself and has worked on himself.
00:44:16
Speaker
Also, I
00:44:17
Speaker
I'm really proud of the fact that, you know, women send me DMS on Twitter, on Reddit all the time saying like, Oh, I really relate to what you said about, you know, your parents or about, you know, the trauma that you went through.
00:44:28
Speaker
And it really inspired me to do this, this go to therapy, break up with my abusive boyfriend, yada, yada, yada kind of thing.
00:44:33
Speaker
I really am proud of myself for the fact that so many women have taken my writing or taken the podcast and, you know, made a better life for themselves or have, you know,
00:44:45
Speaker
I like the fact that talking about my trauma has helped women with their trauma.
00:44:49
Speaker
And so if I hadn't been through that trauma, I might not have been able to help those women.
00:44:52
Speaker
Right.
00:44:53
Speaker
And so in a fucked up kind of way, I'm almost like glad that all those fucked up things happen to me because by processing it with other women, we're all able to become stronger.
00:45:01
Speaker
Agreed.
00:45:03
Speaker
And if I have a contrarian opinion, but I wish some of the shit that happened to me.
00:45:08
Speaker
True.
00:45:09
Speaker
Maybe let's just cope.
00:45:10
Speaker
Maybe that's just me being like, wow, a lot of fucked up shit happened to me.
00:45:13
Speaker
But I'm telling myself it's good.
00:45:14
Speaker
But it's like 50-50 though.
00:45:16
Speaker
So I definitely see your perspective because there's some things where I'm like, man, I'm definitely a different person because this happened, but I'm so much the lesson there, right?
00:45:24
Speaker
It all comes down to the lesson when it comes to like... Like if I was like, oh, my parents were abusive and that's just made me fucked up for life and now I'm permanently traumatized and I can never do anything with my life because of this kind of thing.
00:45:36
Speaker
I'd be like, really?
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah, it's the random shit that gets me.
00:45:39
Speaker
It's the random shit that makes me like, damn, what did I do to deserve this?
00:45:42
Speaker
You know, just like shaking my fist at the universe, you know?
00:45:45
Speaker
But then you realize like sometimes things are in your path because they do help you learn and they do help you grow.
00:45:51
Speaker
And there's other shit where I'm like, well, that was random as fuck and that sucks.
00:45:54
Speaker
And all I can do is just pick up my stuff and pick myself up, buy my bootstraps and keep going.
00:45:58
Speaker
But I'm like 50-50 on that one, but definitely see your perspective.
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:04
Speaker
I think for me, this question, if you'd asked me this maybe like five years ago, I would have probably had a different answer, just said everything.
00:46:13
Speaker
But as my parents have sort of, because especially in African households, you grow up believing that your parents are like a god, that they can do no wrong.
00:46:23
Speaker
But as I've
00:46:25
Speaker
become an adult and my parents have started to realise that they don't have to be perfect for me and that they are human and that they make mistakes.
00:46:34
Speaker
Could they have done things differently?
00:46:36
Speaker
Yes.
00:46:36
Speaker
But I do believe that they did the very best they could with the knowledge that they had at the time.
00:46:43
Speaker
And, you know, I extend that grace to myself when I mess it up.
00:46:48
Speaker
So why wouldn't I extend it to them?
00:46:49
Speaker
Was my childhood perfect?
00:46:50
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:46:51
Speaker
And they...
00:46:52
Speaker
In hindsight, they could have done things a lot better, but they still did the best they could, I think.
00:46:58
Speaker
Well, your parents are the global standard.
00:47:00
Speaker
It's actually really, really unusual.
00:47:02
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:47:03
Speaker
Because my parents are like that too, but I think it's actually really unusual to have... I am not telling them that ever.
00:47:10
Speaker
It seems mostly a Western white phenomenon to have parents that more or less treat you as your own person, first of all, not like an immediate extension and reflection of them.
00:47:22
Speaker
I don't know how to say it.
00:47:24
Speaker
I don't know how to describe it, but different from that your parents aren't infallible.
00:47:28
Speaker
There's not an instilling that authority is automatically to be respected or that your parents are infallible.
00:47:34
Speaker
So it's not as authoritarian in Western culture, like modern Western culture, as it is in other parts of the world, which is the standard.
00:47:42
Speaker
It's pretty authoritarian.
00:47:44
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:47:45
Speaker
So, 11, take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
00:47:56
Speaker
No.
00:47:57
Speaker
I'm not doing that.
00:47:58
Speaker
I think it depends.
00:47:59
Speaker
If someone asked me for my life story, I'd be like, you get to learn that over a long period of time in increments.
00:48:06
Speaker
I'm not going to tell you the Cliff Notes version of my life story.
00:48:09
Speaker
Fuck you for even asking me that.
00:48:11
Speaker
If someone asked me that, I'd be offended.
00:48:12
Speaker
Like, honestly.
00:48:13
Speaker
Like, it's a long, winding, harrowing tale.
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:17
Speaker
Of treachery and deceit.
00:48:19
Speaker
You know, like, yeah, I think it would be again.
00:48:22
Speaker
I think this is good because it forces people to make choices about what they highlight about themselves.
00:48:26
Speaker
So what are you going to do to set a timer?
00:48:28
Speaker
The choice that the choice you would have to make about the sort of things you would tell people as a defining part of yourself would say a lot about who you are.
00:48:35
Speaker
So I think this is a good exercise.
00:48:37
Speaker
Like if you were like, if it was nothing but all the things that happened to you and you were like straight in victim mode all the time, then you would maybe make the assessment that this person has not had a chance to heal from whatever's going on.
00:48:50
Speaker
And that would maybe affect your ability to, or affect the way that you relate to them or maybe you'd have to change the way you relate to them.
00:48:56
Speaker
If they were only talking about their, I conquered everything, I've never failed.
00:49:01
Speaker
Then you'd be like, this person's a raging narcissist.
00:49:03
Speaker
You know?
00:49:05
Speaker
Especially like guys who feel like they're quote self-made and they started on third base.
00:49:09
Speaker
Those guys are the worst because I've, you know, if I talk to a guy and he's like, well, first I went to this Ivy League school and then I conquered this thing and I'm a self-made man and he doesn't have any self-awareness about certain things that gave him privileges over others.
00:49:23
Speaker
And I would consider that to be a guy who just likes to brag and boast and hype himself up larger than he actually is.
00:49:29
Speaker
I don't know.
00:49:30
Speaker
I feel like a good answer in a guy would be just like a sort of normal like, well, I was raised in this town and my parents raised me to be this way.
00:49:38
Speaker
And then I went to this school and I studied this.
00:49:40
Speaker
And then I started this job at here.
00:49:42
Speaker
And then we did this and this and this.
00:49:43
Speaker
And then blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:49:44
Speaker
That would I consider a pretty green flag answer.
00:49:47
Speaker
Just like listing the events in his story.
00:49:49
Speaker
But if a guy was like, first of all, like...
00:49:52
Speaker
Maybe the reason why I have my back up so much about this question is because if I told the actual truth of what happened, it would be like way oversharing.
00:49:58
Speaker
Like a lot of information that I'd rather just keep to myself kind of thing.
00:50:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:02
Speaker
And so I don't like to be put in a situation where I feel like I have to lie or like lie by omission.
00:50:08
Speaker
And so, you know, in order for me to tell that story, I'd have to like leave out a lot of things that I feel are important, but I wouldn't want to tell that to someone that I barely know.
00:50:17
Speaker
Right.
00:50:17
Speaker
So I just look at it like you're giving them the director's cut.
00:50:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:40
Speaker
But it is essential to the story, you know?
00:50:42
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:50:43
Speaker
I like I probably yeah, I'd just be like, oh, I was born in this town.
00:50:47
Speaker
And like, you know, and then I went to this school and then I studied this.
00:50:50
Speaker
And then I like that's the actual answer that I would give.
00:50:52
Speaker
Right.
00:50:52
Speaker
If I was if I didn't want to overshare.
00:50:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:56
Speaker
But again, I feel like I'm leaving so much important stuff out of the story.
00:50:59
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:50:59
Speaker
Maybe that's why I'm offended by that question.
00:51:01
Speaker
But yeah.
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah, I agree with Lilith, actually.
00:51:03
Speaker
I remember when I was getting to know, like, my partner, he's very anti-oversharing.
00:51:08
Speaker
So over time, he's opened up a lot more.
00:51:13
Speaker
And I think that's probably a much healthier approach than just...
00:51:17
Speaker
diarrhea of the mouth early on, especially because like, this is a generalization, but women tend to kind of take this, I'm going to be vulnerable and see that as a mechanism to get closer to a man when they don't see it the same way.
00:51:34
Speaker
So you sort of have to,
00:51:36
Speaker
Yeah, you have to guard yourself, basically.
00:51:37
Speaker
And I think with this question, again, if you're vetting and you're getting to know somebody, they should know quite a bit about you over time.
00:51:47
Speaker
And that should happen organically as opposed to you just like dumping on them in a very short space of time.
00:51:53
Speaker
Question 12, and this will be the last question for this section, this episode.
00:51:58
Speaker
If you could wake up tomorrow, having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
00:52:04
Speaker
Invisibility.
00:52:05
Speaker
Invisibility.
00:52:06
Speaker
I would kick people in the balls and steal everything.
00:52:08
Speaker
I'm not kidding.
00:52:14
Speaker
I would get invisibility and I would steal shit.
00:52:17
Speaker
I would go to the richest parts of town and steal everything that wasn't nailed down and kick all the people I didn't like in the balls.
00:52:24
Speaker
And I don't know why God hasn't given me this power yet because...
00:52:28
Speaker
It would just make me so happy.
00:52:30
Speaker
You know what's funny though?
00:52:31
Speaker
If you ask men and women what they would do with invisibility, men, I mean, they might not say this, but they definitely be thinking like, oh, I'd go into women's locker rooms and watch them naked or something like men would almost always use it for something sexual.
00:52:41
Speaker
Women would almost always use it for like, oh, I want to walk down the street without being cat called or I want to steal something.
00:52:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:49
Speaker
I love the mental image.
00:52:50
Speaker
Definitely pro stealing shit.
00:52:52
Speaker
I love the mental image of bro, like walking down the street or just like finding someone she doesn't like, kicking them in the balls.
00:52:57
Speaker
And I'm just being like, ah, look, I'm going to commit so much crime.
00:53:03
Speaker
Bro, our criminal mastermind, criminal mastermind, me sneaking into bank vaults.
00:53:08
Speaker
It would just be everything.
00:53:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:12
Speaker
I would like the ability to pick things up really quickly.
00:53:15
Speaker
Like, anything I wanted to do.
00:53:16
Speaker
Oh, learn things quickly?
00:53:17
Speaker
Yeah, just pick it up, like, quickly.
00:53:20
Speaker
Because you know how some people are just, like, prodigies like that?
00:53:23
Speaker
I'd love that ability.
00:53:24
Speaker
I had the mental image of being able to physically... When you said pick things up quickly, I thought it meant, like, oh, I could just pick up weights really fast and just be super strong.
00:53:32
Speaker
Just pick up a
00:53:33
Speaker
150 kg no i mean like like concepts ideas like learning just just to yeah just have like a quicker mind i think sharper mind i know that's quite like dull but i feel like if you can do that then you can do like pretty much anything in half the time i wish i could just be wake up and just be a trillionaire that's the quality that i would want is to just be extremely rich i
00:53:57
Speaker
That's like the one quality that I would want.
00:53:59
Speaker
Or is wealthy a quality?
00:54:02
Speaker
Is born wealthy a quality?
00:54:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:05
Speaker
I think yes.
00:54:07
Speaker
But that's only if I had to answer of like non-superhuman.
00:54:11
Speaker
Like my first question is like in this question, can I say like superpowers or like supernatural things like Rose invisibility?
00:54:18
Speaker
Or does it have to be something like real?
00:54:20
Speaker
I've thought about this for years, by the way.
00:54:22
Speaker
So although this question just came up, this is like something I've thought to myself, if I could have one thing, it would be invisibility for sure.
00:54:30
Speaker
I wish I could fly or like teleport.
00:54:33
Speaker
That would be like, I wish I could go anywhere at any time for any reason.
00:54:39
Speaker
Like, yeah, because I'd use that probably for traveling.
00:54:42
Speaker
Like that saves so much money on airfare.
00:54:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:45
Speaker
Another good one would be I wish I could read people's minds, although I don't really need that as much because I'm pretty good at reading people just based on their facial expressions and body language.
00:54:55
Speaker
Another good one would be like telekinesis, like being able to make, you know, control objects around you, that kind of thing.
00:55:04
Speaker
Those are some other good qualities.
00:55:06
Speaker
But yeah, probably, I don't know.
00:55:07
Speaker
See, if you're invisible, you can just be invisible and pick that shit up.
00:55:12
Speaker
Right?
00:55:12
Speaker
And then no one would know.
00:55:13
Speaker
I feel like telekinesis, you'd have to always do it privately because then people would suspect.
00:55:18
Speaker
I want something...
00:55:20
Speaker
No, but then people would see, I would not hide it.
00:55:23
Speaker
I would want people to know that I was telekinetic and then just have like godlike powers.
00:55:26
Speaker
But then again, I'd probably get kidnapped by the US government and they'd do weird experiments on me or some shit.
00:55:31
Speaker
Oh, for sure.
00:55:32
Speaker
They're all about that.
00:55:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:33
Speaker
I want to keep that to yourself.
00:55:34
Speaker
So what would be some red flag answers?
00:55:38
Speaker
Again, I think like Roe rightfully said, anything that will increase his sexual access to women is a red flag.
00:55:47
Speaker
If a man said invisibility, I'd be like, nope.
00:55:50
Speaker
Um, who wants invisibility for Rose reasons?
00:55:52
Speaker
I'm like, okay, that's hilarious to me.
00:55:54
Speaker
So I'm cool with that.
00:55:55
Speaker
If he wants to steal, I think I'd be like, all right, then.
00:56:01
Speaker
Bonnie and Clyde.
00:56:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:03
Speaker
Very important though.
00:56:04
Speaker
I would want, if he were to say that, I'd be like, yeah, like what Rose said, I'd go to the richest neighborhood and steal anything that wasn't nailed down because again, fuck the rich.
00:56:12
Speaker
I would want to steal all of their shit.
00:56:14
Speaker
I wouldn't want someone who would like, I don't know, just like vandalize, you know, shit from like normal hardworking people.
00:56:19
Speaker
That's like rude.
00:56:20
Speaker
But yeah.
00:56:22
Speaker
What are some other red flag answers?
00:56:24
Speaker
I use my powers for good.
00:56:25
Speaker
It only, I'd only kick people in the balls if they were bad people.
00:56:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:29
Speaker
yeah exactly same honestly i'd be like a robin hood if i had invisibility i'd be like a robin hood figure i would steal from the rich and give to the poor because again that's just how i'd be um but also give to myself because i'm also a little bit selfish like that so there's that um what else what was some what are some red flag answers in a man yeah anything sexual for sure and then i think um
00:56:54
Speaker
Maybe if almost if it's like- If he says something like, I wish I didn't have to work, red flag.
00:57:01
Speaker
This has actually happened to me before because I used to tell men that I wanted to get like a government job where their spouse couldn't work.
00:57:10
Speaker
And the number of them that were like legitimately happy at the prospect of not being able to or not having to work.
00:57:17
Speaker
Because you can have your own like business, but you just can't work for a company, a company of interest.
00:57:22
Speaker
It was actually a good vetting strategy because if they were happy that, oh, I don't have to work if we get married, they were nexted because that's just lazy.
00:57:29
Speaker
Why is that a thing?
00:57:31
Speaker
Why would that be a rule?
00:57:32
Speaker
That's so weird to me.
00:57:33
Speaker
I mean, if you're working as like, say, a diplomat or an ambassador, it would be potentially a conflict of interest if you get a job in the country that you're...
00:57:43
Speaker
As ambassador force, they say, like you are the ambassador to the US and you're meant to represent British interests.
00:57:49
Speaker
If your spouse then works for a company based in the US, it's a conflict of interest because you have a vested interest in the US and the UK at the same time, if that makes sense.
00:57:59
Speaker
Okay, okay, makes sense.
00:58:01
Speaker
So that's why they often, but they can work, they can do consultancy or work for themselves, but they're often like, but, and because it tends to be that when the woman is the diplomat or the ambassador, the man ends up being like the stay-at-home parent, and a lot of them get...
00:58:17
Speaker
It's not like the opposite to main character syndrome, but they feel somehow about it because they feel very sidelined because obviously she's the important figure and he's just like a plus one.
00:58:28
Speaker
So this is way off track.
00:58:31
Speaker
But I came across a guy who basically wrote a whole blog complaining about how...
00:58:36
Speaker
He stays at home and is not important whilst his wife is.
00:58:39
Speaker
See, I would see it as a green flag if the man was like, oh, if you want to be a high-powered woman and I just stay at home and support you and raise the kids.
00:58:50
Speaker
As long as he's the kind who actually would do a good job raising kids and not just be a useless groat who jerks off all day and plays Vidya.
00:58:57
Speaker
Or as a green flag if the man wanted to support my career.
00:59:00
Speaker
He wants to be actively raising the kids, but if we don't have kids, he's getting a job, like side hustle or something.
00:59:07
Speaker
He's not just gonna... Most of his idle men are just useless and kind of low-key dangerous to society.
00:59:12
Speaker
Neat!
00:59:13
Speaker
Neat!
00:59:14
Speaker
Neat!
00:59:16
Speaker
that should actually be like a um an alarm like you should be able to press like if they're saying boozha that sound effect yeah someone turned that into a tiktok sound we need to we need to embarrass these fuckers honestly it's actually doing something
00:59:38
Speaker
So yeah.
00:59:39
Speaker
But yeah, that's the first section done.
00:59:42
Speaker
We'll cover the remaining 24 in future episodes.
00:59:46
Speaker
But yeah, let us know what you think of these questions.
00:59:47
Speaker
Have you asked similar questions to a partner or an ex-partner?
00:59:52
Speaker
Yeah, let us know your thoughts.
00:59:53
Speaker
in my comments.
00:59:54
Speaker
And that's the show.
00:59:55
Speaker
Check out our website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com, as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy for weekly bonus content, merchandise, discord, book club, etc.
01:00:06
Speaker
And also following us on Twitter at femdatstrat and our Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:00:12
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:00:14
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, you got to make confidence your bitch.
01:00:17
Speaker
Die mad.
01:00:17
Speaker
See you next week.
01:00:19
Speaker
you