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Yoga for Grief and Finding Self-Compassion with Nancy Watson
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Nancy Watson has been practicing yoga since the year 2000. In 2019, she experienced a traumatic loss and realized that the only thing that made her feel a tiny bit less awful was continuing to show up on her yoga mat. She completed her yoga teacher training (YTT-200) in 2022 and knew that she wanted to help others to discover the ways that yoga can be helpful in grief. She went on to achieve a certification in Compassionate Bereavement Care Yoga from the MISS Foundation and began offering Yoga for Grief classes in January 2024. Nancy is currently the only yoga teacher in the Northeast Texas area who leads yoga classes specifically for grieving individuals. She loves sharing what she calls "the yoga magic" with her participants, both in her grief-focus classes and in her "regular" yoga classes. Find her on Instagram @yogaforgriefdallas or on Facebook @yoga.for.grief.dallas.
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest, get the newsletter or for a complimentary coaching session: https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
Show Highlights:
- A History of Silent Grief: Nancy reflects on losing her father to a brain tumor at age six in 1967, and how her family’s refusal to talk about him shaped her early inability to process loss.
- The Loss of Adam/Emily: Nancy opens up about the sudden death of her child, who was born Emily and later transitioned to Adam. She discusses the complex layers of her grief, including the feeling that she had to grieve her child twice.
- A Tiny Bit Less Awful: In the harrowing months following her child's death, Nancy found that stepping onto her yoga mat—even if she cried the entire time—was the only thing that made her feel a "tiny bit less awful".
- The Parallels of Grief and Yoga: Nancy and Kendra explore how grief, much like yoga, should be non-competitive and non-comparative. They discuss how grievers must honor wherever they are on a given day, just as a yogi must accept their daily balance on the mat.
- Quieting the "Mean Mind": Nancy explains how yoga breathwork helps regulate the nervous system and how mindfulness can help grievers step back from the cruel things their "mean minds" tell them.
- The Yoga for Grief Workbook: Nancy shares the journey of creating her workbook, which is designed for all bodies and includes short, accessible yoga flows (both floor and chair versions) and guided meditations
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Grief and Yoga
00:00:00
Speaker
What I did do, um I have great friends and they really helped me a lot, but I didn't know how to talk about ah ah death like that. And the only thing that made me feel a tiny, tiny bit less awful during that awful first several months when I'm trying to get a handle around this and get my head around what had happened was continuing to to go to my yoga mat.
00:00:28
Speaker
Welcome to Grief. Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief, from the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions.
00:00:46
Speaker
Through stories and conversations, we remind each other that we're not alone. Your journey matters, and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:07
Speaker
Let's start with a quick disclaimer. This podcast includes personal stories and perspectives on topics like grief, health, and mental wellness. The views expressed by guests are their own and may reflect individual experiences that are not meant as medical advice.
00:01:25
Speaker
As the host, I hold space for diverse voices, but that does not mean I endorse every viewpoint shared. Please listen with care and take what resonates with you.
00:01:37
Speaker
Welcome.
Nancy's Journey with Yoga and Grief
00:01:38
Speaker
Today, i am chatting with Nancy Watson. She has been practicing yoga since two the year 2000, a lot of years. And she is a yoga instructor and has also written a book called Yoga for Grief. We will be talking about her own journey in grief, as well as incorporating yoga into her life and her grief process, and now being able to share her practice with others. So welcome, Nancy.
00:02:12
Speaker
Thank you. It's lovely to be with you today. i know. And as we were just talking about, like when I told you where I live and in relation to where you live, we're like, wait, we could have actually sat down in person. We live probably 30 minutes away from each other. so ah That's the next interview.
00:02:30
Speaker
The next one. The next one. Welcome, Nancy. Nancy, I like to start off with people sharing a little bit about their lives, their ah upbringing. What was your family like? Because your grief started very early on in your life. And we'll move on then to more your more recent grief in in your life story. So let's talk about your upbringing and your dad.
00:02:54
Speaker
Okay, thanks. um And thanks for having taken a look at my book. I appreciate that. um So I'm a native Dallasite, which we're kind of a rare breed. Not only that, but my mother was a native Dallasite. She lived in the same zip code for 91 years. So very, very small world. Um,
00:03:15
Speaker
And I tell people that my journey in grief began in 1967 when my father died of a brain tumor and then we never talked about him again.
00:03:25
Speaker
and so that was sort of my model growing up with things. I describe my childhood as been having been sort of emotionally arid, just not a lot of highs and lows. Just my mother, I think, really wanted to just be in control of as much as she could and keep things very contained um You know, I know that it would not have been easy to be a 39-year-old widow and the only single mother probably in my little bubble of an upbringing, but that really impacted my life.
Yoga as a Coping Mechanism for Grief
00:04:03
Speaker
My ability to talk about grief for a long time, I just felt like there was something wrong with me. There was something that I had said to my father that I believed had probably caused his death. As a six-year-old, nobody bothered to say anything in 1967 to kids about grief, probably in general.
00:04:22
Speaker
my family was especially good at not talking to kids about much of anything. So, so that anyway, that was kind of the the backdrop. I had three grandparents die when I was a freshman in high school, never talked about them again.
00:04:37
Speaker
2019, 26 year old kid died very suddenly. And i it ah there had been many suicide attempts The cause of death on the autopsy is sudden death etiology unknown.
00:04:59
Speaker
And so my kid did not take their life, um which kind of surprised me. They had not been in a good spot, but um I had not been able to get in touch with her him or her for a couple of days. And I'll talk about that in ah in a moment. I'm ambivalent about the pronouns. Yeah.
00:05:18
Speaker
for a few days and I contacted the apartment where they had recently moved to and they did a well check and discovered my kid dead on the bathroom floor. And that took me to my knees, obviously. And it it was two weeks after I had started a new job. So I didn't even know anybody to contact at my job to say, i won't be in for a couple of days, you know? So, but what I,
00:05:45
Speaker
What I did do, um i have great friends and they really helped me a lot, but I didn't know how to talk about a death like that. And the only thing that made me feel a tiny, tiny bit less awful during that awful first several months when I'm trying to get a handle around this and get my head around what had happened was continuing to to go to my yoga mat and I would go in crying and, you know, I just looked awful and people just kept being nice to me and I would leave crying. And, um but I felt, I always like to say, I didn't feel exactly better, but I felt a tiny bit less awful. That was the only thing I was looking for is to feel a little bit less awful.
00:06:32
Speaker
So um that's that's what I did. And then a couple of years later, I went through yoga teacher training. And I now teach what I call regular yoga. I teach at the ah at a couple of senior centers and do a lot with Chair yoga for seniors and it's they're lovely. i i'm I'm sort of one of them now. but um i I really enjoy teaching yoga. But when I finished teacher training, I started reading a little bit more and I began to connect some dots about maybe why.
00:07:08
Speaker
yoga had been helpful for me. And I started to look around for, you know, like, hey, is there somebody that does specifically yoga for grief? Because I knew that a friend of mine specialized in yoga for cancer, and there's trauma informed yoga, and there's all different sorts of, of kind of yoga specialties, but I couldn't find anybody that was doing yoga for grief. And the university kept sort of whispering to me, that's because you're going to do it, Nancy.
00:07:39
Speaker
And so I did an additional training at the Miss Foundation, which is outside of Sedona, Arizona, a couple of years ago. And in January, 2024, I started um offering six-week classes or little sessions, and each class has a theme.
00:07:58
Speaker
And i'm I feel like in In the same way that yoga helped me in some undefinable ways, I i like to think it helps the participants of my classes. So that's that's me in a nutshell. In a nutshell. And now we'll just take out you know each layer now a little bit as we go. Thank you, Nancy, for for sharing that overview of your life practice.
00:08:24
Speaker
it's hard to summarize our life and experiences, but when it's geared towards something specific like your grief, then kind of narrowing it around that. And then with the combination of yoga, ah you already having yoga in your life, sit you know, 19 years prior to your child dying, and then you embarking into getting your certification, you had never had the nudge of becoming a certified instructor prior to that?
Philosophies of Yoga and Grief
00:08:58
Speaker
Not really. No. And yeah. So I started in 2020. You might remember 2020. So doing doing that, um the the certification online didn't work for me very well. Plus I had my knee replaced later that year. And so it took me until 2022 to get back to it. But But I did it. And now I just I can't imagine doing anything else with my life because it's I tell people that I make tens of dollars, not tons of dollars, but tens of dollars teaching yoga. And but it's it's what I love doing. And I love sharing yoga. And there's so much about yoga philosophy that really fits into helping us understand and integrate grief and lots of other things, too.
00:09:45
Speaker
And that's the beauty of your your workbook. It is it is lined up in a way that you compare a little bit of what the similarities that yoga has with grief. And one it that is that's not non-competitive. And the other one is that it's not non-competitive and non-comparative. Correct. Those two things, which are so important because it's true. it's it's You cannot compete. It's like Everybody's grief, like you say it there, the biggest grief is your grief, but comparing it to someone else's grief is not correct. if not There's nothing really there to compare.
00:10:29
Speaker
to compare what whatever they've gone through in that moment of their life, whether it's that they lost their job, whether it's that whatever has caused grief in that moment, that is the biggest grief for them. And it is just as valid as your grief, whether that is losing a child, you know, you know, your parents, whatever that is, right. It is just as valid. So, and in yoga, it's the same wherever that person is in their life. And when they're doing,
00:11:02
Speaker
a tree pose that day, their tree pose could be perfect. Next day, they could fall over. You have no clue. Right? it's It's so interesting. I heard on some of these podcasts or social media somewhere, um a woman was telling the story about herself and her best friend. Both of them had mothers who were quite ill. They both moved across the country to move in with their mothers at roughly the same time. Their mothers had similar illnesses and their mothers passed away at roughly the same time. And the person who was telling the story said, and then my friend called me and she said, you know, I just have no idea what you've been through. And I thought that was so beautiful because even when our stories are very, very similar, it's so unique and personal.
00:11:57
Speaker
And it's, it's, everybody has got their stuff, whether it is an estrangement or grief about our country or grief about ah a death, you know, it is everyone's personal experience is different and valid and changes from day to day in my case. So, and maybe in many people's cases.
00:12:23
Speaker
Absolutely. And We really don't know but not only what people have had, like even as experiences in their life that have even created some so type maybe of resilience in certain aspects, but even still, oh but sorry, with that in mind, also what they have in their toolbox to be able to navigate these griefs, right? Those two things, either what experiences they've had, what they have in their toolbox, but also...
00:12:51
Speaker
In that moment, like you still do not know how you're going to react. So I'm goingnna even just or how you're going to how you're going to react or respond to that grief experience. I'm thinking of even just being on the mat. I i am not a yogi. I've done yoga.
00:13:13
Speaker
But there could be a day that I could do a warrior pose. No problem. Perfect balance. All this. Let's just give it that as an example.
00:13:23
Speaker
Next day, I could be on the mat and my balance is completely off. Right? It's just like what I was saying with the tree pose. It does not matter... how long you've been doing something. You really do not know who you're going to be on that mat that day.
00:13:40
Speaker
Just the same with grief. We do not know how it's going to show up with us, for us, it it within us in that moment by moment in our life. 100%.
Integrating Yoga into Grief Management
00:13:52
Speaker
And you can't compare what your tree pose or warrior pose is compared to the person next to you. They They may feel very wobbly and look very stable or the other way around. So we we just don't know what's happening next to us on someone else's mat. And that's it one of the the beauties of of yoga is learning how to just focus on our own experience.
00:14:18
Speaker
Yeah, and you do that really nicely with your workbook too because you are also not only sharing your story, but you're also asking then us as a reader to think of our own life experiences, line them up. And one of the only books that I read right as i after my mom – I mean, I've read a lot of grief books now, but mainly from guests, not because I was searching for something myself, but the only book I actually read about grief was one my mom had – um Yeah.
00:14:48
Speaker
after she died but it was her book that talked about grief and it was similar to that aspect of this line you know kind of writing and a piece of paper all this your own line of your grief my the day i lost my tooth my first tooth And that, i you know, like that could have been a huge grief for that child. Oh, no longer. this is no longer in my mouth. It's now there. You know, the the day you you know, and you're like, just mark it down and you realize, wow, I've experienced so much grief in my life. And look who I am and where I am now. And each one of these experiences, we probably thought we'd never be able to
00:15:31
Speaker
you know, withstand and yet we do. And so your workbook and kind of posing these questions to the reader and making us think is really useful and helpful. So thank you for that.
00:15:45
Speaker
Thank you. I have had a lot of people say that they liked the yoga part as much as they liked the grief part and that they had never sort of put the pieces of the yoga together, even if they have been seasoned practitioners. So, um you know, I, that was what I was hoping for when I, when I wrote it. So I'm i'm hoping it's continues to be helpful to people.
00:16:06
Speaker
that is That is true. like Everybody's going to get from it what they're looking for in that moment too. Like you said, you're going to relate to a certain part probably more than the other. and But okay, let's talk about movement. You mentioned then in your life that once your child died, being on the mat was what you where you felt just a tiny bit better. So movement as part as of your toolbox in your grief How did you keep on incorporating that? And what other tools did you start using? Because again, you mentioned you did not have the experience of knowing how to talk about it because you had not grown up with that in your life. So how did that evolve?
00:16:54
Speaker
Well, that's a great question. the The part about the movement is everyone has probably experienced, you know, just the, the being tense and having some sort of anxiety, whether it's from a loss or grief or something, and just being able to move your body can, can move that tension out of your body. So just the simple act of moving can help with things like your tight neck and your tight shoulders and your tight jaw and your hips. And I had somebody in my most recent class say,
00:17:27
Speaker
her calves hurt and that she had read about that, that that was a really significant thing in grief. I had not heard about that, but I think if my calves hurt, I would be researching it. And so she said that she did find some evidence of that somewhere. So whatever it is, when you move and, and just,
00:17:45
Speaker
allow your body to stretch and strengthen a little bit, you're going to feel better physically. And then there's the breath work that comes in yoga and how very important that is for calming you down, getting you into your parasympathetic nervous system instead of that heightened, you know, anxiety, hyperventilating kind of state all the time when you're just like, you can't settle down, learning how to breathe and exhale more slowly or any other kind of breath work that is so beneficial.
00:18:15
Speaker
the one of the things that was most helpful for me is just, I have a very mean mind. And so, um, to, to learn how to address that as an outsider. A very what?
00:18:29
Speaker
A very what kind of way? A mean mind. So my mind is always, M E A N, just on my mind is always telling me very cruel things about myself. oh So, uh,
00:18:43
Speaker
So one of the other things in yoga is just that mindfulness thing and just stepping back and going, there goes your mind again. You're doing it to yourself. That's that's a story that's not necessarily true. Breathe.
00:18:55
Speaker
So those those kinds of things were among the the most helpful things to me. And then the one of the sort of unexpected benefits of my leading these classes it's, it's just something that I've kind of designed myself and it's a hybrid of a little bit of a support group for the first 15 minutes or so of class where people can tell about the, you know, like, where do you feel tension in your body or what is your mind like today? Or how has your heart been broken or whatever the topic of the day is just giving people a little bit of space to, to share about that kind of thing. And then we move and then there's a meditation, yeah,
00:19:39
Speaker
What I was going to say about the unexpected benefit was as I model for other people talking about, you know, this is how I felt that grief in my body. And this is what happened with my kid.
00:19:54
Speaker
It's been a little lanyard. Do you know that word? It's ah like an unexpected bonus. I think it's Cajun or Creole. um But it's it's like a little gift that you get.
00:20:04
Speaker
And so my my unexpected gift is being able to talk about my losses when I have not had the opportunity for the first 59 years of my life to do that. So...
00:20:17
Speaker
You know, those are some of these little g glimpses glimmers, I guess, within grief that show up. Like you said, this unexpected grief and gift that you got from your grief experience and now that you practice yoga. Not only is that one that you're able to talk about it, but just the gift itself that came from you now choosing to now incorporate yoga and grief together to help others. It's not ah it's a gift for yourself, but then you're also gifting back to the world and to others with something that you've been through.
00:20:52
Speaker
This podcast is a gift. It's a glimmer based on my own grief experience, right? right We have that possibility of being able to gather some kind of,
00:21:05
Speaker
yeah of I don't know, like of um I think of it like, harvest a harvest, right? Like you put the seeds and then you have some flowers and they're, they know, and it's, it's like, okay, this was the soil went through this hardship and then the seeds went through that. And now there these flowers and it does not take away from the hardship. It's just, just one, one little gift that you can get from that.
00:21:34
Speaker
Yeah. And in, in one of my, usually the final class, I will talk about while we're in a warrior two pose with our arms outstretched, look forward and imagine the people who have given you a hand to help you in your grief journey and then look back at your other hand and imagine the people that you might be helping to pull along with you. So it's kind of like a human chain to me.
00:21:59
Speaker
That's a beautiful image. And I'm thinking of it and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, if I was in your class, I'd be bawling the entire time. Does everybody have a box of tissues next to their mat? I do always have tissue available for people. And I always tell people when I, you know, on the very first class, I never know if I'm going to cry or not. Sometimes I think I'm going to be dry eyed and I just am ugly crying with it within a couple of minutes. And then sometimes I think I'm going bawl like a baby and I'm stony hearted. So it's, you know, i I make it very like, whatever you're feeling today is what you're going to do. And sometimes I cry when I talk about my father. And sometimes I cry when I talk about my kid. And sometimes I i don't cry about either one of them. So I just I don't know. It's so cathartic. It's so cathartic. And that's and that's the same thing for the the other participants. i And I think
00:22:50
Speaker
there's something sometimes about that shared experience. So I have, I tend to have classes of criers or classes of not criers, but typically if once one person starts, starts sharing and maybe if they're crying, then it will kind of elicit that a similar response because everybody's very in tune with the the reason that they're there and that that common shared sadness.
00:23:20
Speaker
and And what I love about that, that the fact that you already are there knowing that everybody around you has experienced a loss, whether you share it or not, the fact that you already have that in common already gives us permission to just be.
00:23:39
Speaker
No words are necessary. Just the being is sometimes just an enough. i I view myself as a compassionate witness And that is what I what i hope to be.
00:23:51
Speaker
And i think, you know, i always tell people, you can talk if you want to, you can not talk if you want to, you can lie on your mat the whole time and not do any of the movement. It's whatever you need this space to be.
00:24:05
Speaker
And I have had a couple of people that didn't really want to talk at all. Most people, when they are given the permission to talk or not talk, and realize that they're not gonna be judged for whatever happens to come out of their mouth, they tend to like that safe space, right? Don't we all don't we all want safe spaces like that?
00:24:32
Speaker
Hi, I just had to come on and just kind of interrupt right now this episode that you're hearing. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you guys are listening to this conversation. And every single time i hear a guest, there's something new that I learn and something else that ends up showing up within me that I realize I still have to work on.
00:24:52
Speaker
And if by chance, as you're listening to this conversation, you're feeling the same, that there's parts of you that are being stirred up, and you are navigating a life transition right now that feels just heavy and stressful and just layered with grief, I want you to know that you do not have to do it alone.
00:25:09
Speaker
I invite you to connect with me for a free 15-minute discovery call, and we'll explore what's coming up for you and see if working together feels like the right fit.
00:25:20
Speaker
Just check the show notes below for my email and reach out for details. I'd really love to support you in integrating these transitions with more ease and clarity.
00:25:33
Speaker
Can't wait to hear back from you. Okay, let's keep on listening to the episode.
Personal Stories and Identity Issues in Grief
00:25:41
Speaker
We talked a little bit about how you were saying they, your child was born Emily. And 24 or so years later, transitioned to Adam. So that's why you talk, he died as Adam, born as Emily. So you went probably through a little bit of that grief and that transition as well, did you?
00:26:07
Speaker
in that aspect, or even more, was it more of the idea of, okay, my daughter is no longer here now. I have a son. Did any of that happen? happen with you? 100%, yes, all all of that and more.
00:26:22
Speaker
um i i describe my kid as having been a difficult fetus. She had a really hard time um when she was growing up making friends and had a variety of mental illness diagnoses from autism spectrum As she got older, there were you know features of schizophrenia, mood disorder, NOS, not otherwise specified, um just really always had a hard time being in the world.
00:26:52
Speaker
And it was after a an illicit drug use of some kind, we believe that it was LSD, that triggered a psychotic disease.
00:27:06
Speaker
period of her life where she was seeing and hearing things and, um, it went on for a really scarily long time and lots of other scary things had happened up till this point too.
00:27:19
Speaker
Um, now when she wasn't being scary, she was adorable and sweet and a beautiful soul and, um, really liked my kid a lot.
00:27:29
Speaker
It felt for her because her social, um, standing was always so challenging for her.
00:27:41
Speaker
So anyway, it was during this psychotic period that she decided that she was going to be Adam. And so I was kind of like, hmm, okay, so that's what we're doing this week. Okay.
00:27:55
Speaker
I did not embrace that. I don't know if that was the right thing or the wrong thing. um It was what I did. And I ah do I have regrets about that? Of course I do.
00:28:07
Speaker
um But I can tell you, it was very odd when I'm missing feeling like I'm missing my daughter twice, because i really liked my my daughter as Emily, i was trying hard to get to know my kid as Adam.
00:28:24
Speaker
And when, say, the the coroner would say, I'm calling about your son. i was like, wait a minute, my son is living in Denver. Oh, oh, okay. Because I have another child, right? My older child.
00:28:40
Speaker
um Or somebody would say, I'm so sorry about your son. it just, that didn't quite hit me right. It also didn't quite hit me right if they would only refer to Emily.
00:28:53
Speaker
because I don't want to deny the existence of that second personality of my kid. But I do think it's possible, and I'll never know, but I think it's possible after a lifetime of wanting so much to have friends, wanting so much to be accepted by someone, going into the trans community,
00:29:17
Speaker
many of whom had had felt those same feelings of I never felt right in my own body and now I have this community. i can see how that would have been very appealing to my sweet daughter and or my sweet son.
00:29:33
Speaker
So i will always wonder about that. And I have to say, I think there is some mercy, perhaps, in their not being here right now with all of the anti-trans sentiment that is so...
00:29:48
Speaker
Voluble, is that the right word? There's a lot of it in the world. And that would be really hard for either of them because they were so tenderhearted and didn't want to see injustice perpetrated to towards anyone.
00:30:03
Speaker
So anyway, it's it's very confusing. i tend to be someone who really likes grammar and referring to my one child as they or as he or she. i mean, it's just it's just challenging to get the pronouns right.
00:30:19
Speaker
And and i have I have grief over my whole, over my kids' existence just because I think it was really, it would have been really hard to be Emily or to be Adam. them a lot people have that.
00:30:33
Speaker
The part with the grammar i coming from Spanish, which is we don't even have a a they that does not include a oh a a letter O or a letter A in it that therefore ends up making it be a plural. So in the...
00:30:49
Speaker
in the language in our language, in Spanish, when you have a group of people, there could be all women, but there's one man, then you refer to them as ellos, which is the but with a masculine. right that Only if it's all women would you say ellas.
00:31:10
Speaker
So in the Spanish language now for they, for when someone refers to themselves as they, there's a new word called edges with the E, which is not in our language. So it's like, not only are, it's like you're completely reprogramming how you even say things. And it can, it's, it takes a long time. So what I've learned to do too, cause I have friends,
00:31:34
Speaker
that have either children that have transitioned or are themselves transition have themselves transitioned is really be honest about the not knowing how to talk how to say the words. It has nothing to do with not accepting them as who they are. It really just has to do with how our grammar shows up and because it's it's something new for our brains to process. Same comes with the name. It's not that it's just reprogramming to say the right name that they're choosing to be.
00:32:09
Speaker
name you know called, it takes time. And it again, if we we're if we're honest and say, i i really honor you, who you are just know that I'm still struggling with the verbiage and I'm still struggling with that. And asking questions. If you're ever around someone that is, ask questions, be honest.
00:32:29
Speaker
and i think and there And that is received very well when you right do that. Right? I agree. Yeah. So that that can take... But for you as a mother, you were you grieved your daughter twice. Like you said, you grieved her we when you no longer had Emily. You now had Adam. And then you grieved her when you no longer had them in your actual life, both of parents.
00:32:57
Speaker
her and him right in your life. And, and, and grieved is not only past tense. So I know, and I know that you know that. So i don't know I continue to grieve her. and language ah Right. Exactly. Exactly. But, um, coming up on the seven year anniversary of my kiddo's death in just next week. And it's, you know, I,
00:33:22
Speaker
easier. i I don't know, different. It depends on the day. depends as And thank you for correcting me with that, with using the grief in that, because it's true. We continue
The Ongoing Nature of Grief and Personal Losses
00:33:34
Speaker
to grieve. And I say that all the time. Yes. And you're right. We don't, it's not just a, an occasion. It's not just an going to a,
00:33:43
Speaker
an event in that it's done. You continue carrying it. It's like going to a ah wedding. it's you The wedding is the occasion. The marriage is what continues. The funeral is what happened. the rest or The rest is the grieving. It continues for...
00:33:59
Speaker
the rest of our lives. um So thank you for, for re redirecting my own verbiage there. Yeah. It's, it's never over the, but it is different, like you said, and it could show up stronger some years, even if it's 10, 20, you don't know.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yeah. And you know, I'll, I'll be going along fine. And then I'll just have some random day where I can barely get out of bed and just, and, you know, feel like I'm, on the verge of tears all day long. And I have, you know, who knows what, what that's about other than sometimes it just hits you harder.
00:34:38
Speaker
You know, what I love and when you say regarding even with yoga and grief is honoring where you are that day. Because on the mat, you have to honor where you are that moment in your practice, right? In yoga, in your grief, you have to honor where you are in your grief in the now as well. So it brings so much compassion to ourselves to have that in mind.
00:35:01
Speaker
And and that's that is what a lot of people don't know is that's sort of the underlying um basis of all of yoga is that compassion. Ahimsa is the the very first thing that ever comes up in yoga. It's one of the five yamas, which is are the first limb of yoga.
00:35:19
Speaker
So that you know nonviolence and compassion and kindness guided mostly to ourselves, which I find that we can often find compassion for other people more easily than we can sometimes find it for ourselves.
00:35:34
Speaker
Yes, it's so true. You experienced a lot of grief in 2019 because you also then experienced the death of your husband's father? Stepdad. Stepdad. And then your own mother right as well died in that year. So you had a very heavy year.
00:35:57
Speaker
So grief showed up not only for those, but like you said, you now maybe had the tools to now grieve your dad from so many years before that maybe you didn't have the tools then.
00:36:12
Speaker
how How else did you honor your grief and what other tools did you use as this grief keep keeps as grief keeps showing up in your life?
00:36:26
Speaker
that's That's a great question. i think for me, just continuing to verbalize and and talk about my losses has been really valuable. i have some amazing friends and they've been so kind and, um you know, i it's I'm fortunate to have the communities that I have.
00:36:48
Speaker
um The first year i did get a little bit of money from my mother and I spent just obscene amounts of money.
00:36:59
Speaker
It's not there anymore, but just to try to make myself feel a little bit better, it didn't really, didn't stick. And I just, I remember thinking, I'm going to be so glad to turn the page to a new year. And then we had 2020. And so that was, you know, another That was a big grief and still trying to get adjusted to this new job. And, you know, it was just it was it was a hard time.
00:37:26
Speaker
And it it's one of these things that, like you said, you couldn't even reach your job to let them know you were going to be. By the way, what did you do then? If you had just experienced, you didn't even know how to reach, did you just show up and say, by the way, I'm coming, but I'm just letting you know, i am not going to.
00:37:43
Speaker
So I had, i had um I was, I was in education before and I had, there was one lovely woman who I had sort of gotten, had heard about this new job from.
00:37:54
Speaker
And we had known each other from some professional organizations. And so she was the one that I called. And so I had no idea like what the social milieu of the, of the organization was, you know, did she tell anybody who did she tell? And then all of these people, do they know, or do they not know? are they not saying anything because they don't know, or because they don't know me? yeah i mean, it was just, it was such an odd thing.
00:38:22
Speaker
time and yeah. yeah And so that's, we never know what's around life's next corner. Yeah. I mean,
00:38:32
Speaker
And that is, yeah, it changes all the time and just embracing the unknown, embracing that we do not know, and just going on this journey. So when you went there, did people interact with you? Did they bring it up at all or you didn't even at all? And, you know, that could have been me because I was so like, don't talk to me because if you touch me or talk to me, I'm going to break into 10 million pieces.
00:38:59
Speaker
I think it's very possible that it was that. I also think it's in general, people don't know how to talk to people about grief. And specifically, people don't know how to talk to someone they don't know about grief. Exactly. Because you had not even developed even established a relationship with people before you showed up.
00:39:18
Speaker
and you had just gone through this. So you it's they don't even know the where did they stand to be able to even bring. that yeah If they don't know you, they don't know how to even approach that. So that's actually really valuable what you're saying, because a lot of times we do take things so personally, right? In these situations, like, oh, they're not even coming up to me, but they probably really don't even know the How? Or they may not even know. Maybe somebody didn't even tell them that you had experienced that. And that's what I had. I had no way of knowing. And I wasn't about to ask because I didn't want to you know be a blubbering mass on the floor in my new job. So but yeah, I mean, I think we all have a really hard time.
00:39:59
Speaker
Maybe those of us who are kind of immersed in this whole grief life. I call myself a professional griever sometimes, but I think most people don't know how to broach the topic of someone else's loss. i can't tell so i could be losses i can even tell you, I don't even know because similar to what you said with the two friends that had experienced similar, all I can say, i I can, I can relate to your group. I can never say, I know what you're going through. i can relate to that because I've had, but I never can say, I know what you're going through. And the same, I really sometimes do not know
00:40:37
Speaker
what to say because I don't know where they are in their life in that moment, um especially if you don't know the circumstances of house what their loss is. ah There's just so many dynamics. So yeah, it's it's- In one of my very first yoga for grief classes, I thought it was so interesting because I i always- like to say that on my kid's birthday or death day, it gives me comfort if my friends say, i remember that this is a significant day for you.
00:41:09
Speaker
And I was sort of talking about that to this lovely group of women. And one of them said, I just hate it when people reach out to me on those special days and they say, I know what day this is and I'm thinking about you. Don't they think I know what that day is? they don't I don't need them to remind me. And that just made me go, ah okay, that's really good information that not everybody perceives those kinds of things the same way that I do.
00:41:34
Speaker
And then I started thinking about it and it's like, you know, there are some days that you could say something really that you were you thought was comforting to me, and I would hear it as comforting. And there are other days you could say exactly the same thing to me, and it would just go all over me. I'd be so angry about it, you know? so It's so true. It's tricky. Yeah, it's so tricky. That's why i sometimes all I send is like, hey, thinking of you and a little heart or something, if you know, right? But at the same time, that even could be, in that moment, could be.
Writing and Sharing for Grief Support
00:42:06
Speaker
received as nice, or maybe that year it won't be received as well. You don't know. You don't know. Nancy, in your process of writing, let's talk about your book because I want to kind of navigate there to know how people are going to be able to reach it and who it's for because it's not yet only for people. Yes. There it is. in it Let's talk about your process of writing. How long was this process for you to write this book? How long was it? And How did it feel to complete it?
00:42:38
Speaker
And now how can people access it? um Three different layers go there. I want to know about the process. Thank thank you so much for asking. So I had it in my mind... um probably throughout all of 2024, when I had first started doing the the classes, because in 90 minutes of ah of a yoga class, I just felt like I never could say everything that i really wanted to say about yoga or about grief.
00:43:05
Speaker
And so i i started formulating this plan for the book and what it would look like. And I knew I wanted to have short yoga flows that people could, could go to, because I think it's valuable, even if you have a yoga studio to be able to say, okay, I just want to do like 10 minutes of yoga.
00:43:23
Speaker
and so there's a QR code and you can go and do that. And there's a on the floor version and there's a chair version for every chapter. and then there's a guided meditation. And I knew that I wanted to have all of these components in it. And I'm not,
00:43:39
Speaker
I've always been like a good editor and like a functional writer, but I'm not a good enough liar to be a fiction writer. but So, so I knew that I, you know, everybody that reads it says, it sounds just like you're talking. And it's like, that's how I write is that it sounds like me talking.
00:43:58
Speaker
And so i i set up the book in the same way that I set up my first classes. So every chapter is this is what happened to me. And this is how yoga helped. And maybe it will help you, too. And here's why.
00:44:13
Speaker
And so that's what I did and on January 2nd, I believe, of last year. I did a vision board workshop with a very skilled facilitator.
00:44:25
Speaker
And I made myself a vision board about completing my book. And i looked at it every single morning. And then I sat down and I wrote. And I gave myself a deadline of March 31st to get it all together. And I woke up on March 31st and there was this one little chunk that I was missing and I couldn't figure out how I was going to tie it together.
00:44:49
Speaker
and I took a deep breath after looking at my vision board and I sat there for a moment and I was like, oh, okay, that's it. And so i had the I had the first draft and I sent it out to people I know that write well and I sent it to my yoga friends, you know, check the yoga part of it. Does this make sense? Is there a way I could say it better?
00:45:09
Speaker
So I had lots of lots of feedback from from people. And then think it was about maybe the end of May that um it's out on Amazon. So that's how people can find it. The Yoga for Grief Workbook.
00:45:23
Speaker
And there's not very many books like it And um I'm kind of proud of what I put together. And, you know, I hope it helps somebody. Thank you so much, Nancy. It is so important to have different tools out there for people, different resources like books that everybody can kind of find something that they can connect and relate and implement.
00:45:45
Speaker
And, i you know, you can kind of jump in anywhere. and I wanted it to be for people. you know, people who have been doing yoga for a long time, or maybe people who have never done yoga before and think that it's just about, you know, like I have to be 23 and weigh 110 pounds and be able to pull my leg up over the back of my head or something. And that's, so I have lot, the pictures that I have in there are pictures of real people doing, doing things. And they're, they're not who you typically see online doing yoga.
00:46:16
Speaker
And that's what I wanted. And I'm, you know, you could jump in anywhere and I hope it helps. Thank you. And if they live in the Dallas area, can they then work with you in person as well? And they can reach you on your website to see where you teach.
00:46:33
Speaker
Yep. So I've been um hosted at a couple of different yoga studios. I'm trying my first virtual yoga for grief session. It'll be the four Thursdays in February.
00:46:43
Speaker
So I don't know when this episode will air, but um so it may be past that time. But depending on how that goes, I will probably offer another virtual session. But I always have that stuff on my website and you can subscribe to my quarterly newsletter to find out where I'll be and all those things.
00:47:01
Speaker
Perfect.
Closing Thoughts and Encouragement
00:47:02
Speaker
Thank you, Nancy. And again, all this information is below in the show notes. So make sure to go there, go to her website and check it out. Nancy, is there something that I have not asked you that you want to make sure that you leave with the audience? Any other words or of advice or of your own thoughts, please?
00:47:22
Speaker
Well, I always close out my yoga classes with, I hope you take your beautiful, perfect self back out into the world and find hope and courage and love and kindness.
00:47:35
Speaker
So I think that is what I would like to leave people with. Thank you, Nancy. Again, this is Nancy Watson, author of The Yoga for Grief. Did I say it correctly? The Yoga for Grief workbook. Yep. Perfect.
00:47:50
Speaker
Thank you so much again. Thank you for having me. It's been delightful.
00:47:59
Speaker
thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:48:12
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:48:28
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:48:40
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.