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Turning the Loss of a Son into a Lifeline for Mental Health with Kathy Mullen
52 Plays12 days ago
Kathy Mullen is an angel mom, music lover, and an adventure seeker focused on healthy, joyful living. She started Mullen’s Miracles in honor of her son, Eric, whom she lost to suicide on October 2, 2018. Even with medical personnel, trauma therapists, and recovery programs, it was overwhelming sorting through the abundance of resource options while losing the battle against time to find the help Eric so desperately needed while he was alive.
“Before I left Eric’s hospital bed, I committed to helping others live healthier lives by finding ways to ‘fill the gaps’ we had experienced. Mullen’s Miracles exists to make your journey easier so your ‘Eric’ can survive and live a long, beautiful life.”
Show Highlights
• The Trauma of "Saving to Lose": Kathy shares the heartbreaking backstory of her son, Eric. After saving his father’s life with CPR following a massive heart attack, Eric was forced to make the decision to remove life support 18 days later—a trauma that deeply contributed to his own downward spiral.
• "I Don't Know How to Live": Kathy reveals the painful reality of her son's mindset before his death. She shares that Eric told her, "Mom, I don't want to die, but I don't know how to live anymore," highlighting the distinction between wanting death and simply lacking the tools to cope with life.
• Choosing Truth Over Stigma: Immediately after arriving at the hospital following Eric’s attempt, Kathy made the brave decision to tell the truth about his suicide to family and friends. She realized, "If I don't tell the truth now... I can't help anybody else not be here".
• The 3-to-5 Year Reality Check: Kathy discusses the vital advice she received from her therapist, Mark, who told her that deep grief is a "three to five-year process" to find joy again. This realistic timeline helped her surrender to the journey rather than trying to rush her recovery.
• Surviving Compound Grief: Kathy’s resilience is tested by extreme loss; within a seven-year span, she lost her brother, her ex-husband, her son, her father, her mother, and her father-in-law, requiring her to close out five estates while trying to survive her own grief.
• Mullen’s Miracles & The 6 Pillars: We explore the founding of her nonprofit, Mullen’s Miracles, which focuses on six pillars including awareness, crisis intervention, and the mantra "We Go On." She also discusses her new app designed to help users track moods and signal friends for support.
• Healing Through Music: Kathy shares her collaboration with Ross Vanelli (brother of Gino Vanelli) to create Live Like There’s No Tomorrow, an album of 11 original songs and videos designed to provide a "better space in music" for those grieving.
• Signs of Love: Kathy ends on a lighter note, sharing how she stays connected to Eric through signs—specifically finding heart shapes in everything from nature to a piece of toast.
Connect with Kendra Rinaldi to find out more about how to be a guest on the podcast https://www.griefgratitudeandthegrayinbetween.com/
Recommended
Transcript
The Value of Saving Lives
00:00:00
Speaker
I realize you can't save the world, but if I save one or two or a hundred or a million, that's better than somebody having to go through where I will live with the rest of my life now.
00:00:10
Speaker
You're shattered. There's no way you're not shattered. And you just have to figure out ways to start putting the pieces back together.
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:23
Speaker
Welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray-In-Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief, from the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions.
00:00:40
Speaker
Through stories and conversations, we remind each other that we're not alone. Your journey matters, and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:00:59
Speaker
Let's start with a quick disclaimer. This podcast includes personal stories and perspectives on topics like grief, health, and mental wellness. The views expressed by guests are their own and may reflect individual experiences that are not meant as medical advice.
00:01:16
Speaker
As the host, I hold space for diverse voices, but that does not mean I endorse every viewpoint shared. Please listen with care and take what resonates with you.
00:01:27
Speaker
Thank you for joining
Kathy Mullen and Suicide Prevention
00:01:29
Speaker
us today. Today, I'm chatting with Kathy Mullen. She is the founder of Mullen's Miracles, where she helps families and individuals navigating suicide prevention, intervention, and postvention with practical tools and hope-driven support. We will be chatting and learning about her story and her son, eric and their journey. So welcome, Kathy.
00:01:58
Speaker
Thank you, Kendra. I'm really excited to be here. So thank you for taking this opportunity with me. Thank you for coming and sharing because we all have We all have choices when things happen, and a lot of times we forget that in our grief, we do have a choice on how we move forward with it. And you made a choice as to how you carry Eric's legacy with this choice of even creating Mullins Miracles. So thank you for for being here and sharing your journey. so Let's, let's learn about you. Tell us about your family, how you, you guys grew up, Eric and any other, yeah, any other family members.
00:02:44
Speaker
All right. Um, thank you. Um, Eric and I, Eric was a really cool kid, really cool kid. of course I'm partial being mom. Um, but he was a lot of fun. He, um, had a lot of energy, liked, um, wrestling was great with, um,
00:03:02
Speaker
connections with friends, you know, things of that nature. But from my stand family standpoint, I grew up with a brother and a sister, and we lost my brother at a younger younger age and my parents. And so we I actually was very blessed to have my parents into their 90s. So that's pretty much a miracle, I think, too. um And Eric was very well loved by everyone and and my parents especially. We had gotten divorced from his dad in 2020, no 20, gosh, I can't remember somewhere along the line. Anyway, I got, and we got divorced when Eric was eight, but we remained friends and we co-parented very well.
00:03:41
Speaker
And, um, so my parents and I and Eric did a lot of things together. We went on a lot of vacations and, you know, all our family get togethers with my sister and her kids and things like that. We always went wherever we needed to and just had a lot of fun. So, um, and,
00:03:57
Speaker
Family was very important to us, all of us. So so that was really, i've really had a great childhood growing up and family situation and family support system and all of that. And my parents just loved Eric dearly. They had two older nephews, but they were like 10 years old and 12 years old when Eric was born. So it was nice to have this little caboose come along and and they would take him to um museums and things like that. So it was just, you know, they were very good with with him as grandparents as well. So I was very fortunate to have the relationships and the closeness that we all shared.
00:04:35
Speaker
I love that you shared about your parents because, as you said, being divorced then, there your parents also became part of this unit of upbringing as well with Eric and and such.
00:04:47
Speaker
So a happy childhood family unit. You guys growing up and you're living in Georgia at that time as well when he was growing up? Actually, Eric, I was born and raised in Iowa and lived in Iowa until 2015. So I've only been in Georgia 10 years. So um Eric was still in Iowa when we lost him. And so I was back and forth, but we'll get into that story in a minute.
00:05:16
Speaker
Well, yeah. If you want me to go ahead. Go ahead. Yes. Go ahead. Share
Tragic Story of Eric's Passing
00:05:20
Speaker
it. All right. So I had ah moved to um Atlanta in 2015. And of course, Eric and I were very close and went back and forth between Georgia. And he would, he loved to come down here and do the, have adventures down here as well.
00:05:35
Speaker
And so I, would and I would go back and forth to Iowa. Well, in July of 2017, on a Tuesday, Eric closed on his first house and he was really excited. He was 25 years old and saved his money and was an electrician, saved his money and was able to purchase his first home.
00:05:53
Speaker
So on Thursday, two days later, he went to his dad's house to start moving his things out of his dad's house. His dad had a massive heart attack and Eric did the right thing at the time, which was save him by giving him CPR.
00:06:07
Speaker
ah The problem was it was a really massive heart attack and they airlifted him to University of Iowa hospitals in Iowa. And we were there with him for 18 days before Eric had to make the decision to take him off life support.
00:06:22
Speaker
So he really had struggled beyond what we could help him with, with why did I save my dad? And then my dad's not here. Is my dad ever going to see my house? Well, unfortunately, Larry was on 15 machines for the 18 days that he was at University of Iowa Hospitals. And it took that long for Eric to come to terms with. He had to be the one to turn him off. I was executive for the state, but not for the medical.
00:06:50
Speaker
Really tough. And even at that time, I think I was you know in my mid-50s at the time. And it was hard for me. And we'd been divorced for 17 years. I can't imagine.
00:07:01
Speaker
you know, being in the situation where he saved his dad and then had to turn off the life support. So that was a difficult scenario, as you can imagine, and having coping skills for that. And Eric, we still went back and forth between Georgia and Iowa. And I kept talking to him about getting some help. And he was like, oh, I'm okay, mom. I'm okay. And I'm like, okay, you know, I was going to help get therapy and he knew it, but he kept, you know, guys and he was 20, 25,
00:07:30
Speaker
almost 26, I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to He was over 18. I didn't have that ability to help say, look, i I could do what I could do, but I couldn't force him.
00:07:44
Speaker
So we got to a point where he did have one attempt in May of the following year after his dad had passed. And i said, you have to come to Georgia now. It's not an option. We're going to figure out what to do with your house and all of that. But this is just not working and you're not well. and I need to be able to be around you and able to help you more than what I can.
00:08:06
Speaker
And as we learned, once you start dealing with suicide, it's really difficult because there's a lot of resources, but they're not necessarily individualized or the resources you need specifically for your situation. So that was difficult because I didn't really know anything about suicide. um and I tried to learn even with the hospital wasn't very helpful with initial information. So, so we did what we could brought him down to Georgia. I put him through a program to try to help him because he had, you started using alcohol and drugs too much to cover his pain. And we finally got through that.
00:08:48
Speaker
He had to go back to Iowa one more time to sell his dad's truck and, um, his tools and, ah project car that he'd worked on and he didn't come home.
00:09:00
Speaker
So he was in Iowa when he took his life. And it was a it was just 14 months after we'd lost his dad. So it was really difficult. As you can imagine, Eric was my only child and truly my shining star and bright spot in my life. I mean, and he still is. He always will be. And I love sharing stories about him and talking about him, but I couldn't change his last decision, but I could change what I did with it.
00:09:32
Speaker
So at that point, I was at the University of Iowa Hospital again with him this time with Eric. And as I sat by his bed, i knew, like i said, I couldn't change his story, but I had to change my story and how I dealt with it So other people didn't lose their
Turning Grief into Action
00:09:50
Speaker
air. I realize you can't save the world, but if I save one or two or one hundred or a million, that's better than somebody having to go through where I will live with the rest of my life now.
00:10:02
Speaker
You're shattered. There's no way you're not shattered. And you just have to figure out ways to start putting the pieces back together. But it was at his bedside before they took him, because we were able to do organ donation before they took him that I made a decision that I had to do something with this and I wasn't going to let his death be the only one and just, I had to do something positive and move forward. And that's when Mullins Miracles was born. i didn't know what it would look like or anything like that, but I knew it was not optional.
00:10:36
Speaker
And that was the only way i was going to get through this loss.
00:10:42
Speaker
Wow, so much to unpack there. You did it so beautifully. Thank you for for sharing all all of the pieces of this puzzle of kind of the, sometimes there's a reason, sometimes there's not a reason. Sometimes we can't figure out the reason of the why, right? It seems in this story of his unfolding,
00:11:08
Speaker
you You can know where the where it started, right? The unraveling of his depression and grief not being dealt with to take to get it to that point.
00:11:22
Speaker
Absolutely. And you know the one thing was he was so peaceful in the hospital bed before they did the organ donation piece that I knew he was at peace now and he didn't have to fight anymore. And he didn't know how to, didn't know how navigate a lot of this. And at one point he told me, he goes, mom, i i don't want to die, but I don't know how to live anymore. And we did get him a therapist, you know, that we were working with. Finally, he agreed to one. He's like, oh mom, she's the best therapist, you know, ever that I've ever had. So he even had somebody that he had connected with, um, before he left for that last trip to Iowa, but, and he had registered, gotten his driver's license in Georgia, Got registered to go back to school to what Kenneth saw and was ready to start a new life. We'd figured out what we were going to with this house and all that, but it just was too much for him to deal with on his own. So that's how we ended up where we were. Yeah.
00:12:26
Speaker
With... what You mentioned the hospital. And so when they call you you, how much later did you arrive to Iowa from Georgia at that moment?
00:12:39
Speaker
And who called you? How did you find out that he had, ah at that moment, he had not passed completely passed, correct? Because he was at the, because you were able to save the door organs. So can you take us into the timeline of just you getting the call and heading to Iowa?
00:13:00
Speaker
Sure. Sure. I got, I was in a meeting at work um at two 30 in the afternoon and I got a call and I couldn't, have from one of his friends, it was actually a Facebook message from one of his friends. He said, you know, Eric's in trouble. We need to get him to the hospital. He won't go. And he needs like a wellness check done.
00:13:21
Speaker
Well, it was like maybe five or 10 minutes more before the meeting was over. So I waited until the meeting was over, left and called his friend. And I said, you know, what's going on Tell me what's going on. So we got a little bit more of the story. They had um tried to help him. They knew he was depressed. They knew he was drinking again. and that he was in a bad way, but they couldn't get him to answer the door. So they said, can you call like the police to do a wellness check?
00:13:46
Speaker
So I did. And the police went there. And by the time they got there, Eric had already left. And out he would text me a little bit, not a lot, but a little bit and said he was in a bad way, that he was driving and that he was at, and he sent me some pictures of a park.
00:14:01
Speaker
And I said, Oh, are you at this park? And he said, no, he goes, yeah, I am. Well, he was trying to throw us off. He turned, he didn't, have his navigation on. I checked his bank account. I couldn't tell what direction he was going, you anything like that at all. So I called as many of his friends as we could. They were out looking for him. We had the police and the sheriff out looking for him. I didn't know what to do. So I stayed at work at that point until probably...
00:14:31
Speaker
4.30 or 5, something like that. And my sister lived in Iowa. So once, and I waited until I knew where he was or what, what we could do, because I didn't want to send them on a wild goose chase too. And Eric was telling his therapist that he was in um the cornfields in Nebraska. And she said, is that true? And I said, no, there's no way he can be in the cornfields in Nebraska.
00:14:52
Speaker
So his friends found him. He was also sending them pictures, but they were far enough behind. They weren't able to catch him before he had been in a position long enough to not have oxygen. So they did get to to him. They called 911 as soon as they found him and got him to the hospital. And in the meantime, then I went home and I was just praying. I could get packed into the airport and a ticket.
00:15:21
Speaker
so I could get up to the hospital as quickly as I could. So at the point that I knew where they were taking him, I called my sister and I said, look, can you please go to the hospital and please don't call me. I'll tell you when I'm going to be there and you can pick me up, but don't tell me anything until I arrive. I said, just can't deal with this.
00:15:41
Speaker
So I went home. I think I was home 20 minutes and in 20 minutes, I packed a suitcase and got a plane ticket, got, um, on the road and got to the airport, made my flight, got to the hospital about, I don't know, 11 or 1130 that night.
00:15:59
Speaker
And, um they told me, they said, there's very little hope, but there's one thing we can try. And I said, please go ahead and try. And then, um, Some of Eric's friends were there. They weren't in the room with him, just my sister and her husband and myself. And I said, well, you need to tell the, you know, his friends the truth. And then I told my sister too. I said, you need to tell mom and dad the truth. And she goes, are you sure you want to tell the truth? I said, yes, because if I don't tell the truth now, I can never tell the truth. And if I don't tell the truth, I can't help anybody else not be here.
00:16:34
Speaker
So. I said, yes, he took his life and that was it. And we were fortunate to be able to do organ donation. We were also fortunate to be able to save another one of his friends that was at the hospital a part of the time over the course of the week that we were there, five days we were there because they had planned on taking their life the following week. And after they were at the hospital and saw what we were going through with Eric, they made a decision to get help instead. So we even saved one more life before we ever did the organ donations.
00:17:12
Speaker
So it was a tough, tough time. One of the the chaplains at the hospital told me when I got there, or she actually talked to me a few hours later, I guess it was maybe three in the morning. And she said, you know, she said, Kathy, you know, your son better than anyone else does.
00:17:30
Speaker
Ever. And she said, you need to do what you believe is right for him and what he would want you to do. She said, don't listen to anybody else. She said, because everybody's to have opinions and ideas of how to deal with this. But she said, please just do what you think is he would want.
00:17:45
Speaker
And I have held that with me from that day forward. And that is another reason why I mean, Eric and I were extremely close. I know he didn't want to die. I know he loved me. It wasn't for a reason that I could have done something with.
00:18:00
Speaker
It was for something that was a little bit out of control on how we got to where we got. well he's Not everybody's at that place, but, you know, that was that was our situation. That's our story. And from there, i knew it was going to be a journey, but I had no idea what I was in for.
00:18:20
Speaker
Well, you said it yourself of what he said of, it's not that I don't want to i don't want to die. i just do not know how to live. it's very a very different...
00:18:32
Speaker
Yes. Very different situation. You know, it's not that. And maybe that is what my, I don't, I don't know. i mean, I've talked to over 200 people on the podcast a lot have been death by suicide. And in general, I would say that that is the sentiment is not the death itself. That's calling. It's the and inability of knowing that how to live, having,
00:18:56
Speaker
the tools to navigate all these emotions that show up in people that either by situations or mental health, whatever it may be, or it you know if um if there's drug, alcohol, all these things that can alter then the way of someone being able to handle situations. So thank you for sharing all of that so candidly. And I love that you made that decision of telling the truth from the start because if not...
00:19:26
Speaker
how else would you have been able to help write all these people? I just had to come on and just kind of interrupt right now this episode that you're hearing. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you guys are listening to this conversation. And every single time I hear a guest, there's something new that I learn and something else that ends up showing up within me that I realize I still have to work on.
00:19:56
Speaker
And if by chance, as you're listening to this conversation, you're feeling the same, that there's parts of you that are being stirred up and you are navigating a life transition right now that feels just heavy and stressful and just layered with grief. I want you to know that you do not have to do it alone.
00:20:13
Speaker
I invite you to connect with me for a free 15 minute discovery call and we'll explore what's coming up for you and see if working together feels like the right fit.
00:20:25
Speaker
Just check the show notes below for my email and reach out for details. I'd really love to support you in integrating these transitions with more ease and clarity.
00:20:38
Speaker
Can't wait to hear back from you. Okay, let's keep on listening to the episode.
00:20:44
Speaker
Kathy, as you were navigating your grief, you had mentioned early on when we were just talking, you you said your brother died when you
Understanding Grief: Personal Losses
00:20:52
Speaker
were... So how old were you when your brother died? i was... he was 32, so I'd have been 34 at the time.
00:21:01
Speaker
And so that was in 1995. So that was a long, long time ago. Like over 10 years prior... doing Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. How, how did you navigate grief then? And how did you grab it? it Were there any ways in which you naturally felt called to mourn in both of the situations?
00:21:26
Speaker
Boy, it was, they were different. Um, My brother and I were extremely close as well, too. So it was really difficult. And his was an unexpected death. It was a work-related death. So it was unexpected and as well. um It was really, really hard. He lived in Colorado. um The rest of our family was in the Midwest, in Iowa area. So we didn't see him on a daily basis. So maybe that was a little bit different.
00:21:55
Speaker
But I remember, and Eric was only two at the time when my brother died. And I remember that it was so hard for me for a good couple of years to be able to manage through losing my brother, Bobby and, and with a small child and working full time. And, you know at the time we were married, navigating normal life, it's really, it's a challenge. I did, we did do some therapy um as well with, ah with ah Bobby being gone, but it just, it was a little bit different, but when it's your child,
00:22:30
Speaker
It's a whole different ballgame. And for me, I had never personally experienced mental health issues until after losing Eric. So I didn't know what it was like to experience that.
00:22:44
Speaker
I now know what it's like, and it's very different. Then and it helps me have an appreciation for people that struggle with mental health issues, too, because. i'm empathy Yeah, you have the empathy. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Because, you know, Eric did, but I didn't know what it felt like. And um not I started doing therapy before I even came back from Iowa um with Eric. And i also was mindful, you know, um I didn't want i wasn't prepared for losing him. So I wanted to do celebration of life. I didn't want to do a normal funeral and I didn't, and I wasn't ready to do it right away because I was never going to have a wedding for him. we were never going to have, I was never going to have grandchildren, you know, with him and all of that. So I, I took some time and I did try to work for a little while and it was just like, I can't do this. So i went out on disability and by January, I got to the point where I was like, i don't know if I'm ever going to feel anything but sadness.
00:23:49
Speaker
And this was in October and this is January now. And I'm like, i don't know if I'm going to ever feel anything but sadness the rest of my life. And if you sit and think your life is only going to be about sadness. And at that time i was, you know, mid fifties and I'm like, how in the heck am I going to do this? And my partner who's wonderful beyond wonderful was like, Kathy, you have to get more help.
00:24:13
Speaker
the one therapist isn't enough for you right now. And so we got on the phone, got somebody right away. And the second therapist was huge for me. He level set me on so many levels with grief. And he said, Kathy, he goes, this is a three to five year process before you find joy again.
00:24:34
Speaker
And when you sit and think about three to five years, how many times have you changed your phone by then? How many you know, times of you going on a vacation, how many times have you, some people even moved, switched jobs, three, five years, especially with the pace, everything moves now.
00:24:50
Speaker
I was like, oh my gosh. And he said, I know that you are a person that tries to move through things quickly, but he goes, you can't, you have to experience this. And I was already at a place where going back with mental health, I'd been diagnosed now with complicated grief, massive depressive disorder, depression, um trauma, anxiety. And I think there was at least one or two more. And he also told me, he said, Kathy, he goes, you can go on medication.
00:25:21
Speaker
But he goes, medication isn't going to solve the problem. You still have to go through the grief. And in reality, my son had gone on medication. And I don't think that that was to his benefit in the long run.
00:25:33
Speaker
And most of the medications for all this have suicidal tendencies with them. So i told Mark, I said, okay, I'm just going to go through it. I said, I'm not going on medication. And I said, let's get started. And he had to tell me six weeks in a row, this is three to five years. You're not going to It's just going to take that long. And he was very good because he stepped me through the different phases of grief and would say, okay, maybe another week or two, you'll be at this place, which will be you know different from where you've been. And he goes, at some point, you're going to look back and wish you could experience this really grief. That's the deepest grief ever. Because he said, it's kind of like with your grief with gratitude.
00:26:19
Speaker
There's a place there that is not that you can't experience without this type of a loss. And it's something that is so special and you hold it in your heart.
00:26:31
Speaker
mean, not that you want to go there to get this, but it's a takeaway that I took from that was through the process, there's different phases and there's places you'll never visit again in your life because you can't ever visit that place again, but you treasure that experience and that you had that time. And I feel very close to Eric now. I mean, I,
00:26:53
Speaker
We were always close before, but I don't feel like I lost that. And that was one of the things that i was so afraid i was going to lose Eric in touch with him. And I don't feel that way at all. But I worked with Mark for well over a year, probably a year a good year and a half every week. One of the other things that I did was um or or Jeff and i had a personal trainer and we went to her three times a week.
00:27:19
Speaker
And I wasn't going to her to get fit. I was going to her to stay alive. I was also fortunate to be able to do some equine therapy, which was absolutely fantastic. I did hypnotherapy. I did about everything you could think of to try to get my brain back because my brain wasn't functioning. My heart wasn't functioning. Nothing was. And you're just going through this days and you're trying to do the best you can.
00:27:44
Speaker
And it just is a process. And I had to live the process. And I'm so grateful that I found Mark. And I wish I had Mark for Eric because I think Eric's story would have been had a different ending with it. But I'm so grateful to have had Mark that could do that with me. Because if you don't have that right person, you can have 10 people, but they're it's not going to matter. You have to have that connection. And he was so good. And Jeff was so good. And my support system was. And so I really honestly didn't work for between four and five years. I was on disability for one year and then I started building Mullen's Miracles, but I wasn't done with loss after my son either. I lost my dad to cancer um within, I lost ah Larry, my ex, my son, Eric, and my dad within two years and two days. So that's pretty significant loss. And then I was helping my mom go through losing her husband of 55 years and also
00:28:50
Speaker
She was in Iowa. I was in Georgia. So back and forth. And I was also helping Jeff, the primary caregiver with his dad here in Georgia. So I would had my hands kind full for a little while there. And um over the course of time, within five years, I ended up losing also Jeff's dad and my mom as well. So I did five estates, executive for five estates, sold properties, dismantled five lives in about seven years time.
00:29:18
Speaker
Wow. Wow. With all that, it's like, where do you find time for your own for yourself, right? When you're outwardly looking. This is something that is so important because sometimes people think it's a matter of time and it's not time in greed. It's what you do with it. Like even with yours, it's seven years in which Your life had also all these other components that you were also dealing with and all the different admin stuff or the business of grief, as I call it, if you were executor for all these different things. so much energy out that you can't put energy in to work.
00:30:00
Speaker
for you know for yourself. Thank goodness you had your you know your therapist, that you had Mark in order to be able to process some of these because if not, i don't that's just too much.
00:30:11
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I would have made it without Mark. And I went i did go back to work um just about little over two years ago. And I was really scared because, my you know like I said, my brain wasn't functioning the same. you know I mean, just everything is different. you know Your life is different.
00:30:28
Speaker
But in some ways, and again, another grief gratitude, you know, I don't get as stressed out about some things I used to get it more stressed out about because it's like I've gone through the worst of the worst. You know, there's really nothing that can happen that's worse than what I've already gone through pretty much, you know. And you've already come through. Yeah. And you've come through. It doesn't mean that it's over, but you've been able to. You're like, I would not and think right now that I'd be where I like that. I could have like.
00:30:57
Speaker
you know, this happened to 2018 is when he died, right? So 2018, and then now you, in 2018, you would have not thought that you would have a nonprofit organization, all these things, helping all these people, being who you are now, being on a podcast, talking about it.
00:31:15
Speaker
That would have, right? It would not even cross your mind that that's even a possibility. now yeah No, no, no.
Six Pillars of Mullen's Miracles
00:31:23
Speaker
And so um I'd like to share a little bit if we still have some time. I'd like share a little bit about Mullen's Miracles and what what we have done with that. Yes, that i want think that's where we're going to take it now. So yes, please go ahead. Perfect. um it was um It's been a slow process, but I feel like I have a really very solid foundation underneath it. And I'm really happy with where we're at.
00:31:46
Speaker
um I would love to have enough funding to get to the point where that is my full-time job, but I'm not there yet. But I do feel like I will get there. I know I will. I mean, it's just in my heart. I just know this is this is what I'm to do in life. And um my soul feels better because of it. Everything does. And i will tell you real quick, my um my sign from Eric is always hearts. So I get hearts and I have a a folder on my phone where I keep all the different hearts that I get. And I've even had a um heart in a piece of toast before. Yeah.
00:32:18
Speaker
So I know he's not far away. yeah i love that. I was going to ask. Yeah, I was going ask these parts of how you how you have felt him yeah connected because you feel that that connection. So these signs. Oh, yeah. I'm reading the book signs right now. Actually, was gifted. Yeah.
00:32:34
Speaker
Have you read it? I have, but I'm going to have to. I'm going to have to because that's how I live. Yeah, I do too. I love it. But I i live that way too. but But yeah, my sister just gifted this book to me and I've heard of it, but I'm like, I i love those little signs and connections and the synchronicities in life oh that are just beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ok So I've got a lot of that.
00:32:59
Speaker
So back to Mullen's Miracles. So I thought about the things that I struggled with when we I was going through this with Eric. So I came up with six pillars that we have on our on our website and in our community underneath the website. And the first one is for awareness and education, because Let me tell you, you don't learn about suicide unless you need to, and you don't want to.
00:33:27
Speaker
But the more that people can be educated with suicides continuing to go up and every 11 minutes someone's lost you know their life in the US alone, and that impacts another 135 and you take that by 48,000 or plus a year, you're up into the 6 are impacted a year by suicide.
00:33:47
Speaker
That's a lot. So that's why I'm so passionate. It's because and at first when I said I was going save a million lives, I thought a million, there's no way you can do that. But if you think about how many lives are taken in a year and the impact of that, I'm pretty darn sure I need to do more than that. But education awareness. So I've gotten certified in QPR training, which is similar to CPR, except it's for suicide prevention. It's question, persuade, and refer.
00:34:15
Speaker
And so those are the things if you you come right out and ask. You know, are you suicidal? do i Do I need to help you? Is there something that we can do? And then you you um refer them to someone, ah persuade them to get help, and then refer them to someone. And that's the the most important piece. And everyone can do that. It's no different, like I said, than CPR training, really. And having the awareness and knowing what to do and how to how to do that is what's important. So that was my first pillar. my And I have resources underneath that as well.
00:34:48
Speaker
And this is all in my community, my Mullins Miracle community. The second pillar was for people that are in crisis themselves and struggling. You know, Eric didn't know where to get some help. And even though he tried to get help, it wasn't the right help for him. So I have some additional resources under the in crisis one. Now I've never myself been suicidal, so I can't really help with that one as much um personally. But my goal is to have people on each of these pillars that can lead groups, private groups with each of these pillars so that somebody that has the direct experience because that will help and be knowledgeable. And it's just another place for people to go another resource for people to have.
00:35:35
Speaker
My third pillar is for somebody trying to help somebody in crisis. So like for me trying to help my son, what are some things that I could have done or should have done or additional resources that I didn't have access to at the time?
00:35:49
Speaker
Of course, then you go through grief and that's a big one. And then after that, I thought, you know, you have to go on in the end. You really have to go on. So my fifth pillar is we go on. And um i also had one, sixth one for organ donation, because I also know that because of Eric, more people have signed up for organ donation and that helps other people too. So the more that we can do, no matter how we do it,
00:36:18
Speaker
It's part of what we should be doing in our journey on this journey. So um I have a community. It's a private community. It's not about likes. It's about sharing stories and reading other people's stories. and Is the community on Facebook or is it? no where it's under It's under Mullins Miracles website. So if you go to www.mullinsmiracles.org.
00:36:38
Speaker
yeah w w w dot mullins m u l l e n s miracles m i r a c l e s dot org there's a join the community and it's free of charge. You can go out and put stories out there. You can read stories. I also am getting to the point where it's a platform where I can put training out there as well and additional things and, and events and programs and things like that. So I'm growing the platform. And that to me is like really important. um Another piece, because community is so important when you're in a crisis situation. So another thing I've done that I thought,
00:37:13
Speaker
Okay, this could help Derek too. We have an app and it's called Mullins Miracles Inner Circle and it's on Apple and Android platforms. And you can go ahead and um download it and then you have, you can have your circle of friends that you can invite maybe three to five friends or family members. And you put your mood in as far as where you're at. And you can track your mood. You can also say what you're feeling. You can also reach out without having to call somebody and say, hey, and need a virtual hug. Or i need to meet for coffee. Or you know whatever it is, there's some different options there. But that gives you a way to navigate your moods. And I would love to be able to get that with insurance companies. And let them have access to that too to be able to help so that we can save, again, more lives. So thank you. To me, there's just certain things that the the more awareness we have, the better we can help others.
00:38:08
Speaker
So that's an important piece of things they do. The training is important piece.
Music for Healing and Positivity
00:38:12
Speaker
Another piece that we have done, and this was a really big gift for me, was Jeff is a musician, and he was working with Gino Vanelli and Gino's brother, Ross Vanelli. And we were out to dinner one night with Ross, and I said, Ross, will you write me a song from Mullins Miracles?
00:38:30
Speaker
And he really leaned into the project and he said, tell me more. And he knew I'd lost Eric and all that, but he said, tell me more about this foundation. And so I told him and together the three of us, Ross wrote all the music, but it took us three years and we have 11 songs, original songs, all related to this and positivity around it. It's not heartbreaking. It's, you know, to try to have, to try to give you a better space in music,
00:39:00
Speaker
to be able to help. And we also have videos. So we just released one video, the end of October, the first one, and it's titled We Go On because Ross wrote a song, We Go On, for me. And that one has over a million views already. So we'll be releasing the next video, middle of January. And that one will be Live Like There's No Tomorrow, which is the name of the album. And I believe when we also release that, we're going to release the album on Spotify as well. Now it's going to take a little bit longer to get all the videos done. out, but they are all completed. and
00:39:33
Speaker
i couldn't be more proud of that work. And it's something that I never in a million years could have dreamed that would also come out of such a significant loss and tragedy. And this, I just pinch myself and think, oh my gosh, everybody listens to music. You know, that's universal across the world, not just in the U S but across the world and with the videos. And so we can share that with others as well too.
00:39:58
Speaker
So that's another piece of our project. I love that. I did not know that piece of your project. So thank you for sharing with that. And how can people see the videos? Are they on YouTube or are they also linked on Mullins Miracles?
00:40:12
Speaker
Right now they're linked on Mullins Miracles as well, too. But you can also see them on YouTube. And after this, if you give me an address to send you a CD, I will also send you some CDs so that you have them as well.
00:40:25
Speaker
That's wonderful. Thank you. And, well, definitely if it's like the YouTube link, make sure to send it to me so that I can put it in the show notes so can go straight to it as well. So you can, in the show notes, go to Mullins Miracles as well as to be able to listen and view yeah the ah the songs. Yeah, that the arts are huge things.
00:40:47
Speaker
a huge tool in connection as well as ah in the grief process. It just really taps into our emotions like it in a blink, right? like Anytime we I hear a song, it could bring up an emotion and to feel connected and seen through music for someone going through grief is just huge. So that's a beautiful, beautiful gift you've given as well, aside from Mullins Miracles. So Kathy, I always like to ask my guests, is there something I have not asked you that you want to make sure to get is share with the guests before we ah wrap up?
00:41:29
Speaker
The best I can say is you can still take the worst situation and find something out of it that you have gained. You've lost.
00:41:39
Speaker
And let me tell you, there's no bigger loss than losing a child, at least from my perspective, there's no bigger loss than that. And that's pretty much an out of order death and a suicide and a, and a child is pretty significant, but I have found ways to be able to move forward in manners that I know Eric can smile down on me every day and know that his mom didn't give up, that she took his loss and made something really cool out of it to help others. And I know there's no way he's not proud of me.
00:42:12
Speaker
There's just no way. So you have to do the work. It's not easy, but hang in there. And I'm always here. i mean, I'm, always here. You can always call or text or you know, send me a message. We're all over social medias and, and the website, and you can always reach out and I'll do what I can to help you. I'm not a therapist. I, you know, I don't have a medical background, but I sure have a lot of life experience with loss and moving on. And, you know, you can do it. It's not easy, but you can definitely do it.
00:42:44
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you, Kathy. Again, to connect with you, go to MullinsMiracles.org or com, what is that? work Org.org. Again, the link will be below. On there, you can find the links also to all the social media connections as well on your website. Yes. And make sure to get in touch with Kathy if you are feeling that you want to find community since there's community on that website as well.
00:43:15
Speaker
Kathy, thank you for sharing your story, Eric's story, and his legacy lives on with Mullins Miracles and with you. So thank you again.
00:43:27
Speaker
Thank you so much, Kendra. It's just a real joy to be here today. So thank you very much. Thank you.
00:43:41
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:43:54
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:44:10
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:44:23
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.