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Can We Be Real? The Story of Sarai and Hagar
34 Plays9 months ago
Can We Be Real? I know many of us have questions about the bible and what these means for people who follow Christ today. In this episode, we will discuss the story of Sarai (before she became Sarah) and Hagar. Their stories are often told in contradiction to each other, however, by looking at how their stories intersect, we can learn more about ourselves and the character of God.
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Transcript
Introduction to Vanessa
00:00:50
Speaker
So I am here with a very, very special guest, my friend Vanessa. She's absolutely amazing. I'm so glad that she was able to join us today. We're glad you're here, Vanessa. Yay. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you asking me to come on. I'm so proud of you and all that you've accomplished being so. It is an honor to be on here with you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
00:01:18
Speaker
um So I always love to start off with just asking those who come on a little bit about themselves. So Vanessa, can you tell us just a little bit about you? Yes. ah So this takes me back to classes where you had to like stand up and do a speech about yourself and you're like, Oh, I love it. It's like your name, the city you grew up in and like your favorite color, right? What do I say? I don't know. i So I am a 30-something, say 30-something, a black female. but I'm single. And yeah, I'm just a Christ follower. I love mountains. I love to travel. And I am constantly on the move, is something people will say about me. I'm constantly on the move going somewhere, or doing something. um And in between all that, I love reading fantasy and sci-fi. Oh, I love it. Yeah.
00:02:14
Speaker
And you have the most adorable puppy. Yes, I do. I have a pit bull Cane Corso mix, and he is my world. He happened upon me. and Literally, quite literally. Yeah, and it's been such a an unexpected blessing. So yeah, I'm also a dog mom, if you will. I love it. I love it.
Exploring Hagar's Story
00:02:41
Speaker
So today we're going to be talking about the story of Hagar and Sarah before she became Sarah, so Sarai. And ah we are referencing a sermon that was from a sermon series called, tongue tied, really not enough coffee, but it was a sermon series ah done by Christ city called Azer. And they were unpacking that term by highlighting different women in the Bible.
00:03:11
Speaker
And so this particular one focuses a lot more on Hagar. And I was wondering, Vanessa, have you um heard about the story of Hagar and Sarai told in this way? I think that's a great question. To be honest now, I was really convicted by the preacher because you know what she says in the sermon about um how she asked you know a friend of hers about the story of Hagar and how the woman's like, oh, isn't she just like a footnote in Abraham and Sarah's story. And I was like, that is exactly how I saw her. um I never really thought deeply about Hagar in any way. And I actually never considered her to be a black woman either. And I completely acknowledged that it says that she's an Egyptian woman. um But growing up with references from
00:04:01
Speaker
the 90s mummy which I love and Prince of Egypt like you look at those people those don't look like black people so I it just went way over my head that she was a black woman and so hearing this version of Hagar it blew my mind and actually the first um sermon I heard about Hagar's story in particular, the story through her eyes was um the sermon done by Jackie Hill Perry. And that blew my mind. Yeah. So um I really enjoyed this sermon series, but it just called me back to her sermon and I was like, Oh yeah, I have heard her story, you know, spoken to from her, her point of view. And so,
Reflecting on Hagar's Significance
00:04:41
Speaker
yeah.
00:04:41
Speaker
and I was one of those people that was just like, yeah, who I know who she is, but she's not important, right? Yeah, like we don't talk about her at all, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love how, um mar I believe the the person that preached was Marissa Stubbs. Forgive me if I i said her name incorrectly.
00:05:03
Speaker
um but I love how she talks about like regardless of where people fall because you know some people are going to like push back of like no she looked like this and talking about the experience and that was very relatable yeah and how I mean it just works on so many levels because she's like you know a person you may view as a footnote or side character they're the main character of their own story of their own story yeah And honestly, something about Hagar's story that's always stuck with me is that often when I'm in my own quiet time with God, and I um i was talking to my counselor about this too, she's like, Crystal, it's very important for you to know and to stand in the truth that God sees you.
00:05:42
Speaker
and like that ah the phrase Elroy you know is mentioned in Hagar's story about like you're the god who sees me and so you know there's just so many nuggets that I know for me before I listened to this sermon that I just wasn't even thinking about and so um yeah oh I'm so excited I can't wait to go deeper yeah we talked about, you know, like, where how we had heard about the story. um But what was it? Was there something that surprised you in the podcast or surprised you in the sermon series? Or theer i the yeah, only thing that really just surprised me is just the idea of how go story in general and just seeing her again as a black woman and kind of taking on
00:06:29
Speaker
Some of that that pain and and identity, if you will, on myself, my sister and I do this thing every time we we think or talk about like our favorite shows or our favorite films, we try to like place ourselves, okay, like where would we be in this film, in this story? And a lot of our favorites are kind of like, well, hers is definitely Pride and Prejudice. Mine is kind of like Lord of the Rings or anything like that. And we try to picture ourselves like, where would we be in that?
00:06:54
Speaker
as like a black woman met and we're often like, oh yeah, well, I guess we just be like the slaves or the servants. And so now kind of not only do we have this slave or this servant in the story, but now, oh, that's who I would be in the story kind of idea. So I think that was the kind
Identifying with Hagar as a Black Woman
00:07:11
Speaker
of surprises like, oh, so this is where I would fit in the story. And so I think, um,
00:07:17
Speaker
seeing Hagar in that light and kind of identifying her not with the idea that I've been sexually exploited in my life ever, but with that sense of like, this is where a black woman would stand in the midst of this epic love story between not only um Abraham and Sarah, but God and his people. um So I think that was kind of surprising in its own way. But yeah, that's, that's kind of where I saw it. It's like, Oh, this is This is where I would be. Which doesn't have to be true, but ah yeah that's kind of how I i took it.
00:07:53
Speaker
Yeah. so yeah and i And I love what you said about how God relates to his people, right? Because, you know, oftentimes if this was like a movie or a show, you know, the fact that, you know, God still gives a promise to to Hagar about her decision, right? God still comes and rescues Hagar. And she's not for like tracing the history of the the Israel people, not the main character, but I think it shows a lot of the character of our God in a way that I don't think um
00:08:27
Speaker
Not that it doesn't get often discussed, but like there's just something about, and especially as we see in the New Testament, the way that Jesus sees those on the margins, that it's a common thread. And it was a good reminder. i yeah I'm excited about this next question ah because I already know my answer. Was there something that challenged you or that you disagreed with?
00:08:56
Speaker
um No. Okay. So, okay. So I was going over these questions with my sister. And so we kind of went over rhythm them together. And so when I, when I answered, I was like, no, it's like, I thought the pastor did a great job. And I really identified with what she said. Really, she was really, um, stronger point about how, you know, what stuck out to me was like, this isn't a story of, um, like someone who is getting paid for her job. Like she's not like,
00:09:25
Speaker
an employee of Sarai and Abraham and she's like, this is a slave. She doesn't have rights. This is about power and possession and things like that. I was like, oh, okay. So I think I fully agree with that sentiment and in the idea of like, let's not confuse that, you know, she was a working woman in this house. um Clearly she wasn't because Sarah could say, go take my maid servant and sleep with her, whether she wants to be slept with or not.
00:09:50
Speaker
um okay But mom what my sister had to say about it, she didn't take it as and what was the challenge that I had with the way the sermon was read. She said the challenge she had with the content
Moral Challenges in Abraham's Story
00:10:03
Speaker
of the story. And I was like, oh, OK, I didn't think about that. And so her idea was like she is definitely challenged with the idea that Abraham could be considered so righteous in God's eye, even though not only does he presumably sleep with someone who
00:10:22
Speaker
not necessarily, maybe not, did not want to sleep with him and forced her to become pregnant. But then he also allowed her to be treated in such a way that she wanted to flee their household. And then on top of that, even before all this happened, um the way Abraham allowed Sarah to be taken several times. I was like, come on, the one time, okay, we scared. The second time,
00:10:50
Speaker
Come on, Ames. And he feels so like revered as like this wonderful, I don't know, person in God's eye, this wonderful character in the Bible that, I don't know. So when she said that, I was like, oh, I didn't even think about like that. And she's like, yeah, I really struggle with that sense. And I was like, yeah, that's fair. I think that's a fair concept to to be challenged by. And I completely agree. And um I know that even Hagar gets her her her time with God and you know the God who sees and he sees her and he hears her. um And one thing that my sister did point out too, she was like, Shegar was the first to receive the son. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Is that a papo? Yes.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah, that was my puppy. Sorry about that. No, it's fine. We love puppies. Even if I am biased and I have two cats. Yes, you are a cat person. In the corner, very quiet. I know. That's what's nice about cats. They say quiet dogs demand attention. I mean, cats can too, though, to be fair.
00:12:01
Speaker
They can. I'm surprised Sirius hasn't started singing yet. Oh, I'm not gonna attempt him. we have we i Oh my goodness. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for for sharing that because those are really, really good points. I know for me, something that challenged me um is ah something that Marissa points out. She's like, you know, as much as I want to say, like, i identify with with Hagar and like the injustice that she experienced, I'm
Relating to Sarai's Actions
00:12:29
Speaker
also Sarai. Yeah.
00:12:31
Speaker
And that's like a very uncomfortable place to be, you know? Yeah. Thinking about, you know, the promises that Abraham received from God about how he's going to have all these descendants and that they are going to be from his bloodline. Yeah.
00:12:46
Speaker
And even though there were moments where god like the Lord was very clear of like Sarah being like, yeah, like his wife, it would come through their their union. Like, a lot of times it was like, oh, it's just like Abraham and like, okay, maybe this is just the way that the answer like God is going to answer that prayer. Yeah. So it made me think a lot about a what are the ways in which I like Sarai, try, like take something that God has maybe ah given to me or or I've heard from God in our time of like, in my quiet time with him, and then I try to do my own thing. Oh yeah. I don't see it. And that's just like a really... Oh yeah. That's a really sticky spot to be in, right? Honestly, that's like my favorite pastime is to be like... Oh! I got it.
00:13:34
Speaker
Don't you know what, God, don't you worry about it. i I can handle this. I'll do this myself. It's so frustrating because um i am I am a strict rule follower. And so when I feel like I've you know followed the rules perfectly, I'm one of those, I'm like, wait, I should be getting you know what I want. like you right I've been doing what you've asked. Why have I gotten this? And so that's when I become you know Sarah. And I'm like, that's ah i'll I'll figure it out myself. and when I kind of, you know, the Holy Spirit opens my eyes to those things. I'm like, darn it. I did it again. You know, I said I was going to give you the control. And then who's, what am I doing over here? Like subtly trying to make it happen for myself. So yeah, I, I am definitely Sarah. I probably more often than not. And so
00:14:26
Speaker
i I get humbled more often than not on top of that. yeah like could definitely really One of the many things I love about scripture is that you know it points to more towards God's character, his goodness and his glory, and how he works through imperfect people. oh yeah and like we are in like We're not going to be perfect, but there's just something about realizing, like I feel like in so many of our the aspects of our lives we are like doing or building or creating or performing and kind of like this reminder that it's not like that with God.
00:15:04
Speaker
mean um And it yeah, for me, I think the challenge is how do I slow down and let God be God of my life? so yeah And trust in his timing. And I think that's gonna lead us to our
Advice for Waiting Seasons
00:15:18
Speaker
next question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in both Hagar and Sarai's story, there's a theme of waiting and having to rely on God. We know the promise and the provision God gave Hagar and we know that Isaac was born and God's promise to Abraham and Sarah was fulfilled now.
00:15:36
Speaker
We have the privilege of knowing the end. But you know there are things that both you and I are waiting for and trusting God in. So what would you say to someone who has been in a season of waiting for some time? ah This was, I feel like, the hardest question for me. That really took me the longest. Yeah. The other questions we can really analyze. Let's listen to this sermon and analyze what they're saying. but that's I was like, I don't want to answer it cause I'm literally in a season of waiting right now that has been like so hard. And I was really encouraged. I was just told, you know, like, this is the time to speak on it. Like not when you're on the other side is like when you're in it. And so what I would say to my sister on the other side of that, who is in a season of waiting is that you're not alone. And I don't know if that's going to help anybody. That certainly helps me. I think back to.
00:16:28
Speaker
Like the top toughest times in my life, like the really hard things that I've ever gone through and the people that I did that with. And those create bombs like no other. So knowing that I'm not doing something alone is super strengthening for me. And so we are all, all of us going through seasons of waiting at any point in our life for something. and You're not, if you're like, well, no, I'm happy right now, I'm on a season waiting right now, then you will be at some point probably soon. And and so, you but like, whether it's you're waiting on healing for you and a friend, or you're waiting on a loved one to come to fit you know to the faith, or you're just waiting on God to like give you direction. Like we're all waiting on something, even if it's in the background, like, oh yeah, that's right, I guess I am waiting for that, you know?
00:17:17
Speaker
um And so, like many others, I am currently in a really long season of waiting, and the Holy Spirit just tells me, like, we're not it. It's not at an end yet. Like, okay. And so that's- Are you sure? Yeah, I know. I can help. Tell me what I can do. There's so much time to be doing right now to help further this along, you know? And so that's really, really hard. And to be fair, right now in my life, I have been in this spot before,
00:17:46
Speaker
Um, I want to say like four or five years ago, I felt like, and I think that's also really hard. It's like, I feel like I'm in the exact spot that I was four years ago. Um, but this time I do feel very empowered. Um, just because I have a closer relationship with God, I know that I can't just fill that time with what we were talking about before things that I feel like I can do to, I don't know, fill the time with. And I am definitely want to do that. As we said, my personality, I'm constantly on the move.
00:18:16
Speaker
And part of that is I don't like the waiting. I don't think anyone likes waiting to be there. It's not fun, so. Maybe someone does. If you're out there, can you please let us know? Please come to this podcast so you can learn your ways. Teach us. Give us a step-by-step manual. And so I just, I feel like I'm better equipped at this time. Last time I was very much flailing and trying to supplement things to fill in the time. But I just got a few scriptures that I know kind of helped me Um, in that, in that time of waiting, um, they're all from Matthew because I love Matthew. Um, it's a good book. So I, I wrote down Matthew, um, six eight B, uh, the father knows what you know, what you need before you have to ask him. And obviously I know it's pretty, pretty obvious. Um, you know, God knows what you need, even though you feel like I need this thing right now.
00:19:13
Speaker
He knows what you need. And I feel like I have to tell myself every that every day because goodness. And then Matthew 6, 34, don't be anxious for tomorrow. and That's another super obvious one. And I was just telling myself that the other day I was like freaking out about, you know, all the things because we're human and every, I actually felt like a teenager the other day. I was like, this is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. My life is over on something that was really simple. And I'm like, whoa.
00:19:42
Speaker
The enemy is coming to me hard today. I am not a teenager. You took us back a little bit. I was like, Oh, wow. When we got to the other side of it, it was mostly anger. I was really hungry. I only got to the other side of it. I was like, Why did I react like that? I'm a mature adult anyway. But also human. Yeah. And also human.
00:20:07
Speaker
but I had to remind myself like this anxiety, this anxiousness, it's not from God, it's from the enemy to distract me. And he must be working hard on me. There must be something coming up because yesterday was it was a thing. And the final um verse I had was Matthew seven, seven to 11. And it's the act and you should be given knock and it should be open, seek and you will find. And it'll also goes into the part where, you know,
00:20:36
Speaker
If you being an earthly father can give such good gifts, what makes you think that your heavenly father won't be able to give you good gifts? And and it goes into like, if your child wants bread, would you give them a rock or if they want fish, would you give them a snake instead? And so I ah have to remind myself of this verse so much because there are often times that I just feel like I'm being tricked or I'm being bamboozled or something is just trying to confuse me. And I have to remind myself of this,
Spiritual Lessons During Waiting Periods
00:21:05
Speaker
like God is not going to trick me. He's not going to confuse me. He's not going to give me something and take it away. Like he's not, he's not in it to kind of get one over on me. And I have to remind myself, like, so he's not my enemy. He's here for me. And so those really, really helped me in my, my long journey of waiting. Um, yeah, what about you?
00:21:29
Speaker
Yeah. Um, yeah. It's so funny. I wrote the question and I was like, yeah, Crystal, you also have to answer it too. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, that make yeah, I know. Oh, it's so, it's very sticky. Um, but you know, you guys know on the podcast, I share like my desire to be married and have children and especially working at a ah church now where like,
00:21:57
Speaker
we found out that the average age of our church is 27 and I am a 30 something. And so, you know, I am not robbing the cradle, but I am just older, right? And um yeah, and having to come to terms with that, I think, ah like, I love what you said about like, you know, like how God is not trying to trick or test, at like trick or, um I don't want to use the word,
00:22:26
Speaker
test it's more of like there are opportunities in which I feel like God is like allowing me to learn a lesson or to grow deeper in like fellowship with him right it's not so much as like trying to to trip me or step me up but rather um helping me see like like the refinement and the the spiritual maturity. I saw something on Instagram the other day, the song Refiner by Maverick City. Have you heard of it? Yes, I love that song. Yeah. Well, the joke is like, many of us were singing during the pandemic, we were singing, ah and like Refiner, like purify me. Yeah. it's like And we are feeling the effects. This is what we prayed for.
00:23:05
Speaker
yeah ah oh But I'll just decide in that process of um refinement, in that process of you know ah revealing things in our heart, it's not comfortable and it's not pleasant. I know for me the desire to have a family and to be a mother is good, it's not bad. yeah I believe it's from God.
00:23:28
Speaker
But the way in which I've idolized it, the way in which that the idea of that can take the place of where God is rightly supposed to be, and like God really had to to pull that away. And that looked like having to sit with him and embrace like the loneliness that I felt in that last podcast moving from loneliness to solitude. um It's looked like what does it look like to celebrate?
00:23:52
Speaker
um others while also leaving space for how I feel. And it kind of still goes back to Hagar's story. God saw her and made provisions, but that doesn't mean that Hagar and Ishmael's life was super busy. They were still struggling, right? And I think that's the thing that my And I would echo what you said too. My encouragement would be for those of you who are waiting regardless of whatever it is. um I think a lot of times the enemy does want us to feel like we're the only ones or that there's shame or that we should
00:24:28
Speaker
um hide it or pretend, right? Pride will come in very easily. And my challenge would be to invite others in to share what you're experiencing. um Me sharing how, you know, like how lonely I felt with you all was very uncomfortable. oh yeah But it's necessary because we are meant to be in connection and community with others. um And when we share what we are facing, it it wanna invites others to share their own testimonies and to to care for us in the way that we need um and to point us back to God. And so that would be my thing. Again, there's gonna be those days like Vanessa, you said, there was some days where it's just like, oh my gosh, like what is going on? Do you know the amount of men that I have seen that I've been attracted to that are like either like married or like don't believe in God. And like, you know, like, again, it's very similar. It's like, um okay, why is all of this happening right now? Oh, yeah. Oh, the blessing must be on the other side of it. Right. And I think it's important
00:25:34
Speaker
to remember that it's okay to name that it's hard now, right? yeah Like God is still good. God is still who he is. And he's big enough to take in like the days and our frustrations and the things that are just hard. Like he is not as who he is, right? yeah And I just like, it's like, I think that's my biggest hope for all who are listening is just to remember that God is big enough for your questions and for your anger um and your frustration and your wrestling.
00:26:11
Speaker
and that doesn't intimidate him and to that pray in the spirit for people to come alongside you who can pour into you, who can encourage you, who will point you back to God right because it's so easy if you're by yourself to to be distracted, to be discouraged and to give up hope for sure. I have to agree with that. I think having It, and I think community can be an intimidating word, even just someone that you can speak to that, as you said, brings it back to God. I have my someone now. I used to definitely be the type of person that thought like suffering in silence was such like noble and honorable. And maybe that's like almighty babies. I don't know. maybe and this New age is teaching us things, but I definitely am like, I just hold it into myself and I'll just pray to God about it. And it's fine.
00:27:04
Speaker
And that's definitely great, but um as you said, when your desire for something becomes an idol, like whatever season of waiting I i am in, that becomes my idol. I become obsessed to the point where I annoy even myself. Like I'm sick of myself at this point. um And so nowadays I do find my person and I feel, I even when I, you know, tell them about what's going on in my head, these things I'm thinking or like how I felt today, I feel dumb.
00:27:34
Speaker
but they just feed the word right back into me every single time and so that is such a blessing like that relationship so ask the Lord for that you know if you're someone who is want to suffer in silence or doesn't have don't have that one person but asking it shall be given to you especially if it's something that glorifies God so reach out and and find your it doesn't have to be a community just find your person and I agree. Just letting it out and speaking with somebody that will feed God's glory back into your soul. I mean, don't find someone else going to like knock you out. Use discernment for sure. Yes, definitely. I think that's definitely is and super important in your waiting season. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah, when you were speaking something else that came to my mind,
00:28:27
Speaker
um I think I wrote it down. um I meant to say this earlier um in what surprised you about the podcast, but I think it also kind of relates to here as well. um Especially for those of you who like say you move to a new city or like you're surrounded by people and still feeling very alone like you really haven't found on your group. I love that in this sermon she acknowledges that like in the spaces where Hagar is kind of just talked about, she doesn't have a voice, but with God she has a voice. Like that is one of the powers. And that would be my encouragement to anyone who's there too. I know for me, good of my counselor is amazing. So like in other series we've talked about counseling and everything, but
00:29:17
Speaker
um She talked a lot about like, you know, when you are feeling the emotion, or you're feeling some type of way you need to like name it, allow yourself to feel it, but like you have to like bring it to God. um And so that would just also be my encouragement as well too is like, with God you have a voice.
00:29:36
Speaker
Now he, the way that he responds is always right and just and good. And it may not align with what you were hoping. um I'm sure Vanessa can agree with me as well too. Like none of us want to be waiting. And there are days where I'm like, you know, like I would feel guilty about having to come to God for the same thing over and over again. I'm like, God, we were talking about this like a couple of days ago.
00:30:02
Speaker
Like why am I still here? Like for for similar to you Vanessa, my ah scripture has been Matthew six and then um ah the story of the canite Canaanite woman um has really been sticking with me um mainly because I think that there's also a reminder and a need that we don't necessarily become like our waiting season is not passive.
00:30:29
Speaker
who And what I mean by that is we're still going to God. We're still praying for where the things that we are waiting for and that our heart would be after God's, right? And that our will would align with His.
Trusting God's Character
00:30:44
Speaker
But ah what I don't want people to take away from is that waiting is just passive.
00:30:50
Speaker
It is hard. It is challenging. um There is wrestling, right? But there's an also an opportunity to grow even more into the person that God is calling you to be. um It isn't easy. We're both here telling you it's not.
00:31:04
Speaker
and we're all in the midst of it with you guys too. So we're not even at the end, right? a But these last, I know in my life, these last couple of months, it's almost like there's like, God is doing like a replay of some of the situations that have happened in my, in my past. And I, when I encounter these situations, I'm like, oh my gosh, like, there's a little bit of like, ah the anxiety wants to come in. But then I'm, then im wrote I'm reminded of like, whoa, this is how like, this is where God has brought me from. This is how much I've healed from that past situation. This is like, who God is calling to me. And this is the truth that I now stand in. It doesn't mean that the situations that I'm facing aren't hard, like hard, or I don't feel like I'm suffering.
00:31:48
Speaker
But there is growth. There has been healing. There has been like the endurance, right? um Yeah. And so I would say that also to someone who is in a season of waiting where you kind of feel like there are cycles, right? Pay attention.
00:32:06
Speaker
um pay attention to that because I know for me like I wouldn't off the bat I would think that facing a similar situation that was really really hard in my past would be a sign ah ah something that I would praise God for right or I would be like woohoo what a win right yeah I think like it's so important in the season of waiting to make sure that your spiritual eyes are just so in tune right with what's happening because you can miss it right it's so easy to miss Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I have to agree with that. I feel like a huge enemy or attack on faith is kind of like forgetfulness. Like I was just saying the other day that I said something so silly, but I was, it was in my anger.
00:32:52
Speaker
And I was just like, God just like looks at anything I plan and just like laughs at it. And he's like, not for you. I was angry. Yeah, mighty prayer I My person and you know, she and she was like, you know, trying to give me some word. And I think the Holy Spirit just kind of like slapped me in the face and just like listed all the things that I had planned that I don't even think I went to God for. I was just like, these are the things that I'm going to do.
00:33:19
Speaker
And all of the things that he allowed to take place and to happen. And he was like, I such a moron. Like why do you even put up with me? like And then you she was like, you're human. It's okay. And I'm like, it's not an excuse. But yeah, I mean, forget, I mean, it's like the antithesis of faith is like forgetfulness. Like you forget all of the things that God has done for you in the midst of a hard day, you know? And yeah I agree with that. It's just like, we just have to take a minute and just remember God's character. yeah He is for us. He loves us not because of the things that we do, but because that's who he is. And that's something I have to meditate on often because I am definitely one. Like I said, I feel like if I follow the rules, I should get what I want.
00:34:14
Speaker
And if I do these things for him, he'll do things for me. And I constantly remind myself like that is not what God is. yeah It's not transactional. It's not transactional. And so I have recently been trying to sit on that and just acknowledge like God just wants me.
00:34:35
Speaker
because he loves me. And there's this thing I've been doing where I've like tried to like imagine the worst person that has ever lived on earth and being like, God wants that person because he loves them. And he wants to save them, protect them from all the horrible stuff that they've done and have done. I'm like, okay, if he can do it for them, he can do it for me. So that's just I've been trying to learn and and and hold on to God's character for, because I'm a very i a very transactional mind. I've been trying, Holy Spirit's been trying to help me break that. Amen. Thank you. Yeah. You're definitely not the only one. Because let me tell you.
00:35:16
Speaker
my entitlement comes out real quick. And I love again, I love God. So because the way that he'll speak to us is very, uh, it's still so kind, right? Oh yeah. But also like in the way that we need, because sometimes you're just like, Oh, Oh yeah. I'm not kidding. I was slapped by those memories and I was just like, okay.
00:35:39
Speaker
Excuse me, yeah I'm sorry. And something that's been helping me in not forgetting, right, um has been, I'll either write my prayers and so I can go back and kind of reread. um And that's also been helpful in also seeing like the patterns in which the enemy will try to attack me and some of the things that God is intentionally bringing me through, right? And like, oh wow, this season of waiting actually has been much longer. yeah Like, oh God did actually answer that prayer and I just yeah like didn't remember. yeah My friends are actually recommended doing like a timeline
00:36:20
Speaker
And I was like, Oh, okay. So you did show up there and you were there. And it's a gen like, it's so, it sounds so simple, but ah like, honestly, it's, if we don't want to forget, then we have to, to, to, to, to capture it, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, so good. So good. Are such great tools. I agree. Like there are some days where I do get really low and I feel really weak and I've actually started writing too. I, um,
00:36:50
Speaker
I'm reading this book, I think it's like Sol Feasts or something like that. so be And one of the things that helps you to do is like write your own Psalms. And so I've been doing that recently. Yeah. And so, I mean, I've only mostly been doing it on low days. so I haven't written a happy song yet, but on like a really low day, I'll kind of write it all down. And like, I did this um small group where we talked about breaking down Psalms, how you kind of say,
00:37:20
Speaker
You reach out to your father and you say kind of all those things that you're feeling, but you always end with something about God's character that is good. And so writing like, I'll write down how I'm feeling, right? Like you've abandoned me, no one loves me. Then I'll end with like, you're good and you're faithful and you're here for me. And something like that. And it just like lifts me right out of it. And then just like you, I know I'll go back when I'm out of this season. Cause I know we're out of this season and I'll be able to read through this and be like, what look at that Vanessa, look at where she is today and look what God has done to get her there. So I do think that is a great tool for those of us that are just on our weekdays in our waiting season.
Encouragement in Struggles Awaiting Jesus' Return
00:38:00
Speaker
We feel like there's nothing that I can do. I've done it all. Just kind of write it all down. And I feel like end with what you know about God and that will help lift you up out of there. That's so good, Vanessa. So good. I will talk to you all day.
00:38:18
Speaker
Yes. So my last question is, um is there anything else that you would want to share? Anything else that kind of is on your heart? Yeah, I'm just kind of even saying that waiting and is never easy. No one wants to do it ever. Especially, I feel like this is one of those words that everyone thinks that in our day and age, it's decredification. It is not easy. But one thing that we can always remember is that I don't think life is meant to be easy. That doesn't sound great, but I just don't think it is because you know this isn't our home. This isn't
00:38:57
Speaker
our finish line. This is in the end zone for us. And so we're all essentially waiting for Jesus to come back and to make us whole and to fix this world and to save us from all the suffering. so and you're not alone and Jesus will be there in the end. oh That's good. That's good. Yeah. Well, Vanessa, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. I know as we we're talking, I was like, oh, that could be another episode. This could be another episode. So if we ask very nicely, maybe Vanessa will come back and talk to us.
00:39:35
Speaker
I would be so honored. Thank you so much. Well, thank you all so much for listening to United Not Uniform. And remember, there is more than enough space for you to be seen and to see others. Talk to you later.