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Kickin It with Krys: Learning How to Lament
27 Plays4 months ago
A lot has happened in 2025 and we are only two months in! In this episode of United Not Uniform, I explore the topic of lament and what does it look like to allow spaces to lament with God and in community. I also share my heart and calling for seeing those most unseen and building up the multicultural church.
To learn more about United Not Uniform, check out the website at www.unitednotuniform.com
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Transcript
Valentine's Day as a Single: Challenges and Joys
00:00:49
Speaker
Happy Friday, everyone. i love coming to join you all and just being able to share life with one another. ah for those of you who are interested, so last episode, i talked about being single, Valentine's Day, and all of the feelings and all the things that come with that.
00:01:10
Speaker
But part of the challenge, um I won't say No, it was a challenge. Let me not sugarcoat it. It's realizing they the relationships, the community, the opportunities that I do have. It doesn't make what I desire or long for any less significant or important, but it allowed me to approach a day that could have been um a very low day, a very depressive day for me,
00:01:41
Speaker
into one of like the best days that I've had in such a long time. So for those of you who are interested, I'm gonna do a quick recap and then we'll go into today's topic. So um my sister had found this amazing dance class opportunity in Frederick, Maryland.
Dance Class and Open Mic Night Adventures
00:01:57
Speaker
and ah it was supposed to be both for singles and couples. And in the back of my mind, I'm like, I feel like we're going to be like the only singles that show up. It's going to be super awkward, but okay, let's just go. Right.
00:02:11
Speaker
And so we get there and yeah, the majority of people who are there couples. Um, but it's like me and my friends and a couple other, other, um, men and women, majority women, and ah that are present.
00:02:26
Speaker
But it ended up being this time where we're learning all the different steps. Um, we're dancing with different men. Like there would be times where the instructor would come and like dance with each and every one of us sometimes while teaching a new dance and y'all, I was not kidding with my two left feet.
00:02:42
Speaker
ah Even from the the shoes that I wore, I had these cute heels um that I was going to wear, but they were like kind of clunky and I was like, I'm either they're going to lose an ankle. um so let me just wear these like combat boots. So yes, your girl was out here learning the Roomba in combat boots, but it was so fun. It was so fun to try something new.
00:03:04
Speaker
It was so fun. um Yeah, just really being willing to be uncomfortable. And it allowed for one, for me to learn how much I do love dancing, and learning new dance moves and steps steps and dancing with other people.
00:03:19
Speaker
ah and then it led to, we ended up getting dinner afterwards and just having conversation and talking. I had like the best plate of nachos I've had in forever. i know really an adult meal, go to a restaurant for like dinner and I get nachos.
00:03:36
Speaker
Trust me, they were that good. And then we ended up um finding a place where we did, ah it it was open mic night, but we didn't, we didn't know when we walked in and ah ended up singing um a song by Paramore called Still Into You, which is like, I love Paramore so much.
00:03:56
Speaker
ah But it was just so fun because like literally the rest of the the bar chimed in and we're like scream singing and it was just so much fun. And it was just a reminder of how serious most of my time is, like how serious I'm focused on very real things and important things, um but how refreshing it was.
Embracing New Experiences and Growth
00:04:21
Speaker
just to try something new so whether you tried it like i did on valentine's day to try something new to um be a little uncomfortable um or you haven't done it yet i just want to encourage you to um make space and margin to be surprised by who um You are becoming um genuinely have moments where you are laughing so loud and hard that you are crying and ah snorting and all of that.
00:04:56
Speaker
um Because if we're not careful, we can be so serious and focused in life that we miss the joys of actually living it.
00:05:08
Speaker
So please reach out. The email for United Night Uniform is in the description. I'd love to hear ah what new adventures you go on what new experiences you discover, um and what you learn about yourself.
00:05:22
Speaker
So today's topic, I really wanted to sit in um my heart and and desire and passion for building up the church, for, um yeah building up the church that is ready to receive people regardless of their culture, their background, their ability,
00:05:48
Speaker
um
00:05:52
Speaker
socioeconomic status, there's like so many different ways in which we divide ourselves. And in a lot of ways, and again, not speaking to any particular church, just in general, the church can still be a place that is very segregated in a lot of ways, where people may not feel welcomed or seen.
Creating an Inclusive Church Community
00:06:10
Speaker
um And instead of being a light, for many people, the church is a reminder of brokenness, of hurt, of disappointment, of anger.
00:06:21
Speaker
Um, and so part of United ah Uniform and in my heart, and even in the amazing work I get to do at the the church I work at and serve at is reminding us who God is calling us to be, as the church, um, by caring for those who are most unseen, both inside and outside of the church's walls,
00:06:49
Speaker
And to always be thinking about who are we not reaching and who could we in making sure that we are a space ready to receive people, to love them well, to care about their stories and to build them up. And so, yeah, it's a...
00:07:09
Speaker
It's a role that I am I say a role, but honestly, it's a calling that I am so passionate about. ah But it also has a lot of weight. I mean, already in the first two months of this year have been so heavy and hard for so many people.
00:07:27
Speaker
um And then there are also people who are rejoicing, right? And so you are trying to make space for both stories, for both um experiences.
00:07:38
Speaker
um making sure that they hear each other without devaluing the other. Right. And so, yeah, it is not easy work. Thank you, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, because I could not do it in my own strength.
00:07:53
Speaker
Um, but I wanted to share with you guys. Uh, so today actually we're going to be doing, um, our black heritage, uh, month celebration at the church that I serve at,
00:08:07
Speaker
And for this event, and especially with all that has happened and come out and in recent months, it's pretty significant in the fact that we are still being obedient and and still leaning into what does it look like to disciple all nations?
Celebrating Black Heritage Month
00:08:24
Speaker
What does it look like to um welcome people into teaching? different styles of worship worship and testimonies and poetry and creativity and um all of that. And ah yeah, it's it's one of those where I think ah the perfectionist in me is like, this has to be perfect. And, you know, we have to carry the the weight of everything. and And the beauty actually is, no, it's really an opportunity where God is still the focus, where we get to worship him.
00:08:55
Speaker
um But I get to work with some people um and invite people in to be able to contribute, to share um what living in relationship with God is and looks like, what being part of community can be, um and how do we be more of the church that that sees people, that meets the needs, ah and that people see as a refuge, right? And so And yeah, and so part of that has looked like, again, about empowering and equipping leaders in our church to serve in new capacities and to delegate.
Exploring Lament as a Spiritual Practice
00:09:34
Speaker
um Another huge component that I will be leading and focusing on is really going to be on lament. And so... It's so interesting. last Last year, especially towards the end of last year, I really felt this need and prompting that we need to spend more time in the concept of lament.
00:10:01
Speaker
Uh, and so for those of you who might be a bit newer to the concept of lament, basically, um it is where you are coming to God and oftentimes lament will be paired with like confession. Um, but lament is where you're like being honest and bold and laying everything out before God. I'm talking about those prayers that you don't want to say out loud because you don't want the Christian folk to judge you.
00:10:24
Speaker
You don't want like people to know like what's going on in your heart. Um, where there might be anger, there might be doubt, there might be disappointment, um bitterness, and sometimes it could and might be directed towards God, right?
00:10:41
Speaker
But that's the beauty of lament because in our anguish and in our feeling, um it's all in the context in the context of relationship.
00:10:52
Speaker
And so because of the relationship we have with God, like think about you with your closest friend, right? You're able to come to that friend, um however you are, however you are feeling,
00:11:05
Speaker
ah
00:11:08
Speaker
And that there is ah an understanding, there is a history, um there is a way that you are known in the context of that relationship. And so something that is so beautiful about the the process of lamenting, where I feel like we don't spend a lot of time in as, again, the collective church.
00:11:27
Speaker
is what does it look like to sit in lament, to sit in that place where we are being honest before God about the things that are breaking our hearts and to know that he doesn't discourage us from doing that. He isn't ashamed for a um or we shouldn't feel guilty by that.
00:11:45
Speaker
um But often, often God meets us there. Often God is weeping with us. Often we just get to sit and be with him.
00:11:57
Speaker
ah And the beauty of also doing this is one, you feel seen and you feel known. Two, you get to know and experience more of God's character.
00:12:09
Speaker
three, and three it also provides an opportunity for you to be aware of what is residing in your heart. And there's an opportunity um also for correction. And so I'll use myself as as an example.
00:12:24
Speaker
um i think ah even leading up into this event, right, there's a lot of internal and external pressure. And i found myself...
00:12:35
Speaker
um I'll be leading a section on lament. I'll be leading a time of lament. And here I am like overthinking everything. I'm like stressed out. I'm doubting everything. i am like, is this right? Does this flow? Is this like, you know, like, you know, you can be your own worst critic.
00:12:55
Speaker
And, um, I'm sitting there and it was so interesting because part of lamenting requires you to really sit with God in the places that you don't want to.
00:13:05
Speaker
um For me, especially, it's in the stillness, um especially in the morning, there's more of like a peace. But at night in the stillness, I find myself oftentimes ah not wanting to uh think about certain things or things that I've been able to distract myself throughout the day um I can no longer hide from right and I'm sitting here and I'm like okay here I am supposed to be writing a poem on lament and I feel numb in a lot of ways but I know I should be lamenting what does that look like and it was like this beautiful moment I'm sitting there and I'm listening to Porter's Gate has a song called
00:13:49
Speaker
how long where it's basically going through, um like how long, until, ah like basically just a
Overcoming Fear Through Lament and Poetry
00:13:58
Speaker
song of lament. And I can include a link for you guys if you want to listen to it, but I really appreciated it because even in the lamenting,
00:14:08
Speaker
um
00:14:11
Speaker
It's like you're only able to lament with God because there is an underlying sense of trust and a hope that is in him. Going back to the example that I'm talking about with your friends, I would that That you're not pouring out your deepest secrets and sharing those deep parts of your heart with someone who hasn't proven they're worthy or willing to carry it, right?
00:14:37
Speaker
When you are sharing and and releasing so like those things in a friendship with a best friend that you've trusted, you've had history with, hopefully, and my prayer is that you have friends like this. that they make space for you to to grieve and to feel there's a, like I said, a way that they know you and know your heart and your passion and your dreams, but that there's also an opportunity in really healthy friendships to provide correction and shift and perspective, right?
00:15:08
Speaker
When allowed or invited into. And so I'm here, I'm listening to the song. ah I'm thinking and and praying, okay, how do I lead a congregation on lamenting when I myself don't even want to sit in it?
00:15:24
Speaker
And it honestly, it was I'm worshiping God. I'm listening to songs. And I realized that a lot of the feeling that is really holding me back is fear.
00:15:40
Speaker
There's a fear of disappointing so many people who have served and are excited for the event and leaning in. There was so much fear in, again, not being good enough, not being equipped enough, not and like like, again, God, you've got the wrong one, right? and And there was also just a fear in And again, um and I was telling this to one of our volunteers, and our pastors will often say it too, it's hard to lead someone in places you've never been.
00:16:17
Speaker
And so if I'm going to stand up there and not only write a poem for my intimate time with God and the ways in which I'm lamenting before him, I need to actually be doing it to not only write the words, but then inspire and help others to be able to feel confident enough to do the same.
00:16:39
Speaker
And so once I named the fear, I'm telling you, it was like a floodgate. I was like, oh I'm afraid. And I found myself sitting down and I, uh, started writing just from the, the perspective of that fear, um and the anguish, um,
00:16:59
Speaker
I know, ah and again, a lot of you guys who have been listening for some time, you know about my desire to be married. You know about my desire to be a mother. um There's been prayers for healing in my life. There's been um all of these different things. And There's so much that I have to be thankful for. There's so much that God has done in my life and in my story. Honestly, the fact that I'm here is only because of God.
00:17:27
Speaker
But there are also prayers I have been praying for years where it has either been no or not yet that have there is anguish in right There's anguish in in the waiting. And yes, again, going going into scripture that it there's endurance and that builds up strength and all those things, and we're not discounting that.
00:17:50
Speaker
But before rushing to that point, Let's actually name. Let's bring to God. Let's invite those we trust in with the things that are still, ah with the actual emotions and the experience that come with what we are, what we face.
00:18:13
Speaker
Knowing, trusting, um and having hope in a God that will not only sit with us in it, but will remind us of who we are in him and how we can put our hope in him. And so the poem, I'm not going to read it here because going to share it tonight.
00:18:32
Speaker
Um, but, uh, I might include it in the next week's newsletter if anybody is interested in, in reading and hearing it. Um, but I really just go through the fact of, um, naming,
00:18:47
Speaker
the desire that I have for Jesus, for God to make things right. ah And naming the brokenness i I see, naming the anxiety and the fear that I feel, um naming the ways in which I feel that the visions and the things that God has has revealed to me feel so far away and so far off. And what am I supposed to do with that?
00:19:11
Speaker
And in the poem, I convey this desire to, to, like acknowledging who God who god is. um Okay. I feel afraid. I feel these things. Okay. Now let's just move to like, okay, we're celebrating, we're rejoicing in oh and we're all these things. And even as I was writing it, realizing, oh my gosh, like there's a need to sit.
00:19:33
Speaker
There is a need to not only name and yeah, not only name and what was lost, what we're grieving, what, um, scares us and frightens us, but to invite God into that space.
00:19:50
Speaker
Often at times I'm finding before we invite everybody else in, right? Um, But there's just something about just the fact that we just get to be with God and that lament.
Lament as Praise and Spiritual Growth
00:20:04
Speaker
I was listening to a podcast from the Perry's and i cannot remember the guest I had on there, but she was speaking about lament and how lament in itself can be a form of praise.
00:20:20
Speaker
Because like I said, the only way that you are... how able to come before God with the things, the secret things of your heart is because there is a relationship, there is a trust and there is a, a hope.
00:20:36
Speaker
Um, and I think that's just a beautiful way.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah, sorry. i I just like, it just hit me. I think it's just,
00:20:47
Speaker
I think it is just a beautiful aspect of our God's character.
00:20:54
Speaker
that we don't need to perform. And I know there may be some today who are listening who have felt like church is just about performing, that church is just about going through the motions and acting a certain part, and ah there's fear around being judged.
00:21:16
Speaker
But when I think about the gift of lament that God gives us, that where he gets to be invited in our stories where, um, the same God of mercy, compassion, and grace, uh, who saves and bottles every tear.
00:21:33
Speaker
He was close to the, the brokenhearted and the crushed in spirit. Who is the God that sees who is our healer? Who is the provider? Um,
00:21:46
Speaker
Why wouldn't we think that he would meet us in and the shadows of our hearts, and the in the places, in the things that sometimes we feel too ashamed to name out loud? There is so much beauty in that. There is so much strength. And it produces a faith that has weight. It produces a faith that can truly endure.
00:22:06
Speaker
It produces a faith that regardless of the situation, regardless of what you see around you, you know that you are seen.
00:22:19
Speaker
And so my hope and my prayer is that we learn collectively how to lament honestly and boldly before our God.
00:22:34
Speaker
And that we learn how to invite others and lead others in the process of lamenting. Now, for those of you who might be listening who are not Christian, um and all of this might seem a bit new, might seem a bit scary or or weird or whatever, I still encourage you to lean in.
00:22:56
Speaker
Like I said, I'd love to hear if you have questions, if there are things that you are wrestling with. um
00:23:04
Speaker
yeah For those of you who the idea of lamenting in community or at a church is is is scary and you're not there yet, start in relationship with God. Start with God.
00:23:19
Speaker
If you need examples, there are psalms that are are full of the psalmist starting with praising God for who he is and lamenting what is seen and experienced.
00:23:35
Speaker
And then ending on hope. Sometimes the situation doesn't change, but it is because of the lament. It is because the naming of what is being experienced and the ways in which that invites others into that, where there's so much power and what makes who God is so much bigger and greater and just
00:24:09
Speaker
just,
00:24:12
Speaker
I don't even have the words. I'm tearing up a bit y'all, but there's just something so freeing in that and that we don't have to stay there.
00:24:24
Speaker
We're not stuck in lament, but we're also not rushing from it. Right.
Balancing Joy and Lament in Life
00:24:29
Speaker
Um, And so, yeah you guys know, like, i feel like the common slogan here Unite.uniform is we start where we start.
00:24:41
Speaker
We start where we start. And so just start. Start with. Whether that's you're listening to a worship song, whether that's you creating intentional time to be quiet and still, whether that's going for a walk and clearing your head or staring at nature and being kind of removed from any distractions and really taking time to have inventory of what is actually going in in your heart and giving that to God.
00:25:11
Speaker
A God who is not going to judge, a God who
00:25:18
Speaker
is desires to be near. Yeah, that's how I will phrase it. Desires to be near. I'm reading... We're doing the Bible recap.
00:25:31
Speaker
Several women in my church were going through the Bible recap led by Tara Lee Koppel. And ah we started in Genesis, then we jumped to Job. And the book of Job, it's a hard book for a lot of people.
00:25:45
Speaker
but We also have some really beautiful examples of of lament even in that book as well. And we've been going through Pentateuch. And we're right now on the book of numbers.
00:25:58
Speaker
And what I am noticing as I'm reading, um, these books with the perspective of what am I learning about God
00:26:10
Speaker
is the desire to be close to us, even in the midst of all that we are facing and everything that we carry. Um,
00:26:21
Speaker
And so, yeah, I pray that that encourages you today. If you are in the DMV area, I hope you'll join us tonight for the event. um But I really just, I want us to learn collectively how to lament so that in the face of suffering, whether it's our own or others, we aren't uncomfortable. We don't try to rush people from their pain or their suffering um We don't minimize it out of our own discomfort or pain.
00:26:55
Speaker
um And that this practice of coming before God and being honest with what we carry is not trying to minimize God and his power. It's not limiting God. It's not being allowing feelings to rule us, but rather it's because of who we can put our trust and our hope in that and the relationship that we have that we're able to be bold and to share and that there's so many examples in scripture of those who lamented and and the lord did not rebuke them for lamenting but in many ways drew near
00:27:33
Speaker
um So yeah, that is my heart for us today on this last day of ah Black Heritage Month on this, and like as we're getting ready to go into the Lenten season with Ash Wednesday coming up next week.
00:27:48
Speaker
There's just a lot that we're... we're going into on top of all that we are facing in the world. And as someone who has been caring for people from a variety of different things that are happening in this season, um grief of loss and anger and fear and moving into the unknown.
00:28:13
Speaker
There's so much. There's also joy. i don't want y'all to feel that it's all sad. There's also joy and um celebration
00:28:23
Speaker
and that we get to make space for all of those.
00:28:27
Speaker
Yeah. And we, yes, we get to make space for all of those. And so, yeah, I want to hear from you guys. Uh, what questions do you have about lament? I I'm sensing I might do, another podcast episode more on the topic of lament. I might invite, someone else, uh, who's also been sitting in this space to be part of that conversation as we go a bit deeper in the concept of lament.
00:28:52
Speaker
Um, But I'm finding that it's an area that we as ah the church, in a time where it feels like the idea and the identity of church is being twisted and misconstrued and is not really aligned with God's words in a word in a lot of ways, ah that now is the time we get to be the church that...
00:29:18
Speaker
the world needs to see. It's my heart and my desire and my focus at United Not Uniform.
00:29:29
Speaker
It's a joy empowering creatives who are naming and speaking God's truth to people whose hearts are so um discouraged.
00:29:40
Speaker
There's just, yeah, it's just, it's one of those where there is just so much that is happening That is good. That is hard. That may be painful.
00:29:53
Speaker
but in the midst of it, our God is there.
Concluding Prayer and Communal Faith Journey
00:29:56
Speaker
Uh, and we're not doing this on our own strength. And so, I'm going to do something that I typically don't do on the end of the podcast.
00:30:06
Speaker
Um, I think I'm going to pray us out for those who might be uncomfortable. i know this is not typically how we end the podcast. but I am just sensing a need just to cover us all in prayer.
00:30:25
Speaker
Lord, we just come before you and all that we carry and all that we hold, Lord.
00:30:36
Speaker
I thank you that we don't have to pretend, that we don't have to perform for you,
00:30:46
Speaker
You just ask us to come.
00:30:52
Speaker
You want to share the burdens that we carry.
00:31:00
Speaker
You are the one who but has bottled every tear that we have shed, God.
00:31:11
Speaker
Lord, for those whose hearts are crushed,
00:31:18
Speaker
I pray that there are they feel seen by you.
00:31:25
Speaker
For those who fear consumes them, God, I pray that you would remind them of your sovereignty, of your love, and of your favor.
00:31:39
Speaker
For those who are angry and bitter.
00:31:45
Speaker
And because of that, The idea of relationship with you feels scary, feels weird, feels uncomfortable, feels impossible.
00:31:57
Speaker
That, Lord, you will remind them of your hope. That they would experience a newness um of life with you, freedom, God, that only your peace can provide.
00:32:19
Speaker
Lord, for those who right just far from you, God,
00:32:28
Speaker
I thank you that they are listening to this episode, God.
00:32:37
Speaker
That there is not any shame,
00:32:42
Speaker
but that there is a desire just to be near.
00:32:46
Speaker
And I pray that that will comfort them. Thank you for being the God who sees for being Elvahoy. You see us better than we see or know ourselves.
00:33:00
Speaker
Remind us of that today. Lord, I pray in the midst of all the chaos, God, as we are learning how to lament with you, that there would also be joy. That there would be a playfulness that it accompanies the hope that we experience in you, God.
00:33:18
Speaker
That we learn not to take ourselves so seriously. That we get to experience your joy. That we get to play. That we get to laugh.
00:33:31
Speaker
And for those who you are calling into new places and new seasons and new, ah just new things, God. Lord, we pray that in the midst of the discomfort, in the fear, and when it feels all has been shaken, that they are reminded that you are still their foundation.
00:33:50
Speaker
That they are not lost, but that you have them.
00:33:58
Speaker
That you are waiting and willing to be their hope.
00:34:09
Speaker
And any other words that your people need to hear, God, that you would just minister to them in the ways that only you and they commune, God.
00:34:21
Speaker
Thank you for your nearness. Thank you for the gift of lament.
00:34:28
Speaker
Thank you for the ability to learn how to better see one another and to know more of you. I pray this in your name. Amen.
00:34:41
Speaker
Thank you all so much. And remember, there is more than enough space to be seen and to see others. I'll talk to you all later. bye