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Not What You Thought: Real Faith, Unexpected Journeys – Krystal’s Story
34 Plays2 months ago
Not What You Thought invites you into authentic conversations with people whose paths to faith were anything but predictable. Through stories of doubt, hope, and discovery, you’ll find new ways to see God at work—even in the unexpected. This week features my own journey of faith—an honest look at how God met me in the lowest moment of my life. In the midst of shame, I was met with love, hope, and a freedom I never could have imagined.
To learn more about United Not Uniform and upcoming projects, check out unitednotuniform.com!
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction and Podcast Evolution
Reflecting on Podcasting Journey
00:00:52
Krystal Thomas
Hi, everyone. Welcome to season three of United Not Uniform. I still can't believe that we are on our third season, that this podcast has been around for three years. So first of all, I just wanted to thank you all so much for continuing to listen, continuing to support. It has meant so much as this ministry has continued to grow and to develop over time.
00:01:12
Krystal Thomas
Now, some of you may notice if you we now have a YouTube channel where i'm going to be actually incorporating video into the podcast. So if that's something you're interested in looking at, feel free to watch the podcast on YouTube at United Uniform, or you can listen as you normally do Spotify or Apple.
Exploring Human Side of Christianity
00:01:32
Krystal Thomas
so i just wanted to first start off with an overview of this current series. Sorry, you can see we have a little spectator.
00:01:41
Krystal Thomas
Miss Honey is, as soon as I started recording, that's when she wanted to make her appearance. but, uh, I really felt called to start. Oh, you're really going to come on in.
00:01:55
Krystal Thomas
Hi, sweetie. That's crazy. Hi, sweetie. I know, I know, I know. So i really felt called to have the series is called Not What You Thought, Real Faith, Unexpected Journeys.
00:02:09
Krystal Thomas
And what I wanted to highlight is I feel like there is a picture or an image of what believers or Christians look like from an outward perspective versus the real experiences that not only I've experienced, but many other people that I have had the opportunity to both hear their story or to walk alongside them.
00:02:32
Krystal Thomas
And so my hope is in doing the series is to provide more of a face to, I feel like sometimes the political political approach to the faith, right?
00:02:45
Krystal Thomas
To show the human and the variety and the diversity that makes up the collective body of Christ, the passion, the justice, the the scriptures that have stood out to people, and to show the journeys of people from all different walks of life and backgrounds and cultures with the hope and the intention that we can better understand one another. And for those who are either on the fence and are thinking about having a relationship with Christ or...
00:03:15
Krystal Thomas
coming to church for the first time, that you can have more of a holistic picture outside of what you may see on the news or social media.
Guest Stories and Misrepresentation of Faith
00:03:25
Krystal Thomas
I know, especially this year, my heart has been grieved a lot for what has been done in the name of of Jesus with people by people who claim to be part of the Christian faith.
00:03:42
Krystal Thomas
And i think it's important that we have spaces to talk about the diversity of perspective, even within the Christian faith, in addition to the journeys, in addition to the call and all of that. And so this is meant to be a space where we're going to be real. We're going talk about real topics. We're going to ask people real questions. I'm going to have different people coming on and sharing their own faith journeys and their, their own faith walks and the things that they've been wrestling with in their own
Host's Personal Faith Journey
00:04:12
Krystal Thomas
faith.
00:04:12
Krystal Thomas
And some of the, and we'll be unpacking some of the myths of the Christian faith as well. So it is meant to be encouraging for those who are Christian and hopefully spark curiosity for those who want to know a little bit more and kind of see, it maybe engage with people who are living out the faith in a way that maybe they typically don't see in the media. So with that, I figured,
00:04:41
Krystal Thomas
what better way to get started than to go first. So this is going to be a little bit of my faith journey. And yeah, where we are so far.
00:04:51
Krystal Thomas
So that sounds good. Let's go ahead and get started. So for me, i wanted to first start off. I was blessed to be born into a family where my parents and my family members had a relationship with the Lord.
00:05:09
Krystal Thomas
It was interesting because father is Catholic, my mom is Baptist, and so we would go Our weekends would basically be, I'd call it like the church marathon, because we would be in both spaces. So Saturday, we would have CCD, and we would have mass. And then Sunday, um'd be singing the youth choir and attending Baptist church. And it was very interesting at an early age to learn that you can experience God in very different religious traditions and experiences. And it was the same God.
00:05:39
Krystal Thomas
and so growing up, you know, you it became going to church on Sundays was part of the rhythm. and, as someone, uh, as I look back during that time of my life, I kind of, you know, it's, it's sweet in the sense that I find myself connecting dots or even some of the words that were said over me,
00:06:02
Krystal Thomas
I think I was eight years old when someone was like, you're called to ministry. You're called to be in ministry. And how we all were kind of like, what does that even mean? Like, am I being called to be a nun? And like, what does that look like? Especially within the Catholic context.
00:06:18
Krystal Thomas
And to like think years later, you know, how the Lord has called me to work at the local church, has called me to start a ministry, empowering creatives and talking about faith and the intersection of culture.
00:06:31
Krystal Thomas
and building up the collective multicultural church. It's just kind of... I'm amazed in how intentional our God it can truly, well, God truly is and his compassion.
00:06:43
Krystal Thomas
And so, you know, growing growing up, going through the motions, and I found myself, especially growing up in an area that wasn't as diverse, it was easy to stand out even when you didn't want to.
00:06:57
Krystal Thomas
And while i was learning about God and there were people that I was blessed to meet and to develop relationship with and to grow in my faith with, I also experienced a lot of needing to prove that I belong there at the church, k needing to be perfect for fear of embarrassing or doing the wrong thing. And it kind of became more of a fear of mis messing up as opposed to place where I felt renewed and poured into.
00:07:31
Krystal Thomas
And so, you know, once I went to college, it was like, oh this is my decision. can sleep in. I don't have to go Like, I get to have a little bit more control. And very quickly, I found myself kind of grieving the the rhythm of going to church, getting connected with other believers. And so I decided to join a campus ministry.
00:07:54
Krystal Thomas
And so, you know, I went and I participated for a little bit. This is still in freshman year. And i haven't, I think this is the first time I'm actually sharing this in a public space. But again, i want to be real with you all. And my hope is in my vulnerability, you are brave enough and feel confident enough to be vulnerable in your own spaces as well, too.
00:08:17
Krystal Thomas
and so as part of the campus ministry we there was a decision to do a silent retreat and i had never done a silent retreat before i was like okay we're gonna be in nature sorry my inner west virginian couldn't help it i was like call me put me in the mountains let me frolic in some flowers like come on this is what i want to do and it was a beautiful space i can't remember exactly where we were But there were these beautiful flowers and statues and just there was a stillness that was so lovely.
00:08:51
Krystal Thomas
Now, for those who are not familiar with the silent retreat, part of the retreat that I was a part of, sorry, my cat is determined to to destroy everything right now. Okay, we're good.
00:09:04
Krystal Thomas
but part of the, uh, retreat required you to, the the hope is that you're not only and it's silent, so you're not speaking, but that you're disconnected. Like you intentionally separate yourself from the outside world. So not only was the location more remote, but you would turn in like for this particular one, we turn in our cell phones. So we were meant to just fully be present in the moment.
00:09:29
Krystal Thomas
And so for those who also may not be familiar, part of the Catholic faith, when you confess, you'll confess in front of of the priests. And this is an opportunity for you to confess your sins, receive penance, penance, I think I'm butchering that word, forgive me, and be forgiven and and move forward.
00:09:51
Krystal Thomas
And, but it's, it there's something beautiful in being able to share, our burdens and our sins with each other in the sense of, again, ironing, sharpening iron, being able to not only be held accountable, but also discipled and cared for in relationship, in the context of relationship, ideally, right?
00:10:12
Krystal Thomas
And so here I am, you know, i'm on this retreat. i find I feel that the Lord is telling me so much. I'm journaling, I'm writing, speaking to the Lord, and it's time to do confession.
00:10:24
Krystal Thomas
And so had found myself really nervous at about this point. Now, again, as I said earlier, i grew up in the context where you know I'm familiar with Catholic mass and CCD and all of the different processes and steps.
00:10:40
Krystal Thomas
And I had confessed before, but this was the first time I was doing it in a new church congregation and especially within a campus ministry.
00:10:50
Krystal Thomas
and I remember there was a lot of fear and shame and guilt because I had had premarital sex. So there was a lot of shame, a lot of anger and hurt and pain i was feeling.
00:11:06
Krystal Thomas
in the midst of all of this too. And so, I get the, I get brave enough and courageous enough to, to tell the the priest during my time of confession.
00:11:18
Krystal Thomas
And he tells me you are forgiven, but remember this on your wedding day. And y'all, when I tell you, it was like the air was kicked out of me I felt so ugly and tainted and unlovable.
00:11:38
Krystal Thomas
i felt,
00:11:40
Krystal Thomas
I felt like I would never be enough. I like, i and here I am in the middle of nowhere with no phone, with people I don't really know that well and we're called to be silent. And when I tell you, i
00:11:57
Krystal Thomas
I don't think there are words to describe how disgusted and how much I hated myself in that moment. And so, you know, the priest gives me a hug as if he didn't just say words that broke me.
00:12:12
Krystal Thomas
And I don't, looking back at it, I don't believe that he meant those words to be hurtful, but I don't, I also don't realize, I i also think that he didn't realize what he was speaking over me at the same time. And so I'm weeping, I'm crying, i am broken in ways I didn't even know I could break.
00:12:34
Krystal Thomas
And I find myself sitting underneath this big tree and I'm just like, Lord, I you know, I've grown up in the church. I've grown up knowing you. I've learned all the rituals. I've learned all the traditions. I've, I know when I'm supposed to bow. I know when I'm supposed to stand. I know how to clap on two and four, you know, it's like, am I really like, have I messed everything up that I'm far too far gone?
00:13:03
Krystal Thomas
to be loved, to be redeemed, right? And so I'm just saying the ugliest things to myself, believing the ugliest things about myself.
00:13:15
Krystal Thomas
And all of a sudden open my Bible and it opens to Psalm 103. And it is the part where it reads, as far as the East is from the West, so have I removed your transgressions?
00:13:34
Krystal Thomas
And I just remember, i was like, this is the God that i
00:13:40
Krystal Thomas
I want to know. is this the guy, the God who sees me? and it was like in that moment, it lessened the lies that I started to believe about myself, that what was said over me wasn't the truth.
00:13:59
Krystal Thomas
and that God had not left me abandoned me. And i look up at the sky and I see this vision of my future family in the clouds.
00:14:10
Krystal Thomas
And for a brief moment, I'm, I'm content and I'm at peace.
00:14:15
Krystal Thomas
unfortunately, after the retreat, getting back, I found that what I had confessed was shared. And so, any interaction, interaction that I had with another man it kind of became like, oh, you can't talk to her or stay away from that one. And,
00:14:35
Krystal Thomas
It was just a really traumatic and hard time for me. And so I found myself, I was like, look, if I'm not accepted here, I don't want to be part of it.
00:14:44
Krystal Thomas
And so I left the church. I left the faith. I left everything. I found myself getting connected with other people who had experienced
00:14:54
Krystal Thomas
church hurt, who had experienced, I know I'm like rushing through this. I know guys, it's a lot. realizing it's the first time I've like said it. I've said I've shared part of my testimony in smaller settings.
00:15:06
Krystal Thomas
so forgive my nerves. but again, we're here to be real. so anyway, I, I started finding myself getting connected with other people who had experienced hurt from the church.
00:15:17
Krystal Thomas
And those were some years where I was just so angry. i was still plagued by the same guilt and the shame. but in my own, in my own way in my own strength, I attempted to prove my value, to prove my worth, to prove that I wasn't this tainted, unlovable,
00:15:39
Krystal Thomas
thing, and I'm using thing intentionally, but that I could bring good and do good in the world. And
Seeking Fulfillment Beyond Career
00:15:46
Krystal Thomas
so I found myself being very passionate about injustice and having that anger, that righteous anger for justice and for people to be seen and to love and to care for people well in a way that I had not experienced in one of my most vulnerable states.
00:16:06
Krystal Thomas
I didn't tell family. i didn't tell a lot of my friends because there was just so much shame still attached to it. And so, yeah, I went on that that that way for years. And, you know, I made some amazing friends who I'm still connected with today. it's beautiful to see how the Lord has met them in their own stories. And yeah, I'll have to see if I can get some of them to to join in on the series and to be on the podcast.
00:16:38
Krystal Thomas
But I found myself in the midst of all that I was feeling. feeling I didn't completely lose myself. And I now know looking back, it's because the Lord was very intentional with the people that were around me and the ways in which I was cared for when I didn't know i needed to be cared for or how people were tending to a wound that I didn't even know that I had.
00:17:02
Krystal Thomas
And so, yeah, so college, grad school, I came back to the I did got my master's overseas, came back to the States. And, you know, the the struggle that many people are facing now, it's finding a job, sometimes working multiple jobs just to try to make ends meet.
00:17:21
Krystal Thomas
And I remember when I finally got a job with benefits and I could like enough, I was getting paid enough that I could work one job and I got those benefits y'all. It was a big deal.
00:17:32
Krystal Thomas
I was like, Oh my gosh, we finally made it. I don't have to like work a job during the day and then work an evening shift. I get to like work a nine to five. I get a little Metro card. Like it was a big deal.
00:17:45
Krystal Thomas
and I felt like I was finally,
00:17:49
Krystal Thomas
moving forward in my life. I felt like I was finally doing it, right? I had made it. And so here I am working this job, getting paid a salary, having benefits, going to the doctor and the dentist. Come on, let's go.
00:18:05
Krystal Thomas
and But I found myself still very empty and hollow. And it wasn't until the murder of Mike Brown, right?
00:18:17
Krystal Thomas
and Eric Garner, where I found myself so angry and feeling like, okay, here I am I've been spending years fighting for caring about justice, talking about conflict resolution in a healthy way, focusing on intra-interpersonal conflict.
00:18:37
Krystal Thomas
I'm now working this a salary job where I feel removed from that justice work. But I'm able to eat and I'm able to get the but things that I thought would give my life value and meaning.
00:18:49
Krystal Thomas
And I feel so empty and I feel so hollow. And the world just still feels like it's breaking and falling apart. And then I remember being underneath that tree.
00:19:02
Krystal Thomas
I remember that in the lowest moments, There was a God that met me. And even though I wasn't ready to receive it,
00:19:12
Krystal Thomas
I wanted to go back to there. I wanted to experience that God, that God of my youth, the one who was present even when I didn't have the words.
Reconnecting with Faith Community
00:19:25
Krystal Thomas
And I remember was like, okay, who in the office is like nice? Who I can like ask like casually. I was like, let me just ask and see if someone's gone to church. We'll see. We'll check it out. And of course the person I find is like, oh yeah, I go to church.
00:19:40
Krystal Thomas
This is the church I go to. and we're going to go together this Sunday. I was girl, wait, I just asked, I just asked if you went to church and what was the name of church so I could the research myself. But honestly, I was just trying to check a box just to say that I did it.
00:19:55
Krystal Thomas
And so cut to Sunday and I find myself like taking bus and driving having to transfer to like two different times on the Metro because I'd lived outside of the city at the time.
00:20:09
Krystal Thomas
And the person that I was meeting was unable to come that Sunday, but here I am, I've already made it, right? I've already invested like an hour into travel time. Let me just check it out. and if I don't like it, I can turn away.
00:20:20
Krystal Thomas
So I'm walking up to the building and I was like, you know what? Maybe we try again next next Sunday. Maybe I can like explore the city. Like we won't waste the the metro fair.
00:20:31
Krystal Thomas
And I make eye contact with the door greeter. Now, those of you who know, you know, you make eye contact, they're smiling, you're so excited that you're here and you're like, how? Okay, I guess I'm guilted. I guess I have to go inside.
00:20:45
Krystal Thomas
And so I go inside and I can't remember who the person was who greeted me. But what I tell you, it was like I was taken back underneath that tree and they were just in just simple words said, I'm so glad that you are here.
00:21:04
Krystal Thomas
Y'all, I was mess. I was like, okay. I was very skeptical still. I was waiting for the rogue to be pulled from up under me. i was waiting for the hurt. I was waiting for like, I'm bracing myself, right?
00:21:20
Krystal Thomas
And i kept coming. i joined a small group, you know, still very skeptical, still very, and don't know if I buy into this whole church thing, but I knew that I couldn't do it on my own anymore.
00:21:30
Krystal Thomas
I knew that I wanted to not just really get back to the faith of my youth, but realizing I remember how free I was before and before I was determined to pursue God to get back to that, to get back to that sense of freedom, to get back to that sense of love, to get back to feeling loved.
00:21:58
Krystal Thomas
Yeah. And so, yeah, it took, it took a while, a lot of on and off for those of you who are small group leaders, like, thank you so much for the work that you do. Cause I know I have every question in the book for my small group life group leaders. I was not, I didn't want any cookie cutter.
00:22:15
Krystal Thomas
I didn't want any, let's just make it sound nice. Like, If I was going to do this for real, I needed to have a faith that was built on the foundation. i needed to actually understand what I believed, what, yeah, what I believed.
00:22:32
Krystal Thomas
And through just people willing to be patient with me, being willing to sit with me, being willing to cry with me. i remember there was a series that that the church that I used to work at.
00:22:50
Krystal Thomas
would do a series called this is my most important question it's now this is my story and the whole point of the the series is to take a question where you've wrestled and that has been very hard and heavy for you and like talk about the journey, talk about the wrestling m with the, with the, as part of like a sermon series. Right.
00:23:12
Krystal Thomas
And I remember sitting there and I was like, yo, these people are sharing, they're baring their souls. They're sharing some of the darkest parts of their lives. Some of the hardest things that they've had to overcome. some of the most challenging things and how they've wrestled with the Lord and how they were honest about the challenge and the difficulty, but how there was still so much joy and there was freedom and there was life.
00:23:36
Krystal Thomas
And what I expected, after everyone finished, when I expected everybody to judge and to condemn and to whisper and to have rumors, like what I experienced, it was met with love. It was met with shouts of joy and praise. It was met with, thank you so much for being vulnerable because that was something that I was sitting into.
00:24:01
Krystal Thomas
And I was like, this is different. This is a place that I want to be a part of where people can be honest about the burdens and the things that they carry and to be met and to be met with community that is willing to walk with them through it.
00:24:21
Krystal Thomas
To experience a love of Christ and someone giving a hug or admitting that they're not alone. Right. It sounds so simple, guys, but how many of us have had seasons of such loneliness? How many of us have have felt unseen and unknown and uncared for?
00:24:40
Krystal Thomas
And so I made the decision to get baptized. i it was like a, like, I always make the joke and with those who came to our church after joining staff. I was like, I got tricked guys. Cause I was, you know, I was barely coming to small group, to the leading small group, to volunteering, to getting on staff, to becoming a minister. Right. And it, and the Lord and his mercy and his kindness, it was, it had been a journey all the way through it.
00:25:10
Krystal Thomas
and I found, you know, it was one Sunday, I'm now working as the hospitality ministry director and I'm just in awe that i now get to be part, I got to be part of creating intentional space for people to be seen, known and loved and to experience the love of Christ.
00:25:36
Krystal Thomas
Like who else could do that but God? this This woman, this girl who had been hurt and wounded by church, who had experienced how church could be divisive, could be hurtful, could
00:25:49
Krystal Thomas
could deny a space for the broken, to now be part of rebuilding,
00:25:58
Krystal Thomas
and helping and supporting a new church community where people were being delivered from things, where people were experiencing new life, myself included.
Finding Healing and Purpose in Ministry
00:26:09
Krystal Thomas
And in all of this journey, the Lord has given me such a capacity for those in the midst of hurt, in the midst of lamenting, for those who had experienced church hurt of their their own.
00:26:20
Krystal Thomas
And I will always just be so grateful for that my, you know, as i even look back on some of those memories during that that that time when I was so far away from the Lord and angry with church that he was still so close to me, that he has and always will be Elroy, the God who sees me.
00:26:45
Krystal Thomas
And yeah. And so just the full circle of it all of having a heart and a call that's really to care for those most unseen and on the margins.
00:26:59
Krystal Thomas
It's just such a gift and such a blessing. And just honestly, like talking about it with you all, I'm just reminded of just how good and how faithful the Lord is and how patient he is.
00:27:12
Krystal Thomas
And so before continuing with the questions, I want to first just say, if you, if my story is very similar to your own, or if you are in a season of wrestling, please know you are not by yourself.
00:27:28
Krystal Thomas
When I think about Crystal outside of the church and angry and So having that passion and that heart and that desire for the world to be different, for people to feel seen, known, and loved, the the desire and the passion has not changed where I'm placing my identity has and realizing that it doesn't have to be in my own strength.
00:27:58
Krystal Thomas
I now have friendships that are so life-giving. life-giving
00:28:06
Krystal Thomas
and just reciprocal and loving in ways that I couldn't have even imagined or dreamed of years ago. Right. And,
00:28:17
Krystal Thomas
I'm saying this to say that if you were in the midst of wrestling, if you were in the midst of where it's so challenging to not give up, that it is worth it.
00:28:30
Krystal Thomas
And part of this journey in the wrestling is both unlearning and being unmade to the identities, to the beliefs that we've carried about ourselves and the world around us.
00:28:43
Krystal Thomas
And that can be very painful and very, It's very, the word I use is like expose. It's very exposing. I'm like, oh, is that what's underneath?
00:28:53
Krystal Thomas
oh no. But realizing you can't heal the things that aren't brought to light, right? And that it's part of a journey. And I learned what it looked like to experience joy, right?
00:29:06
Krystal Thomas
in both the sorrow and in the blessing. I've learned what does it look like to be gentle with those who are not gentle with me. And starting with myself first, realizing i was the one that was not being gentle with myself and being my biggest critic.
00:29:25
Krystal Thomas
Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, that's been my journey. i Especially as I'm entering this new season of life, I find myself just very grateful and very thankful and how the ways the Lord has both refined, cared and loved me.
00:29:49
Krystal Thomas
He still loves me. It's not past tense, but I just mean from where I started to where I am now, I'm just in awe. There is a playfulness. There is a light.
00:30:00
Krystal Thomas
There is a joy that radiates that The only times I can think of or remember when I was at a place like this was back in childhood. And i feel like I'm becoming more and more of myself, even in the seasons of of both challenge and of blessing.
00:30:20
Krystal Thomas
Yeah. So another question that I will be asking the panelists or the interviewees is what has been something that has both challenged you surprised you in your journey of faith and relationship with the Lord?
00:30:36
Krystal Thomas
I think challenge has been when my expectations do not align with the Lord's timeline. And what does it look like to trust him in the midst of that?
00:30:49
Krystal Thomas
Now I wish I could say like, oh, we perfected it. We got it down pat. Like we don't have to, like I figured out the secret. If you were looking for that on this podcast episode, I am so, so, so sorry.
00:31:01
Krystal Thomas
it is something that I find myself still having to wrestle in and sit in and surrender. But what I'm learning is what does it look like to have hope and to be expecting, but allowing God the space and the authority that he has to shape what it should look like, right?
00:31:26
Krystal Thomas
I can give the Lord my expectations. I can give him my hopes, knowing that ultimately he is the one that is sovereign, but that he loves me and that ultimately it will be for my good. Now, again, there are sometimes it doesn't feel that way. And don't get me wrong. I'd be out there wrestling with the Lord.
00:31:45
Krystal Thomas
But I find that I'm able to be honest in a way that has produced a faith that can endure that I don't think I've ever had before.
00:31:57
Krystal Thomas
And I think that's one of the things kind of moving from the challenge to the surprise. is the ways in which there's a new, not only sensitivity, but like to the capacity to experience the Lord's beauty and his goodness.
00:32:16
Krystal Thomas
It has really been blowing my mind. oh Whether it's in, fall is like one of my favorite times of year. And so It's seeing the leaves change and the flowers, whether it's hearing music or playing music or writing poetry with the Lord.
00:32:37
Krystal Thomas
I have felt his presence and his closeness and nearness in both the highs and the lows of life in a way that I don't think I will ever get tired of.
00:32:48
Krystal Thomas
I'm being surprised and rude every day. I think one of the things I think, that I'm embracing more in addition to rest, that's how we concluded last season with how are we learning to rest?
00:33:01
Krystal Thomas
We're getting better. We're getting better. still have some ways to go. but the play, like realizing, don't know. I, I think I forgot that I was funny.
00:33:13
Krystal Thomas
Now some of you might be like, no, Crystal, you're not, but I swear, like I'm always laughing, but I swear I'm also funny too. But I realized, especially when i joined staff, and again, knowing that a lot of the pain that I experienced in in my church hurt and woundedness,
00:33:36
Krystal Thomas
made me want to overcorrect for fear of either causing hurt to another person or still believing the lie that I had to prove that I could be here or that I was good enough.
00:33:49
Krystal Thomas
and it's just so, again in Lord's gentleness and in his correction, it was kind of pulling back those layers of where are you placing your identity? Where are you placing your value?
00:34:02
Krystal Thomas
What am I saying over myself? What am I speaking over myself?
Misconceptions and Vulnerability in Faith
00:34:06
Krystal Thomas
And often it was the Lord bringing people into my life who he had asked me to care for, who were saying or wrestling with the same things that I had been believing about myself and how I'm looking at, okay, these are the the words and the, this is what the Lord is like telling me to speak over them.
00:34:28
Krystal Thomas
And then it would be that gentle nudge of like, and for you too. Right. And so realizing,
00:34:34
Krystal Thomas
in that moment where, you know, again, my heart is to to care for those, care for others, that sometimes it can be hard to prioritize myself, or to make space for myself, uh, because there's just so much need and there's just so much hurt.
00:34:53
Krystal Thomas
and in the Lord's gentleness and in his, kindness, he still met me in that, uh, to show me that there's more to life than the very rigid map that I had outlined for myself, but reminding me of how much I love adventure, how much I do love spontaneity, how much I love playing and just sitting and not having an agenda or everything planned out for every hour or second of the day.
00:35:25
Krystal Thomas
And I'm actually entering a season right now where there's a lot of time for rest and play. And I'm both excited and overwhelmed at the same time because I'm like, I've never had a schedule this free, Lord. Like, what are what are we going to
00:35:40
Krystal Thomas
But what a gift it is to not... It's such a gift that I did not settle for the life that I thought... I had to settle for, uh, that there's so much more, not only because of the healing and the love, but that just the Lord desires more for me.
00:36:06
Krystal Thomas
and I know he does for you as well. Now, you know, I've just been talking, talking, talking. I think, uh, There's two more questions and I'll try to answer them quickly. And again, you're going to hear a lot more from our amazing testimonies that will be shared later in the series.
00:36:27
Krystal Thomas
So, but the next question is, what does the miss what is the biggest misconception about being Christian? And I would say, based on what I've shared so far, is that you have to be perfect or that you have to earn the love of God.
00:36:45
Krystal Thomas
And like many of us know that that's not true. but Like many of us know that like we'll sing the songs, we'll sing the lyrics, but do we actually believe it? Do we still feel like we need to perform?
00:36:57
Krystal Thomas
Do we still need that? We still need to prove ourselves. And what I found is, again, I've been holding on to that passage of scripture where it's talking about how bragging about when we are weak because the Lord's power is made perfect in our weakness.
00:37:13
Krystal Thomas
And that is so true. In moments of vulnerability, I have found that the Lord's power has been able to transform hearts, has been able to yeah, just to like, it's just not about us.
00:37:30
Krystal Thomas
It's not about us. And to pretend and to wear mask and to, yeah pretend to be strong when we feel weak is disservice in a lot of ways, not only to o ourselves and denying how we feel before God, but also the opportunity that we can get,
00:37:54
Krystal Thomas
when community wants to come in and and to pray over us and to love us well, to point us back to the Lord, to help us surrender it all to him. And so, we're not perfect.
00:38:08
Krystal Thomas
we do fall short. And I think what better,
00:38:16
Krystal Thomas
proof of a need of a savior than that fact that the church is made up of people who fall short who are broken but are pursuing a relationship with the one who is is the water of life who is the healer who is the great counselor
00:38:39
Krystal Thomas
and so Yeah, for those who may have experienced church hurt or who have maybe maybe experienced church context or cultures where there was a lot of pressure to be perfect and to to do everything correctly, and want to encourage you that one church, don't let one church experience get in the way of you having a relationship with the Lord.
God's Creativity and Healing
00:39:06
Krystal Thomas
Don't let one congregation get in the way of you building community with people who will not only weep with you, but will cheer you on.
00:39:18
Krystal Thomas
And you will be able to do the same.
00:39:21
Krystal Thomas
And I think having series like this where we're talking about the realness that comes with faith, when we talk about our shortcomings, where we talk about how the Lord meets us in it and helps us and corrects us and strengthens us, that's what we need to hear more of in addition to the testimonies of praise.
00:39:40
Krystal Thomas
Yeah.
00:39:42
Krystal Thomas
Yeah. And then the last question, what is an aspect of God's character that has impacted you? who there are so many that comes to mind.
00:40:00
Krystal Thomas
i think an aspect of God's character. No, I know. Not I think. But I think the one that I will focus on today. Actually, there's two. I lied to you. I'm sorry.
00:40:11
Krystal Thomas
I think one is that God is a creative. I just, you know, as I've been writing poetry, as I've been inspired by the time I get to create with the Lord and even witnessing art that I didn't create, there's something about the gift of being able to create and to partner with the Lord in that, to co-labor with him in that, that I just find so, both beautiful and just,
00:40:48
Krystal Thomas
I mean, the way in which the Lord reflects beauty and creation, I'm just in awe and I think another characteristic that I've been sitting a lot in,
00:41:03
Krystal Thomas
I think more recently, im trying to figure out how i want to phrase it. I'll just say it. I think it's the, uh, the gentleness. I find, especially being someone that has been very critical of themselves or herself, sorry, I am one person, someone who has been very critical of herself, that some of the things that I say over myself or I think about myself,
00:41:32
Krystal Thomas
are just so not only untrue, but it grieves me to think about. I remember there was a research project I did where one of the interviewees had mentioned how she learned to be aware of the negative thoughts that she thought by naming and going through this exercise of would I say that to a 12 year old version of myself?
00:41:56
Krystal Thomas
Would I say those words to the child version of me. And if the answer is no, then I shouldn't be saying it to myself now.
00:42:10
Krystal Thomas
And I think that exercise has been really helpful in being able to to discern what is truth and what is a lie.
00:42:19
Krystal Thomas
I think in the Lord's gentleness, I've had a better understanding of the range of emotions and how emotions are not something that we should be running from or attempting to suppress.
00:42:30
Krystal Thomas
Now, again, you've heard me say on the podcast before, we are not to be ruled by our emotions, but that they often give us a glimpse of what is actually going on within our hearts and that we get to bring all of that to the Lord.
00:42:46
Krystal Thomas
And he is so gentle and compassionate.
00:42:51
Krystal Thomas
yeah with our hearts sorry I'm tearing up man I made it all the way through before crying sorry y'all but he's just so gentle and compassionate and I think that has been something that has made it easier that aspect of his character has made it easier for me to trust him to be still with him to be obedient when it doesn't make sense or when I like to give up my plans B through z
00:43:26
Krystal Thomas
because he is Elroy. He is the God who sees and he's the the one who has cared for me. It's the same God that met me underneath that tree and that same God that I experienced in those pews as a child.
Conclusion and Invitation to Listeners
00:43:41
Krystal Thomas
And if he is willing to stick around for me, if he's willing to wait with arms open for the prodigal, if he's willing to leave the 99 for the one, he's worth it.
00:43:54
Krystal Thomas
And so whether you feel like the 99 or the one,
00:43:58
Krystal Thomas
he is so near.
00:44:00
Krystal Thomas
And so I don't know which season you are in. i don't know.
00:44:06
Krystal Thomas
There may be many people who listen who I i don't know what they carry. But my hope is that as we go into the series, as we lean into some of the things that we wrestle with, that you will feel seen and that you will get more of a glimpse of God's character and of his heart and of our need for savior.
00:44:26
Krystal Thomas
and that it will give you a sense of curiosity and understanding, that goes beyond some of the,
00:44:38
Krystal Thomas
one dimensional aspects that are often reflected or said in, in social settings,
00:44:49
Krystal Thomas
or and in ways in which it's been misconstrued and the faith has been used for man's own political gain. I pray that as you hear these testimonies of people who are trying imperfectly to pursue and to live this out well, that you will have both the hope and the courage to lean in but for whatever that looks like.
00:45:16
Krystal Thomas
Yeah. And so, yeah, that is my hope. I'm so excited for the series. I'm so excited for those who are coming to share. You guys are in for a treat.
00:45:27
Krystal Thomas
Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode to kick off this season. Just a reminder, we'll be coming. i switched the days. So instead of Fridays, we'll be on Mondays.
00:45:38
Krystal Thomas
because what better way to start your week? i And yeah, I'm so excited to see how Lord is going to move throughout this series. Not only the testimonies that we'll hear on the podcast, but I'd love to hear from you guys as well.
00:45:55
Krystal Thomas
What resonated with you, what questions you might have. And let's continue to grow and learn together. Now remember, there is more than enough space for you to be seen and to see others.
00:46:08
Krystal Thomas
I'll see you all next time. bye