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Making Moves: What is the Difference Between Coaching and Counseling
29 Plays8 months ago
In this series called Making Moves, I invite an expert to share their area of expertise and provide practical insight that you can apply in everyday life. In this episode, we hear from Shikina Tellis, the CEO and founder of TWS Coaching and Consulting Group. Shikina shares what led her into becoming a certified coach, the difference between coaching and counseling, and the valuable support coaching can provide.
If you are interested in exploring coaching, check out TWS Coaching and Consulting Group at https://twscoaching.com/life-coach-booking
Be sure to stay connected to United Not Uniform in between podcast episodes at unitednotuniform.com!
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Transcript
Introduction to Shekinah and Her Diverse Roles
00:00:49
krystmt
Welcome everyone to our next episode of United Not Uniform. I have with me another amazing guest. I'm telling you this season is just filled with superstars and rock stars, ah but none other than Shekinah. Shekinah is joining us today.
00:01:06
krystmt
Now I've had the privilege of working alongside Shekinah for a certain a certain amount of time. We were able to both work together and go to the same church together. And so she's just absolutely amazing. um And so Shekinah, we're so glad that you're able to join us today.
00:01:20
Shikina Tellis
No, thank you, Crystal. As always, you have amazing energy. And so it's good to be here. It was a pleasure to serve with you and it's a pleasure to sit down and talk with you today.
00:01:28
krystmt
Oh, awesome, awesome. Well, I get to know how amazing and awesome that you are. um But for those of you who, um for people who maybe never have met you, do you mind sharing a little bit about yourself with those who are listening?
00:01:40
Shikina Tellis
Sure, definitely. So I am an abundantly blessed daughter of Zion first and foremost.
00:01:46
krystmt
Amen.
00:01:46
Shikina Tellis
I am also a proud mother of a beautiful blended family. um I'm also a wife. um I am a military spouse. I'm a military veteran.
00:01:58
Shikina Tellis
I'm an entrepreneur for new and a certified life coach. And I definitely have an amazing ah personal and professional tribe. And I'm so glad, Crystal, that I can count you among those amazing people in that
00:02:09
krystmt
Yes, you can. I mean, honestly, all of the hats that you wear and like your phenomenal in every single area of it, like who could not be a fan. So I'm just so glad that you're here with us.
TWS Coaching and Consulting Group Overview
00:02:23
krystmt
Um, so this episode, we're going to talk about coaching and the importance of coaching. And, uh, like Shekinah said, she is a certified coach. Um, and so Shekinah, do you mind just telling us a little bit more about your coaching company and what services that you provide?
00:02:38
Shikina Tellis
Definitely. So I am the CEO and founder of TWS Coaching and Consulting Group, LLC. And basically we're dedicated to helping our clients gain confidence and clarity um in managing their finances, careers, and relationships. And now our specialties include a lot of live coaching, so we do do a lot of live coaching, ah financial education consulting,
00:03:00
Shikina Tellis
life skills workshops and motivational speaking. And then we also provide relationship coaching for those that are the premarital couples, as well as those couples that have been married for a minute. And the goal is is basically just to help you identify strengths, help them identify strengths in their relationships, address any areas for growth, um and then just foster stronger, healthier relationships.
00:03:22
krystmt
Oh, that's so good. I really feel like coaching is one of those things that is really slept on by a lot of people. I know even for me, I had someone I went to a coaching session, and I had like this huge epiphany about like, okay, this is what I'm doing.
Coaching vs. Counseling: Key Differences
00:03:39
krystmt
This is where my passion is. And it was because of someone sitting with like sitting with me and being able to go through the coaching process.
00:03:46
krystmt
and program. And so ah before we go any further, I think it's so important for us to to make a very important distinction between coaching and counseling. A lot of people might not really know the difference. So um can you ah why is coaching important for most?
00:04:00
Shikina Tellis
Okay. okay
00:04:00
krystmt
And I mean, I'm a bit biased, but for people who may be still on the fence. And then how does coaching differ from counseling?
00:04:09
Shikina Tellis
Okay. I love that. love I love that. So first of all, why coaching is important. So first of all, I think it's important. Number one, I definitely have to go back a little bit um as the, you know, I'm first in the birth order.
00:04:21
Shikina Tellis
Um, so I'm accustomed to being a mentor. So you've been a mentor, been a mentor throughout my professional career and I continue to be a mentor, right? So used to giving advice, right? Uh, everybody always wants to know how to do things. And since you were the first one, you know, or you've done something they're interested in, they want to learn, okay, what can I do? What did you do that I can, I can learn from? Um, so you've got that on one hand.
00:04:44
Shikina Tellis
And then counseling, you know, you've got counseling. And for me, I've i've kind of, I said, I, I stuck my finger in the thimble um of counseling, did some counseling, a training program, master's program. um I didn't finish it, but I was working. I worked on that for about a year. um But then I also dug a little deeper and I actually have, and I continue to use counseling as life demands it. So of being a client and having a counselor, I continue to do that as, as needed.
00:05:11
Shikina Tellis
And so as, and even with that, of course, you know, that's, that's definitely different from mentoring. Um, which is definitely different from coaching. And the thing, I guess I call it magic to me, coaching is magic.
00:05:22
Shikina Tellis
Um, and like, uh, like you said, crystal people sleep on it. Cause I slept on it.
00:05:26
krystmt
yeah
00:05:26
Shikina Tellis
Uh, what I guess awoke me to coaching was how actually hiring a coach, um, and working through the process as I was transitioning, um, from my military career.
How Coaching Works: Strengths and Future Goals
00:05:36
Shikina Tellis
And as I worked with a coach, just, it was just magical.
00:05:40
Shikina Tellis
And I guess magical in the, in the sense that number one, the answers or the expert, and I'll go now and kind of um segue into the difference between coaching and counseling.
00:05:51
krystmt
Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:05:52
Shikina Tellis
The expert in the relationship when you are getting counseling is the counselor. The expert in the coaching relationship is the coachy, the person receiving the coaching.
00:06:02
krystmt
Yeah, that's good.
00:06:03
Shikina Tellis
Cause you're the expert on your life, right?
00:06:05
krystmt
Right.
00:06:06
Shikina Tellis
Yeah. So that's, and that's where the answers reside. That's a huge difference with counseling and coaching. Another difference of course is counseling. You know, you're there for a diagnosis. So, you know, they have their diagnostic manual, their diagnostic manual that they're going through and they're going to come up with um what they, what they see based on what you shared with them as far as a diagnosis. Right. um And they're also licensed. They're also licensed with a coach. ah You're the expert and the coach is not there to diagnose you.
00:06:36
Shikina Tellis
What they are there to do is to hold space for you so that you feel safe to have that conversation you've been having in your head all this time, right? And you're the only one that hears it, right? ah But to be able to, for you to hear that, say that out loud. And it's just something about when you say what's been going on in your head out loud, it just opens up the doors of clarity um that kind of help you to move forward. And also a difference, major difference between counseling and coaching is that counseling is more backward looking.
00:07:06
Shikina Tellis
So something happened, right? It could have been an event um that happened in your life and you're kind of stuck there. Counseling is going to go back to when that event happened and it's going to help you to kind of dig in and kind of figure out um what happened and how you can move forward um in the midst of what happened. Whereas coaching, coaching is more forward-looking. So the goal in coaching is to get you from where you are to where you want to be. And I was i say it's forward-looking and I also want to say,
00:07:34
Shikina Tellis
we don't dwell in the past in coaching. So your past may come up, right? Because sometimes there's some powerful things or some tools that you can use in this season ah that you used in your history, right, in the past. So coaching is more on forward looking and it just doesn't dwell in the past, but the past may have some jewels that you can use in this season.
00:07:56
krystmt
Oh, I love that. That's so good. That's so good. And I thank you for also like providing the distinction between like mentoring coaching and counseling because they kind of can get intertwined if we're not careful. um Because it's so important to know the difference. ah Again, every each space has their own um their own role to play, especially when we're talking about like overall health. um And with coaching, like that was the thing that really stood out to me. It's like, like you said, like the the coachy, the person that is showing up there, they're the one that has all the answers. Now, for those of you who might be like, well, if I have all the answers, why am I going to go see a coach? You would be surprised. So like, um, like Shakina said, like there will be conversations that I was having over and over again. Um, and like, even now, as I'm like on the, like starting my own like company and all those kinds of things, like there are a lot of questions that I'm like constantly going through. And the, the important thing about the coach,
00:08:53
krystmt
in that like going to those coaching sessions is that they were asking questions, they were slowing me down, they were making me say things out loud and and to ask questions and to dig deeper and I found that so helpful um because one it's so easy we can sometimes be very critical and beat down ourselves often and two it just makes it It just provides an opportunity to make it plain and make it clear, right?
Choosing Between Coaching, Counseling, and Mentoring
00:09:18
krystmt
um And I left feeling empowered. I always love feeling encouraged. And um and I feel like, especially professionally, it's something that like has been just such a gift. ah talking Hearing you speak, though, I'm like, oh, we need to go back.
00:09:32
krystmt
i like I was like, let me make my appointment after we do this.
00:09:35
Shikina Tellis
but so
00:09:35
krystmt
this session with you, um because it's just such an important tool that oftentimes um we don't always use this resource. We know about counseling. we're we're like It seems like society-wise, we're becoming more and more comfortable with counseling.
00:09:50
krystmt
um But I feel like coaching is still one of those things that people are just starting to to explore.
00:09:55
Shikina Tellis
agree and And if if and I can add, I know you said when you said it, I was like, oh, I like that word sleeper.
00:09:58
krystmt
Of course.
00:10:01
Shikina Tellis
When you say how it's it's something that is is a sleeper. Um, I think also to think about is that all these are available to you.
00:10:05
krystmt
Yeah.
00:10:10
krystmt
Right.
00:10:10
Shikina Tellis
And just because you're using one doesn't mean you can't use the other because sometimes there's season when you need, you may need couching, uh, coaching on this, uh, challenge and maybe you need counseling on this one, or maybe you, you know, you have your mentor.
00:10:22
Shikina Tellis
And so the goal is for you to kind of figure out which one is sometimes it may be using several at one time. But definitely exploring what season you're in. And then just reaching out, I would say, and and like you said with coaching, try it. you know Most coaches will give you a sample session. So that's a time for you to just to kind of see what is this coaching thing and how can it help me in whatever challenge I'm facing. So coaching is definitely an opportunity for you to try it before you buy it. So that's always something to keep in mind.
00:10:51
krystmt
Yeah, that's great. Try before you buy. Who doesn't love that, right? ah Well, it's kind of funny now. I feel like I'm a bit of a tangent. Sorry, Shikina. But ah when I made that comment, I was like, you know, nowadays I buy like everything online. So it's like, I'm not really trying before I buy it.
00:11:07
krystmt
But, but there is something I do think like whenever we are, and I love how you said, when you're talking about coaching sessions, like it it can feel for those of you who are even on the fence about like even just like sharing with other people or inviting other people into into your space.
00:11:24
krystmt
um I was one of those people that was very resistant to counseling, even though I always knew I wanted to do something where I was caring for others and making space for others. um And something that I've learned in seminary, because I'm in my concentration for pastoral care and counseling, which is a whole other ah bucket, but they always say like, you are your first client.
00:11:45
krystmt
right? And so if you're trying to create and hold space for all these other people, you first need to know what that feels like and what that's like, in order for you to provide the best care. And so what I would say for anyone who is on the on the cusp and is nervous and and concerned, like Shakina said, like,
00:12:01
krystmt
you have the opportunity to to do your research on different ah coaches. you Like she said, you have an opportunity to kind of even have a sample of like what the session would be like. And so don't let your fear or apprehension of what this space could look like prevent you from honestly enjoying and ah an invaluable resource or or speaking to someone who can really just like help take you to the next level um in ways that you didn't even know you needed.
00:12:26
Shikina Tellis
It's good.
00:12:30
krystmt
Yeah. See, I'm trying to see.
00:12:32
Shikina Tellis
It's good.
00:12:32
krystmt
Okay. So like, don't take all the, like, for those of you who are listening, don't take all the slots though. I need at least one. So let me, let me get in there too.
00:12:42
krystmt
Well, Shakina, um, I'd love to hear more about, um, cause you talked about like going in the counseling direction. You made a pivot, like what led you to become a coach, like to hear a little bit more of that aspect of your
From Military to Coaching: A Journey of Helping Others
00:12:54
krystmt
story.
00:12:54
Shikina Tellis
That's a great question. I think the big thing that led me to to do it um as I was transitioning from the military after 20 plus years.
00:13:04
Shikina Tellis
and yeah Thank you.
00:13:04
krystmt
Gwen, thank you for your service, by the way.
00:13:06
krystmt
Yeah.
00:13:07
Shikina Tellis
I was trying to figure out, you know, hey, what am I outside of what I've been doing for 20 plus years?
00:13:12
krystmt
oh
00:13:13
Shikina Tellis
um And I didn't, what I didn't want to happen was for me to leave, you know, Uh, one week in my military uniform, you know, I retire and then the next week I show up, you know, doing the same position or something similar, um, in civilian attire. And so definitely, like I said, exploring what made me come alive. Um, and as I explored, you know, going over my career and seeing what made me come alive, a lot of the skills that I used that at the time I didn't realize they were, were coaching skills, skills like listening actively, you know, as so definitely being a military leader.
00:13:45
Shikina Tellis
you do a lot of listening, because not only are you there to make sure that whatever organization you're in accomplishes its mission, you're also there to make sure that its most valuable asset, which are its people, making sure that they have what they need so that they can't accomplish the mission.
00:14:02
krystmt
Mm-hmm.
00:14:03
Shikina Tellis
And so for me, yes, accomplishing the mission was important, but also being there for those that either were worked for me, um for my peers, and my subordinates was very important to me.
00:14:14
krystmt
That's so good.
00:14:15
Shikina Tellis
And at the time, like I said, I didn't realize until I started reflecting over my career, times when I was able to listen actively, you know, if I ran into a a coworker or subordinate and they either are struggling ah personally or professionally, you know, just needed to talk to get things off their chest um or we were talking about their professional development, but just listening actively to them um and then discovering, you know, what was important to them. And at the time I didn't know that I was doing it, but in the world of coaching,
00:14:43
Shikina Tellis
Asking them those questions you talked about, Crystal, those open-ended questions, right?
00:14:47
krystmt
Yeah.
00:14:48
Shikina Tellis
Questions that draw out of you, what's important, and that also prompt you as the client to do more of the talking than the coach.
00:14:56
krystmt
Right.
00:14:57
Shikina Tellis
Doing that, and then also just being there, i call a coach is like your thinking partner. So they're allowing you to, that conversation, like Crystal talked about, you've been mulling over in your head. Now you get to have it in a safe space, right?
00:15:09
Shikina Tellis
And you get to have it out loud.
00:15:10
krystmt
Right.
00:15:12
Shikina Tellis
And when you have that thinking partner, it gives you so much clarity sometimes. um it it I call it magic. I like to call it magic.
00:15:20
krystmt
i love that
00:15:22
Shikina Tellis
We're taking some courses in neuroscience just to figure out why. um But I still like to call it magic. But now I do understand how that magic works. But it seems like magic. And then not only not leaving it there, but also kind of following up, going back as I would see these folks that I've had these conversations with, kind of following up with them to see where they are and how that's going.
00:15:43
Shikina Tellis
And of course, in the coaching world, that's the accountability piece.
00:15:47
krystmt
Mm-hmm.
00:15:47
Shikina Tellis
So as a coach, you're always there, you know helping them to to be accountable, to move them from where they are to where they want to be.
00:15:48
krystmt
Yeah!
00:15:56
Shikina Tellis
And so as I looked over my career and I'm like, these are the things that make me come alive. And as I began to explore and work, um Like I said at first, Crystal definitely alluded to it. I thought I wanted to be a counselor because my goal was always to continue to serve, continue to serve others in the space. And I, the time I thought the space was the counseling space. So I had enrolled in a master's program in clinical mental health counseling. I'm like, I want to do this thing. And as we, as I began to get into the coursework and then just to realize what would be required on the other end, I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm jumping out of one all consuming career into another.
00:16:34
krystmt
Mm.
00:16:35
Shikina Tellis
Yes. And so definitely praying about it, you know, talking with some close confidants in my tribe, family and friends, and like I said, definitely praying about it.
00:16:36
krystmt
Yeah.
00:16:42
krystmt
Yeah.
00:16:46
Shikina Tellis
um It led me to disenroll from the program and then to really focus on the coaching piece. um And because that was really what made me come alive and there was a way to do that without um burning myself out.
00:17:01
krystmt
Yeah, and I think there's so many things that I just want to like celebrate with you. I think, um first of all, knowing, like starting something but knowing and like having the boldness and the courage to be like, this is not what I want and to be able to turn from it.
00:17:15
Shikina Tellis
Taff.
00:17:16
krystmt
Um, I don't know about you, but I know like for me in my mind sometimes, um, and we'll probably talk about imposter syndrome in another, uh, um, episode, but you know, you don't want to like fail. You don't want to like say that you couldn't do it, but this was like, it's so important.
00:17:34
krystmt
to have the bravery and the courage to be able to name when something isn't what you're thinking of and being able to pivot. Pivoting is such a gift and so like even in what you're saying about like coaching is the part that really made me come alive and um while i like we all know like easy with all the hats that this woman wears that she could have like done that program easy peasy but like you are operating in your in your truth and authenticity and like where you're meant to be and to be able to
00:18:09
krystmt
ah I'm trying to figure out the best word to say. To be able to be so, to trust yourself enough. I think that's how I want to phrase it. To trust yourself enough and to believe in yourself enough to be able to do what you're, like what you're calling actually is, is just so inspiring.
00:18:26
krystmt
So I just wanted to take a moment just to celebrate that because you brushed past that real quick.
00:18:28
Shikina Tellis
you
00:18:30
krystmt
um but That is, that is amazing.
00:18:33
Shikina Tellis
And I want to thank you for highlighting that. and And for those that are listening, definitely want you to know that when you're in that space, because we all will be at some point, right,
Faith and Coaching: Creating a Supportive Space
00:18:41
Shikina Tellis
where we're wrestling, figure out what's next.
00:18:41
krystmt
Yeah.
00:18:43
Shikina Tellis
Number one, it's okay. ah Know that it's okay and know that you're not the first person that's been there and you won't be the last.
00:18:45
krystmt
Great.
00:18:50
Shikina Tellis
And so I would definitely say depending on folks like so I i did mention I did have counseling. I did have a coach. So I had very supportive family. i I guess my husband was he was huge, you know, because there were times that I would just be balling because I'm like, you know, I don't know what I want to do next.
00:19:08
Shikina Tellis
I just know that I wanted something different and trying to figure out what that was.
00:19:11
krystmt
Right. Yeah.
00:19:12
Shikina Tellis
Yeah, and so I would say definitely if you're if that's you if you're in that space Call me reach out to me um Let's kind of talk talk through that so that you can continue moving forward and know that wherever you are in your journey It's okay. It's okay
00:19:27
krystmt
Ah, so true. ah And we'll be sure to have a link to Shakina's website where you guys can sign up in the description of the podcast. So be sure to check that out. And like I said, please just leave me one slot. I just need, I need to get in there too. um And so, Shakina, you talked a little bit about this already about how um you were really praying over your decision and all of that. And so like very clearly, like you guys know, I,
00:19:53
krystmt
work at a church um and that I'm a minister and all these things and I would just love to hear a little bit more about um how does your faith inform the way that you coach others. I'm assuming that maybe not everybody may be like a believer and so like again like how does this inform how you coach others for those who are also fellow believers and then those who may not be in the church.
00:20:19
Shikina Tellis
Ooh, that is an excellent question, Crystal. So I said, let me make sure I i step lightly and appropriately, but I'll definitely feel it.
00:20:26
krystmt
Right. Yeah.
00:20:28
Shikina Tellis
And so I would say, so as a coach, of course, and I'm an international coaching Federation credentialed coach. um So we do have a code of ethics, you know, that we abide by.
00:20:37
krystmt
and
00:20:38
Shikina Tellis
And so that, of course, is part of it, right? That's part of it.
00:20:41
krystmt
Right.
00:20:41
Shikina Tellis
um But for me, even before that, of course, is my faith.
00:20:45
krystmt
Yeah.
00:20:45
Shikina Tellis
And the way that informs my, my coaching is number one. When I show up, the time for me to do that is not when I'm with my client in that space because that's their space and it's their time.
00:20:57
krystmt
Mm, that's good.
00:20:58
Shikina Tellis
And so, yes, so definitely doing the work, doing my own um spiritual discipline, my own spiritual practice outside of the session um so that when I come there, I can truly be there and I can truly meet them where they are.
00:21:11
krystmt
fan
00:21:12
Shikina Tellis
And so that's one way that I do it is in doing my own spiritual disciplines. Um, and definitely I do them even before my the sessions as well, but making sure that I do my work outside the session so I can really show up for them.
00:21:25
Shikina Tellis
And then, um, what I do because the client is the one that's doing the driving. So they set the agenda as the coach, you work with them through kind of where they want to go, right in the session and in your coaching relationship, um, overall, but they're the ones that are doing the driving and you're trying to kind of help guide them and keep them on track.
00:21:35
krystmt
Mm hmm.
00:21:44
Shikina Tellis
ah to accomplish whatever it is they desire to accomplish. And so if that person is a believer, and in the course of our coaching session, that shows up, um we definitely address it if that's something that they desire to address.
00:21:59
krystmt
Right.
00:22:00
Shikina Tellis
And so definitely leaving that space and being um open ah to how God is leaving, because a lot of times he does.
00:22:08
krystmt
Yeah.
00:22:10
Shikina Tellis
And so some of my clients are believers, sometimes times I am in a church setting,
00:22:10
krystmt
Right.
00:22:14
Shikina Tellis
um And sometimes I'm not. So, but definitely letting the client do the leading and doing my work both before and after the session. to
00:22:23
krystmt
ah that's so good and that's so important um because I know for me like studying in pastoral care and counseling it's like it's different because like for the most part typically with someone that is in that field you're operating within a church space but knowing my calling is both in and outside of the church even I've been like kind of thinking through um what will that look like right and I think how you phrase that is just perfect of like faith comes in
00:22:24
Shikina Tellis
yeah
00:22:46
Shikina Tellis
Okay.
00:22:51
krystmt
into like it informs everything that you do. um But like the time that you do before the session is what like allows you to be fully present and to create a space that is solely about the client.
00:22:58
Shikina Tellis
Okay.
00:23:04
krystmt
That is so key and so important, right? And so again, it's not like you are hiding an aspect of yourself, but rather that you are still coming in to these sessions, super authentic, super like,
00:23:17
krystmt
like all of those things, but that because you've done the work outside of it, you're able to be present with your clients in such a a powerful and meaningful way. um And you allow them to be the driver. You allow them to dictate what the focus is um and all of that. And I think that's just so cool. That's so awesome.
00:23:35
Shikina Tellis
Like you said, yeah, but that's, I'm like, that that is such a ah juicy, I will use that. he's that
00:23:41
krystmt
Right, I know, I couldn't help it.
00:23:43
Shikina Tellis
yeah
00:23:43
krystmt
I was like selfishly for me.
00:23:48
krystmt
But yeah, and like as someone who like for me, I know my heart is really for those on the margins, um especially um those inside and outside of the church. And oftentimes, um I tend to engage with people in the very hard seasons of life.
00:24:05
krystmt
and whether they are believers or non-believers, there's still a ministry of presence. right And so what does that look like for me to be authentically me and allow like the faith and relationship I have in God to um be discipling and like preparing me throughout like the week and all this time so that I can show up in these moments.
Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers
00:24:27
krystmt
I could show up in these spaces in the way that people need. um And I'm going to add an extra question.
00:24:34
Shikina Tellis
and
00:24:35
krystmt
I know I'm not going to so surprise you. Because I do think what you're saying, too, um Another element that is super important is how you then care for yourself. So a lot of people who are wired to care for others, and even like as we share being the oldest in our families, right?
00:24:51
Shikina Tellis
yeah
00:24:52
krystmt
Like you're constantly pouring out, right? And so um when you are called to spaces like this for the long term, it's so important to make sure you're being poured back into. So do you mind just sharing um if there's any things that you do that kind of help replenish you or pour back into you so you're able to be present for others?
00:25:10
Shikina Tellis
No, I love ah love that. That is a great question. I would say definitely ways that I pour back is trying to intentionally listen to my body.
00:25:19
krystmt
Oh, that's good.
00:25:19
Shikina Tellis
As I listen to it, give it what it needs. So if it needs a nap and I don't have clients or I've got time, I'm going to do a 25-minute nap. But really listening to it. If it's telling me, hey, you're pushing me too hard, ease back some, maybe change schedule.
00:25:33
krystmt
know
00:25:34
Shikina Tellis
um Time in nature to me, and it could be something as small as maybe you're um in between clients sometimes. You go outside and get some fresh air.
00:25:44
krystmt
Yeah.
00:25:44
Shikina Tellis
It could be you just you know take and take in everything you're surrounding through your senses. So whether it be you know looking at what you can look at with your eyes, hearing what you the different sounds that you can hear, touching different things, but just engaging with nature with your senses.
00:26:01
Shikina Tellis
And you don't have to go far to do that. And even your space.
00:26:03
krystmt
Yeah, that's good.
00:26:04
Shikina Tellis
Sometimes turn on a song. I think it's 120 beats per minute or something like that is supposed to be the magic number that really gets you moving.
00:26:10
krystmt
Oh, I did not know that.
00:26:12
Shikina Tellis
Yeah, those are little of things you can do to, you know, when you can't get away and do things like go on a retreat, um you know, or go away for a few days. But those are ways you can also do it.
00:26:24
Shikina Tellis
I love um essential oils.
00:26:26
krystmt
Mm.
00:26:26
Shikina Tellis
So a lot of the essential oils going and then just sometimes just whether it's white noise or no noise.
00:26:34
krystmt
Yeah, I've been trying to embrace silence more, which is a very hard for someone that is both extroverted and always like moving. But I'm finding that like silence and like especially social rest has been the biggest thing for me um in the season, right? And like one of the biggest signs for me is if I don't have joy or I'm not like giving off joy, then I like there's a disconnect between what's happening. And so I think that's such valuable.
00:27:06
krystmt
um insight into ways in which we can practically recenter and take a moment and being honest with like how we're feeling um and honoring like what our body is telling us. That's great. So, Shakina, before we wrap up, I wanted to open up the space to see if there was anything else that you wanted to share or anything that you thought would be just something nice to share with our listeners.
Leveraging Existing Resources for Growth
00:27:31
Shikina Tellis
o I guess the one thing that I guess I would like to share, and for me, it's all about um I love vision boards. I know some people do that.
00:27:38
krystmt
Ooh, I love a good vision board.
00:27:41
Shikina Tellis
But I love vision boards. And for me, what's so powerful is not the fact that I put the board together. but it's when those things that are on that board manifest.
00:27:50
krystmt
Mm.
00:27:51
Shikina Tellis
And so in this season, and so I do one every year, and in this season, the thing that God has been dealing with dealing with me about is using what's in my hand.
00:28:03
krystmt
Ooh, okay.
00:28:05
Shikina Tellis
And the way, yes, the way he brought it to me, or it's, so it's from Exodus four two. And basically it's Moses.
00:28:10
krystmt
Okay.
00:28:11
Shikina Tellis
When God tells Moses, Hey, this is what you're going to go tell Pharaoh to do this. And then Moses is like, you know, what, who am I, you know, God, I can't, I can't do this.
00:28:19
krystmt
Sorry, I chuckle because I'm like how he responded. I was like, that'd be me a lot of times.
00:28:26
Shikina Tellis
yeah And so, and but, and what God told him to do was he didn't tell him, you know, go down there and get something to go dig up over here. He asked him, what's in your hand?
00:28:37
krystmt
oh
00:28:38
Shikina Tellis
And the what the thing that was in Moses' hand was his staff. And so God has him use what was in his hand to go to Pharaoh, right? To make that declaration, um to let his people go.
00:28:51
Shikina Tellis
And so God, he kind of dealt with it. That was on my, the middle of my vision board about using what's in my hand and remembering and asking God to kind of hold me accountable as he often does, reminding me, instead of me going everywhere else, trying to find stuff. Look at what he's already put in my hand.
00:29:08
krystmt
Oh, that's so good, Chikina.
00:29:09
Shikina Tellis
well
00:29:11
krystmt
That's so good. I had a moment um with a good friend on Saturday, which is so funny because I'm like, whoa. life moves like that but um it had been like so like overall last week it was just like i've kept having these very powerful moments but um with people and like how god would show up and like you would see healing taking place and breakthrough happen in others and i felt like god i'm still on the other side like waiting for mine
00:29:33
Shikina Tellis
Well.
00:29:42
krystmt
And I didn't realize that there was like almost like a hardness of heart that was was happening. um I know to stick with the the Moses and Barrow theme.
00:29:51
Shikina Tellis
What.
00:29:53
krystmt
And I was like, ah okay, I know that there's a disconnect. like I can feel it in my body. I can feel it. But I didn't i was like, but why? like Why is all of this happening now? And I was talking to a good friend and I had mentioned in passing how I had started my own LLC, Call United, not uniform.
00:30:11
krystmt
and um a little bit about the heart of it, of like really wanting to be a bridge between what's happening in the church and outside of it, and like being part of the healing and the restoration that needs to happen. And I'm telling her all this stuff, and then I pivot into all these things that I have to do, and she's like, can we just pause and stop? She's like, did you even celebrate the fact that you started?
00:30:33
krystmt
this and I was like well yeah but that was just one item on my checklist but then I had to do all these other things and I had to do this and I had to do that and she was like crystal like just stop like look at what you have already been blessed with.
00:30:47
Shikina Tellis
And here.
00:30:47
krystmt
Like, are you even like taking a moment or a breath just to celebrate what has happened so far? And I realized like a lot of the exhaustion, a lot of the pressure that I was feeling and I was putting on myself was because I never stopped.
00:31:00
krystmt
It was like the idea of, oh, I can celebrate. Sorry, my cat is just singing in the background. but i guess I was like, I can celebrate once everything has been established, once like I get all these clients, once all of these things happen.
00:31:16
krystmt
And it's like, Oh, no, no, no, like this whole thing is part of the journey.
00:31:20
Shikina Tellis
You.
00:31:20
krystmt
This whole thing is part of of the
Celebrating Small Victories and Personal Growth
00:31:23
krystmt
beautiful process and the step.
00:31:23
Shikina Tellis
Yeah.
00:31:24
krystmt
And like just as much as I want to to have a ministry of presence in everything that I do, this is part of it.
00:31:28
Shikina Tellis
Yeah.
00:31:31
krystmt
I need to be present in this moment. And when I tell you, taking the time to just celebrate and to be thankful and to express gratitude and just to be from a place of like, wow, look what we've done so far, like everything shifted.
00:31:46
krystmt
And so um I just think like even, like especially with what you were saying about like how we engage our senses, how we take a pause and respond to how what our body needs, how we Um, yeah, there's just so much there. And so I'm sorry, I'm saying all of this to say, um, that it is just so important, especially for those of you who are listening, if that's you where you are always doing and you were always going, um, and kind of going back to what Shekinah said earlier about it's okay not to know the next step. It's okay to, um, be wrestling with that, invite coaches in, invite like, but also don't miss the need to celebrate.
00:32:30
krystmt
the fact that you have made it to this moment. And for those of us who um are sometimes hyper achievers, I did an assessment once and it was like, oh, you're a hyper achiever. I was like, oh, that's great. They're like, sometimes you do too much. I was like, oh, okay, wait, I have to work on that like in coaching, right? um But you need to be able to stop and to be able to celebrate and to be reminded of the reason why.
00:33:00
Shikina Tellis
yeah
00:33:00
krystmt
Yeah, yeah, that was so good, so good. Well, Shakina, we're so glad that you were able to join us today for the session.
00:33:05
Shikina Tellis
three
00:33:09
krystmt
I'm already thinking about other ways that we can have you come back for other episodes.
00:33:13
Shikina Tellis
and more
00:33:13
krystmt
Would love to have you to come back. um So guys, just remember, ah that there's always more than enough space for you to be seen and to see others. I'll see you all next time.
00:33:27
Shikina Tellis
Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay.