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Why Most Men Feel Lost—And How to Reclaim Motivation Through Values
63 Plays4 days ago
In this episode of The Men’s Collective Podcast, Travis Goodman and Dr. Pierre Azzam explore the third pillar of the Five P’s Framework—Principles.
What are the values that truly define you? How do you stay grounded in them when life gets chaotic?
This conversation is all about helping men identify, define, and embody their core values—the personal compass that guides your choices, shapes your identity, and builds your legacy.
Here’s what you’ll hear:
- How to reflect on the values that matter most to you.
- How to recognize when you’re out of sync with your principles—and what to do about it.
- What it takes to commit to your values, even when life pushes you off course.
Travis and Pierre share practical insights, real-life experiences, and tools to help you live a values-driven life. They explore how aligning with your principles can move you from feeling stuck or lost to living with purpose, motivation, and clarity.
Key Highlights:
- Principles as Your Compass: Your values aren’t just ideals—they’re your anchor in uncertainty.
- When You’re Out of Sync: The cost of ignoring your principles, and how to reconnect.
- Resilience Through Values: How having a clear “why” helps you navigate adversity.
What are you willing to sacrifice comfort for?
- What values are worth fighting for, even when things get tough?
- Where in your life might you be out of alignment—and what small step can you take to realign?
If you’re ready to explore your purpose and connect with a brotherhood of men doing the same, visit menscollective.co to join the community.
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Instagram: Braver.Man
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Transcript
Introduction to Purpose and Principles
00:00:00
Speaker
And you know, and it's not really just ah just about enjoyment. It is to, when times get tough, what's worth my suffering or what's worth fighting for?
00:00:17
Speaker
yeah Even what problems do I enjoy solving? Welcome everybody to this week's episode of the Men's Collective Podcast. Excited that you're joining us again for this journey as we continue sharing about the five P's of purpose.
00:00:31
Speaker
um Today again with my co-founder and co-host Pierre. um Pierre Zahm, how you doing? Pretty good. How are you? Good. It's Thursday. Friday. Oh my God. I have no idea what day it is. It's Friday. yeah and Almost the weekend. And here we are.
00:00:46
Speaker
um So just to keep up with and continue with the five Ps, and if you haven't listened to the previous episodes about what the Men's Collective is, along with the first two Ps, you're going to want to go back and check those out.
00:01:01
Speaker
These are kind of all building ah to the last P here of purpose. And so today
Defining Core Values
00:01:07
Speaker
we're going to be unpacking a bit of the third P, which is principles. So Pierre, what is principles? How do we see that? What does that mean for us here at The Collective?
00:01:18
Speaker
Yeah, principles really center around values, core values, ones that guide your life as a man and how you might practice in accordance with those principles.
00:01:31
Speaker
And this is sort of a natural progression from The first P, which looks at the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and where we're going, that's perspective.
00:01:47
Speaker
The second P around programming looks at some of our core beliefs, and we move into core values. And during the principles module, we essentially invite men to outline the meaning and expression of values in our own lives today.
00:02:10
Speaker
And so we do that by asking but asking some important questions like what's most important to me personally today as a man, how aligned are my actions to my values and how will I commit to honoring those values moving forward?
00:02:29
Speaker
Those are great questions. um And I'm not sure your experience, who i think I am. But I think a lot of men that first come in to see me either individually or as and the collective is I think they may not be aware of what their current set of values are.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah. I don't think it's a common discussion, really. what's What's some of the impact of guys that, I guess, that you know speaking to some of the guys who are not living or understanding their sets of values, whats what's some of the couple, like two or three quick impacts that we're noticing with these men coming in?
00:02:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think most men start to feel maybe more focused or driven for important reasons because they're able to articulate, they're able to articulate a why for some of the actions that are every day. They
Challenges of Lacking Clear Values
00:03:18
Speaker
principles will often comprise the compass that allows us to regain footing whenever we feel adrift or stuck or lost.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah. So the guys coming in who don't know, they they tend to be more adrift or stuck or lost, right? Kind of on yeah maybe kind of an infinite cycle of what am I doing? Why am I doing? I don't know. Maybe i think leading to a little bit of lack of motivation or drive or energy or, right? I think because if they don't know, it's like, I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where I'm anchored. I'm not sure what is my what my movement heading me toward, right?
00:03:56
Speaker
Yeah. And the interesting thing about perspectives or um these principles in particular as they as a compare to perspective, which is looking at a vision that we want to build for ourselves and kind of the story we've told ourselves about where we've been before is there principles or values tend not to feel so outcome focused.
00:04:21
Speaker
They tend to be more like the compass along the process of just living our everyday lives. What actually is important to us?
00:04:35
Speaker
And in a personal, relevant, realistic way, they're not necessarily, where do I think I need to go?
Integrating Values Across Life Domains
00:04:46
Speaker
Because society wants me to be this way or my parents wanted me to be this way or I think I ought to be this way. But war what is actually so important to me that my actions feel connected to something uniquely meaningful to me?
00:05:05
Speaker
And that's not domain specific either. It doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be specific to family or to work or to life outside.
00:05:18
Speaker
These are principles that we help you to define based on what's important to you across all of the domains of your life so that you're not finding yourself having to have one domain of your life compete with another.
00:05:31
Speaker
Yeah. And I think it's important that it's more integrative, right? It it isn't disintegrated and separate, right? it's integrative in saying these are these values that i align all domains under um which does lead to intention and movement and I think even for me personally moves me out of a place of complacency right or when things are hard or when things are mundane um or stressful or whatever it's like that's like you said earlier that's the why that keeps me moving
00:06:04
Speaker
even when things may be unclear or murky or you know i was just up in the mountains last weekend uh foggy where it's like you can't see very far yeah um but i know this is the heading i'm supposed to go in because that's like my beak it's like that's my true north and that helps me move with intention yeah i love that i love that you know it's It's interesting because i find myself every during every cohort revisiting my my own values. which you know I don't know that before this I was doing very often.
00:06:41
Speaker
And not maybe not in a true way. I think so too.
Guidance from Core Values in Difficult Times
00:06:44
Speaker
I think I was, that I think it may I convinced myself, but now that I'm walking guys through it in these, you know, once every eight weeks, whatever, it's like, oh yeah, am I actually aligned or am I not?
00:06:55
Speaker
Well, I'm not always, i mean, yeah I'm not in a lot of ways, but I think I'm a little more aligned the more I do it yeah because it does, it's sort of a, not sort of, it is an opportunity to really revisit what's important to me.
00:07:11
Speaker
And what do i enjoy doing? Yeah. And, you know, and it's not really just, uh, just about enjoyment.
00:07:22
Speaker
It is to, when times get tough, what's worth my suffering or what's worth yeah fighting for? Yeah. yeah Even what problems do I enjoy solving? Hmm.
00:07:37
Speaker
So, you know, it it goes beyond something that is just that just feels good because most of us can get behind something when times are really good. But a really solid core value can inspire action even in the most difficult times.
00:07:53
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that reminds me of one of my favorite books that I've ever read, you know, and um you read too, ah is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, right? That whole, you know, psychologist who went and lived in Auschwitz during the Holocaust. And those who haven't read the book, go read it right now.
00:08:10
Speaker
um It's not a long book at all, um but powerful book that you can come back to time and time again. But really, it's all about that. Hey, yeah, when things are easy, it's easy to get behind something when things are Yeah, simple and there's no stress. its And that's the same thing even like in long-term like marriage or relationship. It's like, you know, when things are easy, they're easy.
00:08:28
Speaker
Commitment is easy when it's easy. But committed being committed to either your partner or spouse or to a cause or something you believe in when things are hard, that's when you really have to have your why. And that's what Viktor Frankl talked about is you know, having that why obviously is taking from Nietzsche, but it's like having that why that's something beyond and outside of self, that's something bigger than self keeps you moving when things are, when there is suffering and then suffering ceases to be meaningless suffering, but then you have this why that pushes you, which is really that what we're doing here in our principles is that this is the finding out your why helps you move through that fog through the suffering. So it doesn't, it doesn't be meaningless suffering that it,
00:09:11
Speaker
there's something that we're striving for as men pushing through to get to the other end of like, yeah, this is this is a trial, right? It's like the hero journey too. It's like we're moving through the cave, we're fighting that dragon, we're conquering it to come out the other end to say, okay, yeah, that's why I've been pushing this and I didn't really know where I was heading, you know.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, but I had my core set of values that was driving me to keep going to find out what I truly care about, what i truly what is truly important to me. Because without it, that's when we give up. We give up hope. We become stuck in a depression or something that we get stuck and our nervous systems get shut down and we don't know how to move and we become immobilized and we don't really know where we're going.
00:09:59
Speaker
yeah
Mature Masculinity and Core Values
00:10:00
Speaker
And it kind of that overwhelming, it's an overwhelming place too when we don't know. and if we're isolated and often when we're there too, i think a lot of men tend to be isolated and disconnected as well when we're there in that place um from themselves and from relationships.
00:10:16
Speaker
For sure. you know, yeah, it, it strikes me as as, one of the most important parts of, ah being in mature,
00:10:29
Speaker
masculinity, being a mature man. And partly that's, you know, partly the the importance of it has emerged at least personally from work done with men in palliative care.
00:10:44
Speaker
I think I've alluded to being really interested in in in early fatherhood and how that how that drove my own decision the to work with men and and to essentially leave much of the work I was doing as a psychiatrist, which was not specifically working with men and not specifically working in this domain. But another huge part of my work was in palliative medicine.
00:11:13
Speaker
And I became interested in how men die, frankly, and how many of us can find a lack of meaning or legacy at the end of life.
00:11:27
Speaker
And so a big part of reaching a point at which we're living in accordance with values, with our own values, knowing what they are, having strong meaning in them is living a deeper, more meaningful life, which I think is a huge part of the motivation in the work that we do.
00:11:54
Speaker
And you know with that perspective, you get to see firsthand these men kind of how they do in their life. And that could i'm I'm assuming probably very sobering at times to see this and to be engaged with this kind of part of the life cycle.
00:12:10
Speaker
Yeah. Well, it's an important part of life. And also it's a part of life that's very telling. Yeah. Because many of us um have stayed focused on what we think we ought to be focused on throughout life, seeking outcomes, seeking success, but may not necessarily feel very connected to something more deep and meaningful to ourselves.
00:12:34
Speaker
And so there is some discontent naturally, existentially, in many of our lives when we're not living in accordance with. with our our own core values.
00:12:47
Speaker
And so defining them becomes sort of, I mean, it's not easy, right? we in the core, we invite you to to name five core values, but you know we give 50 and you could easily argue that they're all important.
00:13:05
Speaker
yeah But a part of the process of defining values is also naming what they mean and, and also being honest with how, how you are living up to them, how I'm holding true to them.
00:13:24
Speaker
Yeah. I don't always, sometimes other things. get in the way and i think that is it is pretty humbling um but also really powerful to be able to say hey this is really important to me even if yeah even if i don't make the super successful outcome yeah that i think i should though i don't change the world in the way that i think i should i've shown up on a regular basis living in accordance with my values and maybe even my values are, maybe they're, they're not super showy. Maybe they are, um connection and humility and contribution and compassion.
00:14:11
Speaker
Yeah. They may not necessarily look like the, all the things that we sort of, that, men might envy in each other's lives, but they're some pretty powerful things. And, yeah and I think if by the ends of our lives, we can look back and say, ah lived in accordance with the things that are with the principles that are really important to me. I've lived a pretty successful life.
00:14:39
Speaker
Yeah.
Reflection on Life and Legacy
00:14:40
Speaker
And I'm guessing you saw that with the men you worked with that kind of had that and were, and they could look back with, that kind of legacy of acceptance and right and honor versus the guys who maybe struggle, I'm assuming you saw. For sure.
00:14:53
Speaker
Quite a lot of that. Yeah. yeah um Yeah. As we think about like what we do at the collective, like that's, I think, so key because of the because it is so foundational to all we do. And again, your experience working in palliative care and seeing the impact that that that that does have.
00:15:09
Speaker
why we're doing that now and why that's so foundational on what we do at the men's collective, why that's so part of our DNA. And so, you know, as he kind of wrap up this P of principles, um I mean, that's that's why we have these as our core, right? That we need to be aware of these and kind of come back And I think return to it.
00:15:29
Speaker
um We get the, i think the um ah pleasure, honor to kind of return to each cohort because it's, it's part of what we do. And so I'm, like you said earlier, it really makes me aware, like, am I aligned? Am I not? And, you know, cause it's easy to drift. I find myself drifting at times and just getting pulled and things and like, because of life and coming back to, Oh yeah, this is what I'm really trying to,
00:15:53
Speaker
embody in my day in and day out as ah as a father, as ah as a husband and a partner, as a therapist, as a friend, as a son, as a brother. and like Because that's that's where i get...
00:16:10
Speaker
why I feel so grounded when I am and when I'm not, how other things kind of come in and start to kind of take over and distract. And really, I think sometimes how easy it is to slip out of that.
00:16:20
Speaker
It's not always hard. and for sure I think that line is not like, it's not a big one. It just kind of, you just kind of blur out. And part of this being so foundational is that we, we return to this time and time again.
00:16:34
Speaker
um any closing thoughts for today on this principle, on this oh man P anything all? Yeah, this pee is important. I wouldn't sleep. You know, this pee almost always comes up as an area men want to return to pretty regularly.
00:16:54
Speaker
So it's one that can look like a sleeper, but I wouldn't sleep on it. I think it's a really important one to defining the heart of life.
00:17:06
Speaker
of each man that enters into the collective, but also each man period. i mean, I think many of the questions that we've asked here, they're not limited to, to our, to our collective. There are important questions every man can ask.
00:17:26
Speaker
And I think
Closing Thoughts and Call to Action
00:17:27
Speaker
particularly the question, what's important to me when times get really tough? Like, what am I really willing to fight for? Yeah.
00:17:37
Speaker
I think so too. I really think that's a, and I think it's a great way to leave to kind of end today's podcast is like, Hey, what are you willing to fight for? You know, I think we, how we frame it too is what are you willing to sacrifice comfort for in your life? I mean, that's such a, wo that like, you're like, Oh wow. What am I, you know?
00:17:56
Speaker
Um, even I returned that question, like, okay, am I doing that? Um, because that's sobering. And so leave all you listeners with that. Like, Hey, what are you willing to sacrifice comfort for? Or when things get hard to be committed to in your life right now.
00:18:11
Speaker
And honestly, if you're looking for more, if you are looking for guys who are doing this work, um, if you're a ah ah someone who has a guy in your life that you think of benefit, have him go to menscollective.co. Um, that's for more information about being part of the collective.
00:18:27
Speaker
Obviously we have the podcast, but if you're looking for more to join the community, a part of what we're doing, go to menscollective.co. um And we will see you next week with the fourth P of presence.
00:18:39
Speaker
So Pierre, have a great day, man. You too.