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Unpacking Masculinity: What It Truly Means to Be a Man
91 Plays11 days ago
In this episode of The Men's Collective Podcast, Travis and Pierre delve into the concept of "programming" and its influence on masculinity and self-doubt. Building on the previous episode’s discussion about perspective, the conversation in this episode centers around the narratives men hold about themselves and their roles, exploring how these perceptions contribute to self-doubt and affect personal growth.
- Intertwined Narratives: The discussion highlights how masculinity and self-doubt are deeply intertwined, creating a powerful narrative that impacts many men's lives. These narratives influence not only how men perceive their adequacy but also how they seek validation and belonging.
- Redefining Masculinity: Pierre and Travis invite listeners to redefine masculinity based on personal experiences and values, rather than societal expectations. The conversation emphasizes the importance of creating a tailored definition of mature masculinity that fosters belonging and community among men.
- Importance of Conversation: Bringing conversations about masculinity out of hiding and removing shame is crucial. This episode stresses the need to establish a roadmap for mature, healthy masculinity by presenting a framework that's inclusive and accommodating of diverse experiences and backgrounds.
Reflect on your own perceptions of masculinity. How do these perceptions influence your self-doubt and limiting beliefs? Take a moment to consider how you can redefine these narratives to align with your personal values and aspirations.
Join the Men's Collective to share your journey and become part of a supportive community that empowers men to rewrite their stories.
Visit menscollective.co for more information.
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Transcript
Exploring Narratives of Masculinity
00:00:00
Speaker
So the first big element of looking at the narratives that we hold, the stories that we hold about how we show up in life is looking at how we define masculinity and mature masculinity and How we show up with respect to our own sense of assuredness.
00:00:26
Speaker
How do ah thoughts around self-doubt, limiting beliefs, inner critics start to show up for us? And I think for men there is, and I certainly can speak for myself, but I think also a lot of men who show up to do this kind of work, that a big part of our programming is, am I doing a good job as a man?
00:00:49
Speaker
Yeah, am I good enough, right? i think it's a big one. Right. It's huge. yeah And so it looks a little bit like it's twofold, like it's masculinity and it's also self-doubt and limiting
Introduction and Series Overview
00:01:00
Speaker
beliefs.
00:01:00
Speaker
But for men, the two get really intertwined with one another. Well, welcome back everybody to this week's episode of the Men's Collective Podcast. I am here with my co-founder, Pierre.
00:01:13
Speaker
um And we are breaking down the five pillars of purpose. Last week, last episode, we covered the first, which is perspective. If you haven't listened to that episode, go back, check it out, um because these are kind of building upon one another and around ourselves.
00:01:29
Speaker
kind of what the cohort or what the men's collective is, is kind of foundational for what we're building and co-creating here.
Programming and Thought Patterns
00:01:37
Speaker
And so this week um is about and around programming. And so, you know, Pierre, what, what is programming? How are we defining it? So can you tell us about what that is? sure Well, programming builds on the last P which is perspective.
00:01:56
Speaker
And in perspective, We look at our own vision of fulfillment, how we show up in the world at present, and really built upon some of the narratives that we tell ourselves about who we are, who we've been, where we've been, and where we're going.
Mature Masculinity and Self-Doubt
00:02:18
Speaker
And programming begins to delve more into thought patterns that we hold around important ways that we show up in our lives.
00:02:29
Speaker
And so programming has really led us into two big areas. The first is around mature masculinity.
00:02:43
Speaker
It is around the stories that we've been taught about being a man, defining how those stories relate to how we see ourselves today, and an invitation to consider and really build a tailored definition for mature masculinity.
00:03:03
Speaker
What does it mean for you and i to be great men? What can you do as someone who might honor that definition? And how do you find yourself, how do we find ourselves experiencing belonging and brotherhood among men?
00:03:19
Speaker
And that's a core element that often comes up when we talk about programming.
Intersections of Masculinity and Self-Doubt
00:03:26
Speaker
But it's not the only one because another really big area that naturally emerges is the stories that we might tell ourselves around where we're showing up well,
00:03:41
Speaker
and where we experience self doubt. So the first big element of looking at the narratives that we hold, the stories that we hold about how we show up in life is looking at how we define masculinity and mature masculinity.
00:04:03
Speaker
and how we show up with respect to our own sense of assuredness. How do ah thoughts around self-doubt, limiting beliefs, inner critics start to show up for us?
00:04:20
Speaker
And I think for men, there is, and I certainly can speak for myself, but I think also a lot of men who show up to do this kind of work, that a big part of our programming is,
00:04:32
Speaker
Am I doing a good job as a man? Yeah. Am I good enough? Right. That's a big one. Right. It's huge. yeah And so it looks a little bit like it's twofold, like it's masculinity and it's also self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
00:04:47
Speaker
But for men, the two get really intertwined with one
Cultural Influences on Masculinity
00:04:51
Speaker
another. Yeah. A big part of how am I showing up? Am I good enough? Is...
00:04:59
Speaker
really intertwined with, am I man enough? Absolutely. I can't even count. Yeah. Honestly, how how often i hear that yeah over the past 10 years of working with men. um And as you know you're nodding along, like we both have it, it's it's quite um pervasive, this how intertwined it really is that this idea of shame and how we see ourselves of like not enough, how so linked that is to what, a therefore, i'm not a man or i'm not man enough. Like it's so those are so twisted in a way.
00:05:32
Speaker
Especially on how we've been programmed to what it means to be a man, what it means to be a masculine man, what it means to be. And this comes from various cultures. I mean, I've worked with men, as I'm sure of you have, from different cultural backgrounds, different ages.
00:05:43
Speaker
I would say there's so much shared experience. and And again, unique differences for sure, but there's definitely this shared experience, at least in the West and America, um what it means to be a man.
Personal Growth and Masculine Ideals
00:05:55
Speaker
and and how we've been programmed as men in some ways in in healthy ways and good ways and and ah and in a lot of ways the kind of rigid, um narrowed, kind of um constricted ways around what it means to be a man and to have value and to be not enough.
00:06:12
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. For sure. You know, it's it's interesting because this comes up often when we think about a desire to show up as a better person person. i mean, in a lot of ways, the attributes that maybe bind every man in the collective is ah desire to become a better man.
00:06:35
Speaker
And a lot of that can be encapsulated by what it means to be a better person. But just as you were saying, it's inevitably influenced by gender, especially for men. Our desire for growth, betterment, it's likely to be colored by how we view ourselves as men, how our goals align with masculine ideas and ideals, I suppose.
00:06:59
Speaker
um and how we see ourselves belonging within a larger tribe
Call to Action for Discussion on Masculinity
00:07:03
Speaker
of men. Yeah. Absolutely. you know And really, the question, the final question, was like you know why why is this important? like Why should we care? Why should we take guys through this whole process? I mean, we've got to answer that, but if you could sum it up, like why this so important right now?
00:07:17
Speaker
as Yeah. Well, ah I think it's important for all sorts of reasons. But maybe one of the most important reasons is that it takes this conversation out of a place of hiding and shame.
00:07:35
Speaker
Because there's so much wrapped up in what it means to be a man and masculinity, both good and bad. And, you know, men are feeling it in many ways.
00:07:48
Speaker
Many men feel aware of how we should not show up.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah. But at a loss for what it means to show up with a mature, healthy version of masculinity. Yeah. it's It's more than just a trivial part of who we are. And for many men, it can be ah ah call to a bolder, braver action that unites us, regardless of gender.
00:08:19
Speaker
Yeah. To your point, um I think there is so much about how not to show up.
Need for Positive Masculine Roadmap
00:08:24
Speaker
be you know, that, that term that's been around for while, the toxic masculinity, and we're not going to go unpack that today, but yeah, I think there's so much that we know like, Hey, that's not healthy or that's not good. So we all have this kind of ah collective awareness of, okay. Yeah.
00:08:39
Speaker
But to your point, and I think to, to think of Matt Carlson, that is our, our friend, um, you know, who's a, who's a researcher and, and doing a lot of work around men's masculinities and, and, you know, he coined the term positive masculinities.
00:08:52
Speaker
that he said the same thing that, hey, we all we kind of know what not to do, but where's the roadmap of what to do? Like none of us could really, not none of us, a lot of us have a struggle with defining, okay, what does really mature, healthy, positive masculinity look like And a lot of people scratch their head. I don't know you know. And so I think there's such a need to unpack, to work together, to create, to define. So there's a ah a structure, but a loose structure, a guidelines of like this is what we're really aiming at, right? Not rigid, but here's kind of what we see. And it it is kind of a collective structure.
00:09:26
Speaker
It's collective in nature. very much And kind of wrestling with that. And what does that mean to each individual man? Well, I think there's going be some shared experiences there. Shared, I think, shared common characteristics. Absolutely.
00:09:40
Speaker
And there might be some unique ones as well. um And so it's kind of more expansive. It's more integrative, right? it's It's inclusive rather than othering and separating and caus causing disintegration. So I think it's so important for the day that we live in and have been living in that we need something. We need to work with men and ourselves as what are we, even myself and you, it's like, how are we defining that? how does it mean? What does it mean to us?
00:10:07
Speaker
And the parts that we're wrestling with, right? That we're growing in and trying to understand in a world that's ever changing and evolving, right? Cause it is, it's evolving. I mean, my, my parents' generation is, it's evolved since then.
00:10:20
Speaker
Um, as sure with yours as well, for sure. Like it's, things have shifted and changed and in some ways for the better and other ways, probably it's gone the other way. Not so great ways. I mean,
Building an Inclusive Framework
00:10:30
Speaker
that's kind of how,
00:10:31
Speaker
life works. We kind of swing the pendulum, but what we're trying to do is create something that is more holistically integrative. And so, you know, for those that are interested in this is really, is this is part of our, of what the men's collective is about. Is this part of our foundational pillars is on top of perspective is this programming about what it really truly means. And,
00:10:49
Speaker
How do we show up in the world and bring that into
Engagement and Resources for Listeners
00:10:52
Speaker
all spaces? And so if you're interested in learning more about what pier and i Pierre and I are doing at the Men's Collective, just go to menscollective.co,
00:11:02
Speaker
um which has all the information about the upcoming cohorts, also about the collective in general. You can also go to the Instagram account, um which is menscollective.co.
00:11:14
Speaker
You can find more information there and little clips and trailers that we'll be releasing. um And so next week, we're going to be covering the next P, um which I'm excited about, which is called which we have coined principles, and we're going to unpack that a bit more.
00:11:28
Speaker
next episode. um And again, if you haven't listened to the previous ones, go back and check it out, which helps kind of lay this foundation and framework of what the men's collective is. And so, yeah, any final closeout comments or thoughts, Pierre, before we say goodbye? this is great. bye i think ah I think what I'd invite I hope men who are listening for whom this resonates will find themselves looking into joining us in our work.
Collective Redefinition of Masculinity
00:11:58
Speaker
I think it's a huge and important part yeah of how we show up individually as men and maybe collectively as men, but also how we help the next generation of boys and men to show up in ways that that really honor our definition for maturity and mature masculinity without feeling constrained or shamed by really rigid ideals or really rigid expectations that may not always serve us. So we need to be able to give ourselves the capacity to be men and also to be maybe not exactly
00:12:42
Speaker
The the rigid definition that many of us have grown up with the one that says, if you don't do this, you're not a man or you're not enough or you're not good.
00:12:54
Speaker
yeah Because frankly, um that's BS. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. um Yeah. and And I agree 100%. I mean, I invite all the men listening or, you know, if we have wives or moms or sisters, whoever listening or partners.
00:13:13
Speaker
that you have a man, dad, guy, brother, boyfriend, whatever that you think you'd be interested in just let them share this with them. I mean, this is part of how we're changing is by there is there's something i think that all a lot of men are longing for that we hear that men join is that they're looking for this, they're looking for a space and they don't know where to look. I think that's a big theme that we're seeing is that there's a need for spaces like this. And there's other spaces, we're not the only space that that that does this. And I think part of me and Pierre's vision and passion and heart around this too is that we're doing this alongside other men and women creating men's spaces.
00:13:48
Speaker
And we invite you to ours, but also connect you to others too. like this is a It really is a collective effort. It's not just what me and Pierre are doing, but there really is this longing and need and awakening for spaces like this for men to show up, to wrestle, to grow, to to be heard, to be listened to, to not be shamed, to not be put down or judge, but to be like part of a community.
00:14:12
Speaker
And so, um, yeah, with that, we're looking forward to going and unpacking more with you guys and, uh, stay tuned to next week. Well, as we cover principles again, for more information, go to menscollective.co.
00:14:22
Speaker
dot com