Transcript
Speaker: Welcome everybody to this week's episode of the podcast. Before we jump into the topic, I want to share about um this January starting the week of January 13, 2025. I'm going to be launching two new eight -week cohort men's groups around our peak performance um cohort group. um In fact, we're just finishing up um a current round with eight guys ah that we have.
Speaker: finishing up in two more weeks and it's been amazing experience walking them through these kind of these eight weeks talking things around performance and purpose and values priorities around emotional intelligence to name some of the topics that we cover And very excited to be launching two at the same time again, the week of January 13th. For more information, click on the link in the description. It's a growing community. ah Looking forward to walking guys through this. And this eight -week group is just the start. It's a great program that leads then into kind of a monthly group that we meet doing various topical discussions kind of at the type of coaching calls we're helping remain accountable to one another. Anyway, if it's something you're interested in or if you have a man in your life or a brother or father,
Speaker: boyfriend, husband, whatever. Have them check it out. Again, link in the description below.
Speaker: So part of building a life worth living, part of living a life of purpose starts with first the foundational awareness of what are your values and priorities. Now this is actually one of our weeks that we cover, me and Pierre, in our eight week cohort group, is around our values and our priorities.
Speaker: Now the reason why this is so important and something that I've found not only in my own life but over the past 10 years working with hundreds of men in various ah kind of settings, whether individual or groups, something that we need to understand to get a heading is what are our core values and priorities. And what I find for a lot of men when they first come in to see me is they are really unsure what those might be.
Speaker: Or those values and priorities might have changed um for them to where they might have been years ago to where they are today. And let me just tell you what can often happen if you feel like you're not living in alignment or if you're living in misalignment with your values and priorities. Often things I hear we could be feeling um directionless, maybe hopeless, numb, feeling disconnected, maybe burned out.
Speaker: feeling pointless, things start to lose a sense of motivation or meaning. I've seen other guys become more irritable, more frustrated, more checked out. I've also seen guys kind of reach for more mind -numbing things like watching too much TV or kind of busy work that doesn't lead to anything productive and maybe even the work life itself just feels unproductive.
Speaker: And so this is what I tend to hear when guys are not living in alignment with their values. And why it's so important again is that if we're in this place, this kind of stuckness, it's kind of like we're being, or not like we're being, it's like as if we're out to sea with no heading, kind of rudderless, and we're just kind of drifting and going where the wind might take us, not really having a direction or an aim.
Speaker: And that often becomes problematic because, again, it feels like we're not going anywhere. It feels like we're not doing anything, just kind of moping around. Now, there might be times in which that might feel okay, like, let me just kind of, said you know, drop the sail, so to speak, and kind of float a bit. But by and large, we need some type of heading, something that we're working towards or to or for, because that gives us a sense of accomplishment. It gives us a sense of confidence. It gives us a sense of, again, alignment with who we are, who we're designed to be, and kind of our gifts to offer this world.
Speaker: Now, if you join this our the cohort that me and Pierre have launched, we we go di we go deeper into this whole topic. But I want to share a little bit about kind of a preview of what you'll get yourself into ah as well as kind of what are some of these values that we need to address. Now, when we have kind of um i've identified what our values are, we first need to know, again, what those are. So so the first step really is we first have to recognize that we're not living by our values, that we're in some type of misalignment.
Speaker: And again, you're gonna probably feel or sense or think something similar to what I shared before. Now, if it's something drastically different, I'd love to hear from you. Please throw me an email or comment on this and I'd love i' love to hear more. But the first step from there is once we are aware that we're not, the next step is like kind of of identifying, well, what are our values? What are important to us? And that is that sometimes is a process in and of itself. And I was working with this group previously and one thing, a theme that came up was this notion that am I picking values that are truly important to me, or am I picking values that I think should be important to me? And that was just an interesting comment. So something to think about as you're thinking of your values and priorities in your life is are they really important to you, or are you doing it because it's what you should be? And that that's, I'm gonna say the word fun, but definitely a fun exploration to see what's really driving you.
Speaker: And so once we begin to identify what those are, um in fact, I'm going to share a few of them now just to kind of give a sense of some common values. This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch of the imagination, but this is some of the common ones. And some some common values and priorities that are important are things like this, ah adventure, altruism, authenticity, autonomy, competition, confidence,
Speaker: connection, contribution, discipline, freedom, generosity, honesty, honor, humility, integrity, justice, love, loyalty, meaning, peace of mind, power, presence,
Speaker: resilience, security, strength, wealth, wisdom, work. Now there's definitely more to this list but just hearing that, did any of those stand out to you? Any of those ah resonate, any of those ah that you're living in alignment with currently or are thinking, oh my gosh, like I need to align myself with some of those values because part of what we have What we have to do is we first have to whittle down, again, what's important to us. So what I recommend doing is, and you can Google this and again, I'll share a link to a list that we've created that you can check out more fully. As first you want to look at kind of all these values and kind of whittle it down to about 10. And that's going to be important to help you kind of narrow a bit, kind of get you a little more focused. Cause what we're trying to do, again, it's like having a compass is like, we, we can't go in all directions at once. It's impossible. We need to kind of, kind of hone in.
Speaker: What is our kind of general heading so we know what direction we want to head in? So then we know as we live our life that we're in alignment. So once we first whittle it down to about 10, a good question you want to ask yourself is, what am I most willing to sacrifice comfort for? And then you kind of choose up to seven of those. So you kind of take that 10 list and then you look at the list again and say, okay, what am I willing to sacrifice for, sacrifice comfort for? her And let me pick seven. And then once you kind of like narrow it down again,
Speaker: kind of going from a different perspective, different lens, we then ask the next question. Well, what are the five core values that matter most to you personally? So it's kind of taking this initial kind of overview, whittling it down, then what's worth sacrificing for, and then what are your top five? And what we want to do is, as we begin to look at these, a couple questions to ask once we kind of whittle down these five,
Speaker: would be, okay, what makes these values so important to you personally? So of those five, what makes these so important to you? Why? Why these five? And then you kind of have to explain a bit more, dig a little deeper, think more holistically as to why, right now in your life, this really is important to you. And the next question you can ask is, well, how are you honoring or neglecting the those values in your life today?
Speaker: right And that's gonna begin this process of kind of building awareness, beginning to identify, whittle it down, have some focus. And once we begin to identify those, once we begin to identify at least these kind of core, these five right now. Now again, there might be others that you still value, but you're gonna have like these kind of core ones, because again, you can't do everything at once. You're gonna find a few that really stand out to you, really hone your skill. Then from there, once we kind of identify those, the next thing we wanna do is, okay, what's one value to work on right now? So pick one.
Speaker: of the five. Now, you might be able to do all five at once, and that's okay. If that's you, go for it. But my encouragement is for for a lot of us, what I've found is, again, working with a couple thousand people over my past 10 years of experience is trying to do too many things at once often becomes overwhelming and often leads to little to no movement. And so if that's you, hey, welcome to the club, that's most people. Again, if you're one of those rarities that can do all, great, do all right now.
Speaker: regardless of how many you can do at once. And from there, begin to choose a goal. So you kind of whittle it down. So what's one value you want to work on? What is one thing? From there, once you begin to identify the value, once you begin to identify what you want to work on, which value it is, you know, let's say it's um connection, right, as an example. So let's say I want to i want to work on the value of of connection. Well, then from there, we go, okay, what are three goals? How do we whittle that down from this big value down to three more practical goals? So what does connection look like? Maybe connection to you, the value might look like ah the goal of connecting more um with your kids or with your spouse, right? Or connecting with friends. Let's just say those are your three.
Speaker: Then from there, pick one goal. Okay, let's say it's connecting with, you know, your spouse, right? Okay, so let's take that one goal and break that down. Let's break it down into what we call action steps. And I want you to come up with four, you know, three to five action steps. Okay, so what does connection this week look like with your spouse?
Speaker: And maybe you say something like, okay, ah this week I want to make sure that you know every every day I give her a hug and a kiss before I leave for work, I want to get home. That's one action step. Action step two is this week I want to make sure I so you know spend 10 minutes with her, at least 10 minutes with her after the kids are down at night at sleep and just checking with how her day has been. Okay, it's number two. Maybe number three is I connect with her by you know making her her favorite breakfast or something or or coffee drink or something that is kind of yeah connecting with her in a way that she might like. And maybe the fourth one is maybe specifically identifying how she feels most connected to, and maybe it's maybe it's through words of affirmation, or maybe it's physical touch, or maybe it's time, or maybe it's a gift, but something that connects with her, right? And let's say those are your four action steps. And maybe the fifth one is um by the end of the week, I wanna plan you know a date night with her or something over the next month or a day date or something, right? So you have these five action steps. Then the next step is, okay, do the first step.
Speaker: So you kind of take this value of connection, you then break it down into kind of a couple goals that are more practical, and then you take each each goal and you break it down into bite -sized pieces, these action steps, and then you actually do it. And here's the thing, when we begin to do this, and why you want to break it down is because one, it takes this bigger concept, it makes it practical and applicable to your day -to -day life. Because again, connection for you might look like might look different than connection to the next guy.
Speaker: right or let's say um yours is freedom right again freedom to you might look different than freedom to somebody else so we want to identify again first the main umbrella goal and then their value and then give some goals that's practical to you make action steps you could actually accomplish it and that's the key and then as you begin to do that as you take those steps what happens is you begin to have a heading you begin to have this alignment with your values, which when you're aligned with your values, you get a sense of purpose. You have a sense of meaning in your life. You begin to move from kind of a hopelessness, a meaninglessness, an apathy, a, you know, a helplessness, a kind of burnoutness, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker: And you actually begin to gain confidence, motivation, energy, focus, clarity. And that is so, so key. And that's something that, um you know, working with these guys, what I found in even my own life is that often we have to kind of reevaluate our values and priorities because what was important to you 10, 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago may be different than now. I know mine have changed. You know, 20 years ago, I didn't have kids. 20 years ago, I was just beginning kind of figuring out what I want to do as a career.
Speaker: 20 years later, I got three kids, I'm 10 years into my career as a therapist and a coach, you know, been married 15 years, things have changed a bit. And so I have to be okay, what's important to me now? And things have changed a bit becoming a father and and a husband. And so I have to kind of ask and and then check in each week with myself of am I living in alignment with these? And sometimes I'm not, if I'm honest, sometimes I get an autopilot and I could tell.
Speaker: And so what I recommend as we do is, you know, starting here, if you're if you're new to this, start here. And then my recommendation is you kind of get some momentum is reevaluate maybe once a year, you know, once every six months, ah once a month, whatever you think you need to kind of reassess, because we always want to make sure we're coming almost, you know, coming back to home base, so to speak again and say, okay, am I really, is this direction I want to be in?
Speaker: And so this is some ah you know some practical wisdom, some guidance. Here are some things around values and you know why you should care about it again. The why is that you're gonna feel like you have a purpose and meaning in your life. You're gonna be more impactful ah for yourself, for your family, for your coworkers, and all that you do when you are in alignment, when you are kind of aiming in the direction that you're meant to be.
Speaker: And so that is my encouragement. That's what i that's today's topic, this week's topic. um I'd love to hear your feedback and your thoughts. Drop me an email. You can email me at integrativemanproject .gmail dot .com. You can follow me on social media over on Instagram. I'm on LinkedIn. Also go to youtube dot .com forward slash Travis Goodman. um That's where there are other kind of ah videos around different topics along with the video podcast. If you're watching, hi.
Speaker: um or if you're just listening to the audio over on Spotify and Apple. um But until next week, have a great rest of your week.
