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Pre-Sex Sexual Compatibility Tests + Birthday SadBoy
59 Plays4 years ago
A discussion on how to vet men for sexual compatibility before you have sex. Emotional Support Nudes. mY lOve LaNgUage iS tOuch.
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Transcript
Introduction & Patreon Goals
00:00:00
Speaker
Before we get started, I just want to make a brief announcement about the state of the pod.
00:00:04
Speaker
We've been getting tons of amazing feedback from women, and it's become very clear to us that a lot of women are thirsty for this type of content.
00:00:12
Speaker
This is a niche in women's media that is desperately needed and has been neglected for a very long time.
00:00:18
Speaker
And we really want to be able to make more content if there's just one problem, and that's money.
00:00:22
Speaker
We would love to be able to quit our day jobs and work full-time on content creation, and the only thing holding us back is the fact that we got bills to pay, if I'm being totally honest.
00:00:32
Speaker
Long term, though, we would like to expand into other forms of media, such as video, TikTok, newsletters, ebooks, even, like, real physical books, and so on.
00:00:43
Speaker
And that's why we've set a new Patreon goal.
00:00:46
Speaker
As soon as we hit $10,000 monthly revenue, that will be enough for us to afford to quit our jobs and start working on growing FDS full time.
00:00:55
Speaker
And as a reward to our patrons for helping achieve this target, we will commit to posting more bonus content.
00:01:02
Speaker
So if you like FDS and you want us to grow and you want us to make more content, you can support us on Patreon at www.patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:01:14
Speaker
Thank you so much to everyone who listened and shared to help us to get to where we are now.
00:01:19
Speaker
And I'm sure this is a sign of even greater things to come.
00:01:22
Speaker
Thank you.
Jennifer's Story: Negative Value Ex
00:01:26
Speaker
So for this week's Roast to Scroat, we have a message from Jennifer.
00:01:31
Speaker
And she starts off saying, this Roast to Scroat is about my just dumped negative value male ex of one year.
00:01:39
Speaker
I refer to him as my ex as he is now, but at this time he was my boyfriend and we'd been planning a life together.
00:01:45
Speaker
A few background points that are important to this story.
00:01:48
Speaker
I share custody of my four-year-old and have to keep this rotating schedule in mind.
00:01:53
Speaker
When I wasn't with my son or at work, I was with my ex.
00:01:56
Speaker
Trying to plan around these schedules is very confusing and exhausting at times.
00:02:01
Speaker
I had planned a lunch with a former boss and had already cancelled once because my ex was insecure about me going out to lunch with my former male boss, whose wife just died in the past year, is a former boss, and I was also offended that he was thinking I'd be cheating on him with this dude.
00:02:18
Speaker
So I ended up coordinating a lunch between me, my former male boss, and my former female boss, as we all used to work together.
00:02:25
Speaker
My ex was even making me think that the male boss was going to make a move on me, which was ridiculous.
00:02:31
Speaker
So this is one of those times where I would be highly suspicious that this is the way that he operates at work.
00:02:36
Speaker
Because again, so many times when men make a comment like that, it's a reflection of their own behavior or their own thought process.
00:02:46
Speaker
Because normal people don't think, oh, she's going to work with her boss.
00:02:49
Speaker
She's probably fucking them.
Relationship Red Flags & Emotional Abuse
00:02:51
Speaker
Or that the boss is going to try to fuck her.
00:02:53
Speaker
Like definitely, especially not in today's climate.
00:02:57
Speaker
But yeah.
00:02:59
Speaker
That's how low value men think.
00:03:01
Speaker
They think everyone's like them.
00:03:02
Speaker
They project their negative qualities onto other people.
00:03:06
Speaker
So they think, oh, well, I try to prey on women at work.
00:03:08
Speaker
So this guy's clearly going to be preying on my girlfriend at work.
00:03:11
Speaker
It's like when guys deny the existence of male violence, but then they have a daughter and then they're like telling her that she needs to be care.
00:03:17
Speaker
You know, guys will tell other women, not all men, but then to their daughters, they'll say all men.
00:03:21
Speaker
Right.
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:23
Speaker
It's the devil speak.
00:03:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:27
Speaker
Scroke double speak.
00:03:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:29
Speaker
Back to the story.
00:03:29
Speaker
After I solidified the plans, keeping in mind my own schedules to keep, what days I was free, what days I usually spend with my ex, et cetera.
00:03:38
Speaker
I realized that I had scheduled the lunch on my ex's birthday, which was a Sunday, usually my day to myself.
00:03:44
Speaker
I felt terrible, but I also knew that we'd be spending the entire weekend together.
00:03:49
Speaker
I usually go to his place after work on Friday and stay until Sunday morning, then go home and do my chores.
00:03:55
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:56
Speaker
We also had plans that Sunday night to celebrate his birthday.
00:03:59
Speaker
I figured he'd be okay with it, with me being out for a few hours of the day.
00:04:04
Speaker
Otherwise, I'd have to reschedule the lunch for another two weeks out.
00:04:08
Speaker
I told him about it in person, and I was feeling anxious because I thought he'd be upset, but he wasn't.
00:04:14
Speaker
Okay, that's weird to me.
00:04:14
Speaker
See, that's always a red flag.
00:04:16
Speaker
Yeah, you shouldn't feel anxious to talk to him about...
00:04:20
Speaker
I mean, your work schedule, essentially.
00:04:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:23
Speaker
I've been in relationships like that where I knew that telling him certain things would make him fly off the handle.
00:04:29
Speaker
And those relationships were always emotionally abusive.
00:04:31
Speaker
So if you have that, ladies for listening in, if you have that anxiety about telling something to your boyfriend or husband,
00:04:39
Speaker
run.
00:04:39
Speaker
That's the red flag.
00:04:40
Speaker
That's a red flag.
00:04:40
Speaker
There's something wrong with him.
00:04:42
Speaker
You should be able to speak honestly with a person.
00:04:45
Speaker
Without having your fight or flight reflexes going off.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:49
Speaker
Anyways.
00:04:51
Speaker
So he said it was totally fine and we had the rest of the weekend as well as our plans on Sunday night.
00:04:56
Speaker
I felt relieved that he wasn't upset at all.
00:04:59
Speaker
That's also, if you feel relief that he didn't blow up at you, that's a red flag.
00:05:03
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:25
Speaker
Good reaction.
00:05:26
Speaker
Good reaction, yeah.
00:05:27
Speaker
So, I gave him presents and he loved all three.
00:05:30
Speaker
A frame commissioned watercolor painting of his two dogs.
00:05:33
Speaker
Girl, that is so... Is this guy your husband?
00:05:36
Speaker
Like, that first gift is, like, really extra.
00:05:40
Speaker
But anyways...
00:05:42
Speaker
A couple other thoughtful things that he really enjoyed.
00:05:44
Speaker
Overall, he was very pleased with his gifts and we spent the night drinking and celebrating and enjoying each other's company until the early hours of the morning.
00:05:51
Speaker
I just want to pull over real quick and like complain about the fact that women I find often get these really amazing, thoughtful gifts for men.
00:05:59
Speaker
And the man will, when it comes her birthday, he'll just get like some flowers or some chocolates or, you know, something that's not as, as thoughtful.
00:06:07
Speaker
So like ladies, we spend so much effort getting gifts for guys.
00:06:11
Speaker
It's like bullshit.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:12
Speaker
For guys who don't even do that.
00:06:14
Speaker
For men who would not even show us the same courtesy.
00:06:16
Speaker
Anyways.
00:06:18
Speaker
The next day we spent together, but just a normal chill day.
00:06:21
Speaker
I stayed the night again, but barely slept because his little dogs kept barking in the middle of the night and jumping all over me in bed, which they usually do.
00:06:28
Speaker
Side note.
00:06:29
Speaker
He told me his dogs are too stupid to train properly.
00:06:33
Speaker
Sunday morning after giving him a sexy birthday treat.
00:06:36
Speaker
Penis-shaped cookies or?
00:06:38
Speaker
I'm like, what's the sexy birthday treat?
00:06:40
Speaker
I'm getting very confused.
00:06:43
Speaker
Vagina cupcakes.
00:06:45
Speaker
Yeah, my imagination is running wild.
00:06:47
Speaker
Anyways, I don't know, like a sexy lingerie?
00:06:50
Speaker
Anyways, he left with enough time to head home to change for my lunch, make a birthday post on Instagram, and then make it to the restaurant.
00:06:56
Speaker
It was a 30-minute drive from my place, and my place was...
00:07:00
Speaker
Also a 30 minute drive from my ex's place.
00:07:02
Speaker
I didn't realize I had to factor in so much travel time.
00:07:05
Speaker
The lunch was nice and my ex even went out with some friends for lunch while I was gone.
00:07:10
Speaker
I drove back to my place, quickly got changed into fancy clothes for my ex's nice birthday dinner we were going to.
00:07:15
Speaker
I arrived at his place just before we were to leave for dinner, which is about an hour away.
00:07:20
Speaker
I was gone for five or so hours longer than I had anticipated originally due to how much driving I had to do.
00:07:26
Speaker
We had a fabulous, delicious 12-course sushi dinner.
00:07:28
Speaker
12-course sushi dinner?
00:07:32
Speaker
My mouth is watering.
00:07:33
Speaker
I actually could... I'm hungry.
00:07:35
Speaker
I could go for some sushi now.
00:07:37
Speaker
I could go for some sushi.
00:07:38
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:07:39
Speaker
Sushi feast.
00:07:40
Speaker
Then went to an art exhibit afterwards.
00:07:42
Speaker
The dinner was incredible.
00:07:43
Speaker
The exhibit was okay, but still neat.
00:07:45
Speaker
By the time we got back to his place, it was well past 10 p.m.
00:07:48
Speaker
I had to work the next day, so I went home to get...
00:07:51
Speaker
enough sleep after being sleep after being sleep deprived all weekend from drinking making love and inconsiderate dogs i just wanted to be alone in my own bed the next day i get messages from my ex saying he's upset he's sad etc this is nothing new anytime we spend a nice time together he'd immediately spiral into loneliness and sadness when i left that's weird sounds controlling yeah yeah yeah so that's
00:08:19
Speaker
I guess, too, I looked at it like he's got some kind of emotional issue.
00:08:23
Speaker
But yeah, the other way to look at that is he's trying to emotionally manipulate her.
00:08:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:27
Speaker
When a guy like punishes you for not being around him.
00:08:30
Speaker
I'm just reading ahead on the story.
00:08:33
Speaker
It gets worse.
00:08:34
Speaker
So he was upset that I, quote, bailed on him on his birthday.
00:08:40
Speaker
What is he talking about?
00:08:41
Speaker
They went, they had the dinner together.
00:08:43
Speaker
Like they had sex the night before.
00:08:45
Speaker
That's not bailing.
00:08:46
Speaker
Like, right.
00:08:47
Speaker
Anyways, he was mad that I was gone so long.
00:08:49
Speaker
He didn't feel like we were celebrating his birthday.
00:08:52
Speaker
Sunday felt like he just took me on a nice date.
00:08:54
Speaker
Nevermind the presents, the toast for me during his birthday dinner.
00:08:58
Speaker
The birthday Instagram post I made the entire Friday night we spent partying together and me wishing him a happy birthday with his dick in my mouth the morning of his birthday.
00:09:08
Speaker
Okay, that's what the sexy birthday gift was.
00:09:10
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:11
Speaker
I see.
00:09:13
Speaker
He was mad that I was, quote, barely there Sunday night after our time in the city.
00:09:17
Speaker
You mean at 10 p.m.
00:09:18
Speaker
when I had to get up at 6.30 the next day for work.
00:09:21
Speaker
I think he wanted me to stay the night again, but I hadn't been in my own bed since Thursday night.
00:09:26
Speaker
He kept whining about wanting to a... He kept whining about wanting a birthday do-over since I was... Since he was bummed I was gone for so long because I bailed on him because the sushi dinner sucked.
00:09:39
Speaker
The art exhibit was lame and I left that night.
00:09:41
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:42
Speaker
This doesn't sound like a guy who would have had the forethought to prepare something even close to being as elaborate as what you did for his birthday.
00:09:51
Speaker
So...
Breakup & Personal Growth
00:09:52
Speaker
already completely mixed matched mismatched expectations so he wants you to do two birthdays for him right like not only is he not happy with the one birthday he wants her to plan two birthdays for him was this guy like five it's my birthday all week though like it's my birthday week yeah
00:10:14
Speaker
I mean, I'm pro celebrating your entire birthday month, but I don't expect other people to make sacrifices for me.
00:10:21
Speaker
It's just more of a thing I would do for myself.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:26
Speaker
Treat yourself.
00:10:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:27
Speaker
So it goes on.
00:10:51
Speaker
I mean, I'm glad she realized that, honestly, because it's true.
00:10:54
Speaker
And isn't that she isn't enough for him.
00:10:59
Speaker
He's not enough for her.
00:11:01
Speaker
Exactly.
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah, girl, like you gave it 110%.
00:11:04
Speaker
You gave him an amazing, thoughtful gift.
00:11:07
Speaker
You know, did all the things right.
00:11:09
Speaker
Planted dinner, sexy stuff.
00:11:10
Speaker
The whole works, right?
00:11:11
Speaker
The fact that he's not satisfied with that means that there's something wrong and broken inside of him.
00:11:15
Speaker
Like, that's not on you.
00:11:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:19
Speaker
Okay, so there's so much more about him to roast, but I wanted to highlight this whiny tantrum he threw over his birthday weekend.
00:11:26
Speaker
After saying one thing the entire time, truth came to light afterwards and he twisted the story to fit his own sob story narrative.
00:11:32
Speaker
How did I bail on him when I told him almost two weeks in advance about the lunch, which he said that he was okay with?
00:11:40
Speaker
Also, keep in mind, I only rescheduled this lunch in the first place because of his insecurities.
00:11:46
Speaker
I really wish I found FDS before I committed myself to this negative value male and wasted a year of my life, but better late than never, right?
00:11:53
Speaker
I'm very pleased with all of my newfound free time.
00:11:56
Speaker
A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it feels so good.
00:11:59
Speaker
Going to work on myself and level up.
00:12:01
Speaker
Thank you so much for all that you queens do.
00:12:03
Speaker
Your subreddit and podcasts have changed my life for the better.
00:12:05
Speaker
Aw, thank you, Jennifer.
00:12:06
Speaker
Aw, thank you.
00:12:07
Speaker
We love the feedback we get from you guys.
00:12:09
Speaker
Yeah, I'm really glad.
00:12:11
Speaker
Every time I hear a story about a woman breaking up with her shitty boyfriend, I'm like, yes!
00:12:14
Speaker
We got another one.
00:12:16
Speaker
An FDSer gets her crown.
00:12:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:18
Speaker
And a queen gets her crown.
00:12:20
Speaker
A queen gets her crown every time someone breaks up with a negative value male.
00:12:26
Speaker
Yeah, every time someone breaks up with a negative value male, I'm proud of her.
00:12:29
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:12:30
Speaker
Yeah, it just sounds like this guy has a hole deep in his soul that will never be fulfilled with anything.
00:12:36
Speaker
He just sounds super entitled and whiny.
00:12:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:39
Speaker
Yeah, this sounds like the, the, I've had exes like that too, where, you know, I'll do something incredible for Valentine's day or for a birthday or Christmas or something like that.
00:12:52
Speaker
And whatever I do, it's never good enough.
00:12:54
Speaker
And I think it's just part of like the negging and just trying to make the woman feel beneath him or like, she's not good enough.
00:13:01
Speaker
A lot of the times.
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:01
Speaker
And constantly on the back foot.
00:13:03
Speaker
And sometimes it's a manipulation tactic to try to just get her to work harder.
00:13:07
Speaker
Right.
00:13:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:08
Speaker
So yeah, like ladies don't fall for that.
00:13:09
Speaker
Like he should be the one working hard to win you, not the other way around.
00:13:13
Speaker
Like a whole birthday weekend wasn't enough for him.
00:13:15
Speaker
He's like, no, I want to do over.
00:13:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's really weird.
00:13:19
Speaker
It's like, again, you're not his mom.
00:13:21
Speaker
I mean, like if you're an adult, people care about your birthday insofar as they also want to have a mutual party with you.
00:13:27
Speaker
Like it becomes a little bit more about the group than I need an intense amount of attention on this day.
00:13:33
Speaker
Because after that, it starts to feel like, okay, this person is just using us all to masturbate their ego with.
00:13:38
Speaker
Right.
00:13:38
Speaker
I have a weird complex about birthdays just because of like childhood trauma.
00:13:42
Speaker
So I generally don't like a lot of attention on my birthday.
00:13:47
Speaker
I find like birthdays, my birthday, like when it's another person's birthday, I go all out.
00:13:51
Speaker
I want to make that like the best day possible for them.
00:13:53
Speaker
If it's something, someone that I really care about and love.
00:13:56
Speaker
So I want them to have a good time.
00:13:59
Speaker
I find like on my birthday, I almost don't like to celebrate on my actual birthday.
00:14:04
Speaker
I like to celebrate
00:14:06
Speaker
Like the weekend before or after?
00:14:09
Speaker
The thing is, you have to remember is most people are really excited to just get out of the house for any reason.
00:14:14
Speaker
So never feel bad trying to throw a party because people are always glad when somebody organizes it.
00:14:19
Speaker
Right.
00:14:21
Speaker
Especially the older you get where there's just less reasons to be bothered with people.
00:14:24
Speaker
So...
00:14:26
Speaker
Your birthday is not an excuse to act like a narcissistic asshole, right?
00:14:30
Speaker
It is really a celebration for you and the people around you.
00:14:33
Speaker
It's kind of like the whole bridezilla thing.
00:14:36
Speaker
And actually, I feel like a bride at least has an excuse that you're only going to do that one time.
00:14:42
Speaker
Your birthday is every year.
00:14:43
Speaker
So I kind of feel like...
00:14:46
Speaker
You know, after, I don't know, being a child past like 25, I don't know, maybe even before that, but past 20, your birthdays are more like a group celebration and you should keep in mind your guests.
00:14:57
Speaker
Like that's part of, I think, growing up is transferring from being the person that everyone lavishes attention to.
00:15:02
Speaker
and like gifts on you.
00:15:04
Speaker
Like, you know, like it's Christmas to being like, you're the person that's going out of ready to buy gifts.
00:15:08
Speaker
That's part of growing up.
00:15:09
Speaker
But some people don't seem to get that memo and they still think they should be treated like they're five on their birthday, which is like no matter how big of an asshole they act or how entitled and annoying they are, that everybody needs to pay attention to them.
00:15:20
Speaker
That's not how it works.
00:15:22
Speaker
Like you need to transition from the childlike celebration to the adult version of that.
00:15:26
Speaker
So this guy just sounds like he's still in the everything on my birthday needs to be about me.
00:15:30
Speaker
And that is just really, really...
00:15:32
Speaker
Childish, yeah.
00:15:33
Speaker
Childish, yeah.
00:15:37
Speaker
I don't know.
00:15:37
Speaker
He just sounds like a little five-year-old.
00:15:39
Speaker
Like, he sounds like a grown man with the personality of a five-year-old.
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah, get him a macaroni card with glitter then.
00:15:45
Speaker
That's an appropriate gift for a five-year-old.
00:15:48
Speaker
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking about how much of a red flag it was that he acted like he was okay with it at first and then, like, pulled the rug out from under her in the end.
00:15:56
Speaker
Because that's... The fact that she felt anxiety about telling him...
00:16:02
Speaker
And the fact that, like, you know, he's almost like lulling her into a false sense of security, right?
00:16:08
Speaker
And then, like, ripping the rug out from under her in the very end.
00:16:11
Speaker
That's actually a kind of abusive, like, tactic that I've had guys try that on me before.
00:16:16
Speaker
It's very abusive.
00:16:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's like where they pretend, oh, I'm fine with this.
00:16:20
Speaker
This is great.
00:16:21
Speaker
That's fine.
00:16:21
Speaker
And you get to feel really secure and then they just blindside you in the end.
00:16:26
Speaker
And then it kind of trains you to to be like on your guard, to be paranoid, to doubt yourself, to, you know, if things are going well, to want to walk on eggshells, even if things are going well.
00:16:38
Speaker
Right.
00:16:39
Speaker
So fuck that
Vetting for Sexual Compatibility Without Sex
00:16:41
Speaker
guy.
00:16:41
Speaker
He sounds like a piece of shit.
00:16:42
Speaker
I'm glad she broke up with him.
00:16:44
Speaker
Yeah, now he'll spend his birthday alone.
00:16:46
Speaker
Yeah, as he should.
00:16:47
Speaker
Win-win.
00:16:47
Speaker
Now he'll really be alone.
00:16:48
Speaker
That's a win.
00:16:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:50
Speaker
That's a win.
00:16:51
Speaker
Now he's got this watercolor painting of his two dogs that she bought for him, and he's probably going to think about her every single time he looks at that painting.
00:16:57
Speaker
And think about what he's lost.
00:16:58
Speaker
So hopefully he'll reflect and feel bad.
00:17:01
Speaker
about himself for being a piece of shit, but he probably won't.
00:17:03
Speaker
He sounds like the kind of shitty narcissistic guy that will just go, Oh, poor me.
00:17:08
Speaker
My girlfriend had a bad birthday for me and then like broke up with me a few days later when I'm the victim.
00:17:13
Speaker
Like he probably isn't going to learn from that.
00:17:14
Speaker
Let's be honest.
00:17:16
Speaker
All right.
00:17:16
Speaker
So that's our roast to scrote.
00:17:18
Speaker
Uh, if you'd like to submit your very own roast to scrote or listen to our bonus content, please check out our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:17:26
Speaker
And let's start the show.
00:17:34
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:17:35
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:17:39
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:17:41
Speaker
And this is Savannah.
00:17:42
Speaker
And I'm Lola.
00:17:43
Speaker
And today, we're going to talk about vetting for sexual compatibility.
00:17:48
Speaker
So this topic is requested a lot, and I think it has to do with the fact that
00:17:55
Speaker
So much of our culture has been pushing the idea that sex should happen fairly early on in the dating stage to quote unquote, check for sexual compatibility.
00:18:07
Speaker
But a lot of women find that that's a pretty unsatisfactory strategy because often you're having sex with creeps or jerks or just men who you shouldn't have bothered or wasted your pussy on for whatever reason.
00:18:24
Speaker
Yeah, the whole, like, I need to have sex with you in order to test our sexual compatibility is a fucking scam that low-value men say when they know that they don't have any repeat customers so they can get in, get on, get out.
00:18:37
Speaker
It's just a way to trick you into, like, casual sex when you're a woman who normally doesn't want to do casual sex.
00:18:42
Speaker
Yeah, I really resent the idea that now the norm, so to speak, is for you to have sex with a person after two to three dates, which seems way quick, especially if it's a person you just met.
00:18:55
Speaker
If it's a person you've known a while and it's two to three dates after you've gone on formal dates, it's quite a bit different from...
00:19:02
Speaker
meeting men online or meeting men casually and then expecting that sex happen within two to three weeks, maybe, or even depending on how quick your dates are in succession.
00:19:10
Speaker
Or not even that.
00:19:11
Speaker
Some guys will be like, I need to have sex with you in order to know whether I want to even take you on a date.
00:19:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:17
Speaker
Like, they basically see women as like, you know, cars to test drive, right?
00:19:22
Speaker
They're like, how do I know whether I want to buy you or spend money on you until I've taken you up for a test drive?
00:19:29
Speaker
And it's way too soon.
00:19:31
Speaker
I would guess a lot of women, there are a lot of women like me and that I'm not that excited about sex with a man after two to three days.
00:19:37
Speaker
Who I don't know.
00:19:38
Speaker
Yeah, who I don't know.
00:19:38
Speaker
So even if I'm very, very sexually attracted to him, two to three dates feels a little bit soon.
00:19:46
Speaker
I will say that I've had sex after a third or fourth date and I...
00:19:50
Speaker
almost always regretted it, even if it led to a relationship, because I think later I was like, you know, I wish I had dragged this out a little bit more and got a bit more of a feel for this person.
00:20:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:05
Speaker
Only because I feel like it's hotter that way too.
00:20:08
Speaker
To me, it's just more sexually exciting to kind of keep that buildup going versus once you have sex, it's kind of all over.
00:20:15
Speaker
You can't have sex the first time again.
00:20:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:20:19
Speaker
Like, I find, first of all, like, the first time I have sex with a guy is often, like, when the man is at his best.
00:20:27
Speaker
And there's actually studies showing that, like, with men, like, the idea of having a novel partner, like, they'll get the hardest boner or something like that when they have sex with a woman for the first time.
00:20:38
Speaker
And they tend to be better at it when they're emotionally invested in you.
00:20:43
Speaker
Like, they are better at it.
00:20:46
Speaker
They're actually better at sex when they give a shit about you as a person, like they care about your pleasure.
00:20:50
Speaker
If the first time you have sex with them is before they've developed that emotional connection, they're not going to be as good.
00:20:55
Speaker
It could also be a premature expectation of an emotional connection because there's been times where it's only been three or four dates, but then you're talking and you're texting all night and
00:21:04
Speaker
And you think you're building all this rapport.
00:21:06
Speaker
And then you have this build up for the time that you see them.
00:21:09
Speaker
But then you realize, I think I just realized in hindsight that like text and phone time is really not that much of a substitute from face to face time.
00:21:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:19
Speaker
The other thing is, even if it leads to a relationship, I find that those kinds of men, it often results in like an unsatisfying relationship.
00:21:27
Speaker
Like I had two separate exes and I stopped doing this after the second time, you know, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, um, where I had sex with a guy after the second date and
00:21:40
Speaker
And we went on to have a relationship and both of these exes later on straight up like made fun of me and were like, haha, you had sex with me on the first or haha, you had sex with me on the second date.
00:21:50
Speaker
And like that led to them kind of devaluing me in the relationship later on.
00:21:54
Speaker
So even in cases where you go on to have a relationship with them, often they just seem to see you as less valuable and give less of a shit about you if you've had sex with them on the second date.
00:22:07
Speaker
So I just want to talk about the three month rule, which is something that is discussed quite a bit on the subreddit.
00:22:16
Speaker
And the three month rule basically says that you should wait at least three months before becoming sexually intimate with a man.
00:22:26
Speaker
I just want to stress that the three-month rule is not about, in quotation marks, withholding sex from men because it's not something that he's entitled to.
00:22:36
Speaker
I really, really hate the terminology when people are like, oh, you're withholding sex from him as if it's a human right.
00:22:43
Speaker
Sex is not a human right.
00:22:44
Speaker
It's not...
00:22:46
Speaker
I mean, you can argue if it's a need or not, but he won't die if he doesn't have sex with you for the first few weeks.
00:22:51
Speaker
And it's something that I want to stress is that your comfort matters too.
00:22:58
Speaker
If you don't feel ready to have sex, then you are not withholding anything from him.
00:23:04
Speaker
You are maintaining your boundaries.
00:23:06
Speaker
So I just wanted to get that out of the way.
00:23:08
Speaker
Because I just really, really hate that terminology of, well, you're withholding sex from him.
00:23:14
Speaker
Because you don't owe him anything.
00:23:17
Speaker
I remember when I first found FDS, I thought the three-month rule was crazy.
00:23:20
Speaker
Like, that was the one thing that I was like, these bitches are crazy.
00:23:24
Speaker
Like, when I first found FDS, I thought you guys were insane.
00:23:28
Speaker
But that's just because we, you know, I'm so used to this, like...
00:23:32
Speaker
Sex posi culture where, you know, and hook up, you know, casual sex culture where the idea of waiting three months to have sex sounds insane.
00:23:40
Speaker
Like the idea of a long courtship, it sounds so bizarre.
00:23:44
Speaker
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that why it's necessary.
00:23:48
Speaker
And there's been studies that have, there's been studies I've seen posted on the subreddit where it shows that a lot of people who are narcissistic or who have other kinds of personality disorders or who have general nefarious intentions, it takes about three months for them to start to show cracks in the facade.
00:24:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:08
Speaker
And that just comes from recognizing consistency in their behavior that suddenly gets subverted.
00:24:15
Speaker
Suddenly they change their behavior or you just start to notice that some of the things that they're saying is obviously bullshit, right?
00:24:22
Speaker
Because if you don't know a person that well, you may take everything that they say at face value, but as you get to know them, you start to realize, ah,
00:24:30
Speaker
I think this is not true.
Importance of Emotional Connection Before Physical Intimacy
00:24:32
Speaker
Right.
00:24:32
Speaker
You just have that little niggling doubt present in your mind.
00:24:36
Speaker
I mean like narcissists, sociopaths and other liars, like people who lie pathologically, it takes about three months for them to forget the lies that they told you three months ago.
00:24:44
Speaker
So then, so then they'll start saying other things that are like, wait, but I thought you said blah, blah, blah.
00:24:48
Speaker
And then, you know, that's when you're able to find the cracks.
00:24:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:53
Speaker
And also I think, I,
00:24:55
Speaker
I mean, for me, I've never quite understood this emphasis on sexual activity.
00:25:00
Speaker
If the sex is bomb, but you're not compatible or he's low value, it doesn't matter anyway.
00:25:06
Speaker
And the danger of having sex with somebody too soon is that, say the sex is really good because some low value men, it is possible that they're still very good in bed, but the relationship isn't great.
00:25:19
Speaker
then does sexual compatibility really matter if you're not compatible in areas where it matters?
00:25:24
Speaker
So, for example, your values, your personality, your life goals and stuff like that.
00:25:32
Speaker
So that's, yeah, so I've never really understood the overemphasis on sex.
00:25:37
Speaker
And if he is, you know, if you are supposed to be together, you know, your sexual compatibility is something that
00:25:46
Speaker
that you can develop together.
00:25:48
Speaker
It doesn't have to be all fireworks from the get-go as well.
00:25:53
Speaker
I think that's another point to emphasize.
00:25:55
Speaker
I mean, obviously, if he is a selfish lover from the beginning, it's unlikely to get better.
00:26:00
Speaker
But if you are in it for the long haul, there's going to be peaks and troughs in your sex life anyway.
00:26:07
Speaker
Yeah, and keep it real, homosexuals and manipulators, they always bring the bomb A-game dick, right?
00:26:16
Speaker
And then it's like downhill from there.
00:26:18
Speaker
Their life depends on it.
00:26:19
Speaker
For homosexuals, they're really looking for somebody to save them.
00:26:23
Speaker
Is this honestly true?
00:26:23
Speaker
Like when I worked in the homeless shelter, you know, I would get men saying that, oh, I'm going to find someone to hook up with tonight just so I don't have to sleep here.
00:26:32
Speaker
And they would try and find women.
00:26:34
Speaker
Honestly, verbatim, they would admit that to their support workers.
00:26:38
Speaker
And that's why a lot of guys push for sex so soon, is because they don't just want you, they want your apartment to sleep in.
00:26:46
Speaker
They want your beds.
00:26:49
Speaker
They want your feet.
00:26:50
Speaker
And then there's just the guys who are very narcissistic.
00:26:54
Speaker
So they want to get you hooked early on.
00:26:56
Speaker
So they think, oh, I'm really, really going to pull out all the stops the first time.
00:26:59
Speaker
And then after that, just do like a severe drop off.
00:27:01
Speaker
So then you're left wondering like, oh, what happened?
00:27:05
Speaker
You know, why are you not being as attentive or intense about your sexual desire anymore?
00:27:10
Speaker
And I've also, unfortunately, uh,
00:27:12
Speaker
experience that where a guy starts out and it could just be, it's an extension of love bombing, right?
00:27:17
Speaker
So they do everything at the beginning to make you feel loved, make you feel special.
00:27:22
Speaker
At the beginning, the sex is amazing.
00:27:24
Speaker
It's a one.
00:27:25
Speaker
And then maybe like a couple months in, like they're rolling over and going to sleep and you're like, what the fuck, man?
00:27:30
Speaker
Like, how did this, how did you, how did your skillset drop off so quickly?
00:27:38
Speaker
And I actually had a guy admit to me once that he was like, well, if I was straightforward with you, you wouldn't like me anymore or something like that.
00:27:48
Speaker
Almost like he had planned on doing this from the beginning because he thought that keeping like stringing me along and kind of being inconsistent would make me more attracted to him, which didn't.
00:27:59
Speaker
I think you raised something, an interesting point, you know, where I think we also have to be careful that we're not telling them what it will take for us to sleep with them.
00:28:09
Speaker
I know some women like to put their cards on the table and say, I'm not going to have sex till I get commitment or I'm not going to have sex until the 10th date or whatever.
00:28:18
Speaker
But that just literally gives them the tools on how they can manipulate you.
00:28:21
Speaker
Like I've had guys pretend to be a Christian, pretend to hate porn, all because they wanted to try and sleep with me.
00:28:29
Speaker
Yeah, I remember one time I made the mistake of telling a guy that I had a five-date rule, and he was like, no, I totally understand.
00:28:36
Speaker
And then after the fifth date, he ghosted me.
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah, they will literally shapeshift to be anything you want if you tell them.
00:28:46
Speaker
If you tell them beforehand, they will shapeshift into being whatever you want just to sleep with you, and then their true colours will come out afterwards.
00:28:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:56
Speaker
The other thing about...
00:28:57
Speaker
The other thing about the three-month rule is like there have been studies showing that, you know, for women, when you have sex, it releases oxytocin.
00:29:07
Speaker
And oxytocin is the like bonding hormone.
00:29:10
Speaker
And so women tend to get attached to men after having sex.
00:29:14
Speaker
Whereas with men, there's almost like the opposite.
00:29:17
Speaker
There's like post-nut clarity where, you know, if a guy, if you have sex with a guy and he's not in love with you, he will...
00:29:25
Speaker
feel less attracted to you after you have sex with him.
00:29:28
Speaker
It's very sad.
00:29:28
Speaker
He almost becomes repulsed by you, like some men have said.
00:29:31
Speaker
They almost become disgusted with the porn they've watched or the person they've slept with.
00:29:36
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:29:36
Speaker
But if you, but, but here's the thing, if you wait, like if you wait to have sex with a man for the first time until after he's in love with you, then that post-nut clarity doesn't really apply.
00:29:50
Speaker
Like they'll, they stay attracted to you because, um, that, those, that emotional connection was already there.
00:29:59
Speaker
So yeah, it's actually kind of sad that our biology is cursing us in this way, where if you have sex too soon and you're a woman, you'll feel more attraction to him and he'll feel less attraction to you.
00:30:10
Speaker
So it's just not beneficial to women to have sex too soon.
00:30:15
Speaker
The longer you wait, the better off it is for you.
00:30:18
Speaker
I mean, can I just ask you wiser ladies a question?
00:30:22
Speaker
Is post-nut clarity an actual thing for men?
00:30:25
Speaker
I think it's a thing.
00:30:27
Speaker
I mean, I think it's actually a thing for women too, to be honest, because I've definitely thought I liked a guy and then realized, oh, I was just horny.
00:30:34
Speaker
I don't know what that is, but I can say I've experienced it as a woman.
00:30:44
Speaker
I don't know if it's as intense or as frequent as maybe it is for men, but I do think it's a thing.
00:30:52
Speaker
For me, like, I do know that I get attached after sex.
00:30:56
Speaker
Like, I just know that that's the way that I am.
00:31:00
Speaker
And I want to have a connection before sex.
00:31:04
Speaker
I want to feel safe and comfortable with him.
00:31:06
Speaker
And then after I have sex, that...
00:31:08
Speaker
makes it that feeling more intense.
00:31:11
Speaker
So I just know that my, my hormones and my biology are like tricking me into this is all just like your biology is trying to trick you to make babies.
00:31:18
Speaker
Okay, you got to understand that like your, your hormones are set up to make you reproduce, they're not set up to make you happy.
00:31:25
Speaker
Okay, evolution doesn't give a shit about you being happy, okay?
00:31:28
Speaker
The only thing evolution gives a shit about is making is passing on your genetics, right?
00:31:34
Speaker
And that's why we have to adjust dating culture to be more realistic to what's true or at least consistent for the average woman.
00:31:42
Speaker
Because I remember reading an article, and I think it was Caitlin Roper on Twitter who had retweeted this.
00:31:49
Speaker
And she was writing and it was basically an article that had been written in one of the women's magazines, like Elle or Laura, one of those magazines.
00:31:55
Speaker
And it was like how not to catch feelings after a hookup.
00:31:58
Speaker
And it was stuff like don't make eye contact or don't kiss.
00:32:02
Speaker
And I'm like, why are you having sex with this person if you can't make eye contact with them?
00:32:06
Speaker
And it was it was all about tricking your mind and your body not to release like oxytocin.
00:32:12
Speaker
So weird.
00:32:13
Speaker
So I was like, this seems like a lot of work for what for a nut that's probably not even going to be worth it at the end of the day.
00:32:19
Speaker
It's better to me to honor and work with your biology than to constantly and to change the culture to work with our biology better than to constantly be trying to fit ourselves and shape shift into this like aspirational ideal that we can all just hook up with no...
00:32:36
Speaker
no feeling about it.
00:32:37
Speaker
Also, why is hooking up without any feelings?
00:32:40
Speaker
Why is that even the goal?
00:32:42
Speaker
Because men do it and LibFans love to think men are the standard, right?
00:32:46
Speaker
I mean, but the thing is that even men I've spoken to who will literally sleep with anything, who are promiscuous, you know, even they will admit that sex is always better when it's with someone you actually care about.
00:32:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:00
Speaker
I mean, so even men don't really buy into this whole, you know, sex.
00:33:03
Speaker
I mean, I mean, they do to a certain degree, but they will always, but they will always prefer sex with somebody they have an emotional attachment to or who they care about.
00:33:12
Speaker
It will always be better.
00:33:15
Speaker
Yeah, you know what I realized?
00:33:17
Speaker
You know what I realized looking at some of the... I have this morbid fascination with pickup artists and red pillar types.
00:33:24
Speaker
And so just seeing the way that some of them talk about the women that they have sex with, it's clear that even they don't enjoy it.
00:33:31
Speaker
They'll say, like, you're just...
00:33:32
Speaker
putting your engorged member inside of her moist hole.
00:33:36
Speaker
And it just sounds very like mechanical, like they're just doing it because they feel like they have to or to just like take off a notch in their belt or some weird shit.
00:33:44
Speaker
I don't know.
00:33:45
Speaker
But, you know, it's very clear to me that even like promiscuous men don't seem to enjoy the casual sex that they're having.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah, most of these guys who are promiscuous, a lot of times they have wives, which is so wild.
00:33:57
Speaker
I mean, even if you look at professional athletes, these guys fuck all the most beautiful women in the world, and most of them still want a wife.
00:34:07
Speaker
They still want a woman they feel emotionally and sexually connected to, right?
00:34:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:13
Speaker
They don't have to get married.
00:34:15
Speaker
Tiger Woods didn't have to get married, but he did, right?
00:34:17
Speaker
Like he could have like had an entire harem full of women he just spun through forever.
00:34:22
Speaker
And well, maybe not now because he's like definitely well past the wall.
00:34:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:30
Speaker
We've seen him lately.
00:34:31
Speaker
Like I, he's like balding and pot belly, but prime target when he was like on the cover of GQ looking like very handsome, he's always been kind of a nerd, but, um, he could have had all those same women.
00:34:42
Speaker
He was messing with all the porn stars or whatever.
00:34:43
Speaker
He didn't have to be married, but I think a lot of times men, they, they want that for sure.
Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
00:34:50
Speaker
They just want to kind of have their cake and eat it too.
00:34:53
Speaker
Yeah, I think Megan Thee Stallion had a line like, guys who cheat on their wives are just greedy.
00:34:59
Speaker
Like, they just, they want to have someone they can come home to and love and have intimacy with.
00:35:03
Speaker
But they also want to go out and get their...
00:35:07
Speaker
you know, get their side piece as well, right?
00:35:09
Speaker
So they're just greedy.
00:35:11
Speaker
They want to have their cake and eat it too.
00:35:13
Speaker
But for women, it's a different game, okay?
00:35:14
Speaker
Because casual sex is just like, I don't know.
00:35:17
Speaker
It's just not fun.
00:35:21
Speaker
It's high risk.
00:35:23
Speaker
It's high risk, extremely low reward.
00:35:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:27
Speaker
I remember one time I had sex with a guy on the second date and he literally came in like two thrusts.
00:35:34
Speaker
Like he was such a premature ejaculator.
00:35:37
Speaker
Like the moment his dick entered my body, he came.
00:35:40
Speaker
And I remember like, and I just remember him like being like the, like that man orgasm sound kind of thing.
00:35:48
Speaker
And I was just like,
00:35:49
Speaker
Wait, wait, what?
00:35:50
Speaker
Like, that's it?
00:35:52
Speaker
And he said something like, oh, yeah, like, this is a problem.
00:35:56
Speaker
I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah.
00:35:58
Speaker
I straight up, like, laughed in his face.
00:35:59
Speaker
I didn't even know how to act.
00:36:01
Speaker
I just was in shock.
00:36:03
Speaker
I just, like, just could not.
00:36:05
Speaker
I just burst out laughing.
00:36:06
Speaker
And he fucking freaked out on me.
00:36:08
Speaker
He was like, you know.
00:36:11
Speaker
oh yeah like you're the least supportive partner i've ever had like every woman before you has been sure so much nicer about this than you blah blah you're such a person otherwise he wouldn't be single yeah exactly so yeah he was like so but this is called ro annotates uh all of these stories punctuating the lies yeah
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, so he's saying, you know, how I'm such a horrible person and I'm so unsupportive and, like, all the other women are supportive of it.
00:36:42
Speaker
And I'm like, what?
00:36:44
Speaker
Like, what?
00:36:45
Speaker
Anyways, he stormed out and, like, you know, blocked me on everything, never spoke to me again.
00:36:48
Speaker
But still, that's, like, I don't know why I brought that up.
00:36:50
Speaker
That was just, like, the most bizarre.
00:36:52
Speaker
That was actually, I think, the last time I ever had casual sex.
00:36:54
Speaker
Like, so...
00:36:56
Speaker
Because that's rock bottom, isn't it?
00:36:58
Speaker
That's the day where you're just like... That's like rock bottom.
00:37:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:01
Speaker
It's time to reevaluate everything.
00:37:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:04
Speaker
I mean, I'm glad that my pussy is just that magical that he just couldn't help himself.
00:37:08
Speaker
He just like came second and entered my body.
00:37:12
Speaker
I literally have like divine pussy energy, but...
00:37:16
Speaker
So I'm glad, you know, part of me is like, yeah, hell yeah.
00:37:19
Speaker
I got like maximum efficiency going on down there.
00:37:21
Speaker
But still, I was just like, that was embarrassing.
00:37:25
Speaker
Anyways.
00:37:26
Speaker
Okay, so moving on from that, I want to talk about the lies that men tell to manipulate women into having sex sooner than they perhaps would like to.
00:37:38
Speaker
So the first one is, I think that...
00:37:40
Speaker
And we've already touched on this one, but it's, oh, he needs to know if you're sexually compatible before continuing the relationship.
00:37:48
Speaker
I mean, we've already touched on it, but men don't fall in love through sex.
00:37:53
Speaker
And that is something that we need to internalise as women, is that men generally don't fall head over heels in love with women because she's great in bed.
00:38:05
Speaker
It's a lie, complete lie.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah, this lie that you need to have like porn star sex with him in order for him to fall in love with you is a lie.
00:38:13
Speaker
If anything, like if anything, like the more wild or kinky the sex is, the less respect he'll have for you, sadly.
00:38:20
Speaker
Exactly, exactly.
00:38:21
Speaker
And this idea is so prevalent in the BDSM community.
00:38:29
Speaker
Because the thing is, in the BDSM community, a lot of the partnerships there, so the DOM sub-dynamics, were between people who weren't in relationships.
00:38:39
Speaker
So that was quite common, actually, for your DOM to not be your boyfriend.
00:38:44
Speaker
What?
00:38:44
Speaker
And some mis-
00:38:45
Speaker
What?
00:38:46
Speaker
The dom to not be your boyfriend?
00:38:48
Speaker
That's weird.
00:38:49
Speaker
Yeah, it was quite common for people to just be play partners, as they called it.
00:38:55
Speaker
And I would see some missives on the subreddit all the time saying, oh, my dom said that he would try, he's happy to try BDSM with me, but not with his wife because he respects her too much.
00:39:07
Speaker
Wow.
00:39:08
Speaker
He's straight up saying, I don't respect you.
00:39:10
Speaker
I'm outsourcing my depravity on someone I believe to be lower than me.
00:39:14
Speaker
Yeah, and I think even Armie Hammer said that as well.
00:39:17
Speaker
Like, he said that he can never do BDSM with his wife because he just respects her too much.
00:39:22
Speaker
So it's the classic Madonna-whore complex.
00:39:25
Speaker
But yeah, it completely, like, proves what, for example, you know, what's just been said in that being a porn star for men does not make them respect you at all.
00:39:36
Speaker
At all.
00:39:37
Speaker
It does the opposite.
00:39:38
Speaker
Makes them respect you less.
00:39:40
Speaker
I think authenticity is always the most important thing with women.
00:39:43
Speaker
Like...
00:39:44
Speaker
Yeah, and it sort of puts women into a category in their minds of the women they can just use and abuse.
00:39:54
Speaker
It's not fair at all because they're also partaking in that porn star sex, but it is what it is.
00:40:00
Speaker
I think the fantasy, again, that liberal feminists had was that this kind of sex, if we quote unquote normalize it, we normalize kink and we normalize a lot of these more abusive kinks that men would be more comfortable talking about them in relationships.
00:40:14
Speaker
And that only kind of sort of happened, right?
00:40:17
Speaker
Like they still continue to have the quote unquote virginal respectable wife and then outsource the more depraved sex to women they believe are lower than them on the social hierarchy.
00:40:29
Speaker
And, uh, even if they do bring that home to a significant other, it doesn't always release.
00:40:36
Speaker
And most of the time it doesn't stay in the bedroom, right?
00:40:38
Speaker
It becomes like a system, uh, or a repeated way that they disrespect their partner, right?
00:40:43
Speaker
And that disrespect starts to bleed into other areas of their life.
00:40:45
Speaker
And that's something you'll also see on like BDSM subreddits, right?
00:40:49
Speaker
Where it's like, they don't know how to turn that dynamic off.
00:40:51
Speaker
Um,
00:40:52
Speaker
So it's really, really interesting because I think there's the, again, the fairy tale, the goal, and then the real deal, which is that men who view women like this sexually often engage in this kind of extracurricular activities with...
00:41:09
Speaker
women outside of their marriage, outside of their primary partner, or if they do engage with it in it, or if they do engage in it with their primary partner, a lot of times they start to disrespect them if they didn't disrespect them up front.
00:41:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:25
Speaker
Yeah, this lie that liberal feminists have been trying to spread that, oh, if we de-stigmatize kinkiness and stuff, then men will be more open to talk about it in their relationships.
00:41:36
Speaker
It's not that they're more open and willing to talk about it in their relationships.
00:41:40
Speaker
It's just now that that's become what they've come to expect from women, that they think that they're entitled to that now.
00:41:48
Speaker
So it wasn't a matter of like...
00:41:50
Speaker
openness, communication, free love, blah, blah, blah.
00:41:53
Speaker
Now it's just become the sexual standard that men think they have a right to degrade women.
00:41:57
Speaker
Yeah, they don't understand that the Madonna whore complex is just a male sexual strategy.
00:42:01
Speaker
And that's going to be the same, no matter how much they try to quote unquote, normalize something, they'll just find some other reason to find a group of women in disrespect.
00:42:09
Speaker
And that's just because that's their sexual strategy,
Myths of Sexual Compatibility & Orgasm Gap
00:42:13
Speaker
right?
00:42:13
Speaker
Have one group of women you ensure your progeny with.
00:42:18
Speaker
You know, it's like if you've ever watched Game of Thrones, right?
00:42:21
Speaker
Every single type of period piece or any type of political strategy type movie or TV show, you see this over and over and over.
00:42:30
Speaker
The king has a wife that he uses to secure his legacy and his progeny.
00:42:35
Speaker
Those are the kids he takes care of.
00:42:37
Speaker
To bear him heirs.
00:42:39
Speaker
Bear him heirs and then a bunch of other women he has quote unquote bastards with that they use for sexual gratification has nothing to do with, oh, if we just like make this activity normal, they're going to stop wanting to do it.
00:42:51
Speaker
Right.
00:42:52
Speaker
It's just a matter of them wanting to secure paternity with one group of women and then have another group of women they can just act out all their sexual fantasies on and never have to worry about paternity.
00:43:02
Speaker
And that's not going to change that.
00:43:05
Speaker
normalizing depraved sexuality.
00:43:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:08
Speaker
Like women just need to be honest.
00:43:10
Speaker
Like this is a male sexual strategy and we need to be realistic and arm ourselves.
00:43:15
Speaker
It's sort of like counter, it's like a sexual arms race kind of thing.
00:43:19
Speaker
Right.
00:43:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:20
Speaker
And another thing about the whole like sexual compatibility thing is that the sexual compatibility only works in the man's favor.
00:43:29
Speaker
Cause if you look at things like the orgasm gap, it's already, you know,
00:43:33
Speaker
you know quite big in um in a familiar relationship so when you have an established relationship i think a study in 2017 showed that um 83 percent of men orgasm during sex in um in stable relationships compared with 63 percent of women but when they looked 63 seems high it should be lower yeah um
00:43:56
Speaker
Well, they said in relationships, I think it's super low for first-time sex or one-night stands, right?
00:44:02
Speaker
It's like 7% for women in one-night stands.
00:44:05
Speaker
I mean, I've got the stat here from a 2012 study by the American Sociological Review.
00:44:12
Speaker
And it said that 40% of women climaxed during their last hookup compared with 80% of men.
00:44:18
Speaker
So even if the numbers aren't like 7%, that is a massive difference.
00:44:23
Speaker
Massive, massive difference.
00:44:24
Speaker
And that just shows you that men are not interested in getting you off, you know, when they've just met you.
00:44:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:32
Speaker
I don't care about her pleasure unless she's my wife.
00:44:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker
orgasms are only for my wife or some shit like that so it's just a complete lie this whole we need to check if we're sexually compatible and also like i've said before like if the guy is meant to stick around you know you can explore your sex life together it doesn't have to be after the second or third day you've got the rest of your lives to to navigate your sex life so just yeah don't fall for that
00:45:02
Speaker
Yeah, I've had guys pull that like, but how are we going to know if we're sexually compatible thing?
00:45:07
Speaker
And it's like, I'm studying you right now.
00:45:11
Speaker
All of this is sexual compatibility.
00:45:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's.
00:45:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:15
Speaker
And they're talking like, and they're talking like you've said that you will never have sex with them.
00:45:19
Speaker
You haven't said that.
00:45:20
Speaker
You've just said, or you've not said, but you're just choosing to, to wait until you feel more comfortable around them.
00:45:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:28
Speaker
The sexual compatibility thing is a lie.
00:45:30
Speaker
Like you're ladies, you're not a car to be test driven.
00:45:33
Speaker
You're a human being and you get to set the standards of when, and you get to set the standard of when you want to have sex, even if it's longer than what he wants.
00:45:42
Speaker
And it's not even just that.
00:45:43
Speaker
It's like, it's like, why would you, I'm trying to think of an analogy of how, how it is with men.
00:45:50
Speaker
It's like, you wouldn't want to, um,
00:45:54
Speaker
Jump into a swamp and you don't know what's in the water, right?
00:45:59
Speaker
Like you got to throw a stick in there and see if something jumps out to bite you.
00:46:03
Speaker
That's probably a bad analogy, but you know what I'm saying?
00:46:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:07
Speaker
I got the analogy.
00:46:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:09
Speaker
When it comes to men, it's not necessarily like you kind of got to survey the perimeter, look for, look for anything bubbling underneath the surface, dip your toe in, check the temperature of the water.
00:46:21
Speaker
You know, there's all sorts of things you got to do to make sure something's safe to swim in.
00:46:26
Speaker
Right.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:27
Speaker
I think a better analogy would be like, say you're thinking of investing in a company and they're like, well, how are we going to know if we're good business partners unless you invest immediately?
00:46:38
Speaker
And it's like, well, that's why I'm doing my research to your company to see if I think that you're something worth investing in because once I've thrown money at you, it's too late, right?
00:46:48
Speaker
You're not going to find out if you're compatible business partners.
00:46:51
Speaker
Like there's other ways of finding out if you're compatible business partners before throwing money at something.
00:46:58
Speaker
Yeah, you need to see your due diligence.
00:47:01
Speaker
I mean, so the second point is, and I've not actually heard of this before, but emotional support nudes.
00:47:09
Speaker
So I assume it's when a guy asks a woman for nudes to help his mood.
00:47:13
Speaker
Or like he'll have a sob story about how he had such a hard day at work or he just got fired or his grandma died or something like that.
00:47:22
Speaker
He'll try to elicit your pity somehow and then be like...
00:47:26
Speaker
Babe, can you send a nude?
00:47:27
Speaker
Because it'll just make me so much happier.
00:47:29
Speaker
It'll make me really turn me off.
00:47:34
Speaker
But how will nudes make it better?
00:47:39
Speaker
First of all, he probably is lying about the whole sad shit that he's going through.
00:47:43
Speaker
He just knows.
00:47:45
Speaker
I'm so confused.
00:47:46
Speaker
No, it's because men know that women's emotions are very easily manipulated.
00:47:50
Speaker
And so that's the strategy that they use.
00:47:52
Speaker
They're like, oh, I'm just going to get her to feel bad for me.
00:47:55
Speaker
And then she's going to have a sense of obligation and do what I want kind of thing.
00:47:59
Speaker
It'd be like, I had a bad day, but you know what would cheer me up?
00:48:02
Speaker
She's going to send me names.
00:48:03
Speaker
Seeing a picture of you naked.
00:48:05
Speaker
Upside down smiley face emoji.
00:48:07
Speaker
You know, something like very, very cheeky.
00:48:10
Speaker
And also it makes her feel like a monster if she says no, right?
00:48:13
Speaker
Like, oh, so you just want me to emotionally suffer then?
00:48:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:17
Speaker
I've honestly never heard of that before.
00:48:19
Speaker
That is the wildest thing.
00:48:21
Speaker
I just can't imagine.
00:48:22
Speaker
If I'm feeling down, I just think, yeah, I really want to see, like, Chris Hemsworth naked.
Manipulation Tactics in Relationships
00:48:28
Speaker
That would really cheer me up.
00:48:30
Speaker
I've just never thought that.
00:48:32
Speaker
Yeah, true.
00:48:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:35
Speaker
like kumar chimps okay so like their brains are different than ours yeah just an aside like any any man who asks you for nudes is low value by default um because yeah i can't even get into that because it could be an episode in itself but yeah any man who does that is just low value men act like getting nudes are like collecting pokemon okay like they brag about it with their friends and stuff like oh look and here's the thing they actually
00:49:03
Speaker
don't respect women who send them nudes.
00:49:05
Speaker
No.
00:49:05
Speaker
They're like, haha, look at all these pictures that I got from all these dumb, gullible bitches.
00:49:10
Speaker
Like, they don't respect you more for it.
00:49:13
Speaker
They just think you're a sucker.
00:49:14
Speaker
That's what's so frustrating about it is because, like, when you do what they want, they have less regard for you.
00:49:20
Speaker
They have less respect for you, yeah.
00:49:22
Speaker
They're trying to present an option to you that seems like it's bringing you closer together, but instead it's just a way for them to manipulate you into doing something that's going to increase their own social clout.
00:49:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's 100% it because for them it's like, look how...
00:49:40
Speaker
like much of a baller I am or something like they, they think when they're talking to their male friends, it's something that makes them look cooler or smarter, better at manipulating or something like they really do take pride in manipulating women and, and,
00:49:55
Speaker
you know, yeah, just like, look at all these gullible bitches I've managed to manipulate.
00:49:59
Speaker
They're proud of it.
00:50:00
Speaker
Yeah, so don't, don't like sacrifice your social standing to increase another man's social standing.
00:50:05
Speaker
100%.
00:50:06
Speaker
And you're not his personal porn star as well.
00:50:09
Speaker
I've seen, you know, men say like, oh, if I stop watching porn, then if you send me videos or, or pictures or whatever, like you're not a porn star.
00:50:18
Speaker
He's still watching porn.
00:50:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:22
Speaker
even if you're making nudes for him he's still watching porn it's just that now you're this porn star for him it's like and you're not his personal porn star you don't have to sign up to that so um yeah um and then the final one is um if he says that his um that his particular love language is physical touch um
00:50:43
Speaker
So this is a classic one that I've seen bandied around because physical touch is often a euphemism for just sex, even though there are many, many ways to physically touch somebody that doesn't involve having sex with them.
00:50:59
Speaker
There can be, for example, you can cuddle, you can give massages, you can hold hands.
00:51:07
Speaker
But this particular one, and also I don't,
00:51:10
Speaker
Funny how the guys who say my love language is physical touch will like recoil if you try to hold their hand in public.
00:51:18
Speaker
But then if you turn around and say like, oh, my particular love language is receiving gifts, they'll call you a gold digger.
00:51:24
Speaker
Right.
00:51:26
Speaker
Or they'll say my love language is physical touch to get out of doing things in your quote unquote love language, even though that book's kind of bullshit and is responsible for a lot of terrible relationship issues.
00:51:38
Speaker
But meaning instead of saying my love language is a physical touch, meaning just saying I want a woman to touch me, they'll say my love language is physical touch, meaning this is how I express myself.
00:51:49
Speaker
affection and they'll mean that exclusively that they're doing nothing else but trying to have sex with you and grab on your titties all day right yeah and they'll be like see my love language isn't gifts and so that's why I can't get you a gift for your birthday because it's just not my love language right exactly physical touch is my love language so that's why I'm gonna paw at you
00:52:08
Speaker
Grabbing a handful of pussy.
00:52:09
Speaker
That's why I'm grabbing a handful of pussy right now.
00:52:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's how I show my love is grabbing your pussy.
00:52:15
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:52:15
Speaker
That's the reason why I don't really buy into the whole love language thing because I fully believe that if... Because, for example, I'm not a very affectionate person.
00:52:24
Speaker
I don't tell my family I love them.
00:52:26
Speaker
I don't give hugs very often because that's just not really... I mean, I do love my family a lot, but it's just not something that I do.
00:52:33
Speaker
You're supposed to be like, Savannah, are you okay?
00:52:36
Speaker
I just don't...
00:52:38
Speaker
I remember when my sister dropped me off at the airport one time when I was going to New York and then I was fully about to walk on the plane and she was like, oh, can I get a hug?
00:52:47
Speaker
I was like, oh yeah, you can have a hug.
00:52:50
Speaker
And then I just got on the plane.
00:52:52
Speaker
But anyway, so, but it's just, it's not really my love language.
00:52:55
Speaker
However, if I was in a relationship with somebody who felt that words of affirmation or physical touch was important to them, I would make an effort to do that for them because it matters to them.
00:53:09
Speaker
I wouldn't just be like, yeah, sorry, it's not for me, but you can still give me my, you can still do my acts of service and give me my gifts because that's my love language.
00:53:19
Speaker
You know?
00:53:20
Speaker
So it's not...
00:53:21
Speaker
I just feel like it's just used to manipulate women and the physical touch one is just, it's just, yeah, it's just a classic sign that a guy is just out for sex.
00:53:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:32
Speaker
And I hate how low value skirts have ruined this concept because I actually do love physical touch.
00:53:37
Speaker
Like I love to, you know, not just like sex, but like, you know, I love to hug people, not even like romantically, but just like, I love to like, you know, hug people in the flirting episode.
00:53:48
Speaker
One of my favorite ones is like just touching their arm or something like that.
00:53:52
Speaker
You know, if I'm in a relationship, if, say, the guy's doing dishes or something, I'll just, like, come up behind him and, like, give him a hug.
00:53:58
Speaker
I'll just, like, I call it being a koala.
00:54:01
Speaker
Just, like, hang off of him or whatever.
00:54:03
Speaker
You know, I just love, you know, being physically close, being physically intimate and stuff.
00:54:08
Speaker
And I don't like how guys have changed.
00:54:11
Speaker
It's like they don't care about that type of intimacy unless they're getting their dick wet.
00:54:15
Speaker
And it's just kind of ruined that for me.
00:54:17
Speaker
It's, like, they've ruined the concept of physical touch for me.
00:54:19
Speaker
So I'm...
00:54:21
Speaker
upset about that but you know physical touch here's the thing with love languages like all five of them are important in a healthy relationship yes i don't like how guys will be like oh this is my love language it's the way that they manipulate women into taking one fifth of what should be bare minimum like if you're in a healthy relationship you should be doing you know it's quality time gifts uh acts of service physical touch and what's the fourth one
00:54:48
Speaker
I can't remember the fourth one, but you should be doing all five or fifth one.
00:54:52
Speaker
You should be doing all five with the person that you love.
00:54:55
Speaker
Self-flagellation.
00:54:56
Speaker
No, it's... No.
00:54:58
Speaker
Self-flagellation?
00:55:00
Speaker
No.
00:55:01
Speaker
It's... What is it?
00:55:03
Speaker
Physical touch, acts of service, gifts.
00:55:06
Speaker
Blood sacrifice.
00:55:07
Speaker
Bro, what the fuck?
00:55:09
Speaker
No, that's my love language.
00:55:12
Speaker
Hold on.
00:55:14
Speaker
Uh, Oh, words of affirmation.
00:55:17
Speaker
That's the other one.
00:55:18
Speaker
Uh, words of affirmation.
00:55:19
Speaker
Right.
00:55:20
Speaker
So yeah, like you should be, you know, being physically intimate with your partner.
00:55:24
Speaker
You should be verbally affirming them, telling them how much you love them.
00:55:28
Speaker
You should be spending quality time together, buying each other gifts.
00:55:32
Speaker
Um, Oh, I always forget like the fifth one, whatever it is.
00:55:38
Speaker
But yeah, these are all things you should be doing with your partner.
00:55:40
Speaker
It's not like you can just be like, oh, I only express love through physical touch and all of those other four things.
00:55:47
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to do them with you because it's not my love language.
00:55:50
Speaker
Like, fuck that.
00:55:51
Speaker
That's some low value shit.
00:55:52
Speaker
Our love language.
00:55:54
Speaker
Remember, our love language is winning the Polycule Fight Club death match.
00:56:01
Speaker
Did we say sexual Spartacus?
00:56:04
Speaker
Is that...
00:56:05
Speaker
Special Spartacus.
00:56:08
Speaker
Yeah, Gladiator.
00:56:08
Speaker
Yeah, that's my love language.
00:56:13
Speaker
Just two guys beating the shit out of each other and then I fuck the winner.
00:56:17
Speaker
That's my kink.
00:56:18
Speaker
You can't kink shame me for it because it's my kink.
00:56:20
Speaker
Sexual Spartacus.
Sensory Vetting for Compatibility
00:56:25
Speaker
I love the movie Gladiator, though, for real.
00:56:27
Speaker
That's hot.
00:56:28
Speaker
Anyways.
00:56:30
Speaker
Okay, so on to the final part of this episode.
00:56:32
Speaker
So how can we vet for sexual ability without having sex?
00:56:39
Speaker
And I think there are a number of ways that this can be done.
00:56:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:46
Speaker
First base, second base.
00:56:48
Speaker
First of all, you can tell a lot about whether a guy's a good lay just from how he kisses.
00:56:53
Speaker
I think that's why kissing exists.
00:56:55
Speaker
But I think the vetting can even, you know, start like before then.
00:56:58
Speaker
So is he, for example, has he got good physical fitness, for example?
00:57:04
Speaker
Or is he well groomed?
00:57:06
Speaker
Is he well put together?
00:57:07
Speaker
Like those sorts of things initially before you start getting into the physical touch arena.
00:57:14
Speaker
Um, yeah, because if somebody isn't concerned about their appearance, chances are they're not going to be great in bed.
00:57:24
Speaker
Right.
00:57:24
Speaker
So, so I think you have to start with all of these sensory things about the man, right?
00:57:29
Speaker
Does he smell good?
00:57:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:31
Speaker
Does he smell good?
00:57:32
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:57:32
Speaker
Let's talk about that.
00:57:33
Speaker
Let's pull over and talk about smell.
00:57:38
Speaker
serious.
00:57:38
Speaker
I have literally stopped dead in my tracks because a man that walked by me smelled really good.
00:57:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:44
Speaker
Same, same.
00:57:45
Speaker
I don't know that men focus on that to the extent that they need to.
00:57:48
Speaker
Same.
00:57:49
Speaker
Because the way that a man smells is everything.
00:57:53
Speaker
And that's why a lot of women, if you're in a relationship, they'll love to wear like their man's t-shirt or their sweatshirt because it smells like you're being wrapped in a warm hug.
00:58:02
Speaker
And it's really, really sexual in a lot of ways.
00:58:05
Speaker
But smell, to me, that's actually probably up there.
00:58:09
Speaker
Meaning, if a man smells good to me, chances are we're much closer in sexual attraction than even, even sometimes than like actual physical attributes about the man.
00:58:21
Speaker
Smell is really, really a sexual attraction trigger for me.
00:58:25
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:58:25
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:58:27
Speaker
I think this is one of those things that goes both ways.
00:58:30
Speaker
Like I, I love certain perfumes actually.
00:58:34
Speaker
And I think I highly recommend women, you know, if you like, if you're not allergic to scents, you got to find yourself a signature smell because, you know,
00:58:43
Speaker
This is going to sound really narcissistic, but I find, like, I have, I don't know if I want to say what my signature scent is, because it's going to make me really clockable in real life, but you've got to find yourself a signature scent, and that's going to make guys addicted to you.
00:58:57
Speaker
I find, like, the scent, something about smells.
00:59:00
Speaker
Humans, you know...
00:59:02
Speaker
it triggers a lot of memories and stuff, right?
00:59:04
Speaker
Like, remember my first ever boyfriend had this Versace cologne.
00:59:08
Speaker
And now sometimes like whenever I'm just walking down the street, if I smell that randomly, it'll like trigger a ton of memories, right?
00:59:14
Speaker
And humans just have really positive associations with smells.
00:59:18
Speaker
I've read that women's olfactory...
00:59:24
Speaker
glands or whatever, like it's actually really sophisticated and perhaps designed to help us smell out genetic compatibility, which is the case with a lot of animals because when you look at other mammals, they usually smell each other's pee or smell each other's butts or whatever.
00:59:38
Speaker
And so some of that might actually be us smelling someone who's like genetically compatible with us.
00:59:45
Speaker
The bad news about that is that birth control apparently disrupts that significantly.
00:59:49
Speaker
So if you're taking birth control, they've done studies actually where a lot of women
00:59:54
Speaker
If they meet a guy when they're on birth control and then they go off of it, sometimes that man smells repulsive to them after that.
01:00:00
Speaker
Damn.
01:00:01
Speaker
Because birth control actually disrupts your ability to correctly process the sensory information that you're getting.
01:00:10
Speaker
That's something to think about, too, is like if you're on birth control and you meet a guy, maybe, I don't know what the solution to that is, but like be aware that it could affect your sense of sexual compatibility with him because you won't be able to smell him fully.
01:00:25
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:25
Speaker
That's so interesting.
01:00:26
Speaker
I've heard that women have a better sense of smell or a more sophisticated olfactory system because of pregnancy.
01:00:35
Speaker
And so women, you know how women, when they get pregnant, certain smells will just be really, really repulsive.
01:00:40
Speaker
Apparently, it's been theorized this is so that women can smell if there's spoiled food or something like that, because if you get sick when you're pregnant, you could lose the baby, right?
01:00:50
Speaker
And so we need to be able to tell if the food that we're eating is going to be...
01:00:55
Speaker
good for us or not.
01:00:57
Speaker
So yeah.
01:00:57
Speaker
That's interesting.
01:00:59
Speaker
Fun fact.
01:01:00
Speaker
Anyways, yeah, I like guys who smell nice.
01:01:02
Speaker
If he smells like gross BO.
01:01:03
Speaker
100%.
01:01:03
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:06
Speaker
So that's one way with sexual compatibility.
01:01:08
Speaker
Does he smell good to you?
01:01:10
Speaker
This is why I could never understand people who would say, oh, my ex stank or he was smelly.
01:01:16
Speaker
I was like, if a guy, if anyone smells bad, that is just a non-starter for me.
01:01:22
Speaker
Absolutely like not go near you non-starter.
01:01:26
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:27
Speaker
I like things that smell good and I strongly dislike things that smell bad.
01:01:31
Speaker
That's just how we are.
01:01:34
Speaker
Call me crazy.
01:01:38
Speaker
Yeah, it sounds obvious, but you'd be okay.
01:01:43
Speaker
This is another aside, but I heard that one of the like incel, like red pill ways of negging women is by saying she smells bad is by telling a woman that she smells bad.
01:01:51
Speaker
And so I remember reading this story on Reddit a while back where a woman was saying like, I've been, you know, two years now I've been doing everything I can to get rid of BO and
01:02:00
Speaker
Oh, I saw that one.
01:02:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:02
Speaker
You know, showering three times a day, like doing all this crazy shit to try to smell good for her boyfriend who keeps telling her that she smells bad.
01:02:09
Speaker
And then by the end of it, she finally got him to admit that he learned this trick from his dad who, and apparently this is something his dad would do to his mom, where, you know, he straight up deliberately admitted like this is a way of making her feel like shit and insecure about herself so that she won't leave you.
01:02:24
Speaker
That's ridiculous.
01:02:25
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:27
Speaker
That's unrelated, but still, yeah, it's just talking about smells.
01:02:31
Speaker
Sight.
01:02:32
Speaker
Is he hot?
01:02:33
Speaker
Sight.
01:02:34
Speaker
Yeah, well, not even just is he hot, does he look well- Groomed.
01:02:37
Speaker
Groomed.
01:02:37
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:38
Speaker
Is he well put together?
01:02:40
Speaker
Yeah, is he well groomed?
01:02:41
Speaker
Like, are his nails trimmed?
01:02:44
Speaker
I am highly offended by any man who would even suggest that he should touch my vagina and he does not have pristine, clean hands and fingernails.
01:02:53
Speaker
This is why I do hand inspection.
01:02:56
Speaker
I was like, show me your hands.
01:02:57
Speaker
I also get them to send me a video as well.
01:02:59
Speaker
Show me your hands.
01:03:00
Speaker
Like, I want to see your hands.
01:03:02
Speaker
People think it's weird, but it's like people do a lot with their hands.
01:03:05
Speaker
Like, that's their main way of touching you.
01:03:07
Speaker
So if their hands are, like, crusty and dusty, it's not going to work.
01:03:12
Speaker
Like, it's just gross.
01:03:14
Speaker
Something sexy about a man's hands, if they're, like... I like when a guy's hands are...
01:03:21
Speaker
you know, calloused from a hard day of work, but also clean at the end of the day.
01:03:24
Speaker
Like I dated a guy who was a mechanic, so he had pretty dirty hands most of the time.
01:03:29
Speaker
He was, uh, he would eat with fucking engine oil on his hands.
01:03:32
Speaker
It was disgusting.
01:03:33
Speaker
But then at the end of the day, he had this like mixture of laundry detergent and sawdust that he would like thoroughly clean his hands with.
01:03:40
Speaker
And he had a little brush that he'd clean under his nails and stuff.
01:03:42
Speaker
So by the end of the day, it was fine.
01:03:45
Speaker
Um, but yeah, when he was on his lunch break, he would just straight up eat his sandwich with fucking black on his hands.
01:03:50
Speaker
It was like,
01:03:50
Speaker
disgusting but anyways that's that's an anecdote but yeah men's hands can be sexy clean hands are a must so yeah give him a once over because how he takes care of himself says a lot about how he'll take care of you yeah right if he looks like he spends all his days like watching tv eating cheetos and then fapping with lotion that'll be reflected in his appearance and that's the effort of sex you're gonna get
01:04:19
Speaker
Fapping with lotion.
01:04:20
Speaker
Oh, is that why some guys have such smooth hands?
01:04:23
Speaker
Yes, definitely.
01:04:26
Speaker
Baby soft and the rest of them is ashy and crusty.
01:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, but their hands are baby soft.
01:04:31
Speaker
He's a coomer.
01:04:33
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:34
Speaker
Wait, what's the other one?
01:04:36
Speaker
What about hearing?
01:04:38
Speaker
Ooh, I mean, for me, I'm just going to put this out there.
01:04:41
Speaker
I am a sucker for a guy with a nice voice.
01:04:44
Speaker
True.
01:04:45
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:46
Speaker
Same.
01:04:46
Speaker
He could literally read me...
01:04:49
Speaker
the alphabet and i'll just be like like drooling like he has to have a nice voice and i can't quite put my finger on what makes it a nice voice but it needs to be pleasant sounding that's what i'm gonna that's all i like guys with accents i don't know i just like foreign men with foreign accents especially uh like italian or french or some kind of like sexy european that's my kink
01:05:14
Speaker
So I'm going to posit an underrated big dick energy reading strategy is a guy with a deep voice probably has large testicles, which means his penis is probably also big.
01:05:27
Speaker
Is that actually, is that a thing?
01:05:29
Speaker
Is that true?
01:05:30
Speaker
I thought so.
01:05:31
Speaker
I thought like your, cause your testicles produce testosterone and that makes your voice deeper.
01:05:37
Speaker
So now that I'm thinking about it, the guys with the highest pitch, I mean, this is my, let me, okay.
01:05:41
Speaker
This is Rose sexual, a big dick energy test is generally like a guy with a deep voice probably has large testicles and he probably has the dick to match.
01:05:52
Speaker
I'm learning so much on this episode.
01:05:54
Speaker
I love it.
01:05:55
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:56
Speaker
Now that I'm thinking back, I'm recalling like every guy I've ever slept with and like the ones with the higher pitch voices did have a smaller penis, like purely anecdotal, but there is a correlation there.
01:06:08
Speaker
So, yeah, I'm sure it's not 100 percent, but I will say that's been a winning strategy for me.
01:06:15
Speaker
Noted.
01:06:15
Speaker
Anyways.
01:06:19
Speaker
Now, if there's any guys listening to this, they're going to go into like do like vocal training strategies.
01:06:26
Speaker
They want to have a nice sexy baritone or something.
01:06:29
Speaker
Does he have a gentle but firm touch?
01:06:32
Speaker
I don't like guys that just like paw at you and are too aggressive.
01:06:35
Speaker
But I also don't like guys who are too like, I don't know, flimsy and like weak, right?
01:06:39
Speaker
I like a firm but gentle touch.
01:06:41
Speaker
And, you know, this is kind of...
01:06:45
Speaker
goes along with just the way that he moves in general, but you know, how does it feel when you're touching him?
01:06:49
Speaker
Like if you're making out with him, is he open to it?
01:06:53
Speaker
Does he have this like weird aggressive energy?
01:06:55
Speaker
This is more of an energy type thing, but I think when you touch him, the way he responds to your touch can be, can tell you a lot of information as well.
01:07:04
Speaker
Because some guys literally, when you kiss them, they literally become like a dog, like trying to lick your whole face and it's like, oh, get off.
01:07:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's definitely.
01:07:13
Speaker
Yeah, and that brings us to taste.
01:07:15
Speaker
If you guys bad breath, next.
01:07:20
Speaker
figure out if he brushes his tongue by playing some tonsil hockey right yeah i would want to find out like i'm trying to think what's a good way to find out if a guy has gross a gross tongue before kissing him because i don't want to kiss a guy with a gross tongue uh ask him if he can touch the tip of his uh chin with his tongue like can you touch your your tongue to your chin let him lay it out see what his tongue looks like if it's like white and crusty looking like oh no
01:07:51
Speaker
I've never tried that, but I just came up with that on the spot.
01:07:54
Speaker
But yeah, so I think that covers the senses.
01:07:58
Speaker
Um...
01:07:59
Speaker
But I'd also think that his character traits can tell you a lot as well.
01:08:03
Speaker
So if he's a generous man outside the bedroom, he's more likely to be generous in the bedroom.
01:08:10
Speaker
I think women who say, for example, oh, my boyfriend's really selfish in bed, but he's a great partner are being disingenuous because if you were a great partner, you would care about your partner's sexual pleasure.
Link Between Generosity & Sexual Generosity
01:08:23
Speaker
It doesn't really compute that he's only selfish in the bedroom.
01:08:26
Speaker
He's almost definitely selfish in other areas as well.
01:08:30
Speaker
Yeah, I think the bar is like so low for men that women think he's a great partner if he doesn't like beat her or like emotionally abuse her.
01:08:40
Speaker
Oh, he's a great partner because he doesn't like call me fat and ugly and he doesn't, you know, abuse me like other men or whatever.
01:08:47
Speaker
So if he's just doing the bare minimum, they think he's a great partner.
01:08:49
Speaker
And it's that's not enough to to actually be a good partner.
01:08:54
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:55
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:55
Speaker
So if he's a generous person and if he's also thoughtful and caring towards you, then that also gives an indication as to whether he will be a good sexual partner as well, in my opinion.
01:09:11
Speaker
Very true.
01:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, men who are generous in real life, yeah, they tend to be more generous lovers.
01:09:22
Speaker
I find, like, the worst men I've ever slept with were guys who are just very tight-fisted and cheap.
01:09:27
Speaker
And we get a lot of flack for, like, liking it when a guy pays for dates and stuff.
01:09:33
Speaker
But it's not just about the actual transfer of money.
01:09:36
Speaker
It's about seeing if he's a generous person.
01:09:38
Speaker
And guys who are cheap...
01:09:41
Speaker
tend to be cheap in other ways, like with their attention and with their love and with their, you know, sexual prowess.
01:09:48
Speaker
They're always looking for shortcuts.
01:09:49
Speaker
They're always looking for deals.
01:09:51
Speaker
They're always looking to never, they're always looking out for self first.
01:09:54
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:55
Speaker
And that's just going to be a lifelong battle with them.
01:09:58
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:58
Speaker
They call it a sexual marketplace, but then they're the kind of guy to like haggle at the booth over like 20 cents or something like that.
01:10:04
Speaker
So like that kind of guy has small dick energy.
01:10:08
Speaker
small dick i was just about to say that small dick energy to the max yeah side note i've actually gotten really good at clocking small dick energy like you can just kind of tell like um the first example that comes to mind is like so bbc did a documentary on like men's rights activists and there's this guy reggie yates and he's the presenter i love reggie yates
01:10:34
Speaker
Yeah, I think that I really liked Reggie in this documentary.
01:10:37
Speaker
I thought he was very thoughtful and very balanced.
01:10:41
Speaker
But he did this one.
01:10:43
Speaker
He went and interviewed Roosh V, who's like one of those like pickup artist types.
01:10:47
Speaker
And I'd never I've read Roosh's writing before.
01:10:51
Speaker
I'd never seen him like speak or in a video or heard his voice before.
01:10:55
Speaker
And within 10 seconds, I was like, this guy has a tiny dick because he you can just tell in his behavior.
01:11:02
Speaker
In his body language, he does this... It's funny when you see the conversation between him and Reggie, because Reggie's almost like a foil to him in a way, where Reggie just seems very, like, comfortable in his masculinity.
01:11:14
Speaker
He exudes, like, big dick energy.
01:11:16
Speaker
And then you get to see Roosh, who's, like, the opposite of that, who has... He does this thing that, like, scrotes do, where they kind of shrug their shoulders and, like, retract their head into their neck like a turtle.
01:11:28
Speaker
It's a very...
01:11:29
Speaker
Like it's hard to describe, but if you see the, the interview with him, you'll see what I mean, where they, it's almost like they're kind of retreating into themselves and yeah, that's like small dick energy.
01:11:39
Speaker
So you can kind of tell once you, once you get a sense of it.
01:11:44
Speaker
Anyways, that was just my anecdote.
01:11:47
Speaker
Just want to get that roast in there.
01:11:50
Speaker
I just really wanted to roast Roosh at some point because he's a piece of shit.
01:11:55
Speaker
Anyways.
01:11:56
Speaker
This needs to be reiterated.
01:11:58
Speaker
But if a man watches porn run fast and far, he will be a shitty sexual partner.
01:12:05
Speaker
Yeah.
Negative Impacts of Porn on Relationships
01:12:06
Speaker
Yeah.
01:12:06
Speaker
Almost across the board.
01:12:08
Speaker
And it's really interesting because, I mean, the Gail Dines episode goes into this in more detail.
01:12:14
Speaker
Definitely check that one out if you haven't already.
01:12:17
Speaker
But the number of men who think that them watching porn has no impact on their sexual...
01:12:24
Speaker
performance is just shocking.
01:12:27
Speaker
It absolutely does.
01:12:28
Speaker
And you don't even have to ask a man if he watches porn before you know.
01:12:32
Speaker
If he uses, for example, pornified language, you know, such as, for example, fucking or, for example, smashing women or just any sort of degrading language to refer to sex as something that is done to women.
01:12:45
Speaker
BBC or...
01:12:47
Speaker
Yeah.
01:12:48
Speaker
So if you use any porn terminology, he watches porn.
01:12:52
Speaker
So you don't even have to ask him if he watches porn.
01:12:55
Speaker
They give off so many tells and they just don't even realize that's how porn sick they are.
01:13:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:01
Speaker
Coomer energy is a thing, too.
01:13:03
Speaker
We talk about big dick energy and we talk about small dick energy.
01:13:07
Speaker
But Coomer energy is a real thing.
01:13:10
Speaker
Yeah, Coomer energy.
01:13:11
Speaker
Yeah, and then, you know, once you know how to, or, like, once, you know, you're aware of the energy they give off, you can't unsee it.
01:13:20
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:20
Speaker
I think this is also why guys go for much younger women, because they haven't, like, been alive long enough to know, to be able to sense this, right?
01:13:28
Speaker
Women over, like, 21 have had enough, like, experiences with men that we can clock this shit without even having to get naked with them.
01:13:35
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:37
Speaker
But yeah, like once you know, you know, right?
01:13:40
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:40
Speaker
And because 13-year-old boys, 14-year-old boys, they all have kumar energy.
01:13:44
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:44
Speaker
So that's the other thing too.
01:13:45
Speaker
It's like when you're young, pretty much all the boys in your class have kumar energy from like 13 to maybe like 22.
01:13:51
Speaker
And some guys just never grow to that.
01:13:53
Speaker
Like...
01:13:54
Speaker
Some of them never grow out of it.
01:13:56
Speaker
But like, it's excusable if you're a kid and you're just now getting all your grown adult hormones and you don't quite yet know how to manage it.
01:14:05
Speaker
But part of being an adult, at least it should be for men, is learning how to manage that.
01:14:09
Speaker
It should be for everybody, really.
01:14:11
Speaker
But...
01:14:13
Speaker
That's, I mean, that's why I think a lot of times younger women can't tell the difference because they don't know.
01:14:18
Speaker
Yeah, you're not still supposed to be a coomer over, really over like 16, to be honest with you.
01:14:24
Speaker
17?
01:14:24
Speaker
Yeah, I'll give them up to 18.
01:14:26
Speaker
But yeah, like, yeah.
01:14:28
Speaker
And like the thing with guys who watch a lot of porn, it's like they don't know how to talk to women and like be normal about it.
01:14:33
Speaker
No, no.
01:14:34
Speaker
I mean, you could literally ask them, oh, how was your day?
01:14:38
Speaker
They'll be like, oh, nudes, please.
01:14:40
Speaker
And they'll start with the socks.
01:14:41
Speaker
Like, yeah.
01:14:43
Speaker
Nudes, please.
01:14:44
Speaker
Nudes, please.
01:14:44
Speaker
Not even that.
01:14:45
Speaker
It'll be like, oh, I had a really bad day.
01:14:48
Speaker
Can you send me some nudes to cheer me up?
01:14:50
Speaker
Back to emotional support nudes.
01:14:51
Speaker
Oh, my God.
01:14:52
Speaker
Wasn't there like there was a post on Reddit that was something that was it was an excerpt from a book about a guy who was literally dying and said that the only way he was going to survive is if he saw a boob.
01:15:03
Speaker
No, no, no.
01:15:04
Speaker
It was like this ancient Jewish parable where a guy became obsessed with this woman and then he got really sick.
01:15:10
Speaker
And he said, like, the only thing that's going to cure my illness is seeing this woman naked.
01:15:15
Speaker
Or no, he said, the only thing that's going to cure my illness is having sex with this woman.
01:15:19
Speaker
And then the elders in the community were like, no.
01:15:21
Speaker
And he's like, OK, yeah, let him die.
01:15:23
Speaker
Yeah.
01:15:24
Speaker
It goes back and forth.
01:15:25
Speaker
And by the end, they're just like, well, then let him perish.
01:15:30
Speaker
So this is ancient Jewish wisdom, which is the equivalent of die mad.
01:15:34
Speaker
Let him perish.
01:15:37
Speaker
Yeah.
01:15:37
Speaker
So it's like, if a guy is like, I need this in order to, like, if you don't have sex with me, I'm going to like literally die from like sexual starvation.
01:15:46
Speaker
It's like, then let him perish.
01:15:48
Speaker
Wisdom.
01:15:49
Speaker
Just let him go to his ancestors.
01:15:50
Speaker
That's fine.
01:15:51
Speaker
Yeah.
01:15:52
Speaker
So yeah.
01:15:53
Speaker
But yeah, that is just, yeah, that is a hard and fast rule.
01:15:56
Speaker
If he, if he watches porn, just run fast and far.
Critique of Seduction & Dating as a Game
01:16:00
Speaker
I also find guys who use the high-pressure sales tactics and try to get you into bed as soon as possible also tend to be bad just because they know they don't have any repeat customers.
01:16:10
Speaker
So, you know, they know that... It's desperation, isn't it?
01:16:14
Speaker
It's desperation, yeah.
01:16:15
Speaker
And that's also a porn tactic, right?
01:16:18
Speaker
Because that's what a lot of, like, gonzo porn is about.
01:16:21
Speaker
They try to high-pressure salesome girl into doing sexual things.
01:16:25
Speaker
Yeah.
01:16:26
Speaker
I mean, that's what's come out...
01:16:28
Speaker
That's happened to a lot of the porn actresses where they think they're going there for one thing and then a bunch of guys go there and pressure them into doing other types of sex acts.
01:16:37
Speaker
So that whole type of modus operandi where they approach you with that same kind of pressure or kumar energy, that's all porn shit.
01:16:49
Speaker
That's all stuff they learn from porn and probably the manosphere.
01:16:52
Speaker
Yeah.
01:16:53
Speaker
Yeah.
01:16:53
Speaker
So high pressure sales tactics, very unattractive.
01:16:57
Speaker
I want to rant a bit about like, um, I feel like I know the word seduction and game has been like ruined by pickup artists.
01:17:07
Speaker
Right.
01:17:07
Speaker
Like, but here's the thing, like the game of seduction when it's done well can actually be very fun.
01:17:14
Speaker
Like where, you know, the guy pursues the woman, um, you know, um,
01:17:20
Speaker
The woman puts up a fight and then, you know, there's back and forth and eventually you come together in the end kind of thing.
01:17:26
Speaker
Like that can be, that process is actually a lot of fun, but like they've turned the idea of seduction into this like really predatory, like high pressure thing, like where it no longer feels sexy anymore.
01:17:40
Speaker
It doesn't feel seductive.
01:17:42
Speaker
It just feels like I'm being seductive.
01:17:44
Speaker
I feel like a caged rat.
01:17:45
Speaker
I mean, it feels like a cornered... Yeah, I feel like a cornered prey animal, right?
01:17:49
Speaker
Yeah.
01:17:49
Speaker
So it's... That's not sexy.
01:17:51
Speaker
It's not like what men call seduction or the game of seduction nowadays.
01:17:55
Speaker
To women, it's not sexy.
01:17:57
Speaker
It's like, it's the opposite of seduction.
01:17:59
Speaker
It makes me feel trapped.
01:18:00
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:01
Speaker
It's rapey.
01:18:01
Speaker
I mean, there's no way around that.
01:18:03
Speaker
It's just, it's like anybody that's trying to sell you a shitty product through high pressure sales and through intimidation.
01:18:10
Speaker
And emotional manipulation.
01:18:12
Speaker
And emotional manipulation is... It's not something you want.
01:18:16
Speaker
Rape adjacent.
01:18:18
Speaker
They're not selling a product that you want, yeah.
01:18:21
Speaker
And this could be solved if they listen to us and like really listen to us and not in the, we say one thing and they hear another thing, right?
01:18:28
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:29
Speaker
So when, you know, when we're like, oh, we like when men make the first move, they'll be like, these bitches like to get raped.
01:18:36
Speaker
And then that becomes like an entire manosphere post because they're extra stupid and don't listen for context and just take whatever we say to extremes.
01:18:45
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, like...
01:18:47
Speaker
The man chases, the woman runs.
01:18:50
Speaker
It's like, I don't know.
01:18:52
Speaker
There's a way of doing it in a way that's like fun and playful.
01:18:55
Speaker
Like you see like dogs at the dog park, you know, one dog will be like, chase me, chase me.
01:18:59
Speaker
And like, they have a good time, like running around in circles.
01:19:01
Speaker
Like one is chasing the other and it's just like fun, right?
01:19:04
Speaker
It's not like the guy, it's not like the dog that's doing the chasing is going to like rip your fucking throat out.
01:19:10
Speaker
It was going to rip the one who's being chased.
01:19:13
Speaker
It's not like they're going to like rip their throat out the moment they catch them, right?
01:19:15
Speaker
It's like, it's fun, it's playful.
01:19:16
Speaker
It's not,
01:19:19
Speaker
creepy or predatory right like it you know it doesn't have these days i don't know the game of seduction just doesn't have that playful energy to it anymore it's because it's being taught by stupid men to even stupider men right yeah so they don't know what they're doing and it removes the woman's pleasure from the equation and just turns it into men just
01:19:44
Speaker
just pursuing, you know, what they want at the expense of women.
01:19:48
Speaker
So it's not, it's a very, very one side.
01:19:50
Speaker
They're trying, they're trying to score like in a video game or in athletics.
01:19:55
Speaker
Right.
01:19:55
Speaker
And that's the, that's the entire problem with the way that men approach sex and all these game and dating strategies is because for men anyways, is because so much of their world is based on competitive play between men that they try to translate that over intense seduction to women, not understanding that that's,
01:20:14
Speaker
It's not a competition, right?
01:20:17
Speaker
And it's like the point isn't to win at the expense of the other person.
01:20:20
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:20
Speaker
Like, I find it so tragic, actually, that, you know, in our culture, when a man and a woman have sex, something that should be a collaborative mutual act, when a man and a woman have sex, the man wins and the woman loses.
01:20:35
Speaker
Right.
01:20:36
Speaker
Yeah, and it shouldn't be that way.
01:20:38
Speaker
It shouldn't be that way.
01:20:39
Speaker
And that's the purpose of the three-month waiting period.
01:20:43
Speaker
If you get to that point where you like each other enough to spend three months with each other, by the time you do have sex, it's like both people are winning, right?
01:20:53
Speaker
I feel like when you have sex with a guy too soon...
01:20:56
Speaker
yeah, like it has this energy of like, he's won, he's conquered you, he's defeated you.
01:21:01
Speaker
And then you're just like, some defeated boss in a video game or something that he's, he's overcome.
01:21:07
Speaker
And I just find that tragic, honestly, because like, ultimately, both men and women, like, I mean, I don't know about men, but you know, women, we want to, we want to love men, make it so fucking hard for us to love them, but we want to love them.
01:21:21
Speaker
And men, I don't know what's going on with them.
01:21:23
Speaker
But I think
01:21:25
Speaker
I think men in their weird way, they want to love women too, but they just go about it in all the wrong ways.
Conclusion & Call for Feedback
01:21:31
Speaker
So I actually think that's a good place to wrap up.
01:21:34
Speaker
If you have any of your own tips on how to vet for sexual compatibility without having sex, please drop them in the comments.
01:21:41
Speaker
We would love to read them.
01:21:44
Speaker
But that's a wrap for this episode.
01:21:48
Speaker
All right.
01:21:48
Speaker
That's our show.
01:21:49
Speaker
Please check out our Twitter at fem.strat as well as our website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy where we have a lot of cool bonus content.
01:22:00
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:22:02
Speaker
And for all you dirty scrotes out there, I can smell you from here.
01:22:05
Speaker
Bitch.
01:22:07
Speaker
Diamond.
01:22:07
Speaker
See you next week.